Monday, October 4, 2004

   inuyasha 13
Inuyasha felt dizzy.

And a little nauseous, truth be told...

He could honestly say without a glimmer of doubt that in his entire lifetime he had never experienced a feeling quite like the one he was having now as time stretched out in frozen silence yet again.

For a long time, he just gaped down in dumb-founded fascination, his eyes moving over perfect lines repeatedly. It almost didn't seem real to him, his hands resting in dark contrast to her pale skin with his claws not even an inch away from the crimson mark. The symbol almost completely covered the scar left previously by the centipede youkai, curved slightly to follow the natural line of her body.

When his mind finally started to process information again, it was impossible to hold any one thought for longer than a few seconds. Everything was tumbling through his head at high speed, nothing making sense as he struggled to pull the thoughts apart into single threads rather than the chaotic swarm playing hell with his mind. Finally after what seemed like ages, the tangle began to unravel and let him form solid, though still completely confused, questions.

Just what exactly was one 'supposed' to think when staring down at his own name permanently engraved into the flesh of a girl he had protected with his life on numerous occasions only to have the stubborn girl refuse to admit she belonged with him?

But why the hell would a monk, a complete stranger, from the future tattoo 'his' name into Kagome's hip? And how had this monk known who he was? And why had he tattooed it specifically over the Shikon scar? Was this the source of everything that was happening to her? It had to be the source of the subduing spell at least. But this suggested the spell had been designed for him specifically rather than in general as he and Miroku had discussed previously.

Wait... why the hell hadn't Kagome come out and told him about that thing from the very start? After all it was HIS name, dammit, he had a right to know it was there!

Kagome flinched when she felt the silent rumble vibrate through Inuyasha's chest. The hanyou was growling all right and his hands on her flesh had been incrementally tensing. In reflex, she tried to burrow herself deeper against his chest to avoid the storm preparing to come crashing down around her head.

Inuyasha was vaguely aware of the cautious expectancy in the watchful faces around him, scowling and pulling Kagome even tighter against him as he instinctively tried to shield her from view. His eyes gleamed dangerously as he let the most basic animal instincts pour through him, and those instincts were telling him that THIS was something private.

His hands shifted to get a better grip on the shaking girl as he uncrossed his legs and rolled up to his feet in a single fluid motion. Inuyasha spared his startled companions a hooded glance and spoke in a soft, flat monotone, "You will excuse us."

He didn't give them a chance to respond, moving across the room silently to awkwardly open the door with his shoulder rather than releasing the girl in his arms. As soon as he managed to slide the door open, he used every ounce of speed he was capable of producing to distance himself from the human household for the familiarity of the forest.

Miroku's brows drew together in concern as he went to stand at the door, looking out into the night the direction the hanyou had gone. Sango joined him immediately, casting a quick glance up to his expressionless profile before she hesitantly asked, "You don't think he'll hurt her, do you?"

Miroku's face filled with very real surprise, "Hurt her? Sango-chan, in all the time you've known him, has Inuyasha ever done anything to suggest he would even consider such a thing?"

"Well... no," she answered slowly. "But...but this is not something any of us expected! I don't even know what to think, and Inuyasha... It's 'his' name! How is going to handle to that?"

Miroku reached out and set a hand on her shoulder, "Have some faith in our friends, Sango-chan. I have a feeling Inuyasha will take this better than you or Kagome-sama suspect."

"I hope you're right," Sango murmured, her eyes sweeping the darkness in a futile attempt to locate the pair. Her thoughts had been sinking dangerously into despair and fear for her best friend when they were rather abruptly snatched back to the present by an unmistakably familiar hand rubbing over her breast. Her eyebrow twitched and she swallowed the urge to scream and pound his head into the wood. They had given the poor household enough screaming for one night and there were other ways of dealing with a lecherous monk...

Sango took hold of his wrist, digging her fingers into his tendons and twisting to flip the shocked monk over her head and flat on his back. She pressed her foot to his throat threateningly as she massaged her aching head with her fingertips, "Houshi-sama, is it too much to ask that your hentai crap be put on hold until we straighten this out?"

"I can promise nothing," he answered, somehow managing to look calm and composed from his prone position.

"That's what I was afraid of," she stepped off him, only to make her way to where she'd left her weapon and return just as calmly to knock him over the head.

Sango didn't notice little Shippo sneaking out the open door as she dragged the unconscious Miroku to one of the futons.

**

Inuyasha didn't stop until the only things he could hear or smell were wild forest.

His eyes searched the surroundings for the perfect spot, settling on one of the massive trees before he leapt up to a high, wide branch and sat down. Bracing his back against the trunk, he repositioned Kagome as best he could with her refusing to release her death grip on his haori.

Taking in long, deep breaths, he let the tranquility of the evening soothe away some of the tension that had gripped him in the suffocating human house. He could never get comfortable in a stranger's home as the others seemed so capable of doing, but more importantly, now he had Kagome alone and he wouldn't have to worry about being interrupted.

His senses all focused down onto the girl huddling in his lap like a terrified child, his chest rumbling in an instinctive effort to soothe her enough to speak. She had managed to tuck in on herself smaller than he ever thought she would be capable of achieving, the scent of her fear an unwelcome, heavy twinge to his senses. Very slowly, he moved one hand away from her hip, sliding it up her back and around to her chin. Cupping her face in his hand, he leaned back so he could tilt her face up to search her eyes.

Kagome was still shaking, her face pale and her eyes wide as they focused on him. There was a mix of sadness, regret, fear and longing in those expressive eyes as tears continued to seep slowly down the soft curve of her cheeks.

It was an combination Inuyasha hoped he would never have to see in her again after tonight.

His heart lurched painfully at the sight, and keeping his own face carefully blank in an effort to ease her fear, he again brushed away the tears on her cheeks with his thumb. He did his best to pour every ounce of calm he was capable of faking at the moment into his touch, adding that to the possessive protection that flowed through him naturally whenever he thought of someone hurting her.

That fucking monk had done this to her, caused this depth of pain and fear that he hadn't known the girl was capable of displaying, a depth she should NEVER display under his care. And the sight of it brought all of his protective instincts rushing to the fore.

He could give into his banked anger later, but now was definitely not the time.

When some of that debilitating fear eased out of her scent and the trembling had died down as well, he demanded quietly, "Why didn't you tell me about this, Kagome?"

Kagome's brows scrunched together and up with uncertainty at the disapproval and censure he'd been unable to keep from his voice. Her fingers flexed against the muscles of his chest, but she couldn't convince herself to untangle her death grip on his clothing.

Disgusted with herself even more at her clinging, she bit her lip, worrying it with her teeth as she mentally berated herself for her idiocy. 'Of course he's angry, you baka, you knew he would be! How would you feel if you found your name tattooed on someone? He probably thinks I'm some obsessed lunatic! Oh God, he's never going to want to look at me again...'

He could see her thoughts skating over the surface of her eyes unpleasant enough to dull the vibrant blue to muted gray. Kagome's own thoughts apparently just as confused and scattered as his own, only for a different reason. He didn't know how he could tell she wasn't being purposefully silent, but there was something in her scent and in her eyes that told him she just honestly didn't know 'how' to answer.

For some reason she was afraid to speak, and that was not going to work. He needed her to talk to him, to tell him what was going on in that head of hers so he could fix it. How could he calm her down if he didn't know what the hell was making her so afraid in the first place?

Kagome swallowed painfully, starting to look away from the intensity in his eyes, but a slight change from the soothing rumble to a warning growl stopped that action and brought her eyes tentatively, but obediently back to his own.

"Why, Kagome?" he repeated, his brows lifting to encourage an answer as he gave her chin a light squeeze.

"I... I was scared," she wet her lips nervously, her fists clenching into a white-knuckled grip as her eyes again filled with tears. "I knew...you'd be angry. And...and I didn't want..."

Inuyasha blinked several times in surprise, cocking his head to the side and frowning in genuine confusion, "Didn't want...?"

When Kagome let out a small whimper and slammed her face back into the curve of his neck, Inuyasha let out a grunt of surprise. His eyes widened as he tentatively began to stroke her hair with the hand that had been on her face. She was shuddering again, her lips moving against his throat in a nearly silent chant. His brows lowered as his ears strained to catch the words even as a light blush stained his cheeks, trying to "feel" the words as well.

He frowned and then sighed heavily when he made out the words "I'm sorry" over and over again.

'Scared...' Inuyasha looked down at the tattoo, his eyes narrowing. That couldn't be right, though, what reason would she have to be afraid to tell him? She knew she couldn't have possibly taken care of this mess on her own, so why didn't she tell them everything as soon as she knew? Didn't she trust him enough?

"Tell me," he couldn't stop the the angry scowl that thought brought to his face, and from the way she tensed, he knew she was well aware of the anger still simmering just below the surface. "Now, Kagome. I can't help if you don't tell me what you were scared of."

She shuddered once and then slumped bonelessly into him, the fight apparently just too much for her to sustain with her emotional exhaustion. Her hands still held him just as tightly however when she answered him in a flat whisper, "I didn't want you to hate me when you saw it."

He tried to stop himself, but the first thought that came to mind turned into the first thing out of his mouth, "God, Kagome, don't tell me you put us all through seven kinds of hell over something that fucking stupid!?"

Inuyasha's lip curled in annoyed frustration when felt the tears against his neck again, and he let out a heavy sigh as he mentally berated himself. 'Okay, so maybe she did. Great going, Inuyasha, she's fucking crying all over again. Can't you say anything that doesn't make her do that?'

He urged her face back away from his neck to frown down at her, "You thought I would hate you for this?"

Kagome let out a watery, humorless laugh, her eyes filled with self-disgust. It took her a long moment to get herself under control before she managed to get out her answer in a voice devoid of any real emotion, "I've got your name tattooed on my fucking hip, Inuyasha. Don't you think that's just a 'bit' too personal for me to be stupid enough to let happen just because I was drunk. You must be angry..."

"Of course I am!" he barked out at her easily, sighing when he felt her flinch and saw the hated tears well up in her eyes yet again. "Not because of the fucking tattoo, you idiot, because you lied to me! I asked you if something else happened that night and you said right to my face that I knew just as much as you did. Damn, you don't honestly think I'd hate you because of something you couldn't have helped, do you?"

"But it IS my fault!" she snapped out, her voice breaking at the last word. "You said it yourself! If I hadn't been drunk-"

"He probably would have found another way to do it," Inuyasha finished in a growl.

"YOU said that it was my fault!" Kagome returned, a spark of anger coming to life in the midst of the despair. "If I hadn't gone out with them, or if I had you with me-"

"And you said he was expecting you!" he yelled back, covering his relief at seeing her return of spirit. "This bastard had the whole thing plotted out, Kagome, so there's no point in blaming yourself over it! Now why the hell didn't you show this to me the first time you saw it?!"

Kagome was taken aback at that, blinking up at him in confusion as her eyes searched his, "You...seem to be taking it well..."

"Like hell I am!" his hands moved to her waist, lifting her up and twisting her so that her legs straddled his lap. Glaring down at her, he squeezed lightly with both hands, the one closest to the scar carefully placed to avoid the mark.

"That it's... your name," she clarified, blushing a bit at the position he'd put her in, even if it was only so he could glare at her face to face.

Inuyasha snorted, turning his head to the side as his expression abruptly altered to arrogant indifference, "Keh, better that than something else."

Kagome's mouth opened in disbelief as she whispered, "God, you... can't be serious..."

He turned back to her, brows lowering, "You're trying to avoid the real problem."

"What the hell are you talking about?" she reared back, stopped when his hands turned to hold her back and keep her still. "This IS the real problem!"

"The real problem is that you tried to fucking keep this from me," Inuyasha growled at her. "I asked you over and over if something else happened and you looked right into my face and lied to me. How am I supposed to know what we're dealing with if you don't trust me enough to tell me about this shit?!"

Kagome sucked in a breath sharply when he dipped his head enough to hide his eyes behind his hair. 'He thinks I don't trust him?' Kagome felt her stomach knot, closing her eyes even as she freed one hand and brought it up to cover her pounding heart, 'Oh God, what have I done?'

"Why were you afraid to tell me? Kagome, you know that I'll protect you, but I have to know what's wrong!" Inuyasha's hands fisted in the back of her shirt, unable to completely disguise the hurt in his gruff voice.

"Inuyasha...," her shoulders had slumped in resigned defeat. She had to make him understand, and to do that she was going to have to swallow her pride and explain. "I...didn't want you to see it, but not because I didn't trust you!"

Inuyasha shook his head, one hand releasing her back to cover her hip, "You thought I'd blame you for what happened."

Kagome leaned forward, lifting a shaking hand to his cheek, "If 'I' blame myself for it happening, how was I to know you wouldn't too? I tried to imagine what I would do if it hadn't happened to me and I just didn't know! I...I didn't trust myself, Inuyasha, it wasn't you. And you HAVE been blaming me for being drunk, why not this?"

Inuyasha opened his mouth, but clamped it closed again to think about how he could respond to that, 'All right, I can see where she might have thought I'd do that. I HAVE spent the time since I found out about the drunk thing lecturing her about it, but this...this isn't the same type of situation! Doesn't she understand that at all?'

He leaned his face against her hand, taking some comfort in hearing that she trusted him, "This is completely different, Kagome. I'm not blaming you for it being there, just for not telling me about it."

Her jaw tightened, but she couldn't hide the slight quiver in her lip before she bit down on it to stop the tell-tale action and whispered, "It isn't any different. You were right, Inuyasha, and I was so determined to have a normal life in my time that I wasn't thinking."

"I won't argue with that," he gave her a smirk when her head snapped up, eyes blazing angrily at him.

"You pompous sonofa-"

Inuyasha leaned forward and brushed a light kiss to her forehead, shutting her up as effectively as if he'd clamped a hand over her mouth. While she sat there gaping, obviously unsure of how to respond to that spontaneous action, he tugged her up against him, urging her with a hand on the back of her head to rest her face against his neck again. When she followed the silent direction, he dropped his chin to her head and let out a heavy sigh.

"You're upset-"

Kagome answered with a rather inelegant snort that brought an amused smile to the hanyou's lips.

"SO, I won't lecture you tonight," he continued, unperturbed by the interruption. "I have to think and you need to sleep. Don't misunderstand me, Kagome, I am still angry... Fuck it, I'm pissed as all hell that you hid this for so long and lied to me about it." She opened her mouth, but he tightened his arms around her to show he wasn't finished and she quieted.

"But Miroku was right," Inuyasha grimaced at admitting that. "If we're going to figure this out we both need to calm down. I don't want you scared of me."

Kagome waited a moment to be sure he was finished before she nodded to show she understood and tried to push away from him.

Inuyasha glanced down at her, "What are you doing?"

"You said that you need to think and I need to sleep," she answered softly, not sure if she should be relieved or terrified at that thought. He was far from finished with the subject, but... She needed to think too, especially about Inuyasha saying that his name was "better than something else." He hadn't once yelled about it being his name, just that she hadn't told him. Did he really not care that it was his name? Then what DID he think?

"So what are you doing?" he repeated, leaning back and looking for all the world like he didn't intend to move from that spot anytime soon.

Kagome felt her cheeks heat and dipped her head to hide it, "So I'm going to find my way back to the house and go to sleep."

Inuyasha grunted, pressing on her back to all but flatten her against his chest before he wrapped both arms around her waist, "You'd get lost."

"I would not!" she sputtered indignantly, turning her head in an effort to glare up at him.

He lifted a clawed hand to her lips and looked down at her with an unreadable expression, "Go to sleep, Kagome."

She just stared up at him for a moment, her blush returning full force as she squeaked out, "Here? Like this? With...you?"

"Aa."

"But-!"

His eyes glittered brightly as he pressed her face back down and stroked her hair, "If you're about to say 'indecent' might I remind you of what exactly is tattooed on you?"

"Oooh," she growled out, her hands fisting.

"K-Kagome?" the hesitant cry from down below cut the budding argument short as Inuyasha leaned over with Kagome to look down at Shippo's upturned face.

Inuyasha growled, but Kagome's eyes filled with concern, "Shippo-chan?"

He inched forward nervously, grasping the trunk as though he was dying to climb up to them, but unsure if he'd be welcome. It was his fault she was so upset, but he hadn't known the bruise was Inuyasha's name! He wanted to apologize, but...his eyes drifted to where Inuyasha was glaring at him as though he'd rip the kit into little pieces if he tried to come closer.

Shippo swallowed bravely, valiantly ignoring the hanyou as he started to growl louder, a blatant 'suggestion' to make himself scarce. He just had to make it right again, "Kagome, I'm sorry!"

Kagome automatically responded to the worry and fear in the kit's voice, holding out a hand for the kitsune baby. Shippo was just a child, after all, it was important to reassure him that none of this had been his fault... "It's all right, Shippo-chan," she murmured softly.

Shippo let out a delighted shriek, racing up the tree to perch on the wide branch beside them so fast that even Inuyasha was surprised, "You're not mad anymore?"

Inuyasha's brows lowered dangerously when the kit hopped closer and reached up to take Kagome's outstretched hand. He wanted them to be alone, dammit, not with the little brat clinging to her and distracting them! The growl was joined by the baring of fangs, but Shippo just frowned up at the hanyou, getting bolder with Kagome's attention.

Excited that she really wasn't angry with him, he shot forward, squirming his way under Inuyasha's sleeve and vanishing under Kagome's shirt to curl up in a little ball on her bare stomach, "I was so worried!"

Kagome blinked down at the Shippo-lump in surprise, pressing a hand to his head through the fabric, "I'm sorry, Shippo, I was never angry at you."

"Oi, brat, get the fuck off her!" Inuyasha's hands tightened on Kagome and he tried to knock the kit loose. "This is serious!"

Kagome caught hold of one of Inuyasha's wrists when he reached for Shippo, her eyes full of her guilt at the kitsune's fear, "Please, Inuyasha?"

Inuyasha set his jaw for a moment, his ears flicking forward and back before he grumbled in defeat and gave a short nod, "Keh."

She gave him a brilliant smile, leaning forward to wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him on the cheek, "Arigatoo."

He tried to brush that aside gruffly, but his hands were gentle as he shifted her slightly to one side to keep Shippo from getting smashed between them. He could already tell the kit had nodded off curled up under her shirt and he sighed as he wondered how anything could fall asleep as fast or as often as the little kitsune.

Before she could lay her head on his chest, he caught her chin in his hand and tilted her face up again, "And don't kiss me like that at night."

Kagome's face fell and she felt that nervous knot retie itself in her stomach, "I'm sorry... I just got carried away and-"

Inuyasha's mouth over hers swallowed what was left of her stammered words, lingering warmly until he felt her practically melt in his embrace. With a low, satisfied grumble, he pulled away and pressed her back down before he murmured, "Do it like that."

She was confused and he could tell she was trying to work herself up to what could very well be a million questions that he didn't want to answer just yet, so he cut that possibility off before it could start, "Sleep, Kagome. We'll talk in the morning."

A blush stained Kagome's cheeks at the soft command in his voice and she dropped one hand to the Shippo-lump as his arms tightened around her. She leaned her head on Inuyasha's chest carefully, half expecting him to change his mind and push her away. He couldn't be serious about this... Sleeping here, practically wrapped around him?

But after several long minutes where Inuyasha did nothing run his hand through her hair with long, slow strokes, she felt her body begin to relax against him. His warmth seeped into her, making her that much more aware of how drained she felt, and the steady heartbeat against her ear only relaxed her further. It wasn't long before her eyelids were drooping despite her best efforts to stay awake and think as he was obviously doing.

It didn't help either that she could feel Shippo purr against her stomach in his own form of unconscious comfort and without thinking, one hand slipped down Inuyasha's chest to gently rub Shippo's head through her shirt. 'At least I have one on my side no matter what,' she thought affectionately, as her thoughts turned impossibly sluggish.

"Oyasumi nasai, Inuyasha," Kagome whispered out as her eyes finally closed.

Inuyasha waited patiently until he felt her breath even out and her heart slowed to the steady pace of slumber. The moment he was certain she was asleep, he shifted her slightly so he could move one hand down and bare the tattoo to the moonlight. He stared down at the dark lines, letting his thoughts amble about on their own as he tried to settle on how he DID feel about the tattoo being his name. He scowled at himself, 'What the fuck am I supposed to feel?'

'Okay, so... what would my mind tell me about this if there was nothing else to worry about?' Inuyasha sighed thoughtfully, attempting to sort it out a different way.

He was momentarily distracted when Shippo grunted in his sleep, curling into a tighter ball as his little hands appeared at the hem to tuck it more securely around himself. He cocked his head to one side, his chest moving slightly with silent laughter. With Shippo bunched up like that, Kagome almost looked pregnant.

He brushed that observation aside, trying to ignore why that thought made him smile and refocusing on the tattoo. 'So what does my mind tell me? How do I feel about Kagome being tattooed with my name?'

Inuyasha expanded his focus, frowning at his lack of self-control when he realized he was again looking at the round curve Shippo made of her stomach and that tattoo at the same time. Dawning comprehension went through him when his mind finally answered the question he'd been asking it.

'About fucking time.'


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