Thursday, February 10, 2005

Chapter 48: Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid...
Inuyasha stared down at his hand where he pressed it flat to Kagome's stomach, a warm smile on his face. She was still sleeping peacefully where he’d pulled her up into his lap, her head tucked into the curve of his neck and his arms wrapped protectively around her.

Kagome had passed out almost immediately after he’d taken her, her body and spirit completely drained, but healthy and balancing with him again. The voice had said physical contact and well, he couldn’t think of a better, or faster way to make sure she had enough contact and to get her aura calmed. It had even been fluctuating while they mated, finally smoothing out shortly before he’d exhausted them both. He dozed lightly from time to time, leaning back against a tree to make himself comfortable and stroking Kagome’s hair with slow, absent-minded motions.

Inuyasha was awake now, jolted out of a doze when Kagome had made a distressed sound and burrowed deeper against his chest. He brought a hand up to her forehead, frowning as he closed his eyes and instinctively reached for the connection between them to find the source of her unease.

‘A nightmare again,’ his ears flattened back as he caught bits and pieces of disturbing images and emotions racing through her mind. Her mind replaying the complete events she’d experienced with Naraku for her in her dreams. Now that she was free of his influence and it was obviously not something she wanted to see.

“I’m right here, Kagome,” he leaned down so she could feel his words against her ear, only mildly surprised that she was still in his hanyou form. He could feel his youkai blood steadily healing them both from the inside out, faster than it would have worked were he still a hanyou, “It’s just a dream, you know I’ll keep you safe from him. Just relax, koishii.”

To his delight, she leaned into him, turning her head towards his voice as the nightmare dulled in her senses. She was so deeply asleep that all of his impressions from her were sluggish and hazy, but she clearly displayed how safe she felt when she sensed his aura close to her own.

Inuyasha smiled warmly, tucking her closer to him with a sigh as his thoughts wandered. Unbidden, a heated replay flashed through his mind, pausing as he heard his own voice echo in his head as he growled at Kagome, ‘Tell me you love me…’

Then the quiet, almost shy reply from the girl he was rather mercilessly tormenting when she finally responded, ‘I… I love you, Inuyasha…”

His eyes closed again and his arms tightened with almost bruising force around the girl when the new wave of heat flooded through him just remembering that moment. The bond had been strong at that moment and he had shamelessly used it to feel her mental response on top of her words. He knew without a shadow of a doubt that Kagome had been telling him the truth.

She loved him.

Inuyasha let his eyes drift open as he looked up at the vivid sunset pinks and oranges coloring the sky, but his gaze was distant and thoughtful. He hadn’t been lying either when he told her he’d dreamed of hearing those words from her for so long… but he’d been unable to stop the nagging concern that Kagome wouldn’t have been able to care for a hanyou. Now he could openly admit to himself that he should be ashamed of himself for thinking she would be like that, but old fears had always risen up to choke his mind with doubts.

His lips twisted in self-mockery; Kagome had said it to him in his youkai form, but what really made his heart pound was that her mind hadn’t made a distinction between any of his forms. In her head, he had seen clearly that he was simply Inuyasha, no matter what shape he was stuck in. It was exactly the way he’d always wistfully daydreamed it would be, but then waved off in disgusted annoyance as an impossibility.

“What made you so different, Kagome?” Inuyasha stroked a claw down her cheek gently, leaning down to nuzzle one of her twitching ears.

Unconsciously, his hand trailed down her chest again and began to stroke lightly over her stomach. She let out a little grunt, curling to try and move his hand, but he simply tucked her head under his chin and voiced a calming rumble. Kagome relaxed against him, and he let out a sound of approval that was almost like a low bark.

‘That’s strange,’ he turned his gaze down enough to stare at his hand on her stomach, pressing lightly to feel the muscles tense just below the surface. On one hand, in all the time he’d known Kagome, she’d never had the kind of definition or strength he was feeling in her. She’d always been slender, and she HAD gained some muscle spending so much time in the past, but nothing like what he could feel now.

On the other hand, Kagome had never been nervous when he touched her stomach. Granted it could have been any number of things, most likely she was a bit tender from mating a full blood youkai even though she was in hanyou form herself. But what if…?

Inuyasha pressed again, his eyes narrowing as his ears flicked towards her and back when the muscles contracted and she let out a soft growl, ‘It hasn’t even been a week…’ his brow furrowed as he mentally back-tracked, his gaze turning skyward as though it held the answers he wanted.

‘There was that first night,’ his expression filled with concentration as he sorted through his memories, lightly stroking her stomach as he did. ‘Then the morning before…’ he cut that thought short when his pulse jumped in anger, and he forced himself to calm before his agitation could pass to Kagome. ‘And last night,’ Inuyasha looked down at his hands, lifting a finger to count off in conjunction to his memories.

By the time he stopped counting, his shoulders were shaking with rueful laughter and he flashed Kagome a sympathetic smile, “Keh, no wonder you’re so fucking tired.”

Especially considering he’d counted over two dozen “encounters” when HE had reached completion, and he always made a point to get two or three from her just so he could watch her reactions to him.

Inuyasha couldn’t prevent the sudden bubbling of arrogant, highly amused laughter that escaped him as he bent down to press a kiss to her temple, “At least you’re balancing, koi. You…probably wouldn’t be… walking if you…were still human!” he managed to get out between his rising laughter, hugging her close as he rubbed his chin over the top of her head.

He shook his head, getting his amusement under control with effort as he thanked Kagome’s exhaustion for keeping her asleep through it. No telling how many times she’d smack him or sit him if she knew just how much enjoyment he was getting out of this train of thought.

When it finally died down to an occasional chuckle, Inuyasha turned his gleaming eyes down to his hand on her stomach again. Okay, so there was a better than average chance that she was antsy about him pressing on her stomach because she was tender. But at the same time, he sobered immediately and took a deep breath to inhale her scent, what if… what if they’d made a pup?

Inuyasha trailed his claws lightly along the line of muscle on either side of her navel as completely unbidden, the image of Shippo snuggled in a round ball under Kagome’s shirt popped into his head. He growled protectively, his blood warming when he imagined the rounded image without help of the little kit burrowing under her clothes.

The voices had said that Kagome wasn’t mortal anymore, and the way she fought when she was pushed over the edge of her temper… Kagome was even stronger than ever, and somehow, he was getting stronger the same way. It had been subtle at first and he hadn’t noticed, but more and more lately he’d been noticing things in his blood changing… Was this how Kagome had felt?

‘Like now,’ he looked at his hands, eyes moving over the stripes on his flesh. He was a youkai, a full youkai, but he felt like he was in complete control of himself, and he’d still been able to use the Tetsusaiga. Kagome balancing against him had made them both that much more powerful.

‘I can protect her like this,’ he smiled warmly at the dawning revelation, stroking a hand over her stomach again. ‘She’s mine forever… not just for a human lifetime. I don’t have to be afraid that she’ll grow old and die while I stay the same.’

He snorted, half in disgust as another thought occurred to him, “Maybe those idiots who did this finally managed to do something right.”

But he couldn’t be certain, not since his blood acting so over-protective inside her was playing havoc with his ability to read her scent clearly. He’d have to wait until they smoothed out completely before her scent would open up to him again. The voices said she wasn’t youkai, hanyou, or human anymore, so how would she breed? Would it be a yearly fertility or her monthly one that she’d had as a human? And how would she handle it if she had to experience a youkai “heat” the way she’d been experiencing all the other youkai emotions?

Inuyasha started to chuckle again, admitting he wasn’t all THAT concerned with the thought of Kagome having a youkai heat. She was already his mate, so it would only work out in his favor if that happened. Although Kagome would probably be hopelessly embarrassed knowing what female youkai acted like to their mates when they went into heat.

Before he could let himself get a little too absorbed in the mental fantasies that was giving him, he took a deep breath and laid them both out again on her sleeping bag. He propped his chin up on his fist to look down at her face, running his hand through her hair and teasing her ear with his fingertips to watch it twitch.

Finally he yawned and snuggled down at her back, curling his body protectively around her and covering as much of her body as he could. His hand moved down yet again to press against her stomach, and Kagome again shifted restlessly, growling a warning to whatever kept doing that to her.

Inuyasha nuzzled his face into the curve of her shoulder, nipping at the nape of her neck and smiling when that calmed her. Kagome pressed closer to him, the sound that came from her throat definitely more youkai than human and asking for reassurance from him. He answered the same way she’d asked, just a soft growl from deep in his chest as he wrapped his arms around her more tightly.

He couldn’t help but fold his hands possessively over her stomach, his last thought before he yawned and drifted off as well was that he hoped he was right about why she was so instinctively nervous about something pressing against her like that.

Inuyasha fell asleep, imagining what it would be like to hold Kagome close, his hands rubbing a stomach rounded with his child.

**

Kagome came awake with a bit of a jolt, her muscles tensing as her eyes adjusted to the darkness around her. Where was she? The last thing she remembered, she was talking to Naraku… Kikyou had been trying to kill her, and… and Inuyasha? That didn’t feel right…. Inuyasha wouldn’t kill her when he’d been protecting her.

She groaned and pressed the heels of her hands hard against her eyes. What in the world had given her that idea? And had she really been listening to Onigumo and Naraku? And why was everything buzzing?

When she lifted her hands to her ears, her fingers came in contact with something smooth that immediately hissed under her touch and crumbled away. She frowned in surprise when the buzzing vanished, and she could clearly hear low, even breathing at her back. Distracted from what could have been on her ears, she twisted around and found herself staring at Inuyasha’s peacefully slumbering face.

Kagome froze momentarily, but then she smiled warmly and reached out to stroke her hand over his cheek, ‘That’s right. I heard Shippo and then… then something was going to hurt him. Rather abruptly, she’d felt her blood run hot, the feeling she knew was the youkai blood taking dominance inside her. The strange thing was that it had been stronger than she ever remembered it being, but with the thought of the little kitsune being in danger she had welcomed it taking total control.

She’d felt herself falling deep into the youkai instincts. The more that had happened, the clearer her head had become, but the less she could remember. Even better, while before her body had been sluggish, almost numb, that heat was making it easier for her to move the way she wanted. Delighted, she had wrapped herself in that potent blood and those instincts, but that rather effectively traded being able to think clearly for its strength and protection.

Her memory from the moment it took over completely was vague, but she remembered fighting…

Then her thoughts had cleared again with a jolt, and she was in Inuyasha’s arms. Her head had been aching abominably, and for the first time she was feeling pain nagging at the edge of her consciousness.

Kagome hadn’t wanted that pain, and she had been instinctively pulling back when she felt the twang of energy and snapped her hand out to catch the arrow meant for him.

When the pain started to return with a vengeance, joined by a wave of weariness, she’d been more determined than ever to get away. Then her memory came rushing back and she had been so angry with him for trying to stop her again when it was so obvious Kikyou was trying to kill HIM.

But then he’d stepped aside.

To fight Kikyou, she’d needed more energy and she’d pulled off Inuyasha carefully, not wanting to catch his attention that she was in worse shape than she’d let on. She finally had her chance to take on the undead miko and she was taking it. It would have worked better if Inuyasha hadn’t figured it out anyway.

Kagome’s eyes closed in disgust as she recalled her inability to kill the miko, pulling her hands away from Inuyasha to clench them in frustration. She slowly eased away from his hold, but moved only far enough away that she could sit without touching him and draw her knees up to her chest.

Why hadn’t she been able to kill her?

Her next thought though had attention abruptly leaving the miko far behind and her shoulders slumping. She lifted her hand when a wave of nausea went rushing through her, her eyes widening in horror, ‘I…I listened to Naraku?! Oh…Oh god…’

Inuyasha felt the wave of sorrow sweep through him and frowned, reaching out towards Kagome when he realized it was her emotions he was feeling. When his hand met with nothing, his eyes snapped open and he started to shove himself up in alarm. The panic slowly eased when he saw her sitting close to his knees with her back to him, and his brows lifted when he noted she no longer had his ears.

“Kagome?” Inuyasha’s voice was slightly gruff as he shook off the last remnants of sleep and sat up. Concerned, he moved closer and reached out to her, “Kagome, are you all right?”

Kagome’s shoulders stiffened when his hand came down on her shoulder, but she didn’t turn when she asked in a quiet voice, “Can you ever forgive me, Inuyasha?”


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