Sunday, February 27, 2005

   Chapter 51: Into a corner...
Inuyasha knew he’d never been known as a patient hanyou.

Almost everyone he’d ever interacted with had at some point called him anything from temperamental and rude, to downright selfish and explosive. This was not a moment that would encourage an on-looker to make a different observation.

Inuyasha lunged in the direction of the voice, slashing blindly as his eyes blazed red and a truly blood-curdling snarl ripped from his throat, ‘Stay the FUCK away from Kagome, you goddamn sonofaBITCH!!’

For a split second Inuyasha was almost certain his had connected with… well, something solid, but his claws had barely touched against the elusive presences when he was slammed to the ground by the voice’s eerily disembodied hands. He was back on his feet in an instant, lashing out in all directions and snarling as the voice repeated itself over and over in his mind. The voice was silent, but he could feel it watching him, spurring him on to continue the futile attack.

Inuyasha finally dropped to his knees, panting heavily as he glared out into the darkness, ‘Coward! Come out and face me instead of hiding in the dark like this!’

A low sigh filled his ears, echoing around his to make the direction impossible to determine, ‘I am not going to fight with you, Inuyasha.’

‘You’re threatening Kagome,’ his eyes gleamed violently as his claws dug deeply into his palms. ‘If you thought I’d let you fucking do that unchallenged, you’ve been deluding yourself!’

‘I’m trying to help her, you stubborn idiot,’ the man’s voice had filled with irritation.

‘By breaking our connection?!’ Inuyasha’s lip curled back off his fangs. ‘That’s bullshit! You tied her to me and from what YOU’VE said, that connection is the only thing that’s saved her life more than once. What happens if you disconnect us and something goes wrong, hn? Would Kagome be able to balance without it? I need that spell to keep her from losing control of her youkai side.’

‘She shouldn’t need to balance if everything goes as planned,’ the voice explained in a growl. ‘The spell’s magic caused those troubles and if it is lifted, it will not be necessary to have that kind of link to her.’

Inuyasha felt a rise of bile in his throat, every ounce of his being rebelling at the way this youkai was so casually speaking of destroying his bond, ‘Is she mortal as she is now?’

‘You already know she isn’t,’ in snorted disdainfully. ‘The amount and strength of the youkai blood inside her is changing the human blood with every heartbeat. That is why this must be done quickly, before she falls too deeply into her instincts to allow them to be removed from her. Given time, Kagome will protect the youkai blood inside her just as jealously as you do.’

Inuyasha slowly pushed himself to his feet, his hands still tightly fisted as his ears flattened back and he demanded, ‘If…” He bit down hard on his lip to hold in the instinctive shout of denial in favor of wanting to know exactly what this voice intended to try on her. He had to be prepared to defend her, ‘Would she lose that?’

‘I believe she can be re-infused with human blood and restore her humanity, but simply removing the youkai blood would kill her. There is not enough of the human blood left in her body to support it alone after that mess with that disgusting creature, although gratefully, all the youkai blood is your own. Kagome-chan purified the magic and blood inside her while yours attacked it more directly.’ The voice chuckled slightly, ‘I had never seen a youkai, much less a hanyou, with blood as possessive as yours. It simply refuses to allow any other presence inside her body than your own.’

Inuyasha closed his eyes, inhaling deeply as he fought to calm his fierce anger by sheer force of will, ‘Maybe you haven’t been listening, asshole. Kagome is mine, and no matter what you say, I won’t let anyone or anything take what’s mine. If you’re surprised by how strong our bond is, you can’t possibly know either of us very well.’

The derisive snort that answered him set his teeth on edge, ‘Kagome-chan could get along with any youkai, even ones I was certain she would despise being young, human, and a miko. Given your personality, Inuyasha, her devotion to you never ceases to astound me, and her tolerance… I had never known creatures like that existed. It is in her very nature to hold to those she cares for and protect them.

‘Your motives, in my experience, are rarely pure,’ it continued, unperturbed by the hanyou’s bristling and deep-throated growl. ‘I believe your presence is so dominant inside her because you wanted Kagome-chan from the start and that your feelings only built inside you the longer you were with her. When you felt the change to bind her to you, your soul took full advantage. After all, every time I came in contact with you, you were giving off signals that you had staked your claim even though you had yet to act on it. Or to fully choose between her and that undead miko, despite Kagome-chan’s loyalty to you.’

‘That’s none of your fucking business,’ Inuyasha bared his teeth to cover the sharp twinge of guilt that went through him.

‘If I choose to make it my business, then it will be, Inuyasha,’ there was a definite taunt in the voice this time. ‘Frankly I’m amazed you defended Kagome-chan to that bitch after how completely you seemed to lose your head around her before. Imagine…. Kissing a corpse while your mate was watching….’

‘If all you’re here to do now is run your mouth, then you can just go back to wherever the hell it was you came from,’ Inuyasha’s hands clenched into white-knuckled fists at his sides, head bowing to hide blazing eyes behind his bangs.

‘I’m here to see to it that this mess gets straightened out before anything else happens,’ he responded. ‘Kagome-chan did not ask to be bound to you in such a way and it has caused numerous troubles. I cannot in good conscience allow her to be trapped by a spell like this.’

Inuyasha pressed a hand hard against his chest as his heart lurched painfully, ‘I won’t let you take her away from me.’

‘Is that really fair to her? She never asked you to become human, Inuyasha. Are you telling me that you will force her to become a youkai for you?’

His eyes went wide and he let out a shout of denial even as his own mind whispered agreements with the youkai voice. Was he really as selfish as it said? He shook his head fiercely, ‘I mated her when I thought she was human. I don’t care what she is, she’s just… just mine…!’

‘Reversing the spell will not remove the fact that she is your mate,’ the voice admitted after a long, tense silence. ‘The bond may not be as strong as it is now, but it will still be present. After all, mating is a physical thing as much as it is in the soul. I may be powerful, but even I have no way of restoring what she gave you in that respect.’

Inuyasha ducked his head to hide his relief from the voice, his eyes clenching shut as he gritted out, ‘What would it do? If I agreed….’

‘I am nearly positive that I will be able to make it as though the spell had never been cast in the first place,’ there was a shrug in his voice that made Inuyasha want to tear his eyes out for being so nonchalant over something that was driving a knife through his soul with every word. ‘Your blood will be returned to you and Kagome-chan will again be fully human. That ridiculous word spell you have on her would be gone as well as the branding mark. Most importantly, the path to her spell would be closed to prevent any further incidents like her meeting with the dead woman or with that vile creation, Naraku.’

‘Gone,’ he repeated in a hollow voice, unprepared for the emptiness that assailed him when he thought of looking at her and never seeing the tattoo again, the mark that, to him, had solidified his right to be so possessive of her.

‘I can work the spell back in stages, but to do so, you both have to release your hold in each other. I will need to be able to hold her soul with my own to see how much needs to be done, and every time I’ve tried, your soul pushes me out.’

His head snapped up, ‘You didn’t say anything about you moving into her if I let go.’

‘I have a mate, Inuyasha, I do not look at Kagome-chan in that way,’ it snorted as though disgusted at the mere suggestion. ‘If I do not, she would be wide open for Naraku without any protection and that is unacceptable. The spell is in its last stages of development and if it is not done within the next few days, it really will be permanent.’

Next few days….

Inuyasha went still when he heard that, sucking in a sharp breath as his mind reeled with the implications. In just a few days, the spell wouldn’t be able to be removed and he would be bound to Kagome forever. Maybe-

‘Inuyasha, I told you of the time limit in order to impress the importance of this action on you, not to give you the coward’s way out,’ the voice hardened. ‘I came to you first because you are her mate, and as such, it is your right as the dominant to see to her care. However, if I decide you are not a proper guardian over her soul I will take other measures. Even force.’

‘What the fuck do you mean by other measures, you bastard?’ his brows lowered in an enraged scowl at the suggestion that this youkai would threaten to take her away from him.

‘I can speak to you in this fashion. What makes you think it would be any more difficult for me to bring her to me and tell her exactly what I’ve told you?’ the voice was softer now, self assured. ‘She had a normal life, Inuyasha. Do you really think she wouldn’t want that back?’

‘She’ll die.’

‘It’s her right to decide if she wants to,’ it scolded. ‘She had no choice in becoming what she is now. How would you feel if one morning you woke up as a human with no way to transform yourself back into a hanyou? If you had not wanted to be a human, how would you feel towards the one who changed you?’

Inuyasha looked away again, his eyes obviously troubled as he turned over what this voice was saying. Kagome… Would she hate him if he didn’t give her the chance to break the spell? In the beginning she had wanted to find away, but did she still?

‘I am not giving you a choice, Inuyasha. If you do not tell this to Kagome-chan, I will take her myself and explain. Can you look her in the eyes and tell her that you would refuse to let her become as she was?’

‘I’ll fucking kill you for this,’ Inuyasha hissed through clenched teeth.

Nonplussed, the voice responded, ‘You have until tomorrow night.’

**

The first thing Inuyasha did when he jolted awake was reach for Kagome, coming bolt upright with a shout of denial that had Miroku and Sango on their feet, weapons ready. Inuyasha ignored them, his eyes darting around the grove with a hint of desperation as he tried to locate her scent, “Kagome?! Kagome!!”

“Fuck, not so loud!” Kagome dropped to the ground beside him, nearly making him jump out of his skin. “I heard you the first-!”

She broke off in concern when Inuyasha swept her up in a crushing embrace, hesitantly sliding her arms around him as she looked to Sango and Miroku for some clue to his unexplained behavior. When they looked back at her with the same baffled expressions, she lifted her hand to stroke his hair the same way she had done for Shippo when he’d had nightmares and turned her head to whisper softly, “Inuyasha, what happened? I’m right here; everything’s all right.”

He flinched, deepening her confusion even further when he spoke, “Don’t leave me, Kagome.”

She blinked, pulling back to look up at him and cup his face, eyes narrowing as she focused on his gleaming eyes, “What did you dream?”

Inuyasha bent down and kissed her, his hands tangling in her hair as he seemed to search the embrace for some sort of reassurance. Kagome responded blindly, beginning to worry at the completely uncharacteristic display of emotion, but she had barely leaned into him when he pulled away. He reached up and caught Kagome’s wrist, his eyes grim, “We need to talk.”

Kagome frowned, confusion returning as her eyes narrowing fractionally when she focused on the connection to give her a hint of his emotions. She wanted the help with him displaying so many, and he’d done it to gauge her own moods, so why not? Unexpectedly, she was bombarded with a harsh assortment of everything from rage and pain to downright misery and a sort of resigned hope. “What the hell is going on, Inuyasha?” Kagome rose to her feet warily, her mind screaming at her that this was going to be a conversation she wouldn’t enjoy.

He swallowed, setting his jaw as he looked at the curious faces of their other companions and tugged her lightly to follow, “Come with me.”

Sango caught Kagome’s eyes, mouthing the question as to whether they should sleep yet and nodding in understanding when Kagome shook her head no. She watched the pair vanish into the darkened woods, glancing at Miroku as she rolled her shoulders to relax her tensed muscles, “Houshi-sama?”

“Inuyasha is obviously terrified of something,” Miroku frowned, turning his gaze up to the sky and scanning it as though the answers they needed were there. “I wonder…. Sango, Kagome-sama said that the one who cast the spell would only speak to her when she slept, and Inuyasha was knocked unconscious when he had his own audience. Perhaps the found the need to speak with him again.”

She looked at him sharply, “Why would they do that if Kagome-chan is safe? Do you think Naraku’s magic did something to the spell?”

Miroku turned back to look in the direction the hanyou had gone, “For his sake, I truly hope not.”

Inuyasha stopped when they had left the range of human hearing, leaning back against one of the trees, releasing her wrist and taking a deep, bracing breath, ‘Just explain it all to her. This… This is for the best and you know it! Do you really want Naraku to be able to take control of her again? He said it has to be done to get Kagome back the way she was. She never asked for any of this….’

Warm hands gently stroking his ears snapped him out of his inner struggle, turning his gaze to Kagome’s concerned gaze, “Inuyasha, what happened? You can tell me and then we can fix it, right? Just like you’ve fixed everything else.”

He knew she was trying to calm him, but her words had him cringing all over again on a wave of renewed guilt. ‘You have to let go if you ever want to face yourself again. What if you don’t tell her and he DOES connect with her to tell her what I couldn’t? Or worse, if he really could take her forcefully…. he said can do it if her soul wanted to be freed from mine. What if she hated me for keeping it from her? Could I bear it?’

He ground the heels of his hands into his eyes as though he could banish this mess through force, but once again, soft hands caught his and pulled them away from his face, squeezing lightly to get him to look down. His ears drooped and he broke her light grip to trace a claw over the scar on her left cheek, “I’m sorry I was too late to stop him from doing this to you, Kagome.”

Kagome’s eyes widened and shook her head, “Baka, is that what you’re worried about? It was my fault, not yours, you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty over.”

“Still-“

She pressed her hand to his mouth and gave him a frown, “If I can’t say it’s my fault then neither can you. Don’t make me beat the shit out you to prove a point, I’m not in the mood.”

He snorted in helpless amusement, “Your youkai blood must be sleeping if you aren’t feeling up to a fight.”

Kagome winked at him and reached up to tug on his ear, “Just not with you. It’s not so bad, you know, having a youkai side.” She flashed the smirk she copied from him and gave him her best arrogant look, “How do you think I got up that tree?”

Something in his eyes turned sad and he sighed in regret, averting his gaze again, “Kagome-?” His voice caught and he closed his eyes, dropping his head to his chest with a humorless smile of self-disgust, “Dammit, I’m such a fucking weakling.”

“Inuyasha!” she gaped at him in shock.

He slid her a sideways glance, his eyes shuttered and hard, “What if I told you there was a way to…. to fix this whole thing.”

Kagome’s look was uncomprehending and she grabbed his haori, brows drawn together in reaction to the distress echoing from the tattoo, “What the hell are you talking about? Fix what whole thing? What’s gotten into you, dammit?! This isn’t like you!”

“The spell can be fixed.”

Kagome went perfectly still, her mouth falling open for a moment before she dropped her hand from his clothing and took a step back, eyes filling with disbelief, “What-?”

Inuyasha folded his arms inside his sleeves so she wouldn’t see how tightly he gripped his hands together. He couldn’t prevent her from hearing the growl that rose from his throat, not when every last part of him was so violently rebelling against the very idea he was about to suggest. It took supreme will power to prevent himself from losing it completely and either being ill or grabbing onto her so tightly she wouldn’t be able to get away if she wanted.

His lip curled back as he forced himself to continue, “I…. I met the owner of the spell.” He peeked at her from the corner of his eye, biting down hard when he saw the glassy look in her pale eyes and the way the blood had drained completely from her face, “He said he knows how to reverse it.”

“Reverse?” she repeated, her voice quiet, as though she was in a daze.

Fists clenched even more tightly in their hiding place, “He said he was almost certain he could remove…. everything. You can be human again.”

Kagome turned away to prevent him from seeing her face, arms wrapping around her waist and absently palming the tattoo, ‘Human again?’ Her heart started to pound and she bit her lip, wincing when she felt her canines starting to sharpen and desperately holding back the blood before the more obvious signs could manifest. To Inuyasha, she demanded, “The voices told me it would kill me to remove the youkai blood.”

“He was a youkai,” Inuyasha’s heart dropped at the way she kept her back to him, the line of her shoulders clenched tightly as though every muscle was tensed. “He thinks that with a transfer of human blood to replace the youkai amounts you should be fine. He wants to work the spell backwards and…. and pull out all the changes that were made.”

“The tattoo would be gone?” Kagome tilted her head down to her chest, closing her eyes and fisting her hands. “My subduing spell?”

“Aa,” it was almost too quiet for her to hear, but beneath her palm, the tattoo took up a painful throbbing, spreading heat through her blood as though trying to hide too deep inside her to be removed.

“What about…. ?” Kagome swallowed, unable to stop the slight flush that crossed her cheeks. “Inuyasha, would we still be mates?” one of her fisted hands moved away from her side to splay across her stomach. Something like that couldn’t be removed, could it?

Inuyasha nodded, his spirits sinking so rapidly at every question he didn’t even think that she wouldn’t see the motion, “The bond may be weakened. He wasn’t certain.” His ears were flattened back so far they almost vanished into his hair, ‘He was right. Kagome does want everything to go back to the way it was before the spell was cast. She…. She wants it all gone,’ he felt like his heart was being ripped from his chest and pressed both fists hard to his stomach.

He wanted to scream at her, to demand to know how she could casually toss aside what had brought them together in the first place. Did she want even the mating revoked? His brows lowered at the thought and he cast a wavering, hurt glare at her still form, ‘She’s mine. She said she loved me…’

“How?” Kagome’s emotionless question cut through his darkening thoughts and made him bite down hard on his own lip as he fought a brutal battle with his conscience.

He could always make something up that he knew she’d never agree to; if he kept her awake until the time had passed, then the voice wouldn’t be able to tell her the truth…. Until the next time she fell asleep, and then she would find out he had lied to keep them connected by the spell. What would she think then?

Swearing as viciously and creatively as he could in his own head, he focused on the back of her head, willing her to turn around and tell him she liked things better this way too. If she went back to being human, she would lose the youkai immortality….

“We have to let him break our connection,” he growled out, the words barely distinguishable for the instinctive, animalistic sound.

Kagome’s scarlet eyes widened, a stunned gasp ripping from her throat as her posture went stiff and straight, “Break-?” She bit down on her lips hard, uncaring now of the fangs growing sharper against the skin, “If that happened… would I still absorb like I do now? Or would that stop too?”

“It would be like the spell was never cast in the first place,” Inuyasha repeated the words, his stomach turning at the way she still refused to turn. “He said it would close off your soul so that you wouldn’t have to worry about balancing. I’d still be a hanyou and you’d be back to normal,” he looked away. If she didn’t want to look at him again, what could he do? It was his blood, so it was his fault. “If we release the hold we have on each other’s soul, he can work the magic.”

“You’d do that?” Kagome snuck a glance over her shoulder, turning back when she noticed his distraction. “You’d let go?” against her will, she felt anger spark to life inside her. Was it so easy for him then? Look how long it had taken him to forget Kikyou, and here he was ready to cut her loose after they had mated and everything?!

Inuyasha almost lost his nerve, almost snapped back at her and refused, but then he’d have to live with the guilt of trapping her. The voice was right, he’d been selfish with Kagome from the start, never once stopping to think of anything but how HE would react to her absence. He had to offer her the chance.

His eyes closed and he managed to nod, “Aa.”

Kagome’s heart clenched, her hands fisting in front of her as she felt her claws grow and the familiar rush of the youkai blood waking up and moving in to take over. It was being threatened and she was making no effort to control it, wrapping it around herself to give her the strength for what she needed to do.

Inuyasha could hear his heart thunder in his ear, painfully aware of the silence from Kagome. He kept his eyes clenched shut, not wanting to see her expression when she responded to that. He wondered if it would kill him to hear her say she wanted to disconnect the spell, but she would still be his mate…. He tried to take some consolation from that, but it barely eased the ache around his heart.

“Inuyasha,” Kagome’s voice right in front him startled him enough that his eyes flew open-

Just in time to see her fist before it slammed into his face so hard he dropped to the ground, his head spinning as she shot away from in a black and white blur, using every bit of her youkai blood to run back the way they’d come.


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