Monday, April 18, 2005

   Chapter 56: From Deep Within...
Miroku looked from the charms in his hands up to the glaring match between the two of them and finally to meet Sango’s concerned eyes. He cleared his throat, and frowned at Inuyasha again, “Inuya-?”

“Now, bouzu!”

Kagome smacked him in the chest with her free hand, trying to pull her other free to check his wound as she absently growled out, “Don’t be rude, Inuyasha, they have nothing to do with this.”

Inuyasha growled, twisting his shoulder away from her searching hands. Eyes blazing in anger, he hooked his ankle behind her knees and shoved, sending her to the ground. He was on top of her in the next second, pinning her arms down with his knees and baring his fangs at her, “Don’t bitch about me being rude, Kagome, this is really not the time to accuse me of that. Be still and quit trying to run off or I’ll make you.”

“You bastard!” Kagome snapped up at him, turning her head to bite his thigh.

Inuyasha leaned down, sinking his fangs into her throat and making her suck in a sharp gasp. The vibration of the violent snarling made her tense, eyes wide at the sudden rush of blood and the lurch in her heartbeat. Her chest expanded as she held her breath, everything about him screaming at her to submit to him as the dominant and her hands fisted tight over his thighs while a faint whine escaped her in reflex.

Satisfied at the sound, he slowly released the hold, swiping his tongue up the column of her throat to soothe the seeping bites. He slid forward, scraping his fangs over her cheek, then up to nip her nose before dropping his head and biting down, hard and brief on her shoulder, “You’re in for a hard lesson if you try pushing right now, bitch. I’m not feeling especially forgiving. Understood?”

Kagome was panting lightly, eyes wide and ears flattened back as she swallowed hard and tried to calm the unexpected pounding in her blood that was sliding down her spine to form a low, interesting pulse in her stomach. ‘Why now?’ she thought a little frantically, trying to shake off the beginnings of the familiar ache.

Snorting at what he knew was only a temporary distraction, he threw a dark scowl over his shoulder to the hesitating monk, “Don’t fucking make this more difficult, bouzu, now give them to me before she starts fighting again! I want those ofuda and I want them now!”

Miroku let out a sigh, but was unwilling to take a chance of unintentionally setting them off in another round of fighting. Arguing, they could definitely take and would probably be hearing a lot of. However, Kagome did not appear to be in any condition for more fighting, despite how ready she seemed to WANT to keep trying.

His expression was grim as he came closer, holding the ofuda out to Inuyasha’s outstretched hand. The youkai all but ripped them away and jerked his head, clearly indicating that he wanted the monk to back away. Miroku, however, paused and looked from Inuyasha’s enraged expression down to Kagome’s look of shock, “What do you intend to do with those, Inuyasha?”

“Something I should have done when this started,” he muttered, glaring down at the little papers heating his palm. Miroku was a powerful monk, regardless of his personality flaws; even better, both he and Kagome were even stronger. The monk’s skills with Kagome’s miko powers on top of his youki would make this almost ridiculously easy, “Something I would have done if I’d been thinking clearly. And you’re going to help me,” he slanted the monk a sideways glance that dared him to argue or refuse.

Miroku held up his hands in a placating gesture and nodded, “You know we will do anything we can to protect Kagome-sama.”

He grunted in approval before turning back to look at Kagome and capture her gaze. Despite the speed he’d used to procure them, Inuyasha’s hand closed carefully around the enchanted papers as he waited for her eyes to refocus on him, “I am so goddamn sick and tired of having to keep my eyes on you like a pup, Kagome. You have absolutely no regard for how serious it is that you ‘stay’ calm and ‘stay’ close!”

Kagome bared her teeth when her legs went numb under the spell’s effect, Inuyasha letting his legs slide down to straddle her hips now that she had lost her inability to use her legs for leverage. She opened her mouth on a hiss to snarl at him, but he lifted the hand with the charms and smacked them hard against her nose, arching an eyebrow when she yelped and gaped at him.

“Not a fucking word, not yet,” he took the hand away and to her confused fascination, dragged the lower half of the ofuda stack over the blood pooling on his shoulder. “You’re acting like a spoiled little girl, and worse, I’ve been letting you. I was so worried with keeping you calm that you’ve gotten even more wild than even *I* ever was. That’s my fault and it’s unacceptable.”

Her brows drew low at what she saw as an insult, but the tightening of his thighs around her hips warned her that he wasn’t done. With her throat and shoulder still throbbing from the bites he’d given her, and that absolutely degrading swat to her nose, she felt it safer to let her displeasure show in a throaty growl.

Inuyasha shook his head, keeping the ofuda on his shoulder with one hand and reaching down to wrap the other around her throat, “You told me to start acting like your mate, but if you really want that, then you’re going to have to give me the same damn thing! Just because I haven’t been disciplining you the way I should doesn’t mean I won’t. And that means no more of this juvenile shit unless you want the punishment that goes with it.”

Kagome was startled enough to fall silent, her eyes sliding away from his to where the ofuda had started to sizzle, soaking the bottom of the papers dark crimson. Inuyasha growled, his arm tightening to draw her gaze back to his, “Sesshoumaru wanted you to prove that you were strong enough-”

Her shoulders hunched defensively, eyes narrowing as she cut in with a quick argument, “He was giving me a chance-!”

“Don’t mention anything else about him!” Inuyasha cut her off sharply, his ears flattening back as the muscles along his arms and shoulders went taut. “I can smell that bastard all over you and it’s REALLY not helping me calm down, Kagome.”

Miroku reached out to take the ofuda away when he noticed the slight hiss it was making against the hanyou’s shoulder. Cursing himself for not considering that the hanyou’s youkai form would be sensitive to the ofuda’s powers, he began apologetically, “Inuyasha, the binding scrolls-“

“A little longer,” he barked out, lifting his shoulder to block Miroku’s hand the same way he had Kagome’s earlier attempt. Doing his best to swallow his irritation at all the interruptions, he took a deep breath and looked back down at Kagome’s flushed face, “I know exactly what I’m doing.”

Kagome was watching him intently, her cheek twitching as she ground her teeth in tense frustration. There was a determined glint in the murky violet of her eyes, but gratefully, they showed no sign of fully reverting. She was balanced, and she was calm enough to be controlling herself, but for how long?

The youkai blood was even more volatile with how close she was to her cycle, and Sesshoumaru fighting with her, not to mention his own transformation, only excited the blood, bringing her to the edge. This was not going to be one of her more calm weeks, even if he DID get her under control….

“The first thing you do is run,” his brows lowered while he shifted his hold on her enough to rake his claws down her chest and press his palm flat to the tattoo. “If I’m fighting, you fight because you know I’m too busy to stop you. Anything else and you either sneak off when my back is turned, or you hit me and run as fast as you can. It’s just as bad as before when I couldn’t subdue you and you’d go running off through the goddamn well!”

A blush spread across Kagome’s cheeks and she averted her face. She had tried listening, but this just demanded that she answer and she snapped out defensively, “What about when you run off to be alone, hn?! I’m not doing anything that you haven’t done before!”

“Have I done it recently?” he challenged, his voice taking on a hard edge from his own frustration. “Hell, Kagome, what kind of an idiot do you take me for? As soon as you told me the voices warned you to stay in my spirit range I haven’t ONCE been the one that moved you out of it. You’re the one who goes too far and then ends up losing your head and getting your fucking ass attacked!

“You attract more life-threatening situations than any other creature I have EVER known,” he continued, gesturing expansively. “Even Shippou stays out of trouble better than you do and he’s a kitsune! You were like that even before the spell and now it’s only gotten worse! Now it’s like you go looking for it instead of it just falling into your lap. Why the hell do you think I’ve been trying so hard to keep you close to me?!”

She opened her mouth, taking in a breath to yell, but abruptly stopped. Kagome pulled back, blinking in confusion as the scarlet in her eyes faded away completely. Her eyes widened as she tried to come up with even one time he’d run off alone since the time she’d been attacked at the well, ‘He…. he’s right…. Every time I went out of range…. it was my fault. And I’ve ended up fighting someone until Inuyasha came for me.’

“You’ve almost been killed by Kikyou; kidnapped and enchanted by Naraku; and now you’re taking challenges from Sesshoumaru!” Inuyasha’s accusation grew in volume with each word that he growled in her face, his fingers tensing and claws pricking into her side. “What next, Kagome?! How are you going to top that, hn?”

“I….” she started in a weak voice, but it died under the anger in his eyes, and her ears flattened back under a flood of guilt.

“It’s been so fucking up and down that if you weren’t pulling it off me on purpose, I would have snapped a long time ago,” his eyes narrowed sharply and he leaned down low to bring him nose to nose with her. “I refuse to be on my guard every damn second just waiting for the next time you lose control. I’m not going to do it again,” he promised in a low voice.

“Then help me!” Kagome yelled back at him in frustration. “I’ve never been a youkai in my life and these things I feel…. They’re so strong that I just…. Before I know what’s happening I’m just reacting!”

“That’s what I intend to put a stop to,” Inuyasha leaned down even more, his mouth hovering just over hers and his voice quieting to a low snarl through gritted teeth. “It’s not your choice anymore, Kagome. When the voice comes back, I’m going to do what it asks so we can get this fixed!”

“I don’t want the spell gone, Inuyasha!” she fisted her free hand in his haori, setting her jaw in grim determination. “Wait…. What the voice asks?”

“What do you think is fucking telling me to release my hold? Were you listening at all before you punched me and ran off?” he reared up and demanded, muscles twitching uncomfortably from the stress of holding his taut frame still when he youkai side was screaming to let go. “He told me that if I didn’t tell you what it said, he would tell you himself. It’s not like I have a choice either!”

“And you believe him?” Kagome’s back arched as she fought his hold again. “Those ‘voices’ are what started all this in the first place! That’s how Onigumo and Naraku talked to me, and you think this one will help?”

“You think I’m willing to take chances like that with your soul?! This one ‘wanted’ me to feel him! He wanted me to know he was a full youkai, and he was only too happy to tell me that he would do whatever it took to make you aware of how to set yourself free!” Inuyasha clamped down on her hard, his voice full of enraged disbelief as he moved his hand from the tattoo back to her throat to hold her still.

“Free?” her hands came up to grab the front of his haori and yank hard to drag his face closer to hers again. “Is that how you see this? You want to be ‘free?’ Goddammit, Inuyasha, I tell you I love you, I mated with you; is that supposed to all just go away because you want it to?!”

“Being my mate isn’t something that is going to ‘go away,’ bitch!” he warned darkly, the unmistakable threat in his voice that she’d even dared to voice the suggestion. “The spell might be breakable, but the mating isn’t even up for discussion. You’re mine, Kagome,” the hand on her throat went from holding, to lightly dragging his claws down her throat. He fought the urge to smirk when he felt her shiver, “What you gave me, you can’t take back. Even if the voice said it could.”

“I don’t want to go back to being a human, Inuyasha. Humans die,” her voice lowered as her eyes almost closed involuntarily under that stroking touch.

Inuyasha stared silently, pressing his palm more firmly over the tattoo again to feel his own heart beating through her. It was getting harder and harder to keep arguing with her about this while he was still fighting with his own conscience and desires. He wanted to agree…. All of Kagome’s objections were the same ones that he had himself, but didn’t that just prove it really wasn’t all coming from her? But she seemed so adamant. What if it wasn’t all him?

He shook his head, growling in aggravation at his continued attempts to rationalize keeping the connection, “I’ve been too selfish with you already, Kagome. This time I’m doing what’s best for you.”

“Then let me be selfish for a change,” she pleaded in a low hiss, her eyes going huge and liquid with emotion. “You want to do what’s best for me? Don’t let go of the spell. Don’t fight me like this!”

Inuyasha slowly forced his legs to relax their tight hold on her hips, feeling the muscles in her legs twitch with the return of feeling, but remain lax with inactivity. ‘Dammit, it CAN’T be! But she just…. she sounds so sure. What if she wants it for a different reason?’ Then couldn’t he be certain it was really coming from her? Would he have to feel guilty about wanting to keep the spell? She was calmer now, probably only his change keeping her from fully reverting to her almost human appearance, he could feel it and see it in her eyes. So maybe he could take her answer seriously?

Only one way to find out.

He took great pains to keep a stern glare on his face, focusing completely on the feel of the emotions in the back of his head, “Why?”

Kagome blinked, her thoughts stumbling with the sudden change in the argument from Inuyasha’s unbending position to actually questioning her, “What?”

“Why, Kagome? Why don’t you want to change?” Inuyasha repeated, fighting the urge to shake her into understanding how important this was.

Kagome jerked back slightly, her eyes filling with irritation, “Why?! Are you insane? Why wouldn’t I want to be like this? I’m strong; I’m fast…. I don’t feel like I’m a bother or that all I’m going to do is distract you by needing to be protected! I don’t feel like an obligation any more.”

“Baka,” Inuyasha muttered, cutting into her tirade and frowning at her. “Is that what you thought?”

“It’s true!” Kagome’s cheeks flushed with embarrassed anger. “Damn, Inuyasha, do you want me to count how many times you’ve almost gotten killed just because you had to save me? I hated that,” her voice faded to almost a whisper of self-disgust as she continued to meet his searching gaze. “Every fucking time I knew the only reason you were hurt was because of me. Because I was too slow and too weak for you to focus.”

Inuyasha caught his breath, his mind racing furiously in a tangle of excitement of guilt. Kagome had paused, but he could tell there was more she wanted to say, and he wasn’t about to stop her when she was finally getting this out of her system. Would it help her calm down and control the youkai blood? Now that he would know what she really thought?

Maybe that way he could keep her connected to him and keep her out of the dangers she was experiencing every time she lost her hold. He’d had to learn as a child, she was right about that, so why couldn’t he teach her too?

‘But it really is different! Why she wants it…. Sure, some of it may be a little like why I want her to stay like this, but her reasons are….’ His thoughts trailed off as he let the barest of sighs escaped him and he prodded to end her continuing silence, “Why didn’t you tell me you felt like this?”

Kagome just shook her head, “It wouldn’t have been fair. You’ve always done ALL the work, you, Miroku, Sango, and even Shippou sometimes! All I can do is see those goddamn shards….”

“Kagome….” Inuyasha growled warningly, angry that she was so fast to downplay her own skills.

“And before you never looked at me,” she ignored him, her ears drooping as her gaze again shifted uncomfortably to the side.

“What the fuck are you talking about? I looked at you all the time! That didn’t change at all,” he cupped her chin and squeezed gently.

Kagome leaned up, ignoring the faint rumble in his throat as she lifted her clawed hand and lightly slid them down his cheek. Her eyes softened and a sad smile teased the corner of her lips, “Not the way you do now…. And I wanted…. for so long, Inuyasha.”

Inuyasha couldn’t prevent the way the heat in his eyes changed from anger to smoldering passion, releasing her face to glide his claws up her arm and take her hand as he repeated in an almost wondering voice, “For so long?”

Her blush darkened, but for a completely different reason this time while she admitted, “Almost from the start, but I never wanted to hurt you. Before you…. were sealed, you seemed to think you had to change, and I don’t want you to be anything else. But if you stay hanyou and I go back to being human, I’d age and you….”

Inuyasha stayed silent when her voice trailed off again, just staring at her for a long moment before he let out a low sigh and murmured, “You want to stay connected to me….”

“Baka!! What do you think I’ve been screaming at you about?!” she started squirming again, helpless to the tears that tracked down her cheeks unnoticed to herself, but not the hanyou above her. “Why do you think I ran away? YOU were trying to change me!”

“And YOU don’t want it,” he clarified one more time, holding her down when she almost succeeded in pulling herself free.

“NO!” Kagome barked sharply. “Have you listened at all?!”

Inuyasha leaned down and caught her mouth for a long, searching kiss, focusing on his emotions in an effort to let her feel them. She went taut; startled at the contact after she’d been so absolutely certain she knew exactly what was going on. But she’d been sure that Inuyasha wanted the connection broken…. why could she feel his relief at her denial if that was true?

‘Maybe he doesn’t want it broken either?’ she thought distantly as her eyelids slipped completely closed, her attention much more focused on the warm feel of his mouth moving over her own.

He answered her a second later when he pulled away just enough to speak, smirking when she frowned and tried to kiss him again. He made a slight rumble of momentary denial and murmured, “Then that fucking bastard can kiss my ass. We’ll just have to take other precautions.”

Kagome blinked owlishly when he looped his arm around her back and sat up, pulling her into a seated position. Her heart lurched and then began to pound hopefully, “Other…. precautions? What are you talking about? You…. you don’t want….?”

“Hell, Kagome, I don’t want it gone either!” Inuyasha gave her a glare for even hinting that he would have. “You think I want to go back to that one-sided subduing? Especially after I’ve had mine? You’d break my back without a second thought.”

“I would not!” she denied, blushing and looking away to settle her gaze on the relieved expressions on Sango and Miroku’s faces.

Convinced the worst of the danger had passed, they had come closer, looking down at the pair expectantly. Sango was the one who reached out and lightly touched Inuyasha’s shoulder as she inquired, “What do you intend to do, Inuyasha?”

Inuyasha tightened his hold on Kagome, turning the ofuda in his hand so that he held the bloodstained ends, “Making sure this doesn’t happen again.”


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