Monday, October 3, 2005

   READ THIS. Tell me what you think.
It's a short short story. A bit I needed to get out. Hope you enjoy.


She stood there, watching him. He told himself not to cry, he mustn’t cry. She’d only laugh at him. This girl would be the first to laugh at him. But the tears came. They flowed down his face in steady streams, hot salt tears. He covered his face with a hand, hoping she hadn’t noticed, growing angry with himself. Then the sobs took him. Raking, strained sobs. Sobs that he was desperately trying to hold in.
He stood there blinded with a hand over his eyes and tears blurring his vision. He felt a hand on his left shoulder, then another pulling his hand from his face. He only saw an idea of a face. Through the water it looked like it was smiling. He knew she would laugh now. But she did not. She reached her arms out and wrapped them around his neck and shoulders and pulled him into an embrace.
“S-s-sorry…” he could hear himself stutter out. She only tightened her grip on him, making him put his head on her shoulder. And everything let go. The strained sods turned into shameless bursts. This kind of crying one only did curled on their bed in an empty house so as no one could hear them. His hands grasped her shirt, clinging like a child to his mother.
And so he cried. He cried into her shoulder, her hair, into her soft neck. At one point he felt her hand gently stroke the back of his neck, running her fingers through his hair. This only made him sob more. Everything came, his life, his fears, his hates, everything. His memories each floated before him and then made way for the next. The hallways, the old big house he lived in as a child. The smell and the fear that came with it. The lose of everyone he knew he could possible love gone before he could decide if he did. The company of death that never seemed to touch him. Why didn’t Death just take him? Why play with him like this? Just take him already!!
All of this he had thought on before, but held it in with a firm jaw and a stone face. No one heard his sorrow, his pain and helplessness. All was lost inside him. This time all those years of composer had turned into a volcano, with the explosions the coughs and bursts in his chest. The lava was the hot tears that stung his eyes and burned his cheeks.
After a time all the memory and thought exhausted itself and he had less to cry about. He calmed to a weep and began to breath more regularly. She still was there; she had never pulled away. He could feel her heart beat through both their chests. It was slower than his own and it calmed him more. Finally she pulled her head back and moved her face toward his so their foreheads were touching. They breathed each other’s breath for a moment. His arms were around her middle and her arms were around his shoulders.
Then she began to wipe his face with her fingers. Once her hands got too wet, she pulled her long sleeves over her palms and used them. She was so gentle. He tried to say something, but choked. He thought he was going to start up again. She put her salty wet fingers on his lips, “Shhh. You’re done. There is no more, is there?” He shook his head no, and her head rolled with his as he did. He stopped. He could see her eyelashes and her nose and her mouth. He could smell her breath and her skin, neither of which smelled bad. Her lips were curled into and small smile. He felt his do the same.
Then he felt something grab his heart and he was immediately ashamed. No one should have seen him do that. He tried to pull away. He couldn’t look her in the face. She wouldn’t let go. Her arms remained firm around his shoulders. He looked into her face, questioningly. She stared back with the biggest eyes. “No, it’s alright. You don’t have to be embarrassed.” The shame melted then, along with his pride. He pulled her to him, and they both shared a fierce hug. It felt good to hold her.
She pulled back a little and put her hand against his cheek. She just looked at him. For a moment he thought she was going to kiss him. Then something flickered across her face, in her eyes, and was gone in the same instant. She had gone with it. She let her hand drop and stepped back. He had gotten so used to her body heat that he was suddenly cold. She smiled, but her eyes didn’t. Then, without a word, she turned and walked down the hall and around the corner. He had tried to say thanks or tell her to wait, to just say something, but his voice was hoarse and wouldn’t cooperate. He could only watch her go.
She walked away and didn’t hear him say a word, as if nothing had happened.

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