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Monday, January 15, 2007


Arigatou
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Open Heart!
He broke up with me yesterday. It hurts like hell. I still love him with all my heart. And that's not going to change. Well, that's how I feel right now anyway.

So yesterday, I was really really depressed and crying. Kept thinking about what went wrong. How I could've done things differently. What I felt at this point is perfectly described in the song "MILLOIN MILES AWAY" by WANDS. No particular section. Just the whole song.

This morning, before work, I was still depressed and crying.

During work, I was depressed too.

Then on the way home, I got angry at myself. Angry because I'm hurting him by being sad. So I cryed one last time. And I'm pretty sure that I haven't cryed since. Here's exactly like the song "solitude ~shinjitsu no sayonara~" by Kinki Kids.

When I got off the train, and was walking home, I started remembering everything he said to me after he broke up with me.
"I want you be happy. Don't think I'm the source of happiness. If I stayed with you, you would just feel pain, not happiness... Dry your tears with love, new love. Can ease pain... I feel bad that I'm taking away the opportunity for you to love someone who loves you back... You should always believe in yourself. Like Yu-Gi-Oh!, trust in the heart of the cards, and there's nothing you can't do."
I decided that I'm going to stick around in this world for a while longer. I love him and I trust him with my life, so I'm going to believe in what he's saying. I want to know if he's right or not. I want to know if it's really possible for me to love someone else. And I want to know if that preson would love me back. At this point, my feelings are described in the song "a Day in our Life" by Arashi. This is kind of ironic, because we used to sing/rap it all the time... Kind of a "our song"...?

I would like to take this opportunity to thank him for everything that he's done for me. How he made me feel safe. How he made me feel special. How he gave me confidence. For making me want to live. And most of all, for loving me.

Thank you everyone, for your kind words and wisdom.

I still love him, and I'm still heart-broken, but I actually think that I'm going to be all right.

Hontouni arigatou.
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