Monday, February 14, 2005

   - - - In honor of valentine's
3:30 pm

Just got out of the shower... omg, i HATE razor rash. My legs are killing me. *cries* And lotion would help the itch, but it'll sting cuz i JUST shaved... dammit.

I realized i don't have any black closed-toe shoes up here, besides my doc marten kick-ass boots, so i'm gonna have to wear sandals. oh well, it's warm enough out (like 40 deg... heatwave!!) and i've been dying to wear them anyway. Let's just hope we don't have to do TOO much walking or else my feet'll be in shreds. *shrug*

*yawn*.. I'm suddenly tired. I need to go get ready though, so no nap.
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   I don't have a topic for this.
2:51 am

What a perfectly wonderful end to a perfectly wonderful day. It's freezing rain outside, meaning that as i walked to the media union, i got twice as wet bc i couldn't walk very fast bc i was falling all over the place on the ice.

Once again, i'm sick of being me.

And I feel the cold wind blowing beneath my wings
It always leads me back to suffering
But I will soar until the wind whips me down
Leaves me beaten on unholy ground again

So tired now of paying my dues
I start out strong but then I always lose
It's half the distance before you leave me behind
It's such a waste of time

Seriously, i've taken internal crying to a whole new level. I think i've actually internalized so much that i can't cry... ever. I almost started today, but i got up and walked around for a few minutes and i had it under control again...
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Friday, February 11, 2005

   quick, before i fall asleep....
3:45 am

Since i realized the program i thought was due monday was due friday (technically today...) i spent all day working on it. it sucked, but it's done and i got 45/45 on the autograder...yay! style should be good too. I just need to come up with a funny story to tell...

Today i went to meijer with dan, matt, mary, and joe... dan bought me a carton of "emily's chocolate covered fortune cookies". they're so cute.. they came in this red chinese takeout box that has love and what i'm gonna assume are the chinese characters for love printed on the side... Silly little gifts like that always mean so much to me... i'm just foolish like that i guess. I get all emotional and mushy whenever anyone does anything that shows they actually care about me. I'm not sure i'm necessarily showing it, but it always makes me feel like i'm glowing a little bit more afterwards...

now i'm going to sleep b/c my eyes, shoulders, and head hurt from coding all freakin day, and i'm TIRED...
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Monday, February 7, 2005

   I need to get more sleep....
11:32 am

So i stayed up really late last night studying (i completely neglected my astro during the superbowl, of course) and even got up kinda early this morning to finish.

Dan came over on friday and met a bunch of my family... obviously my parents and sister, but also Liz, Jess, and Jenn. Of course they all liked him lol.

Unfortunately, i had WAY too much to drink that day... 3 or 4 would have gotten me nice and pleasantly drunk... and i had 6. I was puking that night and sick all the next day too.. (no headache, just an urge to vomit the entire day) And of course, i totally embarrassed myself by being overly emotional and silly. Lame.

I still need to see Chicago and i have the urge to watch Dirty Dancing again lol. *blush*

Now i'm off to shower (and probably nap, it's all rainy out and i dont want to go to class again) since i couldn't this morning...
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Friday, February 4, 2005

   People are so stupid.
12:54 pm

Yeah, i think that's all i have to say. As much as i would like to just bitch and say more.

Going home this weekend for ashleigh's bday. I have an astro midterm monday. Blah.

Dentist appt. today... nooooo.... *cry*
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Thursday, February 3, 2005

   Random post time!
12:24 pm

So i just woke up, and the first thing that starts running through my head are the movies i have to buy. So here goes (no particular order):

-- The Mean Machine: It's by a someone who is a protoge of Guy Ritchie... and Jason Statham is ripped and shirtless most of the movie. It's a remake of the Longest Yard with Vinnie Jones.. he's awesome.

-- Chicago: I keep listening to the soundtrack and now i really want to watch it.

-- Lock, Stock, and 2 Smoking Barrels: A legit version is only $9.44 at Target.. i really have no excuse.

-- Monty Python and the Holy Grail: It's a classic... and all i have is Life of Brian.

I know there are more, so i'll add them as i think of them today.

Now i'm off for a ...

1:55 pm

Omg how did i forget Love Actually?! Such a cute movie... i like Hugh Grant movies.
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   Tired again.
3:52 am

So i finished my program today, and according to the autograder i got a 45/45. Score. Hopefully i get all 5 style points too.

Went out for matt's 20th bday at cottage inn, got some GREAT pizza (margherita), and made him laugh hysterically with my card with a bunch of our inside jokes lol. It was fun.

I don't have class until 2 tomorrow, but i'm still gonna go to sleep now so i can get a decent amount of sleep.

According to my family, i'm the old me again. The me that hasn't been around for years. The me that disappeared when nic came around... I wonder why that is.
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Tuesday, February 1, 2005

   Tired...
3:25 am

Gotta finish up some homework real fast, blah to reading and a few quicky lab questions.

unfortunately, i feel a good long sob is looming on the horizon. I want to cry bc i'm happy. I want to cry bc ppl i care about are sad. I want to cry bc of all those little nagging insecurities and doubts, which say it's only a matter of time until everything comes crashing down, that i'm trying to ignore... And it's gonna be something completely lame that sets me off. Like an extra cute hallmark commercial or something. Here's to hoping i'm actually alone when it happens, and not in front of people...

"I want you to be happy. I want you to laugh a lot. I don't know what exactly i'll be able to do for you... But i'll always be by your side." --Kagome
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Monday, January 31, 2005

   teehee.
4:02 am

I had a great weekend.

Man, am i tired... Just sorta combine those 2 emotes and that's the emote i need right now. lol.
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Friday, January 28, 2005

   *falls asleep and nearly pitches head first into keyboard*
12:40 pm

Stayed up way too late again... I'm so ridiculously susceptible to a little sweetness.

Been thinking a lot lately about how screwed up my last relationship was. I knew it was bad, but i never really realized just HOW bad it was until recently... It's sad how i'm completely surprised by a guy being nice to me in general, and not just when they want something. I was talking to my mom last weekend about it, and she told me i shouldn't feel so ... i dunno what the right word is, but basically she was trying to tell me i deserve to have a guy who is actually nice to me. She also agreed i need to open up a little more lol. But that's so hard... I'm always afraid i'm gonna share TOO much and ppl will think i'm crazy. Well, crazier than normal...

I'm stressed... and i have no idea what about. I'm getting the same chest flutters (and the accompanying inability to breathe) i was december of freshman year... but then i WAS stressed, for a damn good reason.. but now.. i don't know what's making me so permanently tense. I feel really tightly wound... Bit my nails a lot yesterday.

I need a nap. But first i need to finish a lab for EECS and clean up my room. My room is a disaster area. Seriously. It's bad.

Right, i'm off to be productive in some way.
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