This topic was inspired by me taking a trip to dove's site. Soo on with the inspiration.
The more I think about moving out the more well scared I kinda become.. . I know I will miss my family and I know that when I do move out I'll probably never see them again. I'll probably never be able to well go.. . home. I know I have said alot of bad things about my mother. So many things that I don't think I could ever undo the damage I have done.. . So I just want all of you to know that my mother has always been a good mother. I know I"ve said that she was mean and just being stupid when I didn't get my way but maybe if I had listened to her I wouldn't have had to lose so many things that were so important to me.
Today my whole family gathered in the living room my dad, my mom, my sisters their husband and boyfriend my brother, and my grandparents.
We all just sat around and told funny stories that we could remember then each couple told the stories of how they had met. We laughed, we brought up old wounds, we cried and apalogized for the pains we had caused.. . and as I sat there and watched the scene before me. I was filled with joy and sorrow.
Joy because I had been apart of it. That I had been apart of this family. And that all the times I messed up in my life they never left me out in the cold. Every time I needed anything they made sure I got it. Like today... I need to print my stuff out for school soon so my dad went and bought one this evening.T.T
I felt the sorrow because I'm not going to be apart of that anymore. When I move out even if they said that they wanted me to come back. I wouldn't because I wouldn't have the heart to look them in the face.After everything they've done for me I'm just going to up and leave without even saying goodbye. Thats a real thanx right there. .not..
Ahh well. ..I've made up my mind and there's no going back now.. So to everyone else who is so eager to leave. Just remember that your parents didn't have to raise you. They could have placed you in some one else's arms like I did but they didn't because they love you and wanted to take of you. They may seem mean but they just don't want you to get hurt even as unrealistic as that sounds they still want it and I know that because I want that. I want that for my little girl.
Now by no means I'm saying that I did not love my child.I had to put all my feelings aside. she deserved more than I could have provied for her at the time.So many things that I'm working hard to achieve for myself and my future family.. .
argh.. I hate when I get off subject. ..I guess I'm just trien to say that I'm really going to miss them. Thats all.
