Thursday, June 30, 2005

Not Much Today, Last Night, However....
Nothing much going on today.... Listening to the CD Chris got me, again. It's always playing on my computer or I've got my headphones on in the car listening to it when I go somewhere now. Not a moment goes by I am not listening to it (even when I sleep). It relaxes me, why not listen to it?

Work last night was.... *shrugs* Helped a new guy who was really nice, a fellow co-worker told me to tell him if this one guy gives me anymore hell, and one co-worker (sweetest guy) slipped and fell, burning himself.... (spilled oil all over himself) His brother was in the theater and wouldn't drive him home, so he had to drive, and his vision was screwed up. He is fine now, so I hear.
We took until 12:30am to clean everything up.... (I was the only female worker last night) And the co-worker who offered to beat up the guy giving me hell will hear from me Sat, when I'm working next and so is he.

*Sighs* There's this one guy we work with, everyone knows he's an asshole. He's been going around, telling most of the guys and a couple of females I work with how easy I am, that he can get some from me anytime he desires, that I'm horrible comparred to the other 47 girls he's had (*cough*bullshit*cough*) and other random things that tick me and them off.
They know me well enough to know, that's not at all true, and the guy came by last night... told me to go to hell, "Bite me", he randomly calls me a bitch, when I ask him nicely to help clean up something or to help me restock stuff, he says: "No, I've been doing a lot of work too (meaning being a kiss-ass and tending to a few customers). You do it yourself."
Normally, I only ask cause I'm in the middle of something, or just got back helping to clean up something big (goddamn it I hate kid's shows, lol) and he sits on his ass, sucking up to the managers, sweet talking customers, or making my life hell.

My mother had it when I got home that night and told her about it. She's gonna try to see if she can fix it so I'm no longer working with him, or so he gets fired for harrassment and all that.
*sighs* I hate ppl like that, and I've got a bunch of guy friends at work who are willing to beat him for me (why the forementioned co-worker was being sweet and said for me to tell him next time I see him). They don't stand for ppl who have mouths like his, and the boy smokes (not cigs) every day, is considered a "Pretty Boy" outside work, and is the biggest POS worker who has no reguards for the rules ever.... I'll be glad when he's gone, needless to say, along with the others....

So in short, work was okay, exciting, and hell. Came home and suppressed tears all night, had a migrane from hell, and... yeah. I might go swimming in a few with my sister and all....

I'm out. I've wasted enough of ur time. Blessed be.

~Night~
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Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Found some old codes, not much else...
Going to go off and have my pictures taken. If I can get them onto my computer, I'll gladly let you all see. Well, I'm off. Feel bad, don't have to deal with too many ppl, and I got paid today. Meh. And I went back through some old posts to find some old codes I'd used.... Looks like it was worth it. Blessed be.

~Night~
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Tuesday, June 28, 2005

I hate things....
There's a great chance my stepfather saw the first attempt at this post.... *sighs* Joy of joys, and my ass will be in trouble too....

I worked 8 hours this morning. 8:30am to 6pm.... got picked up by my stepfather at 6:30.... and I got shit from a co-worker who didn't do anything all freaking day. *slams head into the nearest hard surfaces* AH!
I got hell from my family the moment I walked in the door.... Freaking people....

*sighs and falls over* I am so freaking tired.... Meh. I'll get over it.... *looks at hand* Burnt my thumb yesturday for the little brats.... (cooked for them) and it's discolored, scarred and hurting.... eh. I'm gonna go, talking to Kitty and getting even more unhappy.... Ja.

~Night~
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Monday, June 27, 2005

Meh... I give, lol....
I'm working on a new fanfic. Kagura-Sesshomaru, of course. I was wondering if I should post it when I'm finished, but, as you all know, I leave that to be voted on. *shrugs* I've been kinda depressed lately, not sure what the hell's going on, but it's not been really great. I'm fine though, nothing out of the ordinary....

As usual, I'm stuck babysitting this summer, only it's not just my little sister, it's her friends and other random kids ppl decide to pawn off on us....
I got in trouble because my sister was talking about being "evil" and just because I'm the outcast in my family, wear black most of the time (which I've not done since school let out) and because I'm so dark and depressing with my stories, atmosphere, attitude towards my family, and poems.... I get blamed for Jenna's friend telling her highly Christian parents that she's evil, and I'm told to watch my mouth and stuck with the brats.... If they think I'm the problem, why make me watch the damned brats neway? My stepbrother sits there and calls them stupid, calls my sister a bitch (keep in mind, the kids I'm talking about are between 7-9 years old) and calls them other things. Yes, I've said children were evl destructive forces, but not when little kids are around to hear it.
*sighs* Ppl and their lack of sense.... Neway, yeah, fighting between my mother and stepfather has increased.... Lol, I still remember the bet my stepsiblings made, that they won't last a year. They bet money on it too. I just walked off. Though, they know their father well and it seems they had a point. Neway... I leave you with a depressing poem of mine from a while back. Blessed be. Ja.

I hurt when I cry...
I cry tears of blood...
Blood from my heart...
No longer wanting this...
No longer wanting to cry...
Because I hurt when I cry....

~Night~


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Sunday, June 26, 2005

The Joys of Random Talking... and CDs.....
I can't tell you how many times I've looked to the CD Chris gave me to cheer me up since I got it... I've listened to it basically nonstop for the last few days.... Really pretty. Here, I'll name off the songs for you guys:

Track 1~ Seasons~~ Ayumi Hamasaki
Track 2~ Time Goes By~~ Every Little Thing
Track 3~ Eternal Way (instrumental)~~ YeLLoW Generation
Track 4~ Change The World (version 2)~~ V6
Track 5~ Wishing~~ Ayumi Hamasaki
Track 6~ Four Seasons~~ Namie Amuro
Track 7~ Eternally~~ Hikaru Utada
Track 8~ Sotsugyo (Graduation)~~ Tackey & Tsubasa
Track 9~ Rainbow~~ Ayumi Hamasaki
Track 10~ Come Back~~ Koda Kumi
Track 11~ Hiiragi (Holy)~~ Do As Infinity
Track 12~ Ai Ga Oshiete Kureta (Love Taught Me)~~ Houko Kuwashima
Track 13~ Dearest~~ Ayumi Hamasaki
Track 14~ Dearest (instrumental)~~ Ayumi Hamasaki

Yeah... depression's a bitch, so's the irony of life and karma. *shrugs* Things have gotta get better, no? *shrugs* I give up trying to make it better, so I'm leaving it like it is. *spins in a circle* Chocolate and music are good for me to sit back and relax with. *smirks* Then again, we're all like that, I guess...
Chocolate is yummy and there ain't nothin' betta! *laughs* I dunno where that came from...
Neway... tell me whatcha guys think of the new look. I'm off to indulge in a chocolately yummy goodness and try to find some freaking food for me to eat....... they threw away my damned pancakes I'd made, so I've gotta go and cook some eggs or something... and I feel like being lazy this morning, lol.... *runs off to find something yummy to shut her stomach up*

~Night~

PS- My sister's best friend is leaving today, she was with us for the weekend... I love the kid and it's sad to see her go ao I just had her in a big hug sitting on my lap... and now, they take her home, lol... *sad face* I'll see her again though. ^^
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Saturday, June 25, 2005

Not much to say... just existing and passing through....
Karma's a bitch at times... and right now, I think it's double teaming me with a person's worse enemies:
Fate(that kind which is created by one's own mind) and Time.

All depends on what you believe in, but yeah.... Anyway, I just... I dunno what to tell you people. I don't really feel like talking about it... and it's kinda hurting. I feel like I'm lost in darkness again, but it's all right... I'll live.

Well, right now I've gotta run... my little sister's best friend from SC is up here and they wanna go swimming. Blessed be.

~Night~

PS- Thought it was time for a change....
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Friday, June 24, 2005

YES! He's online!!!!
OMFG! YAY! He got online, FINALLY! (two hours later) AW!!! I love his gift! ^^ It's a CD of my fav anime songs, lyrics to go with it, a card and sweet letter and chocolate, lol. YAY! *huggles Chris tightly* He's awesome, lol. Yes, I feel loved, and I LIKE feeling that way, lol. YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!! *laughs* I'm such the Queen of Dorks. ^^ YESH! Well, ttyl. Just thought I should tell you all. ^^ BTW! He's wonderful at creating beautiful images on the computer *looks at CD and smiles like a kid on Christmas* YAY! Lol. Ja.

~Night~
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THIS IS NOT FAIR CHRIS!!!!! *laughs and then gets calm again*
AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Lol, ok...
I got my "thank you" gift from Chris today, BUT! *sighs* Sadi person is not online, meaning I CANNOT open it until he does.... unspoken rule of mine... that is now a spoken rule, lol. OMFG he better get online! Lol... it's around 1:24pm when I'm typing this. AH! It's NOT FAIR Chris! Lol.

*blinks*... that was my subject heading to an email I sent, lol. ^^ Nice. NEWAY! Guys, I'm VERY sure you aren't interested in the next paragraph subject thingy, SO SKIP OVER IT! If you don't, I shall know and come to kill you, lol.


OK! Females alike... Some of the older ones of you can possibly sympathize on this one.... *sighs* Don't you just hate some things and visits to places you'd rather not do but have to because it's required for one reason or another? *sighs* I had to go to my doctor today... and all I'm gonna say is that I'm SO glad my doctor is female. At least, once you get things over and done with, you're glad you've got all that time until the next. Lol, neway...

OKAY! Lol, yeah... i felt so tired after waking up to go to the doctor today... I've been asleep until a 1/2 hour ago... Neway, ttyl, I got things to do... *looks at gift on her bed* Like leave my room for a while... Lol, neway... Ttyl. Blessed be.

~Night~
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Thursday, June 23, 2005

meh...
Things are a little better now, not much.... *shrugs* Worked, got 4 hours of sleep, and have to deal with my stepfather again, but I'll live.... hopefully. *shrugs* Well... boring and highly short post... ttyl. I'm sick and don't feel up to more...

~Night~
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Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Please forgive this post in advance.... I'm just venting....
I'm sick... been so for almost 2 weeks now.... my mother knows this... apparently no one else does. *sighs* Here's what's going on, and I'm gonna try to make it clean and without so much cussing and anger....

My stepfather is an ass, as you all know. It's been proven time and time again. They fought over my eating "problem" last night and how irresponsible and lazy I am. (They being my mother and stepfather)
He came in this morning and, as always, never bothers to ask if I feel okay or anything. No, I over slept a half hour (omfg, the world's gonna collapse in on itself) and he goes and says: "Well, apparently we need to take away more of your computer times or the whole thing itself." He then proceeds to walk out of my room and avoids me the rest of the time he's here until he goes back to work.

....That's not fair. For any of you who I talk to on a daily basis, you know I've been sick. You know I've worked for almost two weeks straight while being sick. I'm sorry I want to rest and get over my illness and get as much sleep as I can for when I have to go to work again the next day. *sighs* He never does this to his daughter, and she's a year older. She sleeps until whenever and then goes off, like his son.
I'm sorry I'm working to get my car and that I don't have things to do in the morning when I'm not scheduled to work at around 8am everyday. I work hard, and I do as I'm asked. I had things to work on last night, and I would take breaks to talk to my friends online, yes. I had a migrane all night, meaning I stay up later to try and get rid of it so I can acctually sleep.
He gets mad when I listen to music when falling asleep, when I listen to it all day.... He takes away my only window to my friends and loved ones (my computer) and if not that, then restricts how long I can talk to anyone for. He steals the cords to my computer, to my stereo (I woke up to everything having been unplugged in the middle of the night, meaning my computer was unplugged without shutting it down and same with my stereo... no wonder it's screwed up).... It's not fair.

He doesn't discipline his kids, why do this to me? His own kids stay up at all hours. His SON walks in at 5am, plays his guitar and does whatever he wants until he falls asleep. His daughter goes around and does whatever, stays up and sleeps half the day, then goes off to do whatever.... I'm so sorry I'm not his perfect child, that I'm not his blood born family. I'm sorry I'm nothing near the perfection of his kids and that he hates me.

*sighs* I spent most of my morning crying, thought about writing him a letter, but I knew I'd have cussed every other few words in there.... so I didn't. I'm frustrated with the fact he yells at my mother, treats her so poorly and she sits there taking it. He's much worse than any other man she's been with and I see how much it hurts her, but she won't do anything to fix it! Jenna (my little sister) gets off easy. He can't yell at her or anything severe like me and my mother... he knows my mother would leave for good and not think twice if he did, or that he'd be locked away for child abuse.

I don't think I can last another year in this house... but I can't move away to SC or Florida... I want to stay here, where my job is, where my new friends and life are.... I just cannot take this hell at home. *sighs* I sit in my room, bottle up my anger so I don't get my mother in more trouble, then I hold back tears of rage, frustration, and pain because I'm afraid of what will happen if someone sees. It hurts so much, and I cannot take that my stepfather is so hateful... so unfair. I've tried talking to him, he won't hear it, or he doesn't have time to sit and listen to me, or he says to shut up because he's watching a race on tv or on the computer. My mother won't fix it because she's scared.... but I'm so sick of it.... *sighs* I need to go now so I can try to calm down and not show anything cause his kids are home again....

I hope you all are better off than I am. Blessed be.

~Night~

PS-wow... one swear in this whole thing.... I'm doing better, or I just feel a lot worse than normal to try getting angry, lol... *shrugs* thought it was an accomplishment. Normally things like this are strung with bad language....

And to those who care to know, I've had bad migranes and a stomach flu.... we all know the best things for that is rest and taking it easy. *shrugs* Ah well, Ja.
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