myOtaku.com: Rayea Kagome chan

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Gender
• Female
Location
• Where ever I happen to choose at the time.
Member Since
• 2004-06-18
Occupation
• Writer
Real Name
• Night

Personal

Achievements
• Depends on what you'd call an acheivement....
Anime Fan Since
• A long time, hard to say from wence it all started...
Favorite Anime
• Most any and all anime.
Goals
• Another secret for me to know and you to not.
Hobbies
• To sing, write (be it poetry or my stories), involving myself in my art, and my music (be it writing my songs and putting them to music or playing any random thing and listening to my CDs), also my artistic works.
Talents
• Oh, it'd make it so much more interesting to speak to me in person about that.

myOtaku.com: Rayea Kagome chan

Welcome to my site archives. 10 posts are listed per page.

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Thursday, March 10, 2005

Meh... fuck it all to hell! Lol...
Finally have my internet back... and it's fuckign late so I gtg in a sec... I'm so fucking tired and in desperate need of sleep it's not funny, lol.... acctually, it is. *shrugs* Neway, Screw everything else. *shrugs* Like I give a fuck any more. It's not like things get better and stay that way permanently. Like J said, suffering is a part of life, so deal with it. *shrugs* Maybe I will, or maybe I can take the easy, less tasteful way out. I dunno at this time... it depends on how I feel later on. Lol! Omfg, I tried to drink poison once a few years back... I just got really tired for a day, but nothing else happened! It was a good amount too! Lol.....*shrugs* Like anyone REALLY fucking cares? LOL! Exactly! Lol, no one does in true reality... this is all one big fucking lie to life and to us.... and eventually, we'll all wake up and find it was nothing but an endless dream of hell, misery, and pain. And we can al get the FUCK OVER IT!!!! LOL! Omfg, this is too stupid and funny! *sighs*

They messed up my schedule at work, so I might not get Fri. and Sat. off... and I was hoping to stay the night at a friend's house, lol..... *shrugs* Life's a bitch, and it'll kick your ass like a whore! Lol.... neway, I better go before I do/say something I'll regret later, not that I haven't probably said something offensive as is. *shrugs* Who gives a fuck? I doubt anyone truly does any more. Ja.

~Night~
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Wednesday, March 9, 2005

Sorry about this....
Again, I must apologize. No one's making an effort at my house to get the internet up and running again, and it's greatly affecting my school work and my communication with my friends. *sighs* Well, other than being sore almost all over, I'm no longer sick. A lot of my friends (mostly the guys) seem to be growing more and more distant from me. I hate it. It's mostly Christian, my friend Andrew, and since I've lost internet access, J. I tried to call J the other day, and his phone line was busy. I tried all day, even through work. Lol, like it matters. Something always happens to make it to where I cannot talk to those I wish to.... *shrugs* Like I care at this point in time.

My step-brother left the house for a few days, after a big fight with my step-father. I got what was left of my step-father's anger when I tried to be good and merely asked a simple question. Then I got shit from my mother when she got home, and I have tried my damnedest not to breakdown at school, and thus far, it's worked, lol. I have cried myself to sleep the last 2 nights though... I keep trying and trying to call people, to talk to someone who will help me out and make it to where I'm okay again.... *shrugs* Every time I call or every time someone calls me back (which is rare as is), No one's able to talk, or I'm in the middle of an arguement or trying to get one of my family members off my back.

Aside from that... I dunno. My mind's blank other than trying to get things worked out from my past and trying to deal with the present. Lol, we've got try-outs for Chorale. Lol, I want to get in but I doubt I can be, and next year's my last year... so! If I don't make it, *shrugs* tough. Neway, I'll ttyl. I gotta run. Ja.

~Night~

PS- I do apologize for not being able to talk to much of anyone, and for not being able to force my way into getting my computer fixed. I'm working on things the best I can at this time.... Ttyl.
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Monday, March 7, 2005

'ello
Computer's down at home... and it's really wonderful. I have to tell you later about the WONDERFUL things wefound in the theater, but currently, I've no time to do such. I twisted my ankle in gym, Whiffle ball is FUN! (sarcasm) and I gtg. Bell. ttyl. Ja.

~Night~
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Friday, March 4, 2005

Meh...Better day, still not great though, lol
Well, I should be getting back test results today, and it's gonna be hell after school. Lol... contest was fun (chorus thing) but my legs are so sore from gym the day before, and I couldn't sit with some of the ppl I wanted to. I sit had a great time. ICE CREAM AT LUNCH! ^^ Lol, neway... I'm still very sore, and stairs are not my friend, lol. Ttyl. Ja.

~Night~

JUST FOUND OUT AFTER SCHOOL!

~~Our choral groups BOTH made SUPERIORS! That's the highest score you can get! ^^ We thought we'd done so terribly, but we got a superior! ^^ It makes my day a little more than bland and painful, lol. Ja.~~
Comments (3) | Permalink

Thursday, March 3, 2005

'ello...
This is an IM I sent to one of my close guy friends of 2 years.... I sent it to him last night... and I was really scared.... It's all from the blood work.
I'm scared... so fucking scared.... and I hate it..... I do..... Heheh.....this is an IM I was writing to a friend... and it's just... Lol, It explains a LOT about what's wrong with me....

ME: no, it's not..... nothing is okay.......*sighs* I could be fucking sick... I could haev something seriously wrong with me that they cannot fix, hon..... it's why I hate blood work... cause there's always a chance it could come back with what I've feared...... diabetes, hypoglacimia (got it already), heart problems, CANCER.... all of it runs in my family hon.... and because I've got a few of these problems already.... and I am sick from stress.... there's a greater chance for me to get it than most ppl..... it scares the fucking HELL out of me!..... and I could be aniemic (w/e the fuck u spell it) because I loose so much blood and I feel so weak when ever I'm sick.... I don't want any of it.... but there's always such a risk I could have all of it..... and I do not want it.... I don't... cause it scares me to death! I'd rather fucking die and go to hell or Purgatory than live with that hon..... I see what ppl in my family go through from it.... and I just..... I cannot fucking take it! I do not want to be that way!!!! It scares the hell out of me... and there's nothing I can do..... and I've not told any of my friends... I won't let anyone know.... and I hate that I've told you....

HIM: do u want me 2 just leave u alone for now ?? cause it seems theres nothing i can do to help u
physically or emotionally

ME: lol, for anyone to leave me alone right now.... I'd go fucking insane hon.... all my friends keep me alive thus far... everyone I care about more than myself keeps me from reverting back into that goddamned suicidal stage of my life... from going fucking crazy......no, I don't want to be left alone.... because the moment I am.... the moment I'm left alone and I'm not tired enough to pass out from exhaustion.... I'll fucking hurt myself..... because of everythign I'm scared of....

I'm better now, but still not looking forward to the results. Gotta run, class. Ja.

~Night~

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Wednesday, March 2, 2005

Well... now, we wait.... ^^
I went in today for blood work. I should have the results back within the next 24 hours. My mom's gonna let me know what they say and all... and they want me to come back in 2 months to see how things are progressing.

The needle wasn't that bad, I just hate to watch them do it. So, I took deep breaths, asked for two of the stress things to squeeze (one for the arm they were using when they told me to, the other so I could squeeze the hell out of something while I tried to continue with deep breaths). It wasn't that bad. I never felt the needle go in. I kept feeling it while it was in my arm, and more so when she took it out, but it wasn't that bad. I watched when she took the needle out, but otherwise, looked off anywhere else I could. ^^

No school today either.. so it snowed all last night, and I didn't need to go back to school, and I got to go to work with my mom for a little while before lunch. I helped pull patients' files, start on my new book (which is really good so far- Blue Twilight, by Maggie Shayne), and I listened to music. The people she works with are wonderful. They are so nice and so much fun to be around. ^^

After she went on her lunch break, she took me to eat. Starbucks is my new best friend! ^^ They have this drink... it's only 6 oz. but it's more than enough. ^^ It's pure melted European Chocolate... nothing added. Just the pure melted choclate.... OMG! Wanna talk about my haven of bliss and endless yummy goodness! ^^

Lol, so... other than the blood work (which wasn't as bad as it shoulda been) today was an all around good day. ^^ Now... I'm gonna finish eating, and take a nap. ^^ Ja all, an I hope you all are having a great day. ^^

~Night~

PS- I don't even need the bandage they gave me from blood work, it was so cleanly and perfectly done, lol. ^^ No gouging of the needle like the other ppl in SC did! Lol... ^^
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Tuesday, March 1, 2005

More of today, lol
Lol! I threw up at the beginning of gym and my nose started to bleed, it was fucking HILLARIOUS! ^^ Srry... off day, lol. Neway, ttyl. I'm okay, just.. tired and bored, and It is SNOWING at school! Lol. My friend came, so I'm happier now that I got to see him. Ja.

~Night~
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Great...
Today... my mood is... worse. I hate ppl who keep turning off my mother fucking alarm in the mornings before I wake up... so I got bitched at for waking up a full hour late, and I hate ppl. One of my friends who's suppose to be here isn't yet, so I'm not happy about that... but ah well. 2 hours of sleep also fairs nicely. Ja ppl. If I have a better day, I'll post later...

~Night~
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Monday, February 28, 2005

Better.... which is nice.
Life is... good. No school from snow. Someone'd come in and turned off my alarm, so I slept till 3pm this afternoon, lol. I've talked to a few people... felt better... and I'm healing. I'm not as sick as I was, and I don't expect to be after a week from now. My throat's no longer sore, and I think I now just have sinus problems from cold weather along with that flu that's been going around, but that's getting better to.

Still looking for a good Avi. Any of you think of one you could send me? I want one that'll kind look like me... but in anime form. Lol, I found one, but it's too big to be an Avi. Either way... *shrugs* Just a nice Avi to match my site would do... I'm still looking either way. I gtg. Stuff to do around the house. Ja.

~Night~
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Sunday, February 27, 2005

Well, things are... better, lol.
I've decided not to care about the situation. What happens does, and I cannot stop it either way. ^^ I'm... better. Sore and tired, but better by far. ^^ I'm getting through to my friend... and things are... going smoothly, for the time being. Well... how are you all? I got a new BG, and I like the quiz at the bottom too, lol. I got a new BG for my computer too... it's pretty. I might show you guys one day. Well, I gtg... Inuyasha's coming on, and I need sleep. I got the early shift in the morning. Later...

~Night~

PS- Looking for a new Avi, anyone got any ideas or pics? Send 'em to me. Like... via email or send me the URL via PM/IM. Later.
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