Saturday, February 26, 2005

Eh...
Well, other than sleeping better than I should be and still being sick to an extent, things are... normal, so to speak. I'm in a state of numbness, so I'm no longer depressed. Time seems to have slowed compared to it going so fast yesturday. I've changed the bg on my computer screen, now I'm looking for a new one for MyO. Anyone know how to get the clear bg color so the bg pic shows up?

Neway... I gtg... I need more rest, food... and I gtg to work after while.... I hope you all are well. Ja.

~Night~
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Friday, February 25, 2005

Things are.... progressing faster than expected....
Well, it's been a few hours since I was highly upset and not well... I cried for a good 2 hours... as I've cried most of... yesturday. Lol, it's currently 12:14am and I'm waiting on a call back from a dear friend. Things... did not go as well as I'd like them to... so I'm just going to leave them where they are. I'll accept things as they come, and let them leave just as they came.... If it's a bad thing, I'll be unhappy for as long as I need to, and no more than that. If it's a good thing, then I'll be happy until that is over and done with.

I'm determined to grieve a little while longer. I'l feel better afterwards. I got all my crying done today, so all that's left is depressed feelings for another day or so. Anyway... I have 4 amazing friends I talked to with my problem.... Christian, C-Jay, Kitty, and Kaoru.... They are too good to me, but I love them all anyway. ^^ Well, All I got to say, so I'll ttyl. My friend just called. Later all, hope you slept well.

~Night~

PS- For those of you who hoped things would get better, they won't... but I cannot help it, so I'm just staying awy and out of it. Ja.
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Thursday, February 24, 2005

Hey.....
*sighs* My day was wonderful.... and now.... I don't know. I came to school crying because I was upset from something that happened last night.... and.... I just didn't feel like doing anything.... I didn't feel.... like myself. *sighs* I hurt someone I loved, and it hurt.... I didn't want to.... but it was what was given to me.... *shrugs* I do hope all of you are having a wonderful day. I have such supportive friends at school... acctually, 3.... but it's all I need here. I have other friends who are here for me that I'm grateful to, whether I'm near them or not.... Christian, Annie, Kaoru, Matt, Paul, Josh, and the rest of my friends on MyO.... Well, I feel depressed... don't really wanna talk about what's wrong... so... ttyl. I'll be fine. This is nothing like being sick, so I'll be fine soon....

~Night~

"Shadows lost and shdows found, yet all of my heart was thrown to the ground...."
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Wednesday, February 23, 2005

'ello
Hey all. I had the most wonderful b-day. ^^ Things couldn't have been more perfect... except to have seen a few ppl I wanted to be with. Neway... I am still sick, running a fever of 102 last night, lol.... and I'm coughing myself raw in the throat again, but I'm happy for the most part. ^^ I talked to my friend Christian, Kitty, my dad in Florida, and sadly I missed a call from J :( but I intend to try to call him within the next few days.... I just have to see when I'm off work, make sure it's not 1am over where he is, and all that, lol. I'd hate to call in the middle of the night and wake him or his family. ^^ I was happy... and my friends Chris and Christian were so great. ^^ Well, ttyl. Ja ne all.

~Night~

"Shadows all around, yet nothing left to be found...."
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Tuesday, February 22, 2005

It's my Birthday and I'l cry if I want TO! Sigh if I want to! WOOHOO!!!! ^_^ Lol...
It's My BIRTHDAY!... I know I know, I said I'd hurt the first person to tell me happy birthday today (turns out it was my stepfather, lol) but I'm gonna be in a good, happy mood. ^^ As it turns out, I've coughed myself to where my throat is so raw, I barely have a voice, lol. I'm on voice rest for the majority of the day. ^^ WELL! I get POCKY! And... that's the only thing i know that I'm getting from my friends, lol. Apparently, my parents do plan on celebrating my b-day... Fun, lol. WELL! Have a wonderful day all.

~Night~

"In the shadows of the Night, we're all put into a state of fright,
until the light of moon shines down,
and all is welcomed all around."
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Monday, February 21, 2005

b-day!....damn it! Lol... ^^
Someone gave me bronchitis AGAIN! *sigh* And it is.... exactly....

7 hours, 54 minutes from this time until my birthday....*sigh* Damn Feb. 22nd......

I decided! I don't care. My brithday will be a happy day, and I shall MAKE it such. ^^ My friends all have me something, lol... and I feel loved. One of my guy friends has been uber nice to me, and it makes me feel SO great.... ^^ I'm loved, or so I've been told, lol.. and not by family! ^_^ But ah well. I get to go to any resturaunt of my choosing, curtesy of family... and they tried to talk me out of where I wanted to go, and I about beat the HELL out of them.... *sigh* ^^ For any of you who are familiar with Asheville or Pizza places, the resturaunt is called "The Mellow Mushroom"...and OH MY GOD! Wanna talk about GREAT food?! ^^ It's SO awesome! Lol.... I get my paycheck on my b-day too... SO! I'm determined to make it a GREAT day! ^^ And nothing can bring it down. ^_^ WELL! I do hope you all are having fun. And my friends have made it clear to me I'm not getting out of it, lol... some even said they're throwing me a "party" at school, lol... and they're calling the office and everything, lol... *sighs* Meh. ^^ I'm okay with it, I suppose... so long as it doesn't go too far, lol. Later all!

~Night~

"Shadows all around, yet nothing left to be found...."
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Sunday, February 20, 2005

GOD MOTHER FUCKING DAMN IT!!!!! (srry, had to say it once)
Love is painful...and it hurts.... I'm not entirely sure I can stand it much longer, but for one I love... I'd do anything. I'm just not sure how long my emotional stability can last..... I had... an interesting night/day..... it's currently 3:40am, and I'm not going to sleep any time soon. Here's what happened:

~~For the second time, a dear and close person to me ask my permission to commit suicide. Do you know how much that hurts... for them to say that them committing suicide is entirely on your hands? ....one of my friends did that to me a few years back, and I failed at keeping them alive.... they killed themselves and it was literally my fault and theirs. It hurts when ppl do that to me....~~


~~~Work: was horrid. Great at first, despite my morbid mood at the beginning. But! I was so numb I didn't care. I was working, running around like a fucking chicken with my head cut off.... I was in concession, and usher... concession wasn't bad, but when i got to usher.... Mmm. Bad bad bad. I found out how TRULY sick and disgusting ppl could be....

~Cleaing one of the theaters on my own. I find in the middle aisle of the theater, the wrapper. In the back aisle of the theater... was the actual used condom itself.... You want to know how bad that is to see in a fucking movie theater that people bring their KIDS to?!...I almost threw up, and I have one HELL of a strong stomach... but that was... no.
~Then, I almost breakdown entirely because I was just... I was so stressed and pushed FAR past my limits... and I was emotionally dead.

~I was in so much pain from my lower back being compressed so tightly against forcefully used muscles.... and no one here to give me a back rub, lol.

~I burnt my hand in 5 different places, and the nerves were so shot and it was so freaking red that I laid my hand down on a flat surface, and the muscles kept twitching and spasming so bad that my hand just shook... so badly that I could not make it stop.

~I hit my leg on an arm rest in one of the theaters because I was the only one cleaning and i had to hurry for the next movie it was so fucking busy.... and now I have a bruise the size of two baseballs just above my left knee.

~And, aside from almost beatingthe shit out of a few kids, TJ ~(male co-worker...)~, Alan ~(one of my managers)~, and almost breaking half the things I came in contact with ~(meal door leading to and from concessions, metal parts to our machines (popper, and such things), glass counter tops, and almost snapping a brrom in half with one hand)~.... I was perfect!~~~

~~~~Lmao... now, today... since I cleaned my room and the bathroom freaking SPOTLESS before work, getting bitched at bythe MIGHT as FUCK Stepfather(!) because he didn't think I was up when I was because I set my fucking alarm(!), and everything QUICKLY going the fuck downhill from there... Life's GREAT! The only thing I'm looking forward to today is hanging out with good friends (co-workers I get along with greatly) "today" and seeing my baby brother Nathaniel, who's not even a year old, lol. ^^ he's SO much cuter, for those of you who saw the pics, lol. ^^ well... that, and My cheese cake! ^^ I get cheese cake becaus it's... the "celebration" for family in SC (Biological father, his wife, and half brother) because they can't see me on Tues, my real b-day..... Like I give a fuck I'm telling anyone this!~~~~

~I gtg and get some sleep... I'm tired, pissed, and not feeling good anymore. Later.~

~Night~

"Shadows all around, yet nothing left to be found...."
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Saturday, February 19, 2005

Better days.... and a B-day coming soon... ~AH! Run away!!!!~ Lmao....
Life is better. ^_^ I still have to live with the evil parents from the Underworld, but life's not perfect, lol. ^_^

*sigh* Cleaned my room, and it looks great. Bad thing is why I'm having to help clean house.... Biological father and his family (including the cute baby Nathan! -for those of you who saw the pics) ar ecoming tomorrow for a "b-day celebration"... I do not wish to celebrate my b-day this year, lol. Meh....
My friends are determined to celebrate it this year, lol. Well... it's not Sun. but Tues. And I swear, if I get ONE "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" on Tues, whoever sent it will find their head at their feet, lol.
I'm serious when I say it's a waste of time this year, lol. Her eare the reasons why:

One: It's a school day.

Two: Hardly any of my family cares and they aren't gonna celebrate it this year (few friends and not much you can do on a school night for a person's b-day)

Three: It's another day like any other, I was just born on that day.

Lol, neway, have a wonderful day. I'm gonna go finish cleaning and get ready for work, lol.... Ja ne!

~Night~

"Shadows all around, yet nothing left to be found...."

~PS- If anyone would like for me to be able to talk to them, I'd probably be able to talk to you using my Cell, so just PM me ur number so we can get together and talk. Mostly my good friends out there! ^_^ I'd love to chat with you guys sometime. Later! ^_~
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Thursday, February 17, 2005

Hello once more...
I'm sorry I've not posted in a couple of days... I've been busy with work, school, and I'm now healing a little from my illnesses... I'm working on trying to find someone to take me to a doctor, and it's not working so well, lol. I'm getting counseling taken care of soon, and I'll not have to deal with my mother and stepfather either. Things are... looking up, to say the least. I do hope the rest of you are well and safe. Until the later...
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Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Damn Valentine's Day.. Damn mother... Damn Life filled with Pain....!!!!
I'm at home today... I left school early yesturday as well.... I've been so sick.... I couldn't breathe yesturday... Almost passed out, coughed so hard I almost threw up 5 different times... Been sleeping almost 48 hours straight, haven't eaten. I feel like I'm gonna fall outta the chair.... I'm so dizzy and weak... and my mother's worried about my missing my first 2 fucking days of school! Bitch.... I'm too weak to get angry.... *sigh* Anyone know how Brosenka's back? I gtg and ask him later.... *sigh* I got the worse voicemail anyone would get... My good friend in SC.... I knew he had cancer... and now... they think he has a year left to live... So I was crying most of the night over that. I rendomly wake up from my endless hours of sleeping to cry and lay there in pain... and my fucking mother thinks I can't miss any days of school! Right now, I hate her... My dad sent me a card for V-day... I have a long distance card so I'm gonna use it to call J, because I can call him anytime using my cell, and it's not really long-distance for a cell to call to Florida anyway... *shrugs* Now I can call J... meh... Speaking of which...

J, if you read this... Hon, you'll understand that I forgive you, and even if you did, I'd not have been able to get back in contact with you.... Sorry. I hope you had a great day.

Yeah, the site hurt my head when I checked it this morning, so it's back to black... I gtg.. parents will be home for lunch soon, and I feel sick.. so I'm gonna go back to sleep! Lol...*coughs for 5 minutes until head starts spinning again* Well... I'm spent. More pain is coming... so... Later.

~Night~


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