Friday, December 10, 2004

today...
Other than almost passing out at work again last night, being so tired I can hardly see straight and school being a bitch... I'm fine. I won't be online AGAIN... *sigh* But I might be able to check MyO before I go to work, but I doubt I won't try to be sleeping before work though.... Well, I hope you all are well, and I have nothing more to say because... well, I don't have anything on my mind because I'm so fucking tired and I just.... not in the greatest mood, in short. Ttyl. Ja.
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Wednesday, December 8, 2004

Sickness, okayness, and stuff....
*sigh* Well, other than having to stand in a chair in Chorus so the teacher could see us girls (guys now sit in front of us)and almost flipping out of it... Laying in the bathroom floor all of the night before and almost blacking out talking to Brosenka and Kitty, and feeling like I'm going to throw up now, I'm perfect.... Although... I feel as though I'm missing something.... I don't want another emotional relationship...not until I heal myself, but still.... I want some kind of something.... not sure what, though. I really hate it, but meh. I'll get over it, right now I'm just healing myself and trying to get better so I won't have to take shots daily and be diagnosed as a freaking diabetic for the rest of my life!!!!! Lol, so, tell me about how all of you are doing..... I'd go by your sites if I had time, but... I don't, so I couldn't go by.... (parents limited my access purely online, and now I must BEG them if I desire more time, and even still, unless I do chores around the house for a week and don't throw a fit to anyone, I'm "Worthy" enough of getting it)..... Anyway... J's on his summer vacation, I've made 2 new friends on MyO....and....Well, guess that's it. Ja.
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Tuesday, December 7, 2004

Sickness soon to be death....
I'm still sick, getting slowly worse as time progresses. Soon, I shall get to the point I need shots and meds every few hours, and I shall hate that time. A bit of good news. I found that when I'm 18, my aunt shall perform the lasic eye surgery I need to make my eyes all better. It shall be a good thing but... I'm still a bit nervous. Just like... well, I hate needles, and if I continue to get worse within my illness, I shall have to have shots and needles in my arm a lot more than I ever wish. I am really sick, at school, and I'm hoping I don't throw up....*sigh* I shall have to tty all later. Ja ne, and have fun today....

~Rayea Night~
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Sunday, December 5, 2004

Hello....
I'm really sick, but better. I am going to get meds sometime soon, and I hope everyone is well. I am going to go lay down now, and J's on his summer vacation (lives in South Africa, so yeah)... and Brosenka's no longer talking to me, nor has he been online in a few days.... I'm worried, but it might not be that big a deal... I just want to talk to someone... someone who knows enough about my past to help me.... And I know he's not the best, and so I want to help him.... Neway, I go to get meds on the 4th of Jan. as I said previously, and I hope all of you have fun. It's been a boring day here, decorated our tree, but nothing more than such. Ttyl. Ja.
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Saturday, December 4, 2004

Hell fucking HELL!!!!!
*sigh* I got really sick at work last night, and I wasn't even there for a total of more than 2 hours... *sigh* I had really bad pains through my spine, back muscles, chest, and my head was killing me. It was hard for me to stay standing, and I felt like I was going to throw up so much, my stomach was heaving and my back muscles kept spasming. I went ot the bathroom to see if I could throw up, at least 3 times, and it didn't work.... I went in the last time, and locked myself in a stall and collapsed. It was really fucking hard to breathe, and I finally started to cry from it, and it takes a LOT of pain to make me cry (as some of you know).
The managers sent Laura in to check on me, and she asked them if I could call home, and I ended up getting one of my stepsister's friends to call around and get them for me, when they weren't home. She got someone, and a ride was arranged for me.

*sigh* They thought it was a panic attack or something, and I didn't know what it was, but everyone was so nice to me about it... I was holed up in the managers' office while I waited for my ride, and I had COMPLETELY forgotten about the fact that I had Hypoglacimia (It's where if my blood sugar drops too low, I black out or get really sick and dizzy, almost like diabetics, but not quite) and my acid reflux had kicked in.... *sigh* Fun night.

My mom came to get me, and they all now know, and I'm ORDERED to eat every damned meal... *sigh* I have no more meds for it, so I go on the 4th of Jan. to get more and have a physical... *sigh* SO! I might very damned well become a diabetic... all because of my Hypoglacimia and because diabeties runs very high in my family (I found that out as well, and DON'T they all just LOVE me to make that happen to me?!). At least my stepfather had meds I could take that helped my chest pains....*sigh* I am not having a good couple of days, much less a good week.

Lmao! I almost got sent to the office for causing a verbal fight with this asshole... Lol, he shouldn't have been a bitch to me! He and the rest of the fuckers in my 2nd period class, SO! I now probably have another fucking rumor spreading about me at this goddamned school... *sigh* Just like my last one... Meh. Ppl will leave me alone now, or... they can get their asses kicked! ^_^ WELL! I shall ttyl, I need to eat (orders of EVERYONE!) and I need to go grab some ice for my fever... Hope you all had a great day! Ja.

~Rayea Elise Night~
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Friday, December 3, 2004

Great!
Well, yesturday totally blew! Only good thing was I got to get off work early... sadly, I have to work tonight and tomorrow morning... 10am-6pm, sucks, and then I get to help my mom with whatever the she needs, and I get to babysit the brat from hell! (aka, my little sister, Jenna) She's a moody little pain in the ass.... *sigh* ANYWAY!

I got really sick yesturday, and was fighting the almost constant urge to run to the bathroom in the middle of classes and throw up.... I didn't, thankfully, but I felt like all through work and school. Meh, I'll live... possibly.... Nvm that last comment! *sigh*
I'm really torn right now.... I didn't get to talk to J yesturday, and I cannot seem to get a hold of Brosenka to find out what's going on.... to make it ALL better!!!! *sigh* I found one of my oldest and closest friends is also a d enemy of the past.... *sigh* Joy joy to me... Life is great, then it turns to hell... I hope everyone else is alright though... *sigh* WELL! Other than my mother and stepfather thinking I'm a horrid child and should probably be shot, and my stepbrother being an 24-7, life at home is somewhat tolerable. I hope you all have a wonderful day, because I'm not gonna have one.... Ja.


PS- Side note to J.... nvm, I'll send it in a PM. Ja.
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Thursday, December 2, 2004

One Good Thing About today...
Ok, maybe a few more. FIRST! The bad horrid part.

I was bitched out first thing this morning because I already had a hoodie to wear, and my mom wanted me to wear one that was..."cuter" so I told her no. My stepdad's a total ....*sigh*

WELL! Kitty's getting better, slowly... and I'm helping her more today, because now she's got to audition and she's still pretty bad with her voice. BUT! I promised her she'd be better by the end of the day, so... this is the truest test of my power.

TODAY IS::: J's birthday!!!! ^_^ Happy birthday hon!!!! I hope it's a great day!!!! ^_^

It's good to have one great thing about the day... Well, the bell rang, and I gtg. Ttyl, k? Ja.
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Wednesday, December 1, 2004

Damn Damn DOUBLE FUCKING DAMN!!!!!
WELL! Today was a perfectly WONDERFUL day!!!!! *sigh* I shall now list the reasons I shall kill all who are assholes to me and my friends, and THEN proceed in damning myself to the life of shadows and seclusion.... *mumbles stuff under breath about fire, knives, and how cutting is fun*

Well! People are total assholes! I went to school, and it was an interestingly calm day... until first.

REASONS:
1) My friend, Kitty, she's really sick, and I tried to help her, but she's been really really sick, and I'm pretty sure it's two people who shall remain nameless.

2) Men are total assholes! Not all, but MOST of them ARE! Christ, I had my friend Sean come up to me and say: "I've been avoiding you so I won't feel some loss of attachment because I wanted to be with you and you didn't want to be with me, and I always get so attached, and bad things like this happen..."
Way to bring down my cheerful mood in the morning!!!!

3) I bombed my fucking try-outs.... I was SO fucking prepared, and I always (ALWAYS!) get the first and second verses mixed up, because they're almost the SAME EXACT THING! *sigh* I don't care. I sang through the first 3rd of the first verse, then stopped entirely, trying to find out where I was. The teacher screwed me over when she turned the page for the piano part.... Anyway, I picked up at the melody and finished the goddamned audition, and I don't really fucking care anymore. *sigh*

Well, the parts I sang correctly, I sang well.... *sigh* And Kitty's getting slightly better with my Wicca healing... and most men are still assholes, but I knew that. *sigh* SO! That's the extent of my day, I'm in a bad mood, but I came home and was abnormal for it... Sat down, did all the work I was supposed to to tomorrow in class (I'm now ahead of everyone, so I might get to chill in Econ-Civics) and I cleaned the kitchen, fixed myself something to eat and cleaned all that up, and FINALLY get to go online at 7... damn ppl keep changing my FUCKING TIME!!!! *sigh*
Ttyl, I'm tired and I feel light-headed and sick to my stomach... so, like I've done for the past week, I'm going to bed around 8:30 9-ish. Ja fucking ne.

~Rayea Night~

"Hellish fiends from the dark arise and all their spoils of the slaughtered dead go unto the night!"
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Tuesday, November 30, 2004

yo!
Sorry I didn't post yesturday. Our computer's gay, so I'm posting from school (plus, my stepdad changed my fucking time, lol). WELL! Other than sick and a bit depressed, I'm fine... gtg now. I have try outs for Les Miserable after school tomorrow. Wish me luck. Ja! ^_~
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Sunday, November 28, 2004

The Nonsense of my WONDERFUL little trip....
Back from New York. Went to Niagra Falls, New York, visiting my stepfamily.... They were somewhat nice. I met my new cusin, Bridget, 19. She's great. The only friend I have down there, well... her and her bf and their friend, Cliff. Cliff's awesome too. Let me check out the Halo 2 game with him. Pretty kewl game. It was pretty freaking cold(not terribly so, but...) but I loved it. I went to see the Falls even, in Canada. It was gorgeous. I thought I'd lost my wallet though. Lol, turns out, it'd been in the truck, and the parents wouldn't give it back until I stole it from them on the way home, lol.
The first day of driving, I wanted to shoot something. Second day, pretty okay. We got there, met everyone, and got settled. It snowed that night, a light snow (rare for New York, in that area) but snow, nonetheless. It was pretty. I grew to like New York, and I made a deal with my cousin Bridget, I'm going to go live there for a year after College and all, and she's gonna help me find my way around.
I was talked about as if I were some naive child. My stepbrother, younger cousin (Josh, 12) and my stepfather. I hate them. They acted as if I meant shit to this world. Meh. I made my cousin Bridget happy, and even let her scan my dragon pic to give a copy of to her bf, Mike. He loves Dragons, and I thought it'd be a nice surprise.
It wasn't fun getting up at 6:55am yesturday (technically)and driving 12 hours straight home. *sigh* I'm worn out and bruised, but watching Anime, SO!

All in all, it was a good experience, and I liked New York, plan to take a few friends there sometime too. It wasn't as cold as it could have been, and it was relatively a nice sort of cold, unlike the summer time here. I intend to go back, live a year there, and in Florida. Meh. It was a great thing to go to New York, and even to go to Canada (not even 15-20 minutes from where my cousin Bridget and the others live in Niagra Falls) to see the Falls. I had fun, more so then I thought. Well, hope everyone else had fun. Ttyl, k? I am sneaking on, not had computer for 2 weeks because of that, and I might get it back, SO! Ttyl. Ja.

PS- IN SHORT:::: I had fun, New York and the Falls are pretty interesting if you've never been, intend to go back, have pics and will send to you if you wish WHEN I get them developed, and besides having a cold for 2 weeks, being sick with other things (dunno what it is and I refuse to go to the doctor unless I think it's serious enough), AND being talked about and treated like a I was a dog by my cousin, stepbrother, and stepfather, it was fun. TTyl, ja.
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