Tuesday, November 2, 2004

A choice...
Tomorrow is a grim day... I have a choice to make, a life changing decision, and I also must drive. I'm glad I don't have to drive first.... Not good to drive while unable to think and not in a good emotion.... I apologize.... I must make a decision, and I know what it shall be... now I have all day tomorrow and while driving to think and worry about it more. I finally deside the fact of my heart.... It hurts to think of it... but... I shall be fine.. ja.
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Instead of a Poem (have to go through and find happy ones) I thought you might like a brain teaser...
*sigh* Ok, here's the thought:

You are hurt, lost, and scared. You want someone there for you, but everyone you cared for left you to die, and betrayed you. Your worst fear came along, you woke up alone and without love.
What would you do? Who would you turn to?


~~~~Ok, lol, just wanted to know. It's a question I've recently thought about... and it involves one of my fears. Heh, I never wanted to wake up and see that I was alone. Meh, if so... I'd assume I'd be fine.... was like that for almost 7 years once. ^_^ Lol, so... Well, this is a rather short post, but... ^_^ Tired, had work last night, and... Lol, well, if you didn't get a chance to read my poem yesturday, please do. ^_^ It is one I wrote yesturday, and one I am very proud of. Neway, gtg, k? ^_^ Have fun! Ja! ^_~

May light shine through the darkness, and may life be present in death.~~~~
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Monday, November 1, 2004

One
Oh precious one I know,
All my heart is what I owe;
For the kindness given to me,
For friendship given so faithfully.

The wind whispering sweetly like your words,
Beautifully as the song of the birds;
A spirit pure and true,
Never has there been one like you.

You are never harsh or mean,
You've never said one hateful thing;
You can always cheer me up,
No matter who put me in a slump.

Sweetly whispered words of kind,
Forever embedded within my mind;
Ever etched into my soul,
You are the one to make me whole.


~~~~Just wanted to type a new poem today, and came up with it during school. Sad thing is, I had to clench my fists and walk normally today. I have nail makes in my skin from the pain. My ankle's no better, but Hell, I can take it. ^_~ At least it'll heal soon.... *sigh* I hate Algebra... it's so boring, plus I have these tests to complete as a requirement of NC schools, can't graduate till their done, in other words. ^_^ But they are SO easy! I wanted to fall asleep, and almost did about...*counts on fingers* like... 10 times, lol. But I was still done before half of second was gone. ^_^ I do hope everyone had a great day... and... Pray, or do whatever it is in your religion to send someone luck... I have a very trying day ahead on Wed.... I apologize if I don't seem happy then either. Woah, lol. I was on a sugar high earlier, and after 3rd... I dropped... now I'm getting the sugar high back!!!! WEE!!!! lmao, well, gotta run, and I hope everyone is well..... Uh.. yeah. ^_^ Ja! ^_~

May you find the one to make you whole once more, and may you find the one to always make you smile.~~~~
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Sunday, October 31, 2004

I Wandered Lonely... and A Rose Garden (two poems from my eighth grade year as an English project)
(Comic Poem, had to draw a comic to go along with it)
I Wandered Lonely...

I wandered lonely as a dream,
Thinking of my family,
Never worried about the danger,
Everyone seemed to me a stranger.

I never knew love at all,
It seems that I always fall,
I miss everything and want to go back home,
Yet how can I, I'm all alone.

I miss my friend, they are my family,
Lost in this dream as I am,
I will one day soon,
I will find a way to be free.


(Observation Poem-self explainatory)
A Rose Garden

Wind whispering,
Petals falling,
Leaves crunching,
Bees buzzing,
Birds chirping,
Colorful wings flapping,
Butterflies' wings gently flapping,
Through the leaves I am walking,
People talking,
A beautiful place and me just singing.


~~~~I do hope it was more to your liking today. I decided to share poems of my past. ^_^ I still have the original of my first poem ever. It came to me when I was thinking about the past, and I had heard it long ago.... Around the time my memory (posted a few days ago, and refered to as a dream) was. I shall post it tomorrow, if I can find it in all the mess. ^_^

I went trick-or-treating after Driver's Ed, and I did very well, btw. ^_^ It was late, and round 8:30 before I got home and in costume... Lol, I'll show you all the pics, and I pulled it together in 15 minutes! ^_^ I'm proud, ppl took my picture because they loved it so much! Lol, the moon was so beautiful last night. Sadly, I was a fool. ^_^ I attempted to chase after my little sister, and her friend Matthew (she likes him, and he her, but they're only about 8 years old! ^_^ It's so cute, lol) and I had been walking with them. I ran up behind them, suddenly stopped, placed my hands on their shoulders and went "BOO!". I succeeded in scaring them, but the suddenly stopping twisted or sprained my ankle. ^_^' A fool I am, but a happy fool with candy! ^_^ Lol, My walking isn't improved much today, butI am stubborn and choose to walk anyway. My reasoning? My stepbrother's exact words for my not attempting to climb up the ladder to the bunk bed last night were: "You pussy." He's rude, but hell, he'll die a cruel death as punishment... ^_^ Not by me, I assure you. And also, my mother and stepfather don't really give a damn. They say walk regularly (which I can't... for some reason I messed it up worse than I thought) and stay off it. Meh! ^_^ I'm alright, just irritated with family. BUT!!!! I get to go again tonight, hopefully, and get MORE candy! ^_^ I intend to! Lol, but if not, then it's alright... We have a huge bowl left over from last night neway! ^_^ Sadly, it's getting later into the morning, and I think I have things to do, if not... meh! ^_~ Ja!~~~~

And btw:::

HAPPY HALLOW'S EVE!!!!

^_^ My fav. time of the year, and thankfully, a certain person's been kind enough to put me in GRAND spirits! ^_~ Ja!
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Saturday, October 30, 2004

Shattered Mirror--excerts (A favorite by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes)
"Blue like sapphire beneath a morning sun,
Burning with fire of a crystalline soul.
A laughter that never quite reaches inside,
Where secrets weather like untouched gold."

"Skin like ivory, perfect; A goddess she must be.
Slender fingers, unadorned; beautiful simplicity.
A single teardrop; when did it fall?
Could this goddess be mortal after all?"

"Fantasy, a shining goddess,
She controls the tides.
Fantasy, a brilliant goddess,
She controls our lives.

Fantasy, a golden goddess-
In her hands is the light.
Fantasy, a silver goddess-
In her hands is the night."



~~~~I felt there was need for a change. I am feeling a bit better. It's near my favorite holiday, the one day a year that nothing goes wrong at all. I do hope everyone is alright. I am talking to a dear friend who helps me now. He is very kind and very sweet. I thank him dearly. On here, his name is Original J. Well, I must go for now.
Sunshine and sweet moonbeams on your holiday, All Hallow's Eve is a time I protect all I care for in spirit....~~~~
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Friday, October 29, 2004

Damnation of Night
I want to die
I want to bleed
I want to fucking die
So please
Save me from this Hell!

The fires burn and blaze
It seems I'm forever lost witin this maze
I cut and bruise myself all night
So far I've put up the good fight
Now is the night of my demise!

I want to die
I want to bleed
I want to fucking die
So please
Save me from this Hell!

The darkness consumes my heart
And I'm slowly ripped apart
The sweet silence is bliss
There is nothing here that I will miss
Why would I miss that Hell?!

I want to die
I want to bleed
I want to fucking die
So please
Save me from this Hell!

Darkness from the flames of Hell
How far was it that I fell?
Light gives way unto the night
I fall from my moment of flight
I come back to life from damnation...

I want to die
I want to bleed
I want to fucking die
So please
Save me from this Hell!

Damnation of Night,
Forever Damned to Moonlight....


~~~~This is a song I wrote, and it was the closest thing I could put without having things like, I'm gonna stab myself to death, or whatever. It's not suicidal, but depressing.... I wrote it long ago in a certain state of mine.... Now, it suits my purposes well. I hope you all are well today. Matt, my ex, dragged my stuff across the damn hall and dropped it in front of me, plus... *sigh* I have had nothing but troubles from a few others. Working on a short story, and I'll post it when I'm done. I must go... it's past... 12:30am, and I need some damn sleep after work... Plus I think I have tests and work again tomorrow.... Goddamn it all..... OH! 5 new gb signings. Thnx guys! Ja.~~~~
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Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Heartbreak Hell
I'm struggling at the bottom of the well,
I'm hanging from the edge of of my rope,
Save me before I start to yell,
I'm slowly drifting into nothingness,
Here in Heartbreak Hell.

I've lost touch with reality
I only wallow in my pain
I'm sick of everyone's pity
I'm tired of all the rain.

I'm struggling to not be mad
I want to cry all day and night
I want to scream out all of this
I feel someone's messing with me outta spite.

I'm struggling at the bottom of the well,
I'm hanging from the edge of my rope,
Save me before I start to yell,
I'm slowly drifting away to nothingness,
Here in Heartbreak Hell.

To life I say: Screw You!
Please just leave me alone
I hurt enough with misery
Just leave as I cry and moan.

I scream and moan my fury
Thinking only of you
One thing I've learned lately
LOVE IS NEVER TRUE!

I'm struggling at the bottom of the well,
I'm hanging from the edge of my rope,
Save me before I start to yell,
I'm slowly drifting into nothingness,
Burning in Heartbreak Hell...

~~~~Posted a poem expressing my emotions and the sorrow of a friend, Anime Empowerer. I am tired of ppl forcing an answer from me when I inform them to back off. I am tired of my ex, Matt, going around and giving me a fucking guilt trip from hell, TRYING to make me take him back.... I am tired of dealing with this. I want no more part in it! I'm through with this shit for a while! I'm not posting happy, bright pretty fucking poems until I am better....Ja.~~~~
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Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Love Everlasting
Bitter sweet endless nights of bliis,
Sweetest sugar kisses soft as silk will I miss;
Until your warmth returns to me,
Fovever waiting shall I be

I love your dear sweet smile and your soul,
That oh so gentle embracing touch that keeps me whole;
Forever in thine eyes of a silver glow,
Shall that of kindness and mercy flow.

Love shall never leave the beating of my heart,
So long as you keep promise to return during our time apart;
So sweetly the tenderness of your smile,
How God is so cruel not to let you stay a while.

How my heart shall weep and my eyes cry,
Thoughts of your glowing face in my mind by and by;
My dearest love and soulmate for all eternity,
While you have left my side know I shall never turn away from thee.

~~~~Here's the poem of the day. Know, that I wrote these for no one, and shall remain in the same mind set about that until I find one I want to be with. Enjoy... And I hope to get as much of a response from everyone as I did from this morning, lol. Well... Ja! ^_~ ~~~~
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hi
At school, and have to work at 6, taking over some guy's shift today. I hope to post more online when I get home, and just in case anyone wanted to know, like Matt, I posted my story yesturday. Ja! ^_~
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Monday, October 25, 2004

Memory and A Poem I wrote last night...
It's a darkened night, one filled with emotions and a sense of unease. I, Rayea, was walking about, the moon high and full. It was many many years ago, over... 700 I believe. I was with child, how, I didn't know, but I wasn't human, nor was I born of anything, I was created. I didn't know everything about myself... but I was close. It was a wonderfully open, and radiant night. I saw my love, the one I would give my life for. He wasn't happy, in fact... he seemed rather....mad. He called me hurtful things, and I couldn't see why. I'd been nothing but faithful to him... even perfect, until now... it seems.
I drew my sword when he attacked with his own, my eyes blinding by tears. I fought with all my heart and will, trying my best not to kill him. He would have a scar or two. Then, I felt it... his blade, through my stomach. It impaled both the child, and myself. I felt the slashes as my body was masacered, slashed without end until I felt no more pain, heard my screams no more, and lay on the ground, bleeding without end. I saw nothing but blood red... felt it barely... as it dripped over my skull, my intact skin, or what little there was left. I heard the screams, or.. thought I had... I even felt the pain of their deaths as someone who cared deeply let loose his anger upon them. Who, I have no clue, but I felt them pick me up, saw them in red, and listened as they sange me to my almost eternal rest... My death.
That was the night I died, an 700 years later, I was reborn to this.

~~~~Now for my poem~~~~

Light Upheld In Endless Dreams

Sweetly darkened Amber light,
Envisioned by Silver moonlight;
Cast upon open endless dreams,
Wished upon by seamless fiends.

All throughout the terror sought,
Endless battles raging were fought;
Upon the simple nights of bliss,
A simple battle won with a kiss.

Upon the raging light of Amber skies,
A mystery of tales untold do fly;
Merry in the hearts of those not of men,
Songs whispered among the trees held then.

A tale of lover's endless flight,
Wished upon Amber moonlight;
Silver are the waters of old,
Making these visions seem untold.

Sweetly whispered words of kind,
Lost unto the pages of time;
Envisioned there on the lightened sky,
How dreams upon angel wings fly.

Sweetly darkened Amber light,
Envisioned by Silver moonlight;
Dreams of gold and diamond spun,
Wishing not to end this fun.

~Rayea Night~

~~~~Enjoy, for now I must leave...Ja.~~~~
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