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myOtaku.com: Rayea Kagome chan


Wednesday, September 29, 2004


Problems right and left... I should REALLY get happier...
I feel weak, and I feel stupid and I feel used.... As a part in one of Ani's songs goes... I don't know if everything I tell you is all that causes my depression... but it's a lot of it.... *sigh*

My mother is highly sick. She needs surgery, and she revealed to me last night she didn't really want it, she was scared. Yet, she needs it. I hate this... I've always looked after her, and I just... I can't help but feel protective of her. Her sickness is from a hormonal iMBA">arc">.co">arc">ear">.co">arc">ef=">ear">.co">arc">="_">ef=">ear">.co">arc"><">="_">ef=">ear">.co">arc">did"> it"> AN">, a"> he">aid">ce lance, and she's got these migranes that will throw her off balance and make her incapable of doing anything. My stepfather said it was merely a headache, and that it wouldn't hurt/kill her.
I took care of my mother more than his sorry ass did, and so I know how bad she hurts with them, their severity, AND what it can do to her. I hate it... the man doesn't get it, then I hear his conversations on the phone... I bet he didn't do a damned thing to help my mother but tell her to get back in fee">ave">ens">d g"> wo">My ">at ">hat when she got up. He was supposed to take her to the emergency room, from what he said, and I asked him if she was. His response was that I needed to not worry about it, and that he didn't know. My mother would be just fine.
I know better...so I've been worried about her all day...

Brosenka and I have finished getting things straightened back out. There was a lot of tension left from our break up a few months ago, and things have been said, apologizes made... things are better.

I feel numb... and like lead... I don't get it.... Heh, my new pendant, a blood red crystal on a leather cord(made myself) is possibly cursed. I wear it, and it makes it seem as if I can't breathe and I just... I take off my necklace, and it's as if I can't move... Lol, lose-lose situation. I don't care....

Got to the point to where I stabxt/">p?q">arg">k" ">p:/">rac">xt/"> gr my nails into my hand... gonna have a scar, hopefully.... Bit into this kids arm on the bus. He'd hit my head, and I have a migrane since before... so I grabl, ">llo">my ">a s"> to">I d">ll,">ime his arm, and forced myself to let go JUST before I broke the skin with my fangs(I have excessively sharp canines)... Neway...

I'm sorry for my angered temper yesturday.. I wasn't well, and not being myself... I have a limited time to be online... No longer allowed on in the mornings. Well, let me know if ya wanna see my new baby brother... who, I do believe is about... 2 or 3 days old today. ^_^ I'll try to have them on my site tomorrow..... Omg, I suddenly have a sick feeling in my stomach... Anxiety and all's a knot in my chest... Neway.. I might need food... Lol, no chocolate allowed from my stepdad... unless it's his and my mom's...Well, gtg...FOOD! lol... Ja all...and srry about being... oh, what was it considered for some ppl? A "selfish bitch" yesturday. Ja...

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