myOtaku.com: Rayea Kagome chan

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Gender
• Female
Location
• Where ever I happen to choose at the time.
Member Since
• 2004-06-18
Occupation
• Writer
Real Name
• Night

Personal

Achievements
• Depends on what you'd call an acheivement....
Anime Fan Since
• A long time, hard to say from wence it all started...
Favorite Anime
• Most any and all anime.
Goals
• Another secret for me to know and you to not.
Hobbies
• To sing, write (be it poetry or my stories), involving myself in my art, and my music (be it writing my songs and putting them to music or playing any random thing and listening to my CDs), also my artistic works.
Talents
• Oh, it'd make it so much more interesting to speak to me in person about that.

myOtaku.com: Rayea Kagome chan

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

A two-way split... and hell to pay for it....
I am numb... and I am broken.... I decided... I shall vent my emotions on here, that way... I do not have to have anyone worry about if I'm going to kill myself or not. I won't...

I wish I knew my emotions right now... I am numb and broken beyond my knowledge of repairing anytime soon. I hurt in more ways than I thought possible.... I see red and black, and went I do, my eyes take on that color trait. I have cried endlessly for hours, and I no longer feel my emotions.... My mind locked them from me so I wouldn't hurt anymore, so I wouldn't be put through anymore. I am sorry. I know I have hurt many of you... Brosenka and Demetre most. Even Shadow.... I am so numb... i do not even feel myself type, but I sit here... watching myself as it happens. I feel nothing right now... I've cried so much... hurt for so long, and still do now. I don't know what to do. I'm at a loss. I made a choice, and I don't know if he even wants me now. He sounded as if he thought it would be best if he just... didn't get involved anymore. I care ever so deeply for them both, put my heart on the line... now... I have nothing for it. I have friends, family, a life... but I'm numb... and I have nothing but to hope to all Gods that he still wants to give me another shot. If not... fuck it. I won't bother with relationships anymore. I won't go through another heartache like I've gone through 6 years ago... and even one year ago. I've lost too many close to my heart lately, in the physical, emotionally, and in a sense, I've lost my own family. If they knew I wasn't the same religion as them... if they understood that I wasn't what they thought... I'd be disowned quickly. I've lost so much... and I still put my heart on the line and go through with everything as if I'm fine. At least... I've tried so hard to. I need to go now... I'm so sorry for this trouble I've started. Ja....
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