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myOtaku.com: Rayea Kagome chan


Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Fuck Love and Life....
TO HELL WITH EVERYTHING ELSE!!!! I want to fucking cry, to bleed until I finally roll over and DIE!

I am tired of being alright... of having to deal with all of this hell I'm caught within!!!! I just got an email.... J... he is leaving, and there are great chances he will not be returning.... I DO NOT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ANYMORE!!!!!! .....I want to cry... and I cannot find tears to come... I cannot find anything but this chilling cold that is within my heart, and the pain growing stronger until I feel as though I shall go and grab a knife and kill myself at any given moment....

....I remember the emptiness... the feeling of something missing.... He was healing that, and he was bringing me such happiness.... and now... like before many years ago... it happens again. I'm left alone to grieve because of outside forces that I wish DAMNED TO HELL!!!!!....why can I not cry?! Why can I not go and hit something and begin to block off my heart again from this numbing cold... from this unrelenting pain?! I hate this!!!!! I want it to go away!!!!! .....just... please... someone help me make it go away......please?

I don't want this again... I don't want the emptiness anymore!.....god... please make it all stop... make it all go away.... I don't want to deal with this anymore... and I feel so weak that I cannot even cry when I need to... that I am such an idiot for love, that I'd have to be subject to the same pain over and over again because I am stupid enough not to know to say TO HELL WITH IT ALL!!!! God... I don't want this... I hate this feeling... this anger and pain.... I am stupid to have fallen for someone again... STUPID!...I do not wish this.. and I wish I could die... that I could simply cry.....and I cannot.... I cannot..... I cannot so anything anymore... because I was foolish.... and I've lost what I was healing.... I don't want emotions anymore..... no more.....
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