myOtaku.com: Rayea Kagome chan

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Gender
• Female
Location
• Where ever I happen to choose at the time.
Member Since
• 2004-06-18
Occupation
• Writer
Real Name
• Night

Personal

Achievements
• Depends on what you'd call an acheivement....
Anime Fan Since
• A long time, hard to say from wence it all started...
Favorite Anime
• Most any and all anime.
Goals
• Another secret for me to know and you to not.
Hobbies
• To sing, write (be it poetry or my stories), involving myself in my art, and my music (be it writing my songs and putting them to music or playing any random thing and listening to my CDs), also my artistic works.
Talents
• Oh, it'd make it so much more interesting to speak to me in person about that.

myOtaku.com: Rayea Kagome chan

Thursday, March 3, 2005

'ello...
This is an IM I sent to one of my close guy friends of 2 years.... I sent it to him last night... and I was really scared.... It's all from the blood work.
I'm scared... so fucking scared.... and I hate it..... I do..... Heheh.....this is an IM I was writing to a friend... and it's just... Lol, It explains a LOT about what's wrong with me....

ME: no, it's not..... nothing is okay.......*sighs* I could be fucking sick... I could haev something seriously wrong with me that they cannot fix, hon..... it's why I hate blood work... cause there's always a chance it could come back with what I've feared...... diabetes, hypoglacimia (got it already), heart problems, CANCER.... all of it runs in my family hon.... and because I've got a few of these problems already.... and I am sick from stress.... there's a greater chance for me to get it than most ppl..... it scares the fucking HELL out of me!..... and I could be aniemic (w/e the fuck u spell it) because I loose so much blood and I feel so weak when ever I'm sick.... I don't want any of it.... but there's always such a risk I could have all of it..... and I do not want it.... I don't... cause it scares me to death! I'd rather fucking die and go to hell or Purgatory than live with that hon..... I see what ppl in my family go through from it.... and I just..... I cannot fucking take it! I do not want to be that way!!!! It scares the hell out of me... and there's nothing I can do..... and I've not told any of my friends... I won't let anyone know.... and I hate that I've told you....

HIM: do u want me 2 just leave u alone for now ?? cause it seems theres nothing i can do to help u
physically or emotionally

ME: lol, for anyone to leave me alone right now.... I'd go fucking insane hon.... all my friends keep me alive thus far... everyone I care about more than myself keeps me from reverting back into that goddamned suicidal stage of my life... from going fucking crazy......no, I don't want to be left alone.... because the moment I am.... the moment I'm left alone and I'm not tired enough to pass out from exhaustion.... I'll fucking hurt myself..... because of everythign I'm scared of....

I'm better now, but still not looking forward to the results. Gotta run, class. Ja.

~Night~

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