myOtaku.com: Rayea Kagome chan

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Gender
• Female
Location
• Where ever I happen to choose at the time.
Member Since
• 2004-06-18
Occupation
• Writer
Real Name
• Night

Personal

Achievements
• Depends on what you'd call an acheivement....
Anime Fan Since
• A long time, hard to say from wence it all started...
Favorite Anime
• Most any and all anime.
Goals
• Another secret for me to know and you to not.
Hobbies
• To sing, write (be it poetry or my stories), involving myself in my art, and my music (be it writing my songs and putting them to music or playing any random thing and listening to my CDs), also my artistic works.
Talents
• Oh, it'd make it so much more interesting to speak to me in person about that.

myOtaku.com: Rayea Kagome chan

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Please forgive this post in advance.... I'm just venting....
I'm sick... been so for almost 2 weeks now.... my mother knows this... apparently no one else does. *sighs* Here's what's going on, and I'm gonna try to make it clean and without so much cussing and anger....

My stepfather is an ass, as you all know. It's been proven time and time again. They fought over my eating "problem" last night and how irresponsible and lazy I am. (They being my mother and stepfather)
He came in this morning and, as always, never bothers to ask if I feel okay or anything. No, I over slept a half hour (omfg, the world's gonna collapse in on itself) and he goes and says: "Well, apparently we need to take away more of your computer times or the whole thing itself." He then proceeds to walk out of my room and avoids me the rest of the time he's here until he goes back to work.

....That's not fair. For any of you who I talk to on a daily basis, you know I've been sick. You know I've worked for almost two weeks straight while being sick. I'm sorry I want to rest and get over my illness and get as much sleep as I can for when I have to go to work again the next day. *sighs* He never does this to his daughter, and she's a year older. She sleeps until whenever and then goes off, like his son.
I'm sorry I'm working to get my car and that I don't have things to do in the morning when I'm not scheduled to work at around 8am everyday. I work hard, and I do as I'm asked. I had things to work on last night, and I would take breaks to talk to my friends online, yes. I had a migrane all night, meaning I stay up later to try and get rid of it so I can acctually sleep.
He gets mad when I listen to music when falling asleep, when I listen to it all day.... He takes away my only window to my friends and loved ones (my computer) and if not that, then restricts how long I can talk to anyone for. He steals the cords to my computer, to my stereo (I woke up to everything having been unplugged in the middle of the night, meaning my computer was unplugged without shutting it down and same with my stereo... no wonder it's screwed up).... It's not fair.

He doesn't discipline his kids, why do this to me? His own kids stay up at all hours. His SON walks in at 5am, plays his guitar and does whatever he wants until he falls asleep. His daughter goes around and does whatever, stays up and sleeps half the day, then goes off to do whatever.... I'm so sorry I'm not his perfect child, that I'm not his blood born family. I'm sorry I'm nothing near the perfection of his kids and that he hates me.

*sighs* I spent most of my morning crying, thought about writing him a letter, but I knew I'd have cussed every other few words in there.... so I didn't. I'm frustrated with the fact he yells at my mother, treats her so poorly and she sits there taking it. He's much worse than any other man she's been with and I see how much it hurts her, but she won't do anything to fix it! Jenna (my little sister) gets off easy. He can't yell at her or anything severe like me and my mother... he knows my mother would leave for good and not think twice if he did, or that he'd be locked away for child abuse.

I don't think I can last another year in this house... but I can't move away to SC or Florida... I want to stay here, where my job is, where my new friends and life are.... I just cannot take this hell at home. *sighs* I sit in my room, bottle up my anger so I don't get my mother in more trouble, then I hold back tears of rage, frustration, and pain because I'm afraid of what will happen if someone sees. It hurts so much, and I cannot take that my stepfather is so hateful... so unfair. I've tried talking to him, he won't hear it, or he doesn't have time to sit and listen to me, or he says to shut up because he's watching a race on tv or on the computer. My mother won't fix it because she's scared.... but I'm so sick of it.... *sighs* I need to go now so I can try to calm down and not show anything cause his kids are home again....

I hope you all are better off than I am. Blessed be.

~Night~

PS-wow... one swear in this whole thing.... I'm doing better, or I just feel a lot worse than normal to try getting angry, lol... *shrugs* thought it was an accomplishment. Normally things like this are strung with bad language....

And to those who care to know, I've had bad migranes and a stomach flu.... we all know the best things for that is rest and taking it easy. *shrugs* Ah well, Ja.
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