myOtaku.com: Rayea Kagome chan

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Gender
• Female
Location
• Where ever I happen to choose at the time.
Member Since
• 2004-06-18
Occupation
• Writer
Real Name
• Night

Personal

Achievements
• Depends on what you'd call an acheivement....
Anime Fan Since
• A long time, hard to say from wence it all started...
Favorite Anime
• Most any and all anime.
Goals
• Another secret for me to know and you to not.
Hobbies
• To sing, write (be it poetry or my stories), involving myself in my art, and my music (be it writing my songs and putting them to music or playing any random thing and listening to my CDs), also my artistic works.
Talents
• Oh, it'd make it so much more interesting to speak to me in person about that.

myOtaku.com: Rayea Kagome chan

Sunday, July 3, 2005

More venting... Angry ranting from a young girl...
It hurts…. The fact that all that happened… my mother… she never wanted me… she calls me a bitch, tells me I’m not good enough, don’t stand up for myself enough if ever…. She now has my stepfather calling the shots and if I’m not happy with it and go to her she says she’s not the one to talk to on those matters. Bullshit. She’s the one who dragged me into this whole mess and I want none of it! You hear? None of it! I’m sick of this…. I’ve never been good enough for her! I’ve always been daddy’s perfect girl who he left in the end anyway, the bitch in mommy’s eyes…. She blames me for her divorces… she blames me for her life being so imperfect! It’s not my fault she didn’t plan on having me, that she almost got rid of me! It hurts… to know that they kept my memories from me… my past… I had to find out from my grandparents ON ACCIDENT… how much of a mistake I was….
I was told a story… of how I was younger… how I’d blow off people to be on my own, how I’ve always been that way…. How I was so odd to make my dolls fight like my family and like my mind… how I was abused as a child from not being wanted or because I was always acting so weird…. I’ve always liked dark things, always liked being on my own to sing or imagine stories with my dolls…. To think up my stories and to act them out or write them down… how I’m such a LOST CAUSE! I was told when I was younger that I grabbed my grandmother’s face and told her “Look at me!” because it’d been done to me… and I wasn’t the kind of child to do that normally…. How I was so sweet and then went corrupted…. Ha! I don’t care anymore… I just don’t…. She never loved me…. None of them did… and why I keep begging for them to love me and give me the childhood they stripped from me is far too bizarre and stupid for even myself to comprehend! I’m a fool for wanting that from them!
I… I always wanted… a boy and a girl… I always wanted the boy to protect his little sister and for them to have the childhood and loving parents I never got….. I dunno if that’ll happen now… I don’t know of anything right now….
The current time is 3:24am and I’m typing this a lot earlier than I’m going to post… up in the middle of the night with the feeling I’m going to throw up any moment, sick as a dog with that stomach flu once again and a few other illnesses…. It hurts and I’m not liking it one bit… not at all. I really do wonder what’s going to happen later on…. I feel so sick now… so sick but a little better all the same… Never quite getting my point across… never quite explaining to the right ppl or in the right way… I could care less right now…. I wanna sleep, but I can’t….
I was a mistake to my family… but I’m so glad I met the friends I have… you all here on MyO…. Life wouldn’t be worth living if it weren’t for the friends who love and shelter me as much as they can from the hellish storms my life is tossing at me…. I am caused so much pain by those around me… but more so by myself…. They hurt me, treat me like I’m nothing…. I desperately need guidance… and I want the love I was forbidden. I want a family… my family…. I want what I was denied and I long to give that to others… but nope. Too young, too naïve, too stupid to get outta my house and get away from it all…. I’m going to be fine…. I’m just so sick… in such pain…. And I want to talk to a few people… to see if I can fix anything that’s currently wrong in my life. I’m beat, and my insomnia is finally going to allow me some rest…. Blessed be….

~Night~

Living life to make sure I have a better tomorrow.... only thing keeping me alive along with those who I care for so deeply here. I could technically move out now, but... for the sake of my 8 year old sister... not gonna happen.
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