Monday, September 13, 2004

   Oi. . .

. . .Okay, so, yesterday, went to church... had a stupid conversation with moi friend... You know, the one whose partially caused this depression? Well, that produced nothing, so I'm just not going to "bother" her for a while. Give her her space, her time alone, whatever. She apologized, but hey... I believe right now she's just dandy about it all. Who knows.

Then, to top it all off, after church... we had a baptism. Up in the mountains. I went on my ATV, got there, and looked into where they would be baptized... a dirty water troth... The Jordan is worse, or the Nile is worse, my pastor went around saying. Not only was it dirty... it was bee-infested. THERE WERE BEES EVERYWHERE!!! You were constantly waving them elsewhere. And as I said, TO TOP IT ALL OFF, I got stung by a bee.

Yep. RIGHT THROUGH MY SHIRT! It really is my mom's fault... lol She was going, "Get away! Get away!" and made it mad so it stuck it's stinger in my stomach... yes. My stomach. Of all places.

I was like, "Mom, it just stung me." She didn't believe me at first, thinking it was her long nails, but a friend of hers, Ana, said, "Yeah it really did!" so they packed some mud on it. I'm not kidding, not FIVE minutes were there, and the blasted little bee went ahead. On me.

So, the whole time, it hurt, and I was feeling queasy... Thank the Lord I wasn't allergic, this being my first time being stung. I did get to "pet-sit" a baby Yorky Terrier... Ahh, I could've stole it. She was soooo cute!!! The lady let me hold Zoey the whole time, because my little terrier, Lily, died in January.

So, it was a good and bad day alike. The bee sting is all better this morning; you can barely see anything now.

Well, I'm off to see the wizard...
- RWB
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Saturday, September 11, 2004

   I feel so blah today.

. . .Yeah, I'm kinda out of it today... I don't feel very good, either. I feel fine physically, but emotionally and mentally, not doing the greatest. I hope you all enjoyed my previous post, though. ^_~

I just want to break down and cry... I'm so exhausted. A lot of horrible things hit me in the face at the same time, meaning... the girl's death, all the stuff going on... and I kept a lot of it bottled inside, and now I'm feeling the side effects.

So, if y'all could just say a little prayer that I wouldn't feel so down... I'd appreciate that more than you know. Thanks.

Also, today's 9/11. Please remember the men and women whom had the courage to die for our freedom and safety. Thanks again.
- Blitzy
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Wednesday, September 8, 2004

   So random, so random. . .
. . .Right now I am eating mac 'n cheese with my favourite spoon. I just wanted you all to know that.
- RayWing Blitz
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Monday, September 6, 2004

   BARB-EE-KYOOO. . .
. . .Hey everyone!

Went to a barbeque today... it was a lot of fun. The majority of the time I was hanging out with my guy friends. Boys around the age where they develop "things" and uh... are going through puberty... whada ride.

Also, more news... a good friend of mine got back from the Philippines. She's from there, but lives here, so she wents there to visit her old friends and stuff. I AM SO GLAD SHE'S BACK!!!!! Obviously, I missed her mucho grande. Welcome back, Nikki! ^______^

Anyways. ;D See ya around!
- RayWing Blitz








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Saturday, September 4, 2004

   I'M BAAAAAAACKKKKKKK. . .
. . .Whoohoo! Finally, am at MY house, on MY computer.... it feels really good. ^_^

Had a good time. Enjoyed the beach, the weather, the greenery... (take note that I live the desert. Looking at brown, brown, brown... all the time.)

We were going to stay till Monday, but my dad was sick this morning... all the Japanese food was too rich for him... hehe. ;D I was really homesick anyway.

Very glad to be home. :)
- RayWing Blitz
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Wednesday, September 1, 2004

   Tee hee!
. . .Hey y'all. I told you I would leave a note! Yes, so far, I've had a marvelous time. Things are great, I mean, I've eaten TONS and TONS of Japanese food. Sushi with raw tuna in the middle! It's REALLY, REALLY GOOD. Try Miso soup! It rocks! And green tea icecream. Ohhh yeaaah. I've had Filet Mignon too, which was of course delicious.

I went to the beach today, (like every other day ^_~) and there was this guy there with big muscles and long blonde hair in a speedo! It looked absolutely disgusting. And he kept staring at me. That was the scary part.

Seen lots of movies too. Spiderman 2, Shrek 2, I, Robot, 50 First Dates. They all were fantastic. Let me tell you though, 50 First Dates isn't as funny as you think it is. It's more of a "I'll sacrifice this and this for love" but still a worth-seeing movie. I, Robot was REALLY awesome. Spiderman and Shrek 2 were not disappointing either. Both very satisfying.

But off the vacation, I am back to the usual me. All that stuff that went on before... Moved on. Friend thing? The heck with it. We'll get to the juice sooner or later.

Moi uncle and mom are sleeping. Long day. I think I'll sign out now.... But before I do, I want to thank Selena, Artukei, Tanhithion, and all those who commented on my depressing posts. My hard times. Your words were very comforting and uplifting. I don't know how to repay you.
- Blitzy


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Thursday, August 26, 2004

   Leaving today. . .
. . .Well, I'm leaving for vacation today. I might be able to leave you guys a note at my uncle's house, (which is a two story condo). And I have to drag my luggage up those stairs... EEK.

Feeling totally better about everything, to let you know. I went through the depression, the crying... Whenever I think of her, it makes me down, but I'm basically over the depression, and I'm very happy about that.

Anyhoo, quizzie for ya...


Who Is Your Inner Male Blonde Uke?
brought to you by Quizilla

Later...
- Blitzy
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Tuesday, August 24, 2004

   I'm so emotionally drained. . .
. . .Hey guys.

I'm sorry for not posting sooner although it hasn't been a century since I gave you the news. Yesterday, I got into a fight with my mom, but I said I was sorry and things are okay again. We're leaving in 2 days for vacation, and I can hardly wait. My life for the last week has been purely heck. I am so extremely depressed. So emotionally drained. So emotionally EXHAUSTED.

The one thing that makes me cheerful, and makes me smile is when I talk with friends, face to face or net buddies.

Well, here's a poem in honour of Britt. I loved her so much. It's based on what was happening in her life.

As soon as I reached my sixteenth year,
My life started to rip apart and sear.
I found out that you, my twin and best friend,
Were sick and could never run again.

When you died, everything fell apart,
I felt the ache of lonliness pull on the strings of my heart.
Then, that man who's name I won't debrief,
He did the unthinkable and caused me much grief.

Then when I found out about little Reagan Ember,
I could feel my insides tremble.
At only seventeen, could I raise this baby
By myself, no ifs, buts, and maybes?

I finally convinced myself to keep this little one,
Then, this one was ripped from the safety of my heart.
I fell into my fiance's loving arms,
Oh how I wished I had kept this baby unharmed.

Then, I struggled with God's love
Could someone with that much love just watch my pain from above?
I asked my friends whose faces I will never see
What I should do about this lack in reverie.

Then, while driving out late one night,
I had a wreck, and then I died.
And now, my friends don't know where I went,
The seventeen year old girl whose life has been spent.

Whenever I read it, it makes me cry. What she went through, it's unbelievable.

Well, I've got a quiz result for you, finally...

cellpadding="0" bgcolor="#000000" height="200"
bordercolor="#AD9A79">

width="250" height="150"> target="_blank">What Goth Are You?

- RayWing Blitz



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Sunday, August 22, 2004

   Death... It comes to us all.
I am really sorry people, but I have to complain and sob some more. On top of all this CRAP that’s been happening between my friend and me, the official Stacie Orrico message board is somewhere I go everyday, not for Stacie, but rather to members there I am so close to. Well, one of them was by the name of Brittany~Freeway, and she had been going through a lot of impacting struggles such as her twin sister dying of leukemia, sexually assaulted in a hospital, etc. Well, her soul was put to rest due to a car wreck. Yep, she died. I am STILL grieving, angered, and most of all shocked. One minute she’s there… One minute she’s not. Time flies and those two words have now been truly revealed to me. It’s so strange; someone I only knew online was probably one of my closest friends. She wrote the most beautiful and deep poetry, and she endured what I could’ve never bore.

All this stuff going on and God throws this at me. My conclusion? He is testing me in the many aspects of my life and seeing how I deal with it. A trial. A tribulation. Yesterday, when I heard the news Brittany died, I could’ve keeled over. I could’ve said, “Just take me now” but I knew that after all the sorrow the Lord would give me the strength to move on and look at the rising sun; pick up my daily life again in remembrance of those I love that went somewhere where all their problems are lifted.

I haven’t got to that point quite yet, but I feel it coming. But not just yet.

Actually, wanna know what I really did when I found out? Cried my eyes out. Released my river of tears that I’ve been repressing for so long. I didn’t just cry for Brittany, but for all the other personal things that has been making me struggle. I also pounded on my piano, and read Britt’s poetry that touched my heart the most.

I think I may have a theory of this confusion going on with my friend too, who is in fact SSJ Silver. When we first became friends, I helped her come out of her shell, you know, open up a little, since she was a very no-touchy, cold person. Now that I’ve aided her, she feels she is apart of the group now in which she wasn’t before and has forgotten about me. “I don’t need you anymore” sorta thing. I might be wrong though but THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL AND IT HURTS.

Yes, I’ve been very depressed the last few days. And guess what? I’m leaving Thursday for vacation. Hopefully I will finally be able to relax and get my mind off all of this…FILTH.

Death… it comes to us all.
- RayWing Blitz

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Saturday, August 21, 2004

   Thanks be to God... I do feel somewhat better.
. . .Those who read my previous post…. Err, yeah. I was having an entirely sucky day. I do feel better today, somewhat, but not fully.

First off, I read SSJ Silver’s post (who is that person I was slightly annoyed at) and she has it all wrong, which means I’m going to have to explain that. She thinks I want to burn her alive and I really don’t. I am not mad at her! Just annoyed. But anyway, that was two days ago! I’ve moved on. Heck, it’s nearly forgotten.

I cried myself to sleep last night, just in case you wanted to know. I did have a good time last night at youth group… I mean, I sat next to “the Josh”!! ^___^ But overall I was still feeling yucky.

Hoo boy… I am utterly confused about some of the things going on. All of a sudden SSJ methinks has just lost her interest in our friendship… And that hurts. A LOT. Well, if she wants to do it that way then whose stopping her? Certainly not me. It’s her business who she wants to be friends with.

Well, I think I’ll go… I know I’m probably bending my readers’ ears off. Sorry about that. o.o
- Still a depressed RayWing Blitz

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