myOtaku.com: RayWing Blitz

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Gender
• Female
Location
• Planet Earth
Member Since
• 2003-11-26
Occupation
• Professional Bishie Glomper/Fanfiction Authoress
Real Name
• Gabrielle

Personal

Achievements
• When I was 10, I ruled my world. But, I learned the ABCs of life, and let God take over.
Anime Fan Since
• About August 2003
Favorite Anime
• Gundam Wing, Rurouni Kenshin, Inuyasha, and am growing to like Yu-Gi-Oh!
Goals
• Publish a best seller, visit many countries in Europe, and become a better authoress!
Hobbies
• I really love LotR, and am a Tolkien expert. If you guys have any questions about LotR or Tolkien, leave it in my guestbook! I also love listening to music, eating, (tee hee...) and I'm obsessed with computers...
Talents
• I play some piano, write fanfiction, and the middle finger and the ring finger on my right hand are the only double-jointed fingers on both hands. Holy mother of God! Isn’t that some true talent slapped down for ya!

myOtaku.com: RayWing Blitz

Monday, November 1, 2004

Calling out to God.
Hehe... hi everyone. I haven't posted, but I didn't have anything to post about. I don't really right now either, but what the heck. You might start to think I'm "inactive". Sorry! You're not getting rid of me. ^__~

Weeeeelll... where do I start? Yesterday, Sunday, was great, but I was super tired. One thing I can guarantee you - I am ALWAYS tired on Sundays due to going to bed late, getting up early, and then... just... relaxing, really. My pastor's message hit me hard. You know when you go to church (if you do), and the preacher starts talkin' and you just KNOW that God is going to speak to you?... but in a way of getting "beaten up?" Boy. Woke up this morning, dreading homework... although I get done in... 2 hours? :P

While lying in bed last night, I realized how much I had been concerned, and how everything going on consumed my mind immensely. So, I just prayed, and cried, calling out to Him. I prayed how desperate I was, how deeply hurt I was, how confused I was. I am so shaken up; the feeling fills my head, like I'm going to explode. For a few weeks there, I wasn't the Blitzy you knew to be cheerful, optimistic, and hyper. Seriously, I wanted so much to disappear. Wearing black clothing, black fingernails, dark makeup... and just shrink back. I wanted to be alone. I WANTED to feel loneliness like never before. "If it's just me, no one can hurt me." Sad, huh?

Well, since then, I've looked up to the sun, sighing, and with all my might, grasping hope. Not hope of reconciliation, but hope of letting go, and moving on.

Anyways. I'd appreciate your prayers, that through the strength of Jesus Christ, I would smile genuinely; not smile while holding back tears.

Thank you and God bless,
- RayWing Blitz
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