Monday, November 22, 2004

   Cold
I'm like uber sad again. It's really cold out and i actually don't like it. I usually love cold weather but not today. Last night was very stressing on me. I met greg, he's not exactly what i thought he'd be. My folks yelled at me because no one would answer the phone when i called. Then they made me wait out in the cold rain until they came to pick me up. I got to borrow shamanic princess from mari though. Not much to mention but i bought the first two volumes of angel sanctuary. I wish i could draw as well as kaori yuki *sobs*

I've been listening to HIM alot lately. I still plan on going to a concert and all ^_^

Michael made me sad. I think i hate him now.....i'm not exactly sure because he hurt me and i should hate him buti still wanna talk to him and all. He's too adictive but he's too much of a prick to accept the one thing that i could trust him with. So he's hidden from me and cut off all lines. He's supposedly playing some stupid pc game that everyone loves and always plays. Countershot or somethin. It also pisses me off because right after i told him that sumthin he started talking about some girl named "tammie". Wow that makes me feel ten times better. I just wish i could have a hug right now, from someone whom i don't wanna strangle for being a pessimistic jerk or sumthin.

That's all i can call me mom anymore, she's never positive around me anymore wich pisses me off. I wanna be around positive people so i can be positive and what not too, but lately that's seemed almost impossible. I just feel weird, like i need more attention or sumthin. I feel selfish and i all the sudden have uber low self confidence. I don't wanna go into some shitty depression again, because last time i did that i became a glutton...some obeis lil bitch (sp?). I don't want that again! it took me forever to loose all that flab and i'm damn happy with how i look now *sobs*

i know i'm against it, but lately i've been havin some severe suicide attempt problems, I carry a razor in my backpack and anna found it today. It had still been covered in dry blood and she screamed at me and threw it at me. I feel like i'm constantly pissing everyone off. I just wanna disappear or sumthin, i'm tired of being the source of help. Everyone tells me their own problems and i always feel to egotisticle if i say anything about my problems. This is the only place where i can vent out all of my problems. And to my luck none of my inconsiderate friends look on this anymore. They're too involved in their pages to care what I have to say. Not like that matters anymore. I like talking to all of you who comment on my shit. I like talkin to you guys, you're all so nice and what not.

Well i gotta go wash my face, i'll comment on everyone's stuff when i get back ^^

ja ne,
Sam

Green Angel
by Alice Hoffman
In this poetic, post-apocalyptic tale, fifteen-year-old Green must struggle to survive in a harsh new world after her family's tragic death.

Excerpt:
Wanting only darkness, I began to sleep. I slept longer and longer. I ignored the daylight and hope. I didn't care if the sky had begun to clear. Most of the ashes had fallen to the ground, leaving the horizon a faint washed-out blue. On several occasions I had noticed white clouds.


HeartAche Everymoment
From lashes to ashes
And from lust to dust
In your sweetest torment
I'm lost
And no heaven can help us
Ready, willing and able
To lose it all
For a kiss so fatal
And so worn
Oh it's heartache every moment
From the start 'til the end
It's heartache every moment
With you
Deeper into our heavenly suffering
Our fragile souls are falling
It's heartache every moment
Baby with you

And we sense the danger
But don't wanna give up
'Cause there's no smile of an angel
Without the wrath of god

Oh it's heartache every moment
From the start 'til the end
It's heartache every moment
With you
Deeper into our heavenly suffering
Our fragile souls are falling
It's heartache every moment
Baby with you
My darling with you

From lashes to ashes
And from lust to dust
In your sweetest torment
I am lost
And we sense the danger
But don't wanna give up

Oh it's heartache every moment
From the start 'til the end
It's heartache every moment
With you
Deeper into our heavenly suffering
Our fragile souls are falling
It's heartache every moment with you
That's right
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