Monday, November 29, 2004

   grrrrrrrrrrr
GAWD! I can't freakin stand it anymore. I'm going crazy!

I'm cpmpletely uninterested in men now. I think this happened after i declared that most men should rot in hell and it's not like i'm gonna meet some nice guy soon anyway. Plus, all i'd want out of him would be a cock and i'm pretty sure he'd be willing to offer that with half that gender being filthy and sex crazed.
I can't stand to be around them anymore. 'Cept the really cool ones that are nice to me or maybe if they're gay like my one friend from borders who i really like. He's cool.....BUT what's really been getting to me is that i'm still down about my ex-boyfriend. All the sudden everything around me reminds me of him and it's not like i can do a damned thing to save me! I wanna call him and apologize for giving him a half heart attack. I wanna call him and beg for him to come back to me and that i was sorry for breaking up with him. I can't possibly love him cause i broke up with him but it's not like i wanted to i mean it's almost as if someone held a damn gun to my head and said "break up with kevin or i'll pull the trigger" it's absolutely crazy and i want everything back to how it was before fathers day!


Also, i'm a bad person. I pound all of my good willing to listen friend with my OWN problems and never bother to listen to theirs....I never return promises and i lie alot too. I'm somewhat ungrateful and evious and i'm just an all around bad person and i'm sorry for being that way guys. I wish i was more understanding or soemthing and wasn't so overpiled in my own problems. It's like all the sudden i'm drowning in a pool of what's goin on in my life and it never helps to get out. There's only one reason that i could posssibly feel like this and that means that i haven't been talking to kristina in forever. OH NO! See if i talk to HER she'll tell me about all the damned things in her life and wouldn't give a damn about anytihng in my life. It's not like i expect that from someone who lenjoys the sympathy for her depression but continues to deny the fact that she likes people to worry about her. I don't like people to worry about me! It makes me feel annoyed and bad but kristina apparently doesn't care!

I have to go back to school today *gtrowls* i hate it there.....but it's not like it's as bad as it is here....where i hate being around all the people and would much rather slit my wrists to make them think i hate my life and i think they're all scum of the earth (wich isn't a lie) so they can feel bad and decide "oh maybe i'll treat her better instead of pretending she's just a scratch on my fuggin porche"

I hate people! I seriously do! I'm gonna be the old lady who lives with her animals cause people just don't understand anymore! All i really like is tha letters on this computer cause if i don't like them i can just erase them. It's not exactly real so i shouldn't care half enough to shit!

so on more recent news....I have an entire term of ART HISTORY!!! YAY! Now mr. stroble , art teacher of Lawrence, why don't you put on a bra so you don't scare your students as much. Or how about you stop critisizing
our artwork as if you expect us to be as talented as fuggin Divinci or whoever the hell those old artist people are. Even though half the students in the class are way better at painting and what not than he is. He can just go screw his boyfriend or whatever in the teacher's lounge cause we just don't wanna hear him bitch while he's imsing (wich is all the time) *inhale* well i'm gonna go cause my neck hurts and i wanna get away from this damned hell house.....ready for a random picture?




*sniff sniff* i miss wessley....i go to talk to frost yesterday (left in blue) BUT I KNOW WHERE WESSLEY LIVES!!! (right in black) *snicker*
ja ne.....
i'm pissed (sam)
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