Monday, July 4, 2005

   4th of JULY!
hey everyone! guess what today is!you got it, its the 4th of July! im going to be in a parade today and chuck all the candy i have at the kids ^_^ well not really im not that mean :P but its goin to be fun none the less.
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Sunday, July 3, 2005

   inspired by intrest
they penetrate into the recesses of nature, and show how she works in her hiding places. They ascend into the heavens: they have discovered how the blood circulates, and the nature of the air we breath. They have acquired new and almost unlimited powers; they can command the thunders of heaven, mimic the earthquake, and even mock the invisible world with its own shadows.
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Friday, July 1, 2005

   Over and never to return
well i just got back from summer camp and it was soooooooooooo much fun! we went canoeing down rapids, rock climbing, repelling down cliffs, and white water rafting! i got banged up a little but it was worth it. some guy asked me out at camp like the second day and i have no idea why he would do that. i mean c'mon he doesnt even know me! but anyways i told him that i dont wanna go out with anyone right now (Lying) another thing that is really off topic is that i think that my obsession for Ransom is dead, i dont like him anymore. i guess one of my really good friends gave me the best advice ever, and i have to thank her so much for that. i asked her why he doesnt like me and that i like him so much and she said that its because hes knows me, he knows the me that i showed him and he know how i react to things and i guess in a way shes right, he does know me and he knew that things wouldnt work out even when i though it could. but its alright ive always liked two guys and couldnt ever decide which one would love me and never let me go but now i know who it is. the two guys where ransom and chance ive always wanted go out with chance but since he lives in a different city all my friends gave me advice not to like him or go out with him so i just fell back to ransom. Chance was always the one i really wanted but it makes me wonder... he wanted a kiss from me on his bday but he had a girlfriend. would he ever do that to me? try to cheat? would he even care? i told him no bc i had a boyfriend and he had a girlfriend. i just remeber every time we spent together and that he really seemed to care about me. he offered me his jacket when it was cold even though he had shorts on and i had a jacket and long pants. no one has ever done that for me before not even my old boyfriends and i told him no. I couldnt do it because he would be really cold if i took it! and probably get really sick too! and i know that would be fine with what i had, and i just couldnt do it. i coulnt let him be cold cause i care about him! i do. i wish i had kissed him i wish he knew how much i like him i wish he knew everything. we never needed words to talk. we sad next to eachother in silence bc just the thought of him sitting next to mean was enough to keep me going for a life time. its like we could talk without saying a word. i miss him. omg im talking waaaaaaaaaaaaaay to much right now and i bet that ya dont really want to read all this stuff so ill just stop lol ^_^ sry bout that
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Tuesday, June 21, 2005

   counting away messages
Hey everyone i just recently found out how many away messages i have that talk about broken hearts, and refer to Ransom and it turned out i had 31 away messages! yeah i know thats pritty bad, and whats worse is the fact that i blamed it on him for makin me like him! when the whole time i knew that it was only me that convinced myself that i liked him, it was just me that didnt want to let him go, it wasnt ever his fault, even though i said so... so i got rid of all those away mesages except for one and it says: 600 great times, 500 laughs, 400 smiles, 300 great memories, 200 jokes, 100 great secrets, 1 reason. I guess the reason why i chose that away message out of all of them, was that this one never made me cry because then i remember all the good times that we shared and what made me love him.
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Saturday, June 18, 2005

   True weakness
well i only have one word to describe today, it SUCKED. I left a few messages on one of my friends away messages, and she happends to be the one that is going out with the guy i like. They wer'nt mean or anything, they were true. One i left said " i hope you have fun at ur boyfriends house, i know i almost ruined it" and that was true because i almost intrupted them the other day when i stopped by Ransoms house ( the guy i like) to apologize for being so mean to him.So when i got on the computer she and ransom both instant messaged me saying all this FUCKING BULL SHIT! Ransom was trying to understand why i was acting like this and why i got so mad at him a week ago and why im still mad at him. i just told him to shut the fuck up and then i signed off. But the chaos didnt end there, oh no, he called me! he hasnt called me since we went out, which was a really really long time ago. He asked me what was going on and i just said, give me one good reason why i shouldnt hang up right now, i told him that he didnt care and he said, would i be calling you if i didnt? then there was a very very long silence then i said well i dont care and i hung up. It hurt so bad and it still does. I have no idea what to do. I went to my room and started eating a bowl of rice like crazy and cried at the same time. I dont know if ive ever cried like that before... it hurts so much. I dont know why i like him so much all he does is cause me pain. I guess hes my one TRUE weakness
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Thursday, June 16, 2005

   Good Bye
Today was the last day of school! i was soooooooooo happy i just wanted school to be over and now it finally is! yay! but i dont think that i acting very happy today, not sure why but i think it might have to do with the fact that i havent talked to the guy i like since we fought :( i like him sooooooooooooo much and i wanted to tell him that i was sry and that i wasnt goin to see him next year but that chance never even came. i was goin to tell him at locker break at the end of the day but it turned out we wernt allowed. So instead i walked down the other teams halway ( the one he walks down to go home) hoping that i was goin to be able to catch him. As i saw him turn the corner I silently said "bye" knowign that i was never goin to see him again... so i guess... the day that was suppose to be the happiest turned out to be the saddest.
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Tuesday, June 14, 2005

   SCHOOL PICNIC!
We had a end of the year school picnic today and goooooooooooood god it was soooooooooooooooooooo HOT! we went to a park and i was burning up! the gym teacher cooled hotdogs on the grill for lunch, it was really good ^_________^ it was really fun except for the heat uuuuuuuuuuuuuug, but we managed. Well since it was so hot out some ppl had the idea to make water baloons and get everyone soaked! and then everyone got into this HUGE water fight near the bath room. I wanted to go get wet with my friends but i decided to stay with the few that didnt want to get wet. Then afterwards everyone wanted to give huges to eachother because they were all wet i unfortunately got huged a million times from ppl that were really wet. oh well it was fun so i dont regret it lol. I cant wait 'til school's out!
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Saturday, June 11, 2005

   Hurting inside
well i talked to him today on aol, things were goin alright and we were jokin around and stuff but then he said that he did want me to go to my new school and he kept sayin "stay" i told him its to late to change my mind. But he kept saying "stay" i finally blew up in his face, i said " I cant! besides you have taylor! ( his girlfriend) isnt that all you need?" and i said some other stuff but i forgot. then i said to leave me alone and i put up an away message and then he said "fine! now you have no one to talk to!" but he put a smiley face. then i told him to leave me the fuck alone! but he never knew that i said all that with *tears* in my eyes...
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Thursday, June 9, 2005

   Should i or should i not?
OK the guy i like knows that i like him now and he acts like its nothing. I've been flirting sooooooooo much with him recently but i dont think that its goin to get anywhere :( Personally i dont think that he should flirt with any girl and especially me ( since he knows that i like him) because its like hes leading others on, and he has a girlfriend so more the reason he shouldnt, even though i want to so bad i just dont think that its fair to his girlfriend. I guess i just want him to be happy together with someone even if that someone isnt me. ^_^
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Tuesday, June 7, 2005

   YAY!
OMG I HAVE GREAT NEWS! it wasnt my best friend that wrote those hate letters! it was some of her friends that hacked her e-mail and they made me think that my best friend did want to be friends ne more! im so relieved that it wasnt her! Im so happy now! YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
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