Sunday, June 5, 2005

   Alone in this world
well i e-mailed her back and this time i took a more aggressive step and got pissed off when i was writing it wasnt anything nice. she sent me another letter today and she did every thing but apologize, she said that shes always hated me and crap like that. right now i feel alone in this great wide world, she was always someone that under stood me and made me laugh, we were best friends what could have gone wrong?
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Saturday, June 4, 2005

   Why does she hate me?
omg, when i checked my e-mails today i found that my best friend had sent me 2 e-mails and so of course i started to read em and it turned out that she wrote me a hate letter, sayin that im a lesbian (which im not) and she hates me and that she doesnt want to be my bff anymore! i was like WTF! i asked her what i did to deserve that and she wont tell me, she said that i've never cared but thats not true, i do. Why does she hate me all the sudden? what did i do? Im not goin to let this go even if she gives me a good reason why shes doing this, bc we've been bffs for a really really long time. I hope shes just playin around, she occasionally does that so im hopin shes just doin that or havin an off day
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Thursday, June 2, 2005

Just another Aching heart
My heart's breaking... crumbleing into a million pieces, and i dont think that i have the will to put them back together Ive been waiting forever for him to love me once more but im not going to give up, no matter how much i like him i know that i will just be another aching heart...
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Wednesday, June 1, 2005

   SOLs
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuug our SOLs started today and it sucks. we had the english SOL today and i think i aced it cause it was really easy. It was alot of reading but the questions were easy. I have math tomorrow and i hope i do well on it. i suck at math but i think I'll pass, well wish me luck buh byes

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Sunday, May 29, 2005

   Choaking
Well shes over at his house again, i just found that out right now at 2:47 pm on sunday. I didnt know it would feel this bad, my hands are sweating and i feel like i cant breath. just picturing him with her, when ive been trying to hold on to him for so long. God im having so much trouble typing this right now. it hurts so bad, Its like im choaking on the fact that i love him but he cant even see it. they're probably making out right now, or she's sitting on his lap while hes type on the key board like he used to do with me... probably cuddling with her on his couch like we used to do... In the winter i would go over to his house and he would start a fire in his basement and we would cuddle on the couch with eachother with a blanket, even though all we needed was eachother to keep warm... it hurts, i never thought i would choake on my love for him. (sry if this post is sorta mushy if ur a girl u will understand, hopefully)
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Tuesday, May 24, 2005

   If he knew
I love this site, it doesnt care who i am and what i feel, whether if im happy, sad, lonely, confused, excited, hyper, jummpy, spastic, broken, lost, or upset i can say it all in this site and it doesnt care. it allows me to write what i feel and whats going on in life. It is my sanctuary. If the guy i like ever found out about this site i dont know what i would do. I pour out everything i feel into this site, which is probably not a good thing.lol. but hey i guess i just need a place where i can say stuff and no one cares who i am.
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Monday, May 23, 2005

   Holding on
Hey peoples no much going on right now. Things have been going really slow and dont seem to want to speed up :-/ I cant stop thinking about this guy i like a whole lot. I dont know why i keep holding on to him, i just dont want him to dissapear in my life. I guess if i ever let him go i would feel like something is missing in my life. The guy doesnt even like me, he has a girl friend and he doesnt know that i like him which is probably a good thing... i guess. I'm going to a different school next year so i wont be able to see him very much next year :-( im trying to cope with that fact but its slowly killing me on the inside. I've been holding it in for so long i guess its just starting to take effect, it just keeps building and building and nothing there to tear it down.
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Wednesday, May 18, 2005

   Day dreaming
Have you every wondered what causes you to day dream? wheather its a guy/girl you like or a place you would like to be, or even wonder what it would be like to be in a book. Well i admit that i day dream a whole lot ;P I wish my life could be everything that i dream it to be, but im happy with what i have. Images of him have continuously popped into my head and then i completely forget what was going on, or what my friend said to me. I havent just day dreamed about him but hes appearing in my dreams too. I believe that i'm falling in love with him even though i know that i will never be able to go out with him again, he would never take me back.Well until the day that i cant hold it in anymore and burt out to him that i love him, I will always want him to be happy, even if im not the one that makes him so.
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Saturday, May 14, 2005

   Carnival
Hey everyone i worked at a carnival today and it was ok, but frankly i dont think im ever going to do that again lol:P the carnival was for little kids bc it was held at an elementry school. I'm really not good with kids and this did not help at all lol i went there at 11:30 and worked til 2:30! i worked at the Put put game, it was so lame, all you had to do was hit the ball down the center of the mat. there wasnt even a hole it was just a mat with numbers on it :-/ it was retarded, but i guess the kids liked it bc they kept coming back, unforunatly >_< all i did all day was give them the putter, let them choose a ball, tell them to hit it down the center of the mat, say good job, and give them a prize, and by the end of it my back was sweathing like crazy ( it was hot out side) but one of my friends came to give me relief of that torture and i give my thanx to her! lol Thankies Carrie! when i got home i ate noodles and then fell asleep on the couch and here i am now. well thats about it talk to yall laters! ^_^
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Saturday, May 7, 2005

   New book!
hey everyone i know im posting twice in one day and i normally dont do that but i posted early and i have more to say lol. well i went to the mall today and i got a new fushigi-yuugi book! it just came out! lol i finnished reading it in like one hour :P i just couldnt put it down ^_^ i still think that there love is incredible,i think that its so amazing how they can love each other after all their hardships and people and there worlds trying to separate them. my friends think I'm weird cause im awe struck by how much they can love, they dont think that someone can love that much if there in a book, but i do. well got to run! ^_^
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