Tuesday, April 3, 2007

the carpal tunnel of love

mood: angsty listening to: cupid's chokehold-gym class heroes currently: sad to think i'll never see him again note: danny updated his site if anyone is interested in what few thoughts pass through his mind his site is" em0taku hi, Redmoonchick Responds: playitbakinslomo: uh we went to the zoo just for the heck of it niisan: nah i'll just have you beat danny up for me! XD j/k tohmalover14: love hate relationship eh? i guess. hooray your mentioned again! tiggerola: yes, i met lordsesshomaru in my dream, weird considering i don't know what he looks like xXurbrokendollXx: ah no don't give danny the idea that he has a fan club! he doesn't deserve one! XD oh well yeah he's a cool person...sometimes X shadowme X: you win for best friggen comment ever! have you guys ever had a day where you felt like everyone was laughing at you? and not in a good way? well that's sorta how my day was yesterday. the reason for this is that i was walking up the stairs to go and change into my yoga clothes and these three guys were standing by the staircase and as soon as i walk past them all three start laughing hysterically. at first i thought nothing of it but when i came out of the bathroom they were still there and sure enough i hear the same kind of laughter again. *sigh* it's not like i'm not used to being teased i mean it happened to me most of my childhood, but those types of things can ruin your entire day. well besides that little unpleasantness monday was pretty darn boring. i felt really isolated and alone yesterday for some reason, even though my bro and danny were both at school. well my brother was sleepy so he didn't talk much and danny just got a new ipod so he was busy so i guess i felt all alone. oh and danny left school early today and he was gone before school was out, he left without telling us so yeah bummer because my bro is boring! i'm worried because i'm starting to feel depressed again, this happens to me from time to time but this time is so sudden. i 'm hoping that this feeling is just a one day depression and that i'm not falling into one of my depressing slumps. don't know i just feel like crying today. has that ever happened to anyone else? oh sorry you guys, i honestly had no idea how long yesterday's post was! i typed it up in word and saved it and just copied and pasted it. i mean i knew it was on the long side but not that long! XD thanks to anyone who attempted to read it! angel zaruko i don't think you have the longest posts anymore! XD i promise this one won't be so long. oh i have another sorry to you all. i'm sorry i didn't get to everyone's sites! i had this uber hard english assignment to do and i just finished it not too long ago. oh but thanks for the comments everyone! 21 woot! i usually don't get that till weekends. like i said in the first paragraph monday was boring. honestly i can't think of anything to recall...yup i got nothing. here's hoping that tomorrow will be more interesting! oh i heard this song over the weekend that i really loved! it's called face down by the red jumpsuit apparatus. it was so good! i mentioned it to danny and he had it on his ipod so he let me listen to it! *hugs for him* oh and i finally saw the fall out boy video "thnks fr th mmrs"! it was alright i think they could've done better but hey i enjoyed it! my cat had this huge thing on his leg, like this big ass bump! it was so gross! i mean his leg swelled up real big and he was walking with a limp and i was so worried about him, but i am happy to say that when i got home from school i checked his leg and it went down! i think he might've popped whatever was on his leg cause his fur was all wet and he had hair missing in a spot on his leg. oh well at least he's better now! oh yeah i changed my theme! i did furuba because i felt like it (even though fall out boy and nana were in a tie) so yeah i'm glad a few of you like it! i wasn't sure about the color's at first but i must say they grew on me! even if i'm not happy at least my site is! XD oh can you guys see the little pic of danny in my profile? yeah i can see it at home and at school but i wasn't sure if anyone can see it. oh well if anyone cares that's what he looks like. i hope i didn't worry anyone with my depressed talk, i'm actually feeling a bit better as i type. as long as i don't think about the thing/person that is depressing me i should be fine. here's a few pics and look post totally not that long! XD fall out boy (this might be a bit big) yeah pete wentz...yeah ~redmoonchick~

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Monday, April 2, 2007

i saw god cry in the reflection of my enemies

hi, Redmoonchick (and danny) responds: wensday kitten: danny's reponse to comment: "i have no signature phrases!" destinyssweetman: don't worry danny doesn't need paparazzi he takes enough pics of himself! XD oh and to anwser your question my fave fob video is dance,dance roseeyes: the cow boy (lol) from furuba is named hatsuharu X shadowme X: hooray! i'm a stereotype! tohmalover14: thanks! you were the only one to mention the new theme! *hugs* did everyone have a good weekend? i'm glad you guys weren't pissed at my apirl's fool joke. alright let's talk about the zoo field trip. it turned out alright. the bus situation wasn't nearly as bad as i thought but it was still kinda effed up. during the morning danny and my brother abandoned me! i had to drop my stuff off in the office and go to the bathroom. so when i went out to get on the bus they were already seated, danny was sitting with someone else already but my bro wasn't so i sat with him. now my bro-bro is a big guy, he is very tall and has uber long legs so us sitting together wasn't such a good idea. then the teachers said they had to start putting people three to a seat and stuff like that so the girl that was sitting with danny got up and moved to a different seat so i went to sit with danny. i'm so glad i did because there was way more room over there. i told my teacher that we should've gotten two buses instead of one but no one listened! the bus ride was actually pretty boring for a while. i didn't eat breakfast that morning (barely anyone did) and i was soon regretting it because i was starving! but like i said boring bus ride. danny decides he's tried and is soon falling asleep. it was funny to watch him though because his entire head kept falling down and he was twitching and stuff. i didn't mind too much though because this guy named tim was sitting in front of me and he was pretty entertaining. he kept taking pic's of danny with a camera phone while he was sleeping! that's what woke danny up i think, then after danny was awake the tim guy started flashing people from the bus, by flashing i mean he was showing people his man boobs XD it was pretty funny and eventually danny joined in. they were stopped by a teacher though and after that danny bought the game yahtzee for his phone and me and him were playing two player mode and i totally beat him twice! he was getting pretty sore loserish. alright eventually we got to the zoo and saw all the animals. here are some zoo highlights: i accidently scared a little kid while we were in the reptile room. me and a teacher were standing near a tank and looking at this big brown lizard, well the lizard noticed us and suddenly ran towards the tank and started clawing at the window. so this guy jordan comes over and i told him about the murderous lizard so he puts his face up to the glass and the lizard is fighting like crazy to scratch jordan's face, then my bro came over and i told him that the lizard tried to kill jordan, i said this not realizing that to my left was a two year old boy and his mom and the boy starts crying! i felt bad. we went to see the monkeys and there was this ape sitting there and oh emm gee you guys he looked so human like! he was in the pose of that famous statue "the thinker" no joke it was hilarious! we saw another chimp later and the whole group is watching it and it turns around to give us the best view of it's butt and other unmentionables! needless to say this was very funny. we also stopped by the zebra exhibit and it just so happened that one of the male zebras decided it would be a good time to mount the female zebra in front of all the kids! XD our group loved this and half of them including danny stayed to watch while the rest of us took off. it was kind of a bummer because a lot of the animals were asleep or not around at the zoo. something else funny was that there was this underwater tunnel at the polar bear exhibit and we happened to go in the wrong way so the door was closed, but being that everyone was tired, and hungry, and impatient danny decided to take it upon himself to jimmy the door open! so yeah we got in through the wrong door but it was so cool! at one point i was standing and i look up and this sealion is swimming right above me! we didn't have too long in the zoo so it went by really fast! we lost a few people right when it was time to leave so one of my teachers had to go back to find the missing kids. when it was time to go back to the bus we could not have been father away from the entrance to the zoo! i swear we must have been at the other end, so we had to walk all the way to the entrance and oh emm gee my legs are killing me! they hurt so bad and i didn't want to take another step! but eventually we got to the entrance and i was dying of thirst and i couldn't find anyone who could break a ten so i couldn't buy a pop and they have two lovely water fountains right by the machines but neither one worked! so i was dying of thirst and danny bought an energy drink so i had to beg him for a drink and he got mad and said i drank too much. after we walked to the entrance of the zoo we still had to walk to the bus and when we got there we we're suppose to get lunch, but come to find out that people already on the bus stole extra lunches and drinks out of lunches so some people didn't get any! that's so wrong and all this stupid girl could say was "first come first serve" i felt like smacking her because lunch shouldn't be that way. lucky for me my bro-bro happened to find three lunches so he gave me one and kept one and gave another away, oh danny got a lunch too in case anyone was worried, but i felt bad for the kids who didn't get one. the bus ride back was more boring because i sat behind danny this time and my bro was sleeping but eventually danny and i started playing yahtzee again. we got back to school around two and we were dismissed early also our school got in trouble because someone on the bus threw something out the window and it hit a car and now the driver is reporting the care 'damaged'. after school bro-bro, danny and i were hanging out around the building and my bro recorded danny doing a wall flip off of the school building. later we bought pops and we're drinking them outside and danny flicked his bottle cap at me and hit me right in the ear! man that hurt so i threw my pop at him twice. then danny and bro-bro decided to invent a new game where they stand opposite one another against walls and flick bottle caps at each other. (i just watched) danny ended up winning and later he asked for a drink of my pop. now me being the nice girl that i am and wanting to repay him for drinking some of his energy drink at the zoo handed over the pop which danny then proceeded to throw onto the roof of the building next to the school! i was mad and made him climb up there and get it for me (which he did) so it all ended well i suppose. except for later when i was leaving and he punched me so hard in the arm three times right in front of my mom! still hurts to touch the spot so i think that's the hardest he's ever hit me. oh and my grandma was in the car at the time and she saw danny hit me and after she left she got mad and was like "don't you let that boy hit you" lol. why you always gotta beat me up danny? you take pleasure in my pain? T-T j/k but seriously no more punches! *rubs arm* i know this post is long but i'm almost done. i went shopping friday i was going to get shoes but i didn't find any i liked. well i did but they no fit T-T anyway i went over to a clothing store and got three shirts! on sale too! and there just adorable! two of the shirts were five bucks and one was eleven. oh i also got two bracelets to match my shirts. i'll try to find pics to show you guys. like i said yesterday i was trying to get all my friends together so we can hang out but we can't because it seems that no one can come up with money this weekend and danny said he's busy next weekend. so who knows when this plan will come together! oh i had this weird dream on sunday, in my dream i met lordsesshomaru the myo user. it was so weird..now obviously i don't know what he really looks like in real life but in my dream he had hair like hatori sohma from furuba. and i think i was stranded and i was at his house cause i had no where else to go. he was nice in my dream and stuff. really no more myo before bed. XD now i shall leave you with some zoo quotes! *note these things were actually said* me and danny were walking by a couple of geese: danny: "the geese are staring at me" me: "their just trying to mate with you danny" later i was walking with jordan and i accidently brushed against his butt: me: sorry jordan jordan: you just touched my ass me: it was a accident jordan: yeah right an accident our entire group was trying to catch the attention of a sleeping tiger: kid one: let's insult the tiger! kid two: yeah good idea kid one: hey stripey! danny: hey tony is better then you, frosted flakes! everyone was crowding around to see the gorilla: kyle: alright i'm getting out of here because i'm sick of being molested danny after seeing the zebra's mating: danny: that was the best thing about the zoo! ok that is all redmoonchick is out! ~redmoonchick~

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Sunday, April 1, 2007

no subject line could possibly capture how i feel

mood: undescribable music: the screaming in my head currently: freaking out hi, well something big has happened. i haven't been 100% honest with you all. i said that danny and i are just friends but were not. we've been going out for the last two months...i didn't say anything because i didn't want anyone to know. but now something big has happened....i just found out that i'm pregnant! it's true i checked three different tests and they all said i was. i haven't told anyone yet. only my best friend and danny know. i'm not sure how this happened! we were so safe! but it looks like we weren't safe enough....kinda freaking out now. i don't know what i'm going to tell my parents or my bro or the other kids at school... i just don't know. when i told danny he freaked and he also threw up! we're both too young for this...i gotta figure it all out...can i be a mother? man i only have one thing to say about all this....april fools!!!!!!!! ok yeah that was a joke. i hope no one is upset with me. i was going to pull a joke by saying that i was leaving the myo but with people actually leaving i didn't think that was a great idea. i decided to pull this one instead because of all the assuming you people like to do about me and danny! and because my friend danielle thought it was a funny idea. i hope i didn't piss anyone off. so let's reccap: i am not pregnant with danny's child, it was all a april's fools joke! he'll probably be mad about this when he reads it. but oh well i thought it was funny. again sorry if you took it seriously, don't worry i got fooled today too, so i guess i'll see you guys monday!

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Friday, March 30, 2007

couldn't bring myself to call, except to call it quits

mood: upbeat listening to: i've got all this ringing in my ears and none on my fingers-fob currently: wishing to tell him every secret i have hi, Redmoonchick responds: whistle: yeah an alternative high school is kinda like a private school but it's more for older teens whio can no longer go to normal high school but still want to graduate. LS: yeah i guess mine and danny's relationship is a strange one lalagirl: yes, my bro was singing disney songs and he is 15 years young kirbysdouble: yeah i know what you mean it's alright sometimes i lose attention to people's posts too well today is friday and that means it's field trip day here at school! were going to the detroit zoo today with our entire school. it should be fun, i had to make sure my favorite teacher put my bro, danny, and i all got in the same group (which we did) the only thing i'm dreading is the long bus ride because i've had some bad experiences on buses, but it should be fine. school today was fine. i skipped my second hour because i didn't feel like doing history and danny wanted me to hang out with him in the computer lab. so i spent most of the hour on myo and listening to fall out boy. third hour we played the game taboo, that was pretty fun except for my team sucked ass and we lost. oh well it was still fun. yoga played crab soccer, lost again but whatever it was fun as well but i was a bit distracted later because danny and timmy (my bro) came into watch us play. we only lost the game by one point and i wish my legs were longer because i have short legs and i can't reach the ball! T-T oh i'm pretty happy because danny finally remembered to burn me the fob cd "take this to your grave" now i can listen to grand theft autum whenever i want! on the subject of music i finally watched the panic! @ the disco video for "build god then we'll talk" which was one of my fave panic songs but i absolutely hate the video! ugh one word pornomimes <---graphic pornomimes yeah so i don't have a lot to talk about today. after school today i went outside the school and danny and my bro said that danny ran up a ten foot wall and got on the roof of this little building thing. i didn't see it though but i thought it was worth mentioning. oh yesterday i said i was trying to get my friends together to hang out this weekend well we finally decided on going to see a movie but now we can't decide what movie to see! the boys want to see a horror movie and i don't, i want to see a funny movie so i suggested "blades of glory" the new will ferrel movie. but we will have to see. do you guys think my posts are too long? honestly i don't but then again i am a writer so i do enjoy writing. but honestly i have no intention to stop writing long posts. as long as someone reads them. oh my mom did something strange yesterday. she told a dishwasher at her work that i thought he was cute! i had only met this guy one time and i didn't even talk to him! i just said that he wasn't bad looking so my mom took it upon herself to get me hooked up or something. anyway the guy was happy i guess because he asked if i wanted to go to a city with him for a week! i was like nope even though i totally love the city he's going to. one more thing before i go, i realize that i talk about danny a lot and honestly i don't know when or how that started happening i mean i talk about him so much he's become sort of a mini-celebrity <---should totally erase that because it will go straight to his huge ego! welp i guess i'll tell you guys how the zoo went on monday! have a good weekend everyone! thought this was cute ~redmoonchick~

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Thursday, March 29, 2007

pretty in punk

mood: why it's almost like being in love listening to: my brother singing disney songs in a high pitched voice currently: wishing i didn't feel this way about him hi, Redmoonchick responds: playitbakinslomo: well crab soccer is where you have to play soccer but you have to walk like a crag while doing it and that means walking with your hands and not letting your butt touch the floor. xXurbrokendollXx: no danny isn't my brother, he's a very good friend of mine and nothing else! merrick-fma: i wish i could show off the comic but alas i have no scanner T-T lalagirl: yup the pics i put up yesterday were of pete wentz the bass player for fall out boy well as we all know april is coming up quickly and i'm in need of a new theme for my site. i have some ideas but i'm having a hard time deciding on one. so i decided that i'd ask you guys what you thought. should my new theme for april be: a.fruits basket b.panic! @ the disco c.naruto d.death note e.nana f. fall out boy ok so which one do you guys think i should go with? i want some opinons people! ^-^ school was pretty normal yet again, i mentioned yesterday that danny might not show up to school because he got his wisdom teeth pulled. well i was pleasantly surprised to find him there today. i was lessed pleased during second hour when danny was acting so strange! i blamed it on the pain medication he was given for his teeth but man was he being weird! he kept bugging me to tell him who i was talking about in my currently lines on my posts. *points to top of post* up there. well i told him it wasn't important and he was getting so upset. needless to say he was quite distracting! in my third hour were doing an easter fundraiser to raise money for the yearbook. it's going to be pretty cool. were doing a easter egg hunt and some other easter related activities. man yoga is kicking my butt lately! ugh my legs are killing me we did so much leg work yesterday. i hope all this yoga work is going to pay off eventually and that i'll lose some unwanted pounds. i've also been trying to organize all my friends so that we can hang out this weekend. it's been extreamly difficult, mostly because we can't really decide what to do. most of us want to go bowling but a few people *cough* danny *cough* don't want to bowl. so yeah but i'm still trying. there was a fight in the parking lot after school today and that fight involved me. ok so it was a fight between me and danny and it was a bit more agressive then are normal fights. and boy i can just hear all the things danny will say now as i type this. i kept slapping him in the head and knocking his glasses off and i kicked him in the knee, but he punched me in both arms so i was hurt too. there was even a bystander involved, my younger brother he decided to come up behind me and poke me in the shoulders real hard so without looking at him i swung backwards and smacked him in the jaw. man he was so mad and wanted to beat the hell out of me but we were at school and it was an accident! oh yeah during the fight danny was like "your going to talk about this on myotaku aren't you?" XD he knows me too well dammit! but yeah i am so what who cares? oh yeah danny also hurt my feelings because he called me a bitch and he meant it! ah i hate when my friends say mean things about me and then danny accused me of hurting his feelings. but yeah he did hurt my feelings because i'm a sensitive person and get hurt easy. but in the end danny is my friend and i know that he'd defend me if someone was messing with me so i love him for that. but only in a friend way people. oh while my brother and i were waiting to get picked up after school, these guys in a pick-up truck drove by and yelled at us "you guys are losers because you go to choice!" well choice is our high school and we are an alternative high school so yeah the normal high school kids hate us! but i don't care because i love my school and wouldn't want to go anywhere else. so it's thursday and it's the final chapter of my story "my friend rory" ah how long it's been. i know some people were upset i was ending it so early, but as they say all good things must come to a end. so this chapter is pretty short so i hope you all enjoy! *********************************************************************************** "my friend rory" chapter eleven: doesn't matter what time it is as long as i'm with you david and i have been going out ever since that day four years ago. we now live in chicago and are attending college there. the clearview high school where the shooting took place stayed closed until the next school year where it was re-opened and given a new name "the clearview students memorial highschool" they even included a wing and a library named after david and i. even though the school was re-opened i could never go inside and i still haven't even to this day,neither has david. i feel that the school should stay the way it was inside my memories from before the shooting, i can close my eyes and still see them. the students and rory perserved forever in my memory, if i were to go inside the new school where would those memories go? though alex and ellie both returned to the school and tell me that the window that rory fell from is now replaced by a stone wall. like i said before david and i are still together and we're even getting married in may. we're a pretty normal couple now doing normal couple things but that's not to say that the shooting didn't effect us in the long run. sometimes when were at home together watching a movie or TV show and someone is shot and killed, i'll get uncomfortable and david will change the channel, and sometimes late at night i'll dream of rory. that i can see him and speak to him but it's always the same he always kills himself in the end, no matter how hard i try to stop him i never can, and on those nights when i wake in the dark i just press myself closer to david and try to remember that it's all a dream. really i don't know what i'd do without him. speaking of david he's still the same and so am i, i guess. well i know i'm not that same seventeen year old but for the most part i am the same twenty one year old. sometimes i think of rory and wonder what kind of man he'd be now? i wonder if he'd be happy? or if he'd be getting married just like i was? but that's all just wishful thinking because rory will always be seventeen years old in this world and in my mind. rory's parents moved away from our neighborhood about a month after the funeral and i still get letters from them sometimes. i still talk to ellie and sometimes go to see her on the weekends, back to my old hometown where eveyone knows me and when i go back i'll drive by the old highschool but never look because i don't really want to see. instead i'll always drive to the old cementary to visit rory's grave and i stand there looking at the headstone and picture rory standing beside me and i'll tell him everything there is to tell, about my upcoming wedding and my school life, about how his family is doing and about how i still miss him after all this time. i also kept my promise to rory that i'd tell his story. a few days after the funeral i went on the network news and told everything i could about what had happened that day, i swear they must've played that footage nearly a hundered times all over america and just like rory wanted himself and our school became infamous. everyone knew what the clearview shooting was just like everyone knew who rory and myself were. i also wrote a book about what had happened i titled it "my friend rory" and it became pretty popular, i still get letters sometimes from people who congradulate my heroism, but sometimes i do get angry letters question why i still called a murder my friend just like alex had done four years ago. it happens a lot when david and i walk together. people will come up to me and ask "how can you call that monster your friend?" and i'll look at david smile and say "because he's not a monster he's just my friend rory" ******************************************************************* well love it? hate it? want me to stop writing? lol i hope you guys like it! ~redmoonchick~

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Wednesday, March 28, 2007

sleepy wizards love pete wentz and crab soccer

Mood: enthusiastic Listening to: whatever is happening in lab Currently: want to stay by his side forever Hi, Well usually I update after midnight but last night I was so exhausted, so I passed out around ten. I’m updating at school right now. Yesterday at school was alright. In my third hour I get to make a comic for our school newsletter thing. I wasn’t going to but the teacher is forcing me and she wants me to draw it in anime style. This is good because then I have an excuse to be on the myo. In yoga we played crab soccer again and this time I actually participated! Woot! Go me! Ok so it was going well during the game except I can’t crab walk so I was more scooting around the floor. The best moment of the game for me was when this really good player named spencer had the ball and I managed to get it away from him! Ugh I am kinda regretting playing though because I am so friggen sore this morning! My back and shoulders are aching. It was kinda boring yesterday because danny had to leave at 11:00 for an dentist appointment. He was getting his wisdom teeth pulled or something. Oh yeah I also managed to not get punched yesterday. Probably because danny wasn’t here. While were talking about danny, yesterday after school I got on this chat thing and saw that danny was on and I talked to him and it was all normal and crap, Until he started sending me some strange messages, like porno ones. I was like wtf? And he told me it was convo’s he saved. Most of the things in there I can’t repeat here but let’s say that it involved wizard hats, stone cold steve Austin, butter, baseball, and one bloodninja. But let’s not get freaked because danny isn’t some weirdo (as far as I know) he was just playing with girls when he does stuff like that. I’m proud of myself because I managed to get to nearly everyone on my friends list. I’m sorry if I didn’t get to you. I’m also glad that so many of you enjoyed my poems! *hugs for all* Redmoonchick responds to comments: Inuyashafan4-ever: yes panic! Was on the TV yesterday night on a talk show Christianotaku: ah yourn not pathetic! You are the awesome! Hoaryu aka niisan: yeah I thought it was sad that I couldn’t last a day on the bet too T-T Ok I’m supposed to do a manga review but I have no time so I’ll be going now! Some pete wentz pics cause I feel like it: ~redmoonchick~

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Tuesday, March 27, 2007

went to sleep a poet but i woke up a fraud

mood: sleepy listening to: nothing but the striking of the keys currently: wishing i was in his arms hi, redmoonchick responds to comments: hoaryu aka niisan: nope, i'm not a senior otaku. just a lowly otakuite LS: hey i got that reference well not a lot happend yesterday. went to school as usual except my bro didn't go because he decided that a cook out was more important then school. yeah and i seem to be the only one who doesn't agree. so yup went to school and a few interesting things happened. technically i lost that bet i was talking about yesterday. i know one day? how sad, but really it wasn't my fault because i was just trying to watch the new fall out boy video that was delayed from friday. the bet wasn't too important anyways. in my third hour we played a game that's kinda like charades but different. my team actually won this time! but yeah i was so afraid to go up there and act out my scenes because i'm kinda shy but my whole team was backing me and i did a pretty good job! in my sixth hour we had to go outside and pick up garbage so gross! we didn't even have gloves or anything but whatever it wasn't for too long and it helped the enviroment. danny and i must've broke a new record for getting in a 'fight' it happened in second hour this time. i'm not sure how it started but i think it had something to do with fall out boy. again for the third day danny punched me in the same arm as before! what a annoying kid! XD i pinched him though and i guess it hurt. one of these days i really need to kick him in the nuts as revenge! i don't have a lot to a talk about so i really felt like writing today so i wrote a few poems so i'll just post those andi would appreciate if you all read them! poem #1 he's bad for me in everyway possible but i just can't get enough there are a million reasons why not but i'm still waiting for the one why it seems i can't get you out of my system i know what all those dark romance spewing singers mean your in me without either of us realizing that it was happening now it's too late... too late to struggle against myself too late to bother denying it yet i can't bring myself to accept it either my heart's stuck in limbo and it's all your fault your bad for me like a legal drug of mine too much for me to handle we pick our own poisons and i guess your mine so i'll overdose on you after all theres no other way that i'd rather die poem #2 i use to know him too long ago words spoken so ancient only history knows them now fragments of the people we used to be splayed across my computer screen promises made in high school days broken by the flow of time i use to know him back when things made sense and his face wasn't splashed over every magazine cover telephone messages kept for years sit in the tape player because it's the only way i hear him talk anymore his CD sits in the player because i can't get enough i saw him on TV and was sad that he looked happy i called him once in the dead of the night i was surprised that he had the same number as all those years ago we never spoke, i never called back i use to know him words of "don't ever change" whispered once were now dead on tounges returned words of "i would never" whispered back but blew away with the wind letters and postcards from far away places tell me words i used to believe were true i read the procolamtions of love by teenagers and remember when i did the same thing i'm tempted to tell them all that he was mine first, that i knew him way back when it's my only way to lay claim to him anymore and i wonder why i feel i have to do it i still own a piece of him i listen and read the lyrics of the latest song and the lines sound all too familar a yearbook surfaces from the ruins of childhood pictures of youth made public for all too see soon reporters all ask me "did you know him?" and i'll think for just a moment before i say "i use to know him" yeah so these poems aren't really about anything or anyone in paticular. just stuff that came to me. oh i have a quote of the day! i was talking to danny on aim and i said something that upset him so he put a little sad face up: me: aww did i make the emo boy sad? him: no *puts up a pirate face* him: I R PIRATE me: you know pirates are gay right? him: I R STRAIGHT PIRATE yeah i just thought that was funny. alrighty people i am exhausted so i'm going to go lay down now and watch panic! @ the disco on TV ~redmoonchick~

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Monday, March 26, 2007

you want a war? you got a war, but who are you fighting for?

mood: irratated listening to: my mother's druken bitching/nails for breakfast, tacks for snacks currently: wishing i was deaf so i couldn't hear said bitching hi, well first things first. i'm in the top 500 you guys! woopie! lol i didn't even know at first. omnimaster PM'ed me about it and i was like wtf? i am? lol and i was at school at the time so i was spazzing out. i'm pretty low on the list like 472 but hey i'll take it! really i am pretty surprised by this. ok so wow this weekend went by so fast! man i feel like i just got out of school on friday and now it's already time to go back. oh well i guess i can tell you guys about friday. at school in my yoga class we played crab soccor anyone ever play that? for those that haven't it's where you have to walk like a crab and kick a ball around. i didn't really want to play so my teacher let me be the referee (sp?) and i also had to go and drop the ball in the middle of the game everytime someone touched it, which happened a lot and i was so afraid of getting kicked because everyone was so eager to win. at one point i dropped the ball and this guy jordan kicked the ball so hard that his shoe flew off and hit me in the shoulder! lol it was way more fun watching the game then playing it. also at school danny and i made a bet of a sort. he bet me that i couldn't go a week without mentioning a certain band or a certain hot member of said band and that i also can't watch or listen to the band while at school. so i guess we'll see how well i do. also on friday i went to borders and actually bought manga again for the first time in nearly three months. normally i would buy manga monthly on the series that i follow but lately my mother has been less then cooperative on the manga buying front so i am three months behind. anyway i bought death note vol. 9 and fullmetal alchemist vol. 11 both of which end on slightly cliffhangerish notes so i am so wanting to go back and buy the next volumes but i have others to catch up on too. oh while i was at borders there was this woman giving away free samples of latae and cookies and stuff and i got a honey one and it was super yummy! but while i was drinking it the lady tried to go around me and bumped into me and made me spill it on my shirt so the whole ride home my shirt smelt like latae. about halfway through me writing up this post my mom started bitching at me about our computer chair. now my mom is drunk right now and i mean really drunk so she is so annoying and she started talking about my weight so yeah i tried to ignore her and i turned my music up really loud but she kept on with it and we got in a fight. *sigh* i really hate her when she drinks, she's definitly NOT my mom when she drinks. but let me get this straight i'm not abused or anything and my mom isn't a alcholic she only drinks on the weekend. i never wanted to post anything like this and i'm half considering erasing it but meh whatever i just don't want anyone's perception's of my mom to come off wrong. usually she's not like that but this weekend she's been hitting it too hard. well on to more pleasant things. my school gets to go to the zoo this friday! i'm so excitied because it's going to be so fun! we're leaving after first hour and not coming back until sixth hour. i almost didn't get my permission slip in because my homeroom teacher never gave me it so i got it from her during fourth hour and since i'm eighteen i signed it myself and turned it in. but yeah it's going to be fun! oh yeah i mentioned a couple of days ago that danny and i got in a punch fight at school. well it happened again and again i slapped him (not hard) in the face and he punched me again in the arm! in the same place he hit me before! so yeah that hurt real bad! then when i got up yesterday i was rubbing my arm it hurt so i lifted up the sleeve and voila i got a bruise! yes, danny the woman beater left me with a bruise. hope your happy (he probably is) ah now i don't feel bad for hurting your privates! ha ha red: 1 danny: 1 (stupid ties) oh i actually got to watch anime this weekend! i saw like two minutes of naruto because i was shopping and because then cartoon network f-uped but i did get to see bleach! i just wish i knew what the hell was going on XD i was watching it with my grandma and she's like "this people look strange" lol hmmmm i'll probably regret that paragraph about my mom when i read it in the morning after i'm no longer angry. but whatever i might as well keep it cause it's true but seriously don't think my mom is a bad person cause she's not. she's just a angry/annoying drunk. yeah i almost put pics up of that band that i'm not suppose to mention. XD yeah danny said i'm not allowed to mention that certain band but he said nothing of panic! @ the disco! *evil laugh* loopholes are fabulous ryan ross: the prettiest guitar player in the world here's a pic of danny...oh wait that's brendon urie XD red: 2 danny: 1 ~redmoonchick~

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Friday, March 23, 2007

where is your boy tonight? i hope he is a gentlemen

mood: sleepy listening to: my cat cry currently: wondering if my boy is a gentlemen? hi, yesterday was my first day back to school in eight days and it was a pretty good day. as i predicted i had to explain to all of my teachers and i few students why i've been gone and i was pretty tired of being asked by the end of the day. but i'm glad to be back in school because i was really bored. school was normal as always. i finally saw danny again and his new glasses and he looks alright in them. i guess i'll have to get used to him wearing them, but they definitly make him look smarter and more emoish <---not a real word. i think i'll give you guys a brief run down of the day. in first hour math we didn't do much. i was playing on the computer and listening to music while danny and my bro where doing the same. we did eventually get an assignment but i didn't know how to do it and the teacher was busy so i didn't finish it. second hour i was in the computer lab again this time for history. i had to look up songs that were written during the vietnam war. third hour is usually yearbook but we finished it so we played the board game outburst instead. we played boys against girls and i'm sad to say that we lost. fourth hour was yoga and since i hadn't been to school in a while my body was so not ready for yoga and i'm pretty sore right now. fifth hour we looked up great american women and wrote a poem about them and sixth hour we split into two person teams and did an experiment with a gummy bear. my team named our gummy bear fenando! lunch was alright as well pretty average except for when danny and my bro took off on me and went around hiding in the science classroom. danny also picked up a dead fly and was attempting to chase me with it knowing full well that i have a fear of bugs. after school was a lot of fun i was sitting next to danny and i kept watching fall out boy videos and after i played one danny was singing the song and getting mad because it was stuck in his head. sometime after school danny and i got in a punch fight again. i don't know why this happens so often but danny is easy to beat up i guess. he would punch me and then i'd punch him harder and i threw a bottle at him and slapped him in the face but he landed a really good punch to my arm because it still hurts! ok enough about school. so today is friday and in case any of you fob club members were wondering the fob club site is updated, so you guys can check it out if you want. as always the site is fall out boy fans. so yeah check it out if you feel like it. ah there was something i wanted to talk about but i can't remember! *thinks* oh yeah like i mentioned before on my site my friend danny was in a band. well today he told me that his band broke up because he didn't want to play that kind of music anymore and also danny didn't want to do so much screaming and not enough singing. so anyways danny has made a new band and he wants my bro to be the drummer but my bro doesn't even know how to drum! but danny's new band needs a name and he can't think of one. i was giving some pretty good suggestions but danny said they all sounded too emo. so do you guys have any name suggestions? his band his punk/alternative/screamo if that helps. oh yeah and sorry for not commenting on everyone's sites yesterday. i was doing it at school but then i got home and was sooooooo sleepy so i just passed right out. i try to get to everyone today though. alright i am done and it's finally getting warmer here in michigan! yes time to break out the flip flops! oh and thanks to anyone who read my story yesterday. i know it was longer then i thought it was sorry! i put these up because i listened to this song earlier and it got so stuck in my head! i mean these lyrics won't leave me! ~redmoonchick~

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Thursday, March 22, 2007

love songs for the genuinely cunning

mood: happy listening to: mom and brother argue currently: waxing poeticly to do list: find cell phone straighten hair hi, finally after so long the van is fixed, now no one will have to say "hope the van gets fixed!" XD we can talk about something new! yeah my mom called the guy that was fixing our van at noon and he said he didn't even start fixing it yet which upset me because i didn't think we'd get the van back yesterday but we did! and it's as good as new! ok so the van got fixed just in time because my mom talked to my counseler today and he said that he was just about to drop my brother and i from the school! that is total BS because way more students have missed like a month of school and are still there! i'm a good student on all accounts so really i don't deserve that. oh and my luck sucks because it happens that our marking period ends on friday so chances are i'm gonna finish this marking period with low marks. oh i broke 240 gb sigs i think the user was xupumunkey but chances are i'm mistaken. oh and i want to thank you all for the 2600 visit's i had! i'm not sure why that number jumped out at me but whatever. also hooray for a new fob club member beyblader joined us! that makes eight i think. oh i'm betting that i'll be exhausted today at school because this entire week i've been sleeping like a vampire. sleeping all day and up all night. but school is what i need to break this habit. so yeah i'll be tired but i can't fall asleep at school so i'll be tired when i get home and probably go to sleep early. ok yeah so i have nothing to talk about but luckily it's thursday and that means it's storytime! if your new to my site you can catch the old chapters on the myo site redmoonchick2 where the story is archived. this is the second to the last chapter so i hope you guys enjoy! ************************************************** ~my friend rory~ chapter nine: two weeks later: the calm before the storm it had been two weeks since the day of the shooting and i was still in the hospital. david sat on the end of my bed reading that day's newspaper. over the course of these past two weeks david and i had grown unbelivably close to one another during our time in the hospital. ever since our first meeting two weeks ago when i learned his name. since that day i've had a strong desire to just be around him and i knew he felt the same. i believe that the reason for this closeness was because the two of us made each other feel better. my mother said it was because the two of us knew exactly how the other felt because we were both there and we both experienced it. david was released from the hospital three days ago and yet he still comes to visit me each day. david and i somehow became each other's support system. i think its because we need each other to escape from the pain of reality. "we're in the paper again laylah." david told me, he flopped the paper down on my lap so that i could see the artical. i picked it up and read over the page that david had pointed out. "the hero's of the clearview shooting out of hospital soon." the headline read and below was a picture of david and i playing a game of cards in my hospital room. i shrugged and handed the paper back to david. the newspaper articles about us were nothing new, the day after the shooting my mother had brought me the paper and she told me that i just had to see the front page. upon my mother's request i opened the paper and gasped in shock as my picture adorned the page. the picture had been the one that was first taken of me as i came out of the school, when i was carried out by phil the cop. the headline for that day had been "tragidy at school leaves fourty dead." the entire story had been about the shooting at our school and about rory himself. it wasn't only the newspaper who had been telling rory's story. it was also airing on all the news stations local and network new stations. the news had picked up the story on the day of the shooting and i had watched about it on my very first night in the hospital. the news had footage of rory and myself when he demanded i make him more famous. it was the first time i had really seen myself from that day and i looked worse then i imagined. my face and clothes were covered in blood and i looked a mess. i was terrified even seeing myself like that and i no longer watch the news programs or read the paper. a knock was heard on the door of my room and i looked up to see a nurse standing there. "so laylah. i hear your going home today!" the nurse said excitiedly. "yeah" i grinned at her as i looked at my leg. "i'll finally be able to walk again.". over these two weeks my leg was forced to remain in my cast but just last night they cut it off and i now have use of my leg. everything turned out normal with my injury except for now i walk with a slight limp, that the doctors aren't sure will ever go away. "well you know we'll all miss you terribly" my cheery nurse quipped. "yeah, i know" i smiled at her, during my stay here i had become something of a mini hero to the nurses. they had heard my story (mostly from david) and held me in high regards for surviving such an ordeal. "well we nurses all chipped in and we got you something" the nurse said. "really?" david asked suddenly excitied as if the gift were for him. the nurse nodded and handed me a box wrapped in yellow paper. "you didn't have to do this. really!" i proclaimed. "oh it's nothing" the nurse said "now open it", "yeah! yeah! open it!" david chimed in. despite my proclamation i still opened the gift and lifted a journal out of the box. it wasn't a normal journal, i could tell it was a tad on the expensive side. "oh thank you" i said and hugged the nurse. while i was hugging the nurse david took it as an opportunity to snatch my journal and inspect it. "it's nice" was his conclusion. the nurse soon left and david and i went back to doing what we had before. our peace only lasted a good five minutes before another knock was heard on the door and the same bubbly nurse popped her head in my doorway. "another gift?" david asked from over the paper. "no not this time." the nurse stated "laylah dear you have visitors", "oh well if its my parents then just send-", "no dear its not your parents" the nurse cut me off. "oh well send them in." i said now curious as to who my mystery visitors would be. the nurse stepped out of the doorway and back into the hall "you can go in now" i heard her say. i heard footsteps of my guests stepping into the doorway and my mouth dropped open as i saw them standing there. my visitors were rory's parents. the two of them just stood there in my doorway not saying anything at all. they looked nervous and out of place. i hadn't seen either of them since before the shooting so it was only natural that it was akward now. "h-hi mr. and mrs. daniels" i said my voice coming out squeeky and full of nerves. "hello laylah dear" mr. daniels said his voice too filled with apprehension, while mrs. daniels said nothing. "well come in" i urged the two of them to come inside my room. they nodded and moved quickly as if they were in a hurry. mrs. daniels took the seat next to my bed while mr. daniels stood beside her. i gave a good look over of rory's parents. rory mostly looked like his mother, they had the same dark hair and eyes while rory and his father shared the same body type and facial structure. both of rory's parents were good looking and nice people and i felt like they were something of second parents to me. again rory's parents said nothing and continued to stare nervously at me. "uh mr. and mrs. daniels-" i began before mrs. daniels cut me off. "laylah please don't be upset with us!" she cried out. i was taken aback by her sudden outburst and now as i looked at them i could see that they both looked very tired and haggard. "of course i'm not upset with you. why would i?" i asked them. rory's parents exchanged a look of surprise and mr. daniels picked up where his wife had left off. "because laylah. because of what rory has done." he said, his voice holding an empty sadness. i was surprised to hear rory's name spoken out loud once again. i had heard it in my own head but no one else was saying it and i flinched a bit as his father said it. i glanced at david who still sat on the end of my bed. he gave me a look before clearing his throat and standing "i think i'll leave you alone now" he said. david gave rory's parents and i a nod of his head before he departed. i watched him leave before turning my full attention back to the daniels. "what rory did was wrong no doubt about that and i'm not saying that i'm not a little angry at him, but not at you guys. i don't blame you guys." my words moved mrs. daniels to tears and i wasn't sure if i had upset her or not. "but we should've done something right? don't you think we could've stopped him if we tried?" mr. daniels said in an almost desperate tone. i thought for a moment before replying. "i'm not sure that you could've done anything. rory was pretty far gone during the shooting. i-i think he was beyond help." i believed my words to be true but i wasn't sure if they would. "oh laylah!" mrs. daniels said as she leaped out of her chair and hugged me tightly as she cried. "i'm so sorry for what he did to you. i'm so sorry laylah." she cried on me. i kept telling her it was alright that it was an accident but she kept pleading with me to forgive her. eventually we got her settled down and she was now sitting in the chair still sniffling as she watched her husband talk. "laylah what we came to ask was-" before mr. daniels could tell me what they had visited for a knock was again heard at the door. this time the person didn't wait for anyone to anwser. the door opened and in came rory's older brother remy. "mom dad i got your message to meet you at the hospital but i-" remy too stopped mid sentence as he noticed his crying mother and me in my bed. "laylah." was all that he said. i was stunned by remy not because i was surprised to see him but because of how much he looked like rory in that moment. the two boys could've been twins even though remy was two years older and of course i've know remy and seen him many times but right then all i could think was "my god he looks like rory". i couldn't speak as i looked at remy. it was too much, he looked too much like rory! it was like seeing rory all over again. without my realizing it tears had begun to fall from my eyes. "hi remy" i barely whispered. mr. daniels and remy both noticed my tears "should i go?" he asked his parents and i. "no-no" i said wipping the ambushing tears from my eyes. "you can stay remy." i said. remy still looked unsure but went to stand behind his father anyway. my eyes were still glued to remy and he nervously stared back at me. "anyway laylah. the reason we came here today was because-well. rory's funeral is tomorrow." mr. daniels stated. "oh i see" i said my heart sinking a bit. "i had forgotten" i said, "yes well we found a note at home from rory and he requested that you be at his funeral.". "what? he did?" i asked in shock at rory's morbid request. "yes he wanted ellie and alexander to be there as well but they both refused." mr. daniels told me. "they did?" again more shock this time at my brother and ellies flat out refusal to attend rory's funeral. "so i understand if you don't want to go.", "no i do! i mean i will go." i told them. if it was one of rory's requests then i would go to his funeral. i was going to go even if he didn't request it i thought. mr. daniels smiled at me a grim smile but a smile none the less. "well thank you laylah. it would mean alot to rory to hear you say that.", "yeah" remy agreed. "well we best be going" mr. daniels said. mrs. daniels stood she opened her purse and fumbled around inside before she pulled out a white card. "this is where it's taking place" she said through teary eyes. i took the card and mrs. daniels hugged me once again, as did mr. daniels and too my surprise remy hugged me too. as remy hugged me and i felt his warm arms around me, i couldn't help but to think it was rory hugging me as a thanks for agreeing to come to his funeral. the family left and i held the small white card in my hand. the funeral for rory douglas daniels will be held at 12:00 pm at the forever golden funeral home. i set the card down on the table next to me. "hey you alright?" i heard david's voice ask. i looked up to see him coming back in my room. "yeah i'm fine" i told him but really i wasn't sure if i was. "what did they want?" david asked kind of coldly, "they wanted to know if i was going to rory's funeral tomorrow." i said looking back at the card. "what? you told them no right?" david said now sounding shocked and a little angry. i looked back at him "no i told them i'm going" i said gently as i watched davids face rapidly change emotions. "your going? why would you go to that freaks funeral?" he practicly yelled at me. "david why are you getting so upset? i'm going because rory was my friend." i was starting to get angry at david for getting upset at my decision and for calling rory a freak. "why am i upset? hello laylah! rory nearly killed me and he shot up our school! and he shot you for crying out loud!" this time david was yelling and i was frightened as i had never seen this side of him before. "david i know what rory did and i'm not saying its alright, because its far from alright, but still rory was my friend and i want to say goodbye to him." i kept my voice calm but inside i was just as mad as david was now. david stood quickly "fine laylah! go to the fucking funeral! i don't give a damn anymore! but when you come back all fucked up don't cry to me about it! cause i warned you!" he turned and left before i could say anything. i was now all alone in my room i flopped back on my pillows and cried. i wasn't angry at rory for what he had done but it was obvious that david was. it had surprised me that david reactted in such a way how would ellie, and alexander, and my parents, and every other survivor take it? somehow i realized that rory had managed to mess me up again even after he was dead. i was alone in the hospital for two more hours before my family arrived. during my two hours of solitude i watched the local news and once again they were talking about rory. the news casters didn't really have anyone to talk to specificly about rory. they wanted me to go onto a nationally televised news program and talk about what had happened that day. my parents refused and said i couldn't do any shows until i was out of the hospital. that day was here now so i fully expected to be hearing from the show any day now. even though i didn't really feel like talking about what had happened yet. i hadn't even had the chance to think about it myself. everytime i'd start to think about the shooting i'd push those thoughts away and focus all of my attention on something, anything else. but regardless of how i felt about the situation i felt a need no something more like an obligation to talk about rory and the shooting. i knew i owed it to the family of the victims because to be frank the news had very little information about what had happened because there had been very few witnesses. the best thing they managed to scrape up as a witness was our old teacher mr. carter, who had gone on the news proclaiming that he always felt there was something a little "off" about rory. but the true reason i wanted to go on the news and tell all that i knew was to keep my promise to rory and true to my word that i would tell his story. my parents had arrived to pick me up from the hospital and i was ready by the time they arrived. "hi honey" my mom and dad would say and alexander would just stand there watching me as if i could collaspe in pain at any moment. i stood and fetched my coat perpairing to leave, while i noticed my mother was scanning my room. "where's david?" she finally asked. i grimaced wishing my mother hadn't brought him up. "oh he left already. he was really tired." i lied. i didn't want my parents to know i had gotten into a fight with my only support system. my mother frowned "well that's too bad. i was going to invite him to dinner." my mom said while helping me into my coat. i shrugged "well we ready to go?" i asked holding onto the railing of my bed as support. "not just yet" my father said a smile spreading on his face. "alex get it" my dad told my brother. my brother nodded and ducked out into the hallway for a moment before rentering with a long wrapped box. "what's this?" i asked curiously. "its a gift for you laylah." my mom said smiling at me. i returned her smile and continued to stare at the box. the reason for this was because i was still a bit wobbly on my bad leg and didn't really trust myself to move just yet. "aren't you gonna open it?" alex asked as he held the box that i assumed must be heavy. i shook my head "nah you go ahead and open it for me alex" i told him. he sighed as if annoyed and set the box down before uncerimoniously ripping the paper off the box and opening it. "here laylah" he said as he walked the gift over to me and i found myself envying his long smooth strides. i tried to make out what the gift was as he brought it to me but i was unable to. alex stood before me and held out the gift for me to take. i could now see the gift in all its glory. my present was a cane. but not just any cane as my father had said. the cane was black and smooth and very stylish and it looked nothing like an old persons cane. "its just until you can walk on your own again." my mother said. i held the black cane in my hand and let go of the railing. i wobbled for a moment before i gained my footing and was able to walk to my family to give them hugs. my own strides were sadly nothing like my brothers. my steps were rough and jagged and uneven but i was happy to be walking again. we said goodbye to the hospital staff that had helped me and left the hospital for what i hoped would be the last time. as soon as we reached outside the warm may evening surrounded me and i breathed in this freedom as we headed for the car. my parents had surprised me by taking me to my favorite resturant. during the ride there i sat in the front seat with my mother and my father and brother sat in the back. it was somewhat quiet as we rode the only noise being my father and brother chatting about some sport they had just watched. as we rode i wondered "since my accident had my parents forgotten how to talk to me? maybe they thought i was different now and weren't sure what to say?". it didn't really matter anyway because i didn't feel like talking. i was too busy thinking about the fight david and i had earlier over rory's funeral. i gasped suddenly "i forgot rory's funeral card in the hospital room!". i thought for a moment about telling my mother to turn around and go back but i decided against it. after all i remembered where and when the funeral was so i really didn't need the card. but now the subject of rory's funeral was front and center in my mind. i wanted to ask my parents about it. i wanted their opinion on wheter or not i should go to his funeral. but i was too nervous to bring it up. i didn't want the same reaction i had gotten from david, but they were my family surely they would support me. i cleared my throat "um mom? dad?" i began. "what is it laylah?" my mother asked from the seat next to me. "well rory's parents came to see me today" i told them. "what? well what did they want?" my mother asked excitiedly "well um they wanted me to go to rory's funeral tomorrow." i told them. neither of my parents responded right away each one remained silent as if thinking of something to say to me. "what did you say dear?" my father asked "i told them that i would go" i stated. my mother turned and looked at me as we stopped at a red light. "no honey i don't think that's such a good idea." she said. "what?" i blurted out not believing that my own mom didn't agree with my decision. "dad-" i began "sorry laylah but i agree with your mother." he said simply. again my mind reeled how could neither one of my parents agree with me? were they like david? were they too caught up in rory's actions to remember that he was still my friend? "you guys sound just like david" i said slumping down in my seat a bit. "what? you talked to david about this?" my dad asked. "well yeah he was there when mr. and mrs. daniels arrived." i explained to my family. my dad showed an almost pained expression on his face. "i don't think that was a great idea laylah" my dad commented. "why dad?" i began "i mean he was there and he asked me what they wanted. i told him about the funeral and he said that i shouldn't go". remembering the argument david and i had was painful and i wanted to forget all the cruel things he had said. i began to argue with my parents more when alex finally spoke up. "god just shut up laylah!" he screamed at me from the backseat. i turned around surprised at my younger brothers outburst. "alexander don't talk to her that way." my parents scolded. "what? do you even hear what she's saying? she wants to go to rory's funeral! she wants to go to the funeral of the guy who fucking shot her! how fucked up is that?" he screamed in the small space of the car. "alex what's gotten into you?" my mom asked as my brother was blowing up in the backseat. my own hands trembled as i listended to the words my brother had said. "how dare you alex!" i screamed back at him. "you weren't in the school! you didn't see anything like i saw! i'm not defending rory but he shot me on accident he could have killed me anytime he wanted but he didn't! because i was his friend!". i was silent for a moment as i tried desperately to rangle in my emotions. "is-is it so bad that i want to say one last goodbye?" i whispered this last sentence as i was sure my body couldn't handle more yelling. "your an idiot laylah." was his only stern reply. needless to say the rest of our evening was ruined by the family fued that had taken place in the car. my brother and i sat silent the rest of the ride each one of us fuming at the other's words. i couldn't believe my younger brother! i thought for sure that he of all people would understand why i wanted to go to rory's funeral. he was rory's friend too after all. but maybe the shooting had messed up my brother's mind more then i or anyone else had previously thought. once we arrived at the resturant my mother took alexander away to talk with him leaving my father and i at the table. we didn't really say much amid the stares and whispers we had gotten upon entering the resturant. "this was the price i paid for surviving the shooting" i thought. rory was so determined to make himself infamous that he had acheived that goal and then some, he had made me infamous as well. my dad and i ordered some drinks as we waited for mom and alex to come back. "laylah" my father said suddenly. i looked up at him in surprise "what?" i asked softly "do you really wanna go to his funeral?" he asked me as he took a sip of his drink. i nodded "yeah i really do" i told him. "well" he began as he scratched the back of his head "i guess i can give you a ride tomorrow if you really wanted to go". i looked at my father and he smiled at me. i don't think i ever loved my father as much as i did then because he was supporting me when no one else would. "thank you daddy" i said as i hugged him tightly. "well hold on now laylah. just because i'm giving you a ride doesn't mean that i don't still think this is a bad idea." i nodded as i understood him and we went back to our small talk. eventually mom and alexander came back into the resturant. i could tell alexander had calmed down but was still visibly upset. my mother sat down at our table as did alex who happened to be sitting across from me. "alexander apologize to your sister." my mom demanded. alexander looked upset but still managed to grumble out a clearly fake apology. but i guess that was all my mom was looking for as she turned her attention away from him and onto me. "laylah now you apologize to alex." i sighed and with a dejected look i gave my brother the same apology he had given me. things seemed at peace if not a bit akward and we tried our best to enjoy our first family meal in weeks. we went home right after the meal and i found joy in the fact that my home as well as my room had not changed at all. our two story home still had the same warm smell and cozy interior that i remembered. the only thing that had changed was me being unable to properly get up the stairs to my room. i ended up having to have my father carry me up the stairs. this brought back memories of the time when the cop carried me out of the school, so i vowed to learn how to go about this myself. i was truly at comfort when i was once again in my room. it was strange though to see it exactly the way i had left it two weeks ago and to my dissapointment my room had aquired the smell of a room that was barely used. my father left me after making sure i was alright and once again i was alone. i flopped down on my bed enjoying the softness of it. i pulled my legs up off the floor and just sat looking at the ceiling. i was back again to where it had all started all those days ago. after all i had been laying on my bed just like this when i got on the computer and recieved rory's message. suddenly thinking about the computer i had the urge to get on it once again. this time knowing that i wouldn't recieve a message from a soon to be killer. i sat up and scooted to the end of my bed. i glanced at the computer wondering if i should get on or not. i was also wondering why i was suddenly so apprehensive about it all. making up my mind i slid off my bed and limped over to the computer. i took my seat and turned on the computer. i waited and logged onto the internet. i decided to check my email. i logged in and sure enough "you have five new emails" my computer screen read. i went to check on it and saw the newest message was from ellie. while the second and third messages were from david after he got out of the hospital. the fourth message was from a news program no doubt asking if i'd be a guest on their show. i scrolled down slightly bored until i reached the bottom of the page. the fifth and very last message was from rory. "oh my god!" i gasped and raised my hands to my mouth as i realized that the very last message was from rory sent on the day of the shooting. i hadn't noticed before but my hands were shaking as i clicked the email. my breath came to me in quick small bursts and my heart thumped wildly in my chest. "was this shell shock?" i wondered "was i having a reaction similar to that of a soilder hearing gun fire for the first time since coming home from war?" i waited patiently as the page loaded vagely wondering if i should call my brother or my parents, or hell if i should even read the message at all. before i could decide anything the page was loaded and rory's message to me sat clear on my screen. "good morning laylah. i just called your house moments ago and no one anwsered. laylah please tell me you didn't go to school today! please tell me that your just home and sleeping in. i thought you'd listen to me last night. i thought, no i hoped that you would. but it looks to me that you didn't and you are at school today. that's sad laylah...because i'm doing something really bad at the school today. bet you'll never guess what it is! give up? i'm going to shoot up the school! yeah i've already decided so even if you are home don't email me back because i'll already be gone. you know laylah i just knew you'd come to school today." that was how it ended and i was shaking violently by the end. it was scary to me that even after his death rory could still reach me, he could still scare me. even then in his final email there was no grand ending just a cliffhanger of a paragraph, but i didn't really need a good bye written in words when i clearly remembered the good bye i recieved face to face with rory. i just sat there for at least five minutes, just staring blankly at the screen infront of me. when i was finally able to move again i quickly saved rory's final message, feeling that it would end up being important to someone even if that someone wasn't me. after saving the message that proceeded doom i typed out a email to david it contained only one word "sorry", it may have been just one word but it meant so much more. i was saying sorry for the fight we had at the hospital, for getting him involved in the first place, sorry for wanting to go to his funeral. this little word meant a million to me and i hoped to david. after the brief message i stood with my cane and hobbled to the door before calling downstairs to my parents. ************************************************ ~redmoonchick~

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