Thursday, April 26, 2007

they said she died easy of a broken heart disease

mood: annoyed listening to: xo-fall out boy currently: want my friend back pimpage: detectivedanielle (sherlock kerley), knight edge (pervy sage with a heart of gold), hoaryu (concered older brother), destinyssweetman (starry eyed twin), deadxonxarrival (aaya the pimp), xgiaXgrotesquex (dominatrix of the year), shadowme (cute is what she aims for), angel zakuro (tyra banks is her arch nemisis) hi, Redmoonchick Responds: knight edge: ha ha you have the best idea's ever! alex: thank you for the prayer it is always appreciated roleni-chan: no need to be worried i'm mostly fine now. october: yes, i am so very glad we met as well. you, aaya, shadowme, and myself. it's like we have our own group. wensdayskitten: yeah but that time on his site he wasn't exactly mad at me...well he kinda was but for a reason i knew. roseeyes: i'm afraid to touch him anymore. kirbysdouble: *hugs* thank you for you kind words hoaryu: i think xbox ate his mind...or stole his soul or something grifter: i appreciate your adivce but i don't really want to stop being his friend. he's not always like that. thomalover14: yeah believe me he had his space yesterday. emilysadako: well i know he was on today because he anwsered a pm i sent him but wheter or not he read this remains unknow aaya: i dunno i just got a dance,dance vibe from you. i can picture you dancing like pete or patrick to the song.XD slowness: it's ok i know people are busy around here, i'm glad you visited now! angel zakuro: yup i was recap episode? damn you tyra banks! well i didn't go to school yesterday. so that means no talk with danny. oh well a day appart probably helped. oh and before i get any comments like "you shouldn't miss school because of danny" i didn't. the reason i didn't go to school was because i was so exhausted and i just fell back to sleep. i know that's not a good reason either but i didn't miss much at school because one teacher was on a field trip all day so i had extra credit in three of my classes and one class was being used as a make up day but i'm already passing that class. so reall all i missed was my math and history class and those can be easily made up. i am going to school today but it's take your child to work day and i know danny wanted to skip so i'm not sure if he'll be there or not. but i've decided that i'm not going to worry about it and take life as it comes. i did talk to danny for like a second of the day. i sent him a heartfelt message and i got a reply but all it said was "k" that was it. needless to say i wasn't too pleased with him. if he is at school thursday i will talk to him and try to keep it civil. if not whatever i guess i'll talk to him on friday. i was thinking about what my next theme should be for my site and again i'm not sure. i kinda wanna do fall out boy again but i'm also open for new idea's. anyone have a suggestion? i also want to thank everyone who talked to me today via pm's. man i might have went crazy if not for you guys and my lovely fall out boy cd. i'm suppose to put a new chapter of "wentz in wonderland" up today but considering how i've been feeling lately i think i get an excuse for not finishing the chapter. i have it half done so i think i'll be putting it up tomorrow. i feel like i want to hang out with my friend danielle this weekend. i'll definitly be doing something. i want to get furuba vol. 16! man i am so far behind on my manga that it's not funny. i also want the red jumpsuit apparatus cd and the academy is....cd, i think if maybe i bug my dad for music he'll buy one for me. hey it's worth a shot. i wrote something the other day and i meant to put it in yesterdays post but i forgot. it's a poem. who it is about is obvious. i wrote this when i was super pissed at him so i not all of what i wrote is still how i feel. you don't have to read this but it really sheds some light on the situation. i don't get it. you call me your close friend but you treat me like shit you say and do all these things and expect me to forget. do you not even realize how much you mean to me? or your too busy wrapped up in loving all the pain and misery that you cause me your my best guy friend i thought i could at least trust you that you be there for me to help me through but i guess friendship doesn't mean so much to you because if you have no emotions then you can't feel pain you've lost your emotions but there's nothing you have gained you said i was being a bitch that just isn't true you were attacking me and i never thought it would come from you i'm just another of those annoying girls now aren't i? well excuse me while i extract myself from that catergory i don't want to be your lover you moron i just want to be your friend. do you even want that? it doesn't feel like it to me. i guess i was right all those times when i said that i wasn't important to you you could have at least told me then that it was true when did you change? when did you become cruel? you weren't like this and it hurts when you say i killed the kind side of you i never did it. how could i? you say i can't take a joke newsflash not a joke if your the only one laughing and why would you laugh at my misery? that's what hurts most of all that you saw my tears , the ones you caused then laughed in my face i always stood up for you every single time someone talked about you i said you were a good person why are you trying to prove me wrong? are you trying to make me hate you? that's not what i fucking want so why are you doing this? i guess that boy i talked to on the phone is dead that's too bad i wish i was invited to the funeral you said that i only have you as a friend because your in the same place as me but really it couldn't be farther from the truth but that's how you feel about me isn't it? only my friend out of conveinence you make me feel like you wouldn't give a damn if you never saw me again that hurts i don't get why your doing this to me why your oh so desperate to hurt me when all i want is to be your friend when did that change? when did i not become your friend? what you do is fucking killing me but i bet you couldn't care less you probably don't care how much it hurts because your used to hurting girls but i'm not used to being hurt by you or being one of those girls you abuse i'm not in fucking love with you i don't know how anyone could be if you treat them the same way you treat me i'm not in love with you so no worries alright? all i want is to be like we used to to be your friend again. you know who you are i'm sure everyone does i wonder if these words hurt you? maybe part of me wishes that they do because you always have to pretend to be dead inside but i know your not i don't hide my emotions like you do so go ahead keeping beating me down and hurting me just like every other guy in my life i thought you were different i guess i was wrong well on that note i am out of here so if anyone wants to talk to me tomorrow feel free to pm me. ~redmoonchick~

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