Thursday, May 17, 2007

let's get these teen hearts beating faster, faster

mood: giddy listening to: london beckons songs- panic! @ the disco currently: feeling lazy pimpage: savestheday (he get's teen hearts beating faster), detectivedanielle (she writes sins not tragidies), aayaownsyew (she doesn't like your girlfriend), shadowme (she's a regular decorated emergency), october ( she's praying for love in a lapdance), hoaryu (he's of consenting age to be forgetting her in a cabera), knight edge (he swears to shake it up if you swear to listen), tohmalover14 (damn regret she'll try to forget), destinyssweetman ( any boy you'll ever me sweetie you had him) hi, Redmoonchick Responds: alex: nah, i think i'd put a pic of pete with danny. he wouldn't like it too much angel zakuro: guess you won't have to kill renee right? when i was watching when she got kicked off i was like k-chan is going to be so happy now. XD capricorn-rocker: i just like saying his name. jon walker...he sounds like a cowboy XD *high five* for being a music nerd. hyli: you marry danny and tell me what it's like toh-toh: woot! you like the nickname i gave you? ha yes, feed me lines from my own work. XD no matter what size your comment i would never be mad at you. jd person: i'm going to take that as a compliment XD yes, i have been told i write like one mr. pete wentz compliment? insult? depends on who your talking to. shadowme: ryhming isn't for me. idk i think it's cheesy. respect my non rhyming poetry dammit! XD i didn't go to school yesterday. i really didn't have a reason beyond pure exhaustion so LS it looks like i'm keeping my record alive. i'm going to try not to miss anymore school for the remainder of the year. i think i can do it. it's my bro that's the problem. i'm in a panic! @ the disco kind of mood lately. as thoughs who are lyric savy can tell by my pimpage lines and my subject line. it's probably because i've been listening to my panic! cd non-stop for awhile now. i was thinking about something today. i realized a lot of things. one thing i realized was that i'm always trying to impress this guy in my life. even when i don't mean too i realize later that i was trying to look good for him. it's a bad thing to do. i always try to look nice for him and i doubt he notices. blah i realized another more unsettling thing about myself is that i feel ugly around him. it's nothing that he is doing personally but when i am around him i feel like i'm not pretty enough to be around him. i don't know i guess i feel like this huge ugly creature. even though i know i'm not. it's harder because i feel like he thinks i'm ugly. he might i wouldn't know nor would i dare ever ask him. i won't ask him because i'm afraid he'll say yes that he does think i'm ugly. i wish i didn't feel like that it's just he says so many girls are hot and i don't look like them so then i get to thinking that he thinks i'm some hideous creature and that i disgust him. i'm not a perfect size two like the girls he likes so i guess that's why i feel so ugly around him. it's not his fault though. i mean he didn't do anything wrong and he never makes fun of my apperance. only once but i don't think he meant it. i mean i am always so paranoid that he hates me and thinks i'm ugly and he would rather not have me touch him or drink after him or anything like that. *sigh* it's my own stupid fault it's not his and if he does end up reading this i hope he isn't upset. the last thing i realized was that i am afraid of people abandoning me ecspecially guys. i'm almost sure that this is because my dad left when i was eight and hasn't been a huge focus in my life. this would explain why i so desperately don't want to lose contact with danny. poor danny has to be on the losing end of my craziness. oh well, so i guess you guys know my whack ass flaws but i figure if i can't share this with you guys then who can i talk to? i just don't want any of you all to think i'm crazy. ecspecially my real life friends. i hope none of your opinions of me changed. that would be my paranoia kicking in XD but i figure we all have some craziness it's up to us wheter or not we want to reveal it and i do. i'm really sorry if i made this a depressing post but i must say that writing all that i feel a hundered times better like a weight has been lifted. i know i was acting all weird in those above paragraphs. i'm going to talk to my mom later about maybe seeing some kind of therapist for my horribly low self esteem and my own warped image of myself. some people think therapist's are crap but i think it might help me so it's worth a try. but i hope you guy will still read my story and please no one think i'm a nutase now. not that i think any of you will. this is i think also the reason why i haven't put a pic of myself on my site because i'm afraid of what you all will think of me. anyway's i heart you all. i mean if i can't trust you guys then who can i trust? sorry for the depressing ness of this all. time for wentz in wonderland. if your new this story is basically alice in wonderland with a pete wentz twist. if you don't know who pete wentz is he is the bassist and lyricist for the band fall out boy. also character bio's are after the story so enjoy! wentz in wonderland chapter six: caterpillers and magic mushrooms pete had followed the faint smoke through the woods. the smoke he noticed had become thicker and was varying in color. pete had followed the smoke to the edge of a clearing but hadn't yet ventured into it. with pete being only three inches tall he was worried what sort of creatures he would encounter. pete stood waiting just outside the clearing in a bunch of shrubs and bushes listening for any danger. when there was none to be found pete shrugged and moved into the clearing. pete was surrounded by dark earth and mushrooms the size of himself. pete could now see what creature was emitting the smoke. there sitting on one of the large mushrooms was his friend and fellow band mate joe trohman. "joe?" pete said out of pure surprise as he stepped fully into the clearing. "whose asking?" joe said in one of those stereotypically rich sounding voices. "joe it's me peter" pete said as he walked up to his friend. joe eyed him warily as he took a puff off the pipe he held. "petah? i don't know any petah." joe said as he blue the thick blue smoke out of his mouth. the smoke pete noticed had taken the shape of the name petah and the word now hung in the air. joe didn't recongize him and pete should've know that because ryan and andy hadn't recongized him either. while pete stood there thinking joe looked on still smoking his pipe. "hey joe, do you know anyway i can grow taller?" pete asked his smoking friend. joe thought for a moment "do you know anyway a alligator can have less teeth?" he asked as light green smoke poured from him and into the shape of an alligator. ok obviously this joe get's high too pete thought to himself as he watched the smoke alligator dance above his head. pete sighed and shifted a little as he waited for something resembling a real answer to his question. when one didn't come pete asked again "so can you help me?" joe watched pete while he took another hit off his pipe. "because i really don't want to stay this size" pete told him as he took a seat on a nearby squishy mushroom. "what's so wrong with this size?" joe asked pete as if he had offended him. "no, well i mean it's ok for you to be this size but not me" pete fumbled out while he continued to watch the darkily colored smoke pictures dance above joe's head. "not good enough for you?" joe said "i suppose you think your better then the rest of us?" he spat out at pete. joe's words copied by the dark red smoke. pete could tell this conversation was getting worse by the second and his chance to get information from joe was falling apart. "that's not what i meant. i mean your used to being this size and me i'm used to being bigger" pete told the obviously angry joe. "so just because i'm this size means that you can insult me!" joe yelled. "no, i-" pete began but was cut off by joe. "you think you can come into my clearing while i'm enjoying a nice smoke and demand that i help you get taller because you hate being the same size as me!" joe was now standing and yelling a cloud of dark smoke shifted over his head. "i didn't demand anything i-" pete tried once again to talk and once again joe interrupted him. "i'm leaving!" joe annouced as he grabbed his pipe and began to walk away. pete said nothing to stop him and gave up on getting any help from his warped friend. joe was almost out of the clearing when he shouted back a message for pete. "if this small you don't want to be stuck, try taking a bite of what's under your butt!" he yelled at pete. pete sat for a moment trying his best to understand joe's cryptic message. "what's under my butt" pete looked down to see the mushroom he was sitting on. "that's got to be it!" pete said as he leaped off his newly found treasure. pete decided to break off two pieces of the mushroom one from each side. pete held the two pieces in his hand but didn't taste either of them yet. he was a bit wary as to why joe would help him after he had made him so angry. perhaps the mushrooms were poisoned? pete quickly pushed that thought out of his mind as he took a bite of the first piece of mushroom. instantly pete felt his body grow and he looked down to see that his feet were a million miles away. he had grown too large and his head was now in the tree tops. a bird noticed pete's presence and attacked him thinking that he was a monster of some kind. inbetween getting attacked by the bird pete managed to take a bite of the second piece of mushroom. before he could do much of anything he was once again three inches tall. pete comprismised by taking a small lick of the first piece of mushroom. he grew again this time to his normal size. elated pete put the mushroom pieces into his pocket for later use. now his normal size pete once again set off into the woods and once again not knowing exactly where he was going. ******************************************************************* pete wentz as alice: joe trohman as the blue catapiller: p.s. i am also sorry for not commenting like i should. lately i haven't been feeling up to it but i'm sure i'll be better soon so if you support me thanks so much more then you'll ever know and if not then...well get the hell out because i don't need you. ~redmoonchick~

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