myOtaku.com: redmoonchick

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1988-12-19
Gender
• Female
Location
• anywhere i lay my head which is in michigan
Member Since
• 2004-11-22
Occupation
• future college student
Real Name
• cassandra or cassie, or red, or pete, or fob whore, hey you over there. it all works.

Personal

Achievements
• graduated from high school, met andy hurley from fall out boy and got his autograph!, worked for the mayor, successfully lead a protest at my school, was in the newspaper for said protest
Anime Fan Since
• since i was like eight
Favorite Anime
• full metal alchemist, bleach, naruto, maburaho, kyo kara myoh, death note, black cat and so much more
Goals
• to get the other three members of fall out boy's autographs
Hobbies
• drawing, collecting manga, writting, watching anime
Talents
• drawing, writting, balancing things on my head

myOtaku.com: redmoonchick

Sunday, August 19, 2007

warning: this is a special post for we are special people

talked with someone on myspace, more like argued i guess.

he was my bestfriend. i don't fucking understand how this happened. how things went so wrong, honestly i don't get it. how could he and i even be the same people we were when we were together. it doesn't even seem like that happened. it's all one kinda nice haze. i read through a few of my memories and i just wanna go back...i just want to be that girl again, cause i was happy back then and i am amazed at how much can change in a few short months. like i said i wanna go back to when we talked and trusted one another. i can only speak for myself though but i like to think that he trusted me.

i don't get how this works, all i want is to be his friend, but maybe we're so far gone that there's no turning back? i wanna turn back though. no one, not him, not them, not even myself understands how much of an impact he had on me, and i don't know how he did it, but he did. i just miss him. it's not complicated. but due to words (or the lack of them) i don't think we can ever be those people.

it's so frustrating because i can remember every good thing we ever did and how much fun i had and now it's all mixed and mingled with the bad and it's too fine a line for me to know where to cross. i want to talk with him and get it all back but i can't. in the end after all this, i am afraid to call him. i'm afraid of him. afraid of not knowing him anymore. it's so stupid because i used to call him all the time. we talked all the time and now i don't feel like i even know him anymore.

it was good we talked some of it out. i think we needed that because there was a serious lack of communication on both sides, even though i tried. i assumed he was done with me because that's what all the signs pointed to and that's what everyone said. all i wanted was to know where we stood and what the hell we we're. i'm just as confused now as i was at the beginning.

i don't get why the fuck it's so complicated! why everything between he and i has to be complicated. i want it to be simple. i want my friend back, see that's simple. and i will admit that i made mistakes because i did, but so did he. mistakes on both parts.

and yeah i did talk about him on here, but when i did more of the things i said was how much i missed him and wanted to see him again and wanted to be his friend once more. those kinds of things are more in supply then the bashing of him. and as for the bashing it was all a result of him not speaking to me, what was i supposed to think? you talk to my brother and everyone else under the sun, but i try to talk and it's nothing like i don't exist. please tell me what i was supposed to think.

so now right now i have no idea if we're friends, no idea what we are. i don't know if he'll read this, he says he reads it sometimes but i don't know. it's not like it matters i wouldn't know if he read it anyway. i don't know man, we used to fight a lot and still remained friends i hope that can happen again because seriously despite everything! all i fucking want is my friend back. and if we're not friends now then maybe someday in the future. when we're older and more mature. still it's crazy that's it's come to this because all i want is his friendship...i miss him.

i miss the kid i went to school with, and laughed with, and played yatzee on the school bus with, and listened to fall out boy with (even though he didn't really like them), the kid who offered to go to their concert with me, the one who i liked to watch play the guitar, the one i skipped classes for, the one who made fun of our classmates, the one i ate lunch with, the one who did wall flips and fell down a lot, the one i watched youtube videos with, the one who would miss me when i didn't come to school, the one who was my friend.

i miss that danny hicks.

~cassandra~

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