Sunday, August 26, 2007

this is a 44 calibur love letter straight from my heart.

mood: i hate my cats listening to: bang the doldrums- fob currently: squirtin my cat with a squirt gun. pimpage: shallow heart (she races through the city windows down in the back of yellow checkered cars), shadowme (she knew it was over she just didn't know the date), sayanachan (she cast's a spell over the west to make you think of her), deadxonxarrival (this is a love song in her own way), tohmalover14 (she has a car crash heart), knight edge (he can take your problems away with a nod and a wave of his hand cause that's just the kinda boy that he is), destinyssweetman (he's a stich away from making it), detectivedanielle (the girl whose lips couldn't move fast enough), savestheday (the boy the dance floor didn't love) avatar of the day: i really hope danny sees this because only he will get how funny that is. if he remembers that is. Redmoonchick Responds: jenny: ha ha i might post Q but i would have to include a butt load of warnings. awwww why were you mad at the mall? you read it before? one of the characters reminded meh of yew. ah you aren't old. talk to me when your about to turn 19. *panic attack* toh-toh: i never got that text! wth cell phone? *glares at it* actually the cash fell out of my pocket and i thought i lost it till i found it by the heater in the hallway. demonskiss: i think i saw that at the library. was it by anne rice? shadowme: why thank you belinda dear! i'm glad you liked it! sayanachan: mmmmmmm i want some subway. hi guys, well i have nothing to post about except for i saw the movie snakes on a plane. which was alright. i only watched it cause i knew they played the "cobra starship" song "snakes on a plane (bring it)" aaaaaand pete and hot beckett are in the vid. ahhhhhhhhh it's love. well except for that i will be posting another story. one of jenny's favorites. but before i do i must put up a warning! WARNING: do not read this story if you aren't comfortable with: boys making out, semi-graphic murders, a bath tub scene involving two boys (but it's not graphic), and mental illness. thanks. Q is for questionable "his behavior is questionable at best." the doctor told patrick as he stood inside the office talking with him. peter stood just outside the door of the office but didn't go inside because he doubted this conversation would go on if he entered, mostly because the conversation was about him. "his behavior has always been questionable. that's just the way pete is." he heard patrick say and pete leaned forward peeking into the room through the slit in the doorway. he knew he wasn't supposed to be hearing this conversation but it didn't stop him from listening. "yes, but patrick didn't you tell me that his more recent behavior has scared you?" doctor zahn asked and patrick nodded and fiddled with his hat. "well i mean it worries me more then anything." patrick said and for some reason pete felt his heart sink a bit. he never wanted to make patrick worry, he knew he was fucked up but he didn't think it was this bad. "well patrick, i think you should watch him for a few days and if it becomes worse then do call me." the doctor said and patrick nodded and pete knew the conversation was nearing an end so he retreated from the door and as nosily as he could reapproached it so that the two men inside would know he was coming. sure enough the door was pulled open and patrick stepped out grinning at pete as if he hadn't just been talking behind his back. "you alright peter?" patrick asked and pete plastered on the fake smile like he had done so many times before and nodded. "yeah, went to the bathroom. that's all." pete said as he stepped towards patrick and doctor zahn. doctor zahn too smiled at pete returning the fake smile. he knew, he already knew that the doctor wasn't pleased to see him again. not for the fifth time this month. and patrick...he was beginning to think that patrick wasn't happy at all. who could be happy after all with a mental patient for a boyfriend? pete was asked a few questions by doctor zahn. simple things like "if he was hearing voices" or "if he felt anxious" pete anwsered the only way he knew how. he told him what he knew they wanted to hear. patrick and the doctor chated a bit more, not about pete but pete's medication. pete didn't understand why doctor zahn wasn't talking to him about it when he was standing right there looking down at the floor. after a few moments the two of them left and patrick promptly took hold of pete's arm. either out of loving gesture or of fear that he might run. on the drive home patrick rambled on about doctor zahn, his suggestions, and things he had read about things that helped people like pete. pete was turned facing the window his forehead pressed against it. he wasn't really listening to patrick. it was hard to listen when it all sounded like the same conversation. it was at a stop light when pete noticed it for the first time. a mass of black that seemed almost formless. he focused his eyes and tried to see what it was, though to him it looked blurry and unfocused. he thought about asking patrick if he could see it but he was afraid that maybe the anwser would be no. as the car pulled away from the stop pete whipped his head around to watch the mass and as they drove away he could see the form of a person dressed all in black. thinking that his mind was playing tricks on him pete pulled away from the window and rested back into the seat. pete closed his eyes and his mind went back to the black figure. it seemed familar to him, somehow it all felt so familar. pete blamed it on his failing mental health and before long he and patrick were home. patrick helped pete get settled back into the house and for the hundreth time that day pete felt like patrick was more of his mother then his lover. patrick left to the kitchen to make them dinner and pete flopped down on the couch that he felt was always too soft and would never be right no matter how hard it tried. pete tried watching tv but when all the shows and commericals run together into one screaming mass of voices, it get's hard to concentrait. he sighed and flicked off the tv before shuffling his way downstairs to the basement where his beloved insturment was. pete picked up his bass was happy that he could still feel the joy it brought him. he tried to play a few notes but it all seemed out of tune and more of a piercing roar that broke all calmness then the soft low thrums of bass strings. pete set down the bass and headed into the sunroom. he lay on the floor where the sunlight poured in from the windows and he was bathed in the warm glow. pete felt that in these moments when he was drenched in the warmth was the only time he could ever turly be golden. pete must've fallen asleep while he was basking in the warmth because the next thing he knew he was surrounded by the blackness once again. this time it was different though, this time it was a cold wet kind of darkness. as if he were emerged in water up to his waist. his arms were also engulfed in the wetness up to his elbows. somewhere in the darkness he could also hearing screaming. wheter it was his own or someone else's he'd never know because in that moment he was shaken awake by patrick. patrick and pete had dinner in mostly silence and pete watched patrick, mostly surveying him. he always wondered what patrick was thinking about him. always wondering when patrick would leave him. eventually he and patrick reitred to bed and patrick laid beside him and talked to him. it was always like patrick to try and keep pete normal and sane even though they both knew that pete was slipping away. patrick fell asleep long before pete would and pete slipped out of bed carefully and quietly as to not wake patrick. pete left the house without his shoes because he liked the feeling of warm cement on his bare feet. he made the small trip to andy's house which was only about two blocks away. he made it to andy's house and with a small rap on the front door waited patiently for andy to anwser. pete knew that andy would know exactly what he came for. andy came to the door about half a minute later and it looked like he was settling down for bed. "pete?" he said surprised but not upset. before andy could talk anymore pete propelled his body at him. his hands coming to rest on either side of his face and their lips pressed together. andy backed up into the house with pete following him and pete turned them suddenly and pressed andy against the door closing it. this wasn't an uncommon thing for the two of them. it had been happening for at least five months now. or whenever patrick started treating him like he was different. pete started coming to andy. he wasn't sure how it really all began but it did and pete needed what andy gave him to survive. the duo promptly made their way into the bathroom, shedding clothes as they walked. they ended up in the bathtub. touching and teasing while the water filled. in moments the duo were emerged in the water, pete straddling andy. andy about to take pete in the way that he wished patrick would. yes, pete was in full on fucking mode with andy when suddenly he looked at andy and saw, not the sweet scruffy andy but a dark and horrifying creature whose body was black and appeared to be made of smoke. pete screamed and pulled back away from the creature. without thinking, without speaking pete attacked the creature, thinking that maybe if he attacked it, no killed it! then andy would return to him. pete wrapped his fingers around the creatures neck and it's large black clawlike hands came up grasping at pete's forearms. pete fought the creature and pushed it's head under water holding it there. he heard the creature sputter and thrash and claw at him but he knew if he wanted to save himself, if he wanted to save andy then he'd have to kill whatever this thing was. pete was surprised that he was stronger then the creature, and before he knew it the beast had gone still and floating black eyes wide and open under the clear water. before pete could celebrate his victory, something happened. everything seemed clearer to him and the blackness faded away. pete looked down at the now dead creature and nearly threw up in fear and shock. lying there in the bottom of the filled tub wasn't the creature that pete had just seen. no, it was andy! pete gagged and his insides were numb. "no!" he thought as he stared down at his lover and his friend. "no! there had been a monster! it wasn't andy!" pete thought desperate to believe himself. pete looked down at his own arms and chest and gasped as he saw the dark lines that andy's nails left in his skin. andy had begun to float up to the surface and pete shot back sloshing water all over the floor. as quickly as he could without thinking too much pete climbed out of the tub and ran around the house leaving wet foot prints in his wake. pete felt like he couldn't breath as he struggled to pull his clothes on over his wet body. he would never kill anyone on purpose ecspecially not andy! he knew he saw the creature! it was real, he believed it. the problem was that no one else would. pete was finally dressed and ready to go but before he did he crept back to the bathroom as if andy would be able to sense him. he peeked his head into the room and gasped at what he saw. pete saw the same sort of formless black figure standing over andy that he had when he had been driving with patrick earlier that morning. the black figure was standing over the tub peering down at andy. it's black smokey eyes watching the corpse intently. pete knew it had to be real! this couldn't all be his imagination and that the black figure must've been what killed andy. pete convinced himself that, that was what happened and he left the apartment as quickly as he could. releasing himself back out into the cool air of the city. pete was paranoid as he walked the city. he felt that every person who passed him knew what had happened. he felt as if they were all watching him. pete didn't know where he was going but he knew it wasn't home. even though he knew that patrick would be the most likely to help him. lucky for pete he didn't have to decide where he was going as fate had already decided when he bumped into joe on a street corner. "pete! man what are you doing here?" joe asked as he looked at pete. pete felt like his tongue was too heavy to move but he anwsered joe anyway. "i was just going for a walk man." pete said as he ran a hand through his hair and prayed that joe couldn't suddenly read minds. joe nodded as if he had no reason not to believe pete's story. "well man i was just taking these groceries home if you wanna come." joe said and pete nodded because maybe if he talked with joe he'd forget what had just happened. pete followed joe upstairs to his apartment and the duo entered without speaking. joe headed to the kitchen and joe offered pete a drink. pete declined due to his medication and instead offered to help joe with the groceries. as joe turned to give pete a bag he knocked a container of knives over and they fell to the floor, a few of them slidding over to pete. pete bent down and picked up the knife nearest him, a large shining steak knife. pete stared into the reflection of the knife and gasped when he saw a dark gleam of black. pete shot up and screamed as he saw another black grotesque creature standing in the kitchen where joe had been. "no, not again!" pete screamed as he stared at the creature, who slowly turned it's deformed hideous head to stare at him with those dead black eyes. the creature then began moving in small slow steps, towards pete. pete backed away terrified. "where's joe? what did you do with joe?" pete yelled at the beast. the beast turned it's head almost quizzically before advancing on pete and grabbing his wrist trying to take the knife away from him. pete fought back because it was all he could do, he didn't know what these creatures were or why they were attacking him and his friends he just prayed it wasn't too late to save joe. pete shoved the creature down and glanced at the knife in his hand. as quickly as he could he brought it down plunging it into the beast's chest. pete tried to block out the screams that filled the air, those of the beast and his own. pete stabbed the beast repeatedly as it tried to crawl away and fight back. finally the beast lay still and pete was on his knees breathing heavily, his jeans soaked in the creatures dark blood. just as it had happened before the darkness around pete seemed to melt away and his vision returned and again pete was repulsed at the scene before him. there laying below him, his body marred with multiple stab wounds was joe. pete dropped the bloody knife from his hand and he shook as he bent down and grabbed joe pulling him up into his arms. there he cried apologizing to joe, begging him for forgivness. he didn't know what was happening but he knew one thing now. he could never see patrick again. pete left joe's apartment, so numb and frozen that he didn't bother cleaning up. he was stained with blood. pete had taken joe's keys and gotten into joes car and drove. where he was going? he wasn't sure. he couldn't go to anyone he loved or cared about in fear that they'd end up dead. pete was driving and not concentrating when he noticed someone standing in the street ahead of him. pete stopped the car it's breaks squealing as he saw patrick in the road. patrick looked nervous as he started towards the car. pete didn't give patrick time to get to him he leapt from the car and began backing away slowly. "pete! what are you doing out here? i was so worried! come on pete, let's go home." patrick said as he walked towards pete. pete shook his head. "no patrick! i-i can't go home!" he told him as he backed away off the sidewalk. patrick looked worried. "yes, you can pete come on. i'll take you home and give you your medicine. it will all be okay." patrick assured him but patrick didn't know the things pete had done tonight. "no, trick! i did things tonight...bad things!" pete screamed as he backed his way into oncoming traffic. pete saw the headlights coming and thought for a split second he would stay there and get hit and die, because he deserved to die as well. but the car that had been coming stopped so pete did all he could do. he ran. pete ran up the streets and around corners anywhere he could go. he glanced back and saw patrick chasing him. pete ran faster and made more complicated moves in the hopes that patrick wouldn't be able to follow but those hopes were dashed as patrick kept on him. he turned suddenly and darted into an open door to an office building. what an office building was doing open so late was none of pete's concern as he raced up the flights of stairs. pete could hear the echous sounds of patrick following him and his voice yelling for him to stop but he ignored it because he knew what he had to do. pete made his way to the open roof of the building and he stood as the wind whipped around him. patrick had followed him up to the roof and pete turned quickly as he looked at his lover. "pe-pete! why are you running from me? what are you doing?" he asked out of breath and clutching his side. "patrick, i can't be allowed to live anymore. if i do i-i'll end up hurting you." pete cried as he moved back a few feet. "what? no pete you could never hurt me. you love me and i love you! i need you pete you can't die!" he told him. pete shook his head. "i will hurt you! just like i hurt andy and joe! now please patrick go home! i don't want you to see me do this!" pete yelled as he stepped back until his back bumped into the cold stone edge. "pete, come on. get away from the ledge...we can talk about whatever is going on okay? we can talk to andy and joe." patrick told him as he extended his arm out and slowly began approaching pete. "no we can't trick! all i can do is kill myself so no one else get's hurt!" he yelled as he climbed up on the ledge. patrick looked scared more scared then pete had ever seen him look before. "i'm sorry patrick, i have to do this. you'll understand tomorrow." pete said and before pete could jump patrick rushed forward and grabbed him and pulled him down off the ledge, held him there on the roof as pete struggled to get away. "NO, NO PATRICK NO! I'LL END UP HURTING YOU NO!" pete screamed as he broke free from patrick and shoved him away. it was only too late before pete opened his eyes in time to see patrick fall off the ledge of the building. pete screamed and raced forward but it was too late to grab him and patrick fell to his death. pete couldn't breath now. he had never felt a pain like this before. it felt like pete's entire body was shutting down and his brain had already left. he could see nothing but the look on patrick's face as he fell off the building and he could hear people screaming and sirens blaring down below. pete turned to his left and saw the blackness, the figure of a person standing there watching him. "you! you did this! why? why did you kill my friends?" pete screamed. the figure said nothing but walked away pete got up and followed running after the blackness. he chased it down the stairs and hallways forever chasing it through the empty building. it entered a room and pete burst inside after it. realizing it was the bathroom pete stopped and looked around unable to find where the creature went. "where are you? please just tell me where you are!" he cried as he came to stop infront of the mirror. pete let out a cry as reflected back at him was the blackness only it had taken the shape of peter himself. tears fell from pete's black eyes as he realized that all along he had been the darkness. it was he who had killed his friends, and he was so insane that only he could see the creatures and the darkness. pete groped in his pocket for a gun he didn't know he had and with one last glance at his reflection he pressed the barrel to his temple and pulled the trigger. freeing himself from the darkness. "pete's behavior has always been questionable. that's just the way pete is." ~red~

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