Monday, February 16, 2009

“Why are so desperate to meet the people who went to the high school?” Gabe asks, narrows his dark eyes at the intruding men. Carrington focuses his jet black gaze on to the tall man.
“We just…we wanted to make sure the luno’s were really there.” He tells them. Gabe pulls a face,
“According to the information you’re sending out, you knew they were there, why not just go there yourself?” He asks, there are plenty of good reasons to be nervous around new people, you never know their intentions, and just what it is that they really want with you.
“It was horrifying.” Greta’s light voice adds into the mix and now Carrington, all the men’s eyes go wide.
“Grets, you were there too?” The pseudo leader asks, the blonde nods.
“I killed one of them..”
Carrington is tugging her into a hug again, whispering. “Grets, god, if we knew you were gonna go, we’d never have….we would have never sent that thing out. We never wanted you to see.”
Again William does nothing but Carrington’s words do spark something within the rest of the group.
Carrington looks back at the other men in his party before he glances at Greta and then focuses back on Gabe. “We were sure that if the luno’s were there then it would surely be a suicide mission to go there. No one in their right minds would willingly walk into a luno’s den.” He states. Gabe, no, everyone looks taken aback by Carrington’s words.
“Are you-are you trying to tell us that you fucking used us as guinea pigs?” Pete spits out from his position next to Ryan, Carrington’s eyes dart over to the small man. “Are you saying that you sent that information out knowing how dangerous it could be but you did it anyway just so you could be sure?” Pete’s voice is rising steadily with each word spoken but Carrington doesn’t seem affected by it.
“We stated just how dangerous we thought this mission was, it is by no means our fault if any of your people got killed.”
“None of them did.” Andy interjects; he’s calmly leaning against the back wall, face unreadable. “But that doesn’t mean that there weren’t casualties in another sense.” It almost feels like a small wave is passing around the room, wrapping tight around those who were hurt at the mission, highlighting them, letting Carrington see firsthand just what that send out did.
“Wait…” Gabe starts, he’s digging around in his back pocket, pulling out a crumpled and creased white paper, he unfolds it and yes, it’s one of the faxes, probably the one Carrington had sent out. “This fax,” Gabe says, “The fax about the high school it’s from a guy named Mikey.”
Carrington frowns deeply, soft face crumpling in on itself and the small group of men behind him seem to go stiff. “Mikey,” Carrington starts, voice void of emotion. “Did send that fax out but…he’s dead now.” Equal silence on both parts of the room, no one is spared of a casualty these days, no, that’s the norm. It’s unusual to have so many people come back alive. This house itself happens to be one of the larger groups of people, usually, usually the groups are as small or smaller than Carrington and his men.
“Now that you know the luno’s are there…what do you intend to do about it?” Brendon is asking, arms crossed tight across his chest.
“We’re gonna go there and burn the place to the ground.”



“What?” Ryan says, he seems surprised at his own outburst. Carrington and the other men focus on the frail body of Ryan Ross.
“We know that the luno’s might’ve switched locations by now.” The black haired leader starts, “But either way we figured it’s for the best that we just burn that building down, that way they can never return to it.”
Ryan stares on with a slackjawed expression but Carrington continues. “and if they are in there, that’s all for the better, we can burn those bastards alive.”
These men, Carrington and his cohorts, they don’t know about Jenny, about Patrick. They probably wouldn’t care even if they did. They didn’t know them and to these men all luno’s are the same, no matter who they used to be. Ryan is shaking his head, “no, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He whispers out, he’s looking down at his gloved hands.
“Why wouldn’t it be? It really solves two problems here, it’s perfect.” Carrington replies.
“It’ll work perfectly,” The man named Remy states, “See, all you have to do is take gasoline and put some in these bottles, soak some rags with it and stick those in there too.” He explains, as if the sole purpose for them thinking this was a bad idea was for safety reasons. “Then you make sure you throw it into the rooms that have the heaters and the paint and all those other nice flammable things and boom, Instant luno bonfire.” The small man, Remy, he almost seems to come alive as he explains the plan and just how it will all work.
“Remy is an expert and this kind of shit.” The other black haired man, George, explains.
“No, that’s not what I mean.” Ryan points out; he’s less than amused at these men and their words, their plans. “I...We have friends living in there.”
“No one lives there but luno’s….” George states, his eyes widening. “Carrington, I think these are some of those hybrids…those, those…halfbreeds.” He whispers to the leader. Brendon makes a face and maybe a small disgruntled noise.
“We’re not.” Jon says as he comes out into the kitchen, Cassie wavering behind him. Jon’s good at situations like this, explaining and calming people down, he really has a knack for it. “We’re all human.” He doesn’t even bat an eyelash as he says it, showing just how little this group cares about Brendon’s situation.
“Then why did he-“George starts but Jon cuts him off.
“There are two luno’s that live in that high school, they used to be our friends…you know, before they were changed.” Jon explains, he glances back at Cassie who urges him on with a warm hand at the small of his back.
The small group of men is silent before Carrington clears his throat.
“I’m sorry for that, really I am but if you don’t realize by now then I guess I’ll have to explain it to you. Those ‘friends’ of yours, they’ll never be those people again. They are all they can be now, they’re lunos and they’ll kill you in a flash without a second thought.”
“But they’re still-“Ryan tries to cut in but Carrington seems aggravated
“Look, “Carrington starts, “We didn’t come here to ask for permission to do what we planned.”
“No, you only came to see how your experiment turned out.” Pete scoffs, Carrington ignores him.
“Regardless of what kinds of morals you people have, it’s about damn time that you realize that this world isn’t what it used to be. You can’t always do what’s right, sometimes you gotta do what you can to survive.”
With that little advice Carrington turns and his group follows, like sheep right along behind him. He turns back once he’s at the door, “Grets, good to see you darling, I hope we get another chance.” He says and then they’re gone, filing out the door and down into the darkness from where they came from.
The people who live in the house, they turn to one another and a silence fills the expansive room.
“We can’t…” Ryan begins, promptly breaking the silence. “We can’t let them burn down the school!” He’s looking upon his companions with wide brown eyes and a slightly deranged expression.
“Ryan,” Brendon whispers and the first boy turns to the second.
“No, Brendon, no,” Ryan shakes his head. “Don’t give me that tone; don’t tell me that you think they’re right!” When Brendon doesn’t change his expression Ryan turns to the others in the room, desperate to find someone, anyone who thought the same as him. Of course he turned to Cassie. “Cass, please, please tell me that you feel the same. Patrick might be in there Cassie! You don’t want them to do it do you?”
“I-“ Cassie opens and closes her mouth uselessly, her eyes are downcast and her hands are still on Jon. “Ryan, maybe that guy…maybe he’s right.” She says softly and the brown haired boy can hardly believe his ears. Of all the people in this house he thought that she would agree with him. It was Patrick and it was Jenny, it was them and he couldn’t, he just couldn’t let that get destroyed.
“I can’t, I can’t let them hurt her.” Ryan is mumbling, “Just like you shouldn’t be able to let them hurt Patrick.”
“Like he shouldn’t have been able to hurt me, Ryan?” Cassie shoots right back, eyes hardening slightly. Jon turns towards her and slides his hand into the girl’s. Ryan’s face goes blank before he picks up where he left off.
“Imagine if it was Jon in there.”

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Saturday, February 7, 2009

wentz
wentz in wonderland



chapter one: ryan ross doesn't even like rabbits!

peter wentz lay in the grass in the meadow on a warm summer day with his pet dog hemmingway. he laid under the shadows of the large oak tree sprawled on his stomach his lyrical notebook in hand. pete thumbed through the old worn pages of the notebook sastisfied with the words he had written.

"this next cd is going to be the best one yet!" pete proclaimed "right hemmy?" he asked his loyal pet bulldog, knowing full well that he wouldn't get a response. "hemmy?" pete asked and turned to see the spot where his pet was lying was now empty. pete rolled onto his back and sat up searching the surrounding area for his 'missing' pet. pete spotted hemingway just in time to see him sniffing around a tall skinny man standing near the edge of the meadow.

"ryan?" pete asked confused as he saw his friend the guitarist for the band painc! at the disco. pete stood now, confused as to what in the world ryan ross would be doing out in a meadow with him.

"ryan" pete said again as he took a step towards the younger man. ryan turned to look at pete he was adorned in black pants and a tight red jacket with a large gold clock hanging around his neck.

"what are you flava flav?" peter asked jokingly, ryan said nothing only gave pete a passing glance as he looked down to the clock that adorned his chest.

"is this the time?!" he asked surprised "i'm sorry, i must be on my way! i'm late! i'm late! for a very important date!" ryan cried before taking off at full speed towards the edge of the meadow with hemmingway at his heels.

pete stood in shock for a moment at the unusual behavior of the young rockstar, before he remembered that hemmingway was following ryan!

"hemmy, no! heel boy!" he yelled to the dog. when hemingway showed no signs of stopping pete sighed and began to chase after the dog who was chasing after the boy, pete continued chasing ryan and hemingway until pete finally had them in his sights. he watched as ryan stopped infront of what looked like a small rabbits hole dug into the earth.

"ha caught you know ryan" pete began as he stopped to catch his breath "you'll never fit in there" he laughed.

ryan was the type of boy who liked to prove people wrong, and he did just that to pete by squeezing his thin frame down the blackness of the rabbit hole.

"the hell?" pete said as he stared at the hole unblinkingly, refusing to believe that the young man had fit. he probably would've kept on staring had it not been for hemingway's barking. pete looked down at the dog just in time to see him too fall down into the abyss of the hole.

"hemmy!" pete cried for once hoping that the pooch would listen to him, but unlike most people these days hemingway didn't and proceeded with a leap down into the hole. pete of course being the responsible pet owner that he was leaped after him without a second thought and he too fell into the darkness.


chapter two: don't trust the talking doorknob

pete wentz always imagined what death would feel like, but he never imagined anything like this. he was falling through a seemingly never ending darkness. the same darkness that had swallowed up ryan ross and hemingway, but pete couldn't see either of the aformentioned party, hell in the darkness he could barely see his own hand inches away from his face.

pete began to wonder if maybe seeing ryan and his dog were just his imaginations way of leading him into death, and the more he thought about it the more it seemed reasonable. he must've died out in that meadow while working on those lyrics that were now useless, sure that was probably it. maybe he had a heart attack? or was mobbed by a group of fangirls and torn to bits? pete hoped for the latter because he was sure no one else had ever died that way.

before pete could go on wondering morbidly about how he had died the darkness stopped. and suddenly pete wasn't falling but floating downwards. the reason for the sudden floating was that the wind had caught pete's hoodie and had puffed it open much like a parachute. pete eased his way down until he saw walls surounding him, the walls held knick knacks and other things that weren't too important to pete at the moment. pete had somehow gone upside down and landed with a small thud on the floor of a long tunnel.

a flash of red caught pete's eye and he looked up to see ryan was standing only a few feet away from him. "ryan" pete called out to his friend hoping to get some anwsers as to where the hell they were and what ryan was late for, but it looked like those answers would have to wait as ryan once again proclaimed he was late and took off down the tunnel. "ross, stop running away dammit!" pete yelled as he scrambled to get up and chase after the young guitarist, his own words echoing back at him in the tunnel.

he found himself once again chasing after ryan through this unknow world. pete could see that they were heading into a an empty looking room with a large wooden door and little else. ryan reached the door first and proceeded through it with little ease, "does he seriously think he can hide behind a door?" pete wondered as it was he was drawing closer to the seemingly normal door. pete was so preoccupied by his thoughts that he didn't notice the door getting smaller and smaller. when pete finally reached the door he noticed that it was now barely large enough to fit his head.

pete stood in disbelief for a moment before his anger took over him. "what the hell is this place?" pete asked no one in paticular so he was surprised when he got an anwser.

"this is wonderland" the male voice echoed around the nearly empty room.

pete whipped around quickly. his dark eyes scanning every inch of the odd room for any sign of the mystery voice. "who said that?" pete asked as he realized that there was no one in the room with him..at least that he could see.

"it was me" he heard the voice again this time much closer. pete looked down to see the copper doorknob was the one speaking to him.

"what the hell? your a doorknob you can't talk!" pete exclaimed at the now alive doorknob.

"well you can't play the bass" the doorknob retorted back. pete forgot his 'i must be dead' theory and instead created a new one the 'i'm dreaming' theory, because only in his twisted dreams could he be insulted by a doorknob.

"whatever" pete began as he ignored the doorknob's insult. "listen i want to get through this door can you help me?" pete said never thinking in all his life that he'd ever be asking a doorknob for help.

"just go through it?" was all the cocky doorknob replied.

"hello, my head won't even fit" pete said

"that's because you have a huge ego" the doorknob insulted him once more.

"dammit are you going to help me or not?" pete asked. the doorknob let out an exasperated sigh.

"there on the table behind you there's a bottle labeled 'drink me' do what it says"

"what table? there was no table in this room." pete said turning around his jaw dropped when he saw a metal table sat there with a small bottle of purplish fluid labled drink me.

"stupid materializing table" pete mumbled as he marched over to the table. he grabbed the bottle and eyed it wearingly before swigging most of it down. almost instantly pete could feel himself shrinking down until he was just the right size for the door. pete stood proudly and walked to the door before turning the handle and giving a good pull. the door failed to open, pete tried again with a bit more force but still the door wouldn't budge.

"what's going on?" pete asked the doorknob.

"oh did i forget to mention that i'm locked?" the doorknob asked and pete felt his hands twist into fists.

"so now what where is the key?" pete asked.

"up there on the table" the doorknob said as it eyed pete. pete's mouth dropped open and he growled a bit.

"i'm too small to carry that key now, so any other idea's?" he asked the doorknob.

"there is a box of cookies on the table as well eat one and you'll grow large again" the doorknob told him. pete turned

"i hate this place" he said as he made his way back to the table.

somehow pete had managed to climb up to the table and he proceeded to eat a cookie. instantly his body grew large, too large and he found himself cramped inside the room. now frustrated pete felt his eyes prick with tears at the thought of spending an eternity with a talking doorknob. pete cried and his huge tears filled the room.

"you idiot drink the remaining fluid and shrink back down!" the doorknob cried. pete did as he was told and gulped down the liquid, again he shrank and again he was too small, so small infact that he slipped down into the empty bottle and floated right out the doorknob's mouth on his ocean of tears.

"saved by an ocean of tears? doesn't get more emo then that" pete laughed to himself.


chapter three: the way brothers recite poetry but not as good as me

after finally escaping the boring room with the rude doorknob. pete washed up somewhere outside, he climbed out of the bottle not bothering too much to wonder how any of what just happened made any sense at all. pete was just thankful to be on the now damp earth again.

he surveyed his surroundings and saw nothing but lots of green earth that stretched farther then he could see. pete heard a noise from behind him he whipped around thinking that maybe it was ryan finally ready to give him some anwsers, but he should've know by now that in this wonderland what he thinks is never right.

instead of seeing ryan like he wanted he saw a group of strange animals, the main one being the once thought extinct dodo bird. pete noticed that the dodo and the other animals surrounding it were all dripping wet persumably from the ocean of tears that had just passed by. pete thought for a moment about asking the animals if they had seen ryan. he actually considered this until he realized that animals don't talk, hell i just had a conversation with a doorknob. i might as well give this a shot. pete thought before clearing his throat and stepping up towards the animals.

"hey any of you guys seen a kid wearing a clock?" pete asked the group of soggy animals. the dodo gave pete a queer look as if he didn't know what in the world pete was saying. pete gave a heavy sigh and looked away from the group deciding to start looking for ryan on his own. before pete could take off and begin to explore he felt the scruff of his hoodie being grabbed. he turned just enough to see the beak of the dodo holding him firmly in place.

"what? i didn't do anything! if this is about that whole extinct thing...well i'm sorry about that" pete told the bird. his makeshift apology seemed to do the trick as the bird released him. pete fixed his clothes and turned back to look at the animals. they had formed a line as if they were at a starting line.

"race" the bird quipped out.

"excuse me?" pete asked dumbfounded that the bird could in fact talk.

"we race" the bird said again but this time it too went to stand in the line along with his commrades.

"well that's just great." pete began with fake enthusiasim, "but i'm awfully busy so i'll just be going now" pete said as he tried to make his escape from the odd creatures. before he could get too far the dodo once again seized him on the arm this time.

"you race, caucus race" the bird told him. pete not fully knowing what the word caucus meant finally gave up and went to stand in line with the animals. the dodo too took a spot and they all stood there for a moment before the dodo suddenly yelled "go".

pete was off running half heartedly he didn't really want to get lost here in this new world, but on the other hand these animals were the only contact he had in this world. pete continued running chasing after the surprisingly quick animals and thankful for his years as a soccer player. he probably would've kept following had he not caught a glimpse of red. pete stopped while the animals continued on.

"ryan?" pete questioned as he followed the glimpse. pete was right it was ryan, he was standing just outside of a glade surrounded by a thick forest. ryan ran into the glade and pete followed.

pete emerged into the secluded clearing but saw no ryan. "dammit! how does he keep getting away from me?" pete asked outloud.

"he's like a rabbit" he heard a voice say.

"like a great white rabbit" a second voice added. pete whirled around the clearing looking everywhere for the two oddly familar voices. great more mystery voices! last time it was a doorknob what is it this time? a damn lamp? pete wondered.

"who are you and where are you for that matter?" pete asked wondering if he'd get an anwser and even if he did get an anwser would he even like it? before pete could do much of anything else two figures came bounding out of the woods surrounding the clearing. the two figures stood in front of pete arm in arm and bouncing excitedly on their heels.

"i should've perdictided this" pete mutter to himself as he saw the faces of the mystery men.

"hi i'm gerard or tweedle gee!" the first pale dark haired man exclaimed

"and" began the younger also dark haired pale man next to him "i am mikey or tweedle M" pete wondered why in the hell gerard and mikey way the two brothers from the band my chemical romance were doing in a place like this. he was tempted to ask the two brothers a million questions but he settled on a simple one instead.

"have you guys seen ryan ross?" pete asked, still determined to find and get anwsers out of ryan.

"the white rabbit is too busy too play" gerard said as he began to slowly circle around pete

"he's not a rabbit" pete griped

"hey calm down petey take life come what may" mikey said as he followed gerard in the circle path they were making around peter.

"oh cute. your rhyming" pete said sounding none too pleased with the nonsense the way brothers were causing.

"would you have us say something else?" gerard asked as he came back into pete's view before promptly continuing his path around pete

"lyrics maybe?" mikey chimed in. the two brothers made their way back around to stand infront of pete. they gave each other a slight glance and smirk before gerard stepped out and offered pete his hand

"shall we dance,dance?" he asked before breaking down into a series of giggles accompanied by mikey's laughter.

pete sighed even though he was finding the way brothers antics entertaining.
"listen i'd love to stay and chat but do you think you guys can help me find ryan?"

"he's in the carpal tunnel of love" mikey said as he jumped on gerard's back. pete let out a deep sigh, it was obvious that he was going to get no help from these two.

"well guys i'd love to stick around but i have a emo boy to catch"

"don't we all" gerard muttered. pete grinned and nodded to the siblings before heading off into the direction he thought he saw ryan go.

"thanks for the memories!" he heard mikey and gerard call to him and their laughter again.


chapter four: cupcakes and gender confusion

after escaping the insane wonderland versions of the way brothers, pete was basically wandering aimlessly in a direction he thought he saw ryan go. he continued to wander not really knowing where he was going, but it's not like it was the first time he ever wandered aimlessly in a unknown place.

by now pete was moving only by habit. his thoughts lost somewhere far away. pete thought about what would happen if he never got out of wonderland. before he could think too much on the subject he felt himself stumble and he came out of his thoughts just in time to watch himself fall down the side of a small hill. pete couldn't regain his footing and proceeded to tumble down the hill until he at last landed shaken and dirty at the foot of the hill.

pete groaned and stood before dusting himself off. he looked ahead of him and saw a large two story house before him. "that's weird" pete said outloud as he made his way towards the house. "maybe whoever lives here will know where to find ryan" pete thought. peter didn't have to wonder for very long, as he passed through the gate and into the front yard of the house he saw a small sign stuck in the yard. 'the white rabbit' was all the sign read and pete's hopes shot up that maybe this was ryan's house.

pete practically dashed full speed to the front door before knocking excitedly. he waited bouncing on his heels excited at the prospects of getting out of wonderland. when no one anwsered pete knocked again harder this time. it was only a few moments before the wooden door was pulled open and sure enough there stood ryan ross in all his glory.

"ryan!" pete exclaimed both pleased at finding the young guitarist and upset at the chase he put him through.

"your late, come inside." ryan told pete. the older boy nodded and followed ryan into the house. ryan led pete through the living room to the kitchen.

"ryan, what's going on? do you know how to get back to the real world? i-" pete was cut off by a glaring ryan, he adjusted the clock he was wearing.

"belinda, go and fetch me my gloves" ryan told pete, the older boy was confused.

"belinda? whose belinda?" pete asked ryan.

"you, you idiot. your my maid belinda! now go and fetch me my gloves!" ryan shouted and for such a scrawny kid he could sure yell loud.

"i'm not your maid! and i'm sure as hell not a girl!" pete yelled back. ryan gave him a puhleeze kind of look.

"you could've fooled me" ryan deadpanned, pete snorted.

"right this coming from the girliest guy's in the world" pete shot back.

"oh? are you looking in a mirror?" ryan retorted. pete grumbled, upset that ryan didn't remember him and upset that his one last hope for getting out of this wretched place was now gone.

ryan had walked away from pete still demanding that the boy fetch his gloves. pete didn't even know where to begin looking for the stupid gloves so he still stood dumbly in the kitchen. pete suddenly realized that he was extreamly hungry his stomach growling at him, he shrugged and figured that if he was going to search for ryan's gloves then at least ryan owed him a meal. pete's eyes scanned the shiny blue countertop before he caught sight of something he knew he couldn't resist.

a cupcake sat on the counter just begging to be eaten. pete knew that in wonderland the chances were good that this was no ordinary cupcake but he still couldn't resist. he rushed over to the sweet treat and devoured it in two bites. feeling oddly full after his one cupcake pete left the kitchen to search for the missing gloves that ryan was adamant about finding. pete went into a spare room and opened a chest looking for the gloves. "ugh i don't feel so well" pete mumbled to himself as he peered into the chest. "why the hell is this thing getting smaller?" peter wondered as the chest became smaller and smaller.

by the time pete realized what was happening he had already grown too large. pete's arms and legs broke through the holes where the houses windows once were. pete's head had busted through the roof and he could now see the entire west side of wonderland. pete could also see a very shocked, very pissed looking ryan ross in his front yard.

"a monster! someone help! a monster has destroyed my house!" ryan shouted.

"i'm not a monster" pete bellowed back. ryan didn't listen and instead continued screaming bloodly murder.

eventually some help came to ryan's aid. pete sighed as he saw what had come to help ryan. the same stupid dodo that had made pete race.

"it is a monster!" the dodo screeched "but i can help!" it proclaimed "bill!" it called.

"who the hell is bill?" pete asked. seconds later a green lizard with a pushbroom on his back showed up in front of the house.

"i have an idea" bill began "we tear the roof off!" he proclaimed before scurrying up the side of the house and sliding down into the chimney. bill slipping into the chimney caused some dark black soot to rise up right into pete's face.

before he could do anything to stop it pete sneezed and blew the chimney and bill sky high. "sorry bill" pete yelled.

"now what?" ryan asked exasperated.

"i have one more idea" the dodo said as he rushed inside ryan's house. he came out moments later with pleanty of broken furniture. "we smoke it out" the dodo excalimed.

"oh shit." pete muttered, he was no scienctist but even he knew that this couldn't end well. the dodo continued smashing and breaking many of ryan's posessions much to ryan's objection. before anyone could stop it the dodo had lit a small fire and pete knew he would die if he didn't get out. glancing around pete spotted a vegtable garden to his right praying that his idea work he grabbed a carrot and ate it.

in mere seconds pete had shrunk back down to about three inches small. "great, tiny again" pete grumbled. he made his way out of the burning house just in time to see ryan had once again taken off in a run. pete chased after him for what felt like the hundreth time. "that kid must like the chase" pete sighed as he followed ryan.


chapter five: singing flowers and master hurley

pete raced after ryan still chasing him through the strange wonderland. he would probably be able to catch him if he hadn't been three inches tall. before he realized he had once again lost track of ryan. he continued on until he saw gigantic colorful shoots before him. "what now?" pete wondered outloud as he approached the once giant shoots. the shoots had now shrunk down to about the same size as pete and he realized that they were flowers.

"flowers" pete said outloud expecting no response but again he had yet to figure in the rules of wonderland.

"yes, we're flowers" a soft airy voice replied. pete looked to his right to see a violet talking to him. pete was only a bit surprised by the talking flowers and he guessed that maybe he was getting used the creatures of wonderland.

"uh-hi" was all pete managed to say as he was unsure of what types of things one talks to flowers about.

"hello" the violet said cheerfully. when pete said nothing else the flower took it upon itself to talk more with him. "welcome to the garden" it said.

"the garden?" peter wondered outloud. he scanned his surroundings and saw a bevy of flowers all surrounding him.

"come on" the violet instructed "let's go in" it said as it wrapped it's leafy hand around his wrist and pulled him inside.

instantly all sorts of flowers had surrounded them. each flower had taken on an almost human like apperance. their leaves had changed into something like hands and their roots now makeshift feet. the flowers had made their way around him their eyes watching him.

"we should sing for him!" one flower suggested.

another nodded "yeah that's a good idea!".

"what should we sing about?" a daisy asked

"hmmm i got it what about if we sing about what kind of flower he is!" a lily annouced.

"yeah that's a great idea!" a few flowers in the back agreed.

the violet that stood next to pete turned to face him "so what kind of flower are you?" it asked.

pete wasn't sure what to say. the flowers had all decided things so fast and he still wasn't sure about anything. he didn't even know how they mistaked him for a flower in the first place considering that he didn't have leaves or petals. pete decided to go the honest route and tell them that he wasn't a flower.

"um funny thing. i'm actually not a flower." pete told the group.

the flowers gasped and began instantly chattering amoung themselves.

"he's not a flower? then what the heck is he?" he heard them whisper.

"maybe he's a weed!" one of the flowers yelled causing instant terror in the other flowers.

"a weed! that must be it! he's a weed!" the flowers yelled at him.

"wait everyone will go see master about this" the violet next to pete said. it's words serving to calm down the other flowers.

"yeah let's go see master!" the flowers agreed and before pete could say or do anything his arms were grabbed by two flowers and he was dragged away to see this 'master' of the flowers.

the group of flowers lead pete deep into the garden passing other flowers who looked on and whispered to their neighbors. eventually the flowers lead pete to a very leafy looking spot. the flowers holding pete stopped as did any others who had happened to follow the group. the violet that pete had first met stepped up to a huge leaf before bowing down slightly.

"master, we need your assistance" the violet called to the leaf. silence was heard for a few long moments before a sigh was heard

"fine pull back the curtains" pete heard a oddly familar voice say. instantly two flowers jumped out and pulled back the leafs that made a makeshift chambers for the master of the flowers. the leaf curtains fell away and the infamous master stepped out for pete to see.

"andy!?!" pete cried as he saw what was once his friend and drummer. now andy wasn't a person but a rose with a human face. needless to say it was one of the scariest things pete had yet to see in wonderland. andy surveyed pete

"how did you know my name?" he asked pete as he stood infront of him. what could pete say uh your only one of my oldest friends and not a flower! somehow he figured that it wouldn't work.

"i guessed" pete muttered. andy gave him a skeptical look before looking at the flowers holding him.

"what is this about?" andy asked as he paced back and forth.

"well master" the violet began "we thought this creature was a flower but he is not and we suspect him to be a weed" it told andy. andy's eyes widened at the word weed.

"of course he is a weed! i mean look at him!" andy stated as he gingerly touched pete as if he were diseased ridden or something.

"hey, i'm not a weed!" pete protested.

"yeah right weeds always say that" andy told the captured pete. "throw him out of the garden!" andy cried. pete tried his best to protest but before he could do anything all the flowers rushed him and tossed him out on his butt out of their garden.

"like i wanted to be a gay flouncy flower anyway!" pete yelled back at them while he stood and dusted himself off. pete didn't really have an idea as to where to go yet. he stood thinking until he saw the smoke rising faintly in the distance. with no where to go pete decided to go in the direction of the smoke hoping that it lead to somewhere kinder then a bunch of mean spirited flowers.


chapter six: caterpillers and magic mushrooms

pete had followed the faint smoke through the woods. the smoke he noticed had become thicker and was varying in color. pete had followed the smoke to the edge of a clearing but hadn't yet ventured into it. with pete being only three inches tall he was worried what sort of creatures he would encounter. pete stood waiting just outside the clearing in a bunch of shrubs and bushes listening for any danger. when there was none to be found pete shrugged and moved into the clearing.

pete was surrounded by dark earth and mushrooms the size of himself. pete could now see what creature was emitting the smoke. there sitting on one of the large mushrooms was his friend and fellow band mate joe trohman.

"joe?" pete said out of pure surprise as he stepped fully into the clearing.

"whose asking?" joe said in one of those stereotypically rich sounding voices.

"joe it's me peter" pete said as he walked up to his friend. joe eyed him warily as he took a puff off the pipe he held.

"petah? i don't know any petah." joe said as he blew the thick blue smoke out of his mouth. the smoke pete noticed had taken the shape of the name petah and the word now hung in the air.

joe didn't recongize him and pete should've know that because ryan and andy hadn't recongized him either. while pete stood there thinking, joe looked on still smoking his pipe.

"hey joe, do you know anyway i can grow taller?" pete asked his smoking friend. joe thought for a moment

"do you know anyway a alligator can have less teeth?" he asked as light green smoke poured from him and into the shape of an alligator.

ok obviously this joe get's high too pete thought to himself as he watched the smoke alligator dance above his head. pete sighed and shifted a little as he waited for something resembling a real answer to his question. when one didn't come pete asked again

"so can you help me?" joe watched pete while he took another hit off his pipe.

"because i really don't want to stay this size" pete told him as he took a seat on a nearby squishy mushroom.

"what's so wrong with this size?" joe asked pete as if he had offended him.

"no, well i mean it's ok for you to be this size but not me" pete fumbled out while he continued to watch the darkily colored smoke pictures dance above joe's head.

"not good enough for you?" joe said "i suppose you think your better then the rest of us?" he spat out at pete. joe's words copied by the dark red smoke. pete could tell this conversation was getting worse by the second and his chance to get information from joe was falling apart.

"that's not what i meant. i mean your used to being this size and me i'm used to being bigger"
pete told the obviously angry joe.

"so just because i'm this size means that you can insult me!" joe yelled.

"no, i-" pete began but was cut off by joe.

"you think you can come into my clearing while i'm enjoying a nice smoke and demand that i help you get taller because you hate being the same size as me!" joe was now standing and yelling a cloud of dark smoke shifted over his head.

"i didn't demand anything i-" pete tried once again to talk and once again joe interrupted him.

"i'm leaving!" joe annouced as he grabbed his pipe and began to walk away. pete said nothing to stop him and gave up on getting any help from his warped friend. joe was almost out of the clearing when he shouted back a message for pete.

"if this small you don't want to be stuck, try taking a bite of what's under your butt!" he yelled at pete.

pete sat for a moment trying his best to understand joe's cryptic message.

"what's under my butt?" pete looked down to see the mushroom he was sitting on. "that's got to be it!" pete said as he leaped off his newly found treasure. pete decided to break off two pieces of the mushroom one from each side.

pete held the two pieces in his hand but didn't taste either of them yet. he was a bit wary as to why joe would help him after he had made him so angry. perhaps the mushrooms were poisoned? pete quickly pushed that thought out of his mind as he took a bite of the first piece of mushroom.

instantly pete felt his body grow and he looked down to see that his feet were a million miles away. he had grown too large and his head was now in the tree tops. a bird noticed pete's presence and attacked him thinking that he was a monster of some kind. inbetween getting attacked by the bird pete managed to take a bite of the second piece of mushroom. before he could do much of anything he was once again three inches tall.

pete comprismised by taking a small lick of the first piece of mushroom. he grew again this time to his normal size. elated pete put the mushroom pieces into his pocket for later use. now his normal size pete once again set off into the woods and once again not knowing exactly where he was going.


chapter seven: pete never was a cat person

after pete's encounter with the disgruntled joe pete was more afraid then ever about who or what he might run into. he walked slow and with no real direction. after all he had no idea where he was heading or where ryan might have gone. he trudged slow and lazy and tried not to think to hard about what might happen if he never got out of wonderland.

"thinking hard or hardly thinking?" he heard a familar voice ask him. pete turned quickly to see no one standing behind him despite the fact that, that was the direction the voice had come from. pete let out a defeated sigh. wonderland really knew how to kick a guy when he's down. pete turned back around from the emptiness behind him and was shocked to find someone standing in the path before him.

there infront of pete stood a young man a pale slightly chubby young man with strawberry blonde hair.

"patrick?!?" pete said out of shock at seeing his best friend and lead singer standing infront of him. patrick grinned slyly as if he knew something that pete did not. "i'm not patrick" patrick began. pete said nothing as he was beginning to grow accustom to the wonderland versions of his friends.

"then who are you?" peter asked his friend.

patrick or at least what looked like patrick grinned again and did a small slight jig that would've made fangirls squeal in delight in any other situation.

"i am-" he began in a very showy and overdramatic way. "the cheshire pat!" he annouced waving his arms in a fashion as if to say taa-dah!

"oh dear god" pete said at the scene that had just unfolded before him. patrick still stood before him grinning.

"now you know who i am, so who are you?" patrick asked as he disappeared right before pete's eyes only to reapear above him seemingly floating in mid air.

"i'm peter" pete said as he looked up at the grinning levitating patrick stump.

"peter, you know that's a dirty name" patrick said as he once again appeared on the ground before pete. pete sighed and realized that now he understood what patrick went through went pete acted goofy.

"hey cheshire pat, you don't happen to know where ryan ross is do you?" pete asked figuring that it was worth a shot. patrick thought for a moment as he lay on his side on the ground one arm supporting him and the other patting the earth.

"i know a lot of things friend" patrick said with a smirk that made pete believe that he did in fact know where ryan ross was.

"i don't really have time for this" pete said as he tapped his foot a bit. with each second he spent in wonderland it seemed that normal life was getting farther and farther away.

"no one really has time for anything" patrick said again as he rolled onto his back.

"patrick come on! do you know or not?" pete asked as he kicked dirt at patrick. the dirt never hit patrick seeing as he disapeared before it could.

patrick sighed "you're not as fun as you seem" patrick pouted

"listen dick-" patrick began

"it's peter" pete corrected him

"aren't they the same thing?" patrick asked again with that sly grin plastered on his face. pete actually cracked a small smile this time unable to ignore patrick's somewhat clever remark.

"ok pete, just keep going straight and eventually you'll run into the mad hatter and he should be able to help you" patrick said again levitating.

"thanks patrick" pete said to his fading away friend.

"ok bye pee-pee" patrick said before disapearing completely. pete sighed again and for what seemed like the hundereth time that day he was walking in the woods alone.


chapter eight: panic at the tea table

pete was still recovering from his run in with bizarro wonderland patrick, so he was a bit apprehensive about going to the mad hatter's house, but if he could help then he would suck it up and go. no matter what or who would be there when he showed up.

pete walked in the direction patrick had pointed out. he was searching for something that resembled a house but what he found was no where near a home. pete stopped a good five feet away when he spotted it, an absurdly long bright pink kitchen table sat out in the middle of nowhere. a variety of chairs where sat around the table, the largest and grandest being sat at the head of the table. tea pots and cups were set all along the table along with china plates. pete expected someone to be sitting at the table but no one was to be found.

pete contemplated what sorts of things could go wrong if he approached the table. none of them seemed too bad so he cautiously approached the nearly neon table. pete reached the table and still nothing out of the ordinary happened. he thought that maybe the fact that a table was in the middle of nowhere was the only strange thing.

up close there was nothing odd about the table except it's color. there infront of pete was a cup of tea. pete thought about taking a sip but remembered the last time he ingested something from wonderland and quickly decided against it. pete was slightly confused, patrick had said that the march hare and mad hatter would be somewhere around here and that they could help. but pete still saw no one.

pete was beginning to think that maybe trusting patrick a.k.a the cheshired pat was a bad idea. pete pulled out one of the many chairs and took a seat to rest before deciding what to do. just as pete took his seat two figures seemingly appeared out of no where.

"jon! he's trying to steal our tea!" one figure shouted as it jumped out from under the table and stood before pete pointing an accusing overdramatic finger at pete.

"we must stop him spencer!" the second figure yelled and he too jumped out and glared at peter. as usual with the people he met in wonderland pete recongized the two men standing before him. the two men were spencer smith and jon walker. two members of the band panic at the disco.

"spencer? jon?" pete asked still a bit surprised at their presence in wonderland. spencer who was decked out in an outlandish orange vest and matching necktie, gasped and turned to jon

"jon! he knows our names!" jon looked at pete as if trying to decide what to do about the situation. pete surveyed jon, he was wearing a dark green blazer buttoned up with a green necktie and matching large top hat.

"how do you know our names stranger?" he asked pete. peter sighed not really wanting to explain that in some other world he helped make them famous.

"it doesn't matter but listen i wasn't going to steal your tea" pete pleaded with jon and spencer because if these two were the march hare and mad hatter then he would need their help.

"see spencer you overdramatic twit he wasn't trying to steal our tea." jon scolded spencer. spencer look offended for a moment before recovering

"well one must be cautious when you have excellent tea like this!" spencer exclaimed as he took a seat across from where pete still remained seated.

"yes, our tea is excellent, as are our tea parties" jon said as he took the head seat at the table, with pete positioned at his left and spencer at his right.

"spencer we got so distracted by this boy that we forgot what day it is!" jon said as he grabbed the tea pot

"oh yes! how could we forget!" spencer chimed in. pete was sorta apprehensive to ask just what it was that the two of them forgot, but despite his better judgement he did anyway.

"uh just what did you two forget?" pete asked as he gingerly laid a hand on the table. jon and spencer both looked at pete with wild grins on their faces.

"it's our unbirthday's today!" jon exclaimed "it's your unbirthday too!" spencer chimed in.

"unbirthday?" pete asked thinking he already knew the anwser but asked anyway.

"anyday that's not your birthday" spencer and jon said together as jon poured himself and spencer some tea.

"would you like some tea?" jon asked pete, pete thought for a moment before nodding and holding out the light blue tea cup for jon to take. unfourtanatly pete never got his tea as suddenly jon dropped the tea cup and looked at spencer with a wild excitment in his eyes as the tea cup smashed to the floor.

"time to switch!" jon proclaimed and before pete could do or say anything jon and spencer were up and dashing about the table. this would've been alright if jon hadn't knocked pete down onto the table spilling tea and smashing cake onto his front. spencer didn't help matter either by rushing past pete and knocking over the chair pete had been sitting in causing peter to fall to the ground when he tried to climb off the table.

in a matter of seconds jon and spencer had nearly completely destroyed the tea table and had reclaimed their original seats. while pete had dusted himself off from falling on the ground and he too reclaimed his seat.

"now how about some tea?" jon asked again and although pete was shaken and covered in tea and frosting he nodded again and offered a different tea cup. once again poor peter never got his tea seeing as at that exact moment another person emerged from the woods and joined the tea party, the very person that pete had been chasing all day, mr. ryan ross.

jon once again dropped pete's tea cup this time out of surprise.

"ryan!" jon and spencer proclaimed as they darted over to the boy.

"come to join our party?" jon asked as he bounced eagerly in front of ryan.

"no-i" ryan began before noticing pete and turning to look at him.

"belinda? what are you doing here?" ryan asked as a look of confusion over took his boyish face. pete sighed

"my name isn't belinda! it's peter-" pete tried to get out before spencer interrupted him

"pan?" spencer added before cackling at his own joke

"wrong movie spencer" jon told him as he joined in the laughter

pete sighed and ryan looked like he was in pain. pete realized that this was his chance to finally get some anwsers from ryan but before he could ask the all important question of how to get back home jon took ryan's attention instead.

"tea ryan?" jon asked ryan nodded.

"yes sounds lovely" ryan said as he offered jon his tea cup.

"no, jon i want to serve ryan tea!" spencer whined and shoved jon causing jon to jolt suddenly to the left right where ryan was standing. in an instant ryan got a crotch full of semi hot tea and pete knew if anything was going to make him run it would be a hot crotch full of tea, and sure enough ryan was screaming and swearing and tearing off through the woods but pete was on his tail this time, and he was determined to get some anwsers.


chapter nine: the return of the cheshire pat

pete was hot on ryan's tail chasing him throughout the woods. he could still see ryan and he knew he could keep up with him. at least that's what pete thought, but as the chase wore on ryan seemed to be getter farther away and he didn't seem to be losing any energy unlike pete who was gasping and slowing down. before pete realized it ryan was again gone and he began to wonder if maybe he had those disapearring powers like patrick did.

pete stopped in the middle of the woods, rather in the middle of nowhere. it felt like he had already done this a million or so times today and he suddenly went back to his 'i am dead' theory now thinking that this wonderland was hell and his punishment was to forever chase ryan ross and meet up with his friends who no longer knew him.

pete was now frustrated more then he had ever been in his entire life. he grew angrier with each passing second until he could take no more and let out of a earth shattering scream. after his scream pete oddly felt a little better. pete sighed and took a seat on a nearby stump.

"hey wouldn't you rather sit on this stump?" he heard a male voice say, a voice he's heard so many times that he already knew who it was. pete lifted his head to see patrick aka the cheshire pat standing there winking at him. if pete wasn't so sure he'd say that wonderland patrick was hitting on him.

"hey, trick" pete mumbled obviously not in the mood for patrick's antics.

"where's a trick? the only one i see is you" patrick practically cooed at pete which in turn weirded pete out more so then the suggestive winking.

"very creative you called me a whore" pete said his annoyance clear in his voice.

"ah did i hurt your feelings? want me to kiss it better?" patrick asked as he appeared next to pete and leaned in towards him his lips twisted in a fishy face sort of way. pete leaped from the stump and patrick suddenly disappeared before reappearing on pete's back. due to the extra and unexpected weight pete and patrick toppled to the ground and pete found himself laying under patrick.

"that's odd i never pictured you being a bottom" patrick said as pete pushed him off of him. patrick made a pouty face and folded his arms.

"you suck" pete snapped back

"i could, do you want me to?" patrick giggled at pete.

"what are you doing here anyway?" pete asked choosing to ignore patrick's previous statement.

"i came to help you peter" patrick told him as he floated over to a nearby gangly tree. peter looked skeptical at patrick

"what kind of help?" pete asked expecting a typical dirty anwser from patrick.

"you want to go home don't you? well i know how you can" patrick said with a look of pride plastered on his round face.

"you do?!?" pete asked trying hard not to get his hopes up at the though of a way out of this wonderland.

patrick nodded "yep, all you have to do is-" he began as he raised his arm and hit the gangly tree with his fist "go through this door" patrick told him as a door large enough for pete to get through appeared in the trunk of the tree.

patrick beamed as pete stepped closer to the door. his steps slow and wary reflecting his experiences in wonderland. upon reaching the already open door pete leaned down and peered inside. all he saw was a sea of vast dark green foliage. pete looked up at patrick confused.

"it's a hedge maze" patrick told pete "all you have to do is go through here and you'll run into the queen of hearts. the queen could possibly help you" patrick said as he looked down at peter. pete nodded and again stared at the hedge maze through the door. against his better judgement he trusted the cheshire pat and climbed into the door, pete sat on the edge between the woods and the maze for a moment. he looked back at patrick who he found was already gone before he slid down into the door all the way.


chapter ten: god save the queen

pete had managed to stumble his way out of the hedge maze and found himself standing on the lawn of a fantastically huge courtyard. from the courtyard pete could see a large castle not too far away in the distance. pete didn't think anyone could miss the castle seeing how it was a garish bright pink color. pete wiped the bits of hedge that had stuck to him before walking through the large black wrought iron gate.

inside the gate was a path that lead up to the enterance of the garish castle. to the left and the right of the path were white rose bushes that lined the entire path. that wasn't all that was on the path though as pete soon noticed two men standing near one of the rose bushes doing something that pete couldn't see.

pete slowly walked up to the two men not quiet sure if he actually wanted to know what they were doing. finally pete's curiousity got the better of him and he attempted to get the men's attention.

"um excuse me?" pete said and instantly the two men jumped and turned quickly before falling on their knees and attempting to kiss pete's shoes while a very shocked pete attempted to back away.

"please forgive us dear queen!" the one man said as he grabbed pete's left foot.

"yes, queen forgive us we are eternally sorry!" the second man cried as he grabbed pete's right foot. pete now unable to keep his balance due to the men holding on to him fell to the ground and was now face level with the men, who of course he instantly recongized.

the two men who had been groveling at him were none other then Gabe Saporta who was the lead singer for the band cobra starship and Travis McCoy the lead singer for the band gym class heroes.

"you're not our queen" gabe said as he sat up on his haunces and stared at pete, travis followed suit as he ran a hand through his large curly afro.

"no, i'm not" pete said as he pushed himself up off the ground.

"then who are you?" travis asked as he too got up off the ground then proceeded to help up gabe.

"i'm pete" pete told the men who obviously didn't recongize him. the two men stood there for a moment saying nothing before seemed to remember the activity they had been doing before pete had scared them into groveling.

"well pete, very sorry we can't talk right now we're very busy" gabe rushed out as he turned around and grabbed something. travis nodded

"very, very busy" he said as he too turned his back on pete and mimiced gabe's actions. neither of the men seemed to mind pete being there and he was still curious to see what the men were doing so he walked around the rose bush so that he was once again facing the men. what he saw them doing made less sense then something his mind could have created.

pete saw gabe and travis bent over a small paint can filled with red paint. he watched them as they dipped brushes into the paint before pulling them out and painting over the white roses. travis and gabe stood there painting white roses red. pete watched amused for a few moments until again his curiousity got the better of him.

"why are you doing that?" he asked as he continued to watch as the crimson color overtook the pure white.

"we're painting them red because the queen doesn't like any roses but red roses" gabe said not bothering to look up.

"and we accidently planted white" travis chimed in as the two men worked furiously to change the roses.

"well i'm sure the queen would understand" pete said trying to calm the men down. gabe and travis laughed a nervous laugh

"understand? the queen would never understand! one look at these roses and it's off with our heads! right gabe?" travis said as he looked sadly from pete to the flowers to gabe.

"yes, off with our heads" gabe said too in a sad voice. pete couldn't believe that a ruler would kill her subjects over roses but with the looks on gabe and travis's faces he knew they were serious.

"i'm sorry we can't talk anymore we have to finish painting the roses before the queen returns" gabe said as he and travis resumed their work furiously painting white roses red.

"well i can help you paint them" pete said before he fully understood the words coming out of his mouth. how on earth did he go from trying to get home to helping people paint roses for a tempermental queen. travis and gabe didn't hesistate as they handed over a brush to pete and moved over so he could join them.

pete, travis, and gabe managed to get half the rose bushes done before suddenly the trio heard a loud trumpeting sound behind them. upon the sound travis and gabe once again froze, the fear intense in their eyes. pete as well as travis and gabe turned around as they saw someone walking down the path towards them. first it was two trumpeters who stood together before seperating one going to stand on the left and the other on the right.

after the trumpet players passed by another figure emerged from the shadows of the gate. pete's eyes widened as he saw just who it was. it was the prim proper red jacket wearing ryan ross. ryan walked away's down the path before stopping and unfurling a parchment he held in his hands. ryan cleared his throat and pete was tempted to run over there grab the younger boy and shake him until he gave him the anwsers he was so desperate for.

pete resisted the urge and listened as ryan spoke.

"ladies and gentlemen, may i present the queen of hearts" ryan said as he stepped aside while bowing. pete noticed that gabe and travis and even the trumpet players had bowed so he too lowered himself into a bow as he kept his eyes fixed eager to see the queen.

pete watched as a figure stepped out onto the path arms in the air and an obviously i'm better then you are attiduted spilling from the figure. pete looked up and gasped as he finally met the queen.

"brendon motherfucking urie" pete said in total surprise a little too loudly as travis and gabe shot him an are you completely insane? look. brendon himself looked in pete's direction and he was sure brendon would've succeeded in being more intimidating if he were not wearing the ridiculous red poofy dress with red hearts and black puffy sleeves.

brendon kept a sly grin on his face as he made his way over towards pete.


chapter eleven: off with his head

brendon was still looking over at pete and even slowly began to approach him his heels clicking against the stone. pete didn't know who was handing out jobs in wonderland but he found brendon being the queen so very amusing.

brendon was now standing before pete a sly smile playing on his heavily made up face.

"what's your name young man?" brendon asked in an oddly fake high pitched voice.

"peter your majesty" pete said he meant the words as an insult but he knew that queen brendon had taken them as a compliment.

"well peter, i've not seen you around before" brendon said as he put out his hand persumably for pete to take.

"well i'm uh, just visiting" pete said as he took brendon's hand and shook it. brendon suddenly pulled his hand away a deep scowl on his face. pete wasn't sure what he had said or done to incure brendon's wrath and he looked over to gabe and travis for any help. travis and gabe just stared at pete their eyes wide.

pete looked back at the now unhappy brendon who was positively seething with rage. while pete stood there with his i have no idea what i did but don't i look cute anyways? face.

"you are suppose to kiss a ladies hand!" brendon screamed at pete as he threw his arms up into the air. pete was oh so tempted to tell brendon that there was infact no lady present but he wasn't one to test someone who was clearly unstable's patience.

"uh sorry queen brendon" pete said as he once again took brendon's hand and placed the gentlest of kisses on it. brendon seemed more then pleased at pete's act and a warm smile broke onto his face.

"oh it's nothing to get upset over dear" brendon said as he laid a polished hand on pete's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. again pete was tempted to tell brendon that he was the one to get upset and not pete, but pete had already figured that this verison of brendon was bi-polar at best so he said nothing.

brendon then turned his attention to travis and gabe. he smiled warmly at them as well and glided over to the men. gabe and travis froze under brendon's gaze apparently still scared about the roses and pete now knew they had good reason to be. brendon luckily had yet to notice that some of the roses still remained white. brendon stood between travis and gabe his hands resting on each of their shoulders.

"these are my new roses?" brendon asked and travis and gabe nodded. brendon grinned and leaned forward to get a better look at the flowers. all seemed well until suddenly brendon stopped and pete could see the grip he had on the two men's shoulders tighten. a look of panic mixed with pain crossed travis and gabe's faces. in an instant brendon had thrown the two boys back onto the ground.

"WHITE ROSES!!!? YOU KNOW I ONLY LIKE RED!" brendon screamed at the two men on the ground.

"we're sorry queen! it was an accident!" gabe sat up and pleaded with brendon.

"we would never upset you queen!" travis cried out.

brendon still didn't seem pleased with their anwsers.

"OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!!!" brendon screamed and instanly two guards rushed over and grabbed travis and gabe lifting them up off the ground.

"no queen! please! not that!" gabe and travis cried and pete knew in that moment that he wouldn't be able to stand by and let someone be killed. pete opened his mouth to object to the queen's actions but before he could speak a different rich voice filled the air.

"brendon dear, don't you think you're overreacting?" the voice said and pete turned around to face the gate where he saw william beckett standing. william too was dressed in an odd fashion one that pete quickly realized was meant to look like a king. complete with puffy pantaloons and white tights.

"good god" pete said as he shook his head. brendon looked towards william and in an instant was madly dashing towards him before throwing himself into william's open arms.

"oh willy! i'm so sorry!" brendon cried as he clutched onto william in classic overdramatic fashion. william said nothing but patted brendon on the head.

"there now your not going to kill travis and gabe are you?" william asked and brendon shook his head.

"heaven's no! i love them like sons!" he cried before rushing over to them and hugging them both tightly. pete didn't think he could take much more of this and he was tempted to smack the whole lot of them. in seconds brendon had cheered back up and turned to face peter.

"now that, that unpleasantness is out of the way we can have some fun!" he said and pete wasn't so sure he wanted to have fun with the queen.


chapter twelve: it's all a game of this and that

queen brendon had just annouced his wish to have fun and pete still standing slackjawed on the path wasn't sure he wanted to know what kind of 'fun' they had here in wonderland. his mind was already coming up with activities that he'd want no part of.

brendon turned and looked at pete a grin plastered on his oddly made up face. "you want to have fun don't you peter?" brendon asked and pete remained silent as he tried to think of an anwser that wouldn't get his head lopped off.

"uh what kind of fun?" pete asked weakly and a bit gaurded as he perpaired to be screamed at or possibly lunged on. instead he heard brendon giggle.

"oh it doesn't really matter but a good old fashioned game of croquet." brendon said as if there was nothing else he'd rather do in this entire world.

"croquet?" pete wasn't sure when the last time he saw someone playing croquet was and he defintly knew that of all the things he had learned in his life croquet wasn't one of them.

"yes, so you'll play?" brendon more stated then asked but was still awaiting an anwser anyway. pete looked at travis and gabe, the look on their faces the deciding factor to what he should do. gabe and travis seemed in support of the idea even going as far as to give him a thumbs up. pete smiled a bit as he looked back to brendon.

"alright yeah, i'll play." pete said and brendon clapped his hands together and bounced in joy. pete knew deep down that he shouldn't be playing croquet with a cross dresser when he should be trying to get home, but on the other hand patrick said that the queen could help and a happy croquet playing queen increased those chances of pete going home.

brendon turned away from pete and to travis and gabe. "boys, go and fetch the equipment" brendon commanded and in an instant the two men were running at high speed to get the croquet equipment.

they returned a mere two minutes later with what looked to pete to be brightly colored objects in their arms. travis stepped forward and handed the queen a bright pink mallet. brendon took the mallet without as much as a thank you. gabe then stepped to pete and handed him a red mallet pete took it and as he exaimed it he gasped and nearly dropped the mallet. the object he was holding most certainly wasn't a mallet but a flamingo!

pete realized he was now holding a small flamingo upside down by it's feet. pete saw that brendon too had a flamingo so he knew it wasn't some cruel joke. the flamingo blinked up at pete looking not hurt and more bored then anything else.

"come along peter" brendon said suddenly and for a moment pete thought his flamingo was talking to him. pete looked up to see brendon heading down the path towards a large grassy field. king william, travis, gabe, and ryan all following along. pete followed the group over to the large expanse of green field.

upon stopping on the field pete noticed travis drop something in front of the queen. it was small and round and also pink and pete knew or at least hoped it was a croquet ball. gabe made his way over to pete and he too dropped a round object on the ground in front of peter. pete's ball was orange and he also noticed that it was not in fact a ball but a round little hedgehog.

pete didn't know why these animals were being used as croquet equipment but he wasn't too keen on hurting the creatures. pete noted that they had a mallet and a ball but all they were missing were the goals and he half wondered what animal would wind up being a goal. pete looked up as he heard brendon clear his throat grabbing travis and gabe's attention.

travis and gabe instantly proceeded to go out into the field and pete wondered if they were fetching the goals. pete saw as the two men who now stood away from each other, bend and plant their hands firmly on the grass while their feet held them up and pete realized that travis and gabe weren't fetching the goals..they were the goals.

pete was once again left speechless not an entirely easy task to accomplish. this was by far the strangest and only game of croquet that pete had ever attempted to play. brendon once again cleared his throat and turned to look at all the people standing around watching which in reality was only king william and ryan ross.

"my loyal subjects, without further ado we will begin the game!" brendon annouced. and sure enough the game was off. pete let brendon go first so he could see how to properly play the game and he was sure that brendon would have a fit if he didn't. brendon lined up and hit his hedgehog ball. the hedgehog rolled a few feet then stopped a good distance away from travis the makeshift goal. pete was about to take his turn when suddenly he noticed the hedgehog get up and run straight through travis earning the queen a goal.

pete was surprised and half tempted to call that foul play but didn't, thinking it was a simple mistake. he saw brendon turn around a smug grin on his face. pete was skeptical but stood forward to take his turn. he hit his own hedgehog who at first seemed to be going at a good speed and heading for travis as well until pete saw his hedgehig stop completely then turn and run in the other direction stopping a good distance away from either of the goals.

it didn't take pete long to realize that the queen was cheating at the croquet match. as he fully continued doing so every turn. these acts involved travis or gabe shuffling on all fours to meet the queens ball, the queen yelling some random word loudly just as pete was going to swing, and the same hedgehog balls going further and stopping shorter then necessary.

pete was growing tired of the one sided game and was just hoping it would end quickly. it was brendon's turn and pete was zoning out as he leaned on his mallet. suddenly he felt warm hands cover his eyes and a soft voice whisper in his ear.

"did ya miss me?" the soft male voice asked and pete quickly slipped out of the hands and turned to see who was talking to him. pete sighed as he looked at the grinning patrick.

"patrick? what the hell are you doing here?" pete asked slightly surprised to see his friend again.

"didn't i say i would help you get home and if i did we'd make out?" patrick said, the sly grin on his face spreading.

pete sighed "no, patrick i never said i'd make out with you"

"but you want to right?" patrick asked as if he already knew the anwser

pete sighed and gave patrick no anwser. "you said the queen could help me patrick but so far all he's done is made me play croquet and he's cheating!" pete complained to patrick

"well i can fix that my love" patrick said as he strode past pete his fingers dancing under pete's chin. patrick proceeded to walk over towards the queen and pete wondered why ryan nor the king was attempting to stop him.

patrick had made it to the queen and still no one said anything and pete wondered if maybe only he could see the cheshire pat. pete watched as patrick bent down and took hold of the end of brendon's mallet.

"patrick no!" pete was whispering and this whispering earned an odd stare from brendon who turned to look back at pete.

"did you say something peter?" brendon asked and pete shook his head as he watched patrick moving around brendon's legs. brendon must've noticed pete staring as he grinned at pete and gave him a suggestive wink. pete grimaced when brendon turned around and he also noticed that patrick was again standing by his side.

"what'd you do patrick?" pete asked as he pulled patrick's roaming hands off of him. patrick giggled and pointed to the bottom of brendon's dress. pete noticed that the beak of the flamingo mallet that brendon was holding was attached to the back of the dress meaning that when brendon swung his mallet....pete shuddered at the rest of the thought and before he could stop it he noticed that brendon was taking his swing.

pete watched helplessly as brendon made a full swing and sure enough the force and the attached beak made him flip in air and land on the ground with his dress up over his head. his white puffy undergarments visible for all to see. pete resisted every urge in his body that found the scene before him comical and as the red faced and clearly pissed off queen brendon stood he looked right at pete with his somewhat twisted grin and yelled as loud as he could

"OFF WITH HIS HEAD!!!!!!!!!!"

"oh crap" was all pete muttered.


chapter thirteen: the trial of the century

pete stood frozen in the field, his croquet mallet in hand. brendon had just declared pete to death due to a stunt that patrick or the cheshire pat as he perfered to be called, had caused. brendon stood now hands clenched and facing peter his chest heaving and his face red from embaressment and anger.

travis and gabe looked shocked and frozen but the two men remained in the goal position. william looked amused and ryan looked mortified as if the incident had happened to him. as everyone stood there pete tried his best to think of anything to say to get out of this. his whole life was convincing people with his words and now would be the time that he drew a blank?

"GAURDS SEIZE THIS MAN!" brendon yelled and pete watched as two men came running towards him a sort of empty anger in their eyes. as the men grabbed peter by his arms and perpaired to drag him away to wherever they do the chopping of the heads. pete made his plea.

"wait, your majesty! please i didn't do anything!" pete begged and he winced at how pathetic the words sounded to himself. brendon breathed a little harder but raised his hand signalling the gaurds to stop. they did as they were told and pete was set back both feet on the ground. brendon walked over to pete in tight strodes. his anger clear in each movement.

"do you take me for an idiot?" brendon asked and pete knew better then to give an anwser. "i know it was you! there could be no other! you dare embaress me infront of my subjects then take no responsiblity?!" brendon screamed and seethed at pete. while pete was at a loss for words he doubted that brendon would believe that a blonde boy that only he could see caused the incident but what else did he have?

before pete could give brendon his excuse brendon ordered him to be taken away again and once again he was promptly being dragged away. pete was stll crying out his innocense when king william spoke.

"bren-bren, i think the young man deserves a trial." william said as he stepped down from the throne he had been sitting on. william placed a hand on brendon's shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

"oh willy you're right!" brendon cried as he turned and threw himself in williams arms once again in an overdramatic fashion. "i should give the poor boy a chance to explain himself." brendon cried as he wrapped arms around william. pete had never been more thankful for william beckett and he knew if he ever got home he was going to give william the biggest hug and probably give brendon a slap and maybe patrick while he was at it.

pete let out a great sigh of releif and was thankful that he wasn't going to be killed by a crossdressing brendon urie. brendon turned his hands on his hips.

"take him to the court!" he said and pete was dragged off to the royal court. the court was outside and a little ways away from the field where the croquet match had taken place. the court was close to the hedge maze where pete had entered from the door in the tree. there was a large cage pressed against the hedges and pete had a feeling that was where he was going. there was also a large brown podium taller then any normal podium, along with a slightly smaller podium attached to the right side of the taller one.

as pete had guessed he was quickly shoved into the cage and closed up inside. while the queen took the large podium proclaiming himself judge. william, ryan, travis, and gabe took seats in the small brown chairs set in rows along the grassy ground. pete wasn't sure how this trial was going to turn out but with the brendon as the judge things weren't looking promising.

"we will now begin the trial!" brendon shouted and pete felt his cage shake he turned quickly and grabbed hold of the thin bars to keep his balance. pete saw that two men were pulling a rope that was attached to the cage and with each pull his cage was pulled higher and higher into the air.

"don't i get to say what happened?" pete asked and brendon ignored him.

"we will now call the first witness!" ryan said as he stood and brendon nodded. "will spencer smith please step up to the stand!" ryan yelled and pete had a confused look on his face. how was spencer supposed to come? he wasn't involved nor was he even in the courtyard. pete was proven wrong once again by the logic of wonderland. as in that moment spencer came hurtling out of no where and climbed on to the witness stand.

"hello, spencer." ryan said as he stood infront of spencer.

"hi!" spencer said all too cheerfully.

"do you know the man in the cage spencer?" ryan asked as he began to pace back and forth. spencer looked to the cage where ryan was pointing and spotted pete who was still clutching on to the bars of the cage.

spencer nodded, his face taking on a dark look. "i most certainly do! he came to jon and my tea party and tried to steal our cake and tea!" spencer said in his overdramatic flair, the back of his hand pressed to his forehead as if he was going to faint.

pete rolled his eyes and hoped that brendon wouldn't buy the overdramatics. pete looked at brendon who sat sniffling back tears and staring at spencer with sympathy.

"that must've been horrible!" brendon cooed to spencer and spencer looked back at brendon eyes wide and glistening.

"it was! oh, it was!" spencer said earnestly.

pete would've laughed if his fate didn't rest on this. ryan seemed to have enough of spencer's claims and dismissed him from the witness stand. ryan then called jon up to the stand and as quickly as spencer had showed up jon had. jon sat on the stand. ryan again stood infront of the witness stand.

"hello, jon."

"hi ryan, how's your crotch?" jon asked as he pointed to ryan's crotch. pete thought that was awfully forward until he remembered back at the tea party when spencer and jon had scaulded ryan's crotch with hot tea. ryan too looked taken aback by jon's question but he quickly recovered and cleared his throat.

"fine now, thanks for asking." ryan said as he was blushing and eager to get on with the trial. "now spencer mentioned that the man known as peter, was at your tea party. what was he doing there?" ryan asked.

"why we were all celebrating our unbirthdays of course!" jon proclaimed as if it were the most common of knowledge.

"what exactly is an unbirthday?" brendon interrupted to ask. jon turned to look at him.

"why it's any day that's not your birthday." jon told brendon. a sudden wild grin spread across jon's face and pete recongized it as the look of mischeif. "dearest queen, it is your unbirthday too!" jon proclaimed. brendon unable to resist anything that could mean a celebration in his honor nodded in agreement.

"i suppose you're right it is my unbirthday!" brendon said happily.

"then we surely must celebrate!" jon cried as he stood and took brendon's hands. jon's enthusiams seemed to leak into brendon as he too agreed that his unbirthday should be celebrated by all. "let us sing!" jon cried as he turned to look at the small audience who looked less then thrilled to sing except for spencer who was bouncing around the courtyard.

"for he's a jolly good fellow-" jon began and in a matter of seconds the small group of people including the two guards who were holding up pete's cage had begun to sing to the queen. everyone except for pete. and pete was only half surprised to learn that everyone here in wonderland despite being total opposites of their real selves could still sing well.

pete was thinking of a way out of the cage when he noticed a blur of strawberry blonde flash by him. pete turned quickly and saw to his surprise patrick standing behind the two guards who were holding up the cage. pete was about to call out to patrick when patrick put a finger to his lips as if saying keep quiet.

pete wasn't sure what patrick was going to do. pete again felt his cage shake rough enough to knock pete down. as peter sat on the floor of the cage he noticed two large pieces of mushrooms sitting at his feet. pete suddenly remembered that he had the mushroom pieces all along. without thinking pete shoved both pieces of the mushroom into his mouth.

pete waited and in a mere half a second he felt his body growing larger. pete grew so large that he broke the cage and was now free. of course the celebration was cut short as everyone noticed the now gigantic pete. pete took this opportunity to deliver some karmatic revenge on brendon. he stepped over to the podium, each step causing the ground to shake under him. pete stood over the podium and pointed a finger at brendon.

"please don't hurt me!" brendon cowered in his podium.

"i'm not going to hurt you. because i'm not cruel like you." pete said. "but i will hurt you if you don't start treating your subjects better. travis and gabe deserve better then this!" pete yelled at the queen.

"yes, yes, whatever you say i will do." brendon said as he still crouched in the corner afraid of what the giant pete would do.

"and another thing-" pete began but before he could get his sentence out he felt himself shrinking and he cursed his big mouth and bad timing. pete had shrunken back down to the small size and now looked around as the queen stood angry on his podium. brendon took a deep breath and pete could already guess what he was going to say.

"OFF WITH HIS HEAD!" he screamed and pete gulped as the two guards who had once held up his cage were now approaching him with sharp axes in hand.

"come along peter, it's time to go." patrick who had suddenly appeared at pete's side said as he offered pete his hand. without a second thought pete took patrick's hand and he pulled him off the ground. "i think you should run now peter." patrick said, pete nodded and took off at full speed in any direction that took him the farthest away from the hellish queen.

brendon not one to let anyone who wronged him escape screamed at his guards. "after him!". pete glanced back as he ran to see queen brendon, william, ryan, spencer, and jon all chasing him along with a whole set of guards. even travis and gabe who pete had just moments ago defended. pete was now in a race for his life and he prayed that he could win.

chapter fourteen: there's no place like home

pete was now running down the cobblestone path that led to the hedgemaze. instead of having to go through the hedgemaze patrick who had once again showed up next to pete pulled him quickly to the right revealing a small path that pete hadn't noticed before.

pete raced down the path only looking back to see how far away his chasers were. he was tearing through the woods as fast as he could manage. his feet tripping and stumbling over garnled roots that grew up out of the trail. pete heard the sounds of the people behind him grow larger and he saw people that he met from wonderland were now chasing him.

this group included the odd animals that wanted to race pete, gerard and mikey way also know as tweedlegee and tweedleM. pete noticed that gerard was running with mikey on his back, and both were screaming things at pete probably fall out boy lyrics. also chasing pete was to his surprise joe the 'caterpillar' who was running with his bong in hand, and andy the master of the flowers along with his flower army. it seemed that everyone pete had met in wonderland was now chasing him...everyone except patrick.

patrick suddenly appeared at pete's side as if he was summoned by pete's thoughts. patrick wasn't running but floating along side pete. pete panting and sweating and now regretting his choice of wearing his trademark hoodie, looked to patrick hoping he would help him somehow. patrick did nothing but continued floating and staring at pete.

"your butt looks nice when you run." patrick stated out of the blue. pete sighed thinking that maybe he perferred the silence.

"no-now's not really the time trick." pete stammed as he ran for his life. patrick continued to float along staring and in a flash he was running beside pete, patrick gave a grin as another flash happened and pete found himself being carried by patrick, in classic bride over the threshold fashion.

"what the hell?" pete asked as he noticed his arms wrapped around patrick's neck. patrick smiled at pete.

"i am saving you." patrick said as he continued running and pete peered over his shoulder at the crowd still chasing them.

"uh not that i don't appreciate the help trick, cause i do but i'm not a damsel in distress!" pete said.

"really cause that's all you've been since you got here." patrick said and pete looked down at himself to notice that he was now wearing a frilly pink dress and matching long triangular hat.

"oh what the crap?!" pete cried as he attempted to pull off the pink dress. "i'm not the cross dresser here! brendon is!" pete yelled.

"i heard that!" he heard queen brendon call back. pete still struggled with his horrendious dress and gave up minutes later unable to take off the dress in his current position.

"patrick get this thing off me!" pete begged.

"now look pete you just begged me to take your clothes off. and you say i'm the one hitting on you." patrick said with his permagrin. pete sighed and patrick snapped his fingers and instanly the dress was gone. patrick rounded a corner and pete saw them approaching what looked like a large door set out in the woods. as the duo grew closer pete realized what it was. it was the insulting doorknob from the beginning of his adventure.

they grew closer and patrick slowed down and let pete fall out of his arms and to the ground. pete scrambled back up and turned to the door, he grabbed the knob and attempted to open it but as he expected the door was locked. instantly the face of the doorknob materialized beneath his hand.

"geet yo haand ooof my face!" the doorknob cried muffled by pete's hand. pete quickly pulled his hand away as if afraid that the doorknob might bite him.

"listen doorknob! i don't like you and you don't like me but you gotta let me through!" pete pleaded.

the doorknob yawned as if he hadn't heard the urgency in pete's voice. "and why is that?" it asked.

"there's a mob of people chasing me!" pete insisted. pete turned and saw no one and he wondered how far away they were?

"i don't see anyone." the doorknob said

"they'll be here! just let me in before they get here!" pete cried as he went to the door and again pulled the doorknob. the door rattled but didn't open. pete bent down and peered into the keyhole of the doorknob. through the key hole pete could shockingly see himself!

he was laying in a green field surrounded by flowers and trees and a sleeping hemingway at his side. pete couldnt understand how he was on both sides of the door but he knew he was still in danger.

pete turned around to face patrick who looked calm and collected as ever. "can you help me trick?" pete asked and he realized how pathetic he sounded. patrick nodded.

"here." he said as he handed pete something. pete took it and realized that it was a simple playing card. "the ace of spades." patrick told pete as he watched pete survey the card.

"uh i don't get how this is suppose to help me." pete asked as he turned the card over in his hands.

"i wrote my number and address on there incase you wanna hook up later." patrick told him a sly smile playing on his face. pete sighed and noticed behind patrick that the group had caught up and were quickly approaching. pete turned to the door and grabbed it shaking it trying to force it open.

pete shook and shook but nothing happened and he could hear the mob growing closer and closer and he glanced back to see brendon a mere inch from his back and just when pete thought he was going to be caught, suddenly it was all gone. everything was gone and pete was falling through the darkness and back to his own body.

"pete? peter? pete. pete WAKE UP!" pete heard a voice yell too close to his ear. pete groggily opened his eyes which felt oddly heavy and looked around him. pete was not lying in a field like he had seen through the keyhole but he was on the band's tour bus.

andy stood beside him and pete guessed that it was he who had awaken him. pete lifted his head off his arms that rested on the small booth like table. joe sat on the other side of the table his back against the wall. the tv was on and the credits were rolling on some movie they had been watching. patrick sat on the edge of his bunk bed peering out at the others with a grin oddly reminiscent of the chesire pat.

"you ok pete?" andy asked at the odd look on pete's face. it took pete a moment to respond, he was making certain that this wasn't a trick.

"yeah, i-i think so. what movie were you watching?" pete asked, he wasn't sure why he asked but he felt as if he needed to.

"uh joe was watching alice in wonderland why?" patrick asked as he came up and stood by andy. pete's eyes widened "was it all just a dream?" pete thought.

"i-i had a weird dream, i dreamt i was in alice and wonderland." pete told his bandmates. they gave him the kind of look he expected the pete forgot to take his med's again look.

"a dream?" patrick asked. pete nodded

"yeah, and you were there, and you, and you." pete said as he pointed to each of his bandmates.

"uh pete that's the wizard of oz not alice in wonderland." patrick said and andy and joe laughed.

"yeah but you guys really were there! andy you were like god of the flowers! and joe you were a pot smoking caterpillar with a bad temper, and patrick you..you were the cheshire pat and you kept hitting on me." pete watched his friends reactions as he told them the roles they played in his dream.

his friends laughed and wanted to hear more of his dream and pete told them. he figured he fell asleep and the movie entered his mind as joe watched it. yeah that had to be it. the only thing that freaked out pete was how real the dream felt. pete went to the bathroom to change his pants when something fell out of his pocket. pete bent down to pick up the fallen object and gasped when he picked up the ace of spades with a number and an address written on it.

"maybe it wasn't a dream." pete said and he smiled to himself as he tucked the card away.
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troubled thoughs
Ryan Ross is a fucked up kid.

Someone should've told Brendon Urie this on the day he met Ryan Ross, he thinks that there should've been a warning sticker stuck across the thin frame of Ryan's chest. Warning: This kid with the messy brown hair and deep eyes, with the beautiful face and slender body, warning: this kid is fucked up.

No one warns him though and just like that, in one millisecond of his life, Brendon Urie is pulled in.

It starts with skipping a couple of college classes to go and smoke weed with Ryan. Ryan's hands on Brendon's wrist, linking their fingers together, like they're already that familar with each other when really Brendon's only known this guy for a day and a half. Ryan pulls Brendon down streets and around corners until they're stuck in an alley between a bank and an apartment building. Ryan tells Brendon that if an occupant of said apartment building bothered enough to stick their head out the window of their bathroom that they'd look down and see these two scrawny kids standing together.

Brendon wants to ask how Ryan knows where the windows of this apartment building lead to, he doesn't.

Ryan lights the joint with nimble fingers and he's sucking in long drags that make his mouth look perfect and red. Yes, Brendon thinks that there should definitly be a warning stuck on him somewhere. Silver smoke rolls out from Ryan's nose and he's passing the joint to Brendon. Despite Brendon being in college he's never smoked pot, just like he's only had one real conversation with Ryan Ross and the kids last name and what class he's ditching to be here right now, is about as much as he knows about him.

"You never have?" Ryan asks, still holding the joint out for Brendon. The younger boy shakes his head feeling stupid and unbelievably young. Ryan Ross just smiles, another warning, and he places the joint between his teeth, sucks in and holds it. He holds the silver smoke in as he leans forward towards Brendon, one hand snaking up to Brendon's neck, tugging the black haired boy forward. Their lips connecting, open mouthed, Brendon won't admit that the only reason his mouth was open was because he was surprised.

Ryan's mouth is open too and the silver smoke seeps out between their shared mouths as it evacuates Ryan's mouth and fills Brendon's lungs.

Brendon will not admit that this is his first kiss.

Ryan pulls away smirking, his lips shiny as Brendon coughs, his brown eyes watering.

That's how it all starts. Well, if Brendon wants to get technical it all started in the cafeteria when Spencer said "Ryan, this is Brendon, he's an idiot." But Brendon's not going to count that.

"I wonder what else you haven't done." Ryan says as he looks at Brendon through thick eyelashes.

Definitly a warning somewhere.

That's how it starts and that's how Brendon winds up at Ryan's place an hour later, head resting on Ryan Ross' naked shoulder, taking his first drags off of Ryan's cigarette. The brown haired boy stubs the cigarette out on the chared surface of his nightstand, the nightstand used in lew of an ashtray. Ryan leans down and kisses Brendon, so much better than the first [kinda] kiss they had. Pale hands with nimble fingers on Brendon's hips. Ryan's pulling the younger boy up, flipping them so that once again Brendon is on top, crushing down on the older boy.

Ryan bites at Brendon's shoulder and tells him that he's determined to take all of Brendon's firsts.


*

In a months time Brendon is kind of living with Ryan. He says kind of because techinically he still lives in the college dorms, that's where most of his shit still sits but at the same time he spends nearly all his time with Ryan, he doesn't mind and neither does the older boy.

They sit together on Ryan's soft smushy couch. Passing a joint back and forth, Ryan still shotgunning him at times because he likes the feeling of pushing smoke into Brendon's lungs.

True to his word Ryan has taken nearly all of Brendon's firsts. First kiss, with a boy or otherwise, his virginity, the first time he's been fucked and blown and the first times he's begged someone to fuck him. Ryan owns those all. The older boy is good at it, good at everything in Brendon's opinion and the black haired, brown eyed boy wonders, somewhere in the deep pits of his mind, who owns all of Ryan's firsts?

The two of them are making out when Spencer comes in. Ryan doesn't lock the door to his apartment, he tells Brendon that whoever comes into his house was meant to come into his house. Even if Ryan did lock the door, Spencer would be the only person in the world who would have the key.

Ryan's hands are in Brendon's hair, pulling him closer as their tongues slide together. He makes these little noises when they make out, little whines in his throat that make Brendon's tongue vibrate. Soft grunts and the near pornographic slick noises of their joined mouths.

Spencer sets his bookbag on Ryan's kitchen table, techincally the kitchen and the living room are the same thing. Spencer's blue, blue eyes are locked on the two of them and he's watching. It's the way that Ryan doesn't care if his best friend is in the room, he'll still slide his hand into Brendon's pants, still rub his warm palm against Brendon's dick.

Brendon shivers and Spencer sighs. "Test tomorrow Ross." The youngest of the three boys says. Ryan finally breaks free from Brendon's plush mouth. This is important because Ryan hasn't been to class in two weeks, says that he's been sick.

"Copy your notes for me Smith?" Ryan breathes, leaning back against the couch, lips bruised and wet, his darker than usual brown eyes locking with his best friends. Brendon makes light gasping noises because Ryan is still rubbing, cupping his cock warm and gentle, determined to make this the first time that Brendon comes in front of someone who isn't Ryan.

Spencer is drinking in the whole scene, knows what Ryan is doing to Brendon and he barely bats an icy blue eye. "Don't I always?" He says and he's getting ready to walk out of the room, it looks like he's heading towards the bathroom, maybe to the bedroom to take a nap between classes.

"Wait!" Ryan says loudly and Brendon freezes, Ryan's brown eyes slipping to the younger boys. "Not you." He clarifies and Brendon's eyes slip closed once again as Ryan rubs him faster. The brown haired boy isn't paying attention to Brendon, except for his hand on Brendon's cock. Ryan's attention is focused on Spencer. Spencer who is frozen in place in the kitchen, eyes locked with the older boy.

"Wait, Spencer." Ryan says so low and soft and Spencer doesn't argue, he stays put. "Just stay, wait, just a little longer." The brown haired boy commands but his voice is so soft that it doesn't even come out sounding like a command, more like a beg, a plead, like Ryan needs this. He probably does.

Spencer's eyes grow heavy, grow lustful but he stays put and watches as Ryan rubs Brendon off. "Just wait...a little longer...please, Spence, please." Ryan nearly moans out, like he's the one whose dick is getting rubbed, like he's the one whose writhing on the couch in pure ecstasty. Maybe this is getting him off, his Spencer, his best friend watching something so intimate. It's the way Ryan pleads for Spencer, the way his voice dips and quivers, it's all Brendon needs to come in his boxers, damp against Ryan's hand.

He came with a cry of "God, Ryan!" before he slumps boneless in the mushy couch. Ryan smirks, deep brown eyes locked with turned on blues. The oldest of the three boys lifts his hand to his mouth and licks the smooth skin, the smell of Brendon tainting his skin, Brendon's come wet on his fingers.

Ryan owns another first.

Spencer stands silent for a few beats before he breaks the spell Ryan has on him and shakes his head, sideswept brown hair falling into his eyes. "I'm sleeping in your bed, I would take the couch but all things considered, I'm taking the bed." He tells Ryan and the older boy laughs.

"Of course."

Spencer leaves them and Brendon is cold and wet in his boxers. That's gonna be so uncomfortable when he has to walk back to his dorm, he could always just leave the boxers here, let Ryan wash them. Knowing Ryan though, the boy would probably leave them dirty and Brendon would probably never get them back.

The beautiful brown eyed boy slinks up Brendon's body, looking like some kind of exotic cat as he crawls into the younger boys lap. Ryan's unbelievably hard, straining through his jeans as he leans forward and kisses Brendon soft. The younger boy wraps his hands around impossibly thin hips and it's way too soon for him to be hard again but that doesn't really stop Ryan.

He nuzzles against Brendon's neck, his own nimble hands slipping to one of Brendon's, removing it from his own skin and lowering it to the zipper of Ryan's jeans. Brendon doesn't really want to move but he does, unzips Ryan's fly and it's no big surprise that the older boy isn't actually wearing underwear.

Brendon jacks him off slow, like Ryan usually likes it. Ryan breathing hot against Brendon's ear, he's moaning loud, loud enough for Spencer to be able to hear.

"He's probably jacking off right now." Ryan breathes soft. "Laying in my bed, smelling our sex, listening to me getting off..yeah, he'll probably come on the blanket or in his hand." Ryan mewls and Brendon works him faster, making Ryan moan out loud again.

More wet words against Brendon's skin and Ryan talks himself into an orgasm. Ryan comes on Brendon's t-shirt and fuck, that's another article of clothing that he'll have to leave behind. Sometimes Brendon thinks that Ryan likes to come on him, claim him in a way that no one else ever has.

Like he's thought a million times before, Ryan is fucked up.

But Brendon likes it.

afterwards they're on the mushy couch together and Brendon maybe has a creative writing class that he should be at in an hour but laying next to Ryan on the overly soft couch, stained with come, this is way better than writing a poem about a moment like this. Yeah, way better.

"Spencer and I used to fuck around." Ryan says after a few quiet moments. It's an anwser to a question that Brendon never asked, that Brendon never really wanted to know about. He looks over at Ryan, their matching brown eyes locking together. "When we were in high school." Ryan continues, eyeing Brendon, trying to gauge the younger boys reaction to this so called confession.

"Used to?" Brendon questions, he's not upset. He can't be upset because that seems so much like something Ryan would do, it's just a Ryan thing, that's just what he does. Ryan nods.

"We stopped after graduation."

"Why?" Brendon breathes out.

"Because he fell in love with me." Ryan leans forward and kisses Brendon soft as he closes his brown eyes, eyes that are just a few shades lighter than Brendon's own.

"Hmm." Brendon makes it a note to never tell Ryan that he's in love with him, doesn't matter that it's already true.

Brendon wakes up a few hours later and he's alone on the couch, he's also missed his creative writing class but he doesn't mind all that much. He's sticky from the come on two different places on his body and Ryan's nowhere to be found. Brendon gets up and stretches, pops his back and checks his cell phone, no missed calls, no missed texts. It makes sense though considering the only people who text or call him are both in the house.

The dark haired boy pulls his jeans back up, buttons them and tugs his shirt down, there's a stain from Ryan but it's not that noticable. Brendon heads back to Ryan's bedroom, the only other room in the house aside from the bathroom. Ryan's bedroom is also the biggest room in the house, most of the space taken up by the brown eyed boys bed.

Brendon thinks he must be getting used to Ryan, maybe starting to figure the boy out because he isn't surprised to find Ryan, his jeans slung low around his thin hips, curled around Spencer's body. The oldest boy has his fingers tangled in the fabric of Spencer's t-shirt, clutching like Spencer might float away if he lets go. Ryan's also got his leg pushed in between Spencer's and his head is on the younger boys chest.

Spencer's on his back, his pants are undone but he's still clothed. Maybe Ryan was right, maybe he was getting off on Ryan getting off but Ryan's other hand is splayed across the pale skin above Spencer's crotch, if Ryan pressed his fingers down a bit more, they'd be brushing Spencer's pubes. Maybe Spencer didn't get himself off afterall. The blue eyed boy has a hand on Ryan's shoulder, letting him know that he's still there, that he's not going anywhere.

Brendon's only known Spencer for two months, eats lunch with him sometimes and they sit together during their shared religion class. How Brendon knew Spencer for a month and didn't meet Ryan sooner is a mystery. Ryan rarely goes to classes though, slips in and out of social situations, he's easy to miss if you aren't really looking.

Brendon really met Ryan by pure luck. He had some notes that Spencer had lent him, notes that he had found Spencer to return and by some sheer luck or 'An unseen force stronger than you or I can even comprehend' as Ryan later put it, Spencer had happened to be talking to his gorgeous creature of a best friend at the time. That's when it all started, Brendon locking eyes with said beautiful creature and that creature smiling so sly that the warning sign should've popped into Brendon's head but it didn't and Spencer introduced them, Spencer started it.

So, Brendon's only known Spencer two months tops and now he's come infront of the younger boy, he's known Ryan less than that, a month at most and he's done so many things to and for the older boy. Ryan told Brendon that he and Spencer were close, it was just a fact. Brendon never asked just how close they were, it never mattered, maybe it still doesn't.

Brendon leaves the two boys asleep, he steals a piece of notebook paper from Spencer's backpack and writes a note for Ryan, promises to see him again later. He doesn't sign it. The boy also snags a cigarette from Ryan's pack on the table, he'll apologize for it later.

*

Brendon doesn't see Ryan for a week and a half. It's not really by choice, it's mostly because he's really falling behind in his classes and he has a lot of homework to make up. Ryan still text's him, sends him lines that don't really make sense to anyone but Ryan. Brendon doesn't think that even Spencer would understand half the crap that Ryan texts to him.

Ryan says he's bored and Brendon suggests that the older boy actually attend his classes. Ryan just tells him that he'll think about it.

"I'm busy with classes too but I make time to see him." Spencer tells him over lunch that day. Brendon takes a bite of his salad and shrugs.

"It's just a week and a half. Ryan's lived twenty-two years without me." Brendon insists, Spencer rolls his eyes.

"But now that he has you...he doesn't want to go a single day without you." Spencer tells the older boy. He's watching Brendon with intent blue eyes. Brendon is quiet, he eats his lunch. He's not mad at Ryan or anything but at the same time he feels like he ranks second, that he ranks under Spencer in Ryan's eyes.

"Does he do that with you?" Brendon questions, takes another bite of his vegetarian food. Spencer is still eyeing the older boy and he sighs, like he knew all along that this conversation would happen.

"The thing about Ryan is...well, he doesn't get so taken with people easily. I'm kinda a given, I've known him long before he started obessing with people. He doesn't find too many people nowadays, so, if you're thinking you're not special or something...well, you're fucking wrong because being chosen by Ryan Ross, that's special Brendon." Spencer informs him, the younger boy's hand pressing against Brendon's shoulder.

Brendon bums a smoke off of Spencer and skips the rest of his classes, he goes to Ryan's house instead.

Ryan lives not far off campus so, Brendon makes it there in record time. He knocks on the door and Ryan shows up seconds later, shirtless, leaning against the doorframe. The brown haired boy looks surprised to see Brendon there. They stare at each other, no words, they're beyond words.

Ryan smiles and grabs Brendon by the arm, pulling him into the house, their mouths already connected.

An half an hour later the two of them are laying pressed so close together in Ryan's king sized bed.

"I felt like I was dying without you." Ryan says moments later, it's not a joke. He snuggles closer against Brendon's body. For all intents and purposes, this is Brendon's first relationship and what a fucking great way to start.

Brendon's never even met anyone like Ryan in all his twenty-one years of life, let alone dated anyone like him. It's hard to handle at points in time but it's Ryan and he's Brendon and they just seem right.

"I won't do it again. I won't leave you for so long again." Brendon promises, he's never been very good at promises but this one he feels like he can keep, Ryan wasn't the only one who felt like he was dying. Ryan Ross is quickly becoming the most important thing in Brendon's life and the younger boy is surprised that he's fine with that, that he isn't afraid at all. Ryan smiles, presses kisses against Brendon's jaw.

"I want to ask you a question." He says.

"Shoot."

"Are you in love with me?" Ryan asks, propping himself up on his elbow and peering at Brendon with those striking eyes. Brendon freezes up, if he's being honest he is, he's been in love with Ryan from the moment they smoked pot together in the alley between the bank and the apartment building, from the moment that Ryan shotgunned him. It's a stupid time for someone to fall in love but that's when it happened.

Brendon wants to say yes, to say it and then kiss Ryan hard but he remembers what the older boy had said about Spencer, about how the two of them stopped fooling around once Spencer fell in love. Was this the ultimate Ryan Ross test? Be with someone and once they fall for him ditch them and go about finding another person to pull into his web.

While Brendon is interalizing Ryan is waiting, too much time lasping for him to think that Brendon does in fact love him. Ryan lets a scowl drape across his pretty face and he's darting back and off the bed, naked and scowling at Brendon.

"You don't..." Ryan says as the supposed realiziation hits him. "What did you use me Brendon? A good quick fuck and that's it?" Ryan presses, his voice raising quite high and just this side of hysterical. Brendon stares, slightly slackjawed. He thinks that this conversation should be reversed. Brendon never even knew they were offically dating, maybe they're not. If they are dating they've only been together for two months now but Ryan's mistaken, Brendon loves him.

"No, Ryan, no." Brendon starts, he too leaps off the bed, naked as well and he's at Ryan's side in seconds. Ryan is backing away, scowling like he doesn't want to be near Brendon. The younger boy presses forward, tries to take Ryan's hand but the older boy pulls his hand away, moves backwards until he's pressed against the shotty wood paneled wall.

"Get away from me." Ryan demands, his voice is tight and his pretty, pretty face is contorted in anger. It's the first time he's seen Ryan anything close to resembling angry, he doesn't like it, doesn't like the feeling of Ryan being mad at him. Brendon moves forward, does take Ryan's hand despite the older boy trying to pull away.

"Ryan, you're wrong...I do love you." Brendon says, his brown eyes are wide and so earnest that all he can hope is that Ryan believes him. Ryan is a blank canvas now, watching Brendon with those large brown eyes that have the power to burn into Brendon's soul, that make the younger boy believe every word that drips off those pink lips.

"You do." It's not really a question, not really a statement, just words, noise from Ryan's mouth. Brendon nods, hand clasped tight in Ryan's, bringing the older boy's hand up to his mouth, brushing plump lips against soft skin. Ryan's fingers smell like cigarettes and lube and like Brendon.

"I was afraid that it wasn't what you wanted." Brendon mouths against Ryan's skin. The older boy still watching him. "I'm still afraid that you don't want it...because of what you said about Spencer, about how you broke it off after he fell for you."

Ryan takes his hand from Brendon's grasp, presses the hot large palm against Brendon's pale cheek. "Spencer's different." Ryan starts, his brown eyes locking with Brendon. The younger boy is focused on Ryan, is listening to him with those wide earnest eyes, like he's prepaired to hear some epic story about the future of the planet.

"Spencer is my prized posession." Ryan starts, speaking calm and slow, explaining. "He's my crown jewel, my favorite, Spencer is like the one thing you would save from your house when it's on fire. That's what Spencer is to me." Ryan tells Brendon and the younger boy is just listening, listening and trying to understand what Ryan was trying to tell him. Attempting to figure out if this is what getting broken up with by Ryan Ross is like?

"I don't-" Brendon starts, Ryan shakes his head.

"Spencer is something I cannot lose, he's something I cannot risk in my life."

"So..so what am I? A second prize?" Brendon presses, it's like Ryan is confirming the fears Brendon had earlier, the fears that Spencer had told him to ignore. Brendon's never been with anyone like Ryan, but he doesn't really want to be someone elses second best.

The brown eyed boy shakes his head. "You don't get it." Ryan says, tipping Brendon's head up. "Like I said, Spencer is something I cannot lose ever. Spencer is like...a part of me Brendon, an irreplaceable part and I love him, I do. I love him because he is me...don't you get it?" Ryan asks, his voice strong and sturdy over Brendon, Brendon whose face is in Ryan's hand, Brendon who is just listening to the crazy that is Ryan Ross.

"You can only love yourself to a certain point." Ryan explains. "That's where you come in. I can love you Brendon, and you're not a part of me. You're something that exists all on your own, you don't need me to survive because you're not me."

Brendon is thinking that maybe Ryan is losing it.

"So, I'm something you can lose?" Brendon asks, his words coming out strange due to Ryan's hands pressing against his cheeks. Ryan shakes his head hard, brown bangs flopping into his beautiful brown eyes.

"No, I don't want to lose you. I don't. But there's a risk involved with us Brendon. You and I are like a game of dice. Roll the dice and they can fall on any different side, we can be together, I want us to be together but at the same time the risk is that we could fall apart. That's the difference Brendon." Ryan continues, runs his thumb over Brendon's bottom lip. Brendon is still listening intently, trying to wrap his mind around all the words spilling out of the older boy. Ryan is so sure, so positive about everything he's saying that Brendon can't help but believe him.

"What are you and Spencer like?" Brendon asks, Ryan quirks his lips, smiles with his eyes, excited because Brendon is finally getting it.

"Like a deck of cards. There's no risk, no surprise. We know whats there, no chance that something else will show up." Ryan explains running long fingers across Brendon's pale cheeks.

And despite how fucking crazy it all sounds Brendon does finally get it. Spencer is sturdy, Spencer is comfort, Spencer is something that Ryan needs to go on. It's like Spencer is part of Ryan's body and without that part it's impossible for the boy to function. Brendon gets it, he really does.

"I understand Ry." The younger boy says, smiling against Ryan's hands. Ryan returns the smile, leans in close to Brendon, their lips mere inches apart.

"So, you love me?" Ryan breathes out, his warm breath caressing Brendon, making him tingle all over. Brendon is nodding.

"I do, I love you Ryan Ross, I do." Brendon says as he leans in those last few inches and presses their lips together, warm and soft.

Ryan doesn't say it back, Brendon doesn't mind because he thinks he can feel it. Can feel Ryan's love, in the kisses and the way Ryan flips them, presses him against the wall, hitches Brendon's leg up around Ryan's thin hip and fucks him till the younger boy is screaming.

*

They fuck three times in the span of two hours, taking turns being slammed against the wall. Brendon thinks he'll end up having a bruise on his back but fuck it, he doesn't give a damn. He and Ryan are laying in a crumpled sweaty heap on the floor of Ryan's bedroom. They should be on the bed, god knows it's big enough but they aren't because Ryan has his head on Brendon's shoulder and their hands are linked together.

Brendon could fall asleep like this and he's close to it, he notices that Spencer didn't come over today. He figures that the youngest boy knew what Ryan and Brendon would end up doing.

"Have you ever read 'Fight Club'?" Ryan asks suddenly and it takes all the strength Brendon has to turn his head and look at Ryan.

"Like the movie?" He asks, voice weary, maybe raw from the screaming. Ryan smiles and scoffs out a laugh.

"It was a book first." Ryan nods, explaining to the younger boy.

"Oh," Brendon starts, "No, I haven't."

"That's a shame." Ryan says, turning his body into Brendon's more, so they're faces are closer. "That book is amazing. Chuck Palahniuk, is my soulmate." The older boy says, his eyes lighting up as he talks about the book and assumed author of his dreams.

"Does he know that?" Brendon jokes and Ryan laughs before he pulls away from Brendon and is standing, moving to the other side of the room. They're both still naked, Brendon wonders when they became so okay with being naked all the time. Ryan dips out of Brendon's line of sight for a split second before he returns to Brendon's side, a slightly beaten up book in hand.

"This is my orginal copy. I got it for my birthday when I was in high school..from my dad." Ryan trails off for a moment, staring at the copy of the book, the cover is nearly blinding, bright red stripes behind white font and a bloody fist behind the stripes, it's a little overwhelming but the way Ryan is looking at the book, like it's the best thing he's ever seen, well, Brendon will give it a chance.

"I want you to read it okay?" Ryan tells him, pushes the book into Brendon's hands. The younger boy nods, sets the book aside and leans forward to kiss Ryan.

"I will."

"Listen though." Ryan starts, "There's a part of the book, a part that's always stuck with me."

"Okay." Brendon says, a little uncertain.

"It's a part where one character burns another, leaves a mark on the other person forever." Ryan is saying, his hand linking tight with Brendon's and maybe the black haired boy isn't liking where this is going. "It's a kiss mark...that's what he leaves behind, a piece of him on someone else forever." Ryan is telling Brendon, his eyes are sparking with excitement and he's watching Brendon's face intently.

"Sounds intense." Brendon mutters out for lack of anything else to say. He's got this weird little feeling in his stomach but he trusts Ryan. He loves Ryan. The brown haired boy nods, leans forward, closer to Brendon.

"It is, oh, it is but Brendon...I want to ask you something."

Brendon doesn't like where this is going.

"What Ry?" Brendon breathes out shaky. Ryan moves closer, lips brushing against Brendon's.

"Will you let me do it to you?" Ryan whispers against Brendon's soft pink lips. The younger boy pulls back instantly, staring at Ryan's eyes with his own wide.

"You want to burn me? Scar me forever?" Brendon wonders outloud, Ryan nods, looks nervous, leans in and kisses Brendon even though the other boy isn't kissing back, Brendon's lips slack against Ryan's. "Does it hurt?" Brendon asks, his voice so low and he can't believe he's even asking this, that he's even considering this. He's never been one to be into self-mutilation, he almost got a tattoo once before he chickened out.

Ryan hesistates, his face falters like he knows he won't win this fight. "I won't lie Bren, it hurts a lot, like a thousand cigarettes burning your flesh." At least Ryan is honest. Ryan isn't pressing more, isn't trying to convince Brendon, he's just sitting there, staring at Brendon with wide brown eyes.

"Why?" Brendon asks, if he's even considering doing this he needs to know why.

"Because you love me." Is all Ryan anwsers, could he do this? Could Brendon let himself endure such pain because he loved Ryan? Because he loved someone who he's only know two months, someone who hasn't even said I love you back to him. Could he do it for Ryan? Scar himself for good?

Surprisingly it only takes him three minutes to decide.

"Okay, we'll do it." Brendon says, allowing Ryan to take his hand and pull him up off the floor kissing him hard.

*

Brendon is kneeling on the kitchen floor. Ryan is standing infront of him, normally this would be something that Brendon doesn't mind but Ryan's looking down at him with eyes that seem to be glowing, a can of what Ryan said is called lye in Ryan's hand.

"It's a chemical burn." Ryan explains, he's talking slow like he's giving Brendon the option to back out, like he wouldn't blame him if he did. "And it will hurt..probably worse than anything you've ever felt."

"Ry, Ryan, Ryan Ross, stop talking." Brendon says as he runs hands through his sweaty hair and Ryan nods, sinks to his knees infront of Brendon with the lye can in hand. Ryan takes Brendon's right hand in his own, palm up as he licks his lips and lowers his mouth placing a soft wet kiss on the soft skin of Brendon's wrist.

"That's what it will look like." Ryan tells him, his eyes trained on Brendon's pale wrist.

"Okay." Brendon whispers, his hand twitches in Ryan's and the older boy strokes his thumb over Brendon's palm. He doesn't care all that much about how it will end up looking, even though he should be, really all he wants to do is get it over with.

"Okay." Ryan echoes as he raises the can of lye, he sprinkles it out and it falls as soft as snow flakes, sticking to the wet mark on Brendon's skin. Ryan had explained the whole thing beforehand, had been talking about lye and all the shit it can do, how it reacts when it's mixed with water. God, Brendon hopes that Ryan actually looked into this and he's not just doing it because it was done in his favorite book.

Seconds after the flakes hit the wetness left by Ryan's mouth, Brendon's skin feels like it's bursting into flames. It hurts, hurts so bad that Brendon's screaming right away and maybe Ryan's trying to talk to him but Brendon just can't hear him, Ryan had told him beforehand not to cry, that crying makes it worse but Brendon doesn't even know if he's crying. He doesn't even know if he's in his body right now.

The pain is so intense that Brendon feels nothing but it. His thoughts are nothing but a voice screaming at him. 'Why did you do this? Why? Why are you so fucking stupid? Those eyes aren't worth this'

He thinks that Ryan is tipping his head back, he must be crying so Ryan's tipping his head back so the tears don't fall on the lye. The boy tries to calm his breathing but nothing is working, he feels like he could die right here, right now in Ryan Ross' house and it would be a relief compared to this pain.

He can just make out the warm press of Ryan's lips against his jaw, his cheeks, his forehead, all over his face. Ryan's whispering things too, telling Brendon to breath, telling him not to think about it so much. Brendon kind of wants to kill Chuck Palahniuk right about now.

Five agonizing minutes later and Ryan is pressing a vinegar soaked cloth against Brendon's burning flesh and the pain eases away, slowly, slowly until it's gone. Brendon's cheeks are streaked with tears and Ryan's still leaning forward, kissing them away and running his free hand through Brendon's soft black hair.

"You did such a good job." Ryan coos into Brendon's ear. "Such a good job Brendon."

Ryan pulls the cloth away after the pain ebbs and Brendon sees the burn mark for the first time. Sure enough it's in the shape of Ryan's beautiful kiss, Brendon's taken aback by it all because it is a piece of Ryan, the near perfect shape of Ryan's lips embedded into the skin of Brendon's wrist forever.

It will be there for the rest of Brendon's life, even if Ryan isn't in Brendon's life for longer than a day, a week, month, years, it doesn't matter because the mark will always be there.

Ryan crawls up in Brendon's lap, wipes away the boy's tears. "Thank you Brendon." Ryan is whispering, kissing Brendon's lips as the boy tries to calm his breathing. "Thank you." He repeats over and over again. It's the first time that Brendon ever really thinks that maybe Ryan isn't just an odd person, maybe Ryan has problems.

All the thoughts are pushed away by Ryan's comforting hands that roam Brendon's body. "I'm so happy that you did it Brendon." Ryan mutters against the younger boy's lips. "So, so happy." Brendon doesn't know why this means so much beyond the fact that he just went through excruiciating pain for Ryan.

"You did it for me and that, that means you really do love me." Ryan says, Brendon freezes, his fingers clutching at Ryan's arms. It was all a test? A test to prove that Brendon really did love Ryan?

"You made me do that to prove I loved you?" Brendon chokes out. He can't believe that, he can't believe that Ryan made him do that because he wanted, needed solid proof that Brendon loved him, didn't trust his words enough, he needed more.

Ryan pulls away from the spot he's sucking on Brendon's neck to stare into the other boy's eyes. "Yeah, but you did it." Ryan whispers, lips brushing soft against Brendon's. "That means you love me. That you care about me just like you said you did and you doing this means something even better." The boy adds and Brendon raises an eyebrow, his whole arm is thumping through a dull ache and he knows that it will hurt to even bend his wrist for the rest of the week.

"What does it mean?" Brendon asks, his voice regaining it's strength but his throat is sore. Ryan leans his smiling face into Brendon's neck and nuzzles against him.

"It means that I love you too." Ryan whispers against the younger boy's neck.

Once again Brendon gets it. Ryan wants people to prove their love to him, even if he loves that person he won't say it, not until they prove that they love him first. To Ryan, people have to earn it, and their reward is getting Ryan's love.

"I love you." Brendon says again, because hell, it's true and he earned it. Ryan pulls away from Brendon so he can see the boy's face. Ryan knows what Brendon wants so he just smiles and says it back.

"I love you too."

They kiss after that and Brendon doesn't miss the fact that Ryan's hard as a rock, that he's been hard ever since Brendon was screaming in pain.


*

Brendon starts wearing fingerless gloves while the burn heals up. It's all red and shiny, his wrist, that was inflamed at first is now easing down, back to normal. The mark is in the perfect shape of Ryan's kiss. The boy isn't ashamed of the mark, he sort of loves it and likes staring at it, just not in class, he doesn't need people thinking he's one of those kids that like to hurt themselves.

He's also started reading 'Fight Club'. Brendon won't tell anyone that he really just skips ahead to the part where Tyler chemical burns the main characters hand in the shape of a kiss. Brendon also won't tell anyone that reading the scene makes him hard or that he sets the book aside and jacks off, thinking about the pain and how turned on Ryan had been during the act, he won't tell anyone that he comes harder than he has in a long while, white streaks across his fingers.

It's on a Thursday when Ryan takes Brendon to meet his drug dealer. They're running low on weed and chances are likely that they'll be out by tonight if they don't get more. They take a cab because Ryan doesn't like to drive anymore, it seems he has an underlying fear that he'll end up getting into a car accident and die or kill someone else. Brendon offers to drive but Ryan doesn't want him to, he wants Brendon to hold his hand during the cab ride.

They end up parked outside of a Starbucks downtown, the cab driver says he can't wait for them to come back out so Ryan just slips him a ten dollar bill and they leave the cab. Brendon can't imagine a drug deal happening here, in a semi-crowded coffee shop full of college kids and hipsters.

There's a dirty blonde hipster girl waitress who eyes Brendon when they come in. Ryan notices and promptly shoves his hand into the back pocket of Brendon's jeans. The girl who has eyes that sorta remind him of Spencer's, just sighs and walks away to attend to other customers.

It takes Ryan a few minutes to remove his hand from Brendon's jeans. Once he does he leads Brendon up to the counter where a young slightly scruffy looking guy is working. The guy looks up from cleaning the counter and sees Ryan, his sleeply brown eyes widening.

"Hey, Ry." He says his voice deep and soothing, the worker tucks his cloth into the pocket of his green apron and plants his large hands on the counter, smiling at Ryan with this great lazy grin. Ryan smiles at this guy and reaches out, threads his fingers through the guys long brown bangs that are pushed to the right. Ryan cards his fingers through the workers bangs desheveling the green hat that the guy is wearing.

"Hi, Jon." Ryan says softly after a few moments, that's the thing about Ryan. He knows how to play off people, he's not really using them, no, he just happens to know how to react around each person, like he's memorized someone elses characterizaiton and he knows just what to say, Brendon's rarely seen Ryan at a loss for words.

So the worker, whose name is Jon is still smiling at Ryan for a few seconds before he notices Brendon standing there. Jon turns his sleeply awesome grin to Brendon and his eyes are really warm and friendly. Brendon had been thinking that Jon was simply hitting on Ryan but no, that's just kind of how Jon must look most of the time.

"Who's this?" He asks Ryan.

"This is Brendon." Ryan replies, scritching his nails along the back of Brendon's neck. "He's pretty amazing."

Brendon grins at Ryan's words, he kind of hopes that he grins like Jon does. Jon's face shows a glimmer of something and he nods.

"Brendon? Yeah, I think Spencer mentioned him before." Jon tells them. Brendon's surprised by the fact that Spencer talks about Brendon when he's not with Ryan, he's also surprised that Jon knows Spencer. Though, really he shouldn't be, Jon knows Ryan so therefore Jon has to know Spencer, that's just how it works.

"How is Spencer?" Jon asks, deep brown eyes sweeping from Brendon's face to Ryan's. Ryan gives a little shrug, one that probably encompasses a hell of a lot more meaning like, 'He's busy with school, he has a test coming up, Brendon and I keep bumming his cigarettes and I probably owe him at least three packs, he's watched me jack Brendon off a few weeks ago.'

"He's fine." Is all Ryan says and Jon nods.

"Tell him I'll give him free coffee if he comes to see me." Jon tells Ryan and Ryan gets this little smirk, like he catches the double meaning that Brendon only sort of fails to get.

"Okay, but I'll be honest. I'm not just here to see you Jon." Ryan starts and his hand slips down, his index finger wrapping around Brendon's. Jon mocks a fake look of hurt on his face and Ryan giggles, it's a sound that Brendon's never heard before and he's surprised that there is a small flash of jealousy in his chest, he doesn't want Jon making Ryan giggle, that's something that should be left only for Brendon.

"You know what I need right?" Ryan asks, voice a few shades lower than before. He lowers his hands down by Jon's, long fingers spread wide, brusing against Jon's fingers. Again jealousy, like a burn in Brendon's chest and again Brendon is surprised. He's never been much of the jealous type, despite him never being in a relationship before he's still never been one for jealousy.

But now, it's Ryan, it's his Ryan, the boy that he got burned for. Brendon scans Jon's hands, Jon's arms, every square inch of the boy's visible pale skin. He's searching for a kiss mark, a burn that matches Brendon's. There's not one to be found but Brendon's not sure why he never considered the fact that Ryan had done the kiss mark before him, Spencer had said that Ryan hadn't been obsessed with someone in a long time.

Brendon wonders if there is someone else, some blurred out person that has a mark that matches the one on Brendon's wrist.

Jon is staring between Ryan and Brendon and he nods, Ryan smiles wide and makes a little noise, he stares at Jon expectantly. "Not here though." Jon tells him, he looks up past the two boy's on the other side of the counter, Ryan and Brendon look around trying to see what Jon is seeing. The dirty blonde haired waitress is cleaning an empty table and staring at the three of them with heavy curiosity in her eyes. "It has to be at my place, can you two wait till my shift is over?" Jon asks.

Ryan says yes without missing a beat, without waiting to hear how long Jon's shift is. Maybe he already knows, he probably has Jon's work schedule memorized. The older boy pulls Brendon to a corner table where they're planning to sit and wait for Jon to finish his shift. People come into the coffee shop, the little bell ringing and Jon throws that sleepy grin on his face and makes coffee like he was born to do it.

"Ryan," Brendon starts, pulling his attention away from Jon the barista and looking over at the older boy sitting next to him.

"Hmm?" Ryan asks, his attention still fully focused on Jon the barista. Brendon's pretty sure he'd hate Jon if it weren't for how the coffee worker seems to exude a sense of calmness to those around him, or he has killer charm, something like that.

"Did you..." Brendon starts, sliding his hand up to cover over Ryan's, it's the hand with the kiss mark on it. Ryan looks at him now, his gaze flickering between the younger boy's face and the arm that bares the burn mark. "Did you use to date Jon or something?"

Ryan laughs at this question, laughs like it's something that's a joke, it's not a joke though Brendon is completly serious. The older boy sees that Brendon is serious and his face falls for a second, settles on blank. Ryan runs his thumb over his own kiss on Brendon's wrist.

"Not me." He says, Brendon tilts his head, Ryan cups Brendon's jaw. "Spencer." The older boy elaborates, his long fingers brushing against Brendon's face.

"Spencer dated Jon?"

Ryan laughs again. "Don't confuse it with love." He says, fingers moving to tangle into Brendon's hair. "Spencer fucked Jon, don't confuse it with love."

Brendon doesn't think Jon looks gay, he looks pretty straight, a normal guy. Not like them, not like Ryan and Brendon and Spencer, not the kind of guy who sleeps with his best friend and burns his love on peoples skin.

"Spencer is the one who made Jon what he is." Ryan adds a few moments later.

"And what is he?" Brendon asks, his gaze flickering back to Jon whose making coffee for and elderly couple.

"He's Jon Walker." Ryan anwsers like it's the simplest thing in the world.


*

Jon's shift only lasts an hour. An hour that is mostly spent people watching and some heavy making out. Brendon's pretty sure that the dirty blonde barista hates Ryan.

At the end of Jon's shift the boy undoes his green apron, takes off his matching hat and does this really cool movie style leap over the counter, using his hand against the counter to push himself off. His keys jingle in his hand and he motions for Ryan and Brendon to follow him out the door, Jon waving a goodbye to the dirty blonde barista on his way out.

Jon has a small car, a car that can barely fit four people inside of it, at the moment it can barely fit three. The reason for that being a box full of random junk is sitting on the spot in the backseat where the fourth person would be. Brendon's squeezed into the backseat next to said box of junk, junk that includes Starbucks coffee cups, clothes, and empty packs of cigarettes. Ryan is sitting in the front beside Jon, Brendon doing the best he can to not be jealous.

Jon has the car running but they're still sitting in the lot, Jon smoking a cigarette like it's the last one he'll ever have. Ryan slides his fingers along Jon's, steals the cigarette from between the mans thick fingers as he takes a few long drags off of said cigarette. Jon looks like he wants to protest but he doesn't, waits till Ryan gives him back the smoke, Jon finishing it and tossing the dying butt out the window.

The three of them drive fifteen minutes away from the the Starbucks, to a shotty little neighborhood with gangs of teenagers hanging around street corners, almost like what you would find in those stereotypical rap videos.

The house is average, normal, they way Brendon pictures Jon to be. Jon shuts off the car, reaches across Ryan and thumps his hand against the glove compartment. The compartment pops open and Ryan seems highly disinterested in this, like he's seen it all before. Jon takes a three quater empty bottle of colonge out of the compartment and showers himself in it. Brendon gags because it's way too strong in the confined space of the car, Ryan doesn't seem bothered by it, again maybe it's something he's used to.

"Trying to quit again?" Ryan asks, smirking at Jon. The barista grins that charming grin and nods.

"You won't tell her I was smoking right?" He asks Ryan, Ryan shakes his head and holds up his fingers in the classic boy scout fashion.

"Promise." He says, Brendon doesn't like inside information when he doesn't know about it. He doesn't know who this 'her' is, he doesn't know why Jon can't smoke, he doesn't know why Jon is a drug dealer who makes coffee and can't smoke.

The three boy's leave the car and wind up in Jon's house. It's average, clean, smells good, maybe Jon has a maid? Inside the house there's a girl curled up on the couch, a magazine in her lap. She only looks mildly surprised to see Ryan and Brendon have come in alongside Jon.

"Hey baby." Jon says to the girl and Brendon is now ruling out maid and is heading towards girlfriend, fiancee, wife.

"Hey." She smiles, bright teeth, as Jon drops his keys on the kitchen table and makes his way over to her, leans down and kisses her lightly. Brendon's confused, hadn't Ryan just said a mere hour ago that Spencer had been with Jon? That the two of them had had sex? Doesn't that make Jon gay? Gay as in doesn't kiss girl's with bright teeth who read magazines gay?

Jon pulls away from the girl and toes off his shoes.

"Hi Ryan." The girl says, her voice sweet and kind. Ryan smiles at her wide and gives a little wave, he plops down in a chair across from the couch where the girl was sitting. Ryan reaches up and wraps his hand around Brendon's wrist, tugs him down into the chair next to Ryan's. By now the girl has turned her attention to him, her pretty blue grey eyes searching his face, likes she's trying to place him in her head.

"I don't know you." She says, her short fingers pressing under her chin as she studies Brendon's face.

"I'm Brendon." He tells her, smiling and he's tempted to stand and offer her his hand because she seems like the kind of girl who would appreciate that kind of thing but Ryan's hand is still wrapped loose around the younger boy's wrist, holding him in place.

"Nice to meet you." She replies, again with the sweet smile that she had given Ryan. Brendon's expecting her to introduce herself, for Ryan to introduce her, Jon whose puttering around somewhere that Brendon can't see, he's expecting someone to tell him what to call her. No one says anything though and the girl turns her attention back to Ryan.

"How are you Ryan?" She asks, Brendon's not focusing on Ryan's anwser, he's focusing on the girl before them. She has dark brown hair that's long and curls into spiraling ringlets down her lower back, blue gray eyes, nice teeth. If no one will tell Brendon her name than he'll give her one himself. He picks Layla, maybe because he really likes that song, maybe because it looks like it fits her but that's what he's going to call her.

Jon comes out from somewhere in the house, his right hand closed around something, probably the weed. Layla doesn't say anything, just watches as Jon passes off the little bag of weed to Ryan. Jon falls down next to the dark haired girl, his arm coming around her shoulders.

Five minutes later they're smoking weed. Ryan passing it to Brendon, who passes it to Jon, who offers it to Layla, who polietly declines and passes it back to Ryan. By now Brendon knows that Layla is Jon's girlfriend, he still doesn't know her real name, he almost slips and calls her by the name he invented for her, he doesn't but he was damn close.

Brendon also knows that Jon is allowed to smoke pot, it's cigarettes that are a no-no for the boy, he knows this because Ryan forgets some rule that he must've already known and he lights a cigarette in the house. Layla shakes her head.

"Not in the house Ryan." She says, "You know how Jon's trying to quit." Jon nods and if Brendon looks hard enough he can see the shadows of guilt in Jon's warm eyes. Ryan stubs out the cigarette instead of going outside. "I want him to live to see twenty-four after all." She states, looks at Jon with a kind of love that Brendon's sure he must look at Ryan with.

Jon leans in and steals a kiss from her and that's how Brendon learns that Jon is older than Ryan.

An half an hour later Jon offers to drive Ryan and Brendon back to Ryan's place but he looks so comfortable snuggled up next to his girlfriend that they decline. "It's not that far." Ryan says, "We'll walk."

So they do walk, the two of them walk past the gangs of teenagers, they're holding hands and none of those teenagers say a word. Maybe because the two of them are grinning like idiots and laughing at things that don't make sense, maybe because they smell like weed.

"I like Jon." Brendon says when they finally reach the Starbucks where Jon works, Ryan nods.

"Jon Walker is like magic." He tells Brendon and he's completely serious. Brendon nods and eyes the clear windows of the Starbucks, tries to see if dirty blonde hipster barista girl is around, she's not and some dark haired guy is running the spot where Jon works, a older woman manning the tables.

"I like Layla too." Brendon adds, the name he invented for Jon's girlfriend slipping out before he could stop himself. Ryan cocks his head.

"Who?" He asks, Brendon fumbles for words, for an excuse as to why he gave the girl a different name.

"Jon's girlfriend." Brendon admits, really, he couldn't have thought of a better excuse at the moment.

"Oh, you know that's not her name right?"

Brendon stops in his tracks in the middle of an abandoned sidewalk and looks at his Ryan Ross.

"What is her name?" He wants to know so bad, it's driving him crazy. Ryan stares at him for a good long moment.

"I don't want to tell you." He states, Brendon's eyes widen.

"What? Why?"

"It would just disappoint you because you like the name Layla, you wouldn't have picked it for her if you didn't. Knowing her real name would just disappoint you." Ryan informs the younger boy.

"Oh," Brendon says and he takes Ryan's hand, drops the subject and starts walking down the street again. He knows theres no point in arguing with Ryan, he'd lose anyway, so he's perfectly content with just going along with what Ryan wants, the things that the boy thinks about."So, yeah, I like Layla, she's nice." The younger boy says.

"Yeah." Ryan agrees but Layla isn't really what Brendon wants to talk about, he wants to talk about Jon, he wants to talk about Spencer too, he wants to talk about Jon and Spencer together. Somehow Brendon manages to bring the conversation around to just where he wants it.

"You said at the Starbucks that Spencer used to sleep with Jon right?" Brendon asks, Ryan nods and gives Brendon a sidelong glance. "But Jon has a girlfriend...so I don't really get it."

Ryan grips Brendon's hand a little tighter. "Remember when I said that Spencer made Jon what he is today?" The brown haired boy asks, now it's Brendon's turn to nod. "Well, that's what I meant." Ryan states like the conversation is over.

"But what does that mean?"

"Jon Walker is twenty-three years old." Ryan starts, still holding Brendon's hand tight. "For all his twenty-one years of life, Jon walker was straight. Then, in his twenty-second year of life, Jon Walker met Spencer Smith and it was magic. Jon didn't kiss guys', Jon didn't think about having sex with guys', let alone bending guys' over the counter at Starbucks and fucking said guy until said guy couldn't walk straight. He never did any of that." Ryan tells Brendon, he's smirking so Brendon knows he's not done yet.

"He never wanted to do any of that until he met Spencer."

"That's it?" Brendon asks and Ryan nods. "But if he did all that with Spencer, than what about now? What about Layla?" The younger of the two boy's asks.

"Don't confuse it with love remember?" Ryan replies, the two of them stop at a busy street corner, cars rushing past them and despite Ryan being afraid of dying in a car crash, he barely bats an eye when the cars get too close.

"I don't-" Brendon starts but Ryan cuts him off.

"With Layla it's love. With Spencer, it's lust, it's fucking, so, don't confuse it with love." Ryan informs Brendon. The younger boy nods and the two of them fall silent.

Brendon doesn't really get it all that much, Spencer and Jon just fucked for the hell of it? Because it was something Jon wanted to try and Spencer went along with it. With Layla it was more? He doesn't really get it but he nods like he does.


*

Brendon tells Spencer that he met Jon over lunch the next day. Spencer's bright blue eyes widen and he chokes on his fish sandwhich, it's Friday, Spencer always has fish on Friday.

"You did?" He asks with watery eyes as he thumps his chest. Brendon looks concerned that he's really choking before he nods.

"Ryan and I went to his house yesterday, I met his girlfriend too." Brendon adds, Spencer opens his mouth to say something but the older boy's brown eyes widen and he raises a hand up, silencing Spencer. "But don't tell me her name because it will disappoint me."

The younger boy raises a perfectly arched eyebrow. "Okay...if you don't know her name what do you call her?"

"Layla."

"Layla?" Spencer echoes and Brendon nods. The blue eyed boy shakes his head and gives a little sigh. "I like her real name better." He states, Brendon opens his mouth in terror that Spencer might actually tell him her real name. "But for your sake I won't say it." He adds quickly, before Brendon starts to whine.

They continue eating but Brendon isn't done with the Jon subject yet.

"So, Spencer." The black haired boy starts, Spencer looks up at him with suspicious eyes, urging Brendon to go on. "So, I heard that you used to fuck Jon?" Spencer chokes again, drops his sandwhich and glares at Brendon. The younger boy is fine though and when he swallows his bite of sandwhich he's still glaring at the older boy.

"Geeze Brendon, way to be blunt."

Brendon supposes that he could of worded the question better, that he could've lead up to it instead of going straight for the jugular but it's a little late for that now. What Ryan told him had been weighing heavily on Brendon's mind. Spencer and Jon used to be together but not really, nothing more than casual fucking right?

Brendon's still foggy on that situation, he's only heard it from Ryan, now he wants Spencer's side of things. He looks expectantly at Spencer, waits for the boy to elaborate. The blue eyed boy sighs deeply and presses his hand to his swooped bangs.

"Jon was straight when I met him." Spencer starts, picking at the fries on his plate and avoiding Brendon's eyes. "He was nice, he was hot but he was straight, or so I thought." Spencer smirks at his food when he recites this part of the story.

"So, what made him change his mind?" Brendon asks, he's dying to know about the events that had happened before these people came into his life.

"Ryan says that it's because I'm so sexy, because I drove Jon wild with my animal magnetism." Again Spencer is smirking, lifting his head and looking at Brendon through thick eyelashes. "But I think Jon was always that way, that deep down inside he always thought about guys', just that no guy was enough for him to risk his sexuality."

"But you were?"

"That," Spencer says, dipping a fry into some ketchup before he pops it into his mouth. "Remains to be seen."

Brendon cocks his head, it seems for every anwser he gets from these people, a million more questions are raised in the process. "I'm confused." The older boy admits.

"Aren't you always?" Spencer teases, Brendon pulls a pout and Spencer rolls his eyes.

"I was apparently enough to lure Jon from the purely straight side, to pull him into bisexuality but I wasn't enough to pull him away from his girlfriend." Spencer says, there's an edge of bitterness in his voice but he just shrugs and continues eating.

"So, you two don't fool around anymore?" Brendon doesn't know why he's pressing it, why he wants to know so badly but he does, if only to ease his mind that Jon Walker isn't trying to bed his Ryan Ross. Spencer's silent for a moment and he opens his mouth to anwser when a little bell dings. They turn to see that a plate of food has been put up on the counter of the colleges cafeteria.

"Tofu burger up." The cook calls and Brendon excuses himself to go and pick up his food. He pulls his fingerless gloves off while he walks, not wanting to get food stained on them. By the time he returns to the table with his food, he's forgotten all about the question he had asked Spencer.

But Spencer is staring at him, blue eyes flickering over Brendon. "What?" Brendon asks through a mouthful of tofu burger.

"You let him mark you?" Spencer asks, his eyes now fixed on the shiny red mark of Ryan's permanent kiss. Brendon sets his food down, he's looking at the mark now too. It's become almost normal for Brendon, something he's used to seeing on his own skin. Ususally his gloves cover the mark so it's only natural for Spencer not to notice until now.

"Yeah," Brendon says giving Spencer a little shrug. "It's not a big deal, I love him so..." He shrugs again as he trails off. Spencer is looking very amused right about now.

"He must really like you Urie, Ryan doesn't usually jump to the burning phase so quickly." He says, a smirk on his lips as he picks at his food. Brendon's a little taken aback by what Spencer says, he thinks about when he searched Jon for burn marks. Apparently his paranoia wasn't unfounded. Up until then he had thought the mark was special, that it was just something between Ryan and Brendon, something that no one else knew about. But Spencer recongized the mark, he knew about it and now it all just felt tainted.

For some reason Brendon had just assumed that Ryan had never burned anyone before him, but if he thought about it, it really made sense. Ryan got obsessed with people, Ryan burnt people, the end.

"You want some of my fries?" Spencer asks and Brendon shakes his head, staring at the deep red mark on his wrist and feeling not so special anymore.

*

"Ryan, can I ask you something?" Brendon says, he's laid on his back on Ryan's bed, his fingers tangled in the sheets.

"Hmm?" Ryan makes a little noise, one that makes Brendon shiver and clutch at the sheets harder, one that also makes him think that it's okay to ask this question.

"Have you marked other people with your kiss?" He asks, his head pressing back against the pillow.

Ryan pulls off of Brendon's dick with a wet pop, looking up at Brendon with dark eyes and red, shiny lips.

"Since when do we ask questions during blowjobs?" He replies, dipping his head and flickering his pink tongue over the head of Brendon's cock. Brendon grits his teeth, stopping the moan from releasing. Brendon knows this is a pretty shitty time to bring up the subject but it had been weighing heavily on his mind since his lunch with Spencer, he would've asked him about it when he got here but as soon as Brendon stepped inside he was pushed down on the bed, his belt being pulled off by Ryan.

"Seriously Ryan." Brendon pants out. Ryan exhales against Brendon's dick, making the younger boy shiver. The older boy slides up Brendon's body, pressing their chests together and their faces are now mere inches apart.

"Why?" Ryan asks, Brendon knows why Ryan asks, because Ryan is the kind of person who doesn't do anything unless there is a reason. Every word he says, every action has to have a purpose, otherwise it isn't worth it. If Brendon doesn't give Ryan a reason he knows that he'll never get an anwser from the older boy.

"Spencer told me at lunch that you have." Ryan tilts his head, licks the damp skin of Brendon's chest.

"Did he say that? Or are you just assuming?" Ryan asks, Brendon thinks about it. Technically Spencer only said that Ryan has a burning phase, he never actually said that Ryan has burned anyone before him.

"Assuming I guess." Brendon says, he brings his hand up and lets it tangle in Ryan's long bangs. The boy laughs and nuzzles his head against Brendon's hand.

"You know people who assume never get the straight facts." Ryan points out, locking eyes with Brendon. The younger boy thinks that Ryan's just trying to get out of anwsering the question. "So, I'm glad that you asked me because that means you love me enough to trust me to give you an anwser."

"So, you are going to anwser me?"

"Little Brendon's shouldn't assume." Ryan replies, Brendon cracks a grin.

"Okay, if I want info out of you I'll just ask." Brendon says "Now, you'll anwser me?"

Ryan nods, leans down and kisses Brendon. "I have burned other people." He states, simple and honest and Brendon thinks that maybe he'd just like to assume things from now on. Ryan notices the slight frown that appears on Brendon's face. "What's wrong?" He asks, Brendon looks away from his older lover, shrugs.

"If you never tell me, I'll never know." Ryan says, long fingers tracing patterns across Brendon's chest.

"I used to feel special when you first did it, like, I was the only person you ever asked." Brendon admits, if Ryan can be blunt so can he. Ryan brings his hands up to Brendon's face, a palm on each side, holding the boy firm.

"You are special." He says, "You're amazing Brendon." Ryan's eyes are burning Brendon's but he doesn't ever want to look away. "You're white, pure, clean, like, a delicate little angel all for me. You're not like the others Brendon, they've got nothing on you."

Ryan leans down and kisses Brendon hard on the mouth, their teeth clicking together. Brendon's hands find Ryan's hips and both of them are hard. So, maybe now Brendon knows that the kiss mark isn't a first time thing but it still is special, it's like an initation into a club, getting to be with Ryan being the main draw of said club. It helps that Ryan was oozing compliments all over Brendon, even if the boy doesn't really get half of the things Ryan says.

"Can I finish now?" Ryan asks, his breath hot against Brendon's jaw and the younger boy nods a hand locked in Ryan's hair as the brown eyed boy slides down the length of Brendon's body, hot mouth sliding over the younger boy's aching cock.
*
Brendon's on his knees on the floor infront of Ryan when the older boy's cell phone starts ringing. Brendon pulls off of Ryan's long dick, looking up at the boy for further instructions. "Hang on." Ryan says as he crawls up the bed and finds his cell, before returning to his spot perched on the edge of the bed, Brendon between his knees.

"Keep going." Ryan says, looking down at Brendon and brushing his palm along the younger boy's cheek. Brendon nods before he takes Ryan back in his mouth. Brendon's never sucked dick before Ryan and it's kind of a hell of a way to start, what with Ryan and his monster cock being his only experience. The younger boy can't take him all the way down yet, Ryan can though, Ryan can deepthroat like a motherfucker and he's been trying to teach Brendon. That's what they had been doing before the older boy's cell phone rang.

Ryan had been instructing Brendon, telling him to keep his throat open, to learn to breath out of his nose while doing it, to use his tongue and make small sounds because Ryan liked that sort of thing. Brendon just likes the fact that Ryan is talking to him while Brendon sucks him off. The younger boy still can't take a lot of it in, he blames it on his small jaw. He can't do it yet but he doesn't hate trying.

Ryan anwsers his phone while Brendon is sucking him off. "Hi, Pete." Ryan says and his voice barely wavers, like he isn't even getting a blowjob right now. Brendon goes down deeper and Ryan bites his lip, tangles his long fingers into Brendon's black hair. "Hmm?" Ryan says, his voice does break just a bit, not enough for the person on the other line to notice. Brendon pulls up on the head and swirls his tongue around, Ryan does groan this time.

"Yeah, yeah." Ryan gasps out, Brendon honestly can't tell if he's talking to him or the person on the phone. Brendon pushes Ryan down his throat, he wants to do so good for the older boy, he wants to make Ryan come down his throat. He manages to get Ryan further down than ever before and he's rewarded with a broken moan and Ryan's fingers gripped tight in his hair.

"Fuck Bren, I'm close." Ryan mutters out, obviously not caring if the person on the other line hears him. Brendon wraps his hand around the part of Ryan's cock that his mouth can't get to and it only takes a little longer before he's coming inside Brendon's mouth.

The black haired boy swallows Ryan's load and pulls off of him. Ryan was slumped back on the bed, breathing heavy, his black cell stuck to his ear. "Hmm? Yeah, I'll be over in ten." He says before he hangs up the phone. Brendon's still on his knees, wiping the back of his hand across his mouth.


*

Ryan ends up taking Brendon to meet his friend Pete. They take a cab again because again, Ryan is nervous and again he won't let Brendon just drive them somewhere. He also doesn't let Brendon pay for things, which okay, it's helpful considering that ever since Brendon lost his job at that smoothie place money has been tight.

Pete lives half an hour away from Ryan's place. A brick faced apartment building on the business side of town. The cab ride costs fifteen bucks and Ryan slips the driver a twenty and tells him to keep the change.

"Why are we going to see this Pete guy?" Brendon asks, as they stand outside of the metal double doors of the apartment building. Ryan scans a list of names next to the door, it doesn't look like he actually needs it as he hits one of the buttons fast, like he already knows what to do.

"We're gonna get some cash." Ryan tells Brendon over his shoulder. They came all this way to borrow money when the cab ride here cost twenty bucks? A crackling, buzzing noise is heard from the doors and Ryan grins and pulls the metal double doors open, his hand snaking around Brendon's wrist and leading him down the hall and to the right.

There's another long hall, boring and beige with a weird smell wafting around. Brendon tries to filter his breathing as they move down the hall, to his horror the two of them stop infront of an apartment door where the horrendous smell is the strongest. Ryan knocks just once, a loud rapping of his knuckles on wood. Thumping is heard briefly before the door is pulled open.

Standing in the door way is a short guy, jagged black hair falling like spilled ink across his brown eyes. He's shirtless and the incredibly tight jeans he is wearing are slung low with a white belt wrapped around his narrow hips, his skin a natural tan and decorated with splashes of ink, the most noticable at first being a necklace of tattooed thorns around the guy's neck. His arms are covered with various tattoos which would probably take Brendon an hour to really catch the details of each one. The guy has another tatoo on his chest, more like lower stomach actually, a weird symbol, like a bat mixed with a heart mixed with a skull.

None of those tattoos interest him that much though because Brendon has caught sight of something new, a new mark that appears before his eyes like magic. A shiny red kiss mark in the shape of his Ryan Ross' lips is on this guy's chest, it's burned into the spot just above the guy's heart.

"Hi, Ry." This guy says with a goofy smile that shows off all his big white teeth. Brendon's pretty damn sure he's frowning as he watches Ryan lean in and hug the shirtless guy.

"Hello, Peter Pan." Ryan mumbles into the skin of Pete's neck, the short guy laughs.

"You know that makes you Wendy right?" He says but he's not looking at Ryan anymore, his light brown eyes are trained on Brendon's scowling face. "And this must be Tinkerbell." He jokes but Brendon finds none of this funny. Ryan releases from Pete's grasp and he turns, facing Brendon.

"No, this Brendon, my beautiful little Brendon Urie." Ryan coos, softly at the younger boy. Brendon lets the scowl slip off his face, he can't scowl when Ryan looks at him like that, he just can't.

"Ah, Bren who gives good head apparently." Pete teases again but Brendon lets it go because yes, he is the one giving Ryan amazing blowjobs, not Pete. Again there is that jealousy that Brendon had felt at the Starbucks when Jon was sniffing around his Ryan Ross and now it was this Pete guy who likes to be called by a Disney characters name. Jealousy was quickly becoming something that Brendon could associate with Ryan Ross.

"Well, come on in you two." Pete says, moving aside and letting Ryan slip inside, his hand still locked around Brendon's wrist. The apartment isn't that great, wooden floors, a black leather couch and chair set, glass coffee table with books and papers and coffee mugs piling around it. There's a kitchen directly to the left of the doorway and Brendon crinkles his nose because that awful smell from the hall seems to be in here too.

Pete closes the door behind Brendon before he slips infront of them again and he's pushing into the living room, plopping down on the couch next to a boy that Brendon just notices is there. He's a slightly chubby guy, with gingery blonde hair that sticks out in odd angles from a trucker hat that he's wearing. He's got these big blue eyes that are showcased by a pair of thick framed glasses. The guy is wearing a t-shirt under a jean jacket and a pair of dark black jeans, a silver laptop in his lap and a pair of large black old fashioned styled headphones on the guy's head.

The blue eyed, ginger haired boy seems to notice that suddenly they have company so he takes the headphones off.

"Hi, Patrick." Ryan says cheerfully, moving to sit in one of the black leather chairs across from the house, much like what happened back at Jon's house, Ryan pulls Brendon along with him but unlike the time at Jon's, Ryan pulls Brendon down into his lap, his long arms wrapped around Brendon's waist.

Pete smirks from his position on the couch and Brendon feels an odd sense of pride that Ryan's being affectionate.

"Hey, Ryan." Patrick replies, not at all put off by the fact that Brendon's sitting squarely in Ryan's lap. "Sorry about the smell." He adds throwing a glance at the Pete guy. "Pete decided he wanted to try his hand at cooking some kind of spagetti thanksgiving fiasco." Patrick says with a long suffering tone. Pete laughs and moves closer to Patrick, resting his head on the bigger boy's shoulder.

"I thought it was a good idea." He pouts. "Anyway, food isn't important right now..unless Ryan's hungry?" Ryan shakes his head, a sly smile on his face. "Well, what's important is that we need to go and make some money." Pete says, Patrick stiffens, looks over at Pete.

"Pete, you said that you wouldn't-" Patrick starts, Pete cutting him off.

"Psssh, I know Trick, I know. Don't worry alright?" The dark haired boy says, his fingers tangling in the ends of Patrick's gingery hair. Patrick makes a noise but sighs, looking like he's long since learned that he can't really stop Pete when he has an idea.

"So, we should go right?" Ryan says, fingers pressing into Brendon's soft ribs. Pete shakes his head.

"Not you Ryro, you got caught last time. They'll be expecting you." The tattooed man says, Ryan makes a soft clucking noise, Brendon laughs.

"What are we robbing a bank or something?" Brendon asks, Pete laughs now, loud and just this side of annoying.

"No, but you're close."

*

Ryan ends up staying at the apartment with Patrick while Pete hauls Brendon out of the apartment and down into a black run down car, one that looks like it hasn't run well since the early nineties. Brendon's riding shot gun with a guy that he's only known an half an hour, a guy who has a matching kiss mark.

"I see we've got similar tastes in body art." Pete says low. He's wearing a shirt now, and a dark grey hoodie but Brendon can still picture the mark emblazoned on Pete's tan skin.

"Yeah." Brendon replies, he doesn't like that Ryan abandoned him, that he left him with this Pete guy. Pete's smoking a cigarette as the two of them sit in the dark parking lot behind the apartment building.

"So," Pete starts, silver smoke slipping out of his mouth with every word. "You let him talk you into it?" He asks, glancing sidelong at Brendon.

"What? No." The younger boy says, he's kind of just assuming that Pete's older than him, but he figures he's right. "No, I did it because I love him." Brendon explains. Pete just laughs, silver smoke unfurling from his lungs much like a dragon breathing fire.

"Love is impossible." Pete says, his voice is holding a bitter tone, Brendon wonders if it's Ryan that made him bitter.

"What about that Patrick guy? Isn't he..your boyfriend?" Pete takes a long drag off the cigarette before tossing it out the window.

"Patrick is my best friend." Pete clarifies as if it makes much of a difference. "But I see what you're getting at, so let me rephrase that. Love with Ryan Ross is impossible." He elaborates, starts the car and the vechical sputters and spits and acts like, it just generally doesn't want to move an inch. Pete tries again and this time the car does start.

"Just because it didn't work for you doesn't mean it won't work for me." Brendon's really trying his best not to get all worked up because he has a feeling that it would be what Pete wants.

"If you haven't noticed already, the kid is a little off his rocker."

Brendon did notice, again the little warning sticker flickers into his mind.

"I don't care what he is because I love him."

"You're so devoted." Pete laughs, he's smiling like he finds it all amusing, he probably does. Pete pulls out of the lot and drives down the road, it's dark now and the lights of the city are flickering on. He doesn't know where the two of them are going, Pete didn't tell him and neither did Ryan. All he knows is that he and Pete are going to make some money.

The two of them drive in silence before either speak again.

"Do you regret the kiss?" Brendon finds himself asking the other boy. Pete turns his head to look at Brendon, the car swerving a bit in the process. The streetlights have caught half of Pete's face, bathing the left side in light and the right in darkness, it's a strange thing to see.

Pete shakes his head, "I regret a lot of things in my life but not that." He tells the younger boy. His lip quirks, "Why? Do you?"

"No," Brendon's not lying, he's being honest because he does love Ryan and the older boy wanted this, what Ryan wants, Brendon wants too.

"I was going to get a tattoo." Pete starts, his eyes are back on the road but that's not making much of a difference because the car is still swaying lightly across the empty backroads. Brendon's eyes drift from the speedometer, which is reading five over the speed limit, moving them up to meet Pete's face instead.

"What?"

"I was going to get a tattoo of Ryan's name." Pete says, "Right here." He taps his finger against the spot where Ryan's kiss mark is. "But Ryan didn't want me to, he said that he had a better idea."

"And the kiss was the better idea?" Brendon fills in the blank for Pete, the older boy nods, the speedometer climbs higher. "Did he..did he tell you he loved you afterwards?"

Pete laughs, makes a sharp left turn, Brendon sliding to the left along with the car, almost falling into Pete. "Yeah, he did." Brendon's face falls at Pete's words, maybe it's all just a process, just a habit that Ryan can't break and once he gets done with Brendon, the older boy will move on, burn someone else and Brendon will wind up bitter like Pete.

"Look kid," Pete begins, eyeing Brendon from across the car. "When I met Ryan, he was seventeen years old, he was young and fucked up and he thought I saved him from something. He idolized me, held me up without really knowing what he was doing." Pete is saying, Brendon thinks that he's trying to comfort him but really, he's not doing such a great job.

"But," He adds, "I was just as fucked up as Ryan was. We were eating each other alive...the burn mark was like my final attempt, something I tried to do to save us but it didn't really work out that great. I love Ryan, he's my kindred spirit but I think you two have some potential." Pete tells Brendon and the younger boy guesses that it's Pete's stamp of approval.

"So, you were the first one he did the kiss mark to?" Brendon questions, he's got his hands braced on the car door and the seat, Pete is a crazy fucking driver though he actually manages to keep his eyes on the road as he shakes his head.

"No, there was someone before me."

"Who?" Brendon's desperate to know, needs to know about Ryan's past conquests. Pete shrugs.

"He wasn't willingly to tell, so I didn't bother to ask."

Brendon really sort of hates how no one else seems to be as curious as he is. The younger boy makes a mini timeline in his head as Pete drives them to some district that Brendon doesn't recongise. Ryan had told him that he had gotten the 'Fight Club' book while he was in high school, he met Pete when he was seventeen, probably a senior, so that had to mean that Ryan had done the first kiss mark to someone he knew while he was in high school.

Brendon's really just assuming, even though Ryan doesn't like it.

Pete ends up parking the black junker of a car, in the back parking lot of a laundromat. The laundromat is on the slightly rundown side, not a lot of people inside the building but Brendon can see almost all the machines twirling and spinning through the glass windows of the building.

"Come on Urie." Pete says as he opens his drivers side door and slides out of the car. Brendon looks around confused, was the laundromat just a ruse? A disguise for whatever the two of them are really going to do? A worse thought hits Brendon, what if Pete intends on robbing the business? He really hadn't expected that but now that he had talked to the boy, well, it seemed pretty likely.

"We're not going to rob this place are we?" Brendon is asking, his voice comes out small and again he is feeling young and naiive, too inexperienced to hang around with Ryan's crowd. This with Pete isn't like when he met Jon, it isn't just sitting in a living room and smoking pot, this, this could be dangerous.

Pete bends back down, peering at Brendon with shiny, nearly golden eyes. "You've got quite an imagination." The older boy says, laughing at Brendon's question. The boy ignores the jab Pete took because he's too relieved to care.

"So, were not robbing the laundromat?" He asks one more time, just to be sure. Pete grins, it's nothing like that grin that Jon can pull off.

"No, but you're close."

*

The two of them end up inside the laundromat, an older woman is working there at the time, washing down some of the machines that aren't in use. She barely gives Pete and Brendon a second glance before she goes back to cleaning. Brendon is on edge, he really, really has no idea what in the hell they're going to be doing, mostly he's just following Pete's lead.

Pete's just striding through the business like he owns the place, the off putting grin smacked on his face.

"What are we doing Pete?" Brendon whispers.

"Don't whisper Urie, it makes you look suspicious."

Brendon narrows his eyes but he knows that Pete is right.

"Just tell me what we're doing." Pete slides a heavily tattooed arm around Brendon's waist and gives a little squeeze.

"Nothing too bad, now just calm down." Pete commands as the two of them head back to the backmost row of dryers, Brendon still utterly confused. Pete stops them infront of some dryers, the contents spinning around inside. The older boy digs around in his pocket before he pulls out two quarters, handing them over to Brendon.

"Go buy a plastic bag out of that vending machine." Pete orders Brendon, jerking his thumb back towards a white machine on the opposite wall of the dryers. Brendon nods and does as he's told, going and buying two plastic bags since they were only a quater. "You're smarter than I thought." Pete compliments when Brendon returns to his side.

Pete has Brendon hold the plastic bag open as he reaches up and stops one of the machines. Brendon glances back to where the worker is, she's alternating between where she's cleaning the washers and watching some talk show that's on the tv planted in the corner.

Brendon watches as Pete opens one of the dryer, keeping his mouth shut because it doesn't matter what he says, it won't stop whatever the older boy has planned. Pete digs around in the dryer, moving clothes around, Brendon catches a glimpse of underwear and maybe a few t-shirts but that doesn't seem to be what the boy is looking for. In the end he pulls out a pair of jeans, dropping them into the bag, Brendon's silent as he watches Pete repeat the process.

In the end they have a large trash bag full of denim from the various dryers in the laundromat. Pete takes the bag from Brendon, carrying it out low as they leave. There's still no one in the place beside the worker and she is still focusing on the tv and not on them. They make it out without a problem and their back in the car, Pete throwing the bag into the backseat.

That was it? That was Pete's big plan to make money? Stealing jeans from the laundromat? Brendon really wants to ask the older boy about what all this means but he doesn't. Pete starts up the car, again the car jerks and shakes like it doesn't want to cooperate. Again Pete is driving too fast out of the parking lot, taking sharp turns and slapping Brendon's body against the passenger side window.

"Where are we going now?" Brendon asks as he snaps his seatbelt on. Pete's in the turning lane now, tapping his fingers impatiently against the hard plastic of the steering wheel. He doesn't anwser, just swears and turns quick into the parking lot, there's a flash of headlights from the oncoming traffic, Pete is really cutting it close here, the cars coming towards them head on. Brendon gives a kind of terrified squeal as he awaits the impact of the car that Pete cut off, the car that's blarring it's horns at the idiot of a driver that Brendon is stuck in a car with.

They manage to make it into the parking lot unscathed but Brendon now knows how Ryan got his fear of driving. "You like tempting fate?" Brendon wheezes out, hands locked on the dashboard. Pete turns, gives him a grin as he drives through the rows of the parking lot, searching for a space.

"Nothing like almost dying to make you feel alive." He replies, Brendon scoffs.

"You're crazy." The younger boy mutters out, his heart is beating quick, like its been thrown into fast forward or something. Pete is barely watching where he is going, turning only by instinct or familarity, maybe just sheer luck.

"It's not crazy, not really." He starts, "Taking risks and chances help you feel more alive. There's nothing like knowing that you were seconds away from death to make you realize that you've really got to get out there and live, really live."

Pete was right, he's almost as off as Ryan is.

The inked boy parks the car, cuts the ignition and grabs up the second plastic bag that Brendon had bought at the laundromat.

"What are we doing now?" Brendon questions, ignoring all thoughts of death and driving with Pete. The boy slinks out of the car once again, waiting for Brendon to join him. "So?"

Pete turns back to look at Brendon. "We're going to free people." He tells the younger boy. The two of them slink through the dark of the parking lot, it's some kind of overnight parking lot for a set of apartments across the street. By now Brendon is guessing that freeing people is some kind of metaphor for robbing people, that seems to be what Pete is good at.

Pete stops at a shiny silver Volvo, without hesistation he's checking to see if it's unlocked and to Brendon's complete surprise, it is. "Please tell me we're not stealing a car." Brendon asks, Pete laughs from inside the car.

"No, Tinkerbell, we're not. I already told you, we're freeing people."

"But I don't get it." Brendon says, Pete sighs.

"Just be quiet and watch."

Brendon does watch, he watches as Pete rifles through the unlocked car, putting things in the plastic bag. He is stealing things out of the car but not anything a normal thief might take, it's all random things, like the change out of the cup holder, a cell phone charger, a lighter, things like that.

Ten minutes and eight cars later Pete has a bag of useless shit.

"Why not steal peoples car radios? Or something worth value?" Brendon asks as the two of them slide between cars, only stopping when Pete finds one that he likes. Pete turns back to look at the younger boy, the plastic sack thrown over his shoulder like some demented version of Santa Clause or Robin Hood.

"It's not about stealing valuable things."

"Then I don't see a point." Brendon tells Pete. The younger boy has always considered himself a good person, doesn't hurt anyone if he doesn't have to, definitly doesn't steal things so why in the hell is he even giving Pete shit for not doing the wrong thing?

'The point," Pete begins, stopping and looking back at Brendon. "Is that people are controlled by their material possessions." He says, tossing that shit eatting grin on his face. "It's all about having the best of things, the newest car, the latest cell phone, the best clothes. Life isn't about that Brendon." Pete tells the younger boy, his words are firm and his eyes are shinning.

"Okay.." Brendon trails off, he's deciding to just agree with the other boy as opposed to arguing with him. Pete though, doesn't seem to be done.

"Most times I don't even think people notice what I take." The older of the two boy's says, stopping at a black car and popping the door open easily. "I figure it's like they think they just misplaced it or something. They can't imagine why anyone would bother to take something so trivial." Pete has slipped into the car now, sitting in the drivers seat, golden eyes searching for things to 'free' people.

"It's freeing people of their materialistic chains, one item at a time." Pete tells him, dropping a cd case into the bag. Brendon is leaning down, looking into the car like Pete. The older boy reaches up to the cars passenger seat visor, it seems a little golden angel has caught his eye. Pete reaches up to take it, sliding the bit of gold between his fingers.

"Take this Brendon." Pete tells the younger boy, sliding the angel into the younger boy's hand. Brendon looks at the little golden figure in his hand. The angel is holding a small plauque, one that reads: 'God bless all the people in this car and those who pass it.' Shit, they can't, they just can't take this.

"Pete, Pete, not this." Brendon says, leaning back down into the car, his head next to Pete's. The older boy looks up surprised.

"Why?"

"Just..put it back..please."

Brendon didn't believe in any certain religion but just because he didn't doesn't mean that they should steal the faith from someone else. Pete takes the angel in his hand, reads it and sighs.

"You're serious?" He asks and Brendon nods. The older boy sighs and slides the angel back into place. Pete laughs and climbs out of the car. "Come on Bren." Pete says, shutting the door and motioning his head back to where he parked his own junker of a car.

The duo are back in the car, one plastic bag full of jeans and one plastic bag full of random crap. Brendon doesn't know the next step, doesn't get what their next move is. He wants to ask Pete how this all adds up to making money and wouldn't having a job just be easier?

Brendon had been thinking that they were going back to Pete's apartment but they're not. They're heading further into downtown, Brendon thinks it might be close to where Jon Walker lives and the younger boy wouldn't be the least bit surprised if Jon was in on this too.

Brendon wonders what Ryan is doing at the apartment, if he wasn't so sure that A) Patrick is straight or B) That Pete is with Patrick, he'd be worried that Ryan was screwing Patrick.

He wonders who came up with this idea? If Ryan does this a lot with Pete? If Ryan is actually alright with stealing from people? Brendon thinks that he does, he does have loose morals after all.

"You said it wasn't about the money...then what about the jeans? Why take those?" Brendon questions, he's beginning to think that he shouldn't talk to Pete while the older boy is driving seeing as he turns his golden gaze from the road to look at Brendon, eyes avoiding the road.

"That isn't about the money either." Pete starts, eyes flickering to the road once again. "That is about teaching people a lesson."

Brendon opens his mouth to say something but Pete cuts him off.

"People shouldn't be so trusting of others. Me taking their jeans, that teaches them something, shows them that they can't trust everyone in the world. Next time they'll be sure to watch their clothes, next time they won't trust so much. The money is just an added benefit. I survive off their stupidity."

Brendon is silent the rest of the ride, letting Pete's world values wash over him. If he thinks about it, it was probably Pete who taught Ryan, Pete who filled Ryan's head with his world views, Pete who slowly helped to shape Ryan into the person he was today.

Would it happen to Brendon? Would he change right along with them?

Pete stops at a brick faced building, there's a man standing at the corner, smoking a cigarette, holding a cell phone. It was this time when Brendon sees Pete has his cell out too. The older boy puts the car in park, tells Brendon to wait before he climbs out and takes out the plastic bag of jeans out of the backseat.

Brendon does wait, watches as Pete bounds over to the considerably bigger guy, again with that shit eatting grin slapped on his face. He offers the bag to the guy, said guy looking neither excited nor angry, just bored, just standing there and rifling through the bag. The two of them exchange words, the guy nodding and Pete laughing. There is a brief moment where the large hulking guy does look at Brendon, sly smile on his face, Pete looks too just appraises Brendon with his eyes before he shakes his head.

In the end the guy takes the bag of jeans and fishes out some money before giving it to Pete. The older boy returns to the car, smiling wide enough to see all the white teeth in his mouth. "Here," Pete tells Brendon, handing him sixty bucks. "That's Ryan's cut."

Pete is pocketing his own share of the cash, putting the car in drive and flashing the guy on the corner a wave before the two of them are rocketing off into the night.

*

When they get back to the apartment, Ryan is still sitting where he was before, talking to Patrick who also hasn't appeared to move. The brown haired boy's face pulls up into a smile when Brendon walks in and he's up and moving over to the younger boy in seconds.

"Did Pete treat you well?" He asks, long arms sliding around Brendon's shoulders, their thin chests pressing together. Brendon nods but doesn't get the chance to speak due to Ryan's lips meeting his, a flash of hot tongue and even with his eyes closed Brendon knows that Pete and Patrick are watching.

"He was like my little inner voice." Pete teases, collasping down on the couch next to Patrick. "Why don't you welcome me home like that?" The inked boy asks, staring up at Patrick with wide golden eyes. Patrick sighs and pats Pete on the head.

"We both know why." His voice is soft but there's an edge to it, an edge that Brendon can't place.

Ryan grinds against Brendon a bit, he's hard, he's always hard as of late. "Better be careful Ryro, or Patrick and I will have to pay for this show." Pete's saying, his shirt is off again, inky drawings and the shiny red kiss visible for Brendon to see, he doesn't think this is on accident.

His eyes are open as he breaks apart from Ryan, he catches Patrick's eye, the blondish boy is looking at the mark too, like he's use to it but he's seeing it again through Brendon's eyes.

"You know you'd like it Peter Pan." Ryan mutters against Brendon's lips, if he's not careful he'll get hard too and that's not something he wants to do infront of two almost strangers, he also wants to get Ryan out of here before he decides that he wants to take Brendon's first foursome.

"I have to go to the bathroom." Brendon says, slipping away from Ryan's gangly grasp.

"It's in the back to the left." Patrick says helpfully, Brendon gracing him with a smile as he slips into the darkness of the back rooms of the apartment. There's a little hallway three door's lining the wallpapered white walls. Two of the doors are closed and only one is open, the bathroom.

It wasn't a lie just to escape a rapidly awkwarding situation, Brendon really did have to use the bathroom. While he was in there though, he did notice something, a small flickering light from outside the high rise window. Brendon, ever the curious boy, peeked out said window. The light was coming from a dying lamp post out in the alley, the same alley Brendon now notices was the one that Ryan had brought him to smoke pot for the first time.

The black haired boy sighs, his breath steaming up the glass of the window. Even from the beginning Pete had somehow been involved in Ryan and Brendon's relationship, in the smallest of ways but he was there. That was how Ryan had known what the bathroom windows looked down upon.

*

Ryan and Brendon take a cab back to Ryan's place, Pete trying to tempt them to stay with the promise of a better verison of his spagetti thanksgiving dinner. Ryan was slightly turned on though and he knew that Brendon wasn't going to do anything infront of Pete and Patrick so, he was more than ready to go.

Ryan was sucking on the skin between Brendon's ear and jaw, biting and nipping, the cab driver paying little to no attention to them. Brendon was trying to get into it, he was trying so damn hard. He was pressed back against the right side window, head tipped back allowing Ryan access to the pale column of skin that was his neck. Brendon was trying to focus on the way the older boy's hot mouth was sliding along his skin, wanted to just enjoy the feeling but he can't, he can't because he's thinking about Pete.

More specifically he's thinking about Pete and Ryan together. His mind is replaying all the information Pete had given him that night, taking all the things he already knows about Ryan and combining the two, filling in the little blank gaps when and where he could. Mostly he's worried about the fact that maybe one day he'll end up like Pete.

"Did you like Pete?" Ryan whispers against Brendon's jaw. That's just like Ryan to always unintentionally read Brendon's mind. Brendon pulls back a bit, stares down at Ryan.

"He was alright. His driving skills could be better." Ryan smiles. "That's why you like to take cabs now isn't it? Because of Pete?" Brendon ventures to ask, he's not sure how the older boy will react but hell, it's worth a shot. Ryan is staring at Brendon with that blank stare that he's so good at, the kind of stare completely void of emotion, that Brendon has no idea whats passing through his pretty little head.

"I already feel alive." He replies, seemingly remembering Pete's speech about taking risks.

"What about the burn mark?" The black haired boy asks, his hand slides around soothingly on Ryan's narrow back as he waits for an anwser. Ryan leans against him, pratically laying on top of Brendon in the backseat of the cab.

"I already told you I burned other people before you." He says it almost defensively but Brendon expected as much. Brendon's fingers brush against the back of Ryan's neck.

"I know..but I mean is it something you do to everyone you date?"

"I've only done it three times. I've dated people without burning them you know?" Again Ryan is being defensive, like Brendon's attacking him but the younger boy isn't, would never do that.

"So, whose the third person?" It's the one thing in this conversation that Brendon really wants an anwser to. Ryan wouldn't give Pete the anwser, maybe, maybe he'll give it to Brendon. Ryan smiles nuzzles his head under Brendon's chin.

"That's the million dollar question apparently." The brown haired boy laughs.

"Remember you told me to just ask you things and not assume?" The black haired boy replies.

"True, but if you were assuming, who would you assume it is?" Ryan's eyes glitter as he asks, large hands running over the younger boy's sides. Brendon closes his eyes for a moment, drinks in the feeling of Ryan's hands as he contemplates an anwser, it comes to him rather easily.

"Jon." That's Brendon's choice, despite the fact that Ryan said he wasn't the one who fucked Jon that doesn't mean that he never maybe got Jon to do the burn mark. The way Ryan talks about Jon, calls him magical and touches him affectionately, it doesn't seem too unlikely that it could be older barista.

Ryan smiles again, rests his head against Brendon's chest.

"Pete was the first person I ever loved, the first person who wasn't Spencer." The older boy starts. "He came into my life exactly when I needed him. He opened my eyes to things I could never imagine. That's why I burned him, because he was my first, just like I'm yours."

So, it looked like Ryan was avoiding anwsering Brendon's question.

"But," The boy starts again, his hand sliding to cover Brendon's heart. "If I'd known that I was going to meet you...well, I would've done Pete's kiss mark on his wrist...so I could put yours here." Ryan tells him, fingers pressing down on the spot where Pete had his mark.

"It's O.K. Ry, I like my mark." It's then that Brendon learns that Ryan doesn't ever put two kiss marks in the same place. "But how does Patrick feel about Pete's mark?"

Ryan lifts his head. "What do you mean?"

Brendon shrugs. "You know, they're together so, how does he feel about you having marked Pete?"

Ryan laughs loud in the small space of the cab, the driver glancing back at the two of them, he probably thinks they're insane. "Pete and Patrick aren't together." Ryan states like it's more than obvious for people to see. Brendon just looks confused.

"They aren't? But the way they were acting..." Brendon trails off, unable to finish his thought. Ryan props his chin in his hands.

"See, Pete loves Patrick. Pete loves Patrick more than he loves anyone." Brendon opens his mouth but Ryan pushes on. "But the thing about Pete is that he sleeps around, he's basically the king of one night stands." Ryan tells him, his eyes are dark and deep in thought. "But the thing about Patrick is that he's straight for the most part, the only guy he'd be willingly to be with would be Pete."

"I'm not following you Ryan." Brendon says feeling confused about the people around him.

"Well, Patrick loves Pete, would be with him but he won't be with him until Pete stops sleeping around and Pete, well, he can't be with Patrick because he's afraid of ruining it, of ruining them. It's a vicious cycle between them, they're in love but they can't be together because of their own baggage so, they just keep going the way they are, in love but not willing to risk themselves, even if it means never being with each other."

"Oh," That certainly seems like something Pete would be apart of. It's actually really sad, the fact that they both want it but neither can make it happen, it sort of really makes Brendon appreciate Ryan, the fact that the two of them can be together.

Brendon wraps his arms around Ryan, holding them close together for the remainder of the cab ride.


*

In class Brendon can't concentrait. His mind is drifting around, daydreaming of his beloved Ryan Ross. He wishes that Ryan would come to school more often. If he did then the two of them could see each other between classes and eat lunch together and walk back to Ryan's apartment hand in hand.

Ryan doesn't do much of anything during the day. He claims that he wants to be a writer, so during the day he writes. A battered, beaten up notebook that resides in his room, that's filled with Ryan's beautiful handwriting. Brendon's never read what Ryan writes, he's seen the thin boy writing in it, the book propped up on his bony knees but he's never read it, Ryan's never offered and Brendon's never asked.

Besides the writing Ryan doesn't do much else aside from texting Brendon and Spencer and occasionally Jon and Pete. Brendon doesn't much understand how Ryan can afford an off campus apartment when the lithe boy doesn't have a job and no other source of income other than his share from Pete. Ryan didn't even keep that sixty that Pete had called his cut, he gave it to Brendon, telling him that he did the work so he should keep the money.

"Spencer, how does Ryan have money?" Brendon asks as the two of them walk in the chilly weather back to Ryan's place. Spencer looks up from his cell phone, Brendon just assumes he's texting Ryan because that's usually the case.

"He has his ways." The younger boy replies, avoiding Brendon's question.

"Look, I know about what he does with Pete but he can't live off of that so...what else does he do?" The black haired boy is kind of desperate to know because his imagination is working in overdrive giving Brendon horrible ideas like that Ryan is some kind of high end hooker on the weekdays.

Spencer's lips quirk. "So, you've met Pete?" Brendon nods. "What do you think about him?"

"He's...like a more fucked up version of Ryan."

The younger boy laughs, "Yeah, he's like what would've happened to Ryan if he didn't have you." Brendon sort of feels bad for Pete, it's obvious that everyone sees him as damaged goods but he can't stop the grin that appears on his face at Spencer's words.

"Anyway, back to how Ryan makes his money?" Brendon tries to get back around to the question he really wants anwsered, Ryan and Spencer being much too adept at dodging questions. The two of them stop at a corner, barely any traffic is out at this time of day. Spencer's phone dings again and he opens it up, smirking at whatever message is there. "You talking to Ry?" Brendon asks, trying to peer at the message from over Spencer's shoulder.

The younger boy snaps his phone shut. "No, Jon." He says, avoiding the older boy's gaze. Brendon smiles a tiny bit because Spencer is embarrassed about the fact that he's talking to Jon. "Anyway," The brown haired boy starts, promptly changing the subject, something else he and Ryan are good at doing. "Ryan's dad was in the military so, they left him a bunch of money when his dad died."

"His dad is dead?" Brendon asks, surprised as they crossed the street. Brendon didn't know anything about Ryan's family, only that his dad got him his treasured copy of 'Fight Club' when he was a teenager. He had no idea that he might not have a family, that one of his parents might be dead.

Spencer has a dark look on his face, hands tucked into his hoodie pockets. It looks like he'd rather not discuss this certain topic and for once Brendon is thinking that this is something he doesn't have to know, something that Ryan should decide whether or not to tell him.

"He died about a year ago." Is all Spencer says and his phone is dinging again, Brendon lets him change the subject.

*

"We've gotta go back to Jon's place." Ryan says, he's sitting in Brendon's lap. The two of them were sitting and smoking pot, Ryan dragging in a hit before he tilts his head and finds Brendon's lips, shotgunning him for the millionth time.

"We're not out of weed yet." Brendon says, through his haze of smoke. It's true, they're almost out of weed but not yet. Ryan nods.

"I know but lets consider this a anticapatory purchase." Ryan says, staring off into the distance as he takes another hit of the joint they're passing back and forth. Brendon takes the joint from Ryan's long fingers, takes a drag with his big puffy lips before he exhales. He doesn't mind, he likes Jon, he likes Layla. And it gives him a reason to ask Jon about the kiss mark.

Two hours and one phone call later Brendon and Ryan are back at Jon Walker's average little house. By the time the duo arrive Jon's been out of work for an hour and a half, he's in the kitchen with Layla, helping her make dinner. Brendon notices that there are three plates too many.

"Jonny." Ryan says softly, moving up to Jon and hugging him with spindely arms. Jon pats Ryan's brown head affectionately, tussling already mussy hair and Ryan just smiles, Brendon works with all his might not to get jealous. Ryan moves to Layla next, she's facing away from him, stirring something in a frying pan. Ryan slides behind her gives her a hug, his chest to her back.

"Ry, you're going to stay for dinner tonight right?" She asks, again that sweet voice and caring nature spilling out around the three boys.

"Depends on what you're making." The boy replies, sliding away from her to peer into the frying pan. "looks good, I guess I'll stay." he adds with a smirk. Layla turns her head to stare at the lean boy.

"Good, you're too thin." She notes, stiring up the contents of the pan. "Brendon, you'll stay too right?" Layla asks, turning around to look at the boy whose standing awkwardly in the kitchen, wringing his hands together. She's smiling at him with soft blue eyes and that nice bright smile.

"Yeah, I'll stay too." Brendon's going to stay wherever Ryan is, especially if Jon Walker is involved. Layla smiles again before she turns back to the food. Jon slides over to his girlfriend, steals a quick kiss, his hand finding her hip.

"I'm going to get Ryan his stuff. Think you can handle the rest of the cooking?" He asks, she nods, her hand finding his broad chest and he kisses her again.

Jon leads them to the living room, tells them to wait there while he gets the drug that Ryan's seeking. Ryan takes Brendon's hand, lacing their fingers together.

"Want me to tell Layla that you're a vegetarian?" He asks, brushing his free hand across Brendon's temple. The younger boy gives a shrug. He's not paticularly hungry so he doesn't necessairly have to eat but he might seem rude otherwise.

"Sure."

Ryan kisses Brendon's temple, where his fingers had just been, before he leaves the room, heading back into the kitchen. It figures that once Ryan is gone Jon would come back. He has the baggie, the precious weed and Brendon finds himself grinning just at the thought of it, though he might be grinning because Jon is. The older boy scans the room, completely void of the beautiful creature known as Ryan.

"Where's Ross?" He asks, Brendon ignores the nickname and the jealousy that seems to arise with it.

"In the kitchen, informing your girlfriend that I'm a vegetarian."

Jon raises an eyebrow. "Since when is he so considerate?" Brendon can tell that the older boy is joking, that he seems to exude good natured jokes standing here in his living room in a light blue t-shirt and jeans. Brendon is standing awkwardly, he likes Jon, despite the jealousy he does like the older boy but right now, right now his mind is wrapped up again, wrapped up in the fact that Jon might have the kiss mark hidden somewhere on his body.

"Something wrong Bren?" So, now Brendon has a nickname from Jon too. Brendon shrugs, he can't just come out and say, 'Oh, hey, has Ryan ever burnt his kiss mark on you?'. Jon slides up to Brendon's side, heavy arm coming to rest around Brendon's narrow shoulders. "Wanna talk about it?" He asks, warm brown eyes burning into Brendon's.

The younger boy just stares up at Jon. Again he believes that Jon just exudes a sort of calm trust, that Brendon feels like he can tell him anything in the world and it would be alright.

"Actually," Brendon starts, intent on getting down to whether or not Jon has the kiss mark.

"Yeah?" Jon looks a little concerned, his arm still heavy on Brendon's thin frame.

"Well, I wanted to know if you-" Brendon gets cut off by a series of sharp knocks on the front door. Jon doesn't seem alarmed nor surprised at the knocking as he slips away from Brendon, going to the door and leaving the younger boy's question hanging in the air.

Jon opens the door and for a split second his frame is blocking the person in the doorway. Jon moves though and after that the very familar figure appears to Brendon. Spencer is standing in the doorway.

"Always arriving fashionably late Spencer?" Jon jokes as he moves aside, allowing Ryan's best friend to enter the house.

"Please, like you weren't counting down the seconds till I got here?" Spencer half scoffs but it comes out wrong, almost like he's trying to be seductive. Jon pulls him into a tight hug, their bodies obviously familar with one another. They break apart once Spencer spots Brendon over Jon's shoulder. "Brendon? What the hell are you doing here?"

"Well, hello to you too Spencer." Brendon replies, he crosses his arms over his chest and stares at Spencer with a knowing smile.

"Brendon and Ryan are over too." Jon says, taking a hold of Spencer's wrist and leading him down into the living room. Spencer's eyes drift from Brendon to Jon, giving him a look that's half parts annoyed and curious.

"Would've been helpful if you had informed me earlier." Spencer sighs out, he comes to a stop at Jon's side, his own arms crossing. Jon is smirking at Spencer, it seems Jon has the power to completely ignore Spencer's glares.

"I told Ryan, I figured he would tell you."

"Spencer? Spence! I knew I heard you." Ryan is saying as he slinks back out of the kitchen, Layla on his heels. In seconds Ryan is in Spencer's arms, hugging the younger boy close. Brendon rolls his eyes, Ryan had just seen Spencer that morning it wasn't like he had missed the boy that much in the small amount of time.

Ryan pries himself away from Spencer, moving back to Brendon's side and taking his hand once again. Layla proceeds to take Ryan's place, hugging Spencer and kissing him softly on the cheek, not at all how Brendon was expecting her to greet him, that's not usually how a person greets the guy that used to fuck their seemingly straight boyfriend. A new thought occures in Brendon's mind, maybe Layla doesn't know about Spencer and Jon's shared past?

Brendon suddenly feels guilty, like he's part of some huge deceitful lie to a girl who honestly doesn't deserve it. "You're going to eat dinner right Spence?" Layla asks, her eyes twinkling at the youngest of the four boy's.

"If you made it of course I will." He tells her with a smile. Layla and Spencer are staring at each other with matching smiles, Jon looking on with his own small grin.

Brendon feels this sudden weird tension in the room and there is silence between all of them. The black haired boy feels like he's missing something, something that Ryan apparently is oblivious to or already knows about because he's just standing there blissfully content.

Dinner is ready five minutes later, Brendon shaking off that weird feeling and enjoying his first decent meal in weeks.

Dinner is not much better in not giving Brendon that weird feeling he had earlier. Jon, Layla and Spencer all seem like they're in on some joke that Brendon just can't understand. It could just be that Brendon's paranoid. Their behavior isn't all that strange, it could just be attributed to the fact that they're good friends, easy and comfortable around one another.

After dinner is over they all retreat to the living room to smoke pot. Once again Layla doesn't partake but Spencer does, which isn't surprising. Layla is smushed inbetween Jon and Spencer on the couch with Ryan and Brendon taking their usual position in the cushy arm chairs.

Brendon takes his hit off the bong that Jon is passing around, he hands it over to Spencer before he sinks back in his seat, relaxed. It takes him a few minutes to notice that there is something moving along the floor, a cat. A dark brown cat whose slinking along the floor, staring at the people in his area. Brendon didn't know Jon and Layla had a cat and he wants to pick it up and pet it but he doesn't, choosing to watch it instead.

The cat sits by Spencer's socked foot that's dangling off the couch, rubbing himself against Spencer's leg. The youngest of the boy's leans down and skritches his fingers along the cat's head, the animal arching up into his touch. When the cat is bored of Spencer it moves on to Jon, slinking up the arm of the couch to rub against the boy's arm. When the cat doesn't get what it wants from Jon it moves on to Ryan and than Brendon. Brendon plays with the kitty until the bong gets passed back to him, the cat quickly loses his interest and finally moves up to Layla, crawling up into the girl's lap and laying in a tight little circle.

Brendon watches with heavily lidded eyes as Layla pets the cat and even when the girl's attention isn't focused on it, the creature never strays. It's then that Brendon realizes that the cat really reminds him of Ryan. How the creature with the small frame and big eyes will go to different people to be stroked, loved and comforted but also how at the end of the day the cat will sleep curled up next to the one it loves the most. In this case, Ryan would be the cat and Brendon would be Layla.

Brendon wants to tell Ryan about this epic revelation but it's his turn for the bong again and well, somethings can wait.

*

At some point during his comparative thoughts between Jon's cat and Ryan, Brendon figures he must've fallen asleep because he wakes up what feels like at least an hour later, to a nearly empty living room. Nearly empty because Ryan is in the room with him, curled in his chair passed out. The couch where Jon, Layla, and Spencer had been sitting is empty and there's no sound from the kitchen so Brendon doesn't think that they're in there.

Brendon stands, trying to be quiet as not to wake up his sleeping beauty. He wonders if Spencer went home and Jon and Layla went to bed, expecting Brendon and Ryan to be passed out until the morning? There is a little light coming from somewhere beyond the living room, what is probably the bedroom or the bathroom. Brendon doesn't want to be nosy but he wants to alert them that he is actually awake and not passed out from the epic weed they had smoked.

The boy pads softly towards the light, passing the bathroom on the way so he knows that the light must be emitting from a bedroom. He's figuring that yeah, Jon and Layla are probably already asleep or close to it so, he'll just tell them that he and Ryan will catch a cab home.

The door to the bedroom is cracked open and a small dim lamp is on, maybe one of them is reading? Either way Brendon presses himself inside the door, clearing his throat once he's inside. What he sees in the room is something he did not expect.

There on the bed was Layla, stark naked and spread open. A man between her legs, holding them open but that man wasn't Jon.

It wasn't Jon but it was Spencer. Spencer who was balls deep inside of Jon's girlfriend, Spencer who used to fool around with Ryan and Jon, Spencer, who Brendon was pretty damn sure was gay, that Spencer had his hands gripped tight on her thighs, holding her legs spread wide. This is intense, this is intense and fucking awkward, he wasn't just catching his friends fucking, he was catching his friends cheating. And it wasn't like Spencer and Layla didn't notice because they did. Spencer's head had whipped around, his blue eyes locked with Brendon's brown's and Layla too, she was panting and staring at Brendon with intense lustful eyes.

Brendon doesn't know what to say, what can he say? He was right all along, there was something going on but it wasn't Layla who was in the dark, it was Jon.

"I-I told you we should've closed the door all the way." Spencer says, his voice hoarse and his hands still on the girl. He's looking at Brendon but the older boy is guessing that he's talking to Layla. Brendon just cannot believe that Spencer would do this, would fuck his friend's girlfriend, hell, he's having a fucking hard time believing that Layla would cheat on Jon..she had seemed like such a sweetheart. He also can't believe that Spencer isn't even attempting to stop, isn't trying to explain himself to Brendon.

Spencer finally does start to slide out of the girl, Layla groaning a bit as he does so.

"Spencer, don't stop." Brendon hears a voice that he isn't expecting. He whirls around and there is Jon sitting naked in a chushy chair like the one Brendon had fallen asleep in. Jon was naked and hard and sitting here watching Spencer fuck his girlfriend. Brendon was offically lost in some kind of porn movie.

"What...what the fuck?" Brendon mutters out, he notes that Spencer had listened to Jon's instructions, that he has eased himself back into Layla but his hands have come down, letting her legs fall closed gracefully. So, Jon was in on this, so, maybe this was threesome and Brendon was interrupting...Brendon is maybe thinking that he should get out of here.

"Sorry..sorry..I'll just." Brendon shields his eyes with one hand, he doesn't think he'll ever forget the naked flashes he did see but he's trying to be poliet. He uses his free hand to point towards the door, the one he starts heading out of.

"Wait, Brendon." Jon is saying, his voice deeper than Brendon is used to. The black haired boy does wait, standing stock still in a room full of three naked people. He has no idea what Jon's going to say, how this situation is even going to work, all he knows is that the room smells like sex and he's seen three of his friends naked.

"Jon.." Spencer says from his position on the bed. His voice sounds almost alarmed, like, whatever it is that Jon's thinking is something that Spencer knows and doesn't want.

"It's ok, Spencer." Jon replies, his dark brown eyes leaving Spencer and locking with Brendon. "I know this looks weird Bren but...I think you should stay." He says, dead seriousness in his low voice.

"Jon." Spencer repeats, now he's sounding nervous, looking at Jon like's he's worried about whats going on in the older boy's mind, like he doesn't want Brendon in on this. Jon and Spencer are having this silent conversation, words passing through looks and eyes. Jon must win this conversation because Spencer looks away from the older boy, looks down at Layla, their naked bodies still intertwined.

Jon turns his attention back to Brendon. "Bren, it's ok." He says, patting the arm of the chair that he's sitting in. "Just come sit down, just watch Spencer fuck her. They're beautiful when they fuck." Jon is saying, eyes trained on the scene on the bed.

Brendon doesn't know what's going on here but he's being invited to stay? He has no fucking idea what to do, there isn't exactly a rule book for what to do when someone offers you in on a foursome of sorts. He doesn't even know if he can do it, Can he watch Spencer, his friend fuck a girl that he barely knows? Jon wants him to stay but he doesn't know Jon all that much either.

"Is it ok if he stays baby?" Jon breathes out, his voice drastically different when he's turned on. Brendon guesses that he's talking to Layla because she's the one who anwsers.

"Yeah," She pants out, her small hands on Spencer's back. It looks like she doesn't care what happens just as long as Spencer gets back to fucking her. Jon gives a small laugh, his hand coming up to wrap around Brendon's wrist, pulling him down onto the chair that he's sitting in, Brendon perched on the arm of the chair. Jon's hand leaves Brendon's skin, the older boy's gaze locked on Spencer and Layla.

So, Brendon isn't moving, he's guessing that his body has made the decision for him, that he's going to stay and watch whatever it is that's happening. It's not like it's a hard thing to do, this situation is fucking hot now that Brendon is allowing himself to embrace it, it's not something he's going to hate watching.

Spencer is still looking down at Layla, their eyes locked together. He turns back and catches Brendon's gaze, his cheeks flushing and he clears his throat. Rarely has Brendon seen Spencer embarressed but he's also never watched Spencer have sex so, he guesses that there's a first time for everything.

Seconds later Spencer seems to get comfortable enough to resume what he was doing before Brendon came into the room. Brendon watches as the youngest of the boy's run his hand through Layla's dark hair, silently asking her if she's alright. The boy's hips circle slowly before he thrusts shallowly inside of her. A light airy moan escapes from the girl's throat and Brendon can feel himself hardening.

"She likes it hard." Jon is saying, he gives Brendon a sidelong glance. "She likes it rough and Spencer always fucks her so good." The older boy says. Layla moans again, maybe from Spencer or maybe from what Jon is saying. Brendon's attention is back to her and Spencer. He was right, it's hot and Jon's commentary is making it that much hotter. The black haired boy never pegged Jon as the kind who would want to see his girlfriend with another guy, Brendon doesn't think he could do that, if it was Ryan he couldn't do that.

Spencer is holding her legs open again, holding her wide for Brendon and Jon to see. He's fucking her hard like Jon had said, the brown haired boy's hips snapping up against her's, the whole length of his erect cock sliding in and out of her. Layla's fingers bite into the blanket as Spencer pounds into her, her body arching up and she's crying out for more.

Jon slides his hand lazily up and down his own rock hard cock, Brendon trying to not stare at the older boy's impressive cock. Jon is biting his lip and watching as his girlfriend gets fucked into the mattress. Spencer's hands have drifted to the girl's hips holding them as he drills into her. Brendon is feeling like he's trapped in a porn movie, he doesn't know what to do with himself. He's hard and aching against his jeans but he's not really comfortable whipping his dick out right here infront of them, they probably wouldn't notice but still.

"God...fuck, Spence." She cries out, her sweet voice high with pleasure. Spencer grunts, bends over her, pushing her hips up and back and he claims her mouth in a rough kiss, his teeth grazing her soft lips. Slick sounds fill the room, the wet slide of Spencer inside of the girl, the equally wet sound of their kisses, the slapping of skin on skin, the small moans from the girl and grunts from the boy.

Spencer breaks his kiss with the girl, his head tipped down, bangs covering his eyes as he thrusts into the girl's body. Layla's hands find Spencer's back, nails digging in little streaks and Spencer makes a choked off moan kind of sound, hips jerking.

He sits back on his heels, pulling Layla's body to him. The two of them impossibly close, her legs wrapped around his waist as Spencer pulls her on to his cock.

Brendon finds himself staring slackjawed, the heel of his palm rubbing unconciously against his dick through his jeans. This is one of the hottest things he has ever had the luck to be involved in and he finds himself wanting, wanting to be with them..either of them, Spencer or Layla, it didn't matter. But all Jon said was to watch, to watch the two of them go at it. He knows that this can't be the first time this has happened, the two of them are too familar with one another. Brendon wonders just how long this has been going on?

He doesn't know how long Spencer had been fucking Layla before he showed up, he figures it had been a good amount of time considering the way they're going at it now, hot and desperate like they need to come soon. Layla is still making those little noises, groans and gasps that serve to drive all three men wild.

"Fuck, fuck, Spencer..Spencer." She was crying out for him, Brendon could see her shaking and he knew that she was coming. Spencer was grunting, fucking into her harder before he froze inside of her, coming. The boy slumps down over Layla, kissing her soft and lazy as they catch their breaths.

Jon is up and moving over to the bed, kneeling on the soft mattress, towering over the two well fucked people on the bed. He leans down, running his thick fingers through Spencer's hair, tipping the younger boy's head back and kissing him soft and hot, Jon's tongue sliding into Spencer's mouth. Layla is watching with dark eyes, her pupils blown. The oldest boy breaks away from Spencer's mouth, moving down to connect with his girlfriend, kissing her softer than he had done to the boy.

Brendon is sitting awkward, watching a scene that is too intimate. He shouldn't be here, he shouldn't be seeing this, this is obviously something for them. But Spencer and Layla are done fucking so, maybe now Jon will ask Brendon to leave, thank him for his time and let him go back out to the living room where Ryan is sleeping.

Spencer slides out of Layla and rolls down on to the bed next to her, laying stretched on his back. Brendon is nowing seeing Spencer's cock for the first time, long and soft and it seems that both Spencer and Jon are well endowed people. The blue eyed boy locks eyes with Brendon, his soft baby face blank, eyes lidded with after sex glow.

Jon breaks away from his girlfriend, staring up at Brendon. "Come here, Bren." The older boy says, motioning Brendon towards the bed. The black haired boy is surprised, Jon said just watch but now he wants him over on the bed, over where to where Layla is still laying prone and satisfied.

Brendon does get up, making his way over to Jon, coming close enough for Jon to wrap his hand around the younger boy's wrist once again, maybe ensuring that he doesn't go anywhere. Brendon is trying hard not to stare down at Layla's naked body, looking into Jon's brown eyes instead. His heart is beating quick because now he really had no idea what was going to happen, if he was still playing by porno movie standards he had an idea of what might happen but he's not daring himself to believe it.

"Do you want to be with her?" Jon is asking, fingers rubbing softly against the skin of Brendon's wrist, where Ryan's kiss mark is raised against the smooth pale flesh.

"What?" Brendon's heart stops, is Jon seriously asking what he thinks he's asking? Maybe he's not the only one playing by porn standards.

"Do you want to fuck my girlfriend?" Jon asks again, he releases Brendon's wrist, moving on to the end of the bed close to Layla's slightly spread legs. Brendon can't help but watch Jon's hand as it snakes up his girlfriend's thigh, pressing ever closer to her core.

"I-" He doesn't know what he's supposed to say. He knows what he wants to say, he wants to say yes, he wants to fuck her like Spencer had because he's never done that before. He's never had sex with a girl. It would be easier to anwser, to even think if he could stop focusing on Jon who is now pressing his fingers inside of the girl, Layla groaning under him.

"She wants you to." Jon is saying, he has Layla spread open again, his fingers rubbing against the girl's clit. Layla's fingers tighten in the blanket again and she's panting, her blue eyes locked on Jon. Brendon figures that she's still sensitive, still sore and overstimulated from when Spencer had taken her, she has to be and now Jon is rubbing her slow, making her body arch up into him. Brendon dares a glance at Layla, the girl's beautiful blue eyes are closed now, cheeks flushed and she's biting her lip.

"She told me she wanted to fuck you the first day she met you." Jon explains, looking up at Brendon while he continues to rub his girlfriend. She mewls and her hips jerk and Brendon cannot look away. He's kind of in awe at what Jon is saying, telling him that Layla wants to fuck him, wanted to fuck him when he met her three days ago. "Didn't you baby?" He asks, still rubbing her.

"Yes." She hisses out, arching again as Jon rubs her a little faster.

"Do you want him to fuck you now?" The boy's asking, his voice low. He drops his mouth to Layla's thigh, biting lightly at the soft pale skin there. Layla's eyes open and now she's looking at Brendon with a longing in her eyes.

"Ah...yes, please, Brendon..." She groans out. Jon lifts his head, eyes on Brendon as he awaits an anwser. Brendon is just standing there like an idiot, unsure of what to do. He wants to have sex with her, he does and he thinks that he would be saying yes right now if not for Ryan. Looking was one thing, Ryan couldn't get mad if he was just looking but doing it himself, that was something that Ryan could get mad about. He still wants to do it, if it didn't mean that he was cheating on Ryan.

On the otherhand it was a girl. Maybe Ryan wouldn't care if he fucked a girl? It wouldn't mean anything like Ryan had once said 'It's just fucking, don't confuse it with love.' Maybe Brendon could use that excuse on the boy?

Brendon hesitates for a second before he decides. "Ok. I'll do it." His voice comes out thick, Spencer is watching him, Jon is watching him and Layla is smiling seductively. Despite him saying that yes, he would sleep with Jon's girlfriend, Brendon is still nervous, Ryan being the only one he's ever slept with.

"Ok." Jon echoes. He removes his fingers from inside of Layla, his thick fingers slick with the girl's come. Jon moves off the bed, going to stand on the other side of the bed, facing Brendon. "Spence, come on." The older boy says, sliding his hand over Spencer's thigh. Spencer already seems to know what to do, sliding down off the bed settling on his knee's, bending himself over the bed.

Brendon is watching with curious brown eyes, Jon notices the black haired boy's confused gaze and he smirks. "Spencer always fuck's her so hard. Don't you think it's time I return the favor?" He asks but Brendon knows he's not expecting an anwser. The black haired boy is still standing there watching as Spencer is waiting to be fucked, he's going to see Spencer get fucked by Jon and if it's possible, he grow's even harder.

"Brendon, get undressed." Layla's voice breaks into Brendon's mind and he looks down at her. She's staring at him with intense blue eyes, waiting for him. Brendon does, sliding his t-shirt up off his head, his brown eyes switching quickly from Jon and Spencer to Layla and back again.

Brendon undoes his jeans sliding them down his narrow hips. He's watching with wide eyes as Jon drops down behind Spencer, sliding his slick fingers inside of the younger boy, stretching him, getting him ready. It's all kind of clicking into place, this is what Spencer must've meant when he said that he and Jon were fucking around, this is what he meant when he said that he wasn't enough to make the older boy gay. This must be a regular thing and now Brendon was being pulled into it.

The black haired boy is now naked, all pale and beautiful. Brendon looks back at the cracked open door, wonders if Ryan might wake up and come looking, what if he catches Brendon in the act? Will he be able to talk his way out of it? The boy doesn't have much time to think about it because Layla has her hand on his wrist, her fingers trailing over the kiss mark. She's sitting up and tugging him down to her. She get's a condom from somewhere and hand's it to him, sliding it over his rock hard dick.

Brendon's nerves intensify but he's still turned on, god, is he turned on. he's never ever been with a girl...never even kissed a girl before. Only Ryan, it's only ever been Ryan. But these firsts were one's that Ryan couldn't have, these first's were going to belong to Layla.

She spreads her leg's for him, already wet and ready to be fucked for the second time that night. Her hands slide up his sides, feather soft fingers brushing against his skin and he shivers, thinks of how different she feel's compared to the slight edges of Ryan. Brendon slides between her leg's poised at her enterance. Layla's warm hands still glide up and down his sides, heading upward's until they wind around Brendon's neck. She's pulling him down and kissing him, their tongues meeting and there's Brendon's first kiss with a girl. Her mouth is warm and soft and kissing a girl is definitly different than kissing a boy, she taste's different, not at all like Ryan.

Brendon slides into the girl, she's hot, so fucking hot and tight, not as tight as Ryan but still good. She groans against his lips, Brendon's hands finding her hips, pulling her tight to him. He's enjoying how it all feels different, she's softer, more tender and Brendon's glad that he's at least getting to see what it's like.

Another moan echoes around the room, Brendon breaking away from Layla's lush lips to see Spencer with his head turned into the blanket's, mouth open and fingers digging into the bed as Jon slides his fingers into him. The older boy's hand on his hip holding Spencer steady.

Brendon's hips buck, pushing himself further into the girl beneath him. He's with the girl but his mind is stuck on the two men in the room. It's the thought that Jon is preparing Spencer with Layla's come, that thought should be off putting but it's not, not to Brendon and it makes his hips buck again, fucking into Layla.

"You can fuck her hard if you want Bren..she like's it." Jon is saying as he slick's himself up, pushing his hard cock slowly into Spencer.

"Fuck, Jon." Spencer groans out, pushing himself back on Jon's hard cock. Brendon's so entranced with watching the way Jon's body slides against Spencer's that he forget's what he's doing, Layla moving under him, fingers tangling in his hair.

"Come on Brendon, fuck me...please." She pleads, Brendon's dick twitches and he nods, leaning down and finding her lips again, kissing her hard and moving his hips in a fast pace. Never in his life has he ever had a girl ask to be fucked by him, beg him for it even. But now he was, he was fucking someone elses girlfriend, he was fucking a girl that he's only know three days, a girl whose real name he didn't even know.

If he really lets himself think about it, this whole situation is fucked up. These people are fucked up to varying degree's but everyone is a little screwed up and they're certainly not hurting anyone so, Brendon's not going to worry about it, not right now at least.

Brendon tries to hold Layla the way he would hold Ryan. It work's mostly the same, hands gripping her hips pulling her on to his cock like he would for his boyfriend. There's little differences though, things he can't do to her like he would to Ryan, like jack her off, things like that just don't work.

Their mouth's break apart, faces close and the two of them are sharing breaths. Her hands find his back, scratching and leaving little marks but he doesn't care. She's crying out for him, wet moans and swears.

Jon's still watching Brendon fuck her, his eyes drinking in the scene. The oldest boy's large hands slide comforting up and down Spencer's back as he drives into the younger boy, fucking Spencer as hard as the blue eyed boy had fucked Layla.

Layla's mouth finds Brendon's neck, sucking at the smooth skin there, biting down. Her body moves up with each thrust from Brendon, the bed shaking with their movements. Brendon works his hips impossibly fast, pushing his entire length into the beautiful girl. Like she had done to Spencer, Layla wraps her leg's around Brendon. The boy takes initative and pulls Layla into his lap, their chests pressed together hot and sweat slicked, his hands tangling into her beautiful long hair.

Brendon can't stop kissing her because it's so different, it's new and he wants to do it while he can. He wonders what happens after this? Will he ever be able to be around Jon and Layla without feeling awkward ever again? What about Spencer? Can he go to school and pretend like he didn't see the boy fucking and getting fucked, pretend like Spencer didn't see the same?

There are things that Brendon wants to try. He wonders if Jon would let him do this again, if he could try different positions? If he could eat her out because he's never done that either...he wonders what a blowjob from a girl would feel like?

It doesn't take much longer for Brendon to come, holding her down on his cock as he finished, fucking her weakly through her own orgasm, her second of the night. Brendon lays her back on the bed, his body flushed against her's, his head is on her shoulder, turned to watched as Jon finishes off Spencer.

Jon is holding Spencer tight. His fingers tangling into Spencer's hair, pulling his head back a little harshly, pressing against his neck and biting at his shoulder. Jon isn't gentle with Spencer, he fuck's him hard but Spencer seems to enjoy it so, Brendon's not too worried for the younger boy's safety. It doesn't take long for Jon to come either, freezing balls deep inside of Spencer. His hand is curled around Spencer's leaking cock, jacking off the boy. Spencer comes moment's later, spurting across Jon's fingers and the blanket.

Brendon expects it to be all over, he rolls over next to Layla, just laying there to take in what had just happened. Jon pulls Spencer back against him, arm around Spencer's neck, turning his head to kiss him rough and wet. He releases Spencer seconds later and the youngest boy crawls up on the end of the bed near Brendon and Layla's feet.

Jon stands and makes his way over to his girlfriend, sliding down next to her on the bed. He turn's her in his arms, his hand on her face and he kisses her. Brendon's eyes feel so heavy but he can't fall asleep here, Ryan will find him here. Thinking of Ryan causes Brendon to think of the kiss mark, of trying to find it on Jon's body. Right now the older boy was completely naked and Brendon's eyes are searching for the mark. He searches smooth planes of back and stomach, arms, leg's, thighs, everything but he doesn't see a mark anywhere. Maybe Jon wasn't the third kiss mark after all?

Jon and Layla continue to make out, soft and slow. Brendon can barely believe it when Jon turns her on her back and slides into her as well, she was getting fucked for the third time that night. If Brendon had to classify this though, he doesn't think it's fucking, this between them is love making. Jon is screwing her slow, gentle so unlike what Brendon and Spencer had done. Neither of them is looking at the other two men in the room, when the two of them are together it's like there's no one else in the world. There's no one but the two of them and Brendon knows that they love each other, this is something they may do with other people but they always end up with each other.

*

Brendon wakes up for a second time still in Jon's bed. He's not alone though, Jon, Layla, and Spencer were still in the bed too, though Spencer had managed to worm his way between Layla and Brendon. That's where Brendon was now, spooning against Spencer's firm back. Spencer is curled loose around Layla, his hand on her hip and his face pressed near her hair. The girl in the room is turned on her side, her hands low on Jon's stomach and her head on his shoulder, face nuzzled against his neck. Jon is on his back, arms wound around his girlfriend and it seems that the boy can even managed to pull off that amazing grin in his sleep.

He's the only one awake and he sit's up, sliding off the bed and quietly padding around the room to find his discarded clothes. He feels awkward, he feels like he's doing the walk of shame, like Spencer's the one who belong's here with them and Brendon's the outsider who was used for a one night stand.

Judging by the clock he's only been asleep for about ten minutes, he feels sweaty and sticky as he pulls back on his boxers and his jeans, throwing one last look at the three naked people on the bed before he tug's on his t-shirt and heads out of the room.

Brendon is worried that maybe Ryan had woken up, found him and just as quickly left him but his fears are put to rest when he finds the lithe boy still curled in the chair. Brendon smiles before he dips down to the chair, rousing the older boy awake.

"Ry, Ry, wake up." Brendon whispers softly, hand on the older boy's shoulder. Ryan's eyes flutter open and he quirk's his mouth slightly upon seeing Brendon before him. "Come on Ryan, lets go home." He says, offering his hand to his lover.

"Home." Ryan echoes, giving Brendon his hand. He's smiling and Brendon thinks it's because he used the word home. He had called Ryan's place home, he hadn't meant to it wasn't his home, not yet at least.

The two of them leave Jon's house as quietly as they could, neither of them talking until they get outside. Ryan's calling a cab to come and pick them up, he has the numbers to various cab companies programmed into his phone. It's only after the older boy hang's up that he talk's to Brendon.

"Spence's still in there right?" He asks, Brendon nods, will's his cheek's not to flush at the memory of Spencer bent over the bed. He doesn't know what to say to Ryan, he wants to talk to him about what happened tonight but he can't, he doesn't want to risk the older boy getting pissed at him. "Did you have fun tonight?" Ryan asks innocently, Brendon's heart freezes for a split second because he's sure that Ryan already knows what had happened but the way the older boy is looking at him, maybe the question is purely coincedental.

"Yeah, it was fun."

That was the understatement of the century.

The cab comes and the two of them climb into the backseat. Brendon's beginning to get used to riding around in cab's with Ryan, he finds it's a good time to talk about things. Right now though there's an awkward silence between them, it's on Brendon's part because he's afraid that if he open's his mouth he'll confess to Ryan that he screwed Layla.

"You alright Bren?" Ryan is asking, his long fingers pressing against Brendon's palm. The younger boy looks over at Ryan.

"I'm fine...just thinking."

"About what?" Ryan's eyes are shining as he tilt's his head. Brendon can't tell Ryan what he's really thinking, what's floating around the forefront of his mind so, he settles on what's at the backburner of his mind.

"I'm thinking that Jon isn't the third person with the kiss mark." He says, it's true he doesn't believe that it's Jon anymore. He saw Jon's naked body and there was no kiss mark to be found.

"Really? Why would that be?" Ryan is paying all his attention to Brendon, staring at him with those shiny brown eyes.

"I couldn't find the mark on him." The younger boy says with a shrug. He doesn't realize until after he says it that maybe Ryan would wonder when Brendon had the chance to look for the mark on the older boy.

"You looked?" Ryan laughs, Brendon shrugs. "You're right, it's not Jon." The boy confirms for Brendon. The two of them fall silent again, the younger boy is feeling surprisingly guilty. It doesn't matter anymore that he slept with a girl tonight, it was still someone who wasn't Ryan, it was still cheating on the older boy no matter how Brendon looked at it.

"Look, Ry," Brendon starts, "I have to tell you something." He can't hide this from Ryan, the older boy is always telling him the truth so why not do the same? Ryan doesn't look the least bit surprised at Brendon's sudden need to confess something, he's just staring with that blank face.

"Go ahead." He says, hand firm in Brendon's own.

"Okay...tonight while you were asleep, I went looking for Jon to tell him that we were gonna leave and when I went back to his room...Spencer and Layla were in there and they were fucking."

Brendon's searching Ryan's eyes for any form of surprise but he's still just staring with that blank face.

"Jon was there too." Brendon quickly continues, holding Ryan's eyes and waiting for some form of reaction from the stoic boy. "And he asked me to stay and watch."

Finally Ryan gives a reply. "Did you?" He asks, his voice is low, much like it always is but he doesn't sound angry more curious than anything. Brendon nods.

"I did."

"What happened after that?" Ryan is asking, he's leaning closer to Brendon as if he's enthralled by what the younger boy is telling him.

"I watched Spencer fuck Layla...and then Jon and asked me if I wanted to fuck her too..." He pauses, waits for an angry slap, a pissed off yell, anything from Ryan but the boy is staring at him expectantly, waiting for more. "I did Ry, I fucked her tonight..and I watched Spencer and Jon fuck too."

The cab driver catches Brendon's eyes in the rearview mirror, he ignores the raised eyebrow of the driver and turn's back to Ryan. Despite the confession Brendon just dropped, Ryan's smiling, fucking smiling! A thought occures to Brendon; Ryan probably already knew.

"I know Brendon." Ryan tells him, confirming Brendon's thought. The younger boy sighs.

"You did?"

Ryan nods, "I was sleeping but I woke up after you left...you guys' weren't exactly quiet." The brown haired boy tells him with a laugh.

"Oh,"

Brendon should've known that Ryan already knew, Ryan seems to know everything that Brendon does, maybe he just knew what Spencer, Jon, and Layla do so, he knew that Brendon would be tempted to join in. He feels warm hands on his thighs, Ryan's hands.

"I could hear the way she was begging for you Bren...I could hear you when you came."

Brendon swears he see's the flash of the drivers eyes and the cab picking up speed but he ignores it.

"Were you waiting for me to tell you?" Brendon asks, he's kind of getting sick of Ryan's test's in their relationship. Ryan shakes his head.

"No, I already knew and it didn't bother me so, it didn't matter. But you did tell me."

"Because I love you." The younger boy says, he leans forward and rest's his head on Ryan's shoulder. The older boy brings his fingertips up to Brendon's jaw, resting them there lightly.

"I know and I wasn't going to ask you about it because I love you."

Brendon lifts his head, his and Ryan's faces close.

"So, you're okay with it?" The black haired boy asks, he's not sure if he wants Ryan to be alright with it or not, he knows that if Jon and Layla are down with it that he would want to do it again.

"Yeah, but only because it was Layla. If it had been Spence or Jon...that wouldn't be alright." Ryan says firmly, his face taking on a slightly dark look. "Do you want to do it again?" He's asking, the dark look sliding away to be replaced with a smirk that's playing on his gorgeous face.

"Sort of." Brendon admits.

"Only her okay?" Ryan is asking, "If you sleep with someone who isn't me..make sure it's just her."

"I promise."

Ryan leans in and brushes his lips against Brendon's, just a soft warm slide, innocent. The most innocent event that happened tonight.

"So, you were listening to us?" The younger boy asks, his words muffled by Ryan's warm lips. The older boy nods.

"Yeah," Ryan starts, he slides away from Brendon's body, smirking at Brendon as he slips his large hand into his own pants. Brendon's eyes widen drastically, is the older boy planning on jacking off right here in the back of the cab? The drivers already watching them, there's no way they'd get away with this.

"Baby, what are you doing?" Brendon whispers harshly. Ryan just smiles at the black haired boy before he retract's his hand from his pants, fingers shining in the light from the street lamp's outside. Ryan slides closer to Brendon, their faces are close together once again.

"It really turned me on Brendon." The boy is saying. "I could hear you." Ryan brings his hand up close to Brendon's face, the younger boy is expecting a simple touch. "I could hear Spencer too." Ryan brushes one long digit against Brendon's full bottom lip, his finger damp. "Knowing that they were all seeing you the way I see you...god, I got so hard." Ryan's voice is low, like it is when he's turned on. He promptly presses a long finger into Brendon's mouth, there's a sudden bitterness on the younger boy's tongue and he realizes that Ryan's fingers taste like come.

"Taste it Bren?" Ryan is asking, his voice is husky and his eyes dark. Brendon nods as his tongue lap's around the digit, cleaning off Ryan's come. It only made what had happened that much hotter in the younger boy's mind, the fact that Ryan was out in the living room jacking off while Brendon fucked Jon's girlfriend, maybe he came the same time as Brendon had?

Ryan makes a low growly kind of noise at Brendon's hot tongue sucking on his come stained fingers. The older boy wraps his free hand around Brendon's neck, holding him in place.

"Fuck Bren, I love your mouth." Ryan whispers lowly, Brendon moans and despite him having sex a little less than an hour ago, he's hard again. Ryan removes his fingers from Brendon's mouth and he presses his lips to the black haired boy's instantly, claiming the soft lips in a harsh kiss.

The driver clear's his throat and the two boy's break apart but remain pressed close together.

*

Brendon didn't attend his classes the next day and for once he wasn't at Ryan's place. He was sitting on his bed sorting out his freshly done laundry, he might've just done his laundry at Ryan's place if the older boy actually had a washer or dryer. The reason Brendon didn't attend his classes was because he was afraid to see Spencer, it was also part of the reason that he wasn't at the older boy's place today, he was afraid of running into Spencer.

It wasn't that he regretted what happened last night, last night was awesome, the kind of thing that guys' dream about or whatever but that was last night, when everyone was jacked up on weed and pure attraction. Brendon was neither of those things today and he was afraid to see Spencer again.

There's a sudden knock on the door and Brendon is surprised. No one comes to see him because for the most part he isn't actually here a lot and his roomate Andy isn't here either, hell, it seems like he's always out too. The black haired boy crosses the small threshold from the bed to the door, pulling it open cautiously.

He wishes he hadn't anwsered the door because Spencer is standing there, hands on his hips and a small scowl on his slightly round face. Brendon is just standing there leaning against the doorway staring at the very person he was trying to avoid.

"Spencer.." The black haired boy starts weakly.

"Can I come in Brendon? Or are you going to make me stand out here in the hall?" The younger boy is asking, the scowl slipping away to be replaced by a tiny smirk. Brendon dumbly moves out of the other boy's way allowing Spencer to come into the dorm. "You know," Spencer starts, surveying the small room. "This is the first time I've been to your dorm room."

Brendon gives a shrug, he's never been to Spencer's room either. The brown haired boy sighs and brushes his bangs out of his face.

"You know at first I thought you just skipped class to hang with Ryan." He states, turning his bright blue gaze to the older boy.

"What?"

"But then I called Ry and he told me that you hadn't been over all day." Spencer finishes, ignoring Brendon's minor interruption.

"I texted him." Brendon point's out, geeze, he doesn't need Spencer to come over and bully him everytime he doesn't hang out with Ryan. Spencer just shakes his head.

"This isn't about Ryan. This is about you avoiding me because of what happened last night." Spencer states rather bluntly. Brendon shakes his head.

"I had laundry to do." He says defensivly, pointing a finger back at the small stack's of poorly folded t-shirt's and jeans on his bed. Spencer looks at him warily.

"For five hours?" The younger boy question's, his hands snaking back to his hips.

"I wasn't avoiding you." Brendon tries but he doesn't even believe himself.

"Brendon-" Spencer has that tone that he get's when he knows that someone is lying to him, that someone usually being Brendon.

"Ok, fine. I was avoiding you." The older boy says suddenly, he avoid's Spencer's eyes as he moves back and sit's on his bed. Spencer stays rooted to the floor, not making any moves. "I thought it would be weird to see you so soon."

"Brendon," Spencer starts, he's moving across the room and surprisingly sitting on the end of Brendon's bed, jostling the haphazardly folded piles of clothing. "It's only weird if you make it that way."

Brendon looks up and meet's Spencer's eyes for the first time since last night. He tries not to think about how those eyes looked last night, so full of lust, Brendon shakes his head to remove the image.

"It's a little weird...I mean I watched you fuck a girl and then get fucked by a boy." Brendon point's out, his voice small and almost child like.

Now Spencer's cheek's are pinking just a bit but he seems to shake it off.

"So?" He starts, "I watched you fuck her too and I've watched Ryan rub you off right infront of me remember?" Spencer shrugs as if that kind of thing is normal. So, that was the first time the two of them have actually talked about that little encounter too.

"I guess..it's just...I thought you were gay?" It's kind of a question and Brendon's hoping for an anwser. Spencer is playing with his hair, a clear sign that he's nervous.

"I mostly am."

"But Layla-"

"Is a rare exception." Spencer finishes Brendon's words for the older boy, meeting Brendon's eyes once again.

"Just how long has this been going on Spence?" Brendon finds himself asking, it was something that was on his mind last night too, something he wanted to ask Ryan but never got the chance to.

Spencer's mouth crinkles as he thinks. "Almost a year."

Brendon is floored. This whole thing between the three of them has been going on that long? He had thought that it was a relatively new thing, maybe just a few months old but a year?

"Okay..so, how did it start?"

"What do you mean?" Spencer is obviously playing dumb here. Brendon prop's his chin in his hand, watching his younger friend.

"Come on Spence, that's not a hard question."

"Fine," Spencer sighs, obviously defeated. "Remember what I told you at lunch that time? That I was enough to make Jon realize that he wanted to fuck me but not enough for him to want to stop fucking girls?" Spencer asks, Brendon nods. "Well, Jon hooked up with me a few time's, kissed me and slept with me but he started feeling too guilty. He told me he loved his girlfriend so, I figured we were done, Except that Jon called me a few weeks after we had hooked up and told me he wanted me to meet his girlfriend."

"Layla?" Brendon asks, even though he's sure he's right. Spencer nods.

"I didn't want to do it because Jon told me he loved her, I didn't want to meet the girl who had Jon's heart so securely in her hands. Plus, he had told her all about hooking up with me so, I didn't know what the fuck was going to happen." Spencer's eyes are far away as he tells the story, replaying the event's in his head.

"Jon talked me into it though so, I went to his place and met...Layla." It was the first time that Spencer had referred to her with that name, Brendon couldn't supress the grin that spread on his face. "Stop grinning or I won't tell you the rest." Spencer threathens, Brendon lets his face fall blank.

"I met her and she was so damn sweet that I just couldn't hate her. She made me dinner and we talked and Jon was watching us all night long. I left that night and then Jon called me three days later and told me that they wanted me to come over again. I did and that night...Jon kissed me infront of her." Spencer stops for a moment but Brendon wants to hear the rest, is dying to find out how a long term threesome relationship starts.

"Then what happened?" Brendon finds himself asking when Spencer is silent for too long. The younger boy's eyes still hold that far away look as he stares at Brendon's floor.

"Then he told me to kiss her too...so, I did. It all kind of evolved from there, they told me that they wanted to have a threesome. I wasn't sure but the way they were looking at me, like, they wanted me so badly...and Jon, it meant I could be with Jon again so, I said yes. It all kind of went from there."

"So, you only do it to be with Jon?" He does ask that question because that was the one that was weighing on his mind the most. Spencer meets Brendon's eyes and shakes his head, his chocolate colored bangs flickering with the motion.

"If that was the case I wouldn't have slept with her last night." Spencer anwsers with a grin. Brendon looks confused so, Spencer sighs again and keep's talking. "She's amazing, not to mention beautiful, of course I'm not going to turn down sleeping with her." The younger boy explains.

"Oh," So, it seems that Jon isn't the only one who wasn't strictly gay nor straight. "So, you love them?" The older boy asks, Spencer perks his head up.

"Do I love them or am I in love with them?" He asks, trying to clarify what Brendon wants to know.

"Which is it?" The black haired boy asks.

Spencer tilt's his head. "I love them, both of them. I care about them, end of story."

That really didn't anwser Brendon's question but he really didn't want to push at it.

"So, you just meet up and fuck?" The black haired boy asks, he finds the fact that Spencer's involved in this situation is so fascinating.

"Basically, but there are rules." The younger boy replies, Brendon open's his mouth but Spencer apparently can already guess what he's going to ask because he cut's the boy off. "It can't be just Layla and I or just Jon and I, all three of us have to be together. Always wear a condom, don't do something new without asking first, if someone isn't comfortable with something we don't do it. Easy shit." The brown haired boy says with a shrug.

Brendon is silent, pouring over the information in his mind. The situation just doesn't seem fair to Spencer, no matter what angle Brendon tries to think about it from. Spencer comes in only when Jon and Layla want him and he's gone when they don't.

The black haired boy is thinking that Jon only does it so, that he can justify his need to be with Spencer. He doesn't have a hypothesis for why Layla does it. Maybe because she like's it? That would be the simplist anwser but maybe she does it for Jon? Because she knows that Jon need's it, that if they don't do it this way then Jon might stray. She might lose him to Spencer.

"I know what you're thinking." Spencer is saying as he stares at Brendon, Brendon who just realized he had been silent for way too long.

"What am I thinking Spence?" Brendon presses, the younger boy is smart, is good at reading other people, Brendon's sure that he does in fact know.

"You're thinking something along the lines of; 'Poor little Spencer, he get's the raw deal in this arrangment, he's getting used by these two people, he's disposable'." Spencer finishes, damn, okay so, Spencer was right. Instead of denying thinking those things Brendon fesses up.

"Isn't it though? Doesn't it seem like you're just there for their enjoyment? Brought in when the two of them are bored with their sex life?" Brendon asks, Spencer is silent, watching Brendon for a few beat's before he speak's.

"God, you're even starting to sound like Ryan." The blue eyed boy sighs, Brendon's eyes go wide, he sort of hope's that he doesn't sound like the older boy.

"Just..Spence, at the end of the day...they will always have each other but at the end of the day what do you have? They're together and you're still alone." Chances are good that this conversation will end with Brendon getting punched but it's worth it.

"Listen Brendon, I get to have casual sex with two gorgeous people anytime I want. There's no commitment, no string's, so, I'm sorry but I don't really see the problem."

Brendon get's the slight feeling that Spencer is stretching the truth a bit, saying whatever he can to make this situation sound better, sound like Spencer's actually happy. Make it sound that if Jon or Layla suddenly just wanted to be with him that he wouldn't jump at the chance. Brendon won't point this out though, he'll let Spencer believe whatever he has to.

"What about you Brendon? You didn't seem to mind joining in last night, what were your reasons?"

Brendon is taken aback by that, here he had been getting on Spencer's case about being involved when he himself had jumped into it last night without thinking. He shrugs, feeling stupid that he has to confess his real reason.

"It was hot.." He starts but Spencer looks like he's expecting more. "And I..I had never been with a girl before, I wanted to know what it was like."

"And Ryan?" Spencer question's, even though they both already know the anwser to the question.

"He's fine with it...he liked it."

Spencer laughs. "Somehow I knew he would." The smile slides off his face and he's once again staring at Brendon with those burning blue eyes. "Do you want to do it again?" He asks, Brendon freezes up but manages to give a shrug.

"I hadn't thought about it...still kind of in shock from last night...but I think I would..if it's alright with you?" Brendon feels like he need's to ask permission from Spencer about whether or not he can be in on this arrangment, he feels like it's Spencer's thing, like he's butting in on the blue eyed boy's territory.

There's a split second where Spencer looks conflicted but then it's gone, erased from his soft baby face. "It's just sex Brendon. Just don't do anything stupid to ruin it, like fall in love with Layla or something." Spencer warn's with the normal amount of snark that he usually gives Brendon. Spencer stands from Brendon's bed, stretches and the older boy catches just the quickest sight of pale Spencer tummy. "And I don't want you avoiding Ryan just because you're avoiding me." He adds, looking at Brendon with a deep seriousness in his eyes.

Brendon nods, crack's a smile. He's relieved that things are alright, that he can be around Spencer and not constantly think about what happened last night. Spencer returns the smile.

"Right, so, I'm gonna go." The younger boy states, he motion's towards the door. A sudden thought hit's Brendon though, a thought he wants so badly to ask Spencer about.

"Wait, Spencer?" Brendon starts, the younger boy stopping and looking back with a raised eyebrow. "Do you um..do you know the first person Ryan ever burned?" It was off topic but Spencer had brought up last night and brought up Ryan and damn, Brendon just needed to know the person who bears the first kiss mark.

"I don't know, never asked." Spencer doesn't exactly look like he's lying and maybe despite how close he and Ryan are, maybe there are things about Ryan that even Spencer doesn't know about.

So, Brendon just nods, disappointed and lets the younger boy go. He can't believe that no one was ever curious to press Ryan about the kiss marks, how everyone just lets it go. After Spencer leaves, Brendon grab's up his cell and asks Ryan if he can come over.

*

"Brendon, I think you should move in with me." Ryan says out of the blue. The two of them are laying in Ryan's massive bed, the older boy staring at the younger in the semi-darkness of the room.

"Really?" Brendon's surprised by this, they've only been 'dating' for a little over two months now. Two months and Ryan wants them to live together? They don't even offically call it dating, they hardly ever refer to one another as a boyfriend, not that Brendon wouldn't want to do those things but he's kind of waiting for Ryan to do it first. On the upside, moving in with Ryan meant giving up his dorm room, something that would save Brendon a lot of cash.

"Yeah," Ryan props himself up on his elbow, turns on his side to stare intensely at Brendon. "Some people spend their entire lives searching for a love like ours. We're lucky Brendon, we found it early." Ryan tells him. He scoots closer to Brendon, presses their hips together and smiles. "We were brought together for a reason, we're meant to be, predestined from the beginning to be in each other's lives." He adds, his hand sliding down Brendon's side.

"Is that what you think?" Brendon asks softly as he shivers under Ryan's touch. The brown haired boy is still grinning and he nods.

"It's what I know. I know that you were meant for me." He whispers, his eyes searching Brendon's.

It's extreamly hard to argue with Ryan when he looks like that, when he whispers things like that. He doesn't think that it's too hard to say yes to the older boy, he practically lives at the small apartment already. If he were a more logical person he would worry about what happens in the event of them breaking up but he's not logical and he sure as hell doesn't ever want to think about that.

"I want to be meant for you." Brendon tells him, his own eyes shining and his hands stroking softly down Ryan's back. The older boy is smiling wider than Brendon's ever seen. "I want you to be mine for always." Brendon whispers, fingers moving up to play with the hair at the nape of the boy's neck.

"I'm already yours." Ryan whispers, drops his face to Brendon's chest and presses feather light kisses to the skin. Brendon smiles at the words, this is love and he's so far in that he'll never get back out. But that's ok because he doesn't want to leave Ryan, never wants to be away from him.

"Ryan?" Brendon starts after a few moment's of peaceful silence.

"Hmm?" More soft kisses, damp breath against his chest and neck.

"Can I..." Brendon trails off, unable to think of a way to word that question. Ryan props himself up and peers deeply into Brendon's eyes.

"What is it?" He whispers, leans down and brushes their lips together. Brendon's heart is thumping loudly in his chest, he's nervous to ask Ryan the question that's on his mind. Ryan's eyes study Brendon's and the boy calms a bit, runs his hand through the older boy's soft brown hair.

"If it's alright with Jon and Layla...can I sleep with her again?"

Ever since Spencer left his dorm room that's all that's been on Brendon's mind. He wants to do it again, now that he knows Spencer's alright with it, he really wants to fuck the girl again. But he's afraid, afraid that if he tells Ryan this that the boy will think that he's not enough, that Brendon doesn't think Ryan is enough for him.

Ryan is watching him, eyes sweeping over his face. He's silent for a few beats before his face softens and he smiles, a small smile that lifts only one side of his pretty mouth.

"Is it because you've never been with a girl before her?" Ryan asks, voice soft and amused. Brendon nods weakly. He's waiting for Ryan to say something else, he's always waiting because Ryan is forever a mystery, an enigma that Brendon can never figure out. He never can predict what the boy will say or do because it's always the last thing he expects.

"Are you going to fall in love with her?" He asks, firm hands sliding up and down Brendon's chest before they move all the way up to the boy's neck. Ryan takes Brendon's chin in his hand and tilts his head to the side, revealing his neck. His other hand presses against a spot on the younger boy's neck.

Brendon doesn't know what Ryan's doing but he ignores it for the moment, focusing on anwsering the question that was asked of him. "No, there's only one person I love...and that's you." Ryan gifts Brendon with a smile, the rough tip of his finger still pressed against the smooth skin of Brendon's neck. "What are you?-" The black haired boy starts.

"She marked you." Ryan cuts him off, eyes and fingers trained on Brendon's pale skin.

"She did?" Brendon thinks back to last night, to when Layla was bouncing in his lap, her teeth and lips connected to his neck. He had forgotten about that, he hadn't even noticed he had a mark.

"Yeah," Ryan breathes out, he glances at Brendon before he leans down and presses his mouth to the mark, kissing where she had. He feels the press of teeth and now Ryan is sucking over the mark, biting down, covering the faded bruise with his own. He sucks at the skin longer, harder, than she had, Brendon gasping and writhing under him all the while.

When Ryan is done, what has to be at least five minutes later, Brendon is sure that he's going to have a much larger mark, Ryan erasing Layla's all together. He pulls away and runs the back of his hand across his lips. He's staring down at Brendon, the younger boy staring back with those wide blinking eyes.

"No one can mark you...only me." Ryan whispers, lowers himself down until he's straddling Brendon's waist, leaning down and kisses him, fingers pressing to the damp spot on Brendon's neck once again. The black haired boy doesn't think that it's a question, nothing Ryan should expect an anwser to but Brendon gives him one anyway.

"Ok."

Ryan gives a little laugh, pulling back to look at the other boy. "And yeah, you can fuck as long as it's fine with them." Ryan tells him, slides off of Brendon and rerranges himself so that he's between Brendon's spread legs.

"You won't be jealous?" Brendon asks, still on his back. He's not even fighting Ryan's movements, whatever the boy wants to do, Brendon knows it will be good. Ryan lifts Brendon's leg, hooks it over his shoulder and shakes his head.

"No," The older boy starts, he slips two of his long fingers into his red mouth, pink tongue slicking over the pale digits. "Because I know that you love me." Ryan replies, removing his fingers so he can anwser Brendon. He raises his right arm, the underside of his wrist facing out for Brendon. Ryan taps a wet finger against the skin of his wrist. "I know." He repeats.

Brendon looks down at his corresponding wrist, at the shiny mark and he sighs out, half in pleasure and half out of relief as Ryan slides two of his fingers into him. Ryan works him open, makes him moan, Brendon's other leg hooked around the thin boy's hip.

It's only after Ryan removes his fingers that Brendon can ask the question that was floating around his mind.

"Have you ever been with her Ry?" The younger boy manages to get out. Ryan is ignoring him, sliding out from between his legs and moving up near Brendon's head. He's completely naked and hard, his cock aching and leaking near Brendon's face. Ryan doesn't say anything, doesn't ask but he doesn't have to because Brendon knows what to do, what he wants to do.

Brendon rolls on his side, moves closer to Ryan and let's the older boy slide his long cock between Brendon's lips. He's still not great at giving head, but he's better than the first time he did this. He slides down a good amount, his tongue rubbing around and he hollows his cheeks. Ryan groans, tangles his fingers in Brendon's medium length hair.

The younger boy is so wrapped up in sucking Ryan off that he completely forgets that he was waiting for an answer from the boy.

"I haven't." Ryan groans out, hand pressing firm on Brendon's head. The black haired boy flicks his eyes up to Ryan's face, the older boy looking down at him. "I've never slept with her." The brown haired boy adds, anwsering the question that Brendon had forgotten about.

Brendon's wide brown eyes flicker with recognition but he can't say anything except for a few muffled sounds escaping from around Ryan's dick. Ryan thrusts shallowly into his hot, wet mouth before he slides out completely, his dick slick and shiny.

Ryan moves back between Brendon's legs, hooking the long alabaster limbs back into their previous positions.

"Have you ever slept with a girl?" He's curious, wants to know just how many people Ryan's been on top of, just like this. Ryan's warm eyes are trained on Brendon's milky thighs, he runs a rough hand up and down those smooth white thighs.

"Yeah, a couple girls from high school." Ryan says, Brendon can feel him pressing against his enterance and yeah, yeah he wants it right now. "Just-" Ryan starts, pushing himself into Brendon. "Just to experiment you know?"

"Ye-Yeah." The words coming out as a broken groan. Whether the words were a reply to Ryan or just encouragment for him to continue what he's doing, Brendon wasn't sure, either would work just fine.

"But, I realized that I liked being fucked more than I liked fucking." Ryan continues, dropping Brendon's leg and letting the younger boy wrap his legs around the other boys waist. Ryan slides up Brendon's body, kissing him lightly as he fucks into the tight heat of Brendon's ass.

Brendon moans into Ryan's mouth, wet tongues sliding together.

"Been a big fan of cock since then." Ryan gasps out shakily, his hips stuttering against Brendon's. His words are barely registering to Brendon, going in one ear and out the other but he can't help it because Ryan's inside him, beautiful Ryan with the warning stickers all over his body, is inside Brendon and he wants nothing more than that.

*
Brendon goes to his classes the next day. He see's Spencer in the morning and he smiles and waves like he would usually do, ignoring every memory of long stretches of pale skin and high pitched moans. He's kind of eager for classes to be over or at least until he can be in his shared classes with Spencer, then he could tell Spencer that Ryan was cool with the whole 'group sex' thing, ask the younger boy how they go about intiating another one.

Today also happens to be the day that Brendon is going to tell the office workers that he's moving out of his dorm room. It shouldn't be hard, it's not like he has anyone to anwser to, it's not like his room mate Andy was his best friend. After today he'll get to leave for school with a kiss from Ryan, he'll come home to have Ryan waiting for him. He can't fucking wait.

Spencer sits next to Brendon during their religion class. They're taking notes and Brendon actually manages to start the whole 'let's have another orgy', conversation. Spencer looks irritated by the whole thing, his hand is scribbling out the notes furiously, his jaw set tight in concentration.

"Bren, can't this wait till after class?" He asks, his voice a hushed whisper. Brendon looks down at his own paper, blank expect for a few random doodles that he did. No, he doesn't actually think this can wait because he's been thinking about it, thinking about that night again and again. And not just about when he fucked Layla but when Spencer fucked her, when Jon stroked her and his filthy fucking mouth. He wants it all again, now that he can truly appreciate it he wants it.

"Just-when are you going to see them next?" Brendon presses. Spencer rolls his eyes, turns to Brendon and glares.

"I don't know Brendon, why don't you just go on down to Starbucks and ask Jon." The blue eyed boy snaps, managing to keep his voice low. Brendon sighs defeatedly. It's apparent that Spencer doesn't want to discuss this right now. Brendon considers taking Spencer's suggestion and going to see Jon, except that he's kind of afraid of how the older boy might respond. How is someone supposed to respond when asked about an orgy?
*
Brendon is far enough ahead in his psychology class that he can actually manage to skip it today. He barely notices when he's wandered off campus. He shoulders his backpack and his sneakers slap against the hard cracked cement. His body already knows where he's going. He's heading downtown to the Starbucks where Jon is working.

Spencer hadn't said anything after he snapped at Brendon. But Spencer was always like that, a mix of striving for perfection and snark. Almost like a recepie; one part unrequited love, one part acting, half cup of hiding your emotions, a teaspoon of a need to be in control. That was how you create a Spencer.

It's getting colder out now, the wind blows around Brendon. Pushing like hands up under his arms, slinking inside his jacket and wrapping ice cold around him. The sky is a stormy grey, the kind that makes you feel powerless, makes you feel like there just might be something greater out there.

The familar coffee shop comes into focus. Brendon speeds up, his breath puffing out in little white clouds of hot air. The same large glass windows that exposes the inside of the shop to everyone in the street, no semblance of privacy here. Brendon can already see Jon Walker at the counter, making drinks for people, people who don't know that Jon is more than willing to smoke pot and participate in group fucking. The black haired boy searches for the dirty blonde barista worker, the one who always glared at Ryan. She's not there. In her place is a different girl, a supporting character.

She has auburn hair, sleek straight and hanging over her heavily made up eyes. She's wearing the green Starbucks hat and saying something to Jon as she wipes down the counters, a look of dislike in her eyes. Up until that point Brendon hadn't actually believed that it was possible to find someone who might not like Jon Walker.

The bell dings when he enters, drawing several people's attention. But really, there's only one person's that he wants. Jon is surveying him with that fantastic grin, Brendon must practice this grin because he's sure that that's the key to getting everything in life. The job, the girl, the boy. It all must be the grin.

"Hey, Bden." Jon says as Brendon pushes his way to the counter, the last people Jon had been preparing coffee for having just chosen a seat in the corner. They were alone. Or at least as alone as you could be in a crowded coffee shop.

"Hi, Jon."

"Do you want a coffee?" He asks, already reaching back for a cup. Brendon shakes his head, coffee really isn't his thing. Jon's face softens. "Hot chocolate then?" He asks Brendon decides to try out his Jon Walker style grin, a knockoff compared to the real thing.

"Sure."

Jon makes Brendon a hot chocolate. Brendon watches the slight ripple of muscle under t-shirt, under jeans and under green apron. Remembers seeing it all naked. He hopes that the flush on his cheeks looks like it's there because his body is adjusting to the sudden warmth, not the fact that he wants a repeat of that night to happen all over again.

"Here, it's on the house." Jon says, hands over hot chocolate, grinning.

Two parts sexual indentidy crisis, three tablespoons of running away from your thoughts, a dash of having your cake and eating it too. That was how you create a Jon Walker.

Brendon blows on his hot chocolate to cool it off, Jon's just watching, waiting, like he knows that there's some other reason as to why Brendon's here.

"Didn't really expect to see you without Ryan by your side." Jon states, grinning. Brendon shrugs and sets his drink down on the counter.

"I came straight from school."

"Ah, so did you just come to swindle me out of free drinks or is there something you needed?" Jon seems to be in a permanent good mood, always smiling like the world is fantastic and maybe to Jon it is. Maybe he's perfectly happy to work at a coffee shop and live with his girlfriend, fuck Spencer, smoke weed and repeat.

"I, yeah, there was something." Brendon scratches at his neck, this is harder than he thought it would be. He's never learned how to come up to someone and ask to fuck their girlfriend for the second time. An act that would most likely get your face kicked in.

"Is it about our little group activity the other night?" Jon asks, Brendon nods. Jon's hands come up to rest on the counter, fingers splayed. His head is dipped just slightly, bangs falling partially into is eyes, obscuring them from Brendon's view. Jon's face has taken on a slightly more serious tone.

"Look, I'm sorry if it was uncomfortable for you. God, she's always telling me that I shouldn't rush into things like that but I mean, I couldn't help it. It was extreamly hot and-"

"No, no, I didn't come here because I didn't like it." Brendon states, cutting off the rambling Jon. "I cam here because I did." He finishes. Jon lifts his head and his grin is back in place.

"Good, that's good. We were hoping that you enjoyed yourself."

Brendon can barely believe that they're talking about orgies so easily. It's obvious his morals are looser than they had ever been before.

"I actually, I wanted to do it again."

Jon gives a little laugh. "Eager one aren't you?" Brendon just shrugs again. "It's not up to me though. It's all up to the girl." Jon smiles as he talks about her. "Whatever she wants, whatever is good for her. I just go along with it." So, it was all up to Layla, she made the choices and Jon followed them. It was all just a matter of whether or not Brendon was good enough for Layla.

"When I go home tonight. I'll bring it up to her alright? Then I'll call you." Jon tells him. Brendon nods. Jon's hand comes out suddenly, brushing a slightly calloused hand against Brendon's cheek. "It's really a shame that Ryan will only share you with her." Jon whispers, warm hand still cupping Brendon's face. "I bet you'd look really beautiful with Spencer."

Brendon's cheeks are flushed pink now and his cock twitches again, shit, he has to walk home with a hardon now.

"Ryan called you?"

"Yeah, wanted to tell me that you were off limits for me and Spence." Jon's staring at Brendon in a way that it's easy for Brendon to imagine that the older boy is thinking of him and Spencer fucking, maybe imaging his own chance to fuck Brendon.

Brendon knows he's blushing and he avoids Jon's gaze. The clock on the wall behind the barista's head shows that Brendon's last class is over. It's time to go back to school and tell them that he's moving out of his dorm, that he found a much better place to call home.

*
It snows for the first time that year on the night that Brendon is moving his shit out of the dorms. Ryan has come to help him, the two of them holding hands as they move slowly up the long cement path that leads to the dorms. Ryan's staring up at the sky, watching the brand new fluffy white pieces of snow drift slowly to the ground. The soft white pieces hit them, sticking to their hair and clothes.

Ryan looks like a gorgeous otherworldly kind of creature. White glittering snowflakes dusting his messy hair, nose, and cheeks.

"I love this kind of snow." Ryan starts, turning to look at Brendon. The younger boy nods but Ryan doesn't wait for any other reply. "It looks like movie snow. You know? How it's so perfect, it makes everything and everyone perfect by comparison." Ryan is saying. The ground in front of them is slowly being dusted with the white perfect snow. The two boy's footsteps marked into the dusty path.

Ryan grips Brendon's hand tighter. "It's like stage snow Brendon. Like, god is trying to subtley tell us to play our parts better or he threathens us by pulling down the curtain." He looks over at Brendon. "Do you know what the curtain signifies?" Brendon shakes his head. Ryan's good at this, using his words, telling stories. His brilliant mind is being hidden, locked away, it's tragic in Brendon's opinion.

"The curtain is death." Ryan clarifies, never like he thinks Brendon's stupid. Just like he wants to explain things to the boy, get him to understand the things that float around in Ryan's head. "If we don't act accordingly, if we're not convincing enough for the audience, he'll pull the curtain on us." Ryan says, brings his finger to his throat and slides across slowly.

"The curtain does fall eventually." Brendon starts, Ryan with his snowflake covered eyelashes is blinking at him. "That's when we get the cheers, take our final bow."

"But the thing is, we're not concious enough to recongize it. We're too busy thinking about the performance. Every mistake we made, our high points and our lows. We're too busy thinking about that to hear those final cheers."

Brendon has a feeling that when his own curtain is pulled, the only thing he'll think of is Ryan.

"Then I guess all we can hope for is that when the curtain falls, we enjoyed the show, the performance." Brendon says, links their fingers together tighter, the lights from the dorms growing nearer.

"All I can hope is that there's someone who still wants to watch." Ryan mutters, Brendon stops then. Turns them so their face to face and cups the frail boy's cheek.

"I want you to know that I'll always be watching." He states, presses close and kisses Ryan, slow and cold with the soft flakes dusting on them. Ryan smiles when they break away, their hands coming to intertwine once again.

The two of them head to Brendon's room. Andy isn't there but Brendon didn't expect him to be. There really isn't much to pack up, clothes, personal effects, shit that means less to Brendon than Ryan does. Spencer gave the two boys permission to use his car to transfer Brendon's stuff to Ryan's place, one of the only times that Ryan's allowing the younger boy to drive them around.

Ryan's sitting on Brendon's bed, the older boy throwing clothes into the box. The two of them are quiet as they work, as Brendon packs up his life, his old life, pre-Ryan. It's starting to feel like nothing before the moment Brendon met Ryan, none of that matters. Not his childhood, not his hard teen years, not escaping to college, nothing before the day Ryan smiled at him and dragged him into an alley between a bank and his ex-boyfriend's apartment.

Brendon briefly considers talking to Ryan about seeing Jon today but he decides against it, it's nothing very interesting to mention.

It's only when Brendon goes outside, to put a box in the back of Spencer's car that things get interesting to say the least. Brendon comes back and there's a beautiful figure standing like a statue on the thick cement ledging of the dorm building. Snow washing down around said figure.

A thick fear slides down Brendon's throat but he ignores it, because it couldn't be, he wouldn't...

"Brendon!" A smooth, silky voice calls down to him and Brendon freezes admist the snow.

Shit.

"Ryan? Ryan what are you doing?" Brendon yells up to his boyfriend. He steps closer to the building and from this angle Ryan's illuminated by the light from the inside of the room, a darkened shadow amongst the light.

"Brendon, have I ever told you what my childhood wish was?" Ryan asks, his voice still smooth but loud, echoing down the building, down to Brendon.

"I-no. Just, Ryan, just come down." Brendon can't have been gone for more than five minutes and somewhere in that time Ryan had decided it would be a good idea to climb out the window. Brendon loves Ryan, with all his heart, all his being but right now he could give a shit about the things the older boy is saying, he just wants him to come down.

The warning stickers are pratically glowing by now.

"Flying." Ryan states, ignoring Brendon's request.

"What?" The younger boy's heart is thumping wildly in his chest. He's terrified, what if Ryan slips? Jumps? God, he'd never survive a fall like that.

"That was my wish. To fly." Ryan sounds far away, off in his own little world and it just might be the most dangerous place for Ryan to be.

"Just come down, Ry." Brendon pleads, doesn't know what to do. Running up to the room might just make Ryan jump down, but standing here...that's not helping either. Brendon's fingers twitch towards his pocket in the hopes of finding his cell but damn...he left it in the room.

"You know what I used to do Brendon? When I was a little kid, my dad, he used to drink a lot. Run around the house drunk and yelling and I used to get fucking terrified. I'd hide in my room and I used to stare out my window. I'd wish to fly. I wanted it so badly, just to get away from everything, to just leave and not have to come back. It never came true but it was all I wanted."

Brendon's too worried to bother with the information that Ryan's just gave to him. Suddenly, Spencer's sudden silence on the topic of Ryan's dead father makes sense. "Ryan, just don't jump alright?" Brendon's calling up to him. He plots out how long it would take to get to the room, how fast he could grab Ryan and tug him back through the small frame of open window, how fast could he call Spencer.

"Nothing could hold you down, no one could hold you back. Absolute freedom." Ryan states, Brendon can see him shifting on the ledge. Fuck, no, this can't happen. He wouldn't, he can't leave Brendon all alone now.

"Ryan, I love you so please! Please don't jump! Don't try to fly."

Ryan laughs, the sound carrying across the breeze.

"Wouldn't it be a perfect death Brendon? Don't you think I'd look beautiful with the snow falling on me, like a blanket and all the perfect crimson of my blood. Wouldn't it be a gorgeous contrast." The older boy sounds so wistful that Brendon can't help but think that any second now he'll see the figure of his boyfriend, his Ryan, his life, falling down, down, down and making that goregous contrast a reality.

"It's nothing I'm eager to see." Brendon calls back up. No, he's eager for having Ryan right next to him once again, holding his hand, keeping him grounded.

"Brendon, do you know what the audience always remembers?" Ryan asks, he's moving around on the ledge, pacing, slipping from darkness to light and back again. Brendon's afraid to ask, afraid to know the anwser.

"N-No."

"They always remember the characters who exit in the grandest of ways." The boy on the ledge states. "No one remembers the characters who go out with no bang, nothing special about their exit, just another face in the crowd, a name on the page. But everyone, everyone remembers someone who makes a spectacular exit."

Brendon's heart is lodged in his throat, he can't breath, can barely speak. He feels like he's the one on the ledge. "Ryan, please!"

"Tell me what you want Brendon." Ryan presses, voice excited.

"What?"

"If you don't tell me, I'll never know." He says and Brendon can practically hear the grin that's playing across his sharp face.

"I-I want you to come down." The younger boy's voice is weak, his legs are shaking and his entire body is dusted, blanketed in a thin layer of glittering snow, a brand new second skin.

There's silence and Brendon doesn't know what will happen, his breath won't come to him. He won't move, speak, breath again until Ryan talks.

"Come get me."

Brendon's flying up the stairs as fast as he can, slick shoes sliding against the hard glossy material of the floor, banging his knees against the stairs but he doesn't care. Usually he trusts Ryan, with anything and everything but now, now he's fucking terrified that when he reaches the ledge...he'll find Ryan making that beautiful contrast on the ground where Brendon had just been standing.

Brendon bursts into his room and from here he can see Ryan's back, the boy still standing on the ledge, staring out where Brendon no longer is. He calms but only for a bit Ryan's previous word's floating around in his head. 'All I can hope is that when my curtain falls, someone will still be watching.' What's a better idea then making Brendon be Ryan's audience for his final act?

The window is open and Brendon calls to his boyfriend. "Ry, Ryan, please, come in now." His voice is tiny and desperate, afraid. Ryan turns, slowly, carefully, until he's facing Brendon once again.

"Hi." The older boy whispers softly. The younger of the duo moves towards the window, fingers outstretched to grab Ryan at the first opportunity. Ryan pushes a long arm through the window and their hands meet somewhere in the middle, cold and wet.

Brendon pulls and Ryan slinks back inside, covered in heavy white, perfect snow. He's a glittering figure whose smiling, fucking smiling at Brendon. The younger boy locks their hands together, tight and afraid to ever let ago again.

"What?" Brendon starts, tugs Ryan a little closer. "What were you doing out there?" He asks, he's aware that his eyes are shining but fuck, he was terrified, scared that he was about to lose the last thing in his life that meant anything.

Ryan wraps his snowflake decorated arms around Brendon's shoulders and their pressed together tight, Brendon's face in the crook of Ryan's damp cold neck.

"Having a near life experience. Teasing death. Playing chicken with suicide. Whatever you want to call it." Ryan replies, his arms are rubbing soothingly on Brendon's back, like Brendon had been the one about to jump off a ledge. The black haired boy pulls back, pale face searching Ryan's rapidly dampening one. The snow that had been all over Ryan is now melting, creating little wet patches all over the brown haired boy's skin, making him look like he had just emerged from some enchanted body of water.

"What? What would you have done if I said I wanted you to jump?" Brendon questions, sounds breathless. Ryan smiles and slides a hand up to cup Brendon's cheek.

"I would've jumped."

*

Neither of them make any mention of the incident on the ledge. Not even to Spencer, which Brendon doesn't actually know whether or not that's such a good idea. The younger boy is offically living with Ryan now. It's not just Ryan's place, it's their place, not just Ryan's bed, couch, shower, it's all theirs.

They fuck even more than usual, Ryan grabbing him up at any good opportunity and rubbing at his crotch, pushing him down to his knees, begging him to fuck the older boy. All these things Brendon doesn't mind. There's also getting to sleep in with the boy warm and happy, Ryan cooking for him, Ryan kissing him before he leaves for class and tackling him onto the couch when he returns home.

But along with all the good, Brendon learns all the strange things about Ryan. How the lithe boy never talks while he's writing, notebook propped up on his knees and the small scritch, scritch, scritch of the pen on paper. He watches old french movies at three in the morning, how he rarely eats unless Brendon's eating too, how he masturbates in the bathroom when Brendon's too busy to fuck, how half the time he calls out Spencer's name when he comes.

But Brendon is accepting it all because hell, everyone's a little weird right?

It's four o' clock in the morning and Brendon has class the next day at ten but Ryan is rubbing soothing circles across his bare chest and wans to talk, who is Brendon to say no to that?

"Tell me about your life." Ryan insists. Brendon stretches out on the bed and pops his back.

"Not much to tell. I'm pretty boring."

Ryan smiles and moves so that he's straddling Brendon. "I happen to find you fascinating."

"Well, in that case." Brendon smiles and runs his fingers over Ryan's naked thighs. "I'm the youngest of five kids. I had a pretty average childhood, I was a loner in high school, my parents kicked me out of the house when I was seventeen because I no longer wanted to be a part of their religion, I got a job and applied here to college. The rest isn't important until I met you." Brendon says, smiling through his life story, even the bad parts.

Ryan frowns and brushes a hand up the younger boy's smooth chest. "Do you like it?"

"What? Your hand?" Brendon asks, Ryan smiles.

"No, your past." He clarifies, watching Brendon carefully.

"Oh," Brendon's mouth pulls down into a tight frown. "Some of it's okay...there's other stuff that I would like to forget though."

"Then forget it." Ryan states, leans down into the other boy's space. "Forget all about it."

"Ry, what-"

Ryan presses a finger to Brendon's lips, quieting him instantly.

"If you don't like who you were, where you came from, then forget all about it. No one knows you now and that means you can be whatever, whoever you want."

Brendon still looks hesitant but Ryan is smiling as he leans back up and picks up one of Brendon's arms. "What do you see here?" The older boy asks, Brendon tilts his head, forehead crinkled in confusion.

"Nothing."

"Exactly!" Ryan is sounding excited again. "There's no chains here, nothing hold you down to your past. You're flying Brendon, soaring and you didn't even know it."

Ryan's words are easier said then done in Brendon's opinion. All this time but he still feels like that kid, even though he got out he still feels like he's stuck in that city, in that life.

'There's always a chance to break free." Ryan whispers, leaning back into Brendon's space. He's never really thought about it but god, it makes sense, Ryan makes sense and maybe that's just a little scary to Brendon.

"So, just forget it?" Brendon asks, words hitting against Ryan's skin and the older boy grins and nods, kisses Brendon.

A few of Ryan's bright yellow glowing warning stickers fall off and land directly on Brendon.

*
Jon texts Brendon while he's in class with Spencer. It's a simple message.

'Baby girl said yes, come over tonight?'

Brendon cannot contain his grin as he types out his reply. It's a yes and he knows that he should ask Ryan first but the boy already said he doesn't care if Brendon fucks around with Layla. The black haired boy hears Spencer's pocket start vibrating and he guesses that the younger boy is getting something akin to the same message.

Judging by the way his ice blue eyes darken, Brendon knows he's right.

"So, you talked to Jon?" Spencer asks after their class is over and they're walking back to Brendon and Ryan's apartment. Brendon is grinning as he nods, he's excited to see them again, to get back into that situation.

"You're going to go right?" Brendon asks, it's not that he wouldn't feel comfortable with just Jon and Layla but Spencer...a part of him likes seeing Spencer that way, out of control and being used. Spencer stares at him for a good long moment before he nods.

"Yeah, I could use a release."

Brendon tells Ryan and the older boy is actually the one to call Jon and arrange a proper time. It almost feels business like, Ryan putting Brendon out on loan, making arrangments.

"We leave at six." Ryan says with a snap of his cell phone. Brendon checks the clock and it's only four. Ryan smiles and slides into Brendon's lap, the younger boy seated in a soft lime green armchair. They're face to face, a smiling Ryan, a cheshire cat.

"You're eager." Ryan observes. Brendon nods.

"Sorry." He apologizes.

"Don't apologize. Just tell me what you want to do to her?" Ryan asks, leans in and nuzzles against Brendon's neck. Brendon's head is spinning and his cock is already half hard at the thought that he'll get a repeat of those past actions tonight.

"I...I wanted to eat her out." Brendon admits, cheeks pinking but Ryan leans back and smiles.

"That's interesting." He says, pushes up into Brendon's air space and licks the younger boy's bottom lip. "I'm sure she'll love it. Your mouth is fucking amazing." The black haired boy groans. "I can practically hear her crying out for you now." Sometime during his talking Ryan's hand has snaked down to Brendon's crotch and he's rubbing the younger boy through the rough fabric of his denim.

Brendon's head falls back against the back of the armchair. Ryan leans down and bites the pale column of the boy's neck. The memories of Ryan saying that no one else was allowed to mark Brendon come floating back into the black haired boy's mind. His dick twitches at the thought that Ryan's claiming him, showing Layla and everyone else just who Brendon belongs to.

Ryan stops his ministrations before Brendon comes. He keeps sucking on Brendon's neck though, the pulse point, teeth and tongue and wet, wet, sucking. Stopping only when Brendon's sporting a huge blueish bruise.

Once six o' clock rolls around he and Ryan go and fetch a cab. Spencer texting to say that he's going to meet them there. For once in their relationship, Ryan keeps his hands to himself during the cab ride. Brendon's still half hard though and that might be the only reason.

Ten minutes to Jon's place and Brendon wonders if there's going to be some kind of formality or if they're just going to get down to the good stuff. He and Ryan hold hands on the way to the door, Brendon's heart thumping wildly in anticipation. Jon must already know that they've arrived because he's tugging the door open and grinning that standard lazy grin, like he's always just woken up.

He pulls them inside, bonecrushing hugs and Ryan giggles against him. Brendon lets it go because yeah, Jon making Ryan giggle is nothing compared to Brendon making Layla come.

She's there too. Layla, standing there and smiling sweetly if not a little shyly at Brendon. Her dark hair is shorter and styled differently, sleek and straight, choppy bangs that almost match Jon's falling into the left side of her face. But she's still looks all sweet and innocent, still got that little baby face.

"Spence isn't here yet?" Ryan asks and Jon shakes his head.

"Not yet."

"Are you two hungry?" Layla asks, still smiling like a little angel, not at all like a girl who has three guys fuck her in one night. Ryan nods and Brendon smiles. Besides the lunch at college, Layla's cooking is the closest thing to a real meal that Brendon eats.

They eat, Brendon sitting across from Layla and Ryan from Jon. Ten minutes into the meal Brendon feels a warm foot sliding up the back of his leg, up, up, up, to his crotch, pressing lightly. It doesn't take a genius to figure out who it is. Layla smiles at him and Jon's watching.

Spencer shows up fifteen minutes into dinner and Brendon's slightly jealous at how easily he gels with Jon and Layla, how the two of them perk up at his arrival. Spencer sits next to Ryan and they all eat and joke and talk but Brendon's anxious, excited, feels like they all are.

Once the foods gone Jon's smiling at them. "Okay, shall we get started."

It progresses fairly quickly from there. The group moves into the living room, Jon pulling Layla against him and tipping her head back, kissing her. Brendon's never seen this part, before the fucking. Jon's touching her tits outside of her shirt, still claiming her mouth as his hands slip lower and he's tugging her shirt up and off of her, leaving her standing there in her bra.

Spencer smiles and reaches out a hand for her. She takes his hand and allows him to tug her against his body like Jon had. They're kissing too and Jon is shedding his own shirt. At some point, Brendon's not sure when, Ryan starts kissing his neck while they watch the ritual.

Spencer does what Jon had, touching her, his hands snake around her back and undo her bra, letting the black material fall to the floor between them. She kisses Spencer one last time before she turns to Brendon, Ryan falling back as the topless girl saunters over to him. The little shy part of her is hidden away fairly well, a playful grin on her face but there's a pink to her cheeks, a faint blush.

Brendon winds slightly shaking hands around her waist as he gets to kiss her too. Can taste the faintest hints of the other boys. He can see Spencer and Jon moving, kissing and Jon tugging Spencer's shirt off. Layla removes one of Brendon's hands from her waist and moves it down as she breaks their kiss.

"You do the pants." She tells him, leaving Brendon's hand to rest on the waistband of her jeans. Brendon nods dumbly before he leans in to kiss her once again, Layla nipping a bit at his bottom lip. His cock twitches because fuck, he can totally feel Ryan watching him. Sharp brown eyes locked on him, analyzing him and god, Brendon just wants to make it look good for Ryan.

He flicks the button open and worms his hand inside a bit, enough to get her jeans down her hips, gravity taking it from there and the fabric pools around her feet. Layla's now in her black lacy underwear and Brendon can't help but cup her firm ass.

They break apart, Layla turning to look back at Jon and Spencer, they too have split apart. Jon tilts his head towards the bedroom and Layla nods, slides to his side, grabs his hand and leads her boyfriend down the hall. Jon takes Spencer's hand in his own, the younger boy grinning wide and slightly dirty. Ryan claims one of Brendon's hands and by now Brendon isn't surprised to find Spencer take his free hand. A chain of people, very dirty people.

Once they're in the bedroom Jon has his hand in Layla's underwear, stroking her a bit before he's tugging them down, kissing her and getting her beautiful body laid out on the bed. Spencer comes up behind Jon and runs hands down firm chest, down to the oldest boy's jeans button, undoing them and sliding them down Jon's hips.

Jon turns, kisses Spencer and returns the favor. That leaves Ryan to undress Brendon, large warm hands sliding up his chest, tugging off his shirt and undoing his pants. In a very short amount of time Ryan is the only one fully dressed.

Ryan moves to the leathery armchair that Jon had been sitting in the last time Brendon was back here. He goes and sits, hand sliding between his legs and squeezing at his cock. Brendon's own dick twitches very visibly in response, Ryan grinning at his younger boyfriend. Spencer is sitting at the edge of the bed, Layla coming up behind him, draping her arms around his neck and pulling her chest tight to his back. She kisses at his ear, neck and she's won Brendon's attention.

"What were you thinking of doing, Brendon?" Jon asks, drawing the black haired boy's attention away from where Spencer and Layla are now kissing.

"He wanted to eat her out." Ryan supplies from his position on the armchair. Brendon closes his mouth from when he was about to speak and looks back at his boyfriend, Ryan winking at him.

"Mmm," Jon says grinning at Brendon whose staring back at Spencer and Layla. "How's that sound sweetheart?" The oldest man asks, Layla breaks away from the boy with a wet smacking sound.

"Sounds fucking amazing to me." She whispers, drops her hand lower on Spencer's chest, slipping down to rub at his cock. The brown haired boy tips his head back against the girl's shoulder, groaning under her touch. Jon's fixated on the two of them, eyes darkening.

"Fine, Spence, you wanna have a little fun with me?" Jon's asking. Spencer pants and nods at the older man, slips from the girl's grip and is now standing next to Jon, who promptly leans over and claims his lips just as his girlfriend had done moments before. Layla lays back on the bed, her head on the pillow and she's waiting, waiting for Brendon.

"Brendon." His name sounds so much better coming out of her mouth, his cock twitches again.

Brendon turns back to look at Ryan whose just watching, smiling a sly little smile. He squeezes his cock through his pants again and raises his other hand, ushering Brendon to go to her. He does, the bed dipping under his weight and he climbs up the length of the girl's body.

He and Layla are kissing again, soft pink mouth, her slender hands find his face cupping Brendon's face, using it as leverage to make the kiss deeper. Brendon's hands slide down the girl's body down her breasts, stomach, hips. The bed dips again and suddenly Jon and Spencer are falling to the bed, Jon on his back and Spencer on top of him. The two of them are kissing rough and wet, hands and teeth, biting.

Layla's hand comes to rest on the top of Brendon's head, nimble fingers carding through the boy's soft black hair. She pushes him down slightly, guiding him down to where she so desperately wants his mouth. Brendon can hear Jon chuckling softly from next to them. The boy drops down, brown eyes scanning up and catching the sight of Spencer doing the same, the two of them mirror copies of each other.

Jon's girlfriend spreads her legs for him as Brendon settles between them. This isn't like giving a blowjob but he thinks he can swing it, he wants to do it well, for both Ryan and Layla's sake. Brendon's hands and lips find her milky thighs, lacing kisses and holding her open. He dips his head, red tongue flickering out to lick at her folds, her clit.

Layla groans out instantly, hand still tangled in his hair. "Fuck," That's Jon, Brendon tilts his head slightly to catch sight of Jon watching Brendon, watching him go down on his girlfriend. Spencer's lips are wrapped tight around Jon's thick cock, his head bobbing as he swallows the oldest boy down. Jon's got his fingers resting on the back of Spencer's neck, not pushing just letting the youngest boy take what he wants, what he can.

Brendon uses his one hand to hold the girl open and his other to trace at her flesh gently, rubbing and testing, earning himself different reactions from the girl. It's like an experiment, where can he touch her to get her to cry out like she had done before? What will she do if he adds his fingers to the mix?

Layla hooks her legs over his shoulders. The girl's panting out, sharp intakes of breath.

"How is he?" That's Ryan, Ryan's asking about him and Brendon wants to turn around and look at his boyfriend but god, she's so wet and soft and good.

"Ah, so good, so ah-" Layla's fingers tighten in his hair as Brendon licks over her clit. He sets up a brutal pace, flickering his tongue quickly over her, daring to slide a long finger into her. Her hips arch beautifully, riding his wet mouth. Brendon glances over at Jon and Spencer, Jon's looking down at the youngest boy, carding his fingers through the boy's hair. Spencer is staring up at Jon, wet sucking sounds as Spencer hollows his cheeks, deepthroats Jon.

"God, Spence."

"He's got a mouth on him doesn't he?" Ryan asks from his position on the chair. Brendon can see the smile in his mind, the way Ryan's watching with dark eyes. Watching his best friend and his boyfriend.

"Yeah, he's so beautiful." Jon praises, pets Spencer. The youngest boy makes a whiny noise in his throat and Jon groans, tipping his head back.

Brendon moves and thrusts his tongue inside the girl, switching his thumb to flicker over her clit. Fingers grip in his hair, just this side of painful but Brendon's dick twitches all the same. He's lapping at her, trying to match his speed with Spencer whose still bobbing along on Jon's cock, dropping down till his chin is brushing against Jon's balls.

Jon groans and shifts, laying back on



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Entry one: Tell Me You Remember, Forever Young


"I don't mind if we end up being together forever." Brendon tells his girlfriend.

"Oh really?" Krissy replies, her head is back against the wooden panels of the park bench.

"Yeah, you know how some people are scared of the word forever? Well, I have recently come to figure out that I don't mind as long as you're in my forever." Brendon says, he turns to look at her and she can see him from the corner of her eye. She too turns her head and their looking at each other. Krissy finds it ridiculous that anyone could be scared of the word forever when there were much better things to be scared of these days.

"Why are you thinking about forever?" She wonders outloud. The sky is dark around the two of them. The park they're sitting in is peaceful and quiet, a rare change of pace. There are bright stars twinkling above them, it's like a scene out of a movie, Krissy kind of wishes this all were a movie.

"I think I've been spending too much time with Ryan." The boy anwsers and Krissy laughs darkly. The subject of forever is definitly a Ryan Ross subject..he's the only one who would consider holding on to the idea of forever nowadays. "I'm serious though." He says after a few minutes of silence. "I don't care if my forever is you."

"Forever is a long time Brendon." Krissy says it because it's the truth...well it used to be the truth. She guesses that nowadays, forever doesn't seem so long.

"I'm aware."

"Forever is also a hard promise to keep." She add's, she's thinking of all the promises of forever that she's ever heard. Cassie's promise to love Patrick forever, Jenny's promise to be with Ryan forever, well, it turns out that those were too hard to keep. She's stuck between promises that can be kept and ones that can't, she wondes where she and Brendon will fall.

"But I'm more than willingly to try." Brendon tells her. Krissy feels his hand come out and take her's, squeezing it. "We wouldn't end up like them." Brendon says like he can read Krissy's mind. The blonde girl looks back up at the sky.

"They promised forever too." She points out.

"We're not them."

"You can't stay together forever in this world."

"As long as I'm here with you...we'll be together forever." Brendon tells her, he sit's up to prove his point. He's looking down at his watch but there's really no point because the thing isn't beeping, Krissy fucking hate's that beeping.

"Ryan couldn't protect Jenny...Cassie barely saved Jon...She couldn't save Patrick." Krissy tells him. She doesn't know why she's bringing up things that happened months ago, things that are best forgotten. Brendon sighs and looks down at the ground, they're talking but at the same time they're listening because they've always got to be prepared.

"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to make you think of them." Brendon says, Krissy hates how every voice seems to have lost it's emotion these days. That everyone sounds so sad now, happiness sound's like something that existed a long time ago and it's getting harder for Krissy to remember what happy used to feel like, the closest she can get is Brendon.

"It's okay..talking about them won't change what happened." Krissy won't allow herself to remember that night though. She won't let herself think about how Cassie never smiles anymore and how she can hear the older girl crying at night. "We need to go and visit them one of these days." She adds, almost as an afterthought because she actually hasn't been to where they are since the day it happened.

Brendon just nods and squeezes her hand. "Spencer too." He adds and this time Krissy nods.

They're silent and Krissy wonders what time it is, wonders how long they have until dawn breaks. That's the only safe time, the day. She knows that she and Brendon shouldn't even be here right now, in this abandoned park, that it's a big risk but when each day is a risk, what's one more? Besides no one would dare fuck with Brendon..not unless they had a deathwish.

"So, forever huh?" Krissy says moments later. Brendon nods, staring out at the desolate land that surrounds them. Krissy thinks about trying to sleep while they drive back through the city, so she doesn't have to see the buildings. "I guess forever is a lot easier to promise these days."

"Yeah, when your life could end tomorrow, forever is day by day but our forever...it really is forever." Brendon tells her. Again Krissy is reminded of Patrick and how everyday he would promise forever with Cassie. Krissy doesn't even think that Cassie believes in forever anymore.

A sudden beep issues from the device on Brendon's wrist. Krissy shoots up and Brendon's hand is holding her's tight. "How far away?" She asks and Brendon is studying his device.

"Couple miles...just one though...weak..should be no problem." He tells her.

Krissy nods, Brendon standing and pulling her up with him. They walk to the truck parked in the grass of the park, right where the merry-go-round used to be. Krissy wishes she didn't know what the beeping meant. She wishes that she could just sleep tonight, she wishes she could promise forever and really mean it, she wishes that this all were a movie, But she knows that wishes don't come true anymore.

The two of them get into the truck and Brendon drives fast, whipping around the dark abandoned streets. Krissy doesn't dare close her eyes, even if it means seeing the delapitated city.

"I don't mind." She says suddenly. Brendon looks at her intense and confused. "I don't mind if you're my forever either...no matter how long that forever last's."



Entry two: Lets Not fight, I'm Tired, Can't We Just Sleep Tonight?

"Brendon didn't tell me that they were leaving." Ryan says angrily from his position at the makeshift table. Cassie is looking over a paper that Gabe had given her, a list of information from the surrounding cities. Jon is sitting next to Cassie and Andy is next to Ryan.

"I wouldn't either with the way you've been on his case." Jon says and Cassie looks up briefly, her eyes flickering between Jon and Ryan. Ryan scowls at Jon.

"Well, fucking excuse me for being on his case when he's being extreamly stupid!" Ryan yells. Andy rests a hand on his shoulder and Ryan whips his head to the side, glaring at the older man. Andy just points behind them back to the closed wooden door with the stupid paper sign that read's 'infirmary'.

"Don't want to wake Pete." Andy says quietly. Ryan sighs and looks down at the horribly worn wooden table.

"They could've waited until dawn..." The brown haird boy says bitterly.

"Some people actually miss the night sky." Jon says equally as bitter as Ryan. He turns back to look at the wooden boarded up window that's located in the kitchen. Ryan sighs and looks away from Jon, his gaze moving to Cassie.

"You're being oddly quiet on this subject." He tells the girl. Cassie lifts her blue eyes to his face. Her eyes aren't warm like they used to be, haven't been since the incident.

"I'm just a tad bit busy reading about the going on's around the other cities." Her voice too is dead much like her eyes.

"You think you would be vocal about it considering what happened to Jenny." As soon as the words leave Ryan's mouth he knows they're a mistake. Cassie's eyes spark alive but with anger and Jon's hand is instantly on her shoulder.

"Fuck you Ryan! You know you're not allowed to talk about that! You're fucking not allowed to say shit about her!" Cassie is standing, her wooden chair falling to the ground behind her. She doesn't care about waking Pete up, about anyone else in this fucking hell hole hearing her. Ryan is up in a flash too, his own chair clattering to the ground behind him.

"I can talk about her! You know what Jenny was to me! You fucking know Cassie!" Ryan yells right back.

"No, you can't because what happened was your fault! It's your fault that she-" Cassie falls silent and Jon's standing and his hand is on Cassie's shoulder. She's silent and tears are leaking out of her blue eyes, eyes that only seem to variate between dead emotion and intense rage. Ryan is silent too, his hands digging into the fabric of his jeans.

"Come on Cassie, lets go. I'm sure Krissy and Brendon will be fine." Jon is leading the younger girl away, probably back to the bunk area, the tall, broad shouldered boy looks back glaring at Ryan.

Ryan notices that Andy has picked his chair back up, Cassie's too but he's gone now, out of the room. Ryan's alone in the makeshift kitchen. He can see Gabe looking at him from the living area, the older boy shakes his head and Ryan pointedly looks away from him.

Ryan's never missed Spencer more.



Entry three: You Know You're Gonna Miss This

Brendon and Krissy come back just before dawn. Ryan is still in the kitchen, fingering his mussy brown hair and pretending that he has coffee. He'll need to find someone else to ask to make the grocery run since Cassie will undoubtedly never talk to him again. It's not like fights are uncommon though, they happen a lot these days. People here tend to forgive and forget a lot, it's easy to lose yourself in the moment, say something you don't mean to someone who doesn't deserve it.

Ryan hates himself at the fact that he brought up Jenny. The girl isn't just a sore spot for Cassie, she's very much one for Ryan too. It's not like the memories of that night don't haunt Ryan too, don't make him shake while he's sleeping and wish someone would hold his hand like Jon does for Cassie.

Brendon looks over at Ryan with those hard brown eyes and sighs. "Don't bother bitching at me Ryan. I'm not in the fucking mood." Brendon says, almost as a warning. Ryan sighs and turns to the younger boy, his mouth open to say something about protecting the whole lot of them and maybe that Krissy should go and talk to Cassie but his words die on his tongue when he see's that Brendon's usually pale hands are stained red with blood.

"You encountered one?" He asks instantly worried and astonished. Brendon nods and Krissy slips past him. She's not covered in blood, she looks the same as she did when she left, all tall with blonde hair and blue eyes.

"Just one. A guy...he was really weak...a real bleeder." Brendon tells the older boy. He's almost laughing at that fact and Ryan shudders, Brendon really has changed. He's become a lot more cold hearted since all this shit went down.

"I won't bitch at you tonight because I got bitched at enough myself." The older boy informs the younger, it's a rare occurance so Brendon quirks an eyebrow and goes to wash up in the bathroom sink.

"Who bitched at you?" Krissy asks. Ryan almost doesn't want to tell her, doesn't want the blonde girl yelling at him too but he knows that she'll find out anyway.

"Cassie...and Jon."

"What'd you do?"

"Why do you assume it's me that did something?"

"Because, you get really bitchy when you're worried about one of us." The girl informs Ryan. The older boy wants to argue but he can't because it's sort of the truth.

This motely crew of people doesn't have a leader, no one is in charge but if someone had to be the mother of the group..well, that was Ryan.

"I brought up Jenny." He says weakly and Krissy's shocking blue eyes widen. She doesn't say anything else to the boy before she's racing back through the large living room and to the right to the long hall of bunks. The girl pushes open the door to the bunk room and she see's Cassie and Jon on Cassie's bunk right away. They're the only one's in the room.

They're on their knees on the bed. Jon's holding Cassie to him, his strong arms wrapped gently around her back and her soft face is burried in his shoulder. Krissy knows she's crying, this is bad, this is bad because it takes a lot to keep Cassie alright these days. Krissy finds that so disturbing because before, back then it was always Cassie holding people together but now, now she was the one who needed the support.

Krissy moves to the bunk and Jon looks up at her approaching footsteps. Cassie turns and looks at her, tears in her blue grey eyes. "Jon, can I have a minute alone with her?" Krissy asks, Jon looks up at the blonde girl, his face is blank. He looks like he would rather not leave her at all but he nods and pulls away from the girl, he's up and off the bunk and out of the room in a matter of seconds.

For a brief second Cassie is alone on the bed, crumpled in on herself, her chocolate brown head bowed, long ringlets of hair falling along her shoulder's, covering her face and her hands laying limp in her lap. "So, I guess you heard that Ryan pissed me off?" The girl's watery voice issues through the room. Krissy nods and sit's on the bed beside her friend. She moves her hand to Cassie's shoulder and gives it a squeeze.

"I shouldn't have yelled at him." Cassie says weakly.

"He shouldn't have brought her up." Krissy replies, the older girl shrugs.

"That's the thing though..are we supposed to never bring her up? Act like she never even existed? How long can I make everyone keep quiet?" Cassie says it more like she's talking to herself rather than Krissy, the blonde girl is sure that her older friend has had this conversation in her head before.

Krissy still want's to remember when life wasn't this hard. When the biggest problem they had was working one too many shift's at the supermarket or getting a low grade on a term paper. Not shit like this where they had to figure out when it was okay to talk about your dead best friend. Cassie, maybe she was getting closer to being able to talk about Jenny but then there was Patrick and the way no one talked about him...at least not around her.

"Talk about it when you're ready...I guess Ryan's ready...or he want's to act like she never left in the first place." That's all Krissy says to the girl and Cassie nods, she moves and fall's back on the small bed, Krissy moves until she's laying next to the dark haired girl. Krissy doesn' t tell Cassie about Brendon's new promise of forever, she doesn't think it's fair to remind the girl that she has the same promise that Cassie once had.



Entry four: Everyone Shakes To The Beat With A Barrel Down Their Throat

Cassie has nightmares about what happened to Jenny. She has them a lot, like it's a normal thing in her life. Really, of all the things to be normal in her oh so unnormal life, it had to be the nightmares. That's pretty much unfair.

The nightmares are too real, might as well be the same night happening over and over again. She doesn't even need the dream to remember, the memories are still embedded in her head.

They were in the middle of the city. Two streets away from where their old high school sits, broken and abandoned. It was night, of course because luno's don't come out in the day. Cassie wasn't even supposed to be at the fight, in all honesty none of them were supposed to be there. They had went for a supply run, the only still open outlet store ten minutes on the edge of the city. A stupid fucking supply run was what ended up killing her best friend.

It had been Cassie, Jenny, Ryan, Brendon, Jon, Pete and Patrick. They were riding in that stupid van that broke down a few week's after that day, the van is still broken down...Brendon, Jon, Joe, and Andy are still trying to fix it. They had made it to the outlet place, Ryan spending a good amount of the time arguing with the obnoxious sales clerk about discounts and not holding out on the good bullets.

They got ambushed on the way back to the hideout. Four of them, huge, hulking and hungry. Two alone were strong enough to knock the van onto it's side while they were still inside of it. Cassie remembers the shuddering shaking of the van, the awful gnashing noise of crunching metal and the way her heart seemed to stop.

She wasn't good at fighting, even before all this shit went down she wasn't a fighter. That's why she never went out to fight unless it was 100% necessary, that was Brendon and Pete's thing. Patrick had his arms around her as the van had flipped, the fucking thing didn't have seatbelts and they had all been slammed against the left side wall.

"Fuck...fuck! The devices didn't even go off!" Ryan was swearing as he climbed over the drivers seat, dropping back into the back.

"Gimmie a gun Jon." Brendon commands, he's eyeing the windshield, the luno's legs visible through the now cracked glass. Jon nods and he's quick, out of habit. He's digging through the brown paper bag that they just acquired with one hand and the other is sliding around the side of the van to find the gun, a task made harder now that the van had flipped postions.

Jon lifts out bullets from the bag and get's his hand on a gun, he quickly hand's them over to Brendon. The younger boy load's the gun like a flash and before anyone can say anything he's jumped over the front seat, where Ryan had been moments before and he's kicking out the already horribly cracked windshield. He's going out there alone.

"Brendon! You can't go out there alone!" Ryan is yelling and he's fishing under the drivers seat until he pulls out a gun that's preloaded, Ryan's gun..the only gun Ryan ever seem's to use. He's following Brendon out of the medium sized hole in the windshield.

Brendon is by far the best fighter amoung them. It's surprising if you knew Brendon before all the shit went down. In reality the only reason Brendon's the best fighter now is because of what happened to him...Ryan is an okay fighter, he's quick and a good shot but he's not as good as Brendon. "Ryan!" Jenny yells and she's forgotten the first rule of luno fighting, don't alert them to your presence.

Another shuddering gnashing noise is heard on the top side of the van, the side where the sliding door is. Huge thumps and dents crumple the side of the black van. Pete looks seriously over at Jon and Patrick. "Watch the girls...you know how they like girls..." Pete tells them and he too is crawling out of the window, gun already tucked into the waistband of his jeans. Even now though the fight is still four to three, they're still outnumbered.

Gunshot's resonate through the air, screams and horrible growling noises...the noises are what you never get used to...it never get's easier. Patrick has one arm wrapped around Cassie and the other is feeling for another gun, Jon's already prepared though and he hand's over a weapon to the older boy. Patrick nods, adjust's the brim of his trucker hat and glances at the broken window with worried blue eyes. Jon grab's Jenny's shoulder, pulling her until she moves away from the window, until she's almost behind him.

A thump is heard over their heads, the side of the van where no doubt a luno is standing. Several more thumps issue, dent's forming where the last luno is hitting the side of the van, trying to get to the four people inside. Cassie's not that good with a gun either. She fires if she has to but a part of her is still holding on to that normal side, that part of her that said 'I could never kill a thing.' Jenny can fire a gun, her aim isn't that great but she's better than Cassie. That's probably the reason she's asking Jon for a gun.

Jon doesn't argue, gives her one but it still looks like he hopes that she won't need it. Suddenly loud screeching is heard and they know, they know that the boys managed to kill one. The death of one luno is enough to make the other one want revenge. A clawed fist punches straight through the side of the van, pale sharply clawed hand ripping the hole bigger. Cassie will's herself not to be afraid, the luno's like when they're afraid.

Another hand join's the first and it's ripping the hole bigger, tearing through the metal of the van like it's tin foil. It's terrifying but it's not the scariest thing Cassie's ever seen, not by a long shot. Suddenly a head pops into the hole, all long dark hair and equally dark, inhuman eyes. Jon doesn't hesistate, fires a shot but the creature is quicker than they are and the luno is gone. "It will be okay." Patrick is saying, nodding his ginger colored head and gazing at the other's, Jon nods pushing his thick dark bang's out of his equally dark eyes and Cassie desperately want's to believe, that it will be, maybe back then she did believe.

The van is no longer the safest place to be. In it their cornered, an easy prey. Patrick tilts his head toward's the broken windshield, cracks spiderwebbing across the glass and the large hole Brendon had made in the middle. Jon nods and he grab's Jenny's wrist pulling her along as Patrick and Cassie move over the front seat, Patrick kicking the windshield, breaking it apart more than it already was, because not everyone is as small as Ryan and Brendon.

Patrick pulls Cassie out and Jon pulls Jenny out after them. The scene outside is much as Cassie expected but she's still not used to it. One luno is sprawled dead on the ground, managled body and horrific once human face contorted in pain. There is also a luno on top of the van, it's a male, huge, all sharp pointed angle's, dark hair and he's grinning with those sharp unhuman fang's. The luno is staring at the group of four who emerged from the van. The dark luno laughs. "Two girl's.." He says darkly.

Pete is currently scraping with a blonde luno, the creature has the short boy pinned to the ground but they all know Pete can handle himself, if he need's help he'll call for it. Brendon and Ryan are doubled up on the biggest luno, this one too has dark hair and it's huge...the biggest luno Cassie's ever seen, like a supersized body builder, impossible muscles and strength. He jumps back from Ryan and Brendon and turns to look at Cassie and Jenny, a devilish grin on his face.

"Lupe, get the girl's." The huge luno commands and Cassie can't stop the whine that releases from her throat.

Patrick pushes Cassie further back behind him, trying at least in some way to protect her. Cassie reaches out and grabs a hold of Jenny's wrist, tugging the dark haired girl closer. The younger of the two girl's is frowning, Cassie has to hand it to her that Jenny's not really that afraid of the luno's, she's staring with firey blue grey eyes and her hands are clenched into fist's. Looking back now, Cassie wishes that Jenny would've been more afraid.

"Sorry, the girl's are with us." Brendon growls out, before he circles around the creature and is tackling him to the ground.

Ryan allows himself a glance at Jenny before he clicks his gun and goes to help Brendon. Shot's ring out and another screech is emitted, followed by a cry from Pete. Patrick whips his head to look at his best friend and he see's Pete pushing the dead body of a luno off of him but he's clutching his left shoulder, blood oozing through his neon colored hoodie.

In that short amount of time, that simple mistake, that was all it took for the chain of events to start, the chain that led to Jenny's death. In that small amount of time the luno named Lupe, the one who had been on top of the van had jumped down and in a flash has scooped up Cassie, maybe because she seemed like the weaker of the two, maybe because he could sense how deeply Patrick cared about her. Cassie doesn't know.

But she's pulled away from Patrick and she's screaming and Jenny is screaming and Jon's holding firmly on to her because that guys' not grabbing her too. "Cassie!" Patrick yells, his eyes wild and Lupe is moving back to the van, holding Cassie around the waist, like she's a child, a toy, something insignificant.

Cassie thinks they would be firing, should be firing at the beast but they're not...probably because they're too afraid to hit her. If Cassie were a braver person, if she were okay with dying out here in the middle of nowhere in the dark way before her time, she might just tell them to shoot but she's not those things so she just struggles. She claws at the luno's arm, her nails digging into the pale skin of his muscled arm strong enough to draw blood but he barely bat's an impossibly dark eye.

"I'm going to get him to come over here and get me...and when I do...grab her." Jenny tells Jon. Jon shakes his dark head, that idea is way too dangerous, they could lose them both... "Just do it." Jenny grit's out and she steps forward, out from the protection of the stocky boy. "Hey!" She yell's and Cassie whip's her head up to stare at her best friend. "You must be one stupid motherfucker because you grabbed the wrong girl! I'm so much tastier than her!"

"Jenny! Stop it!" Cassie yells, struggles in the luno's iron grip but Jenny ignores her.

"Seriously, You must be as dumb as you look. You can't even pick your victim's right." That's what Jenny's good at, insulting people. If Lupe had been a normal human chances were good that he'd probably ignore what she was saying but because he's not and because luno's are so prideful he doesn't and he snarls, jumps off the van and is rushing toward's the short haired girl on the ground. Jon and Patrick are ready now, they both fire, Jon has impecible aim, Patrick's is good too and they hit him, square in the shoulder. The special bullets they had just bought used for this purpose.

The luno drops Cassie and she fall's to the ground a good distance, landing with a hard thump. Patrick looks at Jon and wait's for the older boy to nod, to tell him it's okay before he rushes to her side, she's unconcious but otherwise fine. Lupe has fallen to the ground, his left arm blown clear off by the well placed bullet to his shoulder. Jenny back's away, back's up to where Cassie is, she can watch the girl, she can watch her because Patrick need's to fight.

"I got her." She tells Patrick and he looks her over before he glances back at his unconcious girlfriend.

"Weapon?" Patrick questions, Lupe screams in pain on the ground and Ryan and Brendon had chased the huge, body builder like luno somewhere in the darker recesses of the foresty area that surround's them. Jon is aiming at Lupe's head, ready to finish it off at any moment. He should've done it already but sometimes Ryan likes to take them in for experimenting. Jenny lifts her shirt a little, just so Patrick can see the gun she has tucked away, the one Ryan has her carry. Patrick nods, his medium length gingery blonde hair brushing against his shoulder's before he stands looking around for any sign of Ryan and Brendon. He finds none and promptly goes over to where Pete is sitting on the ground, still clutching at his arm.

"Did it bite you?" He asks, worry heavy in his voice for his best friend. Pete's sweaty, his jagged black bang's falling into his dark eyes, he's in obvious pain but he just shakes his head.

"No...damn thing stabbed me...it's nails were sharp as fuck." Pete pant's out. He laughs barely and stands on shaky leg's. He's leaning against Patrick heavily and the younger boy moves his best friend over to where Cassie is laying still out cold on the ground. 'Two in the infirmary.' Patrick thinks as Pete sinks back down by the girl's.

"Where the hell are Ryan and Bren...and that huge fucking luno?" Jon wonders outloud, he's scanning the darkness around them. They've been gone too long but he's not going to say that. Lupe laughs from the ground.

"Your friends are dead...Henry killed them, he's probably eating them as we speak and then when he get's back...the rest of you will be dead." Lupe says, his voice is weak but still has an aire of suppirority to it.

"Shut the fuck up!" Jenny snaps from her spot next to Cassie and Pete. Lupe turn's his head and glares at the girl, his eyes dark.

"I'll tell him to kill you last...that girl is first..." Lupe says, his eyes trailing to Cassie's passed out form. "I bet she taste's delicious."A gun shot echoes through the night and Lupe is sporting a shiny new head wound thanks to a scowling Patrick. He doesn't give a damn if Ryan wanted to experiment on this one.

There's silence among them. They're just waiting, waiting for their friend's to return. Ryan and Brendon had chased the huge luno into the small but dense area of forest that surrounded the right side of the road they were traveling down, they hadn't come back yet so they were just waiting, waiting for them..or waiting for Henry to come back, or waiting that alotted amount of time that they all stick to. The rule that says 'If I'm not back in an hour..leave.' It's a rule they've never had to use. They don't really want to start now.

"Should we call back up?" Jenny asks, Patrick shakes his head.

"No..but I'm thinking that maybe Jon and I ought to go try and find Ryan and Brendon" Patrick says. He figures if they need help they should be there. Four against one seem's like pretty fucking good odds, no matter how big that creature is. "Pete..think you can still protect the girl's if things go bad?" Patrick adds and Pete nods.

"I can shoot a gun with one hand you know." He states but he's looking a little pale...he's probably losing a lot of blood. Patrick nods and he looks at Jon, the younger boy also nods and they head off to the left, circling around the way they think Brendon and Ryan went.

"Andy's gonna be pissed that you hurt yourself again." Jenny says to Pete. She's not looking at the boy, chosing to look down at her best friend. She's ignoring the fact that she's fucking terrified that somethings happened to Ryan.

"Ryan's fine you know?" He replies and she looks up at him.

"Yeah, I know I just-" Jenny never does get to finish that sentence because at that moment faster than any human can see, the built luno Henry is dashing out of the dark and he has Pete by his throat..he's obviously looking for a quick kill. "No!" Jenny screams and she pulls out her gun and lunges herself at Henry's body. She's on his back as he wraps his insanely strong hands around Pete's throat, intent on breaking his neck. Jenny presses her gun to the luno's shoulder, away from Pete and fires, it doesn't do much but it's enough to get him to let go of Pete.

Instead he grabs at Jenny, get's her wrist and flip's her over him, slamming her to the ground. Jenny sit's up weak, pne hand digging into the dirty ground to keep her balanced as she fires again, hit's him in the stomach but she doesn't have the special bullets like Jon and Patrick had, her's are normal and less effective. Henry is annoyed now and he get's up off of Pete, stalks toward's Jenny and fuck, wouldn't you know it that Jenny's pretty sure her leg is broken. She back's away but it's not like it's doing any good. Cassie's unconcious and Pete's gun is who the fuck knows where..who can help her?

She empties the rest of her round, hit's him in the arms and neck and stomach but he's huge and they might as well be bee stings to the luno. "You're very annoying." He tells Jenny before he has her up by her shirt collar and he throws her back, she goes flying through the night air, back, back, back, until she hit's the brick wall of a abandoned building. Fuck now she can't move at all.

Henry goes back to Pete, to kill Pete and Jenny can't move..she wonders where Ryan is, if she can see him because her vision is getting fuzzy. That hit probably rattled her brain. It's so fucking weird to her, to think that five months ago she was in college and she and Ryan were arguing about what color to paint the fucking kitchen of their apartment...Jenny would pretty much give anything to be able to argue about paint again...

Cassie wakes up on the ground, her head is killing her and she's pretty sure her wrist is broken but what worries her more is that she's alone...she sit's up and an instant pain shoot's through her arm. yes, her wrist is broken. She does quickly realize that she isn't alone..she can see that huge luno a few feet from her and he has someone pinned under him..someone that kind of looks like Pete. Fuck! Fuck! He's going to kill Pete...Cassie doesn't know where the others are but she can't just sit there...it's then that she spots a black handgun on the ground by her foot...Pete's gun. It's in her hand and she scoot's closer, she can hear choking noises, Pete's slowing being strangled to death.

"Get off of him!" She screams and she points the weapon at the beast, she has to use both arms to hold the gun, her broken wrist throbbing in pain. Cassie closes her eyes and squeezes the trigger. The noise resonates and she feels the vibrations through her arms, sending little streaks of pain through her.

Her eyes flutter open and she see's that huge luno has fallen over, away from Pete...it's not the first time Cassie's shot a gun...but it is the first time that she's killed someone...something on purpose.

She get's up on shaky leg's and makes it all the way to Pete before she can't walk anymore and fall's to her knees beside him. Her good hand comes to rest on his tanned neck, feeling for a pulse and she's relieved when she feels one..low but there. She scans the grounds and wonder's where Jenny is...where Patrick and Jon and Ryan and Brendon are. Why is she all alone?

Moments later voices emerge from the darkness and it's Ryan and Brendon, Patrick and Jon. Ryan is limping and Brendon's got blood on his forehead. Jon's hand is cut up and Patrick's clothes are ripped. Cassie breaks down in tears when she see's them...she had been thinking the worst...but they're okay...

"You're alive..." She says, her voice rough.

"Cassie!" Patrick replies, surprised to see that his girlfriend is up and moving. The ginger haired boy rushes over to her as quick as his injuries allow.

"That fuck got away from us!" Brendon seeths but he's scanning her and Pete and Henry's body on the ground. "What the fuck happened?" He asks, noticing the scene for the first time and souding alarmed.

"I don't know...I woke up and that thing was choking Pete...so..so I shot it." She sobs out and Patrick is falling next to her, arms wrapped around her.

"Where's Jenny?" Ryan says, his voice soft yet alarmed and Cassie whips her head up to look at him.

"She's not with you?" Her voice is high and her heart stops...Jenny, where is Jenny?

Ryan looks pale, like he's going to puke and she knows that the two of them are having the same thoughts.

"Ryan...over here." Brendon is saying he's turning and racing back so many feet away to a broken down brick wall.

They find Jenny there, slumped against the wall, alive but barely. Ryan scoops her up but he can't carry her due to his ankle, Brendon take's her instead, carries her back to where Cassie and Pete are.

"Oh my god.! Jenny...Jenny? Are you alright?" Cassie is crying and cradling her best friend's face in her hands. Jenny is unconcious, can't anwser the other girl.

"Brendon...Can you get the van upright again?" Jon is asking...he's offically in charge now...he has to be...Brendon nods and moves to the van.

They're driving and it's a fucking miracle that the van even work's anymore. The windshield is desimated, there's a gaping hole in the side but it runs and Jon is driving. Cassie's on the floor of the van, next to the long seat where Jenny is laying...they determined that she's worse off than Pete..Pete is laying in the back seat, Brendon in the passenger, Ryan up on the seat beside his girlfriend and Patrick on the floor next to his.

Jenny wakes up when they put her in the van. She says it's hard for her to breath. Cassie is talking to her first because Ryan can't...he can't because he blames himself..

"Cassie...you're alright...fuck, I'm glad." Apparently Jenny had been thinking the worse about her best friend but know it seemed that their roles were reversed.

"Yeah," Cassie is smiling through tears as her best friend looks up at her. "I'm alright thanks to you...you saved my life."

"You're my best friend..." Jenny responds, Cassie nods.

"And you're mine...best friend's forever right?" Cassie says and Jenny tries to laugh but coughs instead and Cassie ignores the fact that blood comes up when she does.

"Forever." Jenny agrees weakly. Cassie can barely stand to see her like this, Jenny was always acting so strong, tough and untouchable but now...she was broken..falling apart right before their eyes.

"It's okay Jenny..we're almost home...we're almost back and when we get back we'll sit in the infirmary and drink orange juice alright? And we'll tell stupid stories about when we were kid's and I fell in the creek...remember that?"

"Yeah...you got so mad."

"Yeah..." Cassie doesn't know what to say to her best friend, she knows what she need's to say though. "I love you Jenny..." Cassie doesn't want to say it but that's another rule they have...if you think someone isn't going to make it...tell them you love them while you can...Cassie hopes that Jenny doesn't remember that rule.

"I love you too...And you better fucking write a story about this someday and I better get a dedication and an autographed copy..." Jenny trails off and Cassie laughs but she want's it to happen...for what Jenny says to be the truth. Cassie leans down and kisses Jenny's bloodstained cheek before she turns away and cries silent into Patrick's shoulder, her face pressed against his reddish blonde hair.

Ryan moves so he's leaning over his girlfriend, like he's done a million times before..but it's never felt as important as this.

"Hi, baby..." Jenny says, so weak..so quiet...so unlike herself.

"Hi." Ryan replies and he run's a large hand across her cheek.

"Your hands are warm..." She notes and Ryan laughs weakly, he ignores that his hands are so warm because she's so cold.

"Jenny...I'm sorry...I should've stopped him before he got to you...I shouldn't have let any of this happen...I was supposed to keep you safe...I'm such a stupid fuck.."

"Stop it Ry..." Jenny starts and she coughs again, more blood and Jon drives a little faster. "I did it because I had to...I fought because I wanted to...there was no way I couldn't...I knew what coming along meant...I knew the risk..don't blame yourself."

"You'll be okay." Ryan promises, his voice is breaking...it feels like Spencer all over again. "You'll be okay Jenny and I don't care what Andy says...I'm going to be right next to you in that infirmary bed."

"You better fake an injury..." She tells him and he grins just a little "Ryan...I want you to know something though..." She starts. "I've loved you from the first day I met you...never wanted to be away from you. You're the greatest thing that ever happened to me and my entire life has had meaning because I got to be with you....I love you more than anything."

No, Ryan wouldn't do this because this, because this felt like a goodbye...like the one Spencer gave him before he died. "Don't say stuff like that...don't say it like it's over...because it's not! You're going to be fine Jenny...you will..." Ryan didn't know who he was trying to convince more, her or himself.

"I know..." Jenny says like she doesn't actually believe that she'll be fine. "But what if I forget?" Cassie looks at Ryan briefly, he knows why she's looking..because even though she want's the girl to make it..can't fathom it any other way...she still knows that Ryan need's to say whatever he thinks he should say..just incase.

"You're the best thing that ever happened to me Jenny...you made my life so bearable, you picked me up when I thought I couldn't go on...you mean the world to me and listen to me.." He says and he leans over and brushes his lips against her's. "When you recover...I'll buy you a ring...one to match Cassie's okay?"

"I want one better than Cassie's." Jenny deadpans and how like the girl that even when she's hurt she can still joke...

"Okay, whatever you want...you'll get it when you're better." Ryan promises and he kisses her again.

Jenny never did get a ring.

They get back to the hideout. Ryan limping into the building following Jon as he carries Jenny. Patrick is carrying Cassie and Brendon carrying Pete. Everyone is awake when they enter, ready to berate them for being late but their words fall dead when they see their three wounded comrades.

It's an instant bussle to the infirmary. It's shitty and makeshift run only by Andy and Ryland. They go to work on Jenny first, Andy making Ryan and the others wait outside because of what happened after Patrick...well, no one's allowed in there anymore.

Cassie's let out of the infirmary first. After fifteen minutes, a wrist brace and bandages around various spots on her body. Patrick and Andy tell her to go to bed but she won't, not until Jenny wakes back up.

Pete has to spend the night in the infirmary because his right arm is fucked and he's going to have to work so hard to get it to even work normally again. They're still waiting for Jenny to wake back up. Krissy had come down and sat next to Cassie at the warped table, held the girl's good hand as she waited.

An hour and a half after they got home Andy comes out and his scruffy face is grim. He tells them that the blast against the wall broke Jenny's ribs and that one said rib punctured her liver and kidney..that without transplant's she's going to die...the girl lost an incredible amount of blood as well so even if they do get a transplate for two vital organs within five hours there's still a chance that she'll die. He tells them that the girl has slipped into a coma and her heart rate is dropping.

Cassie is sobbing against the table...unconsolable sobs that wreck everyone around them. Ryan drops to his knees and burries his face in his hands. He knew it all along, he knew she wouldn't make it. He thinks even she knew...that's why she said what she did....

"There's nothing you can do?" Ryan asks and Andy shakes his head. Ryan shakes his too but more angry. "No! Fuck you! No! You're not trying hard enough! You're just giving up on her! She can make it but you just don't want to try!" Ryan is screaming, screaming at the top of his lungs and no one's stopping him...

They let Krissy and Cassie go in and say goodbye. Cassie can't think of what to say just hold's Jenny's hand and cries. Krissy isn't much better. They say fragile goodbyes, Cassie thinks it's fucked up that when it's time to say goodbye, nothing feels right, nothing feels good enough to be the final words you say to someone. She tells Jenny she loves her, she promises she'll take care of Ryan..she promises to see the girl again.

Ryan get's to say his goodbye alone. No one knows what he said, Cassie still hasn't asked him, she probably never will. Ryan's goodbye was probably perfect, probably just what her best friend wanted and she prayed to god that the girl heard it.

Jenny dies at ten in the morning. There's no time for a long funeral. Andy and Patrick, Gabe and Brendon, Krissy and Jon go out to help bury the girl. Cassie doesn't go, she can't, she can't do it.

She just lay's in the bunk waits for Patrick to come back, wait's for him to get out of the shower and hold her until she fall's asleep. She turn's the other way, to the left to avoid seeing Jenny's bunk that's right beside her's.

It's the hardest thing Cassie's ever had to live through. The hardest thing she thinks she'll ever go through. That is..until Patrick died.



Entry five: You Said You Would Die For Me, Now You Must Live For Me Too

Brendon get's out of the shower to find Krissy laying in Cassie's bunk. The sleeping room is small so it's not like anyone has any privacy anyway. He pad's over, he's wearing nothing but shorts and his short black hair is dripping wet. His and Krissy's bunk is only a couple down from where Cassie sleep's.

"Hey, how is she?"Brendon asks as he comes to stand infront of Cassie's bunk.

The dark haired girl is turned on her side, fast asleep. Krissy looks over at her before she returns her gaze to Brendon. "She's alright now...she just needed someone to comfort her." The blonde girl tells her boyfriend. Brendon nods and offers out his hand.

"Come on, lets go to sleep." He tells her. Krissy's bright blue eyes sweep over the boy's body, Brendon knows what she's looking at, she ignores it most of the time but occasionally she does look at it, the jagged mark that decorates his shoulder. Her eyes fall back to his face and she nods, taking his hand and stands, follow's Brendon back to their bunk.

They lay together, curled in and soft, Krissy's head on his pale chest and her hands around his waist. It's a little after eight in the morning. Ever since the luno outbreak, ever since things went completely insane, they've been sleeping like them, sleep during the day, hunt at the night, though they're hunting for two completely different reason's.

Krissy is asleep first but Brendon's awake, still wired from the luno fight he had gotten in before they got back here. The guy had been too easy to kill. Brendon surprisingly doesn't feel bad for the creatures, not anymore, not after all the things he saw. Not after he lost friend's to them. He can't feel bad for killing things that deserve it. Footsteps issue through the hall and into the long bunk room. Brendon turn's his head, they all sleep in the same room so it could be anyone.

It's Jon though. The older boy stops and eyes Brendon and Krissy. Brendon can feel the older boy's stare on his shoulder and maybe it's been awhile since he's walked around with no shirt on. Jon's eyes move back to Brendon's face.

"She okay?" Jon asks and Brendon knows he's not talking about Krissy.

"Yeah, Krissy says she just needed some comfort."

Jon nods. "That's good." He looks over at Cassie who is asleep and Brendon sighs.

"Be careful Jon." The younger boy says suddenly. Jon looks up with questioning deep brown eyes.

"What do you mean?" Jon kind of knows what Brendon means but just incase he want's to hear him say it.

"She's not over Patrick." Brendon says overly blunt. Jon kind of misses back when Brendon wasn't so straightforward. Jon's eyes widen just a bit and he looks away from the younger boy.

"I know."

"They were married for god's sake."

"I said I know." Jon repeats. He doesn't need Brendon telling him things that he's long since figured out. "It doesn't matter, I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm just keeping my promise to Patrick." Jon tells him. It's the truth, it's all he's doing. Or at least that's what he tells himself. "She just need's someone to be there for her." Jon add's as he moves away from Brendon, away from the sleeping Krissy and he goes to his bunk, the one to the left of Cassie's.

He eye's the girl, she's a light sleeper and he's hoping that she didn't wake up when he and Brendon were arguing. Jon tries to sit on his bed and just relax, just go to sleep but he can't, he still can't fucking get used to sleeping during the day. He feels nervous, he feels exposed, he feels like Brendon's watching every move he's making. Jon is restless and he stands, move's to Cassie's bunk, pulls the worn blanket up over her. It doesn't matter that she always kicks the blanket off before she wakes up.

Jon moves back to his own bunk. He feels wound up and pissed off. He's pissed that Ryan had upset her, that he brought Jenny up. They were all there that night, he didn't need to bring it up. He's upset because he and Cassie had actually been having a good day, one where he had managed to make her laugh and there was no talk about luno's or hunting. Jon really wishes he could get in a fight, fight like Brendon does, to let off all that excess energy. Jon's not the best fighter but he also doesn't completely suck.

The boy leans down and pushes his bunk, pushes till it slides across the hard wooden floor, he's thankful for the wheel's so he can avoid that awful scraping noise. Jon pushes his bunk until it bumps against Cassie's until the two small bed's make one big one. Jon gets into his own bunk but he doesn't feel tired. He glances to his left to see Brendon is looking down the line of bunk's, watching him with intent dark eyes. Jon looks away, to the right. To Cassie and she's still asleep. Jon end's up on his back, staring at the warped wooden ceiling.

Jon knows that Cassie loved Patrick, that she still loves him even though he's dead. Being dead isn't a palable reason to stop loving someone, Jon knows that. He knows that Cassie loved him because yeah, they were married. She still wears that ring on her finger, black and shining and glaring in Jon's eyes. She doesn't talk about Patrick much anymore, sometimes she does, whispers small things that she remembers about him, maybe just to prove that she remembers, or maybe just so that by telling someone, she's ensuring that Patrick lives on.

Jon tells himself that he only pushed their bunk's together because Cassie has a bad tendancy to roll around in her sleep and she might fall off the bed. He tells himself that he only cares as much as he does because he's keeping his promise to Patrick.

That's what Jon tells himself so he can sleep at night.



Entry six: I Will Never Let You Fall

Ryan's up before the whole lot of them. He's never been one to sleep in and the near constant worry about luno attack's has him cutting his sleep down even further. He didn't bother to sleep in the bunk room last night. He didn't know who might still be pissed off at him about the whole yelling at Cassie thing. The girl didn't deserve it, he knows that. Ryan slept in the broken down recliner in what could barely be considered a living area. Ryland sometimes sleeps there but Ryan got there first last night..morning, whatever.

Cassie's in the kitchen an half an hour after Ryan's been up. Apparently she's looking for the paper she had last night. The one with all the information the surrounding cities had sent to Gabe. She spot's Ryan and her gaze lowers to the dirty floor. Ryan can cut the tension with a knife.

He's the guy and it is his fault, he yelled at her so it's only right if he apologizes. "Cassie...look I'm sorry." Cassie looks up at him like she doesn't want to deal with his crap.

"Don't apologize for something you can't change." Is her reply, Ryan sighs.

"Just because it can't be changed doesn't mean I should've said it."

"And I shouldn't have caused a scene like that." She admits, spotting the paper under the table and bending to retrive it. Cassie give's Ryan a look before she turns and makes an attempt to flee from the room.

"Cassie, wait!" Ryan says, he sounds exasperated. He grab's Cassie's arm, stopping her from leaving. She turn's back to look at him, unsure like she want's to get away from him. "Look...can you just sit down for a second?" He's desperate and she knows it so, she sighs and slips from the boy's grasp and to warily at the table. Ryan sits too, across from the girl.

"Look." He starts again, his head is bowed, his mussy brown bang's falling into his light brown eyes. He wind's his long fingers together as he starts talking. "I don't know what made me say that last night...but I'm telling you that I didn't mean it...it's not easy for me either Cassie...she was your best friend but she was my world..."

"I know...maybe that's why it pissed me off..because it should've hurt you to say that...I guess I just thought you stopped caring." Cassie's not looking at him, her soft eyes downcast. Ryan reaches out and places his hand over hers. The boy shakes his head.

"I can't ever stop caring. Seven months and it never get's easier...I still feel like it was my fault..every day of my life."

"Ryan..it wasn't your fault." She's heard him say this before, they've had this conversation before. It doesn't matter how many times she tells him Jenny's death wasn't his fault, he never believes it. Ryan withdraws his hand.

"Yeah, it was...if I hadn't let that luno get away...it wouldn't have attacked Pete, Jenny wouldn't have went after it...she wouldn't have had to die...it's my fault. It's because I'm weak."

Cassie stands, move's over to Ryan and rest's her hands on his thin, bony shoulders. "She wouldn't blame you. I know she wouldn't and I know that she loved you more than anything else in this world. Jenny would do anything for you...and I know she definitly wouldn't want you to spend the rest of your life blaming yourself for her death."

Ryan sighs and relaxes under her touch, it reminds him briefly of Jenny. Ryan also notices something as her hand slips away from his shoulder, how the black ring on her finger still shines.

"Do you still blame yourself for Patrick?" He asks, he doesn't want to start a whole nother argument with this question but if she doesn't blame herself for his death anymore..he'd really like to know how to get beyond that. Cassie freezes at his question. The look in her eyes, Ryan knows that she hasn't.

"You're right. It never get's easier." She replies and just as quickly she leaves the kitchen. Probably off to talk to Gabe about the information they had gathered.

Ryan sighs and wishes he had been as smart as Patrick, that he had bought a ring for Jenny. Though it's quite possible that Patrick had the ring before the world changed but the boy isn't sure. He still remembers when the two got married. It had been before they found this hideout, when they were still on the run and nowhere was safe.

They had been at this little church, hidden in the back with luno's all around the outside of the church. They were all crammed into the small room, along with people who were from the church, people who were dying. Ryan remembers because he had been awake, one of the few of them who were...it was long before they had Gabe and his crew, long before they had the others. It had just been Ryan, Jenny, Cassie, Patrick, and a few scattered others.

Ryan had been leaning against the hard wall, Jenny's asleep with her head in his lap, Ryan's hand carding through her soft, short dark hair. Cassie and Patrick had been pressed close together against the other wall, holding hands, watching the people around them.

"I'm scared, Trick." She had whispered it, these things, she only felt safe telling him. She'd probably never tell anyone else that she was afraid, that she was more scared than she ever felt in her entire life.

"I know." Patrick brushed his hand along her cheek, pushing the wave of long, curly dark hair out of her face.

"I'm worried about my family..."

"They'll be okay..we'll be okay." Patrick was always really good at making promises, Ryan thinks that the boy believed he could actually keep them.

"If I lost you, Patrick...I don't know what I'd do." She was desperate to hold on to him, like if she released him he'd fade away. Patrick leaned forward and he kissed her soft on the forehead. Ryan tried to act like he wasn't watching this intimate scene being displayed but he'd rather not look at the people dying around him.

"You won't...look." Patrick starts and he leans away, hands digging into the pocket of his worn jean's. He removes his hand and take's Cassie's again. "This isn't really how I wanted to do this...but I bought this ring before the whole world went to shit.." The boy is saying and he open's his hand revealing a small black jeweled ring.

Cassie's and Ryan's eyes both widen drastically. "What?...What are you doing?" Cassie stutters and Patrick smiles.

"Will you marry me?" He whispers, Cassie's hand comes to cover her mouth and Patrick take's her other in his tight. It's not the ideal situation, not any kind of place she expected to get purposed to but she doesn't care because it's Patrick, it's a ring but more importantly, it's a promise.

"Yes..." Cassie breathes out and Patrick leans forward, kisses her softly and slides the black jeweled ring around her finger. Ryan thinks it's a grand gesture but how does he really expect them to get married...then it dawns on him...they're in a church.

Patrick finds the preist asks him to perform the simplest of ceremonies. Ryan wind's up being the witness and Patrick and Cassie got married that night, standing next to long glowing candles and despite the enviroment it's actually kind of romantic. It was just like that, they were married, committed to each other in an instant and Ryan should've done it too..but he was still hoping, hoping that things would go back and be normal. That he and Jenny could go back to their little apartment that they had just finished painting and he would let her paint it black if she wanted..it didn't matter anymore.

But now Patrick was dead and Cassie was a twenty three year old widow. Now Ryan was all alone, now Brendon was the only person who had love in this entire fucking house. Maybe that's why Ryan yell's at him so much, because maybe Brendon is taking every moment for granted. Doesn't he know just how quick you can lose that person? The person who makes the world complete.

Ryan stands and grab's his jacket off the coat hanger by the door.

He's going to see Jenny.



Entry Seven: Calm Before The Storm

Pete wake's up in the infirmary. It's the third time this month. This time he busted his wrist, threw a wrong punch against a paticularly thick skinned luno, busted it right away. It's like he's a walking reminder, a body full of battle scars. His right arm is still jacked from the night Jenny died, he's got a deep jagged slit down his left leg from where a luno tried to eat it. Pete's got a million tiny scars along his body, one's that Ashlee would only ever really see.

The boy is horribly bored, the too clean room is mind numbing and Pete need's to get out, fuck what Andy says.

He stands and ambles out of the bed, against the cool tiled floor. He props the door open and slips out easily. It's quiet, people are still probably sleeping, but Pete's insomnia doesn't just cure itself, he's just gone from not sleeping at night to not sleeping at day.

People say that Pete took to this whole thing too easily, well, that's at least what Patrick used to say. Maybe it was because Pete never felt normal, never felt right in his old life. This life felt easier in a way, it was fucked up but Pete's mind was made for this world, it was just horrible that no one elses was.

The man peek's into the bunk area and a good amount of them are full, Patrick and Cassie's shared bunk is empty though as is Ryan's and the one he thinks might be Gabe's. Pete back's out of the bunk area and goes around the corner into the living area, no one is here either..but than again no one is ever in here. All that resides in this room is a tiny black and white tv, that picks up static half the time, two broken down recliners and an equally trashed couch. But really what can you expect when everything you get is from the trash?

There's a set of stairs against the back wall and Pete takes them, heading to the upper floor. Upstairs are two rooms, a bathroom, and an attic with a window that's perfect for scoping the boundaries of the city. Pete pulls an instant left, already hearing the boisterous voice of Gabe from the room beside the attic.

Inside the room it's just Cassie, Gabe, Nate, and Alex. They're scattered around in the odd little seats, The incredibly tall form of Gabe , that Pete used to be jealous of, is standing, leaning over Cassie and pointing out information on a crumpled piece of white paper.

"Weekly report?" Pete asks from the doorway and the people in the room look up.

"Yeah." Gabe replies. His light brown eyes slide down to the paper before he looks back up at Pete. "There's been an increase in luno's in the northern area." He sighs, and run's a hand through short black hair. Pete feels a rush of excitment and a ball of dread drop into his stomach. The northern area isn't too far from here. Pete like's fighting even if no one else does, maybe he's just blood thirsty because of what happened to Patrick.

"There's also a shipment of those burn bullets coming into the outlet on Friday." Alex says from his position near the window. Alex with his pale skin and light brown hair, Pete's glad someone is keeping track of the days because god knows he isn't.

"Rag says that rumor is the luno's are going to try and steal the supply." Nate add's, glancing at Pete. Nate is the only person in the house whose shorter than Pete. Pete makes a face.

"How? Isn't it a daylight delivery?" Pete asks and Cassie's looking up at him, pushes a strand of brown hair behind her ear.

"Well, chances are that by the time it get's to the outlet it will be twilight." She tells him and Pete sighs.

"We'd be pretty screwed without those bullets. The luno's are huge lately." Alex tells him and Pete scrubs a hand over his face.

"Nate you mentioned the rag?" He asks and Nate nods, stands and hand's over a folded paper.

The rag is the only news source left in the areas, it's faxed along with the weekly reports to all known human hideout's. Pete's a big reader of the rag as are Nate, Gabe and Alex. Nate and Alex really help keep things running smoothly in the hideout. Pete might be good at fighting but he's crap at that sort of shit so really, everyone is valuable.

Pete leans against the doorframe and read's the few other news articles mentioned in the paper. There's not much else but Pete really want's to take it upon himself to volunteer to go and make sure the delivery happens smoothly.

"You want to take it don't you?" Gabe asks and he's smiling and leaning against a chair. It seem's like he's the only one who smiles these days, Pete nods.

"Only because I know we can handle it." He retort's.

"I don't know Pete...the luno's know that those burn bullets are super effective against them. I think they'd pull out all the stops to destroy them." Cassie's is saying, her blue eyes burning into Pete's and Nate and Alex are nodding.

"You don't think we can win?"

"I don't think you should go volunteering to fight...this isn't a game Pete." Cassie says, her voice raising. Pete rolls his eyes.

"I don't need you telling me what to do."

"Then don't go get anyone else involved...don't talk Brendon into it if he doesn't want to go." Cassie tells him firmly. Pete thinks that Cassie spent way too much time with Patrick because she sound's just like him. He want's to tell the girl as much but he's not Ryan Ross, he won't say it outloud.

"Brendon likes to fight." Pete points out. Cassie looks away from him.

"That doesn't mean that he should...he has someone who depends on him. He can't go do something stupid like getting himself killed and leaving Krissy all alone."

It's pretty damn obvious to Pete that Cassie isn't really talking about Brendon. She's talking about Patrick, about the way the boy was sure he'd be fine, that they were strong enough to take down anyone. How he did something stupid and she got left alone. Her eyes are heavy and she's pretending to look at the paper but she's not, she's looking at her wedding ring.

Pete makes a small noise but doesn't say anything. He can say anything but regardless of his own opinions, Cassie was his best friend's girl and even though Patrick never asked, Pete took it upon himself to look after her after his death. Pete opens his mouth to say something but Gabe and Alex look at him like that wouldn't be the best idea in the world so he just allows his mouth to drop closed before he leans over, kisses Cassie on the forehead before he leaves the room.

He'd rather die before letting Brendon.

Despite Cassie's words Pete does go to Brendon. The boy is still asleep, Krissy wrapped around him, her hand covering the jagged wound that almost, almost matches the one on Pete's leg but yet is completely different. Pete leans down and pokes the younger boy in the side. Brendon moves his head but doesn't wake up. Pete pokes again. And this time Brendon's brown eyes flicker open, slit's against the dim light of the room.

It's a few hours to twilight and Pete likes to wake everyone up before that time, just in case they miss the sun.

"Time?" Brendon asks.

"Four."

Brendon groans and looks down at Krissy. "Baby."

"I know." Krissy says, her eyes still closed.

"What do you want Wentz?" Pete's staring at Brendon, trying so hard to see that kid he met at Ryan's place, the kid that almost rivaled Patrick with his singing voice, the kid who was so childlike. He's pretty sure that that Brendon doesn't exist anymore, or if he does he's only seen by the girl wrapped in Brendon's arms.

"Got the rag this morning."

"Need a tampon?"

Pete allows himself a laugh and Brendon smirks, his smile only slightly distorted.

"No, I'm good but look, rumor has it that some luno's are wanting to destroy a shipment of burn bullets that are being delivered on Friday to the outlet." Brendon makes a noise of reconition. "So, I was wondering if you wanted in on it? Wanted to go and fight with me?" Brendon has one eye open, and he's watching Pete. That's the only annoying thing about being the best fighter is that people know you're the best fighter and they constantly need you.

"You think you need me?" Brendon asks, Pete can see Krissy's fingers running softly along the boy's side and Cassie's words go floating through his head. He shrugs, gives no yes or no anwser, he want's to let Brendon decide, he won't be the death of anyone, not anyone who doesn't deserve it.

"It's up to you man." Pete replies. Brendon sit's up a bit, Krissy sliding off his chest but her hands are still on his skin. Brendon nods after a moment and Pete smiles a tight smile, chances are good that Cassie will be pissed when she finds out but at least he didn't talk the other boy into it. Pete turns to leave the room when another voice issues through the room.

"I want to go too." Pete turns back at the voice. "I want to fight with you."

Jon's sitting up and looking at Pete with hard eyes, so unlike his usual warm brown stare. Pete just nods and yeah, Cassie will kill him herself but he didn't say a word to Jon, even as he leaves the room.

Ryan enters the kitchen an hour later through the back door to find Krissy in there. His face is all pale and sullen. She's eating some kind of soup or something, whatever food they have left but she looks up at him with wide eyes.

"What's wrong Ry?"

Ryan is silent as his thin frame fall's into a chair across from Krissy. He's sweating and shaking and he knows he looks a mess, hasn't looked as bad since the night after Jenny died.

"What happend Ryan?" Krissy's standing because this is emergency behavior, this is somethings wrong behavior and he fucking need's to tell her what it is right this second. Ryan stares up at her with shocked eyes.

"It's gone..."

"What Ryan...what's gone?" The blonde girl is alarmed now, her peace that she obtained with Brendon shattered. Anything was possible in this world, anything could be wrong.

"Jenny's body...it's gone..."



Entry eight: She's A Natural Disaster

"What?...What?" Krissy falls back into the chair she had just been inhabiting. Ryan's small body is shaking still and he wishes they had coffee..he misses coffee.

"I went to the grave site..I went just to see her you know? Tell her that I was sorry, tell her that I was trying to move on. But my foot hit the grave and then it just collapsed...the whole fucking thing collapsed and it was empty..no casket, no body, nothing..." Ryan's voice breaks off and he's looking down. Krissy shakes her head.

"How? How does this kind of thing happen?" She doesn't know, she doesn't know enough about luno's, about this world to know how this could happen. She feels sick though and her first thought is to tell Cassie but at the same time she doesn't want to say a word to the girl.

"I was reading...reading about this thing that luno's can do. I can't remember what it's called anymore but it's something where they steal the bodies of human's..." Ryan trails off and Krissy swallows hard. Her imagination is terrfying, showing her a variety of things that could be happening to Jenny's body right now.

"What do they do with them?" The blonde girl whispers because Ryan's offered no further explaination. He's still not looking at her.

"They do something...I don't know what but they change them, make them come back to life." Ryan's head lifts now and Krissy's icy blue eyes spark. "But they're not human when they come back." He add's and it kill's that little shred of hope that Krissy had just let enter her and just like that it was gone. Ryan's voice is hurt, oozing pain.

"What are they?" Krissy has tears in the corners of her eyes. She doesn't want this to happen. Haven't they hurt enough? Wasn't putting Jenny in the ground once enough?

"They turn into luno's...like them." Ryan tells her and his own dull eyes spark with tears, he's trying desperately to hide that fact. He shakes his head. "I need more information. I'm just..I don't know what to do." He whispers and Krissy nods. Ryan sound's so lost, so desperate and heartbroken that it's killing her. "Just...just don't tell Cassie okay? She doesn't need to know about this right now." Again Krissy nods and even though it kill's her that she has to keep it from the girl, she knows it's what's right.

"Ryan..." Krissy starts after a moment of shared silence. The boy looks up at her with questioning eyes. "What about Patrick and Spencer?" Ryan's heart drops straight to his feet and he's grabbing his jacket, racing out the door with Krissy hot on his heel's.

Cassie comes downstairs five minutes after Pete had left from there. She really need's to talk to Ryan about making a grocery run before the sun goes down. The only problem is that she can't find the boy. Normally she wouldn't ask permission but since the van's broken down, all they have is the truck so outing's need to be checked with everyone and today it happens that Ryan has the key's to the truck.

The dark haired girl goes into the bunk room expecting Ryan but instead she finds Pete, Brendon, and Jon huddled around a bunk, discussing something. They're talking in quiet voices, Jon and Brendon lift their heads and the talking ceases immediently. Pete turn's around and spot's her and mumbles a quiet swear.

"Anyone seen Ryan?" She asks and all three boy's shake their heads.

"I thought I heard his voice in the kitchen a second ago." Brendon tells her but Cassie shakes her head.

"I just looked in there." She's watching them. "What are you guys' doing?" Cassie asks, she's leaning against the doorframe, she doesn't look supicious, maybe just curious, maybe trying for a light mood considering the past few days had been stressful.

"We're discussing that burn bullet run for Friday." Jon tells her. Pete's never wanted to slap someone so badly in his life. It's not really the younger boy's fault though, Pete didn't tell him not to say anything. Pete turn's back to look at her and her face is oddly blank.

"You're all going?" Cassie asks and Brendon nods. Cassie's blue grey gaze shift's to Pete and maybe her eyes harden a bit. Pete raises his hands in an 'I'm innocent' fashion.

"I didn't talk Brendon into it. All I did was mention it." Pete says and Cassie's eyes move to Brendon and he nods.

"That's true." He confirms.

"And Jon?" Cassie questions.

"I offered to go." Jon supplies. Cassie's eyes narrow at Jon and Pete knows when he should go. He stands and leaves the room, Brendon following along behind him.

"We'll finish this later." Pete says and Jon nods. That leaves Cassie and Jon all alone and the girl looks over at him.

"You volunteered to go?" She asks softly as she moves to sit down next to him on his bunk. Jon nods but Cassie looks skeptical.

"I did."

"Why? I thought you didn't like to fight?" The girl asks, Jon doesn't know how to tell her that he needs to fight, that he feels the pressure thrumming through him and he needs to let it all out.

"I need to. They need me." Jon finally anwsers and Cassie sighs.

"It's dangerous." She tells him, now it's Jon's turn to sigh.

"I'm not helpless Cassie." He sound's weary, he doesn't want to have this fight. Cassie run's a hand through her wavy hair.

"I know that, just these fights..you never know what could happen...why willingly fight?"

"Brendon and Pete fight all the time." Jon retorts, his strong arms crossing over his broad chest.

"It's easier for Brendon! You know that!" Her voice raises and she's standing, Jon following.

"I'm not just going to stand here and be useless Cassie. I can fight! I can so I should!" He sounds so earnest and he's looking at her like he just want's her to understand but she shakes her head.

"What if something happens to you?" Her voice is quieter, she's not looking at him anymore but he's staring holes into her.

"I'll be fine." Jon knows he shouldn't say things like that, not if he doesn't know if he will be. Cassie raises her head and she has tears in her eyes.

"But what if you're not?" Her hands are wrapping around herself and she's crying, soft tears sliding down her cheek's.

"Cassie.." Jon starts but the girl cut's him off.

"You're all I have Jon! You can't die....I need you!" The words rush out of her so fast but Jon catches them all and Cassie looks shocked at herself, like she hadn't meant to say those things. Like, she didn't want to say that to him.

"Cassie." Jon tries again and he rest's his hands on her arms. Jon knows why she's like this, why she act's this way. Cassie has a abandonment complex now, a constant fear that she'll eventually lose everyone she loves. "I know you're afraid, that you're afraid to be left all alone. I know that when we fight you're always afraid that we'll lose someone, that you'll be all alone one day." Jon squeezes her arms, not tight, just firm, just enough to prove his point.

"But I swear to you. I swear when I say I'm coming back I mean it. I'm not going to leave you all alone, I promise." Jon mean's every word that spills from his mouth, it's things he always knew but never said outloud, never told her. He could never leave her, even if he wanted to.

She looks up at him, eyes tear stained. "I don't want you to go." She whispers, sounding slightly like a child and he moves his hand up, cup's her face. Jon finds himself leaning down, pressing their lips together, soft and gentle. Cassie freezes under his touch for a split second but then it's like something has been ripped open, something is pouring out of them and she leans into the kiss, crushing their lips together.

Jon's still holding on to her, his fingers now wound around her wrists and their mouths connected hot and wet. It's the first time they've ever, the first time he's ever been like this with her. Just as quickly, whatever was pulled open from Cassie is forced shut again and she jerks away from him, like his lips are burning her's.

Jon is looking down at her surprised. They've crossed a line, shit, shit, he hadn't meant to, he just...he doesn't know what happened to him. In this house, in this place it's like emotions are amplified tenfold and Jon still isn't used to it.

"I'm sorry." He says and Cassie is looking at him with wide eyes and red bruised lips. She shakes her head.

"I...I can't do this...I'm sorry." She says to him and it's heartbreakingly quiet and honest and Jon feels like he ruined it, whatever he had with her he ruined it and he might not ever get it back.

Cassie wipes her eyes and she brushes past Jon, going somewhere that Jon doesn't know. Somewhere he won't follow.

"Keeping your promise a little too well aren't you?" Jon hears Brendon ask from behind him.

"Shut up Brendon." The older boy replies as he drops down on his bunk.




Entry nine: It Will All Get Better In Time

Ever since Patrick died, Cassie has tried to detach herself from everyone else in the house...everyone beside's Krissy because after Jenny, Krissy was her oldest friend. She's tried to not get close to anyone, to not care about anyone but herself. She lives this way now because the second you start caring about someone, the moment you allow yourself to be in love is the moment that that person will be taken away from you.

So, Cassie really wishes she hadn't kissed Jon.

After Patrick's death Jon was there, he was there to comfort her and talk to her and make her feel okay. He managed to slip past all her barries, he managed to make her care. Despite Cassie's want to detach herself, to make herself emotionally dead she couldn't pull it off. She still cares about all of them, every person in the house she cares.

It's not just the fact that she's trying to keep herself closed off but the fact that ever since what happened to Patrick, relationship's were started to be looked down upon. Relationship's were seen as a weakness, something that could be distracting, something that could cause someone's death. Brendon and Krissy were the only one's in the house in an offical relationship, Brendon can hold his own, she's not his weakness. It sort of chill's Cassie down to her bone's that when they first found the hideout, when this whole thing started Cassie had Patrick, Ryan had Jenny, and Krissy had Brendon. Two down, one to go.

Cassie was upstairs again, with Gabe and Alex and Nate. They were quiet and they didn't ask a lot of question's. Maybe it wasn't weird that people just broke down in tears anymore. The girl was sitting by the window, the only window that wasn't boarded up, the only window that showed the sky. The dying sunlight fell through the window, casting ray's against Cassie's skin. A paticularly pretty shine catching on her wedding ring.

Then there was Patrick and the way she won't let herself consider being with Jon, because she was married. She was Patrick's wife, not just his girl but his wife and that stood for something, at least to her. Beside's it's only been six months since Patrick's death, since she lost the love of her life...not even a year...they can't, she can't. Jon can't expect her to be ready to move on.



Entry Ten: The Dreams In Which I'm Dying Were The Best I Ever Had

Gabe is writing down that week's number's when Ryan finds him. Ryan all sweaty and pale with dirt stained on the knees of his black jeans. Gabe set's down his pen and looks at Ryan with startled eyes. "Ross, man what happened?" Ryan just shakes his head and slams his hands down on the wooden table, not a good move considering the table is already in terrible condition.

"Gabe, I need all the information you have on the luno's. Everything I've already read and whatever I haven't and I need you to put a fax out to everyone...anyone asking for their information." Ryan rushes the words out and his eyes flicker towards the door. Gabe closes the notebook and looks at Ryan intently. It's not such an odd request, back when it all happened Ryan wanted to know everything he could about the luno's.

"Can I ask why?" Gabe says and Ryan looks down before he returns his gaze back to the older boy's face.

"Come with me." Ryan request's and he's heading back toward's the door. The taller boy watches the thin boy for a moment before he sighs and follows him out the door. He follows Ryan across the back of the hideout, dry dying grass stained yellow. The sun was close to setting, it wouldn't be much longer now and to Gabe the days have never felt quicker.

Ryan lead's him a few yard's away, Gabe already knows where they're going. The only place they actually walk to these day's. They stop infront of three rises of earth..or at least where there used to be three rises of earth. Now there's one dug open grave and two completely empty ones. Krissy's already standing by the middle grave, Brendon beside her, holding her hand.

"What the fuck?" Gabe breathes out because this is a grave yard, these are their friend's graves and they're destroyed.

"The luno's." Ryan says quiet and he's staring at the the two empty graves, he's ignoring the third, the one that still has the coffin in it. Ryan doesn't need to say anything else because Gabe's been studying the luno's every day, trying to find out everything he can about the horrible creatures that now roam the earth.

He knows how they were created, kind of. A goverment experiment gone wrong, some kind of super warrior that america was so desperate to create, to protect themselves. Gabe finds that damn ironic, the fact that something that was meant to help ended up hurting everyone.

Gabe knows that the closest thing they can classify the luno's as are a horrific cross between vampires, werewolves, and human's. That they need to attack people or animals to keep alive, that they can techincally come out in the day time but they'll slowly be burned each second they are. They never change their apperance though, they always look the same. Mostly like human's but distorted, like, someone decided to stretch the human form. Creating longer arms with sharp clawed finger's, elongnated leg's, stretched out neck's and razor sharp teeth.

The information about the luno's happens to be mostly trial and error, a mix of guess work and supersitions. At least they know for sure that the burn bullets still work. Gabe knows that the luno's steal bodies, he's read about it but never experienced it but he knows the basics of it.

Gabe knows that the person has to be dead less than seven months, any longer and the body can't be used. He knows that it only work's on human bodies. Gabe doesn't know what they do exactly, but they bring people back, except their not people anymore, their mindless, shell's of their former selves. No memories, no human instincts, nothing but their new luno lives. Gabe shudders at the thought that his former friend's might be luno's now.

"Who?" Gabe asks, his eyes sweeping the ground before moving side long to the three people standing beside him.

"Jenny...and Patrick." Brendon says quietly, he's still holding Krissy's hand but the other is balled up into a tight fist at his side.

"It was too late for Spencer." Ryan add's quietly. Gabe flinches, he count's the months mentally. It's been ten months for Spencer, he was the first one they ever lost...they had all been so stupid back then.

It had only been six months for Patrick and seven months exactly for Jenny.

"It should've been too late for her." Ryan mutter's, Gabe looks at the boy. He knows that it must be horrible, it's like losing your girlfriend all over again. "That means they came before now...none of us have been back here in so long...who the fuck knows when they came and got the bodies.." Ryan is saying, his voice is rising with hysteria but Gabe doesn't blame him.

"We've got to tell them." Brendon says and he's looking past them all to the dark walls of the hideout, the sun is sinking deeper into the darkness and twilight is close, so close, mere minutes before they all be in danger. Until a brand new night of surviving starts.

It takes them ten minutes to gather everyone to tell them. Gabe end's up being the one to tell everyone, maybe because he knows the most about the subject, maybe because it wasn't his girlfriend, his husband or his best friend. Maybe that's why it's him. Ryan's eyes are trained on Cassie when Gabe tells them. It sort of feels like they're all watching the dark haired girl.

She doesn't do what Ryan expects. She doesn't break down into tears on the spot, she doesn't scream or cry or throw things. She sit's, heavy eyes and tight grimace. She doesn't do anything he expects but she stands, swift and she's gone, striding back to the bunk rooms. Almost like he's on cue, Jon follows her and maybe she want's that, maybe she doesn't.

*

Jon finds Cassie standing by her bunk, her back to him and her head is bowed, hair slipping forward and covering her pretty face. He knows she's crying now. He moves close behind her, rest's his strong hands on her shoulders.

"Are you okay?" He knows that a very stupid question, of course she's not okay. She just found out that her dead best friend and husband's bodies have been taken by luno's, that chances are good that they too are luno's now.

Cassie shakes her head. "It scares me...the fact that he's out there somewhere...that he exists again."

"I know it must be hard..." She's turning in his arms so that they are face to face. He was right, she's crying, wet trail's running down her cheek's. Cassie's hands find his chest, fingers splayed across soft muscle.

"It's more then hard...it's maddening...it's like, I want to see him again..."

"Cassie-"

"I know...I know he wouldn't be the same. He wouldn't even know who I was..but it's Patrick." She looks up at him through her tears. Jon's so sick of seeing those gorgeous eyes filled with tears. "It's Patrick." She repeats. Jon nods leans down and kisses the top of her head.

"I know." He mumbles against her soft hair. "I know."

*

In the kitchen Pete is currently punching the wall with his good hand. They let him do it, no one could stop him if they wanted to. He's not strong enough to break the wall but he might break his other hand.

"How could those bastards get them? No! No! Fuck no!" Pete is screaming, when it comes to Patrick he's never been rational. "I'll kill them! All of those fucking luno's! They'll all be dead meat!" He punches the wall with each word that fall's from his lips and a few more times after he stop's talking. Pete punches before he sort of just slides down the wall, sitting on the wooden floor, head on his arms and his arms on his knees.

Everyone in the room knows exactly how Pete feels. They all share the same thought's, the same unbridled anger. The luno's had killed their friend's and now, now they've taken them, made them the very things that killed them, the very things that the rest of them have to fight off on a nightly basis. That was just an asshole move. The luno's do it on purpose, they take human's and change them not to have more luno's no, but to drive the former human's friend's, lover's, family, whatever, completely crazy.

"What happen's...what happen's if we run into them at the mission tomorrow?" Alex asks. No one says anything but Brendon does get out of his seat, his eyes sweeping over the whole lot of them until they rest on Ryan.

"We do what we always do to luno's." He says, before he too turns and walks away.

No one goes out that night but Gabe does fax around picture's of Jenny and Patrick, asking if anyone's encountered or killed either one of those luno's. He honestly doesn't know which news he'd rather recieve, the fact that they were spotted or the fact that they were dead. Along with the picture's Gabe faxes that their group is taking the delivery mission.

*

Friday rolls around and Pete spends all day prepairing Jon and Brendon about their mission planned for that night. Ryan decides he want's to go too as does Gabe and even more surprising Nate. Cassie spends a good amount of the day asking Jon not to go, Jon spends an equal amount of time telling her that he has to go, promising that he'll be okay.

In the back of his mind he knows that if he isn't okay...if something does happen...that she'll never believe anything again. That thought almost makes him want to stay, but the tear's she cried last night make him want to go, go and kill those fuck's who took Patrick, who continue to hurt his friend's over and over and over again. Getting revenge on those bastard's is what make's him go.

Cassie doesn't ask to go, Pete had been thinking that she would, thinking that she'd want to see if he'd be there...Pete's kind of relieved that she doesn't ask. Krissy does ask but Brendon tells her no. It pisses her off and she end's up slapping him but he shrugs it off, they both know that it's for her protection.

They load up on weapons, make sure they got the best of the best, no mistake's, no accident's, they can't afford it.

They have to take the truck because the van is still broken down, Pete complain's to Andy and Joe about it but Andy just shakes his head and asks Pete if he aware of just how hard it is to find part's for an engine nowadays? They get ready to leave just before twilight, everyone has at least two gun's on them, all loaded with the burn bullets.

Cassie finds Jon before they leave. He's expecting another plea to not go. He's not expecting her to wrap her arms around him, her face pressed against his chest. "Come back." She whispers. It's not a question, not a hope but a demand. Jon nods, tip's her chin up so their eyes meet.

"I will."

She kisses him on the cheek and lets him go.

Pete and Jon ignore the fact that Brendon smell's like sex. The three of them are squatting in the bed of the truck. Gun's at the ready. It's really not the safest thing but that's why Brendon's back there, in case of an ambush. Nate, Gabe and Ryan are in the cab of the truck, Ryan driving quick and steady down the broken road's. It only take's ten minutes to get to the outlet store but by the time they arrive, it's already dark.

Ryan park's the truck by the side of the outlet store. There's a huge delivery truck a few feet from where Ryan parked. A huge crate, probably the one full of burn bullets sit's on the ground by the loading ramp. Brendon, Pete, and Jon hop out of the back of the truck as the other three boy's in the front come out behind them.

They're watching the area carefully, gun's out and aimed, prepared for anything. A man comes out of the outlet store, older, graying and slightly scruffy, he looks nervous like, he'd rather not be out here at all. "You human?" He asks and they nod. They can all remember a time when that question wasn't necessary.

"Show em' Gabe." Ryan says, turning to look at the tallest boy. Gabe nods and fishes a paper out of his pocket. It's that week's issue of the rag, crinkled and crumpled but the guy nods, knows that only people in hideout's get the paper. "What is it you need exactly?" Ryan asks, he's not used to dealing with this guy, he's used to the other worker...Charlie or something close to it. The graying man surveys their group.

"I just need someone to guard while I load this shit in." The guy tells them and Ryan nods.

"We can do that."

There doesn't appear to be anyone or anything else around though so, maybe there was no need for bringing this many people. Nate, Brendon, and Pete hang around outside while Jon, Ryan, and Gabe help the outlet guy take the different sized boxes inside the back door of the store. It goes quicker this way and Nate's kind of glad.

He's never really fought all that much, just with Gabe and their crew but he was always back up, second string if you will. Gabe and Ryland were better fighter's, Vicky was pretty good too, Alex was with Nate on the second string list. He's not exactly sure why he wanted to come to this mission, maybe because all the other's were volunteering, he wanted to prove that he could help out beyond keeping track of fax number's and what day of the week it is.

It takes a little over fifteen minutes to get all the boxes inside the outlet store and Nate won't lie, he's kind of relieved that this mission was a bust. Brendon looks kind of disappointed and Nate can hear Jon mumbling about something but he just eager to go home. After the boxes are inside the outlet guy invites them in for a moment because he says he want's to pay them, something that none of them can refuse so, Ryan and Jon go inside while the rest of them hang around outside the back door.

It's taking the two boy's a little too long to come back out and just as Nate is going to express this to the rest of them two sudden loud bang's issue through the night air. One being the sound of a door hitting a wall, the second being gun shots.

"Fuck! Fuck! You guys' help!" They hear Ryan yell and Brendon is bursting through the door instantly. They find Ryan on the floor with a luno bearing down on top of him and Jon being held up in the air by a luno, it's strong hand is wrapped around the boy's throat.

"What the fuck?" Brendon screams but he doesn't hesistate. His gun is out and he's firing multiple shot's into the back of the luno that's holding Jon in the air. Pete fires at the large beast on top of Ryan. Brendon's aim is spectacular and the bullet goes right through the luno's wrist, blowing the clawed hand clear off the beast's arm. The luno, no longer even having a hand, drops Jon and the older boy hit's the floor with a hard thump. Jon's coughing but he seem's to be fine, pissed off but fine and he releases that anger in the form of whipping out his gun and shooting the luno right in it's crotch.

The creature squeals in pain and stumbles backwards and fall's back on the ground. Jon is aiming again and he shoot's the luno right in the head, the burn bullet doing it's job and splattering blood all over the place.

The luno on Ryan is apparently tougher to kill because it isn't dead despite getting shot by Pete but Ryan has managed to crawl away, his gun skidded away to god knows where. That's why they alway's carry two gun's. Ryan pulls his extra weapon out of the waistband of his pant's and fires at the luno.

"What the fuck happened?" Brendon is screaming.

"It was an ambush!" Ryan yell's back from his position on the cold floor.

"What?"

"They knew we were going to be here!" Jon yell's.

"How-" Gabe doesn't get to finish whatever it was that he was going to say because at that moment a small, dark flash issues through the confined space of the store and he goes flying into the back of the store, crashing into a glass case, sparkling particles raining around the tall boy. Nate looks at the spot next to him, the spot where Gabe had just been standing. What was there now was a girl, a luno girl. She turn's her gaze on Nate, lick's her full lips.

Nate raises his gun but she's fast, knocking his weapon out of his hands completely and in an instant she has him by the collar and she throws him too, across the room but he doesn't hit glass like Gabe did, no, he hit's a metal rack of potato chip's but fuck, that doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt.

"Bitch." Pete snarls, he charges at her the same time as Ryan does. Neither boy actually manages to hit her though because this other flash is streaking across and throws his arms out knocking them both away from the girl.

Pete ends up flipped over the counter and Ryan get's slammed backwards where Jon has to pull fast to the left to grab the younger boy. "You boy's need to stay away from her." A male voice says and it's the quick flash that slammed into Pete and Ryan, a slim male luno who's eyeing the girl one. "She's got her eyes set on someone else." He inform's them and he's eyeing them all, apparently looking for which might be the easiest kill.

The female luno stalks over to where Brendon is standing tense near the door. Jon want's to help him but he's pretty sure that Ryan's ankle is sprained and if he put's him down, it's that much more likely that the male luno will try to pick him off. Jon's also pretty sure that Gabe and Nate are unconcious and he doesn't know what the fuck happened to Pete.

He's keeping himself calm though, because he knows that the luno's can sense emotion's and the changes in them. Jon doesn't need them knowing that he's panicking.

Nate's back is killing him...he knows that he should've listened to Alex and just stayed behind but no, he just had to go and prove how much of a man he was by getting in a stupid fight. Nate lifts his head and he can't see anybody, not from his position on top of a metal rack on the floor. Suddenly a hand grab's his arm and Nate is jerking up and away, he looks quickly to his right, expecting a luno but no, it's that guy, the grizzled grey outlet guy.

"Kid, come on..back here, it's safe." The man is rushing out in a quiet voice. He's motioning for Nate to move with him behind a huge shelf of empty gun clips. "Come on." He says again and he reaches out and grab's Nate. The boy follows the outlet guy, moving whisper quiet...if he can just get a gun..he could take both the remaining luno's out.

They're in the back corner of the store but from here Nate can see Gabe laying flat on his back, surrounded by shard's of broken glass in the corner opposite Nate's. The tall boy is stock still, small crimson cut's covering his arms and face. Nate makes a move to crawl toward's Gabe but outlet guys' grip on his arm is strong. "That's my friend." Nate whispers, pointing toward's Gabe. The outlet guy shakes his head.

"Just wait. You're in danger."

"We're all in danger." Nate argues, whispering harshly.

"But you especially because you happen to be the smallest here and the least experienced with a weapon...you're easy pickings." The outlet man whispers and fuck, his grip is so tight.

Jon tries to think of where his gun is, where any of their gun's are because the male luno is still staring at him, dark eyes burning into jon. The luno is watching Ryan and him and no, fuck that luno if he thinks he's going down without a fight. The girl beast is standing by Brendon, watching him and Brendon makes an angry, growl like noise.

"How'd you freaks know we were here?" He grit's out, the girl makes a clicking noise with her tongue.

"Freaks hurts...do you really think you should be calling us that?" She laughs and Brendon scowls, deep line's etching his young face.

"Doesn't matter, I'm going to kill you in about five seconds." Now the guy beast is one laughing.

"But we came here just for you." The girl says, her voice far too innocent for what she is. She reaches out, her cold hand on Brendon's shoulder, giving it a squeeze. She lick's her lips in what could very well be considered a seductive manner but Brendon shrugs her off.

"Already got a girl." He inform's the monster, he's just thinking of the right time to grab his gun, of where Ryan put the key's to the truck. "But there is something you could help me with." He says and the girl quirks an eyebrow, her impossibly dark eyes trail down Brendon's body.

"What is it baby?" Again with that pseudo, innocent tone. Well, Brendon definitly won't be telling Krissy this part of the story when he get's home tonight.

"Tell, me if you've seen these two around." Brendon starts, his hand dig's around in his pocket, pulls out a picture, folded and worn but it's a picture of Brendon and Krissy, Cassie and Patrick, and Ryan and Jenny from two christmases ago. The picture is from when they were all happy, still young and innocent, standing out infront of Brendon's apartment building, snow falling behind them and the six of them wearing dorky santa hat's. Brendon point's out Jenny and Patrick and the luno girl scans the photo before she's smirking.

"Is that blonde your girlfriend? I bet she would taste good." The girl whispers and it takes everything Brendon has to not grab his gun and shoot her dead right fucking there.

"Anwser me." He demand's.

"Why should I?" She actually has the gull to smirk at him, her sharp teeth gleaming in the florencent lights.

"Because I'll kill you if you don't." He states, the girl laughs.

"Maybe you just need to sweeten the deal. Give me one of these human's." She command's, her hand waving at Brendon's comrades.

"Your fucking crazy if you think that's going to happen." Brendon growls out.

"Come on," She starts and she has her hand on Brendon's shoulder again. "Just give me the one with the hurt ankle...he's weak anyway." She coo's in Brendon's ear, the boy growls and he pushes her away.

"Fuck you freak. You'd better anwser me because I'm losing my patience."

"No, I've never seen your little friend's before...never." She states and she pushes her mouth to Brendon's, suddenly kissing him in a distorted manner.

While Brendon's distracted the male that's with her turn's to Jon and Ryan. "Give him to me." The male request's gesturing at the unconcious Ryan.

"Go fuck yourself." Jon tells the male and the luno laughs.

"Guess I'll just kill you and take him too." He says, simple as if Jon is an insect in his way, easily disposed of. He starts toward's Jon. The boy drag's Ryan's body back but damn, he's kind of dizzy from nearly getting strangled to death earlier and he stumbles a bit. He wonder's if he's going to die and more importantly if Cassie will ever forgive him if he does, if she'll ever trust anyone ever again.

The male hunches down and Jon knows it's getting ready to pounce like a cat does on it's prey. Jon fully expect's to feel the pain of death but instead he hears a shout, a gun shot and feels the warm hit of blood splattering over his body. He had closed his eyes because he didn't want to see himself getting killed but they're open now and he see's Pete standing up behind the counter, gun aimed at where the male luno had previously been standing.

The male luno in question was now a headless corpse on the outlet floor and Jon's stomach lurches because he and Ryan are covered in the luno's blood and brain matter.

"Couldn't do that a little earlier Wentz?" Jon asks because seriously, Pete's timing sucked ass. Pete gives a slight grin.

"Needed him to be distracted."

Jon drag's Ryan forward and he hears another gun shot. See's the girl luno dead on the floor. The shout must've been Brendon knocking her away. Brendon's looking at Jon and Ryan, looking at Pete but he doesn't look at ease.

"What's wrong?" Jon asks and Brendon burrows his brows, his face caught in a scowl.

"There's still one more."

"What? But only four came out of the back.." Jon says, remembering when the luno's has ambushed them. His words are cut off by a scream of pain from the right corner of the store and it's only then that they remember Nate isn't accounted for.

Brendon is back there first, Pete second and Jon with Ryan thrown over his shoulder third. The outlet man is already dead by the time Jon get's back there. Nate's on his hands and knees panting in pain and his right shoulder bleeding profuesly.

The outlet man was the last luno.



Entry eleven: Turn Away Because I'm Awful Just To See

Nate can't believe his shitty luck, he can't fucking believe it. The second fight he's in, the first fight he willingly signed up for and he get's bit by a luno.

It turn's out that the real outlet man, Charlie, was killed three days ago. Brendon had found his decomposed body in the backroom, tucked into a freezer. The last luno, the grizzled graying man, was just acting human, the whole thing was a setup and they fell for it. Brendon is so unbelievably pissed off at himself, he can't believe he couldn't tell that the guy was a fake human. He always pride's himself on spotting the fakers but something fooled him, somehow they pulled one over on him but more importantly, they bit Nate.

Nate ride's in the front with Pete and Brendon, whose taking over Ryan's job of driving. The thin boy is laid out in the bed of the truck along with Gabe and Jon whose watching over them. Ryan's ankle is sprained so he'll probably have trouble walking for the next week or so, Gabe has cut's on his face and arms but he too should be fine. Jon came away with new blood stained clothes and dark hand marks wrapped around the pale skin of his neck. Pete a few bump's and bruises and Brendon a pissed off mood.

He drives fast, swearing and cursing about someone at the hideout needing to figure out how to make the devices that they wear work again, because what point is there to wearing them when they don't even work? Brendon ignores the fact that Patrick was the inventer of the devices, Patrick was their 'gadget guy, a title he hated.' Brendon also wishes for some kind of walkie talkies because what kind of team doesn't have walkie talkies? Apparently them.

Nate makes a gurgling noise, blood spilling thick and deep crimson out of his mouth. He's clutching at his arm, concious but in horrific pain. Nate cries out, tipping his head back against the seat, his short black hair brushing the worn material of the seat and his small, silver nose ring shining in the dim lights. He's bleeding all over his clothes, all over the seat, all over Pete, whose sandwhiched next to him but they don't care because they've just got to get back, they don't have long. The group make's it back in fifteen minutes time, it took longer because three of them are injured.

As soon as Brendon shut's off the truck he's out of the cab and over on Nate's side, pulling the older boy out, Nate clutches at Brendon weakly, his blood oozing over Brendon's arms but that doesn't matter because they're running out of time.

Brendon kicks the door open but it doesn't break, honestly he's surprised. "Andy!" He screams throughout the house, his voice echoing around all the massive empty space. Nate coughs up some blood, Brendon's eye's him for a moment before he screams louder. Andy doesn't come but Cassie does, streaking around the corner.

"Brendon...what..what is it?" She anwsers him before she really has time to drink in the scene, if she took a look she would know what was wrong.

"Nate! He got bit!" Cassie's blue eyes go wide and she rushes to the infirmary door, pulls it open and Brendon rushes in there, Nate still in his arms. "Where the hell is Andy?" Brendon growls out.

"He-He's upstairs...I'll get him." She breathes out quietly and she's gone just like that, he can hear her thumping up the stairs. Brendon turn's his attention back to Nate.

"It's going to be okay." He tells the smaller boy and Nate nods. His entire neck, the left side of his face and his shoulder and arm are stained a deep crimson. Brendon rip's Nate's shirt open, pulls it off of him as gently as he can. He doesn't have time for buttons or pulling t-shirts over heads, fuck that. Nate's bite wound is bad, deep and jagged and Brendon's betting that some skin is missing.

More thumping echoing above them and Andy is in the infirmary, Cassie, Krissy, Alex and Ryland right behind him.

"Brendon! Cassie said...Fuck." Andy trail's off and he's at Nate's side in an instant. "He got bit?"

"Yeah, and he need's some antidote now!" Brendon shout's, it's already been probably twenty minutes, already been so long. "We still have some right?" Andy looks at Brendon warily and Nate groans, cries in pain and grit's his teeth. Andy looks back at Ryland, the taller boy moves to a cupboard in the corner, pulls it open and is pratically throwing things out of it as he searches for something he need's so, desperately...something that Nate need's.

He finds one, a thin vial of icy blue liquid. Andy already has a needle ready and as soon as he has the vial in his tattoo covered hands he has it hooked up. Brendon forgot how good they were at this, how quick they were. Maybe, maybe it will be okay after all. Andy doesn't wait, doesn't hesistate as he shoves the sharp tipped needle into Nate's injured shoulder, the boy cries out in pain as Andy pushes the plunger down, empties the icy blue vial into the boy's body.

The bearded makeshift doctor removes the needle and take's a moment, allows himself to breath. "How long?" He asks, his hazel eyes burning into Brendon's.

"Fifteen..maybe twenty minutes." Brendon replies, his voice tight and grim. He's running a hand through his hair short dark hair, forgetting that he was covered in Nate's blood. Brendon eyes the bitten boy and the liquid seem's to be taking effect, putting Nate to sleep so they can clean him up.

"Where are the others?" Cassie's voice issues through the small group that's crowded into the infirmary. Brendon only just remembers that other people are in here, people beside Andy and Nate. Cassie is still waiting for an anwser, she looks beyond worried.

"They're fine..sorta...they're out in the truck." Cassie is rushing out of the infirmary along with Ryland and Alex. Krissy is being oddly silent, her eyes fixated on the injured Nate.

"What the fuck happened Brendon?" Andy is asking, he looks shaken and he probably is, it's been awhile since they've had a really serious injury, all they had been having as of late were hurt wrist's and sprained ankle's, not this...never this. Brendon sit's on one of the empty cots and just lets himself breath a moment, the rush of everything that happened is still thrumming through his body.

"It was a trap..." Krissy gasps but Brendon continues. "The usual outlet guy..the luno's killed him..put someone there in his place..and I didn't catch it! I didn't know and somehow that guy got Nate, bit him because I wasn't paying enough attention." It's the first time that Brendon's really letting the guilt about what happened at the store sink in.

"Were the other's hurt?" That's always what Andy cares about first and foremost, he doesn't really have time for Brendon's guilty concious when he has to patch everyone up. Brendon shakes his head.

"Not too bad. Ryan has a sprained ankle I think..Gabe got cut up a little bit, whacked his head kinda hard and Jon got choked but Nate's definitly the worst." Brendon replies as his eyes sink back to the bloodied boy. Andy sighs, run's a shaking hand through his shoulder length curly brown hair. His finger's twitch and Brendon knows that he's wishing for a cigarette. He moves over to the little sink in the corner, a bright pink bucket in his hand and a cloth over his shoulder, whatever he can do to keep his mind and hands busy.

"Krissy, want to grab me some bandages?" Andy asks, he glances back at Krissy who nods and move's jerky, like she was pulled from some deep thoughts. Brendon thinks he knows what she's thinking about but he's not allowing himself to say it, not allowing himself to even think about it. Andy heads back over to where Nate is passed out, in his medicated sleep.

Brendon watches as the doctor cleans the boy, wiping away the deep crimson color, staining the white cloth.

"It's going to work right Andy?" Brendon asks, his voice is lower than he'd like to admit as his fear's sink into his mind. Andy spares Brendon a glance, his hazel eyes made larger by the pair of square glasses he's wearing, he shrugs.

"Honestly, I don't know Bren." Brendon's heart crashes to his feet.

"But last time-"

"Last time was different Brendon...these circumstances are different."

"So, you're saying that it might not work?"

"I'm saying that I don't know." Brendon makes a noise in his throat and tries to lower his anger, keep calm because it's so, so easy for him to get upset.

"Why wouldn't it?" He doesn't want to even consider the fact that the antidote might not work.

"Brendon, this shit..this antidote is experimental! Last time we got lucky, last time things worked and they might this time but I'm telling you that Nate isn't you! It might not work for him!" Andy hadn't meant to yell at Brendon but he did, he also didn't mean to bring up Brendon's accident but he did that too, but fuck, he's trying to save a life here The doctor doesn't need someone breathing down his neck.

Brendon scowls and he's glaring and then Krissy is next to him, taking his blood stained hand and pulling him up, leading him upstairs to shower, to forget all about the jagged mark on his shoulder and how Nate now has a matching one.

Ryland ran out into the night as soon as Brendon told them that the other's were outside. Cassie and Alex on his heel's. He saw the beat up truck parked crooked by the house and Jon standing in the bed of the truck. Ryland rushes over because Gabe...Gabe and Nate were both hurt. Ryland came out here to get Gabe because he doesn't want to think about what happened to Nate. He want's to pretend as long as he can.

Jon jump's out of the bed of the truck and motions for Ryland to come over and help him. The younger doctor races over, see's Ryan and Gabe sprawled out in the cold metal of the truck. He knows their injuries aren't too serious, that they don't really need him to be out here, Alex either but again, neither of them are ready to face Nate just yet.

Jon hand's Gabe over to Ryland and Alex, their tall friend is awake now but he's stumbling on long leg's, his equally long arms hooked around Ryland and Alex's shoulder's for support. Pete is carrying Ryan, bride over the threshold style, Ryan's spindely limb's dangling over Pete's strong arms. Jon is closing up the back of the truck, Cassie hovering uncertainly behind him, a look of what could only be considered relieved on her face. Ryland knows what the girl must be feeling, pulled in a million different directions. They all tend to end up feeling this way.

Five minutes later and they've gotten Gabe and Ryan settled beside Nate in the infirmary cot's. Their fine, Ryan is awake and complaining that he shouldn't even be in the infirmary and Gabe telling them that his head feels like it was repeatedly pounded against a brick wall. Nate is still knocked out, his bite mark was cleaned and Ryland flinches because Nate's missing a huge section of his shoulder, you can clearly make out the shape of sharp teeth marks dug into the pale flesh.

Andy's tracking Nate's progress, seeing how the med's are holding. He's scared shitless because this is only the second time this has happened and the memories from the first time still haven't faded from his mind.

The problem is that a luno bites for two different reasons, one to kill and the other to turn. Apparently the luno at the store intended to turn Nate, to make him a luno as well. When a luno bites to turn, a sort of venom sinks into the skin, infiltrating the blood and it turn's them rapidly into a luno. The only way to stop the transformation is to inject them with the antidote, the one that's still experimental highly experimental.

Andy found out about the antidote shortly before they found the hideout. Something the goverment managed to invent to try and make up for the horrible mistake of creating the luno's. He always knew that the goverment would end up being the downfall of human kind but he didn't really expect it in his own lifetime. The antidote, whose offical name is 'Luno Anti-Virus A' or LAVA, but no one really uses the offical name, acts as a defense mechanism but sometimes even that fails.

"What happens if the antidote doesn't take?" Ryland asks, he's leaning against the white counter, his long face solemn, staring at Andy with worried dark eyes. Ryland doesn't even want to ask the question but they both know that they need to talk about it.

"He'll turn." Andy says it quietly, that's kind of why Ryland didn't want to be a doctor here, because when you're a doctor you have to look at things in a medical sense, even if that mean's admitting to things you never would before.

"And then what?" Ryland doesn't even have to ask, he remembers when they all went over the protical for what to do when someone get's turned.

"Two options...we let him go and he lives as a luno...possibly coming back to kill us later...or...we.." Andy trails off and Ryland doesn't make him say it, doesn't want him to say it. Andy end's up getting out the leather straps, strap's Nate down to the bed. The boy is asleep now but he'll wake up soon and when he does it will be easier to know whether or not he's turning, whether or not they have a reason to be afraid.

"We do what we have to." Ryland supplies, pushes his thick, medium length, dark brown hair out of his face, Andy nods.

That's all they've been doing all along.

Cassie finds Jon in the bunk room. She comes and sit's down across from him, soft careful movement's. Her soft eyes widening as they sweep over him. Jon knows he must look terrible. Crimson droplets of blood speckled all over his grey t-shirt and jean's, brushed across his cheek's, dark bruises in the shape of a inhumanly strong luno hand, decorating his neck. it's disgusting but he has to wait for Brendon to get out of the shower before he can clean off.

"You're covered in blood." She note's, her voice as soft as her movement's.

"At least it's not my own." He jokes and she smiles soft.

"At least you came back." Cassie replies.

"I told you I would." Jon feels like maybe a bit of her faith is restored, the fact that he promised her he'd come back and he did.

"But not completely uninjured." The girl point's out, she leans forward and her fingers press feather light against the dark hand prints on the side of his neck.

"Better to be bruised than to be dead." Jon tells her and the girl nods, sit's back and she looks like she want's to say something else. "What's wrong?" He add's because she definitly looks like there's something that is.

"Did you...did you see..I mean...was he there?" Cassie doesn't have to say who, Jon already knows and he shakes his head.

"He wasn't."

Cassie looks relieved about the news but Jon can see it, just the tiniest hint of disappointment in her eyes, on her pretty face.

"I'm glad you're not dead." She says quietly and she's up and heading out of the room.

"I won't go anymore..." Jon says when Cassie's halfway out of the room.

"What?" She stop', glances back at him.

"I won't go anymore unless they need me...I promise." Jon feels that energy he had felt, that urge to fight and kill has faded, it's not worth scaring her, it's not worth breaking his promise to Patrick, it just isn't worth it.



Entry twelve: My Kind's, Your Kind

Brendon's been out of the shower for five minutes now. Krissy's downstairs waiting for him, Jon's waiting to use the bathroom but Brendon can't seem to leave the bathroom just yet, he can't. He's been staring at himself in the mirror for the last three minutes, long stretches of pale wet skin that end's at his upper arm, at his shoulder. The skin there is faded and jagged, ugly in the dim bathroom's light.

He can ignore it most time's. Sometime's he can imagine that the scar doesn't exist but now it's the only thing he can think about. What happened tonight, what happened to Nate, it's bringing it all back, every memory of the night it happened to Brendon. Every memory Brendon has tried so hard to push away.

Four months into the luno outbreak. Two months after Spencer died. They were still naiive, still just kid's in a sense. None of them were all that great at fighting and it still surprises Brendon that they managed to stay alive as long as they did. They didn't have a hideout back then, no safe place to stay at night so, they just constantly moved. Sleep during the day, walk all night, hide at night, survive at night.

There was a fight one night, they fucked up and this luno cornered Jon and Ryan. Brendon went over there to help, to save them because Ryan always loses his gun during fights, they'd be better off giving him an axe or something. Brendon got over there and tackled the luno, knocking the relatively small creature to the ground. Unfortunatly the luno managed to grab Brendon's ankle, pulling the boy down with him. Brendon hadn't been anywhere near as strong then as he was now.

He remembers being overpowered, trying to push the beast off of him but it was too strong, wouldn't budge, not even when Jon and Pete emptied a round into it. He remembers strong clawed hands pinning his wrist's to the ground, the hot stink of the luno's breath. Brendon remembers hearing Krissy screaming when the creature sunk it's razor sharp teeth into his shoulder. Hot blood pouring out of his wound, flesh ripping and pain, intense buring pain.

That night he was sure he was going to die. It hurt so much that he thinks by the end of it he was wishing for death. Pete and Joe ended up killing the grotesque thing and Brendon was stretched out on the dusty earth, staring up at the night sky, vision unfocused and his body quickly going numb.

Pete and Ryan dropped down on their knees beside Brendon. Krissy falling down beside him and he can so clearly remember her crying, icy blue eyes filled with fear. Ryan too looked afraid, afraid to lose another friend so quickly.

"I think I'm dying." Brendon admitted and it wasn't the smartest thing to say considering his girlfriend was right there.

"It bit him." He remembers Pete saying softly and he remembers Ryan biting his lip and staring with worry. Krissy is crying and the last thing Brendon remembers hearing is her saying 'I love you.' over and over and over again.

Krissy filled Brendon in on what had happened after that. That Andy had vile's of the antidote in his bag, that they weren't sure what would happen but injected Brendon anyway because it was the best chance they had. She told him that the group had to keep walking, she told him about and how Jon and Joe and Patrick kept taking turn's carrying his bloodied and beaten body.

Krissy tells him that she was afraid that he was going to die, afraid of the conversation that the other's were having, about how if Brendon turned...they'd have to kill him. She said that she didn't sleep at all that night, that she laid Brendon out on her lap, brushed the hair out of his face as he sweated and shook.

Brendon remembers waking up and it was daylight, bright light shining around them, the other's still sleeping. His clothes were stained dark red and his entire body ached. He remembers when Krissy woke up and looked scared of him and how Pete grabbed her and pulled her away from him. Brendon looked confused and felt the heavy burn of pain in his shoulder.

Andy move's carefully to examin Brendon, he doesn't miss how Pete, Jon, and Ryan have their gun's drawn.

"You guys...what are you doing?" Brendon asks, confused as to why his girlfriend suddenly isn't allowed to touch him and why his friend's are suddenly pointing gun's at him.

"You were bit by a luno last night Brendon." Pete says from behind his gun, his golden eyes narrowed. Brendon's mouth fall's open.

"But I'm fine! I'm me! You don't have to point gun's at me...I don't want to hurt you guys."

It's around this time that Brendon had realized that he could smell a hell of a lot better than he used to be able to, that everything felt intensified. He could smell nerves on Andy as the older boy slid his hand to the younger boy's shoulder, his shoulder that was completely healed but now badly scarred, to check the wound. He could hear better too, could hear how fast everyone's heart's were beating, hear Krissy's shallow breathing. It's this time that Brendon knew he was not how he used to be.

In the end they come to the conclusion that Brendon is still human..sort of. He's human but he's retained some luno qualities. He's faster now, stronger now, slightly better than his human friend's now. Brendon's relieved that he doesn't crave blood or flesh like the luno's do.

All things considered, things don't change all that much. Krissy's a little wary of him at first, she says that his eyes look different now, shine a little more bright. When Brendon fight's for the first time after his accident is when they notice the differences, how Brendon can keep up with the luno's better, aim better, hit harder. That's how he quickly becomes the best fighter in the house.

By now all his friend's are used to the situation, Krissy's used to the situation.

Brendon's pulled from his memories by a soft knock on the door. He doesn't have to ask who it is, he can smell Krissy anywhere.

"Come in." He says softly and the door open's revealing his tall, blonde girlfriend to him.

"Are you alright?" Krissy asks, Brendon gives himself one more long stare in the mirror before he turn's to face her.

"I'm fine." It comes out sounding all wrong and he knows that she doesn't believe him.

"You're thinking about the night you got bit aren't you?" She asks, Brendon doesn't say anything, looks down. She's far too adept at reading his thought's. Krissy slides up in front of him, her warm, soft hands sliding around his thin waist.

"Yeah, I just...I'm wondering what would've happened if the antidote hadn't worked for me." He looks up and meet's her bright, bright eyes, she's just staring at him, searching his face.

"But it did...so, that doesn't matter." Krissy doesn't want to talk about what would've happened either. The two of them never bring it up, no one does. It's a fact that everyone knows but no one talk's about knowing.

"I just want it to work for him too." Brendon want's to say that his reasons are totally selfless, that he want's it to work just so Nate will live but there's another reason too. Brendon want's it to work so he's not the only one...so he won't be all alone.

Krissy take's Brendon's hand and lead's him downstairs to the bunk's. He kind of want's to go and see how Nate's doing but he knows that Krissy's not going to let him do that just yet. The black haired boy lay's down and the beautiful blonde girl curl's in next to him. No one else is in the bunk rooms except for a shirtless Jon who had been sitting on his bunk but is standing now that he see's Brendon's finished upstairs.

"Showers all your's Walker." Brendon attempt's to make a joke, Jon gives him a half smile as he nods, Brendon can smell the luno blood covering him as he walks by.

Jon's gone and now he and Krissy are all alone. The girl leans up and presses a soft kiss to Brendon's strong, square jaw. That's what she does when they're alone, she show's him affection. She doesn't do it when Cassie is around, or when Ryan's around, or anyone who lost someone they loved because she doesn't want to rub the fact that she still has him, that they managed to stay together in anyone's face.

Brendon hold's his girlfriend close and allows himself to close his eyes, he's not tired but he need's to relax, desperately need's his mind to shut off. Krissy's hands wind around him and Brendon loves this, loves her so much. Sometimes when Krissy's sleeping Brendon lies awake and his mind get's the better of him, he finds himself getting scared. He get's scared because he knows that human's don't live as long as luno's. The creatures are capable of living much longer and if that's the truth...what if he can live that long too?

It's an idiotic thing to worry about when you could die every single day, when they are a million more things that are better to be afraid of but he does worry. What happen's when Krissy get's old and he doesn't? What happen's when everyone around him dies and he can't do anything but go on living because he isn't quite human? These thought's plauge Brendon constantly but he manages to shrug them off, pushes them away, he'll deal with it when the time comes.

Alex is in the infirmary. He's there because his best friend, his entire world is in there. Nate is in there.

The younger of the two boy's is strapped down to the hospital bed. Andy says that it's for their own safety, in case Nate changes while they're sleeping. Alex refuses to believe that Nate will turn at all. The anit-virus worked for Brendon, it will work for Nate, there is no other option in Alex's mind.

Ryland is in the room too but he's not talking, he's reading papers with Andy and looking at the little machines that Nate is hooked up to instead. Alex is standing next to Nate's bed, the injured boy is sweating and twitching and his bandages are near constantly stained red and in need of changing. Alex brushes the boy's short black bang's out of his closed eyes, black lashes spilling across impossibly pale skin. He leans down and presses the lightest of kisses to Nate's forehead. If the younger boy were awake he would've hated that, Alex's lip raises at the thought.

Alex's smile fall's away, he's frowning because he told Nate not to go. They weren't fighters, they weren't as good as all the others but Nate just shook his head and said he wanted to help, that he wanted to help Gabe. He wanted to prove to everyone and maybe to himself, that he could be helpful in a fight.

"Look where helping got you Nate." Alex says, his light brown eyes downcast and he knows that the other two men in the room can hear him but he doesn't care.

He looks up and see's Ryland and Andy staring at him. He move's his hand down to Nate's and he hold's it tight, even though it's limp and cold in his own.

"When are we going to know if the antidote worked?" Alex asks, he moves his gaze between Nate's face and the two wannabe doctors.

"Tomorrow..." Ryland replies, he's not giving an exact time but Alex thinks it's because he doesn't really know. Alex knows the story of Brendon getting bit by now. He knows that things are different this time. That Brendon got the shot right away, not twenty minutes later, that Brendon's bite wasn't as deep, the deeper the bite the faster the infection get's into the bloodstream.

"Have you decided what you'll do if he's..one of them?" Alex's stomach turn's at that thought, he doesn't want to think of Nate as anything but human, as anything but the boy he knows so well. Ryland and Andy exchange a look and shake their heads, Alex thinks that maybe this is just a formality for him, that they know exactly what they'll do if Nate changes.

Alex sit's in the chair next to Nate's bed and he's never wanted and feared the morning more.



Entry thirteen: Wink, Just Don't Put Your Teeth On Me

Alex wakes up to a thumping noise filling the infirmary. He's confused for a moment, his body is aching from sleeping in a folding chair next to Nate's bed. Alex's previously foggy mind suddenly fall's into place, thought's of Nate triggering last night's events. He's up in a flash and he's peering down at Nate's bed, praying that he see's soft brown eyes and a warm smile.

Instead of that Alex see's Nate thrashing against the restraints, trying desperately to break free. His eyes are open and wide and a very unnatural golden color. Alex's heart fall's, crashing to his feet, because no, no, Nate can't change...he can't.

"Nate?" Alex tries, his voice is trembling and Nate whips his head to the side, glaring at Alex with hard eyes, there's no sign of recongition in Nate's eyes.

The boy's skin is impossibly pale and sullen, his mouth is hanging open and Alex can just make out the sharp set of gleaming white teeth errupting through his mouth. "Nate! God..no, Nate, no!" Alex feels tear's prick his eyes and he's panicking. Nate makes a horribly strangled noise. He trashes harder, is desperate to break free from the restraints, the cot banging harshly against the tiled floor. Nate is desperate to break free, probably to kill Alex.

Alex glances sidelong at the other two cot's in the room, Gabe and Ryan are still asleep but for how much longer he isn't sure. Soon now Andy and Ryland will come down here, they'll see that Nate is changing, turning into a luno and they'll take him away. No, no, Alex isn't going to let that happen.

The boy moves, grab's the metal folding chair he had been sitting in and shoves it up under the handle of the infirmary door, locking the two doctor's and anyone else out. Alex move's back to the bed and stares down at Nate. All he want's to see is that familar face staring back at him, normal and human but his fragile hope's are dashed once again as he see's the quickly transforming Nate still thrashing in the bed. He want's to run his hand along the younger boy's cheek but he's sure that Nate will bite him. Alex isn't willing to give up hope, not yet.

"Nate? Nate...it's me, Alex." He's desperate to make Nate come back, to make him really see Alex. He come closer to Nate, is looking into Nate's now golden eyes. The strapped down boy is still breathing hard and heavy, sweating but he seem's focused now, his golden eyes focusing on Alex's face. He still's and Alex swears he can see a flicker in Nate's eyes.

"Alex..." Nate's voice is rough but he knows he hears his name. Alex grips the metal railing of the bed and nods.

"Nate, it's me.." He's smiling because it's Nate, it's his Nate, he's not changing after all and Alex is letting his hope's build back up, letting himself calm down because Nate is alright.

"Alex.." Nate pant's out. "Alex..why am I strapped to a bed?...why does everything hurt?" The boy turn's his head helplessly from side to side, trying to figure out just what's going on here. Nate pant's out and he struggles feebly against the bed restraint's.

"You got bit last night..a luno bit you." Alex explain's, Nate's now brown eyes widen and he seem's a little panicky.

"Fuck..fuck I did?" Alex nods and Nate swears. "Antidote?" He questions and again Alex nods.

"Andy gave it to you last night."

"Did it work?"

"You're talking to me aren't you?" Alex laughs because Nate's going to be fine. He's talking like Brendon was, he'll be fine just like Brendon is.

"Why's it hurt so bad?" Nate starts, his voice is trembling as he stares up at the ceiling, staring with a far away look. "Alex..Alex..it hurt's." Nate's eyes slide shut and he writhes on the bed. Before Alex can say or do anything Nate's body arches, his head pushing back against the pillow, the line of his neck is taut and he's screaming, a loud earsplitting scream that's sure to wake the whole house up.

"Nate!" Again Nate is thrashing and that recongition that had been in his eyes is gone now, faded back to a blank golden stare. He bare's his fang's and he's panting, growling at Alex.

"Alex...What the fuck is going on?" It's Gabe's voice and he's sitting up and looks scared, his dark eyes already locked on the thrashing form of Nate. "He-He's changing isn't he?" Gabe's voice is breathless and he's out of the bed, padding over, hesitant but worried about their friend.

"No! No! He was just talking to me Gabe! He just asked me why he was strapped to the bed!" Alex argues and the threat of tears are back, Gabe will tell, Gabe will get Andy and they'll take Nate away.

"He's stuck." Alex hears a voice he recongizes as Ryan say from the other bed. He see's the rail thin, brown haired boy scoot to the edge of the cot, he can't walk so, he's not getting up.

"What?" Alex breathes out. In all truth he knows very little about the world of luno's and the rule's involved with them.

"He's stuck between human and luno. He keep's flipping between them. It happens sometimes, or so I've read." Alex is getting pissed because Ryan is being way too casual about this. This is Alex's boyfriend, not someone from a medical book that Ryan happened to read about.

Nate lets out another ear piercing scream and Alex can hear thumping from upstairs, he knows it's Andy and Ryland...probably Brendon too. His heart is crashing to his feet, god, please, they can't take Nate away. Moments later the door handle rattles and Alex hears yelling from the other side of the door.

"Are you guys' okay? Gabe! Alex! Ryan! What's going on in there?" It's Andy's voice and Alex looks at the other two men in the room, obvious fear in his eyes.

"I think Nate is changing!" Ryan call's back and Alex shoot's him a dirty look. There's more rattling of the door, they're still trying to get in the room.

"The door...we can't get in! Let us in you guys!" Ryland's voice issuing from the other side of the door this time.

"No! I locked the door on purpose...you can't come in!" Alex yell's and Gabe looks terrified.

"Alex, no! What the hell? Let us in so we can check on him!" Now it's Ryland's voice and Alex almost want's to do it but he knows if it comes down to it, Ryland will side with Andy.

"No! You guys just want to kill him!" Alex knows he sound's irrational but no, he's not letting his boyfriend be killed by their friend's.

"Alex...just calm down..listen, those are our friend's out there..they just want to make sure Nate is okay, that's all." Gabe is trying to calm Alex down as he inches toward's the door.

"Gabe no!" Alex yell's so loud that the older boy flinches. "Please," The brown haired boy starts, his voice lowering significantly. "Don't Gabe...I-I love him...and they just want to kill him..."

"Alex.." Gabe sound's worried, sound's like he thinks Alex is losing his shit and maybe he is.

"Fucking Saurez! lets us in now!" Now it's Pete's voice, strong and demanding on the other side of the door.

"Al-Alex..." Nate's shaky voice issues from the bed and Alex is instantly next to him once again, ignoring everything and everyone else. Alex is relieved to see that Nate's eyes are brown again, like Alex is used to.

"I'm right here."

"Alex...it hurts so bad.." Nate whimpers, struggling to find Alex admist all the chaos.

"I know..but it will be okay." Alex shouldn't say that, he knows very well that it probably won't be okay but he can't bring himself to admit that.

"I'm having these thoughts..." Nate starts. "These terrible thought's...I-I think I'm changing..." He whispers, fear edging in his voice, cutting into Alex's chest.

"No, no, Nate..see Ryan says that you're just stuck..." The older boy is trying, trying so hard to convince everyone that Nate will be alright.

"But even people who get stuck can slip into turning." Ryan inform's them, Alex ignores him.

"Alex...I don't feel like myself...I feel different." His eyes are growing steadily gold as he speak's and Alex is crying, can no longer hold back the intense pain. He's crying at his boyfriend's words because it feels like no one is believing, no one but him.

"You'll be okay. You'll be human again." Alex tells him and he reaches out a tentative hand and card's his finger's through Nate's damp hair.

Nate shakes his head as much as he can manage."Look at me Alex..I'm strapped to a bed so I won't hurt anyone...and believe me...I would hurt someone..." He laughs a little breathless, bitter. "Right now I can't stop thinking about how good you all smell, how I just want to bite any of you..."

Gabe gasps and there are more pound's on the door. Alex feels like there's an hour glass that's been flipped inside him and that the sand is spilling out faster than he can save it, as fast as he's losing Nate.

"I love you..." Alex whispers, tear's pricking at his eyes once again.

"I love you too...that's why I need you to do something..." Nate starts and Alex's tears roll down his cheek's, hit his shirt, hit the bed, hit the restraint's that are keeping Nate tied down.

"Anything..."

"If I change...if I become a luno...please...promise me that you'll let them kill me."

Nate's words hit Alex like a ton of brick's, his heart feels like it's shattered into a million pieces and now, now even Nate is giving up hope.

"You won't change...you can't, the antidote!" Alex tries weakly. It feels like he's fighting against the inevitable, he's struggling against something that he can't win at and it's destroying him. His hand moves and finds Nate's, gripping it tight like, if he were to let go he just might sink through the floor.

"Alex..I should've listened to you..I'm no fighter..but I can feel my human self fading away. I can feel it and I know I'll turn...so, promise me...promise me that you won't let them keep me alive as a luno...I don't want to be one of them."

"Nate.." Alex want's to fight, want's to scream until someone will listen but he can't because Nate cut's him off.

"Alex! Promise!" Nate's voice raises, stern, he's shaking and it looks like he's having trouble holding on to those last shred's of humanity.

"Alex..." Gabe says from the other side of the bed, again the boy ignores him.

"I promise Nate..but I want you to do something for me." Alex starts, hands gripping the metal railing as he leans down toward's Nate. "I want you to bite me too." He whispers.

"Alex no!" Gabe says but Alex isn't looking at Gabe, just down at Nate, their hands clasped together and Nate's nail's are digging into Alex's skin, making deep marks in the pale flesh but he doesn't care, can't feel that pain when the pain of potentially losing Nate is so much more.

Nate's eyes widen and he's panting. "No! no, fuck no, Alex.."

"Yes...please, I don't want to live if it's not with you...I can't! I can't be as strong as the rest of them...I need you Nate...where you go, I go...please." Alex moves closer, lower's himself for Nate and the boy says no but he's arching up to reach the boy, the luno part of him desperately wanting to bite Alex.

Alex moves and kisses Nate, quick and hard and wet. The boy fully expects to be bit but it seem's that Nate has a little self control left. They break apart and Alex is so, so close to Nate's mouth, all the other boy has to do is lean up and bite and then they can be together forever, like Alex has always wanted.

"Please..just bite me Nate...please, I want to be with you." It's all Alex want's, all he want's in this entire world. Nothing matter's if Nate isn't here, tomorrow doesn't matter, luno's don't matter, nothing but Nate.

"Alex! No!" Nate's begging trying to fight that urge to sink his brand new razor sharp teeth into his boyfriend's supple neck. Alex presses closer and Nate can smell the soft skin, all he has to do is bite and fuck...fuck it's so tempting, his neck is right there, Nate bares his fang's, grazes them against Alex's pale neck...he can't hold back anymore...he has to bite...

Just then the door flies open, metal folding chair, flying across the room. Brendon is in the room in a flash, grabbing Alex and pulling him back, away from his boyfriend.

"No! Let me go! I want to be with him! No, no please!" Alex is struggling and begging but no one will listen, no one will release him from Brendon's grip. He almost had it, he was so close to getting exactly what he wanted and they pulled it all away from him.

"I love you Alex." Nate is shouting, desperately needing Alex to hear him. Brendon is holding Alex back but he can still see his boyfriend. "I don't want to live as a luno..." He says, his eyes are changing color's, stuck between gold and warm brown, his voice growing weaker, dying away.

"I love you Nate!" Alex screams back and he want's to kill Brendon right now.

"I love you...so..so..much.." That's the last thing Nate ever says as a human. He arches and screams and his body is cracking and changing, bone's growing longer, claw's errupting out of the tip's of his finger's. He's turning and Alex closes his eyes because he can't quite bear to watch it happen.

The screaming last's for a minute straight before it stops and Nate is gone, gone even though he's sitting right there, still strapped down to the bed. It isn't Alex's, Nate, this Nate is a monster. The boy is thrasing again, struggling against his restraint's and causing that horrible thumping noise that woke Alex up in the first place.

"He'll break free from those soon." Brendon supplies and Alex is still trying to break free from his iron grip.

"You bastard's! You motherfucker's! I wanted to be with him! I would've changed for him! Why couldn't you selfish bastard's just let me do it!" Alex is screaming, screaming at them all.

"Alex, he wouldn't want that." Gabe says, the boy scoff's, how the hell could Gabe know what Nate want's?

"You heard what he wanted us to do." Ryland says moments later and Alex is screaming no, screaming for them to stop. Despite his promise he doesn't want it to happen, it can't happen.

"Brendon, take him upstairs..." Gabe command's, Alex is screaming, crying but no one is listening to him. They're doing what they think is best, what Nate wanted, no matter how much it's killing Alex.

Alex is upstairs second's later, locked inside his room, dying from heartbreak. Brendon's standing guard outside the door.

They decide to let Gabe be the one to do it. After Alex, Gabe was Nate's best friend. Nate is growling, unable to speak it seem's. Gabe rest's the gun against the side of Nate's head, closes his eyes and pulls the trigger. A loud bang that echoes through the house and leaves the left wall of the infirmary painted in Nate's blood. One that leaves Alex wishing that he were dead.

They end up burning Nate's body a few hours later. They can't afford the luno's to steal another of their friend's. They bring Alex down and he's sullen and quiet and he kisses Nate's dead body before they take him outside, before they pour gas on him and burn the body down to ashes. Alex asks Gabe if he can collect the ashes for him, because he'd like to keep Nate by the windowsill in their room.



Entry fourteen: Damage Control, There's A Ring Around Her Finger

Cassie take's over both Alex and Nate's job. She help's Gabe collect the information. Alex has been in bed since Nate's death, not talking, not eating, nothing but sleeping. It's not unusual, Cassie did the same thing and Ryan wouldn't talk to anyone for days. People handle the death's in their own different ways, this time Cassie is putting it all into work.

They haven't had a death in six months but every time it happens it makes things that much harder, that much harder to believe that things haven't changed all that much.

Gabe is quiet as they work, Cassie doesn't blame him, he's known Nate and Alex longer than any of them.

Pete had found Gabe a long time ago, ran into him and his group when they were fighting and like Gabe's crew were stray kittens or something, Pete brought them home. Back then it had been Gabe, Alex, Nate, Ryland, and Victoria. Cassie misses Victoria because really, it's not like there's a hell of a lot of girls in the house.

Victoria was how they found out that the luno's will always go after girls first.

Krissy knocks on the door to the upstairs room where Cassie and Gabe were transcribing information. They had faxed out the information that last night was a set-up, that Charlie was dead, that presumably no one was running the outlet store.

"Cassie, Ryan want's to go and check out the outlet store...want to come with?" The blonde girl asks, Cassie turn's back to look at the girl. Sometimes it's hard to believe that she and Krissy are the only two girl's left in the house. Cassie looks up at Gabe and he just gives a half smile.

"I got this if you want to go." He tells her so, she nods and stands, follows Krissy downstairs. It's still daylight, four in the afternoon Cassie thinks, she's not exactly sure when time stopped mattering to her. They go outside and Joe is out there, sitting in the driver's seat of the car.

"I thought Ryan was coming?" Krissy says as she spots Joe and opens the passenger side door.

"His ankle is still messed up, Andy said he couldn't go anywhere." Joe tells the two girl's and he pats the side of the seat that he's not currently occupying. The two girl's leave with Joe and Cassie is surprised that no one else want's to come out, that Brendon doesn't want to go with Krissy. Jon would usually ask to come but the two of them haven't talked since their shared kiss in the bunk room.

Cassie is leaning against the window of the truck. Her side of the seat is stained red with dried blood, Nate's blood from the other night. She shudder's lightly and tries to push the thought's away. The sunlight fall's on her, warm and bright and she never thought she would miss the sunlight so much but she does, the warmth and light, you tend to miss it after awhile.

"Do you think love can exist in this world?" Cassie asks many silent moments later. She's not looking at anyone, staring out the window at the long planes of dying grass and gravel, desimated remains of the houses and buildings that used to be here.

"What?" Krissy asks and Cassie tilt's her head to look at the curly haired girl.

"I've been thinking about it a lot lately..." Cassie trail's off, unsure of how to finish that sentence. It's true, as long as lately count's as the night that Jon kissed her. Krissy watches Cassie's face for a moment, surveying before she looks down, thinking of an appropriet response.

"It just doesn't seem like love can exist here..or if it does..it's only for a moment, a brief second in time." The dark haired girl elaborates when Krissy can't seem to think of a proper response.

"But that's the thing. In this world, now all we have are brief moments of time and we should make the most of those moment's." Krissy respond's and the girl was always good at these deep philosophical question's.

"But what happen's when you've had your moment? Is it all just over? Or do you get another chance?" Cassie asks, her gaze flicker's between Krissy and back out to the broken city. Krissy feels pang's of guilt fire up through her body. She knows Cassie is thinking of Patrick, if her moment of happiness is over for good.

"Cassie...I know you loved him..I know you still love him but we both know you have another chance at happiness." Krissy tells her older friend. Cassie looks up obviously surprised at Krissy's words, Cassie knows who the girl's referring to.

"Maybe I'm not ready..."

"Would Patrick really want you to be all alone in this world?"

She knows that Patrick wouldn't.

"He would want you to be happy." Joe interjects, the two girl's take sidelong glances at their curly haired driver.

"I know..." Cassie sighs and she could, she could be with Jon and god knows she could be happy, happy like she used to be but she can't help but feel like she's betraying him, sullying Patrick's memory.

"It's not wrong if you want to be with him...Patrick would want someone to take care of you." Krissy add's. Cassie nods but she feels so conflicted, like she can't make up her mind. She knows that the two of them have valid point's but betraying Patrick isn't the only reason she doesn't want to start anything with Jon. She feels she should keep her other reasons quiet, At least for now.

The three of them arrive at the outlet store, it looks perfectly normal from the outside but then again none of them were here that night, when the fight happened. Joe get's out first, gun raised even though it's daylight and after he's sure things are safe he motions for Cassie and Krissy to follow him into the store.

The inside of the store doesn't really look like a fight took place or that five luno's happened to die in there. A display case has an empty frame, it's glass paneling missing and they know that must be where Gabe crashed into the glass.

"Hello?" Joe call's out, he has the two girl's tucked protectively behind him, Cassie bringing up the rear. "Is anyone here?" Joe calls out again and there is no anwser. It's obvious that someone cleaned the store, not a trace of blood anywhere to be found, no sign that anything even remotely violent happened here.

Suddenly a warm hand comes and wraps around Cassie's mouth, keeping her quiet and pulling her back against a bony chest. Cassie can see a blonde girl doing the same to Krissy and fuck, she's got a gun pressed close to Krissy's skull. Cassie feels the heavy weight of a gun being pressed against her own head and panic rises in her chest.

"Are you luno or human?" A stern voice issues, Joe whips around, his own gun pointed at the person holding Cassie.

"I could ask the same of you." Joe replies his blue green eyes narrowed at the the blonde girl, who is actually much shorter than Krissy, but the threat of a gun is stopping her from making a move.

"Just anwser the question mop top." The man commands and Joe scowl's at the nickname for his mass of huge dark curly hair..

"We're human's...all three of us...now let the girl's go." He command's but the man holding Cassie looks wary. "We're from the hideout ten minutes from here..we came to see if everything was alright because of what happened the other night." Joe add's, trying to convince them that they're all human's, they're all on the same side here.

"They know about what happened..." The blonde girl's feather light voice ring's out and she looks uncertainly over at the boy. She looks like hostage style combat isn't her thing.

"Not only do we know about what happened...we were the one's it happend to!"Joe shout's, his voice raising. Okay, so maybe not them exactly but fuck it , it was close enough. Instantly the hand on Cassie's mouth slides away, the gun leaves her head and she finally, finally, feels like she can breath again. Cassie whirl's around slapping her former captor hard across the face, she probably wouldn't have if she had remembered that he currently had a gun.

The guy didn't do anything but Joe does grab Cassie pulling her back, just in case the guy has a temper. The shorter blonde curly haired girl releases Krissy and the girl looks afraid that she might get slapped too. Krissy just strides back to stand next to Cassie, looking extreamly pissed off and Joe consider's it sheer luck that Brendon didn't come with them because if he had, this guy would be screwed.

The guy is tall, like, Gabe tall. He has dark brown hair that's stuck between long and short that frames his long face. He's got matching wide dark brown eyes, semi large teeth and a squared jaw. The guy is also super skinny and bony, with a frame that almost looks like it belong's to a girl.

"I'm sorry." The boy says and he looks like he mean's it but his voice is hard and his pale cheek is turning red from where Cassie had struck him. "It's just..we can't be too careful you know?" He add's, he shrugs and scratches at his arm. Joe nods, lets himself relax just the slightest bit.

"Believe me, we know."

So, they do introductions and the guy is named William and the blonde girl with the long curly hair and pretty face is named Greta. William tells them that he and Greta were staying in a hideout twenty minutes from the outlet store and that after they found out that the shop was abandoned they had decided to take it over. He tells them that all they really had was each other and Cassie isn't sure whether or not the two are dating.

Joe has taken to talking to William while Cassie and Krissy chat with Greta.

"Where do you two plan to stay?" Krissy asks Greta as they lean against the counter. It's rare to see another girl around because honestly, in the chain of who the luno's hunt first it's; children, then girl's, then men. They haven't seen a kid in forever, they haven't seen another girl since Victoria.

Greta shrugs, twirl's a blonde curl around her finger. "I go wherever William goes." She tells the two of them.

"So, you two are dating then?" Cassie asks, she really misses girl talk like this. Greta's cheek's go a slight shade of pink but she nods.

"He saved my life a year ago..I've been following him since." Greta admits. "I guess we'll just stay here..at the store."

Krissy exchanges a look with Cassie and it's like their having a silent conversation with Greta watching.

In the end they ask Joe to ask William if he wanted to come and stay with them at the hideout. William says no but then he looks at Greta and the look in her eyes and he sighs before he finally give's in. So, they take William and Greta home with them. Krissy drives and Greta rides in the front next to Cassie, William and Joe occupying the back.

They get back and it take's around three minutes to introduce them to everyone. Alex doesn't come down but Gabe does and Gabe seems instantly enthralled by William. The guys' seem a little eager to have Greta around, a new girl, and Cassie and Krissy both expect it but they worry that Greta will be freaked out by it. William might be worried too because he grab's Greta's hand, making a show that the two of them are together and shooting down any idea's the other boy's might have.

Greta and William settle in, Greta better than her boyfriend but at least that's two more people, two more people on their side.

It's around five in the morning when Cassie tries to go to sleep. She's not exactly tired but her mind is so full of thought's, she wonder's if Greta and William will be happy here? If Alex will wonder if they're trying to replace Nate? If they should inform the two newcomers that Brendon is part luno? Her thought's are too heavy for her head and she just want's to sleep them off.

No one else is asleep yet. They're mostly getting to know the newbies. Cassie hears footsteps in the room but she doesn't exactly care who it is, it could be anyone. The footsteps get closer and eventually stop very close to Cassie's bunk. The girl is turned on her side, facing Jenny and Ryan's empty bunk because she didn't really feel like staring at Jon's.

The soft squeak of a bunk being sat in issues around the room and it was right behind her, Cassie's breath catches and she wonder's if it's Jon.

"Cassie...you asleep?" Jon's voice is soft in the dark. She thinks about ignoring him, pretending to be asleep but it just doesn't feel right so she does anwser him.

"Yeah....what's up?"

"I..just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry." His voice again is so soft with just the tiniest bit of sadness sinking through. Cassie stay's on her side, doesn't want to look at him quite yet.

"For what?" She has a pretty good idea of what he's sorry for but she still ask's on the offchance that she's wrong.

"For kissing you." The dark haired girl's heart jump's and now she's turning automatically, her eyes searching for him in the darkness.

"You don't have to apologize for that." She tells him, she's propped up on her elbows and she can just make him out, his strong form outlined by the light from the kitchen.

"No, I do. I know you're not over Patrick..it was a mistake..I shouldn't have done it. So, I'm sorry." Jon sound's so earnest and cautious, so heartbreakingly honest.

Cassie doesn't want him to regret it, to think it was a mistake. She doesn't want him to be sorry for it.

"I-What do you think of the newcomers?" The girl knows it's a gutless move, that she's changing the subject but no, she doesn't want to deal with this right now.

"Uh..they seem nice.." Jon is obviously confused about the sudden change in topic.

"What about Greta?" Okay, so that kind of slipped out but she really want's to know what Jon thinks about her.

"She's seem's fine."

"Do you think she's pretty?"

"Are..are you seriously asking me this?" Again he sound's confused. Cassie doesn't know why she's doing this to the both of them, why she's bringing up shit that doesn't matter. Jon should've just let her sleep.

"I just want to know."

"She's pretty." Jon starts and Cassie feels her heart freeze a bit. "But she's nothing compared to you." He finishes and it's so soft that she almost misses it, yet she catches every word.

"Don't say stuff like that." She tells him and she rolls so she's on her back, staring up at the dark ceiling.

"I mean it, Cassie...I think it's pretty fucking obvious but I'm kind of in love with you." And wow, who the hell has Jon been talking to while she was gone because he's being pretty forward now.

"Jon-"

"But I get it if you don't feel the same...I'm not expecting you to just forget about him but still..I wanted you to know." He tells her and it sound's like he's closer.

Krissy's words from earlier echo in Cassie's mind, about how you need to seize the moment, be happy while you can, carpe diem and all that stuff but it's not that easy, it's not just the Patrick thing. Cassie's afraid, afraid of something she can't control.

"It's not just Patrick, Jon." Cassie sit's up and she turn's to face him, she can barely make him out in the dark but she knows he's there.

"Then what is it?" He sound's frustrated, the first time in a long time that she's heard him that way.

"It's..it's just that everyone I love..everyone who loves me. They end up dying Jon! I'm-I'm like a jinx or something! And I can't...I can't be the reason you die." She's trying so hard not to cry, she's been crying too much lately but now she's saying everything that's been on her mind and Jon is telling her he loves her.

"You seriously feel that way?" Cassie feels his hand press into her's and suddenly his face is above her's and there's enough light for her to be able to see him now, soft, slightly scruffy face and dark eyes filled with concern. The girl nods.

"I can't help it." It's the truth, Jenny, then Patrick, everyone she truly care's about eventually get's taken away and she can't help but feel like it's her fault.

His hand squeezes her's tighter. "You're not a jinx...and even if you were..Cassie, I wouldn't care. I would be more than willing to take that risk." He's close to her, his face so close and she can see him and smell him, her breath coming in short burst's.

"Jon..." She's trying to make sense of this all, trying to be okay with what she thinks is happening, trying not to think about Patrick.

"Cassie, please, just let me take care of you." He cut's her off, whispers and she can feel his breath. It would be so easy to let go, to become Jon's, to let him take care of her. Krissy was right, her moment wasn't over, here was her second chance and she just has to hope that Patrick would want her to be happy, to find love again.

"Okay." She whispers back, gives in and she can see him smile, so soft and warm in the dark, before he lowers his head and they're kissing, for the second time they're kissing and it's so much better than Cassie ever thought it could be.



Entry fifteen: Finding Happiness In Misery

Jon can't believe Cassie agreed to it, to them being together like he wanted them to be. It's been so long since any of them has had physical contact, the only one getting any on a regular basis being Krissy and Brendon. So, really it's only natural that once he and Cassie opened the floodgates, they just couldn't stop.

They're kissing now, he's on top of her on the bunk, her body pressed so close to his. Their mouth's tangle hot and wet and even though this is great, this is what he's wanted, he can't stop thinking of Patrick. Of how so long ago he made the other boy a promise, one that he's still keeping.

Jon and Cassie shed their clothes, moving quicker than they normally would. He pulls the blanket over them, her finger's tangling in his hair and their mouth's connected. Moment's later their making love, Jon knows it sound's cheesy to say it but that's the only way to describe it, this isn't sex, isn't fucking. It's making love.

The two of them are trying desperately to be quiet. "Jon." She breathes into his ear and his body shivers.
*********
"Jon." Patrick call's to the boy. Jon looks up from paper he is reading, it's just him and Patrick in the upstairs room, everyone else is sleeping.

"Yeah?" Jon asks, his eyes locked with Patrick's.

"Will you do something for me?"

"What is it Patrick?" Jon is asking, he leans against the wall, waiting for the other boy to say something. Patrick is turned toward's the window, staring out at the broken land around them. Patrick turn's back, his blue eyes are shining behind the square pair of glasses he's wearing, he looks conflicted and Jon is a little concerned, maybe he and Cassie had been fighting.

"I want you to do something for me...if you will." His voice is strange too, Patrick has a habit of being overly hopeful, very optimistic considering the situations.

"Just tell me what it is." Jon request's, he fold's his hands across his muscular chest and waits.

Patrick still looks conflicted like he isn't sure if he should even say anything at all. They had just lost Spencer a few months ago, maybe it has something to do with that.

"Well, this..it's just that in this world..god, anything could happen, and with Spencer..what just happened to him..I want to have some back-up." Patrick tells him, his voice is soft, maybe a little frightened but Jon isn't sure. The younger boy is confused and he's waiting for more of an explanation from the older, ginger haired boy.

"I'm not really following." Jon admits, he thinks that Patrick should be talking to Pete about whatever this is, this sound's like a Pete kind of situation.

"I know this is going to sound weird." Patrick starts, Jon grow's a little nervous.

"It's okay." Jon says, urging him to continue. Patrick nods, his eyes flickering to the dingy floor.

"Okay, Well, here's the thing. If something happen's to me..if I die, I want you to take care of Cassie for me."

"You want me to what?" Jon asks sounding surprised, honestly, that was like, the last thing he expected from the boy. Patrick looks up with seriousness in his large eyes.

"I'm serious Jon. If something happen's to me...will you take care of her?" Patrick sound's so desperate, a sad hollow kind of sound echoing around the room, chasing his words.

"Take care of her like how?" Jon asks, this conversation is now both strange and just the tiniest bit creepy.

"Watch over her for me. Keep her safe." Patrick elaborates and his eyes are searching into Jon's. Silently begging because Patrick isn't the begging kind, isn't the type of person to go asking for help. Jon just seem's more confused.

"Why me?" Seriously, of all the people in this house; Pete, Ryan and Brendon, Krissy, any one of them would do over Jon wouldn't they?

"Well..you're the only one I really trust." That admission was surprising, Jon never thought he and Patrick were that close, though there was a certain closeness between everyone in the house but Jon never felt like he and Patrick were confidant's, not close enough to ask such a serious task of him.

"I mean..why not Pete?" Jon asks, because those two are best friends and it seems much more likely that the slightly chubby boy would ask his best friend as opposed to Jon. Patrick shrugs and he's looking back out the window again, the sunlight slanting into the room in golden ray's.

"I was going to ask Pete but the way he fight's...he's pretty much crazy, not very reliable." Patrick tells him, his voice is thick and Jon has to remind himself that Patrick is talking about what would happen to his wife in the event of his death.

"Patrick, why are you talking about death when I hear you always telling Cassie that you'll be okay?" Jon doesn't know if he's stepped the line here, he doesn't want Patrick pissed off at him.

"Sometime's it's harder to believe." Is his only reply and the other boy is a little disenchanted at the fact that their resident optimist is now losing that faith. They're silent, the subject matter settling heavy around them. Jon thinks about what Patrick is asking, it's not a hard request, not really. He like's Cassie, she's a smart, sweet girl with a big heart. It's not like it would be much trouble and if Patrick care's enough to ask him well, then the decision isn't too hard.

"I'll do it Patrick." Jon says and he mean's it. If something happens to Patrick, he'll watch over Cassie.

Patrick turn's and smiles and he move's clapping the taller boy on the shoulder. "Thanks man." Patrick tells him, Jon nods.

"One more thing?" Patrick says quietly, his hand still on Jon's shoulder.

"Yeah?"

"If we get in a fight and you're there and she's there and we're in trouble...save her before me okay?" It's a lot of hypothetical circumstance and it might be harder for Jon to do but again he agree's, he'll do it for Patrick.

There's a thumping on the stairs and the door to the room swing's open. Cassie's standing there, an easy smile on her pretty face, a smile only for Patrick. Jon remembers when she could smile so easily.

"I was looking for you." She tells Patrick and the boy moves away from Jon, over to his wife and he take's her hand, the still new wedding ring gleaming on her finger.

"I'm sorry." Patrick tells her, he leans in and kisses her lightly.

Jon watches them go and he really, really hopes that he never has to fufill that promise.
*****************

afterwards he eases off of her and pulls the blanket tight around the two of them. She's resting on his chest, her hand splayed across the pale skin. Cassie kisses Jon, soft and light as she closes her eyes. He relishes the fact that for a moment they can forget all about the luno's, about fighting and dying and just be with one another. Maybe that's more important than anything.

He knows that this is a good thing, that they can be good together. They can find happiness admist all the misery and Jon closes his eyes, ignoring the gleam of Cassie's wedding ring in the slight light of the room.



Entry sixteen: The City Is Burning, The Ocean Is Churning

"What are you smiling about?" Krissy asks her boyfriend as they sit in the living room together. Brendon's has had his fill of the newcomers, retiring to the living room to be alone, Krissy follow's even though the girl still kind of want's to talk to Greta. She also want's to go to bed but Brendon asked her to wait. The boy looks over at her and he's still smiling, not a lot make's Brendon smile these days.

"Did you talk to Cassie in the car?" He asks, his girlfriend blinks at him a few times before she nods.

"Yeah, did you talk to Jon while we were gone?" She presses, Brendon nods, still smirking. "Why do you ask?" Krissy is saying, really Brendon is being odd tonight.

"I ask because our plan worked perfectly." He tells her, his arm tight around her shoulder. Krissy's face fall's blank for a moment before she cock's an eyebrow at him.

"What? How do you know?"

"Because, I could smell them together." Brendon states rather bluntly and it take's Krissy a moment before she comprehend's what her boyfriend is telling her but when she does her nose crinkles.

"Oh, ew! You're a perv!" She tells him, pushing at him gently.

"Why am I a perv? I can't help what I smell." Brendon replies much too innocently for the times they live in, Krissy rolls her eyes.

"It's not the fact that you smelled it but the fact that you're grinning about it." She replies and it's Brendon's turn to roll his eyes.

"But you're happy now right? Because she'll be happy?" The boy asks, quiet, his brown eyes searching her's. Krissy nods, laces their fingers together.

"She deserves it and I know he'll protect her." The girl says, she's staring at their linked hands. Brendon leans over and kisses her forehead.

"We can go to bed now." He tells her and the smirk he was previously wearing has slid back to his young face. Krissy pushes him playfully but nods all the same and allows Brendon to carry her to the bunk's.

William isn't sure about being here, at this place with these people that he knows nothing about. Greta seem's fine with it but Greta always has been the trusting kind, it's her one flaw. They're laying together in a bunk pressed against the opposite wall. The bunk room kind of reminds William of summer camp or those bedroom's you see in orphanges. How the bed's are all in the same room and spaced apart equally, lining both wall's.

From his and Greta's bunk William can see some of the other's who live here. There's a dark haired girl and guy who appear to be sleeping together, that blonde girl that came to the store and a guy who he thinks is named Brendon, are in a different bunk. Empty bunk's are scattered around but that frail looking, Ryan guy, that seem's to be a kind of leader here, is sleeping next to that same dark haired guy and girl, the girl that William thinks was the one whose head he held a gun to.

The tall guy named Gabe apparently sleep's upstairs, along with someone named Alex, someone that William hasn't met yet.

Greta makes a sleepy noise and presses herself closer to William. He looks down at her and smiles. She like's it here, so he'll stay for her benefit.

The thing is that William has trouble trusting people, even Greta in the beginning. He's never been around this many unfamilar people since the luno outbreak. He was in the beginning but those were his people, people he knew he could trust.

William knows that he's jaded, that he's cold and oftentime's ruthless. He's not exactly sure if he'll fit with these people, these people seem kind, seem soft and compassionate. He's not used to that kind of thing either. Like he said before, he can't trust people so, even though everyone here seem's nice enough and Greta like's them, he can't really allow himself to relax. William's staying on constant guard, even when he should be asleep.

Before Greta had fallen asleep she had told him that she had talked to that Alex person, the only person that William didn't meet. She told him that Alex just lost his lover, her eyes heavy with her own memories as she told him. The boy knew she was thinking about her fiance, Bob, about what had happened so long ago. Sometimes William wishes they could both forget about it.

He'd been all alone before Greta, all on his own. He moved from place to place just surviving, searching for something that Sisky believed was a lost cause. Something that William had to find to even begin to move on with his life. He'd been walking through this desolet little town, so small that perhaps it was looked over? That it had somehow survived?

William doesn't like to think about it much, about the day he both met and had hurt Greta so terribly. There's a noise and William shoot's up, his hand goes to the gun strapped on his leg. It's just a person heading to bed, that doctor, Andy. Andy just gives William an odd look before he shuffles to a nearby bunk and lay's down.

The boy too lay's back, his hand leaving the familar warmth of the gun. Greta snuggles in closer to him and he finally lets his caramel colored eyes slip closed. He's trying to let himself relax here, if only for tonight, if only for her sake.

Again Ryan is awake before everyone else. It might be the fact that he can't quite get comfortable with new people in the house, the same thing happened back when Gabe and his crew joined them. It takes him a while to get used to new people nowadays but Ryan barely slept at all.

He's outside again, sitting by the graves. Moreso Spencer's grave because his is the only one left. Ryan's mind feels too heavy, he's caught up in his own head, feels like he's drowning in the house, he just need's to be outside. Ryan saw Cassie and Jon sleeping together on his way outside. Jon was holding her close, long stretches of pale skin that Ryan could see, Cassie's head tucked protectively under Jon's chin. It was more than obvious that they had slept together.

Something about that bother's Ryan. The fact that Cassie and Jon are together now, are being whatever the hell it is they're being. It's not so much the fact that she's with Jon but the fact that she's not all alone now, she's not hung up on her past like she used to be. Ryan always felt that he and Cassie shared a bond of despair, that he didn't have to feel alone in his sadness because she felt the same way but now she moved on. If she moved on, if she's over that sadness and found a new happiness, that meant he was all alone.

Ryan pulls his knees to his thin chest, the back of his pant's getting dirty from sitting on the ground. He wraps his long arms around his knees. The boy looks to the left, to where Jenny's empty grave now sit's. He doesn't want to think about it, think about how she's not where he left her. He quickly looks to the right at Spencer's fixed grave, Brendon having been nice enough to re-burry all the dirt.

"Hey, Spence." Ryan starts, he drops a hand from his knee and lets his nimble finger's trail along the cold makeshift head stone. It never really stop's feeling ridiculous, like he's talking to himself out here next to his best friend's grave. "Sorry, I haven't been out here in awhile." He says and if he closes his eyes and tries hard enough he can picture Spencer sitting next to him.

"You know I'm no good at this kind of stuff." It's true, he never has been good at dealing with death, Spencer knew that first hand when Ryan's dad died. Ryan looks down at the fixed dirt, how the grave kind of looks fresh and new again, how that makes a sick feeling drop into his stomach.

"I'm sorry we had to dig up your grave." Ryan is apologizing, his knuckles dragging around in the dirt where he's sitting. He didn't actually look in Spencer's coffin, he knew he couldn't do it. Brendon did it instead, he was the one to crack open the casket and peer inside.

Ryan never asked what Spencer looked like but he could tell by the look on Brendon's face that it wouldn't be pretty. He doesn't want to imagine his best friend as a rotting corpse, or as dirty dingy bone's, he can't. Ryan want's to remember Spencer as he was. Those bright blue eyes, that winning smile and the way he always, always knew what to do to keep Ryan calm.

If life were fair, Ryan would never have lost Spencer. Would never have lost his support system, the thing that kept him sane. But life wasn't fair and he did lose Spence, that night, much like the night Jenny died, still haunt's Ryan.

It happened almost right after things changed. They were still managing to stay at the apartment building by the college, the luno's hadn't spread everywhere yet, they kept by the edges of town back then. Small infestation's that attacked. The army had tried to keep the luno's down, to spread a false sense of security to the people, spread lies to keep them all blissfully ignorant to the danger they were in.

They all lived in that apartment until the night the luno's broke into town, killing anyone they happened to find on the streets and crashing into houses, building's, car's.

Ryan, Spencer, and Jenny had been in the building at the time. Watching the chaos from the window's of the sixth floor. The soliders had shown up too, fighting the luno's but they were easily overpowered. Explosions and scream's echoed through the night and Ryan could only watch, watch as the world as he knew it was torn away from him. He thinks that it was that moment that he knew things would never be the same. That life would be different from here on out.

Spencer had pulled Ryan away from the window, told him not to watch. Jenny had been alternating between calling Cassie's and Krissy's cell's. Ryan misses cell phones.

It end's up that Cassie and Patrick were hiding out at the mall, locked in a backroom while Krissy and Brendon had been at the supermarket where Krissy worked, they too were hiding but they all made it back to the apartment building in one piece.

Shortly after that, the frequency of luno's coming into the city increased and things got a hell of a lot more dangerous. People started leaving during the day, finding new hiding places and buying gun's. Ryan had been paranoid with Pete one day and they had bought gun's as well. Spencer didn't think they needed gun's, Spencer was used to being Ryan's voice of reason, his sounding board, Ryan's protector.

Ryan thinks it happened quickly, almost like it happened overnight. The quick slide from maintaining a normal life into something that's so far from normal, things that involved killing and hiding, that involved dealing with death and fighting to survive. things that Ryan wasn't adapting to.

As the city became more and more dangerous they decided that they should leave it. They called families, called friend's communicated while they still could. And just like that, they left.

They spent their night's running, hiding, huddled together under shitty bridges and fighting other people for space and safety. Ryan was too young back then and even though only a year has passed and he's not even that much older than he was back then, he knows he's older mentally. Back then he actually believed that death couldn't touch them, that they'd somehow miraculously be skipped over, like they'd all be together forever. How fucking stupid he was.

The night Spencer died they had been moving along as they usually did. They all pretty much sucked at using weapons of any sort and they had mostly gotten by due to luck, Ryan thinks their luck must've ran out that night.

"We're never going to find a good enough place to live." Ryan breathes, his breath coming out in puff's of white air. It's freezing cold and the clouds are thick around them,.

"I think it's going to rain." Pete states, blowing off Ryan's statement. They can't allow themselves to think negative thoughts, they have to keep going, keep the will to survive. Spencer's on Ryan's left, Jenny on his right and the girl is squeezing his hand, she too is ignoring his statement, she's not the most positive person in the world so, he's thinking that they're sharing the same thought's.

"We'll find a place Ry." Spencer tells him, his arm brushing against Ryan's. The older boy spares his best friend a glance and allows himself a small smile. Spencer feels like he's making some kind of progress if he can get Ryan to smile. Unfortunately for all of them Pete was right and it starts to rain several minutes later.

There's no place to go, no place to hide and they're drenched in moment's. A cold rain dousing them and their clothes are sticking to skin, hair falling into eyes. Patrick, being the constant gentleman gives his hat to his girlfriend so, at least she's something akin to dry. Ryan wishes he wore a hat so he could give it to Jenny. She doesn't seem to mind too much though, just hold's his hand tighter. Pete has Ashlee, keep's her close to him even though he can't do much to keep her dry.

They walk in the downpour, it makes it harder to see and Ryan is just that much more paranoid. The luno's, those fuckers are always looking for an easy kill, they have no qualms about kicking someone when they're already down. They thrive on trickery. They walked fifteen minutes in silence, in the only kind of peace they could have while getting hit with icy droplets of rain.

Suddenly two figures emerge from the small thick section of tree's that line both side's of the path they're walking. They had been walking out in what they thought was the country, for awhile now. The figures stopped a few feet from their group, watching them. Their group stop's too and they're watching each other, Ryan's eyes flickering to Pete because Pete had this shit down, he was adapting the quickest to this new world.

"Who are you?" Pete call's, his voice dark and unwavering. The two figures, tall and a bit on the bulky side don't say anything but move just a little closer to their group. "Stay back." Pete orders, his hand moving to where he hides his gun. Ryan's eyes widen, They've rarely had to use their gun's and now, now they did?

"Eight boys and four girl's." One of the two figures, a man says. Ryan feels confused but he glances at Jenny at the other's around him. It's too dark, it's raining thickly around them, there should be no way for the two guys to be able to tell how many girl's they have. Ryan is instantly supicious.

"Luno's." Pete breathes out, the group tensing at the word. The two figures laugh and make like they're going to strike. Anyone who has a weapon pulls it out and the guys' push the girl's behind them, the whole lot of them making a circle, girl's inside with the guys' back's to them, protecting them from the creatures. The two creatures laugh at them, scoffing at their feeble attempt at saving themselves.

The assumed beast's charge suddenly, coming at either side of them. Pete, ever the impulsive person fires instantly, not caring at the moment if he was wrong, if these were human men. Ryan doesn't think they are because they're fast, faster than anyone he's ever seen in his life. He grip's his own gun, feels Spencer tense next to him. It all feels like some deranged version of musical chairs, where they're just waiting for the music to stop, waiting to see who the beast's try to take out.

Turn's out the beast's think Ryan and Patrick are the weakest of the men and they charge at them, breaking through the group and tackling people to the ground. Ryan's pinned down on his back on the cold, slick ground. The luno's on top of him and he can't see anything, nothing but the beast above him. It's dark eyes managing to shine bright, hot breath and wicked teeth. Ryan can't move, either from the beast on top of him or from his own fear. He's not strong, he's too weak for this world, for this group. Maybe he would be better off dead, better for his friend's.

The noises around Ryan had turned into a sort of white noise, things he couldn't dechipher like gunshot's and screaming. It all feels so far away. The luno is staring at him with those shining eyes and Ryan is losing the ability to think, everything is hazy and his body feels numb, he's not sure what's happening but it can't be good....

Just as suddenly the beast is looking away, looking pissed and it's like Ryan's world explodes back into existance because he can think again, he can feel his body and hear everything around him. He can also see Spencer on the beast's back, his pale hands wrapped around it's thick neck, attempting to throw it off of Ryan.

"Spencer.." Ryan says soft, too soft for the situation. Spencer eyes him with those sharp blues.

"Ryan, get away from it." Spencer command's and Ryan realizes that he's still under the beast, the luno whose distracted by his best friend. Ryan scrambles away just enough and he see's the circle has been repaired but is missing people. The other luno is by Pete and Brendon, the three of them circling each other, trying not to let their back's be turned. Spencer is the only one with Ryan but Jon is looking over here like he's not sure what to do.

Ryan hears him swear and he's out of the circle, running to where they are but not fast enough to stop the beast from flipping Spencer off of him, making the younger boy fall hard on the damp ground, hitting it with a wet smack. It's still raining, everything slick and wet, making everything that much harder. The luno is on Spencer now, attempting to do the same thing to him that it had done to Ryan.

Ryan has a gun as does Jon, who skid's but manages to make it over to them. Jon aim's and is shooting point blank at the creature. Burn bullets weren't even around back then so, the luno is more or less unaffected but the beast lifts it's head, eyes Jon and it tighten's it's grip on Spencer's arms, sharp nail's digging into soft skin, making crimson blood stain Spencer's white hoodie. He cries out and Ryan, always blindly devoted to his best friend charges forward to stop the luno. The creature throws it's arm out and knock's Ryan away, leaving him skidding through the mud and wet grass.

He's back up and the luno is standing, pulling Spencer up, holding him like he's a shield. That was around the first time that they learned that luno's play dirty. Ryan run's back over and Jon is standing there, gun aimed at the thing but the luno is talking, saying something that Ryan can't hear. Jon looks pissed and Spencer is struggling in the luno's grasp. Ryan get's back over there in time to hear the ending of the conversation.

"If you try to kill me, I'll kill this one." The luno is saying, eyeing the struggling Spencer.

"Spencer!" Ryan shout's, startled by the words and Spencer turn's his head, looks at Ryan with wide eyes.

"It'll be okay Ry. Jon, fucking don't worry about me! Shoot this goddamned thing!" Spencer orders but Jon shakes his head, obviously taking the creature's threat seriously.

"Isn't it sweet? He doesn't want to hurt me, to save you." The luno growls out and Ryan growls back, bites at his lip. A scream issues from the other side of the grounds, a scream hard to hear through the constant pounding of the rain. Ryan turn's back and the other luno is on the ground, presumably dead. Pete and Brendon standing by it's body. This new turn of event's does nothing but serve to piss off the luno holding Spencer. "You little children..." He starts weakly, his voice filled with rage.

"You pathetic little human's killed him?" He says it like he can't believe it. Hell, Ryan barely believes it.

"Don't worry, you'll see him soon enough." Ryan says through gritted teeth. The luno is looking up at him, a quiet amusement in his eyes, he leans down and sniff's at Spencer's neck.

"I could just turn this one...an eye for an eye you know?" The beasts says and Spencer is trashing but the luno is too strong and he can't get away. Pete and Brendon are running toward's them now, their wet footstep's echoing in the night air.

All Ryan is thinking is 'Let Spencer go.' a chant in his head, a repeating chorus. 'Let him go, let him go, let him go.'

The luno seem's to know it's outnumbered, know that it's going to get killed if he doesn't get out of here right now.

"An eye for an eye." He repeat's and there's a flash of silver caught in the light, a knife as Ryan's mind quickly put's together and he's screaming before he really understand's what he's screaming about. The knife slide's easily into Spencer's torso and just as quickly out again. The beast pushes Spencer away, Jon moving forward and grabbing him up before the youngest boy can hit the ground. The luno is running but Pete is hot on his tail, shooting all the while.

Ryan stumbles to where Jon is now sinking to his knees, a bleeding Spencer in his arms. There's a deep slit in Spencer's stomach, blood gushing out through his t-shirt and drenching his hoodie. Ryan can't breath, can't think of anything but Spencer. He pulls him away from Jon, hold's him in his own arms. Rain mixing with blood and trailing off into rivet's along the ground.

"Spence? Spencer, are you okay?" Ryan is pleading, goddamn thankful that it's raining because he's crying now. Spencer's eyes are flickering with pain, a look that Ryan recongizes, you don't spend all your life with someone and not know their facial expressions.

"Could be better." He whispers, Ryan's fingers tighten around him. He knows nothing about stab wound's, nothing medical beyond the fact that this can't be good. He can't deal with death, he can't lose Spencer...

"Jon, Jon can't we do something?" Ryan is pleading with the older boy like Jon knows what to do and just won't share. In all of Ryan's time knowing him he's rarely seen Jon Walker look sad, but this, this look on Jon's face is beyond sad, it's heartwrenching. Jon is stuck between a shrug and a shake of the head but Andy is coming over there, Andy who was studying pre-med in college.

Andy drops by Spencer, undoes the wounded boy's hoodie. He delicately lifts Spencer's shirt and is looking down at the deep gash caused by the knife. Andy's hazel eyes are heavy and he looks at Ryan, gives a little shake of his head, silently telling Ryan that there's nothing they can do. Ryan is sobbing, looking down at Spencer and sobbing. He knows that there are first's for everything in life. There are people who are alway's the first for something but he never wanted the first friend to get killed to be Spencer, please not Spencer.

Jenny is next to him, right by his side. The other's are too, a myriad of solemn faces and Spencer is looking at Ryan. He's staring and he looks paler but Ryan tells himself that it's because of the rain. He doesn't think about how Spencer is dying, about how the only family he has besides his girlfriend, is dying in his arms.

"Ry...Ryan." Spencer's voice issues out weakly against the rain. He lifts his arm, want's Ryan's hand and the older boy gives it to him, their hands clasped together tight.

"Spence, Don't worry...We'll find a hospital somewhere, someone who can help you." Even as Ryan says it he knows it's all bullshit. Spencer knows too.

"You'll be okay Spencer." Ryan tries weakly, he's crying and he knows that Spencer knows he's crying.

"No, you'll be okay Ross." Spencer tells him, the slightest of smiles on his face. "I taught you well, you'll survive. You'll be okay."

"Spencer, don't fucking do that. Don't try to say goodbye because you can't go anywhere! You can't!" Ryan is pretending that saying it will make it happen. Everyone around them knows what's happening, knows that Spencer is dying, Spencer knows too but they're all too good at pretending.

"You gotta keep Jon and Brendon in line." Spencer jokes, Ryan spares a glance at the boy's in question, Jon's head is bowed, rain dripping off the end of his long bang's, his shoulder's shaking. maybe Jon's crying too. Brendon is standing still, his face soft and heartbreaking, Ryan shakes his head.

"That's your job Spence."

"Ryan, just promise me you won't regress now okay? Don't go back to that six year old kid I met so long ago alright? Be who you are now, be my best friend." Spencer chokes out, Ryan is nodding and he's brushing his lips across Spencer's hand and he doesn't care.

"I'll still be with you Ryan so, don't stop talking to me." Ryan thinks that Spencer's eyes look dimmer, he pray's he's imagining it.

"Spencer please. I love you...you're my best friend...I need you." Ryan is pleading like, this is something Spencer can change.

"Love you too Ryan...listen, if I see your dad...I'll tell him how amazing you are...I'll tell him to be proud of you." Ryan is crying so hard and he doesn't even know that he just started a rule, a way to handle death situations. "I'll tell him." Spencer repeats and he's still staring up at the sky, the rain hitting him when he stop's breathing.

"Spencer?" He tries to get him to talk. "Spencer?" His voice raises higher. "Spencer, please talk to me!" He's shaking him but Spencer is gone, his best friend is gone.

"He's gone Ryan." Brendon says from behind him, his voice is tight. Other people are crying but he doesn't give a damn because they didn't just lose their best friend. Ryan hold's Spencer's body close, rock's him back and forth and sob's out all the pain, the rain pouring down on them.

Eventually they pry Spencer away, Jenny instantly there to take the boy's place. Ryan grab's on to her, shaking fingers tangled in her jacket. What's worse is they have no permanent place to stay, no where to bury Spencer. They have to bury him there, in that grassy clearing surrounded by the wood's. Pete, Jon, and Brendon do it. They mark it with a stone and just like that they have to keep moving, Ryan has to leave his best friend behind.

Ryan knows now that Spencer's death was what made him so damn protective of everyone. He was filling Spencer's void, being what Spencer wanted, not going backwards only moving forward. He's the one taking care of people now, not the other way around, he's strong because Spencer wanted him to be and because Spencer is watching him.

After they found their hideout five months later Ryan wanted Spencer back home with him. He never asked anyone to go and collect the body, never asked Pete and the new half luno Brendon to go and find Spencer's body, never asked to bring him back and bury him so he wouldn't have to be alone. They just did it and Ryan was glad because after five months, Spencer was home.



Entry seventeen: I swear I'd burn the city down to show you the light

"We're going to be together forever right?" It's a voice, a girl, so soft and scared. He thinks wherever he is it feels warm, it is warm. Everything is cloudy and white around the edges, he can't see details, no faces. He can't hear names, like spots are censored, edited out or something.

"As long as I can help it we will be." A man's voice, familar but he can't place it. Nothings clear, like a foggy dream. The warmth is back again, soft hands maybe lips.

"I love you." The girl's voice again, echoing like it's so, so far away. The voice makes him ache, he want's to follow it, be close to it and bask in the comfort that resides there. The warmth drains away from him and the scene changes, dark, so dark and the voice isn't soft, it sound's so heartwrenchingly broken. "Don't leave me."

Suddenly it all melt's away and his eyes are flickering open. He's in the semi dark room, the purple light of the setting sun casting strange glows around the room. He sits up and he's sweating, he's trying so hard to keep the memories of the dream. He's more than desperate to figure out what it all means.

That warmth, that voice, they all drive him crazy. She's looking over at him from her spot in the room, dark eyes flickering with interest. "You were having those dreams again weren't you?" She asks and he nods, hand brushing the sweat slicked bang's out of his face. He really doesn't like the dreams, doesn't know what they are, what the hell they even mean. Noah always tells him to ignore them, brush them aside as nothing more than figments of his imagination but he can't accept that. They have to be something more.

"I wish I had dreams." The girl says with a hint of want, of lamenting the fact that she doesn't have them. He shakes his head.

"I wish I didn't." He tells her. The girl named Ruby shakes her head and moves over to his bed, sit's down in front of him. Ruby's short hair brushes against her shoulders, she props her hands up under her chin and peers at him with dark eyes.

"Tell me about it?" She asks, voice soft but no where near the one in his dreams. He looks at her for a moment before she slips her hand into his and he sighs, defeated.

"It's just the voices...it's like, I'm listening to them talk but I don't know what any of it mean's. I don't know who's talking and why everything feels so warm and then cold and...I wake up feeling so broken." He explains to her. Ruby is watching with interest, a sort of jealousy, she's told him numerous times that she want's to have dreams too, want's to know what having them is like.

Ruby sits up and nuzzles against his neck, places a soft kiss on his jaw. "You're so lucky Jack." She whispers but Jack doesn't exactly feel lucky. Jack can feel the brush of her sharp teeth on his skin. It's getting dark so they can go out soon. Jack shift's his hand to her shoulder, leans down and presses their lips together softly. He vaugely wonders how long he can go without sleeping.
*
The next day William and Greta go to run the outlet store while Cassie and Krissy allow themselves to indulge in a little girl talk, mostly talking about how Cassie is now with Jon. Jon is pointedly avoiding Brendon and is instead hanging around Ryan and Gabe. And Alex finally return's to the living.

Pete is in the kitchen, trying to make a decent cup of coffee when Jon sit's down at the table with Ryan.

"So, Walker, heard you and Cassie are together now." Gabe says, attempting to relive the sort of conversation's that they would have before the luno's. Pete freezes, his back turned to them. That can't be true, he knows that the two of them sleep next to each other at night but they're not together.

"I guess so...yeah." Jon replies, obviously not wanting to get too much into it. That's when Pete turn's around.

"You are?" Pete question's, worn coffee filter fit in his hand. He's eyeing Jon, Ryan and Gabe are looking at him with slight surprise because Pete was just on this side of loud. Jon's face falters and he looks down at the table.

"Well, we talked last night and I told her I loved her and so I'm sure we are." The younger boy tells him. He looks back up, warm brown eyes meeting the older boy's, Jon's face soft and blank. Pete doesn't say anything to Jon, just put's the filter on the kitchen table and heads out of the room.

He strides quick through the house, intent on finding Cassie. He finds her in the bunk room with Krissy, talking with the girl and smiling, a thick anger seethes through Pete's body. "Cassie, can I talk to you?" Pete asks as he comes to stand next to the bunk that the two girls are sitting on.

The girl's look up at him and Cassie is watching him intently before she nods. "Sure Pete." She says, her tone just on this side of confused. She's sitting back and looking at him expectantly. Pete's gaze drifts to Krissy's face.

"Do you think I can have a moment alone with her?" He asks maybe a bit too harsh but Krissy nods and stands, glancing at Cassie before leaving the room. Pete sit's down across from her as opposed to sitting next to her. She's staring at him with questioning eyes. He's sure it's probably obvious that he's not in the greatest mood.

"What's up Pete?" Her voice is easy, much lighter than it's been lately.

"What do you think you're doing?" Pete asks, his voice is blunt as he crosses his arms and is staring at her. The girl's face fall's blank, her blue eyes searching his.

"What do you mean?" Confusion laces her voice. Pete is not good at hiding his emotions or sugarcoating things.

"You're with Jon now?" He asks point blank. Cassie's face is still blank but her eyes hold surprise, her hands tightening into the fabric of her jeans. She's silent and Pete sighs. "Are you?" He asks again, his voice has dropped but still hold's a note of seriousness. The dark haired girl scowls and she leans back, mimicing Pete's position, her own arms across her chest.

"So, what if I am?" She her voice is flat, devoid of anger at the moment but he knows that the girl is good at pulling off silent rage. Pete rolls his eyes.

"So? So, what about Patrick?" The boy growls out. Cassie is looking at him with wide eyes now, he knows that she's getting angier by the second.

"What about Patrick?" Her voice is strained, she's trying hard to be calm. Pete uncrosses his arms and practically glares at the girl.

"So, now that he's dead you think it's perfectly fine to go fuck Jon?" Pete seethes, Cassie is up in a flash, standing, mouth tight.

"Pete, it is no business of your's who I decide to do what with." Her voice is rumbling with tight anger. Pete knows he's probably going too far but he doesn't give a damn. Patrick was his best friend, he doesn't deserve this.

"How could you do this to him?"

"Do this to him? Do you even realize how insane you sound?" She scoff's, Pete stands up and they're level with each other.

"He's dead Cassie!" The boy snap's at her, his hands balling into fist's.

"Exactly Pete! He's dead. I don't think he gives a shit what I do." Cassie shout's back and someone else will probably hear. Someone will probably come in and break them up.

"Are you really that much of a slut that once Patrick's dead you had to go and fuck the first guy who showed interest in you? He hasn't even been dead a year!" Pete is yelling at her. Cassie looks apalled, her eyes are shining and she draws her hand back quick, strikes him hard across the cheek.

"How dare you say that to me Pete! How dare you!" The girl screeches at him. She's livid and Pete can hear footsteps coming into the room. "You think I don't know that he's dead? He-He's not even dead anymore! You know what happened and you think I don't get that? I know he's gone, and the Patrick I knew is not coming back! I fucking get that Pete!" Her eyes water but she shakes her head like she's not allowing herself to cry.

"But do you really think I should just be alone forever? Just live in the shadow of his memory all alone and never allow myself to be happy?" Her voice drops low at that last part, a tear breaking free and slipping down her cheek.

"I do it!" Pete shout's back, he's breathing heavy but he's just so angry. Angry at Cassie because he believes she's forsaken Patrick, that she's trying to replace him and forget all about him. He's mad at the fact that she can do it, that Patrick is so easy to forget to his widow. He had been so angry that he didn't even realize that he had brought the conversation back around to himself.

"What?...What's going on in here?" It's Ryan, Jon and Gabe standing behind him. Pete's still standing, glaring at the girl and his fists are balled up, tight at his side.

"Are you two fighting?" Jon asks and Pete blows them off.

"If I have to live alone, keeping my wife's memory alive!...then so do you!" Pete seethes, his mouth twisted into a bitter grimace and his voice slightly broken.

"But you don't have to...do you really think Ashlee would want you to spend every day of your life remembering that you're all alone? That she isn't with you? That's no way to live." Cassie tells him, her voice is softer now, maybe pity but no, Pete's not letting this go back on him.

"Patrick loved you more than anyone else, loved you more than anything I've ever seen. And this is how you honor his memory? By sleeping with someone new?" Pete snaps at her. The footsteps again and it's Jon. He's brushing past Pete, knocking into him just so the older boy stumbles a bit. Jon is reaching out, placing his hand on Cassie's shoulder.

"Come on," He starts, his head motioning to the other boys in the room. "You don't have to listen to this." Jon tells her, more than ready to start his new role as her protector. She nods her dark head and makes a move to follow her new lover. Pete just scoffs.

"Yeah, have her while you can Jon." Pete hisses, his voice absolutely filled with venom. He's turning to eye them when they pass him by. Jon ignores Pete and keep's moving. "God knows that once you die she'll move on to someone else." He add's and that seem's to get through to the younger boy, break past a barrier and now Jon stop's. He's turning slowly but Cassie is faster and she whips around, breathing heavy.

"Don't you fucking say that!" She screams at him, Pete hasn't seen her this worked up in awhile. He knows he's being an asshole, that this is really the last thing Patrick would want but he can't stop himself. He's never really had good self control.

"It's the truth!" The boy yell's. "Who will it be after Jon, Cassie? Hmm? Ryan maybe? Or Gabe? Or hey, Alex just lost Nate why don't you see if he's available." Pete says cruely. Cassie is furious and shaking and tears are leaking from her eyes.

Pete doesn't even see when Jon moves forward and decks him hard in the face. He's apparently quicker than Pete thought.
*
Ryan call's down Joe and Andy to help talk Pete down. It's times like this that he really misses having Patrick around, Patrick could always talk Pete down quickly. Pete's breathing heavy with a nice darkening bruise decorating his tanned jaw. Ryan is sitting there across from him and explaining what went down to Joe and Andy, even though the shouting match was loud enough for half of the house to hear. Pete had to sit there and listen to what an ass he is while his jaw is aching.

He get's the fact that he shouldn't have said what he did to her. It was over the line but he was just fucked up enough to always say what he knew would hurt the person most, to strike big in the beginning. Patrick would hate him if he was here and now he's sure that both Jon and Cassie will never speak to him again. Though he could get lucky and maybe she'll forgive him, she seems likely but Jon...not so much.

Pete couldn't help it, thinking of Patrick had brought him around to thinking about his own life, what had happened to him and how he cannot move on.

Ashlee had been Pete's wife of three months when all the luno shit went down. Three months of marriage and one month of pregnancy. He'd been in love too and he'd lost just as much, no, more than Cassie did, more than any of them did. He lost his wife and his child. But there was no grave for her, no grave for Ashlee because he didn't even get to say goodbye.

The luno's had taken her, one moment she was there and the next the luno's had grabbed her and she was gone. Pete doesn't even know if she's really dead, he ignores the fact that luno's basically love the way girl's taste...and children. It breaks his heart to think about it, to even bring it into his mind. So, he doesn't, he pushes it all away and cope's, just survives everyday.

He feels like he can't go on, he can never have another girl, not another wife, not another child. It was them and that was his moment, now it's over and nothing Cassie says can change his mind.
*
"Are you okay now?" Jon asks Cassie as they sit in the upstairs attic, next to the room where Alex usually sleep's. They're seated on small crates, Cassie wiping away tears and nodding her head.

"Yeah, I'm-I'm just shocked that he said those things to me." She says softly, her voice is tearstained and Jon is still royally pissed off at the older boy. He more than anyone knows about what it's like to lose someone, so, why berate your supposed best friend's widow? It was a dick move one hundered percent.

"Want me to kick his ass?" Jon jokes, his hand slipping to her face and his fingers pressing under her chin, tilting her head up so their eyes would meet. She smiles and shakes her head. Cassie sniff's and wipes at her eyes. "Do you regret it?" Jon finds himself asking moment's later, his voice hesitant as he stares into his girl's eyes.

"Regret what?" She questions, Jon's hands slide to her knees, resting there softly and she brings her own hands down to rest over his.

"Deciding to be with me." The man says, his dark brown eyes searching her's. Cassie looks taken aback before she quickly shakes her head.

"No." She starts, her hands slip away from his and move to cup his face, her thumbs tracing gentle patterns against his skin.

"Do you love me?" Jon asks, her hands still on his face. He told her that he loved her the night they had made love but she never said it back, it had all happened too quickly for her to say it back, at least that's what he had told himself. Jon did love her, he cared about her. In the old world he wouldn't dare rush her so soon after Patrick's death but this world was just screwed up enough that old social rules didn't apply. But no matter how much he cared, he wasn't looking to just be someone's rebound, to just take the place of Patrick.

Cassie was staring at him again, soft searching blue eyes. She sighs deep and Jon is taking that as a no. "I shouldn't have said anything." Jon starts and he attempts to pull away from her warm hands.

"No, Jon, wait." She says, her hands slip from his face but they wrap around his wrist's, keeping him with her. "It's-it's something that's hard for me to say. I do care about you, a lot but I still love Patrick." She says to him, her thumbs rubbing small circles around his wrists. "It's something that I've only ever said to him." Jon can't pretend those words don't sting.

"Cassie." Jon starts but The girl cuts him off.

"But I wanna say it. I do, but not because you said it to me. I wanna say it because I mean it so, do you think you could give me just a little time to say it?" Cassie says to him, she's leaning in close and she's so serious, so earnest that Jon can't help but stay.

"Time's not something we have a lot of exactly." Jon states and Cassie's eyes flicker. She leans in close, standing and leaning over so their mouth's are close. Cassie leans in and kisses him, quick press of their lips. Jon wraps his hands around her waist and lowers her down so that she curled in his lap, her face pressed to the crook of his neck.

"We will if I have anything to say about it." She mumbles against his neck. Jon lock's his arms around her and they stay like that, sharing heartbeat's in the silence.


Entry eighteen: You've Got That Seed In You

Brendon had been turned on ever since the day Cassie and Jon had had sex. Krissy thinks that it's because of the fact that for Brendon, it was like porn. He could hear it and he could smell it but you know, he couldn't see it and he wasn't having it so, maybe it was a little frustrating. It's only natural that he grabbed up Krissy and kissed her with a little more urgency than usual. They didn't do it in the house so, instead Brendon took her in the backseat of the broken down van, pressing her down into the worn seat's but she didn't care.

Krissy knew full well that this was the luno part of him coming out, it happened sometimes. It made him a little rougher and she could see the glint of his teeth a little better but he always kept himself in control, never lost it to the point where he would actually hurt her or god forbid, bite her.

afterwards they lay pressed together on the long stretch of seat. Brendon spooning behind Krissy, his arms wrapped around her tight and posessive. The girl tries not to think about the things that had happened on this seat, how people who've been injured, dying were layed stretched out on the same seat as them.

"Do you think we made a mistake putting those two together?" Brendon asks from behind Krissy, his nose nuzzling at her pale neck, he likes how she smells like him now, or at least that's what he tells her.

"Um, Bren, try filling me in on what you're thinking about before you ask question's." She replies to him, sometimes Brendon get's too wrapped up in his own head.

"Jon and Cassie. Do you think we fucked up by pushing it?" He's asking her but she's not sure why. She knows what Pete did and how hurt Cassie and Jon had been by that so maybe that's what he's thinking about.

"I really don't."

"What if they're not ready?" Brendon questions, but he's always been that way, a near constant romantic..maybe more before he changed then after. Krissy turn's into him, her hands pressing to his neck and their eyes locking.

"Everything I told Cassie, I meant and I would've said them regardless of if we tried to get them together or not. I said it because I could see Jon was in love with her and I know that she could feel the same if she tried. And we both know that with everything shitty in this world, that love is the only good thing left. They both deserve it so, we just gave them a push."

"It's cute that you're worried." Krissy add's soft and she kisses Brendon. Her boyfriend shrugs.

"I don't want it to all blow up in our faces, I want them to be happy." He tells her, resting his face in the crook of her neck. Krissy runs fingers through his hair, she can feel his warm breath tickling against her skin. Brendon doesn't show his soft side as often anymore and if he does it's only ever to her.

"They will be." She replies, mostly to soothe Brendon. She doesn't know if the two of them will be happy and she doesn't know if she should be the one dispensing relationship advice when she has her own fear's with Brendon.
*
Later Krissy is in the kitchen, making dinner because none of them has had a decent meal in week's due to the outlet store fiasco but now that William and Greta run it, they've got their supplies back. She's making stew because that's all they can really make, it's easy, water, meat, vegetables. That's it. She also thinks that maybe she should teach someone else to cook. Jon does pretty well, Cassie kind of suck's at it and the rest of the guys can do it but just barely. It's not a big surprise that she settles on Greta.

So, the other blonde girl in the house stands by Krissy as they chop vegetables and throw them into the pot on the rundown stove. "Stew again?" Joe mumbles as he passes through the kitchen.

"Beggers can't be choosers." Krissy retort's and Greta laughs.

"So," Greta starts, she bump's her hip against Krissy's as she dumps her own veggies into the pot. "Maybe you should fill me in on the people here. Their stories you know?" The blonde girl asks, looking at Krissy with hopeful eyes and a coy smile.

"Well." The taller girl says, surveying the shorter girl. "I can tell you about Brendon and I because that's the only story that's mine to tell. Everyone else, well, I guess you'll have to ask them." Krissy see's the slight look of panic on the girl's face. "Or not." She add's, she thinks if she didn't know these other people so well she might not want to ask them about their pasts either.

"Okay, so, you and Brendon. Spill please." Greta asks, her light voice spilling around the room as she cuts off thin slices of meat and puts them in the pot. Krissy smiles, glad for a moment to relive her time with Brendon back when they were both stupid kid's and he asked her out in the parking lot of their high school while Ryan, Spencer, Cassie, and Jenny looked on.

She tells Greta about how they dated through their senior year of high school, how they went to the same college, moved into a small place together, contemplated getting a dog and argued over the names. Brendon wanted Jasmine and Krissy was vying for Chuck.

Krissy makes a rash decision to tell Greta about how Brendon got bit, about how he's not exactly all human. She tells her vaugely of Brendon being part luno now. Greta looks surprised than scared. It's a reaction that honestly Krissy expected. She knows that with all the luno's do it can be too hard to accept that someone you know shares trait's with them, it wasn't exactly easy for Krissy in the beginning either.

"Is he..alright now?" Greta asks, voice filled with concern but Krissy's kind of looking for more of an elaboration than that and she guesses her face shows that because Greta continues. "I mean, he doesn't feed does he?" The girl asks, worry evident in her voice. Krissy's quiet for a moment, thinking back to a conversation she and Brendon had had in the shower a few days ago, his fear's that someday more traits would surface, how one day he just might want to feed on people.

Greta is still watching her so Krissy shakes her head quickly. "He wouldn't be here if he did. We wouldn't let him and he wouldn't allow himself to be." She knows Brendon, she knows that if those feelings ever truly arose, if they became more than sweat inducing dreams, that he wouldn't put any of them in danger, not for a second.

Greta seems satisfied in Krissy's anwser so the two of them go back to cooking, idle chatting now and maybe the new girl finally learned to not ask questions about the people in this house, learning that sometimes you won't like the anwsers.
*
William is pressed to the paper thin wall that seperates the bunk room from the kitchen. He had just been about to go in and see Greta, to keep her company but he had heard her talking with that Krissy girl and the topic had spun around to Krissy's assumed lover Brendon. William had been still and silent as he listened to the conversation. Heard the girl say that Brendon had been bitten in the past, that Brendon was one of those half-breeds.

He had suspected that something was different about Brendon, had noticed it the first time they met. Maybe it was the way the boy's eyes had looked so exceedingly dark, yet seemed to shine extra bright at the same time. Maybe it had been the way the boy carried himself, tight and coiled and protected. It had put William off but he ignored it, he did have the tendancy to get overly paranoid. But now he was right and Brendon was dangerous, dangerous to everyone here.

William is again about to go into the kitchen when the backdoor opens and he can see Brendon himself entering the kitchen. The boy looks human enough but again those eyes, sparkling inhumanly. Brendon stands there and inhales deeply, smelling the cooking food before he turns to look at the girl's a smirk on his face. "You cooking stew Kris?" He asks his girlfriend and William see's her nod and smile at him, how can she be with someone like him? He'll never understand it. "Good, I'm starved." He says and William narrows his brown eyes.

"How's fixing that van going Bren?" Krissy asks not looking at her boyfriend but stiring up the things in the pot. Brendon sighs.

"You know how Joe gets all bitchy when he's hungry...or misses weed." Brendon jokes and both girl's laugh.

"Your face is all dirty." Krissy points out and Brendon grins, wide, grease marks streaking his cheeks and chin. William thinks he catches a glimpse of sharp teeth, not human teeth, definitly not.

"Oh really?" Brendon starts and he moves behind Krissy grabbing her around the waist and pulling her back, his face nuzzling her neck as Greta looks on. "Guess I'll just have to get you dirty too." He states. Why isn't she afraid? William doesn't understand it, his mouth so close to her neck. He could take both of them out in second's. That thought makes a ball of anger and dred mix in William's stomach. What if they're all like that? Luno's in hiding? What if this is all a trap to take down William and Greta?

"Greta, get away from him!" William yells, springing out from behind the wall, gun out of it's hiding place and aimed squarely at Brendon's chest. All three people in the room had turned, two set's of wide eyes and a very calm looking half-breed.

"William! What are you doing?" Greta shout's, alarm in her feather soft voice. William barely looks at her.

"You heard it's girlfriend. It is a half-breed...he's...it's dangerous." William seethes, his eyes locked with Brendon's. Krissy who had been previously standing behind her boyfriend walks out in front of him scowling.

"Get that gun away from my boyfriend." She demands, voice calm and level but still firm with anger. William ignores her request. Instead glancing over at Greta.

"Get away from him Greta, you're easy prey!" William demand's and Greta crosses her arms over her chest.

"You're overreacting William." She insists but he shakes his head.

"No, I bet that's their ploy. Go and pick people up, bring them back here and then bam! We're all luno chow."

"Look, William." Brendon begins, speaking for the first time since the other boy pulled the gun. "It's true that I was bitten but I also got the antidote in time. I'm still human, I've never hurt another human and I don't intend to start." Brendon insists and Krissy is staring at him with worry in her eyes.

"I don't believe you. Luno's lie all the time, lie to get whatever they want." William argues, his voice frim and his hand shaking slightly. He doesn't paticularly like killing people, not really but he will to survive. Fight or flight as they say and when it comes down to it William always fight's.

"I would never hurt anyone." Brendon says smoothly but William shakes his head.

"That's what they all say.."

"I wouldn't William. I wouldn't be here if it put anyone at risk." Brendon is saying. William is reminded of a situation very similar to this, how he believed these lines once before and it was a terrible mistake.

"You don't know what you're capable of..you don't know if you'll change! What if you do? What happen's when you kill your girl or one of these other people you care about? Can you live with yourself then?" William hisses and for the first time since they've been talking Brendon seem's shaken. "Even half-breeds can change..they all do eventually." William half whispers.

"Shut up! Just shut the fuck up right now!" Krissy is screaming, taking two steps forward and standing right in front of Brendon, almost like a shield for the boy. "You're an asshole who doesn't know what he's talking about!" The girl add's. "Brendon's still the same! He hasn't changed and he isn't going to! Not now and not ever so, just take your paranoid ass somewhere else!" Krissy seethes, really, this is an anger that William didn't think was possible in the girl.

Other footsteps echo around the house and in moments Joe and that girl that William held hostage that day at the outlet are downstairs, along with that girl's rather buff looking boyfriend and the doctor Andy. That scrawny dude that William thinks is named Ryan's there too, they're all downstairs, staring at the scene in the kitchen.

"Brendon what's going on?" Ryan is asking.

"I, nothing Ry." Brendon says quiet, his previous confidence lessened but not gone.

"I found out about the little secret you've all been hiding." William tells the group, his eyes darting between Ryan and Brendon. "I found out that you're harboring a half-breed." William's voice is malicious, a kind of hate that Brendon did nothing to incure.

"Don't call him that!" Krissy hisses through gritted teeth.

"William, Brendon is our friend. He would never hurt us. He's proven that many times over." Andy is saying because Ryan is busy looking at William like he wants him to burst into flames or something equally as painful. William laughs, a laugh of disbelief and maybe pity.

"None of you know what they're capable of. Take it from someone whose dealt with a one before. When it happen's, it won't matter who you are, how long you've been friend's. He'll kill each and every one of you." William tells them, voice dark and Krissy looks pissed again, Brendon looks even more shaken then before.

"Just put the gun down man, we can all talk this shit out. There's not a need for violence." That buff looking guy is telling him, his hands up in an 'Easy does it' kind of fashion.

William can see that nothing he's saying is really getting through to these idiot's. There is a slight chance, just the slightest that he's judged this situation all wrong and that not every half-breed wind's up like Tom did, maybe there are differences? Either way he feels like he's gone too far to go back now. These people seem forgiving enough but he's tried to go after one of their own, how will they possibly forgive that?

William doesn't know if he'll ever be forgiven but he does know that he shouldn't be there right now. He slips his gun back into the waistband of his jeans before he sighs and in a flash he's striding through the kitchen and out the backdoor, out into the night. He doesn't care, let any of the luno's try and fuck with him. He'll fight because he always does.

"William! Where are you going?" Greta call's out to him, she's dashing out into the front yard, trying to follow him. He stop's and turns back.

"Don't follow me Greta!" He says maybe too coldly but it doesn't matter, he'll apologize later.

"But! Where are you going?" She tries again, taking a few steps closer.

"I'll come back for you." He tells her and he's gone, walking into the night, into danger and Krissy goes outside, takes her arm and brings her back in, they ignore the tear's on both their faces.
*
They all eat dinner in silence, Cassie talking quietly with Krissy and Greta in the kitchen. The others spread around the house all in various degrees of conversation. They try to ignore it but there is a definite degree of tension in the house. A secret fear that maybe got unleashed before it should have. In truth Krissy has been worried about Brendon gaining more and more luno traits ever since their conversation in the bathroom. Maybe Brendon's been worried about it longer.

"He'll be okay you know?" Cassie tells her during dinner and Krissy nods but doesn't bother looking up at her friend. Cassie's known for trying to say what people want to hear, It's an endearing quality at times. "I'm not just saying it either. Gabe and I read about it before, people who get changed don't always go full blown luno. It's different for everyone, like the antidote and how that's different too." Cassie insists and maybe Krissy can believe that, or at least force herself to believe it because she can't, she can't be in a world with no Brendon.

That may be selfish of her considering that some of her closest friend's have lost those most important to them and went on living but maybe Krissy isn't as strong as them.

"I'm sorry he did that." Greta starts, she looks pained, like she's the one whose boyfriend is part luno. "It's just..he's like that because of what happened to him before..." Greta stops even though both girl's are eyeing her curiously. "I'm sorry, it's not my story to tell." She add's and Krissy knows what she mean's. Some stories, some subjects aren't meant to be told or talked about.

Again a small silence as they actually eat. Greta stopping and looking at Cassie. "That's a beautiful ring." She tells the dark haired girl. Her eyes locked on on Cassie's wedding ring.

"Oh. Thank you." Cassie sounds surprised, like she's forgotten that she was even wearing the ring, or maybe she forgot what it was like for people to notice. Greta smiles.

"Is that guy, Jon, is he your husband?" Greta asks, obviously trying to change the subject, bring it around to a happy topic but the girl couldn't be further from a happy topic if she tried. Krissy almost want's to do a facepalm.

"Um, no." Cassie starts, her eyes are unfocused but she's gazing at her ring, with the slightest of sad smiles. "I was married to a boy named Patrick." Krissy really hopes that Greta catches the word 'was'. She does seem to get it though because she's frowning.

"God, god, I am so sorry. I shouldn't even ask people questions anymore. William always says that I'm too curious for my own damn good...I guess he's right. I'm sorry." She rambles out at Cassie but the dark haired girl shakes her head and her gaze lock's with Krissy, the two of them exchanging something like a silent conversation that Greta only really get's half of.

"It's okay." Cassie tells her but Krissy feels like the girl is telling herself that more than anyone else. Like she said before, some stories aren't meant to be retold.


Entry nineteen: I've Got Troubled Thoughts And Self-Esteem To Match

The next Night William doesn't come back and Greta starts staring out the window a lot, seemingly waiting for him to return, because he promised to come back to her. He wouldn't leave her all alone would he? It's not that she doesn't feel comfortable here. She does, the people are nice, Cassie and Krissy helping to make her feel welcome even though she has a bad tendency to ask stupid question's at times. It's that by now she only really feels safe with William, maybe because she's been with him all this time.

The girl felt the same way with Bob, only felt safe around him. Up until the day that he suddenly wasn't safe anymore and William saved her and hurt her deeper than she had ever been. She trust's William but at the same time she doesn't know him that well, desperate times make's for strange bedfellows and all that.

Greta just want's William to come back, because he promised that he would.
*
Alex is upstairs with Cassie and Gabe. He still has a habit of hanging around upstairs because that's what he did when he was with Nate, the two of them hanging out in the upper room, staring out at the land that surround's them. They're going about business as usual. Cassie and Gabe writing information out in those ragged notebook's and Alex curled up next to the window, next to where Nate's shitty makeshift urn sit's on the windowsill, he's reading the rag. It's not nearly as enjoyable as it would be if Nate were still around.

Alex hears the fax machine running and he looks up, eyeing Gabe bent over it, sending something out. "What are you sending now?" He's asking, it's sorta his job to keep track of what get's sent out. Cassie's the one who anwsers him.

"We're asking about people who've been bitten and got the antidote in time. People like Brendon." She explain's to him, her soft blue eyes. Alex would ask why but he can sort of figure it out on his own. Ever since what happened between William and Brendon the other day the boy had been worried, has been asking for information. Alex would probably ask about it anyway except he just notices something about Cassie.

"You're not wearing your wedding ring." He points out. For as long as he's known her she's worn that ring, never taken it off not once and now, it's just gone. Cassie looks down at her ring finger, a white mark in the shape of the ring around the skin.

"Yeah." Cassie says as she looks up at him. "I uh, took it off." She admits and her voice is soft, maybe a little guilty.

"Why?" Alex asks, her ring is the last thing she has of Patrick, why would she take it off?

"I still wear it." Cassie tells him, her hand slipping to her neck, lifting a delicate silver chain away from her pale skin and showing the boy the wedding ring hanging off the end of said chain. "I just wear it on my neck now." She add's and she's smiling. For some reason Alex doesn't feel much like smiling. For some reason he was looking up to Cassie as the way a widow should act, loyal to her husband and even though he and Nate weren't married, he still wanted to follow her lead. But this, this meant that she was done being loyal and that she was moving on.

"Because of Jon?" Alex asks, his gaze flickering to the little urn on the windowsill. Cassie shakes her head, remaining calm. She knows he isn't asking it in the same way Pete was, not full of disapproval and insult's.

"Because I don't want Patrick's memory on my hand but next to my heart." She explain's. Alex opens his mouth to say something but Gabe interrupt's the two of them.

"Cassie, want me to send that thing we were talking about?" The tall boy asks, he's leaning over the fax machine once again, looking like he could go either way. Alex thinks he just asked so another awkward conversation wouldn't have time to start. Cassie nods and Alex looks between them.

"What thing?" The other two are silent as they glance at each other, neither anwsering Alex. The boy scowls, he's not a child and if these two are starting to keep things from him because they don't think he can handle it, well, then they can find themselves a new record keeper. "I can handle it." Alex tells them, his voice weak.

"It's-" Cassie starts but Gabe cuts her off.

"It's a fax asking if anyone's seen the luno versions of Patrick and Jenny." Gabe inform's him, his voice tight and he's staring down at the machine. So, he kind of feels like an ass because they were just trying to spare his feelings and maybe Cassie's as well.

"Oh." Alex replies, he looks down at the rag again. Luno's are something he doesn't like to talk about, not since Nate. But that topic, the creatures that roam around them, it's pratically unavoidable. He looks back up at Cassie. "What happens if we find them?" He's asking the question more to her than to Gabe but it doesn't look like the other boy even has an anwser prepared. Cassie's staring at him with deep searching eyes.

"Honestly," She starts. "I just don't know."
*
Ryan is standing downstairs with Pete, they're supposed to be figuring out how to help get the van fixed but really all their doing is brooding in silence. Ryan isn't so much as brooding as he is lost is thought. Cassie had come up to him much earlier that day and asked his permission about asking around the other hideout's for information about Jenny. He doesn't actually believe she need's his permission because they were friends before he and Jenny were lovers, the act is more of a formality.

He agreed to let her seek out information but neither of them talked about what to do if any information is found. It's something he knows they should talk about but they're not. Ryan thinks it's because they both know what they should do if they happen to find Jenny and Patrick in luno form. They know but that doesn't mean they'll do it.

Pete on the other hand is brooding because Cassie and Jon have both taken to giving him the cold shoulder, acting like the older boy doesn't even exist. Ryan doesn't blame them, not for a second. It's clear just who happens to be in the wrong here but Pete's just too damn proud to bother apologizing.

"Hey, Ryan," Pete starts and he looks across the table at the younger boy.

"Hmm?" The younger boy responds, only half listening to Pete.

"Do you think you could go and get me the newest issue of the rag?" Pete asks, his tanned fingers drumming against the table. It's his left hand Ryan notes, he knows that Pete still can't really control much of his right hand, not detailed movements at least. Ryan glances up at Pete, a blank look on his face.

"Can't you get it yourself?" Pete's not helpless but Ryan also knows who happen's to be upstairs with Alex and Gabe. Pete makes a face and huff's.

"Forget it. I guess I'll just wait for them to fall asleep or something." Pete mutter's and again silence falls over them. Ryan rolls his eyes and crosses his arms.

"Pete, look, don't you think you're being kind of ridiculous? I mean we're not children, we're not even teenagers anymore. This kind of shit might've been okay back before this all went down but it's not okay now." Ryan states, an edge to his voice. Pete open's his mouth to say something but the younger boy shakes his head and continues.

"We're all a team. We all need each other Pete and if we're fighting...it's dangerous you know? We've got to remember that these people in this house, our friend's, they're all we have." Ryan is being firm, with Pete, it's the only way to really get through to him. Not a lot of people can get through to Pete these days, Patrick and Ashlee being the only one's who could ever really do so.

Pete is glaring at the table but Ryan thinks that maybe something got through to him because he's standing and nodding, shuffling away to find the people he owes apologies to.
*
Pete thinks he could apologize to Cassie, he knows where she is, that she's upstairs with Gabe and Alex but at the same time he doesn't think he's going to go to the girl. He heads outside into the darkness moving to the small attached garage like room. That's where Andy and Joe are working on the van. That's where Patrick used to come to make stuff to help them and Pete would just come and stand next to him, watch as his best friend worked.

The room was big and open, with cement floor's and little shelves of half finished gadget's that Pete didn't really know the purpose for. They had the van jacked up and the hood open, holes still plauging the sides of the vechical. Andy was fiddling around under the hood while Pete could see leg's that he thought belonged to Joe under the van and there was Jon, leaning against one of the counter's and rifling through the tool's that Andy and Joe would need.

They all knew very little about cars so almost everything was done in the 'Wing it and hope for the best' style.

Pete knows that Jon is staring at him and he almost, almost turn's and leaves the room but maybe in this situation Jon is the less scary of the two people that he pissed off. "You and Ryan think of something to contribute?" Andy asks, wiping his grease stained hands on the already stained shirt he was wearing, the same shirt he wear's when he attempts to fix things. He has an injury shirt too, that one being far more gruesome than the fixing things shirt.

Pete shakes his head, keeping his eyes to the floor, he can feel Jon staring at him and he kind of forget's about how scary the younger boy can be. Andy mumbles something and goes back to the van while Pete can hear Joe swearing softly from under the vechical. The oldest of the men takes a deep breath and looks up at Jon.

"Hey, Walker, you uh-think I could talk to you for a minute?" Pete asks, tilting his head towards the side door, there's not really a need for the door on the side because the whole front where a wall would normally be is wide open. It would be more dangerous if luno's dared to venture close to hideout's.

Jon eyes him for a few silent beats and Pete is expecting a 'no', he is expecting Jon to tell him to fuck off. He's not expecting the small nod and the younger boy walking toward's him.

They end up outside, standing in between the open garage and the wooden paneled house with it's various lights on. Pete is looking at the ground, kicking at the dirt with his shoe while Jon is standing by, waiting for the older boy to start talking. "Well?" Jon asks moments later and Pete looks up.

"I'm sorry." He manages to get it out. Part of him still feels like he shouldn't have to apologize, that he wasn't all that wrong but he knows that he shouldn't have implied that Jon would die, that he shouldn't have called Cassie a slut. Jon nods but he doesn't look like he's forgiven Pete. "I know I was out of line. I mean, I get that I shouldn't have said that shit." Pete starts, Jon's just watching him with deep brown eyes, waiting to hear what Pete's got to say.

"But lets be honest, I'm not the greatest person around, it's hard for people to really get me. I'm clingy, I'm messed up and Patrick...he got me. It wasn't hard and I had someone who understood me. I vauled Patrick so much, held him so high. I just wanted him to be happy and with Cassie he was. I know he loved her so much, more than he loved anyone else." Pete rambles out. Jon shift's, maybe uncomfortable with Pete's words.

"I get that. I knew them too you know." Jon states, his voice is oddly blank, Pete want's to think it's the first step to forgiving. "But Pete, I don't think I'm the one you should be apologizing to." Jon add's and Pete's heart drops because he knows, he already knows that he's apologizing to the wrong person.

"It's her life to live whatever way she want's. I know that she'll always love Patrick, I don't want her to forget him because he made her happy and happiness is something hard to come by nowadays. But I want to make her happy too and keep her safe. I want to be with her and she want's to be with me so that's what we're doing, Pete." Jon tells him. He sound's so sure, so honest that it make's Pete long to feel the same way about someone, the same way he felt about Ashlee.

Pete doesn't think he really get's it. Why should it be Jon's job to keep Cassie safe? It's something Jon's been doing ever since Patrick died, something that Pete found odd. "Why are you so determined to be her protector?" Pete question's, he keep's his voice flat, not wanting to start a whole new argument. Jon's eyes spark but he anwsers without missing a beat.

"Because Patrick asked me to."

"What?" Pete asks, Jon looks taken aback. He thought Pete knew about it, about the fact of the promise that Jon had made to Patrick in regards to Cassie.

"I thought you knew." Jon says and Pete shakes his head.

"Tell me." Pete insist's and to the boy's surprise, Jon does. He tells Pete all about how Patrick came to him shortly after they moved into the hideout. How Patrick asked Jon to promise to take care of Cassie. Jon maybe leaves out the part where Patrick said that he didn't trust Pete with the task, he doesn't need that weighing on Pete's mind.

Pete sighs and afterwards feels like a douchebag. All this time he just assumed that Jon was waiting for the first moment to make his move on Cassie but in reality he was just keeping a promise, a promise that led him to falling in love with her. "I'm sorry." Pete apologizes again but he's not sure Jon get's exactly what he's apologizing for. Jon nods all the same and clap's Pete on the shoulder.

"It's okay, I forgive you." He tells him, Jon looks like he wants to say more but Pete talk's before he can.

"I know, I need to apologize to her." Pete tells him and Jon smirks and nods. "Maybe, put in a good word for me?" He add's and Jon allows himself a little laugh.

Jon goes back to the garage and Pete heads inside to find Cassie and apologize to her. Ryan is eyeing him but Pete ignores him and instead heads up the creaky set of stairs to find the girl who was probably still working with Gabe. He does find her upstairs, scribbling quietly in the beaten up notebook. Alex wasn't in the room and neither was Gabe, Pete just assumes that Cassie was avoiding him.

She looks up at his footsteps and frown's before looking back down without saying a word. "Cassie, I wanted to talk to you." Pete starts and Cassie keeps writing for a few seconds before she set's her pen down and looks up at him with a slight sigh.

"Then talk." Her voice is cold, colder than he's used to. Pete nods and shuffles closer.

"Listen, I just wanted to say that I'm-"

Suddenly the fax machine starts beeping loudly in the room. Cassie jerk's up and is moving over to it, awaiting the arrival of the paper from the machine. They only ever get faxes from other hideout's, other places human's live. And usually they only get faxes if they have anwsers to questions or new's, or just plain info.

Pete wait's for Cassie to be done before he tries talking again. The paper emits and Cassie grab's it out, scan's it quickly and gasps. "What is it?" Pete is asking and despite the fact that they're fighting he moves closer to her and Cassie anwsers him.

"Someone's seen them..." She mutters out.

"Who?" Pete question's softly.

"Patrick and Jenny." Cassie replies with shaking hands.




Entry twenty: Second Chances Won't Leave You Alone

Cassie stands there for a split second before she rushes down the stairs, fax in hand and she's calling for Ryan, for Gabe, for anyone who will listen. She wind's up in the kitchen, Ryan standing and looking worried. Brendon and Krissy rounding the corner of the bunkroom as they too stop and watch the girl with slightly alarmed eyes. Pete comes thumping down the stairs a few moment's after Cassie did, stopping and hanging back to look at the group.

"What's wrong?" Ryan asks and Gabe is there and he's looking at the paper clutched tight in her hand. His brown eyes widen.

"Did someone respond?" He asks and she nods. Gabe slides over to where she is and lifts the paper from her, his own eyes scanning the information. He stop's after a moment and sighs out. "Jesus."

"Okay, someone better tell me what's going on right now."Ryan demand's, a small frown on his girlish face and Cassie lock's eyes with him.

"It's them Ryan, someone's seen them." Cassie's voice is in awe, no other explanation for it. Now it's Ryan's dark eyes that widen. He doesn't need more of an explanation then that. He knows exactly what she's talking about and he's reaching for the paper with shaky hands.

"Who?" Krissy prompt's from behind Cassie, the shorter girl turn's, her eyes locking with Krissy's. "Jenny...and Patrick. Someone's seen them around." The girl tells them and both Brendon and Krissy looked surprised. Cassie's shaking but that's to be expected. There really is no way to get used to someone whose dead to suddenly come back, there's just no way.

The fax was from a guy named Mikey Way. It was pretty simple actually, it said that they were in a hideout located about an half an hour away from where their hideout was, that this Mikey person's crew had been involved in a luno fight about a week and a half ago and that he's pretty sure that he saw at least one of them there, hiding out in the background and that they left before they could get hurt.

"So, what do we do?" Ryan is asking and Cassie is looking at the floor, her body still visibly shaking. Krissy reaches out automatically and hug's the older girl. This whole situation is very difficult to sort out. No one really knows how to feel, if they should be devestated that their friends are now luno's or allow themselves just the tiniest bit of happiness at the fact that their friends are alive again.

"The luno attack happened nearly two week's ago. The luno's might've switched spot's by now." Brendon says, and Gabe nods, obviously agreeing.

"But it couldn't hurt to look either right?" Ryan tries, his voice uncertain. Brendon is watching him intently, like he's trying to figure out what's going on in the other boy's mind. Brendon would normally argue that seeking out luno's was a stupid idea, a suicidal one to boot but the way Ryan's looking, the way Cassie is shaking, he knows that they need to know.

"I suppose I could go and search for some scents..but that's really all we should do right now." Brendon tells them and Ryan nods. Cassie doesn't say anything but she does pull away from Krissy for a moment before staring up at Brendon with sparking blue eyes. She reaches out suddenly and hug's him, mumbling a thank you into the fabric of his shirt.

Brendon is really thrown off by that because even though everyone knows he's okay after being bit, he's also learned that people really don't like to touch him all that much anymore. He used to thrive on touching people but he's cut back on that too because now, even something as simple as a hug could look threathening. Krissy was just about the only one who touched him anymore and he touched back but Brendon wouldn't lie, it felt good to be touched again.

"It's nothing." The boy says and he pat's the girl on the shoulder. Cassie pulling back and staring at him again.

"Do you need something maybe with Patrick's scent on it? Or Jenny's? Would that help?" She's asking and Brendon nods, it really would help. Cassie nods and leaves the room followed by Krissy whose smiling at Brendon, she knows how much he hated his new isolation from human contact.

"How do you feel Ryan?" Gabe is asking, he leans against the kitchen counter and his eyes flicker over the paper before he looks back up at Ryan.

"I'm not sure." Ryan admits, he shrugs and shakes his head, running his hand through his soft brown hair. "It's like..my heart is telling me to do whatever I can to see her again but my mind...it's telling me that she's not the same. She's not the Jenny I knew and that she's dangerous."

At this moment Ryan looks like the textbook definiton of conflicted. They're sure that Cassie feels this way too, her own excitement overriding her fear and that could be dangerous. They should get Jon and have him keep her rational. Brendon nods and steps closer to Ryan, touches his shoulder and Ryan doesn't flinch, not for a second, not like some of the others do.

"If I do find something?" Brendon starts, it sound's like a question but one that Ryan doesn't know how to anwser. Ryan stay's silent and Brendon sighs deeply. "It will be fine. I-I won't do anything rash, I won't make a stupid move." It's the best they could expect from Brendon, his anger being something that's hard to reign in these days. Ryan nods, looks at the floor, eyes flickering with thought.

Cassie and Krissy return, the dark haired girl holding two shirt's out for Brendon to take. One that belonged to Patrick and the other to Jenny. Brendon take's the article's of clothing and he can smell them already, it was so bizarre that he could recognise people by smell, each person distinct in their own way. Brendon decides to go alone, he would just be seeking and he really didn't need any back-up.

Krissy was eyeing him as he prepared to leave but he just kissed her and headed out the door.
*
Brendon take's the truck, starting it and driving down the abandoned dirt trail's that spread out away from the house. Behind him he can see someone walking toward's the garage and it wouldn't surprise him if Gabe had went to collect Jon and the others. The boy has the window's rolled down so he can catch the scent's better, if there were even any scent's to be found.

Beyond the dirt and grass that stretched out around their hideout was a small section of wood's, what used to be the barrier between city and country. Past the wood's was the remain's of the city that a few of them lived in during their teen year's. The road's jagged and broken beneath the tires of the truck. Crumbling piles of what used to be building's, stores, houses and school's. Some building's still stood intact, like their old high school, Brendon didn't think that he'd ever be thrilled about seeing their old school but he was glad that it was still standing.

Brendon was leaned toward's the window, catching something on the wind. He slow's the truck and stop's in the middle of the road, it doesn't matter, barely anyone drives nowadays. He stick's his head out and breathes in deeply, his mind trying to place just what he was smelling. It wasn't Patrick, or Jenny but he could smell blood and he could most definitly smell the scent of luno's. The boy pulls a right and turn's down by where the outlet store is, near the half collasped hospital building.

As he drives closer he can definitly smell blood and luno's, three of them he thinks. It's hard to tell since he's not fully luno his smell isn't as great as their's. A new smell invades Brendon's nose, one that's still a tad bit unfamilar to him but he could still manage to pull it out as different from the luno's. It was William.

That fact make's Brendon drive faster. The man had left the hideout nearly two days ago and he had yet to return. It would be a miracle if he were still alive. Brendon breathes the air deeper, trying harder to get a sense of what he's smelling. The blood, he doesn't think it belong's to William so, maybe the boy is alive after all. The scent lead's Brendon to a parking lot, empty and overgrown with weed's, one lone lamp post being the only light along the entirety of the cracked pavement.

There the boy can see figures, three of them standing and one on the ground. Now that he's here, he knows that William is alive, can smell his adrenaline as he fight's the two remaining luno's. Brendon assumes that William killed a luno and that was the blood he was smelling. The boy revvs the engine and hit's the gas, speeding toward's the two luno's who look ready to pounce on William.

The truck is fast but the luno's are faster and they both just barely make it out of the way of the speeding vechical. William back's away, unable to tell if it's friend or foe in the truck. Brendon pulls a hard left, the tires squealing and buring against the pavement. Andy is going to kill him but he doesn't really care at the moment. Brendon heads toward the larger of the two luno's, hoping that the steel frame of the truck is strong enough to kill the damn beast and not completely desimate said truck. The luno fling's itself around but Brendon is managing to stay on it's tail, following it across the parking lot, bright headlight's trained on the beast. He was praying that William has enough sense to kill the other luno.

The luno lead's Brendon forward toward's a brick wall and it's like a sadistic game of chicken but Brendon isn't stupid. He knows that the luno will move out of the way at the last moment, leaving any hope of Brendon pinning the beast against the wall or his truck making it out alive all but destroyed. The boy pulls another hard left so he's facing back toward's William and he's lost track of his luno but Brendon can see the other boy darting away from the luno attacking him, so, at least he's fine for the moment.

Brendon pulls forward and a loud thump is heard on the bed of the truck. The boy stop's and turn's his head to see the luno he had been chasing is now standing in the truck's bed, staring at him with golden eyes and a hungry smile. The beast take's a step forward and the dark haired boy put's the truck in drive, pulling forward suddenly and causing the luno to tumble backwards into the bed of the truck. During it's brief period of downtime Brendon steer's the truck with one hand and fumbles around for his gun with the other.

The luno is back up and Brendon knows this from the shattering sound of the back window that seperates the cab from the bed breaking into a million pieces and a strong pale hand wrapping around his neck. Brendon turn's right quickly as the hand squeezes around his neck and the luno loses it's footing, slipping to the right, nail's scratching along the fair skin of Brendon's jaw as it slipped away.

He has his gun now and he's prepared for when the luno stands back up, growling and drooling. It's more than apparent that these two luno's aren't part of the smart string, these are the more animalistic one's, the one's that are slightly stronger but easier to trick. Brendon drives straight, one hand on the steering wheel as he twists around and fire's five quick shot's into the luno's body. The luno grunt's each time he get's shot and fall's back, Brendon taking this as an opportunity to make a sharp turn, causing the beast to fall out of the side of the truck and clatter to the hard ground. The boy wastes no time and promptly put's it in reverse, backing over the luno's injured body.

He hears squeal's of pain but he doesn't stop, backing up and then pulling forward again, running over the creature multiple times until he's sastisfied that it's dead. By the time he looks up he can see the firey orange emitting from William's gun as he shoots at the one remaining luno. Brendon speed's forward, intent on hitting this one too if he has to. It turn's out that he doesn't because William fires off two more shot's, ducking and moving gracefully as the luno lunges around him. By the time Brendon get's to him, the luno is dead and William is standing there breathing hard.

Brendon pulls up slowly alongside William. "Will, you okay?" Brendon question's as he eyes the taller boy. William looks alright, he's out of breath and his arms are scratched and bleeding but he seems fine. William is staring at him with dark heavy eyes and it's only then that Brendon remembers what had happened the night before with William leaving because of him. He had been so wrapped up in saving William that he had forgotten that the other boy had pulled a gun on him once.

William was holding a gun now, loose in his hand as he catches his breath. The only reason William had stopped last time was because of the others, now they were all alone. If William wanted to kill Brendon, he could probably do it...and get away with it.

"Yeah, I'm fine." William breathes out. Brendon nods his head.

"Fine, get in and I'll drive you back to the hideout." Brendon tells him, the truck rattling nosily. William looks skeptical, probably afraid to get in the car with a half luno like Brendon. "I'm not going to bite you. You're so not my type." The boy jokes but William looks less than amused, Brendon sighs "Just get in the car. Greta is waiting for you."

It takes a few moment's but William finally gives in and climb's into the cab of the idling truck. He sit's pressed against the door, as far away from Brendon as he can be. It's obvious that he's still not comfortable around Brendon, despite the fact that Brendon just helped kill some luno's, if he really wanted William dead couldn't he have just done nothing?

Even though William is uncomfortable, Brendon can't blame him. Before he was bit he had never met someone who was and if he had, well, who knows how the hell he would've reacted? Maybe it wasn't just William but everyone who met him from here on out. Gabe and the others weren't like that but they weren't all that normal to begin with.

"I bet Greta hates me." William says and Brendon ventures that this is the best the boy can do to start a conversation.

"I haven't really talked to her since you left but Krissy tells me that she's scared you're not coming back." Brendon tells him and William makes a noise between a sigh and a laugh as he looks out the window. Brendon is driving back to the hideout, the previous plan of searching for Patrick and Jenny's scent's abandoned at the moment. The smell of luno is still heavy in the air but it just might be the truck, or William.

"I was coming back tonight." William starts, he's looking straight ahead now, his long fingers pressing against the scratches on his arms. "I was at the store and I was taking the back road's to the hideout. I was cutting through the parking lot when six fucking luno's come out of nowhere and try to start shit with me." William says, his eyes shining with the rush from the fight.

"Six?" Brendon starts. "When I found you there were only three of them."

"I know. Three of them took off. I guess they knew I was too strong for them or something." William explains and he does glance over at Brendon. "Why did you help me after I was so shitty?" He asks, he sound's genuienly mistified, like he never expected Brendon to be a hero. Really, that's a stupid question because Brendon wouldn't be able to just stand there and watch as someone got killed, even if that someone happen's to be William.

"I'm not a monster." Brendon tells him, glancing at the other boy from across the car. They're nearing the edge of the city, heading back up the dark green trail's to the woods. "I'm human just like you." He add's, William looking away from him.
*
Jon was back in the kitchen with Cassie and a few of the others. Gabe had come to get him shortly after Brendon left, had told him about how someone claimed to have seen Patrick and Jenny roaming the city, about how Brendon was going to look for them. Jon had been worried about Cassie at first, that she'd break down like she sometimes did when it came to Patrick. But instead he found her sitting at the kitchen table with Krissy and Ryan, he had sat down next to her and noticed that she looked lost, like she didn't know what was happening at the moment.

"You okay Cass?" Jon asks, he reaches over and takes her hand that's sitting on the table, closing it between both of his. She looks at him with those deep blue eyes, see's him like she's noticing him for the first time. She does a sort of mix between a nod and a shrug. He's starting to think that she's not okay. Honestly she looks like she's on edge but Ryan kind of looks the same. Jon figures it must be because of the terrible internal tug-of-war going on inside them. Happiness that those they love are back again and fear or hate at the fact that those same people are now the enemy.

Jon reaches out and circles his arm around her shoulder, pulling her close to him, his other hand still holding her's. He kisses the top of her head and he can feel her relaxing under his touch. There isn't a lot Jon can do for her but he can do this. He can hold her and comfort her and be there for her when she need's him. He can do this because it's what he want's and what she need's.

Footsteps echo down the staircase and they look back to see Gabe entering the kitchen, white paper in hand. "You guys'." He starts, drawing the other three's attention to him. "We got another fax." He states, raising the paper in his hand a little. Cassie's eyes go wide and she's pulling away from Jon and out of her chair in an instant, standing before Gabe and taking his paper.

"It's from that Mikey guy again." Gabe inform's the other's. "He says that his crew heard that a gang of luno's were hiding out in the old high school by the outlet store." Cassie scans the paper before she turn's and moves back to the table, giving Ryan the paper. The boy looks over it and Cassie moves to sit back down next to Jon, his hands coming to rest on her knees.

"It's possible that they could be there." Gabe says even though he's sure that they're all thinking it. Jon squeezes Cassie's knee and she leans into him.

"Would it be a death trap to go there?" Ryan is asking. No one is anwsering but Jon kind of want's to, he want's to tell them all that yes, it would be dangerous, that someone would probably die if they went. If the luno's had their own hideout, you don't just go up there and waltz inside. "I mean, what if we were prepared?" He continues. Jon can tell this is a battle he is bound to lose, these two, Cassie and Ryan, their need to see Jenny and Patrick again, the want to believe that they're still alive, it was too strong.

There was no way he could win.



Entry twenty one: I'll Follow You Into The Dark

Greta was laying on the bunk that she and William shared. Despite the fact that she was with William, that she was technically his girlfriend, she knew very little about him. William was a private person, the things Greta did know about him where a mix of the things he had opted to tell her after they met, after he had killed Bob and the things she had experienced with him. She knew that he was looking for something, but she didn't know what. She knew that he lost someone very special to him but she didn't even know the girl's name, let alone anything about that girl's life with William.

In all honesty sometimes Greta felt less like a girlfriend to him and more like his property.

If Greta was being honest with herself, she knows that she doesn't love William. It's gratitude, it's protection, comfort, but it isn't love. She doesn't love William Beckett. She doesn't think William really loves her much either. The two of them ending up together by chance, by fate, because William had decided to save her. Greta thinks that the only reason William even keeps her around is because he worries she won't survive on her own and to fight off the lonliness.

It's a relationship of convience and Greta never minded too much until she got here, to this place. When she saw the way Brendon and Krissy acted together, the way Jon took care of Cassie, how much Alex told her he loved Nate, she was jealous.

The backdoor in the kitchen slam's open and closed but Greta doesn't bother to get up. She knows that Brendon left, Krissy filling her in with the minimum of detail's. Greta only knows bit's and pieces about the people here, about the people who used to be here. From her position in the bunk room Greta can see the rickety staircase out the doorway. She hears footsteps and moments later see's Cassie hurrying down the stairs, she doesn't know the other girl well but she knows that Cassie seem's really off today.

Greta can hear the mumbled voices of the people in the kitchen, the light slightly high pitched voice of Cassie asking something of Brendon. Brendon saying something about the truck, about luno's. She can hear more footsteps and someone is coming into the bunkroom, familar legs passing by her bunk and she turn's, sit's up to see William standing at the end of her bunk.

"Will..." She sounds surprised, she is surprised. Greta didn't expect him to come back. The blonde girl can tell that William was in a fight tonight, she can see the scratches on his arms, along with the dried blood. He just smiles at her, not a real smile, not by a long shot but it's the only smile she's ever seen on the boy.

Even looking at him, William is not Greta's type. He's all lean and bony, not at all like Bob was. Bob was all broad muscles, blonde hair as opposed to William's dark. Bob had light eyes, the opposite of the boy she was with now. They were both around the same height but really the two men had nothing else in common. Bob being the complete opposite of William.

William moves forward and sit's down on the edge of the bunk, arms crossed tight across his thin chest.

"I don't blame you if you hate me right now." He says moments later. Greta sit's up, folding her legs indian style and folding her hands in her lap.

"I was worried about you." She states, her voice flat. William nods.

"I know, I'm sorry." Greta echoes William's movement, she want's to believe that he really is sorry but she moreso believes that the two of them are just going through the motion's. Not fighting but just doing whatever they can to keep going, to just keep the peace. They barely ever fight, more often they hold it in, wait for it to all pass by.

"What happened to your arms?" Greta question's, slide's closer to William. The boy looks down at his arms before he looks back up at the blonde girl.

"I was on my way back here when I got ambushed by some luno's." He starts and Greta's light blue eyes go wide. "It was fine...Brendon, came by and found me. Took one of the luno's out for me." He add's. The blonde girls eyes light up a bit. She's glad that William got over his thickheadedness and accepted Brendon as a person, or was at least coming around.

"I'm glad you're alright." She tells him moment's later, William smiles that passive smile again. His hand wind's around the back of Greta's neck and he pulls her close to him, their lips meeting soft and dry.

"You're my girl." He tells her, smiles against her lips before he kisses her once more and pulls away, standing once again. "I've gotta go let Andy take a look at my scratches." He tells her, giving her a reason for his sudden departure. Greta nods, understand's that somethings are more important than kissing. How sometimes, things were more important then her.
*
Brendon, Ryan, and Pete were awake long after everyone else had fallen asleep. The three of them seated at the little wooden table discussing the information that Gabe had uncovered.

"It's really dangerous." Brendon states, his hands folded against the table. "What if there's like a million luno's hiding out in there?" He asks, his dark brown eyes sweeping over his companions.

"We're strong though." Pete insists, he's glancing between Ryan and Brendon. Ryan is being silent but his forehead is crinkled like it is when he's deep in thought. "And there can't be that many luno's there." He add's.

"What do you think Ry?" Brendon presses, Ryan looks up, surprised that he's being pulled into the conversation.

"I-I" He starts, pushes his hand through his brown hair. "I don't know." He admits. Normally, under their usual circumstances he would say no, that this risk was a little too great, that they could die. But at the same time, the temptation that Jenny could be there. The fact that he could see her again, alive, it's too much for him to just ignore.

Ryan knows Cassie feels the same way, and maybe she should be out here talking to them but her face, her action's showed that she was more than willing to go forward with this opperation.

"What if she's not there?" Brendon asks, snapping Ryan back into the present, he looks back at the younger boy. Ryan doesn't say anything so, Brendon continues with hard eyes and a firm voice. "What if we go there and some of us die and she's not even there? Will it still be worth it?" Brendon is obviously trying to guilt trip him into forgetting all about finding the luno version of Jenny.

"Safety comes first. You know that." Ryan replies. No way in hell does he want anyone to die because of his selfish need's. Brendon nods but he's obviously waiting for Ryan to add something else. There's a silence between them before Pete talk's.

"We could..we could go there during the day?" He suggests and Ryan's eyes widen, Brendon looking surprised as well.

"What?" Brendon asks, Pete turning his attention to the youngest boy.

"We could ambush them you know? They sleep during the day..it could be a sneak attack." The oldest boy explain's. Brendon's not usually one to trust Pete Wentz's logic but that kind of makes sense. There's no garuntee that the luno's will be asleep if they go in the day but it's still much better than just showing up at night.

"If we have to, we should do it that way." Ryan says and Brendon sighs but agrees, giving in to the obvious want's of his friend's. It's not like he wouldn't like to see Patrick and Jenny again, they were his friend's too but he knows that they're not human's anymore and he more than anyone knows how dangerous luno's can be.
*
That night Ryan spreads the info about going to the high school to the others. He tells everyone, he's not restricting anyone in this venture. Honestly, they probably need all the help they can get. Cassie volunteers right away with Jon agreeing to go and looking more than worried about this mission, about having his girlfriend coming along. Krissy opts to go which makes Brendon nervous but he'd rather die before he let anything happen to her.

William tells them that it's not the best plan but still agrees to come along, as does Joe The group does have a tendency to leave certain people behind. Andy can't come because he's their doctor, same with Ryland, usually Alex doesn't come and he doesn't exactly seem eager this time. The girl's usually stay behind too but there's no keeping them away this time.

Greta want's to come, she tells William and he flat out refuses. "Jon and Brendon are letting their girlfriend's come along." She point's out and William sighs.

"I'm not them. Greta, we both know that the luno's go after girl's first. Baby, I don't want anything to happen to you." He tells her, taking her wrist and rubbing soft circles into her skin with his thumb. Greta pulls her arm away from him.

"You're my guy William but I'm not letting you tell me what I can and cannot do. I'm going along." William looks taken aback, Greta rarely ever argues with him but she won't take no for an anwser, not this time. The boy mumbles something about stuborn blondes before he walks away.

The group spends the rest of that night perparing for the next morning. Making sure weapons are loaded, making sure everyone has a weapon. Ryan, Pete, Cassie, Brendon, and Krissy all sit around the table mapping out the layout of their old high school from memory.

"There's four floor's including a basement." Ryan states.

"There's a bunch of hidden door's and staircases." Cassie tells them, pointing them out for Pete to draw on the makeshift map. She remembers them so well because she and Jenny used to skip their gym class and go hiding along the staircases and door's.

"Wasn't there a few tunnels in there? Like leading from the basement to the cafeteria?" Brendon asks, his memory a bit fuzzy on the whole high school situation. Krissy nods.

"Not to mention the gazillion classroom's on each floor...and the bathroom's." The blonde girl add's. Pete's hand flies over the paper, scribbling out all the things they were pointing out.

"Gym...pool...lockeroom's." He mumbles as he draw's them out. afterwards he set's his marker down, the group stares down at the paper, at the large amount of space the luno's could be hiding.

"That's a lot of ground to cover." Ryan says after a moment, scrubbing his hand over his face. For the first time the boy sound's doubtful, like, he's getting that doing this isn't such a great idea after all.

"We'll be fine." Brendon starts, his fingers tapping out on the white paper. "We'll stick together, have each others back's..we'll be fine." He tells the remaining people. They have to be fine, there's no other option.
*
The group leaves just after dawn break's. The van is still out of comission, Andy promising to keep working on it while they're gone, so they have to take the truck. Krissy drives, Greta and Cassie riding up in the cab with her. The boys are piled in the back of the truck, sitting hunched, weapons in tow and this all feels too much like a suicide mission, that they could very well lose someone this time. It feels akin to war and how solider's about to enter a battle would look and feel.

The sunlight is creeping out of the decimated land, casting bright ray's and dark shadows everywhere. Cassie's heart was beating wildly in her chest. She was insanely anxious, scared, what if he was there? What if she saw Patrick again? Could she handle it? She tries not to think about it, she and Ryan haven't thought about it, what would happen once they actually saw them again. Luno's think only about killing human's and vice versa. She knows right away that she'd never be able to kill either of them, she couldn't do it, not ever.

The girl turn's around a bit, peering through glass that seperates the cab and bed, a plastic bag stuffed in the hole where the luno had punched through the night before. Cassie is peering back through the glass to look at the boys in the back. Her eyes flicker over Ryan, his head is bowed and his mouth is tight. She wonder's if he'd be able to kill Jenny. Her gaze then moves to Jon, her source of comfort as of late. He's noticed her staring back at him and he drops the previously worried look he had on his face to give her the slightest of smiles.

Cassie return's his smile, trying to let him know that she's okay. She presses her hand to the window, fingers splayed against the cool glass. She turns back around after a few moment's, still attempting to remain calm.

Krissy rambles down the same road that Brendon had taken the night before. Turning to the left as opposed to the right, heading down the broken road's to where their old high school sit's. It didn't take long to get to the building, it was huge and looming, one of the only remaining building's on that side of town. The girl stop's, parking the truck just outside the long chain link fence that ran around the school building.

The boy's hop out of the back of the truck, gun's drawn and faces tight. The three girl's join them shortly after, each one herded back by their boyfriend's. Brendon and Pete lead the small group, silent steps along the dusty earth that lead's to the large double door's of the brick faced school. The school really has held up well, sturdy and mostly intact. The group of nine stopping just outside the two solid door's.

"Listen," Brendon starts, turning back to look at the group. "We stick together no matter what. No one goes on their own, got it?" He asks, his voice low and slightly dangerous. Various people nod but Brendon is eyeing William like he knows that the boy won't be able to follow this paticular rule. "Got it Will?" He add's, William glares at Brendon for a moment before he's nodding too.

"Got it."

After that Brendon grab's at the double door's, trying to pry them open. They rattle but remain closed. "Locked probably." Ryan mutters from behind Brendon. The half luno growls and he grip's the door's out of frustration, tugging back as hard as he can, Krissy's almost afraid that he'll pull his own arms off. The door's shake and they hear a loud clanking noise, one of them falling open for Brendon, a broken chain on the dusty floor of the foyer.

He grab's up his gun and steps inside, acting as their sort of test subject. Brendon is standing in the middle of the foyer and still nothing has happened, the others take that as a sign for them to move in too. Shortly all nine of them are on the main floor of the high school.

It's dark inside, the outside light blocked by the thick dust on the window's. Sunlight spilling only in small frames along the floor caused by the bit's of broken glass in the high rise window's. They have no idea where to start, the whole purpose was to go about finding Jenny and Patrick but the two could be anywhere in this building, or worse they weren't here at all.

The group starts down the main hall, heading to the left. There's three or four rooms on this floor, including a staircase that leads up to the upper floor's and another that heads down to the basement floor. Brendon lead's the group once again, moving toward's the first classroom on the floor. He keep's them all back as he moves forward, grabbing the door, gun drawn and pulls it open, pistol aimed at any would be luno.

Nothings in the room, just cracked and broken down desk's, an old dusty chalkboard and nothing else. This room is well lit, that's probably why there's no one in here.

The next two rooms are the same, the windows in these rooms busted out and sunlight pouring through the dusty rooms. Cassie finds herself somewhat relieved by this, she watches Ryan carefully each time the rooms are open. She doesn't miss the flashes of disappointment on his face, she see's them because she has them too. That difficult mix of emotion's, that never ending fear that they will run into Patrick and Jenny and the hope that they do.

They circle back around, standing in the foyer once again. "I think we should each take seperate floor's." William suggests as they stand in silence, Brendon focusing to try and smell anything that might be in the school. He's not getting anything good, all dirt and old paper.

"What?" Brendon spit's out, whirling around and looking at the brown haired boy. "What did I say before we came in here William? I said that we don't split up!" Brendon hisses, trying to keep his voice low.

"It's going to take an eternity if we all stick together. We're better off breaking into smaller group's...group's of three." William replies. Maybe that's why Brendon doesn't really care too much for William, the new boy trying to take over Brendon's role as battle leader. Brendon's condition probably making it worse what with the whole need to be the alpha male and all. The half human glares at the older boy for a beat before he shakes his head.

"No, it's way too risky. Not everyone is as skilled a fighter as you and I." The boy states. William rolls his eyes and Ryan lay's his hand on Brendon's arm. The younger boy turning his head instantly to lock eyes with his older friend.

"I think we should Bren." He says softly.

"Ryan! You know how dangerous this is." Brendon's eyes widen as he stares at Ryan. The older boy nods.

"I know, but the rest of us aren't completely helpless. We can't just pittle around and wait for them to find us Bren." Ryan tries to reason with him. Brendon is looking like he doesn't like this idea at all but if it's what his friend's want to do than how can he stop them?

"What do the rest of you think?" Brendon asks the other six members of their group trying to gauge the others opinion's.

"The boys could protect the girls. Seperate the strong fighters into different groups." William tells them, attempting to get the others to agree. No one else is really saying anything but Brendon knows that this is a losing battle.

"Fine, we'll seperate. Each group takes a floor and try not to be heroes okay people?" He says firmly. He's pretty determined to leave with the same amount of people they came in with.

They break up into group's after that. Brendon, Krissy, and Ryan in one group, Jon, Cassie, and Pete in the second and the last one comprised of William, Greta, and Joe. They break off on different floor's as well. Brendon's group taking the basement floor because that's where most of the luno's will probably be. William's group takes the third floor while Pete's group takes the second floor.
*
Krissy is still nervous despite the fact that she's in a group with Brendon, arguably the best fighter among them. She's not so much nervous for herself but moreso her friend's. Cassie and Jon in paticular, they're some of her oldest friend's, it would kill her to lose them. She's sure though that Jon and Pete would do whatever they could to keep Cassie safe though so, maybe she doesn't have to worry so much. William too seem's to have things under control so despite them being in a possible den of luno's, she feels pretty safe.

The three of them clomp down the back steps, heading down into the massive darkness. There are really no window's down here, no lights, almost a complete veil of black falling over them. Krissy remembers that the pool was down here, as well as the locker rooms and a few spare classroom's, not a hell of a lot else.

"Think we should check the locker rooms?" Ryan whispers and they can see Brendon nodding infront of them. His hand hovering insanely close to Krissy wrist, just in case he need's to pull her to safety at a moment's notice.

"Yeah, this way." Brendon tells them, leading them to the left, toward's a heavy door that they can just make out is labled as the boy's locker room. They push through and again it's darkness but a more intense form of darkness, one that would make seeing anything impossible. Krissy can hear Ryan moving around and second's later a small golden light flicker's on. Ryan had a flashlight.

Brendon looks surprised at him and the other boy shrugs. "If I didn't end up in your group I would've gave it to you anyway." He tells Brendon, Ryan knowing full well that the basement floor would be the darkest of the floor's, the most likely to harbor luno's, the most dangerous. They let Ryan work the flashlight, scanning the row's of now rusted locker's and grimey floor's. The school is a lot scarier in the dark, even more when you add luno's to the mix. The light is small and reveals only a small circle of the room to them at a time.

The trio wind's around corners, checking small spaces and ignoring the sound of dripping pipes. They move forward, edging toward's the back of the locker room, toward's a silver door that lead's to the school's pool. The floor under them is damp here, their shoes squeaking and sliding on the tiles. There's a line of showers to the left of them and they stop to scan it, the light moving slowly along each one.

Despite her previous statement of safety Krissy's heart feels like it's in her throat. This all feels like a horror movie, one where the killer pop's out of nowhere. It's pretty cliche but she is not ruling it out.

"I think we're good in here. Should we go to the pool area?" Ryan asks waiting for an anwser from Brendon.

"Yeah, I think we-" Brendon is cut off by a sudden loud clattering that sound's like it came from either behind them or above them. The three of them whirl around, expecting a snarling luno to be standing there. Ryan scan's around but finds nothing, but that doesn't stop Krissy's heart from pounding so, so hard in her chest. The brown haired boy check's above them too but there's nothing up there except the dry plaster ceiling and some rusted dripping pipes.

"Probably one of the others." Brendon tries to assure them but now Krissy is worried. They're not in danger but what if one of their friend's is? "I'm sure they're fine..just opening a door or something." He adds, like he's trying to convince himself of that.

When they're sure that they're in no real danger they move back toward's the door to the pool, silver and shining in the light from the flashlight. Brendon pulls it open, it sticks a bit but it open's fine. They're hit with the strong stench of clorhine and Brendon makes a soft choking noise, the scent too strong for his inhuman nose.

The pool room is even creepier than the locker room had been. There are small lights here, stuck up atop the metal ceiling, illuminating the dirty water below. Dripping sound's surround them and the floor's here are slick and wet as well. The smell of the room, old and strong. Ryan scan's the flash light around the edges of the pool, all cement wall's clearly abanandoned long ago.

The three of them step further into the room, Brendon pressing is hand into Krissy wrist, his other hand coming up to cover his nose and mouth. If the clorhine was this bad for him, well, then she really doubted any other full luno's would bother coming down here.

"Are you okay?" She whispers quietly and Brendon nods.

"Fine." He grunt's back out as they move along the line of the murky water. There isn't a lot of space between them and the water, the tiled floor seperating them narrow and chipped.

"I don't think there's anything down here." Ryan says, his flash light still scanning the area, it's small and dim compared to the darkness in the room but Krissy is about to agree with him, tell Brendon that they should go back and help the other's just in case they need it.

"Fuck, this clorhine is affecting my smelling. I can't tell if there's even anything down here." He grumbles out and he sound's pissed. Krissy knows that Brendon hates it when his luno side isn't useful. Ryan stop's walking, causing Krissy and Brendon to stop as well.

"If it's fucking with you than I can't imagine any other full blooded luno's being down here." The older boy says. Brendon looks like he's about to agree with him when suddenly a wet slapping sound is heard, like someone is running along the slick tiles. Before either of them notice, something leap's out of the darkness and grab's Ryan, it attempt's to make the wide gap between the side of the pool they were standing on and the direct opposite side but the beast fail's and instead he and Ryan crash into the murky water with a loud splash.

The brown haired boy makes a yelping noise and is struggling, having dropped his flashlight against the tiled floor. It nearly fall's into the water but Krissy manages to drop down and scoop it up, her shaking hands flailing around the room, trying to pinpoint where Ryan now is.

Krissy finds them in the water, the medium sized luno exploding from the water with a panting Ryan in it's arms. Ryan is still fighting with it, struggling helpless and wet in the beast's grasp. Brendon instantly makes a growling noise and the luno down in the dark liquid laughs. "I knew I smelt a pathetic half-breed." It snarl's out, sounding amused, pissing Brendon off more than he already was. "And look, you were nice enough to bring me snack's." The luno's deep voice booms out, it's shining white fangs barred and he's looking down at Ryan like he's ready to kill.

"Too bad, you can't have him." Brendon snap's out and he makes a move like he's about to dive into the black depth's of the pool. "Krissy, if it comes over here...just run okay? Don't worry about anything...just run." He command's her and the blonde girl nods, she doesn't know if she can actually bring herself to leave them behind but she'll tell Brendon anything he want's to hear. Just as soon as Brendon makes a move to go after the luno, the large beast smirks and sinks back underwater, Ryan still in his arms.

"Ryan!" Krissy scream's, Brendon makes another growling noise and before Krissy can stop him he's diving into the stagnent water after the luno. Krissy, shaking, shines the light into the water, desperate to see where her boyfriend and friend are. The light doesn't push through the dirty water well but the girl can just make out the figures. Brendon trying desperately to get to where the luno is swimming seamlessly through the water, Ryan still tucked under the beast's arm.

Brendon catches up with the luno, get's a hand on the beast, using his force to push it back against the cement wall. The luno finally releases Ryan and the brown haired boy explodes up from the water, gasping for breath.

"Ryan!" Krissy yell's, aiming the light at him and calling for him to come to her. "Come on, I'll get you out." She yell's as she drops to her knees on the tiles, her arm extended for him to grab on to. Ryan's not the best swimmer and he's a good length away from her but he pushes through the thick, dark water, trying to make his way to the blonde girl.

Another loud splash and Krissy turns her head to see that Brendon and the luno have also resurfaced. The luno trying to break away from where Brendon has his arms wrapped around the beast's neck. The luno manages to grab Brendon by the collar of his coat and flip him, the dark haired boy slamming back into the water. It's all the time the luno need's to push off the wall and rocket back toward's where Ryan is still swimming, still trying to get to Krissy.

Ryan does get to her and their fingers touch, his cold and wet against her smooth skin. Krissy gets her hand wrapped around his. Ryan's hand slipping a bit but his fingers are digging into the fabric of her jacket as she attempt's to pull him out of the water.

"It's okay, Ry." Krissy mumbles out straining to pull him out and not get dragged down herself. Ryan doesn't weigh much, even when he's soaking wet but she still can't get a good grip on him. She pulls backwards but Ryan's slipping away from her. Finally Krissy decides to set the flashlight aside, her other arm grabbing a hold of Ryan, tugging him up. Ryan slides up and is halfway out of the water, his free arm scrabbling against the tiles. Krissy can hear splashing but she doesn't look up, she knows Brendon can handle the luno, all she need's to focus on is getting Ryan out of the water, away from danger.

It looks like she will when there's more splashing and a dark figure explodes out of the water right behind Ryan. At first Krissy thinks that it's Brendon but then there's another explosion of someone popping up from under the water.

"Krissy get him out of there!" Brendon yell's, his voice is too far away to be the figure behind Ryan and she knows that it's the luno. The beast smirks again, teeth glinting in the dim light. The luno is much faster than Krissy, the beast wrapping it's hands around Ryan's shoulder and pulling him back into the dirty water.

"No!" Krissy scream's as Ryan is pulled back under the water. Brendon is up and out of the water running toward's them but he isn't quite fast enough. Krissy knows that Ryan could be bit or drown any second now so, she knows that she has to do whatever she can to save the brown haired boy. The blonde girl pulls her gun out from the back of her jean's, grab's up the flash light and angles it toward's the water. Aiming as carefully as she can Krissy fires second's before Brendon dives back into the water.

Acrimson color rises up to the surface of the water, billowing out in intricate shapes in the black water. No one is moving, no one has come up yet. Krissy is scared, what if she shot Ryan? God, she'd never forgive herself for doing that, for taking things into her own hands when Brendon easily could've handled it. She leans forward a bit, shaking because Brendon hasn't come back up either. She leans down toward's the water, her hands on the stone siding as she peer's into the dark water. Suddenly two figures rocket up from under the water. Krissy recoiles a bit as she doesn't know who it is yet.

The figure moves fast and Krissy can see now that it's Brendon and the limp figure in his arms is Ryan. "Take him Krissy." Brendon cough's out, trying to hand off Ryan to her. She nods, her heart in her throat because unlike Brendon, Ryan isn't coughing. She get's her arms around the thin boy and pulls him up and out of the water, move's him back until he's laying straightened out on the tiles.

Brendon climb's out of the water and Krissy really want's to ask some question's but she doesn't. Instead the girl watches as Brendon tip's Ryan's head back and presses their lips together. She's confused for a split second before she realizes that Brendon is giving the older boy CPR. Krissy panickes because he's not, Ryan isn't breathing.

Brendon does it again and again, Krissy watching in horror, praying that Ryan wakes up. He's still and soaking wet, his lithe body limp on the tiles and his face oddly pale. Finally her prayers are anwsered when Brendon pulls off and Ryan is sputtering, Brendon tipping him forward so he can cough up the water that had previously been filling his lung's. Krissy is relieved but Brendon looks anything but. She notices her boyfriend taking off his jacket and his t-shirt, using his luno strength to rip off a piece of said soaked t-shirt.

"Brendon?" Krissy question's, quietly confused, watching her boyfriend as he takes the newly acquired strip of cloth and proceeds to wrap it around Ryan's hand, the girl's eyes following and it's only then that Krissy realizes what's happened to the boy.

*
Pete lead's his group up the solid staircase, he happen's to be infront with Cassie sandwhiched between himself and Jon. The younger boy refusing to have Cassie bring up the rear because he firmly believes that they could get surprise attacked from behind. Pete isn't sure whether or not they'll actually run into any luno's, let alone Patrick's luno. He isn't sure what Cassie thinks, he still really hasn't apologized to the girl about the whole blowing up at her ordeal, the chaos with the luno information pushing any chance at apologizing away.

Pete wonders if Cassie wants Patrick to be here, just like he does.

They stop at the second floor landing. A dozen little classroom's scattered through out the hallway along with a library. At the end of the long second floor hallway is a staircase that lead's to the third floor, the floor that William, Greta, and Joe took. The trio stop's outside the first few door's. Pete pushing them open and finding absolutely nothing.

"It looks like this floor is going to be a bust too." Pete murmurs, Jon looks relieved and Cassie looks conflicted.

"Think we should split up here too?" Cassie asks a few second's later.

"What?" Jon whispers, his low voice almost a hiss. Cassie who had been looking at Pete turn's back to look at Jon.

"You know, like, Pete goes off on his own and you and I stay together?" She says and maybe she really hasn't forgiven Pete after all.

"Trying to get rid of me Cassie?" Pete tries for joking but it comes out just a shade too dark. She looks back at him with neutral blue eyes.

"No, I just figure if there's nothing up here we can search through the rooms and move on. Cover more ground you know?" She replies, her voice is blank and it seem's that she has replaced the anger with nothing, with acting like Pete is insignificant. Pete is kind of figuring that maybe Cassie is wishing that Patrick is here, or at least that there is another hint to where he could be. Jon comes up behind the dark haired girl and places his hand on her shoulder, giving it a squeeze.

"That's a little dangerous, don't you think?" He asks quietly, Cassie, leaning back and looking up at him.

"I feel safe with you Jon." She tells him and they share a small smile. Pete grimacing at them slightly.

"Fine, I'll take the library and you two check the classroom's." Pete decides firmly, Jon and Cassie nod. Pete grab's out his gun, holding it level with his head as he walks down the hall to the library. Cassie and Jon waiting until Pete actually goes into the library before they begin checking the classroom's.

Pete is still a little pissed about the fact that Cassie is basically with Jon. He can't get over it, as long as he's know Cassie she's been Patrick's friend, Patrick's girlfriend, Patrick's wife, the love of his life, and now she's Jon's girlfriend and Pete still can't get used to it. He can't really blame the girl though, he misses Ashlee everyday, every moment of his life but he can't promise that if another girl was there for him in the same way Ashlee was, well, he doesn't know whether he'd be able to resist that girl or not.

The library is dark but that's what Pete expected. It's also oddly large and sprawling, a good amount of the book's and shelves are gone leaving wide gap's of empty space. The boy pad's around on the carpeted floor, looking for any sign's of luno's and listening for any signs that Cassie and Jon are in danger. Pete work's the whole ninja/secret spy angle of hunting, pressing himself against shelves and peeking around corner's. He also has a penchant for attempting cool moves and spouting cheesy lines on occasion. Patrick used to call it flasy fighting but Pete thinks it's because he learned to fight from action movies.

The boy round's a few corner's, finding nothing but still not relaxing. Some luno's are smart bastard's who have wicked sadistic sides and like to tease or torture human's before they kill them. That being a good reason for them to turn dead human's, all to drive the other human's crazy.

Pete finds a wall and follow's it to the left. His hand trailing along the smooth wooden wall, letting it lead him along the room. The room is lit a bit, little draft's of light from outside sneaking into the room, keeping it lit enough for Pete not to bump into things and to be able to see if luno's suddenly come at him. The wall lead's around the corner and again Pete is following, quietly until his hand hit's what feels like a doorknob. He's too far away for this to be the door that he came in from so Pete's guessing that it's a second door entirely. He presses the knob in, pushing forward without hesistation to see what's behind the door.

It's dark in this room too and hell of a lot smaller. There are two large window's at the top of the room but both are closed up tight, not a speck of light leaking through anywhere. Pete feels around the wall's on either side of the doorway to find a light switch and to his surprise he does. Smirking, Pete flips the switch, bathing the room in a pale white light.

The room is small, probably used to be a storage room or something like that. It's pratically empty except for two messy cot like beds stuffed into the room. Pete doesn't know what this is, if people live here or if luno's actually sleep in bed's like people do? He can't see why they wouldn't, they mostly look like people, not human in size or strength but human enough as it is. If the boy is right in the way that he is thinking, that this is a luno bedroom, well, that just can't be good.

*
Joe would actually perfer if he wasn't with this William guy. Sure, he had been the one to actually find William and Greta and bring them back to the hideout but that doesn't mean that he like's the guy or anything. In fact with all the shit the boy's been pulling, he doesn't really like him at all. Greta is okay though, kind and happy, too good for William in Joe's opinion.

The curly haired boy also doesn't much care for the fact that William's gone all 'Team Leader' on them, ordering them around like they're idiots who can't survive a moment without him. Joe is kinda wishing that he had just snuck off and joined Pete's group but then if something happened to Greta, well, he'd feel bad. In all reality Joe should've just stayed behind with Andy and worked on fixing the van.

He's basically the only one left with a hint of machinery knowledge. Andy and Jon try to help but those two mostly take their cues from him. The only reason Joe even came was to keep an eye on Pete, a job that used to belong to Patrick. That was his other reason though, maybe to see Patrick again.

Joe's group is currently on their fifth room, the three of them finding little to nothing at all. The boy can tell that William is itching for a fight, his narrow face falling each time they open a room and find nothing. Joe doesn't really get how someone could want a fight to happen, could want to fight with the luno's and risk their lives. He barely believes that he's doing this right now.

William leaves their fifth room and they move on to the next one. Greta sticking close to the thin boy's back while Joe hang's back mostly bored. He's not really expecting anything to happen. The fax they got was probably all just bullshit anyway and they'd leave here tired, pissed and disappointed. Joe should probably learn not to expect things to be boring, not to expect things to be normal because he's totally caught off guard when William throws open the door to the sixth room and two luno's are in there, crouching down and ready for them.

"Greta move!" William shout's behind him and the girl, as if by instinct moves back as far as she can. William already has his weapon drawn and he fires without warning at the beast's. Joe can hear snarling noises coming from in the room but he can only see one luno, a slightly large male as it charges out of the room, coming straight at Greta.

William is preoccupied with the other one even as Greta scream's and tries to dart backwards. Joe swear's loudly before he rushes sideway's slamming into the luno at the last second, pressing the beast up against the metal locker's that line the third floor wall's. The beast is stunned for a split second, allowing Greta to escape from danger as she closes herself inside one of the other classroom's. Joe didn't really hurt the luno, just pissed it off.

The luno raises it's arm and throws him back, making him fly the short distance between the two wall's, his back hitting the hard metal of the locker's on that side of the room. Joe feels numb instantly, his head swimming and his vision is grey around the edges. He's pretty sure he's slumped down against the locker's and sitting on the floor but he can't be too sure, he might have a concusion.

"Joe!" He can hear Greta's feather light voice yell from inside her safe spot in the classroom. Joe doesn't know where his gun is, can't quite lift his arm to get it, he also doesn't know where William is for that matter. He's thinking that William is a pretty shitty team leader.

Joe can hear a door banging open and he can barely make out the figure of the hulking luno advancing on him, probably ready to kill him. Shit, he didn't want to go out this way..he so much more perfered the going out in a heroes style, the way Patrick did, the way Spencer and Jenny did. Maybe he is going out a hero's way though because he did save Greta...that has to count for something right?

Just as Joe is sure he's supposed to be dead he hears several gun shot's, see's a pair of thin leg's and the hem of a skirt standing behind the luno that's advancing on him. The beast grunt's and fall's down, not as strong as Joe thought. The gun shot's continue and he can hear the soft grunt's of a girl, Greta...Greta is the one shooting the luno? The girl doesn't stop shooting until she's sure the thing is dead, wasting two round's on the beast.

"William, where the fuck are you?" Greta is screaming and yeah, Joe would really like to know the anwser to this question but he can't really keep his eyes open. If he is concussed he knows that he shouldn't close his eyes, that he shouldn't go to sleep but he feels really tired and his eyes feel way too heavy. "Joe? Joe? Are you alright?"

Joe can barely make out Greta's beautiful, not to mentioned worried face floating over him before his eyes close and he knows that saving her had to count for something.
*
"You're not mad at me for seperating from Pete are you?" Cassie asks Jon as they stand outside one of the classroom's. Cassie thinks that this one used to be the math classroom, not a class that she was paticularly fond of. Jon looks back at her as he draws his gun.

"No, I'm not mad. I just want to do whatever I can to keep you safe." He tells her, his brown eyes soft as is his voice.

"I know that and I do feel safe." She replies, reaching out to touch his arm. Jon's tense, obviously worried. Cassie wonder's why she isn't the same. For the most part she does feel safe, she's moreso curious and she knows that it's a bad way to think, to not be afraid in this situation but she really can't help it, the prospect's of seeing Patrick again, even if it is a luno Patrick, she cannot make herself fear that.

Jon moves to open the math classroom, his one hand up motioning for Cassie to stay back. She nods and does what he silently asks, staying back until he determines it's safe. Jon didn't even want to come here, didn't want her to come, the least she can do is listen to him. The boy open's the door and slides silently inside the dark room, Cassie is nervous now, she may not be scared for herself but she's scared for him, she doesn't want anything to happen to Jon. It's quiet and the girl takes that as a good sign, if he's not firing then he's okay.

The girl is so preoccupied in worrying about whether or not Jon is safe that she's not paying much attention to the things around her. To the footsteps whisper quiet behind her or the hands that wrap around her mouth and waist.

She does manage to let out a half scream, trying to alert Jon to her predicament.

Cassie get's pulled into an open classroom, the door slamming behind her and she's instantly slammed against the hard wall. The girl's head hit's the back of the wall hard and she winces in pain. Cassie feels her arms get pulled up over her head, a strong hand managing to pin both her wrist's against the cold wall. It's dark in the room but there's a bit of light filtering in through long slants across the floor, lighting it up enough for her to see a very familar pair of blue eyes staring at her.


Entry twenty-two: I Was Burried Alive, I Came Back To Haunt You

Cassie's first instinct is to call for Jon, to scream for him until her lung's are burning because this, this is dangerous. But she can't, she can't make any sort of noise, not because she is being stopped physically but because there, right infront of her is Patrick.

He's definitly not human anymore, he's the same yet so completly different that her mind can't comprehend it all. He's taller than he was when he was human, they used to be the same height but now, he had at least six inches on her. Patrick's eyes were different too, still blue but a bright electrict blue, a very non-human color. He's staring at her and his mouth is open a bit, teeth sharp and gleaming white, equally inhuman.

He's making noises, growling noises and no, that's not human either.

Cassie's mind if flashing back to the last time she saw Patrick, the last time she saw human Patrick. He was dying...hurt and dying in the infirmary back at the hideout. His eyes had still been shining and he was holding her hand and apologizing over and over again, telling her that he was so sorry for not being able to keep his promise. Seeing him now, it all came rushing back so hard, the emotions stronger then she's ever thought she's felt them. It take's Cassie a moment to realize that she's crying, silent tears down her pale cheek's.

She thinks that she might be panicking, her body, mind, soul, not able to handle seeing him again. Dead people don't just come back.

"Patrick..." She finally says almost breathlessly, her voice is weak and watery but he hears her and he growls again.

"Why'd you people come here?" He snarl's, Cassie's eyes widen, his voice, god, she never thought she'd hear that voice again, Patrick sounded the same. The girl's heart is caught between feeling like it's exploding in her chest and also dropping to her feet because he doesn't remember her. Patrick doesn't know who she is just like Gabe said might happen, just like Brendon was worried about, Just like Jon tried to tell her. She hadn't wanted to believe it but now, well, she really didn't have another choice.

She's still crying, trying not to break down in sob's because she knows that now he won't care if she cries. "We-I came here to find you Patrick." She says softly. Patrick scowl's.

"Stop calling me that name. I don't know who that is." He snarl's and he moves his face closer to her's. Cassie can feel her wrist's bruising under his tight grip. Patrick leans forward, their faces inches apart and Cassie would normally kill for them to be this close again but not like this, like this she can tell that he's not the same. This isn't her Patrick. Luno Patrick lowers his face to her neck, nosing against the soft skin, smelling her. It was fucking creepy and she was shaking, she'd probably collapse if he weren't holding her up.

Cassie hears a banging noise and she thinks that it's the door next to the room she's in. Jon, it's probably Jon coming out of the room. "Cassie? Shit! Cassie, where are you?" Jon call's out, confirming her suspicions.

Patrick lifts his head, sniff's the air before he looks at her. "Cassie..." He mutters out, his eyes locked on her's. "Is that you?" He asks. Cassie nods as much as she can with the way he's holding her arms. "Cassie..." He repeats and for a brief second he looks conflicted, his eyes taking on a slightly dazed, far away look. It's all the time Cassie need's.

"Jon! Jon help me! I'm in a room with Patrick! It's luno Patrick, Jon!" Cassie scream's as loud as she can and Patrick recoiles, frowning and he releases her hands making her slump against the wall before he slaps a hand over her mouth, too hard and once again her head hit's the brick faced wall. Patrick's free hand moves to the doorknob, grabbing it and holding it closed, trying to prevent Jon from getting into the room to save her.

"Cassie!" The girl can hear Jon at the door, hear him pull at it but Patrick is now stronger than him, holding the door closed with only one hand, a minimum of strength. Cassie is still crying, crying because Patrick is no longer her's, crying because Jon can't save her. The girl's tear's roll down her cheek's and over the back of Patrick's sharp fingered hand. Again Patrick makes a face at the use of her name and it looks like he's getting pissed.

"How many of you are there?" Patrick breathes out, removing his hand from her mouth so she can give him an anwser.

"Nine." She replies her voice soft but she's crying, making sound's and Jon can hear her.

"Cassie! It will be okay, alright? I promise it will be okay." He's trying to reassure her and she can hear the door banging, Jon desperate to get in. In all the time she's known him, Cassie's always believed Jon, every word he said to her but now, this time might be an exception. This time she doesn't think she's going to make it out alive.

"You came here to kill us." Patrick hisses out. His hand is on her shoulder, holding her pressed tight against the wall. Cassie shakes her head and a sob break's through. "Don't lie!" Patrick yell's, his voice loud, never like it was when he was a human. "I can already smell luno blood in the building...your friend's have already killed mine..." He trail's off, his voice quiet once again.

Patrick is looking at her, staring into her eyes and she's praying, praying that he see's a spark of something, see's something that used to be there. His lips curve up into a malicious smile. "Don't you think it's only fair that we take out some of you people too?" He question's, his hand slides up from her shoulder. Icy fingers running along her collarbone until his fingers are resting against her neck. She's shivering despite herself, maybe from fear, maybe just because it's Patrick.

"Don't you fucking touch her!" Jon shout's from the other side of the door.

"Human's are so incredibly easy." He states. "You all love each other so damn much, to the point where you're willing to die for one another...where you're willingly to do whatever you can to save each other." Patrick says darkly and Cassie sob's a bit harder, that's not her Patrick, it really isn't.

"Jon..I'm sorry." Cassie says suddenly, taking the opportunity to talk to Jon while she can.

"No!" Jon replies feverently. "Don't say that." He knows what she's trying to do, she's trying to say goodbye.

"I'm so sorry, I should've listened to you. He isn't the same...you were right...I'm sorry." Cassie repeat's. God, if she's going to die she doesn't want Jon here to listen to it. There's banging on the white plexiglass window of the door, Jon still trying to get into the room. Patrick is looking at her again, watching her intently as his hand moves up and wraps loose around her neck.

"So pathetic." He half whispers, Jon still doing everything in his power to get into the room as Patrick tightens his grip around her neck.

It hurt's, instant pain flashing through her body. It's like drowning, one of the worst ways to die. She can feel her breath stopping as Patrick squeezes her throat, cutting off the air to her lung's. She's coughing and her mouth fall's open. She's making horrible sound's, something like gasps and grunt's of pain. Cassie's hands come up to Patrick's one arm, nails scratching at his skin, hands, anything she can. It hurt's, god, it hurt's so bad.

Her eyes are open and Patrick is staring at her again.

She can't believe this is how it's going to end. Cassie is going to die and it's her own fucking fault. She should've listened to them all along, she shouldn't have tried to find him again. But she didn't, she didn't listen and now she was getting strangled by her husband, back from the dead.

Her brain is going kinda fuzzy and her lung's are burning with the need for air. She can hear Jon screaming for her, for Pete, for any sort of help. She wishes he didn't have to hear her choking. It's really fucking terrible that in these last moment's of her life is when she really realizes just how much she care's about him, how much she does in fact love him. So much that she's not worried about dying, she's worried about how her death is going to affect him, who will take care of him after she's dead? If he'll blame himself for letting it happen? She really hopes he doesn't because it isn't anyone's fault but her own.

Cassie really wishes she could've told him that she loved him back when she had the chance.

Her nails are still digging into the skin of Patrick's arm, drawing blood but he's not stopping. He could probably snap her neck, crush her throat with one hand but he's not, he's drawing her death out, like he's getting some kind of sick enjoyment out of all of this. She's still crying through it. It's sadder knowing that Patrick and Jenny won't be waiting for her after she dies. Spencer will though...and so will Nate.

"Patrick! Don't, please, don't hurt her!" Jon is screaming, pleading, his voice is breaking, she knows he's crying. Cassie feels Patrick's grip loosen for a split second when Jon says his name. "Patrick, you told me to not let anything happen to her. You made me promise. You would never hurt Cassie...please!" He's still pounding on the door, god, she wishes she could see him just one more time.

Again Patrick's grip slackens at his own name and Cassie's. He's got that far away look again, he looks like he's in pain. He comes back to himself though and he raises her higher, Cassie's feet leaving the ground. That's when she starts kicking at him, wild desperate swing's in the hopes that she'll hurt him enough to allow him to drop her.

At this rate she'll be dead within two minutes. Her body and brain screaming for oxygen. Cassie is shaking with the kicking, shaking enough that the silver chain around her neck, the one with her wedding ring on it, bounces against her chest and out of her shirt, draping itself around Patrick's wrist.

Cassie's vision is going fuzzy. The girl thinks she can hear Jon calling for Pete, thinks she can hear Pete saying something but it all sound's so far away. She thinks that Patrick is looking at the necklace after a moment she's sure she's dead because she can't feel the pain anymore...

But she can't be dead because she's drinking in large amounts of air, burning her lung's but she doesn't care because it feels like her heart is going to explode. Patrick's hand isn't around her throat anymore, he's not holding her anymore and it takes her a long moment to realize that she's slumped on her knees on the classroom floor.

Everything is coming back to her. Her vision, her thought's, hearing, everything. Cassie looks up at Patrick, wondering why he finally let her go. He's not looking at her, not paying attention as she cough's and suck's in huge gulp's of air. He's holding her necklace in one hand while the other is still holding the door closed. Her necklace is now broken and he's staring down at the ring laying in his palm. Patrick's eyes once again holding that confused look.

"Cassie! Cassie, are you okay?" She can hear Pete yelling through the door.

"Cassie, please!" Jon echoes. Patrick lifts his head and stares at the door for a long moment.

"I'm...I'm okay." Cassie wheezes out, her voice so rough and it hurt's to talk, hurt's to swallow, hurt's to even breath.

Patrick lowers his gaze to her and he's staring at her again. Their eyes locked together, his flickering with something she can't place but she can't look away. Patrick's hand curl's around the ring in his palm and without hesitation he's darting to a second door in the room, stopping to give Cassie a glance before he's gone through a door that was well hiden, a door that lead's to god knows where.

Cassie sits shell shocked for a long moment. Pete and Jon get the door open now that Patrick isn't holding it shut. They're inside the room in an instant, Jon kneeling down next to Cassie and Pete scanning the room, gun drawn.

"Are you okay?" Jon's asking, voice so full of concern and his brown eyes red rimmed. Cassie nods softly. His hand is on her shoulder, holding her up because suddenly she feels so weak. Jon's fingers also press close to her throat, soft, she can barely feel him. "He was...choking you?" It's not really a question but she can feel the anger in Jon's voice.

"He took my wedding ring..." Cassie swallows thickly, wincing at the pain in her throat.

"Where'd he go?" Pete asks, he looks back at her. His brown eyes so full of fear and agony, Cassie wonder's if her eyes look the same.

"Hidden door." She point's weakly toward's where Patrick managed to escape. She feels so lightheaded, so dizzy that she's afraid she's going to fall face first on the floor. Jon's hands are still on her and he's wrapping them around her so gently, pulling her so she's tight against his chest.

"Come on Pete. lets find the others." Jon says as he stands, lifting Cassie into his arms and cradling her close to him. "We're getting the fuck out of here." He demand's, heading out the door with Pete following behind him.

"Jon..." Cassie says voice so rough and broken. Jon looks down at her, her faded blue eyes locked on his brown. "I love you." She tells him, soft and simple before her eyes flutter closed, her hands clutching weakly in the fabric of his t-shirt.
*
Jon cannot believe this all happened. This mission was shit, it was horrible like he thought it would be. He and Pete travel back to the main floor, already finding Krissy and Ryan down there.

"Jon!" Krissy says alarm in her voice when she see's him carrying Cassie. The girl was passed out now, fine despite how she had nearly been killed. Krissy is up and racing to him, standing with frightened eyes. "What the fuck happened?" She asks, her blues eyes wide as she gazes down at Cassie's passed out form.

"She was attacked by Patrick."

"She...she found him?" Krissy question's, Jon nods. He's so angry, he couldn't protect her when she needed him, she nearly got killed and if she had..Jon doesn't even want to think about that.

"He tried to strangle her to death." The boy inform's her.

"Poor thing." Krissy mutters out, brushing her hand along Cassie's dark hair.

"Krissy, what the hell happened to Ryan?" Pete says from behind Jon and it's only then that Jon notices how Ryan isn't really moving. The thin, brown haired boy is laying stretched along the main floor, he looks..wet and his right hand is wrapped up in something. Krissy turn's back around to look at Ryan, Pete rushing forward to kneel next to the boy.

"A luno attacked us too. It got Ryan and dragged him underwater...we got him out but..." Krissy trails off, biting her lip like she doesn't want to finish the sentence.

"But what?" Jon asks, please, god he's just hoping that Ryan didn't get bit.

"It bit off two of his fingers." The voice of Brendon supplies from behind Jon. The older boy turn's, Cassie still in his arms, to see Brendon is coming down the stairs, but he's carrying someone too, Brendon is carrying a limp Joe. Pete gasps because of what happened to Ryan and Jon's gasping because Joe too? Just how many people got hurt this time?

Behind Brendon is William who has his arm wrapped around a crying Greta. The four of them come down the stairs, heading to where Ryan is still laying on the floor.

"Christ, what happened to Joe?" Pete's saying and it looks like he's torn between staying next to Ryan and going to check on Joe. Brendon moves Joe next to Ryan, laying the older boy down.

"You'll have to ask William and Greta about that." Brendon states, standing and moving back to where Jon is still standing holding the girl. He should put her down with the other's but he doesn't want to, doesn't even want to have her in the injured group. Instead Jon sit's down the the bottom of the steps, Cassie still cradled against him.

William and Greta come down the stairs, the boy glaring at Brendon's words.

"You say it like it's our fault Brendon." William says cooly.

"Well, Will, you are known for irrational behavior. Perhaps you thought Joe was a half breed too?" Brendon snipes.

"We were attacked too Brendon, Two luno's. William got the one and the other came after me." Greta explain's, her bright blue eyes filling with tears. "Joe stopped it, let me get away...but then it went after him and it slammed him hard against the locker's...he wasn't moving so-so I shot it...I just kept shooting till it was dead." The girl cries, obviously disturbed by the attack. Krissy moves forward and takes her hand, pulling her into a hug.

Brendon is looking at Jon now, at Cassie in his arms, seeing her as if for the first time.

"She was attacked?" Brendon question's, brown eyes wide. Jon nods, he really doesn't want to repeat what happened over and over again. The boy's nose crinkles. "She smell's just like a luno." He says.

"It was Patrick...he was the one." Jon fill's him in. Brendon looks stunned for a brief second.

"He was actually here?" Jon nods. "He didn't kill her though..." Brendon trail's off, it was something Jon had been wondering about too. Patrick had been so unlike himself, so ready to kill Cassie but then he just stopped...Jon was thinking that maybe Patrick remembered her? Maybe some old piece of him came back and he remembered that she was his wife, that he didn't want to hurt her. Than again, he's not sure if it even work's that way. If luno's from human's have the ability to remember things from their human lives.

Brendon seem's to be thinking the same thing but they don't know enough about the creatures to be sure. Gabe might know though, maybe Ryan.

"No one saw Jenny?" Krissy asks from her position next to Ryan.

"Only Patrick on our part." Jon says William and Greta don't even know who Jenny is so, even if they had seen her, they wouldn't say yes.

"A girl?" Greta asks, Brendon shakes his head.

"A girl luno." He corrects, William makes a little noise, everyone concious turning their attention to him.

"There was a female luno, in the room I busted open. She got away before they attacked though..I don't know where she went." William tells them.

"What'd she look like?" Jon is asking. William shrugs.

"Didn't really get a good look at her. Was a little worried about fighting the other one's."

It might've been Jenny, or maybe it was just a girl luno.

"We need to get back home." Brendon says, the other's nodding. "Pete, think you can carry Ryan?"

They ride back home in silence, Jon isn't sure whether or not to classify this mission as a success or not. The whole point was to see if Patrick and Jenny were at the school..they were so, maybe it's successful but at the same time, three out of nine of them got hurt. It's really more of a draw.

Pete is driving, Krissy and Greta in the front with him. The rest of them are in the back. Joe and Ryan laying in the bed. Jon still holding Cassie in his lap, he doesn't really feel like she'll be safe if he set's her down.

"She'll be okay you know?" Brendon tells Jon and the older boy nods. He does know because he won't accept it any other way, Cassie has to be alright, That's just the way things have to go.

*
Ryan wake's up feeling like he got hit by a truck. He doesn't really remember much about what happened in the basement. He knows that he was pulled underwater a lot, he remembers a lot of screaming and splashing and he remembers having five fingers when he left.

Now he has three fingers, his pointer, his middle and his thumb. The only plus to this is that he can still flip people off. Where his other two fingers should be, there's just bandages. White bandages wrapped from his palm down to his forearm. Ryan didn't know he was missing fingers until Andy told him. He freaked a bit, flailing about and cursing a lot. It's really weird to be missing fingers. He really want's to see his hand, what it looks like now but at the same time he's afraid, afraid to see his now disfigured body.

If Ryan tries really hard he can imagine he still has all his fingers.

Joe and Cassie are in the bed's next to him. Neither looks too bad so he's relieved. Joe has bandages wrapped around his forehead and Cassie has horrible dark bruises on her neck and what looks like on her wrist's, one's that almost matched the one's Jon had. Both of them are asleep so he can't really ask either of them what happened.

He's really kind of desperate to find out if anyone ran into Jenny or Patrick. Ryan is more than relieved when Brendon comes to check on him. The boy sit's beside his bed and eyes Ryan like he isn't sure what he should or shouldn't say. The older of the two boy's is practically bursting to ask about Jenny but he doesn't, he wait's to see what Brendon will tell him.

"How you feeling Ry?"

"Like I've lost fingers." Ryan deadpan's, Brendon smiles despite the subject matter.

"At least you've still got your middle." He point's out and Ryan nods.

"What happened to them?" Ryan asks, tilting his head toward's the other two injured in the room. Brendon's face take's on a grim look.

"Same thing that happened to you, attacked by luno's."

"Are they okay?"

Brendon nods. "For the most part yeah, Joe might have a bit of a concussion and Cassie got really fucking lucky, but they should both be fine." The younger boy reassures Ryan. Again Ryan is nodding, still trying to will himself to ask the question he really want's to ask.

"Did anyone...I mean...was she there?"

Brendon doesn't need more than that, he knows exactly who Ryan's talking about. The black haired boy is quiet for a moment and still, surveying Ryan before he shakes his head.

"No one saw her."

"Oh.." Ryan is trying not to be disappointed, it's probably better that the girl wasn't there, probably better that Ryan didn't see her.

"But Patrick was." Brendon add's seconds later. Ryan's soft brown eyes widen and he sit's up, wincing because he put too much pressure on his bad hand.

"You guys saw Patrick? I..what happened with him? Did-Did Cassie get to see him?" Ryan's words are rushing out. He can't believe they saw Patrick, that the boy was back and alive and moving. It's like one of those things that's too much to believe until you actually see it. Brendon is still looking somber.

"Patrick's the whole reason Cassie's in here." Ryan's face shows confusion. "He tried to kill her Ry." The boy explain's, The older boy's eyes going wider as he looks back at the passed out girl, the dark marks around her throat.

"He did?"

"Yeah, he was strangling her to death until he suddenly stopped."

Brendon wasn't lying, Cassie did get fucking lucky.

Ryan's heart is at his feet. That's not what he had been hoping would happen. He's not sure what he had been hoping, maybe that Jenny and Patrick would get one look at Cassie and himself and that they'd remember...that they'd come back. Maybe that was too hopeful, too much hope for a world like this.

Ryan is quiet after that and Brendon pat's him on the shoulder and leaves the room.

*
Joe wakes up to complete darkness. He can feel the sturdy bed beneath him and the steril smell of the infirmary, he knows that he's home. He can feel the bandages that are wrapped around his head and he curses the fact that Andy just had to wrap his eyes.

"Andy?" Joe says, he would normally just take the damn bandages off but he's hesistant this time, what if he's missing a piece of his skull or something? Joe hears a rustling noise but no one is anwsering him. "Andy!" He call's out again. This time he can hear footstep's entering the room.

"Joe? You're awake." Andy's voice issues through the room and he sound's relieved. "How do you feel?"

"Fine I guess. I mean, my head hurt's but I think I'll survive." Joe can feel a dull ache in the back of his head, a constant thump, thump, thump, like the beat to a song.

"That's good." Joe can hear Andy writing something down. "We were worried that you might slip into a coma." The doctor explains.

"Well, I'm okay but can you take the bandages off my eyes now?" Joe request's, he'd really like to be able to see again. Andy's silent for a moment before he laughs.

"Good one Joe."

Okay, that's weird, maybe he really is missing a piece of his head.

"Well, I get wrapping my head but my eyes? That's a little drastic don't you think?" Joe can hear more footsteps, they're closer to him and he can kinda sense Andy standing next to him.

"Joe...can you not see me?" Andy asks, a chill run's down Joe's body. He really is not appreciating this stupid fucking joke.

"Of course I can't. You put bandages over my eyes." Joe says flatly,annoyance clear in his voice.

"Joe...I don't have bandages over your eyes." Andy tells him and Joe feels his body go numb. He reaches up with a shaky hand and touches his eyes, he knows his eyes are open but he can't see anything, pure black like he's sitting in the dark. Sure enough, there is nothing over his eyes.

Joe's shaking now, he can't see...he can't fucking see. "Andy? Are you trying to say that I'm blind?"

*
Cassie had woken up a few hours ago in the infirmary. Ryan was gone but Joe was still passed out in his bed. Jon wasn't around either, no one was. She had laid there a few moment's, the last bit's of her concious memory coming back to her. How she had nearly died, how without looking she knew she had bruises, it was like she could still feel him there, his ice cold hand wrapped around her throat.

The girl shuddered and forced herself to forget about it, to push all thought's of Patrick and what had happened at the high school away. Cassie had gotten up and on wobbly leg's made it back to the bunk room, Jon already laying in his bunk. The sun is still up but it's low, like the night will fall soon.

Cassie sunk down in the bed behind Jon, her arms coming up to wrap around him. The boy makes a sleepy noise but doesn't wake up and the girl presses herself closer to him, ignoring the subtle burn in her throat.




Entry twenty-three: I Used To Waste My Time Dreaming Of Being Alive, Now I Only Waste It Dreaming Of You

The hideout was dark, everyone was asleep when he had crept into the house. His footsteps were whisper quiet, like a cat sneaking up on it's prey and speaking of prey, there she was, asleep in her bunk. The dark bruises he had left on her visible to him even in the dark. He smiles in the darkness, no one would be there to stop him now, no one could help her.

He creeps to the side of her bed and in a flash he's on top of her, pinning her to the bed. The girl's awake now and she manages to let out a scream just as he bites into the soft skin of her throat, silencing her for good.

Cassie wakes up to someone shaking her, her blue eyes fluttering open and her heart pounding like crazy. She's breathing hard and sweating, the dream she had just been having filling her mind with terror. Jon is still there, next to her and he's looking at her with wide worried eyes.

"Are you okay?" He's asking, his hand on her shoulder. Cassie's sweating and disoriented, she doesn't know where she is for a moment but Jon's hand is still on her, squeezing and holding, calming her down.

"I think so." She replies, pushing her sweat dampened bangs out of her eyes.

"You were screaming...and thrashing around." Jon tells her, his other hand moving to her chin, tipping her head up so their eyes meet.

"It was a nightmare...he was..he was trying to kill me...he did kill me." Cassie mutters out, she's still a little out of it, still trying to seperate her nightmare from the reality. She's afraid, like, Patrick might be standing beside the bed. Jon leans forward and kisses her on the forehead.

"It's okay, It wasn't real." He whispers against her skin and she nods, she knows it wasn't real but it felt like it and sitting here in the dark isn't what she want's to do.

"I'm going to go...shower." Cassie says as she scrambles off the bed.

"Cass, wait." Jon's following her but she doesn't mind, she just needed to get out of there, she really doesn't want to be alone. She clatter's up the stairs with no regard for the other's, her brain, her body is on fast forward and she's pretty sure she's having a panic attack.

Cassie makes it to the bathroom but she leaves the door open for Jon, she want's him to come in. Jon does come in, slips into the bathroom just as she's undoing her jean's, slipping them down her hips. Jon pushes the door closed, Cassie is still trying to get out of her jean's, struggling to get her shirt off and she can't and it's so frustrating. Not just the shirt but everything, every part of her life was a mess and she couldn't take it anymore.

"Cassie." Jon says, sound's worried as he moves forward and pulls her shirt off for her. His hands are on her shoulder's, it's not fair to him, it's not fair that he always has to pick her up when she fall's down, that she isn't strong enough to handle herself. "Just calm down O.K.?" He says and she nods, tears slipping from her eyes.

Jon moves away from her, moves to the bathtub and he's turning the water on. Cassie's still standing there in her bra and unbuttoned jean's. She's scared to look at herself in the bathroom mirror, she's scared but at the same time she want's to, she want's to see what Patrick did to her, what she did to herself. The girl does look in the mirror, her reflection one she barely recongizes, her eyes are tear stained, that she's familar with. The dark purple, near black bruises that decorate her throat in the shape of a strong hand, that's what's new.

Jon return's to her side and she can see him in the mirror too, standing beside her, his hands on her shoulder's and his gaze locked on her reflection. "Come on, take a shower, you'll feel better." He tells her, brown eyes so full of concern. She nods and allows Jon to help her undress, what does it matter if this is only the second time he's seen her naked and the first with light involved?

He doesn't make a move to try anything with her, she's not expecting him to. Cassie climb's into the shower and Jon is standing outside of it as the hot water beat's down on her, washing away all traces of the day off her skin.

"Jon," She says, "Join me." She just doesn't want to be alone, she want's him near her, with her. Jon nods and strip's off his clothes, climb's in the shower with her, stands under the warm water. The girl pushes up against him, just want's to stand here like this with him. His hands find her hips, he just hold's her as they both get soaked.

"I'm sorry I didn't listen to you." Cassie says moment's later, looking up at him through sheet's of wet hair. Jon brushes her soaked hair out of her face and shakes his head.

"I'm not upset, I know you did what you felt was right."

"I put myself in danger..I almost died...and it would've been my own fault if I had."

"Don't blame yourself Cassie, you're only human..." Cassie can't help but feel like Jon want's to add 'And Patrick isn't.' on to the end of that sentence.

"You don't deserve me Jon." Cassie tells him, her hands slip off of him and she looks down at their feet.

"What?" He sound's like that really is the last thing on his mind. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm not good enough for you." She says looking back up into his eyes. "I'm too weak, I depend on you too much...I'm always crying...always doing stupid shit...you deserve so much better than that." What Cassie really doesn't want to say is that she's afraid of him getting sick of her, of Jon giving up on her because of all her fault's.

"Cass," Jon says a few silent moment's later, tilting her chin up so she can look into his eyes. "When I asked you to let me take care of you I wasn't just saying it to get into your pants. I know who you are, I know what you're like and I meant it when I said I loved you."

Jon was too perfect, she didn't deserve him but he still wanted to stay and she still wanted him to.

The girl leans forward and rest's her head on his chest, trying to find his steady heartbeat admist all the water droplets thumping off their skin.

"You know what I was thinking about when Patrick was strangling me?" She says, Jon swallows thickly and she can feel the boy's heart picking up.

"What?" His voice is breathless.

"I was thinking about how I'd never see you again, that you'd have to listen to me die...that I never got to tell you that I loved you." Jon's fingers tangle gently in her hair, she remembers telling him that she loved him before she passed out, she hopes he knows that she meant it. "You know I mean it right?" She add's, staring up at him.

"I love you too and I know you mean it." Jon anwsers her, wraps his arms around her and hold's her close. Cassie's arms go around Jon's neck, her face close to his ear.

"I want to be stronger for you. I'm sick of crying, I'm tired of running. I want to take care of you too, just like you take care of me." Cassie whispers into his ear before she kisses him.

"I already think you're strong." Jon tells her, just the slightest of smile's on his face. Cassie shakes her head.

"No, I'm not. The other girl's...they don't break down like I do...they're not as weak as I am."

"Like who?" Jon asks, Cassie looks up at him.

"Krissy..Jenny, when she was still around..Greta..they don't lose their shit like I do." It was pretty much the truth, in all her year's of knowing Krissy, the girl rarely showed her emotion's to anyone but Brendon. Jenny was like that too, hiding her feeling's away from people, even Cassie though the older girl did have a knack for knowing when her best friend was doing that paticular act. The point was they were obviously stronger than she was.

"The other's haven't gone through what you have." Jon argues, that she's not sure about. Everyone was in on this together, everyone had to go through the semi-end of the world so why was she any different? Cassie figures that Jon is referring to Patrick, to the fact that Krissy still has Brendon and that he's never tried to kill her.

"I think if what happened to you last morning, happened to her...I think even Krissy would cry." Jon is insisting, like he's trying to make her feel better, justify her crying, maybe Cassie was just being hard on herself. "Listen, I don't want you to become emotionally dead, I want to know what you're feeling. Our feeling's are pretty much what make us human, what seperates us from the luno's and lets us know that we're alive. I don't want you to lose that."

Jon smiles and grab's for the shampoo, confident that his words had eased the girl he so desperately loves, mind. Cassie still feels like he deserves someone so much greater than her.

*
Jack is sitting in his room, the safe room. He doesn't know where Ruby is, he doesn't care at the moment. He's sitting on his bed, the whole place smell's like human's and human blood, it's really a tease, smelling them and they're not actually there. Jack's own hands smell like that girl and it's driving him crazy.

Noah had yelled at him for five minutes straight because he hadn't killed the three human's that were on the floor he was watching over. Jack couldn't pay attention to the yelling, he couldn't pay attention to anything, just the black jewled ring clenched tight in his hand.

That's what he was doing now, studying the ring, rolling it in his fingers. He honestly doesn't know why he couldn't kill the girl, why he had suddenly stopped. The ring was part of what made him stop but it wasn't just the jewerly. Every moment he spent with that human triggered something. The way she looked at him, her voice, she had been calling him that name...Patrick...Jack didn't know who Patrick was, didn't know who the girl was beyond the fact that her name was Cassie.

He didn't and it was driving him crazy.

But the whole time he was in there, every time she called him Patrick he would have flashes, like his dreams but quicker. Jack's trying desperately to remember these flashes, trying to recall the images that popped into his head. A voice that sounded like that girl's but he couldn't be sure. A warmth that filled him with an unbridled sense of happiness, something he had never felt before. He had gotten flashes of a love that was so much stronger than the 'love' he felt for Ruby, it was all very confusing.

And that guy, the guy that was so desperate to get to the girl..his words had triggered flashes in Jack's mind too. The one thing that stuck with him was: "Patrick, you told me to not let anything happen to her. You made me promise. You would never hurt Cassie...please!" Those words had defintly sparked something, a bright light in a high room, a guy with brown eyes who promised with all his heart and a sense of relief.

The only problem was that Jack didn't know who Patrick was, or Cassie..he knows that that was the girl he was attempting to kill. "Cassie.." He repeat's the name over and over again, it sound's familar in his mouth and he's wanting it to spark something else, to give him a piece of something.

Jack can't remember anything before waking up here at this luno den, the one made out of an old high school. Ruby was already here, Ruby was there to take care of him and she did. Everything before he woke up here is a blank, foggy white and scribbled out of his mind. He tried to ask Noah about it, ask him about where they found him, how they saved him and why he was all alone. Noah never gave anwser's though. "That's not important Jack." That's what he'd say.

Another memory comes back to Jack, one from the fight with the human's that morning. When he had asked that girl, Cassie, when he had asked her why they had came here..she had said it was for him..to find him..to find Patrick. A terrfiying thought strikes Jack, what if he is this Patrick? What if that's where he was before Noah and the other's found him? Jack's mind is racing, what if this was the anwser that had been plauging him all along?

Suddenly the door open's and a familar figure pour's into the room. It's Ruby, staring at him with her crimson eyes, she doesn't look happy to see him but at the same time she doesn't look upset at him either. She moves to her bed, which is right next to his and sit's down, still staring at him.

"Noah is really upset with you Jack." Ruby says, her voice is even if not a little dark.

Jack shrugs, "I already apologized for not finishing them off..what more can I do?" He says, it's not really a question, his eyes are still trained on the ring.

"Why couldn't you kill them?" She's asking, now she sound's a little upset. Jack meet's with her crimson gaze.

"Why didn't you kill the one's on your floor?" He snap's back, at least Jack had tried to take out one of them unlike Ruby who fled from her floor. She makes a face at him.

"Sam told me to run."

"And now Sam's dead." Jack says cooly. He's looking back down at the ring, still trying to figure it all out.

"What are you looking at?" Ruby asks, standing and moving to see what Jack see's. She see's the ring and scoff's. "What the hell is that?"

"I got it off one of the human's.." Jack explains, Ruby eyes the ring with interest as she sinks down on the bed infront of Jack. Her hands slide up over his, pale clawed fingers barely ghosting over the cold metal of the ring.

"It's pretty.." She says and Jack nods, it is nice to look at no doubt about it. It's also really comforting to him for some reason he can't explain. "Can I have it?" Ruby asks, staring up at Jack with sparkling eyes. He doesn't know what to say, he knows that this ring, this stupid piece of shiny metal shouldn't matter to him but it does, he also knows that he can't tell Ruby that.

Like him Ruby doesn't remember anything from before she woke up here but unlike him she doesn't ever have flashes of things, strange broken pieces of maybe memories, or dreams, she doesn't have any of those things and they both know that Jack isn't supposed to have them either. When he first started having those strange dreams Jack had went to Noah, asked him about it and Noah told him that it was all a figment of his imagination, that he shouldn't think too much about it and that he definitly shouldn't tell anyone else that he was having these thoughts, these dreams.

Ruby is the only one who does know that he has dreams but she doesn't think anything of it, she doesn't think that maybe the reason they can't remember anything before they got here is because they weren't who they are now, maybe they were different?

Ruby is still staring at Jack and she makes a small noise that pulls him from his thought's. He looks at her and she's looking at him expectantly, he knows that she'll find it suspicious if he want's to keep the ring so he just nods.

"Yeah, sure." Jack says and lets her slip the ring, still hanging on it's broken silver chain, from his finger's pushing it up on her own instead. Ruby leans forward and kisses Jack lightly on the lips, the ring glittering on her finger. She settles down next to him, talking but Jack isn't listening. He can't focus on her because his mind is wrapped up on one person and one person alone.

Jack has to find this Patrick person.



Entry twenty four: Love Will Tear Us Apart Again

Andy knew that the mission to the old high school, three day's ago was a terrible idea, he knew and he let his friend's go anyway. It's not like they would listen to him even if he did say something, this group of people are so stubborn that they rarely listen to anyone who tells them 'no'. At least it wasn't as bad as his imagination had lead him to believe it would be.

Andy was actually sleeping in today, Ryland having told him that he would be more than happy to take over for Andy. The older doctor was glad because he hadn't had a break in a long time, it was horribly tiring to be the doctor here, both emotionally and physically. He didn't sleep well because he was worried about his patient's, he couldn't rest because he was worried about his friend's.

All in all he's having trouble trying to decide who got off worse on their last mission, Joe or Ryan? Andy is leaning toward's Joe because sure, yeah, Ryan lost some finger's but at least he can still see, he can still see his friend's and himself and the house and the world in general, even if the world wasn't much to see nowadays.

By now everyone knew about what had happened to everyone else. Cassie felt extreamly bad about what had happened, blaming herself and her insistance to go to the school. Ryan and Joe told her that they didn't blame her but the look she held in her eyes, he knew that she was still blaming herself.

Ryan was healed enough that he could unwrap the bandages from his hands, Andy did it just the two of them. He saw Ryan's hand when he first came in, he knew it wasn't pretty. The boy's pinky and ring finger had been bitten clean off, just the small, almost flat bump's, almost like the finger's were never there at all.

Ryan cried when he first saw the flat skin where his fingers used to be, Andy didn't blame him, if it was him he probably would've too. The younger boy has since taken to wearing gloves, not willing to let anyone see his disfigured hand. At least Ryan was handling the injury well, a sort of silent strength, though he has yet to attempt to do anything with his right hand. Andy didn't quite have the heart to tell him that he'd eventually have to relearn to do everything that he used to be able to do.

Joe wasn't handling his injury very well. Andy had honestly thought Joe was just kidding when he said he couldn't see. He quickly realized that his best friend wasn't joking, that Joe really couldn't see. Andy blamed the blindness on the fact that Joe had taken such a hard hit to the head, wrecking his nerve endings and taking away his sight.

Joe was angry, Joe screamed until his voice was shot, Joe wanted to throw chair's but he couldn't see them to throw them. He was upset and he had every right to be. Maybe it wasn't so hard to be blind in the old world, back when luno's didn't exist but now, in this new world..there wasn't much a blind person could do. Joe wouldn't be able to fight the luno's anymore, he wouldn't be able to go on supply run's or work on the van.

"I'm useless..." Joe had growled out, he was crying too but Andy would never tell anyone that. It was scary, how his dark eyes were open, looked normal but they were useless, like Joe thought he was.

"You're not." Andy had tried to reason, tried to explain to Joe that he was still the same person, that he was still Joe. The curly haired boy shook his head.

Cassie had come out with more emotional damage than physical. Sure, she couldn't talk well and she said that it hurt to swallow but she was alright for the most part, mentally was a different story. Jon had come to Andy and told him that the girl now had nightmares on a nearly nightly basis. She was also a lot quieter now, Andy had caught her many time's just standing somewhere, staring out windows or off into space, trapped in her own head.

Andy sighs and shift's in his bunk, more than happy to let someone else take care of everyone for once.

*
Joe is pretty sure that he's sitting in the living room. At least he thinks that's where he's still sitting. Ryland had led him in here nearly an hour ago and he hadn't moved since, sitting in the dark silence. It wasn't that people were avoiding him, that wasn't the case, Joe just didn't know what to do now.

All the things he would normally do were now impossible for him. He didn't want to bother anyone to lead him around. He didn't want to be a burden to anyone so, he just sat in silence in what he hopes is the living room, listening to the people around him.

Right now Joe can hear footstep's above him, the people upstairs. He can hear people in the kitchen, Ryan whose talking to Brendon and swearing, probably because he can't do something with his now deformed hand. Joe hears more footstep's and they sound close to him, it put's him on edge that he can't see the person approaching him.

"Hey, Joe." It's Pete, the older boy's voice surrounding him.

"Hey."

More footstep's and Joe feels the battered couch dip with the new weight of Pete sitting down next to him.

"How ya feeling?"

"Honestly, bored out of my mind." Joe admits, it's true, there's nothing he can do now. His life is consisting of sitting in darkness. Pete gives a little laugh, his hand finds Joe's shoulder.

"Well, Gabe told me to tell you that you can help him upstairs, with the faxing and stuff like that."

Joe sighs, tip's his head back against the couch. "So, this is what his life has come down to? Pity tasks? Pete, I don't know if I can spend the rest of my life like this." Joe says softly, deadly serious. Pete is silent next to him, Joe only knows that he's still there because of his light breathing.

"Joe..." Now Pete's sounding worried.

"I'm serious, condemned to a life of darkness, not to mention I'm completely useless around here...I might as well be luno chow."

"That's not funny Joe." Pete chides, he knows that, he knows that death is no joke. "There's stuff you can do." He add's. "Like, I said, Gabe will teach you how to run the fax machine, you can still help fix the truck...all you have to do is explain it to Jon and Andy."

"I guess." Joe doesn't actually sound like he believes that those option's are so great.

"Just...don't give up..okay Joe?"

"Right."

Joe knows that he isn't the only person whose suffering, the only one whose hurting but this, this just feels like too much. He's never felt more alone than he does now, stuck and isolated in his own dark little world. No one can understand because no one is here with him, he's surrounded by people yet, he feels so alone.

Pete clap's him on the shoulder before Joe can feel him get up. "I'll go tell Gabe that you'll help him from now on." The older boy says, even though Joe didn't exactly agree to it. Joe nods, doesn't know if Pete's even in the same room anymore. Footstep's heading away from him, toward's the exit of the room before they stop. "I won't let you become useless Joe, I promise."

Pete leaves and Joe sit's alone on the couch once again, contemplating the new option's in his life. He finds it interesting that it's true that once you lose your sight, your hearing and smelling pick's itself up, increases to make up for the sudden lack of vision. Joe can hear better than he ever could, the smelling he didn't notice too much, he wasn't like Brendon, he didn't have any kind of superhuman abilities, he was just a blind guy on a couch.

He had been expecting Pete to come back down and talk to him but after five minutes he was still sitting alone in the dark. Joe was quickly growing bored, didn't want to sit here anymore. He wanted to help fix the truck, like he had been doing everyday for the last month or so, maybe like, Pete said he could go stand in the garage and instruct them.

Joe decides to get up, pressing his hands on the couch and pushing himself up. He's not willing to ask anyone for help, he didn't even want Ryland to help him come in here. He stands and it's not hard, it's not like he can't walk anymore, he remembers the hideout's layout from memory. Joe take's a few steps forward, his hands out in case he bump's into something.

He figures he makes it a good distance through the room before he bump's into something, something small and square, hitting sharp against his ankle and tripping him causing him to fall to the dirty wooden ground with a hard thump.

Joe's laying sprawled out on the floor, wondering what he had tripped on and feeling more than foolish, feeling completely helpless. The boy's hands ball into fist's as he slam's them against the wooden floor. "Goddamit!" He scream's out, "Damn it...damn it!" He's gritting his teeth as he repeatedly strikes the floor, it's almost like a relife, him getting his frustration's out. Honestly, he feels stupid, like a little kid who can't do anything for himself.

Suddenly there are more footstep's, light this time so, Joe figure's it's a girl. Probably Cassie coming back to check on him and apologize for the hundreth time, blaming herself for Joe's incident.

"Joe?" It is a girl, a soft voiced girl but it's not Cassie, it's Greta. She sound's worried and she probably is, staring at him as he lay's dumbly on the floor. "Are-are you alright?" He can hear her footstep's again and he can feel her drop down next to him.

"Greta?" He says softly, face turned and pressed against the floor.

"Yeah, what happened Joe?" Again she sound's worried.

"I was trying to get out of this fucking room..I tripped on something, I guess."

"There's a stool..." She tells him.

"Of course there'd be a fucking stool." The boy mumbles out.

"Here, let me help you Joe." Greta says, he want's to protest but really he knows that he does need her help. Joe nods and sit's up, Greta's hands on his arms and she's tugging him back up to his feet. Once Joe's standing he closes his eyes to avoid giving the girl his now vacant stare. She's still got her hands on his arms, holding him steady. "Did you want to leave the room?" She asks, Joe thinks about it, doesn't want to make her lead him all through the house. He shake's his head.

"Back to the couch would be good."

He can almost hear Greta smiling as she lead's him back to the beaten up couch. She settle's Joe back down on the couch and he feels the couch dip like it did with Pete, Greta smell's better though. She's not making any noise, not saying anything and he doesn't even know if she's looking at him, overall this is very frustrating. "You still there?" Joe half joke's, maybe she got away from him without him noticing.

"Yeah..sorry." She starts, again she sound's nervous but Joe doesn't know why, maybe she's just freaked out by his newly acquired blindness. "It's just that...I wanted to apologize for what happened to you." The blonde girl tells him. Joe is taken aback by that, why should she be apologizing? It's not her fault.

"I'm confused."

"What happened to you is my fault Joe. Because I ran away instead of helping you and when I did...I was too late." Greta sound's sad when she says this, Joe doesn't understand why she blame's herself, he certainly doesn't blame her.

"Greta..don't blame yourself alright? What happened is no one's fault but mine, I made the choice to get involved, not you but me." He's trying to reasure her, he really does place no blame on the blonde girl, all his anger and resentment is balanced nicely at himself and the luno bastard who did this to him.

"But if I had done something-"

"You did do something Greta. You killed that luno before it killed me, you saved me..you did something."

"I guess, but I still feel like you're blind because of me." She sound's entirely too guilty, Joe doesn't like that. Joe want's to reach out a hand and touch her but without his sight, he's kind of afraid that he might accidently grope her. He laughs a bit, again tilt's his head back against the couch, he can smell her again, Greta kind of smell's like coffee and flower's.

"No, I think that I should thank you."

"Why?" The girl asks, sounding like she doesn't think she has any reason to be thanked.

"Because you were the last thing I saw before my vision went." Joe tells her, seriously, he could've seen much worse things as his last image beside's Greta's beautiful face.

Joe turn's to face her voice, want's to open his eyes but he's afraid that it's too creepy looking so, he just tip's his head down blinded eyes focusing on the couch.

"Oh." She says, her voice is light, void of emotion. Joe's face fall's.

"I didn't mean anything by that." He doesn't need William running around trying to knock him downstairs or sacrifice him to luno's, for messing with his girlfriend.

Greta laughs, soft lik,e the wind. "No, it's okay...it was sweet." Joe grins because he thinks that she might be doing the same. "But, I still feel bad for what happened so, how about I help you around the house today?" She asks, her hand is on his shoulder, light and warm and Joe's smiling even if she isn't.

"Yeah, yeah, that'd be nice."

*

Ryan is curled up in his bunk when Cassie finds him. His hand has been bothering him all day so he's taken to trying to sleep off the pain, finding it unsuccessful.

"Hey Ry," She says, edging into the room carefully and stopping a little way's away from his bunk. "Brendon told me you were looking for me?" She asks, Ryan stop's and thinks, he had been looking for her a good hour ago but hadn't really been able to find her.

"Yeah, I wanted to talk to you." He tells her, she nods and move's forward, taking a seat on the end of his bed. Ryan's eyes are instantly drawn to the dark purple marks on her skin, stark against the pale line of her neck. She doesn't notice him staring at her bruises, she's far too busy staring at his gloved hand.

"About what?" She lifts her dim blue eyes to meet his. Ryan swallows thickly, he doesn't know how to broach the subject, how to ask her about what had happened to her at the school. He hadn't gotten the chance to talk to her about what happened yet.

"About you seeing Patrick again."

"Oh," She looks away from him, wrings her hands together. Ryan's not stupid, he's noticed how she seems different since that mission.

"If it's too hard..." Ryan starts he doesn't want to upset her further than she already is. Cassie shakes her head.

"No, what-what did you want to talk about?"

Ryan leans forward a bit, meets her eyes again.

"What was it like seeing him again?" Ryan's voice whispers out. He couldn't stop the question, it was one that plauged his own mind on an endless loop, what would it be like to see Jenny again? Ryan needed to know what it felt like. Cassie is still staring at him but her eyes seem heavy and far away, Ryan isn't expecting her to be able to anwser.

"It...it was like everything I wanted so badly," She starts, her voice is just as heavy as her eyes were. "But at the same time...it was the worst experience of my life." Ryan's taken aback by her anwser, how could it be bad? How could seeing someone she loved so intensely be a bad thing? He knows that it's because Patrick had attacked her but still, it was Patrick.

"He didn't recognise you?"

Cassie shakes her head. "I called him by his name and he didn't even know who Patrick was...he doesn't know who he is or who I am."

"I'm sorry." Ryan says, he wants to reach out and touch her, he almost does but then he remembers his hand and he doesn't do anything at all. She shakes her head, brown hair fluttering with the movement. "I hear no one saw Jenny." He adds, he figures she already knows this.

"There was a girl luno there but...William and Greta didn't know what Jenny looked like so...they didn't know if she was there or not." Cassie informs the boy. Ryan perks up, his eyes widening in surprise, no one had bothered to tell him that.

"So, she could be there still?" He asks, his voice is overly eager but he can't help it, despite all the warnings, despite what happened to Cassie, he couldn't let it go, he still had the urge to see his dead girlfriend again. Cassie looks at him and nods, curiousity in her eyes.

"I guess but Ryan..I don't think it's smart to go and try to find her."

"What? But we found them Cassie! We found where they are and I know this last time didn't go well but next time we'll be more prepared." He tells her, he's sounding too eager. Cassie's eyes widen.

"Next time?" She asks, "Ryan, there's not going to be a next time. No one is going to risk going back there again." Her voice is calm as she stares at Ryan with determined eyes.

"But she's there...she's there Cassie and I-"

"For god sakes! Look at what happened Ryan, why would any of us go back?" Her voice is rising now, she's close to getting mad now but Ryan doesn't understand why, he thought she'd be happy about this.

"Because the people we love are there Cassie!" Ryan is staring at her with unbelieving eyes, like, he can't understand why she's arguing with him.

The dark haired girl scoffs. "Ryan, they're not the same as they were! They don't remember us at all! Patrick tried to fucking kill me! What about this situation do you not understand? Do you honestly think Jenny would be any different?"

Ryan narrows his eyes. "We have to try Cassie, what if they can come back? What if they can be like Brendon?"

Cassie laughs but it comes out disbelieving, almost hysterical. "Look at us Ryan! I almost died! I was sure I was going to...and look at you...take your stupid glove off and then tell me that you want to go back and try again!" Now he's hit a nerve for the girl and now she's yelling. It's normal, they do it all the time, differentiating between yelling at each other and agreeing with each other, lately it seem's there is no middle ground.

"I can't accept that Cassie, I just can't. I have to see her again, I have to." Ryan isn't giving up, he's determined to see the girl he loved, still loves so immensly. Cassie is breathing hard, staring at Ryan with hard blue eyes, the marks rising and falling and even that isn't enough to deter Ryan from his goal to see the girl again.

"Fine, but you do it without me. I love Jenny, she was my best friend and I will always love her but the Jenny who exists now is not the same girl you met in high school...she's not the girl we knew. She'll kill you if she gets the chance Ryan."

Ryan sets his jaw, his eyes locked with the girl.

"There's no one else's hand I'd rather die by."

Cassie rolls her eyes and it seems she's had enough of this conversation, maybe she knows that what she says won't change his mind. Maybe she knows this because she was the same way. Seeing Patrick and Jenny again, seeing them is something you can't believe until you actually see it, until you're actually there. The same goes for whether or not they'll remember you, Ryan won't believe it until he see's it with his own two eyes.



Entry twenty five: Change Will Come

Krissy is only mildly surprised to see Cassie walk into the kitchen while she's midway through opening the floorboard to get out a bottle of liquor that they keep hidden away. So, she maybe made a promise to Brendon but a few sips wouldn't hurt right? Just enough to ease her bustling mind and allow her some sleep.

Krissy isn't surprised but Cassie is. "Kris," She starts, "What are you doing?" The slightly older girl asks as she stops in the middle of the kitchen, big blue eyes peering at her friend. Krissy gives a little shrug but doesn't stop her actions.

"Needed it to try and sleep." She replies, her usually light voice void of emotion. Daylight was nearing and within a few hours it would be when most, if not all of them headed to bed. Some of them were already asleep, Greta and William, Alex and a few others like to turn in early. Others, like Krissy, Cassie, and Pete had a tendency to stay up later than what was advisable.

Krissy is staring at Cassie, not at the marks on her neck like everyone else but just staring at the girl in general. She hadn't realized how long it had been since she's seen Cassie without Jon by her side. Maybe it's been equally as long that Cassie hasn't seen Krissy without Brendon.

"Ah, mind if I join you?" The older girl asks, Krissy grins and reaches in the small hole for the bottle.

"Not at all."

Cassie comes to sit next to Krissy on the floor, her knees drawn up to her chest. The blonde girl gets the liquor bottle out, uncorks it and promptly takes a swig from the bottle, making at face at how strong it is, the blonde girl coughs and passes it off to Cassie.

"So, not that I mind your company but why are you still awake?" Krissy asks the dark haired girl. Cassie takes her own swig of the alcohol, twisted face included and passes it back to the younger girl before she bothers to anwser.

"I have a lot on my mind."

That didn't seem like such an abnormal thing considering everyone has a lot of things on their minds as of late. She knows that it can all become too much, the situation, the luno's, the people, it can all drive you insane if you think about it too much.

"Where's Jon?" Jon was good at talking Cassie down, at making her feel like life could in fact be bearable. A little smile plays on the other girl's face as she thinks of Jon, her blue eyes warming.

"He went to sleep, I didn't want to disturb him." Cassie anwsers, they take turns sipping out of the bottle, passing the brown glass back and forth. "Where's Brendon?" The girl asks, Krissy crinkles her forehead in thought.

"Same." She says, it's true that Brendon was sleeping, he had been in a foul mood since they returned from the mission at the school, a mission he labled a failure. Though to Brendon, a mission was only a success if no one managed to get hurt, needless to say they didn't have a lot of successes.

Cassie tilts her head back against the wooden counter behind them, the marks on her neck illuminating. Krissy thinks that it must be hard for her, to carry her burdens right there on her body.

"Apparently Ryan has a deathwish." The older girl states, turning her head to meet Krissy's eyes. The younger girl raises an eyebrow.

"Pardon?"

Cassie takes another swig of the alcohol. "He's all desperate to go back to the school to find Jenny...even after I told him about what happened when I saw Patrick."

Krissy shrugs. "He loves her, he wants to see her again. You felt the same about Patrick a few days ago."

"I still love Patrick, Krissy." Cassie clarifies for the other girl, whether or not the older girl love's Patrick is something that should never be questioned.

"I know, I know that you still love him. All I'm saying is remember how you wouldn't take no for an anwser about seeing Patrick again? Nothing could convince you it was a bad idea because your heart so desperately wanted to see him again. It was only too late when your brain decided to play catch up."

"I got lucky. What if Ryan doesn't?"

Krissy sighs. "I don't think we can stop him. If he's willing to risk his life to see her again..that's his porogative....what do you think Jenny would say about all this?" The blonde asks, Cassie drops her head to her chest and again she's smiling a sad smile.

"She'd say that she wasn't worth it, she wouldn't want Ryan to go." Cassie responds, smiling fondly at the thought of her best friend.

"That sounds like Jenny." Krissy laughs lightly, it's been such a long time since anyones laughed that the whole concept almost feels foreign. Again Cassie has her head tipped back against the counter.

"I miss her Krissy."

"I know." Those two had been inseperable in life, it was only natural that one of them would suffer upon the others death.

"I miss her but the human version of her, not this horrible luno manifestation. Human Jenny, that's who I want to remember, not the beast that's going to try to kill me. It's a complete joke because you think; 'Oh they're back! We can be just like we used to but you can't...you can't ever go back...dead people can't come back..their bodies might be back but they aren't."

Krissy sets the bottle aside and rests her hand on her friend's knee, trying to comfort the older girl because that's what she does for her lately. Cassie lets out a ragged sigh but she's not crying. Come to think of it she hasn't seen Cassie cry in awhile.

"You can cry if you want."Krissy tells her, she's thinking about picking the bottle back up but she's feeling just the right amount of numbness to make this night liveable. Cassie lowers her head, hair covering her face, Krissy can't see her eyes but she knows that the other girl isn't crying.

*

Greta's been helping Joe since last night. Right now the two of them are in the kitchen, she's sitting beside him at the worn out table. Joe is eating, on his own because he didn't want her to feed him. She's glad for that because that little event would look overly affectionate. She's long since told William that she would be helping Joe out from now on. William didn't seem to like the idea but he let her do it, Greta hopes that he realizes that he's been holding her back too much.

Everyone else in the house has gone about doing their own business. Andy and Jon are trying to fix the van. A task made that much harder without Joe. Pete has come in to take Joe's place but really, Pete's not much of a mechanic. Greta thinks that Cassie and Krissy are upstairs with Alex and Gabe. As for everyone else, she's not sure but she knows that they're somewhere in the house.

So, maybe that's why it's so surprising when someone knocks on the front door.

It's like time freezes, ice cold and the house goes silent. Joe's head whips around and Greta slides her hand to his wrist. She hasn't been here long but she's been around long enough to know that no one knocks on doors anymore.

Brendon comes out from one of the backrooms, eyes narrowed as he stares at the door. The others have come around too, Ryan, Pete, anyone who calls the worn house a home. Brendon is the one who goes to the door, always the one who takes the front line because he can.

Greta scans around for Cassie and Krissy, finds them tucked back by the staircase. William is staring at her from just outside the kitchen.

"Luno's don't knock nowadays do they?" Brendon asks, his vauge attempt at a joke.

"Do you think we should answer it?" Ryan asks, his black gloved fingers digging into the fabric of his jeans. Brendon nods, black bangs slipping into his eyes.



















http://p-userpic.livejournal.com/56938952/3715385
panic

krissy kaiser
412 oak ridge hall
810 university drive
eau claire, WI
54701-6194

http://i228.photobucket.com/albums/ee245/AngelMisuzu/rmcapocolypsebanner.jpg


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song
nobody puts baby in the corner

"come on brendon." jon says and he pulls brendon along behind him.

"i'm sorry, i'm not as fast as you jon." brendon says but it's hard to hear him over the sound of the car's flying by under them. jon peers back at brendon.

"someday you'll be, when you get older." he tells the young teen. brendon smiles and his hand tightens around jon's. the two boys are half running half jogging along the top of a dark bridge, one that overlooks the high way. "okay, we're here." jon says and he stops moving and brendon bumps into him.

jon releases brendon's hand and turns looking out at the wave of cars that pass by them, the white hot lights almost hitting them but never quite reaching them. it's late at night and really brendon should be home and asleep by now, he does have school in the morning. but he's more than glad to give up sleep if he get's to spend time with jon.

jon looks over at him "beautiful right?" he says and brendon nods. "this place is a secret okay? so you can't show anyone else....i've been coming here since i was younger than you are now...it's special." jon tells him and brendon's heart is swelling because jon thinks he's special enough to show this place to, jon's secret place.

"i would never...i want this place to be our secret...our best kept secret...just you and me jon.." brendon whispers and he leans in closer to jon and the older boy finds his hand in the darkness, the sound of car's rushing through the night surrounds them as jon kisses his younger boyfriend.



high hopes and velvet ropes

jon left spencer's hotel room at five in the morning. he was quiet as he dressed and left the room, letting the door click closed softly behind him. he was feeling bad, but only a bit. he and spencer had crossed a line that night, jon tried to tell spencer this as they were kissing in the elevator.

"jon, it's only a line if it get's crossed." was his reasoning and jon wasn't sure what that meant, he felt like that was something that ryan would say. so the older boy let spencer have his reasons and he went along with whatever the younger boy wanted, he was never good at saying no.

but now things were weird, he knew they were. he wondered if he could pretend with the younger boy. he didn't want a relationship, he had cassie for that. jon wondered if he was used? if spencer only wanted sex? it had seemed like the younger boy had seduced him and now it didn't matter what he did, that's why he left without saying goodbye. he knew spencer was awake and he left all the same.



no sleep

ryan stopped talking to jon three days ago, three days ago when the older boy kissed spencer in front of him. sure, he could say the kiss was innocent but still jon could've told spencer no, he had that ability.

ryan didn't want to be alone as of late so he had called on brendon to stay with him until his broken heart was healed. brendon was a good distraction most of the time, hyper enough to keep ryan busy and talkative enough to not allow him to think of jon. the only downfall was that brendon couldn't stay awake past one in the morning.

it was currently three fourty-five and ryan was awake, alone, and thinking of jon walker. ryan misses the older boy terribly and he wants to be mad at him but he's finding it hard to do so.

it's at three fifty that ryan hears a tapping on his bedroom window. he gets up and moves over to it, peering through the shiny glass and down into the yard. he can make out a figure standing in his yard, drenched in the moonlight. ryan see's the figure lift it's arm and appear to throw something and ryan see's a small rock hit his window.

"hey, stop throwing rocks before you break my window!" ryan says as he lifts his window and sticks his head out.

"sorry, ryan." jon's smooth voice rises to ryan's ears and he's surprised.

"jon?"

"that would be me."

"what are you doing here?"

"i came to apologize."

"by using an old movie cliche?"

"you like old movie cliche's ryan." jon reminds him and the younger boy rolls his eyes even though it's the truth.

"that doesn't mean i'll forgive you."

"what if i tell you i got a boombox that i am prepared to hold over my head like in say anything?"

"prove it." ryan dares and he see's jon's figure disapper before he returns with a boombox held high over his head.

"see?" he says and ryan laughs.

"you're an idiot walker." he says

"but i want to be your idiot...your's and your's alone." he tells ryan and there is no way after these cliched acts that ryan can possibly turn jon down. he sighs and looks down at the older boy.

"go to the door, i'll let you in."




Shady Business

"So, you wanna be in Panic now?" Pete is asking as he takes a seat in a little swivel chair in his office.

"Uh, yeah." Jon starts, he's standing by the door unsure of what to do. He scratches at his arm and wait's for Pete to make the first move. "The others, they told me to talk to you first." Jon adds because it's the truth.

Pete laughs and it's a shade darker than his normal laugh. "It's cause they already know what to do." he states and Jon's still confused. "To get what they want." Pete adds and he turns in his chair suddenly, his jean clad legs spread open and his hand is on his thigh. "They know how to get the job done." He whispers and Jon's mouth goes dry.

five minutes later Jon is on his knees in front of Pete, mouth somewhere Jon never thought it would be. And Pete's hand's are tangled in Jon's hair. He's looking down and petting him. Whispering hotly into his ear.

"I never promised that the business wouldn't be shady."




Song in my head

There's a song in Jon's head. One that he hears everytime he see's William Beckett. It's a song he doesn't know, he doesn't even know if it really exists but he hears it.

William smiles at him between songs , when's he's dripping with sweat and his shirt clings to his body. He smiles at Jon before he runs back out to sing 'Checkmarks.' Even though William is singing to an audience of hundreds Jon can't see them, the audience might as well be dead because all he can see is the boy in front of him.

And he can hear the song of course. Jon hears the song the first time he kisses William against the Academy tour bus. He hears it the first time they have sex and maybe it's kind of hard to hear it because it's clashing with Williams moans, but Jon kind of doesn't mind.

Years later when Jon is in Panic and they're recording their third album Jon is just fiddiling with a guitar. He strums out some tune, he doesn't even know what it is at first. It doesn't sink in until later, until after Ryan hears the tune and likes it. It's then that Jon realizes that It 's the song he hears when he thinks of William.

It's William's song and it ends up on the cd and now William and the world and even Jon can sing along.



Love Me Dead

Jon sort of loves Gabe saporta. He loves him almost as much as he hates him.

He knows that Gabe has a million or so good qualities but on the same token he has a million or so bad qualities to match.

Their laying in bed together when Gabe sits up and kisses him, moves to get dressed. He's leaving but Jon sort of doesn't want him to go. And maybe Jon says this outloud. Gabe just turns and smiles as he pulls his t-shirt down.

"Other places to go, other people to see." Gabe says and he gets up and buttons up his pants. Jon flops back on the bed and says loud enough for Gabe to hear.

"You fucking love me dead." Gabe laughs but it's the truth.

Jon both hates and loves the other boy. Their love is cancerous. At any one point he can ramble off a string of compliments about Gabe but that same night Gabe will call him up drunk and Jon will have a string of insults on his tongue.

Jon just keeps going along with it though. Gabe loves him and he loves the boy back, it's just a fucked up kind of love. one where they wear each other down to bones in bed and maybe Jon calls Gabe a jackel and Gabe will just say that Jon's beautiful and kiss him once before he goes to meet his other boy.

Maybe Jon will lean against the wall and not mind so much that Gabe is loving him to death.




All coming back to me now

Jon's laying in bed and he's talking to Patrick on the phone. Well, he was talking to the boy but now the singer is asleep. He can hear Patrick's shallow breathing on the other end, quiet and even.

It's times like this that Jon really fucking hates the 'just friends' rule. He misses Patrick's breathing right next to him.

They broke up sometime two years ago and it was a paticularly bad break up. Jon and Patrick ended up just being friends and the bassist pushed every memory he had of their relationship away. But now that they were close again it was harder, harder to pretend.

Patrick and Jon end up in the same city a few weeks later and they meet up to hang out. 'just hang out' Jon tells himself as he meet's Patrick in the lobby of Fall Out Boy's hotel.

He and Patrick go out for drinks but Jon doesn't get drunk because he doesn't want to risk doing something fucking stupid.

They end up in Patrick's hotel room all the same though. And their laying next to each other and talking about music and bandmates and whatever else is on Patricks mind.

It's kind of an accident when Jon reaches out and strokes Patrick's cheek. At least that's what he'll tell himself later. Patrick freezes up but he let's him stroke the smooth skin of his face. Jon turns on his side to face his ex, his friend.

"Jon." Patrick says and it kind of sounds like a warning but he doesn't ask him to stop and he doesn't. Now that he's touching Patrick, now that he has his hand's on him. It's like everything is coming back to him. Every other moment like this and the ones that were greater than this.

Jon only hesistates a moment before he leans in and kisses Patrick and the older boy doesn't stop it.

Now it is all coming back to Jon, everything he pushed away flooding in an tourent through his body. Patrick's hand's are on him and their breath is mingling together. Their whispering and the past is colliding with the present and it's almost too much but it's not enough.

They've forgiven each other by the end of the night. Everything is forgiven and forgotten and Jon smiles as he hears an even soft breathing behind him and a soft hand on his waist.



Bang The Doldrums

Jon Walker wakes up and notices that he was sleeping on the hotel floor for one. And for two he had a note written in what looked like eyeliner on his arm. It was simple, all it said was 'goodbye.'

Jon stumbles around trying to work off his hangover and he pulls his clothes on. He doesn't even know if he should be here, this isn't his hotel room after all.

He leaves the hotel, only stumbling a little and he hails a yellow checkered cab. The night air feels good around him and fuck, he must've passed out early if it's not morning yet.

He tells the cab driver to take him back to the hotel where he's staying. Jon watches the city move around him and it's like there's a spell cast over him. He can't stop thinking about Gerard.

They used to be friends, you end up friend's with everyone when you know Pete Wentz. The point is they used to be friends, just like they used to be lovers. It's too fine a line and a very dangerous one but he and Gerard crossed it.

That was a year ago and they've been broken up since then.

But recently Panic decided it would be fun to hang around with My Chemical Romance so he and Gerard are suddenly pushed together once again. They're both grown men so they try to go ahead and be friend's again but it's hard. Little flashes of jealousy pump through Jon when he see's Gerard dancing with Brendon and he's sure friends aren't supposed to get jealous like that. He also doesn't miss the grimace Gerard had on his face when Frank sat on Jon's lap.

Either way more drinks were consumed which wasn't the greatest of ideas and Jon went to the bathroom and Gerard followed him.

Yes, there may have been some drunken sloppy making out in said bathroom but that was hardly Jon's fault.

Gerard was the one who suggested the hotel, he was the one who hailed the first checkered cab of the evening and he was the one who pushed Jon down on the bed.

Jon didn't know where Gerard was at the moment. Hopefully with Mikey or Bob or someone who could take care of him. Jon was sure this little story would get passed around quickly enough, just like he was sure he'd be getting dirty look's from Spencer and Ryan in the morning.

Jon gets out the cab and ambles his way up to the elevator, pushes the number for his floor and feels around for his keycard. He's most definitly not thinking about the way he and Gerard used to be best friends, nope, he is not thinking about how their ex-friends now. And he is most certainly not thinking about how they're better off as lovers and not the other way around.

The clock in the hallway catches Jon's eye and it's a little after Four fifteen in the morning. He's going to go to sleep. He's not going to think or dream about Gerard. He's also not going to think about how the My Chemical Romance bus is leaving at six in the morning or how he won't be awake to say goodbye.



a thousand words

Jon Walker isn't a writer. He can spout an occasional line or two every now and then and Ryan will nod approvingly and write them down but he is not a writer. He never really thought that Travis McCoy was a writer either, but that was before he got a letter from the boy.

Jon and Travis were secretly dating for a little over two years now but it wasn't easy. The two of them are fighting lately and Jon doesn't quite know what to do.

He knows Travis is hiding things. He's been using his words to shelter Jon from the truth, good thing Jon's practiced with Ryan, the younger boy used to do the same thing. So Travis's words can't fool Jon that easily.

They get in a fight and Jon starts acting distant to his older boyfriend. He doesn't even say goodbye to Travis before The older man leaves for tour, he just sits in the kitchen and listens.

Spencer suppects that Travis might have a drug problem. Jon's heart sinks to his feet because it's what he's always been afraid of, of Travis relasping. He calls Travis late at night when he knows the older boy is awake, and surprisingly Travis anwsers.

"You fight your battles far from me...far too easily." Jon whispers to him and Travis doesn't get it but Jon doesn't expect him to. It's one of those moments where he is a writer, a split second writer.

Jon and Travis hang up and Jon is thinking back to the day Travis left, about when he was in the kitchen, listening.

"Save your tears cause I'll come back." He heard Travis say right before he walked out the door. Jon jumped out of his seat, he wanted to follow Travis, wanted to stop him from leaving. Jon thought shouting might have been the anwser, or he could cry his brown eyes out and beg his boyfriend not to depart.

Jon isn't a writer but he still writes Travis a letter. It's long and Spencer jokes that it look's like it's a thousand words. Jon writes things that he knows will comfort Travis, things that will remind him of home. Jon wants his words to wrap around Travis and keep him safe, carry him home, bring him back to Jon.

These thousand word's that Jon could never quite say when Travis was around but now that he's gone they pour out of him like they've been there all along and maybe they have.

Travis calls Jon three days later and says he got the letter.

"It makes all these months feel like only days." Travis says and Jon smiles against the phone.

"I love you." Jon tells him and Travis laughs just a tiny bit, something he does whenever Jon says that to him. He doesn't mean anything by it, he laughs because he's happy.

"I'm going to keep this letter forever." Travis tells him and Jon notes how his voice sounds so clear, clearer than it's been in a long time.

"I want you to." Jon tells him and Travis says he loves him and that he'll be home soon.

Jon lays in the bed and sleeps holding on to Travis's pillow.

Jon Walker isn't a writer, but for Travis, he could be.




When i get home your so dead.

"Did you know that you were the first when they asked for the worst?" Joe Trohman mutters out.

"I was?" Jon mumbles against the skin of his neck and Joe nods. "That sounds more like a Pete line." Jon's breath ghosts against Joe's neck as his hand pushes into Joe's jeans.

"You're such a whore." Joe says even though he tips his head back for Jon, allowing him to bite on the soft skin of his neck. Jon laughs a little, deep and husky.

"Don't act like you don't like it." he whispers before he licks Joe's ear.

"I saw you, you know?" Joe says and Jon just groans a little as his hand wraps around Joe's cock.

"Saw me where?" Jon asks his tone playful and Joe knows that the other boy knows exactly where.

"Under that table...Under Brendon and Spencer's table." Joe groans out and he's trying to be serious but his hips are pushing up into Jon's tight fist and fuck, it's so good.

"Hmm." is all Jon replies and he's sucking vigorously on Joe's neck. His hand sliding along Joe's cock.

Joe's not stupid, he knows what Jon was doing under the table, he knows that Jon is the Fuled By Ramen whore.

"Did it turn you on?" Jon whispers and Joe moans but refuses to anwser more than that. "Did it turn you on that Brendon kept right on talking to everyone while I was down there on my knees, sucking him off?" Jon's breath is hot against Joe's face and Joe can't fucking help it, he's basically helpless when it comes to fucking, Jon Walker.

He leans in and kisses Jon as he comes into Jon's hand and across his knuckles. He's watching eyes half closed as Jon licks his hand clean before he grins and tucks Joe back into his jeans, buttoning and zipping them up.

"You're a whore." Joe repeats and he means it, Jon knows he means it.

Jon's eyes flicker but he leans in and whispers into Joe's ear. "But I'm your whore." He says before he kisses Joe on the cheek and strides away.

Joe pushes away from the hallway wall before he moves back into the main party room and he scans the room for Jon. See's him locking arms with Pete and he's got his hand's all over Pete's back. Honestly, Joe is not surprised.




Miserable at best-mayday parade

"Ryan, don't cry...I know you're trying your hardest." Brendon whispers and his hands snake around Ryan's wrist's. Ryan isn't looking at him anymore, he's looking down at Brendon's hands. It's too easy for Brendon to see the tears fall down the older boys cheeks.

"The hardest part is letting go." Brendon adds and Ryan look's up, brown eyes tear stained. The younger boy releases one of Ryan's wrists and uses his free hand to wipe away the older boy's tears. It would be hard to let it all go, every moment, every night they had shared but Brendon knows that it's what need's to be done. To keep everything okay he has to let Ryan break up with him.

Three days later and Brendon's sitting alone in the hotel room. The others all went out, Ryan's way of escaping the pain and the awkwardness that had become the two of them lately. Brendon is not pretending that Ryan will be alone tonight, not Ryan. Brendon knows that someone will be there, someone will be staring at him and he'll like it.

Brendon bets that the person will get up the nerve to walk across the floor and ask Ryan to dance. The boy also knows that Ryan will say yes. Brendon groans and pushes the thoughts away.

He knew, he knew all along that he could live without Ryan Ross as his boyfriend. He could survive but he didn't know that without Ryan all he could do was live miserable at best.

Ryan was everything to Brendon, he had been from the first moment they had met. He was all that Brendon had hoped that he'd find, in every single way. Spencer thought it was funny because really, the two boys couldn't be more different, polar opposites. Everything Brendon could give was everything Ryan couldn't take. Funny how that turned out to be so true.

Brendon sort of wants to go home, he does until he realizes that Ryan was his home. Ryan felt like home and even though their in the same city right now, it felt like Ryan was a thousand miles away. When Brendon was younger he didn't know what he was good for, he didn't know how amazing he was. Those were Ryan's words, that Brendon was stupid to his genius. Ryan claims he gave him meaning and he would be joking but Brendon thought it was true.

It takes them a week to start talking again. But when they do Brendon really can't think of anything to say, nothing that won't betray him letting Ryan break up with him.

It's been three whole days since Brendon's had sleep, he can't sleep well anymore because he dreams of anoymous lips on Ryan's cheeks. Spencer says that Brendon should leave Ryan alone, but they all know that he isn't that strong.

So they go on living. The two of them. Seperate lives. One where Ryan is living and Brendon can live without him but without him he'll be miserable at best.




Crushcrushcrush-paramore

Brendon likes how Spencers been watching him lately. It's small but he notices him, staring at Brendon while he's walking or doing something with Ryan and Jon. Or even just messing around on the piano, Spencer is watching, blue blue eyes from across the room. Brendon tries to explain this to Ryan but he says it makes no sense at all. Apparently Ryan thinks his best friend is above stalking.

Brendon kind of thinks that it's like a game. He'll do his best to tempt Spencer, to get him to watch. Spencer will do his best to not watch, to ignore the way Brendon swings his hips, more often than not he fails, because really, who could ignore Brendon Urie's hips?

Ryan notices the game and it suddenly gets a new player, Ryan in the role of Spencer's spy. This three player game is not nearly as fun as trying to tempt Spencer so Brendon sort of stops playing.

Brendon's the one who ignores Spencer until one night when Spencer comes into Brendon's hotel room and wraps his arms around Brendon's waist.

"I'm sick of the game..." Spencer starts and Brendon feels lips on his neck. "Let's be more than this." He tells Brendon and the older boy turns in his arms and smiles, kisses him before he drops down on the bed with his hand around Spencer's wrist.

"Let's." is all he says as he pulls Spencer down beside him.



Scandalous-cobra starship

Brendon is maybe kind of, sort of drunk. It's not his fault, Spencer and Pete dared him to do a multitude of shots. Brendon never one to back down from a dare took ten shots and ended up drunk.

He's currently on the dance floor, dancing rather well in his opinion to whatever Gabe Saporta is playing.

It's around this time that he catches Jon Walker's eye from the floor. He can see Jon watching him as he leans against a barstool, Brendon is wondering why he just doesn't sit but whatever. Jon is laughing and Brendon kind of thinks he's laughing at him.

Brendon saunters, well, it's sauntering to Brendon but drunken stumbling to everyone else, over to Jon.

"Jon Walker!" Brendon squeals as he reaches Jon and flings his arms around Jon's shoulders. Jon just laughs and Brendon can feel it rumble through his chest.

"Hey Bren."

"Jon...Jon...Jwalk. Were you laughing at my incredible dancing?" Brendon half slurrs, but he thinks that slurring is suddenly very sexy.

"No, just admiring." Jon half jokes but Brendon is really not getting the joke. Brendon pulls back and look's up at Jon. How is it even possible that Brendon never notice how fucking hot Jon Walker was? How is it even possible?

"Jon, you're fucking sexy." Brendon says and it's so drunkenly serious that Jon just laughs but no, Brendon's never been more serious in his life.

"And you're drunk...and cut off." Jon states a smile on his face as he reaches down and plucks the half empty beer from Brendon's hand. Brendon doesn't even mind that Jon takes his beer, that's how serious he is.

"No, well, I'm only kinda drunk but even if I weren't I would still say 'Damn you look good'" Brendon says and he's resting his head on Jon's shoulder and he doesn't know what the older boy is thinking and fuck, he hasn't perfected his mind reading skills yet.

Part of Brendon's mind thinks that drunk dancing with Jon is suddenly a good idea so he does but it looks more like he's rubbing himself off on the older boy and Brendon doesn't mind that either but Jon puts a stop to it fairly quickly.

Brendon spends the rest of the night clinging to Jon's side and he passes out at some point but that's okay because when he wakes up at five thirty in the morning and Jon is carrying him back to the hotel he just smiles.

"Still hot Mr. Walker and I am not drunk."




thnks fr th mmrs-fall out boy


"One more night Brendon, please." Pete pleaded through the phone line. Brendon was silent, sighing instead of giving Pete an anwser. "Just one more time." He begs and Brendon's not really good at saying no to Pete when he begs.

He meets Pete at the older boy'`s hotel. Pete kisses him and pins him against the wall. Whispers 'Just one more night' over and over again, the air warm against Brendon's skin.

They kiss and Brendon is thinking that Pete tastes an awful lot like Ryan, just maybe a bit sweeter. Pete pins Brendon down on the bed and he's pressing down on top of him. Brendon knows why he's doing this. He and Patrick must've had a fight again. Pete always did this when he fought with Patrick, and it wasn't always with Brendon.

Brendon knows that to get Pete out of his own fucking mind, Brendon's got to get him out of his clothes.

After it's over Brendon will go back to Ryan and Pete will make it all right with Patrick and it'll be done, if only for awhile.

When it is all over and Pete's shrugging on his clothes. He leans down and kisses Brendon before the younger boy rolls off the bed to get dressed. Brendon's standing by the door when he look's back at Pete and the older boy is grinning at him, happy if only for a moment.

"Thanks for the memories Bren." Pete says and that's all Pete really needs is memories.

"This will be the last time." Brendon tells him, he says it even though he doesn't believe it. Pete nods.

"I know." He replies. Brendon leaves and he knows that it will be the last time until Pete calls again begging for just one more night, one more time.




i will follow you into the dark-death cab for cutie

Brendon loves Patrick. He loves him more than he's ever really loved anything in his entire life. Even puppies and Brendon loves puppies a hell of a lot.

Brendon's sure he would do anything for Patrick, would follow him anywhere.

Patrick and Brendon are laying together on Brendon's bed. Patrick is stroking through Brendon's hair and kissing him lightly. "I love you Patrick." Brendon breaths out and Patrick smiles and laughs but he doesn't say it back. It doesn't bother Brendon as much as it should, he knows that Patrick has trouble saying it back, that sometimes he can't believe that Brendon does love him.

It doesn't bother Brendon because all he has to do is tell him how much he loves him until Patrick believes it.

"When you die, I'll follow you wherever you go." Brendon states and he knows it's a weird way to say 'I love you' but Patrick needs grand gestures.

"That's nice." Patrick laughs but Brendon just kisses him and continues.

"I'm serious. Heaven or hell or inbetween I'll follow you wherever you go Patrick. I promise." He knows that Patrick doesn't actually believe in religion but whatever it doesn't matter. Brendon renounced his own faith so their both probably screwed so it doesn't matter.

"You'll follow me into the dark?" Is all Patrick replies and Brendon thinks that it's turning into one of those Pete Wentz kind of conversations. But he nods.

"I will." Patrick stares at him for a long moment but Brendon's not changing his mind and he's not just saying it either. He really will follow Patrick into the darkness, it doesn't matter, if he has the older boy with him than he doesn't care where he goes.

Patrick suddenly leans forward and kisses him hard and deep. It's almost like the words to Brendon, almost like he's saying 'I love you' with the kiss and it's all Brendon needs.


August Is Over-we the kings

Brendon was going to miss the summer. Not just because of the warm weather and the whole no school thing. He was going to miss the summer because he's going to miss Nate so fucking badly. Brendon had met the slightly older boy at a party over his summer while Nate was visiting his cousin in Vegas. They had been dating just as long, well, Brendon liked to call it dating but more people would call it a summer fling. Now tomorrow it would all be over, Nate was going back home, too far away for them to be in a relationship. Brendon should've listened to Ryan and not get involved with those summer visitors.

He was thinking when he got into this and now it's almost done, he's almost gone and Brendon's never hated August being over more.



Cat and Mouse-red jumpsuit apparatus

"I'll never leave and you'll never change." Brendon mutters as he and William lay side by side on the older boy's bed. Brendon knows he has to break up with William, it's not really anything the older boy did. It's all mostly Brendon's fault because he's not sastisfied with this life. With the constant back and forth of their relationship. It was too much, too much drama and one too many cases of wandering eyes. Brendon believed that William was everything he wanted but now that he had it, well, it all came with too big of a price, Brendon's happiness. He breaks it off quick and painless (or at least he tries)

"You said that you would die for me Will, now I want you to go out and live for me too." Brendon tell's him. Kisses William quickly and he's off the bed and going to find something that really makes him happy.


Jersey-mayday parade

"It was all a lie until you left wasn't it?" Brendon asks, voice deathly serious and Gabe ducks his head before he look's at him surprised.

"No, I meant it."

Brendon doesn't believe him for a second. He just found out that Gabe, his seemingly perfect boyfriend had been cheating on him with not one but two people.

"Did you mean it when you said it to them too?" Brendon snaps at him, voice raising and his gaze is burning into Gabe. The older boy shakes his head.

"I was never serious about them. I don't love them like I love you." He tries but Brendon shakes his head. He feel's like he's falling, Gabe used to hold him up but now he's falling all alone. "Brendon, I'm sorry."

"It doesn't matter. I'll be fine." Brendon would not tell him how he felt like he was gone beyond repair. He turn's and leaves Gabe standing in the stillness of the tour bus. He grimaces against the wind outside and notices how Jersey just got a little bit colder.


Northern Downpour-panic at the disco

"It's raining." Alex says as he stares out the large bay window. Brendon shrugs a bit.

"It's Chicago, Jon, says it always rains in Chicago." Brendon tries to justify the act. The sun is getting ready to set and Brendon is still struggling to pack, they have to be gone by tomorrow and Ryan will kill him if he isn't ready.

"It's pretty." Alex states but his voice is twinged with saddness and that's enough to draw Brendon out of his packing. Moving over to the boy at the window.

"You're pretty." He tell's him and kisses Alex's cheek.

"I'll miss your skin when you're east." Alex whispers and Brendon grins against his neck.

"You're not allowed to drop my own songs at me." He points out. Alex shrugs and turns in Brendon's arm's. Brendon look's out the window and he can see the outline of the moon already in the sky. They still have tonight, as long as it's night they'll have each other. Brendon really, really doesn't want the moon to go down tonight.


I slept with someone in fall out boy and all i got was this song written about me-fall out boy

"You're really good at being slutty Brendon." Bob says from the bed, brushing his blonde bangs out of his face.

"I am?" Brendon asks, swings his hips a little and it takes everything Bob has not to look at his ass. Brendon's grinning and he knows perfectly well that he's good at being slutty. What with the way he wears all that cheap colonge, allows all those people to buy him drinks in the hopes of getting into his ultra tight pants. Brendon knows what he is and he plays off of it. The point is that he's just acting, life is all one big act for Brendon and all that matters is that he's not really slutty for anyone except for Bob and well, Bob doesn't mind that at all.



Seventeen forever-metro station

Krissy Kaiser did not sleep around, not ever, she was not that kind of girl. She had moral reasons for not being that kind of girl but also none of the guys she knew were even remotely the type of guy she would give it up for. None of them except Brendon. But Brendon was kind of seeing someone, some horrible kind of on again off again thing. Krissy had been pining for him for so long. She felt like they were meant to be together, there were a lot of reasons for why they shouldn't be but she firmly chose to ignore those reasons.

That's probably how she wound up in one of those upstairs room's with him, because she was ingoring everything that wasn't him. He told her that this was all okay, that she felt like heaven when he touched her. He claimed that they could get away with this tonight. Krissy went with his logic, went with what he wanted.

They wouldn't be seventeen forever but she knew they could both get away with this tonight.



When you were young-the killers

Krissy was just a simple waitress, working at a rundown bar in mexico city. Serving beer to the drunken locals who tipped her pretty well, mostly because she was blonde and blue eyed. She was trying to save up money to go back to the states, to leave this little run down neighborhood. She had gotten stuck here a few years ago because of some shady people that she shouldn't have been associating with.

It was a tuesday the day he came in. All dark hair and matching eyes, long limbs and nicely dressed. He ordered a drink from her and he was painfully american but he talks like a gentleman so she smiles and gives him a beer on the house, one she'll have to pay for later but it's more than worth it with the way he's smiling at her.

Ever since she was young she dreamed of some beautiful boy to come and save her from her dreadful life. This was him, she was sure of it. Krissy takes her break and goes outside, drinking a bottle of water, the tap water here long since turned undrinkable in her own opinion. She's surprised to find that the browned eyed boy has followed her out to the side of the building, reddish dirt everywhere around them.

He introduces himself as Ryan as she smiles warmly as she takes his offered hand. Krissy asks how long he plans to stay in town and Ryan tell's her that he's leaving in two days, it only takes the girl five minutes to decide that no matter what she is going with Ryan and it only takes Ryan a minute and a half to say yes.



Homesick at spacecamp-fall out boy

Spencer likes to give his girlfriend mix cd's that he makes. Ryan laughs and says it's insanely gay but Spencer tends to think Ryan's just jealous that he doesn't have a girlfriend as awesome as Krissy is. Spencer makes her these cd's with lyrics that encompass all the feelings he has for her, he uses the cd's to deliver the words to the girl, the words that he can't yet say. Krissy just smiles and puts the songs on her ipod. Sing's them sometimes when the two of them are all alone, laying on Spencer's bed and holding hand's. When he's with Krissy Spencer feel's absolutely golden.



pressure-paramore

Krissy knows that her relationship with Jon Walker is not going well. They're fighting a hell of a lot more than they used to and it's really weird for them to even be fighting because Jon is not the fighting type. They fight a lot at night, before Krissy goes to bed. Calling and arguing over stupid shit that doesn't matter. She end's up laying in bed feeling horribly empty and going to school the next day pretending like nothing happened the night before. It's getting harder to pretend. She feel's a ton of pressure, pressure to do something. Fix it or break up with him. She's not even sure she really loves him anymore, she knows that she used to but now, things just don't feel the same. Krissy knows that the pressure is building and it's a matter of time before it all goes off, one way or another and all she can think is how much better off they'll be without each other.



It Had to be you-motion city soundtrack

Pete knows he's fucked up, damaged good's. He firmly believes that he cannot function if he's not with someone. He doesn't really do well on his own. He had been with someone, someone so perfect for him. Krissy. She had been his absolute everything but he was too fucked up and she just couldn't handle it after awhile. So one day she ended it all, packed up her things and left without so much as a phone call. He hadn't heard from her in month's. So now he is all alone but he's so desperate to still be around her, he loves her still. He's written her letter's, letter's filled with his insane ramblings he doesn't actually think that's helping the situation but it doesn't matter, she never writes him back. Until one day when she does, it's simple just a simple line. 'All this time and everything's changed but I still feel the same. All good things eventually get washed down the drain.'

Pete knows that it's her that he's needed all along.



Until the day i die-story of the year

Krissy was epically in love with Patrick Stump. Like horribly in love with him, he was her boyfriend so it was normal. The girl wasn't good at opening up to people but for Patrick she was. She continuously spilled her heart for the boy, whether it be between the sheets or him driving her to school. That's how she was, that's how they were. So intensely in love. Even when they fought she would hate him but love him at the same time. She was more than willing to make the same mistakes time and time again, because she felt like he was worth it. He made those same mistakes too, asking her about their past times together and on occasion spilling his own heart for her. Because he was epically in love with her too.



Vegas skies-the cab

It took a lot of convincing for Krissy to agree to dating Alex. Mostly because Alex lived in Vegas and Krissy lived...well, not in Vegas. They dated while he was staying with his aunt during his junior year of high school but now, well, now it was time for him to go back home. It was a long drive back to Vegas and the dusty Vegas skies. Alex never really had a problem saying goodbye until he had to say goodbye to her. They spent their last night together, at least their last night together for a good long while. Alex pushing Krissy's hair out of her face and telling her that tonight was forever and as long as he had forever he was fine. As Alex kissed Krissy, holding her tight he was sure that the girl, that the two of them had the power to stop the clock all together. They only had forever and forever was fine.



Folkin' Around-panic

Gabe exaggerated every memory of his and Krissy's relationship. It might've been short but it meant something to him. William liked to joke that the summer lasted longer than Krissy and Gabe did. Back then nothing really mattered except for him to be with her but like most teenaged things, they all forgot and they all grew. Krissy's dad never liked Gabe and he made that point clear, Gabe used to joke that if Krissy's father knew all the things his daughter got up to he'd freak out. Krissy used to wait for him outside on those warm, warm summer night's. Sitting on her wooden porch with a small latern next to her. Krissy was devine in accepting their break up but Gabe wasn't, maybe he was just terrified to be alone. It didn't matter either way because the night they broke up she put out the laterns for good, telling Gabe to find his own way back home.



Jamie all over-mayday parade

William tell's Krissy one morning over coffee that he had a dream that the two of them drove out to see Las Vegas. Krissy quirks an eyebrow and asks to hear more. He smiles and takes a sip of his coffee. He tell's her about him singing her songs that he wrote spur of the moment, walking on beaches and later making love on those same beaches as the waves crash around them. Krissy raises an eyebrow at that part making sure to tell him that she would never, have sex on a beach. William quirks his lips and asks why. 'Too much sand in very wrong places.' She explains and he laughs. William tell's her about dreaming sunsets and how absolutely perfect they looked in his mind. He sounds so damn wistful and unhappy that he was actually dreaming the whole thing that she can't help but book two tickets to Vegas that afternoon.



Tell that mick-fall out boy

Krissy doesn't like the fact that max smokes. She's told him that the whole time they were dating and the night they broke up for the first time she told him to light a smoke up in her honor, whatever will kill him sooner. They got back together soon after that but then Max started drinking heavily and they broke up for the second time. She proceeded to call him her favorite liar and her favorite scar. The third time they broke up she told him that when she said she loved him that she had lied. When they broke up for the fourth time they were driving and she was joking about his ex-girlfriend, jealousy evident in her voice. Whenever they fought she aimed for all the things that she knew would hurt him because he had hurt her each time he relapsed and somehow she just kept taking him back. Until finally she just couldn't do it anymore and she broke up with him for good, telling him to burry her in his memory because they would never be together again after this. Max went to rehab shortly after and Krissy was waiting for him to get out.


http://p-userpic.livejournal.com/75671460/1081247


secret crowds-angels and airwaves

Jon Walker laid stretched out in his backyard with his girlfriend by his side. Their hands linked together, staring up at the stars. He looked over at her, feeling his heart flutter just by looking at her. He loved her so, so much. He would do absolutely anything for her and he suddenly felt the need to make that fact known.

"Cassie, you know I would do anything for you right?" He says and she turns her head, smiling so soft and sweet and she nods.

"I know." Jon didn't really think she was grasping it though.

"Seriously though. If you asked me I'd do anything. I'd build you your own empire if you wanted." He informs her, squeezing her hand to prove his point. She laughs sweetly.

"I know but I want you to know that I don't need you to do anything extravagant for me. This," She says, lifting their linked hands and motioning to the two of them. "This is all I want. If you can give me this than I'm happy."

Jon smiles, "That I think I can do." He says before he lean's in and kisses her.



sunsets and car crashes-spill canvas

Cassie and Brendon were both sitting out in the school parking lot in Brendon's mom's van. They were just talking, Brendon had been having a bad day and they came out here to talk. It was normal after three years of friendship. But tonight it all felt different, it all felt so much more important like they really needed each other. Cassie had been saying something when Brendon leaned over and kissed her, sealing the deal right there in the parking lot. He really did need her and he really did love her. He found it so, so easy to compare her to things of beauty like sunsets and everything else he loved in the world, sure, Ryan made fun of him for it but he didn't care because she loved him and he told her this all the time. His favorite line being "In case you were wondering, you're everything to me." Cassie would just smile and kiss him as he dropped her off, the stars reflecting down on her, making her sparkle like he thought she should, like he always knew she did.


fall for you-secondhand serenade

Spencer was glad that at least tonight he and Cassie weren't fighting, not as they had been for the last three days. They were sitting in almost silence though, each doing their own thing. Spencer watching Cassie and the girl doing everything in her power to ignore him. He loves her but things have become so, so hard. He's not even sure why but even when he's mad at her he can't stop loving her, she makes him fall for her over and over again. Each night she revives his love for her just by doing what she's always done. A smile, a word, a touch and he's her's all over again. Spencer doesn't want anything to ever change that. He's pretty damn sure that she could find somone better than him but as for himself, well, he already knows that a girl like her is impossible to find.



Lighthouse-the hush sound

"Fucking lucky coincedence that this lighthouse was here." Cassie says, her arm's wrapped around herself as water drips off of her. Ryan look's back at her and nod's.

"Even luckier that the thing was unlocked." Ryan was dripping wet too, the two of them caught in a horrible storm as they had been walking along the coastline. Ryan notices her shaking from the rain and feel's guilty because it's his fault they're even here.

He and Cassie had left their lives behind three week's ago. Ryan had a good reason to go but Cassie she didn't because she actually had a happy life, good family and shit like that, not like Ryan. He moves forward and wraps his arm's around her, pulling her further into the lighthouse. Attempting to keep her warm by pressing her to his body. She shivers against him and he presses his face into her wet hair.

"I'm sorry." He mumbles out.

"For what?" She asks with shaky breath.

"For ruining your life."

Cassie pull's back and stares up at him, blue eyes locked on brown. "How many times do I have to tell you that I came with you because I wanted to. You didn't ruin anything. Ryan, I would do it all again just to be with you. I don't care because nothing back there is as important to me as you are. I love you." And despite her being soaking wet and probably miserable, Ryan can't help but believe her, just like he can't help but kiss her.



chicago is so two years ago-fall out boy

Pete liked being neighbors with Cassie, in the beginning at least because in the beginning she liked him and he liked her. They weren't fighting like they were now. She said she never wanted to see him again, mostly because he had wandering eyes and a wandering tongue. Cassie had broken up with him and called him overrated, told him that she didn't need boy's like him and dammit, he knew she was right. At night he watched her house, saw the light in her room and knew when she was home, just like he knew when she was out with some guy handpicked to make Pete jealous. He knew this due to the way she'd stare up at his window and just smirk that goddamned smirk. The one that made Pete wish with every breath that her heart would be broken again and again. But really now that he was out of her life, he just didn't see that happening.



broken hearted-motion city soundtrack

After Patrick broke up with her she felt like she was dying, like her heart was torn from her and smashed repeatedly while she watched. Needless to say it fucking hurt, it hurt almost as much at the lonliness did at first, it didn't hurt so much anymore, she was kind of used to it. What she was not used to though was how damn eager she was to make everyone just as broken hearted as she was. She wanted everyone's heart's to stop and break just like her's had been so rudely. Cassie knows she's getting carried away but she really can't stop herself from destroying Patrick's relationship's, every single one until his heart is in jagged pieces just like hers.



Camisado-panic

"Alex, I cannot keep doing this." Cassie whispers so quietly that no one but Alex would ever be able to hear it. He nod's weakly and avoids her eyes, stares up at the I.V. drip that flows from his arm. He's in the hospital, again, third time in four months and it's always for the same reason. Mixing booze with his pill's. Cassie had been by his side every single time. Every time he relasped but he could feel it, her heart was losing the fight with her mind and he knew that she was realizing that he was destined to be a decorated emergency, that he was fated to be in the hospital's hall of fame and that she couldn't just sit there and watch him do it. He was holding her back, taking the fight right out of her and she didn't deserve that. That's why when she kissed him softly and he wiped away her tear's and watched her walk out the door, he knew it would be for the last time.


Woah (Me Vs. Everyone)-forever the sickest kids

Gabe was a hell of a competitive person. No matter what it was he wanted to win at it. So, it really was no surprise that when it came to landing girl's it was the same thing. He saw a girl and no matter if she was already with someone, if other guys were looking at her, fuck, it didn't matter because he was determined to win her from that moment on. Yeah, it was shallow but fuck it, Gabe never said he wasn't shallow. It was him versus everyone else in the room and he had yet to lose a round. Tonight he didn't think it would be any different. He's not exactly sure why he put's himself in these situations, why he cast's himself as the homewrecker. Maybe it's because if girl's want him then he knows he's good, he doesn't have to doubt himself and live with insecurities. Gabe doesn't think about it too much because a pretty brunette girl holding Jon Walker's hand walk's into the room and right away, he knows that he want's her.

Gabe tries everything in his arsenial but she doesn't budge. Tell's him time and time again that she has a boyfriend, that he's not her type, that he's pissing her off and now people are starting to watch. Starting to wonder why Gabe hasn't sealed the deal on this chick yet. Good thing Jon's outside smoking up or he'd be in serious trouble here. Gabe tries a little harder, strokes her hair and tell's her that she's beautiful. She smiles but smacks his hand away, telling him not to touch her. People are laughing at him now, laughing at him because he's striking out and he's losing his rep and his self-esteem all because of this girl.

Gabe get's mad and informs her that she is not worth his time. Leaving the room just as Jon reappears. Gabe strides away and the girl who he learns is named Cassie, doesn't spare him a glance for the rest of the night. Gabe continues to tell his friends that she wasn't worth it, when really, he knows that Gabe was no where near worthy of her.



golden-fall out boy

Nate knows he isn't a good person. He suck's in his own opinion. He's too short and he's kinda rude and he doesn't fit in well with people. He knows and so do the people in this damn city. He figures that god must be crying at what a huge fucking mistake he is. Nate knows that mothers warn their babies not to grow up to be like him. He trudges along, his own self worth disappering with each step. Nate reaches the park and see's her sitting there, maybe possibly the one person who doesn't think he suck's. She see's him and smiles and waves him over. He returns her smile and goes to her, the only person he loves but he knows that she could never love him back because, well, he just wasn't worth loving.



little less sixteen candles-fall out boy

"You're a monster." Cassie whispers, her hands coming up to her mouth as she stares at William with huge blue eyes. William smirk's, drops the body he had been holding and steps closer to her. Smiles and he can tell by the look in her eyes that there's still blood staining his teeth.

"That's a matter of opinion." He tell's her. She turns away, tries to run but he's so much faster and his hands are winding around her waist, pulling her close. "Now, now, you didn't think I was such a monster a few days ago did you?" She's shaking under his icy cold touch. "Don't worry, I forgive you and I promise that I won't think you're a monster." He tell's her and she can't even process those words before he leans forward and bites her hard on the neck, changing her into a 'monster' just like him.





stupid kid-alkaline trio

Jenny thinks it was fucking stupid that she ever loved Jon Walker. She was too young and stupid to know any better, to know that she was actually supposed to be with him. She blames it all on being a stupid kid and she knows that Jon's happier now, happier with Jenny's best friend but she doesn't care. Every chance she has that they're alone she tell's him that she takes back every word she ever said about love and it being with him. Jon just frowns and goes off to find Cassie, She also ignores the fact that she maybe still loves Jon just a little bit.



everything i ask for-the maine

Ryan really loves Jenny, like more than he's ever loved someone. He loves the little ways that she leaves him notes and how she wears red when she's feeling sexy, how she's not afraid to call him on his shit. He really doesn't know what she see's in him but he considers himself lucky that she see's it at all. Ryan likes how she's not big on holding hands, how she always loves to keep him guessing, how she look's the best with no clothes on. Everything about her he loves and it's kind of ridiculous because no one should love someone else this much but he does. Jenny is really everything he's asks for, everything and so much more.



never dream alone-ashlee simpson

It was winter and the snow was falling so gently against their window. Jenny and Spencer snuggled up in bed together, her hand placed so softly over his heart. Spencer was drifting off to sleep but she was still awake, waiting for him to fall asleep, whispering promises not to let his heart skip any beat's. He had been hurt so many times by so many people but not her, she promised it would never be her. Jenny loves him, she doesn't want anything to hurt him ever, especially not her. She closes her eyes and snuggles closer to him, falling asleep so Spencer doesn't have to dream alone.



wow, i can get sexual too-say anything

Jenny was not expecting a call from Brendon at one in the morning. She anwsers because her boyfriend is calling her, duh. On the other line of the phone Brendon is all breathy sighs and slight gasps. Jenny is taken aback because what the fuck? She was sleeping but it's obvious that Brendon was not. "Bren, baby, what are you doing?" She asks.

"What color is your underwear?" Brendon asks and Jenny laughs but Brendon groans out that he's serious.

"Black." She tell's him, a little unsure and Brendon moans a bit at that. She's heard those moans before and she knows exactly what Brendon is doing on the phone. It should be gross but it's not, it's insanely hot and she get's Brendon off before they hang up the phone, Jenny laughing herself to sleep.



dance, dance-fall out boy


"I don't like dances Pete." Jenny whines, tries to stop her boyfriend from pulling her into the packed gymnasium. Pete stops and look's back at her.

"Come on. I promise I'll make it good for you."

"That's what you said when we had sex for the first time. Need I remind you how that went?" She asks and she cannot believe that he talked her into wearing a dress, the bastard. Pete just grin's and takes her hand.

"Yeah, but this is going to be way more fun then that." He says and he tugs her into the gym, probably to dirty dance with her the rest of the night. Pete is just so fucking lucky that Jenny actually loves him.



I'm like a lawyer-fall out boy

Patrick wonders how many times he's going to have to apologize to Jenny, probably a lot, probably less than she deserves. Maybe if he's lucky he can play it off with some grand words, he only keep's himself this fucked up in the head because he knows how the words always get her. Patrick thinks that he and Jenny might as well fucking be the posterchildren for a failed relationship that's getting dragged out, beaten to death but they never leave each other. They can't take the lonliness. They'll both just pretend that they never outgrew that honeymoon stage. They have each other, they have sex, so what if their not happy? Two out of three isn't so bad after a while.




six feet under the stars-all time low

Jenny doesn't say anything the day Gabe moves his bed outside. She just follows him and collapses down next to him. The two of them passing a bottle of jager back and forth, taking the bitter sips out of it until the alchohol warms them up enough so that they don't feel the cold surrounding them. Gabe sometimes wonders if Jenny would stick around without the alcohol, that's a stupid thought because she isn't like that, she isn't Vicky and Jenny is content with Gabe and won't call him fucking psycho for putting his bed outside and holding hand's six feet under the stars.



everything-a cursive memory

William doesn't really believe Jenny when she tell's him that he's her everything. He's never been anything that important to anyone but now to her he was? He was too skeptical and Jenny knew this. That's probably why she did what she did. Leaving him letters everywhere. A post-it note on William's car with the letter E on it. Another on his locker with a sparkly V on it. Gabe gave him a note in the hallway and when he opened it it had another E written on the inside. At lunch Brendon stood up on one of the tables and screamed out the letter R until the lunch monitor shooed him away. Cassie had the letter Y written in sharpie on the palm of her hand while Krissy had the letter T. Jon Walker gave him a football that had the letter H painted on it and when William went to his fifth hour the chalkboard had the letter I written in pink chalk. By now William realized what was going on, that his girlfriend was behind the whole thing and he found it fucking adorable. He actually hadn't seen her today, he thinks maybe she didn't come to school.

William finds himself eagerly awaiting the arrival of the other letters. On his way out of the school Travis shows up and hand's William a cookie with an N written on it in frosting. That just left the G but the school day was over so he really didn't know how he was going to get that last letter.

That is until he reaches his car and see's Jenny leaning against it. Hoodie zipped up and she's smirking at him. "Good day?" She asks and he nod's returning her smirk.

"Interesting. Now where is my G?"

"G? What the hell are you talking about?" Jenny asks but she's smiling as she unzips her hoodie and reveals the G written in sharpie on her shirt.

"So, everything?" He asks and she nods as he slips his arms around her and pull's her close. Maybe it's not so hard to believe after all.



umbrella-all time low

Jenny sort of hates Forks. It's too dark and it rains too much...okay so maybe she doesn't hate it that much, just when she forgets to bring her umbrella to school. She's standing outside watching everyone else in the school leave and she's fucked because her mom isn't coming to get her today, no, today happens to be the day she has to walk home. Just when it look's like she'll have to get drenched to walk home a person suddenly appears next to her, black umbrella intact. Jenny is looking up into the honey colored eyes of Edward Cullen. He's grinning at her and what the fuck? She's never seen him grin before. "Need a ride?" He asks and she shakes her head cursing herself because yes, gorgeous Edward, she does need a ride.

"I-I can walk."

"You'll catch a cold if you walk."

"You're right..I don't even have my umbrella."

Edward smiles at her and nod's towards his Volvo.

"I'll give you a ride home. No arguing." He says because Jenny opens her mouth to say something but she closes it just as fast. "And I'll even let you stand under my umbrella." He says as he takes her hand and leads her out to his car.



undressing the word's-the maine

Jenny never considered herself that good with word's, maybe when she had time to think about it, or if she was talking to Cassie, the two of them could spout some pretty epic line's. The point was that right now, at Jon Walker's stupid party that Cassie had dragged Jenny to and promptly abandonded her to giggle at Jon's side, she couldn't think of anything quite poetic enough. The reason for her sudden vocal skill's was that Clay Aiken happened to be at this party, which hell, she did not expect but he was here and hanging around by the door looking every bit as uncomfortable as Jenny felt.

He looked really cute tonight though so Jenny made her way over to him standing in the cute way that Cassie had taught her about and attempting to use a flirty voice, something else that Cassie taught her. Was it bad that the first thing Jenny wanted to say was "Hey Clay, how's your crotch?" Yeah, probably.

She does manage to talk to him, trying to be funny trying to make him comfortable. If Jenny's being honest her intent for tonight is not so pure, hell Cassie's whispering something into Jon's ear and Krissy took off upstair's with Brendon a million or so hour's ago so what's so wrong with Jenny wanting this night to end with her and Clay in one of Jon's bedroom's? Nothing and that's why she keep's talking, subtely undressing the boy with each and every one of her word's.



G.I.N.A.S.F.S-fob

Spencer has a ritual, a nightly ritual. It can very well be considered creepy but he can't help it. This ritual is Spencer remembering Jon. Sleeping with the older boy's shirt's and wearing those old flip-flop's that Jon left behind when he left, when he left Spencer behind. It was really Spencer's own fault, he should've said what he felt when he had the chance, he shouldn't have waited until Jon traded him in, traded him for Brendon, 'Blue eyes for Brown." He had said and maybe Spencer just stood there and scoffed and pretended not to care but all along he was screaming, screaming that he did love Jon that he knew all along that the older boy was who he was supposed to be with. A little late for that now, so, Spencer will stick with his ritual.


grand theft autum-fob
So, maybe Spencer Smith was sort of madly in love with Brendon Urie, so, what? Who care's because Brendon was completely off limit's, because he was sort of already taken. Spencer damn's Jon Walker on a daily basis, everyday he has to listen to Brendon talk about his older 'college' boyfriend, like Jon is so great. It's not even fair that he has to be there when the two of them are fighting and he's not actually allowed to say anything he want's to say like how he's sure that Jon is screwing around on Brendon, want's to ask if Brendon even know's where Jon is tonight. He doesn't and in a couple day's it will all be better between them and maybe someday Brendon will see Spencer in the way he want's to be seen but that day's not today so he'll sit and he'll wait.



our town-we the kings
"Just be here when I get back O.K.?" Ryan asks, holding Spencer's hand under the street lamp on the corner. Spencer nod's, flick's his bang's out of his eyes.

"I will be."

Ryan tries to smile but it doesn't make it to his eyes, he can't be happy and neither can Spencer. Not when Ryan is leaving for some stupid boarding school tomorrow, not when he won't see Ryan for month's and month's. Not when Ryan is leaving their town, their live's. He's not happy but he can fake it for Ryan's sake, so that his best friend, the best part of his life won't be worried that he'll always know that Spencer will be waiting, always waiting for Ryan.



all over you-spill canvas
"Why can't you just love me back?" Spencer asks Pete, it's not so much asking as it is shouting in a hotel room. Pete is looking at him from the bed, heavy brown eyes and he has no word's, nothing he can actually say.

"I love you so damn much, I love you and all you can do is make it so hard, so damn complicated."

"Spence," Pete start's but the younger boy doesn't want to hear it, not the excuses, not again.

"All I'm asking is that you try, can't you just fucking try?" Spencer shout's, Pete flinches but remain's still, remain's quiet and Spencer is seething. He love's the older boy so damn much and Pete is just acting uneffected, like it doesn't matter, like he doesn't matter. Spencer fall's on his knee's on the hotel room floor, too worn to argue anymore.



zzzz-the cab
"Are you going to sing me to sleep?" Spencer asks over the phone, Patrick make's a small noise, his embarressed noise.

"Did Pete put you up to this?"

"No, I just want to hear you. I'm no good at singing myself to sleep Patrick."

Spencer's not sure if his older boyfriend will do it, he's horribly self-concious despite how amazing his voice is. Spencer wait's, closes his eyes and listen's to Patrick's breathing, maybe he doesn't need the singing after all...maybe the breathing will be enough to lull him into a sleep.

Patrick clear's his throat before he talk's. "What song Spencer?" He asks and Spencer grin's, having won a small battle between the two of them.


one and only-timbaland ft fob

"Save your breath Gabe, they all told me that you sleep around."

"Oh, come on now Spencer, that hurt's, really it does."

"But I don't hear you saying that it isn't true."

"Did William tell you this?"

"Does it matter?"

"Alright, I'm out of here."

"No, no, wait. God, I was kidding, learn to take a joke Smith."

"I don't have time for games you know."

"Well, I'll have you know that I have recently come to the decision to be a one man..man."

"Really?"

"Oh, yeah, see I finally met someone who is worth it."

"Really?"

"Mmm hmm, wanna know who?"

"I dread asking but who?"

"Will you be my one and only Spencer Smith?"

"God, you're cheesy Gabe."

"So, that's a yes?"

"Yeah, I think it is."


Spencer has a weird thing for liar's, he can't stand them but at the same time they kind of turn him on. A secret little kink that he has that he'll always go for the kid whose lying. Ryan says it's bad but fuck it, he like's when guy's lie, when William lie's and they fight and break up but William always comes back, always bounces back, come's right back to Spencer and they start the cycle all over again. William uses his lip's for a lot of thing's, his mouth moving but he's not really speaking. Spencer just hope's that next time the older boy uses his lip's that they're on him.




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slash
When Spencer and Jon get back, Brendon is standing in the middle of the living room completely naked. He channel surfs with the remote in one hand, eyeing the tv while drinking juice straight from the bottle of juice in the other.
"What if we wanted some of that?" Jon asks, closing the door behind him.
Brendon says, "Sorry," gasping as he lowers the bottle, and doesn't sound like he means it. He tosses the remote on the couch.
"Where's Ryan?" Spencer asks, looking around.
Brendon pouts. "He sucks. Just rolled over and fell asleep after he got off. I was gonna make us sandwiches, too. It would have been awesome. He would've fallen in love with me and everything, I promise you."
Jon laughs and says he's going to go wake Ryan up, which means he's probably going to go into the room and lie down with him. Jon means well, but they all know he's a lot more easily distracted by an opportunity for cuddling than he admits out loud.
Spencer drops his keys on the end table, coming over to where Brendon stands. He pushes him out of the way -- a hand on his back -- to put them into the little bowls they have for house keys.
"And you just, what, object to putting clothes back on?"
"What?" Brendon says, looking down at himself like he hadn't realized that he's missing, like, the entirety of his outfit until just then. "Dude, I'm hot. You say that like it isn't something you should thank me for."
Spencer laughs, but Brendon sets down the juice, turning around against Spencer's hand. Suddenly Spencer's touching his side, his stomach, fingertips light on Brendon's skin, and he just tilts his head when Brendon leans in to kiss his neck. Brendon sucks on the skin there, but not quite long enough to bruise, and mutters, "Spencer, Ryan fell asleep on me."
"So I heard," Spencer says, and he sucks in his stomach a little as Brendon goes for his pants, the anticipation buzzing in him already. Brendon, Brendon, Brendon. He had just let Spencer fuck him in the shower that morning, and only hours later, Spencer's anxious for him again.
Brendon breathes, "yeah," and kisses Spencer as he makes his way across the curve of Spencer's jaw and to his mouth. It isn't lewd, just the quick slide of lips, and then, "I've got an idea," he says, smiling, "you might want to sit for it."
Spencer rolls his eyes. It's just habit now when dealing with Brendon, but he moves over enough to sit down on the couch and lie back, propped on his elbows so he can see. He lifts his hips enough for Brendon to pull down his pants, and Spencer still loves the way it looks, Brendon ducking forward to take his cock, tongue tasting the head before going down on him. Spencer closes his eyes and drops his head to the side. He has to remember to tease Ryan about how much he missed out on later. And thank him. He may have to thank him, too.
two
splash
Jon doesn't suggest they go swimming so much as he chases Spencer around the house with a threatening spray can of whipped cream -- from the kitchen, through each bedroom (where Ryan and Brendon ignore the commotion as they come across them) in the house, back through the living room and out of the sliding patio doors -- into the backyard, and pushes him into the pool when Spencer accidentally gets close to the deep end. As the water closes in over him, he thinks briefly of the ice cream bowls they left behind, and then thinks, wow, it might be kind of sad that he has to kill Jon Walker now. He had mostly been a good guy until this moment.
Spencer's only wearing the clothes he slept in, but it's the principle behind sending a man under. The fact that only his t-shirt and shorts get soaked isn't the issue here. Revenge is basically an obligation, and Spencer doesn't shy away from duty.
He wipes at his eyes once he comes up for air. When he can see again, Jon's grinning, self-satisifed, with the spray can still held loosely at his side. Spencer smiles back carefully and casually makes his way to the edge of the pool.
"Refreshing?" Jon asks as Spencer nears. Spencer nods, and Jon says, "no, oh, no," as Spencer reaches for him, inching back, but Spencer's quicker and grabs his ankles. He tugs forward, Jon losing his balance. Jon dives forward into the water, dropping the spray can before too late, and Spencer ducks to the side to avoid getting hit, laughing as Jon goes down.
He's already starting to move away from Jon as he comes up, saying, "Drowned rat is a good look for you," and Jon splashes water in the direction of Spencer's voice before he can actually see him. Once his eyes are open, he swims after Spencer, and they have out a miniature battle in the pool for several minutes.
They go back and forth, trying to strong-arm one another until Spencer manages to get behind Jon and force his head underwater. He holds him there until Jon squirms away, moving between Spencer's legs and then lifting him on Jon's shoulders. Spencer shouts and laughs, and then Jon tips them backward, the water rushing over Spencer again as he falls back. Jon heads for the shallow end. He tries to get away, getting out of the pool, but Spencer catches him before he can get the sliding door into the house open. He pulls Jon back and they fall backwards into the water another time, Spencer imagining the splashes that must spill over the edges of the pool and cover the ground.
He breaks the surface of the water and swims until his feet can touch the bottom, wading. Spencer takes off his shirt and tosses it, wet fabric smacking on the ground. Jon comes up a moment later, splashing still, and Spencer finally calls, "okay, white flag! You win, fuck!" in between each face-full of water.
"Of course I win," Jon says.
"Whatever," Spencer says, sending a small splash of water at Jon. It's not enough to cause any real retaliation, though, and Jon moves forward, Spencer turning his head as he goes to kiss him.
Spencer says, "Denied. You pushed me in the pool," amused when Jon groans, but he obliges once Jon touches his face and turns it toward him again, mouth damp when they connect.
Jon bends enough to touch Spencer's thigh, lift his leg, and push their hips together. Spencer's breath stutters, and he lifts the other leg, leaning into the side wall for leverage and thrusting forward. Jon slides his hand from Spencer's thigh and sneaks it into Spencer's shorts, touching his ass, hitching him even closer. Spencer curses under his breath between kisses, licking his lips, and he feels Jon smile into the next one.
Against Jon's mouth, Spencer mutters, "I could take you right now. You're so busy trying to fuck me," and Jon thrusts roughly. "Could turn this whole thing around -- dunk your head and then I'd win."
Jon chuckles. "Nope. Because you're wrong. I'm thinking about getting your shorts off right now. Then maybe I'll be busy trying to fuck you."
"Maybe?"
Spencer laughs, shaking his head. He pushes on Jon's chest until Jon lets him go, stepping back enough to let Spencer get his shorts off and tosses them over his head with the shirt. Jon touches his dick, strokes Spencer lazily before encouraging him to raise his legs again. Spencer bites down on his lip and shuts his eyes when Jon pushes in, the stretch more intense without preparation first, but being in the water helps, makes it different. Jon goes slower until Spencer tells him to speed up, move deeper, pushing back each time Jon thrusts.
Spencer hears the patio door slide, eyes opening again at the sound, and he almost forgot they were doing this outside.
"Hey, you guys," Ryan says somewhere behind him. "Me and Brendon are gonna find a hardware store. He's breaking shit already."
"All I did was open the cabinet, and it fell apa -- hey," and that's Brendon's voice. "That's what you were chasing him down for?"
"Did you guys want us to stop somewhere while we're out, or -- are you good?" Ryan asks. He walks toward the edge of the pool, crouching next to Spencer's head. Spencer tips his head back to look up at him and moans, Jon still fucking him. Ryan smirks.
Brendon says, "They look like they're doing alright to me," and Jon laughs a little. When Spencer shifts his attention to the other side, Brendon's eating one of the bowls of ice cream. He looks up and notices, "Ooh, whipped cream," before wandering away.
"Ryan," Spencer breathes, eyes shutting against the light again. He feels Ryan touch his wet hair, scratching his fingers through it .
"We'll be right back," Ryan says, and then stands. "Brendon, come on."
"Mm, okay, just let me finish this real fast. Here, hold this," Brendon says. Louder, he asks, "Spencer, no, I'm serious. Did he really have to chase you?"
Spencer grits out, "Fuck off, Brendon," and he's so close -- so close if Jon keeps pushing up just like that, and Brendon can shut the hell up.
Ryan must pull Brendon along, because Spencer hears the patio door slide shut a moment later, Brendon's laugh disappearing. Spencer moves his hips as much as he can, trying to fuck himself on Jon's cock. He says, "Can you go harder?" and Jon does, reaching to fist Spencer's dick at the same time. He fucks Spencer even as he comes, thrusting through it, slowing but still pushing, and Jon follows a minute later, Spencer squeezing around him and smiling at how Jon drops his head forward.
He pulls out, and Spencer rebalances himself. Jon steps closer, rest his face on Spencer's collar, the damp curve between neck and shoulder, and says, "I like winning."
"That wasn't a reward." Spencer's laugh is a short burst, more surprise than anything.
Jon raises his head, smiling. "Huh? Oh, you thought it wasn't?"
three
scissor
They're halfway finished with the song when Jon says, "The best part is how the fairytale prince looks like a mountain man," and Brendon's mouth drops open, lyrics forgotten.
He asks, "Is there something you want to say to me, Jon Walker?"
Jon just shakes his head, shrugging. Ryan looks around the room at each of them and touches his own face. It's kind of true. A few weeks away from the rest of commercial America shifts your priorities. Things are different near the lake. ("The old country," Brendon calls it everyday, even though they keep telling him that's incorrect. Still, every morning, it's "today in the old country, we're going to climb trees" or something equally silly.) Shaving is even less important. It doesn't matter if their hair is always in their eyes. Hoodies and track pants are basically all-purpose. Anyway, they kept sticking out when they walked down the hill to get milk and more toilet paper in their skinny jeans.
Spencer's the only one who even knows what a pair of hair scissors looks like anymore, his hair still short. He sets down his drumsticks and asks, "That's what I've been trying to tell you for the past week. Do you want me to cut your hair? I can cut it."
And somehow that turns into the event of the evening, mostly because after they leave the instruments alone for the day, Brendon starts freaking out. His hair has grown so much, and maybe he wants to keep it and, hey, shouldn't he make the hair decisions? He is the one that almost quit music to become a hair stylist after all.
"But did you actually make it to beauty school? No. So sit down and shut up," Spencer says, and he looks kind threatening with his scissors, so Brendon just follows him out onto the upstairs balcony.
Sitting down, he mutters, "It wasn't beauty school," and winces when Spencer cuts a chunk of hair off the top. "Spencer!"
"This can be really good for you or just really fun for me. It's up to you," Spencer says conversationally. Ryan watches him smile as he snaps the scissors for effect.
Brendon's hand shoots out, waving around. He says, "Ryan! Ryan, are you back there? Make him stop. I saw a horror movie like this once. Don't let him do it!"
Ryan walks forward and grabs onto his hand to make him stop. He sits on the ground in front of Brendon, cross-legged and can't dam his laughter.
"You think this is funny?" Brendon says, still wincing as Spencer starts to clip. His eyes widen when Spencer tosses a piece of hair in front of him. Brendon whispers, "You're all against me."
He crushes Ryan's fingers together when he laughs outright. Ryan tries to pull out of his grip, but Brendon holds on, his glare interrupted by tiny flashes of horror every time he hears the scissors. Ryan says, gritting his teeth against the mild pain, "It's a haircut."
"Yeah, that's how it always starts," Brendon says. "One minute, oh, it's just a haircut, and the next it's Colombian neckties."
He smiles when Ryan laughs this time, loosening his grip to turn Ryan's hand palm up and drag his own fingers open and closed across the skin. Ryan raises an eyebrow, tilting his head back to eye Brendon, lips pursed. Brendon closes his eyes and puckers his in response, and Ryan huffs a small breath, smirking before he gets to his knees.
He braces both hands on Brendon's legs, Brendon's fingers slipping around Ryan's wrist when he turns his left hand over. Brendon's biting his lip as Ryan leans forward and opens up as Ryan gets there, other hand coming up to touch Ryan's neck. His fingertips graze the hairline, little spikes of sensation triggering a chill down his spine, and it's not -- it isn't just because it's cool out.
Above them, Spencer groans. He says, "Ryan. Brendon, you can't move or you'll make it worse."
Pulling back from Ryan, Brendon looks to the side to say, "Are you implying I looked bad before?"
"Implying?" Spencer asks, shaking his head, and Brendon stops rubbing Ryan's wrist methodically to give him the finger.
He turns back and tilts his head, cuing Ryan, but then he snaps around again in the next instant, ducking away from Spencer. "Ow! Did you just stab me?"
Spencer looks -- well, Ryan assumes he's supposed to seem shocked. "Did I? Oh, I'm sorry."
Looking to Ryan again, Brendon says, "I told you. I told you he'd try to -- " and Ryan just kisses Brendon again. He moves a hand from Brendon's knee, dragging it across his thigh to rub him through his pants at the same time, Brendon's legs spreading.
He shifts his hips forward, making tiny anxious noises in his throat, and Ryan whispers, "Brendon, you have to be still," smiling into the next kiss.
Spencer says, "Ryan. Ryan, please tell me you're not giving Brendon a handjob right now, when I need him to quit moving."
"I'm not giving Brendon a handjob," Ryan says, and Brendon laughs against his mouth, muttering, "Yeah, he is. Don't mess this up for me, Spencer."
Spencer groans again, and says, "Fuck this, I give up. I'm going to find Jon." He drops the scissors on the ground and leaves.
Brendon keeps laughing, forehead against Ryan's. He's pressing forward, sing-songing, "He's mad at you."
"No, he's not," Ryan says, standing up so he can straddle Brendon's legs. They're lucky this isn't one of the armchairs. "You're the one he gave the fucked up haircut."
"Hey," Brendon says, but Ryan doesn't give him the opportunity to respond. He shifts forward, and Brendon touches him, one hand on his side, the other curved over his thigh as Ryan rolls his hips forward. Anything Brendon has to say is reduced to, "Mmph, okay."
He opens his legs as much as can comfortably, and Ryan grinds down, humping Brendon on the balcony. Brendon slides his hands to hold onto Ryan's hips, breathing hot and wet against his neck, across his jaw. The best part about this place is the illusion of privacy, any neighbors far enough away that they feel alone, but close enough that there's always that threat. Somebody might see them: Ryan in Brendon's lap with Brendon hot and hard under him, clinging, panting, and thrusting, and he loves that.
"I wanna fuck you," Brendon says, leaving his lips parted, teeth poised against Ryan's jaw. The soft scrape over his skin makes Ryan snap his hips forward. "Let me fuck you."
Ryan moans, ducking his head to breathe, "Later. Next, okay?" near Brendon's ear, because he can't. He doesn't think he can pull away long enough to even get their fucking pants down right now.
He shifts back just enough to get to Brendon's waistband. He hunches down to rest his head on Brendon's shoulder, watching his own hand reach in and grab his cock, stroking him. Brendon's nails slide up Ryan's back, over his shoulder blade, and he says Ryan's name. He mutters it twice, and Ryan lifts his head to kiss Brendon, sloppier now. Brendon moans into his mouth, and Ryan catches Brendon's lip with his teeth quickly before he smirks.
Brendon tips his head back, and Ryan just leans in to kiss his neck. He licks and sucks the skin, and Brendon groans again, saying, "Such a fucking tease. I hate you," as he exhales. Ryan laughs against his throat, lips closed, damp as he grazes them across Brendon's skin.
"That's fine," he says, squeezing a little tighter on the upstroke. Brendon's thighs twitch under him, hips shifting forward almost involuntarily. When Brendon lifts his head again, Ryan sucks on earlobe. He kisses the skin just under the ear and pants, "Brendon, touch me, come on."
Their arms get tangled -- bump into one another as Brendon tries to make sense of what he's doing. After a moment, they make it work, Ryan sitting back enough to jerk Brendon off as Brendon pulls out Ryan's. There's another reason they haven't worn jeans so much in the past couple weeks.
It's just their breaths after that, hasty, shallow pants, and Ryan curves forward to kiss Brendon again once, right before Bendon comes.
"Here -- Ryan," Brendon whispers, voice ragged, thin, and Brendon's mouth falters for just a second, thighs shifting under him again as he comes. He pushes forward and Ryan has to lean back some, Brendon curling into him, still stroking, and Ryan tries to open his eyes before he follows. He touches Brendon's face, coaxing him back again, and Ryan watches his face when he comes, eyelids drooping but not shutting entirely. He doesn't realize he's biting his lips so hard until he stops.
Breath evening again, Ryan looks down at the mess between them and makes a face at Brendon when he catches his eyes. He wrinkles his nose and shakes a little when Brendon laughs, pulsing his fingers around Ryan's dick one last time and letting go.
"Eww," Brendon whines, but he laughs. He lifts his hand to show Ryan the come on his fingers and then wipes them on his own shirt. He tries to touch Ryan's face with them after, and Ryan leans back turning his head from side to side.
"I swear to God, Brendon -- " he says.
"What?" Brendon says. "You swear to God, what?" but he drops his hand and fists it in Ryan's shirt. He tugs him closer, and Ryan lets himself be kissed, slow and lazy.
Pulling away, Ryan informs Brendon that, "Your hair looks so stupid." It does. Brendon should know that half a haircut is not the way to go.
"Let me see," Brendon says. "Let me see; where's your phone?"
Ryan leans over to grab it from the ground, because even if he rarely gets reception anymore, he's still used to keeping up with it. He turns on the camera and holds it up to capture both of them in the shot. When he pulls it up to view it, Brendon is, of course, making some terrible face with his stupid half-haircut, and Ryan's squinting. He flips the phone around to share, and Brendon laughs.
"I tried to warn you," Ryan says, shrugging.
Brendon bumps his wrist against Ryan's shoulder. He says, "Nuh-uh, I look good. I look great. I think I'm gonna keep it like this, watch," and Ryan can only laugh.
four
sunrise
The way reality bleeds into dreams is what makes it funny. As soon as his eyes flutter open, Jon loses whatever images were flickering behind the lids, but he waits for a moment, staring at the ceiling and realizes that the breathing -- that isn't just in his head. They aren't being loud, careful to maintain tempered swearing and hushed gasps, but Jon can tell Ryan's moan (when it's good, when it's really good for him, they can tell) and even if their sounds are quieter, it doesn't change the way they shake him awake on the mattress with all the fucking.
Not that he really minds, but he turns his head to say that, and Brendon speaks before Jon can, saying, "You know you smile in your sleep?"
Pushing his arms up, Jon feels the stretch all the way to his toes, another sleepy grin slipping across his mouth.
"It was a good dream," he says, and Brendon smirks as Ryan laughs breathlessly underneath him.
His cheek pressed into the sheets, the expression freezes on Ryan's face, Brendon thrusting into him just a fraction harder. Brendon bends forward, mouth open on Ryan's back. The snap of his hips goes shallow, and he touches Ryan's face, fingers sliding into his mouth when Ryan turns his head into the bed more. He looks up just a little, and Jon can see Ryan bite, hold onto Brendon's fingers with his teeth, and behind him Brendon hisses and thrusts deep again.
"Holy -- shit," Brendon stumbles, and Ryan's eyes pop open, staring at Jon with Brendon's fingers against his lips and Brendon's cock in his ass, and Jon just reaches over to smooth down his hair.
He's okay with watching, letting the early lights sink into his bones. He pulls his eyes away from Ryan, dragging his hand low across his own belly. He flicks at the waistband of his boxers idly, and it isn't until Brendon rises up again, sitting back to get more leverage, and encourages Jon to, "Go ahead, man," that he dips his hand inside.
This is a good way to start the day, Jon decides, curling fingers around his dick. Brendon reaches for Ryan's cock, too, and Jon strokes himself easily, unhurried, Ryan panting no more than a foot away.
Jon lets his eyes slip closed again, jerking to their sounds and the movement until he hears Spencer say, "I leave for five minutes and, Brendon, you have your dick in somebody's -- "
"It was his idea!" Brendon says a little desperately, voice strained. "He said, he wanted --"
Ryan grunts, reaching back to scrape his fingertips somewhere, anywhere on Brendon and pull. Brendon thrusts in quick and Jon smiles.
Spencer doesn't notice Jon's awake until he's crawled up the bed, wedging himself into the small space between the three of them. He looks over, nudging Jon a little, and asks, "You, too?"
Jon just keeps his sleepy smile. He just feels so pleasant right now, and he helpfully shifts left, Spencer rolling onto his back and shaking his shoulders as he gets comfortable.
He kisses Ryan. Jon can't really see it at first, but he notices Spencer lift his head and angle closer, so Jon rocks onto his side and watches them. He rests his chin on the hard curve of Spencer's shoulder, hand still pumping around his cock, and Ryan smiles a little into their kisses as Spencer whispers something unintelligible even this close. He likes the way they look, mouths connected, and Spencer's hand bumps into Jon's thigh, reaching behind himself as he kisses Ryan, and Jon stops his own hand over dick when Spencer's finds its way there.
As they break part, Ryan mutters something this time, biting hard into his bottom lip at the tail end of it. Spencer laughs a little and Ryan drops his head, hiding his face. He curses into the mattress, a mumbled exclamation, and Jon knows without checking that he's coming. Turning his head, Jon catches Brendon's face, and he smiles smugly, definitely triumphant and cocky as fuck.
Just beside Jon, Spencer turns his face up and says, "hey," catching Jon's attention, as if he didn't already have it by jerking him off.
"Good morning," Jon says, cheerfully, and Spencer grins, sharp. He pulls his hand out of Jon's shorts, moves around to face him, and drapes one leg across Jon, half on his body as he goes for his cock again. Jon sighs happily, and Spencer tucks his head against the bed right next to Jon's, rolling his hips, though not insistent.
"Hi, Jon," Spencer whispers, breath warm.
"Hey, are you comfortable?" Jon asks, because Spencer is definitely situated right over the split between the two beds, and that could get awkward if the mattresses shift.
Spencer does something -- moves his head, and Jon thinks it means yes. Anyway, it turns out it doesn't matter, because a few moments later, Spencer lifts his head to grin at Jon again, more a sly smile this time, and he inches down Jon's body to mouth the skin just above his waistband as he pulls down Jon's boxers.
Next to them, Brendon pulls out of Ryan, urging to him to flip over. He does, legs bent and Brendon moves up to hold himself over Ryan's middle, knees on either side of him, and Jon watches Brendon jerk off onto Ryan's stomach as Spencer practically swallows his cock. The meet halfway to kiss, Ryan arching into Brendon even though they both just got off, always just slightly greedier with each other.
Pulling apart, Ryan mutters, "look, look," and Brendon peeks over his shoulder at Spencer.
Jon shifts his attention back there, too, and Spencer's good. No, Spencer's head is definition of amazing, but he'll refuse to blow them if they ask, so it's like a fucking treat whenever he decides to take initiative. Jon almost wants to clap about it, but he raises his hips just a bit instead, and when Spencer doesn't stop him, he does it a second time, experimenting. Jon pushes his head back into the mattress, closes his eyes, and when he hears a giggle, he looks over at Brendon and Ryan watching them now.
"What?" he whispers.
Brendon shakes his head. He gives Jon a thumbs up, shifting against Ryan some to raise his arm, and Ryan slaps his hand, muttering, "Stop it," but Brendon just grins with his tongue between his teeth, and, really, a great way to start the day.
five
syllable
Ryan seeks out Spencer first when he's most inside his own head. Spencer doesn't even know if Ryan does it intentionally. He doesn't know if there's a method behind the way Ryan comes to him with the ideas first, speaking until Spencer tells him to keep going or to start over, sometimes before the thoughts have fully formed. Spencer doesn't really think much of it either, but he remembers how a few years ago, before they had Brendon, before they really even had Brent, Ryan brought him some pages and handed them off instead of reading them aloud. He had told Spencer he was trying something different, waiting as Spencer read. Spencer had questioned one line, and Ryan said, "You're right, you're right," and changed an entire verse.
On the way up to the lake, Ryan calls Spencer's cell and asks, "Okay, you remember, remember that weekend the school had that lock-in?" and they spend half an hour with Ryan talking about free will and sleeping on gymnasium floors, even though Ryan's only one car ahead with Jon, and the discussion probably could've waited another couple hours or so. It just amuses Spencer how people get set in their ways.
"But, no -- I will physically cut out anything about going into the woods, Ryan," Spencer promises, and Ryan laughs on the other end.
Brendon finally bumps his knuckles into Spencer's side from the driver's seat, saying, "Hey, what the fuck? What the fuck, talk to me; this is my car."
Spencer gets off the phone, Ryan saying something about later. They'll go to the dock when they get there, and Spencer hangs up, looking to Brendon.
"Okay, what?"
"I just wanted you to pay attention to me, man," Brendon says, shrugging, and then, "you know, I have really great focus. Like, I could keep it together and not kill us if, let's say, someone decided he wanted to do something distracting right now. I'm just saying."
Spencer laughs at him and turns up the radio, but then they hit traffic halfway there, so he reaches over and undoes Brendon's belt anyway.
The cabin is different from a one-bedroom in Maryland. It's bigger. There's no reason for them to have to live right on top of each other, because everyone has room to spread out. But Spencer takes the time to pull the bench over to the full keyboard in the sitting room with the instruments, and Ryan comes in and sits right next to him.
Spencer plays some of the stuff he's practiced over the last few months, a lot of it still somewhat unnatural to his fingers, but the warm-ups he has down. He goes through scales and can't reach the top keys without telling Ryan to "lift up" because he's got his notebook leaning against the keyboard, hitting odd high notes when he starts to write more across the page.
"Okay," Ryan says after a short while, "all right, this. What about this?"
He moves his leg against Spencer's, their thighs touching. He taps his pen on Spencer's leg too, an anxious rhythm that doesn't fit the words, just keeps his other hand busy as he angles his torso toward Spencer to recite lyrics.
Varying degrees of proximity and second opinions. Their relationship has changed over the years, but there are still plenty of days when less is enough between them. Near but not always pre-occupied with the quickest way to get past clothing. Sometimes Ryan kisses him, and Spencer thinks about how Ryan would give in if Spencer touched that spot on his neck. He could press thumb into the skin, and Spencer could have him however he wanted, not taking advantage, but content to simply know.
They don't always need to get off to get each other, and he can almost gauge how serious one of Ryan's ideas are by how he presents them to Spencer; whether carefully thought out with his guitar in hand, a throwaway comment while they're toasting waffles, or sitting in the trees close to the water.
Don't get him wrong. They fuck, but midday in the middle of watching dvds or with Brendon and Jon isn't like when Ryan crawls into bed with him when Spencer least expects it, mouthing things he only somewhat understands as Ryan hides his fingers under blankets bunched at Spencer's waist. That's not -- Spencer almost hates that because it isn't fair, the way Ryan says, "so I was thinking -- how do you feel about --" like he's taking advantage of the way Spencer can only say yes to him like this.
"Ryan, not right now," he says, meaning the words, but Ryan says, "listen, just listen," and Spencer can't resist the hitch in Ryan's breath as Spencer pushes inside.
And it's only during those instances, the two of them alone in silent rooms, that Spencer thinks about the first and second time things ever went this far. Once, tucked away in Ryan's bedroom, and Ryan confessed with his mouth against Spencer's that he'd done it if before, and it was okay if Spencer wanted to fuck him, that was fine, they just had to be quiet, and Spencer came too soon. Then in Maryland, everybody else had wanted to actually leave the apartment for food, and the bunk bed kept creaking the whole time, cheap metal and a terrible mattress. Spencer had his hand in Ryan's basketball shorts when he said maybe he'd like to try it the other way, maybe, and Ryan's hair threw shadows across his face as he leaned over Spencer, thrusting slowly and promising he'd make it as good as he could.
So it's different when Ryan comes to him first in the cabin, alone, just the two of them in private spaces. Spencer doesn't know if Ryan does it that way on purpose, comes to him with words first because that's how they started. He just finds Spencer and starts talking, and Spencer lets him get it all out, even when Ryan starts telling him about the random dreams he has about space ports. He brushes his teeth while Spencer turns on the shower in the master bathroom, saying maybe they could turn into, like, a bedtime story. Lost in Space meets the fucking Nutcracker kind of story, and Spencer just says, "uh huh, uh huh, helmets and put the girls in pointe shoes, yeah" until Ryan spits, rinses out his mouth and stares at him.
"I'm kidding," Spencer says, "I'm kidding, Ryan, I know that's bullshit." He helps Ryan pull off his shirt before opening the shower door, saying, "Come on, okay, tell me what you're really thinking."
And Ryan follows him. One hand brushing against Spencer's waist, he closes the shower door as they step inside, letting the truth slip out under the spray of rushing water so no one else can hear the words.
six
spin
He's bored out of his mind. He made the mistake of taking a nap earlier, and when he woke up, the house was empty. After calling out a few times as he walked the hallway, getting only silence in return, Brendon sat in the living room to watch one of the dvds they brought up, but lost interest fifteen minutes into it.
Now he's back to bored and aimless, yawning even though he feels fully rested now. He wishes his phone got reception in here, so he could call one of them and let them know exactly how much they suck. There isn't anything worth snacking on in the kitchen, foosball isn't worth it alone, and really, they could have woken him up. This is ridiculous.
It isn't until he actually walks out of the back patio doors that he can see the end of the dock, and notices someone sitting there. Jon.
Walking out to the end of the dock, Brendon says, "I take it all back."
Jon looks around, sidekick in his hands. He's sitting down on the wood, almost right along the edge. "What?"
"I was thinking evil, hateful things about you a minute ago," Brendon says sitting down beside him. He dangles his legs over the edge. "Now it's just Spencer and Ryan. I thought you guys left me up here to survive on my own."
Looking back to his sidekick, Jon says, "We left you food. And your car is still here."
"Details. I'm too pretty to think about technicality." Brendon shifts to try to look over at the Jon's phone. "Are you talking to someone?"
Jon tilts the sidekick to show Brendon the conversation he's having. "Dude, yeah. Why else would I be freezing my ass off? I get bars out here."
Brendon touches the phone in his own pocket. He slides his fingers across the plastic that peaks out, thinking about checking his own but drops his hand. There isn't really anyone he needs to speak to that badly.
Instead, he says, "It's not that cold out here. It's kind of nice, man. I could go skinny dipping right now."
Jon laughs. "You go skinny dipping, you get a special version of blue balls."
"Huh? No, I wouldn't." Brendon bends forward, resting his chest on his thighs, and kicks his feet a little as he looks as the water. "I'll jump in right now. Clothes on, though. Come on, tell me I won't."
"Right, so you can get hypothermia. Awesome," Jon says. He frowns at his phone, lowers it and asks, "Do you spell occasionally with two C's or one?"
Brendon narrows his eyes at him. He shifts forward in the wood a bit and shakes his head. "Uh. Who cares? Hey, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna jump in the lake, Jon, stop me." He laughs a little to himself. "Go jump in the lake, oh, man."
"Brendon. I'm not taking you to the hospital or something if you, like. If your heart seizes or something," Jon says.
"Yes, you will," Brendon says. He nudges Jon's leg and grins. He's still scooting in the tiniest increments, teasing. "You would because you're a way better person than, uh. Ryan. Ryan might just tell me that's what I got. Anyway, that's not gonna happen."
"Brendon -- "
Brendon salutes Jon, steady hand against his forehead. "See you on the other side, Walker," he says, pulls his phone from his pocket, sets it down, and pushes off the dock.
The water is kind of freezing. He was awake before, but he's fucking alert now, like. The chills spike up his spine and his chest feels tight. He thinks of when he first learned how to swim, the rush of bubbles around him, and how his cousin had said, if he just relaxed, he'd eventually float to the top. When he breaks the surface, he shakes his head wildly. He looks up, and Jon's just watching, mouth open. He looks somewhere between amused and impressed and unsurprised all at once.
"Guess what?" Brendon yells. "I'm alive! And, oh, and..." he bites his tongue, reaching down to touch his crotch, and yeah, yeah, "I think my dick is okay! I'm alright."
He swims over to the edge, and climbs out of the water. When he gets back onto the dock, he has toe off his shoes, too heavy with water. Brendon runs the length of the dock and drops to his knees, hugging Jon from behind. Jon makes a pained noise that dissolves into a laugh, and he groans his dismay when Brendon squeezes him and tries to rub his wet face against Jon's neck.
"You're soaked, Brendon -- soaked," Jon complains.
"Miss me? Were you worried about me?" Brendon asks. "I told you. I should've bet you all the fucking money in your bank account."
Jon tries to shrugs Brendon off, but Brendon just holds on, laughing.
"Aw, Brendon, I'm already cold. Now I'm gonna -- hey, you're gonna really freeze now," Jon says, and he finally manages to shake loose, standing. Brendon stands, too, bouncing a little on the balls of his feet. "You took off your shoes? You should dry off."
"Yeah," Brendon says. He sniffs, wipes his wet sleeve across his face, and then grabs for Jon's arm. "Yeah, I'm gonna go back in. Come with me, man. I'm so bored."
They start heading back towards the house. Halfway there, Brendon takes the opportunity to try and jump on Jon's back. Jon shouts and declares him too-damn-heavy, and Brendon just laughs, insisting, "You can take it. What are you, a man or a mouse? Let's go, let's go."
They detour to the garage because there's a load of dry towels still sitting in the dryer. Brendon hops on the washer next to it, and Jon fishes out a couple towels, throwing them at Brendon's face. Brendon shrugs out his wet hoodie, patting the towel across his chest, over the t-shirt.
Jon laughs. "What's that gonna do? You should just take it off. We can toss it all in the dryer. I'll take these towels out."
Brendon drops the towel to take off his shirt. He says, "Jon, how many times do I have to tell you? If you want me naked, just say it. I'm probably gonna say yes."
He gets chills again, the air too cool against his damp skin. Jon just grabs onto the sleeve of the shirt as Brendon pulls it off, tugging. When it clears his head, Jon sets it aside, and Brendon rubs his hair, draping the towel over his hair. He holds onto either side, the towel tight against his head, and pouts when he realizes that Jon's busy folding towels.
"Jon," he says. "Jon, for real. I'm about to take off the rest of my clothes."
"Is that a hint?" Jon asks.
Brendon doesn't think it's a hint at all. He thinks it's pretty much a blatant invitation. There's this thing called subtlety? Yeah, he doesn't waste much time on it usually. He kicks his foot out, hits Jon's leg with it, and thank God Jon isn't like Ryan or Spencer. He turns toward Brendon, stepping in front of him when Brendon reaches to curl his finger through a belt loop, and Jon doesn't make him wait for what he wants.
"Jon Walker's gonna get some," Brendon mutters, smiling and shifting forward on the washer when Jon touches his thigh. He pauses, pulling back when Jon leans closer. He could make Jon wait, make him earn it. Brendon could have the upper hand here, but Jon slides his hand higher on Brendon's leg, closer to his fly and, really, Brendon just isn't that mean.
He hooks his foot around the back of Jon's knee, pulling himself as close as he can in wet jeans that squeak on the washer when he moves. Jon kisses him, open-mouthed and soft, already unbuttoning Brendon's pants. He grazes the backs of his fingers over Brendon's dick through the denim, just enough touch to make him keen.
Brendon tries to somehow pull Jon even closer, but Jon says, "Just come down. You need to get these off."
He starts peeling Brendon's jeans down his thighs as soon as he slides off the washer, standing. Brendon helps wriggle out of his pants and underwear, stroking his cock as he steps out of them. Jon stays on his knees, and Brendon looks at him with an eyebrow raised. He holds the base as Jon closes his mouth over the head, sucking. Brendon licks his lips and braces one hand on the washer behind him. Jon takes care of his balls, too, touching him there as he blows Brendon, and gets goosebumps from how cool it is in the garage and from Jon's mouth.
"Hold on," he whispers almost inaudibly, and then louder, repeats, "Wait, hold on."
This is good, but he thinks they should move. He urges Jon to stand up, and leads him into the cabin. They make it to the couch, Brendon taking the time to grab lube from the downstairs bathroom before practically dashing to the cushions in the sitting room. Jon crawls over Brendon as he takes off his own hoodie. Brendon kisses him, rucking up Jon's shirt, and demands Jon get it, "off, take this off."
Jon sits up to undo his pants before Brendon can get the shirt off, and he catcalls when Jon stands to pull down his pants. As he kicks them aside, Brendon sits upright and wraps his hand around Jon's cock, jerking him. Jon leans down and kisses him, and Brendon licks his lips again when Jon pulls back, craning forward to lick the head. Jon touches Brendon's head, rests his hand there, and Brendon starts out setting the rhythm, but relaxes slowly, Jon thrusting his hips. Brendon hears Jon moan above him when he hums around his cock, letting Jon fuck his mouth.
He touches Jon's hip, encourages him more, a little deeper, try it, and Jon pushes slowly until Brendon's almost taking it all. He pulls out, and Brendon goes back to jerking him off.
Swallowing, Brendon says, "lie down."
"Floor?" Jon asks, and Brendon nods, and Jon drops down. His kiss is wet, tongues and heavy breath, Jon grabbing his ass with both hands and lifting his hips up into Brendon where they lie on the floor.
Jon reaches for the lube, discarded on the couch. He slicks his fingers and makes Brendon move closer to his face. He sucks on the head of Brendon's dick, halfheartedly blowing him again as his fingers push into Brendon's ass, but that's enough. It's enough for the moment, and Brendon does his best to keep his weight balanced, trying not rock his hips.
When Jon slides his fingers out, Brendon moves down again. He bends down to kiss Jon again, ragged whimpers spilling from his mouth. Behind him, Jon's cock brushes against his ass as he lubes himself, and when he breathes, "okay, okay," Brendon sits up to reach back and guide himself down. He's wet enough that it doesn't take a whole lot of effort. Jon pushes in, and Brendon rocks forward until that isn't enough, until he's bouncing on Jon's cock, a hand wrapped his own. Jon is pretty quiet whenever they fuck, but Brendon has a dirty mouth, and he comes cursing, riding it out until Jon spills inside of him, and all they can do is wait to calm down, breaths fast and shallow.
Brendon falls forward, overheated instead of cold now, and he mutters, "shit. Jon, shit," because it's all he can think to say.
"Yeah," Jon says.
"Ryan and Spencer missed out," Brendon says, grinning into Jon's skin just barely, satisfied.
Jon touches Brendon's side, skating finger nails along Brendon's ribs. "I think they were trying to find a movie theatre."
"Fuck them," he says, because that sucks. They could have woken him up.
Jon laughs almost, just one swift gust of breath, but he says, "Maybe later, when they get back."
seven
symbiosis
When the sun goes down, they play the five songs they have from beginning to end, regardless of mistakes, just to see what everything sounds like. By the end of the last one, Brendon is barely trying anymore. He halfheartedly sings the lyrics and when Ryan makes a comment, annoyed, Brendon just says, "I haven't eaten all day."
"You ate two hours ago," Spencer says.
Brendon actually looks surprised. He asks, "Is that all? Really?"
There's only one way to fix the situation. Jon says they have a lot of stuff in the kitchen now, he can probably make some spaghetti or something, but Brendon wants breakfast.
"It's almost seven at night," Ryan points out, and he still seems mildly annoyed with the whole situation. They've left the last song hanging, permanently interrupted, and he keeps his fingers poised over guitar strings like eventually they'll get the hint.
Brendon goes over to Ryan and presses his face close, coaxing. "Ryan, come on. You can't tell me you don't want waffles right now. Pancakes? Eggs and bacon and other terrible meat products you eat?"
Even Spencer agrees that, "We do have all that syrup."
Brendon nudges his nose against Ryan's neck, and Ryan just huffs and drops his hands. Brendon grins.
They agree that a breakfast feast at night is the best plan of action. Jon takes over the kitchen as cook, and Brendon tells Ryan and Spencer that they should make those s'mores.
Spencer crosses him arms. "Hey, I'm so glad we have you to delegate."
"What? You think I don't have a job?" Brendon asks. "I have the most difficult role of all here. I'm gonna be the taste-tester."
Spencer snorts, but no one really argues. Ryan and Spencer take the graham crackers, marshmallows, and chocolate over the fireplace to make the s'mores. Jon makes all the key breakfast dishes, and Brendon actually helps by mixing batter or scrambling the eggs when he isn't bust trying to find tape so he can scrawl "Kiss the cook!" on a piece and stick it to Jon's forehead. He finds excuses to make Jon look at him and kisses his forehead, his cheek, his mouth quickly every time.
"You're so corny," Jon says. Brendon just shrugs and stirs things happily.
They spread all the dishes (paper plates) out on the floor by the fireplace, piles of breakfast food and lots of sweet toppings for the biscuits, pancakes, and waffles. Brendon and Jon sit down near Ryan and Spencer, and Spencer pulls out a marshmallow, still aflame on the tines of his fork. He turns to Jon and starts to brandish it threateningly, but stops short, just looking. Jon blows out the small fire, and Spencer frowns down at the fork.
"So, 'kiss the cook'?" Spencer says, and instead of using the marshmallow for one of the s'mores, he picks it off and eats it.
Brendon pipes up from his place, holding two graham crackers for Ryan. "You read it right! Act accordingly, Spencer."
Spencer gives Brendon a sideways glance, but Jon tilts his head when Spencer looks back at him. Spencer rolls his eyes. He moves closer to Jon, scooting over on the floor, and he grants him a simple kiss, no tongue.
"Marshmallows," he says in apology when he moves back. He licks his lips and Jon mimics the action, his own lips a little sweet now, too.
They eat with the television on, letting the dvd play as background noise. It feels good to hang out, laughing and ribbing each other. Jon leaves the piece of tape on his head, and Ryan doesn't even notice it until Jon starts scratching around the edge.
He leans forward, laughter dropping off. "Wait, what does that say?"
Spencer picks up one of the s'mores, pushing his paper plate aside. "Make out, Ryan. It says make out with Jon Walker for all his hard work."
Ryan laughs, but he leans over. He places his hands on the floor, planting them in the empty places between plates, and waits. Jon's lounging, lying out and propped on his elbow, and he just watches Ryan for a moment, sort of smirking.
"What," Jon says and it's not a question. He sits up and closes the divide, balancing precariously. He tries hard not to flatten a stack of waffles with his hand and catches Ryan's mouth.
Ryan sighs, the smallest exhalation of sound behind the air and pushes forward. Jon feels them tipping, dangerously close to losing his placement and making a mess of things, and when he hears something thud softly, Brendon says, "Hey! You're lucky that wasn't open, watch out." Ryan takes that as his cue to pause, rising to step over the food, and Jon falls back into the floor under him. He touches Jon's face, stroking his thumb over the skin near his ear.
"What about me?" Brendon asks. He smacks Jon's calf and Ryan mumbles for him to shut up, but Brendon doesn't quit. Spencer just laughs, and Jon finally looks over to see Brendon tucking a napkin into his collar that reads 'Kiss the Lovely Assistant (Me!) Too'.
Ryan looks around and laughs as well. He motions for Brendon to come closer, and Ryan sits back to kiss Brendon, long and wet, and when Brendon starts to press closer and closer Ryan stops him. Brendon frowns and tries to lean in again, connecting on briefly before Ryan dodges him again.
Brendon says, "Ryan. Ryan," but misses when he goes for a third. Ryan just smirks.
"What about Spencer?" Ryan asks.
"Yeah," Spencer says, between bursts of breathless laughter. "Yeah, me!"
Brendon scrambles over to him, grabbing another napkin. He writes 'Kiss Spencer!' on it, showing it off and tries to tuck the paper in Spencer's collar, but Spencer won't let him. He keeps batting Brendon's hands away, and the napkin ends up crumpled in the haphazard crush of their hands as Spencer pushes Brendon back, moving on top of him.
"I'm trying--" Brendon says even as Spencer kisses him. "I'm trying to give you a little sign!"
Spencer mutters, "You're so stupid. Brendon, I'm already -- I'm giving you what you want instead of making you get the hell away from me, and you won't just let it happen."
"Dude, I'm a genius!" Brendon protests. "I'm the one that got the fucking kissing started; I'm a master."
"Brendon," Spencer says. He sneaks his hand between them, lifting up, and Jon can guess at exactly what he does when Brendon bites his lip and lets his eyes shut briefly.
"Okay, yeah. Silence, got it," Brendon promises, and Spencer shoots a pointed look to Jon and Ryan before he ducks his head again, picking up where they left off.
Ryan's smiling softly when Jon looks to him again. He hovers over Jon, quiet but amused. Jon says, "I'm easier than that."
"Easy, Jon?" Ryan asks. He drops closer, and Jon shrugs against the floor. Ryan kisses him and rolls his hip once, earning a small groan from Jon. His mouth is warm, soft and eager. Jon flips them, and Ryan's legs come around his own as they kiss, noting the little satisfied noises Spencer makes in throat not too far away.
"This -- why," Brendon says. "Jesus, we don't even need four bedrooms," and Spencer orders him to be quiet again.
Ryan chuckles, smiling into their next kiss, and Jon doesn't say it, but it's true. The guy kind of has a point.
*****************************************************************************************

If Brendon Urie could have one thing for Christmas, it would be to have sex with his bandmates. All his bandmates. At once.
Not that he’d ever tell them that, of course. He’s really quite happy with his life right now, and his band, and he really doesn’t want all of that ruined because he had sex dreams about his bandmates. And oh, did he have sex dreams about them. He woke up two weeks ago sweaty and aching after dreaming about Ryan fucking him hard, squeezing his hips so hard they bruised while Jon and Spencer watched. Just last night he dreamt about sucking Spencer’s cock while Jon fucked him.
So really, it would be Brendon’s ideal Christmas if he woke up on morning and his three best friends were sitting naked on the end of his bed.
***
Of course, it doesn’t actually happen like that. Ryan puts too much planning into it to just turn up on Brendon’s bed naked. It has to be bigger than that. Besides, Ryan’s never liked early morning sex, much. He prefers to have orgies at night. (Not that he’s ever really had an orgy before, but he’s sure he would prefer to have one at night.)
Now, Ryan knows Brendon pretty well. It wasn’t too hard for him to guess why Brendon spent more time staring at Ryan’s lips than his eyes when they talked, why the muscles in Brendon’s shoulders tensed whenever Jon brushed up against him, why he stumbled over words when he watched Spencer drum. Plus there was that time they fell asleep on Ryan’s couch; the things Brendon moaned in his sleep were…interesting, to say the least.
It’s not hard to get Spencer in on it at all. Ryan has known Spencer pretty much forever. This means Ryan knows Spencer has no problem kissing boys (they even kissed a couple of times a long, long time ago) and certainly would have no problem kissing Brendon. If Ryan’s estimations are correct, Spencer wouldn’t be all that upset if Jon joined in either. All it takes is Ryan being a little daring, backing Spencer up against the wall just inside the door of his apartment, and biting his neck a little while he whispers in Spencer’s ear. Spencer is immediately agreeable, especially when Ryan mentions how much he thinks Brendon wants this.
***
Jon is a little more difficult, if only because of the distance. Also, none of them have made out with Jon before. But Ryan had backup, now; he had Spencer sitting next to him, thigh pressed against his, and Jon on speakerphone.
“Jon,” Ryan starts and Spencer echoes him.
“Why do I have a bad feeling about this?” Jon asks playfully.
“How much would you do to give Brendon the ultimate Christmas present?” Ryan replies, scratching a nail down Spencer’s thigh.
“What would that entail?” Jon sounds wary now.
“Well, flying out to Vegas, for one,” Spencer puts in.
“And, maybe, having sex with us,” Ryan says, all in a rush.
Jon is silent for a long time and Ryan’s kind of afraid he hung up on them. He’s almost ready to turn to Spencer and say “Well, there’s another bassist gone,” when Jon makes a kind of choking noise.
“With us?” He asks.
“Us,” Ryan repeats.
“Brendon, Ryan, and me,” Spencer clarifies.
“So Brendon’s ultimate Christmas present would be all of us having sex?”
“I’m pretty sure.” Ryan tries to sound sure.
“He told you this?”
“Well, not in so many words…”
“And you’re both in on it? You both want to?”
Ryan nods, then realizes Jon can’t see him. He swallows and says “Yeah,” Spencer joining in a moment later.
“Then I’ll do it.”
“Seriously?” Spencer asks.
“Seriously. I mean, it’s sex, it can’t be that bad.”
“It won’t be bad at all,” Spencer says.
“And it’ll make Brendon really happy,” Ryan contributes.
“Yeah, then.” Jon takes a deep breath. “I can’t believe I’m doing this.” He laughs a little. “It’ll have to be a couple of days after Christmas, though. I can’t get out there before then. 27th, all right?”
“If you can brave the airport,” Spencer says, sounding very happy.
“Yeah…just, yeah.”
***
Jon’s flight gets in 11:00 PM on the 26th. Spencer picks him up at the airport and they end up making out in the handicapped stall in the bathroom. If Jon wasn’t convinced before, he’s definitely convinced now.
They go back to Ryan’s house, because Ryan is the mastermind behind this whole thing. Ryan’s got fucking outlines and diagrams of what they’re going to do. The first step is luring Brendon out of the house, so they can get in. This necessitates some planning because Ryan wants them all to be waiting when Brendon gets back. They end up sending him on an errand. Spencer’s the one they get to call Brendon, because Spencer is really the best actor. The phone conversation goes something like this:
“Hello?”
“Hey, Bren.”
“Spencer?”
“Yeah?”
“You have any eggnog?”
“Let me check…no.”
“Oh, well, we’re coming over in about half-an-hour and you better have some eggnog.”
And then Spencer hangs up. Brendon, of course, grabs his car keys and runs out the door, because he doesn’t really want to find out what Spencer (or Ryan, for that matter) will do if he doesn’t have eggnog.
***
Brendon’s just a little cold as he grabs the grocery bag containing eggnog and a pack of gum off the passenger seat of his car. It’s the day after Christmas and Brendon’s a little sad, but looking forward to the prospect of seeing his friends. Even if they did threaten him over lack of eggnog. The stairs up to his apartment are slippery and Brendon takes them too quickly, but he’s been doing this for a while and he doesn’t fall.
Brendon’s key turns uselessly in the lock; he’s almost positive he locked the door when he left, but it’s unlocked now. Either someone broke in or Brendon’s losing his mind. Brendon shakes it off and opens the door, figuring that if there is someone waiting to rob him and shoot him, his friends’ll be here to discover his bleeding body before long.
And Brendon’s theory about robbers seems to be correct because as soon as he steps in the door, there is soft fabric wrapped around his eyes and a cold hand clapped over his mouth. Brendon tries to bite the hand, but only succeeds in slobbering all over it. A warm, thin body presses up against Brendon’s back. “Shh,” the person whispers in his ear and even from that little, Brendon can tell it’s Ryan. His body goes slack, a little, and he breathes out a sigh of relief. He’s not going to die after all.
“We’ve got a present for you,” Ryan says, and pushes Brendon a little so he’s walking, tripping over his own feet and Ryan’s. It seems to take a long time to get wherever they’re going, but they get their eventually and Ryan just keeps pressing his body harder against Brendon’s side.
“You ready for this?” Ryan asks, taking his hand away from Brendon’s mouth. “I think it’s just what you wanted for Christmas.”
The smooth fabric slides off Brendon’s eyes and he takes a moment to adjust to the dim light in the room. But when they do, oh God, it is exactly what Brendon wanted for Christmas.
Spencer’s shirtless, lying back on Brendon’s bed, hands twisted in Jon’s hair, while Jon licks at his collarbones and bites his shoulders.
“Fuck,” Brendon mutters, “Fuck, Ryan, are you serious?”
“Completely,” Ryan replies, sliding his cold hands under Brendon’s shirt. His fingers leave tingling trails where they brush over Brendon’s skin. Ryan seizes the hem of Brendon’s shirt and pulls up, pulling it over Brendon’s head and dropping it haphazardly to the floor. He moves his head down so he can suck hard on Brendon’s neck. Brendon whimpers, breath catching in his throat. Ryan’s hands moves to work at his belt.
Brendon’s hands don’t seem to be doing what he wants them to; they’re playing, toying with the hem of Ryan’s t-shirt, tugging it up and down to get flighty touches of the cool skin underneath. He finally manages to work the shirt up Ryan’s torso and pulls back so Ryan detaches from his neck and Brendon can pull the t-shirt off completely. And then there’s another presence behind Brendon, a strong, warm body pressing against his naked back. Jon’s lips brush over his ear and, oh God, that must be Jon’s cock pressing into Brendon’s ass.
“Care to bring things back here?” Spencer’s voice comes from the bed, where he has managed to free himself of his pants and is lying completely naked. Ryan seems all too enticed by this site and leaves his fumbling with Brendon to press his face right into Spencer’s cock, tongue darting out to lick the head and Spencer’s thighs.
“Fuck,” Jon mumbles when he catches sight of them. “That’s hot.”
“Y-yeah,” Brendon replies, taking a small step towards the bed. Jon follows and Brendon can hear him struggling with the fly on his pants, shedding them and his boxers the closer he gets to the bed.
Brendon crawls up onto the bed, moving as close as he can to kiss Spencer. Spencer’s lips are swollen and hot beneath Brendon’s and one of Spencer’s hands moves to tuck itself down the hack of Brendon’s pants, squeezing his ass. There’s a hand unbuttoning his jeans and Brendon pulls his lips away from Spencer’s to see one of Ryan’s hands working at his pants while Ryan’s got his lips closed around Spencer’s cock. Spencer moans and Jon tumbles up on the other side of Brendon, lying kind of sideways so he can lick Brendon’s nipple.
Brendon lifts his ass so Ryan can slide his pants down his legs and pull them off. His hips drop suddenly as Jon bites his nipple. Ryan pulls off Spencer’s cock with a wet, suction sound and moves over to lick at the head of Brendon’s cock before taking it fully in his mouth. Ryan hums around Brendon’s cock and Brendon gasps and mutters something indecipherable. Spencer turns to kiss Brendon, biting his bottom lip, sucking it into his mouth.
Brendon shudders a little and Ryan pulls off of Brendon’s cock, going back to Spencer’s. Spencer breaks back from Brendon’s mouth to moan and run one hand down to Ryan’s hair. Jon moves his mouth up to Brendon’s ear. “You want me to fuck you?” Jon whispers, just loud enough for Brendon to hear.
Brendon gasps and nods. “You want me to fuck you?” Jon repeats, “What about Ryan? You want Ryan to fuck you? Or Spencer, maybe?” A shiver runs down Brendon’s back. “All of them?”
Brendon turns his head so he can see Brendon and Spencer. Spencer’s legs are spread, one hooked over Brendon’s leg. Ryan’s moved his mouth down, kissed down Spencer’s balls to his hole, pushing his tongue in a little and pulling it back out. Spencer’s mouth was open and he was making sounds, little whimpers and murmurs.
“I think you’re gonna have to settle for me,” Jon says, “Because it looks like Ryan and Spencer are occupied.”
Brendon gasps. “Ryan,” he mutters, “Ryan, you gonna fuck Spencer?”
“He better,” Spencer groans.
Ryan pulls back and moves up, lying across Spencer’s body and leaning over to kiss Brendon. Brendon licks into Ryan’s mouth and he can taste Spencer.
“You got any lube?” Jon asks in Brendon’s ear.
“Yeah,” Brendon mutters, “Between the mattress and the bed frame.”
Jon reaches his hand down and pulls out a half-empty tube. “Busy?” he asks, smiling and biting Brendon’s cheek.
“It’s not like I always have three guys in my bed,” Brendon replies, as Jon squeezes some of the lube onto his fingers and hands it over to Spencer. Brendon turns to watch Spencer tug off Ryan’s pants and rub up and down his cock, but his eyes fall closed as Jon spreads his legs and pushes one short, thick finger in Brendon’s ass. Brendon gasps and shudders, rocking his hips back into Jon’s finger. Jon adds another finger, stretching Brendon a little.
Spencer’s squeezed some of the lube out and Ryan’s cock is slick and shiny with it. He’s lined up just behind Spencer, the head of his cock bumping at Spencer’s entrance. Spencer reaches over and grabs Brendon’s hand, squeezing it as Ryan pushes inside, just a little, just enough so Spencer’s stretched around him.
“Does it hurt?” Brendon asks because Jon’s added a third finger now and it’s starting to burn just a little, an uncomfortable ache. Spencer raises Brendon’s hand to his mouth and kisses Brendon’s fingers.
“Yeah, but it feels good,” Spencer replies and sucks Brendon’s fingers into his mouth, swirling his tongue around them. Brendon moans as Jon moves to loom over him and line his cock up to push inside Brendon.
Ryan’s moving, now, inside Spencer, setting up a steady pace so the bed is rocking. Jon pushes inside Brendon in one smooth motion. Brendon cries out, a scream that’s a combination of Jon’s name and Spencer’s. Jon’s big inside of him, large enough that it hurts just a little, but it feels so, so good when Jon hits his prostate dead on. Brendon imagines how Ryan feels inside Spencer, longer and thinner than Jon, but with the same hard rhythm.
Spencer lets Brendon’s fingers fall out of his mouth and Brendon moves his hand down to Spencer’s cock, seizing it, heavy and hard, in his hand. He jerks it, moving his hand up and down and squeezing just a little. Spencer’s panting and writhing and Ryan’s fucking him so, so hard and then he’s coming, all over Brendon’s hand and his stomach. Brendon jerks him through it and then moves his hand up to his mouth to lick off some of Spencer’s tongue. The taste isn’t pleasant, but it’s Spencer. Ryan reaches down to seize Spencer’s hips, holding them hard in his hand as he fucks Spencer hard and comes, body jerking, deep inside Spencer.
Jon comes next, leaning down to kiss Brendon hard, and Brendon could feel Jon’s cock twitching inside him. There’s a hand on Brendon’s cock, and Jon’s still fucking him, still hitting his prostate, and that must be Ryan’s hand on his cock, and it’s all too much for Brendon to handle. He comes, hard, his body twitching and writhing, screaming out wordlessly.
Then Jon’s rolling off of him, falling sweaty and spent on the bed next to Brendon. Ryan’s still half on top of Spencer and Spencer’s all pressed up against Brendon.
They’re all exhausted and no one cares that they’re sweaty and sticky and disgusting. They’re all half-asleep already.
“So,” Brendon murmurs sleepily, “That was pretty much the best Christmas present
****************************************************************************************

There were only two rules and they weren’t made to be broken. They were made to keep them safe and happy. Rule number one was that they didn’t talk about it to anyone except each other. They weren’t to go around talking about it to the press, other bands, fans, not even Pete. It was something they kept quiet. Not that it was a secret, but it getting out probably wouldn’t be the best idea.
The second rule was that it didn’t leave the group. This may have seemed similar to the first rule, but it wasn’t. It was between Ryan, Brendon, Spencer, and Jon. No one was invited in and no one went out. Subgroups could not be formed within the group. It wasn’t allowed.
Ryan and Spencer had started it back when Brent had still been in the band. But Brent didn’t like the idea, and though he’d never said it publicly (refer to rule one), it was why he’d left the group. So Ryan, Spencer, and Brendon had been left without a fourth.
When Jon Walker joined the band, they waited a while to tell him about the whole arrangement. Technically, he was an outsider, and as rule one stated, it couldn’t be talked about to him. But they had waited and watched, observed Jon’s actions until Spencer suggested that he was ready.
Jon had been surprisingly open to the whole idea. He’d just listened intensely as Spencer explained it, glancing only once to Ryan and Brendon, who sat in the background, their thighs pressed together on the small couch. When Spencer had finished, Jon had sat back, his fingertips pressed together, barely resting against his lips as he thought.
Spencer, Ryan, and Brendon had exchanged a careful glance, hoping they hadn’t made a huge mistake.
Jon had paused.
"It’s only the group?"
Spencer looked away from Ryan and nodded. "Yeah. No subgroups. No additions. No one else."
"So I can’t go out alone…?"
Spencer shrugged. "It’s for safety reasons-health reasons."
Jon nodded slowly, still looking thoughtful. "And you all-" He waved his hand vaguely at the three of them on the couch.
Spencer nodded. "Yeah."
"Often?"
A shrug. "I guess."
"How long?"
Spencer glanced at Ryan, who shrugged.
"Couple years."
"Just the three of you?"
"Yeah."
Jon looked at them for another second before sitting back. "All right."
So Jon had been in. He’d been informed of the rules, told how it worked, when it happened, all the things he needed to know, and everything worked.
**
"Ryan." Brendon plopped down on the couch next to Ryan, who was immersed in a thick book. He didn’t look up, only turned a page slowly and kept reading. Brendon sighed and laid his head on Ryan’s shoulder. "Ryan, I’m bored."
Ryan just made a vague noise, his eyes never flickering from the page. He could feel Brendon’s warm breath on his neck and it tickled slightly. He shifted his shoulder, trying to get Brendon to leave, but it did nothing.
"Ryan," Brendon whined, grabbing onto Ryan’s arm and tugging his sleeve lightly.
Ryan sighed softly. "Go find Jon or something."
"He and Spencer are working on bass lines or something." Brendon pouted. "I’m bored."
"You’re always bored," Ryan murmured, turning another page. "Go watch a movie."
"I don’t want to watch a movie," Brendon protested, scooting closer to Ryan on the couch. His hand was still on Ryan’s sleeve, but he was stroking up and down his arm softly as he buried his nose in Ryan’s neck. He’d always loved the way Ryan smelled, like strawberries and peppermint, two of his favorite things.
Ryan lifted his head from his book, a little frustrated. "Then go read a magazine. I thought I saw Nickelodeon Magazine around here somewhere."
Brendon pouted, hooking his leg over Ryan’s and shifting forward. His nose was buried in Ryan’s neck and he hummed contentedly. "I don’t wanna read."
Ryan sighed again. "Well, what do you want to do?"
Brendon paused, his fingers making their way up Ryan’s neck to stroke the hair at the nape of his neck softly. His tongue flicked out lightly, tasting Ryan’s neck for just a second before he moved his mouth to Ryan’s ear.
"Something that doesn’t involved books."
Ryan’s grip on his book slackened as Brendon’s teeth nipped at his earlobe. Brendon’s body was pressed against his side and Brendon’s free hand was toying with the waist of his shirt. He felt his eyes fluttering shut, but he forced them open.
"Bren…" he murmured, but was cut off when Brendon kissed him, turning his face for a better angle.
Ryan made a pleased sound, but broke away seconds later, leaving a glazed Brendon staring at him. Brendon opened his mouth to say something, but Ryan shook his head and pressed a finger to his lips. Brendon merely flicked his tongue over the tip of the finger.
Ryan smiled softly, but turned and called to the bunk area.
"Spencer, Jon, can you come out here?"
Brendon pouted impatiently, but leaned in, pressing kisses to Ryan’s jaw and neck as they heard the telltale signs of Spencer and Jon coming in from the bunks.
"What?" Spencer asked. "We were working on some important stuff."
Ryan just raised an eyebrow and nodded at Brendon, who was practically in his lap and still pressing kisses to his jaw.
Beside Spencer, Jon slid a hand down to his wrist and tugged him forward. Spencer let out a semi-annoyed sigh, but let himself be led forward by Jon. When Jon reached the couch, he leaned down to Brendon’s ear.
"Bren," he whispered and Brendon looked up at him.
Jon dropped Spencer’s wrist and leaned down to give Brendon a sweet kiss. Ryan didn’t protest when Brendon’s hand dropped to his lap as he kissed Jon and began pressing into his growing erection.
Spencer was still standing, his arms crossed, but they dropped as Ryan reached out and grabbed his shirt, tugging him forward. Their lips met in a short kiss, just a brush of the lips and dusting tongues. When they pulled away, Spencer’s eyes went to Jon and he pulled him away from Brendon, kissing him as well.
Brendon blinked slowly, looking dazed as he always did in these situations and turned back to Ryan, who let his hands drift to the waist of Brendon’s tee-shirt and stripped it off. Glancing up, he could see that Spencer’s shirt was already gone and Jon’s hands were all over his chest as he kissed him.
Brendon was watching them and made a little noise. Ryan’s hands were on Brendon’s belt as Spencer glanced over and smirked at Brendon. He pulled Jon to the couch and kissed Brendon softly. Brendon’s soft noise was echoed by Ryan’s groan as Brendon’s hand pressed sharply into his crotch.
Brendon broke the kiss and looked back to Ryan, already flushed beneath him. He just smiled and leaned into his neck, sliding his tongue over the smooth skin. Ryan groaned and let his eyes close as he felt Jon’s fingers in his hair, his calloused fingers sliding through the dark locks.
Spencer’s hands were on Jon’s belt, tugging it undone and the zipper along with it. His mouth was on the bulge in Jon’s boxers, bringing a moan to Jon’s lips and his other hand moved to Spencer’s head as well.
Brendon’s mouth found its way from Ryan’s neck to his mouth, his tongue sweeping over the inside of his mouth, his teeth nibbling on his lower lip. Brendon’s hands were fumbling over the button on Ryan’s jeans, tugging down the zipper a bit overzealously. He nearly broke it.
Ryan’s hips lifted off the couch as Brendon’s hands slid down the jeans. He opened his eyes and glanced over at Spencer and Jon, who were watching avidly, Spencer’s hand rocking almost methodically against Jon’s hard cock.
Jon crawled forward, kissing Brendon and then Ryan slowly. His hand took Brendon’s place, rocking into Ryan’s hard cock while Ryan motioned for Spencer.
Spencer moved quickly, joining the group and pulling Brendon to him for a long kiss. Brendon whimpered into the movement, enjoying the sharpness of Spencer’s kisses compared to Jon’s or Ryan’s. His teeth were on his lower lip, pulling, biting, nipping.
Jon’s boxers were gone and so were Ryan’s. Ryan rolled off the couch and the rest followed. He reached for Brendon and pulled him forward by his belt loops, hastily tugging down the zipper and shoving the jeans down.
Spencer had Jon pinned to the floor, but looked up as Ryan’s hand caressed his jaw softly and leaned in for a kiss. He pulled away and turned to Brendon for another, soft and slow.
"Fuck, Spencer," Jon groaned from under Spencer, arching his hips up, begging for contact.
Ryan and Spencer just laughed while Brendon plastered himself to Ryan, kissing every inch of bare skin he could find. Ryan’s laugh was cut short when Brendon bit his shoulder and he gasped. He glanced at Brendon to find a mischievous smile.
"Can I be on top today?" Brendon whispered eagerly into Ryan’s ear, his hands sliding over his bare shoulders and teasing around his waist.
"I don’t know," Ryan whispered back. "Why don’t you ask Spencer?"
Brendon looked confused for just a second before he turned to Spencer, who was still sitting on top of Jon, rocking his hips down mercilessly while Jon cursed underneath him. Spencer met his eyes, his own glazed in lust and he nodded.
"Yeah, Bren, you can top me today," he breathed roughly, letting out a rush of air as Jon’s erection rubbed against his own.
A flash of disappointment flashed across Brendon’s face, but only for just a second, and no one noticed. He shook it away and left Ryan, crawling over to Spencer and leaving a kiss on his shoulder.
Ryan watched for just a second before joining, pulling off Brendon’s boxers and tossing them in a corner. He rummaged under the couch and came out with a half-empty tube of lube and pressed it into Brendon’s palm with a kiss. Brendon’s eyes lingered on him for a second before he flipped the tube open.
After his fingers were slick, Spencer grunted something as he shifted, letting Jon struggle upward and out from underneath him.
"Get up," Spencer directed Brendon, rising to their feet, dragging Jon with them.
Brendon stayed close to Spencer’s back, letting a lubed finger glide down his spine slowly as they rearranged themselves. Spencer shivered and smiled at Brendon before grabbing the tube from him and snapping it open.
Jon stared back at them, shuddering at the darkness in Spencer’s eyes. He glanced at Ryan before him and pulled him in for a lingering kiss. Ryan’s hands were on Jon’s jaw as they kissed, but dropped as Jon let out a long moan.
Glancing behind him, Ryan could see Spencer pushing into Jon, Brendon doing the same behind Spencer. Spencer cursed loudly and Ryan took just a second before dropping to his knees before Jon.
Brendon bit his lip as he pressed his cock deep inside Spencer’s body. Spencer usually let him top, so did Jon, but Ryan never did. Ryan let Jon top him, and occasionally, Spencer, but never Brendon.
Everything was so hot, and as Brendon began to thrust, his gaze wandered to Ryan, on the ground before Jon, his mouth tight around Jon’s cock, bobbing in time with Spencer’s thrusts. He could see his hollowed cheeks and hear the hard moans issuing from Jon’s mouths. Brendon wondered if it was Ryan or Spencer who was causing them.
Everything always seemed to happen so quickly in these situations and soon, Jon was coming first. He groaned loudly as the heat inside exploded and his eyes closed, his mouth hanging open as he panted for breath. Ryan’s hand was on the base of his cock, squeezing and stroking as his tongue worked effortlessly to clean him off.
Spencer came just seconds later, pressing his nose into Jon’s back and a stream of curses falling from his lips. Brendon could feel his muscles tightening hotly around his cock and couldn’t hold back, gasping only slightly as he came hard.
Panting and blinking hard, Brendon came down and slowly pulled out of Spencer. Jon was lying on the ground now, looking tired but sated, a lazy smile on his lips. Ryan lay next to him, his hand working slowly to bring himself off. Brendon hesitated a second before crawling over and pushing away Ryan’s hand. Ryan didn’t protest, only closed his eyes and let Brendon’s hand work smoothly until his hips were arching and warm cum was covering Brendon’s fingers.
Ryan still didn’t open his eyes when Brendon pulled his hand away, but a contented smile spread across his lips. Spencer had already pulled himself onto the couch and was reading the back of Ryan’s book.
Brendon sat next to Ryan, staring at his hand.
"Still bored, Bren?" Ryan’s soft voice reached Brendon’s ears, but Ryan’s eyes were still closed.
"Not really."
"Good."
**
They didn’t get to stay in hotels often, and when they did, they always took complete advantage. They ordered room service, requested an X-box, got DVDs from the front desk, and spent the nights doing whatever they wanted.
They always shared two to a room, but most of the time they were all together anyway. This particular hotel stay, Ryan and Brendon were paired in one room while Spencer and Jon had another.
They ordered pizza and a few DVDs and settled in to a night of relaxation. The last week had been one venue after another with no time in-between. They were honestly exhausted and Ryan had no desire to do anything more than go to bed at a ridiculously early hour with Brendon in his own bed.
So they put in Pride and Prejudice (Brendon had picked it) and curled up on their own beds, although it wasn’t long before Brendon migrated to Ryan’s.
Spencer and Jon were in their own rooms, probably already asleep, and it was just Ryan and Brendon as they watched Keira Knightly appear on screen.
Brendon was snuggled against Ryan, his body warm and his eyes half-closed as he watched the movie. He lay with his head in Ryan’s lap as the movie played, blinking slowly as Ryan’s hands carded softly through his hair.
"Ryan?" Brendon murmured softly and Ryan just hmm’d. "What do you think’ll happen after?"
"After what?" Ryan asked, his voice quiet, as though he was close to falling asleep.
"After all this."
"All what?"
"You know, the records, the tours, the fame."
Ryan frowned slightly. "Who says it has to end?"
Brendon shrugged and pushed himself up slightly to look at Ryan. He settled himself into a sitting position and glanced at the TV screen where Mr. Darcy had just appeared for the first time. "Won’t it eventually?"
"It hasn’t for some bands. Just look at U2, Aerosmith, even Fall Out Boy."
"But we’re young."
"So were they… once." Ryan paused. "Don’t tell Pete I said that."
"What about the rest of it?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean us. You, me, Spencer, Jon."
"What about us?"
Brendon sighed, resting his head against Ryan’s shoulder. "We won’t always be doing this, will we?"
Ryan tilted his head to look at Brendon. "I don’t know."
Brendon just nodded softly and stared at the screen. Ryan paused, staring at Brendon, then tilted his head towards him and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. He pulled away slowly, Brendon staring at him, looking confused.
Ryan turned back to the TV. "Just watch the movie, Bren."
Brendon stared at him for another second before sighing and looking ahead, his eyes staring unfocusedly at the screen.
**
No one really knew why it worked. It just did. They didn’t really talk about it amongst themselves. In the beginning, they used to discuss Jon, they used to talk about what they liked, what they didn’t, how they liked it. Now, it was just old hat. Everyone knew the rules, whether spoken or not.
If someone was in the mood, everyone had to be in the mood, or it didn’t happen. No outside guests, no subgroups. It was to keep the band safe. Everyone had always accepted these rules without argument and they worked.
But they didn’t talk anymore, really. They just talked about regular things: who drank the last Capri sun, how Leonardo DiCaprio’s career had disintegrated, that Brendon was the best Guitar Hero player in the world. That last one was often contested by Jon and Spencer as they spent hours playing on the bus as they rolled through the planes of the Midwest, the mountains of Colorado, the coast of California.
Ryan spent most of his time reading, only breaking when the group wanted to mess around a little. It was a healthy activity, he said.
When they got to Portland, Oregon for the halfway point in their concert, they got lucky and landed in a nice hotel for the night. Brendon grabbed Ryan as a roommate and dragged him upstairs.
As they lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling, Brendon sighed.
"I’m bored."
Ryan glanced over. "We could go out."
Brendon’s nose wrinkled slightly. "No."
"We could get a movie."
Brendon shook his head, staring at the blue-toned ceiling.
Ryan sighed and glanced the other way, out the window. "We could call Jon and Spencer."
Brendon was silent.
Ryan seemed to interpret his silence as not wanting to. He bit the inside of his cheek as he stared out the dark window. "Want to go swimming?"
"Swimming?"
Ryan could hear the note of interest in Brendon’s voice.
"Yeah. No one’ll be there. Want to?"
"Yeah," Brendon replied and Ryan heard him shift, climbing off his bed and searching for his swimming trunks.
It wasn’t long before they were traipsing down to the pool. It was an outdoor pool, and luckily it was heated, or it would have been very cold.
Ryan had been right and there was no one there. The water shimmered in the moonlight and the pale parking lot lights beyond. Ryan dropped his towel on a white lounge chair and slipped into the water, waiting for Brendon to join him.
Brendon toed off his sandals and moved carefully in the water. Usually, he was the one to canon ball in, but he just hadn’t felt like it lately. He slid up to his waist, watching as Ryan floated around the dark water, already immersed past his shoulders. Brendon stood in the shallow end, watching Ryan swim.
Ryan moved over to him, standing up and shivering as the cool air whipped his body.
"Come on in, Bren. That water’s fine," he whispered, just like in the old movies. He smiled and grabbed Brendon’s hand, pulling him deeper into the pool.
Brendon allowed himself to be tugged forward, the water creeping over the waist of his swim trunks and up his torso. Soon, he was in completely and treading water with Ryan in the deep end.
The water was dark and all Brendon could see was Ryan’s head and his shoulders moving as he stayed afloat. Ryan swam around Brendon, looking at him curiously.
"Is something wrong, Brendon?"
Brendon followed his movement, turning around to keep him in sight. "No," he replied, shaking his head.
Ryan raised an eyebrow and swam backwards to the edge of the pool. Stretching out his arms, he hauled himself out of the water slightly to rest on the edge. Brendon joined him seconds later, one hand grabbing onto the edge.
"Are you sure? You’ve been acting kind of weird lately."
Brendon paused, glancing out at the dark water, the surface lulling slightly in their movement. There was no noise except the distant rumble of cars on the main road near the hotel. The hotel was quiet and only a few lights were on in the rooms above them.
Ryan was watching him closely, his head tilted to the side slightly as he waited for his response.
Finally, Brendon sighed. "I don’t know."
"Well, what’s going on?" Ryan slid back into the water fully and turned to Brendon, holding onto the edge with one hand.
"I don’t know," Brendon muttered. "I just feel… I don’t know."
Ryan moved forward, running a wet hand through Brendon’s hair and pushing it back. He smiled softly. "It’s okay to not know."
Brendon didn’t look pacified, and only frowned, his gaze lowering to the black water. He stared at it for a second before glancing at Ryan, who was still fairly close, one hand on the pool ledge to keep himself steady.
"Ryan," Brendon murmured, reaching out in the water and pulling Ryan closer. It went much smoother in the water.
"Yeah?" Ryan asked when he was pressed against Brendon’s chest. His free hand was on Brendon’s neck, his thumb stroking down his throat softly.
Brendon just stared at him for a second, then leaned forward, pressing his lips against Ryan’s. It started out soft, just a brush of lips against lips, but Brendon opened his mouth, sweeping his tongue across Ryan’s lower lip, asking for entrance. He was granted it after a second and plunged his tongue inside.
Brendon’s lips were pressed hard against Ryan’s now, sealing their mouths together. His tongue melted with Ryan’s and his teeth pulled on Ryan’s lower lip.
Their bodies melded together and Brendon’s leg hooked around Ryan’s, pulling him as close as possible. His hand was on the back of Ryan’s neck, pressing him harder into the kiss.
"Bren," Ryan gasped between kisses, but Brendon didn’t let him get a word in edgewise, kissing him for all he was worth.
They continued like this for several minutes until Brendon’s hand slid down under the water to grab Ryan’s ass and pull him closer.
Ryan broke from the kiss suddenly, panting and flushed. Brendon’s eyes were filled with a familiar emotion and a not-so-familiar emotion. His lips were swollen and dark in the moonlight, and his mouth hung open slightly as he panted for breath. He stared at Ryan, searching his eyes.
"We can’t, Brendon," Ryan protested, pushing at his chest slightly. "Not without Spencer and Jon. I could go up and get them…"
"No," Brendon interrupted him, trying to kiss him again, but Ryan moved and he ended up only getting his jaw.
Ryan frowned, extracting himself from Brendon’s grip. "Um, I think I’m getting a cramp. You know, we just ate and swimming… bad idea."
He didn’t glance back as he swam to the other side of the pool and hauled himself out, grabbing his towel and disappearing inside. Brendon watched him go and sighed to himself. He hauled himself to the side of the pool, shivering as the cold wind wrapped around him. He sat there and stared at the glimmering water until the cold became too much.
When he reached the room that night, the lights were out and Ryan was already in bed, though as Brendon climbed into his own bed, he was sure Ryan wasn’t asleep.
**
Brendon’s eyes met Ryan’s from over Jon’s back as he slammed into him, taking out his frustration on a moaning Jon, his mind melted from the combined pressure of Brendon inside him and Spencer sucking his cock.
Ryan blinked as he thrust back inside Spencer’s body, then looked away, his hands going to Spencer’s hips to steady him. Brendon kept his eyes on Ryan until a sharp moan had his head snapping down.
He could feel the tight heat of Jon’s body as he moved inside him, thrusting hard, slamming his hips against Jon’s hearing the slap of skin against skin.
Jon was moaning softly, cursing when Spencer’s tongue flicked over his prick. Spencer was having trouble concentrating as Ryan moved inside him. He could feel Ryan’s long fingers stroking his hips softly, a sharp contrast to the way he was moving.
"Shit, Ry," Spencer choked out around Jon’s cock, reaching back and grabbing the back of Ryan’s thigh, squeezing tightly until his fingernails dug into the skin.
Ryan didn’t stop, though, only thrust in deeper, brushing against the spot inside Spencer that had his vision blurring. He pulled away from Jon’s cock as he bit down on his own lip.
"Spencer," Jon protested, grabbing his hair and pressing him forward. Spencer was panting harshly, but brought his hand to Jon’s cock, wrapping around the throbbing length and stroking with Ryan’s thrusts.
Brendon moved faster inside Jon, changing the angle sharply, knowing he’d hit the right spot as Jon cursed loudly, thrusting his hips into Spencer’s hand.
Brendon licked his lips, concentrating on his hips moving into Jon. His eyes flickered upward and he stared at Ryan from beneath his lashes. Ryan wasn’t looking at him, staring determinedly at Spencer’s hand on Jon’s cock, that was stroking haltingly.
Brendon saw Ryan’s face contract and his mouth drop open slightly, his head tilting back. The sight was too much and Brendon came amidst a stream of curses, his fingers bruising Jon’s hips as he thrust in hard, his hips finally jerking to a stop.
He didn’t pull out immediately, just took a long breath and lowered his head, closing his eyes.
He heard Jon gasp and felt his body tighten again as he came into Spencer’s hand. He heard the telltale sign of Ryan coming: the gasp, the short breath, the low moan, and the whispered fuck as it ended.
Brendon opened his eyes and carefully moved away from Jon, grabbing his jeans and flopping down on the couch. He watched as Jon picked himself up and pressed a kiss to Spencer’s lips, then Ryan’s. He glanced at Brendon on the couch and joined him, still naked.
Spencer stretched and climbed up off the floor, kissing Ryan’s cheek and snatching his shirt off the floor. "I’m gonna go clean up," he announced and turned to head towards the bathroom.
Ryan glanced after him, and after his glance flickered to Brendon, he turned and headed for the bunks.
Jon watched them go and turned to Brendon, who was tugging on his jeans. He got them up and buttoned but said nothing to Jon.
Jon paused. "How are you, Bren?"
"Fine." Brendon shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Yeah?" Jon shifted, grabbing his shirt off the floor and slipping it on. "You’re okay?"
"Of course." Brendon frowned. "Why wouldn’t I be?"
Jon shrugged, now pulling on his pants as well. "You’ve just been quiet lately, which is weird for you."
"Maybe I’ve just been thinking," Brendon snapped, then shut his mouth quickly. "I mean, I’m just tired."
Jon had looked taken aback for a second at Brendon’s sudden change, but merely frowned and slid an arm over Brendon’s shoulders. "Is this about the new album? Are you worried it’s not going to go over well?"
Brendon was silent for a minute. "Yeah, that’s it," he muttered.
Jon just smiled and hugged him closer. "Don’t worry. Someone will like it. My mother at least will buy one."
Brendon rolled his eyes but quirked a small smile anyway, which seemed to mollify Jon at the very least.
**
The next hotel they stayed at, Brendon wouldn’t admit that he was disappointed when Ryan jumped at the chance to room with Spencer instead of himself. Jon didn’t seem to notice or care, only grabbed his and Brendon’s suitcases and led the way to the third floor.
Their room was nice, fully-stocked with clean towels and shampoo. Brendon threw himself on the bed and stared at the ceiling as Jon went to take a shower. He could only hear the water running and sighed as he stared at the ceiling. It was a popcorn ceiling, white and boring.
Eventually, he sat up and turned on the television, numbing himself to the pain that throbbed deep inside his chest.
Jon came out a few moments later, water dripping down his chest and a white towel wrapped firmly around his waist. He got dressed and flopped down next to Brendon.
"What’re you watching?" he asked, grabbing the channels list from the bedside table and flipping it open.
Brendon just shrugged, changing the channel.
Jon glanced at him. "You want to do something tonight? Spencer was talking about going out to dinner or something."
Another shrug and the channel changed again.
Jon raised an eyebrow. "We could just order in and watch movies."
Shrug.
"All right. I’m going to go out with Spencer. You can come if you want."
Brendon didn’t reply and shut of the TV, laying on his back and staring upward. Jon frowned at him, but just shook his head and slid off the bed.
He paused at the door. "Are you sure you don’t want to come?"
Brendon just shook his head at the ceiling.
"Okay." Jon sighed. "I’ll be back later."
He left and the door clicked shut behind him. Brendon just sighed and rolled over onto his stomach, closing his eyes and pretending he was somewhere else.
It seemed like a long time, but it could only have been an hour after Jon left, that there was a soft knock on the door.
Brendon opened his eyes tiredly and glanced at the door, but made no motion to get up and answer it. He figured it was the maid or something. He closed his eyes again and settled in, trying not to think about anything.
There was another knock, louder this time and Brendon groaned as he looked at the door.
"Brendon?"
Brendon’s eyes widened as he heard Ryan’s voice through the door. He scrambled upward and to the door. Peering out the peephole, he could see Ryan standing in front of the door, frowning at it.
Brendon took a step back and opened it slowly.
"Hi," he said as the door opened to reveal Ryan.
"Hey," Ryan responded. He paused a second, then, "Can I come in?"
"Oh, yeah." Brendon stepped back quickly, allowing Ryan inside.
Brendon went back to his bed and sat down on it awkwardly, clasping his hands together to stop them from touching everything, a nervous habit.
Ryan moved inside, but stopped a few feet from Brendon. He was frowning and chewing on his lower lip.
Brendon felt like he should say something, but he didn’t know what.
Finally, Ryan moved over next to Brendon and sat down on the bed, a few feet away.
Ryan hesitated. "Uh, I’m sorry, Bren."
Brendon stared. "What?"
Ryan took a minute. "I’m sorry for acting like a jerk the past couple weeks. I just was surprised."
"Oh." Brendon didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t exactly what he wanted to hear, but it was better than nothing.
"Yeah." Ryan nodded as though that fixed everything. "So you wanna watch a movie?"
Brendon shook his head. He glanced at Ryan and stared. He could see almost everything from his proximity: the sharp curve of Ryan’s nose, how his hair fell in his eyes, the scar by his eye he’d gotten when he’d been hit in the face with a microphone stand during their first real concert.
Ryan glanced at him, the corners of his mouth tugging downward and his eyebrows furrowing.
"What?" he asked.
Brendon hesitated before scooting closer to Ryan and covering his hand with his own. Ryan frowned at the gesture, but didn’t say anything. Brendon stared at him for a good minute before he leaned forward, pressing his lips to Ryan’s.
He crawled forward, never pulling his lips from Ryan’s, moving so he was straddling Ryan’s lap.
Ryan’s hands were resting lightly on Brendon’s chest, as though he was going to push him away, but he didn’t. He let Brendon kiss him, deepening the kiss, his tongue sliding into his mouth.
Brendon moved tentatively, tugging at Ryan’s lower lip as he slid into his lap. He was unsure of what Ryan was going to do.
When Brendon’s hands moved, one going to the back of Ryan’s neck and the other to his waist, Ryan pulled away with a noise of disagreement.
"Brendon," he breathed, licking his lips and staring at Brendon. "We can’t do this."
"Yes, we can," Brendon murmured, pressing soft kisses to Ryan’s jaw and his neck.
Ryan shook his head and tried to push Brendon away. "No, it’s-Jon and Spencer-"
Brendon just made a noise against Ryan’s throat and moved upward, kissing him hard again. He didn’t want to think about Jon and Spencer.
Ryan pushed him away again, breaking the kiss sharply. "You’re breaking the rules."
Brendon stared at him for a minute, his face in a frown. He bit his lip as he thought, then moved forward again, his nose bumping against Ryan’s, and his breath warm on Ryan’s lips. "Then break them with me," he whispered, "please?"
He looked up hopefully, swallowing hard as he waited with bated breath for Ryan’s response. He could feel Ryan’s breath ghosting over his lips. He closed his eyes as he waited, not wanting to see the rejection in Ryan’s eyes, that he knew was forthcoming.
He was surprised, then, when Ryan’s hand went to his neck and pushed him forward, their lips meeting in a heated kiss that had Brendon’s mind reeling.
Brendon practically fell on top of Ryan, pressing his body into the mattress as they kissed. It was much better this way, just the two of them, no competing attention. His hands were everywhere, pushing up Ryan’s shirt, only to get distracted by his jeans, fumbling with the zipper and the button.
Ryan was making soft noises, impatient noises, as his hands grabbed at the hem of Brendon’s shirt, peeling it over his head and throwing it away. Brendon struggled to focus on one thing, abandoning the now undone button on Ryan’s jeans and pulling his shirt up and over his head.
Ryan dragged Brendon forward on top of him, sealing their lips together in a desperate kiss that Brendon hoped conveyed every emotion he’d never been able to say to Ryan. Ryan was lucky, he thought. He could put anything he wanted into his songs and no one would question it.
Brendon’s hands were back at Ryan’s zipper, tugging it down and shoving the jeans along with it. He worked hard to continue kissing Ryan, biting his lips, pushing his tongue against Ryan’s. He wanted to remember every minute of this.
He broke away only to gasp for air, then went immediately for Ryan’s neck. Ryan’s hand was in his hair, tangled deep in the brown locks. He gave a low groan as Brendon’s hand ghosted up his chest, stopping briefly to twist a nipple.
His body arched upward and Ryan let out a low breath. "Shit, Bren," he whispered, tilting his neck back so Brendon had better access.
Brendon shifted, his legs straddling Ryan’s and his hips digging down, grinding his own erection into Ryan’s. He heard the groan Ryan gave and felt a wave of relief spread down his spine. He nipped Ryan’s jaw and pressed kisses down his neck, over his collar bone, and slid down his body, leaving little licks as he went until Ryan was practically melting underneath him.
He reached the waist of Ryan’s boxers and paused, staring at the bulge in them. He’d seen it before, many times, but it was different this time.
"Shit, Brendon," Ryan cursed. "Are you going to stare at it or do something about it?"
Brendon blinked and smirked, glancing at Ryan and licking his lips. The sight had Ryan’s head falling back and a muttered, "oh fuck" falling from his lips.
Brendon’s fingers rested tentatively at the elastic of the boxers, and he tugged them down half an inch, leaning in and pressing his mouth to Ryan’s hip bone, swirling his tongue over the skin, nipping at the taut flesh. Ryan’s hand was still in Brendon’s hair, and he gave it an impatient tug as if to remind Brendon what he was doing.
Brendon moved faster, removing the boxers completely and sliding his mouth down to Ryan’s eager cock that waited for him. Taking it in his hand, he stroked softly, his mouth hovering just inches away.
Glancing up at Ryan, he kept a careful watch on him as he moved, sliding his hand over the hard length. He could see Ryan’s fingers curling around the sheets as Brendon moved.
Pausing just a second, Brendon moved in, flicking his tongue over the head. The groan Ryan gave was enough encouragement and he took the length in his mouth.
Ryan’s knuckles were white as he clutched at the sheets now, encouraging Brendon to go faster, don’t stop.
Brendon moved quickly, sliding his mouth over Ryan’s cock, his hand pumping the base with every movement he made. He could hear Ryan’s harsh breaths and knew it wouldn’t be long. He sucked hard, wanting to give Ryan as much pleasure as possible.
He heard the gasp, the short breath, and glanced up as Ryan moaned softly. He didn’t pull away, even though he knew it was coming. Seconds later, Ryan’s hips were arching off the bed as he came hard, the muttered "fuck" lost to Brendon’s ears.
Brendon pulled away after a second, sliding his tongue over Ryan’s inner thigh, leaving a nip on the sensitive skin before crawling over Ryan’s body to kiss him thoroughly. Ryan didn’t protest and let his fingers rest on Brendon’s jawbone as they kissed, their noses pressed together, their hips rubbing against each other.
Ryan broke away from the kiss and glanced down to where Brendon was still painfully hard against his thigh. Brendon looked up at him hopefully and was surprised when Ryan grabbed him by the belt loops and pulled him further on top, then proceeded to undo his jeans and push them to the floor.
Brendon swallowed nervously as Ryan leaned over the edge of the bed, rummaging in Brendon’s bag for what he knew would be there. He came back out with a tube of lube, which he pressed into Brendon’s hand.
"Really?" Brendon asked in a hushed voice and Ryan nodded.
With shaking hands, Brendon unscrewed the cap and spread it over his fingers, pressing one into Ryan’s body carefully.
He could feel the muscles tense around his fingers and he shifted, pulling Ryan’s legs up over his shoulders and sliding a second finger through the thick ring of muscles. Ryan didn’t look nervous, but his mouth fell open as Brendon prepared him.
Finally, Brendon removed his fingers and rolled on a condom, slicking up his cock with lube and moving forward, pressing the tip to Ryan’s entrance.
Ryan’s eyes closed and his teeth bit down on his lower lip hard as Brendon pushed inside. His hips shifted as he tried to get comfortable.
Brendon could tell he was holding his breath, so he leaned forward, brushing his lips against Ryan’s jaw. "It’s okay," he whispered. "Ryan."
Ryan nodded jerkily, releasing his lip and opening his eyes. "Just move, Bren," he urged him, grabbing a hold of his hips and angling them differently.
Brendon nodded quickly, taking a breath and moving back, beginning to thrust in and out. He’d never been inside Ryan before and it was a completely different experience. His body was tight and the heat of his muscles had the usual tingling feeling flaring through Brendon’s body.
He thrust in quicker now, moving his hips down to meet Ryan’s, ignoring the slight prick of pain from Ryan’s fingernail digging into his hips. It was worth it.
Leaning forward, he dragged his lips along Ryan’s collar bone, trailing his tongue over the flushed skin, nipping at Ryan’s neck, pressing his tongue against his pounding pulse. His body moved swiftly, thrusting into Ryan, changing the angle until he knew he’d hit the right spot that had Ryan cursing loudly and arching into Brendon.
Brendon knew it wouldn’t be long now. He could feel the heat pooling in his stomach as he moved within Ryan, sliding their hips together. He pressed desperate kisses to Ryan’s neck, his throat, his jaw, his ear, anywhere he could reach. He was pleased when Ryan brought his mouth to his for a kiss that sent tingles down his spine.
Brendon only broke away to gasp loudly and grit his teeth as he came hard, his head tilting back as his hips continued to thrust recklessly. His groan was matched by Ryan as he reached his climax and was blinded by a shower of white stars before his visions finally returned to normal and he collapsed on the bed next to Ryan.
Brendon’s face was pressed into the clean pillow that smelled of laundry detergent. He breathed in deeply, hearing nothing from Ryan. Finally, he rolled over, staring at the ceiling. Ryan was sitting up, staring at the black television screen.
"How long?"
The question lingered in the air and Brendon glanced over. Frowning, he looked away as Ryan looked at him.
"A few months, maybe a year," he admitted quietly.
"A year?" Ryan repeated incredulously.
Brendon shrugged awkwardly on the bed and said nothing. He stared at Jon’s suitcase on the other side of the room and felt a pang of guilt.
Ryan was shaking his head and sighed. "We broke the rules, Brendon. We can’t do that again."
Brendon sat up suddenly, staring at Ryan. "That’s it? We can’t do it again? Don’t you even care?"
Ryan stared at Brendon for a second before glancing away and shaking his head again. "We can’t do it."
Brendon stared at Ryan, searching for something, anything, that would indicate Ryan meant more than he said. He reached out for Ryan’s hand. "But, Ryan-"
"No, Brendon," Ryan said, taking his hand away and finally looking at him again. His eyes were dark but gave nothing away. "It’s not good for the band."
"But…"
"We should just forget it."
Brendon felt hurt more than anything, crushed. He waited for Ryan to say something more, but when nothing came, blinked and looked down at his hands. "I’m gonna go take a shower," he mumbled instead and rose from the bed, leaving Ryan behind.
**
The next few weeks were oddly cold and silent on Brendon’s part. Everyone noticed something was wrong, although only Ryan knew the real reason. Brendon didn’t say why when Jon or Spencer asked. He refused to participate in the "group activities" anymore, which meant that none of them could.
This made for a very sexually frustrated band, and a pouty Brendon. Not a good combination.
Spencer was the first to say something. One day when Ryan and Jon were in the bunks working on new music, Spencer joined Brendon on the couch where he was watching Aladdin. He took up most of the couch with his entire body spread over it, but Spencer shoved his feet up and sat down.
He waited a second before glancing at Brendon. Brendon’s eyes had never left the screen as Spencer had sat down. His stare was oddly blank and he wasn’t even singing along with the songs like he usually would have.
He was just curled up with his arm under his head as he stared blankly ahead. He merely blinked as Spencer nudged him.
"Brendon," Spencer said, poking his leg. Brendon did nothing. Spencer frowned and poked him harder. "Brendon."
"Hmm," was Brendon’s only response.
Spencer sighed and rubbed his face. This was going to be harder than he thought. He’d never dealt with this type of Brendon before, except when they’d first started and Brendon’s parents had kicked him out, but then, Ryan had worked some sort of magic to help him. Now, it seemed that Brendon didn’t want to talk to Ryan.
"You okay, Bren?"
A muffled "meh" was all that Spencer got in response. Spencer frowned.
"What’s wrong?" Spencer asked. "And don’t say nothing ‘cause it’s obviously more than that."
Brendon shifted on the couch, curling his legs up to his chest and staring at the TV. "I can’t tell you."
"Why not?" Spencer demanded.
"’Cause you wouldn’t understand, and then you’d get mad at me."
Spencer frowned. "I would not get mad at you."
"Yes, you would," Brendon mumbled to his knees, snuggling into the couch cushion as much as he could.
"When have I gotten mad at you for something you did?"
"Every day."
Spencer paused. "Okay." He sighed. "That doesn’t mean I will for this. Besides, you’ve been acting really weird. You don’t sing on the bus, you haven’t had a Red Bull for weeks and I haven’t seen you play Guitar Hero in forever!"
"And that’s bad?" Brendon’s tone was scarily monotonous, almost identical to Ryan’s.
"No, but it is for you!"
Brendon just shrugged, hugging his knees closer and watching Aladdin woo Princess Jasmine.
Spencer huffed at the fact that Brendon wasn’t responding to him.
"Brendon, just tell me what’s going on. I promise not to get mad."
Brendon just shook his head. "I can’t."
"Why not?" Spencer pressed, annoyed. "What is so bad that you can’t tell me or Jon or Ryan about it? What happened? You were fine one day, and the next, you act like someone ran over your puppy or something."
Brendon said nothing, keeping his eyes resolutely on the TV. Spencer waited, but in the end, sighed in frustration and rose from the couch.
"Fine, be mopey and annoying. But it better not last much longer or we’ll have to do something about it."
Another shrug was all Spencer got and he growled before stalking out of the room. Brendon merely turned up the volume on the television.
**
"You know," Jon said thoughtfully as he stared at the black canopy of his bunk, "if we didn’t have these rules, we wouldn’t be in this predicament."
"What predicament?" Spencer grunted from his bunk below. Ryan just glanced over from his own bunk.
Brendon was out in the living room area watching yet another movie. It felt as though they’d watched their entire collection of DVDs at least twice in the past two weeks, but that didn’t stop Brendon from putting on the Lord of the Rings for the third time.
Jon rolled over, hanging his head over to edge to look at Spencer. He raised an eyebrow.
"You jerking off in your bed instead of fucking me or Ryan," Jon replied.
Spencer scowled but didn’t remove his hands from underneath his jeans. "The rules are there for a reason."
"Yeah, so when Brendon gets into whatever funk this is, none of us can get any."
Ryan merely glanced away and said nothing.
"So you’re suggesting we just throw out rule number two after all this time?" Spencer gave a small gasp as his hand twisted suddenly.
Jon sighed and returned to staring at the canopy. "Well, it might work better. I don’t know about you, but even Zach’s starting to look good."
"Ew," Spencer replied and Ryan frowned.
"Well!" Jon shrugged. "What are we supposed to do? Brendon won’t tell us what’s wrong."
"Maybe we can persuade him."
Jon raised an eyebrow at the ceiling. "I don’t think that’s going to work. It’s been weeks."
"So you just want to throw it out all together?" They heard Spencer’s muffled gasp but ignored it.
Jon sighed. "I don’t know. Maybe it’d be easier."
"So you want to go outside?" Ryan finally spoke up, a note of curiosity in his voice. They heard Spencer stop moving as he listened closely.
Jon looked at Ryan and frowned, glancing away. "No. I didn’t say that. I just meant, it could be the three of us if, you know, Brendon gets like this again."
"And if he doesn’t get like this again?" Ryan asked, an eyebrow arched.
Jon shrugged. "Then it would be fine, right?"
"Right," Ryan echoed quietly. "No subgroups."
Jon paused, glancing at Ryan and then below at Spencer, who was biting his lower lip as his hand moved swiftly beneath his jeans.
"Well, maybe we could just amend it."
"What does-that mean?" Spencer asked haltingly, lifting his hips slightly.
Jon hesitated. "Maybe we should allow group break-offs… for the time being."
Ryan frowned but said nothing. The sound of the television leaked through the thin walls and he heard Gandalf yelling something.
"It’s w-worked fine all this time," Spencer replied instead, moaning softly as his hand stroked carefully.
"Uh huh," Jon said unamusedly, "and that’s why you’re down there by yourself."
Spencer scowled and rolled his eyes. "Well, you could come help."
"Not according to rule number two."
Spencer sighed and looked at Ryan in the next bunk, who said nothing and merely stared at the ceiling.
"We’ll think about it," he said finally and bit his lip as he came quietly in his own hand.
Jon just shook his head. "Think quickly."
**
"Hey, Brendon." Spencer smiled at Brendon as he approached.
Brendon just glanced up from the television. "Hi."
Spencer paused a second before taking a seat next to Brendon. "So how are you feeling today?"
Brendon just shrugged, his eyes flickering to Ryan and Jon, who stood in the doorway to the living room. Ryan wasn’t looking at Brendon and Jon was watching him carefully.
Spencer scooted closer. "Listen, Brendon, please, will you just say yes? I mean, you won’t have to do anything, I promise. You can just sit there and we’ll do all the work. For God’s sake, it’s been a month! Brendon, you’re killing us, you realize that, right?"
Brendon glanced at Spencer, seeing the desperation in his eyes. He frowned and looked at his hands in his lap.
"Yeah," he muttered finally and Spencer sighed in relief that he understood.
"Okay, well, will you please agree? I promise you won’t have to do anything. I just-we just-need release. And we can’t do it without you."
"Because of rule number two," Brendon muttered, more to himself than anything, although Spencer caught it.
"Yeah," Spencer said, looking at Brendon closely. "So will you?"
Brendon paused a minute, still staring at his hands, before he nodded, almost minutely. He heard Spencer’s sigh of relief.
"Thank you, Brendon," he said sincerely, motioning Ryan and Jon over.
Brendon didn’t say anything and barely paid attention as it started. He watched them all kiss, turned away when Ryan kissed Spencer and then Jon. He sat on the couch as they removed their clothes and his, Jon’s calloused fingers brushing over his skin as he pulled the shirt off. He fought back the shiver and stared at the television screen where Ariel was kissing the Prince.
He felt mouths on his skin, lips on his chest, but he closed his eyes and didn’t look. He opened his eyes when the lips pulled away and he heard the rustle of clothing, the rummaging under the couch.
They were kissing again and when Ryan moved to Brendon, Brendon turned his face just as Ryan leaned in, his lips landing on his cheek instead. Spencer paused for a second, but Jon’s mouth was on his neck, and he wasn’t going to let the opportunity pass now that they’d finally gotten Brendon to agree.
Brendon forced his eyes away from Ryan as he moved back, not wanting to see his face. He let Spencer nudge him off the couch, removing his jeans as he did so. He didn’t notice what was happening around him, but soon felt the familiar flash of pain as Spencer pressed a finger into his body. Jon was before him, his cock already half in his mouth.
Brendon’s back arched and he bit back the tears welling in the corners of his eyes. He gasped as Spencer pushed in and Jon’s tongue slid over his cock. He couldn’t see Ryan and knew he was probably behind Spencer from the way Spencer was breathing and moaning, pressing hot kisses to Brendon’s spine.
Brendon grabbed Jon’s shoulder to keep him upright as Spencer pounded in, the slap of skin against skin echoing in the bus, barely audible over the happy music as the credits rolled on the TV.
He let out a shuddering breath as he came in Jon’s mouth, a blush of shame tingeing his cheeks, but he hid it as Jon glanced up at him, a satisfied expression on his face. Brendon hung his head, his hips still moving with Spencer’s as he drove into him, needing that release he’d been denied for over a month.
Brendon closed his eyes as he heard Ryan coming, that same sound he’d memorized a long time ago. He felt Spencer come a minute later, deep inside him. When Spencer finally pulled out, Brendon extricated himself from the pile and slunk into the bunk area.
Spencer, Jon, and Ryan watched him go silently. Spencer sighed and glanced at Jon, who still hadn’t gotten off. With one last glance at the bunks, he crawled over, kissing Jon softly. "Let me take care of that."
Ryan stood then and turned, disappearing into the kitchen. Spencer watched him go with suspicious eyes before turning back to the task at hand.
**
"I’ve figured it out."
Ryan looked up from where he was playing a video game on the hotel television. It was some crappy game, the only one the front desk had had. Ryan was sitting cross-legged, the controller in his hands as Spencer came in from the shower.
"Oh yeah?" Ryan asked distantly as he turned back to the television while Spencer changed clothes.
"Yep," Spencer replied simply. "You, or well, maybe not you, but Brendon, is in love with you."
"What?!" Ryan’s head jerked around so quickly, he winced and raised a hand to the now shooting pain in his neck. He stared at Spencer, though, as he rubbed his neck. "Are you crazy?"
"Nope. I’m right."
Spencer plopped down on the bed and grabbed a bag of chips from the nightstand, tearing them open and popping one into his mouth.
"You are not," Ryan argued, scowling. "How would you know? Did he tell you that?"
Spencer scoffed and smiled. "Of course not. He’s almost as bad as you now. But I saw what happened last week."
"Nothing happened last week," Ryan grumbled, turning resolutely back to the game.
"Right," Spencer said, his tone disbelieving. "He just completely ignores you, except when he’s staring at you."
"He does not."
"Yes, he does," Spencer replied firmly. Pausing, he looked thoughtful. "What do you think of rule number two, Ryan?"
Ryan frowned, punching the game controller harder than necessary. "It’s fine," he muttered.
"Really? You don’t agree with Jon and think that maybe we should get rid of it?"
Ryan just shrugged, frowning at the television screen.
"I think Brendon would like to get rid of it."
"Well, then go ask Brendon!" Ryan snapped.
"I’m asking you."
Ryan closed his eyes briefly and opened them to stare at the screen. He heard Spencer sliding off the bed and didn’t look over when he joined him on the floor, removing the controller from his hands and pausing the game.
Ryan sighed. "I don’t know, okay?"
There was a pause in which Spencer looked at Ryan closely, then his eyes widened and his mouth opened slightly.
"Did you already break the rule?"
Ryan’s eyes widened. "It was Brendon’s idea," he said quickly. Spencer just gave him a look and Ryan sighed. "Okay, so maybe I agreed. But I told him it wouldn’t happen again."
"Why not?"
Ryan stared. "Because of the rule!"
Spencer just shook his head. "Ryan, rules can be changed."
"Now you say that," Ryan scoffed. He groaned. "Spencer, what am I going to do?"
Spencer just shook his head. "Talk to Jon." Ryan looked confused but Spencer just nodded. "Let’s go get him now."
He hauled Ryan to his feet, the video game forgotten on the TV, and they headed out to find Jon.
**
"Brendon, we need to talk."
Brendon’s expression went from blank to panic in six seconds flat as he looked up at Jon, Ryan, and Spencer, all standing in front of him as he lay on the couch, Aladdin on replay for the fourth time that week. Scrambling up on the couch, Brendon glanced between them all.
"What?" he asked urgently. "What happened?"
"You," Spencer replied simply and Brendon’s eyes widened to the size of saucers.
"Are you kicking me out of the band?!" he asked in a hysteric voice.
"No," Spencer reassured him quickly, seeing the panic in his eyes. "Of course not. We’ve just… come to a decision, and we thought you should know."
Brendon’s heart calmed slightly, but he could still feel it pounding against his ribcage as he looked from Spencer to Jon and to Ryan, who lingered a little behind Jon.
"What?"
Spencer paused, glancing at Jon. "We’ve been talking, and we think it’s time for a revision of the rules."
Brendon’s eyebrows furrowed. "The rules?"
"Well, rule number two," Spencer amended.
Brendon frowned and glanced at Ryan, looking for some sort of confirmation, but Ryan wasn’t looking at him, just dragging his toe in a circle on the carpet.
"What’s wrong with it?" he muttered instead, lowering his gaze to the floor.
"It’s outdated," Spencer stated simply. "We’ve changed. You’ve changed."
"I haven’t changed." Brendon’s mumble was barely audible over the television.
Spencer sighed. "Yeah, you have. We can all tell. Listen, Bren, we know how you feel about Ryan."
Brendon’s head snapped up as he stared at Spencer. Jon was just nodding and Ryan refused to meet his eyes.
"I don’t-I mean, it’s nothing important," Brendon protested. "I can stop. I don’t wanna ruin anything. Really. I don’t-about Ryan-he’s not… we’re not. I didn’t mean…"
"It doesn’t matter." Spencer glanced at Ryan, who was pointedly avoiding everyone’s gaze. "Rule number two is now obsolete. You can do whatever you want with anyone you want."
Brendon just stared. "But what about… everything? You, and Jon, and Ryan and everybody?"
Spencer just shrugged. "It’s easier this way. You can do what you want and not have to worry about everyone else."
"But-"
"Brendon," Spencer interrupted him. "I’m giving you an opportunity here, now take it." He stood up and glanced at Jon, pausing. He looked back at Brendon on the couch, staring at his hands. "Now, since we don’t have that rule anymore, Jon and I will be in the back if you need something, although I recommend you don’t."
He and Jon turned and left Ryan and Brendon alone in the living room, with only the Genie and Aladdin for company. Brendon didn’t say anything and stared at the floor.
Ryan shuffled his feet nervously before approaching Brendon and joining him on the couch.
"So, Spencer says you love me," Ryan offered finally, his voice quiet.
Brendon sort of shrugged. "What does it matter?"
"It matters a lot."
Brendon sighed and glanced up at Ryan for a second.
"I’m sorry, Brendon."
"For what?" Brendon went back to staring at his shoes.
"For… for not caring. I just, I wasn’t expecting that when you said it had been a whole year that you’d wanted to. We weren’t supposed to, you know?"
"I know."
"But there’s no rule two now," Ryan said, a note of hope in his voice as he watched Brendon carefully.
Brendon merely shrugged.
"We could… If you wanted. If you forgave me."
Brendon sighed softly. "I’m not mad at you."
"You’re not?"
"No. I’m mad at myself for thinking that I could have changed anything."
"But you did," Ryan insisted. "You got Spencer to change the rule, and you know how he loves rules."
Brendon shook his head. "It’s minor victory, but not what I wanted."
"Well, what did you want? Brendon, I don’t understand." Ryan stared at him plainly. "I thought you wanted us to be able to… be together or whatever. Isn’t that what you wanted?"
"I didn’t want all this hassle. I didn’t want people to have to change what they wanted for me."
"Oh, Brendon." Ryan sighed. "Sometimes I think you’re too nice."
Brendon frowned. "That’s a bad thing?"
"When you never go for what you want, yes," Ryan replied, turning to Brendon and pulling him forward into a surprised kiss.
Brendon was shocked but happy when Ryan kissed him, holding his face close, his thumbs stroking his jaw. He relaxed into the kiss easily, opening his mouth for Ryan’s tongue to slip inside.
When they finally parted, Brendon felt winded, even though it had been a small kiss.
Ryan swallowed and glanced at Brendon, his mouth curving into a smile.
Brendon paused. "So I should do what I want more often?"
"It might get you more things," Ryan murmured as Brendon leaned in again.
Brendon smiled. "I like that idea." Then he kissed Ryan again as the bus rumbled through the Midwest and golden plains flurried past.
*****************************************************************************
Sometimes Brendon was a genius. A fucking genius, man. Like the first time he thought maybe Ryan Ross was just a little gay for him - among others - and then randomly kissed him after practice. Only, it wasn’t so random, because it had been on his mind for weeks before that, and apparently Ryan really did taste like sugar and lip gloss.
So when Brendon called Pete up and told him his latest brilliant idea, he wasn’t surprised at all when Pete just laughed, “Go for it, man,” into the phone. Because Brendon Urie? He’s on top of things, he’s with it, he’s a motherfucking cool cat and all that jazz.
The actual getting a tattoo part was less than awesome, though. Because apparently his skin didn’t like being poked with needles and ink and whatever else happened during the space of time that Brendon claimed to have lost. His mind went all fuzzy with glee and awesomeness, and all he can remember is grinning like mad and trying to look cool in front of the cameras.
Mission accomplished.
But once the whole process was over, he couldn’t get enough of it; couldn’t stop staring at his left forearm and mentally rambling about how cool it is. Brendon could write sonnets about his forearm. It’s that awesome.
Especially when he had his left hand wrapped around his cock, pumping slowly in time to the music in his headphones. There weren’t any words, just the lucid tones of his songs being played on strings, and that was almost as cool as his tattoo. Almost.
Brendon bit down on his lip, hard enough to make it bleed, and struggled to keep his eyes open. He was close, knew it wasn’t going to last long when he was watching the muscles beneath his newly inked skin moving. They were mesmerizing in the way they stretched out the ink, little ripples of movement as his fingers worked up and down his dick.
Brendon rubbed his thumb over the head of his cock and bit back a whimper, his body stiffening as he came, coating his fingers and thighs. He fell back against his pillow, grinning as he came down from orgasm, still feeling the last tremors coursing through his veins.
Sometimes Brendon was a genius.
--
Brendon had a habit - more of an addiction - of making spur of the moment decisions. Most of the time, though, they worked in his (and Ryan’s) favor. The tattoo though? So very unwise. Ryan got that it was Brendon’s instrument of choice and he was making some huge statement about his life as a musician.
The thing is, it really fucked up with the ascetics of Brendon’s forearm.
Brendon could mess with makeup or clothing as much as he wanted, but now he had gone and changed himself. As much as Ryan tried to play it off as something miniscule and insignificant, he flat out did not like it. It got in the way of his fingers; blocked his skin from touching Brendon’s.
He knew it was illogical and just plain weird, but he couldn’t get over the way Brendon had just nonchalantly marred his body. Pete Wentz could think it was as cool as he wanted to, but it wasn’t Brendon. Ryan couldn’t help noticing the way the skin felt foreign beneath his palms.
Perhaps dirtying Brendon’s forearm even more wasn’t the best revenge, but it’s all Ryan had. So when Brendon was on his knees, bruised lips wrapped around Ryan’s cock, all he could think about - beyond the wetness of Brendon’s mouth - was marking him, remarking him to cover up any newfound imperfections.
At the last second, Ryan pulled out, ignoring Brendon’s confused look and taking his cock in his own hands. Brendon’s fingers were still digging into his hips, his nails leaving tiny half-moon marks on Ryan’s skin. He chewed on his lower lip and worked his hands faster, already feeling the orgasm building at the base of his spine.
Ryan shifted his hips, grunting as he exploded in thick bursts across the colorful skin of Brendon’s forearm. Brendon looked up at him, blinking slowly as he took in the mess on his arm.
“Fuck yeah,” he muttered in awe. Brendon smirked and held up his arm, licking tentatively at what he could reach. He looked so damn pleased with himself that Ryan could only sigh and roll his eyes.
Maybe he wasn’t cut out for the whole revenge thing after all.
--
“I’m not going to ask about it,” Spencer growled after the eight hundredth time - he was totally counting - Brendon waved his arm in front of Spencer’s face. He had eyes, damn it. He could see that Brendon had once again gotten wrapped up in some moment only he knew about and gone and done something stupid.
Ok, so maybe not stupid so much as surprisingly hot.
Not that Spencer would ever tell him that, because Brendon didn’t even have the courteously to tell him about the freaking tattoo. He just kept flailing his arm around and making puppy dog eyes in Spencer’s direction.
“I feel like a scorned woman,” Brendon started, cut off when Spencer started chuckling at him. “Hear me out,” Brendon said after he calmed down. “It’s like a haircut that nobody noticed. I’m the damaged party here.”
“You’re damaged alright,” Spencer told him without looking away from the tv.
“It’s hot,” Brendon said, and Spencer could hear the pout in his voice. As adorable the pouting was, he’d never tell Brendon.
“Fine,” Spencer finally conceded. “It’s outrageously hot and I don’t think I’ve ever been this attracted to you in my entire life. Oh, boy!”
“It doesn’t count if you’re mocking me,” Brendon complained. But he crawled across the couch and settled in Spencer’s lap. Spencer could feel the hard press of his erection against his thigh and leaned into the touch. “Now you have to make it up to me,” Brendon whispered before bending down and closing his mouth over Spencer’s.
They didn’t even get undressed, just quickly shoved their jeans down far enough so they could touch, really touch, no clothing in between. Brendon straddled Spencer’s lap, rocking his hips in time with Spencer’s. He bit down on Spencer’s lower lip, whimpering into his mouth as their cocks slid together.
Brendon was surprisingly quiet as he came, muffling his cries against Spencer’s shoulder. And when Spencer followed him seconds later, he shouted, a hoarse cry that filled the hotel room.
Their come coated his stomach, and he was pretty sure they could actually end up stuck like that, but it was kind of perfect. They sat there, Brendon still shivering in Spencer’s lap, until Spencer could move again. He chose not to, just picking up Brendon’s arm, his fingers gingerly wrapped around Brendon’s wrist. He studied the piano keys, pursing his lips as he took in the shading and the way Brendon’s muscles moved beneath the inked skin.
“It suits you,” he mumbled.
He could feel Brendon’s grin against the side of his neck.
--
Brendon had been weird lately. Jon may not be the most observant person in the world, but he could tell when Brendon bounced a little higher or rambled a bit louder. The thing was, he had no idea why he was doing it this time.
Ryan was a little bit on edge, and Spencer had taken to avoiding Brendon’s gaze (when they weren’t fucking), but Jon couldn’t pinpoint any precise reason why Brendon seemed to be out of sorts.
Brendon even fucked differently, which was weird. He usually moved a lot more, but when Jon was buried in his ass, Brendon just clung to him, digging his fingers into Jon’s forearms. Sure, he writhed on the bed, his head tossing back and forth as he mumbled the most obscene things Jon had ever heard, but he was much stiller than usual.
“More, Fuck Jon, more,” Brendon begged - he knew Jon loved it when he begged - and tightened his hold on Jon. Jon let out a moan and thrust harder, struggling to keep his eyes open as he moved in and out of Brendon’s body. He was tight, so god damn tight, and Jon was shaking as he fucked him.
Jon slid a hand between their bodies, fisting his fingers around Brendon’s dick. Brendon whimpered and bit down on his lip, chewing on it as he watched Jon with wide eyes. His pupils were dark and Jon couldn’t help groaning as how awesome it was that Brendon let him do this.
Then Brendon came, his back arching as he spilled himself over Jon’s fingers. Jon kept thrusting, his hips stuttering as he came, emptying himself inside the condom. He caught a flash of color on Brendon’s forearm as he collapsed on top of him and realized why Brendon had been so worked up for the past week or so.
As soon as he could move again, Jon rolled onto his side and spooned behind Brendon. He lifted Brendon’s arm, moving it closer to his face so he could see the design, could appreciate the shading and the utter ridiculousness of it.
“It’s pretty. Just like you,” he whispered against the nape of Brendon’s neck. Brendon let out a shaky moan in response, and Jon worked his hand over Brendon’s body, settling with his palm flat against Brendon’s hips.
--
After a few weeks, everyone was used to Brendon’s tattoo. It was another part of them, just like Ryan’s makeup or Jon’s beard. Sure, they all caught little flashes of color out of the corner of their eyes, but it wasn’t an issue. Brendon even stopped brining it up every five seconds, which everyone counted as a blessing.
And when Ryan was inside Brendon, thrusting hard from behind while Brendon went down on Spencer, it was just another part of Brendon for Jon to lick.
Ryan wouldn’t ever admit it, but he kinda liked the knowledge that he was one of only three people in the entire world who got to know what it felt like to come on Brendon’s tattoo. It even became this kink where he tried to do it as often as possible, and hey, that was something Brendon could go with. Really go with.
Spencer found solace in the fact that Brendon came to him in order to find out whether inked skin tasted different than clean skin. It had taken an entire afternoon - and involved lots of come and drool - but Spencer still claimed there was a slight distinction between the two parts of Brendon’s body. He still licked Brendon every day or so just to make sure, though.
Jon was pretty laid back, so he didn’t pay much attention to Brendon’s tattoo. He liked the way Brendon displayed it, though; the way he flexed his forearm in photos or rolled up the sleeves of his hoodies. As long as Brendon didn’t get tired of sleeping with him, Jon could pretty much accept anything.
And Brendon still thought it was the coolest fucking thing ever. Except maybe for the fact that he had three awesome bandmates who seemed to like fucking him.
Sometimes life just rocked.
*****************************************************************************
Ryan makes a displeased noise from his place on the couch. It sounds a little distressed and 'help me, Spence!' so Spence tilts his head to look past his laptop to watch Brendon crawl into Ryan's lap. The XBox controller lies forgotten and deserted on the floor and on the screen blinks the high score. Spencer grins when he sees that Brendon still hasn't managed to beat him, which may or may not (Spence doesn't dare to make assumptions on Brendon's motives) be the reason why Brendon is now snuggling close to a very unwilling Ryan, looking all hurt and woeful.
"Make out with me," Spence hears him say, muffled by Ryan's sweater. "I lost again. It sucks. I hate Spence." A quick glance into Spence's direction and Spencer raises a brow at him and flips him off before going back to his work.
From the couch, Ryan makes desperate noises, and Spence can't help but risk another glance. Brendon has Ryan pinned down effectively with his knees and is pulling at his sweater. Spence swallows, and tries to ignore the warmth pooling in his lower body.
"Fuck, Brendon," Spencer hears, a tiny hiss out of Ryan's mouth and he doesn't really want to look. Instead, he shifts the laptop to a more comfortable position on his lap, rearranging his legs in an Indian-style position.
"Don't you feel bad for me, Ryan?" Brendon is asking, and Spencer glances up to see him comfortably settled between Ryan's legs, rolling his hips a little and nuzzling Ryan's chin.
"Of course I do, Brendon," Ryan says, consolingly patting him on the head. He meets Spencer's gaze and Spence can feel the flush spreading on his cheeks. Ryan rolls his eyes at Spence and mouths 'KID', but continues to pet Brendon's hair. Brendon makes a pleased little sound and buries his nose against Ryan's neck, and even Spence has to smile a little. He looks away again when Ryan gives him a questioning look.
"Hey, hey," Brendon mumbles, and Spence deliberately doesn't look but keeps typing. There is shuffling, the sounds of clothes sliding over skin and then hushed voices and Ryan exhaling audibly. Spence bites his lip and tries to ignore the wet noises, the shallow breathing, but when Ryan makes a little choking sound, he can't help but look.
They're kissing open-mouthed, tongues sliding wetly against each other, teeth clicking; it's so quiet; Spence imagines he can hear their heartbeats in unison, and he lets out a breath he didn't notice he was holding.
The door to the lounge opens as soon as Spencer tears his eyes away from Ryan and Brendon, still connected at the mouth. And, really, everywhere else.
Jon stands in the doorway, watching everything with a cocked eyebrow. Spencer meets his eyes, a little flushed, and almost feels guilty for being in the room. Jon lets out a little 'whoo-hoo' noise, and Spencer automatically feels light again.
He watches with Jon as Brendon breaks away from his embrace with Ryan for a moment to turn around, slick-lipped and dark-eyed, and flick Jon off.
"Oooh," Jon says and reaches for his heart, mock-hurt, face twisting in invisible pain. He laughs and flops down on the ground next to Spence's feet.
"So, since when?" he asks, twisting his neck to look at Spencer.
Spencer shrugs, bites his lip, hoping Jon is talking of what he thinks he is. "Five minutes," he answers, trying to sound nonchalant. Brendon tells them to fuck off, twice, whenever he manages to pry himself away from Ryan.
Jon grins and rolls his eyes, and Spence feels a little safer now that he's not alone anymore. He turns to his laptop again, ready to continue, when suddenly Ryan's sidekick on the table next to Spence starts blinking, vibrating and ringing all at once.
"Are you," he starts, trailing off when a quick glance shows that Ryan, in fact, won't be able to get his phone.
Jon nudges his shin, still grinning up at Spencer, this time with a twinkle in his eyes. "Get it," he mouths. Spencer reaches over, pulling the phone into his hand, and pressing the 'answer' button.
"Er, Hey, Pete," he says, after a quick glance at the caller ID.
"Ryan there?" Pete says, kind of passing over the formality of 'hi', which Spencer finds a little rude. (Really, what does it take?)
"Um, no," Spencer says, a little bit of a laugh in his voice, "He's kind of, busy."
"With what? Emo lyrics?" Pete asks, and Spencer can nearly hear the smirk in his voice. "Come on, get him to the phone."
"Er, no, he's really busy," Spence insists because he is quite sure that Ryan won't move an inch if he calls him to the phone right now. Jon moves from his position on the floor to sit on the armrest next to Spencer.
"He's got his hands full," he says into the phone with a grin before Spencer can pull away.
"Hah," Pete kind of laughs, and then, "No, seriously. I'm not fucking joking, give me Ryan."
"He's performing sexual favors on our lead singer, I'm afraid," Jon answers and Spencer swats his thigh.
"Shut the fuck up!" Brendon yells from the couch.
"Can't you get him to stop, for like, a second?" Pete asks, and he's probably grinning, probably.
"I don't think so," Spencer says, grabbing the phone from Jon as soon as he sees that he is about to speak.
"Just say, 'Pete is on the phone,' he'll come." Spencer finds the choice of wording somewhat ironic, but calls out anyways, only to be received by a wave of Ryan's hand, which has snaked its way out from between his and Brendon's bodies - in a rather low spot.
"Yeah, I'd try something less anti-making-out, Pete," Jon laughs, trying to tug the phone away to himself.
"What? Should I say like, 'Ryan, bite Brendon's lip,' or something?" Spencer can hear Pete laughing from the phone, amused.
"You never know, it might work," he says, smiling and leaning against Jon's head. (One of them had to do the smart thing and decide to share.)
"Pete says you should bite Brendon's lip, Ryan," Spence says after a moment of consideration. "Or come to the phone," the adds after a second, but Brendon is already groaning, his bottom lip between Ryan's teeth. They part for a moment, and kiss again.
"Oh, shit," Jon mutters, breath hitching, and Spencer swallows. He can hear the blood rush in his ears, loud and fast and hot.
"What? What?" Pete asks over the line.
"He did it," Jon says, leaning closer to Spencer. "So, what now?"
"Oh," Pete says and Spence can hear him swallow. "Seriously?"
"Yeah, absolutely" Jon says calmly, and Pete answers, sounding uncertain, "Are they- are they naked. Jesus, I can't believe I'm asking this. Are they?"
"No," Spence answers, feeling a little surreal. Feels very surreal when Jon adds, "Not yet."
"You think I could just tell them to get naked?" Pete asks, a little laughter in his voice, and then, before Spencer can reply, "Shirts, tell him to take off their shirts."
Spencer swallows again, wishing for water, and Jon is tense beside him. "I, Ryan, Pete wants you to take off both your and Brendon's, er, shirts."
Jon lets out a little breath, that could almost be a laugh, and Spencer buries his face into his neck, mumbling, "Did I just say that? Ohmygod, Jon, did I just say that?"
"Hey! What are they doing?" Pete asks from the phone, a little louder than necessary and Spencer glances back up. Brendon's back is bare, muscles tensing as Ryan rakes his nails lightly downwards.
Ryan locks eyes with Spence, pupils small and dark, "What else, does he want, Spence? What else?"
Spencer almost groans himself at the tone of Ryan's voice, watches him struggle out of his own shirt. "Shit," he says into the phone, "Shit Pete, what now?"
Pete is quiet for a moment, and Spence presses closer to Jon, needing contact, needing an anchor. "Brendon - tell Brendon to, uh, lick Ryan's lips." Pete sounds a little hoarse; his tone makes Spencer's stomach lurch a little with the realization of what they're about to do, of what they're already doing.
"Brendon," Jon says, putting his hand softly onto Spence's thigh. "Er, kiss Ryan."
"Lick his lips," Spence adds before he can stop himself, and Brendon's eyes dance between them for a moment before he leans down and softly licks Ryan's lower lip and then kisses him. Ryan arches off the couch, straining towards Brendon, his arms around Brendon's neck.
Spencer feels Jon's hand move to his thigh, squeezing a little, and he breathes, "Fuck, Spencer, fuck."
Ryan is making little noises, accentuated by the wet sounds. "Is that, is - Ryan really makes those noises? Holy shit," Pete exclaims from the phone, and Spence asks, "Can you say something else, Pete?"
Again, Pete holds his tongue, obviously thinking, and Spencer can't help but make an impatient noise, eyes locked with Ryan's as Brendon nips at his bottom lip.
"Have, have Brendon bite him, Spence, his neck," Pete finally answers, his voice an octave deeper.
'Like a vampire?' Spencer wants to joke, but can't, he's too far into serious and surreal territory.
"Bite him, Brendon," he says instead and reaches for his neck, and Jon's fingers dig into the flesh of his thigh harder, nearly painful. Brendon nods and leans down, burying his face against Ryan's neck. Ryan gasps and arches up, mouth slightly open and eyes closed.
"Wow," Jon says against Spencer's temple, lips soft, breath moist and tickling. "That's seriously." He stops, hand sliding higher on Spencer's thigh and Spence feels him tremble slightly.
"Does it hurt?" Spence hisses, trying to make his voice sound normal. "Ryan?"
"No-ah," Ryan breaks off, pulling at Brendon's hair until Brendon complies and moves to kiss him on the mouth again. Over the phone Pete makes a little choking noise.
"You guys, you," Pete almost gasps, and Spencer imagines him in his living room, or his bedroom, gripping his Sidekick with a sweaty hand to mirror Spencer's own, "You aren't fucking with me, right? They - they are really?"
Jon nods, seemingly incoherent, and Spencer answers a hoarse, "Yes."
"God, I want to see this," Pete says, almost indirectly into the phone, as if he's saying it to himself, "Can, would they do more? Ask him, ask."
Now even Brendon is turned a little, watching Spencer and Jon on the couch, waiting, he trails his fingers down Ryan's bare chest, and Spencer can see the muscles tensing. "Would you do," he asks, "Would you do more?"
Brendon gives a little almost frantic nod, and pushes visibly downward, making Ryan groan, eyes falling shut.
"Can you, like, let us get naked, at least? Jesus," Brendon growls out, annoyed.
"Er, Pete," Spencer rasps, "They want - ask them to take off everything."
"Okay," Pete says. "That works."
Jon nods shortly at them, and Brendon sits up and starts wiggling out of his pants. He's halfway through, when he seems to notice that Ryan isn't really doing anything.
"Ryan?" Spence and Jon ask nearly at the same time. "Huh?" Pete says over the phone.
"I like my pants, thanks," Ryan says and pushes at Brendon who's trying to work his fly open. "Tell Pete to go fuck himself, I won't get naked here in front you all."
Jon says raises his brow, and Spence bites his lip. Pete's inquiring voice over the phone is echoing in his head, annoyingly so. He inhales sharply and pries the Sidekick from his ear and hangs up. Jon gives a little laugh and slides down the armrest until he's squeezed into the armchair with Spence. Spencer fidgets for a moment and then decides, what the hell, and climbs into Jon's lap.
"Blow him," Spence says and tilts his chin a little, Jon's hands sneaking around his waist.
Ryan makes a face, his nose scrunched up a little. "You guys," he says, slowly, and his tongue darts out to wet his bottom lip. Jon pushes upwards a little, just a tiny pressure and grips at Spencer's hipbone.
Brendon turns to Ryan, a tiny pout on his face, and brushes his knuckles along Ryan's chin. "Come on," he whispers, slightly, and Jon continues to push up against Spencer, light but enough that it's making his head spin.
"Come on," Brendon says again, "You want to, don't you? Just -- on your knees and everything, right on the floor while I sit up here? While they watch?"
Ryan looks like he's considering saying no, or getting up, because he tenses, but then he makes a quick grab for Brendon's hand, the one on his chin, and pulls him forward, into an almost harsh kiss.
"Fuck," Jon whispers from behind Spencer, and his tongue darts out to lick at the shell of Spencer's ear.
"Do it," Spence whispers, not sure whether Ryan can even hear him, but Jon's movements get more frantic, and Spence grinds back at him a little. He watches Ryan and Brendon break apart and then Ryan is sliding from the couch onto the floor, hands on Brendon's thighs and Brendon's fingers in his hair.
"Shit," Jon mouths into Spencer's ear. "Shit, Spence, this is so hot."
Spence swallows nods and leans back a little more, falling against Jon, twists his arms so he can bury his hands in Jon's hair. Jon's noticeably hard against him, and Spence moves again, enjoys the sound Jon makes.
He closes his eyes for a moment, but then Brendon just gasps, hoarsely, and Spence has to look, just has to; there's Ryan on the floor, knees folded beneath him, toes curling, hands in Brendon's pants, head bobbing. Brendon's back is curving off the couch, eyes squeezed close, teeth on his lower lip.
Jon squeezes Spencer's hipbone again, and moves his hand a little lower, wiggles it under the belt just to stop three-quarters of his finger length in and massage lightly. Spencer rolls his hips down, a little too hard and Jon groans, completely un-shushed into his ear. He bends down to lick at Spencer's neck, and they both turn their attentions back to the couch.
Spencer can see one of Ryan's hands, long fingers gripping at Brendon's hip, fingers pushing down on his waistband. He can see the taught muscles of Ryan's back, and thinks, 'shit' as Brendon lets out another gasp and Jon bites down on his neck, hard.
Ryan gets Brendon's boxers down, a triumphant hum spilling out of his mouth, and Brendon visibly shivers a little, presumably as the cool air of the room hits his sensitive skin. Ryan's head dips down, far, and from his angle Spencer can see Brendon meeting his eyes, his mouth open in a drawn out gasp. "Ryan," he breaths, just as Jon says, "Spencer, Spence," and moves his hand to push lightly at Spencer's crotch.
Spence's eyes flutter shut and Jon's hand fumbles with the buttons on his jeans for a moment before dipping inside, fingers closing around his cock. Spence moans, low, feels his voice crack a little, and Jon whispers senseless words against his skin, thrusts against him and Spence grinds back, rhythm between Jon's strokes on his cock and their movement.
Brendon moans and Ryan makes a little choking noise, wet sounds, the sound of rustling clothes, and Spence eyes fly open again when in between little harsh breaths Jon tells him to look. Brendon's hips are jerking up and up, his fingers gripping Ryan's hair tightly. Ryan's bobbing his head still, caught up in Brendon's rhythm, shoulders slack as he lets Brendon fuck his mouth.
"Oh god," Spence breathes, nearly inaudibly even to himself, and pushes harder into Jon's hand.
A little noise escapes Spencer's mouth, almost a whine and Jon thumbs at the tip of his cock, a little too rough, but - god. He's having trouble keeping his eyes open, to drink in Brendon's expressions, his sounds, and the way Ryan is just taking it - taking the thrusts of Brendon's hip.
"Shit, Spence, shit," Jon growls, adopting a faster pace, squeezing every time he bucks his hips up, and Spencer pushes back down. He's tempted to let his head fall backwards, to grab Jon and just kiss him, hard and senseless, but Jon has his other hand against his neck, directing his focus forward.
Brendon makes another noise, a keening almost melodic sound, as if he's trying to hit a note but his throat is stuck, and Spencer thinks he hears a moan from Ryan, even with Brendon's cock down his throat, even with the bucking of Brendon's hips.
"He likes it, Spence, fuck," Jon rasps between panting, sucking harshly at the skin behind Spencer's ears, in a way that will definitely be leaving a mark.
"Ah, Ryan, fuck," Brendon gasps and stills, hips curving off the couch, making tiny pumping motions. Ryan pulls back a little, but seems to swallow. Jon groans against Spence's neck, and bites him slightly, sucking skin between his teeth again, stroking him faster.
Spence exhales and watches Ryan wipe his face before climbing into Brendon's lap; Brendon reaches for Ryan's pants and Ryan's hips buck forward. Spence closes his eyes and twists from Jon's grip on his chin and turns to press their mouths together. Jon makes a surprised sound, but pushes his tongue inside Spence's mouth, wet and hot; he thumbs the head of Spence's cock again, rubs against him harder and Spence moans into his mouth, the palms of his hands feeling golden and filled with electricity. It spreads, warm, hot, fluid down his spine and up his cock and he comes gasping into Jon's mouth.
Jon bites his lips, grinds against him again, once, twice, before his mouth goes slack and he freezes in mid-motion. He sags against Spence then, laughing a little, smiling, and Spence has to smile back. He kisses him softly and Jon pulls his hand from Spence's pants.
Spence glances at the couch and sees Ryan fall against Brendon, hug him, his back heaving and sinking. Brendon sticks his tongue out at Spence but then grins at him, eyes dark, face flushed still. Jon laughs low, and the sound vibrates through Spencer's bones, and he closes his eyes and sinks against Jon again.
*****************************************************************************
Brendon knows exactly how big of a loser he really is. It's sort of mortifying to realize that in less than two months he'll be graduating from high school and heading off to another state to record an album for his band, and not only is he still a virgin, but he hasn't even been kissed. It's not that he hasn't wanted to - more that no one else has wanted to with him. It's... Well, it's embarrassing is what it is.
Brendon is a little bit drunk. Spencer stole two beers from his parent's fridge, and even though he drank one and helped Brendon finish the other, Brendon still feels a little bit drunk. It's entirely possible that Brendon is a total lightweight.
Ryan isn't drinking, so he spends most of the time making fun of Brendon when he says stupid things. If Brendon wasn't a little bit drunk, he might be offended. As it is, it's kind of funny. Eventually, Ryan loses interest, and he and Spencer start talking about some party they went to the previous weekend.
Brendon didn't go to the party, and listening to them talk about it isn't particularly interesting. His head feels like it's floating away, and he wants to lie down. Ryan's leg is close, but Ryan is sort of bony, so Brendon moves next to Spencer instead and rests his head on Spencer's thigh. Ryan starts talking about some girl he's been sleeping with, and Brendon can practically feel Spencer rolling his eyes.
"You're such a slut," Spencer says.
Ryan throws his head back when he laughs, and Brendon can see his Adam's apple move in his throat. It's pretty, because Ryan has all this smooth pale skin and a really skinny neck. Ryan says, "You didn't used to complain so much about that."
Brendon thinks huh, as he rolls his head a little so that he can look up at Spencer. Brendon's been their friend for a more than a year now, and he did not know that. Spencer bites his bottom lip as the corners of his mouth turn up. "That's because it used to directly concern me," Spencer counters. The two of them smile at each other like they're sharing a secret. Brendon guesses they are, in a way.
Brendon hates that he still doesn't know everything there is to know about Ryan and Spencer. He hates that sometimes the two of them don't even have to say a word to understand each other when Brendon feels like he constantly has to explain every decision he makes. It's also possible that half a beer has just made him impossibly nosy. "Wait, wait," Brendon finally says. "What?"
Spencer looks down at Brendon like he's just remembering that Brendon is there. His cheeks flush the tiniest bit, color working up his neck too. "Oh," Spencer says as he pushes Brendon's bangs off his forehead. "It was a long time ago."
Ryan snorts from across the room. "You're seventeen," he says, rolling his eyes. "We're not old enough for a long time ago. It was last year."
Spencer flips Ryan off companionably. "Anyway," Spencer says. "I was a pathetic virgin and Ryan..." Spencer waves his hand uselessly in Ryan's direction. "Ryan... helped."
Brendon closes his eyes and rolls his head back against Spencer's thigh. "Oh," he finally says. "That was nice of him, I guess."
Ryan smiles and says, "What can I say? I'm a giver."
Brendon spends two whole days thinking about Spencer's mouth and Ryan's hands. He lies in bed at night with his sheets wrapped up around his legs and his hand wrapped tight around his cock. It's both really, really hot and horrifying, because Spencer and Ryan are his best friends and his band mates. Jerking off thinking about the two of them having sex probably isn't the smartest thing he's ever done.
At practice Brendon can't stop staring at Ryan's fingers as they work over the fret board. When he turns around to look at something else, Spencer is there, sweaty and gorgeous, the tendons standing out in his neck. Brendon might go crazy if he doesn't at least get to make out with someone really, really soon.
After practice, Spencer decides he wants ice cream. Ryan and Brent both claim to have dates, and they take off, leaving Brendon to deal with Spencer's pleading blue eyes.
"You fucking suck," Brendon says.
Spencer smiles and says, "Whatever, dude. We'll get Blizzards and then we can come back here and play Resident Evil."
They eat their ice cream in the car on the way home and then they play video games for an hour before they get bored. Spencer turns on the TV, and they end up watching That 70's Show reruns.
"I have no idea how Eric got a girl like Donna to make out with him," Brendon says forlornly. He doesn't get it. Donna is hot, and Eric is... Eric.
Spencer quirks an eyebrow and says, "It's not like Eric is unfortunate looking."
Brendon slumps and says, "Spencer. Spencer would you make out with me?"
Spencer says, "What?"
Brendon's cheeks feel like they're on fire, and he sort of wishes the couch would just open up and swallow him whole, but it's not like he can take it back now.
"Spencer, I can't graduate from high school without ever being kissed," Brendon whines. He is really very good at whining and wheedling and begging. It's got something to do with his pout and his big brown eyes. "It's terrible," he continues. "It's bad enough that I'm still a virgin."
"It's actually okay to be a virgin, Brendon. There's nothing wrong with you," Spencer says.
Brendon's not stupid. He knows it's not the end of the world to graduate high school with his virginity still intact. He just really doesn't want to still be a virgin. He wants Spencer to kiss him.
"Please, Spencer. Please," Brendon says. "You can be my Donna."
There's an awkward silence as Spencer just stares at Brendon. Brendon's heart is beating so loudly that he's positive Spencer can hear it too. He can't believe he just compared Spencer to a hot red-headed girl on a TV show. He also can't believe he just asked Spencer to kiss him, and his brain is scrambling, searching for some way to make a joke out of it until Spencer sighs, a long-suffering burst of air.
"You're much, much hotter than Eric," Spencer says.
It's not at all what Brendon thought Spencer was going to say, seeing as how it lacks the words "no" and "fuck off".
"What?" Brendon asks stupidly.
Spencer rolls his eyes and reaches out his hand. "Come here," he says, pulling Brendon closer. Brendon goes. He's not sure what he should do with his hands. He slides them up along the smooth hair on Spencer's forearms, curling around Spencer's elbows, until his fingers dig into his skin.
"I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do," Brendon whispers. His face is right next to Spencer's now that Spencer has pulled him closer, and it feels like he shouldn't talk at his normal volume.
This whole fucking thing is nerve-wracking. Spencer chuckles softly and says, "Yeah, I remember."
"Umm... I really didn't mean to say that out loud," Brendon says.
"Brendon?" Spencer says as he runs his thumb over Brendon's cheek. Brendon's heartbeat speeds up, and when Spencer doesn't say anything else, Brendon looks up and meets his eyes. Spencer's eyes are very blue, and he's smiling when he says, "Shut up."
Brendon nods. Spencer leans in and sets his lips gently against Brendon's. Spencer's lips are warm and slick, and they feel really nice. Brendon's breath whooshes out warm and damp against Spencer's mouth. He doesn't know what to do with his tongue, but Spencer's tongue pushes back against his, warm and firm. It's nice, better than Brendon has imagined, and it only gets sweeter when Spencer licks more forcefully into his mouth, his tongue sliding along Brendon's teeth.
Brendon moans and clings to Spencer's forearms, tilting his head when Spencer's fingers slide into his hair and pull. Brendon tries to focus on every single detail, because he wants to remember this for later, for tonight when he's alone again. Only this time, when he thinks about Spencer's mouth, he'll actually know what it feels like against his own.
Spencer nips lightly at Brendon's mouth, and it sets off little sparks in Brendon's stomach and spine and cock. Brendon shifts on the couch, the material of his jeans rubbing against his cock, making him moan again. Spencer licks soothingly along Brendon's bottom lip, slowing the kiss as his hand slides down the side of Brendon's neck, fingers trailing along the pulse point in his throat.
Brendon is practically in Spencer's lap when they finally stop kissing. Spencer presses his lips lightly to the corner of Brendon's mouth, his chin, his temple. Brendon rests his forehead against Spencer's shoulder and breathes.
"Good?" Spencer asks.
Brendon shudders hard and nods his head, rolling it along Spencer's collarbone. He closes his eyes. He can't seem to stop shaking. Spencer rubs soothing circles along the base of Brendon's spine while his other hand continues stroking Brendon's throat with feather-light finger-tips.
Brendon hums and arches into Spencer's fingers against his back. It feels amazing. Brendon totally did not know that having someone stroke his back could be such a turn on. His hands are still on Spencer's shoulder and his arm, and Brendon's fingers start digging in like a kneading cat. Brendon feels awesome, and he knows Spencer was probably just being nice, but he can't help wondering if it was okay for him, too.
"That was... Was that good?" Brendon finally asks.
Spencer's whole body shakes when he laughs. "You said it was," he says. "Are you taking it back now?"
Brendon looks up, eyes wide. "For me, yeah. But, you're. Well you've." Brendon doesn't know how to say that Spencer is the experienced one without sounding like even more of a loser, so he just stops talking.
Spencer smiles, and kisses Brendon's mouth lightly. "I've only ever been with Ryan, you know," he says. He looks vaguely embarrassed by the admission, but it makes something -- something Brendon didn't even know was coiled tight -- loosen in his chest.
"I've only ever been with you," Brendon says back.
Spencer's face softens, and his fingers find their way back into Brendon's hair. "It was good, Bren," Spencer says quietly before he leans in and kisses him again. They break apart to breathe, and Spencer says, "It is good."
Brendon takes the lead this time, pushing Spencer down until they're both stretched out on the couch, side by side. He kisses Spencer's throat, his collar bone, the hot skin behind his ear. Brendon kisses him everywhere he can find skin, and it's good. It's really, really good.
They don't have practice again for two days after that. Spencer has to take some tests for correspondence classes he's taking, and Brendon has work. It doesn't really matter, though, because Brendon has had his first ever make-out session, and it was awesome. He's practically floating these days.
He ends up getting cut early from work on Saturday because it's slower than fuck. He really doesn't want to go home to sit around his apartment by himself, so he gets in his car and drives in the opposite direction. It's not really surprising when his car automatically heads in the direction of Spencer's house.
Spencer's mother answers the door with a big smile.
"Oh hi, sweetie," she says, looking a bit harried and frazzled. "Crystal and Jackie, I am walking out this door right now. Let's go!" she shouts up the stairs.
She turns back to Brendon, and Brendon gives her a little wave. "Hi, Mrs. Smith."
"The boys are upstairs, and we're off to the mall, if I can ever get the girls in the car. There's food and drinks in the kitchen, so you just help yourself." Crystal and Jackie come running down the stairs, Jackie yelling frantically about being unable to find her purse.
Brendon uses the commotion to slip into the kitchen and grab himself a Capri Sun. When he comes out, the house is quiet again, and he can see Ginger's car backing out of the driveway through the window. Brendon heads up the stairs and takes a look in the game room first. The door is ajar. When Brendon pushes it open he finds the TV on, but the room is empty.
Spencer's room is at the end of the hall, and Brendon's been coming and going long enough that he doesn't even think about knocking. He pushes the door open, a greeting on the tip of his tongue, but it dies as soon as he realizes what he's seeing.
Spencer's stretched out on his bed with Ryan straddling his hips. Brendon can see Spencer's fingers bracketing Ryan's slim hips, and they're pressed into Ryan's skin where his shirt's been pushed up.
Brendon's never felt so many contradicting emotions at one time. There's embarrassment for having walked in on them, guilt, jealousy, and somewhere at the end of it all a sense of utter loneliness that Brendon is getting entirely too used to feeling.
Spencer turns his head, and when their eyes meet, Brendon draws in a sharp breath.
"Sorry, sorry," Brendon says, backing out of the room.
"Brendon," Spencer says, but Brendon's already turning, the muscles in his thighs quivering with the desire to run. Spencer says, "Wait," but it's Ryan's quiet, commanding voice that actually keeps Brendon from fleeing.
"Brendon, stop," he says, and Brendon hovers in the doorway, his back to the room, the doorknob squeezed so tightly in his grip that his knuckles are turning white.
Brendon hears the rustle of fabric against fabric as someone moves on the bed, and then Ryan slides up behind him, his callused fingers sliding around Brendon's wrist. Brendon wonders if Ryan can feel his pulse pounding under his skin. Ryan's breath is hot against Brendon’s neck and ear as he says, "Let's close the door." He says it like he says most things, softly, slightly amused, and still so commanding that Brendon can't help but comply.
Brendon's hand loosens on the knob almost against his will, and he lets Ryan turn him around so that he's facing into Spencer's room again. He doesn't know what he's supposed to do. He fists his hands at his sides and lets his eyes roam the room. They settle on Spencer, even though Ryan is standing right in front of him.
Spencer looks back, his eyes open wide and bright, bright blue. Brendon's mouth waters with want, but his gut churns with guilt again. Sure, Spencer made out with him, but Spencer has always belonged to Ryan first, and Brendon suddenly feels like he's somehow betrayed them both. "I'm sorry," he says again, even though he's pretty sure neither of them knows what he's apologizing for.
Ryan pushes into Brendon's space, making Brendon's breath catch in his throat. He feels Ryan push the door closed behind him.
Ryan says, "So Spencer tells me he got to kiss you."
Brendon automatically feels like he should protect Spencer. "I asked him to," he says. The volume of his own voice startles him. Spencer is still lying on the bed silently, and Ryan is always quiet when he speaks. Spencer hasn't said a word yet, but Brendon can hear him breathing in time with the whir of the ceiling fan. "It was like a favor."
Ryan laughs at that and takes a step back. "So he didn't want to?" Ryan asks, wrapping his hand firmly around Brendon's wrist, pulling him further into the room. "Because that's not what he told me."
"Ryan," Spencer says warningly. He finally sits up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed so that his feet rest on the carpet. He curls his toes and runs his fingers through his hair, and Brendon can tell he's nervous and annoyed at the same time.
Ryan looks over his shoulder and smiles at Spencer, before he walks around behind Brendon, putting him between the bed and the door -- between Ryan's body and Spencer's. "Spencer says your mouth is really hot," Ryan says against the back of his neck.
Brendon's breath speeds up, and he can hear Spencer's do the same. "Jesus," Brendon says, rubbing his damp palms against his jeans. Ryan comes around to Brendon's side and turns his head so they're staring into each other's eyes.
Ryan's beautiful. He looks slightly predatory and really sure of himself. Brendon feels a little like a deer in a hunter's sights. He doesn't know whether to run or stand very still and hope for the best. Spencer moves off the bed and says, "You're freaking him out, Ryan."
Ryan spares a glance for Spencer before he leans in and nips at Brendon's bottom lip. Brendon's eyelids flutter closed and he can feel a moan welling up from somewhere in his gut.
"I'm not scaring you, am I?" Ryan asks. "I just want to see if Spencer is right."
Ryan's so close. His body heat is pressing in on Brendon so that all of Brendon's clothes feel too tight, constricting and warm. He’s beginning to sweat through them. Brendon opens his mouth to say something, but Ryan's bottom lip is shiny and wet from his own tongue and Brendon can't think of anything past that. He surges forward, fitting his mouth awkwardly against Ryan's.
Ryan hums happily against Brendon's mouth, but he doesn't push back. He puts his hands gently on Brendon's face and lets him control the kiss. Brendon presses against Ryan and digs his fingers into Ryan's bony shoulders. He knows he's clinging, but he feels shaky and uncertain, and he still doesn't know what to do with his hands.
Ryan's mouth doesn't feel like Spencer's. It's hot and wet like Spencer's, but his tongue feels different against Brendon's. It's firmer, more self-assured, and when Brendon pushes hard, there's less give. Ryan's lips feel thinner, too, but he sucks on Brendon's tongue in a way that Spencer didn't, and it makes Brendon want to grind against him.
Brendon feels Spencer step up behind him. He's solid, and when he puts his hands on Brendon's hips, Brendon feels steadier. He leans back against Spencer's chest so that he's sandwiched between the two of them. Ryan follows with his mouth, never breaking the kiss.
Spencer leans in and mouths against the back of Brendon's neck and sucks gently. Brendon feels like he might hyperventilate, he's so turned on right now. He wonder's if Spencer's marking him. He hopes he is. Brendon squeezes his eyes tightly shut and prays that tomorrow he'll have something to look at -- some physical reminder of what's happening in this moment.
Ryan breaks the kiss, and Brendon eyes flutter open. Spencer sucks at another spot on Brendon's neck, making Brendon arch against Ryan. Ryan smirks and licks his bottom lip.
"Spencer was right," Ryan says breezily. "Kissing you is really hot."
Spencer moans against Brendon's neck and Ryan lets out a small laugh. Brendon blushes. His entire face feels like it's on fire, but Ryan doesn't give him time to think about it, turning Brendon so that he's facing Spencer. Spencer says, "Hey," and his eyes flick over Brendon's shoulder to Ryan.
"You should have seen him when he was telling me, Brendon," Ryan says softly. "His skin gets all flushed when he's turned on. Kind of like it is right now. Do you see his eyes?"
Brendon nods and swallows hard, but he doesn't think he can speak. Ryan just keeps talking. He says, "When you really get him going, his eyes get so blue, and it's almost like they’re the only spot of color in the room."
Brendon can't stop looking at Spencer's face, and Spencer is looking back at him now. Brendon feels like he's trapped in Ryan's voice; the smooth, clean cadence of it won't let him move forward or backward. He’s still not sure of himself, but the anticipation makes him want to push. He needs something to happen soon.
Ryan says, "You know what would also be really hot, Brendon?"
Brendon doesn't know, but he's practically bursting out of his own skin to find out. Brendon knows it's a rhetorical question, and now he's just waiting for Ryan to tell him what to do, to give him permission.
"You should kiss him, Bren. He wants you to. Don't you, Spencer?" Ryan asks. Spencer nods , his entire body bowing toward Brendon's.
Ryan's still pressed up tight against Brendon's back, and Spencer is right in front of him, his hands still holding Brendon's hips. Brendon takes a deep breath. He can smell them all now: Ryan's shampoo, Spencer's deodorant and his own sweat.
Brendon tips his head to the side and trails one of his fingers along Spencer's lips. Spencer's tongue darts out to lick delicately against the pad of Brendon's finger, and Brendon pushes his finger inside Spencer's mouth, pressing it against the flat of his tongue.
Spencer's mouth is warm and soft, and Brendon really wants to kiss it now. He drags his finger away, shuddering when Spencer nips lightly at the tip of it. Brendon’s hands make their way into Spencer's hair, and it's softer than Brendon remembers it being. He twists it up in his hands and pulls Spencer forward until they're kissing, sloppy and noisy.
Ryan runs his fingers along the line of Brendon's spine. "You're both so fucking hot," Ryan says. He presses his fingers into Brendon's vertebrae, and Brendon shivers and moans against Spencer's lips.
"Spencer told me about this too," Ryan whispers. "He said you liked having your back touched."
Ryan's fingers dip lower so his nail is scratching under the waist band of Brendon's jeans. He pushes his thumb against Brendon's tailbone and Brendon doesn't know what to do. He wants to climb Spencer, and he wants to lean back into Ryan's clever hands. He has no idea what he wants to do first.
Before Brendon can make a decision, Spencer pulls back and takes a step away. Brendon wants to follow, but Ryan's hands are kind of down the back of his pants, keeping him where he is.
"We need less clothing," Spencer says as he pulls his own shirt over his head.
Ryan laughs, loud and throaty against the back of Brendon's neck. "Always the practical one," he says. Brendon expects Ryan to step away then, but he reaches his long arms around Brendon's body and goes for the button of his jeans instead. Spencer continues pulling his own pants off as he balances on one foot, and Brendon can't stop looking at him. He didn't get to see any of this when they were kissing, and he likes looking at all of Spencer’s pale skin, at the freckles across his shoulders and his upper arms.
Ryan says, "I need your help here, Bren," and Brendon can focus again. Ryan's got Brendon's pants undone and pushed down over his hips, and Brendon pulls them down lower and shimmies awkwardly out of them.
Brendon actually really likes being naked, but usually it's some kind of joke. Usually he treats his nakedness like another costume for his long list of personalities. This is the first time in his life that he actually feels like he’s been stripped bare. He can feel Ryan's and Spencer's eyes burning into his skin.
Brendon can feel Ryan stepping away from him, but Spencer is there to make up for the loss. He kisses Brendon again, walking them backwards until they're both sitting on the bed. Spencer's hands are everywhere, and Brendon still doesn't know what he wants to touch first. Both of his hands sit uselessly on his thighs, curled into fists.
Spencer stops kissing him when Ryan joins them. He's gotten his own clothes off, and Brendon's eyes widen a little, when they drop below Ryan’s waist . Spencer starts laughing, the sound jarring Brendon from the staring contest he's got going with Ryan's cock.
"I had a similar reaction," Spencer says, his voice dripping with amusement. Brendon bites his lip and tries not to blush.
"You don't have to do anything you don't want to," Ryan says gently.
Brendon looks back up and meets Ryan's eyes. Ryan is forever surprising him, and Brendon isn't sure why he expected this to be any different. Ryan's eyes are kind but full of heat, and Brendon doesn't think he's ever felt so wanted in his whole life.
"I want to suck your cock," Brendon says. Ryan looks at him greedily, and Brendon wants to earn that look. He wants to be good at this. "But I don't know what to do," he adds.
Spencer says, "Come here," as he leans in to kiss Brendon again. Brendon goes with him, leans into him when he kisses and slides off the bed with Spencer when he goes to his knees in front of Ryan.
Brendon is impossibly nervous and eager all at once. He looks to Spencer for his cues since he has no idea where he should start. Spencer doesn't waste any time. He kisses the sharp edge of Ryan's hip bone, and noses along the dip where thigh meets hip, breathing deeply through his nose.
"You smell really good," Spencer says a second before he licks up the side of Ryan's cock and sucks the head into his mouth.
"Fuck," Ryan says, and Brendon doesn't know where to look again. Ryan's face is beautiful, his eyes closed tight and his lip caught hard between his teeth. Spencer's mouth is stretched wide around Ryan's dick, and one of his hands works the shaft the way Brendon would work over his own dick. Brendon's eyes flit back and forth until Spencer pulls off with a wet pop and says, "Your turn now."
Brendon swallows and scoots forward on his knees. He licks tentatively up the shaft and Ryan hisses above him, his hips stuttering forward like his cock is seeking out Brendon's mouth. There's precome leaking at the tip. Brendon flicks out his tongue to taste it. It's not unpleasant, exactly, but it's not really good either. The noise Ryan makes, however, is good , so Brendon does it again.
Spencer says, "You know, when we first met you, Ryan used to talk about your mouth."
Brendon looks up the length of Ryan's body and their eyes meet. Brendon finally gets up the courage to suck Ryan's cock into his mouth.
"He used to talk about all the things he wanted to do to you," Spencer continues.
Brendon moans, and tries to keep Ryan from shoving forward by grabbing Ryan's hips and holding him down. It makes it impossible for Brendon to work the shaft with his hand the way Spencer did, so Brendon pulls off long enough to say, "Well, I always knew Ryan was a perv. Now, can you help me, please?"
Spencer laughs, but he also reaches out and wraps Ryan's cock in his fist, and together, the two of them get a rhythm going. Ryan puts a hand on the top of each of their heads. Brendon can tell by the way his fingers flex that he really wants to grab and pull. He’s pretty impressed with Ryan’s control, actually. He hasn't pulled or thrust past what Brendon can take, and Brendon is really thankful for that.
Eventually Brendon's jaw starts to hurt, and when he pulls off, Spencer's mouth takes his place.
Ryan's different with Spencer, less careful and more forceful. Brendon knows Spencer can take him deeper, but Brendon doesn't think he did too badly for his first time. He feels somewhat validated when he looks up at Ryan's face and sees that Ryan is watching him instead of Spencer.
He's actually really impressed with Ryan's willpower, because Spencer is fucking hot -- flushed, and sweaty, his hair sticking to the side of his face. His lips are red and pulled tight around Ryan's cock, his cheeks hollowed out as he sucks.
Brendon says, "Holy shit," and Ryan follows his gaze and grunts loudly, and then he comes without warning Spencer at all.
Spencer pulls off quickly, his hand working Ryan over, and Ryan is still coming, a rope of it hitting Spencer across his cheek and his nose. Spencer doesn't seem to mind, and Brendon wants to taste, so he leans in and opens his mouth. But orgasms aren't exactly cooperative when it comes to aiming, so most of it ends up on his chin and across his cheek.
"Fuck. Holy fuck," Ryan says as he slumps to the floor in front of them. All three of them are breathing heavily, even though Ryan is the only one who has come. Ryan waves his hand between them and says, "Someone should really help the two of you clean up."
Spencer snorts and mutters, "Asshole," under his breath before he leans in and licks wetly across Brendon's cheek. Every time he thinks he can't get any more turned on, one of them does something to prove him wrong. He's more than ready for someone to touch his cock now.
Spencer kisses him, messy and with lots of tongue. They're still on their knees, and Brendon's pretty sure he's going to have rug burn when this is all over but he twists anyway, so that he can crawl into Spencer's lap. Spencer lets himself be pushed back until he's sitting on his heels with an armful of Brendon.
"I really want to fuck you," Spencer says breathlessly.
All the blood not in Brendon’s cock rushes to his ears. "I..." Brendon drags in a shaky breath.
"I would really like to see him fuck you," Ryan says lazily from where he's sprawled on the floor. "If we're taking a poll, or whatever."
Brendon laughs, partly because Ryan's a jerk and partly because he feels a little hysterical. Brendon wants this. He wants this more than he can verbalize, but he doesn't know how to say it without sounding needy or scared, even though he's both.
Spencer's hands feel strong and safe and warm at Brendon’s back. Brendon leans into his chest and tucks his head against Spencer's neck. "Yes, okay," he says against Spencer's skin, and he knows Spencer understood him by the way he squeezes his arms tighter around Brendon's shoulders.
"On the bed," Spencer says gently. He helps Brendon stand, hands steady on his hips, and then Spencer picks himself up off the floor and walks over to his dresser. Brendon goes to the bed and sits, twisting his hands nervously in his lap.
Ryan says, "Brendon."
Brendon's eyes snap up to meet his. He's still on the floor, but he's rolled on to his side so he can see the bed from his position. "It's Spencer," Ryan says. "He's going to be so, so careful with you, man."
Brendon breathes easier, because yes. It's Spencer, and Spencer is always careful with everything. It's Spencer, and Brendon trusts Spencer more than he trusts almost anyone. Spencer finishes rummaging through his drawer, and when he comes back he's got lube and a strip of condoms. Brendon tries to calm his frazzled nerves by lifting an eyebrow and saying sarcastically, "Just how much sex are we planning on having?"
Ryan laughs, but Spencer says, "As much as we want to." He leans in and kisses Brendon's mouth sweetly. He pushes Brendon backward until he's flat on his back, and then settles in at the end of the bed so that he's sitting between Brendon's spread legs.
Spencer flips the cap on the lube, but he keeps talking, trying to distract Brendon from what he's doing. "By the time we're done," he says, squeezing lube over the fingers of his right hand, "Ryan's going to be ready to go again, and he’s lazy when it comes to supplies."
"Hey!" Ryan says incredulously from the floor. Brendon turns his head long enough to see Ryan flipping them off, but he's smiling, so Brendon doesn't think he's actually mad.
Spencer says, "Do you want me to tell you what I'm doing before I do it?"
Brendon loses control over his breathing; all his air rushes out in frantic bursts. He doesn't know. He has no idea. Spencer nods, so Brendon thinks he might have said all that stuff out loud again, and for once he's thankful for his uncontrollable babbling. He's having a hard enough time trying to remember to breathe, let alone talk.
Spencer kisses his knee gently, and Brendon feels pressure at his entrance, blunt and steady. "It's my thumb," Spencer says as he spreads the lube across, making Brendon slick. "I'm going to start with my index finger to get you ready, and we'll just go from there, okay?"
Brendon nods and turns his head away, but Ryan is right there on the floor, staring intently. Brendon feels closed-in and caught. He really wants something to take his mind off whatever it is that Spencer's about to do to him.
"Can you kiss me?" he says to Ryan.
Ryan smiles and crawls across the floor. It shouldn't be sexy because Ryan is all bones and sharp edges; it shouldn't be sexy, but it really is. Ryan's mouth is still amazing. He kisses Brendon softly, eating at his mouth so that Brendon can't think of anything else.
Spencer pushes the first finger in gently and Brendon feels it, the discomfort of the stretch. Spencer’s using lots of lube, though, so the slide is easy in spite of the burn. It doesn't really feel good yet, but Ryan's mouth does, and Brendon focuses on that, on the slide of Ryan's tongue into his mouth instead of the slide of Spencer's finger into his ass.
"Jesus Christ, I wish you could see this," Spencer says to no one in particular. Maybe he's talking to both of them. Brendon doesn't know. "You're so tight around my finger. You're so hot."
Ryan moans against Brendon's mouth and Brendon digs his fingers into Ryan's arm where it's resting on the bed. Ryan pulls away long enough to say, "Tell me," before he kisses Brendon again, scraping his teeth over Brendon's chin and throat before moving back to his mouth.
"I'm adding another finger," Spencer says, and this time he does something different. His fingers twist or crook or something, so that along with the burn, there are tiny sparks going up and down Brendon's spine.
Brendon arches into it, his back bowing up off the bed. He rips his mouth away from Ryan's and says, "Spencer ."
"Don't give him an inflated ego," Ryan says against Brendon's neck. Spencer laughs, the sound vibrating out and into Brendon's body. Brendon moans and pushes himself onto Spencer's fingers. Spencer keeps doing whatever it is he's doing now that he's found the right angle, and Brendon's body is on edge.
"I need to come," Brendon says. He feels like he's begging, but he can't help it. His entire body is coiled so tightly he thinks he might explode if he doesn't get some kind of release.
"Do you still want me to fuck you?" Spencer asks, and Brendon nods frantically. The fingers don't feel like enough. Brendon really wants something to bear down on. "Just hold on for me, then," Spencer says, pulling his fingers free and fumbling with a condom. "Sometimes it’s too much if you've already come."
Ryan scoots down the bed and helps Spencer with the condom. He bats Spencer's shaking hands away and rolls it down onto Spencer's cock himself before picking up the lube and squeezing a large amount into the palm of his hand. He fists Spencer's cock, letting Spencer fuck up into his hand twice before he lets go.
"Okay, Spence," Ryan says gently, fondly, and the two of them share the kind of smile that Brendon doesn't think he'll ever understand, no matter how much time he spends with them.
Ryan pulls one of Brendon's knees up and bites gently at his thigh. Spencer hooks Brendon’s other leg over his own hip and lines himself up, running the head of his cock across where Brendon is already slick from his fingers.
"Deep breath," Spencer says, and then he moves his hips forward.
It hurts. Brendon opens and closes his hand, twisting the comforter between his knuckles. Ryan comes back to Brendon's end of the bed and pulls his hand away, locking their fingers together so Brendon can squeeze.
"You're so hot," Ryan says. "The two of you like this. The way he looks at you, the way you're stretched around him."
Spencer snaps forward suddenly and it's like before, with his fingers. Everything goes bright and technicolor behind Brendon's eyelids. Brendon makes a sharp, high-pitched noise, and Spencer says, "Yeah?"
Ryan says, "Like you even have to ask? That was definitely Brendon-speak for 'do that again'."
Brendon throws his head back and says, "Yes, yes, do it again," and when Spencer does, he moans, "Harder."
Spencer fucks him harder, and it still burns but it's different, less intense and more constant, like a sunburn aches for a few minutes after you first get in the shower . Brendon moves his free hand to Spencer's shoulder and digs in, clinging to Spencer's slick skin. He wants Spencer's mouth, but he doesn't know how to ask for it with Spencer fucking him so perfectly, so he just arches his body up until Spencer get the hint.
It's more a press of lips than an actual kiss. Spencer grunts harshly on every thrust, reducing the two of them to panting into one another's mouth. Spencer says, "Ryan," somewhat desperately. Brendon doesn't know what he means, but Ryan must because he's there by Brendon's hip again so that Spencer can turn away from Brendon's mouth long enough to kiss him.
Brendon can feel Ryan working his hand between the two of them, and then his mind pretty much checks out. Ryan wraps his fist around Brendon's cock and squeezes. Spencer's thrusts come harder, even as he loses the rhythm he had going, and Ryan continues to slide his hand up and down Brendon's shaft, twisting around the head.
Brendon literally goes blind when he comes. He's pretty sure his eyes are open, but he can't see a fucking thing. He can feel Ryan's fist around his cock. He can feel his come when it hits his stomach and chest. He can feel Spencer's cock sliding in and out of his ass perfectly, but he can't see Spencer’s face when he comes.
Spencer collapses uselessly on top of Brendon. It's not really comfortable with Brendon's come and Ryan's fist still trapped between them, but it still feels good somehow. Spencer's breath feels warm, and Brendon actually clings to him when he finally pulls away . Spencer rolls them and rearranges himself so that he's spooned up behind Brendon, both of them facing out into the room. Ryan is still kneeling by the bed, looking at the two of them contemplatively.
"What?" Brendon asks. He sounds a little smug, even to his own ears.
Ryan lifts his hand and licks across his knuckles where Brendon’s come is still on his skin . Spencer moans and says, "Come here."
Ryan clambers onto the bed, climbing over both of them until he's tucked up against Spencer's back.
"So," he says.
"So," Spencer echoes.
"Yeah," Brendon says, snuggling back against Spencer's chest.
It's quiet for a moment, all of them breathing together. Brendon feels soft and disconnected, and he thinks he could probably fall asleep right here.
"So," Ryan says again, and Brendon's eyes snap open. "Who's up for round two?"
*****************************************************************************
Jon's talking on phone, reclined back on the bed when Ryan comes out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel. Looking up at him, Jon smirks. "Jesus, Ross," he says as Ryan casually drops said towel, crawling up onto the bed. Ryan just gives him a look, reaching for his t-shirt, and Jon hangs up the phone, letting it drop gently to the floor. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't we just have sex on the bus? I swear to God, I cannot keep up with you."
Ryan just shrugs, pulling at Jon's shorts until he lifts his hips. "Seem to be doing okay so far."
"Yeah, but another six weeks? Fuck, I'm going to need some help keeping you happy." He stops talking when Ryan straddles his hips and leans down to kiss him. "Not that I'm complaining," he mumbles. Ryan nips at his mouth, and Jon gives a little groan.
One of Ryan's hands slides down his body, fingers brushing over his hip, and Jon can't help arching into the touch. "Hey," he says brightly, like he just thought of something. "What would you say if I asked Brendon over tonight?"
"Very funny, asshole," Ryan mutters, crawling back on the bed as he moves down Jon's body to take hold of his cock.
* * *
"Brendon has never fucked Ryan," Jon announced as soon as William picked up his phone.
William's answering laughter distorted into white noise when his breath huffed into the mouthpiece. "Hello to you too, fucker."
Jon rolled his eyes. "Hi, how are you, fine thanks, were you aware that Brendon has never fucked Ryan? Or that Spencer hasn't, for that matter?"
William paused. "Well, I mean, there have to be some people who haven't fucked Ryan, I guess."
"Do you know anyone?"
William didn't answer.
Which made sense because, see, the very first time Jon even met Ryan, he'd fucked him.
Jon knew William was aware of this, as William had been the one to introduce them at the start of the Truckstops and Statelines Tour, drunk but no drunker than Jon himself had been.
"Oh, hey, it's Ryan! Jon, you have got to meet Ryan. I met him in LA." And Jon had not been too drunk to know that by "met," William meant "fucked."
And Jon could see why. "Ryan Ross!" (as William proclaimed once he'd managed to drag Jon over to the skinny boy) had shy brown baby-deer eyes and a fresh smile, sweet but also a little wry, not to mention a slow, deep voice, so much lower than Jon had expected, throaty in a way that made it sound like he'd just fucked half the party.
Jon had smiled.
Fifteen minutes after that, he was pounding into Ryan against a shadowed wall, kicking his legs farther apart and biting the back of his neck as he thrust in, quick and dirty. Ryan moaned into the faded paint, chanted "more, harder, please," and then "yes, yes" when Jon complied. He squeezed Ryan's hip and reached around to tug on his cock, stroking until Ryan came with a grunt, spraying the wall and clenching down so hard on Jon that he lost his rhythm, stuttering into his own climax.
He did wonder, occasionally, if that was the sole reason he ended up in the band: he'd made a good first impression.
But he was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth.
Especially a mouth like that.
* * *
Perched at the foot of the hotel bed, Ryan strokes up and down Jon's cock a couple times before he ducks his head, licking gingerly across the tip. He looks up at Jon, fluttering his tongue, and Jon bites down on his lip, watching Ryan drag his lips along one side of the shaft, then the other, before he parts his lips and lets the head slip in. Inside his mouth it's hot and damp and Jon groans again, his hips twitching. Ryan clutches at his thigh and then slides his hand up, pressing hard and holding him still.
Ryan's stronger than he looks, he's got a fucking vicegrip on Jon's hip, and Jon grins down at him, trying to buck free, testing him. Ryan blinks up at him before narrowing his eyes and pushing down with even more force.
Jon hadn't even been hard when Ryan came over but he's at full attention now, and Ryan moves his head down farther, sucking noisily and making small sounds low in his throat, just enough to buzz around Jon's dick. Jon tilts his head back against the headboard and keeps watching, notices Ryan's free hand steal down between his own legs to tug at his cock, sees his back arch and his body roll, eyes lidded and fluttering. He makes another noise, longer, and it sounds raw around the mouthful he's got.
The vibration courses through Jon, and he swears. "Fuck, Ryan," he says, intending to say more but pretty much unable to finish an actual thought.
Gathering a handful of Ryan's hair, Jon urges him lower, as if Ryan needs any prodding; he's already taking Jon in deeper with every bob of his head, lips stretched around him, glistening wet pink, and when Ryan tilts his head just a little more, Jon can feel his throat closing around the head of his cock.
"You're so fucking good at this," Jon breathes, "all of this," and he decides that the only way to describe Ryan's expression is smug but with a mouthful of cock; it's kind of a good look for him.
Ryan swallows again, and Jon groans happily.
* * *
"Well, not everyone on the planet can be fucking Ryan Ross," William mused. "That's just not plausible."
"They should be," Jon decided. "The world would be a much happier place."
"Ryan's ass," William declared in a voice only slightly mocking, "would end hunger."
"Cure the common cold," Jon suggested.
"Solve the energy crisis."
"Save the rainforest! And baby seals."
"You're an idiot!" William said. "Anyway, how do you know for sure?"
"Last night, Ryan cornered me backstage, after the show. And I was like 'no, Zack's going to kill us' but he just hit his knees, like 'he said we have ten minutes,' and I was like, 'but he meant--' but then, you know."
A little chuckle from William's end indicated that yes, he knew. Jon continued. "And so he's doing his thing, and fuck if he doesn't just get a finger up there, before I even know what's happening."
William hooted. "And you came right there."
"Well. Okay, yeah, but that's not the point. After, I asked him if Brendon gets off on that, because come on. But Ryan just kind of closes up, all of a sudden, and tells me that he doesn't do that with Brendon."
"He doesn't finger his ass?"
"That's what I asked! But he was like no, they don't fuck. At all. And, I mean. I didn't even know what to say! Well, actually I might have asked him if he and Spence fuck, then, because, shit."
"And?"
"No. He said he doesn't fuck his bandmates."
"What about you?"
"He said it's different."
"Well, shit."
"I know."
* * *
Ryan raises himself off Jon's cock, flicking his tongue under the head before dragging it along the sides again. "Gonna fuck me," he mumbles, and with the little hitch at the end, it's almost a question. He doesn't look at Jon, eyelids so heavy his eyes might actually be closed, and Jon scratches his scalp, tangling his hair.
"'Course I am," Jon says, almost like he's reassuring him, maybe even thanking him for asking; Jon likes it when Ryan asks. Ryan glances up at him, licking his lips. Jon smirks. "Don't worry, you're really going to get it, going to get fucked over good, hard...." He trails off, letting it go with the slightest air of mystery, staring back at the gleam in Ryan's eyes before Ryan lowers his head, taking Jon back in. He lets his teeth scrape over the head, just the right amount of pressure, and Jon bucks and wonders just how the hell Ryan even learned that was okay, because jesus, that is not something you should try with just anyone, unless you feel like risking a black eye. He is good.
And as if that's not enough, Jon can see Ryan's arm shifting, and can only assume he's still jerking himself, body tensing and then relaxing, and somehow that makes it even better.
Jon brushes a thumb across Ryan's cheek, a thoughtful gesture, or, well, full of as many thoughts as Jon can manage with Ryan's mouth on his dick. "Don't worry, you're going to love it."
* * *
Jon found Ryan alone in the front lounge and jumped on the opportunity, as he had learned very fast that "alone" and "living in an enclosed space with Brendon Urie" were pretty much mutually exclusive.
"But you want to, right?" he asked.
Ryan glanced over at him, brow lowered, mouth curved into his usual pouty frown. "What?"
"Brendon," Jon said in a hushed tone. He glanced over his shoulder for good measure before continuing. "You want to fuck him, right?"
The frown deepened and Ryan blushed. Up to that point, Jon wouldn't have thought the kind of boy who went down on someone in a gas station bathroom was even capable of blushing, but there it was, pretty much unmistakable.
"No," Ryan said. "God."
Jon grinned, because it was suddenly so obvious. "Oh my god."
"What?"
"It's... You don't just want to fuck him, you actually like him!"
"What are you, thirteen?" Ryan asked, but it was too late, the set of his mouth and the pink flush on his cheeks had given him away.
"And that's why you haven't fucked him, 'cause you've actually got a crush on him!"
"A crush on who?" Brendon said, wandering in from the bunks with his usual impeccable timing.
Ryan jerked, and Jon glanced over at him. Ryan's eyes were wide, and he looked faintly horrified. It was fucking adorable.
Turning back to Brendon, Jon answered, "Justin Timberlake."
"Oh." Brendon opened the fridge door. "Who doesn't?"
Ryan was so pissed at Jon for the comment that he withheld sex for an entire evening, during which Jon got drunk with the crew and somehow ended up back on the phone with William.
"And I'm pretty sure he likes Brendon. Like, like-likes him."
"Jon, you are seriously thirteen."
"Come on, you've seen how Ryan is around Brendon, you were there on tour, too. I cannot believe that Brendon's not tapping that. That Ryan's not, for fuck's sake."
"Maybe he wants more than just a fuck from Brendon."
"Maybe you're a girl."
"Fuck you." William paused. "You really are going to do something, aren't you?"
"I just think this band would be so much more awesome if I could help young Ryan consummate his obvious crush."
"And how do you expect to get Ryan to let Brendon fuck him? Slip a roofie in his Red Bull? Maybe tie him to the bed and lock the door on them, not let them out until one of them is pregnant?"
"Oh, come on," Jon protested a little distractedly. "If Ryan was going to get pregnant, it definitely would have happened by now."
"It's probably for the better. He doesn't have the hips for it."
Jon laughed at that.
"Anyway, if you get yourself kicked out, you can always come back home to me."
"Thanks, but I'm not going to get kicked out."
"Well, you can always come back anyway. Is Ryan Ross really a better lay than me?" Jon could hear the pout in William's voice.
"I'm not answering that. I've got to go. Sleep, or something."
Bill laughed, "Oh, fuck you too!" and hung up.
* * *
Ryan is all the way down on Jon's cock when the door clicks.
Brendon barely makes it a step into the room before Ryan looks over and chokes. He pulls his head back and coughs. "God, fuck," he sputters, glaring at Brendon, who's holding a keycard in his hand and looking more than a little flustered.
"What?" he asks, blinking owlishly. "I. I mean, Jon told me to!" He keeps sweeping his gaze across Ryan's naked body, pausing every time his eyes land on Ryan's face, but always flicking down again.
Ryan turns his glare to Jon, a sharp, wild look in his eyes, and Jon honestly doesn't know whether he should be amused or terrified.
"I hate you," Ryan says delicately.
* * *
Ryan crawled into Jon's bunk and woke him up by pulling down his boxers.
"Jesus," Jon said as soon as he was awake enough to realize he wasn't being molested in his sleep by some stranger, only Ryan. "I don't get it. If you're not fucking Brendon and Spencer, how the hell did you ever survive on tour before me? I mean, you didn't spend that much time on our bus. Do you have a disturbingly large collection of sex toys?"
"Fuck you," Ryan said, but didn't stop maneuvering himself into a suitable position over Jon's hips. He was small and bendy, fucking made for bunk sex. Jon loved his life.
He waited patiently until Ryan had lowered himself all the way down, sheathing Jon fully inside and rocking until his body adjusted, waited for Ryan to set his own rhythm, hips rolling hungrily, and then he spoke up.
"Hey, you think we should wake Brendon up, ask him to join us?" His voice was rough from sleep and Ryan but he tried to keep his tone light.
"Shut up," Ryan said.
"Oh, come on. I think he'd like to watch. Couldn't you just see him... watching us?"
"No, god," Ryan replied but it sounded a little like a gasp to Jon.
"Or do you think he'd want to fuck you himself?"
Ryan's rhythm faltered, and Jon continued, speaking slow, letting the words sink in as Ryan tried to keep fucking himself on Jon's cock. "Bet he would. He wouldn't be happy just watching, he'd have to have you for himself, your ass. Do you think he'd be gentle with you, the first time?"
Ryan was starting to shake, hardly moving anymore, and so Jon took over, pushing his hips off the bed, quick and hard, driving the breath from Ryan's body.
"No," Jon said. "He knows you better than that. He'd fuck you hard," a vicious thrust and Ryan made a noise, raw, from low in his throat, "know that's how you like it, hard, fucking dirty."
"Fucking shut up," Ryan gasped. Jon reached for his dick.
"You'd be such a slut for him, and he'd fucking love it." Jon started stroking him, in time.
"Fuck...."
"Do you think he's good at it?"
Ryan bit his lip, eyes already squeezed closed.
"You don't have to lie to me, Ryan. You've thought about it, thought about letting Brendon fuck you, what it would be like. Do you think he's a good fuck?" Jon squeezed his cock, and Ryan whimpered, twisting his hips. Another tug and Ryan exploded in Jon's hand, splattering his t-shirt with come, back curling as he bent over, panting.
Jon let go of Ryan's cock and grabbed his hips, holding him tight as he snapped his pelvis up. Ryan groaned softly, clamping down on Jon's cock, and Jon came with a grunt and a shudder.
Ryan rolled off and Jon pressed himself tight against the wall, making room.
"You fucking asshole," Ryan mumbled, still breathless. Jon just grinned and combed his fingers through Ryan's hair.
* * *
Jon starts to reply to Ryan's proclamation of hatred but Brendon speaks over him. "Well, shit," he says, and then clears his throat, voice a little hoarse. "Should I just leave?"
"Well, yeah!" Ryan spits, whirling back on Brendon. He's flushed, embarrassment piled on top of arousal, naked, rumpled, mouth swollen and shining wet, and shit, if Brendon has any sense at all, Jon thinks, there is no way he'll turn his back on that.
They stare at each other for a moment, heat practically pulsing through the air between them. Ryan squirms just a little.
And Brendon has maybe a little sense, Jon has to give him credit, because he stands his ground.
* * *
"How come you're not fucking Ryan?" Jon asked Brendon when Ryan was in the bathroom starting on his makeup and Spencer was tucked away somewhere with his Sidekick.
Brendon looked up, surprised and a little something else, almost hurt maybe, and Jon was struck by the sudden sense of doing a good deed, because really, hooking them up would be like a favor to both of them.
"What, like at this second?" Brendon quipped.
"Oh, shut up. You know what I mean. And don't say because you're friends or because of the band."
"Dude, I hate to break it to you, but those are perfectly logical reasons."
"Yeah, sure, but they're boring, I've heard 'em all before. I want a new one."
Brendon shrugged. "Okay. I think you're fucking him enough for all of us."
Jon let out a laugh. "Oh, now that is definitely not true." He shifted a little closer. "Come on, you have to know what a slut he is. Wants it so much I can't even keep up."
Brendon was frowning. "And you thought I needed to know this why?"
"I think you need to help me shoulder the burden."
Brendon's laugh was sharp and incredulous. "'Come on, dude,'" he joked in an exceptionally good impression of a high school jock, "'take one for the team.'"
"Actually, yeah," Jon continued. "I think it would be good for you. Him. Us. I mean, you don't know what you're missing. The way he moans and kind of tosses his head. You gotta fucking hold him down, if you want him to be still, 'cause he just squirms, he loves it that much."
Brendon went completely silent.
Neither of them spoke again before Ryan appeared in the doorway, half-masked. "Brendon," he said, and Jon thought he might have recognized the tone. "If you're not using the black pencil, would you give it to me?"
Jon could see Brendon's adam's apple bob as he swallowed, and he couldn't help feeling a little bit victorious.
* * *
"Come here," Jon says with a slight jerk of his head.
Brendon hesitates, looking at Ryan.
"Oh, come on, Brendon. It'll be fun." He glances down at Ryan. "He wants you to."
"Oh really?" Brendon says, his tone a little sharp.
"Come on, Ryan," Jon goads. He leans down and nudges Ryan's cheek. "You want Brendon to stay, don't you?"
"No." Ryan's voice, however, wavers, and Jon is not convinced.
He slips his fingers underneath Ryan's jaw, tilting his face up to see the struggle tracing across his features. "You don't want Brendon to fuck you?"
Ryan meets his eyes, and there's a flicker there, a plea, and Jon can tell what he's really pleading for; he's practically drooling, for god's sake. Jon grins. "It's okay, Ry, he wants to, too." He casts Brendon a sidelong glance. "Actually, I think we should all do it together. It'll be great."
* * *
"So what's your plan?" William asked him.
"Who says I'm planning something?"
"You're planning something."
Jon silence gave him away, and William chuckled.
"Okay, fine, maybe I am planning something. But it's cool."
"Right."
"No, really, we're all going to have sex, and it'll be awesome."
"All of you? Spencer too?"
"Sure, of course. That would be hot. Wouldn't it be hot, Spencer fucking Ryan?"
"You do realize you're attempting the impossible, right? Making the gayest band on the planet even gayer."
"Fuck off," Jon said. "We can't be the gayest band. And I think it'll be good for us. Like, a team-building exercise or something."
"You do know that not all bands have group sex together, right?"
"Your band does."
"That doesn't make it the rule! Just because a few of us who you happen to know--"
"Most of you," Jon interjected.
"Okay, just because most of the bands you know do have sex, it doesn't mean all bands do. It's not necessary in order to function as a group. Like, I'm pretty sure Hanson didn't have sex together."
"I wouldn't be so sure of that."
"Jon."
"What? It's not like Ryan and Brendon are brothers, god."
William laughed at him. "You know what? Good luck. Send me pictures or something."
* * *
A tiny sound escapes from Ryan's throat, and Jon looks down at him. "What's that?" he asks. He threads his fingers back into Ryan's hair, turning his head to face him. "You do want Brendon to fuck you?"
Ryan's face darkens another shade. "I don't--"
"Aw, you know you want him. You can't hide it. Not from us."
Ryan looks over at Brendon, licks his lips; he gives a little shudder, and Jon can practically see the fight draining out of him. "Okay," he breathes.
"Okay?" Jon tugs on Ryan's hair, enough to make him hiss. "You can do better than that." He turns Ryan's head back in Brendon's direction, and when he looks over himself, he sees Brendon swallow.
"Yes." Ryan melts in Jon's grip, shivering with the exhalation. "Yes, please."
And wow, Jon thinks, that's honestly all it takes? It's almost disappointingly easy, he almost doesn't feel the victory at all. But then Ryan's licking his lips, still blushing prettily, and Jon forgets to be disappointed. Instead, he turns to raise an eyebrow at Brendon, but Brendon's already walking forward, ripping off his shirt and pants and kneeling on the side of the bed, naked. Yeah, the boy does have some sense. Ryan is so obviously staring at his groin, Jon might swear his body is actually straining forward with want.
"God, Ryan," he smirks, "If you wanted it that bad, why the hell did you wait this long?" Before Ryan has a chance to defend himself, Jon taps his shoulder. "You can wait another minute. Get up, you're going to do this right and kiss him first."
Ryan barely hesitates before he obeys, crawling over to Brendon, who is a little wide-eyed but definitely not displeased with the turn of events.
* * *
Jon had finagled Brendon into trading rooms that morning, since Brendon and Ryan usually shared. He figured that had something to do with the fact that Spencer could not tolerate being in a room with Brendon (or Ryan, for that matter) for any extended period of time, not without curtains or something that provides even the slightest illusion of solitude.
Although he did agree to it, Brendon had seemed reluctant, almost upset, and Jon felt kind of bad, even though he knew the switch wasn't going to be permanent. If he hadn't been convinced before, he knew then that he was doing the right thing.
After the keycards had been doled out and then rearranged, Jon had sidled up to Brendon, slipping his into Brendon's pocket. Brendon looked up at him, startled.
"For the team?" Jon said, and grinned, turning away before Brendon had a chance to respond.
He just had to make sure he followed Ryan to the room, but that wouldn't be difficult, since Ryan was the slowest one getting off the bus and Jon could just pretend he was waiting out of the goodness of his heart. Plus, if he got really tired of waiting, he could always call William and pester him. He watched Brendon walk to the door, bag slung over his shoulder, and caught Brendon brush his knuckles over the keycard in his pocket. Jon grinned, and waited.
The plan might not have been elaborate, but Jon had been pretty confident it didn't have to be. He knew all that tension between Brendon and Ryan would do the hard work for him.
* * *
As he gets to his knees, Ryan steadies himself with a hand on Brendon's shoulder, and Brendon touches his arm. They lean in at the same time.
And the first couple of seconds are just about the sweetest thing Jon has ever seen, he feels a warmth in his stomach just from seeing them together, seeing the way Ryan tilts his head so that Brendon has a better angle. It's like the kiss at the end of a teen movie, so cute, and kind of gratifying to watch.
For all of five seconds, anyway. Because then one of them makes this growling sound (low voices, Jon can't even tell who) and Brendon palms Ryan's ass, hauling their hips tight together. Ryan gasps against Brendon's mouth, clutching at his shoulders.
The warmth in Jon's stomach pools lower, then, and he thinks of Ryan's mouth on his cock moments earlier, kind of mourning the loss.
Ryan's fingers slip down to Brendon's hip, inching toward his cock, and Jon knows then that he's going to have to wait his turn. Ryan's fingertips brush first and he quickly folds his fist around, shifting his knees slightly apart. He kisses Brendon's jaw. "Can I now?" he asks, and even though his eyes are on Brendon's face, Jon can tell the question is really directed at him.
"It's okay with me, but you'll have to check with Brendon."
Ryan licks Brendon's throat, repeating, "Can I?" in a slightly lower tone.
Brendon's nodding even before the question is out, "Yeah, do it."
"He'd beg, you know," Jon tells him. "Want him to beg you for it?"
* * *
"Please," Ryan said, on his knees in the back lounge. And yeah, it was probably only contributing to Ryan's delay in getting off the bus, but Jon really didn't have it in him to protest. He stared down, cock in hand.
"Please what?" he asked. He figured there wasn't much venom in his words, but he didn't care, because Ryan was begging anyway, and he kind of really liked this part.
"Want it," Ryan mumbled, eyes following the motion of Jon's fist along his shaft, hand mimicking the rhythm on his own dick.
"Want what?" Jon prodded.
"To suck your cock," Ryan said, and his eyes fluttered as he squeezed himself tighter.
"My cock?" Jon said softly. "Or do you want to suck Brendon's?"
"No," Ryan said, "No, stop it."
Jon tilted his head, whispered, "Spencer?"
And Ryan came with a cry in his own hand. Jon waited for him to catch his breath before inviting him forward.
* * *
Brendon isn't even paying attention, though, and Jon can't exactly fault him, because Ryan's moving down, reaching, and Brendon has to hold him away just so he can lie back.
And then, in the time it takes Jon to blink, Ryan's between Brendon's legs, already holding his cock firm in his hand, licking over the head. Brendon swears, bucking off the bed and Ryan glances up at him before opening his mouth and sucking him in.
Jon feels himself flush, can't help remembering Ryan's mouth on him again, and he reaches down and fists his own cock, so hard still but just from watching now. Brendon pushes his fingers into Ryan's hair, trying to match Ryan's rhythm to his own. Ryan doesn't struggle, just lets Brendon force him lower, eyes watering as Brendon thrusts up to meet him.
Moving up behind Ryan, Jon slides his hands up his thighs and tilts his hips, pulling him closer. Ryan whines, stretching his back, trying to accommodate Jon without moving away from Brendon. Jon runs his hand over Ryan's ass and then slides a finger along his crack, causing Ryan to shudder back against him and moan low around Brendon's cock. Jon hears Brendon groan, and when he checks, Brendon's panting through parted lips.
Spreading Ryan's cheeks apart, Jon leans in and trails his tongue along the same path as his finger. He laps over Ryan's asshole, feeling Ryan squirm under his hands, and then pushes his tongue in through the tight ring. He works Ryan open, getting him slick inside before flicking across the outside too, over and over again, Ryan quivering before him.
He leans back, breathing hard, and dips his first finger into Ryan's hole. Drawing his hand away, he spits, then pushes the finger back in, going deeper, twisting. Ryan cries out and Jon sits back on his heels. Brendon's biting his lip, eyes squeezed shut, hands still in Ryan's hair; he presses his head down and Jon can actually see his hips twitching.
"Shit, Brendon," he says, "Don't fucking come yet." Jon grabs Ryan's waist and hauls him off Brendon's cock. Brendon shoots Jon a remarkably menacing glare, which really only makes Jon want to play with him more. Ryan whimpers, "Want it, want it," and struggles; Jon just digs his fingertips into Ryan's hipbones and holds him back.
"I know you do," Jon says, "But don't you want Brendon to fuck you? Fuck your ass?" He can see Ryan eyeing Brendon's cock, flushed dark red and wet and ready, and he hears Ryan whimper again.
"Yeah, that's what I thought." Using his grip on Ryan's hips, Jon wrestles him over on his back, and Ryan arches into his hands.
"Come on," he whines, voice hoarse, and spreads his legs.
Jon actually hesitates. Shit, he's tempted to let Brendon wait, make him watch, have Ryan first. "What, you want me to fuck you?" he asks with a slight smirk.
* * *
"Okay, but what I really don't get is why you actually want to share him," William asked, and if he wasn't completely drunk at the moment, he was definitely getting there.
Jon smiled even though he knew William couldn't see it. He was sitting in the front, speaking softly while Ryan rifled through his bag for about the twelfth time, frowning and glancing around. "Because I am a generous motherfucker."
William's smirk was audible. "Yeah, you're a real fucking humanitarian."
"Besides, I told you already. Sex with Ryan is awesome, but I can't help thinking we're missing something. Like, as a group."
"And an orgy will solve this problem."
"Ryan's ass, dude, remember?"
"Oh, right."
"No, but really. It's already there, we just have to. Cement it. Solidarity."
"I'm going to pretend I get what you're saying in the hope that it will shut you up."
"Cool." Ryan hoisted his bag, coming closer, and Jon grinned at him as he thumbed off his phone.
* * *
Ryan moans and arches again, and Jon pushes his fingers into his hair. "Don't worry, I will. But I'm going to be generous and let Brendon have you first. We'll all work together. How does that sound?" Jon licks one of his own fingers, reaching between Ryan's legs and pressing it back inside, making sure. The noise Ryan makes is almost enough to break Jon's resolve, and he glances over at Brendon.
"Fuck yes," Brendon says, already turning over to crawl closer. Jon pulls the hand away from Ryan's ass but keeps the other tangled in his hair, cradling Ryan's head.
He watches quietly while Brendon kneels between Ryan's legs, moving into place. And god, the sight of Brendon's cock disappearing into Ryan's body, the look on Ryan's face when Jon briefly glances up, fuck, it's totally worth it, worth having to wait his turn, worth sharing, worth everything. Ryan moans and the note hitches at the end as Brendon sinks all the way in, hips colliding with Ryan's ass.
Brendon gives a couple hesitant, experimental thrusts, and Ryan gasps, "Fuck."
"God," Brendon answers, leaning close and slamming down hard, jarring Ryan all the way to Jon's hand at his head. Ryan reaches up and tugs Brendon down by the neck, kissing him hard, and Jon can hear his moan in Brendon's mouth. They break apart, panting, and Jon grins, bringing his head close to Ryan, who is shifting on the bed from the force of Brendon's thrusts.
"Told you, just like you like it," he murmurs. Ryan whimpers and Jon bites down on his earlobe, feels him shudder, digs his fingertips into Ryan's scalp.
"Jesus, fuck," Brendon says and Jon looks over to watch him jerk already, coming with a gasp all the way inside Ryan. "Shit, I."
"I know, right?" Jon says, and Brendon blinks at him, then breaks into a grin. Ryan is watching Brendon expectantly, and Brendon bends to lick his neck.
"God, I wanted to do that," he mumbles, and Ryan smiles and then tries to hide it. He lies there, flushed and happy, twitching, Brendon between his thighs, and fuck if Jon's own cock doesn't pulse at that, because jesus, you can only ask so much of a guy.
"Yeah, great, now let me--" he begins, but Brendon shushes him.
"No no, wait, wait," he says, muffled in Ryan's collarbone. He nudges his hips forward, and Ryan rolls against him, making a small, pleased noise. Jon mutters a curse, shaking his head, because of course Brendon wants to go again, the fucker. Fucking teenager with his fucking thirty second recovery time. Jon sighs a little, reaching down to stroke his own dick, watching as Ryan pulls his knees up a little more so Brendon can angle in.
Ryan turns to look at him, eyes shining, and then reaches out, arm at an awkward angle but still managing to find Jon's cock, like he's got a fucking homing device for that sort of thing. Jon moans as Ryan's fingers squeeze tight, pulling, and Jon sees his other hand go for his own groin.
Jon doesn't mean to come from that, but watching Brendon pound Ryan, Ryan stroking himself in time with Jon, he gets caught up and feels himself falling before he realizes what's happening. With a groan, he comes across Ryan's fingers, strings of it clinging to his knuckles. Ryan's hand pauses on his own cock and he lets go of Jon, bringing his fingers to his mouth and licking them clean.
Jon hears Brendon's breath stutter, and he chuckles, glancing up. And fuck, he looks good, Jon had been so right, they do look good, sliding together, they look great. Ryan is obviously pleased, maybe even more so than usual when he has a cock inside him, and even though Jon loses sight of Brendon's face as he bites down on Ryan's shoulder, he had seen enough of his expression before to know that Brendon is pretty goddamn satisfied too, hips still shifting against Ryan.
There is just one thing missing from the picture.
* * *
Ryan was fiddling with the keycard and talking on the phone when Spencer happened to come out of the room across the hall. Jon stopped him, whispering conspiratorially. "Did you know Ryan totally has a crush on Brendon?"
The slightly annoyed look Spencer gave him resembled what you might have expected if Jon had asked "hey, did you know the earth is totally round?" He didn't reply.
"So Brendon and Ryan don't have sex."
"Please tell me you didn't just figure that out. How long have you been sleeping with him?"
"You mean Ryan?"
The suffering look remained.
"That's totally not the point. My point is that Brendon and Ryan aren't fucking."
"Not that I know of."
"And you would know."
Spencer snorted. "Come on, if Brendon fucked Ryan, everyone on the tour would know. Event staff would know."
Jon chuckled. "Okay, true. But do you think Brendon wants to?"
Spencer shrugged. "I don't know. Probably."
"What about you?"
"What about me?"
"You've never fucked Ryan, either, have you?
Spencer shook his head.
"Why not?"
Glancing over at Ryan, who had all but given up with the door and was busy bitching out whoever was on the other end of the line, Spencer said, "We've been friends for a really long time. Not to mention bandmates. I'm not an idiot."
Jon decided to let the boring excuses slide, because it didn't escape Jon's notice that "I'm straight" or "I'm not actually attracted to Ryan" were not at the top of the list. Jon studied his face, and Spencer stared back. Jon heard the door finally open, and asked quickly, "Would you, if the opportunity presented itself?"
Spencer's eyes darkened visibly. "I'm not an idiot."
* * *
Jon finally slips his hand out from under Ryan's head and Ryan is too caught up to notice. Neither of them even looks up when Jon gets off the bed, retrieving his Sidekick from the floor. Ryan does, however, happen to glance over right as Jon is taking the picture.
"Hey, what the fuck?" he asks. Jon is already preparing to send the message. "What are you doing?"
Jon flicks his gaze up. "For my scrapbook," he says with a shrug.
"Come on."
"William wanted pictures?"
Ryan gives him a look. "No, really."
"Okay, fine. I'm messaging Spencer. I think he needs to see this."
"You're not serious," Ryan says, already beginning to squirm under Brendon, who is really not hiding his smirk very effectively.
"Sure I am," Jon replies. "When I said we should all have sex, I meant it. And I meant all of us. It's not really fair to leave Spencer out, now, is it?"
Brendon looks like he agrees, but Ryan speaks first. "Yes, god, it would be fine to leave him out. You can't--" He bucks again. "He's my friend."
"And I'm chopped fucking liver?" Brendon asks.
"Shut up," Ryan says, not looking away from Jon.
"Ryan, you didn't want Brendon to stay, either, and you're not exactly complaining now."
"Fuck you," Ryan spits.
"You're really going to fight me on this?" Jon asks. "You're not going to cooperate?"
"Fuck, no, I'm not going to cooperate. God."
Jon pauses, giving Ryan a second, but he doesn't change his mind. "Okay," Jon says. He makes a decision.
"Brendon, hold him down." Jon lays his Sidekick aside and quickly digs in his bag, pulling an old belt out of the bottom. It's one of those woven fabric ones, and so soft and broken in that Jon can't even wear it anymore, a couple of the grommets torn lose from the holes.
Brendon has Ryan's wrists pinned to the bed and Ryan is making a pretty good show of fighting him, but Brendon clearly has the advantage.
"God, don't," Ryan sputters, trying to pull his arms away as Jon wraps the belt a couple of times around his wrists before securing it to a bar on the headboard. "Don't send that to Spencer, please."
Jon looks down at him. "You want to be fucked, what's wrong with Spencer?"
"Please," Ryan says, eyes wide, and he is so playing it up now, Jon can tell. "You can fuck me, and Brendon, just."
"You want us to fuck you but not Spence?"
Ryan shakes his head. "Not Spence."
"You're lying," Brendon says softly, sitting on Ryan's thigh and still leaning down over him even though Ryan can no longer escape.
"Brendon's right. I think you'd love Spencer to fuck you, you just can't admit it. I think you've wanted him to for a long time."
Shaking his head again, Ryan doesn't look either of them in the eye. Jon rises, picks up his Sidekick and finishes sending the message.
By the time he's done, he's nearly hard again, just from seeing Ryan tied to the bed, the way Brendon's teasing his cock. "Hey," he says, moving a bit closer. Brendon looks at him, and grabs his cock with his other hand. Jon shudders at that, too soon, but his dick isn't really protesting at Brendon's fingers, pulling firmly, rhythm steady. Jon looks down at Ryan, sees him frowning, and brushes Brendon's hand away. He climbs over in between Ryan's legs, and despite the frown, Ryan tilts his head back and hisses when Jon pushes in.
Inside it's slick heat and Ryan is clenching down around him, quivering but still arching up to meet him. Brendon's hand trails down his back, and Jon has a flash of thinking he could do this forever, just not stop, like, ever.
But it takes less than two minutes for the knock to come. Spencer is definitely not an idiot.
Jon groans and pulls out, letting Brendon stay with Ryan while he gets up, going over to the door naked, cock bobbing in the air. He has his hand on the deadbolt when he realizes he should probably check through the peephole before opening the door on their little scene; he sees Spencer's tousled hair and smiles, undoing the lock. He half hides behind the door when he swings it in, letting Spencer enter before he actually sees Jon. When he does turn his head he blinks but doesn't say anything. Then he glances at the bed, where Brendon had already jumped back on Ryan, and makes a surprised sound.
"Oh, shit."
"Yeah," Jon says, touching Spencer's hip. Spencer looks down at him again, then back up at his face. "So," Jon continues, "You want to fuck him or what?"
Spencer watches Brendon shifting over Ryan for a moment, seemingly entranced. After he finally blinks, he crosses the room, crawling up onto the bed and looking down at Ryan. He doesn't say anything, and Jon knows he doesn't have to.
Ryan is still hard, leaking against his stomach. Spencer just kind of stares.
"Spencer, you don't have to..." Ryan begins, voice wavering, although that could be from Brendon's cock in his ass.
"What if I want to?"
Ryan doesn't say anything.
"Don't you," Spencer starts to ask, his voice a little soft. Jon doesn't believe it for a second. "Don't you want me to?"
Still, Jon's patience is wearing thin, and apparently Brendon's is already gone because he shifts angles, pushing up sudden and hard, causing Ryan to moan.
Spencer twitches. "'Cause I'd like to fuck you, Ryan." He glances at Ryan's bound wrists. "But only if you want me to."
Jon's eyebrows go up. "You want me to untie him?" he asks.
Spencer smirks at him. "God, no. I want him to ask me for it."
Brendon looks over. "Why would he ask you when he's got me? Like, you know, right now?"
Jon chuckles, noting the way Ryan is conspicuously quiet, biting his own lip. "He'll ask. He'll ask for all of us."
"If Brendon gives him a chance," Spencer adds, placing a firm hand on Brendon's hip. "Come on, you've had him."
"Not done," Brendon says.
"Brendon," Jon tells Spencer, "is five years old." Grinning, he reaches for Spencer's shirt, and Spencer helps him pull it off.
"Then lets give him a fucking timeout and let him watch for awhile."
Even Ryan laughs at that, and Brendon makes a face at him. Spencer wrestles himself free of his pants, and then taps Brendon again. "Seriously, let me."
Jon hits Brendon on the hip, hard enough to smack, and Brendon jerks away. "The point of group sex, fucker, is the group thing. We can't have group sex if you won't let us fuck Ryan."
"If you both fuck Ryan, won't it be a gangbang, not group sex?"
"Semantics," Jon says with a wave of his hand. "Let Spencer in or I'll throw a bucket of ice water on you, then tie you to a chair."
"Actually," Spencer says, and he and Jon share a look. Jon smirks, hooking his hands around Brendon's waist, and, almost disappointingly, Brendon lets Jon pull him away.
Jon isn't sure whose groan of frustration is louder, Brendon's or Ryan's. "God, he was so close, too," Brendon comments, fingers stealing down Ryan's body, not quite touching his cock. Ryan arches against him, "Fuck," and Spencer crawls up between his legs.
He bends close, pausing before he actually touches Ryan's mouth, and Ryan hesitates, then lifts his head off the bed to kiss Spencer. Once he does that, Spencer kisses him back, hard. Jon sees Spencer catch Ryan's lower lip between his teeth, and Ryan makes a noise, mumbling something.
"Hm?" Spencer says.
"Fuck," Ryan gasps. "Fuck me, please, Spence, I--I want you to fuck me."
Spencer grins. "Since you asked so nicely." He licks his hand and strokes his cock, kneeling closer and then, without waiting, just pushes himself in, Ryan muttering, "Yes, please, please."
"See, Brendon," Jon says softly, hand still firm on Brendon's side even though the odds of him trying to climb back on top of Ryan are probably pretty slim now. "Told you he'd beg."
Brendon turns around, looking back at Jon, and Jon can see that he still has his fingers closed around his own dick, squeezing tight. "Hey, you want--" Jon begins, but he stops talking when Brendon shifts away, obviously ignoring him.
Ryan glances over, breathing hard and rolling with the force of Spencer's thrusts, moaning like he just can't help himself, and Spencer gasps, "God, yes."
Then Brendon is moving in, nudging Spencer a little so that he is more upright, not leaning over Ryan quite so much, and Spencer says, "What?" but Brendon is already swinging his leg over, straddling Ryan's torso and holding himself up with one hand braced against the headboard, near Ryan's hands. Looking down, he says, "Open your mouth," in a low voice. Ryan does.
"Brendon," Spencer says, obviously a little irritated at having to share, and nudges Brendon's back, inadvertently pushing Brendon into Ryan's mouth, faster than he meant to. Ryan tilts his head to accommodate him, allowing Brendon to set the pace he wants, quick and rough.
Watching Ryan take it like that, Jon can feel his own cock twitch, and god, had this been a good idea or what.
He is halfway tempted to call William and laugh in his ear.
Except that would require looking away, and possibly even leaving the bed, neither of which sound at all appealing at the moment. Instead, he moves a little closer, shifting so he can talk around Brendon.
"Jesus, Ryan," Jon whispers. "Can you taste yourself on him?"
"Oh, fuck," Brendon gasps, and Jon strokes down his back, squeezing his ass.
"See," he tells Brendon, "wasn't it worth giving Spencer a chance?"
Brendon's orgasm hits right as Jon says the words, and catches him at the wrong instant, or possibly the right one, because Ryan's mouth is open and Brendon's cock just isn't in far enough, and his come ends up everywhere, lips, cheeks, dribbling down Ryan's chin.
Sagging, Brendon slides back to rest on Ryan's stomach, ass nudging Ryan's cock. Ryan is breathing hard and Brendon is breathing harder, and Spencer hooks his chin over Brendon's shoulder.
"Holy shit," he says. Ryan is looking at them with clouded eyes, hands above his head, and he licks his bottom lip messily, as if he knows it's futile.
Brendon takes two more breaths, and then leans down, kissing Ryan slow and deep, licking over his mouth. Spencer tilts his head and watches for a moment, and then he rolls his hips, casually reminding Ryan he's there. Ryan whimpers against Brendon, and Brendon pulls away.
He turns to Jon. "Why do I think maybe I should be thanking you for this?" His eyes steal down Jon's body to where he is touching his own cock.
Jon raises his eyebrows.
"Because really, thank you." Brendon carefully climbs off Ryan, twisting until he's in a better position. He wraps his fingers around Jon's cock, bumping Jon's hand out of the way.
Jon hears Ryan curse, "God, please," and with a quick glance, he sees that Spencer has resumed fucking him full-force, Ryan pushing back against him as much as he can, hands braced against the headboard where they're still tied.
"Really?" Jon asks, and Brendon nods, "Seriously," giving a little squeeze.
"If you really want to thank me," Jon says, "Roll over."
Brendon blinks at him.
Jon waits.
* * *
"Talk dirty to me," William said by way of greeting. He definitely sounded drunk now, or at least horny; maybe both.
"I--what?" Jon asked with a laugh, eyeing the closed bathroom door.
"What are you wearing?"
Jon laughed again, curling his legs up on the bed. "Bill--"
"Already called Gabe, he was fucking stoned, talking about the cobra again. And not in a way I wanted to hear." William paused. "Tell me about fucking Ryan."
"You know all about fucking Ryan. We were all fucking him on tour, remember?"
"Mm."
"'Course then, there were more of us. Now it's just me, and jesus, that kid."
"'e's not that much younger than you, y'know."
"Tell that to his sex drive. 'Sides, you've fucked him yourself, there's nothing left to tell."
"You fucking suck at this. Say, you get Brendon to fuck him yet?"
"If I had, don't you think I would have called you to brag about it?"
"That's right, you promised me pictures."
"I didn't promise you shit."
"You should film it. Put it on your dvd. Would make a great--what's it called--um. Easter bunny. Egg. Easter egg. Thing."
Jon laughed. "And no, I haven't gotten my bandmates in bed together yet."
"Tell me about that. You just gonna watch Brendon fuck Ryan? And Spencer? Be all self-sacrificing?"
"Oh, hell no, I don't think so. I think I'd really like to fuck Brendon." The bathroom door opened, then, and Ryan walked out, towel draped loose around his waist; Jon forgot to finish the conversation.
* * *
After a second, Brendon does move. He wriggles up beside Jon, stretching out on his stomach, and Jon traces a hand up the back of his thigh, worming his fingers into the crack of his ass. He teases the hole with a fingertip, but Brendon groans, way too tight for him to get very far.
"Hey, Ryan," Spencer is saying in a low voice, and Jon looks over to see Spencer's hand grasping Ryan's cock, causing Ryan to moan even louder. "Are you going to come? I want to feel it, want to," stroking Ryan, and just like that Ryan arches against him, coming with a low whine all over Spencer's hand and his stomach.
Ryan is panting so hard he sounds like he's choking, and Jon leans toward him, scraping a hand down Ryan's belly. Ryan shudders, and Jon wipes away some of Ryan's come, coating his fingers, looking up at Spencer and grinning, "Thanks." Brendon looks wide-eyed over his shoulder and Jon presses a finger right in, starts working him open.
"You don't do this very often, do you?" Jon asks him, scissoring two fingers apart and listening to the hitch in Brendon's breath. Brendon shakes his head and moans when Jon changes his angle, scraping across his prostate.
"Well," Jon says, pulling his fingers out and moving into place behind Brendon, "We might have to change that." He guides himself in, pressing steadily forward, and Brendon swears. "Right, Spencer?" Jon glances up at Spencer, who is watching them darkly, slamming into Ryan fast and hard, and Jon can tell he is close, even closer from the thought of getting to fuck Brendon.
But Ryan is pouting at that, and Jon kind of wants to laugh. "Ryan, fuck," he starts.
Spencer says, "You think I'm going to let you forget this?"
"Besides," Jon reminds him, "now you've got Brendon to keep you entertained, he'll probably want your ass," Jon pushes into Brendon hard, "all the goddamn time."
Ryan twists his head and moans again, loose and pliant under Spencer now that he's come, rolling with the force of the thrusts. The bed's shaking with Spencer's rhythm and Jon finds himself trying to match it, like second nature.
"Yeah," he continues, "You know what this means, right? You're going to have all the cock you want."
And Ryan says, "But--"
"Don't try to act like you don't want it, we all know now."
Spencer mutters, "I know," and Ryan bites his own lip.
"And this," Jon says, touching Brendon's hip, thrusting hard into his ass, "Brendon... you can have Brendon whenever you want." Brendon kind of makes this noise, and Jon chuckles, leaning down over him and saying, "You like that thought too, don't you, that he's yours now." Brendon shifts over on his elbows to bite Ryan's arm and Ryan hisses, grinding down on Spencer.
Jon pulls out of Brendon suddenly, taking hold of his cock and stroking himself, squeezing and pulling hard until he comes on Brendon's lower back, right where his ass starts to curve.
Watching the splatter against Brendon's skin sets Spencer off and seconds later he's coming, thrusting forward into Ryan so hard he slides up the bed. Spencer shudders, panting, and after a moment, lets himself slip out. Ryan shifts with it, eyelids fluttering.
"Jesus," Jon says, noticing that sometime in there, Ryan got hard again. Brendon starts to move but Jon tells him to stay put, reaching around him to undo Ryan's wrists. Finally free, Ryan lowers his arms but doesn't go anywhere, looking steadily at Jon.
"C'mere," Jon says. Ryan eyes him and Brendon. "Clean Brendon up."
And Ryan does, curling around to start licking Brendon's back, Jon's hand at his head, petting him, and Ryan's tongue lapping over Brendon's ass. When he has Brendon clean, he trails up, following his spine all the way to the nape of his neck. Brendon turns, rolling over and catching Ryan's mouth with his own, reaching down to touch Ryan's cock. He looks like he's about ready to move down but Spencer beats him to it, quickly taking Ryan into his mouth, causing Ryan to moan loudly, bucking up, and Spencer presses his hips back down to the bed with firm hands.
Jon grins lopsidedly and crawls down to join him, nosing in beside Spencer to lick the opposite side of Ryan's cock. He teases the shaft while Spencer sucks the head, and he gets one hand up between Ryan's legs, sliding a finger easily into his asshole.
He curls his finger, stroking in and out, and that does it, Ryan is arching off the bed, noises muffled in Brendon's mouth as he comes in Spencer's.
Spencer maneuvers up the bed and Brendon turns to look at him. Before he can speak, Spencer grabs him by the jaw, pulling him into a kiss, rough, and Jon can only watch, breathless. It's not perfect, it's wet and messy, and Jon can actually see Ryan's come leaking out of the corners of their lips; Ryan stares with wide eyes. When Spencer finally lets Brendon go, Brendon's eyes are dark and he licks his lips, swollen from Spencer's teeth.
It's only then that Jon notices Ryan's hand on Brendon's cock, jerking him steadily. He thinks about helping but never really makes it that far, Brendon already tossing his head back and coming in Ryan's grip.
Ryan looks down at his hand and then brings his fingers to his mouth, licking a knuckle clean. Brendon reaches out and takes hold of his wrist right where the skin is still red from Jon's belt. Ryan lets him draw it close, watches as Brendon licks his own come off, as he takes one of Ryan's fingers in his mouth, sliding down before pulling it out, dragging his teeth along.
Spencer sniffs and Jon grins at him, waiting a moment longer, just kind of basking. Eventually, he gets up, and heads for the table.
When he turns back around, Ryan and Brendon are making out on one side of the bed, and Spencer is watching them with an eyebrow cocked. He glances over at Jon, who's grabbing his Sidekick.
"Feeling a little like Dr. Frankenstein?" Spencer asks, indicating the writhing bodies next to him on the bed and managing to sound satisfied, amused, and bored all in one question.
Jon laughs and lets his eyes graze down Spencer's body before answering. "It was totally worth it." He sits back on the bed and Spencer slides over next to him, draping one arm across his chest.
* * *
"Ask me what I'm wearing." Jon says into the phone.
"Dude, that's not how--"
"Shut up and guess."
William sighs. His voice sounds thick and sluggish when he speaks.. "You suck, I already tried to get you to--"
"Just say it, asshole."
"Okay, god. What are you wearing?"
Jon pauses significantly. "A naked eighteen-year-old."
William is silent.
"And uh," Jon nudges Ryan and Brendon with his foot, and someone grunts at him. "I'm accessorizing with a pair of post-coital guitarists."
William still has not responded when Brendon leans over and grabs the phone away from Jon.
"Hey, Bill. Look, Jon's going to have to call you back. We're not through here. Yeah, Ryan. You know how it is." He's grinning when he turns the phone off and tosses it aside. "William says you're a motherfucker, and he expects the gas prices to be lower tomorrow. I think he must have been stoned." He turns back to Ryan, who's got that glint in his eyes again. It'll take a fucking team effort, Jon thinks.
He grins, and lets Spencer shift more fully into his lap.
* * *

Brendon’s awesome plans are further complicated when he maybe overestimates just a little when it comes to how much booze he needs to take the edge off and make his nerves stop thrumming under his skin the way are, and he winds up maybe a little drunk. The thing is, Brendon is always a handsy drunk, and now it’s, like, ten times worse because Jon is his, and as such he should be allowed to touch Jon whenever, however, and wherever he deems fit. And that’s how he ends up pushing Jon into a bathroom stall and sinking to his knees.
“Brendon, no, c’mon,” Jon says, reaching down to pull him up, but Brendon doesn’t want to get up, he wants to stay right here, thank you very much, with Jon’s crotch in his face. He leans in, rubs his cheek against Jon’s fly and Brendon can feel Jon go hard against him and that’s pretty hot. “That’s pretty hot,” he says, and his tongue feels thick and heavy in his mouth, and that just makes him think of other thick, heavy things that should be in his mouth, so he presses a trail of wet, open mouthed kisses up the line of Jon’s cock through his jeans. Jon’s hand clenches on his shoulder, and Brendon needs Jon’s pants to be off, like, now. When he reaches for the zipper, though, it’s like the hiss of the teeth opening breaks the air around them, and Jon’s hauling him up, pinning Brendon against the stall door with hot, heavy eyes.

“Jon-” he cuts Brendon off with a kiss, which is a good idea because Brendon has no idea what he was going to actually say. It isn’t one of their normal kisses, though; there’s an edge, and Jon’s lips aren’t gentle against his. They’re rough and seeking, and when Brendon opens his mouth and tilts his head back for Jon, he pulls away, tugging at Brendon’s bottom lip with his teeth a little and oh, that. That has Brendon’s hips surging up against Jon’s, grinding himself on Jon’s hip and it feels so good that he never, ever wants to stop. So of course Jon backs away, but his eyes are all hot and dirty when he looks at Brendon and says, “Back to the room, c’mon,” and this can only bode well, so well.
Jon keeps close to Brendon on the walk out of the club, and in the elevator he plasters himself against Brendon’s back, presses his face into Brendon’s neck, breaths in, and when the doors open he keeps his arm around Brendon’s waist, caging him and making them both stumble a little on the way down the hall. As soon as the door is open Jon turns and pins him against it, and yes, yes, Brendon likes this, he likes it very much and approves of this course of action. “Brendon,” Jon breaths wetly against his neck, “How drunk are you right now?”
“Hmm?” Brendon asks, trying to press himself closer, trying to get Jon to tilt his head up so he can get at his mouth. “How drunk,” Jon says again, and it sounds a little rougher this time, a little more like a growl, and Brendon has never met this Jon Walker but he is approving heartily so far.
“Not drunk, “ Brendon says a little desperately, and he’s only lying a little bit; Jon’s hot gaze is doing its part to sober him up quickly and Brendon wants this to be over, wants to be done with all the protecting his virtue shit and get to the touching already because he wants to touch Jon everywhere. “I can be sober,” he says when Jon doesn’t immediately respond, and he’s pressing closer to Jon’s body, digging his hands into the dip of Jon’s shoulders; he wants to climb him a little. “I can be so sober, Jon,” he says, and Jon finally eases up against him a little, just enough that Brendon can wiggle himself closer, find Jon’s mouth, lick inside.
“Jon, Jon, c’mon,” Brendon babbles against his lips, his throat, his jaw. “Want to, please, please let me touch you,” and Jon lets out this noise that sounds like he’s choking, and then he’s half carrying, half dragging Brendon across the room to the nearest bed, and yes.
“Tell me,” Jon says, his voice low and rough as he gets Brendon laid out on the bed.
“Tell you what?” Brendon is trying really hard to make his brain keep working but he’s so about to get lucky and Jon’s hands are big and warm and everywhere. “Anything,” Brendon says as Jon leans down to nip at his collarbone, “I’ll tell you anything.”
“Tell me,” Jon says into his ear as his hands work down the long row of buttons on Brendon’s shirt, “exactly what you’ve done,” and oh. Oh. Brendon is maybe a little embarrassed to tell Jon that, because it’s, well, not a lot, but Jon is kissing the flesh he finds each time he undoes another button, hot open mouthed kisses soothing sharp little bites, and he will, Brendon will tell Jon anything.

“Four kisses when I was sixteen during spin the bottle,” he gasps out as Jon’s tongue dips into his belly button, and he thought that might feel a little weird but it doesn’t, not even a little bit, not at all. “I made out with this girl named Lacey at a party when I was seventeen, but she was a smoker and it wasn’t awesome.” Jon huffs a little puff of breath out at that, a laugh that’s buried at the waist of Brendon’s jeans. “Au-Audrey,” he stutters out because Jon just unbuttoned his pants, oh god. “We both-” he breaks off into a moan when Jon unzips his jeans, kisses Brendon’s erection through the cotton of his underwear.
“C’mon,” Jon says and Brendon can feel the words against his cock and all he wants is to be inside of Jon’s mouth, like, now. “She blew me,” he gasps out, “but I wasn’t very good at the rest and it was mostly just really wet and confusing when we tried so we stopped trying, and then she told the internet I had a small dick, but I don’t, Jon, I don’t,” and he realizes he’s babbling but Jon is still mouthing at his cock through the cotton, pressing a light laugh into his hipbone.

“I believe you, Brendon,” he says, and then hey, his pants are gone! Jon Walker is kind of magic like that, because Brendon’s pants are gone, and his underwear are going, and then Jon’s moving up his body, and that doesn’t seem like the right direction to Brendon. “Bren,” he says, putting his hands on either side of Brendon’s face, making him look at Jon, making him focus. “You paying attention?” Brendon just nods, and squirms a little because if he can get like one inch to the left he could grind up against Jon’s leg. “Brendon.” And yeah, okay, right.

He brings his eyes back to Jon’s, stares, waits. “Sure?” is all Jon says and Brendon just nods furiously, “Yes, yes, yes,” spilling from his lips, “Please, I promise, I want to, wanted to, just wanted to make sure I could be good,” and he feels a little detached from his body right now, still a little drunk and really, really turned on and he only stops the nonstop babble pouring from his mouth when Jon latches onto his lips, grinds down, and oh, oh.

Brendon is so distracted by the feeling of Jon’s cock pressed against his, hard and perfect even through the layer of denim that he doesn’t really notice what Jon’s doing until Jon wraps his lips around the head of Brendon’s dick and bobs down a little, bringing his hand to wrap around the shaft, and holy shit. He bucks up, hard, and immediately feels bad about it, “Sorry, sorry, just, mouth on my dick. My dick!” and Jon pulls off, looks at him, and jesus his lips are shiny. “Shutting up now?” Brendon guesses, and Jon just smirks, presses it into Brendon’s thigh, and this time he places an arm across Brendon’s hips, loose enough that he can move but tight enough to keep him from, you know, choking Jon with his dick.
It would be totally sad if he killed Jon mid blowjob. He stops thinking about Jon’s untimely death and starts thinking oh my god because Jon’s tongue just hit this spot under the head of his dick, and he can feel it in his toes when Jon presses his tongue to it again, firmer, before licking back over the slit, and Brendon knows he is really, embarrassingly close but it’s still a surprise when he comes a second later when Jon’s fingers slip down to trail lightly over his hole. He knows there are like rules and things, and that he should have warned Jon, but he didn’t know okay, it can’t be his fault if he didn’t know, but he’s too busy hyperventilating right now to worry about it.
“Jon, Jon,” he says, and when he looks down Jon is licking a little bit of Brendon’s come from the corner of his mouth and that’s so hot, Brendon didn’t know everything would be this hot. He yanks Jon to him by his t-shirt, licks into his mouth, mummers apologies while he licks his taste from Jon’s mouth.
“Shit,” Jon says when he pulls away, gasping a little, and Brendon takes the opportunity, pounces on him, gets him on his back. “Too many clothes,” he says, and Jon obliges by taking off his shirt because Jon Walker is a gentleman. Brendon fumbles a little with Jon’s pants, and Jon lifts his hips to help Brendon out, slides down his jeans and underwear at once and oh, hello there, Jon Walker’s penis. How very nice to meet you!

Brendon realizes he maybe says that last part out loud when Jon snorts, and he blushes a little and it’s pretty much the cutest thing Brendon’s ever seen. “So I’m going to blow you now, and it’s going to be awesome,” Brendon tells him, and then he pretty much just drops his mouth over Jon’s cock, totally misjudges, and starts coughing and spluttering when Jon’s cock hits the back of his throat, pulling back quickly.
“Brendon,” Jon says, and Brendon doesn’t want to look up, doesn’t want Jon to change his mind or make fun of him, but Jon just says his name again, and when Brendon looks up Jon raises a hand to cup the side of his face. “Slow down, okay? M’not going anywhere,” and okay. That makes Brendon feel a little better, and he slides back down, takes a deep breath.
“Wrap your hand around the base,” Jon says quietly, “so you don’t go too far,” and Brendon nods, finds the instruction strangely reassuring. He can totally do this. He can blow the crap out of Jon. He leans down, takes a little lick at the head, and feels Jon tense under him.
“Bad?”
“N-no,” Jon says, breath stuttering out. “No, you’re doing good, it’s so good,” and Brendon nods to himself, because he’s totally a secret blowjob master, he knows it. He goes down in earnest this time, sucking the head of Jon’s dick into his mouth, letting his tongue swirl around like Jon had done to him, tries to find that same spot. Jon’s hands are clenching in the blankets, white knuckled, so Brendon looks up, pulls off, and there’s this kind of funny little pop! noise at that.
“Jon, touch me, it’s okay, c’mon,” and when he leans back down Jon threads his fingers into Brendon’s hair, not pushing or guiding, just resting, skritching a little at his scalp, calluses dragging over the sweet spot behind his ear. He’s reminded ridiculously of feeling like a kitty again and he purrs a little around Jon’s cock and oh, okay, apparently that’s a good thing because Jon’s fingers in his hair tighten almost painfully.
“Brendon, c’mon, you gotta,” Jon grits out, and Brendon realizes he’s mostly just watching Jon, his mouth around Jon’s cock but not actually moving, and he twists his hand a little around the bottom, touches Jon like he touches himself, and there’s this little tang in his mouth now, salty and heavy and all of a sudden Brendon wants nothing more than for Jon Walker to come in his mouth. Check him out. Brendon Urie: Total Sex Pervert. Screw being an Asexual Cuddling Master, this will look so much cooler on his business cards. He pulls off to run his hand over Jon a few times, just long strokes; he wants to see how it looks, Jon’s cock in his hand, and when his thumb brushes over the head on the down stroke Jon suddenly tenses and comes, hard and messy all over Brendon’s hand and his own thigh.
“Shit,” Brendon says, mostly to himself, but he makes do, licks the come off of his hand, decides he kind of likes it, and leans back down to lick the rest from Jon’s thigh. “Brendon, shit,” Jon says, and then he’s being pulled up the bed and pressed to Jon’s side, and Jon’s hands are everywhere, stroking and petting, and it’s pretty awesome, his skin still tingly from his orgasm, Jon’s hands wide and strong against his skin.
“That was so much better than anything ever,” Brendon sighs happily into Jon’s skin, and he can feel Jon’s laugh rumble through his entire chest. “Hey, no,” Brendon says and clings a little when he feels Jon try to get up. But he’s pretty sure he’s not supposed to be clingy after sex, so he quickly amends it with an “Or, whatever,” and lets go. Jon grins, drops a kiss to his forehead, and says, “I’m just gonna get the lights.” Brendon does not even pretend to not stare at Jon’s ass when he walks toward the light switch.
Speaking of. “Hey,” Brendon says as the rooms plunges into darkness, “when are we gonna,” but then Jon’s climbing back into bed, spreading the comforter over them, curling up warm against Brendon’s back. “Shh,” Jon whispers against his neck, “there’s time for that.”
*
The next morning, Brendon is maybe skipping a little as he follows Jon out of the elevator and into the lobby, humming A Whole New World quietly to himself, and Spencer says, “HAH!” really loudly and holds his hand out to Ryan. “$50, dude, you never bet against A Whole New World, come on, pay up.”
“Coulda been Part Of Your World,” Ryan mumbles and he hands a wad of crumpled bills to Spencer.
*
Brendon hates the bus a little, but only a little because it’s all Ryan and Spencer’s fault, really, with their ridiculous Rules For PDA, it’s not really the bus’s fault that Ryan and Spencer are dicks. Spencer had gotten the rules laminated and there was a copy in every room. Brendon has no idea how he managed that, but he doesn’t like to ask too many questions about how Spencer gets things done in general. He’s still holding out hope that Spencer maybe has some mysterious super power, or is also a secret genie in addition to being a creeping ninja. When he shares this theory with Jon, he’s rewarded with a careful head tilt and a, “Huh. That maybe makes a little sense.” They both hum Friend Like Me around Spencer for the rest of the day.
That does not change the fact that there are now rules for how Brendon is allowed to touch Jon, and there were never rules before so he mostly wears Ryan and Spencer down by steadfastly refusing to honor the rules: curling up in Jon’s lap during movies, leaning against his knees while he plays Mario Kart, shuffling over to rest his head on Jon’s shoulder during breakfast. The only rule they really refuse to relent on is the whole “No Sex Anywhere, Ever, In, On, or Around This Bus,” and, despite Brendon’s protests, even Jon tries to honor that one.
At least he does until he pulls the curtain back on Brendon’s bunk a few days later and finds him straining down onto one of his fingers, fisting his cock. Then Jon mostly just hisses out air, swats Brendon’s hand away, and climbs into the bunk beside him. Ryan and Spencer are out shopping, and Brendon is hopeful.
“Hi?” he says questioningly, because Jon still hasn’t said anything, just staring down at Brendon, legs still spread wide and hard cock resting in his frozen fist. Jon slowly brings a his hand down, brushes fingers against Brendon’s hole, and shit, yes please.
“Brendon,” Jon says tightly between his teeth, eyes squeezed close. “Were you seriously not using lube? Lotion? Spit? Anything?”
Oh. Yeah, that makes sense. “No?” he says. “It was kind of a last minute, um, ngh,” and Jon just lowered his head and licked Brendon’s asshole. Brendon totally did some gay research; he knows that this is a thing that people can do, but he never would have asked, and then Jon swipes his tongue up to Brendon’s balls, and he keens, arches up against Jon’s mouth. Jon sits back and Brendon wants to cry, the loss of sensation is so great, but he just whimpers a little, looks at Jon with his best pleading eyes.
“Turn over,” Jon says, low and dark, and It makes something in Brendon’s belly curl up tight, pressing against the edges, wanting out. As soon as Brendon is over on his stomach, cock caught immobile between his belly and the bed, Jon’s mouth is back, tongue swirling and pushing in, gently, and everything’s so wet. Brendon is panting against his pillow, he can’t help it, and he only realizes he’s pushing his hips back into Jon’s face when his cock drags over the sheets but Jon’s tongue is inside of him, flicking around and Brendon comes, sudden and hard, without a hand on his cock.
He collapses into the bed, heavy and boneless and tingly everywhere, but Jon’s not done, just pauses to breath out, “Holy shit, Bren,” against the cheek of Brendon’s ass, and then Brendon feels something blunt and wet pressing in. Jon says, “Relax,” light and soft, hand pressing down at the small of Brendon’s back to lower his hips back down a bit, “don’t tense up,” and Brendon tries, breathes out deeply, lets himself focus on the hum of orgasm running over his skin, and suddenly Jon’s finger is inside, and Brendon can feel his calluses drag and shit, shit, that’s so hot.
He whines and presses back, against Jon’s finger, says, “Jon, c’mon, you can, you have to,” and Brendon can’t help it, he lets out a whine low in his throat when Jon pulls his finger out and says, “I can’t,” and Brendon’s about to protest because he really, really can, but then Brendon hears the cabinets in the front lounge squeak, and fucking Ryan and Spencer, fuck fuck fuck. “Wait five minutes,” Jon says, and presses a soft kiss to Brendon’s lips before sliding out of the bunk. It should maybe freak him out a little, considering where Jon’s mouth has just been, but mostly Brendon just wants more.
When he stumbles into the front of the bus with the others a few minutes later, Ryan takes one look at him and says, “Spencer, fucker, give me my $50 back; I told you they couldn’t go a week.”
*
The thing is, Brendon is trying to be good; he really is. He understands that the bus is a communal space, and he supposes he would be pretty grossed out if he had to wonder if someone had been fucked on the couch every time he sat down, but, like, Jon keeps pinning him with these looks all hot and dark and venue closets and venue showers and quick, quiet hand jobs in the bunks are only making him want it more, want it harder, and he would really appreciate a hotel night, okay, because he’s pretty sure Jon’s going to fuck him soon.
He knows this because last night, while he was biting down on Jon’s forearm to muffle his noise while Jon stroked him, Jon said into his ear, “Wanna fuck you, Bren, need to,” and then Brendon came all over the place which was pretty inconvenient because he’d just done laundry the day before. But whatever, Jon is going to fuck him and it’s going to be pretty awesome.
“Guys,” Brendon says as they’re all in the front lounge, waiting for Jon and Zack to get back with coffee, “Guys, I’m going to have sex and it’s going to be pretty cool, I bet.”
Spencer quirks an eyebrow at him, “What exactly have you two been doing if not having sex?”
“They have been having sex,” Ryan says, not even opening his eyes where he’s stretched out on the couch. “Jon’s bunk is right underneath mine, remember?”
“No, no,” Brendon says excitedly, “like, we’re gonna have sex, boy on boy sexy good times, with our dicks.”
“Brendon,” Spencer says, staring.
“Dude,” Ryan says, sitting up on the couch. “Dude, no. You do not talk about that. Like. Ever.” His eyes are really big when he says it, and Brendon figures he must be pretty serious, since he’s making expressions and everything.
Jon and Zack come clambering up the bus steps, and Brendon makes grabby hands at Jon, receiving a hot chocolate and a bonus muffin for his troubles. Jon glances over at Ryan and Spencer and says, “What’s wrong with them?”
“I’m not allowed to tell them about stuff involving our dicks,” Brendon says around a mouth full of muffin. Mmm, blueberry.
“Right,” Zack says. “Leaving. Soundcheck in two hours.”
*
When Jon grabs Brendon by the elbow as he passes the bunks and yanks him down, Brendon is a little confused. But then also Jon is naked so he’s not going to say no, or anything. “Hey, hey, you’re naked,” he says, and bounces on his knees a little. He’s kind of excited.
“You should maybe be naked now too,” Jon says, reaching behind him to dig between the mattress and the wall. Brendon is not going to argue with this. He is also not going to argue about how he is suddenly pressed flush against Jon, Jon’s cock nudging at Brendon’s ass, because yes, hi, this please. More of this. Jon leans in close, and says, “Brendon? Ryan and Spencer are in the back lounge right now, watching a movie. That doesn’t mean you don’t need to be quiet, though.”
Which okay, Brendon can do that; he can be totally quiet, except for how Jon just started circling a wet finger around Brendon’s hole, pushing in slightly, and Brendon lets out a really loud moan without even thinking about it. “O-Oops?” he says, and then, hey, Jon’s hand is coming up, covering his mouth, and that’s pretty hot, he has to say. Brendon clutches onto Jon’s forearm, squeezes his eyes shut tight as Jon’s finger gets more insistent, and it burns a little, stings, but it also feels really good, Jon wrapped all around him and Jon inside of him. Once Jon gets his finger in a little, it slides in easier, and Brendon can feel it pushing and dragging inside of him.
“Okay?” Jon says, hot against his ear, and Brendon just nods against his hand, lets out a muffled sound of assent. Jon crooks his finger up a little, shifts it a bit and holy god, Brendon’s entire body jerks and he whimpers helplessly against Jon’s hand as sparks shoot up and down his spine. “Yeah,” Jon pants against his ear, “yeah, Bren,” and Brendon feels Jon’s cock hard and a little wet where it’s rubbing up against him, and oh he wants, and it’s not enough, just Jon’s finger.
“Mph,” he says against Jon’s hand, and that’s not getting the point across, he thinks. He bites down on the fleshy part of Jon’s palm, kind of hard, and Jon just hisses, so Brendon struggles against his palm until his mouth is free, whispers, “More, Jon, c’mon,” and then he whines low in his throat when Jon pulls his finger out altogether. “No, no, more, not less,” Brendon says, maybe a little desperately.
Jon just chuckles, and sets a kiss on Brendon’s temple. They’re both pretty sweaty - it’s hot in the bunk, pressed up like this, doing this - but Brendon just wants him closer. “Trust me,” Jon says, low and dark, “you’re going to want more lube.” And he slicks up two fingers this time, leans back down, presses in, and shit, shit. He hits right against that spot again and Brendon can’t even focus on the stretch, the burn of two fingers, because god, god, he wants Jon to never stop touching him.
He whimpers kind of pitifully against Jon’s hand, squirms back against Jon’s fingers, and when Jon twists them Brendon can feel it and he feels like he’s going to explode out of his skin. “Quiet, quiet,” Jon whispers in his ear, and then his hand is gone from his mouth and sliding down to wrap hot and wet around Brendon’s cock and that’s it; Brendon’s gone, spurting over Jon’s fist. He whimpers a little when Jon pulls his fingers out, and he feels a little empty, a lot hot, and when he looks over at Jon, Jon is fisting his own cock, staring at Brendon, and he holds the gaze while Jon comes, panting wetly into the dark of the bunk.
*
“Jon Walker, did you light a candle?” Brendon asks when he walks into the room. Jon looks down at the carpet, shuffles his feet a little, mumbles something about Spencer being a dick and slipping it into his bag. He’s kind of adorable. Brendon very much wants to have sex with him now.
“I very much want to have sex with you now,” Brendon says, and takes a running start, flopping down onto the mattress, “Take me now, you brute!”
“Brute? Seriously?” Jon asks, and Brendon just shrugs. He’d maybe been covertly reading another one of Ryan’s Harlequins about a rugged farm hand.
*
Jon’s cock? Turns out to be much bigger than his fingers, but also so much better, and Brendon squeezes his eyes closed, tries to focus on the little surge of pleasure that’s underneath the pain of the stretch. “Bren,” Jon says, and he palms Brendon’s cheek, makes him open his eyes. “I got, you, okay? Breathe.”
So Brendon breathes, and the head of Jon’s cock slips inside, and oh, oh. Jon stills, grips down tightly on the back of Brendon’s thighs. “You okay?”
“Yeah, yeah, just . . . just a second, just a second,” and Jon nods, leans over to kiss Brendon’s knee, and shit, it’s just so sweet he wants to die a little. “C’mon,” he says, wiggling against Jon; he doesn’t care if it hurts; he wants it all, wants it now, wants Jon.
Then Jon’s moving, pressing in slow, so slow, and Brendon can feel himself opening up around Jon’s cock and it’s, shit, it’s just so much; he feels like there’s something trying to scratch its way out of his chest. That’s got to be it, there can’t be any more, he’s seen Jon’s cock and he does not remember it being four feet long, but Jon’s still pushing in, then finally he stills and Brendon’s so full. He shifts a little, trying to get used to it, and then Jon says, “Hey, look at me,” and when Brendon meets Jon’s eyes they’re dark, wide, searching his face. “Okay?”
Brendon just nods, reaches up and pulls Jon down to get at his mouth. Jon kisses him deep and wet, and when he shifts a little his cock hits something inside of Brendon and then he’s sobbing into Jon’s mouth, can’t even help himself. “Shit, Brendon, can I, please, I need to,” Jon’s gasping against his mouth, holding himself so still that Brendon can feel where his arms are shaking.
“Yeah, c’mon, c’mon,” Brendon says and there’s only a slight twinge when he lifts his legs up, wraps them around Jon’s waist, and then Jon’s moving, these shallow, short little thrusts that make Brendon’s breath stutter out. “Jon, more,” he says brokenly, and there’s this weird feeling as Jon pulls out a little, this drag that’s not entirely unpleasant, and when Jon thrusts back in he hits that spot again, and Brendon’s entire body feels like it’s about to fall apart.
Jon keeps his thrusts steady, so that every time he pushes in there’s this explosion of pleasure up Brendon’s spine. “Bren,” Jon says, strained, “You gotta, I can’t . . . so tight,” and then he’s wrapping his hand around Brendon’s cock, and he doesn’t even get a full stroke in before Brendon’s coming in hot stripes across his own belly. Jon pushes in, deep, and Brendon can feel Jon’s cock twitch inside of him as he comes, and shit, SHIT, that was awesome.
“Jon, Jon, that was awesome,” he says, and Jon grins down at him, leans down to kiss him softly.
“This is gonna feel a little weird, okay?” Jon warns as he slides slowly out, and it does, it really does. It feels like Jon’s pulling him inside out, but when he’s gone Brendon feels a little empty, and he makes grabby hands at Jon. Jon just smiles down at him, wide and blinding. He says, “I’ll be right back, condom, washcloth, unsexy things,” and Brendon cringes a little when he twists his body around to settle down into the bed.
He watches as Jon walks to the bathroom, and as soon as the door closes he lowers one hand, runs his finger lightly over his hole. His skin feels a little puffy, tender, but Brendon feels loose and happy, because he totally just had awesome sex with Jon Walker. Jon walks back out with a washcloth in one hand, wipes off Brendon’s belly, and oh, Brendon wants to keep him forever. “Jon,” Brendon says, and smiles when Jon tosses the cloth at the chair in the corner, crawls up Brendon’s body on the bed.
“Good?” Jon asks Brendon’s hair once he’s settled against Jon’s side. “So, so good,” Brendon says, and he twists around to kiss Jon, light and easy. “When do we get to do it again?” Jon laughs a little against his throat, pulls Brendon down to rest against him.

“As soon as I finish my internet post about your dick, Bren, I’ll be good to go.”
Brendon nods, snuggles down against Jon’s chest, and then, wait. “Joking, right.” Brendon says, “Joking, Jon, right?”
*****************************************************************************************
With just the right combination of Jack and pot, Jon sort of becomes addicted to Spencer's cock.

Not that Spencer's spent any considerable time trying to figure out the exact combination or anything. It just happens sometimes, especially when they're alone in Spencer's house, sprawled across Spencer's suede sofa with a spent joint sitting in the ash tray and a half empty whiskey bottle on the coffee table.

It's like a switch is flipped in Jon's brain, and suddenly he's crawling over Spencer, nuzzling his way up Spencer's body until he's hovers over his stomach and says into his shirt, "C'mon, Spence, I can take it, I just need your cock in my mouth, need to taste you."

Spencer, to his credit, makes a valiant attempt to huff and push Jon away. "No, okay? I'm too wasted, I won't be able to hold back."

But Jon has already sunk to his knees on the carpet, facing the couch as he drags Spencer's legs over, fits himself between Spencer's thighs. He mouths at Spencer's crotch through his jeans and tugs his belt lose without waiting for another word.

"I fucking love being on my knees for you sometimes," Jon breathes against Spencer's thigh, and fuck, there's really no way Spencer can say no to that. Ever.

Although, he really doesn't have to say no, because Jon's not waiting for him to say yes; he simply opens Spencer's fly and pulls out his cock, and if Spencer wasn't hard before, he certainly is now, hi.

Jon swallows him sloppily, groaning as Spencer slides across the inside of his cheek. Spencer closes his eyes and starts trying to recite the times tables in his head. He concentrates really hard on not moving, on just staying still.

But when his hips buck forward without asking his brain first, Jon moans happily, and the sound vibrates through Spencer's whole body. He's only human.

There's no pretense of holding back after that. Jon's thumbs press hard into Spencer's hipbones, and everything's slick and wet; he moans Spencer's name, deep in his throat.

Before Spencer can stop himself, he wonders how deep down Jon's throat he can get. The thought immediately freaks him out, because he's not really all that sober, and he's running the risk of choking Jon. Another thought follows on the heels of the first one, which freaks him out even more: a little part of his brain wouldn't mind it if Jon were choking, just a little bit.

Oh, god, he really shouldn't, but. Spencer pushes his hips up, slides deeper into Jon's mouth even as he says, "Sorry, sorry," pushing further still.

"Yes," Jon gasps, mouth going slack. "Yeah, c'mon."

Spencer reaches down and grabs at Jon's head, tries to lace his fingers through his hair. But Jon's hair is too short, so Spencer just presses his fingers against Jon's skull and guides him forward. And it's the way Jon's face softens a little, the way his jaw widens, the way his lips are fucking glistening around his cock, that makes Spencer drop his head back against the couch and moan, thrusting his hips, forcing himself deep into Jon's mouth. He feels so fucking dirty and is still freaking out within the confines of his mind, but he can't help it, especially when Jon's thumbs dig into his hipbones almost painfully.

The alcohol and pot are adding to it, making everything fuzzy and loose in his head. Spencer knows he should be stopping now, that maybe this has gone far enough, but Jon's making contented little noises and urging him on with his grip on Spencer's hips. And then, suddenly, he's sucking at him, hard, his cheeks hollowing out, as if he's daring Spencer to go deeper.

Spencer would be better equipped to resist if Jon weren't also looking up at him through his lashes, his cheeks flushed and his pupils blown. Every inch of him is asking for more, and Spencer, god, Spencer gives it to him.

He reaches his other hand down to brush his thumb over Jon's cheek, and he leaves his hand there when he starts to thrust again so that he can feel himself move inside Jon's mouth. Jon's skin is damp, too hot, pink under Spencer's fingers, and Spencer just really, really needs to come. It's weird, because Jon's so fucking hot like this, but it's easier than usual for Spencer to keep it under control.

Except...Jon's really fucking hot like this. He starts mumbling, "C'mon, c'mon," mouth full, and his face just looks so blissed out, like all he wants in the world is to be here, on his knees with Spencer's cock buried in his mouth.

Spencer's happy to oblige.

He rubs his thumb over Jon's cheek before moving his hand back to Jon's head, holding him steady. He starts out slow, just rutting forward to rub the head of his cock over the soft sweep of Jon's tongue. Jon holds still, keeps his jaw loose and open, until Spencer gradually picks up a rhythm, rocking his hips forward until he feels his cock hit the back of Jon's throat, which. Fuck. Feels so good, even better when Jon tilts his head further back and just. Opens. Around him.

And then Jon groans, like he's dying, and then he's sucking Spencer again, deeper into his mouth, eyelashes fluttering along his flushed cheeks. Jon gets quiet after that, but only because Spencer finally works his cock all the way inside, as deep as he can get.

Spencer feels the way Jon's reflexes are setting in, the way Jon struggles to keep from gagging. It's. It's unbelievably hot, god, but it shouldn't be at all. There are tiny little puffs of air coming from Jon's nose pressed against Spencer's stomach, and Spencer can feel where his balls are barely brushing Jon's chin, and, fuck.

He pulls back to give Jon a chance to take a breath, but pushes right back in before Jon's quite finished, because the suction is just so fucking good, he can't think straight anymore. He needs it, and the realization is sudden, overwhelming.

"I'm gonna come soon," he says to Jon. Then, "Fuck, your mouth."

Jon groans loudly around Spencer's cock.

"You - you can come, too, just - " Spencer waves his hand in the general direction of Jon's fly, and Jon smiles. He shakes his head, mouth still full.

Spencer works back into his original rhythm; he pulls far enough out that Jon has time to gasp for air before pushing all the way back in. He feels hot all over, completely overwhelmed by the heat and the wet andohgodfuck around his cock, but at the same time, it's easy to focus, easy to focus on Jon. He's sliding so easily now out of Jon's mouth, and there's saliva everywhere, everything's so slick and hot and fuckfuckfuckJon'smouth -

"Gonna come," Spencer says, low and rough.

"Fuck, yeah," Jon gasps just as Spencer thrusts all the way in, too hard, and Spencer yells a stream of profanity that may or may not end with his voice cracking around Jon's name. He comes so hard, he's on the verge of passing out as he slumps back against the couch, eyes barely open to watch Jon's throat convulse as he swallows and licks Spencer clean, looking up at him as he kisses Spencer's cock as it starts to soften.

Jon's hips are making short, involuntary thrusts against the edge of the couch. Spencer can see the very stark, very obvious outline of Jon's erection, and there's a small wet spot showing through his jeans.

"Are you close, Jon?" Spencer whispers. "Are you going to come like that? Rubbing up against the couch?"

If possible, Jon's eyes go even darker, and he finally lets Spencer's cock slip out of his mouth. "I - "

"You can, I wanna see you. Tell me what you're thinking." Spencer barely has the mental capacity to form words, but he wants to see this, see Jon come without having to touch him.

"I'm thinking - " Jon's voice cracks completely. "I'm thinking about - " His voice is raw as fuck, and from the way he's still staring at Spencer's cock, it's pretty obvious what he's thinking about.

Spencer reaches down, rubs his thumb over Jon's swollen lips, and says, "You're still thinking about my cock in your mouth?"

Jon nods slowly and licks his lips.

"Is that all?"

"The - the sounds you make, when I suck you, god. They're so hot, Spencer, you sound so fucking hot when I take you all the way down, like you can't help it." Jon is panting, grinding up against the couch, his hands splayed on the cushions on either side of Spencer's hips.

"You look," Spencer says, slow and deliberate, "so fucking good when you're on your knees."

Jon drops his head back and moans. "Oh shit, Spence - ," and then he's slamming his hips up into the couch in an uneven rhythm, and when he comes, his whole face goes soft and his mouth is open, slack, skin shiny with sweat.

"Fuck," Spencer murmurs, dropping down onto the floor and pulling Jon in close. "Oh fuck, Jon."

And he knows Jon's lips are tender and sore, but he has to kiss him, right now. They tumble onto the carpet, Spencer on his back with Jon draped over his chest, still gasping for breath as his orgasm fades, and they kiss and kiss until Jon winces and pulls back.

Spencer blinks up at him, hazy and content, his own taste in his mouth. "Sorry," he says again, sweeping his hand up into Jon's hair and scrubbing his nails lightly against his scalp.

"Stop apologizing." Jon finally smiles, drops his chin to rest on Spencer's chest. "Just...don't expect me to sing you an aria anytime soon."

"Deal."

A minute later, they're both out cold.
*****************************************************************************************

Every story has a beginning.

+

Ryan twisted valiantly, urging Brendon on, urging him to go faster, harder, deeper.

Fasterharderdeeper

Jon pressed the back of his head against the headboard. Wondering not for the first time that day, night, hour… year - how the fuck had he gotten here? Gotten this?

“Fuck you,” Ryan grunted, nails dragging red lines on Brendon’s hip, yanking him forward.

Brendon’s smile was feral, a white thing in the shades of gray and black. He swiped a hand through the sheen of sweat and come on Ryan’s back. “Doing that. Fuckin’ slut. Say it. Say you love this.” He punctuated each sentence with a sharp rolling thrust.

Ryan’s eyes fluttered close and his nails dug into Brendon’s skin for more purchase.

Spencer smiled, not as feral but just as dangerous, at Jon. “Get up,” he grated out. Voice husky and well used, Jon’s cock remembered the feel of that throat and voice wrapping around it.

Jon shivered and obeyed, knees slipping on the damp and wrecked sheets. “What now?” He wished there was more to his voice other than complete capitulation. He groaned feeling Spencer’s mouth ghost down his side, skin tingling anew at the rough scrape of teeth and slightly chapped lips. “Don’t… fuck. I can’t again, Spence. No way.” He said laughing weakly.

His body was the ultimate betrayer, twitching and hardening. The want clawed at his belly again. How had he become so in tune with this, with them so quickly, Jon would never know.

Didn’t know if he wanted to know.

+

Sometimes the beginning was the end and the end was the beginning.

+

Spencer’s mouth closed hot and wet around his dick, sucking it to hardness.

Jon’s hips jerked forward, glad that Spencer wasn’t singing or speaking tomorrow. Drummers had that luxury.

Spencer scraped his teeth up along the underside, heat and pain skittering up Jon’s spine. “Holy fuck,” he gasped and grabbed a fistful of Spencer’s hair, uncaring if it hurt.

Brendon’s laugh sounded loud and too close. Spencer pushed Jon back against the mattress, fingers pressing into well used muscle. Jon’s eyes rolled back into his head and he jerked up as those fingers brushed knowingly against his prostate. “Could fuckin’ find that thing in the dark.” Spencer muttered wickedly.

Jon’s cock throbbed, painfully hard now. His hips twitched up, pushing down and back against the fingers. He didn’t beg; he knew it wouldn’t do any good.

Brendon and Spencer were running the show. Both Jon and Ryan knew that. Ryan was more vocal against it; Jon had learned if he was a good little boy, they’d let him come.

On their own time, but he’d get to come.

+

Ouroboros. Cyclical. Neverending. Repetition.

+

Brendon pulled out of Ryan. Ryan whined and pushed back trying to keep Brendon there. All that got him was a hard slap on the thigh. “You’ll get more. Don’t worry.”

Jon’s breath stuttered a little when Spencer slicked a condom on him the same time Brendon pushed into him roughly. “Shit,” he groaned and arched.

Spencer’s leaned down to kiss Jon hard, teeth adding another bruise on top of earlier ones. “You love this.” He said tugging Ryan forward for a kiss as well. Jon listened to Spencer and Ryan kiss above him, mouths greedy and wet.

Jon’s eyes closed. Too much. Too fucking much.

Spencer murmured something low and soft into his ear, finally pushing Ryan away, calculating laugh underneath it. Jon twisted back onto Brendon’s cock, trying to pull him deeper. Jon gasped feeling Spencer’s teeth sink into the soft skin of his neck just as Spencer pushed Ryan on top of him.

Ryan’s mewl and Jon’s own groan echoed loudly in the dark room.

+

To me the greatest pleasure of writing is not what it's about, but the music the words make. - Truman Capote

+

Brendon grunted, hips pounding bruisingly hard against Jon’s thighs. Jon spread his legs obscenely, draping over the edge of the bed as Brendon fucked him. Ryan rocked on top of him, taking just as greedily as Brendon and Spencer had before.

Spencer’s breaths seemed to echo louder than any of the other’s, next to Jon. The overly loud rasp of wet skin against wet sweat slick fingers made Jon turn his head, mouth opening trying to taste the music of the sounds.

Jon felt Brendon’s fingers dig into his hip, heard Ryan’s answering cry knowing Brendon’s hand had fisted Ryan’s cock finally. He heard and felt the thrust that marked Brendon’s coming. He squeezed down a little maliciously, smirking when Brendon cursed loudly and raked his nails down Jon’s thigh.

“Naughty,” Spencer rasped, stripping his cock faster, dark and glistening with wet. Jon moaned opening his mouth again.

Ryan twisted needily in Jon’s lap, rocking faster. Brendon’s hand still stroking Ryan lazily. He bent close to Ryan’s ear and whispered his permission.

Jon felt the warm spatter of Ryan’s come on his chest and it made him twist, jerking his hips higher.

+

Once upon a…

+

Jon watched, dazed and still painfully hard, as Brendon dragged Ryan’s pliant body off to the other bed.

They looked warm and sated, twining around each other. Jon had a hard time distinguishing where one of them began and the other ended.

Jon tipped his head back when Spencer’s fingers tangled in his hair dragging his gaze up to watch Spencer stroke himself.

There was a soft sound. A pleading one. A wanting one.

Jon swallowed, realizing it was his own. He closed his eyes and heard and felt the mark of Spencer’s release.

On his face.

+

…Time.

+

Jon felt the warm rough passes of Spencer’s tongue against his cheek. Over his forehead. Along his chin. Cleaning the traces of his release from Jon’s face.

“Fuckin’ love you.” Spencer purred into Jon’s ear, nuzzling almost gently against his cheek.

His fingers tore at his own thigh, nails digging in hard and pulling red to the surface.

Spencer’s laugh was dark and rich against his mouth, swallowing the taste and texture of the kiss and come, passing it to Jon like some rich exotic candy.

Jon gasped into Spencer’s mouth and barely felt himself come.

+

The endings of stories always mark the summation of a story.

+

Jon didn’t know when it would end.

Didn’t know when the scars and the marks would fade.

He hoped that when those faded that it wouldn’t mark the end of this season.

Spencer rolled over, arm clamping around his waist. “You think too fuckin’ loud. Shut up and sleep.”

“Start of a new day.” Ryan mumbled from under Brendon’s arm.

Jon watched the sky burn in red and orange banners. He and Brendon exchanged sleepy smiles while Spencer’s arm tightened a little more.

It was almost too much.

Almost.

+

The endings sometimes meant that it was a beginning.

And sometimes the ending just meant that it started over again.

Growing into something else.

fin
*****************************************************************************************
The first time Brendon notices anything, they're backstage. He's dripping with sweat and shaking his head to fling it everywhere, mostly just because that always pisses off Ryan.

Ryan says, "Fuck off, doucheface," and tries to hide behind Jon. That part's normal.

The weird part is when Spencer comes and stands beside him, because even Brendon realizes that he's smelling pretty rank. And it's not even like Spencer's just sniffing and saying, "I think I know who needs first shower."

No, he's smelling Brendon, nose close to Brendon's neck and taking long inhales. And he's not saying anything to explain it away, just breathing Brendon in, and okay, Brendon knows he's no Ryan Ross in vanilla deodorant, so what the fuck?

Brendon watches Spencer out of the corner of his eye, and then turns his head and looks full on when Spencer still doesn't stop. Spencer doesn't even try and play it off. He's got this look of total concentration (and not even a pondering kind of concentration, like he gets when he's trying to figure out the punchline for a joke about Brendon), as if he's paying attention and-- considering. Brendon waits, and considering turns into something else entirely.

The moment doesn't pass so much as Jon jostles Ryan and Ryan says that he's not sharing his weed and Jon says, "You little shit, I bought that weed," and somewhere in there, Brendon ends up getting first shower. First shower trumps long glances with Spencer; it's just a fact.

He doesn't forget the way Spencer was looking at him -- that's not something you forget -- but he's distracted enough while the others shower and he gets his shit together for the hotel that he sort of stops thinking about it. Not thinking about it goes out the window, though, when Spencer comes up behind him in the middle of the changing room and just...touches him. Touches his hip, to be specific.

Spencer touches him and Brendon freezes and waits, because, seriously. What? Spencer's usually all about the buddy touching: quick hard hugs and occasional wrestling matches on the floor of the bus. This doesn't feel anything like buddy touching, especially when Spencer's fingers tighten.

"We're gonna room together," Spencer says. It's not an order, but it's not really a question, either. Brendon's not really sure if he's supposed to say anything or not, so he just stares down at Spencer's hand and nods.

"Yeah, okay," Brendon says. Spencer's fingers squeeze for another brief moment, like he's happy with Brendon's answer, then he pulls his hand away, pausing for a moment to rub his thumb over the side of Brendon's neck.

The ghost of Spencer's touch lingers through the ride to the hotel, and it's joined by the heat of Spencer's body when Spencer stands right behind him in the elevator. Jon and Ryan are focused on arguing about who got the weed last time and whether it is, in fact, Jon's weed, enough that Brendon doesn't think they notice how indecently close Spencer is to Brendon. It's all Brendon can think about.

Brendon can see Spencer in the mirrored wall of the elevator, and he watches Spencer watching him and wonders if maybe it's Spencer who got all the weed, because he's totally fixating of Brendon. He's standing up straight, too, so he has to look down a little. Brendon can feel the hairs on the back of his neck starting to rise and prickle.

When the door opens, Brendon feels a little discombobulated not to see Spencer behind him when he can still feel him. He starts to step forward, but then Spencer catches his wrist and holds on to it so Ryan and Jon and Zack get off the elevator first. Brendon stops at the touch and goes still when Spencer's fingers wrap around his wrist. Spencer has to press a hand against Brendon's lower back to get him moving when Zack looks back over his shoulder.

"You guys coming?" Zack asks. Brendon nods dumbly and feels Spencer's fingers slip away from his wrist. He ends up following Spencer to their door, gaze fixed on the middle of Spencer's back.

Spencer unlocks the door with the magnetic key, then pushes his arm straight out and waits for Brendon to walk in first. He follows, right behind Brendon again, and when Brendon stops to kick off his shoes, Spencer's still right there. Brendon thinks it would maybe be kind of weird to bend over right now, so he just uses his toes to wiggle his shoes free.

Brendon throws his bag on the nearest bed, then turns around to see if Spencer's going to fight him for it. Hotel room beds are always equally foreign and just a little too stiff, but there always ends up being a fight for a certain bed regardless.

When he turns, he's ready to ask, "Are you practicing to be my shadow or something?" He doesn't get a chance, though. He can't remember what he was going to say, because suddenly Spencer is even closer than he'd been in the elevator, and his hand is sliding up the side of Brendon's neck, angling Brendon's head to the side and sniffing again.

"Okay, seriously, what's up with that?" Brendon asks. It comes out far breathier than he'd intended.

Spencer starts at the base of his neck and moves up to Brendon's jaw, the curve of his ear, his hairline, then back down to his jaw. He's so close that Brendon can feel the tip of his nose when he moves, the brush of his cheek, and, when Spencer settles at his neck again, the edge of his mouth just skimming Brendon's collarbone.

Brendon wants to say, "Spencer?" Wants to ask what's going on. But oh, God, Spencer's so close and he's touching Brendon, just barely, and Brendon didn't think he was going to get this again. So he clamps down on the questions and lets his hand settle, just lightly, on Spencer's bicep. His hand lands so part of it is touching Spencer's T-shirt and part of it's touching skin, and it's like something just flares. Suddenly, Spencer's touch settles, gets firm, and he's tilting Brendon's head this time so he can kiss him, hard and all-consuming.

Brendon brings his other hand up as well, because Spencer's solid and Brendon's feeling shaky already. Spencer kisses hard, opens Brendon's mouth up wide and licks long and deep, but he doesn't use any teeth. Brendon makes a little noise, low in his throat. He doesn't know how to kiss back to this, so he sucks on Spencer's tongue and stays open for him.

Maybe it's been long enough that Brendon's just forgotten how Spencer used to kiss, but no, no, when Spencer fucking grabs Brendon's ass in both hands and picks him up, then starts carrying him to the bed while he's still kissing him, Brendon thinks he would've remembered if that had happened before. And he especially would have remembered it if Spencer had dumped him on the bed and started tearing off his clothes. Which is exactly what he's doing.

Brendon lies back and lets him. He reaches out to help Spencer out of his clothes, but Spencer bats his hands away when he takes too long and undresses himself. They're both all the way naked, which makes Brendon's head spin just thinking about it, but then they're all the way naked and Spencer's fucking smelling him again, and that's just -- Spencer.

Brendon arches when Spencer sucks on his neck, kisses his way down and sucks on his nipples too. He's moving in trails, leaving Brendon's skin wet and sensitive afterwards. Nipples to navel to the hollow where his ribs meet, all the way up to his shoulders, then back down to his hips. Brendon's tingling all over, his hips twisting up in the air and looking for something to rub against. Spencer's hands on his sides, his thighs, finally his cock, and Brendon thrusts into his palm and hopes Spencer didn't notice that the sound he just made was more of a gurgle than anything. Spencer kisses a trail down to his cock, finally, and then he's fucking smelling him again, and Brendon would have remembered that too, if Spencer had smelled him before, but then Spencer's mouth is on his cock, so Brendon doesn't dwell on it.

One thing that definitely hasn't changed is Spencer's mouth. It's hot around his cock, sucking with the fucking perfect pressure as he slides down all the way. But just when it gets to where Spencer would usually settle into a rhythm, Spencer's pulling back, off of Brendon, and he's pressing his nose into the crease of Brendon's thigh, breathing deep. He wraps one hand around Brendon's cock, but doesn't move it. He squeezes a little, almost possessive, and rubs his thumb across the head, back and forth, back and forth, spreading precome. Then he takes his hand away, too, sucking Brendon off his thumb and settling in and licking across the tip of Brendon's cock. His other hand pushes Brendon's thighs further apart.

Brendon spreads for him, propping himself up on his elbows so that he can watch. Spencer's hands are persistent, pushing his legs even further apart.

Spencer rubs his thumb up the bottom of Brendon's cock, squeezing out another drop of precome, and after he's sucked that away, he drops his head down to tongue at Brendon's balls. Spencer moves his mouth lower, licking in long stripes, and Brendon doesn't even know what he's doing except tasting Brendon's skin everywhere he can, and fuck.

It's not like Spencer's ever been particularly reserved in bed before, but he's never sounded quite so pleased about tasting Brendon. Brendon's usually the one doing all the moaning, but Spencer's making these sounds that make it even hotter when Spencer manhandles Brendon's hips off the bed and spreads his legs even wider, so he can lick back until his tongue slips over Brendon's hole. Brendon moans loud enough to drown Spencer's sounds out when Spencer pushes his tongue into Brendon with no further warning.

Spencer fucks Brendon with his tongue, making low sounds in the back of his throat the whole time, "Mhhh, mhhh, mhhh." Brendon's voice cracks and he rocks back against Spencer's face, straining against his limited range of motion.

God, it's so good. It's so good, but it's been forever, and if Brendon's getting Spencer, he wants Spencer's cock.

"Spencer," he says breathlessly. Spencer doesn't stop what he's doing, so Brendon tries it again, this time trying not to sound like he's just moaning Spencer's name. "Spencer."

He doesn't think he's imagining that Spencer makes a vaguely questioning sound, so he goes on.

"Want you to fuck me," Brendon says.

Spencer's mouth is gone so fast Brendon's eyes widen in surprise. But that's nothing on how fast Spencer has Brendon flipped over on his stomach, one hand on each cheek and spreading Brendon open.

"Whoa!" Brendon says. "Whoa," he repeats to himself when he feels Spencer's cock against his ass. "Wait!" he says.

Spencer makes a low noise, and squeezes his hands harder.

"Lube," Brendon says, twisting his head to look over his shoulder.

Spencer's head is ducking down, and he's staring at Brendon while he holds him open. His hips rock forward in tiny little waves as he rubs the head of his cock up against Brendon's ass, and it's kind of hot, but, seriously. "Lube, Spence."

Spencer makes another low noise, and Brendon doesn't know what the fucking noises mean, so he starts wiggling, trying to get out from under Spencer so that he can get to his bag and take matters into his own hands. Which, speaking of-- Fingers first would be good, too.

And, y'know, condoms are another good idea.

Brendon manages to wiggle forward far enough that he can just reach his bag on the other bed. Spencer fucking follows him, too, keeping pressed tight against him, and Brendon reaches back and slaps one of Spencer's hands, gripping his hip.

Spencer makes a small confused sound and lets go long enough that Brendon can fish through his bag and find the lube and condoms.

Brendon twists onto his side and reaches for that hand as soon as he's got the lube and says, "Sorry." He slicks up Spencer's fingers and says, "Get me ready?"

Spencer's pushing him back onto his belly almost before Brendon gets the words out.

Spencer's hands slide down the split of his ass, rubbing and touching. It's not even teasing, more like he's feeling Brendon. Finally, he pushes a two fingers inside. Brendon hasn't done this in a while, but it hurts less than it might have because he's a little relaxed after Spencer's tongue.

Spencer pushes his fingers all the way in, rotates his wrist, then curls and rubs rubs rubs over the same place, like now that he's doing this, he's going to do it all the way.

It feels really fucking good, but good like all Brendon wants is more already, Jesus. He clenches around Spencer's fingers and rubs his hips in slow circles until finally, "Okay, yes, good. I'm ready now."

Spencer doesn't stop immediately like Brendon expects him to. He keeps fingering Brendon for a minute, and when Brendon looks back over his shoulder, Spencer looks almost fascinated, except there's an edge there, of what, Brendon doesn't know. Brendon fumbles his hand across the bedspread until he finds the condom, and he waves it in Spencer's direction.

"I'm ready," he says again.

Spencer twists his fingers one more time, then pulls them out. Brendon tries very hard to keep his hips on the bed instead of trying to follow Spencer's fingers. It sort of works.

Spencer takes the condom and stares at it for a moment, looking back and forth between it and Brendon, but finally tears the foil open and rolls it over his cock. He even smooths another palmful of lube over his cock, without Brendon having to ask.

His hands fly back to Brendon's ass, squeezing and pulling him open, and then he rubs his dick over Brendon's skin before finally, finally he starts to push inside. Brendon can feel when the muscle gives and the head of Spencer's cock pops inside, and it's a stretch and a little bit of a surprise and mostly a whole lot of relief because, fucking finally.

Spencer isn't going slow, exactly, but steady, so steady, pushing forward relentlessly until he's in to the hilt. Brendon tries to shift a little underneath him, but Spencer's hands are firm on Brendon's skin, holding him still, holding him down.

Spencer groans loud and pulls back just a bit. Then he's driving back in hard and sharp, fucking Brendon in short strokes and angling for his prostate.

Brendon's hard and out of breath and covered in sweat, and Spencer won't stop, just keeps on hitting that spot over and over again, and it's wave upon wave of pleasure.

Brendon can't do anything but shake and let out these breathy sounds because it's hard to breathe with Spencer fucking him so perfectly. He doesn't think it can get better until Spencer grabs Brendon's hips and pushes himself up a little, so he can get Brendon on his knees. Then he's reaching around for Brendon's cock, and apparently it can get a lot better.

Brendon just tries to keep himself upright and lets Spencer work him over. He's close, and he can't stop moaning, but he doesn't try to hurry Spencer. Spencer leans over and sucks on the back of his neck, moving along the line of his shoulder before tucking his nose right behind Brendon's ear, panting into Brendon's skin. Brendon can hear every sound Spencer makes, every hitch in his breathing and low rumble that carries up through his chest, and when Spencer finally moans, Brendon comes. He tries not to smash his head back against Spencer's, but it's hard because he's completely out of his body, and Spencer just keeps nailing his prostate and jerking him through it.

Brendon's body wants to go limp, melt into the bed. Actually, his body does go limp. The only reason he doesn't collapse is because Spencer doesn't let him. Spencer lets go of Brendon's dick after one last, tight tug, and clamps both his hands on Brendon's hips, keeping him up on his knees. Then Spencer lets himself go, fucking Brendon deep now, their skin slapping together, and Spencer's grunting into Brendon's ear.

It's too much, almost. Brendon buries his head against his arms and bites down on his forearm. He tries to keep it light, but he bites down harder, until suddenly Spencer's pulling out.

He lets go of Brendon's hip with one hand and Brendon looks back over his shoulder to see Spencer tearing off the condom and grabbing his dick, stroking himself off fast, until he's coming on Brendon's ass and lower back.

It's wet hitting Brendon's skin. No one's ever come on Brendon before. Or, not on purpose anyway. He doesn't know what he thinks, so his brain settles on, Spencer just came on me, which is plays on repeat while Brendon tries to catch his breath.

Spencer's breathing even harder than he is, gasping harshly. He's still gasping when his hands come out to touch Brendon again, rubbing his fingers and smearing them around in wet trails, until finally he uses his whole palm, rubbing slick and wet over Brendon's skin in broad strokes.

Brendon can't even begin to figure out what he's supposed to think about that, so his brain pretty much goes blank. Spencer lets go of Brendon's hips altogether so he can use both hands, and Brendon finally drops to his belly, Spencer still between his legs. Spencer keeps touching him, rubbing his come into Brendon's skin, and Brendon somehow isn't surprised when Spencer slides down and he hears the long inhale, knows Spencer's smelling Brendon again. But this time he's smelling himself on Brendon.

Spencer keeps rubbing until his hands start sticking to Brendon's skin, which means he's rubbed it in, Brendon supposes. Spencer licks a long line all the way up Brendon's spine, then flops down right on top of him, burying his face in the back of Brendon's neck, still breathing deeply.

Brendon's pro-snuggling, but he's even more into being able to breathe, so he rolls to his side. He has to fight Spencer, who immediately yanks him back, but eventually he manages to wiggle to a position where his chest can move freely, and they both fall asleep.

--

Brendon wakes up to the alarm, and to Spencer rutting up against his back.

At first he thinks that Spencer might still be sleeping, but when Spencer murmurs, "Finally with me?" Brendon realizes that he's awake. Brendon rubs his ass backwards, to see what Spencer does.

What Spencer does, is try to push inside again, no fingers or lube, and yeah they just fucked last night, but it was last night.

"Wait, wait," Brendon says, but it comes out weak, and Spencer's already there, the head of his cock almost breaching Brendon's body. Brendon actually has to scramble away a little bit, just managing to slip out from under Spencer's hand when he reaches to stop Brendon.

"Let me get myself ready first," Brendon says, grabbing the lube and squirting some onto his own fingers.

Spencer doesn't look happy at first, until Brendon rolls onto his stomach and gives Spencer his back, lets him watch Brendon stretch himself open with two fingers, slicking himself again.

"Mmmm," Spencer hums, stroking one hand down the center of Brendon's back. He pushes a finger against Brendon's entrance, waits until Brendon pulls out a little, then presses his finger in alongside Brendon's.

Brendon throws his head back, body riding the rhythm of their fingers, until Spencer pulls out, makes Brendon pull out, too, with a firm hand to his wrist.

"Now," Spencer says, and it's not a question.

"Now," Brendon confirms.

Spencer spoons up behind him, pushes in steady, just like last night, and he doesn't stop until he's all the way inside. Once he's in as deep as he can get, he leans his head between Brendon's shoulders, inhales deeply, before kissing his way up the rest of Brendon's back, licking up his neck, and rubbing his cheek into Brendon's hair.

Spencer settles against him, flush along Brendon's back, then runs his hands up Brendon's sides, all the way up until he gets to Brendon's shoulders, down along his arms, and wrapping around Brendon's wrists.

He holds Brendon's wrists to the bed, up around Brendon's head, then starts to work his dick in little rocking motions.

Brendon wants to move with it, work himself on Spencer's cock, but Spencer's weight on his back is too much. It's hard to breathe, hard to think with the way Spencer's holding him down. Brendon has to settle for the only thing he can control. He clenches down around Spencer's cock, hoping it'll get Spencer to go deeper and harder.

Instead, it has the opposite effect. Brendon cries out in protest when Spencer's teeth start to worry the back of Brendon's neck and Spencer starts moving his hips in slow circles, not even thrusting anymore.

Brendon clenches down harder for a second, waits until he gets the satisfaction of a groan and a real bite, then shoves himself back enough that he actually moves a little, enough to earn him the drag of Spencer's cock half an inch out and then back into him.

Spencer still doesn't pick up the pace though, so Brendon keeps struggling. Spencer's stronger than he is, and he's got all of his weight to hold Brendon down, and fuck, Brendon wants him to move already. He bucks harder, and moans, frustrated, when Spencer just slides himself back in deep and starts grinding again.

Brendon tries to start rocking, gasping into the pillow as he strains backwards. Spencer's mouth is right there when he whispers, "You're sweating," then starts licking in long paths across Brendon's shoulders.

Brendon's fingers flex as he wiggles his hands in Spencer's grip to test the give. Spencer's hands are locked, and he's not exactly squeezing Brendon's wrists, but still Brendon doesn't think that he could actually get away.

Brendon tries to wiggle his hands free, subtly, but Spencer's grip tightens the minute Brendon gets some leeway. The tightening of his grip is accompanied by a sharp thrust, and Brendon can't help the way his body goes pliant at the promise of Spencer giving him what he wants.

"Please," Brendon breathes. "Please."

Spencer gasps against his neck and drives his hips forward again. Brendon keeps his body still but turns his face against the pillow so Spencer can see his profile if he wants. Brendon licks his lips. "Please, Spence," he begs.

Spencer gives him what he wants.

Spencer's holding his wrists even harder now, though Brendon isn't trying to get away. He grunts against Brendon's neck, then noses along Brendon's cheek, dipping his head so that their faces are close together, even though kissing is too awkward from this angle.

Brendon closes his eyes, tries to match Spencer's breathing, but loses it again when Spencer pulls almost all the way out to slam back inside.

"Oh," Brendon says. "Oh, please, Spence, Spencer." He can feel that he's sweating too, now, feel the way that their skin is sliding together as Spencer's entire body rubs up against his.

Brendon knows Spencer's touched him like this before, full-body, sweaty, consuming, but it feels like more somehow. It feels like Spencer's trying to cover as much of Brendon as he can, take control of the most of him that's physically possible. His hips start snapping forward, and it's measured enough that Brendon can tell Spencer's still holding back, somewhat, just a little.

Brendon feels a wild moment of possibility, when Spencer's mouth settles back against his skin, panting hot and wet across his neck. He spreads his thighs just that tiny bit wider, until his thighs hurt from straining, and it's like Spencer's control snaps.

Spencer pounds into him, and Brendon goes limp because, yes, this. This is what he wanted.

Spencer's fucking him hard enough to move them along the bed, just a little, just enough that Brendon's cock rubs against the sheets, and Spencer, Spencer's everywhere, all around him and inside him and he's fucking him hard, groaning into Brendon's neck, and then making sloppy noises when he sucks on Brendon's skin.

It's enough. It's more than enough. Spencer fucks into him hard, a handful of times more, and the friction on Brendon's cock, the guttural sounds Spencer can't hold back, they fucking catapult Brendon over the edge. His whole body shakes while his cock jerks, spurting against the bedding and his own skin. Spencer latches onto his skin and Brendon can feel the rumble of his moan when he comes, too.



They're late. Brendon tries to make a run for the shower, but Spencer catches his wrist and hauls him back.

"There isn't time," he says, with this weird smile.

"Fucking fuck," Brendon says, grabbing his bag and stuffing the lube and leftover condoms back in it. They're all that he ever managed to get out of the bag, which would be funny, maybe, if Brendon didn't smell like ass. "Fine, but you don't get to complain about me smelling bad all day, because it's your fault."

Spencer's weird little smile widens, and he leans in close, sniffing Brendon for the millionth time. "I think you smell good," he says, voice low and rumbly close to Brendon's ear.

Brendon swallows hard and edges away. "Yeah, right."

Brendon grabs his bag and Spencer does another quick check around the room, and they're out the door in minutes. Zack hurries them out of the hotel and to the bus, where Ryan and Jon are already waiting, and from there it's straight to an interview.

Brendon's feeling tired, a little stiff. He'd like a bath maybe, definitely a shower. Spencer seems-- Spencer seems a little different than usual. There's the fucking smelling all the time thing: when Brendon walks past him towards the lounge, when they're stepping off the bus, when they're waiting in the green room before their interview.

It's not so bad when it's just with the guys, but there are strangers in the room. Random people who could see when Spencer comes up behind Brendon while Brendon eats a sandwich and drops his head down until Brendon can feel the scratch from Spencer's beard brushing his neck.

Brendon tries to keep a little distance, keep it somewhat appropriate, but when no one does any double-takes or anything, Brendon is a little miffed to realize no one thinks it's weird. Apparently knowledge of the band's "closeness" precedes them.

So he basically gives up trying when Spencer catches Brendon's hand when he's passing the couch, pulling Brendon down to sit close enough that if Brendon shifted a few inches, he'd be half in Spencer's lap.

"What's up with you lately?" Brendon asks when Spencer keeps rubbing his thumb across the inside of Brendon's wrist.

"What?" Spencer asks.

"You know what," Brendon says.

Spencer's looking at him, but not really. He's sort of unfocused, just watching Brendon's mouth, which, okay, is sort of hot, but really.

Then Spencer starts to lean forward, still staring at Brendon's mouth, and thank God Brendon's other hand is still free so he can push it against Spencer's chest and hold him back. "That is exactly what I'm talking about," he hisses, even as Spencer leans into his touch.

Spencer's hand on his wrist tightens. He keeps leaning in until Brendon gives him a little shove. He narrows his eyes, glances down at Brendon's hand, then back up at Brendon, like he's confused by what just happened.

He stares at Brendon for a long moment before trying to lean back in, and Brendon says, "There are people," and pulls his hand free from Spencer's grasp.

Spencer looks around the room, a little confused, like he forgot that there would be anyone but the two of them.

A lady pops her head in the room and calls out, "Seven minutes 'til we're going on."

Her appearance distracts Spencer enough that Brendon manages to put a little distance between them on the couch. He looks away to see if anyone's watching, if anyone's noticed, so he misses Spencer sliding closer. Brendon doesn't miss it when Spencer's hand lands on his thigh, way not appropriate for public, especially when it slides up even farther. Brendon manages not to yelp, but he does jump a little, and Spencer makes a soothing sound next to him.

"Dude, public. What are you doing?" Brendon says, trying to keep his voice down.

Spencer tilts his head to the side and grins. "Seven minutes," he says.

Brendon raises an eyebrow, because that doesn't really mean anything. But then Spencer's grin widens and his hand slides up so he can hook two fingers through Brendon's belt loop.

"Find a closet and it could be seven minutes in heaven," Spencer says, tugging.

Brendon stares at Spencer for a long moment because oh my god, what? Aliens must have abducted Spencer and brought him back with a different brain. It's sad, Brendon liked Spencer's brain.

He elbows Spencer in the ribs, hard, and says, "Oh fuck off, it's been like three hours."

Spencer nods emphatically. He spreads his legs and shifts his hips, and Brendon can see the outline of his cock, hard in his jeans. Spencer looks down at his lap, then back over at Brendon, pointedly.

"It would take us seven minutes just to find somewhere," Brendon says, suddenly flustered.

Spencer frowns at him and tugs his belt loop again. "C'mon," he says. Brendon's gaze flickers back down to Spencer's lap, and he can feel arousal tugging at his belly.

He licks his lips. He doesn't mean to, it just...sort of happens.

Spencer actually growls next to him, and Brendon shakes himself out of it.

"No," he says firmly. "Maybe...maybe after. I can suck you off or something."

Spencer reaches out again, like he's trying to touch Brendon's mouth. Brendon manages to catch his hand, again. He hope that it looks like they're playfighting, or-- something. He hopes it doesn't look like what it actually is.

"We can't," Brendon says, and Spencer's face falls. He actually looks fucking sad about it, not even just disappointed. Brendon feels inexplicably guilty, even though they seriously can't. "After," he says again. "I'll suck you after, okay?"

Spencer's hand tightens around his, but he lets Brendon go when he stands up. Spencer stays sitting there, though, which is kind of a problem since they probably need to get moving.

Jon and Ryan are moving toward the door, and Ryan tosses a look back over his shoulder in their direction. "C'mon, guys," he says, and Brendon turns to follow before he realizes Spencer's still sitting there.

He turns around, and Spencer's staring at his crotch, which means it isn't at all unlikely that he was staring at Brendon's ass a second ago.

"Are you coming?" he asks. Spencer licks his own lips, and oh, shit. Brendon guesses that turnabout's fair play, because now they're both going to be hard through the interview.

Spencer holds up his hand with a hopeful look, and Brendon sighs and grabs it with his own, helps pull Spencer up.

Spencer has some of the best balance of anyone Brendon knows, but when he gets up, he overbalances and steadies himself against Brendon.

He manages to cop a feel of Brendon's ass and his dick.

The interview is-- not the most awkward they've ever had, actually. Brendon can't stop looking at Spencer, and each time he does, Spencer's staring right back at him. They four of them are piled together on a two-person couch, so it probably doesn't look like anything that Spencer's pressed right beside him, thighs touching all the way up. It feels like something, though. Especially because Brendon knows that Spencer's doing it intentionally.

The interview finally ends, then there's the awkward stretch of small talk, because it's always good to make nice with the people who have the power to edit their footage in order to make them seem more or less awkward and dumb.

They've got a show afterwards. The bus is already at the venue, so they drive in a car, and Brendon looks for an opportunity, he does, but there just isn't a chance to get alone with Spencer.

Spencer grows more and more closed off as the afternoon continues. He spends the trip to the venue sitting across from Brendon and openly staring. It should be annoying, it is kind of annoying, but Brendon mostly just feels guilt and a low burning arousal.

It's kind of fucked up to feel guilty that he can't blow Spencer yet, but Brendon does. They get to the venue with just 10 minutes to spare before they're supposed to soundcheck, though, so it's not like there's anything he can do about it then, either.

He's pretty sure he's not imagining the way Spencer pounds the drums harder than usual, and he wonders if it'll fuck up the levels for the show. Mostly he tries not to watch Spencer, because every time he looks Spencer's way, Spencer is either staring right back at him, utterly focused, or he's playing, looking like the definition of sex.

Brendon carefully makes sure Ryan stays between them on the way back to the dressing room.

Ryan and Jon settle into the dressing room, leaning close together on the couch as they talk excitedly about something or another. Brendon can't follow the conversation at all, and he doesn't know if it's because they've slipped into that Ryan&Jon space where their conversations don't actually make sense to the outside world, or if it's just that he's not paying enough attention.

Spencer drinks a bottle of water, wipes some of the sweat away, pausing to touch Brendon's side, his shoulder, and smell him on each pass across the room, and then he leaves the room.

Brendon waits about half a minute, but he's actually worried about Spencer at this point, so he follows quickly after.

Brendon closes the door to the dressing room behind himself and doesn't even get the chance to look around before Spencer's grabbing him around the waist and trying to drag him away. Apparently Spencer was waiting right outside the door.

Brendon probably shouldn't be surprised, but his mouth automatically opens, and the only thing that keeps him from yelping loud enough for Jon and Ryan to hear him through the door is the way Spencer clamps a hand down on his mouth, like, a split second after it opens. Spencer pulls Brendon into his body, one arm a band across Brendon's chest.

Spencer is definitely hard against Brendon's ass, and the tension leeches out of Brendon's body quickly.

Brendon licks at Spencer's hand, and suddenly Spencer's moving, pulling Brendon along behind him. They don't make it very far, just a few doors down, into what looks like a storage closet.

Spencer tugs him inside and closes the door. He puts his back to it and watches Brendon with dark eyes, reaching down to pop open the top button on his own jeans one-handed. The other hand goes for Brendon's shoulder and pushes, urging Brendon to go to his knees.

Brendon drops to the ground and waits while Spencer frees his cock. Brendon's hard now, too, enough that he wants to rub himself through his jeans, but he feels kind of embarrassed about it, so he keeps his hands on his thighs. Well, one hand, and raises the other to wrap about Spencer's cock.

He works over Spencer's cock slowly at first, until the skin gets wet and Brendon's mouth slides easier. This is a good angle; Brendon on his knees, his chin raised, and his hand holding Spencer's cock down. When the head hits the back of his throat, it's not hard for Brendon to take him all the way down. He just does it once though, just to get Spencer all the way wet so that his hand glides easily; he's got to sing a concert, still. He pulls his lips back over his teeth, sucks hard, stroking Spencer quickly with his hand, and Spencer says, "Fuck, yeah. Like that," and threads his fingers into Brendon's hair, rubbing behind his ears, tugging at the back of his head when he wants Brendon to go down deeper. Brendon likes how Spencer's hands feel, but he still doesn't move how Spencer wants, not exactly. He works his hand a little faster, adding a squeeze on the upstrokes, to make up for it.

Brendon feels a little ridiculous angling his head back a little so he can look up through his lashes at Spencer, but he wants to see how it's affecting Spencer. Usually Spencer throws his head back when he really gets into it, baring the long line of his neck, his jaw tight from his teeth clenching.

He's not doing that now. He's staring right back down at Brendon, and sweet Christ, looking up might not have been Brendon's best idea, because Spencer's eyes are burning into him, watching Brendon's lips around his cock, and his mouth is open while he pants raggedly. Brendon moans around Spencer's cock, not as a tease, but because he can't help it.

Spencer's hips snap forward, and Brendon thanks every deity he can think of that he still has his hand wrapped around the base so Spencer couldn't get too deep.

Brendon squeezes Spencer's cock tight, slurps a little around the head, and goes back down. He sucks harder as an apology for not letting Spencer fuck his throat.

Spencer moves his hands, combing through Brendon's hair, then down to stroke his cheeks. He rubs two fingers over where Brendon's lips are stretched around his cock, and lets out this happy sigh that makes Brendon's cock twitch.

Brendon starts bobbing his head in earnest, stroking his hand down to the base, up to his mouth, down. He licks wide circles around the crown of Spencer's dick, sucks until his cheeks hollow. Spencer hips move forward, but in a rhythm that's easy enough to anticipate, and Brendon works with him.

Spencer keeps touching him, and every time Brendon glances up, Spencer's still staring down at him. His cheeks are flushed and his hair sticks to his forehead, but he's smiling. He looks totally enthralled, and it's so fucking hot that Brendon has to look away.

Spencer sighs, gasps, "That's so good," and comes over Brendon's tongue. Brendon holds him in his mouth, uses his hand to pull him through it. He swallows and swallows and swallows until Spencer's finally done.

Brendon gives Spencer's cock a few more light sucks, palming himself through his jeans and waiting to pull back until Spencer starts to soften, but. That doesn't happen. Spencer's dick is still hard in Brendon's mouth even though he just came, and Brendon pulls off, surprised enough that he doesn't even blush at the dirty sound that makes, an obscene wet noise.

"What the fuck?" Brendon asks, and it's stupid, but he stares at Spencer's cock like it's going to answer him, like it'll explain why it's defying all logic.

Spencer wraps a hand around himself and tugs, and Brendon watches disbelievingly until Spencer's other hand smooths Brendon's hair down and tugs on his neck, bringing him forward again.

Brendon resists, manages to scramble back a little, but then falls on his ass, legs flailing out.

Spencer looks down at him, eyes curious, until he apparently takes in Brendon's new position on his back and smiles. He's on his knees between Brendon's legs before Brendon can even blink.

Spencer reaches his hands behind Brendon's back, cupping low on his hips. Once he's settled, he looks at Brendon and beams. Brendon can't breathe, looking at him, can't look away.

Spencer leans in and kisses Brendon hard, even though normally Spencer was, well, not adverse to kissing after blowjobs, but certainly not likely to seek it out. Spencer licks deep into Brendon's mouth, licks over his tongue and cheeks and teeth, and it's so weird that it shouldn't be hot, but it is. He kisses Brendon until Brendon's bones are humming, and it only takes a matter of minutes. His hands move to Brendon's ass, squeezing and pulling him closer and closer. He rubs his cock up against Brendon's thigh, and Brendon thinks faintly that it's going to leave a wet spot, but at least they're not in costumes yet.

Brendon knows it can't feel good for Spencer's cock to be rubbing up against denim, so really it's just Brendon being thoughtful to pull away from Spencer's mouth long enough to slur, "Lemme get my pants off," and try to reach for his fly.

Their bodies are too close for Brendon to fit his hands between them, but it doesn't end up mattering, because Brendon has to grab for Spencer's shoulders when Spencer sets him back enough so that he can tear Brendon's jeans open and shove them down. They only make it halfway down Brendon's thighs, which is really fucking uncomfortable, but it at least puts them skin to skin when Spencer hauls Brendon back toward him. Their cocks rub together, and Brendon keens as Spencer opens Brendon's mouth with his tongue.

Spencer's as hard as Brendon, even now, and not frantic, exactly, but it's kind of surprising how intense he still seems to be after coming once already. His tongue is sliding into Brendon's mouth with an unmistakable rhythm, matching the movement of his hips. Brendon tries to kiss back at first, but Spencer's mouth is insistent enough that Brendon ends up just opening for him, letting him in to fuck Brendon's mouth like he wants.

He can't get much leverage to push up against Spencer, especially not with his jeans still around his thighs, so he tries to wiggle them off. It doesn't so much work, because the minute Brendon starts wiggling, Spencer's hips drive into his harder, and Brendon can feel where Spencer's cock is leaking enough to get his stomach wet, make the slide of their cocks together easier.

Brendon arches his hips forward. Their dicks slide awkwardly together, trapped between their stomachs. It would be easier if there was a hand wrapped around then, something to thrust into, but Brendon's having enough trouble holding himself up; he still hasn't been able to get his jeans down.

Spencer doesn't seem to mind. He digs his fingers into Brendon's ass, fucks his mouth with his tongue, and makes happy noises that Brendon can feel rumbling through his chest. And then he comes, again, all over Brendon, coats his stomach and his hips and his thighs, even though he just came. He keeps kissing Brendon then entire time, and when he finishes, he pulls away and nuzzles their noses together, eyes all squinty and happy.

It's a nice smile, Brendon doesn't have a problem with that, but he does have a problem with the fact that now that's Spencer's come, he's stopped moving, and he seems to have forgotten that even though he's come twice, Brendon hasn't come at all.

Brendon says, "Um," and pushes his hips up hopefully. Maybe if Spencer will just stay there for a minute, Brendon can get enough friction to get off. But almost as soon as Brendon moves, rubs his cock against Spencer's stomach -- and Brendon's not gonna lie, it's kind of a relief to feel that Spencer's cock is softening between them -- Spencer hums softly and pulls away so Brendon doesn't have anything left to push against.

Brendon whimpers at the loss, and Spencer smiles happily, then immediately ducks down and sucks Brendon's cock in. And he's not being careful about it the way Brendon had to be. He takes Brendon all the way in, tongue working his shaft and hand rolling his balls while he hums contentedly around Brendon's cock.

It doesn't take Brendon long. It can't take Brendon long because he's been ready for what feels like forever. Brendon pushes into the feeling of Spencer's mouth, the sweet suction of it, and Spencer lets him. Brendon comes so hard, body arching, trying to get as deep into Spencer as he can, and Spencer pushes his hips down after the first spurt, and he pulls off a little, enough that Brendon can't come down his throat.

Brendon's so wrung out by the time Spencer lets him go with one final suck that he's still gasping open-mouthed when Spencer crawls back up to kiss him. Brendon's so out of it that he doesn't even realize why the kiss is so sloppy until he swallows and realizes he's tasting his own come.

He forces his eyes open and stares at Spencer, but Spencer just blinks and grins again, like there was nothing weird going on. Brendon finally looks down, and notices that there's come all over his belly, which, shit. There's probably no way he can get in the shower without the guys asking questions. He looks around for something to wipe himself off with, but Spencer's around there. Except that Spencer isn't wiping it off. He's rubbing it in.

Brendon watches stunned as Spencer smooths his hand, wet and firm, over Brendon's skin.

He finally snaps out of it, and, "Dude, what the fuck?"

Spencer ignores him, focusing on his hand and Brendon's skin, and before he pulls away, he leans in and breathes in long and slow. When he finally exhales, there's a rumble in his chest, like he's fucking purring of something.

"Fuck, Spencer, I'm going to smell like your spunk for the rest of the night," Brendon protests.

All that earns him is another smile from Spencer, this one even fucking weirder, because Spencer's not usually a complete douchebag, and he's never wanted to broadcast it to the whole damn world when they were fucking.

Which...Oh. Oh, that's interesting.

"I smell like you," Brendon says wonderingly.

Spencer's smile widens.

Brendon shivers.

There's something weird about Spencer, maybe even something wrong, and in it all, Brendon doesn't even want to ask, because he kind of likes it. He likes that Spencer's completely focused on him, he likes that after they fuck, they don't have to spend a couple of days ignoring each other so as to act like everything is "normal." He likes that Spencer just came, twice, but he's not running off, he's still right there with Brendon.

They do have to go though.

"We've got to go get changed," Brendon says and starts squirming awkwardly to try and get his pants back up.

Spencer makes a protesting noise, but he moves back enough so Brendon can start to set his clothes to rights. He doesn't clean himself up, though, just watches Brendon and touches him. He touches Brendon's hip while Brendon pulls his jeans back up, and he rubs at Brendon's collarbone while Brendon straightens out his shirt, and even though Brendon's just come, his stomach does a little flip at it. He likes how intent Spencer's gaze is, how he's actually looking at Brendon while Brendon gets dressed instead of averting his gaze and straightening his own clothes.

When Brendon's done, he leans forward uncertainly, intending to help Spencer put himself back together. Spencer must misinterpret the move, because he slides his hand from Brendon's collarbone to the back of his head, pulling him in for a kiss. Brendon lets himself be kissed, lets himself enjoy it for a minute before he pulls back enough to murmur, "We really do have to get back," against Spencer's mouth. Spencer gives Brendon's bottom lip a little bite, then lets him go. Brendon helps Spencer up and lets himself watch while Spencer tucks himself back in.

Spencer's cheeks are pinker than usual and his shirt is a little rumpled, but the thing that looks the most different is the way he's still looking at Brendon like what they did was good, like he wants to do it again and doesn't mind who knows.

Brendon can't stop glancing over at Spencer while they get ready for the show. He feels stupidly giddy, but it's probably just the come down from an amazing orgasm.

Spencer plays just as hard in the concert as he did during the soundcheck, but not like he's frustrated this time, more like he's showing off. Brendon goes over between songs, like normal, but this time it feels kind of like this secret thing that they're doing in front of the whole world. Spencer always fucking beams, every time Brendon comes near. He only looks at Brendon; Brendon imagines that he can feel him staring, even during songs, imagines he can feel Spencer's eyes moving along his back.

They come off stage, and just like the other night, Spencer's right behind him, breathing him in, which gets Brendon rock hard.

If there were any possible way Brendon could shove Spencer right back into that storage closet, or get them any kind of privacy after the show but before the bus, he would. He would find a way for them to fuck again over taking a shower, and considering the fact that it's been 24 hours and three sexual encounters since Brendon's last shower, that's saying something.

Instead, it's constant motion, constant people, from the minute the show ends until the minute they step onto the bus. And it's the bus. Brendon wonders if he could convince Spencer to play Guitar Hero long enough to drive Jon and Ryan into the back lounge so they could fit in a quick fuck in the bathroom or the bunks, or hell, over the "kitchen" table.

Spencer doesn't even care that there are people around. He stays as close as he can get to Brendon the whole time, and when they step onto the bus, he starts crowding Brendon.

Jon and Ryan are already in the back lounge, setting up a DVD, so that's out. Zack's up front in this kitchen area. Which leaves-- the bunks. The tiny, tiny bunks, which are in no way soundproof.

Spencer and Brendon end up faced off, standing in the hallway. Brendon's still trying to come up with a better plan (maybe they could wait until after Jon and Ryan finish?), but Spencer keeps trying to pull of Brendon's shirt, right there in the open.

Brendon won't lift up his arms, so Spencer can't actually get if off. He can, however, get to Brendon's nipples, which is touches in light circles, sending sparks straight of Brendon's dick.

"Okay," he finally grits out, and lets Spencer crowd them both into Brendon's bunk.

Spencer rubs his cheek against Brendon pillow and hums. "Smells like you here," he says.

"Yeah, you say that now," Brendon says. "You just want to make it smell like you."

Spencer laughs low in his throat, then tugs at Brendon's shirt again. Brendon folds himself up enough to get it off, and as soon as it's out of the way, Spencer's rubbing at his nipples again. At first he keeps circling them with his thumbs, but that shifts into pinching them, and Brendon's breath, already caught in his chest, flees him altogether. He wants to moan, wants to cry out when Spencer tugs on one of his nipples gently while he twists the other, but he remembers the fragile privacy of the bunk and manages to choke the sound down.

It's harder to do when Spencer leans down and sucks one peaked nipple into his mouth, tonguing it and worrying it with his teeth before he lets it go with one last flick of his tongue. Brendon sighs at the relief, but Spencer turns right to Brendon's other nipple and gives it the same treatment.

Brendon managed a quick shower after the concert, but he still feels like Spencer's under his skin, and he wonders if Spencer can taste it. If it seems like that to Spencer, too.

Brendon writhes through Spencer paying attention to the second nipple, then whispers, "We should hurry; we don't know when they'll be back."

Spencer seems to like that plan, because his hands go immediately to the fastening of Brendon's pants. They work together to get Brendon naked, and while Brendon roots around for his bottle of lube, Spencer pulls his own pants down. Brendon drips the liquid directly onto Spencer's fingers, then rolls onto his side, presenting his ass.

Spencer pushes in with two fingers, fast and firm, and Brendon bites his lip to keep from making any noise. Spencer's fingers are good, better when he pushes in a third. He doesn't crook his fingers to get at Brendon's prostate, not like he has before, just gets Brendon open so that when Spencer pulls his fingers out and replaces them with his cock, Brendon takes the stretch more easily. It's still a little of a shock, because Spencer's cock is nice and thick, but Spencer sets the pace fast enough that Brendon doesn't have time to concentrate on the stretch of it. He's too busy pushing his hips back so he can feel the depth of it, get Spencer in as deep as he can.

Brendon hides his face in the pillow. He's trying to be quiet, but he can't quite muffle all of the noises that he's making. Spencer mouths along Brendon's shoulder, so the noises he makes are at least somewhat muffled.

Brendon was hard well before the actual sex started, and he feels himself getting close, quickly. He wraps his hand around his dick and jerks himself off, clenching around Spencer each time his hand reaches the head. They work together, Brendon thrusting back onto Spencer's cock while Spencer shoves forward, which makes up for the lack of space in the bunks.

Brendon's not sure, because his ears start ringing when he comes, but he thinks that they actually orgasm at something like the same time.

Brendon stretches out, teasing himself a little before moving his hand away from his dick and wiping at the sheets with the spare t-shirt he finds balled up under his pillow. It doesn't actually clean them, but at least he gets rid of most of the wetness.

Brendon cleans himself up some, too, hands fumbling a bit because he's already tired from the show. A pleasant, sated feeling settles over his body, enough that he only half-heartedly tries to pull away from Spencer so he can clean Spencer up, too. Spencer throws his arm over Brendon's side and doesn't let him get any space. Spencer's cock is still nestled up inside of Brendon and it's going to be massively gross when Brendon wakes up or, God forbid, if Jon or Ryan decides to poke his head inside Brendon's bunk to ask a question. Still, Brendon yawns and puts his hand over Spencer's forearm and falls asleep just like that.
*****************************************************************************
Pete comes to see their show the next night.

He doesn't doesn't tell them ahead of time that he's coming, just shows up sidestage. Brendon notices after the third song, and grins and waves excitedly, continuing to sing.

When the concert finishes, he bounces off stage and throws himself at Pete. "Dude, hey! You came!"

Pete's voice is muffled against his shoulder, but Brendon thinks he hears him say, "I did! Nice observation skills."

Brendon squeezes him a little tighter in response, until Pete smacks his back and pushes him away a little. "You smell rank, dude," Pete says, waving a hand in front of his face.

"You love it," Brendon says, and ducks his head when Pete slings an arm around his shoulders and gives his arm a squeeze.

"Good show," Pete says more seriously, and flashes his teeth in a wide smile. Brendon smiles back happily, because honestly, Pete's encouragement never gets old.

But then the smile freezes on Pete's face and fades slowly while he looks off to Brendon's right. "Dude, what's up with Spencer?" Pete asks.

"What?" Brendon asks, and turns to look.

Spencer's actually right there. Like, two feet away from Brendon. And glaring. Brendon didn't hear him come up, so he's surprised when he sees Spencer, then uncomfortable when he sees that Spencer's... upset? Brendon's not really sure what's going on.

Brendon gives Pete's shoulder another squeeze. "Where're you saying tonight?"

"Hotel," Pete says. "But fucked if I can remember the name. They all just--"

"Blend into each other," Brendon finishes. "Yeah."

Spencer makes a low noise. This time, when Brendon turns around, he's maybe six inches away.

"Um, hey," Brendon says, shifting under Pete's arm. "Pete's got a hotel, and I don't want to make any assumptions here, but I'm thinking he was just about to ask if we wanted to come take advantage of his cable and mini fridge."

Pete laughs a little uncomfortably when Spencer doesn't. Spencer isn't even looking at Pete until Pete pats a hand on Brendon's chest and says, "Dream on, dude."

Then, oh, then Spencer's looking at Pete. His eyes settle on Pete's hand, then fly to his face, and he looks fucking pissed, teeth bared almost like a snarl.

Brendon can feel his eyes widen at that look, and he lets out a surprised squeak when Spencer grabs Brendon's wrist and jerks him away from Pete

Spencer's got long fucking legs and he can walk fast. Brendon has to scramble to keep up. It's either that, or have his arm wrenched out of his socket, because Spencer's not letting go.

"Spence," Brendon says, a little desperately when Spencer jerks him around a corner. "What? What's wrong?"

Spencer's head looks straight forward, and he doesn't respond. He marches them through the back of the arena, until they come to the bathrooms, then he pushes Brendon inside the gender-neutral, single-person bathroom, locking the door behind them.

"What?" Brendon asks again, panting a little.

Spencer doesn't say anything to that when he turns back to Brendon, which Brendon's been getting way too used to over the past few days. Instead, he grabs Brendon's arm again and forces him around, until he has Brendon shoved up against the sink.

"Stay," he says, and Brendon holds still, staring at his own reflection in the mirror. His cheeks are flushed and damp with sweat, his hair mussed from the show, and his mouth is open in surprise. He watches his eyes widen when Spencer hauls Brendon's hips a few inches back from the edge of the sink that's connected to the wall and gets his fly open with frightening efficiency and shoves them down until Brendon's ass is bared. Then he pushes Brendon back forward and hooks one of his legs up over the edge of the sink even while Brendon can hear him opening his own jeans.

Then Spencer's pressed up against him, dick hard against his lower back, and Brendon stops watching himself because there's Spencer, looking wild and completely out of control.

Brendon's rock hard just like that. He arches against Spencer, which makes Spencer tighten his hands around Brendon's hips, holding him still.

Brendon can't look away from the mirror. Spencer's face is twisted, but he looks fucking gorgeous, fucking scary, like this. Brendon tries to stay quiet, but his heart is jackhammering so hard in his chest, he thinks that Spencer is going to be able to hear that anyway.

It's been hours and a shower since the last time they fucked, and when Spencer starts to push in, no fingers or anything, it hurts.

Brendon's voice cracks. "I'm sorry." Even though he doesn't know what he did. There's a bottle of hand lotion beside the soap, and Brendon grabs for it uncoordinatedly, trying to pull it forward on the counter. "Spencer, please, Spencer. I'm sorry."

Spencer's hips stop pushing forward at that, and Brendon glances up to see Spencer looking over Brendon's shoulder to see what he's doing. Spencer moves one hand from the back of Brendon's thigh and reaches forward, and for a minute, Brendon's afraid he's going to push Brendon's hand down and hold it against the sink. But Spencer's hand closes around Brendon's on the bottle of lotion, pulling it forward, and he lets Brendon pump some into his hand. He pulls Brendon's hand back by the wrist and closes it around his cock. Brendon's shoulder hitches uncomfortably and he can't see what he's doing, but Spencer guides his hand up and down until Spencer's cock is slick, and Brendon lets out a little dry sob of relief that when Spencer pushes back forward, his dick isn't dry, even if the stretch is so intense Brendon shudders and drops his chin to his chest.

It's sharp and pressurepressurepressure. Brendon feels every movement that Spencer makes, every slow, steady push forward. It's not painful exactly, except in the intensity. Brendon's eyes fall shut; he can't focus on everything that's happening, it's too much.

When Spencer notices, he thrusts forward sharply. Brendon's eyes snap open, meeting Spencer's in the mirror. Spencer is staring at him. It doesn't feel like looking into a mirror; it feels like Spencer's everywhere and can see everything. Brendon cries out, and the sound echoes hollowly in the tiny room.

Now that he's met Spencer's eyes, he can't look away. He thinks even if he wanted to, even if he tried, Spencer would grab his chin, force it back up, make him look. He looks.

Spencer's eyes are sharp and almost reproachful and ... hurt. Brendon gasps on the next thrust and his eyelashes flutter, but he keeps his eyes open.

Spencer's thrusts get easier as Brendon adjusts, but just when Brendon thinks he might be able to relax a little, Spencer reaches around Brendon's hip and grabs his dick. He squeezes it, nothing else. His hand doesn't move to give Brendon friction, he just squeezes in time with his thrusts, and Brendon watches and cries out, until Spencer says something low in his ear that quiets Brendon, because he wants to hear it again, make sure he didn't imagine it.

Spencer slams in deep and stays there, grinding in and just holding Brendon's cock possessively. Their eyes are locked, and there's no mistaking it when Spencer asks roughly, "Who do you belong to?"

Brendon shudders, hardly believing the question, but he knows the answer. He knows what Spencer wants to hear, he knows what he wants to say, and he knows what's the truth, so he gives it.

"You," he cries out.

Spencer squeezes his cock hard, and Brendon shudders in his arms. Brendon's so open like this, just balanced on one leg. He's only upright because of Spencer's arms and his cock, all the way inside, holding Brendon up. Brendon's thigh has started to shake, the one that's up over the counter. The one he's standing on is trembling. He's still coming off the adrenaline from the show, so he doesn't even feel it, not really. His body is a little bit numb, and even like that Spencer's cock and his hand and fuck. Brendon almost thinks that it's more than he can take, except that he's always going to take what Spencer gives him.

Spencer turns his head a little, until he can breathe Brendon in, but he keeps his eyes fixed on Brendon in the mirror.

"Who?" Spencer repeats, with a slam of his hips, and Brendon sobs, "You, you. You," then, "Please."

Spencer slams forward again and finally, finally moves his hand on Brendon's dick. He squeezes and twists over the head, rubs his palm over it, and the drag of his calluses makes Brendon's leg give out altogether. Brendon's weight is thrown off, sinking him onto Spencer's cock so deep he swears he can almost feel Spencer at the back of his throat.

Spencer growls and fucks forward again, and Brendon doesn't even know how Spencer's holding them both up, because Brendon's leg is dangling above the floor now. He doesn't have time to worry about it, because Spencer jacks him harder and he convulses, cock spurting and spattering the sink, some of it even splattering across the mirror.

Spencer's eyes go even hotter at the sight, and he shoves into Brendon hard, strokes uneven, and Brendon can feel the wet, hot rush of Spencer coming.

"Mine," Spencer groans out as he comes.

"Yours," Brendon says back, voice shredded to a whisper.

--

The problem with Brendon being so sore that he doesn't even want to sit is that he wants to lie down instead. Specifically, he wants to lie down on his stomach. But he's not stupid, and after falling headlong into sleep twice and being woken up twice to Spencer touching his ass and spreading him open for his cock, Brendon figures it's not such a great idea to lie around all passed out and apparently tempting.

It's gotten so that every time Brendon has a minute to himself in the bathroom, he takes lube with him and gets himself ready, because Spencer doesn't always remember. It helps for the times when Spencer just pulls Brendon's pants down and slides inside, even though sometimes he's still wet with lube and come from the time before.

But the problem is when Spencer accosts him before Brendon can make it to the bus bathroom for the first time of the day and drags him into the back lounge while Brendon can hear Ryan and Jon making breakfast. Brendon actually slept five whole hours the night before without waking up -- being woken up, really -- a single time, and he's not ready, hasn't had a chance to get himself ready.

"Spence, I need to. I'm not ready," Brendon protests, but Spencer misunderstands him and reaches for Brendon's cock, pushing his hand inside Brendon's sweats and touching him, stroking him until he gets hard for Spencer.

Brendon shivers and closes his eyes and lets Spencer's hand obliterate his protests, until he feels Spencer tugging down his pants with his other hand and Spencer lifts up Brendon's leg to Spencer's hip. Spencer's hard against Brendon's belly, and Brendon's eyes fly open.

"Wait, wait, I'm not ready," Brendon says again, voice a little high and thready, and he knows he sounds panicked, but Spencer gives him a half-confused little smile and fists Brendon's cock again, like, 'See, yes you are.'

"Lube," Brendon clarifies. "I need lube."

Brendon stuffed a bottle behind a couch cushion a few days ago. Spencer lets him go to crawl a few feet across the floor toward the couch, but Spencer follows behind and rubs himself against Brendon, dick riding right in the cleft of Brendon's ass. Brendon almost wants to cry when he sees that the bottle is empty, and Spencer makes an impatient sound and palms Brendon's ass.

"It's empty," Brendon says. He tries to edge his hips away from Spencer's, put some distance between them, but Spencer clamps his hand on Brendon's hip.

"I can suck you," Brendon offers. "You can't..." he trails off, unable to bring himself to tell Spencer no. "I can suck you," he repeats.

Spencer says, "Want you," which Brendon guesses he's supposed to take to mean that Spencer wants his ass, not his mouth, because Spencer rubs his hips up against Brendon again.

Brendon braces himself, waits for Spencer to start pushing in dry and relentless, but it doesn't happen. Spencer backs away and flips Brendon over onto his back. He stares down at Brendon like he's a puzzle, head tilted a little, forehead wrinkled, eyes considering. Then he nods to himself and pushes Brendon's thighs open, settling between them on his elbows and giving Brendon his mouth.

"Oh," Brendon gasps, and his hand seeks out Spencer's head reflexively, threading his fingers through the hair at Spencer's nape.

Spencer's not teasing, and he's not taking it slow. He sucks Brendon's dick with single-minded determination, tongue curled around the underside. Spencer takes him in all the way, then pulls back to the head, giving it a good suck, then sinking back down. He bobs his head a few more times, until Brendon says, "Spence," warningly, hand tugging lightly at Spencer's hair.

Spencer backs off until just the head of Brendon's cock is in his mouth, and his hand slides wetly over the shaft, twisting and stroking until Brendon cries out and comes in Spencer's mouth.

Spencer pulls back when Brendon's done, mouth carefully closed, then spits into his hand. He drags two fingers from his other hand through Brendon's come, and that's when Brendon gets it. He watches through heavy-lidded eyes while Spencer reaches down between Brendon's thighs and stretches him out with two fingers just barely slick enough. It's raw and dirty and hurts a little, but it's better than going in dry. Spencer fists his cock in his other hand, coating himself with Brendon's come.

He lifts Brendon's legs then, holding them up until Brendon takes the hint and sets his own hands behind his knees, holding himself open. Spencer pushes inside, and it's probably the filthiest Brendon's ever felt, to have Spencer working his way in, Brendon's release slicking the way. It's probably the filthiest he's ever felt, until Spencer comes inside him, too.

--

Brendon can't remember ever yawning so much in his life. He does it during soundcheck, while he's singing, "dreams" stretching in a jaw-cracking yawn, and Jon laughs at him, and Ryan makes a face at him, and Spencer just plays.

Brendon yawns when he shoos them out of the dressing room, too. He tells them they're being too loud, and he needs a little rest, calls them "young whippersnappers" for good measure. Jon and Ryan call him "gramps," but leave him alone. Spencer does not leave. When they're alone, Spencer just licks into Brendon's mouth when he yawns again, and Brendon's tired, so tired, but he opens for Spencer like he did the night before, like he has twice already just today.

They each come twice, and Brendon only fits in 15 minutes of sleep before it's time to get into costume and makeup.

Brendon manages all right through the concert, buzzing high on the energy from the crowd.

He crashes hard when he comes offstage though, leaning heavily on Zack, and then Spencer, after Spencer starts trying to loom over Zack. Spencer's the tallest one in the band, but he's not taller than Zack. Brendon lets Spencer drag him back to the changing room, then over to the bus. Spencer ends up escorting him right to the back lounge, closing the door before Ryan and Jon can get there, and rutting against him on the couch. The soft, soft couch. Brendon closes his eyes, but Spencer just pulls down his pants and moves the pillow from under his head to under his hips.

Brendon may be tired, but he's not dead. His muscles feel almost like liquid, he's so drained, but Spencer's on top of him, hard and moving against him, and Brendon can't help getting hard. Not that he's got enough energy to do anything about it, so he opens his thighs for Spencer, and Spencer gets him ready, and he seems more than okay with the control and with Brendon's compliance.

Brendon has a brief worry about falling asleep, but it's baseless. Spencer doesn't rock into him slow and steady, nothing close to anything that could put him to sleep. Spencer fucks him hard, and he strokes Brendon's cock until he comes over his stomach. Brendon knows he's awake when Spencer comes inside him, but he couldn't swear to being awake by the time Spencer pulls out.

Brendon startles awake briefly when Spencer moves away to grab them a blanket, but by the time Spencer returns to the couch and covers them up, Brendon's fast asleep.

He wakes through the night, disoriented. He's comfortable and... Hard. Really hard, not just wood through the night. Brendon makes a little noise and blinks himself alert, until he realizes that Spencer's totally grinding up against his ass, fisting his cock. Brendon makes a startled noise, which is all the permission Spencer was waiting for, apparently, because he moves his hand away from his cock to hold Brendon open, and pushes inside.

Brendon's tired and confused and still raw off his last orgasm. He doesn't know the time, but it can't have been more than a couple of hours since the last time they fell asleep.

Still, when Spencer's hand moves back to his cock, he comes.

There were times when Brendon was younger that he jacked off enough that he couldn't come anymore. Days when his parents were out and he had the house to himself. But he's never been with anyone who wanted sex so much that Brendon physically couldn't come anymore.

It's a first, when he wakes up again, and Spencer is between his legs, petting his thighs and licking at the crease of his thigh and sucking at his balls, and Brendon's got double vision going on, he's so tired, but he doesn't have to be able to see clearly to know that he's hard again.

When Spencer sucks him into his mouth, Brendon moans, and he hears the edge to it, the way it doesn't sound like pleasure, so he tries to save it, turns it up at the end, because who complains about getting their dick sucked?

Spencer's mouth feels good, sort of, but it also feels like too much, and Brendon's writhing from the overload, not entirely sure that he doesn't want to be pulling his hips away from Spencer's mouth.

Spencer sucks at him mercilessly, and Brendon cries out when the sensation crests, and his dick jerks, almost painful. Spencer pulls back with a small frown, says, "I didn't get to taste you," and Brendon pants heavily and shakes.

Spencer moves his mouth back to Brendon's cock, like, fuck. Like he's just going to try again, like he's going to keep trying until he gets what he wants, and Brendon curls him on himself, jerkily.

"Spence," he says, then trails off. It's maybe the hardest thing he's ever had to convince his body to do, but he actually manages to sit up, instead of just passing out of the couch again. He sits up and he shuffles around until he's crouched over Spencer, and he opens his mouth for Spencer's cock.

Spencer's hard, and while he seems distracted at first, he doesn't have any trouble coming everywhere.

Brendon holds what he can in his mouth, then crawls his way up to Spencer's mouth, sealing their lips together and waiting for Spencer to lick inside. Spencer sucks on his tongue, dips down to lick his chin afterwards, but still says, "It's not the same."

"You've gotta give me a little time," Brendon says, but he's already flopping on the couch and falling asleep before Spencer gets around to answering.

--

Brendon's exhausted the next day.

He drinks three cups of coffee at breakfast, which is usually enough to get his heart racing, but today he can barely feel it. They've got an interview, which Brendon spends looking at his lap, and trying to nod at the appropriate times.

The concert's okay. It's not great. Brendon's voice is raw, just from being tired, but he tries to work it, adding in low growls when he knows he won't be able to hit the high notes.

He sleepwalks through the meet and greet afterwards, and doesn't even realize that it's a hotel night under they're being herded off the bus and towards the building.

Tonight would be a good night to room with Jon. Jon doesn't care if Brendon wants to spend and hour in the bath, and he'll always watch TV quietly if Brendon wants to crash early. Before Brendon can get Jon though, Spencer's grabbed a room key and Brendon's elbow. He somehow manages to drag Brendon and both of their bags out of the elevator and towards the right room.

Brendon doesn't know how it's even possible that Spencer isn't tired. He doesn't know how Spencer can actually be hard again, but he is. The last time they fucked was-- Brendon can't even keep the nights straight anymore. It was in the changing room or in the bus, or both. Brendon's so sore and so tired that he doesn't get hard at first, not even when Spencer finds his prostate and pounds into him. Spencer tugs on his cock, and when that doesn't work, he starts tugging on Brendon's nipples instead.

It hurts, or-- it doesn't hurt, but Brendon can't stop shaking. Like his body doesn't even know what to do with all of the sensation. Spencer touches his nipples and touches his nipples until the skin goes raw and painful, and still Brendon's body gets hard. It takes time, and it's still too much, too much when Spencer starts jerking him off, but it doesn't hurt as bad as Spencer's thumb on his nipple

Spencer comes quickly after Brendon finishes, then leads them both into the shower. He turns up the water hot, and Brendon slumps against the tiles and moans through Spencer's fingers on his scalp while he washes Brendon's hair. They must have had sex in the showers after the concert, because Brendon's hair is still dirty from after the show.

Spencer dries him off, then pushes him down on his knees. Brendon can only manage a half-hearted blowjob; his eyes are heavy and raw and he just wants to sleep. Spencer jerks himself the rest of the way, then pulls back to come all over Brendon's chest, rubbing it in afterwards. After the shower, it's still the cleanest Brendon's felt in days.

Spencer pulls down the bedding and Brendon crawls in. Spencer rubs his thumb over Brendon's cheek, then walks away to put their clothes back in their bags for tomorrow.

Brendon's so tired, but he can't fall asleep. He doesn't know what's wrong, but he can't. He lies on his side and stares at his hand, curled up by his cheek.

When Spencer finally comes to bed, Brendon rolls over quickly, sliding his arm over Spencer's chest, hooking their legs together. Spencer cards his fingers through Brendon's hair, and Brendon falls asleep while Spencer strokes the back of his head.

--

Brendon wakes up face down on the bed, Spencer already inside of his ass.

He struggles briefly, just out of confusion, but Spencer just uses his bucking to get in deeper. As Brendon slowly comes to, he stops moving. He's relaxed from sleep, and still wet and open from when Spencer fucked him before.

Spencer's buried deep, and Brendon's trying to make sense of it, figure out how this is happening, how he could actually wake up to Spencer already pushing into him.

Mostly his mind's too clouded to figure it out, because he's so tired. He doesn't move, and it doesn't seem like Spencer minds, really, because Brendon's pliant and his body's taking Spencer easily. Spencer's thrusting in and grunting, rubbing Brendon's body against the sheets. It's a lot to take in so soon after waking up, but Brendon closes his eyes and thinks he can handle it. It'll be okay, if Spencer just comes soon and doesn't try to make Brendon come, too.

Brendon feels a little freaked out, but it's just a disoriented-sleepy kind of overwhelming. As he wakes up, he starts to tighten, coming into his body again. Spencer notices the difference and starts rubbing a hand up and down Brendon's side, over the skin of his back like he's feeling where the muscles shift. He's still grunting, and Brendon's making noises now, too. It's intense and fucking weird to come into sex in the middle of the action. Brendon wonders how long Spencer was inside him before he woke, if he woke up right after Spencer slid inside or if he slept for a while Spencer fucked him gentle at the beginning.

Spencer's not being gentle now, there's an edge of desperation to his movements. Brendon thinks that might mean that he's been inside for a while. Brendon stretches a little, trying to get comfortable again, and Spencer slips his hand underneath Brendon to grab his cock.

Brendon moans at even the first touch, the first brush of Spencer's fingers before they close around his cock, and his hips buck back a little on instinct, trying to escape the touch. But it pushes him onto Spencer's cock, and Spencer murmurs approvingly, probably thinking Brendon's trying to get more of him, when all Brendon can really think is that it's too much.

Spencer's hand moves on his cock, and Brendon whimpers. He doesn't think he can get hard for this. He doesn't even know how long it's been since the last time, couldn't have been more than a couple of hours. He whimpers again when Spencer's hips change their angle, going in short, and hard, hitting Brendon's prostate over and over, and when Brendon's cock jerks, it feels like a betrayal, his body giving Spencer what he wants.

Brendon gets hard, and he goes right to the intense strain of nearly-there, without any build up. It's sharp and Brendon starts sweating and shaking. He doesn't want to come. He's tired and orgasm seems too big, too intense, like it would be too much, and Brendon's already flying into a million directions. Spencer keeps tugging on his cock though, keeps nailing his prostate. Spencer is focused now, and Brendon doesn't stand a chance when he gets like this. Spencer knows Brendon's body, and he knows how to touch Brendon and how to fuck him, and Brendon feels himself tip right up to the edge, just because that's what Spencer wants. He's not there yet, but his body strains and trembles, working with Spencer, even though Brendon just wants Spencer to finish so that he can go back to sleep.

Spencer's breathing heavily against the nape of Brendon's neck, forehead pressed into his hair, and he keeps making these pleased, rumbling sounds. Brendon focuses on the sounds, focuses on how they're getting shorter and harsher, more guttural, so Spencer must be getting close, must be right on the edge.

Then Spencer gives Brendon's cock a hard squeeze and another tug, tells him, "Come on," and Brendon knows. He knows that Spencer's waiting for him, that he won't come until Brendon does, and Brendon bites his bottom lip hard so that he can't do something stupid like say no or sob.

Spencer keeps jacking Brendon off, hand rough and possessive like he owns Brendon's cock, owns his body, and when Spencer says, "Come on," again, Brendon thinks dazedly that Spencer must, because Brendon's body obeys him.

Brendon comes hard, like Spencer's ripping it out of him. It hurts and it's good and it's too much. Spencer comes, too. He presses his face into the crook of Brendon's neck and moans against his skin and follows Brendon over the edge, and Brendon thinks, fuck. Thank god.

Spencer comes, and he stays inside of Brendon. Brendon is right on the cusp of sleep, again. He's almost asleep, but Spencer stays inside after he comes, and before Brendon can fall back to sleep, Spencer starts moving again. Just little motions at first, but he works up to a rhythm quickly, and he's fucking Brendon again.

There's no holding it back this time. Brendon lets out one incredulous, dry sob and pushes his face into his pillow, trying to muffle the sound. He bites at the pillow and tries to resist mouthing all the words he can't say into it. Saying "no," saying "stop," saying "I can't."

He can. He has to. He will, because Spencer wants it. Spencer's hard inside him still, and Brendon has come, so he should be okay with this. Spencer will come again soon, it has to be soon, and Brendon will sleep, and maybe tomorrow he'll slip something into Spencer's drink, something to make him sleep. Something to make him let Brendon sleep.

Except that Spencer's hand is still right there, and he wraps it around Brendon's cock again and he starts to touch him, and Brendon is so fucking sensitive and raw, he can't. He can't even find words to tell Spencer. When he opens his mouth, all that comes out is a low wail. Spencer just rubs over the head of his cock, just the head, but Brendon feels it everywhere. He's so tired, he's so tired and Spencer is touching him and fucking him, hitting his prostate, fucking him and touching him, and Brendon can't. Spencer twists his hand, and dark sparks around the edges of Brendon's vision. Spencer gives a long tug, grinding into Brendon's prostate, and everything goes black.
*****************************************************************************
Ryan can tell that at first, Jon just thinks it’s a friend thing. Brendon and Ryan are just close. Comfortable with one another. He barely raises an eyebrow when he walks in on Brendon straddling Ryan’s waist on the floor of the tour bus, leaning down and balancing on his forearms so their lips are inches apart. They’re mumbling to each other, too, and Brendon’s hand is halfway up Ryan’s shirt so he kind of doesn’t understand how Jon can just shrug it off and say, “Either of you wanna play Guitar Hero? I’ve been practicing, Brendon, I’ll kick your ass.”

“Kinda busy right now, Jon,” Brendon retorts.

“Doing what?”

Yeah, Ryan really doesn’t understand how Jon can be so oblivious.

“Fuck off, Jon,” Brendon mumbles, kissing at Ryan’s neck and mumbling something in Ryan’s ear about sucking his dick like a dirty little whore.

Ryan hears another set of footsteps climb up onto the bus, and when he tilts his head back to see who it is, he spots Spencer rolling his eyes, one hand on his hip. “Jesus, guys, how many fucking times have I told you to keep it in your bunks?” He sighs. “Oh well, at least you’ve still got all your clothes on this time.”

“That’s what you think,” Brendon says smugly. (“I’m not wearing any underwear,” he whispers in Ryan’s ear, as if Ryan didn’t gather that.)

“Wha…?” Jon starts, but then gets distracted when Spencer steps delicately over the couple on the floor and one of Ryan’s hands shoots up to grope at his crotch.

“Fucking hell, Ryan, not too hard. I kind of need that. Jon, are you coming?” Brendon starts to say something but Spencer continues before he can. “I mean, are you coming into the back lounge to play video games with me.”

Brendon starts to say something again but Ryan covers his mouth with one hand.

“I, um. I kind of don’t want to step over them, now,” Jon says, eyeing Ryan suspiciously.

Ryan laughs. “Don’t worry, Jon,” he says, nodding towards the hand covering Brendon’s mouth. “Both of my hands are occupied right now.”

Brendon moans quietly.

“So I see,” Jon says, still eyeing the pair suspiciously.

“Oh, stop being such a fucking pussy, Jon,” Spencer lisps, then turns on his heel and marches into the back lounge.

Jon steps gingerly over Brendon and Ryan, and Ryan manages to keep his hands to himself.

Well, he doesn’t touch Jon, anyway.

-

“Harder, Ryan, shit,” Brendon whimpers out, wrapping his legs around Ryan’s waist. “Harderharderharder.”

Ryan doesn’t really think he can go much harder, but he slides his arms underneath Brendon’s back and grips his shoulders from behind to get better leverage. This seems to work, because pretty soon Brendon’s gasping, moaning, writhing as Ryan rolls his hips and fucks him hard, deep; so fucking deep.

“UnghGodRyan,” Brendon gets out, never one to shut up for long at all, and his hand fists his cock that much faster. “I’m… fuck, I’m coming!”

I noticed, Ryan thinks as he looks down at the mess all over his stomach, but it’s fucking hot so he doesn’t complain, just speeds up until he’s coming too, face pressed into Brendon’s neck as he takes ragged, hitched breaths.

When Ryan finally becomes aware of his surroundings again, he’s still inside Brendon, who’s busy running his hands through Ryan’s hair and down his back.

“Mmf,” Ryan eventually grunts, kissing Brendon’s jaw a couple of times (he’s always much more outwardly affectionate post-sex) before slowly pulling out and rolling halfway off Brendon, so he’s pressed between a warm body and the wall of his bunk.

“Yeah, mmf, I agree,” Brendon murmurs, a little smile on his face as he rolls onto his side to face Ryan. He pauses a moment, then kisses the corner of Ryan’s mouth and says, “Pete’s gonna be here tomorrow.”

Ryan doesn’t miss Brendon’s avoidance of the word ‘coming’, but he doesn’t mention it. “I know.”

Brendon curls closer, arms tightening possessively. “Last time he was here he tried to get you to-”

“I know, Brendon.” A little more testy this time.

Another pause, and then Brendon’s lips are pressing gently against his for a second. “I love you, Ryan.”

A smile creeps its way onto Ryan’s lips and he kisses Brendon again. “Yeah, yeah, I love you too, even if you are a jealous douchebag.”

“I’m not jealous,” Brendon insists, and Ryan laughs.

-

Pete Wentz’s arrival is never a quiet one.

It doesn’t even matter if they’re in the middle of soundcheck like they are this time, making as much horrible noise as they possibly can, at some point Pete will march in (be ushered in by two security guards, more like) and over all the commotion he will make himself heard.

“I’m heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere!”

And every time, without fail, Pete always looks terribly disappointed when the four men don’t jump off of the stage, rush down and leap into his arms or something. So instead, he dashes up to the stage, clambers up (with some help from the aforementioned security guards) and throws his arms around the nearest band member.

Coincidentally, this is always Ryan. And just when Ryan thinks he’s getting off easy this time, Pete’s hands slide down his back and grope his ass.

Ryan resists the urge to vomit in his mouth.

After what seems like a long time (and that’s because it is a long time) Pete releases him and moves on to the others, but their hugs don’t last nearly as long and there’s no ass-gropage there, for some, erm, strange reason. Brendon is the last, and he shoots Ryan a look over Pete’s shoulder. A look that says something like, If he didn’t pretty much own us, I would shank him right here and now.

Ryan likes Pete. Really, he does. But he would still pay to see Brendon and Pete get in a brawl. Sell popcorn, pull up a couple of chairs, you know. Fun for all ages.

That is, he supposes, an actual possibility if Pete keeps trying to get in his pants.

“So, Ryan,” Pete says with a toothy grin, hooking both of his thumbs into his front belt loops so his index fingers point at his crotch (Ryan is careful to keep his gaze up), “I’ve got some lyrics I want you to look at for me. I was thinking about using them on the new record, but I could use a second opinion.”

“Um, sure,” Ryan agrees hesitantly, since he’s pretty much done here anyway. He starts to follow Pete offstage, but Brendon catches his wrist as he passes.

“Ryan,” he whines quietly, doing his best impression of a puppy dog. “I was hoping we could, y’know, spend some alone time after this.”

With a raised eyebrow, Ryan shrugs. “Jesus, Brendon, you’re such a fucking girl,” he mutters back, but there’s a little smile on his face. “I’ve fucked you twice already today. You can wait until tonight. Come on. You can entertain yourself until then. Tell everyone to look at your crack again or something.”

Brendon sighs. “They don’t laugh at that anymore.”

(They never laughed at that in the first place, Ryan thinks.)

“Sure they do. I still think it’s funny.” Ryan presses a kiss to Brendon’s temple, then pulls away to follow Pete.

“Is something going on between Ryan and Brendon?” Ryan hears Jon ask Spencer in a hushed voice as he walks past.

“Oh my God. Brendon, we hired an idiot.”

-

“Oh, I’ve totally got this funny story to tell you guys!” Pete exclaims as the five of them relax on the bus.

Brendon is tucked under Ryan’s arm (Brendon had squeezed in between Pete and Ryan, grabbed one of Ryan’s arms and pulled it around his shoulders), Spencer’s settled with a magazine at their fold-out dining room table - if you can call it that - and Jon is busy making himself a sandwich. The fact that they’re all so chilled out and comfortable makes Ryan a little afraid of the effect one of Pete’s little stories might have.

“Okay, so like, we’re in the studio, right? And Patrick walks into the room and we’re like, ‘dude, you’ve been off jerking off, haven’t you?’ and he’s like, ‘no way, man, I’ve still got the boner, see?’”

Ryan starts to tune out Pete for a bit and Jon stuffs his sandwich into his mouth.

“So then I went down on him, and-”

Jon promptly starts to choke, and Spencer leaps to his feet and hurries over to pat Jon’s back delicately, as if it’s going to make any difference.

“Oh, Jon, how many times have I told you not to eat so fast?” Pete gushes, limp-wristing in Jon’s direction.

With a glare at Pete, Jon coughs once more and then spits something out into the sink.

“Anyway,” Pete continues as Spencer rubs Jon’s back soothingly, “as I was saying, we’re sitting there and Joe is like, ‘what the fuck, Pete, we said no band orgies for a week’. We were trying to hold off. You know, so we got all excited and pumped for it? Why am I babbling about this, you guys must do it all the time.”

Ryan shifts uncomfortably in his seat and he’s pretty sure that he’s definitely not the only one avoiding the gaze of every other band member. Then suddenly Pete is laughing uproariously, Spencer is giggling kind of nervously and Ryan’s pretty sure he just missed the punch line because wow, he was too busy thinking about band orgies.

Not that they’ve ever had one. But he’s not going to deny that it’d be hot.

“And then there was this one time, oh man, this one time William came to hang out with us on tour and we made him prove he didn’t have a vagina by fucking every single one of us, it was a good time. I’m sure Ryan knows all about that, you’ve slept with him, haven’t you Ryan?”

Brendon glares at Ryan accusingly.

“What? No!” Ryan cries, shooting Pete an irritated look.

“Really?” Pete shrugs. “Well, I just kind of assumed. I mean, I thought at the very least you two had, if you hadn’t involved him in your own little band orgies. I want to know when I’m invited, by the way, so-”

“We don’t have any ‘little band orgies’,” Jon cuts him off, obviously annoyed. “We’re straight. Well, Spencer and I are, anyway.”

Spencer rolls his eyes and examines his nails. “I’ll say it again, we hired an idiot.”

“Oh. Oh.” Pete shakes his head. “Um. Whatever you say, Jon. But seriously. You guys don’t sleep together?”

“Not except for Brendon and Ryan,” Jon says.

“Because we love each other,” Brendon adds emphatically, narrowing his eyes at Pete as if he’s going to jump on Ryan at any moment.

“Oh. Wow.” Suddenly the room is quiet as Pete looks around at every one of them, and for some reason as Ryan looks around the room he starts undressing them all with his eyes.

Well, except Pete.

Not like he’d need to be imaginative for that, anyway.

“You guys should like, try it,” Pete says after a moment’s silence. “It’s awesome. You’d never want to go back. And I mean. Oh man, if Jon really has a virgin ass? That’d be like. Awesome.”

More dead silence. Jon’s mouth is set slightly open in an expression of complete and utter horror, Spencer’s cheeks are flushed bright red (and he’s stopped touching Jon altogether, too, Ryan notices), and Brendon is still glaring at Pete and clinging tightly to Ryan’s waist.

“You have to admit it’d be hot,” Pete says slowly, as if he’s testing to see how far he can go. “I could, um. Coach you all, if you wanted.”

It’s about this point that Jon finds his voice. “Fuck this. Fuck you,” he says, pointing an index finger angrily at Pete. “Spencer and I are not gay.”

Then he storms out of the room, presumably to go and mope in his bunk, and Spencer sighs.

“Idiot.”

That night when he’s in bed with Brendon, Ryan imagines Jon in behind him and Spencer fucking Brendon’s mouth, and he comes harder and more suddenly than he has in a very long time.

-

Things are quiet for the next few days. Tense and awkward. It’s okay, Ryan tries to convince himself over and over, Pete’s just thrown off our rhythm a little bit. It’ll get better once he leaves.

Only Pete leaves, and things are still weird. Jon refuses to look anyone in the eye. Spencer is far less touchy-feely with, well, everyone, and Brendon is clingier than ever. (When Ryan asked about this and insisted that Brendon stop following him the fuck around for five seconds, Brendon had pouted and said “but you’re the only one who talks to me now” and that’d been far too pathetic for Ryan to be annoyed anymore.)

The truth is that the others are hardly talking to anyone at all, except the stuff that’s actually necessary like “your guitar sounds a little out of tune”, “can I get past here?” and “if you don’t get off the fucking phone I’m gonna kill you, it’s three in the fucking morning”. And it worries Ryan because he doesn’t know why.

Or rather, he knows why, and he kind of wishes he didn’t.

Then he starts to notice little things. Little things like the way Jon peers over his magazine at Brendon’s ass when Brendon bends over to pick up the Playstation controller. And the way he quickly lifts his magazine again when he notices Ryan eyeing him. And then there’s the time Ryan and Brendon are fooling around in Ryan’s bunk, and when they’re done Ryan can hear Spencer breathing heavy above them, the hitch in his breath, the long sigh. (That incident affects Ryan so much that he starts to grind against a half-asleep Brendon and demands to be jerked off. Brendon grumbles about it at first but can never really turn Ryan down.)

And then there’s the time that Jon and Brendon are both off doing their own thing and Ryan has to sit alone on the bus with Spencer (which never would have bothered him before now, and it’s strange). Spencer looks up from the TV suddenly and says very quickly, “Hey Ryan, do you ever think about whatPetesaid?”

Ryan pauses a moment, thinks that this is probably the first thing Spencer’s said to him all day and yet he kind of wishes they’d stayed quiet. “What do you mean, what Pete said?” he asks cautiously.

Spencer stares at Ryan a moment longer, then shakes his head. “You know what? Never mind. I mean, the whole idea is just ridiculous, isn’t it? Jon’s straight and you and Brendon are practically married and the whole idea is stupid. Fuck Pete, man. Fuck him.”

“God, please don’t fuck Pete, who knows what you’ll catch,” Brendon says nastily as he bursts into the room at what is obviously the wrong moment, and he settles himself in Ryan’s lap. “Now what’d you say before that? Who’s getting married?”

“No one. Never mind, Brendon, it wasn’t important anyway,” Spencer snaps, folding his arms across his chest as he turns back to the TV.

“Is it Angelina and Brad?” Brendon asks Ryan. “Wait, did they get married already? I can’t keep up. Katie and Tom did, right?”

Smirking, Ryan stares at Brendon for a moment and shakes his head. “You are a very, very gay man.”

“Well, at least Ryan’s gaydar is better than Jon’s,” Spencer mutters.

-

That night Brendon and Ryan are lying curled together, Brendon’s fingers playing idly with Ryan’s hair, when they both whisper at the same time.

“I think we should-”

“I’m so sick of-”

Pause. Laughter. Brendon clears his throat and tries again. “So I think we need to um. Sort this little band drama out, once and for all.”

“Right, me too,” Ryan says with a little, relieved laugh. “Definitely. I’m so, so sick of everyone being all stand-offish. So… how, exactly, do you suppose we’re going to get everyone to relax again?”

“I think…” Brendon trails off for a second. “I think we need to have sex.”

Ryan blinks. “Brendon, we just did, and I don’t see how doing it again is going to-”

“No, I mean, I think we should all have sex,” Brendon clarifies. “As in, you, me, Spencer and Jon. Because he was totally checking out my ass yesterday. Anyway. I think we kind of need to get it… over and done with, you know? And then all this tension can be over with and we can all go back to normal again.”

“Or we could screw up everything.”

“Like it isn’t screwed up enough now?”

Ryan sighs, then nods. “Yeah, okay, point taken. But still. How the hell are we supposed to convince them that it’s a good idea to have group sex with us? Especially when the recommendation comes via Pete. I mean, last time he told us we’d love something he took us to that Hawthorne Heights concert.”

Brendon cringes. “Okay, yeah. Well, Spencer won’t be hard, right? I mean, he’s pretty much the gayest guy alive and I’m ninety-nine percent sure he hasn’t gotten any in like, two months.”

“Plus he jerks off when we have sex.”

“Yeah, there’s that, too.”

“So, how to seduce Jon,” Ryan ponders aloud. “You know, I think this is going to have to involve some very crafty ass work from you, Brendon.”

A smug smirk instantly develops on Brendon’s lips. “No one can resist the applebottom.”

Ryan rolls his eyes. “I wish you’d stop calling it that.”

-

“You should do it,” Brendon whispers, planting his hands on his hips. He and Ryan are standing in the doorway to the back lounge, with Spencer sitting on the couch inside. “You’ve been his best friend since forever, how can he say no to you?”

“Exactly. We’ve been best friends since forever, he’ll freak out and think it’s weird if I try and seduce him,” Ryan argues, voice hushed but obviously annoyed. “Besides, you said yourself that no one can resist your ass.”

“Look, by ‘no one can’, I meant ‘Jon can’t’. Stop nitpicking.”

Ryan sighs, thinking for a moment. “Well, do you think he’s a top or a bottom? Or a switch, maybe?”

“Bottom.”

Ryan scoffs. “You’re just saying that so I’ll do it.”

“No, I’m saying that because there was that time he told us he got fucked by the guy from that video store.”

“Brendon, that guy gave him a fine, not a dick up his ass.”

“Nitpicking!”

“What are you guys fighting about?” Spencer asks from his position on the couch, still staring at the TV as he speaks. “You know whispering is rude, right? I think it’s probably even more rude when all I can hear is the occasional ‘fuck’, ‘dick’ and ‘ass’.”

Ryan sighs and reaches up to flick Brendon in the forehead before walking into the room, making a beeline for Spencer and flopping down in his lap.

“Hi, Ryan.” Spencer blinks at him.

Shoving Spencer’s shirt up a little bit, Ryan flashes a weak smile. “Hi.”

Just as Ryan gets Spencer’s shirt up to his armpits, Ryan feels Brendon behind him, kneeling down to rub at Ryan’s hips.

“Um. What exactly are you guys doing?” Spencer asks, and Ryan gets a little annoyed when Spencer doesn’t lift his arms up and let him pull his shirt off.

“We’re initiating sex with you, what does it look like?” Ryan replies calmly, wriggling around a little bit in Spencer’s lap.

“Oh. Oh, well in that case.” Spencer reaches down to pull his shirt off himself, then leans in to kiss Ryan, only to find himself being pushed back by a hand that’s suddenly on his jaw.

“No kissing him,” Brendon damn near growls. “You can touch him anywhere and do anything but you don’t kiss him.”

Spencer looks to Ryan for confirmation, and Ryan just nods. “There have gotta be rules, Spence. Brendon’s a jealous fucker so you can’t kiss me. Also, he doesn’t top. Ever. But even if you don’t feel like fucking his ass it’s fun to make him beg.”

A surprised look on his face, Spencer’s gaze shifts from Ryan’s face to Brendon’s. “Wow, I always kinda assumed that Brendon was the one doing the fucking. At least most of the time.”

Ryan lifts his arms so Brendon can slide his t-shirt over his head. “I may look like a girl sometimes, but I’m not a needy, clingy, possessive little slut like Brendon.”

Spencer expects Brendon to be at least mildly offended by this statement, but apparently he’s too preoccupied undoing Ryan’s pants to even notice.

“So, you’re in?” Ryan asks as Brendon slides a hand into his boxers.

“Yeah,” Spencer says, without hesitation. “Yeah, I’m fucking in.”

-

Ryan is on the couch, jerking himself off as he watches his boyfriend, his Brendon on his knees sucking Spencer off. It’s so fucking hot and Ryan is so fucking intent on watching this right here in front of him (he likes it when Spencer bucks and Brendon whines like he needs it, especially) that he doesn’t hear Spencer the first time he speaks.

“Ryan?”

“Wha…?” Ryan looks up at Spencer, whose normally bright blue eyes are dark with lust.

“Can I…” Ryan sees Brendon swallow and Spencer hisses, trailing off for a moment before starting a again. “Can I… fuck him?”

It takes one glance at Brendon’s face to tell exactly how much he wants it, so Ryan’s lips curve into a smirk and he nods. “Sure you can. Brendon, c’mere.” He beckons him over. “You can suck me off while Spencer fucks you, yeah? I know how good you are at multitasking.”

Brendon rolls his eyes, but shuffles over to Ryan on his knees anyway, wiggling his ass in Spencer’s direction. It’s so deliberate that Ryan can’t help but laugh. Seems to have worked, though, because Spencer can’t stop eyeing Brendon’s ass, even as he kneels down behind him and grins at Ryan.

Ryan grins back.

“Come on, baby,” Ryan says, cupping Brendon’s chin and pulling his head forward. Apparently Brendon gets the idea, because he wraps his lips delicately around the head of Ryan’s cock and starts to suck slowly as Spencer runs his hands down Brendon’s back.

“There’s lube in Brendon’s pants,” Ryan says as his eyes slip shut for a few moments, answering Spencer’s question before he can even open his mouth. Brendon just swirls his tongue around and takes Ryan in further, making his breath hitch a bit. “There… fuck. There always is. He doesn’t need much prep, either. Likes a little pain.” By the time he finishes speaking his voice is lower, huskier, and Brendon’s building up a rhythm, sucking hard, going down fast and pulling up slow.

“He’s good at that, isn’t he?” Spencer breathes, apparently transfixed watching Brendon’s head bob in Ryan’s lap.

Ryan tilts his head back against the couch. “Yeah. Yeah he fucking is.”

Brendon makes a muffled sound in the back of his throat, and Ryan knows that it means something along the lines of ‘damn right’.

Eventually Spencer pulls back, groping around blindly for Brendon’s pants for a moment before reluctantly turning his gaze to look around the room. He manages to grab onto them and pull a little bottle out of one of the pockets before moving back into place behind Brendon.

“So…” Spencer leans down so his mouth is pressed against Brendon’s shoulder, and Ryan can see him fumbling with the lube in his hands but not much else from this angle. “Does he like it hard? Rough?” Spencer bites down on Brendon’s shoulderblade and Ryan moans himself. He knows that question isn’t really directed at him, though, so he doesn’t respond. “He does, doesn’t he? Begs for you to fuck him so hard it hurts, I’m sure.”

Brendon physically shivers and presses himself back into Spencer and that, right there, is all the answer he could need. With a grin, Spencer pulls back, a little smirk on his face as he slips a hand in between himself and Brendon’s ass. And Ryan watches, practically feels it as Spencer pushes a finger inside Brendon, making him moan and hum around Ryan’s cock.

“Fuck,” Ryan whispers, and he thinks that’s pretty much what’s on Brendon’s mind right now, too.

Spencer doesn’t waste any time in pushing in another finger, and Ryan for a second is surprised at how gentle he’s being. Then Spencer twists his wrist around fast enough to make Brendon buck back against him, and Ryan thinks, That’s more like it, and then seconds later, That’s so fucking hot.

After a moment, Brendon pulls back and off of Ryan, and Ryan can’t take his eyes off of the swollen, red, wet lips, even when Brendon sucks one into his mouth and bites down. “Fuck, Spencer,” he eventually gets out. “Fuck me already. Please. Fucking need it.”

Ryan lifts his gaze to meet with Spencer’s and smirks, a gesture that Spencer returns. “Told you he’d beg.”

“I believed you,” Spencer replies, pulling his fingers out and lining himself up. “What a little slut.” As if to prove Spencer’s point, Brendon tries to push back against him and force his cock inside. Spencer laughs and shifts back a little. “Get back to sucking Ryan’s cock, and maybe I’ll fuck you.”

Ryan threads his fingers into Brendon’s hair, guiding him, and apparently he doesn’t need to be told twice because he takes Ryan’s cock in his mouth, deep right from the start, and sucks hard enough to force a strangled kind of moan from the back of Ryan’s throat. “Fuck, Brendon,” Ryan breathes as Spencer lines himself up again.

Then Spencer grips onto Brendon’s hips and pushes and Brendon’s eyes shoot open as he surges forward, looking straight up at Ryan, and that is the fucking hottest thing Ryan has seen in his entire fucking life. Not to mention the way Brendon whimpers around him, pushes back into Spencer and then forward onto Ryan’s cock, trying to start a rhythm of his own and Ryan thinks he’s always been like this; always needed it now, now, now and it’s never been as sexy as it is this moment with Brendon stuck between them.

Spencer’s hands steady Brendon’s hips, stopping him from moving, and the whine of protest from the back of Brendon’s throat shoots straight down Ryan’s cock and makes him buck up a little, unable to stop himself. Brendon doesn’t seem to mind, though, just takes it. He takes it all like it’s nothing, eyes still trained on Ryan’s face, even as Spencer pulls out of him slowly and thrusts back in.

“Fuck,” Spencer whispers out as his hips start up a slow rhythm, rolling into Brendon and all the way out again. Ryan can see it all out of the corner of his eye and he’s torn between looking at that and keeping his eyes locked on the pair staring back up from his lap. “Fuck, he’s so fucking tight. And he just takes it. Doesn’t even complain. Shit.”

One of Spencer’s arms wraps around Brendon’s waist so he can push himself in deeper, and Brendon lets out a little cry that’s muffled by his mouthful of cock. Ryan smirks.

“He likes that,” he murmurs, voice low and throaty. His hand fists tighter in Brendon’s hair and he pulls a little, just enough to make it hurt. “He wants it harder, don’t you, baby?”

Brendon kind of nods and makes a little noise, and Spencer obviously takes that as a resounding yes because he pulls out again, really slow this time, and then thrusts in so hard that Brendon lurches forward into Ryan’s stomach. The next thrust is just as deep and hard, and Brendon’s eyes finally slide shut as he moans loudly and God, Ryan has to resist the urge to come right there.

When Ryan lifts his gaze, Spencer’s eyes are burning into his instead and Ryan swallows, watching fingernails dig into hips as Spencer speeds up. His head is full of the sounds of skin on skin and heavy breathing and not much else.

After a few seconds, Brendon pulls off of Ryan’s cock with a whine. “Fuck, Spencer, jerk me off, please,” he begs, and Spencer grins as he reaches around lower.

Ryan pushes Brendon’s head back down right away, because he is so fucking close and he feels like if Brendon stops now he might cry or something. He thinks Brendon might be feeling the same way about Spencer right now, given the way he’s moaning with a hand on him. And Ryan can only see Spencer’s arm moving from this angle and not much else, but he can see it in his head, Spencer’s hand stroking and squeezing and his cock pounding into him. That’s all it takes.

“Fuck, Brendon, coming,” Ryan mutters, all high-pitched and he sounds like a douche but he doesn’t care because Brendon is pulling off of him slightly, swirling his tongue around and then Ryan’s gone. All the thoughts disappear from his head and he just feels Brendon on him and the sensations filling his entire body as he releases down Brendon’s throat. The hand gripping his hair tightens briefly, then loosens altogether and all Ryan’s aware of is the noises.

“F-fuck,” is the first thing Ryan hears when he starts to come around, and then he’s vaguely aware that it’s Brendon’s voice and the words are being spoken into his thigh. He feels like his whole body is numb but somehow he can still feel Brendon’s hot breath on him, and when he looks up at Spencer he can practically feel Spencer’s breath on his shoulderblade.

Then Brendon’s coming, too, and Ryan can’t see it but he can tell by the way he trembles, the little grunts and moans and how Brendon’s teeth sink into Ryan’s skin to muffle them. When Ryan looks up and sees the slack-jawed expression on Spencer’s face, he briefly remembers what it felt like the first time he saw Brendon come undone like that and the way he felt underneath him.

“Oh my God, Ryan, he’s-” Spencer apparently can’t finish that sentence and he doesn’t really need to because Ryan knows. Pulling back, Spencer grips onto Brendon’s hips again, thrusts in quick and hard a few more times and then his head tips back, and Ryan is in awe, just total awe as he watches his best friend of so many years orgasm for the first time.

What seems like several minutes of deep breathing later, Brendon crawls up onto the couch with Ryan and curls up into his side, and Spencer stays kneeled on the floor for a moment until Ryan beckons him up, too. “You can take the other side,” he murmurs with a little smile, and Spencer flops onto the couch obediently.

“That’s what he said,” Brendon pipes up, nuzzling into Ryan’s chest, and Ryan can’t help but laugh. Then he reaches back, grabbing at a blanket draped across the back of the couch and pulling it over the three of them.

“So,” he says after a moment. “Can we stop being all weird around each other now, please?”

He looks over at Spencer and knows Brendon is looking too.

“What?” Spencer looks completely dumbfounded for a second, then realization dawns. “Oh. You mean the major sexual tension that’s been hanging around since Pete’s visit. Yeah, I think I can probably let that go now, after fucking Brendon’s ass.” He considers a moment. “But what about Jon?”

“That’s an excellent question,” Brendon says, apparently deciding to stretch out across both of their laps, and Ryan rearranges the blankets to keep them all covered. “We were kind of taking it one step at a time, you know? Get Spencer first. Then Jon. And hey, we could really use your input, because we have no ideas left after your seduction.”

“Oh, because that was a work of genius.”

“Shut up.”

“Well,” Spencer muses, “he does like your ass a lot.”

Brendon smirks. “I know. No one can resi-”

Ryan covers Brendon’s mouth. “What he means is, we thought of that already but we’re not sure we can get a ‘straight’ man to sleep with us because of Brendon’s ass alone.”

Brendon pushes Ryan’s hand away angrily. “Hey! We so can!”

Then all three of them fall silent when they hear the sound of the bus door hissing open, but none of them make a move to get out of their incriminating positions. In fact, Spencer starts to play with Brendon’s hair idly and doesn’t even look up when Jon walks into the room.

“Oh my God, guys, you wouldn’t even believe what I just-”

Then there’s a long silence as Ryan watches Jon look from Spencer, slowly to Ryan, then to Brendon, who has his eyes closed and his lips slightly parted.

“Well? Aren’t you going to finish your story?” Spencer asks with a raised eyebrow, and Jon sputters.

“W-what? Spencer!” He points a finger accusingly. “I thought you were straight!”

Spencer looks at Ryan. “More stupid than Brent, you think?”

Ryan nods gravely. “Quite possibly.”

“Well, I wouldn’t go that far,” Brendon chimes in. “Brent didn’t realize Ryan and I were fucking for almost a year.”

“Still. Idiot,” Spencer says with a shrug of his shoulders.

“I’m still here, you know,” Jon mutters angrily. “God, I can’t believe I’m the only straight one in this fucking band.”

Spencer gives Jon a sympathetic look. “Oh, honey. It’s so cute that you still believe that.”

“I am straight!”

“Jon.” Ryan sounds so serious that Jon actually looks at him and listens closer. He takes a deep breath. “Look. We can take care of that boner for you, if you like.”

Jon immediately looks down at himself, gasps, and covers his crotch with both hands. “Fuck you!” he cries, then dashes out of the room, albeit a little awkwardly.

“You can if you want!” Brendon calls out helpfully after him, then rolls off of the couch cackling at his own joke, tugging the blanket onto the floor with him.

-

“I can do it alone,” Brendon says stubbornly, peering around the doorway to the back lounge and hiding again when Jon looks up from the couch and raises an eyebrow at him. “Look. We’ve got to fix this band and that means I have to use the amazing powers of my ass to get Jon into bed with us so everything can go back to normal.”

“That is the most fucked up logic I’ve ever heard,” Spencer mutters, leaning against one of the bunks.

Ryan walks up behind Brendon, wraps arms around his waist and pulls him in so they’re standing chest to back. “You’re not going to push him, got it?” he murmurs, and Brendon nods. “I mean it, babe. He says no twice, you leave him alone.”

“Rape counselors the world over would be horrified to hear you say that, you know,” Spencer says, tone bored. “No means no the first time, and all that.”

Brendon scoffs. “No never means no the first time. The first time it means, ‘you need to work that ass a little harder’. The second time it means, ‘no, for real, I’m straight’. And you know. This is Jon. There’s not gonna be a second time because he isn’t.”

Ryan laughs and shakes his head. “You know, actually, I think today we’re gonna say the second time means, ‘try again another day’.”

“There won’t be a second time.”

Spencer sighs. “Whatever you say, Brendon.”

With a roll of his eyes, Ryan slides his hands down to grab onto the bottom of Brendon’s shirt, then pulls it up over Brendon’s head and swats at his ass. “Off you go, boy. And don’t sweat it if you don’t succeed.”

Brendon just shoots Ryan a glare and pulls away.

“Hi, Jon,” he says brightly as he strolls into the room, swaying his hips so obviously that Ryan almost snorts with laughter, but given that he and Spencer are peering around the doorframe right now a la Backstabber he thinks it might not be the best idea to burst into a fit of giggles. Not laughing is kind of hard when he sees the way Jon instantly tenses up upon Brendon’s entry. Like he’s going to turn around and knife him or something. “Have you seen my glasses? I’ve been thinking I should try and look all intellectual for these interviews we’ve got this afternoon. You think glasses will make people take me more seriously? Because I asked Ryan and he totally told me that he thought they would.” (In actuality, Ryan said nothing of the sort but he enjoys Brendon’s little ramble anyway; it’s kind of endearing, really. Cute. He silently hopes that Jon sees things that way, too, instead of just thinking Brendon’s annoying. Oh, who is he kidding, everyone thinks Brendon’s annoying.)

Jon looks up from the TV and shakes his head. “No, sorry Brendon. Haven’t seen them.” He doesn’t answer Brendon’s other question and Ryan thinks, Yup. Annoying.

“Hmm. Well, that sucks,” Brendon says with a frown, and Ryan hopes he never decides to star in any movies or anything because that might destroy his credibility altogether. “I could’ve sworn I left them in here somewhere.”

Dropping to his knees, Brendon starts to ‘search’ under the couch, and from what Ryan can gather this means that he’s sticking his head practically underneath with his ass in the air. It looks ridiculous, and Ryan sees Spencer clamp a hand over his mouth out of the corner of his eye.

“Oh God,” Spencer whispers, “I am so glad you didn’t send him to seduce me.”

Ryan is glad for that too, actually, but says nothing.

“Not here,” Brendon chirps, seemingly unaware of the fact that Jon is now ignoring him and focusing on the TV. Well, almost ignoring him. Brendon is a hard person to ignore. And Brendon’s ass in those jeans, Ryan notes as a familiar urge tugs at his stomach, is especially hard to ignore.

Standing up again, Brendon looks around, then walks over to the TV, bending over to peer behind it. And that does it, because Jon is totally fixated on Brendon’s ass all of a sudden, and Ryan’s pretty sure that both he and Spencer are, too. Fuck.

“Not here either. Hmph.” Brendon stands up straight, hands on his hips, then stretches out. Arches his back and lifts up his arms and Ryan can see the muscles flexing under the skin and oh God.

“Maybe you could have sent him after all,” Spencer breathes, hot in Ryan’s ear, and he just nods because he definitely understands where Spencer’s coming from right now.

“Maybe they’re stuffed in the back of the couch,” Brendon mutters, walking over to start checking under cushions. And Jon’s eyes, they don’t leave Brendon at all. He’s not even trying to hide the fact that he’s checking him out now, and Ryan thinks maybe, just maybe Brendon might actually be able to pull this off.

With a sigh, Brendon leans across Jon’s lap, pretending to check under the cushions on the other side of Jon except that even if he were doing that under normal circumstances, his ass wouldn’t be sticking up slightly and just fucking begging for a spanking in that position. Fuck, Ryan thinks, How can Jon even resist?

Ryan realizes with a bit of a start that Spencer is getting just as turned on as he is, because an arm wraps around his waist and yeah, there’s definitely something pressing into his ass.

“We’re still gonna fuck if he doesn’t get Jon, right?” Spencer whispers against Ryan’s ear, and then a hand slides down to grope at Ryan through his jeans.

“Fuck yes, we are,” Ryan hisses back, pressing himself into Spencer’s hand as he watches Brendon move back to kneel again, but not before grazing his hands over Jon’s lap.

“Shit, I guess they really aren’t here,” Brendon says with a little smile, and Jon turns to look at him, apparently speechless. Then, without warning, Brendon leans in and kisses Jon, soft and slow, and Ryan feels a pang of annoyance because he isn’t ‘allowed’ to kiss other people but Brendon is. Any and all irritation kind of disappears, though, when Spencer’s hand presses down on him more insistently and Jon’s hand moves up to cup Brendon’s face and fuck. He’s kissing Brendon back and it’s hot.

Brendon doesn’t waste any time (never was one to waste any time, needy little slut), just crawls into Jon’s lap, straddling him this time and kissing him harder, deeper, and Jon responds by moaning in his throat.

Then, suddenly, Jon moves a hand to Brendon’s shoulder and pushes him back, nearly shoving him back onto the floor. Ryan’s heart sinks.

“What are you doing?” Jon breathes, eyes wild and… yeah, definitely scared.

“Well, I was kind of planning on you fucking me,” Brendon says as he regains his balance and composure, planting both hands on either side of Jon’s head.

“What?” Jon’s voice is shrill and Ryan’s starting to worry that this isn’t working after all, that they’re just making matters worse, but then Spencer’s undoing his pants and he’s tilting his head back on Spencer’s shoulder and he tries not to think too much. “But Ryan-”

“Ryan wants to watch. Maybe he’ll fuck Spencer at the same time, I don’t know.”

“Brendon, I’m.” Jon swallows. “No. I’m straight.”

One, Ryan counts silently, hoping he can keep his brain with him for long enough to hear the second one if he needs to.

“Jon is an idiot,” Spencer whispers, as if that hadn’t been established already.

“Come on, Jon,” Brendon says with a smug little smile, one hand trailing down Jon’s chest and stomach slowly. “I saw you looking at me. You fucking kissed me. I know,” he wriggles in Jon’s lap, “you wanna fuck my ass. You can fuck me as hard as you like, Jon; I’ll take it. Or maybe you want me to suck your cock. I’m good at that. Just ask Ryan. Or Spencer.”

Jon just stares for a moment, and this time when he pushes Brendon away it’s more forceful. “Brendon, get the fuck off me, God dammit.”

Two, Ryan thinks, pulling reluctantly away from Spencer’s touch and reaching into his pocket to pull out Brendon’s glasses. “Brendon?” he calls out softly, stepping into the doorway, and he clears his throat because apparently his voice is a little husky right now. “I, um. Found your glasses.”

That’s the signal, of course, and Brendon sighs and crawls out of Jon’s lap. “You don’t know what you’re missing out on.”

“You really don’t,” Ryan agrees, giving Jon a pointed look.

“I can vouch for that,” Spencer adds loudly from behind Ryan.

Ryan grabs onto Brendon’s waist, pulls him close and kisses him, presses his obvious erection into Brendon’s leg because he’s not going to bother hiding it in front of Jon now. “You are so fucking hot,” he growls into Brendon’s ear, and Brendon looks at Jon as if to say, You hear that?

“So we’re gonna go fuck Brendon in the front right about now,” Spencer pipes up, grabbing the belt loops on the back of Ryan’s jeans. “So if you want to join us any time, you’d be more than welcome. Otherwise, the bathroom’s that way.” He inclines his head in the direction of the bathroom, already tugging Ryan backwards, who drags Brendon along with them.

Ryan grins, turning to follow. “You can go first,” he tells Spencer as Brendon’s hand slips into his. “But I get to come in his ass.”

-

Jon is, if anything, even more highly strung in the days following Brendon’s seduction attempt, which Ryan didn’t even think was possible. He’s avoiding them like the plague, especially when Brendon chooses to hang around in nothing but his boxers (which is suddenly all the time, actually, and even though Brendon insists that he is not still trying to get Jon to notice, Ryan knows he totally is).

More than anything, Brendon confides in Ryan late one night, he just wants to fix this whole mess. Well, more than anything except Ryan’s mouth on his dick anyway. And he’s convinced, of course, that everything would be fine if Jon would just give in and fuck his ass already. Ryan agrees, because hey, it worked for Spencer, but something tells him that seducing Jon Walker is going to take a little more than what they’ve been trying.

“You know he jerks off over us fucking when we’re not looking, just like Spencer did. I mean, you can’t hear him from here but I’m sure he does it. Ass. If he’s going to jerk off over us he could at least let us make it worth his while,” Brendon rambles, and Ryan tries to remember that it’s endearing and not annoying. “I mean, how selfish is that, really? We’re pleasing him but he refuses to put his dick in my ass. Or my mouth. Or either of your mouths. I don’t get it.” (Ryan notes that Brendon doesn’t suggest Jon fucks his or Spencer’s ass, and knows it’s because Brendon can’t comprehend the idea of anyone wanting anything other than his ‘applebottom’.)

“That’s it,” Ryan says slowly, and then a little grin spreads across his face. “Ohh, that’s totally it. I don’t know how we didn’t think of it before! You’re a genius, Brendon!”

“I am?” Brendon blinks. “I mean, I know I totally am. But why? Are we gonna guilt trip him into having sex with us?”

Ryan grins, nuzzling his face into Brendon’s neck and kissing a couple of times. “Well, we’re going to have to kinda stake out the bus…”

-

The bus is on the road again and Spencer, Brendon and Ryan are all piled one on top of the other in Brendon’s bunk, having a group meeting of sorts in hushed voices. Jon is in the bunk directly above them and Ryan’s sure he can probably hear them whispering, but hopefully he can’t figure out what they’re talking about.

“Right, so we’re agreed. Spencer will hide out in the bathroom, we’ll lure him out into the front lounge and go from there,” Ryan whispers. Spencer nods and starts to climb out of the bunk as Ryan continues. “Alright, clothes off, everyone. Brendon, get your vibrator.”

“I must say,” Spencer says as he starts to undress, not bothering to whisper anymore, “your planning skills have vastly improved.”

“Well, we do actually have a plan this time, I guess,” Brendon says as he reaches for the little compartment in his bunk. “That’s an improvement.”

Ryan rolls out of the bunk and stretches out before pulling his shirt over his head. “Shut up before you ruin it,” he says, gesturing towards the pulled back curtain of Jon’s bunk. “Brendon, hurry the fuck up.”

Obediently, Brendon climbs out of the bunk and gives his ass a little shake. “Ready!”

-

“Ohhhh, Jonny booooooooooy,” Ryan calls out from his position in the front lounge, where he’s got Brendon bent over the couch, one hand clamped over his mouth to shut him up while the other carefully twists the vibrator. Brendon moans against his hand and Ryan shushes him. “There’s something you should totally see here!”

“I don’t want to see you fucking Brendon!” Jon calls back.

“Yes you do,” Ryan replies with a smirk. “But I’m not fucking Brendon anyway. Come look!”

Technically he’s not lying, he decides, especially considering he’s mostly just holding the vibrator inside of Brendon and not moving it.

“…And there’s no blowjobbery going on?” Jon asks after a moment.

“No blowjobbery and no handjobbery, either. In fact,” he pushes Brendon’s legs together so the vibrator stays in on its own, then steps away, “I’m not even touching Brendon at all. Seriously, you want to see this. Come look.”

“Alright, alright, I’m coming.”

Brendon snickers. “Not yet he isn’t.”

Ryan grins despite himself and smacks Brendon’s ass, which is about the point in time that Jon walks into the lounge.

For a second, there’s silence that’s so absolute that Ryan starts to worry, starts to feel uncomfortable, but then he realizes that it’s not silent at all because there’s that insistent buzzing, and then Brendon whimpers and Ryan laughs again.

Jon just stares. And gapes.

“You like what you see, Jon?” Ryan asks, taking a couple of steps in Jon’s direction and placing a gentle hand on his shoulder like he isn’t completely naked and this is totally normal. “That could be you, y’know. He wouldn’t even need any prep, fuck. You could just take that vibrator out and shove your dick in and he’d love it.” The hand slides down Jon’s arm. “It does turn you on, doesn’t it?”

Jon gapes a little more, and then his mouth starts to open and close, open and close before he squeezes his eyes shut and turns away from both Ryan’s touch and the sight in front of him. “You fucking… you told me there wouldn’t be any of this shit!” he exclaims, and Ryan almost feels guilty. Almost.

“I think if you think about it you’ll find that I didn’t say anything of the sort,” Ryan replies smoothly, and when Jon starts to march toward his bunk Ryan follows. “Look, Jon, you can’t hide in there. There’s the little problem of the fact that we can get in. Or maybe you want us to get in, is that the deal?”

“No! Shut up, Ryan!” Jon exclaims, bypassing the bunk area and heading for the back lounge. Ryan smirks and leans against the doorframe.

“You could have him, y’know. Over that table. On that couch you’re sitting down on right now.” Jon stands up again. “On the floor. Wherever you want. We’ve all seen the way you look at him. And fuck, Jon, that ass of his is so fucking tight and perfect. Ungh.” He pauses and takes a deep breath for dramatic effect, sliding one hand down his own stomach to grip his cock and start to stroke slowly. “You could even fuck me, if you wanted. Or Spencer.”

The look on Jon’s face is one of absolute mortification and horror, but Ryan takes the slight tenting in his pants to mean something else. Jon follows Ryan’s gaze and looks down.

“I’ve… I’ve gotta piss,” Jon stutters out, whirling around to head towards the bathroom.

“Oh, Brendon,” Ryan calls out in a sing song voice, “take that thing out of your ass and come through here.”

That makes Jon head towards the bathroom faster, and he pulls open the door just as Ryan feels Brendon’s arm slide around his waist from behind and a chin on his shoulder.

There’s a moment of stunned silence as Spencer stops jerking off and looks in Jon’s direction. “Oh, hey, man. I was nearly done, you want to finish me off?”

Jon just turns around and glares at Ryan. “This is… this is rape, or fucking something!”

Brendon’s hand covers Ryan’s on his cock, jerking him off faster, and Ryan hisses in pleasure before replying. “We’re not going to touch you or make you do anything, Jon,” he mutters, breath a little laboured. “But this would be so much easier if you just gave in. Brendon totally wants you to fuck him, don’t you, babe?”

At that, Brendon grinds against Ryan’s ass a little. “God, yes.”

Jon’s gaze moves from each of his bandmates’ faces to the bulge in his own pants before he looks up at Ryan and shrugs, just a little bit. “Okay.”

Ryan stares, blinks. “What?”

“Okay. I’ll do it,” Jon says, then lets out a peel of laughter. “Oh my God, I totally just said I’d sleep with my bandmates.”

“Yes. Yes, you did,” Spencer agrees, walking up behind Jon and wrapping his arms around him from behind. He starts undoing Jon’s belt, looking Ryan in the eyes with a devious little smirk. “And that may just be the first thing you’ve said on this bus that doesn’t make you a total retard.”

“Hey-” Jon starts, but then Spencer’s hand is in his pants, rubbing him, and he shuts up and tilts his head back onto Spencer’s shoulder, moaning. “Where the fuck did you learn to do that? Shit.”

Then Ryan has to stop focusing on Jon and Spencer because Brendon is using his free hand to tilt Ryan’s head back for a kiss. It doesn’t matter that he can’t see Jon right now, though, because he can practically feel Jon’s eyes burning into them.

“It’s fucking hot, right?” Spencer murmurs, and Ryan can picture him with his lips pressed against the shell of Jon’s ear. “You should see how Brendon looks when he’s sucking cock. Fucking amazing with those dick lips of his.”

Ryan hears Jon moan and the sound of clothes hitting the floor, and when he pulls away from Brendon and opens his eyes Spencer’s fingers are wrapped around Jon’s cock and he’s left in nothing but a shirt, which Spencer is already working off with his free hand.

“Jesus,” Brendon whispers in Ryan’s ear.

Licking over his lips, Ryan nods, not tearing his eyes away from the sight for a second. Then he pulls his hand away from his cock, and Brendon’s as well, before murmuring, “On your knees on the couch, babe.” He figures that the least he can do is let Brendon and Jon use the couch, since it is Jon’s first gay time and all.

Brendon presses a kiss to Ryan’s neck, then pulls away from him and crawls onto the couch, checking behind him to make sure there’s plenty of room for Jon. Ryan smirks.

“So,” he says as Spencer finally gets Jon’s shirt over his head, “are you gonna fuck Brendon, or what?”

Jon looks over at Brendon, who’s kneeling on the couch and looking at back at him expectantly.

“This is fucked up. Totally fucked up,” Jon says. Then he pulls away from Spencer and grins as he pushes Brendon’s face down into the cushions of the couch with one hand. He holds Brendon’s hip with the other and settles in behind him. “But hell yes, I am.”

Ryan grins and beckons Spencer to him, takes hold of his cock and watches Brendon’s back arch, listens to that familiar moan as Jon presses into him.

-

His arms stretched out across Jon and Spencer’s shoulders, Ryan sits on the couch with Brendon lying across their laps, and he smiles.

“So why did we do this again?” Spencer asks with a yawn. “I mean, I’m not complaining. It’s just that I was sure there was a reason for us having sex in the first place. You know, a real reason that didn’t revolve around us being young and horny.”

“I don’t think it was ever a real reason,” Ryan says, bemused.

“It totally was,” Brendon argues. “We were having sex to save the band, remember? We had all kinds of problems. The sexual tension, Spencer being even bitchier than usual, the way Jon kept looking at my ass but wouldn’t talk to me-”

“Pete Wentz,” Jon cuts in.

“Please don’t bring up Pete after sex,” Ryan whines, shuddering.

“Just because he wants your ass,” Jon continues, “does not mean that I can’t decide for myself when and where I bring him up.”

Ryan gives Jon a death glare.

“He’ll kill you will his bare hands if you keep that up, you know,” Brendon interjects. “And then if you die you won’t be invited to any future gay orgies.”

Jon falls silent for a few moments. “Guys, I don’t think I’ll be doing this again,” he says eventually, speaking very slowly and clearly. “I’m still not, you know, gay.”

Brendon, Ryan and Spencer all look at one another and declare in unison that Jon is, in fact, an idiot.

-

“So, Ryan,” Pete starts. They’re all chilling out backstage after their show in Vegas, and Pete’s hand is resting on Ryan’s knee. Brendon is sitting on Ryan’s other side, busy glaring at said hand. “Have you guys had that orgy yet?”

Ryan looks up at Pete, smiles innocently and shrugs. “I told you. We don’t do the band orgy thing.”

Pete sighs. “Well, if you ever do…”

“I know, Pete, I know,” Ryan says with a roll of his eyes. “We must invite you. Blah blah blah.”

The whole group is quiet for a moment before Jon pipes up. “So, I think we have some official Panic business to do back on the bus, don’t we, guys? We’d better get back.”

“Yeah, we do,” Brendon chirps, clambering to his feet and pushing Pete’s hand away from Ryan’s knee before pulling his boyfriend to his feet. “Really important stuff. Can’t wait one minute longer!”

Spencer and Jon get up as well, and then Pete gradually climbs to his feet. “Okay, I’ll come with you,” he says.

Shaking his head, Spencer shoots Pete a look that could wipe out an entire army of scene kids. “No, really. It’s private business. Legal stuff. You understand.”

Pete frowns. “But if it’s legal stuff shouldn’t I-”

“Bye Pete!” Brendon says, pushing at Pete’s shoulder until he sits before tugging Ryan out of the room, Spencer and Jon following closely behind him.

The last thing Ryan hears before Brendon closes the door is the sound of Pete’s voice. “What the fuck? Hey. Hey! Wait! You are totally having orgies!”

“Run!” Brendon yells, and Ryan laughs as he’s dragged down the hall.
*****************************************************************************
The band was good, Jon had to give them that, but what he had in his arms was better. His front was pressed against Brendon’s back. The singer was jittery, hyper as always, his body bumping Jon’s each time he moved.

Brendon turned his head, his eyes meeting Jon’s as he pressed back, deliberately this time, his ass grinding perfectly into the hard bulge he could feel in Jon’s jeans. He smirked when Jon’s hands tightened on his hips. He tipped his head back onto Jon’s shoulder. “It’s hot in here,” he yelled over the music, his lips brushing Jon’s cheek.

Jon nodded, his beard scraping Brendon’s neck as he turned to nip at it. He felt Brendon’s moan more than he heard it, the sound making Brendon’s back vibrate against Jon’s chest. Jon pushed his hips against Brendon, hearing him singing along faintly.

Brendon’s breath hitched as Jon’s mouth moved on his neck. He felt Jon’s hands slipping up his sides, beneath his shirt, baring his skin to the stifling air in the club. Brendon brought an arm up, his hand gripping Jon’s hair.

Jon groaned, the sound muffled against Brendon’s neck. He toyed with Brendon’s nipples, feeling him shudder, a small sound slipping from his mouth.

Brendon grabbed one of Jon’s hands. He spread his hand out over Jon’s and slid them downward, their tangled fingers, and skirted them over his belt buckle. Brendon curled Jon’s palm over the bulge at the front of his jeans, pressing Jon’s hand there. He turned his head to meet Jon’s mouth as he moaned.

Jon swallowed the sounds that poured out of Brendon as he rubbed the singer’s cock through his jeans. He took advantage of Brendon’s parted lips and thrust his tongue in for a taste. The hand at Brendon’s cock kept him pushed back, his ass grinding into Jon’s hardness.

Brendon pulled back, his lips brushing Jon's as he moved his hand away from Jon's to undo his belt. Jon grinned when he felt the loose leather against arm, dragging his hand up over Brendon's cock only to shove down the front of Brendon's jeans. Brendon panted against Jon’s mouth. “Jon, Jon, I.” He bucked his hips up, his head falling back to Jon’s shoulder once more.

“I wanna fuck you,” Jon panted against Brendon’s ear, circling his hips against Brendon’s. He could tell by the moan he felt against his chest that Brendon had heard him loud and clear. Brendon nodded, “Please, Jon,” and tugged at Jon’s wrist, pulling his hand from his jeans.

Jon grabbed Brendon’s hand pulling him along, pushing past the crowd to get to a side exit. Jon pushed through the door, into the cooler air of some Vegas back alley. As the door slammed shut behind them, he shoved Brendon against the wall of the building.

Brendon cried out as his back hit the brick wall. His hands shot out, catching Jon’s biceps and pulling him in tightly.

Jon groaned, claiming Brendon’s mouth again, his tongue pushing past Brendon’s bruised lips. He ground his hips forcefully, swallowing Brendon’s moans, Brendon’s cock meeting Jon’s through their jeans.

Brendon tangled his fingers into Jon’s hair, his legs shifting apart as Jon’s thigh pressed up between them. “Oh god,” he panted, his hips bucking. He fisted his hands in the material of Jon’s plain white t-shit.

Jon worked his hand down the back of Brendon’s sinfully tight jeans. His fingers slipped on Brendon’s skin, sweat gathering on his fingertips as they rubbed down the crack of Brendon’s ass.

Wide brown eyes stared up at Jon. “Please, please,” Brendon whimpered, pressing himself closer to Jon’s body. “I want it.” He kissed at Jon’s neck, lapping at the sweat pooled there.

“What do you want?” Jon questioned, the tip of his fingers finding Brendon’s hole and pressing there, earning him a gasp against his throat.

“That. Please, Jon, want it,” Brendon babbled, his breath hot on Jon’s skin. He threw his head back as a thick, dry finger pressed inside, a hitching breath falling from his lips at the stretch and burn. Brendon’s body jerked in Jon’s arms.

“That it? You want my fingers in your ass?” Jon grunted, pressing his cock against Brendon’s. He moved his finger, curling and pressing just inside so he could feel Brendon clenching around him.

“Yes, Jon, yes,” Brendon gasped, nodding, his wet hair slapping against his forehead.

Jon pulled his finger out, and his hand from Brendon’s jeans and shoved two fingers past Brendon’s lips.

Brendon moaned, flicking his tongue against the rough pads of his fingers, sucking and scraping his teeth along Jon’s skin.

“You want me to fuck you?” Jon growled, his lips brushing Brendon’s cheek. He smiled when Brendon nodded, his eyes dark, breathing hard through his nose as he worked his mouth around Jon’s fingers. “You gonna take it here? Outside? Where anybody could walk up and see us?”

Brendon moaned again, his eyes falling shut, working his hips against Jon’s again. He wanted it, so badly, and didn’t care how he got it.

Jon pulled his fingers from Brendon’s mouth with a pop and then his hand was down the back of Brendon’s jeans again. Brendon yelped when Jon pushed his fingers in, but shoved his ass back, forcing them deeper.

“Is that what you want?” Jon asked again, panting against Brendon’s mouth. He worked his free hand down between them, popping the button on Brendon’s jeans and pulling the zipper down.

Brendon whined, his tongue flicking out to lick at Jon’s lips, as he felt Jon’s hand close around him. He jerked his hips up, pushing through Jon’s fist, back against his fingers.

“C’mon, Brendon, tell me.” Jon spread his fingers apart inside Brendon, tightening his grip around Brendon’s cock.

“Yes, god damn it, fuck me, please,” Brendon gasped, his hands gripping at Jon’s back, his nails digging in slightly. He gasped at the drag on his insides when Jon pulled his fingers out and then let go of his cock.

Jon grasped Brendon’s hips and spun him around quickly, Brendon’s hands bracing against the rough brick. “This how you want it?” Jon said low and gravelly against Brendon’s shoulder.

“Yes, yes.” Brendon squirmed as Jon kissed down his back through his t-shirt. Jon took hold of Brendon’s unbuttoned jeans by the belt loops and yanked, the material bunching about his knees. “Please,” Brendon said when Jon’s lips slid over the curve of his ass, stubble scraping gently.

Jon pulled at his fly, shoving his own pants down enough to free his cock, and pulled a packet of lube from his pocket. Brendon whined, looking over his shoulder to watch Jon slick his cock. “Come on,” he said, wiggling his hips just as Jon’s slick fingers pushed into him again, three this time. His breathing hitched and he pushed back. “Now. Just. Please. I want,” Brendon gasped. He sighed with relief when Jon pulled out, palming his ass, holding him open.

Jon took hold of his cock, pressing the head right up against Brendon, feeling him try and push back. “No just…” Jon pushed forward slowly, moving his hands to Brendon’s hips, holding him still. “Fuck. Bren, god.”

Brendon whined as Jon pushed slowly, forcing him open, stretching him wide. He dropped his head, breathing hard as he dealt with the burn, stretch, drag of Jon's cock on his insides.

Jon pulled back a little before he was completely in and pushed inside quickly and groaned when Brendon tightened around him. “Ah!” He held still, giving Brendon a chance to adjust.

Brendon trembled against him, feeling rough denim and the scrape of Jon’s belt buckle against the backs of his thighs. He moved his right hand from the wall, reaching back to touch Jon’s hip. “I’m. Yeah, it’s. Fuck me,” he moaned, pushing back a little.

Jon leaned over, setting his forehead against Brendon’s shoulder as he started to thrust earnestly. Brendon moaned, moving his hand from Jon’s hip to his own cock, curling his fingers around and fisting the slick length.

Jon thrust forward again, batting Brendon’s hands away. “I don’t want you to. Not yet.” His fingers gripped tightly at the base of Brendon’s cock, holding off his orgasm. He held Brendon’s left hand firmly against the wall with his own left hand.

Brendon gasped, pushing back against Jon’s thrusts, his breath hitching each time Jon pushed into him. “Please. I want. I.” He hissed when Jon shoved in hard, the palm of his hand pressing painfully into the wall. “Fucker! That hurts. Lemme come.” He got his sweaty hand around Jon’s wrist, tugging at it in vain.

Jon groaned, biting at Brendon’s neck. “No.” He gasped, thrusting deep once, twice more.

“No! Not yet,” Brendon babbled as Jon came with a low cry, thrusting through it, spilling himself deep into Brendon. Brendon set his head against his arm that was braced on the wall, his free hand grappling at Jon’s wrist. “Please, Jon.”

Jon reached his free hand down as he pulled out, pressing his fingers inside, keeping Brendon full. “Be still, Brendon,” he said, his voice low. When Brendon nodded silently, Jon sank to his knees. He slipped his fingers out, moving them to hold Brendon’s cheeks apart as he leaned forward, licking into him.

“Oh. Oh!” Brendon shuddered, his fingers stilling on Jon’s wrist. He had a split second to think about the fact that Jon was on his knees, eating his own come from Brendon’s ass, before the hand on his cock started to move.

Jon moaned, twisting his tongue deeper as Brendon clenched around it. Two more quick strokes to Brendon’s cock and he was done, coming with a shrill cry as he spilled over Jon’s fist, Jon’s tongue buried inside him. Jon pulled him through it, Brendon’s body trembling against Jon’s mouth and hands.

Jon puckered his lips against Brendon’s clenching entrance, sucking gently, letting his own come slide into his mouth. Brendon groaned and whimpered until Jon stood, spinning a dazed Brendon around and pressing his back to the wall once more. Brendon’s brown eyes were bright as he took in the sight of Jon’s lips glossed over with his own come. He leaned in, flicking his tongue out to taste and then Jon pulled him closer, opening his mouth against Brendon’s.

Brendon moaned as Jon pushed his come into Brendon’s mouth. The kiss grew messy as Brendon sucked at Jon’s tongue, eagerly swallowing it down. Brendon’s tongue chased after Jon’s, plundering his mouth to get it all. He pulled back and panting heavily as they pressed their foreheads together. “God…damn…Jon.”

Jon huffed out a laugh, his hot breath ghosting over Brendon’s flushed cheeks. He wiped his hand over the thigh of his jeans and then pulled them up over his hips, returning button, zipper and belt to their rightful places.

Brendon sighed quietly as Jon crouched to grab his jeans pulling them up slowly. He could feel some of the come Jon missed sliding down the inside of his thigh and he squirmed a little. Jon grinned up at him, planting a wet kiss on his hip as he did up Brendon’s jeans for him. He stood, flipping Brendon’s shirt back down, covering his stomach, as Brendon pulled him down for a kiss. “You’re dirty, Jon Walker.”

Jon just wiggled his eyebrows, grinning as Brendon grabbed his hand and they started for the car.
*****************************************************************************
The air is thick with tension; Brendon glances at Ryan and gets a death stare in return. He grins sheepishly, rubs at the back of his neck where his hair is too long, and waves his other hand, palm up, in some vague apology. Ryan’s eyes narrow, his mouth twitches up on the left which tells Brendon he’s really pissed, and all Brendon can do is shrug wordlessly.

Ryan exhales harshly through his nose, turns on his heel and next all Brendon can see and hear is the slam of the door, fury resonating through the room. Jon sighs beside him, shakes his head and looks to Spencer, they exchange conversation silently and Jon follows Ryan’s path, traces his anger into the bedroom.

Spencer steps closer to Brendon, and Brendon automatically takes a step back, feels the hard press of couch against the back of his legs. ‘I'm sorry?’ He offers, and as soon as the words leave his mouth in the form of a question he can see Spencer’s brow set, can see his mouth form hard lines and he takes another step toward Brendon.

‘Why?’ Spencer asks, and he’s so close Brendon can feel the word burn over his chin, he shakes his head. ‘No, seriously, tell me. Why?’

Brendon shakes his head again, presses his legs harder into the couch. ‘I don’t - I. Spence, come on.’

‘Every time,’ Spencer says lowly, and his eyes pierce through Brendon’s skin. ‘Bren, you do this every time. You know how it makes him feel; you fucking know it and you still press. He’s not like you, Brendon, and you can’t keep - ’

‘Not like me?’ Brendon hisses and he feels his spine bristle, stands up straighter to level himself with Spencer. ‘What the fuck is that supposed to mean?’

Spencer’s mouth curls a little, and through the ice in his eyes the smile is warm, non-threatening. ‘He’s not an exhibitionist.’

Brendon rubs at his neck again; he really needs to book in for a haircut. ‘I don’t - Spence, I don’t mean it. I'm not trying to piss him off, I'm just. That’s me, you know?’

Spencer nods, understanding. ‘You’ve gotta stop it though Bren, or at least pull it back a little. It’s getting to him, can’t you see that? He’s actually happy right now, content, and you can’t keep pushing him into this stupid game of yours. I want you to stop, ok?’

Brendon’s mouth drops; did Spencer just give him an order? He steps forward, off the couch and glares. ‘You can’t tell me what to do, Spencer,’ He says evenly, voice low and rough from lack of sleep.

Spencer’s eyebrows knit together, he frowns. ‘That’s not what I'm - ’

‘Fuck you,’ Brendon spits, stepping forward again until it’s his words forcing Spencer back. ‘You don’t control me, you can’t give me instructions.’

‘Bren, I didn’t mean - ’

‘You know what your problem is, Spencer Smith?’ Brendon asks, taking another step and now Spencer’s backed up against a coffee table; Brendon jabs him hard in the chest with his finger.

Spencer’s gaze drops to his chest, then back to Brendon. ‘Did you just - never mind. Please, Brendon Urie, enlighten me. What exactly is my problem?’

‘You have control issues,’ Brendon declares; he can see the words digging their way under Spencer’s skin the second they leave his mouth. ‘You always need to be in charge, all the time, of everything. You can’t handle it when things are out of your power, when people are out of your power. I grew up with oppression, I grew up with rules and I know how to break them. You can’t tell me what to do, Spence, and it kills you.’

Spencer scowls at him, and he returns the jab to Brendon’s chest with a little more force. ‘It’s called being an adult, Brendon. It’s called making calls, being decisive. If you stopped acting like a sugar-deprived child for one second, maybe you’d understand that. I don’t need to be in charge, I just am by default. God knows we’d all be fucked if any major decisions were left up to you.’

‘That’s not fair,’ Brendon defends, and he finds himself backed up against the couch again, Spencer’s taken steps forward without him realising. ‘You treat me like a child, all the time. You never let me have a say in anything, ever, so what am I supposed to do? You do everything, Spence, everything. All the business stuff, deciding who goes to what interviews, you plan the shows with my ideas! Tell a cat he’s a dog enough times and soon he’ll start fetching the paper.’

‘That’s what you think?’ Spencer laughs, and his fingers curl around Brendon’s wrist, light touch, but there all the same.

‘Yeah,’ Brendon nods, trying to tug his wrist away but failing. ‘That’s what I think.’

‘Well you wanna know what I think?’ Spencer hisses, taking another step forward till his body is pressed flush against Brendon’s trembling one. ‘I think you like it. I think you love being controlled, it’s all you know. You think you’re some hard-ass rule breaker, but you cried in your bunk every night till Daddy came to our show. I see you in interviews, Brendon, the way you look to Ryan, Jon, me, anyone, before you answer, the way you change what you’ve said if everyone else doesn’t agree. You hate being your own person; you don’t know how to be your own person.’

‘No,’ Brendon shakes his head, squeezes his eyes closed. ‘No, that’s - ’

‘Shut up,’ Spencer growls, and Brendon falls silent. ‘Look at me,’ and Brendon opens his eyes.

‘See,’ Spencer gloats, twisting his fingers harder, pushing back a little more. ‘You’re nothing more than a product of the people around you, Brendon. Look at you. The makeup, the clothes, the hair. Ryan completely remoulded you, and you let him. And the way you are on stage, you’ll do anything for attention, anything for Ryan to just look at you, to validate you. You need constant reassurance; you need your hand held and your tummy rubbed because you just can’t be on your own. Everything you do, Brendon, you do for other people, so they’ll notice you, so they’ll like you, so they’ll tell you everything’s ok.’

‘No,’ Brendon says, and he can’t tear his gaze away from Spencer’s eyes, solid blue fire. ‘Please, I'm - my wrist...’

Spencer looks down; his fingers are squeezing hard around Brendon’s arm, white spreading out from under his grip. He clutches a little harder, and Brendon breathes out heavily, unevenly. His body is still shaking, but Spencer can feel an unmistakable pressure against his thigh, and he grins.

‘You like this,’ He states, and Brendon shakes his head violently, tries again to pull away. Spencer digs the fingers of his other hand into Brendon’s hip, pulls him closer. ‘You like this.’

‘Please,’ Brendon whispers, the upper half of his body tilting backwards.

‘Please what?’ Spencer asks, and Brendon doesn’t answer. ‘Please what?’

‘I don’t -’ Brendon shakes his head frantically, and then Spencer can feel the slow grind of Brendon’s hips against his, the boy’s breath coming in ragged pants.

‘You love being controlled,’ Spencer says, presses an open-mouthed kiss to Brendon’s cheek. ‘I bet you’d love to be dominated.’

Brendon moans, jerks his hips harder and Spencer pushes him onto the couch, straddles his thighs in one swift move. He leans down, trailing wet kisses over Brendon’s neck, along his jaw and up to his ear. He bites down hard on the soft skin there, and Brendon hisses against his cheek, manages to wind his free hand down to palm at Spencer’s back, pressing him down.

Spencer rubs against him harder, and lets go of Brendon’s wrist. Brendon immediately grips onto his thigh, thrusts up wildly. Spencer strokes his way down Brendon’s body, dragging his nails across ribs until he reaches the buttons of his fly. He unsnaps them, never releasing Brendon’s ear from his teeth, and tugs the jeans down a bit, Brendon lifting his hips to help him.

Spencer snakes his hand inside, rubs teasingly at his thighs, and Brendon moans desperately, snapping his hips upward.

‘I bet you’d love it,’ Spencer growls, tongue tracing the shell of Brendon’s ear, ‘if I tied you up. If I tied you to the bed so hard you had rope burn for days.’

Brendon makes a pleased noise deep at the back of his throat, and Spencer finally obliges, wrapping his fingers around Brendon’s cock, palming him roughly.

‘I bet you’d moan like a whore,’ Spencer continues, letting Brendon push up into his hand. ‘I bet you’d barely be able to contain yourself, you’d be so easy.’ He snaps his wrist, tugging at Brendon harder and Brendon clenches his eyes shut, bites down on his lip.

‘Will you let me do that?’ Spencer whispers, kissing the side of Brendon’s mouth, and he makes a noise of agreement, nodding his head.

‘What?’ Spencer asks, biting Brendon’s lip with him. ‘What was that? Tell me, Bren, I want you to say it.’

‘Yes,’ Brendon hisses, kissing Spencer’s chin. ‘Yes, please, please.’

He moans loudly and his mouth drops open, Spencer takes the opportunity to slide his tongue in, kissing Brendon harshly. Brendon tilts his head, deepening the kiss, and Spencer moves his hand a little harder in return.

Brendon whimpers into his mouth, and bucks his hips up, pressing himself against Spencer’s thighs.

‘What else would you let me do to you?’ Spencer breathes, running his thumb along the underside of Brendon’s cock, then up higher to drag across the slit.

Brendon pants loudly in response, and Spencer slows his administrations, gazes at him evenly. Brendon whines, glaring at Spencer.

‘What else,’ Spencer repeats, tightening his grip on Brendon’s cock, ‘would you let me do to you?’

‘Spence,’ Brendon mumbles, kissing his jaw. ‘Spence, please.’

‘What, Brendon?’ Spencer demands.

‘Any-Anything,’ He moans, bucking his hips up again and Spencer grins, jerks his wrist viciously.

‘Would you let me fuck you?’ He asks, biting down on Brendon’s shoulder, running his tongue across the mark.

‘Yes,’ Brendon sighs, wriggling slightly under him. ‘Yes, yes please, I’d let you, you could do anything, please, Spence, just - ’

Spencer smirks against his collarbone, biting gently on the dips and grooves. ‘You’re such a slut,’ He admonishes and Brendon just nods his head in response.

‘Would you let me watch while,’ He pants, feeling Brendon tense in his hand, ‘while somebody else fucked you?’

Brendon nods again, letting go of Spencer’s hip and winding his fingers in his hair. ‘Yes, yes, can you, please, can you kiss -’ He’s cut off by Spencer’s lips against his, tongue probing for entrance and Brendon opens his mouth immediately.

Spencer lets Brendon control the kiss for a moment, then pulls back, pressing their foreheads together. He twists his wrist again, and Brendon arches his back, moans loudly.

‘Can I?’ Spencer asks, his voice husky, and Brendon opens his eyes, glances up at him questioningly.

‘Can you - ’

‘Can I watch?’ Spencer asks, rubbing his free hand up Brendon’s chest, running his thumb over his nipple.

‘You - you, what? Spence, I - oh god, oh god, Spence, I -’ Brendon trails off into another moan, louder this time, and Spencer slows down again, his fingers barely brushing over Brendon’s cock.

‘Pl-please,’ Brendon begs, thrusting his hips up, but Spencer ignores him. ‘Please, I'm so, I'm so, Spence, please.’

‘Can I. Watch,’ Spencer repeats, pulling away as Brendon tries to kiss him. ‘Answer me, Brendon, or I get up and walk away right now.’

Brendon glares at him half-heartedly, his hips still pushing up desperately. Spencer cocks an eyebrow, moves one finger gently, barely.

‘Yes,’ Brendon hisses, pulling at his hair roughly. ‘Yes, yes, just, please, can you, I need, Spence, please, I'm.’

Spencer smirks again, and leans down to kiss Brendon’s clenched jaw. He pumps his wrist hard, flicking and twisting and Brendon groans, nosing at Spencer’s face till he tilts his head and kisses him. Brendon licks at his mouth, bucking his hips up till they stutter, he pants against Spencer and whimpers loudly. Spencer works his hand faster, not slowing down and he feels Brendon come in hot spurts, feels it slide through his fingers and drip down his fist.

Brendon rides out his orgasm jerkily, body still shaking and his breath still faltering. Spencer grins against his neck, lazily traces the tensing muscles with his tongue. Brendon exhales noisily, and Spencer sits up, drags his hand slowly out of Brendon’s pants, up his belly and watches the cum smear across his skin. He raises his fingers to his mouth, licking at them slowly, sucking them one by one into his mouth and Brendon groans under him, watches Spencer clean his hand thoroughly.

‘So,’ Spencer said casually, pushing his hips down against Brendon idly. ‘Do I fuck you first, or do I watch someone else fuck you first?’

Brendon grins, running his tongue along his teeth, then nips at Spencer’s chin, breath hot and shuddering.

‘I want you,’ He purrs, grinding his hips back and Spencer’s almost alarmed to feel he’s hard again already. He slithers his body slowly off of Brendon’s, finds his footing on the floor and grabs for his wrist, tugs him up.

‘Come on,’ He orders, letting Brendon fall bonelessly against his side. He drags him towards the bedroom, not bothering to knock as he flings the door open. Ryan and Jon are sitting on the bed, and he can tell by the looks on their faces they heard what happened.

‘Get up,’ Spencer says, and Ryan gapes at him, slides off the bed nonetheless. Jon follows him, his gaze trained on Brendon and Spencer turns, sees his ruffled hair and swollen lips, see the start of a hickey on his clavicle. He looks a little lower and he can see Brendon’s erection straining at his undone jeans, can see the dark mess of hair curling out the top and up to his belly, can see the smear of cum across his still-heaving stomach.

‘I'm going to fuck him,’ Spencer declares proudly, and Brendon presses his body hard against his back, nuzzles at the side of his face. ‘Who wants to watch?’

Ryan’s mouth drops open further, and behind him, Jon raises a tentative hand.

Spencer smirks, and grabs Brendon out from behind him, pushes him roughly onto the bed. Brendon moans, his fingers slinking down his body and Spencer clicks his tongue, smacks him on the foot.

‘Strip,’ He orders, and Brendon blushes slightly, but pulls his t-shirt slowly off his body, dropping it to the floor. He scrambles up onto his feet, bouncing on the bed a little before dragging his jeans down further, sitting back down to kick them off. He lies back against the pillows, fingers scraping over his chest idly. Spencer glances around, sees their suitcases propped against the wall and unzips Brendon's, rummaging through it.

He makes a sharp triumphant noise, pulling out a container of lube and some condoms, and he examines the bottle carefully. It’s mostly empty.

‘Slut,’ He sneers, tugging his t-shirt off and removing his jeans. He crawls onto the bed, one leg on either side of Brendon and leans down to kiss a trail up his belly, biting down hard on a nipple, teasing it between his teeth. Brendon moans again, rubbing his hard-on against Spencer’s thigh and Ryan makes a strangled noise from somewhere behind them.

Brendon grins, eyeing him lazily. ‘Ryan Ross, you dirty little tramp.’

Spencer laughs, and hands Brendon a condom. ‘Put this on me,’ He instructs, and Brendon opens it hurriedly, goes to grab at Spencer’s cock.

‘With your teeth,’ Spencer demands, and Brendon looks at him hesitantly, but glances at the condom, puts it in his mouth gently. He moves forward, wrapping his mouth delicately around Spencer’s cock and using his tongue to position the condom carefully. He slides his mouth down awkwardly, using one hand to assist, leaving the other on the bed for balance. He manages to get it just over halfway before Spencer tugs him off, rolls it down fully.

Brendon gazes up at him, breathing heavily through his nose, his eyes dark with want and lust. He licks his lips anxiously, and Spencer strokes his face, skimming his thumb in and out of his mouth. ‘Hands and knees, now.’

Brendon obeys, twisting his body around and clambering up the bed quickly, his fingers automatically tangling themselves in the sheets. Spencer shuffles up behind him, pressing his erection into the back of Brendon’s thigh. Brendon moans loudly, pushing back against him and Spencer lets his cock slide up against his entrance. He grabs the lube, uncapping the bottle and spreading it over himself, closing his eyes in pleasure. He makes a loud, exaggerated noise and Brendon glances back at him, whines desperately.

‘You want this?’ Spencer asks, stroking himself harder and Brendon’s hips jerk back in reply. ‘Come on, tell me baby, tell me what you want.’

Brendon whines again, rubbing up against him frantically. ‘I want you,’ He moans, fingers twisting harder into the sheets. ‘I want you in me, please, Spence, please.’

Spencer grins back at Jon and Ryan, and kneads at the small of Brendon’s back, makes calm soothing noises. Then he pushes in, completely, in one go, and Brendon makes a loud groaning sound, dropping his head down between his hands.

‘Fuck,’ Spencer hisses, his nails digging into the base of Brendon’s spine. ‘Fuck, for such a slut, you’re tight.’

Brendon mumbles something incoherent, his face pressed into the bed, and before Spencer can even make a move, Brendon pushes back against him, hard. Spencer makes a hissing noise, his nails digging harder, deeper, and he can feel his cock twitching inside Brendon. He pulls back a little, enjoying the breathy whimper Brendon makes, and pushes back in, biting his lower lip as the sensations flood straight to his crotch, warm and low.

He glances down at Brendon, spread out in front of him, trembling and aching for more contact, dying for it. He watches, angling his hips higher as the fingers on one of Brendon’s hands unfurl from the sheets, creep slowly up his body, he watches as Brendon wraps a hand around himself, movements deliberate, precise.

Spencer chuckles, deep and throaty and he raises an eyebrow at Jon. ‘Needy, isn’t he?’ He asks, and Jon nods in awe, both hands fisting tight in the shirt stretched over his belly.

‘He feels,’ Spencer pants, pausing to thrust into Brendon harder, eliciting a long, drawn-out moan from him. ‘feels, divine. Like heaven, Jon, it’s unbelievable.’

Jon nods again, and even from this distance Spencer can see his knuckles are white with tension, his shirt bunched so forcefully it’s ridden up, a long expanse of smooth stomach exposed. Spencer grins, and fucks Brendon harder.

Brendon moans, his head rolling from side to side on the bed, his hand moving faster between his legs. ‘Spence, can you, harder, harder, oh god.’

‘You have no shame,’ Spencer taunts, fingers on one hand drumming beats along Brendon’s spine. ‘No shame, listen to you, begging like a whore. You’re a whore, Brendon, aren’t you?’

‘Yes, I-’ Brendon whimpers, rocking himself back hard onto Spencer’s cock, ‘whore, I'm a whore, just, just, can you, please?’

Spencer grins, obliging, and he rakes his nails harder into Brendon’s skin as he picks up his pace, the sound of flesh on flesh resonating through the room. Jon’s breathing hard behind him, Spencer tilts his head far enough to see how low his hands are, spread flat and taut across his hips. Ryan’s backed up against a wall, mouth open, face flushed, but his eyes are like lasers on the sharp muscles in Brendon’s back, flexing and straining as the singer jolts backwards, moaning obscenely as Spencer drives into him just as hard.

He feels the rub of Brendon’s ankle against his thigh, creeping higher, and he manages to hook a leg around Spencer’s, pulling him closer. Spencer growls, one arm angling back to grip the leg and wrench it higher, twisting Brendon’s body open to his movements. Brendon cries out, and Spencer slides his other hand under his belly, digging tight into his ribs as he pulls Brendon up off the bed, so his back is flush against Spencer’s chest.

‘You don’t,’ Spencer warns, completely unbalanced and just as uncaring, ‘make the moves, you hear? You don’t control this, Brendon, you enjoy it.’

Brendon nods his head frantically, body still pushing desperately down onto Spencer’s, hand still jerking. Spencer feels a slow burn up his spine; he releases Brendon back down onto the bed, using a firm hand at the base of the boy’s neck to push his face into the blankets. His other hand clutches at Brendon’s hip, his fingers finding their place in ridges and dents and he doubles his speed, fucking Brendon so hard he can feel the bed shake under them.

Brendon mumbles something incomprehensible, words smothered by the sheets and Spencer can feel the thudthud of his heart through his hipbone, pulse erratic and rapid. He pulls Brendon’s head up just in time for him to hear Spencer snarl through his orgasm, the sensation burning through his blood, ripping through his body.

Spencer lets go of Brendon, dropping him back to the bed and pulling out, panting harshly. Brendon rolls over, hand sliding down to his cock immediately, pout obvious. ‘I didn’t - ’

‘Shut up,’ Spencer says, chest rising and falling and his breathing loud. ‘I told you, you don’t control this. Jon’s going to fuck you now, and if you’re as good for him as you were for me, maybe I'll let you come this time.’

Brendon nods obediently, palms falling back to the sheets and Spencer climbs off the bed, stretches his hand out to Jon. ‘Come on,’ he whispers, still out of breath.

Jon stumbles forward, hard already and Spencer takes his shirt off, kissing his stubbled jaw. Jon runs his fingers up and down Spencer’s back, lets him unbutton his pants, slide them to the floor. Jon steps out of them, and Spencer kisses him firmly, holding onto his chin. ‘He likes it hard.’

‘I don’t - ’

‘Hard,’ Spencer repeats, stroking Jon’s check soothingly. ‘It’s ok to be rough, he fucking loves it.’

Jon nods, then nudges Brendon, forces him to roll back over and climb up onto his knees again. Spencer tosses him a condom and Jon opens the packet, breathing unevenly. He slides it on, Brendon’s in front of him twitching with arousal and need, and Jon doesn’t waste any time, he presses straight in. Brendon’s back bows up, low scratchy moans slipping past his teeth and he slams his hand against the bed, grips down hard.

‘Sorry,’ Jon mumbles, hips stilled in apologies. Brendon hisses lightly, but his body betrays him, jutting backwards and Spencer chuckles.

‘God, you just can’t get enough, can you?’ He taunts, stepping back against the wall and wrapping his fingers light around Ryan’s wrist. Jon sets up a brutal pace, hands pressing solid, compact on Brendon’s back, thumbs moving in soothing motions. Brendon makes a series of aching, guttural noises, resting low on the bed so he can slide one hand under his body; wrap it firm around his cock.

Spencer applies some pressure to Ryan’s arm, tugs gently. ‘Come on,’ He urges, and Ryan glances at him, eyes wide and uncertain.

‘What happens in Vegas,’ Spencer tries, his free hand slipping to Ryan’s waist, rubbing gently at smooth exposed skin.

‘We-we’re not in-’ Ryan falters, and Spencer smiles reassuringly, fingers scraping at his belt.

‘Doesn’t matter, doesn’t matter,’ He whispers, and Ryan doesn’t stop him, lets him unbuckle his belt and wrench it free. He lets Spencer unzip his jeans, tug them down, but when Spencer goes to slide his fingers lower, Ryan mirrors him, grabs at his wrist.

‘I-no, Spence, no, she’ll-’

Spencer kisses him, presses his lips hard to stem the words and he can feel Ryan, yield, can feel the barriers crumble slightly, just enough. ‘What do you want?’ He asks, and Ryan’s eyes melt down, pool into raw lust.

‘Come on,’ He says, his hand moving in slow lines across the plane of Ryan’s stomach, touch, affection, all Ryan’s ever wanted.

‘I'm not,’ Ryan tries, his fingers sliding up Spencer’s arm, curling around a bicep. ‘Please, just - a little, not. I can’t. Only a little.’

Spencer gets it, he hears the words Ryan doesn’t say and he steers him across the room, stands him in front of Brendon. ‘Brendon,’ He says, and the boy doesn’t hear, his head is burrowed in the sheets again as Jon fucks him, hard, thumbs still working in silent apologies.

‘Brendon,’ Spencer says again, smacking him firm across the shoulder.

Brendon yelps, ripping his head up and glaring, and Spencer gestures, directs his attention to Ryan’s undone pants, his straining erection.

‘You want more,’ He tells him smugly, and Brendon’s eyes flash, he leans in and noses at Ryan’s crotch. Ryan’s breathing is loud, erratic; Spencer can hear it over the slap of Jon’s thighs against Brendon’s ass, over Brendon mewling, desperate, over the sound of Jon’s grunts. Ryan hooks his thumbs into his jeans, slipping them down his legs slowly and Spencer delights in the hunger that burns in Brendon’s eyes at the exposure, the long lines of milky soft skin.

‘Here,’ Spencer says, handing Ryan a condom, watching as he rolls it on, shaky. ‘You don’t know where that boy’s mouth has been.’

Ryan grips tentatively at Brendon’s shoulders, glancing back to Spencer, who rakes a nail up Brendon’s back, hisses, ‘Take it, take it you slut.’

Brendon obliges, deep-throating Ryan in one go and Ryan moans, his eyes fixed on the sight of his cock sliding in and out of Brendon’s mouth. Brendon hollows his cheeks around him, his hips rocking back steadily. Behind him, Jon’s fingers tighten on Brendon’s waist and he throws his head back, sweat dripping down the harsh lines of his neck, rolling onto his chest. He stills, body tensing, and Brendon makes a noise of delight against Ryan’s pelvis as Jon comes inside of him.

Jon pulls out, collapsing on the bed in a daze, one hand still splayed against Brendon’s thigh, thumb continuing its motion. Spencer climbs up beside him, balancing on his knees to wrap one arm around Brendon’s waist, grasping his cock firmly. Brendon whines, gasping around Ryan and Spencer laughs, lets him fuck into his hand. He can feel how close he is; can feel the trembling of his thighs and the way Brendon’s shaking unsteadily on the bed. He presses a kiss to the base of Brendon’s spine, then down, his lips blazing hot and wet over Brendon’s skin. He uses his free hand to spread Brendon’s legs across the bed a bit wider, opening him up and Spencer grins, leans down to probe his tongue against Brendon’s entrance.

That’s as far as he gets before Brendon comes, hot white mess across Spencer’s fingers again and he pulls back, rubbing his face up the length of Brendon’s sweat-drenched back. Brendon’s breathing heavily, panting around Ryan’s cock and Ryan can’t stop himself, he bucks his hips forward, thrusting himself into Brendon’s mouth. Brendon growls a little, but opens his throat wider and Ryan fists his hands in Brendon’s hair, panting harshly.

‘Oh, oh god,’ He breathes, and Spencer smirks up at him, still sprawled across Brendon, his toes wriggling against Jon’s knee.

‘He’s good, isn’t he? Christ, that mouth, that fucking mouth,’ Spencer grins, stroking warm hands down Brendon’s trembling ribs. Ryan nods frantically, gripping Brendon’s head tighter.

‘Bren, Bren, oh,’ Ryan tries, his head tipping back and Spencer watches the sharp lines of his neck, the tensing muscles.

‘Pull out,’ Spencer instructs, and Ryan looks at him, confused. ‘Finish yourself; Brendon wants you to come on his face.’

Ryan glances down at Brendon, and Spencer digs an elbow into the hollow of his spine, the deep grooves in his lower back. ‘Don’t you, you slut?’

Brendon whines, nods, and Spencer digs in again, till he releases Ryan’s cock from his mouth. Ryan steps back, unsteady, and Spencer gestures vaguely. Ryan peels the condom off, dropping it to the floor and picks up where Brendon stopped, wraps long fingers around himself, head back, eyes closed.

Spencer feels a warm hand stroke up the back of his thigh, and he tilts his head enough to let Jon kiss below his ear, nuzzling. Ryan makes a low, strangled sound, somewhere deep in his chest and Spencer looks back just in time to see him explode on Brendon’s face. Brendon whimpers, tilting his chin up so it hits him across a cheekbone and Ryan steps back, his breathing still the most audible sound in the room.

Spencer grabs Brendon by the shoulders, twisting him up and around to face him and he kisses him, hard, fast, firm, fingers carding roughly through cum-soaked hair. He can taste Ryan, taste the need, and Brendon pushes back against him just as hard, all teeth and tongue and heat. He can feel Jon, still stroking warm up the back of his leg, and Spencer runs a hand down Brendon’s chest, dragging fingers in and out of ribs. Brendon purrs at the touch, arching his body and Spencer touches their foreheads together, presses gentle kisses to the side of his mouth.

‘See what happens when I call the shots?’ He whispers, and Brendon nods, smiling.

‘You need to be controlled,’ Spencer tells him, fingers curling and uncurling around Brendon’s side. ‘You need to be taken care of, Brendon.’

Brendon nods again, kisses Spencer’s jaw.

‘You need me,’ Spencer clarifies, and he hears the rustle of denim as Ryan zips his jeans back up.

‘Yes,’ Brendon whimpers, hands pressed low to Spencer’s belly. ‘Yes.’

‘Good,’ Spencer murmurs, threading his fingers through Brendon’s and resting both their hands on his chest, over his heart. He kisses Brendon, gentle.

‘I'll take such good care of you.’




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