Thursday, June 7, 2007

this is not a chapter of any story. ignore this
The truth finally comes out.
Let's see, I have some things I want to say.

Don't for one second think I'm looking for attention or any fucking bullshit like that because this is coming straight out.

I know I haven't been myself lately... People have been criticizing me and making fun of me for quite awhile now. I'm fucking sick of it, what have I done to deserve this? I know I'm not a great fucking person and you don't need to rub it in. I've had so much go on in my lifetime I'd love to see you go through what I have. My life at home is so empty... I come home to my guitar, my computer, and my Xbox. The only sound I hear is guns shooting and notes being played. Ever since I switched schools I've only had a couple friends... I feel so lonely and even though some people try to get closer I push them away because I'm so used to being lonely that I just can't adjust. I've had so much shit go on in my past it's hard to trust people now. I'm really sorry if I have ever hurt anyone, I really truly am. I've hurt myself through this all too. It's hard to sit here and admit how much of a bad person I am because I've always wanted to be the good person that everyone can come to for everything, but it's the complete opposite. People judge me and criticize me for anything they can. It's so hard to sit here and pretend everything is okay, because it's not. -Sighs- I don't even know what to say because nothing I can think of will come out right. I wanna be myself, but I'm too afraid to because people will only make fun of me and criticize me more. I have been myself around some people and they love me for it, but for the most part people hate it. So now, all I can do is make mean remarks towards people and it's driving everyone away, and I don't want that. I just want people to actually care for me and be there for me when I need them. LIKE NOW! I don't really know what else to say, even though I have a million things I wanna say. Maybe

You make me touch your hands for stupid reasons.
The subject line is from a real break-up letter
that I read online, it's the single most funny letter I've ever read in my whole life, due to the bad grammar and the way that the guy reads it.

I'm sitting in the computer lab at school right now, it's empty. Very empty. It's kinda quiet and I can hear the clickity clack of the keyboard that Mr.Fernald is using. I'm very bored, otherwise I wouldn't of even said all of that. :P

I didn't feel like going to school yesterday, mainly because I knew that Cassie wasn't going to be there. So I just stayed home and played my Xbox 360 all day. I probably got my rank on Gears of War up quite a bit. I played about 15 matches and got at least 500 points each match due to curb stomping, boom shots, long shots, and smashing faces. Hehe <3

After my intense Xbox playing I took a shower and check my MyO one more time before bed. I had PM from Cassie asking if I was still up, so I just told her to call me. Which she did, about 5 minutes later. We talking for about half an hour or so. I was singing a lot and I didn't mean to. =[

We talked about things like who I liked and who she liked. She still won't tell me who this guy is that she basically dreams about, it's not like I'd make fun of her or anything. She's like one of my best friends. -shrugs- Oh well, she'll tell me eventually... I hope.

-moves hair out of face- Hm... What else is there to talk about? My mom is going out of town this weekend so I have to stay at my friend Chris's, which is okay, but it gets kinda boring after awhile.

I'm super thirsty right now, I think I might get a Mountain Dew or a Dr. Pepper from the vending machines downstairs. -sighs- I feel lonely at this school, mainly because everyone here hates me. =\ I guess that's my fault though for wanting to be myself and not conform.

Lalalalala, I'm in the mood to write some music, but alas there is no guitar by me. DAMN YOU SCHOOL! I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS DAMN WORLDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.
^(I got that I hate you part from some sweet break up letter that I mentioned earlier, it's so funny.)

I know this may sound weird and all, but you know how I dated a model awhile back? Well anyways, we broke up because I was just physically attracted to her. Anyways, I feel lonely already, but I don't wanna go searching for another girl because either me or her always gets hurt. I just want a girl to be there for me, lay with me, hold my hand when we're walking together, hold me when I'm sad, kiss me when no ones looking or when everyone's looking. I just want love, which I don't know exists.

-sighs- I don't mean to whine or anything so I'll just go now.

Oh yeah, and here's a couple shoutouts.

Cassie, October, Shadow, and Danielle. <333

Peace and God Bless,
Daniel

... School sucks
I'm not sure, but I think I was being picked on about my tight jeans today. There's this girl named Paige at my school and she tends to think she's hot shit. Well anyways, she was asking me a bunch of questions about them and about me, for example. Do you skate? What if you got a boner in those? and shit like that. It's so stupid... I swear to god nobody likes me in that school. (Besides Cassie, who of course I care about dearly and wouldn't care if she's the only friend I have there because she's so amazing it makes up for 1,000,000 people or so.)

Well, I typed that all in a minute. *No joke*

That's amazing... I guess I've had it on my mind.

Bed time now!

Unless Cassie calls... :P

Nighty night all,
Daniel

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