Friday, June 8, 2007

short story
“Hum"

By Cassandra smith

they sat out in the empty parking lot of the supermarket where he worked part time. It was dark inside the car, the only light coming from the lamp posts as they casted warm glows inside the still car. They had the windows open letting the summer's breeze waft in around them.

"You look beautiful in the light" he said to her as he took her hand in his own, she looked down at their intertwined hands and then to him a smirk played on her dark lips.

"Compliments won't make me say it" she told him and for a moment his face took on a blank stare before he quickly recovered the composure he was famous for.

"What makes you think I want to hear you say it?" he asked as he returned her smirk,

"That’s just the kind of boy you are and you just said it a moment ago" she told him as she turned away and stared again out the window at whatever happened to catch her interest. He too turned to look out the window and was tempted to release her hand, but he didn't and instead he squeezed it tighter. She didn't say anything or look at him but he felt her thumb rub against his palm and he smiled.

The "it" she was referring to was the big L word, you know love. She never said it out loud and he realized that neither had he, until just a moment ago. Of course that didn't mean that they didn't love each other and they had said it before. In bed in those intimate moments the word was said freely and it meant something, but outside those moments that word was never said. He gave up on trying to get her to say it and wished he could take back his own words.

All summer they had been going out. They had fallen for each other at the end of the school year, their senior year. It had been great they started dating and it was serious and it was fast and hell it felt like living. neither one wanted to mention what would happen at the end of the summer, when it was time for college and lives and that they were destined for something better then sitting in empty parking lot's holding hands. So neither of them did and they continued living through the summer, but now summer was ending its life coming to a close and before anyone knew it fall would come and collect the body.


Even though they could see summer ending still neither of them spoke a word. There was nothing about "what's after this?" or "will I see you again?” there was none of that. There were just kisses in the dark and embraces too hot due to the summer's heat. They both knew that somewhere during the nights lying on trampolines or the days spent floating in the pool someone should have said something and they both knew it was too late for regrets.

"your thinking about tomorrow aren't you?" he heard her ask, he looked at her and saw her shoulder's slumped and shaking slightly as she waited for his answer.

"Yeah" he said and she didn't respond

"You are too aren't you?" he asked and he saw her nod

"I’ve been thinking about it all day" she told him as she turned in her seat to face him. So now was the time, they picked now to have the conversation that should've been had two months ago. Their love was young but it felt more real and more right then anything else either of them had ever felt before, and neither was quite ready to let it all go.

"We must have horrible timing" she laughed out but he could hear the sadness that resided in her laugh. He hated the sadness more then anything else and he didn't want to hear it in her. how fair was it that tomorrow morning at eleven she'd be leaving for a new life in the big city at some well know college, that obviously wasn't know enough because he couldn't remember the name of it.

She’d be leaving to do something great and he'd still be at home working at this part time job for a few more weeks until he too went to college, to become the writer he always wanted to be. Maybe he'd write about this? Hell he could write it better then either of them felt it.

Sure they could lie to each other and say that they were going to see one another again, but really what were the chances? He sucked at math but even he could tell that they weren't good.

"It’s over after tonight isn't it?" she asked as if she had been reading his mind. he stared into those blue eyes and was at a loss for anything to say, if he wanted to be honest he'd tell her yes, that there was no hope, but he was in denial and he wanted to tell her that they could make it all work, even if he didn't believe it.

"Is that what you think?" he asked her his voice low and unwilling to admit anything; she looked surprised for a moment.

"Yeah I think so" she whispered and again he could feel the pain laced in her voice. He let out a long breath or air and looked into her eyes

"yeah me too" he said, he had never seen a person's heart break before until that moment in her eyes as her heart struggled to accept the truth. He leaned in quickly and pressed his lips to her's for a kiss. The kiss itself lasted only a minute but to each of them it felt like a million minutes, as they broke the kiss and caught their breaths they looked into eyes, browns on blues and kissed again.

the kiss was more urgent this time and with each kiss and touch, with each piece of clothing shed from their bodies and each hot touch pressed to their skins, they felt and remembered every other time just like it, because after tomorrow memories would be all that was left.

"I love you" she whispered in his ear between a kiss. Afterward when the kisses and touches ceased they still sat in the car, seats leaned back and staring at the starry summer sky.

He turned to look at her, the sadness in her eyes replaced by a deep love for him and he hoped his eyes shone the same.

"Were not going to talk about tomorrow?" she asked, he shook his head

"Nope to us tomorrow doesn't exist" he said and grinned. She looked for a moment as if she were going to say something more but she didn't.

"Tonight is it" he said as he reached a hand out towards her, she nodded "till tonight do us part" she said as she took his hand and they kissed.

They stayed that way until late into the night, they had talked about things, things that weren't important after tonight. Their thoughts were finally off of tomorrow and what an unpleasant experience it would be. He had woken up and looked at his car's clock which read 3:45 in the morning. He let out a groan and looked at his girlfriend who too was sleeping, as he watched her he didn't think he could go through with this plan of "only tonight" but he had to for both of their sakes.

He woke the girl up gently and told her he was taking her home, she didn't object as he saw the sleep still fresh in her eyes. She held his one hand while he drove her home and it pained his heart to know he was going to lose that warmth.

"I know we said no more talk of tomorrow" she said as he pulled up to her house,

"But I think we could do it! You and I could make it work! this doesn't have to be the end" he thought for a moment about accepting her offer and trying to make it work, but in the end he knew it never would and they would both end up more hurt because of it. When he said nothing she went on

"I mean I love you and I don't want to lose you! Don’t you love me too don't you want the same thing?" she asked as she clutched onto his hand.

He didn't know what to say to her, his mind and heart were arguing and he wasn't sure which to listen to. He figured one must have killed the other because finally words popped into his head. He sighed and turned away from the girl

"No, I thought I loved you, it was just how you looked in the light" he said slow and easy. He didn't look at her because he didn't want to see the pain etched into her face, she didn't say anything but he could hear he crying and it broke his heart.

She got out of his car for the last time and slammed the door shut. He started up his car and left not bothering to look back. He didn't regret the words he said, because he knew he had to say them even if he didn't mean them. Because what better way was there to make someone forget their pain then to make them hate you? At least now it wouldn't hurt so bad to be away from him.

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