Saturday, February 7, 2009

hsne
chapter one: riding in cars with soccer stars

Cassie smith stood out in the gravely driveway of her house. the bright morning light of the warm day washed down on her from the spaces between the leafy trees that lined the end of the driveway. she slid her hand into the pocket of her dark jeans and pulled out a silver cell phone.

the girl checked the time, which read Six-fifty in the morning. Cassie sighed lightly, as she brushed a wave of brown hair behind her ear. she adjusted the dark green canvas messenger bag that she wore and pushed her cell phone back into her pocket.

Cassie fidgeted, bored she shifted her weight from foot to foot, the gravel crunching under her shinning silver converse's. the teenaged girl, who had to be seventeen or eighteen years old waited five minutes before she spotted a dark green saturn rolling slowly down the street towards her house.

the car came to a stop infront of Cassie's driveway and the passenger side window rolled down.

"hey, pretty lady, need a ride?" a male voice asked. Cassie leaned down and peered into the window at the boy who was sitting in the driver's seat.

"you're late, Wentz." she said, her voice sounding exasperated but a grin on her face. Cassie opened the passenger door and slid into the car.

"sorry, Cassie, i couldn't wake up this morning." the boy named Pete said to her.

"it's okay Pete, we can still make it to homeroom." she told him and he gave her a sarcastic "great!" before he put the car in gear.

Cassie watched Pete as he drove. he had dark tanned skin and inky black hair that was long and framed his face in a essential emo style. Pete glanced at her with honey brown eyes and she smiled at him. Pete was a very good looking boy, he had a handsome face with big white teeth and a large goofy smile. he also had a lean body that he got from being on the soccer team.

the two teens drove down Cassie's street and turned off on to the main road. Cassie lived about ten minutes away from Pete and fifteen minutes from freemont bay ridge high school. Cassie really didn't mind if the two of them were late for homeroom, at least it beat riding the bus.

"so, when are you gonna get a car?" Pete asked as they waited at a stop light. Cassie shot Pete a look, this was a topic that they broached daily. everyday Pete would ask when she was going to get a car and everyday Cassie would tell him that her parents wouldn't buy her a car, let alone allow her to drive.

"you know my parents won't get me a car." Cassie began "besides wasn't it your idea to give me a ride? if i recall you said it was carpooling and we were saving the enviroment." Cassie said mimicing the grand way Pete had suggested the carpool idea.

"does it count as a carpool if there's only two people in it?" Pete asked and Cassie laughed.

"well, we could pick up patrick and jenny." Cassie suggested.

"nah," Pete began "you know patrick's mom has to drive him daily or she'll be worried." he told her.

"and jenny's mom just plain doesn't like you." Cassie added.

"thanks." Pete scoffed.

the two teens pulled up to the large stone building that was freemont bay ridge high school. students and school buses and parents dropping of their kids clogged the front of the school. Pete pulled around the back where the student parking lot was located. they were later then usual, so all the good parking spaces were taken meaning that Pete had to park in the back.

Cassie and Pete got out of the car. the hustle and bussel of the students congregating to the school surrounded them. Pete waved to people as they walked up to the front enterance of the school.

"hey, Wentz! go long!" they heard someone yell and Pete and Cassie turned to see jon walker, the star football player of the school toss a football towards Pete's head. Pete dropped the black backpack he was holding and rushed forward to catch the ball. it hit against his chest and Pete wrapped his arms around it in a catch.

jon shot Pete a thumbs up sign and Pete threw the ball back to jon. it soared lowly through the air and bounced against the parking lot before jon grabbed a hold of it. jon laughed and Pete shrugged.

"soccer's my thing man!" he yelled to jon and the other boy nodded.

"let's hope you keep it that way." he laughed. jon was slightly tall and had a muscular frame. his dark brown hair was cut short and he had a dust of stubble on his face and dark brown eyes. jon was handsome and he had the body of a football player.

Pete and Cassie turned away from jon and the duo headed up to the front of the school. Cassie scanned the the crowd of students for her other friends. Pete too appeared to be looking for patrick and as they came around to the front they saw a silver mini-van parked out infront of the school.

a semi-short strawberry blonde haired boy with a trucker's cap on stood beside the van, arguing with whoever was inside. "patrick!" Pete called and the boy turned and he scanned for Pete in the crowd. Pete said goodbye to Cassie before he rushed forward to meet patrick. Cassie probably would've went to talk to patrick too had she not heard her name being called from behind her.

she turned to see a girl who was a couple years younger then her rushing towards her.

"hi jenny!" Cassie said as she approached the younger girl. jenny stopped infront of Cassie grinning before she rushed in and grabbed Cassie in a hug, the two girls hugged for a moment before breaking apart and turning to walk into the school.

"did you ride with Pete today?" jenny asked and Cassie nodded.

jenny was younger but she also happened to be taller then Cassie by a few inches. her dark hair was streaked with stripes of blonde and dark red. she had blue green eyes that were lined with eyeliner. today jenny was wearing a dark hat and t-shirt.

"yeah, but he was running late." Cassie said though it seemed that no one was exactly eager to get to class. Cassie and jenny walked past Pete and patrick, normally Cassie would be jumping all over the chance to talk to patrick about music as was their daily routine but today Cassie thought that patrick seemed disgruntled this paticular morning.

"hey, have you seen megan this morning?" jenny asked, Cassie shook her head.

"no, but i bet she's in the parking lot stalking gabe saporta." Cassie said and jenny laughed.

the girl in question was their other good friend megan. megan was younger then Cassie but older then jenny. she was also very pretty and not so secretly obsessed with the senior boy named gabe saporta.

the two girls entered the school through the double doors, various other students following closely behind them. from the enterance of the school there were two staircases the students could take. one that led up to the ground floor and several classrooms, while the other staircase led downstairs into the basement where more classrooms and one of the enterances to the cafeteria was.

this is where jenny and Cassie had to part ways. jenny had to go to her homeroom upstairs while Cassie had her's downstairs, along with patrick and Pete. Cassie waved at jenny as she headed downstairs. the class was still pretty empty when she entered it and she took her usual seat near the front of the room near the door. she sat at the circular tables that were their desks.

their teacher ms.kendell smiled at Cassie as she took her seat. a few moments later Pete and patrick showed up. they sat at the same table as Cassie. patrick looked like he was in a far better mood then he was outside so Cassie thought she might venture talking to him.

Cassie had a crush on patrick. the two of them flirted a lot (in Cassie's opinion) and shared a lot of classes together. Cassie thought she might ask him out if she ever worked up the nerve. jon came into the classroom followed by two other boys, ryan and brendon.

jon sat at the same table with them while brendon and ryan settled at the table next to their's.

"hey, Cassie?" she heard patrick say and on the inside she was glad that he was talking to her first.

"yeah, patrick?" she asked as she looked up at him, a warm smile on her face.

"i got a cd for you to listen to." he said and she watched him fish around inside his backpack before he pulled out a cd and slid it across the table to her. patrick watched her intently as she took the cd.

patrick had medium length strawberry blonde hair, though sometimes it looked red. he was always wearing a hat and most students had never seen him without one. he had big blue eyes that were showcased by his thick framed square glasses.

patrick was slightly chubby but it didn't distract from his looks, he was a pretty cute guy. he also had a penchent for wearing slogan t-shirts or argyle sweaters. he also happened to be a genius when it came to music. he was always giving Cassie suggestions as to what music she should listen to and Cassie liked that he thought of her.

"thanks, patrick, i'll listen to it tonight." Cassie said as she put the cd in her backpack. patrick smiled and nodded as he ran his hand over the brim of his hat. before Cassie and patrick could talk more Pete forced himself into the conversation.

"so, what are we doing tonight?" Pete asked. it was common for them all to hang out after school, usually it involved going to someone's house and maybe smoking weed or doing a little drinking and just hanging out. it was only wednesday so they couldn't do a lot.

"why don't we just go to Cassie's house again?" patrick suggested. Cassie's house was an often sought after hangout spot because unlike the other's parents who worked days Cassie's mom and dad both worked till late in the night.

"sounds good if it's alright with Cassie?" Pete asked, Cassie nodded. she didn't plan on doing too much tonight but she didn't really mind if it meant that she could hang out with patrick some more. jenny would be excited too because she liked hanging out with Pete and patrick too, but jenny's current crush was jon's friend ryan.

"jon, you should come too." Cassie suggested as she turned to face him. jon who had been flipping lazily through a football playbook looked up and nodded.

"sure, sounds good." he said before looking down and going back through his playbook.

"and you should bring ryan." Cassie added. she noticed that after she said this both Pete and patrick gave her odd looks. she had never really hung out with ryan too much except for she sat next to him in art class. she wanted to tell them that she was requesting that ryan come for jenny's sake but she couldn't with jon at the table.

the next minute and a half passed in silence due to the teacher talking about their future assignments. homeroom ended and Cassie collected her things patrick lingered around, probably because they had the same first hour and they usually walked there together.

Pete had already run off to find their friends andy and joe to tell them of the plans to go to Cassie's place after school.

"you walking me to first hour patrick?" Cassie asked as she smiled at the boy who was taller then her.

"yeah, considering i have the same class." he said as they left the room and headed up the stairs. Cassie intent on finding jenny.


Chapter Two: The fine line between admiration and obsession.

Jenny spotted Cassie coming up the stairs and ran towards her, carefully to not trip over any of the kids frantically searching for their things for there first hour class. Jenny spotted Patrick walking beside Cassie and immediatly knew what was on Cassie's mind at the moment.

"Hey Cassie" Jenny squeaked as she looked from Cassie to patrick.

"Oh Hi Patrick I see your walking My buddy Cassie to first hour, are you?" Patrick turned a light shade of red and Cassie grinned at Jenny and playfully pushed her.

"What? What did I do?!" Jenny said, pretending to be offended by the not so harsh response to her not so serious question.

"Your a dork you know that Jenny?" Cassie laughed "So, the bunch of us are coming to my house tonight again, your up for it right? Pete, Patrick and Jon and Ryan are coming, Most likley Brendon will be there too."

"Sounds Great. I'll be there. How about Krissy, should I invite her? And Megan?"

"Yeah invite Krissy if she isnt working tonight, and if you can get Megan to drag her eyes off of Gabe for more then five minutes she should come too" Cassie said Sarcastically.

Jenny and Patrick Laughed. "Alright. I see Megan in first hour so I'll ask her, and I dont think any of us see Krissy until lunch so we can ambush her then." Cassie laughed at Jennys awkward word choices and looked at her cell phone for the time.

"And speaking of first hour, we're going to be late."

Jenny, Cassie and Patrick parted ways as The duo past her and went the opposite way down the hallway and Jenny ran down the stairs hoping the bell wouldnt ring until she stepped inside the classroom. When she got to the first floor she spotted Megan going into their first hour classroom.

"Hey Megan!" Megan looked over her shoulder and spotted Jenny

"HEY JENNIEZ!" she yelled, obviously not bothered by the stares she got in return from all the students still rushing in the hallway.

"Hey megan, hows the Saporta stalking going latley?" Jenny laughed at her own refrence to megans obsession.

"Pretty damn good, im pretty sure i'll be having his babies by the end of this year." Megan grinned.

Jenny rolled her eyes, knowing megan would never do anything like that.

Megan was 8 months older than jenny but a little shorter then jenny was. She had a unique sense of fashion, and seemed to always be wearing something everyone loved. Her hair was a very dark brown, almost black that fell on her face perfectly.

They both sat down at the table in the back of the classroom, dreading the horrid algebra class they where about to endure for a whole 45 minutes, 45 minutes that could be spent doing something more exciting, for example in megans case, stalking Gabe.

"So we're all going to Cassie's house tonight, you coming? jenny asked.

"Hmm.. Sure, I suppose. I dont have anything better to do tonight anyways. Id be stalking Saporta but hes going out of town to visit his aunt, something about wedding plans." Megan sighed and rested her chin on her arms. "If I only had a car..."

"How in the world do you know these things megan? If you had a car we'd be in a lot more trouble. Your lucky your a good stalker, otherwise i might have to bail you out of jail"

"I hear things from other people... and i heard gabe talking on his cell this morning while he was walking into school. Too bad, he was talking on the phone. I was going to actually talk to him today."

"Megan you always say that but you never talk to him, just stalk him. Its kind of freakish..." Jenny gave her friend an odd look.

"I know but... i LOVE being a freak!" Megan declared. Jenny laughed.

"I know, thats why we love you." Jenny joked looking up as their teacher walked into the classroom, ready to serve them up another lesson of boring.

After Megan and Jenny served out there 45 minutes algebra lesson from hell they met up with Cassie again in the hallway.

"How was Algebra?" Cassie asked cheerfully.

"Fantastic" both megan and jenny said at the same time their voices lacking the excitment Cassie had in hers. Cassie laughed.

"Sounds like you two had a lot of fun, well as if that wasnt enough fun its off to second hour."

"Yeah, wheres ryan when i need him?" Jenny asked "I need someone to make my day seem better after an angsty lesson of algebra."

Cassie and Megan grinned. Jenny yawned.

"Duude, I'm so tired. As if I wasnt tired before first hour i'm about ready to hibernate now!" jenny said as she leaned on Cassie and pretended to be sleeping. Cassie patted jenny on the back.

"Okay sleeping beauty your going to be late for second hour so you better wake up and get your self going"

"Eh? Nooo wake me up when schools overrr." Jenny complained

"Well I have to get to class and you need to, too kid. Talk to you later!" Cassie walked down the hallway towards her class and Jenny walked down the hall to hers she noticed that megan had taken off somewhere inbetween her talk with Cassie. 'probably stalking saporta again' she thought.

Jenny was to shy to stalk the guy she had a crush on, Ryan. That didnt stop her from wanting to though. She hadnt seen him all day and it seemed to be driving her crazy. Ryan had a sweet baby face that seemed to always be plastered with a boyish grin. As jenny sat down she sighed and wondered what he was thinking about and why love was such a big thing in high school.

Classes came and went like they always did and soon it was there lunch hour. Jenny sat at the table they usually sat at and layed her head on the table wishing all the voices in the cafeteria would drown out so she could get in a nap for at least five minutes. Cassie's voice made her open her eye.

"You know its your own fault your tired, you where online practically all night long." Cassie laughed and sat down next to her.

"I know. but i still think its bullshit that school has to start so early. I mean, come on whos brain is working at 7 o'clock in the morning? There should be a law that no school should start until after nine."

Cassie giggled "But then you wouldnt get out till later and then we wouldnt have as much time to have fun after school." Cassie said, and Jenny nodded yet still stuck on her theory but didnt get to push the subject any further because Pete, patrick, and megan all came to the table to sit down.

Megan poked at her food "Im trying to figure out what this actually is and if i was actually to eat it, would it harm me?" Pete laughed

"I dont know but if it does can i sue for you and collect the money and keep it for my self?"

Megan gave him a sarcastic look. "Ha. Ha. Very funny Wentz."

Pete smiled "I thought it was"

Jenny lifted her head and looked around at the people around her. "Hey guys where's Krissy?" Cassie looked around.

"Uh, Im not sure." Cassie said looking around the cafeteria as well. "And where's brendon and, ryan, and Jon?"

"I dont know" Pete replied "But I do know that Andy and Joe are in the library. Those Geeks skip out on lunch for fricken books! books!"

Jenny and Cassie rolled there eyes at Pete, more worried about there friends that had gone M.I.A than how much of a geek their other friends where. Just then Cassie spotted the three and pointed to the other side of the cafeteria. "there they are" She said as she waved to Krissy, Brendon, Ryan and Jon."

"Hey guys!" Krissy said as the four of them approached the table. krissy in front with the three men following her.


chapter three: grilled cheese is a cruel and unusual punishment

Cassie and jenny's friend krissy came to stand next to the table while brendon, ryan, and jon waited in the semi-long line to get their lunches. krissy was around the same age as Cassie. she was tall and had blonde curly hair and green eyes that were showed off by her square glasses.

krissy was often seen as the more mature person in their circle of friends, at least that's what jenny's mom always said. krissy was smart and funny and had a huge whopping crush on brendon urie.

"krissy, did you hear about hanging at my place after school today?" Cassie asked and krissy nodded.

"yeah, jon said something about that during history class." krissy began as she moved down the table and placed her purse next to megan. "i'll be glad to come." she said before she went to stand in the line with brendon.

Cassie glanced back and watched as krissy draped her hand on brendon's shoulder. she also spotted ryan talking animatedly with jon as they waited for their food.

"so, are you glad that i invited ryan tonight?" Cassie leaned in and whispered to jenny, her hand coming up to cover the side of her mouth. jenny turned and looked at Cassie.

"duh, is the sky blue? is the grass green? is grilled cheese considered cruel and unusual punishment?" jenny asked and Cassie laughed at her bestfriend.

"so, i'm guessing yes?" Cassie asked. jenny nodded.

"yeah...he's so damn hot." jenny whispered back.

"hey, secrets don't make friends Cassie!" Pete said as he looked between the two girls. Cassie rolled her eyes and took a bite of the lunch that could only be called mystery meat.

patrick was sitting across from Cassie and she watched him as he ate. he had been in a good mood earlier that day and even at the beginning of lunch but as soon as krissy, brendon, ryan, and jon showed up he had gone quieter and wasn't really looking at anyone.

Pete seemed to notice too as he tapped patrick on the shoulder. "hey, 'trick you okay?" he asked. patrick looked up at him and nodded.

"yeah, i-i think lunch isn't agreeing with me." patrick said as he pushed his tray away. there was a silence at the table as everyone ate. jon, ryan, brendon and krissy came back to the table. krissy took her seat next to megan while ryan, brendon and jon took their seats on the opposite side of the table.

"hey, Cassie thanks for the invite." they heard ryan say. Cassie looked up at ryan. he was a goregous guy, he had really feminine looks but he was still good looking. he had light brown hair that was short in the back but fell in long fringes along his eyes.

ryan had dark brown eyes and he had a penchant for wearing glittery intricate eyeshadows and make-up along his eyes. he also had a flair for wearing over the top fashions.

"oh, you're welcome ryan." she gave ryan a small smile while she continued eating.

"hey, where's spencer?" Pete asked.

"and belinda? she's not here today either?" krissy asked.

"no." jenny and Cassie said at the same time.

"well, where the hell are they?" Pete asked, upset that no one anwsered his original question.

"let's just say that the two of them definitly shouldn't be partnered together for home-ec class." Cassie said and jenny, brendon and ryan laughed. Pete looked confused and brendon reached over and patted him on the shoulder.

"they gave each other food posioning with their tuna casserole." brendon said with a laugh. while it wasn't nice to laugh at their friends misery, Cassie could remember the look on belinda's face as she bit into the casserole that she and spencer had worked so hard to create.

the rest of the lunch hour was spent with with megan taking off five minutes earlier to follow gabe around the school, krissy not so subtly hitting on brendon, jenny staring off at ryan and Cassie, Pete, and patrick arguing about which bands were better then which.

after lunch Cassie, jenny, krissy, brendon and ryan went off the their drama club meeting. while Pete and patrick went to their computer class.

they sat in a circle on the stage of the auditorium. Cassie ended up sandwhiched between brendon on her left and jenny on her right. krissy was on brendon's left and jenny had managed to get lucky enough to have ryan sitting next to her. though Cassie had to watch jenny carefully and nudge her once when she leaned in to sniff ryan.

the drama teacher was definitly a bit of a hippie. he liked to have his students do spiritual and touchy sorts of activities. today he wanted them to all hold hands. Cassie heard jenny give a small gasp and she glanced over to see krissy beaming like crazy.

Cassie took brendon's hand and tried to look like she wasn't enjoying it for fear of incuring krissy's wrath. Cassie took jenny's hand too and she turned to watch as jenny nervously placed her hand into ryan's. jenny leaned over to Cassie. "oh god, his hand is so warm! and soft!" she whispered but a little too loud as they heard ryan whisper "thanks."

jenny blushed at the fact that her crush had heard her compliment his hands and Cassie tried her best not to notice. class was over fourty minutes later and all they had left was one class before it was time to go home.


Chapter Four: My heart ticks in beat with, these kids that i grew up with.

Jenny walked alone by her self in the hallway towards her 8th hour class. It was the last class before they got to go home and time couldnt move any faster. 8th hour was study hall, jenny had this class with megan, and her not so secret (anymore) crush ryan ross. jenny was kind of nervous at the thought of having ryan in class with her. He sat in front of her and megan sat to the left of her. When she liked a guy, they usually never knew about it due to the fact that she was shy when it came to guys. Then again she was kind of glad that ryan had heard her comment about him, he hadnt rejected it after all and he made a point to let her know that he had heard it. Jenny smiled at her higher then usual ego. 'dont get your hopes up kid' she thought to her self.

When jenny got to the classroom megan was already siting in her seat and glanced up to see her walk threw the room and smiled, excited to see her friend. Jenny sat down in her seat and looked over at megan. Who was grinning at her but seemed to be holding something back

"Alright spill" Jenny said knowing megan couldnt last much longer without telling her what she knew.

"Saporta broke up with his girlfriend!! See, this is because him and i were MEANT to be together! and he knows that!" Jenny laughed.

"Alright megan, before you go and hook up with him maybe you should introduce your self to him. And just know that if you do get past the second step and somehow jump back up to the first and he hurts you I am going to kick his ass, okay?"

"Yes, I know. but trust me if gabe and i ever got together it wouldn't be like that. We'd be different. I know it" If jenny didnt know megan she'd think she was just joking around, but knowing her very well she knew that megan wanted nothing more than for that to be true, and even though she didnt know gabe she wanted him to be the one for her, because even though megan didnt know him he made her happy, and that was really all that mattered. She smiled. "I know" jenny replied.

Just then ryan walked inbetween the two girls. "Hi, Megan. Hi Jenny" Ryan greeted them. "Hi ryan" both girls responded megans voice a little louder then jennys. Ryan glanced over at jenny before he slowly sat down in his seat. Megan gave jenny an odd look.

Jenny shrugged. She didnt know what to think of ryan at the moment. Guys where very hard to figure out when it came to emotions. Jenny and megan really had nothing to work on since they had finished all there homework in class, so they toke to passing notes back and forth.

'whats up with you and ryan' megan wrote.
'I really have no clue' jenny wrote back after taking a good minute to stare at the back of ryans head.
'why, what happaned?' jenny proceded to tell megan about what had happened earlier and what it meant, if it meant anything at all.

megan consisted to tell her to act on it. point it out and find out if ryan held any feelings for her. but he had made the first move, it was only right he confronted the situation!

Before she had any time to think on it the bell rang telling them that the day was over and it was time for them all to go home and busy their selfs with other activites besides school. In her and megans case that would be hanging out with Cassie at her house.

Jenny walked up behind Cassie noticing once again that patrick was standing with her and she wraped her arms around Cassies neck.

"heeeey Cassieee! Hey again Tricky-boy!" Jenny said, using patricks oh so adorable nickname.

Patrick greeted her and glanced back at Cassie "I'll see you in a little bit okay?" he said to Cassie and she smiled at him

"Okay, Patrick. see you then."

"Soooo What's up with you and Patrick latley huh Cassieee??" Jenny asked all too nosey for her own good. Cassie giggled.

"Nothing...... yet!" Cassie grinned and jenny returned her smile, happy to see her happy and excited. Patrick was sweet and Cassie and patrick went good together. Anyone could see it.

"So, do you think he's going to ask you out?" Jenny questioned. Cassie looked at her and tried not to smile but failed.

"I dont know but he follows me around a lot and he talks to me a lot but when his friends are around he gets quiet. Like they know something that i dont and hes afraid to say anything because they might let it out." Cassie smirked as she looked threw her locker for her messanger bag and books.

"He's sweet. He really is, but he's shy and that just makes him all the more adorable"

jenny smirked once again and clung to Cassie. "Ahh, Teenage love its such a beautiful, confusing and sometimes frustrating thing, but oh, we just have to love it" Cassie laughed

"ha ha way to word it jenny." jenny grinned from ear to ear looking up at her best friend.

"I do have a way with words dont i?"

"Yes you do, cept when it comes to ryan you seem to not say more than a word when your around him." She grinned "At least now i know what your weakness is!"

"Its not a weakness its a flaw!!" Jenny insisted feeling almost hurt that her best friend had pointed out her biggest weakness.

"Ah Ha! Flaw, weakness! same thing!" Cassie and jenny giggled

"So you caught me, but really do you think he really likes me?"

"I dunno i guess we will have to find out tonight when everyones over, something tells me tonight is going to be a very interesting one."


chapter five: bed knobs and bus rides

Cassie and jenny stood by Cassie's locker. they had been discussing ryan and patrick up until the two girls had heard footsteps and they turned to see Pete coming towards them.

"talking about me ladies?" Pete asked as he came around and threw an arm on each of the girls shoulders.

"of course, didn't you know that you're all we talk about Pete?" Cassie said as she grinned at Pete.

"cause i'm awesome like that." Pete said with a laugh. "anyway, let's blow this educational prison. you want a ride home jenny?" Pete asked and jenny shook her head and gave a little sigh.

"no, my mom would kill me if i rode home with you." jenny said. she frowned and leaned back against Cassie's dark green locker.

"oh come on! i told her i didn't mean to crash into your garbage cans! the road was slippery!" Pete said trying his best to plead his case. jenny shrugged at the fact that her mom so disliked Pete driving her daughter around.

"i'd better go before i get the crappy seat on the bus." jenny said as she pushed away from the lockers and moved to head down the stairs.

"alright, i'll see you when you come over then." Cassie said as she hugged jenny. Pete and Cassie watched jenny walk down the stairs before Cassie turned her attention to Pete.

"where's patrick?" she asked as she looked around the hallway in hopes of seeing the adorable hat adorned boy. "are we giving him a ride?" she asked Pete.

Pete shook his head, his bangs flickering into his eyes. "nah, his mom is taking him home then i'm picking him up later." Pete said as he slid away from Cassie and pulled his set of car keys out of his jeans pocket. "let's go." he said as he headed down the stairs with Cassie following close behind him.

they left out the front of the school where four long yellow buses were crammed in the cement bend of the parking lot. jenny, megan, belinda and krissy all rode the bus. though usually krissy grabbed rides home with jon when he didn't have football practice, as did brendon, ryan and spencer.

Pete and Cassie passed the buses to the parking lot where Pete had parked that morning. as they walked they spotted patrick's mom's minivan in the parking lot. the duo walked past it and saw patrick and his mom sitting in the van, apparently waiting for the buses to clear out before they left.

patrick noticed the duo and it seemed like he was caught between being embaressed that Pete and Cassie had seen him with his mom and wanting to hide or acknowledging his friends. he didn't have to choose though seeing as Cassie and Pete waved to him.

patrick waved back as did his mom who shared the same blondish/reddish hair that he had. patrick seemed more embaressed and Pete and Cassie tried not to laugh until they had passed the car.

Cassie kept her gaze fixed on patrick probably longer then she should have but a small nudge from Pete was enough to tear her eyes away from him.

"careful, or he'll figure out that you're crazy in love with him." Pete teased and she scoffed and gave Pete a playful shove.

"maybe i want him to figure it out." she said almost wistfully with a grin. Pete grinned but didn't say anything which Cassie found kinda unusual. the duo had reached Pete's car and the two of them climbed inside.

a few cars down from Pete's they could see jon's car. they could see jon sitting in the driver's seat with ryan in the front passenger seat and brendon and krissy in the backseat and where spencer usually sat in the back was jenny. Cassie was excited that jenny was getting a ride home from jon meaning that she could ride in the same car as ryan.

they drove pass jon's car as they left the school's parking lot and Pete honked at their friends.

"do you think patrick's okay?" Cassie asked as they drove down the street away from the school and towards Cassie's house. Pete gave her an odd look.

"sure, he's fine. why wouldn't he be?" Pete asked as though Cassie knew something he didn't.

"well, nothing really it's just that he seemed off at lunch today." Cassie said as she looked out the window at the green lawns and tall trees. Pete's face went kinda blank as if he were remembering today's lunch.

"yeah, i'd be off if i ate that lunch too." Pete joked. Cassie smiled and figured that if Pete thought patrick was okay then chances were that he was fine. he was in a better mood after lunch when Cassie had seen him again and he seemed to be fine as they were leaving school. Cassie chalked up his foul mood to lunch and proceeded not to worry about it.

moments later Cassie and Pete arrived at Cassie's place with Pete parking in the driveway, where Cassie's mom usually parked. "you going home first or just hanging here?" Cassie asked. her hand flittering over the car's door handle.

"here. i called my mom before we left school." Pete said as he opened his car door and climbed out. Cassie unlocked the front door and went inside with Pete following behind her.

Cassie's house was two stories with her room being upstairs. from the enterance of the home to the left was the kitchen and a few other rooms and to the right was the living room. through the living room was a staircase that led to the second floor where Cassie's bedroom and bathroom was.

Cassie headed through the living room intent on going upstairs while Pete took to stalking towards the kitchen, Cassie didn't mind. Pete had been coming over for years and her home was something like his second home.

Cassie could hear Pete still moving around in the kitchen as she entered her room. she slipped off her silver converses and walked across the soft light green carpet to the end of her bed where she dropped her school bag. her room was an average size, with enough space for her bed and dresser with a small tv on top of it. she had a soft purple chair against the wall next to the door.

her bed was pushed against the wall opposite the door so that if one were to walk into the room they'd see the bed first. she also had a walk in closet that had a door that sometimes got stuck when it was closed.

Cassie grabbed the cd that patrick had lent her and put it into the stereo as she stepped into the closet to change her shirt. while she was in the closet she heard the thumping of footsteps against the wooden stairs and she knew Pete was coming into her bedroom.

"Cassie, you in here?" Pete asked and it sounded like he had a mouthful of food.

"yeah, i'm in the closet." she said, she heard Pete make a coughing noise. "don't you dare make any gay jokes." she added as she pulled off her shirt. she was well hidden by the deep closet and the rack of clothes so she knew Pete couldn't see anything. Cassie heard a thump and knew that Pete had flopped down on to her bed.

she pulled on a pretty black top and stepped out of the closet. "and don't eat on my bed. last time i found half a cookie in it." Cassie said as she looked down at Pete who was holding a sandwhich and laying on her bed.

Pete grinned and rolled over so he was half hanging off the bed so that his food particals hit the floor. the soft bluesy sound spilling from the cd that patrick had lent her floated around the room. hearing the music made her think of patrick and she sighed softly as she went around to the other side of the bed, that was currently not being occupied by Pete and sat down.

Pete who had finished his sandwhich wiped his hands on his jeans and laid back against Cassie's soft pillows.

"do you think patrick likes me?" he heard Cassie ask and he looked over at her. from his position all he could see was the back of her, he shrugged even though she couldn't see it.

"well, let's see." Pete began as he sat himself up a bit. Cassie pulled her legs up on the bed and settled next to Pete, she was watching him intently.

"he always hangs around you when he can, when you're gone he talks about you a lot and i do mean a lot." Pete said "and i know because i'm always the one he's talking about you to." he added as he laid back on her bed and they were sharing her pillow.

"then why won't he ask me ouuuuuttttt?" Cassie whined to Pete. Pete propped himself up on his elbows and looked down at her.

"he's shy! Pete said as though it solved everything. "and why are you talking to me about this? can't you call jenny or something?" Pete asked as he sat up.

"i don't think jenny's home yet." Cassie said as she copied Pete and sat up. "besides we're bestfriends. how come i can't talk to you about this?" she asked as she looked him in the eyes.

"i'm a guy. i need to talk about manly things! like football! and boobs!" Pete declared.

"you don't even like football and how long has it been since you've seen boobs?" Cassie said and Pete pushed her playfully and she pushed him back and knocked him off the side of the bed on accident.

"you okay Wentz?" she asked from on top of the bed.

"yeah, just wake me when the others get here." Pete said from the floor.


Chapter Six: locked inside an empty mind.

Jenny walked through the front door of her house after waving to Jon, Ryan, and Brendon and thanking walker for the ride home. Thankfully her mother trusted Jon not to plow into their garbage cans.

"Im home!" Jenny anounced, but got no answer in return. Her Mom usually wasn't home when she got home, but came strolling in an hour or so later and her dad, he was never around. the only one in the house was her dog Tucker.

"Tucker, where are you boy?" She called out as she heard movment upstairs as the dog ran down the stairs towards her. She knelt down and hugged the small dog. In return he licked her face and tackled her to the ground in attempt at licking every inch of her face.

She laughed "Okay, okay tucker I missed you too" she smiled as she pushed the Dog off of her. and crawled back to her feet. the dog sniffed at her feet and then turned around and ran upstairs, most likley going to crawl into her bed and sleep some more.

"Lazy dog" she muttered, as she walked into the kitchen looking around for something to snack on. She planned to stay home for a little while and then head over to Cassies. Ryan and Jon weren't coming over for a couple hours, but jenny wanted to talk to Cassie. and Pete always made things fun by doing something stupid. She wanted to talk to Cassie about Patrick, and about what brendon had told her on the ride home and of course, ryan.

She pulled a pop out of the fridge and sat down at the kitchen counter. She felt awkward, it was weird riding home with ryan and the others. That's what she hated about guys, they made everything so awkward without even meaning too. She finished off her soda and walked upstairs to her room. Her room was like any typical teenagers. The walls where covered in posters of her favorite bands. Her bed sat in the middle of the room and on it was as she predicted, tucker.

She stroked the dogs head as she passed him and sat down at the desk next to her bed trying to think of what to do for the next 45 minutes. After 5 minutes of staring off into no where she decided to call Cassie and tell her she was coming over now, instead of forty minutes later. She'd have to walk but it was worth it.

Within two rings Cassie answered "Heeeeello" the cheerful voice on the other end said

"Hey Cassie im going to come over now, is that okay?"

"Sure jenny. I'll be here" she laughed

"Alright see ya!" the younger girl said as she closed her own phone and steped into her closet to find a hoodie to throw over her shirt. It wasnt cold but with the sun going down it got a little chilly.

She said good-bye to Tucker and tucked her cell phone into her pocket as she ran down the stairs and out the door. Careful to lock the door behind her. Her mom was paranoid about that kind of thing since, they hadnt always lived in a good area.

The walk to Cassies was about 25 minutes if she picked up a good pace, and the way her mind was running the time wouldn't seem like anything. She was thinking about everything. Ryan. Cassie. Brendon. Her dad. School. She noticed that when she was alone her mind seemed to run into places it shouldn't. Maybe that's why she didn't like being alone. She shook the thoughts from her mind as she got to the last block before Cassie's house. Cassie was her best friend. the one that knew all and everything about her. She didn't know what she'd do without her.

When she got to Cassie's house she knocked on the door before walking in. When she walked in 3 cats greated her. Cassie always had a lot of cats. Usually named after her favorite characters on her favorite shows on tv. "Im here" she shouted out as she kneeled down to pet the cats that had greeted her.

"Hey jenny!" Cassie shouted as she walked out of her bedroom. Pete trailing along behind her. if she didn't know better she'd have thought it was kind of odd to have them both in the same room together. but she knew how Cassie and Pete where. "Hi, jenny" Pete said as he sat down on Cassie's couch and surfed threw the channels on tv. Finally resting at the FUSE channel where music videos where playing.

Cassie rolled her eyes at Pete as his brain got sucked into the tv "So, what brought you over so early?" She asked siting down at the kitchen table

jenny took the seat across from her "I didnt have anything to do, and i was getting lost in my thoughts again. So i thought id come over here where i could keep you two company. Besides im sure Pete wasn't too pleased about your non stop patrick talking" Jenny grinned.

Pete turned around "You know her well" he said before he turned his head back to the tv and fell silent once again.

both girls giggled. "soooo, casseh spill. Whats up with you and that boy?" Cassie looked as if she was holding her breath.

"he likes me!!" she shouted. "but he's to shy to ask me out. What should I do? Should i ask him out?!"

"duuuhh, of course you should" jenny smiled "all though, you know me. i'd by shy too, but you and patrick are good for each other. It'd help you both if you asked him out." Cassie smiled and bit her bottom lip as if concentrating really hard.

"alright.... I'll try to ask him tonight.. but i dont know if i'll be able too"

"you can do it Cassie, dont worry about it! and don't feel too alone you won't be the only one asking someone out tonight." Cassie looked at her, confused.

"Yeah, you'll never guess what brendon told me on the ride home after jon dropped krissy off. He's going to ask her out tonight! FINALLY!" All though it seemed like they both were a couple no one had confirmed the fact that they were in a relationship.

"Really? That's great! Krissy is going to be so happy. she's been waiting for this for the longest time"

"I know." jenny replied as Pete turned around and looked at them.

"can you girls be a little bit quieter about your girl buisness so i can hear the music?" he smiled and then turned back around. Cassie threw a empty pop can at his head which missed him and hit him in the leg. he threw the can back and missed

"its a good thing your a soccer player Wentz because you have really bad aim" Cassie remarked making all three of them laugh.

"so.." jenny began. "seems like things might finally work out for us!" she grinned. "boy wise anyways.."

both girls laughed as Wentz rolled his eyes.


chapter seven: trapped in the closet

the three teens passed the time until the other's arrived in a pretty boring fashion. they watched music videos and chowed down on snacks. Pete left a good ten minutes before anyone else showed up. he was leaving to go and pick up patrick, which Cassie was eager to see now that she had the newfound courage to ask him out.

Cassie had known patrick since ninth grade and always kind of liked him for just as long. so Cassie tried to stick with her plan that she would ask out patrick tonight, the thought made her heart skip a beat but she tried to remain calm.

she was half tempted to talk jenny into making her hit on ryan but she knew that jenny wasn't really ready for that and would probably have a heart attack if she were to ask.

jenny and Cassie had been sitting on the couch when the phone rang. Cassie grabbed it and heard a soft girl voice on the other end.

"Cassie?" the girl voice asked

"yeah." Cassie said unsure of who was on the phone as the voice didn't sound too familar. jenny was looking at Cassie curiously, obviously wanting to know who was on the phone.

"it's belinda..." the voice said and Cassie's face brightened as she recongized it was her young friend belinda.

"hi, belinda. how's the food poisoning?" Cassie asked. there was a light sigh before belinda anwsered.

"oh? puking my guts out? going great!" belinda said weakly. "anyway, joe came over and told me that you're having a get together at your place tonight." belinda said.

"um yeah, some people are coming over but it hardly counts as a get together." Cassie said trying not to make belinda feel bad.

"i wanna gooooooooo! but my parents won't let me out of the house!" belinda whined weakly.

"don't worry belindy, we can all hang out again when you feel better." Cassie said.

"is william coming?" belinda asked with a newfound sense of determination in her voice.

"ah, no actually." Cassie said. she had forgotten that belinda had an epic slightly stalkerish kind of crush on william beckett, a senior and the school's student council president.

"ah, i feel better now..." belinda said as she kinda trailed off.

"um how's spencer?" Cassie asked. she didn't know whether or not belinda had talked to her home economics partner but she was curious.

"i haven't heard from him in awhile. not since he called me a million times to tell me it's MY fault that we got sick when it's obviously his fault! i told him to cook it longer!" belinda cried and it seemed that remembering the tainted tuna dish that caused their sickness in the first place sent another wave of nausia through belinda and she quickly got of the phone.

shortly after Cassie got off the phone with belinda there was a knock on the front door. Cassie looked back at jenny who was on the couch and jenny looked nervous, obviously thinking it was ryan at the door. Cassie went to the door and pulled it open and grinned as she saw ryan and jon standing on her porch while brendon and krissy stood behind them.

she welcomed them in and stood there as the four teens entered her house. everyone had basically come over at least once and she thought that ryan was the one who had been over the least amount of times. Cassie followed them into the living room and found that jon had taken a seat next to jenny and ryan next to jon, while brendon and krissy sat next to each other on the smaller loveseat.

Cassie didn't think that brendon had asked krissy out yet or krissy would've been desperate to spill the details.

"hey, Cassie got any snacks?" jon asked as he looked over at her hopefully. she nodded and started into the kitchen.

"i'll help." she heard brendon say and in seconds he was in the kitchen with her. Cassie pulled out a couple bags of chips and whatever else she had that could be considered a snack, while brendon leaned against the counter watching her.

"so, i hear you're gonna ask out krissy." Cassie said smiling at brendon. brendon looked surprised but answered with a "yeah."

"does that bother you?" brendon asked. he had opened one of the bags and had poured the chips into a bowl. it was Cassie's turn to look surprised.

"no, why would that bother me?" she asked as she copied brendon's actions.

"you know why." brendon said with a flat voice and Cassie rolled her eyes before she picked up one of the bowls of chips.

"we don't talk about that remember?" she said as she headed back into the living room.

"guess i forgot." brendon teased as he followed her.

Cassie tried not to be thrown off by the mini conversation that she and brendon had just had. now she was just eager for Pete to return with patrick in tow. but until then she was focusing her energy on getting jenny to talk to ryan, seeing as jenny wouldn't do it on her own.

"hey, ryan." Cassie said, getting ryan's attention. he turned to look at her as did jenny who was slightly wide eyed as if afraid that Cassie would say something.

"jenny was just telling me that she was dying to hear about that painting you're working on in our art class." Cassie lied. jenny looked somewhere between terrified and confused. ryan turned to look at her instead.

"really?" he asked and jenny managed to make herself nod. ryan grinned as did Cassie. she knew that ryan was a big art freak and that bringing it up was almost a surefire way to get some ryan time for jenny.

"jon, switch me seats so i can talk to jenny." ryan said with a nudge to jon's side. jon looked like he'd not like to be bothered with moving but he stood anyway and allowed ryan to scoot over next to jenny. Cassie could only hope that jenny could keep calm.

jon stated that he was using the bathroom and left the living room. jenny looked up at Cassie.

"i think Cassie's interested in the painting too!" jenny said and she looked at jon's now vacant seat. Cassie took it as jenny not wanting to sit alone on the couch with ryan so Cassie shrugged and took a seat next to ryan.

brendon and krissy were listening to ryan talk but krissy had slipped a hand up around brendon's shoulders and brendon grinned. before much time could pass they heard the front door bang open and Pete's loud voice fill the room.

"we're back!" he called as they heard him head into the kitchen. "and we got beer!" joe's voice added.

andy and patrick entered the living room just as jon came back from the bathroom. Cassie looked over at patrick and her heart beat a bit quicker as their eyes met. she got up off the couch, much more eager to hang out with patrick then to sit and listen to ryan.

at this point jenny didn't seem too broken up that she had gotten up so she smiled as she approached patrick.

"hey, patrick. you want a drink or something?" Cassie asked and patrick gave a nod as he followed her into the kitchen.

Pete and joe were already in the kitchen. Pete was in the fridge pulling out drinks and chilling beers while joe was cracking open cases of said beer.

"Pete, hand me two soda's." Cassie said as she leaned against the counter.

"soda? wouldn't you rather have beer?" joe asked and Cassie shrugged.

"not yet. maybe later." she said and patrick agreed. "oh trick, i listened to that cd you gave me." she told him and his face kinda lit up.

"yeah, you like it?" he asked and she nodded and he grinned.

in the time span of fifteen minutes drinks had been passed around and someone managed to score a bag of weed. jon and joe were lighting up in the living room when megan arrived.

"sorry, i'm late." she said and Cassie half wondered if megan had waited until gabe had left for that wedding before she came over. megan quickly joined in the activities.

by twenty minutes joe, jon, and megan were pretty high while brendon and krissy were downing drinks. ryan, Cassie, jenny, and patrick were drinking but lightly. Pete was kinda getting pretty wasted pretty quickly and andy wasn't drinking at all.

at some point Pete wobbled up to Cassie, his hands on her shoulders and his breath smelling like alcohol. "heeeeeeeyyy, caaaaaaaassssiiieee." Pete started. "i was just telling jon about that time i jumped off your roof when i was sixteen...remember that?" Pete asked and he really didn't wait for Cassie to anwser but she did remember that. "well jon doesn't believe that i did it! can you believe that?" again Pete didn't wait for an anwser and patrick who was sitting next to Cassie at the time started laughing.

"so i told him that you taped it for me! so i need you to get the tape...so-so i can show him." Pete half slurred and Cassie tried to remember if said tape still existed.

"i think it might be in my closet ." Cassie said as she tried to think of the last time she had actually seen the video tape. it seemed likely that it was there and Cassie knew that Pete wouldn't leave her alone until she at least looked for the tape.

Cassie gave a light sigh. "i'll go look for it." she said as she got out of the recliner she was sitting in.

"i'll go with you." patrick said as he too stood. Cassie felt a blush cross her cheeks as the thought of patrick alone in her room with her crossed her mind. she hadn't forgotten that she wanted to ask patrick out tonight and this could easily be the opportunity she was looking for.

the duo headed upstairs while Pete argued with jon that he did jump off the roof. they entered Cassie's room and Cassie's heart beast fast. patrick had been in her room before but someone had always been with them...they were never alone.

Cassie looked to the closet. she thought that the tape was on the shelf in there.

"you said the closet right?" patrick asked and she nodded. patrick walked to the closet and Cassie followed.

"there's no light in there." Cassie sighed as she stepped into the dark closet. she was surprised that patrick had followed her into the closet. the closet wasn't too large but large enough for two or three people to fit into comfortably. "i think it's up here." Cassie said as she stretched up to the top shelf, her fingers barely brushing the shelf.

"i think i'm too short..." she said with a laugh. patrick who wasn't much taller then she was stepped up and reached up to the shelf feeling around. as patrick was searching there was a sudden loud banging noise from downstairs and something fell over. whatever fell over downstairs hit one of the walls with enough force to shake the walls.

Cassie heard another bang and just as suddenly the closet door was pushed closed.

"what the fuck was that?" patrick asked though Cassie could no longer see him.

"shit..." was all Cassie replied. patrick didn't know yet...but the closet door was broken and couldn't be opened from the inside. "patrick...um, are you clostraphobic or scared of the dark?" Cassie asked.

"um no. why?" patrick said and she strained her eyes to try and see his face.

"because we're kinda stuck in here." Cassie said and patrick didn't say anything and Cassie felt nervous.

"you're kidding right?" patrick said and Cassie shook her head even though patrick couldn't see her.

"no...i'm not. we're stuck..." she said. "that closet door gets stuck."

Cassie heard patrick sigh again. there was silence between the two of them and Cassie felt completely nervous. they were locked in a closet together, it's not like there was a better time for her to ask him out. she didn't though and she felt stupid for chickening out.

"Pete will probably come up here to find us. we probably won't be in here long." she heard patrick say in a reassuring way, it sounded like his voice had gotten closer. Cassie shifted out from the back of the closet, her hands out in case she bumped into patrick. she felt her hand slide across patrick's shoulder.

"sorry.." she mumbled as she went and settled back against the wall by the door.

"it's okay.." patrick sounded strange too and she could hear him moving. "put your arm out." patrick said lightly and Cassie did as he asked. she waited before she felt the warm tapping of patrick's fingertips trying to find her in the dark.

his hand wrapped around her wrist and she could hear him moving. she heard a light thud and assumed that he had went to the wall too.

"we could call for help?" Cassie suggested.

"they have the music on downstairs...no way they'd hear us." patrick said and she could almost see him leaning against the wall, his face concentraiting on finding a way out. "hey, won't jenny come looking for you? you are her best friend." patrick asked sounding slightly hopeful.

"nah, she's probably too busy talking to ryan." Cassie said. she absentmindedly pressed against the door hopeful that it would open but it didn't budge. "that's the whole reason i invited ryan tonight anyway." Cassie said with a slight sigh.

she was a bit worried. if no one bothered to come and find them they could be up there for who knows how long.

"wait, jenny?...i thought you liked ryan?" she heard patrick ask and Cassie laughed.

"what? no way! ryan's too girly for me. Cassie said. there was a silence before patrick spoke again.

"oh...well...do you like someone?" he asked and Cassie's heart started beating quickly. patrick sounded nervous and Cassie knew that she had to tell him, it was perfect timing so she took a deep breath and spoke.

"i like you patrick."

it had slipped from her lips before she even realized it...'shit' she thought. she had just said that she liked patrick and now they were locked in a closet...if he didn't return her feelings, then things were about to get fucking awkward.

"you...what?" patrick said sounding surprised and she was insanely glad he couldn't see her because she was blushing.

"i-uh-like you." she mumbled out and she felt so stupid. this definitly wasn't how she pictured telling him and she just wanted him to say something anything, to let her know that he liked her too.

Cassie could hear patrick moving again and her breath hitched lightly as she felt the warmth of his hand take hold of her's.

"i guess it's easier to tell someone you like them when you can't see their face." patrick said with a small laugh and she was unsure if she should laugh too.

"i've liked you for a long time patrick." Cassie began, she was now worried that patrick didn't like her back and she still wanted him to say that he liked her.

patrick's words floated around her head as she waited for him to say something. he had said that he thought that she liked ryan. "wait, patrick?" Cassie began.

"yeah?" he asked and he sounded almost as nervous as she felt.

"you thought i liked ryan...so were you jealous?" Cassie asked as she grinned into the darkness. patrick didn't say anything and Cassie laughed a bit. "you were! so that's why you were in a bad mood at lunch? because ryan was around?" Cassie asked still smiling despite patrick not being able to see her.

"well, i mean ryan's way better looking so of course i thought you liked him." patrick said to her and she felt her heart jump a bit.

"no, no way patrick. trust me, it's you i like." Cassie said, her voice dropping more serious.

"that's good." she heard patrick say and Cassie felt his hand slide up her arm and the other hand found her cheek. it was like patrick wasn't sure where she was at. "because i like you too." he whispered into her ear and she could barely hear him with her heart beating and the blood rushing to her ears. but she did hear him and she sure as hell felt when he kissed her.

it was sudden and soft and patrick's lips were warm. his hand was still on her cheek while the other slid back down and held her hand. Cassie's hand went to patrick's neck, his gingery hair brushing against her fingertips. it was eveything she had wanted for the last two years and here she had it in the form of patrick's tongue in her mouth.

patrick moved his hand to her waist and pressed her back against the closet wall. she grinned into their kisses and thought that now she didn't mind so much that she was locked in her bedroom closet with patrick stump.

it was then that the two teens heard a scraping noise and the door was pulled open. the light from the room poured inside the dark closet and Cassie and patrick's mouths broke apart as they looked, squinty eyed and still holding each other. they looked up at a very shocked and still kinda drunk Pete and a happy yet surprised looking jenny.

in that moment Cassie thought that jenny and Pete possibly had the worst timing ever.


chapter eight: no one's the wiser

Cassie and patrick had emerged red faced and embaressed out of the closet with jenny and Pete laughing at them. jenny claimed that she knew the two were secretly making out all along and Pete seemed too drunk to really know what was fully going on.

Cassie was embaressed, it had seemed a hell of a lot easier back in the closet and she was tempted to crawl back in there.

"how long have you two been?...you know." jenny asked but trailed off, her finger making an invisible path from Cassie to patrick. "

"we haven't." Cassie said, her face still flushed from the making out and the getting caught by her best friends. "i mean...this was the first time." she finished as she glanced from jenny to patrick and back again.

"i see." jenny began and it seemed like she had more questions but before anything more could be said Pete suddenly let out a small groan and pressed his hand to his stomach.

"i think i'm gonna be sick..." he muttered before he raced out of Cassie's bedroom and towards Cassie's private upstairs bathroom. Cassie, patrick, and jenny looked at one another for a moment before jenny gave a slight sigh.

"i'll go make sure he doesn't throw up all over your bathroom." she said as she walked towards the door, her feet leaving trails in the carpet.

"thanks jenny. i love you!" Cassie said as she grinned at her best friend.

"love you too!" jenny said back with a slight smile as she left to find Pete.

this once again left Cassie and patrick alone in her room. there was a slight silence between them until Cassie finally spoke.

"so are we going out now?" Cassie asked, breaking the silence, she fully expected patrick to say yeah so when he didn't say anything at all it was surprising. "patrick?" she began, she looked at him as they stood in her room. patrick looked slightly nervous and he wouldn't really look Cassie in the eye.

"i don't think we should yet..." patrick said, his voice low and near a whisper. Cassie was even more confused now. the words patrick had said while they were locked in the closet echoed in her head.

"but you-you said you really liked me...what about all the stuff in the closet?" Cassie asked, her voice teetered somewhere between hurt, confused and panicked. she was afraid that patrick had used her for some cheap make-out session and now didn't want a realtionship to go with it.

patrick never really seemed like that kind of guy and he re-affirmed that thought with the next words he spoke.

"i do like you! i like you a fucking lot." patrick said as he looked at her now, he was standing like he was uncomfortable, his hands jammed into his pockets and his bright blue eyes flickering over her face, and Cassie didn't like where she thought this conversation was going.

"then what's the problem trick?" she asked, her hands coming to rest on her hips as she looked at him in confusion. really she didn't understand where the hell patrick was going with this but her heart was pounding fast as she waited for him to anwser her.

patrick let out a small sigh, he lifted the black hat off his head and ran his pale fingers through his gingery hair before placing the hat back on. "i'm scared Cassie..." patrick admitted after a moment. it was now Cassie's turn to be quiet. she watched patrick as she tried to comprehend what he was trying to tell her. when nothing of genius came to her she settled on a simple "what?"

patrick let out another small sigh, like he had expected her not to understand what he meant. he moved to the end of her bed and sat down before he turned his attention to her.

"we're such good friends Cassie... i value our friendship so, so much and i care about you a lot. i-i guess that i'm afraid that if we do end up dating and it doesn't work out then our friendship will be destroyed. we'll end up hating each other and we'll lose that friendship for good and that's something i don't want." he said as he looked up at her.

Cassie remained silent but moved to sit beside patrick on the bed. he turned to face her, staring at her with wide honest eyes. his hands were clutched in his jeans as he waited for her to speak. Cassie's mind was moving slowly, she was trying to take in everything he was telling her, she was also trying not to look so upset that patrick was basically saying that he didn't want to date her.

"patrick...i love our friendship too...but i think that if we dated we could be happy, like really happy. and even if things didn't work out, i would never stop being friends with you. i think dating would be a chance we should be willing to take." Cassie said as she placed her hand on top of patrick's and looked into his eyes.

he looked away but he didn't move his hand, her's still resting lightly on his. "i want that Cassie...i really do. i've wanted it for such a long time but...i think i need some time to think about it. is that okay?" patrick asked, his eyes glancing from the floor to Cassie and back to the floor.

"sure...i guess so patrick...i don't really have a choice do i?" she said and she pulled her hand away from his. she stood from the bed and moved to the door. patrick remained cemented to the bed as Cassie lingered near the door. "just, uh-call me when you make a discision i guess." she said before she left the room, leaving patrick all alone with his thoughts.

Cassie padded softly down the upstairs hallway. the sounds of the party downstairs floated up to her ears but the sounds of her friends being happy did nothing to ease her mood. she moved down the hall to the bathroom where Pete had went to puke his guts out.

she stood against the wooden doorframe and peered inside. the bathroom was pretty large, the white counter covered with oddities like hairbrushes and make-up and all kinds of girly products. the floor was tiled white and light blue rugs adorned the floor. a medium sized bathtub with a long detachable shower head hung up in the tub. next to the tub was the toliet where jenny was currently sitting on top of the closed wooden seat.

Pete was nowhere to be found and Cassie just hoped that the boy wasn't throwing up somewhere else in the house. "where's Pete?" Cassie asked and jenny looked up almost surprised to see her friend standing there.

"oh, he passed out up here and i had jon and andy carry him downstairs." jenny said with a small grin. "so, care to tell me what happened with you and our dear trick?" jenny asked as he stood from her spot on the toliet and moved instead to the edge of the tub. Cassie let out a sigh and turned to the hall for a moment, her bedroom door was open and chances were good that if patrick was still in her room he'd be able to hear everything she said.

Cassie stepped furthur into the bathroom and closed the door behind her before settling back against the solid wooden door. "so we got locked in the closet right? then while we were in there i told patrick that i liked him." at this jenny gave Cassie a grin and a thumbs up sign. Cassie smiled a little but continued with her story. "and he said he liked me back, so then we started making out and you guys opened the door...but then after you left i asked him if we were gonna start dating and he said he didn't know...he said he needed time to think." Cassie said.

she watched jenny's face fade from a smile to a slight frown. "what the fuck does that mean?" she asked and Cassie applauded jenny's bluntness.

"according to him it means that he doesn't want to ruin our friendship, so he wants to wait to figure out if he really wants to risk it." Cassie said and she closed her eyes to avoid jenny's gaze. the night certainly wasn't going the way she had envisioned it and yeah, it was pretty damn depressing.

"aww Cassie." she heard jenny say before she felt warm arms wrap around her and pull her into a hug. "he's completely crazy! you're perfect!" jenny said and Cassie opened her eyes to see jenny gazing at her.

"thanks jenny, i wish everyone loved me the way you do." Cassie teased as she smiled at her younger friend.

"but then i wouldn't be special!" jenny said in mock shock. the two girls laughed before they pulled the bathroom door open perpairing to head back downstairs to the party. but before either girl could get out of the bathroom someone was already standing in the doorway.

it happened to be a very excited krissy. she was standing there and grinning at her friends as she bounced on her heels, her blonde curls flopping into her eyes. "you guys guess what!" krissy started excitedly. Cassie and jenny didn't really need to guess why krissy was so excited, they knew that brendon had probably asked krissy out and judging by krissy's demenor she had said something along the lines of "hell yes!"

"what is it krissy?" jenny asked because really, neither of the girls were supposed to know that brendon had asked krissy out so they had to pretend.

"dear, gorgeous, wonderful brenny finally asked me out!" she cried with excitment before she pulled Cassie and jenny into a threeway hug.

"that's great krissy but you're strangling us!" Cassie said as she struggled to escape krissy's deathgrip.

"can't breath!" jenny joked. krissy released her friends and laughed, she brushed a hand through her blonde curls.

"this is just step one you guys!" krissy began. "brendon and i become high school sweethearts, then we go to college together, then we get married on a beach, buy a house in london and have five kids, we'll raise them in london and grow old together." krissy said with a dreamy sigh.

Cassie and jenny said nothing considering this wasn't the first time they had heard the plan. seeing krissy happy had been enough to turn Cassie's mood around and she went back downstairs to join her other friends and one very drunk and very passed out Pete Wentz on her living room floor.

patrick wasn't downstairs when Cassie went but he had showed up a few minutes later and was careful to sit on the other side of the room, away from Cassie and jenny who had taken to talking to jon, joe, and ryan. it seemed that no one else knew about the mini make-out session Cassie and patrick had engaged in upstairs. Cassie figured that was because jenny wouldn't say anything and Pete was too drunk to say anything at all.

the party raged on until ten o' clock that night. Cassie had to end the party because she only had an half hour before her mom got home from work and an hour before her dad got home. luckily no one was too wasted to drive home so everyone managed to get home safe. jon had taken krissy and brendon (who had taken to constantly making-out), ryan and jenny home.

andy decided to drive himself, joe and patrick, and megan home in Pete's car. Pete couldn't go home because he was still passed out, not to mention his mother would kill him if he showed up drunk. so they had moved Pete onto the downstairs couch where he promptly rolled over and slept off his alcohol.

that left Cassie all alone and she was thankful that her friends weren't too messy. all she really had to do was wash a few dishes, pick up a few beer cans and spray the sleeping Pete with a shit load of air-freshener so her parents wouldn't smell the beer on him.

she went upstairs to change into her hello kitty pajamas that Pete got her for christmas last year, just before her mom got home and she trotted back downstairs settling herself in the recliner next to the couch where Pete slept. she felt kinda bad decieving her parents but she figured that if no one was hurt then it was okay.

Cassie heard the jingle of keys in the door as she assumed her mom had entered the house. "hi, mom." Cassie called from the living room.

"not mom." Cassie heard her dad say as he entered the living room. her dad was tall, somewhere around six foot. he was lean and always slightly tanned. he had hazel eyes that were different from her own blue. she did share his hair color, the same dark a few shades from black kinda brown.

"hi, daddy." Cassie said sweetly as she smiled at her father. she was surprised that her dad had come home early and she swore on the inside because damn, convincing him to let Pete stay was harder then it would be with her mom.

"hey, honey." he said. she watched him move into the kitchen as he set down his work items on the kitchen table before he moved into the living room. "you have a good day?" he asked.

"yup." she anwsered because really her dad didn't need to know that she was semi-rejected by the boy she liked.

"that's good." he said. he had made his way into the living room, probably perpairing to watch the local news Cassie grimaced slightly and counted down the seconds until her father noticed Pete.

"uh, Cassie, why is Pete asleep on my couch?" her dad asked, he was staring down at Pete's passed out body that was laying spread out along the soft couch.

"oh, well he was really tired after school and his parents are fighting so he wanted to spend the night and i kinda told him he could." Cassie replied to her dad. her dad turned to face her, a grimace on his face. Cassie did her best puppy dog eyes look at her dad and he sighed.

"you know i don't like him sleeping here." he started and Cassie half rolled her eyes because she had heard this lecture a million or so times.

"chill, dad, don't you trust me?" she asked.

"it's him i don't trust." he anwsered as he looked back at the scraggly soccer playing teen.

"how many times do i have to tell you, i'm not interested in Pete like that. we're just friends." Cassie said as she too looked at the passed out Pete.

eventually her dad gave in and her mom, who always liked Pete didn't mind too much when she got home either. Cassie went upstairs and called Pete's parents to tell them that Pete was spending the night. they didn't mind and Cassie smiled as she pulled off yet another secret party without her parents being any the wiser.



Chapter Nine: guilty pleasure

That night when jenny got home she expected to walk into an empty house and go straight up to her room like she normally did when she got home from Cassie's. When she walked into the kitchen she was surprised to see her mother standing over the kitchen counter doing something she couldn't see.

"Where have you been?" Her mother questioned her.

"I was at Cassie's why?"

"I was just wondering where you were. It would be nice if you were home when i got home." the girls mother said looking around to look at her daughter. as jenny frowned at her anger growing on her face.

"Like your home when i get up for school mom? Like your home when i get home? Yeah, i'll remember that the next time i come home to this empty house."

Before her mother could say anything else jenny ran up the stairs to her bedroom and closed the door tightly knowing her mother wouldn't come after her, yet still fearing she would. she knew her mother had been drinking and she hated it when she did. She could handle Pete's drinking. Hell she even drank every once in a while but something about her mothers drinking made her hate it. On top of it all her mother had no right to make her feel guilty about not being home when she hardley ever was.

'whatever' she thought shifting her mind to Cassie. she didnt understand why patrick had given her the answer he did. everyone knew it. even Pete admited it patrick likes Cassie. what reason did he have to give her the answer he did? she layed back on her bed and felt tucker jump on the bed and lay beside her. she hadn't even noticed the dog was in her room when she walked in.

"Hey tucker boy. Sorry i haven't been home much latley... I've been too caught up in school and.. ryan." the dog licked her obviously accepting her appology
"Damnit ryan, why cant you just read my mind sometimes?" she was sick of thinking of him, sick of her question never being answered. Sick of being to shy to talk to him about the way she felt. sick of wishing for the boy she believed she could never have.

~~
The next morning jenny woke up noticing three things. one she had fallin asleep without even knowing it last night. Two her head hurt like no other. and three she was running late! she reached over and checked her cell phone noticing immediatly that she had one new voicemail and knowing right away who it was. she dialed her voicemail and listened to the message.

"hey jenny, just calling because i wondered where you are. well i mean it's not like your late. . . yet but just wondered if you where okay, give me a call when you get this okay? bye!"

Cassie's voice ended and jenny pushed the end button then hitting her number one speed dial to call her best friend back.

"Hello?"

"Hey Cassie It's me."

"Hey! are you okay?"

"Yeah, im fine im running late and it wasnt a great night but listen im gunna go so i can get ready i'll be there in a couple minutes okay?"

"Okay see ya!"

"Bye."

jenny hung up the phone and threw it on her bed while glancing at the clock 'shit' she muttered there wasn't enough time to take a shower she'd have to quickly change and hope her mom hadn't taken her car so she could drive to school. as she looked through her closet for something to wear she realized that she hadn't even asked Cassie how she was.

"way to go jenny your a real great friend" she said to herself. the day was barley started and it wasn't begining very well at all.
When she got to school she found Cassie on the side of the school where they normally where before school started.

"Hey Cassie." She said as she hugged the older girl

"Hey jenny you made it!"

"Yeah, only because mom left me the car for once. So, i forgot to ask you on the phone because i was in such a rush, but how are you?"

Cassie opened her mouth then closed it again. "I'm okay. I mean, i thought about it and i suppose it is right i give him some time to think on it right? but... I've just waited so long for this you know?"
"I know" jenny said as she hugged the girl once again.
Just then the bell rang once again telling them that classes started in five minutes.
"And so it begins once again!" jenny remarked making Cassie grin.
"yes, so it does." Cassie said as she picked up her bag and walked into the school with the other girl at her side.


chapter ten: my clouded mind

Cassie knew as soon as jenny showed up at school that something was wrong with the younger girl. her eyes were far away and distant and Cassie could tell that she was struggling to look like everything was fine.

"are you okay jenny?" Cassie said as she laid a hand on the girls arm stopping them in front of the school as other students passed them by. jenny looked surprised that Cassie was asking this but she nodded her head.

"i'm fine why?" she replied, giving Cassie a wide eyed look.

"i just...did something happen at home?" the older girl asked. she didn't want to pry too much into jenny's private life but she knew the girl enough to know when something was wrong. jenny looked away from Cassie, running her hand through her short hair before she looked back up at her friend.

"my mom...she was drinking again." jenny mumbled and Cassie felt a stab of guilt because last night they had all been drinking and it seemed like she always forgot that jenny's mom had a problem with alcohol. Cassie let out a little sigh out of guilt.

"jenny, maybe...i dunno...maybe you should talk to mr. banks the counsler?" Cassie suggested. jenny shrugged, she didn't really want to see the counsler, she never did like talking to adults about her problems and she definitly didn't want to get her family in trouble. "i think it's all confidental...so he wouldn't say anything." the older girl finished and she looked up to see Cassie staring at her, a worried look on her face.

she knew Cassie was worried, Cassie had a bad tendancy to be a worrier and she especially worried about jenny. "alright, Cassie. i'll go by there later." jenny said so Cassie wouldn't worry. the older girl smiled and nodded and the two teens headed into the school.

Cassie and jenny pushed themselves into the school among the crowd of other teens being forced into the building by the parking lot monitors. the older of the two girls had yet to see patrick anywhere and Pete was fast asleep in the backseat of his car, still hung over from the night before.

the push of students was heavy behind Cassie and jenny and before they realized it, they were seperated and Cassie was pushed accidently from behind, shoving her forward into another student. said student turned and Cassie froze as she saw that it was patrick that she had bumped into.

patrick had turned and spotted her there and he seemed surprised. "oh, hey Cassie..." he started, trying his best to be poliet and act like nothing had happened last night.

"hey." was all Cassie said, she recalled the conversation that she and jenny had just had before school started. she really wanted to give patrick time to think but she was also hurt because she had been so brutally honest last night and patrick was still unsure whether he wanted this relationship or not. all in all it left her horribly confused.

"how you feelin?" patrick asked in a feeble attempt to make small talk but they both knew that it was awkward, it was probably too soon for them to see each other.

"oh, good i didn't really drink a lot last night so i'm not really hung over." she said nodding her head and not really looking at patrick's face. "oh." was all the boy replied before an awkward silence took over the duo. "well, i gotta go..." Cassie said breaking the silence and patrick nodded and she gave him a small smile and a wave before she walked up the stairs to the school's main hallway, completely opposite of the way she should have been going.

upon reaching the main hallway Cassie saw someone she recongized hanging around her locker. "hey, belinda." Cassie said as she approached her friend. belinda looked up and smiled as the older girl moved towards her. "i didn't know you were coming back today." she said.

belinda gave a little shrug, her shoulder length streaked hair moving with her. "i got bored at home, i mean there's only so much you can do on the internet and i was feeling better." belinda said as she moved away from Cassie's locker and watched the older girl unlock it.

belinda was the youngest person in Cassie's group of friends at a mere fourteen years old. she was smart though and often seemed older then she really was, she also had a way with words and prided herself on her poetry. belinda was pretty and a self professed classic emo kid. she wore heavy eyeliner and had blondish greenish streaks in her normally dark hair.

"so, i saw you talking to dear, tricky. how did things go last night?" belinda asked, her dark eyes flickering over Cassie in curiousity.

"long story belinda." Cassie said with a sigh and she retold the events of last night as best she could, the younger girl listening to her intently.

"well, i'm sure he'll come around. he's a good guy like that." belinda assured her when Cassie had finished retelling her the story. Cassie nodded.

"i hope so." the two girls saw the hall monitor had begun to sweep people into their classes so they figured it was time for first hour to start. Cassie said goodbye to belinda with a promise to meet up later in class before she headed to her first hour.

Cassie found herself kind of dreading going to her first hour, mostly because patrick was in that class. it felt like maybe patrick's plan of i-don't-wanna-ruin-our-friendship was backfiring because she had barely talked to him at all and they didn't walk to class together like they normally would.

she entered the class and found patrick already sitting at their usual table. Cassie tried to look like she wasn't bothered by the whole situation but without Pete it left just herself, patrick and jon walker at the table. she took her seat and could feel patrick's eyes burning into her.

for once their table was pretty damn quiet, without Pete and with Cassie and patrick finding it hard to talk to one another, the table was less then talkative. jon looked from Cassie to patrick and back again, he had been at the party last night and he hadn't drank too much to not remember that the two of them had been talking and getting a long last night but now something seemed different.

"you guys okay?" jon asked as he looked at the two teens. Cassie nodded and patrick gave a little noise of acknowledgement. jon really didn't believe that they were okay but he felt a bit awkward so he wanted to move on to a new subject. "hey, Cassie that was pretty fun last night." he told her with a grin and she smiled at him.

"yeah, glad you had fun." she replied. before anything else could be said a bouncy excitable brendon urie came and sat down in Pete's vancant seat.

"guys, i'm bored without spencer and ryan, so imma set here with you!" the boy declared and he grinned at the other teens at the table. it was just then that Cassie noticed that ryan wasn't in class.

"i know spencer's still sick but where's ryan?" it was strange for the boy to miss school as he usually never did.

"he's down in mr. banks office." jon said. Cassie didn't want to press the issue and jon didn't seem to want to talk about it. "anyway." jon continued "since we always party at your place i figure that it's my turn to throw a party again so this friday, my place. i expect you all to be there." jon told the group.

Cassie smiled and nodded glad for once that her place wouldn't be the central hub for partying. "i'll be there." Cassie said as brendon agreed. patrick didn't say anything or if he did then Cassie didn't catch it because at that same time she got a text message from jenny.

holy crap Cassie! i asked to c mr. banks so i could get out of algerbra and fucking ryan is waiting down here to see him too!

the older girl read the text and smiled but couldn't reply due to the strict no cell phone rule so she'd just have to wait until class was over to find jenny and catch the details.
************************************************************************
"who're you texting?" ryan asked jenny as he watched her from two seats over. jenny looked up from her phone and at ryan, a faint pink blush spreading across her cheeks.

"oh, just Cassie...it was her idea for me to come down here." jenny told the boy she was madly in love with. jenny had come down to mr. banks office, a medium sized room on the mid floor of the school. it was kinda like a mini version of the office with it's little seats for students to sit in and mr.banks secretary typing on her computer.

"oh" ryan said. he dipped his head down before he looked back up at jenny, his brown fringe of bangs flipping with the motion. "that's okay, belinda basically demanded that i come see banks." ryan told her and he was smiling and jenny's heart shot up into her throat.

belinda and ryan had a brother sister type of relationship. ryan protected belinda now that she was in high school and belinda was apparently trying her best to keep the closest thing she had to an older brother sane.

"do you mind if i ask why you're here?" ryan said after a few silent moments and jenny kind of froze up. she had never really talked to ryan all that much, Cassie's party last night having been the longest she talked to the boy and she still wasn't very good at it and now he wanted to know something uber personal. jenny hesistated but the look in ryan's deep brown eyes made her feel like she could trust him.

"family problems." she told him, she didn't want to tell him that her mom wasn't around a lot and that she had a drinking problem. ryan's eyebrows raised and he smiled a little and jenny felt confused. she looked down at her feet scuffing the toes of her sneakers against the office's gray carpeted floor.

"what about you ryan?" jenny started "why are you here?" ryan didn't look surprised at the question, like he expected jenny to ask it.

"same as you i guess...family problems." he said and he looked away from her and down to the floor his eyes suddenly heavy and unfocused and jenny wished that she had never asked him anything at all because she definitly didn't want to make ryan ross sad.

"so, uh you're gonna start seeing mr. banks too? regularly i mean?" ryan asked, trying his best to start a new subject to avoid any awkwardness. jenny nodded even though she didn't know if she wanted to see the counsler full time or not. it made her feel better, a little less alone to know that ryan came to see him too, that she wasn't the only one in high school who had family problems.

moments later ryan was called into the office and he smiled a soft secret kind of smile at jenny before he went into the small square office and the heavy door was slammed shut, silencing anything jenny might have heard.
____________________________________________________________________________
Cassie stood out in the school's parking lot before lunch. she was standing over Pete's car watching the boy sleep soundly in the backseat. Cassie smiled and tried the doorhandle finding it locked. she gave a little sigh, deciding that Pete had slept long enough and knocked on the driver's side window.

Pete moved but didn't wake up and Cassie knocked again. louder this time and called out Pete's name. this time Pete did move, he turned to face the girl, his brown eyes slits in the bright light. Pete looked tempted to roll back over and go to sleep but he didn't and instead he slowly sat up and hit the lock on the door.

Cassie pulled the door open and leaned into the car peering over the driver's seat. "come on Pete, you've been sleeping long enough. it's already lunch!" Cassie told the boy as she leaned down and poked him in the side.

"ugh, i'm still hungover..." Pete groaned as he rubbed a hand over his face. despite Pete's claim that he was hungover the soccer player still got out of his car and followed Cassie back to the school to attend the second half of classes for the day.

"oh, Pete." Cassie started looking at the boy as they trudged across the parking lot. "jon's having a party at his place friday night and we're invited." she told him and he nodded, pulling the neon green hood of his hoodie up and over his head.

"cool, guess i'll drive." he muttered, his voice weak with sleep and his hangover. "oh, hey so did patrick say anything today?" Pete asked and Cassie shook her head.

"nope, in fact things pretty much suck between us." Cassie told him and Pete just gave a little sigh and slid his arm around her shoulders as they headed inside and downstairs to the enterance of the cafeteria.

their friends were already gathered in the cafe by the time Cassie and Pete arrived. Cassie saw jenny in the food line and she broke away from Pete, who was wanting nothing more then to sit down, so she could go and talk to the other girl.

"jenny, so how did the meeting with banks go?" Cassie asked as she came to stand behind jenny. the younger girl turned and smiled at Cassie, glad to see her bestfriend.

"good i suppose. i mean he asked me questions but i didn't really get into the heavy stuff...he does want to see me again though and he assigned me to a group therapy meeting for sunday morning." jenny sighed not enjoying the fact that her problems were bubbling below the surface, threathening to be revealed.

"oh, well i'm sure it will help jenny." Cassie tried to reassure her friend and she just hoped that the fact that ryan saw mr. banks was enough to keep jenny attending. the girls got their lunch and headed to the normal long bright yellow table where they always ate.

Cassie noticed that patrick was at the table and normally she would sit either next to him or across from him but today she did neither, choosing to sit furthur down the table, away from patrick and next to belinda. patrick had been watching her, wondering where she would sit and he looked kinda hurt that she hadn't sat next to him.

the girl didn't hate patrick and she wasn't mad at the boy, really she just wanted to avoid the same kind of awkwardness that had occured all through the day. jenny sat next to Cassie and across from ryan while Cassie had been seated across from brendon who had ryan on his right and his brand new girlfriend krissy on his left.

krissy and brendon weren't eating as much as they were making out. it had been that way all day, apparently now that krissy had permission to kiss brendon she just couldn't get enough of it. "can you two cut it out with the pda? i'm trying to eat opposed to watching you two trying to eat each other's faces." Cassie teased and the duo broke apart, brendon flashing a grin at Cassie while krissy snuggled into brendon's arm.

"you're just jealous cause we're like the cutest couple ever!" brendon annouced as he took a swig of his redbull before he leaned in a kissed krissy quickly. before Cassie could think up a counter to brendon's words she noticed megan, andy, and joe walk into the cafeteria.

megan looked excited as she rushed past andy and joe and raced to the table, bouncing enough to rival brendon. "you guys guess what!" megan said her voice full of cheer.

"you saw saporta?" belinda guessed

"you saw saporta naked?" Cassie added. megan laughed and shook her head.

"nope, but i did talk to him! i mean like a full on mini conversation." megan was smiling and she played with the hem of her skirt happily.

"that's great megan." jenny said as she picked at her lunch, some kind of chicken sandwhich and french fries.

"that's not even the best part! gabe, he knows my name!" megan nearly squealed and the other girls laughed. "he saw me walking into the cafe and he was all like hey megan!." the girl continued, her hands under her chin as she wriggled happily.

"that's great megan." Cassie and jenny agreed even though they both knew that chances were good that they'd be hearing about this story at least two or three more times.

joe and andy chose that moment to come over and sit at the table. andy sitting on patrick's left and joe squeezing on to belinda's left. "here belinda." joe began as he dug through his book bag before handing over a large thick book to belinda. "it took me and andy forever but i finally found that book you were talking about." joe said smiling at belinda as he handed over the book.

belinda took the book, her eyes wide and a smile crept up on her face. "joe, thanks!" she said pressing the book to her chest and leaning over to hug joe tightly. the boy grinned as belinda hugged him. joe and belinda were best friends kinda like a different version of Cassie and Pete.

the only difference between Cassie and Pete and joe and belinda's friendship was that joe had a thing for belinda. he had a crush on the younger girl and did anything he could to make her happy. it was an odd friendship considering that joe and belinda couldn't be more different but it worked and they were good friends.

"this is the same book that william was reading last week!" belinda cried as she broke away from joe and looked fondly down at the book in her hands. joe's smile fell a bit but belinda didn't notice, that was another thing about belinda and joe, he liked her but she was completely oblivious.

the reason for belinda's oblivity was that she had a huge crush on another boy. a boy named william beckett. when it came to william, belinda could see no other boy which left joe out in the cold. that didn't stop everyone else from seeing that joe liked her though.

"great, maybe you and william can talk about it sometimes." joe mumbled and belinda nodded enthusicastically.

"let's hope." belinda said as she cracked open the book and read the inside cover.

at that moment at the lunch table it seemed that everyone was preoccupied with something else. Cassie and patrick were thinking of each other, while jenny was thinking of her mother and ryan, belinda was focused on william, and joe on belinda, krissy and brendon were obessed with each other and Pete, well Pete just wanted to go back to sleep.


chapter eleven: spin the bottle

the next few days slipped by quickly and uneventfully. patrick and Cassie still weren't talking so things were still awkward. Cassie had made Pete her offical patrick stump spy and that's where she got most of her information from. unfortunatley most of her information was just patrick being unable to make a decision.

Cassie was getting fed up. they had kissed on a wednesday it was now friday and she still had no anwser. how hard was it to decide if you liked someone or not? Cassie was irritated and she currently sat in her room with jenny and Pete and was of course talking about patrick.

"why can't he just come up with an anwser? it's not hard to do." Cassie started as she looked across from Pete and jenny. the three teens were all on Cassie's bed, the three of them sitting in a triangle sort of way. "i mean either he likes me or not." she added.

"oh, he likes you." Pete said sounding pretty bored with the whole situation.

"then what's his deal?" jenny asked sounding just as upset as Cassie.

"he's just unsure that's all." Pete said but Cassie and jenny rolled their eyes.

"yeah, well he doesn't act like he likes me anymore." Cassie grumbled.

"hmmm maybe you just need to remind him of what he's missing." jenny said as Cassie flopped back on her bed in frustration.

"like what? making him jealous or something like that?" she asked from her spot on the bed.

there was a small silence before anyone spoke again.

"yeah, that could work...you should totally make him jealous!" Pete said his eyes brightening with the idea. Cassie sat up and peered at her friends. she didn't know why Pete was so up for making his best friend jealous, she just chalked it up to Pete being Pete and continued on.

"i wasn't being serious. besides i don't even know how to make him jealous." she replied and she sighed softly just wishing that patrick would give her a fucking anwser because the suspense was killing her.

"making guys jealous is easy." Pete said with a wave of his hand. "you could just kiss someone in front of patrick, then he'll see how much he really wants to be with you." Pete informed her.

"who in the hell could i kiss?" Cassie asked, surprised at the progression the conversation was taking. she was thinking that the plan wasn't that bad of an idea but it was still a definite maybe.

"you could kiss me!" jenny suggested batting her eyes at Cassie and making kissy faces. Cassie laughed.

"then he'd just think i was gay."

"well, we could kiss Cassie." Pete started and she looked at him surprised. "i mean, we've been friends for so long that pretending to kiss each other should be no problem right?" he said and he looked like he thought it was a great idea. Cassie shrugged.

"we could...but would he believe that?" she asked and jenny and Pete just shrugged.

"hey! what if you do it tonight at jon's party?" jenny suggested her eyes wide with her idea. "just pick someone and kiss them in front of patrick, then he'll see that he does really want to be with you and your problem will be solved."

Cassie scrunched her mouth up in thought. she wasn't sure about the idea. she was never that forward, could she really kiss someone just to make patrick jealous? "i'm not sure i can do this." she said, dropping her head into her hands. Pete and jenny just rolled their eyes at Cassie's innocent ways.

"hello, you made out with patrick in a closet! and you don't think you can kiss someone else?" Pete asked and jenny pushed him slightly but nodded her head in agreement.

"you can do this and it should totally work." jenny said as she leaned over and patted Cassie's arm. she nodded but still wasn't sure.

so three hours later at eight o' clock at night that was still the plan. Cassie and jenny were up in Cassie's room getting ready. the two girls were talking as they got dressed, Cassie was dressed in a pink tank top dark jeans and matching pink and white headband and flip-flops.

jenny had went the decidingly darker route with a black band t-shirt, jeans, a hoodie and slightly beaten up converse sneakers that she had for at least two years. "do you think ryan will like what i'm wearing?" jenny asked as she survevyed herself in the mirror and ran a hand through her short hair.

"he'd be gay if he didn't." Cassie responded smiling because jenny had asked that question at least ten times since they had gotten dressed.

"are you two coming or do i need to send a search party?" Pete called from the stairs and the girls rolled their eyes.

"sorry we can't just throw on a hoodie and be ready." Cassie laughed as she moved out of her room flicking off the light with jenny following behind her. Pete watched as the two girls came down the stairs and he smiled at his friends. they both were polar opposites in style, one pink and girly and the other all punked up.

the three teens left Cassie's house and piled into Pete's car. Cassie in the backseat with jenny and Pete in the front. there was a reason Cassie was sitting in the backseat and that reason was patrick. Pete happened to be patrick's ride to the party and Cassie sat in the back in the hopes that she could talk with patrick and forgo the whole lets-make-him-jealous route.

the radio blared filling the car with loud eighties music and jenny and Pete danced and sang almost as loudly from the front. Cassie was laughing but finding it hard to join in on the fun because she was too preoccupied with tonight's plan. she was never the kind of girl to make anyone jealous so she wasn't sure how good she'd be at it.

the teens pulled up at patrick's house and Pete honked the horn. jenny looked back nervously at Cassie and the older girl stared out at patrick's yellow house, his parents minivan still parked in the driveway. patrick exited the house and made his way to the car, his face changing from a smile to something along the lines of surprise when he saw Cassie.

patrick got in the car, he and Cassie closer now then they had been in the last two days. the girl looked over at him sparkling blue eyes watching his face and he glanced up and all she wanted was to be his girlfriend. to kiss him and hold him and be with him, she didn't know why he was making it so complicated.

"you look amazing Cassie." patrick told her and she smiled and thought that maybe he had finally come around.

"thanks trick. you look good too." she started, she knew that Pete and jenny were listening considering the radio had gone down and the duo's conversation had gone quiet. "so, patrick do you have an anwser for me yet?" Cassie asked nervous but wanting to know all the same.

the ginger haired boy looked away from Cassie and shook his head. "i...not yet...i'm sorry." he whispered and Cassie felt her heart fall and she felt more annoyed. why would he even kiss her in the first place? why would he do that to her when he wasn't ready for more? it just didn't seem fair.

Cassie crossed her arms over her chest and frowned. "okay, patrick i can wait...but just so we're clear we're not boyfriend and girlfriend right?" she asked and he looked up at her, the moonlight catching the frames of his glasses, illuminating his eyes.

"what?" he asked obviously confused.

"well, you're not my boyfriend because you're still not sure. i just wanted to make that clear." the girl told him, annoyance clear in her voice.

"okay..." patrick said still confused but he didn't say anything else and neither did she. Cassie turned away and stared out the window as they pulled up to jon's street. jon had a huge house and he was notorious for throwing amazing parties that left the school talking for weeks.

jon lived in a two story large white house that was better looking then most of the others places of residence. his parents happened to be the upper class types with jon's dad being a lawyer. jon's parents often went on vacations without their son which lead to jon having his infamous parties.

Pete pulled up in jon's driveway, a few cars already parked there. Cassie was more then eager to get out of the car and away from patrick, she and jenny hopping out as soon as Pete stopped the car. the two girls rushed ahead and knocked on the door before patrick and Pete even got out of the car.

jon anwsered in a gray t-shirt, jeans and black flip-flops. he smiled at the girls. "hey, cass, jenny." jon said as he pulled Cassie into a tight hug, he tried to pull jenny into one too but the younger girl doged and went under jon's arm and into the party.

"so, i suppose the fued rages on." jon joked as he released Cassie and turned back to face his party. the fued jon spoke of was an ongoing semi friendly war between himself and jenny. it had all started, in Cassie's opinion at least, back when jenny was in seventh grade and jon was a freshman. while jenny had been walking home jon and a few other boys had jumped out of some bushes and pelted jenny and the other girls that had been walking with her, with water balloons.

from that moment on jenny swore vengance on jon. she got it a year later when her eighth grade class went to their high school for orientation and school wide pep rally. jon was the mascot back then, back before the current mascot brendon did it. jenny knew he was the mascot and had snuck into the locker room and put superglue into the head of the mascot. twenty minutes later when jon put on the outfit the head became stuck and he spent the rest of the day, and half of the night with the freemont bay ridge bat head stuck on his own head.

it continued on that way, the two pranking each other in a variety of fashions. of course they didn't hate each other and they hung out so Cassie had to classify it as a friendly sort of rivalry.

there was a good amount of people in jon's house when Cassie and the others had arrived. Cassie wandered over to where brendon, ryan, spencer, krissy and jenny were standing in the living room conversing, drinks in hand. "hey, Cassie!" krissy said waving at the girl.

Cassie grinned back and before she knew it brendon was pressing a beer into her hand. she tried not to notice patrick and Pete entering the party and she focused her attention on her cousin. "hey spence, how ya feeling now?" she asked spencer.

"better now that the puking has subsided but i am never eating fish again!" he stated flicking his head, his dark brown sideswept bangs flickering with the motion. Cassie laughed and took a swig of her beer.

"how goes the never ending quest to win patrick's heart?" krissy asked and she glanced around at the others in the group because really, they didn't know yet but none of them seemed surprised so she figured that everyone already knew.

"not good, he's being difficult." she sighed and took another drink emptying her beer quicker then she imagined she would. spencer handed her another beer as krissy frowned.

"boys are so stupid." she stated as she took a sip of her own alcohol.

"hey!" brendon said and krissy turned to her boyfriend and gave his hand a squeeze.

"not you of course." she said smiling and leaning into the boy grazing his lips with a kiss.

"oh, no, they're gonna start making out now aren't they?" Cassie asked jenny who was standing next to her and jenny nodded.

"probably." ryan said and he moved a bit away from krissy and brendon who were now fully making out. "let's go see what else is going on." he said, his head motioning for the girls and spencer to follow him towards the kitchen.

seeing krissy and brendon making out reminded Cassie of her intial plan for the night. to find and make out with someone in front of patrick to make him jealous. she glanced around the party trying to decide who would work out. brendon was taken and jenny liked ryan, spencer was related to her.

andy or joe could work if she knew where to find them and there was always Pete. Cassie sighed finding herself chickening out. just then Pete came bareling around the corner, his handsome face excited.

"you guys! come on! we're gonna play a game!" Pete said sounding excited as he grabbed Cassie and jenny's wrists and pulled them along, ryan and spencer following behind them. they were pulled into the sun room where jon, andy, joe, patrick, megan, and belinda all sat in a half circle on the floor.

Pete released the girls before he ran back out into the living room, probably to collect more people.

"uh, what is this?" spencer asked as he moved forward staring at the people on the floor.

"Pete said we should play spin the bottle so that's what we're doing." megan said from her spot on the floor. Cassie rolled her eyes a bit, she knew already that this was Pete's way of getting Cassie to make patrick jealous.

"Wentz is a genius." jenny whispered as she took her spot on the floor. Cassie laughed and went to sit between jenny and andy. ryan and spencer moving to sit with them. Pete returned several minutes later with several more people in tow. this time he had collected krissy and brendon, gabe saporta and william beckett. instantly megan and belinda's eyes grew wide and it seemed they were a whole lot more interested in playing the game.

everyone settled into the now full circle Pete included and it seemed he had brought as many people as he could so that Cassie would have a greater chance of not landing on patrick. Cassie's eyes flickered on patrick and to her surprise he was looking back at her a tight smile on his lips.

"okay, people you guys know the rules. whoever the bottle lands on, you kiss no exceptions...unless your related or whatever." Pete said throwing a glance at Cassie and spencer. everyone nodded and Pete put a empty beer bottle in the middle of the carPeted floor.

"who should go first?" jon asked from his position on the other side of the circle.

"definitly Cassie." Pete said grinning and giving her a little wink. it took everything Cassie had not to do a facepalm.

"alright." jon said and Cassie nodded before she glanced around the circle and grabbed hold of the bottle giving it a spin. her heart was beating wildly afraid of who it would land on and if she could actually kiss that person.

the bottle went around twice before it slowed passing everyone including patrick and dammit she wished it would just stop so she knew who she had to kiss. it spun and slowed until it landed on none other then the party's host, jon walker.

Cassie's cheeks went pink as Pete laughed, jenny pulled a face lost somewhere between disgusted and shocked and jon just grinned that lazy grin. Cassie glanced at patrick who was frowning. her insides felt nervous but she was determined to do this and finally show patrick that he really did want her.

she got onto her knees and crawled into the circle with jon doing the same. they came close and she closed her eyes as she moved forward and pressed her lips to jon's.

jon's lips were warm and soft and Cassie was just tipsy enough to no longer be embaressed about kissing jon in front of everyone. the duo met in a simple kiss, jon brought his hand up to Cassie's cheek and she liked the way it felt. the girl was tempted to open her eyes and see if patrick was watching, to see if her plan was working but she thought that doing so would ruin the act all together.

despite her no longer being embaressed Cassie was still nervous. she and jon were friends and kissing him had never crossed her mind. she just hoped that she was doing a good job on her mission.

the duo's lips broke apart and met again and again. she pressed herself into it more, wanting to be convincing. suddenly Cassie felt the brush of jon's tongue against her bottom lip and that's when she pulled away, she wasn't perpared to french jon in public no matter how jealous it would make patrick.

she pulled away and jon seemed half surprised but he grinned at her all the same. she smiled back a tight sort of smile, her cheeks tinged a soft pink because she had just kissed jon infront of everyone and now Pete and brendon were hooting and whistling and she wasn't drunk enough to not be embaressed by that.

Cassie reclaimed her seat beside jenny and she looked at patrick. the boy was sitting arms folded and his face blank but obviously upset at what had taken place. she was glad that for the most part her plan had worked, now after the game was over she could find patrick and give the boy some kind of ultimatum.

"you did great Cassie!" jenny said as she leaned into her best friend and whispered into her ear.

"really?" the older girl responded not thinking that she did much of anything.

"totally! patrick couldn't keep his eyes off you." jenny exclaimed in a whisper and Cassie was wondering why the girl seemed so excited about what she was doing.

"Cassie, you pick who goes next." Pete said as he looked at his friend and gave her a sly wink and a thumbs up sign.

the girl didn't really have to think about it, she already knew who she wanted to go next."jenny." she said simply and her friend gave her a wide-eyed stare but Cassie just grinned and urged jenny to spin the bottle.

jenny leaned up unable to hide that she was glancing at ryan before she spun the bottle. the green bottle spun quickly around the circle and Pete laughed. "you spun it too hard jenny!" he said. jenny glared at him before she went back to watching the bottle, silently praying that it landed on ryan.

the bottle did stop and Pete's laugher died down but it was now Cassie's turn to break into giggles because the bottle had landed on Pete. the two teens glanced at each other from across the circle, neither making any move or saying anything.

"go on jenny." Cassie said pushing the younger girl forward a bit. jenny looked back at Cassie and sighed before she moved into the circle with Pete meeting her there. by now she wasn't the only one laughing brendon and joe found this situation all to funny.

"i'm about to rock your world jenny!" Pete proclaimed before he suddenly placed both hands on the girl's face and pulled her into him. and if Cassie thought that brendon and krissy looked like they were trying to eat faces, it was nothing compared to Pete who looked like he was trying to shove his entire tongue down jenny's throat.

after a few moments jenny squeezed her eyes shut and put her hands on Pete's chest, pushing the boy away. jenny was panting like she couldn't breath and Pete was wipping his mouth with his arm. "best kiss of your life?" he asked with a grin and jenny shook her head.

"you just choked me with your tongue!"

the next few rounds went as follows: jenny picked megan who wasn't at all embaressed to say "i hope i get saporta!" before she spun the bottle. unfortunately she didn't get gabe, she got spencer instead. the kiss was simple and spencer was blushing and looking like he'd rather have not played at all.

megan called on krissy who they all already knew wanted brendon. Cassie thought that krissy's fatal spin the bottle mistake was that she sat right next to brendon, everyone knew that the odds of the bottle landing right next to you weren't great. krissy got joe and she opted to kiss the notorious stoner, who was a little high at the time on the cheek as to not upset brendon.

brendon went next and he got belinda. even if brendon wanted to kiss belinda on the lips he didn't either out of respect for krissy or out of fear of what his girlfriend would do to the younger girl, so he too kissed her on the cheek. for some reason brendon picked jenny again and the girl was allowed or forced to spin the bottle a second time.

Cassie wasn't really watching when jenny spun the bottle for the second time, she was far too busy trying to piece together what she would say to patrick. she probably should have considering that the bottle landed on her. instantly all the guys in the group cheered and jenny looked red and excited. Cassie looked from bottle to jenny and back again.

"you guys gotta do it!" brendon said and Pete was nodding. Cassie looked at jenny who gave her a slight shrug, she looked over at patrick who was watching intently, looking neither upset nor excited, just watching. Cassie guessed that she had been wrong about the bottle never landing on the person next to you.

"fine." the older girl said and without missing a beat she leaned in and placed an open mouthed kiss on jenny's lips. the younger girl squeaked and fidgeted but kissed back, to the background of cheering guys and Cassie broke away far too soon for the younger girl's liking but as Cassie had said a million times over, she wasn't gay.

Cassie never saw the next few rounds considering after her kiss with jenny she noticed patrick getting up out of the circle and leaving the room all together. she too got up and left the room without another word, her feet dragging trails into the cream colored carpet.

she found patrick standing outside on the back patio. the white moonlight pouring down on him, bathing the youth in a bright light. he turned and looked at her as she stepped out onto the patio, working up the courage to confront the boy once and for all.


Chapter Twelve: I want to be your only reason

Jenny looked around the room obviously noticing that Cassie had left and ran after patrick but wondering if they'd both come back? She hadn't meant to upset patrick if she had. She had just been playing the game and it so happened that the game played right into their plan. and if anyone was to blame it was Pete for thinking to play the game! jenny grinned then quickly recovered and returned her thoughts to her bestfriend once more. It hurt her to see her hurting because patrick couldn't give her an answer and she hoped that tonight with all things that had happened patrick would finally give her his answer.

jenny tunned her self back into the game going on before her it had seemed like they had been playing this game forever and either they all where too drunk to realize it or to entertained by the sexual tension being passed between friends to think and stop the game and move on to something else. She noticed krissy clinging to brendon and jenny thought that the girl was afraid she'd have to kiss someone or afraid brendon would kiss another girl or she was just too tired to care. jenny sort of envyed krissy's relationship with brendon considering how well it seemed to be going. she longed to have a relationship like that with ryan. But she was to shy to bring it to ryans attention.

speaking of ryan she noticed him taking his turn at spinning the bottle. jenny stared at him intentivly willing to see any sign of hope or desire in his face. but like brendon had stated many times before ryan's emotions where the hardest to read. jenny looked down as the bottle spun around time and time again and it felt like it was spinning forever until finally it landed right inbetween jenny and krissy. jenny looked from krissy to ryan and ryan looked up to Pete.

"now what?" ryan asked not knowing exactly what to do. Pete looked at jenny and back at ryan again a grin on his face once more

"now.. now ryan you get to choose who you want to kiss" Pete grinned once again from ear to ear obviously enjoying the fact that he got to play love doctor tonight. jenny shook her head at Pete yet watching ryans head turn from her to krissy. but obviously jenny already knew who he'd pick.

"jenny" ryan said lightly as he leaned in slowly. jenny only moved so close to him waiting for him to move over her, loving the feel of his body against hers. loving the numbing yet wonderful sensations the feel of his tender lips against her own sent trough her body. loving the way his lips seemed to linger there not wanting to pull away. but he did pull away and when he did he looked away and jenny had nothing left to do but sit there and try to regain her regular pace of breathing and wonder if there was more to ryan picking her. not just out of respect for his best friend. if it had been anyone else would ryan have picked her all along?

jenny noticed once again that her mind was being clouded by the boy who seemed to haunt her thoughts and dreams she threw her thoughts back to Cassie noticing now that her and patrick had been gone for over 20 minutes, getting a little bit more then worried about what was going on outside the house, jenny glanced one more time at ryan before getting up and wondering outside to look for her bestfriend.
she didn't have to look far for her bestfriend because as she walked out jon's patio door she walked right into Cassie.



chapter thirthteen: made up my mind

Cassie had followed patrick out to the patio, intent on getting to the bottom of their semi relationship once and for all.

"hey, trick." Cassie said, her voice soft as the gentle breeze that blew across the long expanse of green yard.

"hey." patrick replied moving himself away from the railing he was leaning on to turn and face the girl.

"what are you doing out here?" she asked, wrapping her arms around herself.

"just thinking."

"about what?"

"the best way to kill Pete for making me play that stupid game." patrick said and he sounded a little angry but he was also smiling just the tiniest bit.

"upset that you didn't get a turn?" Cassie asked, she was smiling too but her words didn't sound friendly.

"try upset at seeing you kiss jon." patrick started and he was frowning but watching her again. his hands found the wooden railing once again. she had to admit, it was exactly what she had wanted to hear and she was hoping that patrick was finally coming to his senses. "you looked like you enjoyed it." he added.

"not as much as i liked kissing you." she told him and she took a few steps closer to the boy she dreamed of being with. patrick smiled and again he was fidgiting with black newsboy cap he was wearing.

"it kinda made me feel crazy to see you kissing jon like that." the boy admitted and Cassie was internally giving jenny and Pete brainwave high fives. "and i guess it was then that i realized that even if we were friends...i'd never be able to handle seeing you dating someone else." he said and Cassie struggled hard not to let herself grin like an idiot.

"so, do you still wanna go out with me? or did i lose my chance?" patrick asked and he was looking at her warmly and no way in hell would she ever be able to pass up the chance to be his girlfriend.

Cassie smiled softly and moved forward. she wrapped her arms around the boy, pressing their chest's together. she felt him close his arms around her and she was tucked protectivly against him. Cassie and patrick were nearly the same height, Cassie having one inch over the boy.

"i missed you so much." she said quietly, her chest practically bursting with joy because finally, finally she had patrick. she would be his girlfriend and the two of them could be happy. "my life seemed so much lonlier without you." she admitted and it sounded sad to hear it out in the open like that.

Cassie felt warm slightly calused fingertips press gently under her chin, tilting her head up and suddenly she was looking patrick in the eyes, blue on blue.

"you won't ever have to feel that way again." he told her and she believed him more then anything else in this world. she belived that with patrick she could be happy all the time, she had faith that they'd be the perfect couple.

patrick leaned down and kissed her and he smelt good, like soap and he tasted even better. she supposed it was offical, they were a couple.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
jenny had left the spin the bottle game after her kiss with ryan. she felt just the slightest bit like a slut, seeing as she had been kissed at least three times during the game. her cheeks burned a bright pink at remembering when she and ryan's lips met, she was trying not to get her hopes up though. jenny still didn't know if ryan's kiss was more then just i-have-to-because-of-the-game.

jenny had went to find Cassie, half wondering if she and patrick had killed each other out on jon walker's patio. the glass patio door was already opened, presumably from when Cassie had went through it. the younger girl had run into her bestfriend, well not so much ran into her but spotted her on the patio, full on make out mode with patrick.

jenny covered her mouth to stop the spontainous giggle that was sure to leave her lips. she was happy because it seemed that the duo had finally made up, that's all jenny wanted, for Cassie to be with patrick. she decided not to ruin this undoubtedly special moment for the two teens, jenny backed away slowly, heading back into jon's house, wondering if she could find Pete and tell him their plan worked.

ten minutes later and jenny still couldn't find Pete, the older boy had somehow managed to vanish in jon's expansive house.

"you're not drinking jenny?" the girl heard a deep voice ask, she turned and saw ryan approaching her. the younger girl who was fishing around inside a cooler for a cold pop stood in surprise and turned seeing ryan standing behind her. she instantly flushed pink thinking of the kiss once again.

"uh, no, i guess you could say drinking and i don't really get along." she told the older boy who was so damn gorgeous that she had trouble concentraiting on much else when he was around. ryan grinned and held up his own bottle of water.

"same here." he told her and it sounded so casual even though the topic was awfully personal. usually ryan didn't tell people he didn't know that well about his stance on drinking but something about jenny made him feel like it was okay, maybe better if she knew that information.

"oh." was all jenny said, she was thrown off gaurd by what ryan had just said. what was she supposed to say back? 'oh you know my mom has a drinking problem so that's why i don't drink' nope, that just wouldn't do. "i'm sorry about that." she told him and he shrugged and took a swig of his water.

"it's just not for me." ryan responded and he was smiling at her again, a small smile and why was it that jenny just noticed that ryan never really talked with emotion? had she been so blinded by his looks that she never noticed his constant monotone speaking voice.

jenny was about to ask ryan about the kiss, she why in the hell he would choose her over krissy but before anything else could be said between the two teens brendon rushed over and threw himself on ryan's back. ryan not expecting the sudden added weight nearly toppled over but managed to catch himself and support the younger boy's weight.

"heeeeeey you guuuuuuuys!" brendon cried snuggling against ryan's neck and grinning at jenny. "you'll never guess who i saw kissing outside!" the boy cooed in a singsong voice.

"who?" jenny asked, her face excited enough to compete with brendon. she knew who it was but she didn't wanna ruin the surprise for brendon.

"patrick and Cassie! i guess they worked things out." the boy said as he climbed off ryan's back and settled himself on the floor. jenny was smiling, she was glad that finally her friend had worked things out with patrick and would be happy. she felt a little uneasy though because she knew that now that Cassie had patrick, the older girl would be far more determined to hook up jenny and ryan.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

later into the night brendon and krissy had wound up in one of the spare bedrooms, located upstairs. the bedroom was large, with it's misty blue walls, gray carpeted floor, pictures of light houses and oceans were framed on the walls. the bed kept with the oceanic decorative theme in the room, it was a deep blue quilt and gray sheets.

the two teens weren't doing anything more then a heavy make-out session, the party still thumping downstairs as their arms and legs, and bodies were a tangled mess of heat and hormones. they were kissing somewhere between the speed of too fast and too slow, somewhere that krissy didn't mind being.

when she was with brendon, everything felt perfect and she was practically giddy all the time. it was him, his personality was way too infectious, spreading itself around to his friends and family. it was a good balance considering that krissy considered herself overly serious at times.

brendon broke away from krissy so he could catch his breath. he smiled down at her, his pillowy lips glistening in the soft light from the room.

"bren?" krissy began, her voice soft and she reached out and traced her fingers gently down his jaw.

"hmm?" he responded, reaching down and taking her hand in his own.

"can i ask you a question?" she said and their eyes locked, a light blue that almost matched the walls and a deep chocolate brown.brendon was a little unsure of what she would ask but he knew that when girls wanted to ask questions, it was never good.

"go ahead." brendon told her as he tried to keep from sounding like he had something to hide.

"are you...i-i mean do you...want to have sex?" she rushed out, her voice shaky and her cheeks pink with embaressment. brendon's jaw dropped and he released krissy's hand out of surprise, because, well that was surprising. he always thought krissy was pretty conservative and they hadn't been going out that long.

"why? are you...do you want to?" brendon managed to say, a soft pink blush covering his cheeks too.

"well, no, not right now." she started "that's why i was asking. to see if you'd be willing to wait." krissy hadn't been looking at her boyfriend as she said this, her eyes on her hands instead but she looked up to his face after, waiting an anwser.

brendon took his girlfriend's hand in his once again and smiled, his thumb brushing over her soft skin. "for you cricket, i'd be willing to do anything." he told her, smiling at krissy and giving her hand a squeeze. he honestly thought that it would be better if they waited, sure, he was a guy and as a guy he liked sex but he wanted to wait until he was sure krissy was ready.

krissy's pretty face broke into a grin as brendon used his nickname for her. she leaned forward and kissed him quickly, she was thinking that brendon had to be the world's best boyfriend.

"good." she said with a little sigh, "because when we lose our virginities to each other. i want it to be special." she told him. krissy leaned forward and pulled brendon into a tight hug.

"right, virginities." brendon mumbled, the same flush across his cheeks.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

the party didn't end until four that morning. the sky was a mix of a deep dark blue with flushes of light blue snuck into the corners of the sky. Pete stood out on jon's lawn, tapping his foot impatiently as he waited for his fellow passengers to get into the car.

he was slightly annoyed at the fact that Cassie and patrick couldn't keep their hands off each other. he was glad the duo had finally, finally hooked up but it was still strange to see their hands wandering bodies and mouths constantly attached. at least they had managed to get into the car, granted they were making out heavily in the backseat but at least he had found them.

jenny, on the other hand had gone M.I.A. Pete hadn't seen the girl since the spin the bottle game had ended. he thought he had spotted her talking with ryan and brendon, but then brendon had taken off upstairs with krissy and he hadn't seen his friend since. Pete glanced back at his car before he sighed and went back into jon's house to find jenny.

the party had died down considerably, with most of the guest's clearing out. jon was awake but just barely as he stood leaning against a wall in his living room, it looked as if he were to move away from the wall he'd tip over.

spencer was passed out on the floor of the living room, snoring loudly as Pete stepped over him to peek into the back bedrooms on the first floor. red plastic cups littered the floor along with beer bottles and various other debris. Pete wasn't sure what he'd find in the back bedrooms but he sighed in relife to find the rooms were empty.

Pete was about to head upstairs when he spotted someone on the patio, leaning over the wooden railing. the boy slipped to the glass door and peered through, seeing jenny standing, her back to him, on the other side. he slid the door open and stepped out on to the wooden deck.

jenny turned quickly at the sound of Pete's footsteps, surprised to see anyone out there with her. by the way she swayed as she turned to look at him, Pete could tell she was drunk. "Peteeeeeee." jenny cooed and waddled over to the boy, half falling into his arms. Pete caught her and held the girl steady.

"jenny, you're drunk?" Pete asked. he was surprised, honestly because he knew that jenny drank but rarely enough to get wasted and this time, this time she was really wasted. jenny just giggled and nodded, her head falling to Pete's chest.

Pete gave another sigh, wishing that he had sent Cassie to do this instead of himself. "well, that doesn't matter. come on, i'll take you back to Cassie's house or whatever." Pete told the girl and he pushed the girl away a bit, enough for him to grab jenny's wrist and lead her back through the house and out to the car.

Pete led jenny down the driveway, the girl leaning heavily on him and giggling about a joke that Pete never heard. he was releaved to find that Cassie and patrick had stopped making out and were now simply snuggled up in the backseat.

the boy got jenny settled and belted into the front seat before he climbed into the driver's seat, wondering how in the hell he had become the designated driver. he glanced in the rearview mirror and saw patrick's fingers gently running through Cassie's hair, he was watching her, she looked like she had fallen asleep. patrick had become a protective boyfriend in a span of a few hours and Pete felt his heart go prickly at the sight before him.

patrick looked up and caught Pete's gaze, he smiled at his bestfriend because they both knew that this is what patrick really wanted, even if it took him an eternity to get there. Pete started the car and backed out of the driveway, intent on taking Cassie and jenny home.

"you're an evil genius Pete." patrick's low voice came from the backseat a few moments later.

Pete grinned "how so?"

"let's just say when it came to the spin the bottle game, your pretty obvious." patrick laughed. "it was worth it though." he added as he glanced down at the sleeping Cassie.

Pete tried to smile but he wasn't sure if he pulled it off. "you're happy right?" he asked and patrick looked up at him surprised before he nodded. "and you'll keep her happy?" he added, his eyes falling on the sleeping face of his best friend.

"of course."

"then i'm happy too." Pete told him, he ignored the same prickling feeling in his heart.

Pete had dropped off Cassie and jenny at Cassie's house, patrick helping to get the wasted girl into the house, the soft tender kiss patrick and Cassie shared as patrick was leaving was not missed on Pete but he pretended not to notice. the duo had already decided that patrick would spend the night at Pete's house considering that the younger boy's mom would shit a brick if patrick were to come home at four in the morning.

Pete parked his car and he and patrick headed into his house, his parents already asleep. the two boys crept upstairs and patrick passed out on his little made up bed on Pete's floor, and Pete was glad because for some reason, he felt a sort of tight ball of anger in his stomach, an anger that he was surprised to find was directed at patrick.



Chapter fourteen: My memories of you are nothing but a blur.

Cassie didn’t know exactly what to do with jenny considering she had never witnessed the younger girl wasted before. She knew that jenny wasn’t even old enough to be drinking even though none of their friends ever thought about doing the right thing when it came to drinking and partying.

The one thing Cassie did know though was that jenny’s drinking had something to do with Ryan. Anything that happened to jenny usually always had something to do with Ryan. Cassie layed down and closed her eyes thinking about jenny and about her and patrick, it seemed like everything was going good now, she just had to fix things for her best friend.

when Cassie woke up the next day jenny was no where to be found. She carefully got up thinking that maybe the younger girl had rolled underneath her bed and didn't want to step on her. just in case she peaked under her bed with no luck at finding the younger girl she walked out into the hallway and down the hall she turned and noticed the bathroom door was halfway open and there was where she found the younger girl kneeling on the floor next to the toliet.

Now Cassie sort of found this event to be funny considering this is where they had found Pete puking a couple days ago. since when did her bathroom become the public hangover relief station? Cassie giggled a little bit as the younger girl turned around and looked at her.

"and how in the world could you find this funny?" jenny said serious yet with a grin spreading on her face.

"Hey, you did it too your self!" Cassie said pointing at the girl as she giggled. but she still felt some sympathy for the younger girl

"Yeah i know" jenny stated as she got up and wiped her face off and washed her hands. "I did it to my self. . ." the girl repeated and looked in the mirror and then back at Cassie.

"And i really don't know why i did it." jenny finished, more serious then anything she put her hand on her head and walked out of the bathroom Cassie following behind her.

"Well you had to have done it for some reason right?" Cassie asked completley lost as to what had happened to her friend last night.

"Yeah, i must have. and it had to had something to do with ryan but i know we where both talking about how we despise alcohol and he was finally showing some sort of emotion towards me and it made me nervous... and i think i just started drinking.. but other then that, that's all i remember."

Cassie blinked knowing the girl must have blacked out and it wasn't out of the ordinary considering she never in her life had drank as much as she did last night. "Was ryan there when you where drinking?" Cassie asked

"Yeah, he was when i started but i dont really remember what happened after that i think he asked me why i was drinking when i had just said that i hated alcohol."

jenny stopped and looked at Cassie fear growing in her eyes.

"I dont know what else i said to him Cassie! for all i know i could have admited my undying love for him and i don't even remember it! I dont remember what he said back! This is horrible he could hate me now!"

the older girl pated the almost crying girl on the back. jenny sighed.

"alcohol is destined to ruin my life, isnt it?" the girl asked but didn't except an answer and Cassie knew jenny wasn't looking for one. jenny suddenly took her attention away from thinking about ryan and looked at Cassie.

"OH! but, congrats on you and patrick!" jenny said the girl winced at the pain that shot threw her head when she moved it to the side. Cassie smiled
"thanks, but im sorry it wasn't that great of a night for you." Cassie grinned

"dont worry about it, im just glad that things worked out for you and patrick last night that's all i was worried about really." jenny said as she hugged Cassie. a smile appearing on her face "and if i do remember correctly, that kiss we shared was pretty damn good!"

"Better than the kiss ryan gave you?" Cassie smiled back.

"well.. wait how did you know about that?" the girl asked

"Pete told me last night in the car on the way back home."

"Oh! No fair" jenny frowned "i wanted to be the one to tell you" Cassie laughed

"sorry about that but i am happy that you got to kiss ryan."

"Yeah, me too. . . which that reminds me i wonder if ryan and i talked about that when i was drunk too... fuck, i hate not remembering things." jenny said as she hugged her knees. "What if he never speaks to me again?" jenny asked worried.

"ah, dont worry of course he'll talk to you again. ryan's not like that. besides, all in all this might have been good for you guys in the end."

"yeah... maybe, i hope."

"Well if your really worried about it maybe you should call him. . ." the younger girl was speechless for a minute she was afraid to call ryan but too afraid of what had happaned last night not too.

"I.. i dont know if could" the girl mumbled her eyes full of fear once again.

"You cant always be afraid of him jenny, how will you ever be able to tell him how you feel if you can't even talk to him?"

"...if he doesn't already know how i feel..." jenny stated.

"Just call him!" Cassie said throwing the girls cell phone into her lap. jenny sighed heavily and flipped open her phone.

"okay, okay" she said as she dialed ryan's number. three rings and a half later ryans voice was on the other end of the line.

"hello?" ryan said. jenny froze but Cassie urged her to go on.

"um.. hi ryan... It's me.. jenny"


chapter fifteen: happiness is fleeting

ryan had been awake before his cell phone rang. he never was one for sleeping in much, he was in his room, his dad still passed out downstairs, sleeping off the alcohol. ryan had been reading when his phone rang, sending the beatles song he had as his ringtone echoing through the air.

he leapt up and grabbed his cell, a number he wasn't familar with. ryan debated about whether or not to anwser the phone but ultimately he hit the green anwser button and held the cell to his ear.

"hello?" he had said, unsure of just who was calling him. there was a brief silence and ryan thought he heard hushed voices whispering in the background. he was about to hang up when someone spoke.

"um..hi, ryan...it's me..jenny." he heard the nervous girl's voice say into the phone.

ryan was not expecting to hear from the younger girl. the memories of last night flashed into his mind, the kiss the two of them shared, jenny telling him how she disliked alcohol, ryan admitting his own dislike of it...and finally when he found jenny wasted in the living room.

"oh..hey jenny." ryan said and he tried not to sound too surprised. again there was an awkward silence and more hushed voices and ryan was sure that jenny was with Cassie and that the older girl was trying to get jenny to talk.

"are you..uh..are you busy?" jenny asks and ryan can hear the nerves, can remember that she wasn't as bad last night.

"nope."

"oh, well i uh..i just wanted, i wanted to apologize about last night..." she trails off and ryan knows what she's talking about.

"you don't have to apologize to me jenny, it's your business if you decide to drink or not." ryan thinks he comes off sounding too harsh but that's just the way his voice is.

"i know...but still, i mean we were talking about how neither of us liked drinking and then i go and get wasted...pretty stupid right?" she laments and ryan shrugs and sits on the end of his bed, even though the girl can't see him.

"i will admit i was surprised to see you drinking, but it's not like you're the only person who drinks so i can't really judge you." ryan tells her, he will admit that he was kind of disapointed in the girl, he had thought she was different, thought that she was unlike the others.

"i usually don't drink...i really don't...i had a good reason though."

"mind telling me what it is?"

"i was nervous talking to you." jenny admits and her voice is small and scared and ryan doesn't fully get why. he thinks the girl might like him, he's not one hundered percent sure but he has his suspicions and ryan would be devastated if he were the reason for the girl's drinking.

"i'm sorry." ryan replies and he doesn't know what to say. what can he say to make this situation okay? he hasn't talked to jenny enough to know a lot about the girl but he doesn't want her upset over this. "i shouldn't have put you in a situation where you'd feel guilty for drinking"

"it's not your fault" jenny starts "you don't have to apologize to me, i don't deserve it." jenny seems to be less nervous now and ryan allows himself to imagine Cassie writing out dialouge for jenny to say to him. the thought almost makes him laugh but he's able to stop himself.

"i just wanted to know something though..." jenny says and ryan is paying attention to her again, listening for the changes in her voice. "did i say anything last night?"

"like what?"

"like...anything embaressing...or did i do anything?" jenny asks and ryan can tell she's embaressed already and he thinks back to last night, the words the girl said cycling through his head.

"nothing really...i mean you kept complimenting me, not that i mind or anything." ryan gave a little laugh and jenny made a squeaking noise.

"i-i gotta go!" jenny says suddenly and the phone line goes dead before ryan can say anything else. he set's his cell down and thinks about calling jon for girl advice but decides against it when he hears the groggy stumbling of his father in the other room.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
jenny hung up the phone on ryan out of embaressment, Cassie sighs and pats her bestfriend on the shoulder, she tells her that everything will be alright, even though she doesn't know if it will be. the girl leaves soon after that, Cassie's mom driving her home.

after jenny leaves Cassie goes back to her room and thinks of ryan and why jenny likes him so much.

Cassie can remember a time when ryan ross was really happy. it's a memory, barely there and faded by time but she can remember. it was back when her parents used to have dinner parties a lot, back when spencer, ryan, and she herself were all around four years old.

she's honestly not sure how she can remember that far back but she just knows that she does. it was back when she and spencer and ryan were insanely attached at the hip. Cassie's parents would throw nice fancy dinner parties and they'd invite her aunt and uncle, a.k.a spencer's parents, they'd also invite the ross', a family that lived down the street from spencer. the couples brought their kids, who were already fast friends and they'd all have a good time.

Cassie remembers a mini kid table being set up next to the long glass adult table, because she remembered begging her mother to let her be apart of the party. the girl can remember seeing ryan's parents, martha and george, remembers that they were happy too.

ryan looks like his mother, with his feminem features, but he's got his father's dark eyes and hair. ryan's parents would smile and laugh and things were okay. that's what Cassie remembers before things went bad for ryan.

his mother left a year later when he was five, she just got up and left and ryan got quieter but he was still okay. ryan's farther was okay too...only for awhile though. Cassie remembers the same dinner parties, but they were never quite the same, ryan's father sat alone at the table, drinking and forcing smiles, the same kind of smiles that ryan forced now.

not soon after ryan's dad started drinking. she can remember that he stopped coming to the parties, that ryan would show up alone, and ryan would be so quiet and not look at anyone, only talking when he was spoken to first. Cassie remembers the whispers between her parents and her mother shooting sad glances at ryan.

ryan was never really happy after that. he pretended to be happy a lot and he hid the marks, emotional and physical that his father left behind. Cassie only knew all these things about ryan because of spencer. spencer was her only cousin, they had practicaly grown up together and he was the closest thing she had to a brother.

since spencer and ryan spent so much time together growing up and spencer and Cassie were together, it led to the trio being together a lot. but nowadays no one makes mention of ryan's problems, the boy knows that Cassie knows but still they never talk about it, she knows spencer and ryan do, but she would never ask spencer about those conversations.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ryan ross can count on one hand the number of people who know about his fucked up childhood. it's four, that's the number. there's spencer of course because it's very possible that spencer knows everything there is to know about ryan. then there's brendon and jon, they knew because he had been friends with them long enough that he thought the duo deserved to know how ryan became so disfunctional. lastly, there's Cassie and she seems the least likely to know about him.

he doesn't mind that she knows, he never told her but she knew because she had been there to witness it and she was kind enough to not tell anyone, so ryan really didn't mind. ryan never expected the number of people who knew about his past to go up, so he was insanely surprised to see when he opened the silver heavy door that led to the therapy group he had been in for about a year now, jenny zahn was sitting in the circle of chairs.

ryan's brown eyes widened because since when did jenny come to his group therapy meetings? he might've tried to hide from the girl had she not been staring at him, her own eyes wide in surprise. she was sitting on the metalic folding chair, her knees pulled up and her arms wrapped around them.

ryan gave her a slight smile before he moved to an empty seat nearly right across from her. he found himself feeling more nervous then he had ever at one of the meetings, he never expected someone from school, or even one of his friends to end up at one of his meetings. he guessed he should've expected it considering jenny was seeing banks too but still, it was a shocker.

he hadn't seen the girl since the party at jon's two days ago and he hadn't talked to her since yesterday morning, when she called and hung up on him. jenny looks at him quickly, she's blushing and looks away.

the meeting commenced moments later with their meeting leader henry taking control. henry was tall and dark haired and had a penchant for wearing brightly colored sweaters and jeans. "alright, as some of you might have noticed, we have a new attendee. as customary we will now have our newest member stand up and introduce herself." henry told the group and he looked back at jenny who was looking like she didn't know she'd be required to stand up.

ryan could still easily remember when it was his first time and he actually had to stand up and admit what was wrong with his life. he knew it got easier as time went on but it didn't stop him from feeling sympathy for the girl.

jenny glanced at henry and ryan before she nodded nerviously and stood up, her hands instantly linking together. "ok, um, my name is jenny zahn, i'm fifteen years old and...and...my mom is an alcoholic..." she finished and she wasn't looking at ryan, wasn't looking at anyone really, she was just staring down at the white tiled floor.

the group responded with a simple "hi, jenny." and warm caring smiles. ryan didn't say anything though, his heart had kinda froze up because jenny...he never knew that jenny was dealing with the same thing he was. "okay, thanks jenny. now what about your father?" henry asked and ryan flinched internally and jenny's face went blank.

"i...is it okay if i don't want to talk about him?" she asked, her eyes flickering over henry's face. henry smiled that kind warming smile he was known for and nodded.

"it's fine, therapy is a long process after all."

jenny nodded and tried to smile but it came off looking too sad before she sat down. it was then time for the other therapy members to get up and say why they were in therapy. ryan didn't miss that jenny was staring at him, he was betting that she was wondering why he was in therapy, he had never told her more then he had family issues and he didn't like alcohol, he was wondering if she had put two and two together.

it was ryan's turn to stand up and he did, the nerves of standing infront of everyone, long gone by now. "my name is ryan ross, i'm seventeen and my dad is an alcoholic." ryan couldn't stop himself from looking at jenny as he said this, a realization apparent on the younger teens face. there it was, another person who knew about his dad, the number had risen and ryan was okay with it.

there was no way she could judge him, think ill of him, not when she was in the same situation. the rest of the meeting was uneventful, at least for ryan. it wasn't that he didn't think therapy was working, he did but he just couldn't see how it was going to clear everything up, not when the problem was with his dad. hell, his dad didn't even know he was in therapy, jon always gave him a ride, his dad had no idea.

after the meeting ryan wanted to talk to jenny, he really did. he hadn't talked to the girl since the night of jon's party, the night he kissed her for the first time. he wanted to talk with her because he wanted to clear the air between them, tell her he wasn't upset at her, but that wasn't the only reason. no, ryan wanted to talk to jenny because now he felt like he wasn't so alone.

he had felt so alone for a long, long time. it was hard for him to hang around people who had such perfect families. spencer and his loving parents, Cassie and her parents, brendon whose mom baked for her son and left him notes in his lunchbag.

none of them knew what it was like to go home to a dark house, to find your parent completely wasted and slurring words at you, getting angry and throwing bottles around the house. grabbing a hold of you and hitting you for things that weren't your fault. none of his friends knew what that was like, but jenny would.

unfortunately for ryan, jenny took off after the meeting, he saw Pete's car pulling out of the driveway of the community center. he gave a little sigh and sat on the cement steps, waiting for jon to show up.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

back at school on monday Cassie, krissy, and jenny sat on one of the many outdoor pinic tables, eating their breakfast. it was a brief moment of time where Cassie and krissy weren't with their respective boyfriends and jenny wasn't on the lookout for ryan. jenny had yet to tell Cassie that ryan was at her therapy meeting, she knew it wasn't her secret to tell.

"are you okay krissy? you seem really quiet today." jenny asked her older friend as she took a bite of her banana. krissy gave a little shrug and took a bite of her yogurt.

"i'm okay, i'm just thinking of a few things." the blonde girl replied. in truth she was thinking of brendon, of the conversation they had had the night of jon's party.

"would one of those things be brendon?" Cassie asked, smiling inbetween bites of her cheese-stick.

"am i that obvious?" krissy laughed.

"possibly or maybe we've just known you too long." Cassie anwsered, krissy laughed again.

"anyway, what's going on between you and brendon? i mean i've noticed you two haven't been acting right." jenny said, concern apparent in her blue gray eyes.

krissy took another bite of her breakfast before anwsering her friends. "well, i mean at jon's party we talked about how we were gonna wait to have sex...ever since then he's been kinda weird." she admitted.

"hmm well, maybe he's just nervous, i mean aren't you his first girlfriend? and isn't he a virgin?" jenny asked. krissy's eyes widened a bit but she anwsered all the same.

"yeah, he is." the blonde girl said and Cassie suddenly choked on her breakfast, probably due to the brash subject matter.

"you okay?" jenny asked with a giggle, patting her best friend on the back.

"yeah, i'm fine." Cassie said, her hand thumping her chest.

krissy found it odd that Cassie was being so quiet, usually the girl gave her friends advice when she could but it seemed the girl was fresh out of it now.

"i'm sure it's all fine krissy, brendon is a good boy." Cassie finally said and jenny nodded in agreement.

"yeah, i guess you're right." the blonde girl said as she stood and went to throw away her food.



Chapter 16: Practice what you preach

As Jenny walked towards the school she ran to catch up with Cassie wondering what was up with the older girl and wondering why she had been so quite this morning.

"Hey Cassie, you okay? you were quiet back there" Cassie looked straight ahead but answered her friend directly "Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little confused is all" The older girl stated and before jenny could get in another word the bell rang and they both hurried off to their morning classes the morning conversation still fresh in both the girls minds.

Jenny wandered to her first hour class and sat in the back of the class alone at the only table that was in its lonesome. The girl had a lot to think about, she was trying to keep her mind off ryan because she felt selfish whenever she thought about him but her mind seemed too determined on the older boy then on the situation lying ahead of her. She was failing most of her classes and it seemed like her friends needed her more then anything now and she felt like she was just to distant to even be reached. She sighed not noticing that megan had come to sit next to her.

"Hey Jenneh!" The girl exclaimed jenny looked up to see her dark headed friend practically bouncing in the seat next to her

"Oh, hey megan. How's stalking going latley?" Jenny asked knowing that the girl would be more then happy to share her stalking stories with her.

"Pretty good i guess." The girl trailed off "It's kind of not that fun anymore to stalk him when he already know's who i am.." Jenny looked at her funny because it wasn't like megan to give up on stalking, specially when it'd come to stalking gabe.

"Are you feeling okay megan?" jenny looked up scared feeling for signs of fever on her friends forehead.

"Yeah, i'm fine." Megan stated "Just, i think gabe's caught onto my stalking act so i really dont know what to do anymore"

Jenny stared at her blankly. "Well, maybe you should ask him out. You can't always admire from affar you know?" megan looked up acting like this thought had never come to her before.

"I should" she said "but i don't know what he'd say. I mean gabes a very upfront guy if he liked me don't you think he would have asked me out by now?"

"Who knows megan you may be different, maybe he's shy about asking you out. I mean most guys are shy about the person they really, really like"

Megan looked distant for a minute like she was really thinking about what she had just said. "Yeah, maybe you're right." She finally said and both the girls fell silent.

'hah. if i could only give my self such advice' jenny said to her self, and looked to the front of the class no intent whatsoever on paying attention to the class starting right now. Her mind was stuck on what had happaned in the past few days, hell like algebra really mattered to her right now.

The hour went on and as it did jenny felt her self drifting off into her own world of thoughts. It wasn't ryan that was really clouding her mind anymore. Something was bugging her and she just wanted it to go away.
-----
Standing at her locker she heard a familiar voice calling her name and she turned around to see belinda walking down the hallways towards her waving to her and calling her name.

"Hey jenny" The younger girl said as she stopped in front of her locker as jenny pulled out her books for her next class.

"Hey belinda whats up?" jenny asked glancing at the girl once more.

"Not much. But have i ever mentioned that our gym teacher is the biggest pedophile in this entire nation?"

Jenny laughed because as exagerated as that sentence was, sadly it seemed to be true. "Yes, many times before and everytime you bring it up it makes me giggle. I'm glad i didn't take gym this year and hopefully mr. pedo will have resigned or got arrested by the time next year rolls around."

Belinda grinned "Yeah, you better pray." she stopped and looked at jenny trying to read her thoughts and then continued. "So, how's things with you and ryan huh?"

Jenny looked surprised. She didn't know belinda knew about the rocky situation with ryan. she glanced around her shoulder to make sure no one was dropping in on their conversation, part of her was looking for ryan as well. she hadn't seen him since the meeting. sighing she glanced back at belinda.

"I really don't know how to explain the situation. I haven't talked to him since i called him. I've seen him..." she trailed off not wanting to bring up the meetings "..but i haven't talked to him and he hasn't talked to me. It's frustrating because I want to talk to him but the words wont come out and i know.. somehow i know there's something he wants to tell me but it doesn't happen."

jenny looked up not really noticing that she had been staring at the floor the entire time she spoke. Belinda patted her on the shoulder and smiled.

"Well, maybe you need to use your voice. Maybe you need to tell him what you just told me. You're not going to get any where not saying a word to the person you need to talk to most." and with that the younger girl walked away leaving jenny to sit there and wonder if she'd ever have a way with words the way belinda did.


chapter seventeen: anonymous piano keys

after school that day Cassie was looking for jenny. the younger girl was supposed to meet the older girl downstairs, infront of Cassie's locker but the younger girl had never showed.

Cassie was currently wandering along the third floor hallway, knowing that jenny's last class was up there. sunlight was filtering through the large square windows, sending streaks of dirty light into the dusty hallway.

the girl was about to head to the end of the hallway and take the stairs back to the lower floors, when suddenly she heard music being played. it was the soft tinkling of piano keys, a melody Cassie thought she had heard before. the music was lovely and the girl was entraced, she circled back following the soft notes back to a classroom whose oak door was propped open.

Cassie stepped into the classroom, her footsteps echoing in the spacious music room. the girl spotted none other than brendon in the room, he was sitting at the large black piano, well more then just sitting, he was playing. the boys nimble fingers flickered over the keys, causing the charming tune to spring to life.

the music stopped adbruptly and Cassie was pulled from her trance to see brendon staring at her. "how long have you been there Cassie?" he asked with a smile, his brown eyes locked on hers.

"not long." Cassie replied with a smirk. "i was looking for jenny actually, but then i heard the piano so i wanted to see what was going on." she told him.

brendon grinned, dropping his gaze down to the piano keys, his fingers idley pressing random keys. "jenny's with mrs. miller." the boy said, shifting his gaze back to Cassie.

"how do you know?" she asked, her arms folded across her chest.

"cause krissy's with her too. something about their performance next week." jenny and krissy were deeply involved in the music side of the school, jenny was in choir while krissy was in band. "that's why i'm here. i'm waiting for her." he added smiling at the girl.

Cassie stepped into the room, out of all the classrooms the music room was the most laid back. insturments and stools were spread around the room. the piano where brendon sat was pressed near the windows, brendon's back to the chalkboard.

sunlight was pouring through this room too, illuminating brendon, making him look like some sort of supernatural being.

the girl came to stand next to the piano, her hand splayed across the top. "speaking of krissy...are you two okay?" she asked, brendon looked up at her, wide brown eyes surprised.

"we're fine, why? did she say otherwise?"

"no, she just said that you've been acting strange since jon's party." the girl informed brendon. the dark haired boy pulled a face and gave a slight sigh, his eyes falling away from Cassie's face.

"it's true, i have been acting strange." he said, his voice low. Cassie looked surprised, she didn't know why brendon would be anything but good to his girlfriend.

"what? why?" she asked, a small slit of anger flashed through her at the thought that krissy was being treated anything less then perfect.

"it's because i'm feeling guilty." he said and his voice sounded sad and he was looking up at her, Cassie sighed.

"guilty?" she asked even though she didn't need an explanation. she knew exactly why the boy was feeling guilty.

"i-can you sit down?" brendon asked and he was patting the spot beside him on the long piano bench. the girl nodded before she moved to sit beside him. brendon's gaze had gone to the piano keys again, it was obvious he wanted to use music as a last ditch distraction.

"i'm feeling guilty Cassie, the guilt has been eating at me for awhile now." the boy admitted, the girl bit her lip worrying it between her teeth. she knew where the conversation was going and it was somewhere she didn't want to be.

"Cassie i-" brendon began but the girl cut him off.

"no, brendon." she responded quickly and flatly. her gaze locked on his, the boy sighed like he had expected this to happen.

"Cassie, please be reasonable...i-we have to." brendon's face looked sad, a frown took over his boyish features. the girl shook her head, her brown wave of curls flopping with the motion. her blue eyes were heavy and she was frowning.

"look, she's my girlfriend Cassie, i need to tell her."

"it's not just your business to tell you know?" she snipped at him.

"i know, but don't you think you owe it to patrick?" brendon said and she looked away from the boy, looking down at the piano keys as brendon had done moments before. she had known that this day would come eventually but she was hoping it would be a lot later.

"if you tell, she'll hate me...it will ruin my life...why do you want that?" Cassie said softly her eyes shiny.

"she'll probably be mad but she won't hate you. don't you want to be honest? isn't the guilt killing you too?"

"no, unlike you i can put the past where it belongs! don't you remember we agreed that we'd never talk about it! never bring it up again!" the girl was upset, brendon could tell but he couldn't stop now.

"i can't lie to krissy anymore...i need to tell her the truth...but i won't if you don't want me to." brendon said and he bent his head down peering into the girl's eyes.

a silence passed between the two teens before Cassie let out a long drawn out sigh. "i know you're right...deep down inside i know but, it's just hard bren..." she trailed off and brendon reached out and placed a warm hand on her shoulder.

"i know..i don't wanna make this hard for you...but i just want to clear the air, i think it will make us feel better." brendon told her and she was nodding because she thought he was right.

"okay bren, you can tell her...you can tell krissy everything." she said and her eyes were definitly brimming with tears and brendon felt bad because he had made her think of it, it was his fault she was upset.

"are you ready for it?" he asked, giving her shoulder a squeeze.

"not even a little bit." she admitted, biting her lip once again.

there was a silence again and it dragged on this time, only ending when brendon touched the keys that laid out before them. starting a song that Cassie knew well. she smiled at the song, a sad sort of smile.

"remember when i tried to teach you to play the piano?" brendon asked, his voice mixing with the music and his brown eyes heavy with thought.

"yeah." she replied, her fingers pressing the keys on her end of the piano. "never learned much though." she told him and she was wearing that same sad smile. Cassie's notes were jagged and rough, not like brendon's that were sharp and slick, brendon was an incredible pianist but he rarely played anymore.

at that moment two sets of footsteps could be heard in the hall and moments later jenny and krissy had entered the room. the two girls had been laughing about something, smiles on their faces as they stepped into the music room.

"oh hey, Cassie." jenny said noticing her bestfriend. "sorry, for making you wait. miller kept me after." the younger girl said.

"it's fine" Cassie replied, she was trying her best to look like she hadn't been near tears moments before, she threw a smile on her face. "brendon was keeping me company." she added, glancing back at the boy before standing from the bench and moving towards jenny and krissy.

"you, uh you ready to go brendon?" krissy asked and the boy nodded. jenny moved to the stools in the back of the room to grab some sheet music, while brendon closed the piano and walked over to his girlfriend.

krissy had been giving Cassie and brendon an odd look but she took the boy's hand all the same. the couple was about to leave before Cassie called out to them.

"krissy" she started and the blonde girl stopped and looked back at her friend. "uh you can call me later tonight if you want." she said because she knew that she'd probably, definitly get a call from the girl tonight anyway, especially after what brendon would tell her.

"okay." krissy replied and she smiled and waved at jenny and Cassie before leaving the room.

Cassie let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding.


chapter eighteen: jon walker's closet

Cassie got a call at midnight that night, it was from brendon. the girl had never gotten a call from krissy so she figured that maybe she had brendon call for her. that wasn't the case though, brendon was calling to say that he hadn't told krissy, not yet but he said he still planned on it.

she didn't try to talk him out of it, she had already told him he could tell her. she wasn't worried about that part as much as she was worried that there was no doubt that she'd have to tell patrick.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
jenny happens to think that jon walker's house was made for throwing parties. even if she doesn't always like the older boy she still likes his house. that's where everyone is now. jenny wonders why jon's parents are never home, she thinks she should ask the boy, or Cassie, or someone but she wonders if it's a touchy subject.

all the usual suspects are at the house. Cassie and patrick who are almost beating krissy and brendon with the public displays of affection, almost. of course Pete is there too as is krissy and brendon, spencer, ryan, jon because duh, he lives there. belinda and megan are there too, along with andy and joe. gabe came because gabe is never one to miss parties and somehow william even showed up.

everyone is currently in jon's living room. once again seated in a circle on the floor and once again Pete has decided that everyone should play a game. jenny is beginning to think that Pete Wentz shouldn't be allowed to watch teenage drama shows but she kind of forgets that fact when ryan peers at her from across the room.

the game that Pete decided to have them play is seven minutes in heaven. "can people who are already in relationship's not play?" patrick asks and Pete glares at him and shakes his head.

"no, everyone has to play trick! that's the rules!" Pete retailiates. patrick kinda shrugs and Cassie smiles at her boyfriend. she knows that even if she play's she won't have to do anything.

jenny is kinda worried because now that Pete sucessfully got Cassie and patrick together she thinks that he has focused his attention on hooking her up with ryan. jenny hasn't actually spoken to the boy in awhile, she's skipped out on the last therapy meeting because her mom was home and she couldn't tell her that she was leaving.

she hasn't called ryan either, not since that last time on the phone when she hung up adbruptly. it's not like they haven't talked at all, she's talked to him during classes but it's not real talking, it's the fake kind that is just enough to get you by.

"why do we always play these games at my parties?" jon asks from his position on the floor, he's sitting indian style, his black flip-flops sitting next to him.

"because! it's obvious that your house has some kind of magical hook up power." Pete tells him and no one laughs because they all know that Pete is serious.

"so, who are you planning to hook up tonight then Wentz?" spencer asks and Pete gives the group a good stare.

"whoever manages to tap into the powers of jwalk's love connection house." Pete replies and he folds his hands in a mystical kind of way.

it's three minutes later that Pete is standing before the group. he's holding patrick's hat upside down and shuffling through the little slips of paper that have everyone's names on it. according to Pete, that's how we send people to the closet.

Pete pulls out two slips of paper and each time jenny kind of feels like she's playing russian roulette. she just doesn't want to go in there first. "megan." is the first name called and the young girl stands up, tossing her hair back behind her shoulder and shooting the most seductive look she can in gabe's direction.

megan stands beside Pete while the boy pulls the second slip and he looks around a little warily before reading off the name. "spencer." he calls out and megan makes a very obvious disappointed face while spencer rolls his eyes and looks like he'd rather not play at all.

"i don't think even my house could hook those two up Wentz." jon laughs and spencer shoots him an unpleasant look. Pete shrugs.

"you can't win them all." he says as he moves to the solid brown closet door and pulls it open, ushering the two teens in with a sweeping moment. megan sighs and grabs spencer's wrist, pulling him into the closet. Pete shuts the door and locks it and grabs his cell phone as a timer.

jenny thinks that being on the outside of the closet is pretty damn boring. all anyone is doing is watching the door, like it might suddenly stand up and dance a jig. they can't even talk because Pete has forbidden it, he wants to hear if any noises of any kind emit from the closet.

jenny doesn't actually think that anything is going to happen in the closet. megan is utterly devoted to gabe and spencer...well, jenny's not actually sure spencer likes anybody right now.

the seven minutes are up and Pete uncermoniously pulls the door open. spencer and megan are just sitting there, they were probably talking before Pete pulled the door open. Pete frowns, obviously disappointed that he didn't catch megan and spencer making out or that no one was naked.

"you two are boring!" Pete complains as spencer helps megan up and the duo leaves the closet.

"nuh-uh! for your information i am now carrying spencer's child!" megan annouces and Cassie and jenny giggle at their friend. spencer rolls his eyes but is grinning as he takes his spot next to jon.

"anyway, more names!" Pete annouces and he grabs out two more slips. again jenny feels nervous and her gaze keeps slipping between Pete, ryan, and Cassie. her best friend gives her an 'it will be okay.' look and jenny tries to smile.

Pete's eyes widen and he smirks a decidedly devilish smirk as he looks at the names, that can't be a good sign. "ryro." is the first name that's called out and ryan is standing and looking nervous as everyone watches him, waiting to see who will be sent in the closet with him. "and jenniez." Pete adds and jenny blushes, she known's she is but she can't help it as she stands and Cassie is grinning almost as widely as Pete. part of the girl thinks that Pete is rigging the slips, but the other part doesn't care.

jenny stands in the closet awkwardly while ryan follows her inside. Pete closes the door and leaves the two of them in the dark. the girl kind of hate's Pete right now because this, yeah, this is awkward.

"i'm uh, i'm gonna sit down." jenny says and she tries to fall gracefully to the bottom of the closet, jon's sweaters and jacket sleeves brushing against her shoulders. she feels ryan drop down too and she can just barely make out his form across from her as her eyes adjust to the darkness.

"you missed the last meeting." ryan says after a minute of silence.

"oh.." jenny starts, she's surprised that ryan is talking to her. "yeah, i did."

"is it?...was it because of me?" he asks and his voice is low, almost a whisper because he figures that Pete is listening on the other side of the door.

"what? no! i missed because my mom was home and i couldn't get away from her..." jenny tells him. she doesn't want ryan to think that she's not going to therapy because of what happened between the two of them.

"are you...gonna go back?" he asks and jenny can't really figure out if he's asking because he genuienly wants to know or if he wants her to come back to the meetings. she's quiet for a moment, she hadn't thought about not going back, she just assumed that she would. she wants to because she wants to feel better and if ryan's there...well, that helps too.

"yeah, i want to go back. i think it's good for me." she tells ryan and in the back of her mind she wonders how much time has passed because she doesn't really want this to end yet.

"i'm glad you're going back...for a minute there..i thought you were ashamed of it or something. or embarressed that i was there." ryan tells her and jenny is once again floored.

"no!" shit, that probably came out louder than she meant it to and it probably sounds bad from inside a closet. "no, i was glad that you were there..i dunno, it made it feel familar...you made me feel safe." jenny is thankful for the darkness so ryan won't see her blushing. she can't believe she's being this honest with the boy, but she feels like maybe these are things that are meant to be said.

"have you told anyone that you're in therapy?" ryan asks and if jenny's not mistaken, it sounds a little like he's smiling.

"only Cassie...but i didn't tell her that you were in my meetings." jenny reassures ryan, in case the older boy was worried about that kind of thing.

"wow, you didn't even tell your best friend. i must be special." ryan says quietly and jenny's heart starts beating too fast and if she's not mistaken she can feel ryan's hand creeping up on her knee.

"you are..." is all jenny can breath out. she's never known ryan to be so forward but she likes it and she thinks that this might finally be it, they might finally kiss. jenny drops her hand down to ryan's, so she knows that he's still there.

the girl leans forward a little, towards where she knows is ryan's form. she can smell him from here, he smells kind of like vanilla and she vaugely remembers Cassie telling her that spencer said that ryan wears vanilla deoderant.

"can i kiss you?" jenny hears ryan whisper and her heart clenches up at the fact that he's asking, ryan should never have to ask to do something like that.

"yeah.." jenny replies, her voice nearly non-existant. she can feel ryan's other hand cup her cheek and his breath shallow on her face. jenny closes her eyes in anticipation of her first kiss with ryan.

just as she's sure she should be feeling his lips any second the door is flung open and a bright light hits the two of them. "seven minutes are up!" Pete chirps and he's grinning because he knows they were about to kiss. the duo fall away and yeah, jenny is blushing and she won't look ryan in the eye as she scrambles out of the closet and retakes her seat next to Cassie.

"well, that was interesting." Pete chuckles and Cassie is watching jenny intently, trying her best to use their best friend telapathy. it seems that spencer is doing the same to ryan on the other side of the room.

"did anything happen?" Cassie leans in and whispers and jenny can feel eyes on her and ryan from all around the room.

"it would've if Pete hadn't ruined it!" jenny complained and she spares ryan a glance and the boy is adorably a shade of pink and is whispering to spencer who jenny is starting to think is ryan's Cassie.

jenny must've been zoned out because she looks up in time to see jon walker and belinda heading into the closet. her eyes widen at the fact because ew! jon looked like a pedophile when standing next to freshmen like belinda and she hopes that the boy is enough of a gentleman to not do anything to the much younger girl.

seven minutes later belinda and jon exit the closet, jon moving quicker than jenny's ever seen. "what'd you do to him belinda?" Pete laughs as belinda strides out of the closet.

"i've never heard more about william beckett than in those seven minutes." jon tells them, luckily for belinda william happened to go get a drink at the time so he didn't hear jon.

"at least i was trying to talk!" belinda shot back as she sat back down.

"anyway, more names!" Pete says and he's about to draw out more names when william re-enters the room.

"Peter, i would like to try my hand at drawing the names!" william annouces and Pete rolls his eyes but forfeits the hat because he's not sure he wants to piss off the student council president. william digs in and lifts out two slips of paper.

"Peter and cassandra." he annouces and patrick is looking at his girlfriend and at Pete. Cassie leans over and kisses patrick, a sweet soft kiss that makes jenny lament the fact that she never got to kiss ryan.

"it's Pete and Cassie!" joe shouts and william rolls his eyes, the student council president could never really get used to using people's nicknames. Pete is standing next to william and he's not really making jokes, he hasn't really made jokes since Cassie and patrick hooked up. maybe he's been afraid to?

Cassie stands and patrick lets go of her hand. Pete offers her his hand and she takes it as he leads her into the closet, william taking Pete's position as the door closer. Pete and Cassie settled down in the closet, Pete not yet releasing Cassie's hand.

"somehow i have a feeling you rigged this." Cassie says and Pete laughs.

"would i really willingly work with beckett in order to sit in a closet with you?"

"possibly." Cassie laughs, she's know Pete long enough to know he is a schemer.

before anything else can be said Cassie feels something tickling her hand. at first she thought it was Pete's fingers but she reaches down and feels something that feels like a bug on her hand.

"oh my god Pete!" Cassie screams and she knows that it's too loud and that someone will get the wrong idea but she can't help it, she's too scared.

"what's wrong?" Pete is a lot quieter than she is.

"spider!" Cassie says and she manages to keep her voice calm as she shakes her hand off.

from outside the closet jenny is wondering what is going on in there. she just heard Cassie call out Pete's name and it's only been a minute and a half. she glances at patrick who is looking alarmed as more shouting commences from inside the closet.

"there! there! right there Pete!" Cassie is screaming and brendon is laughing before krissy nudges him.

"right there?" they hear Pete ask

"yes! yes!"

"it won't die!"

"harder Pete! harder!" Cassie screams and brendon cannot hold back the giggle and jenny can't imagine that Cassie could actually have sex with Pete while patrick was out there.

the door got pulled open and Cassie scrambled out and raced back to her seat.

"okay! i killed it Cassie!" Pete says as he exits the closet with one of jon's shoes in hand.

"um what happened in there?" brendon is asking.

"a spider was on me! i told Pete to kill it!." Cassie said and she's brushing herself off.

"really, it sounded like you two were getting it on." spencer says and Cassie rolls her eyes.

"yeah, i'm gonna do it in a closet with my best friend while my boyfriend is outside the door." Cassie scoffs.

they end up pulling the last two names and it winds up being krissy and william. belinda glares as krissy is locked in the closet and Cassie notices that brendon is looking at her while krissy is gone and she looks away because she doesn't want to think about the phone call, about the impending truth that will be told soon.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
it was the next day and Cassie, megan, krissy, and belinda all stood in their shared gym class. jenny had been the only one of them lucky enough to not have to take gym that semester. the school was still gossiping about the fact that two brand new couples had been formed within the last month. there was of course Cassie and patrick, who were more quiet with their new romance and then there was krissy and brendon, who engaged in acts of pda anywhere they could.

the boys were in the gym class too, but they were on the other side of the gym. their teacher mr.baxter had a thing about keeping the boys and girls seperated for at least the first fifteen minutes of class. belinda also thought mr. baxter had a thing for teenaged girls but Cassie wanted to give the teacher the benefit of the doubt.

the teacher would line everyone up across from each other, girls on one side of the gym and boys on the other. he did this while he explained what activity they'd be performing that day or as he talked or whatever it was that gym teachers did.

Cassie stood between megan and belinda, her back pressed against the wall. across from them on the opposite wall was patrick, who had managed to line himself up perfectly with Cassie. next to patrick stood Pete and on his other side was joe.

Cassie smiled at patrick from across the room and he grinned back while belinda rolled her eyes slightly.

"everyone can see you making your goo-goo faces at patrick." belinda said quietly. Cassie turned to her right and looked down at the younger girl.

"i do not make goo-goo faces." Cassie said with a small laugh. she felt megan give her a small nudge.

"you totally do make the faces." megan began. "but they're cute." she added as she saw the fake pout on Cassie's face.

mr. baxter had finally stopped talking and now stood in the middle of the spacious gym. he had annouced that the activity for that day would be freestyle basketball. Cassie wasn't sure what that meant and belinda and megan just prayed that there wouldn't be any dancing involved.

the class broke away from the walls as mr. baxter wheeled in a rack full of bright orange basketballs. there were four different basketball hoops stationed around the gym, plenty of room for everyone to be able to play.

the four girls headed slowly to the rack of balls, being careful to avoid the mad dash that was the boys fighting to get a ball and a good postition to play. Cassie avoided the rack all together and instead made her way to where patrick was standing.

when he saw her patrick smiled and moved forward stopping before the girl. he wrapped an arm around her waist before he leaned down and kissed her lightly on the lips. instantly megan giggled from behind Cassie and belinda nudged her gently.

Cassie wrapped her own arm around patrick and snuggled her head into his chest.

"oh look guys, it's dork love." the small group heard a scratchy female voice say. Cassie, megan, and belinda looked over to see a tall blonde girl walk by, she was staring at Cassie and patrick as the two girls that were walking with her laughed.

"what are you jealous because all you can get is a one night stand and herpes ashlee?" Cassie asked, a smirk on her face. ashlee frowned

"well, at least i can do better then some chubby band geek." she shot back. Cassie's blood boiled and her hands went to her hips.

"i'm sorry the concept of a boy with a brain and talent confuses you ashlee. want me to explain the difference to you?" Cassie asked and megan and belinda laughed.

"YOU JUST GOT BURNED!" megan crowed and again belinda nudged her.

"smith! simpson! break it up now!" mr. baxter yelled at the girls, ashlee rolled her eyes before she and her cohorts stalked away to a part of the gym where they could pretend to play basketball and gossip about other girls, most likely Cassie and her friends.

"what a bitch." Pete said as he approached the group, his head shaking in dissaproval.

"patrick, don't let what she said bother you. i think your chub is adorable." she said to her boyfriend leaning up and kissing him again. patrick kissed back and took a hold of Cassie's hand.

"i'm used to insults like that babe, besides nothing that airhead says could affect me." he added and she smiled, proud of her boyfriend.

"remind me why she hates you guys again?" Pete asked as he looked at his friends.

"duh, she's a cheerleader!" belinda complained. "she hates everyone whose not a complete clone of her." she added.

"yeah, but wasn't she your friend once upon a time?" Pete asked as he ran his fingers through his dark hair, before crossing his hoodie covered arms across his chest.

it was true that ashlee simpson was once Cassie and the other's friend. but that was a long time ago, back in tenth grade, back when ashlee had black hair and wore punky clothes and wasn't shallow. they had liked ashlee and hung out with her a lot, until eleventh grade.

eleventh grade was when ashlee tried out for cheerleading. she did it on a whim more then anything and to everyone's surprise she had made it on to the squad. so it came to be that ashlee started eating lunch with the cheerleader's and the jocks and Cassie and the other's were okay with that, that was until ashlee stopped sitting with them during classes they shared and she started acting more and more like the other cheerleaders.

Cassie can remember the day ashlee showed up at school with bleach blonde hair and decked out in the latest trendiest, god-that's-ugly-but-i'll-wear-it-anyway-because-i-want-to-be-cool kind of fashion. that was around the time they offically stopped thinking of her as a friend.

ashlee had changed everything she was to fit in and had taken to pretending that Cassie, jenny, and the others had never existed.

then ashlee left school for three weeks and no one really seemed to know much about what had happened to her. that is until she came back to school one day with a completely new nose. Cassie didn't know what kind of sixteen year old get's a nose job but ashlee did. and the worst part was that she acted as if she hadn't done anything at all.

if Cassie had to pinpoint a moment where the hating between ashlee and herself and her friends started, it had to be the day that Cassie, jenny, and megan called ashlee out on her nose job. they hadn't done it infront of everyone, they were talking to her about it in a hallway.

ashlee of course denied it even though everyone knew she had work done. the smack talking started soon after that with ashlee's group versus Cassie's friends. it went on for a while with arguments in the hallways and at lunches but overtime it had simmered down to something like an occasional barb thrown at each other.

Cassie found it easy to ignore ashlee because she had few classes with the girl and she had long ago learned how to counter ashlee's remarks.

"so, uh krissy, did you and brendon work things out?" Cassie asked moments later when the group had assembled under one of the lesser used basketball hoops. none of them was very good at the sport so they just talked and dribbled the ball around mostly.

krissy shook her head and passed a ball to belinda, who caught it and attempted to shoot it, the orange ball bounced off the metal rim with a loud clanging sound before it fell back to the gym floor. "well, i mean we're talking again...but i don't know, i feel like he's hiding something." she sighed. her blue-green eyes flickered over Cassie briefly but the other girl looked away.

"Cassie." Pete said, trying to get his best friend's attention. she turned back to look at him, pulling away from her current position, clinging to patrick, the two teen's chest's pressed together.

"what is it Petey?" she asked smiling at him, a smile that he knew was reserved only for him. he returned her smiled and moved over towards her. Pete reached out and took her hand in his, lacing their fingers together.

"are you still coming to my soccer game tonight?" he asked, the season had started a few weeks ago and to be honest Pete was more then nervous about his upcoming game, he hadn't practiced much lately and he desperately wanted his best friend to come to the game, if only to make him feel better.

patrick looked over at Pete, his blue eyes sparkling with curiosity. Pete didn't think anything of holding Cassie's hand, it was a familar action and Pete was all about relying on familar things when he was stressed, but he kept forgetting to take that Cassie had a boyfriend now into consideration. maybe patrick suddenly wasn't okay with the hand holding.

Cassie's face went blank for a moment before a slight grimace took over her pretty features."oh..." "Pete...i'm sorry, i totally forgot...i made plans with patrick tonight..." she said, looking at the short black haired boy. Pete's smile fell and he released Cassie's hand.

"oh. well it's okay. you've seen me play before, so you're not really missing anything, i guess." Pete said, but the boy was never good at hiding his emotions and it was obvious he was pretty crestfallen.

"babe." patrick began and his girlfriend and Pete looked up at him, he brought his hand up to her soft cheek. "we can hang out tomorrow night, you promised Pete you would go, then you should go." patrick said to her, his light gaze moved past Cassie and to Pete's face, Pete knew he looked surprised, like he hadn't expected patrick to come to his defense.

Cassie too was looking up at her boyfriend surprised. she moved forward and crushed their bodies together, her hands coming up to wrap around his neck. "you're so sweet baby." she cooed and belinda rolled her eyes because she could no longer handle the pda.

"i try." he said, leaning down, his pillowy lips grazing against her's. there was a giggle from megan and Cassie pulled away, shooting the girl a playful look.

"well, honey, why don't you just come with me and we can watch him together!" she said the idea hitting her suddenly and she obviously thought it was the best idea ever. patrick looked up at Pete again, like he was checking to see if the idea was alright with the older boy.

"great idea cass." Pete said and he smiled a toothy grin. he really didn't care if patrick came, he and patrick were close too. patrick got him on a level that Cassie couldn't, he understood Pete almost as well as the girl did and as Pete's mom often said, it was good for her son to have a best friend that was a boy.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

later that day after school Pete's sitting in the school's locker room. the other members of his soccer team surrounding him. the first game of the season is moments away and Pete's feeling more then nervous about it. he silently wishes he had listened to Cassie, or his team members, or his coach when they suggested that he practice during the off season.

Pete never thought he needed much practice, he was confident in his soccer ability, as the star player he kind of had to be, but now he was afraid that he had gotten rusty. he hadn't picked up a soccer ball in months let alone play or practice any of his championship moves.

Pete's glad that soccer isn't the most popular sport at freemont bay ridge high, that would be football, and he's glad he isn't the school's star athlete, that would be jon. Pete doesn't believe he could handle that kind of pressure, hell, he can barely handle playing a few measly soccer games.

the young boy drops his head into his hands, looking down at his black and white cleats. Pete gives a nervous sigh but before he can dread the game more he hears his cell phone going off. jumping up Pete goes to his locker, his team mates watching him with little to no interest. Pete see's Cassie's name flashing across the screen of his cell and promptly anwsers.

"hey, Cassie." he says and he's really trying hard not to sound nervous. there's a brief silence and Pete can hear the loud sounds of people talking and he thinks Cassie might be outside.

"hey, Pete ready for the big game?" she asks, and her voice sounds loud so Pete thinks that maybe she might have trouble hearing him, yeah, she's definitly outside.

Pete grimaces at the mention of the game but he gives a little laugh. "you know it! the star's gotta be ready for the show." Pete tells her and he wishes that he could really feel that confidence that he pretends to have.

"well, i just wanted to tell you that 'trick and i are out here in the bleachers, front row seats too." she tells him and Pete smiles because that fact alone feels more comforting.

"okay, i'll be sure to stop by and give you guys big sweaty hugs." Pete laughs and she makes a gagging noise.

"well, i'll let you go but...Pete?"

"yeah?" Pete asks and he notes how her voice slips into being more serious, he feels dread in the pit of his stomach.

"don't worry okay? you'll be great." she whispers quiet, just loud enough for him to hear. he rest's his hand against the cool green metal of the locker before he smiles and makes a soft sound. there was that thing again, the fact that she knew him so well, that she could so easily read through all the falses he put in his words and get straight to what was in his head. maybe he's just too obvious.

the game starts and Pete heads out to the lush green field. a flurry of cheers explodes to Pete's right and it's the people who have come to watch the game. Pete grins and waves, once again pretending to have all the confidence in the world, when really he's edging on a nervous breakdown.

he eyes Cassie and patrick, sitting close together on the front bleacher. patrick was leaning into Cassie, his mouth pressed close to her ear, Pete guesses that he's whispering something and Cassie's laughing. a small flash of jealousy washes through Pete and he tries to push that feeling away.

brendon, jon, ryan, jenny, and belinda are there too. jenny is sitting between patrick and brendon, ryan is next to brendon and belinda is next to ryan. Pete's glad for the support but he's not sure whose actually at the game for him and whose not. brendon usually comes to see if they need a mascot, ryan probably came because brendon came, jenny definitly came because ryan and Cassie both came and belinda...well he wasn't sure if belinda liked soccer or not.

he's agitated, it's the same feeling he's been having since friday night, since patrick and Cassie got together. Pete's familar with this feeling, he knows why he's having it. the truth is that he's a selfish bastard, he knowns this and he knows that he's jealous that patrick is stealing Cassie away from him.

Pete is definitly Cassie's bestfriend. the two of them have been that way since the beginning of sixth grade. ever since the short kid with black hair and big teeth had sat next to Cassie at lunch. he has known her longer then anyone else in his circle of friends. patrick was second, with Pete having met him during the summer before ninth grade. yeah, Cassie was Pete's best friend.

ever since that day in sixth grade it has almost constantly been the two of them. they were Cassie and Pete, simple as that. that's how it went, they were together for everything. they constantly told each other everything that was happening in the other's life. like when Cassie got her first boyfriend, a boy named brian and when Pete got his first kiss from a girl named mary.

Pete can easily remember that Cassie had come with him when he tried out for the soccer team and she forcefully cheered him on, kind like the way she was doing now. Pete was with Cassie when she had to get glasses and there for when she cried her eyes out because she couldn't get the ones she wanted. they went to their first concert together and Cassie was there for when Pete passed his driving exam and he was there when she didn't.

that's how it had been for seven years, a good amount of their lives. bestfriends and constant togetherness, it had become more then important to have each other in their lives. it made things better and easier and Pete knew he'd be so much worse off if he didn't have the girl in his life.

despite their close bond, the duo never crossed the line into romance...well, that's not completely true, there was a time back in eleventh grade when they tried dating for two weeks it didn't feel right, it felt too foreign. it just didn't work so they stopped. there was another incident, back in their junior year, Pete had called her late one night, drunk off his ass and horny.

so their friendship survived but now Cassie had patrick and the other boy was slowly pulling away Cassie's time and attention, leaving Pete alone in the dust. Pete couldn't lie to himself, he knew his own worst flaws and one of them was that he was fucking needy. he knew he needed people, he depended on others to keep him happy.

and he knew he depended on Cassie a lot. he was clingy and possesive, in a way he had always thought of Cassie as his, he had found her first so he got first dibs. that was another part of his fucked up mind.

Pete walked across the soccer field, his eyes on his two best friends, paticularly on the way they were now making out, slow soft and gentle with patrick's hands grazing her face. Pete felt that familar burn and maybe it felt different now but he didn't want to think about that, wouldn't let his mind remind him of how stupid he was.

the freemont bay ridge bats played their hearts out, the fans cheering. Cassie was paticularly loud at one point when a player from the opposing team slammed Pete to the ground, patrick took her hand and had to sit her down so she'd stop cussing out the referee and possibly get them kicked out of the game.

the bats won, barely. Cassie notices that Pete seems distracted, out of it and not his normal self. he screws up easy plays, let's the ball drift past him and sometimes misses kicks all together, yeah, that's definitly not the usual Pete. the games over and Cassie stands, hoping that she can make it back to talk to Pete, she wants to know what's wrong and she just hopes that he'll tell her.


Chapter Nineteen: I can't seem to breathe without you here with me.

Cassie was waiting outside of the boys locker room when Pete walked out, he was surprised to see her standing there, and even more surprised to see she was standing there alone. Which sparked his first question.

"Where's patrick?" Pete asked staring behind Cassie to see if he was catching up.

"Oh, Patricks waiting for me in the car. He didn't want to walk all the way down here. Why? Did you need to talk to him?" Cassie asked.

"Oh, no i was just wondering is all." Pete's face still looking a little puzzled. His mind still set on the thoughts he had previously been thinking. "Uh, but anyways what's up Cassie?"

"Nothing really. I just wanted to talk to you because you seemed a little off tonight, you seemed distracted. Is something wrong Pete?" Cassie questioned resting her hand on the boys shoulder. On the inside Pete flinched.

"Oh! Yeah I'm fine Cass! It was just the game you know, and i was nervous and i think they were right i should have done some more practicing but i can always get better!" Pete smiled, and hoped, God he prayed that Cassie wouldn't see through his lies.

Cassie smiled back at Pete, yet concern still appearing on her face. "Are you sure, you're okay Pete?"
'am i really that bad at lying?' Pete thought to himself and he damned her for reading his emotions so well but he continued to argue.

"Yeah I'm fine! We won and I'm happy! But, I'm really tired too. I almost forgot what soccer takes out of me."

Cassie looked like she was going to argue but stopped her self. "Okay Pete. Just know I'm here for you no matter what! But you're probably right i should go find patrick so he can take me home and you should get home and get some rest. I'll see you tommorow." The girl said as she hugged him.
Pete walked away as he waved to Cassie as they both walked in seperate directions. Pete walked away, knowing he hated lying to his best friend.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Later that night Cassie was laying on her bed phone in hand talking to jenny. Cassie was talking about Pete.

"I dont know. But he acts like something's wrong and I don't know what it is. Do you think he's lonely? I mean he hasn't had a girlfriend in a while.."

"I dont know Cassie, Pete's an odd one and he seems to always be busy playing love doctor i wonder if he ever does stop to think that he can't play love doctor for himself."

"Yeah, but i mean Pete's never been too hardcore on relationships, he just likes to have fun, but i dont know maybe that's changed now."

Jenny laughed "Our little Petey is growing into a man!" Cassie laughed at the sarcasm in jennys voice.
Cassie heard a beep on the other line.

"oh.. someone else is calling." Jenny said. "but i don't recgonize the number.. Hold on okay, Cassie?"

"Okay" Cassie replied and jenny clicked over to the other line.

"Hello?"

"Uh, hey jenny it's ryan"

jenny felt her breathes becoming harder to take.. "R- ryan? are you okay?" she asked wondering why he was calling.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just wanted to talk to you. I hope it's not too late but i just got upstairs."

"No, It's fine I was up, I'm actually on the other line with Cassie" jenny said as she remembered her best friend.

"Oh well then I'll make this short and to the point.. Uhm, I was wondering if you wanted to come over to my house after school tommorow?" Ryan said not taking a breath through the entire question.

Jenny smiled, "Sure. what time do you want me to come over?" she asked not trying to sound too desperate.

"How's 5:30?"

"That sound's great. I'll see you then Ryan"

"Alright, talk to you tommorow Jenny."

"night"

"night"

and the line went dead.

almost forgeting about her bestfriend she switched over to her other conversation.

"Cassie?" The girl asked wondering if she had gotten sick of waiting and hung up on her.

"I'm still here. Who was that?" Cassie said curious.

"It... It was ryan..." jenny replied notcing she had sat up when she heard his voice and now layed back down and stared at the ceiling.

"what? i mean.. WHAT?" Cassie said estatic at the fact that ryan had actually called jenny. she always pinned him as the shy type.

"Yeah, and get this he asked me to come over to his house tomorrow after school."

"Wow, are you going to go?" Cassie asked.

"Of course. I wouldn't miss that for the world and it's not like i have anything else to do. Or anyone else to come home too." jenny said.

the line went silent for a moment as Cassie and jenny both took in what she had just said.

"I'm sorry jenny." Cassie offered, hurting for her friend.

"No, don't worry about it it's okay. Sometimes i say things without really meaning them that literally. But this is great i actually get to be in Ryan's house. I'm going to be sooo nervous!"

"Don't worry I'm sure it'll be fine"

"Yeah, but i wonder why he wants me to come over anyways?"

"Who knows maybe he wants to finish up what happened in the closet?" Cassie joked and laughed.

"I wish" jenny said and it was true she hoped that maybe that was one of the things ryan had in mind. she was so disappointed when Pete had pulled the door open on them that she was almost mad at Pete.

"damn Pete" was all jenny could manage to say.

"Haha, it's really not his fault you know. Time is time."

"yes i know and it seems ryan and i always have horrible timing but maybe, hopefully it wont be that way this time."

"Yeah, hopefully" Cassie said "hey jenny im going to get off the phone for tonight though I'll see you tommorow okay?"

"Yeah, okay, Cassie see you tommorow!"

"Night Jenny"

"Night"

And the line went dead once again as jenny closed her phone and set it on the nightstand next to her bed. she once again layed down and stared up at the ceiling. Of course thinking about ryan and what tomorrow had in store for her. She slowly drifted off into a deep sleep which was once again clouded with dreams of ryan.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The next day went by fast because jenny's mind was filled with thoughts about what was going to happen tonight. the first half of the school day and her heart raced when ryan sat next to her at the lunch table but the only words they spoke where hello and jenny blamed this on herself for she was to shy to strike up a conversation and continued to push her food around on her plate.

Nothing was said even when Pete came up and mentioned the episode that had occured in the closet two nights ago. Ryan just grinned and kept eating and Pete eventually gave up on embarrassing everyone about the night and sat down too. 'At least he seems happier today' jenny thought.

The last few hours of the day flew past and jenny boarded her bus ready for the ride home her ipod ear buds in her ears listening to her favorite band and wondering how every lyric seemed to remind her of ryan.

when she got home she unlocked the front door only to find the house to be empty except for her dog tucker. she fed tucker and realized that she hadn't been giving the dog much love latley.

"I'm sorry tucker I know i haven't been around much latley but things have been hectic and now i'm going over to ryan's tonight. but i love you boy!"

jenny patted the dog and walked away up to her bedroom wondering why she spoke to the dog like he was human. she sighed and realized that he was really the only thing she had to talk to at home. She remembered when she had got Tucker, she had been 10 years old and it was when her mom was still okay and her dad was still around. She had begged and begged her dad for a dog and when they moved into a bigger house he finally caved in and got her tucker from the shelter down the street. from the moment she had seen him she had fallen in love with him.

He followed her around the house whenever she was home and hid under her bed whenever she argued with her mother but was always there to comfort her after they had gotten finished fighting. Yup.. Tucker was more human than her own mother was.

As she walked into her closet she wondered what was appropriate to wear to ryan's place... she never really woried about dressing approrpiatley. so she decided that tonight it really didnt matter either so she grabbed the hoodie closest to her and threw it on and went to sit on her bed it was only 4:30 and she decided to start walking to ryan's at 5. It wasn't that far but walking would take quite awhile.
She had only seen ryan's house when passing it in the car with Cassie and the older girl had always pointed it out to her. she had never been inside his house though and jenny wondered how ryan was getting away with this considering the condition his dad was in. jenny normally never had people over at her house even when her mom wasn't home. Cassie had come over a few times but no one ever asked to come to her house, mostly because she never mentioned it and because jenny was normally at other people's houses anyways.

She turned on her stereo and listened to the soft sound coming from the CD playing and she wondered again, about everything. Finally when she couldn't think anymore she decided to get up and go. If she was early she'd just circle the blocks a couple of times. She grabbed her cell phone and her house key and headed out the door making sure to say good bye to tucker before she left and locked the door behind her.

As she walked down the street she found that she had no trouble taking the roads that lead to ryan's house, yet she was terrible at directions. Somehow, for some reason she felt like a stalker at the moment. just then she felt her phone vibrate inside her hoodie she pulled her cell phone out and opened her cell phone, it was a text from Cassie.

"Hey, are you on your way to ryan's?"

She replied "Yes, I'm walking there right now."

within seconds Cassie responded. "Oh, what are you thinking?"

Jenny giggled at the question "...I'm thinking arbys" she responded, giggling at their inside joke.

Cassie responded. "lol, Good luck."

once again the girl typed in a response "thanks :]' jenny closed her phone and looked at the time it was 5:15 and she was almost at ryan's house. She slowed her pace but continued walking as she came upon ryan's house she stared at it for a second, almost afraid to ring the doorbell. but she urged herself to walk up to the front door and ring the doorbell.

she only had to wait about 5 seconds for ryan to answer the door. he smiled at her and welcomed her in. she walked past him and waited for him to close the door and lead her threw his house. as she looked around she found ryan's house to look like what she imagined it to.

A regular kitchen, a dinning room with a big table, and a living room with a tv and a couch. Ryan lead her upstairs and they walked down a long hallway finally entering ryan's room. His room was sort of what she had expected, It was covered in posters some of recent bands but a lot of beatles posters.
ryan had bunk beds but his top bunk was covered with what seemed to be his school materials and other notebooks and random books. His guitar and amp stood in the corner close to the closet. All in all it looked like a typical teenager's bedroom.

"You're very shy aren't you?" ryan asked and jenny turned to look at him, his eyes locked on hers.

"I.. yeah. I am.."

"You don't have to be shy jenny, i'm not going to hold anything against you." he said as he slid to the floor and sat down. she did the same carefully a little uncomfortable.
"Okay. That's good"

Ryan smiled at her "So, how are you?"

"Im good. A little nervous but good.. Umm, ryan if you don't mind me asking.. where's your father?" jenny asked and ryan's smile fell a little bit.

"He went to visit my grandpa.. Apparantly his dad had something to talk to him about. He'll be gone for three days."

"Oh, I see.. I'm sorry" jenny mumbled kind of sorry she asked.

"You don't have to be sorry jenny" and jenny shivered at the way he said her name she almost hated the way his voice made her weak... Almost.

She spoke up, thinking it was right that he knew more about her mother. "my moms rarely ever home, but i'm always afraid she's going to walk in whenever i have a friend over and no one deserves to have to withstand that wrath but me" the girl stated staring down at the floor.

"you don't deserve it either you know. you dont deserve the way your mother treats you..." ryan stated his voice getting softer as he spoke.

"you don't deserve it either" jenny said looking up from the floor and looking into ryan's eyes reading concern on his face. "and... you're really the only one i've ever mentioned this too"

Ryan smiled "I'm glad." jenny noticed him scooting closer to her his eyes still locked on hers.

"Me too" she said softly never wanting to look away from his eyes, finding comfort in the warmth of his gaze.

"I really wish Pete hadn't opened that door" ryan said his hand now resting on her shoulder his voice now barley a whisper.

"Me too" jenny repeated again, almost feeling stupid for saying the exact same thing. ryan smiled again and jenny felt his hand stroking her shoulder, the feeling was like nothing she had ever felt before. nothing, no one had ever been able to comfort her like this before. she closed her eyes and felt ryan laying his head on her shoulder she could feel his shallow breathing and the feeling was so peaceful that she thought she could fall asleep right there. fortunatly ryan spoke to keep her awake.

"Do you want to try that again though? The kiss i mean?" ryan blushed and jenny smiled.

"Yes, I'd like that" she replied suddenly surprised by her confidence.

Ryan reached up once again and cupped jenny's chin in his hand and as he stared into her eyes he seemed like he was going to say something but he stopped, and instead he brushed her hair away from her eyes and tucked it behind her ear.

"You're beautiful you know?" Ryan said still staring deeply into her eyes. At any other time jenny would have denied this question but instead she just smiled. Ryan leaned in, his one hand wrapped around jenny's neck, she could feel his breath against her as he softly brushed his lips against her cheek.

Then a song filled the room with noise. Jenny jumped in surprise and ryan looked over at his phone sighing heavily. and muttering profanities under his breath. he looked at her once more before he reached over for his phone and answered it.

"yes, hello spencer" he said obviously not hiding the annoyance in his voice.

"What, are you serious right now?" he argued with his friend running his hand threw his hair. jenny didn't know what to make of the conversation.

"are you sure this can't wait?" ryan looked over at her once again giving her a sympathetic look. "Alright.. Alright I'll be right over." Ryan hung up without saying good bye.

"Spencer needs help on his physics project that i promised i'd help him with." ryan sighed and jenny's heart fell a bit "So i have to go over there and help him.. Ah, I'm sorry jenny. We really do have bad timing" jenny grinned a bit and mentally took note of this statment to make sure she mentioned it to Cassie later on.

"It's okay ryan" she said.

Ryan walked over to her once again and layed his hands on her shoulders pulling her into a hug. "I really am sorry though. no offense to spencer but i'd much rather be here with you" jenny laughed a little.

"It's okay, really." she said and ryan smiled down at her. ryan held her a little closer to him and softly kissed her forehead comforting her once again. Ryan took her hand and led her out of his bedroom and they walked back down the long hallway and down the stairs and out of the house. On the sidewalk where jenny had been standing alone earlier ryan now stood with her still holding her hand and looking into her eyes. He hugged her once more before he spoke.

"I'll see you tommorow okay?" he said.

"Okay"

Ryan finally let go of her hand and he turned to walk in the opposite direction, jenny watched him walk for a bit before she turned around and started walking home. she wrapped her arms around her self and already missed the comfort of ryan's embrace.


chapter twenty: honesty is the best policy?

as it turns out brendon decides to wait three weeks before he decides to tell krissy the truth, the same truth he's been hiding for a good two years. something that destroyed everything he held dear. he would be lying if he said he wasn't nervous, he is but he also knows that krissy deserves to know that same true.

he thinks he's hesitating because of Cassie, because of how upset she had gotten when he broached the subject with her in the music room three weeks ago. brendon knows he can't wait any longer though, his and krissy's relationship is suffering more and more the longer he holds in the truth.

so he calls Cassie and gives her a fair warning that tonight is going to be the night he tells. she doesn't sound thrilled but she doesn't tell him not too, maybe she's sick of all the hiding too? or maybe she's just afraid to tell patrick. either way brendon is still set with his plan.

krissy's sitting on his bed with him. their holding hands and kissing soft and easy. brendon stops, breaking away from krissy and squeezing her hand tightly. "kris, i know things have been weird between us for awhile...and i'm sorry." brendon starts and krissy's blue green eyes widen just a bit, probably out of surprise.

"it's okay, i just figured that it was just us settling into a relationship." she tells him and she run's her thumb over his hand because he just looks upset and he's being really quiet, something that is insanely out of character for her boyfriend. brendon shakes his head and looks away from his girlfriend.

"no, it's not just that...i have been hiding something." he tells her and he looks up, she looks confused but he expects that. sometimes he hates how honest he is.

"i-" krissy begins but brendon raises his hand and silences her.

"just..i need you to hear me out okay?" he asks and krissy's mouth closes and she nods but brendon can see the flash of fear in her beautiful eyes. brendon takes a deep breath and his heart is beating loud in his ears but he doesn't stop because he's basically just opened pandora's box and there is no way to go back now.

"remember back at jon's party? the night we were upstairs?" he asks and again krissy nods but she doesn't try to say anything, by now she's far too interested in hearing what brendon has to say. "and you remember when we said we'd wait to lose our virginites together?" he says and krissy nods again.

"yeah, i remember bren."

"well, i wasn't being completely honest...krissy i'm not a virgin." brendon tells her and krissy just stares at him for a moment, she is surprised because she's known brendon for a good year now, who the hell has he been sleeping with? other then the surprise of it she's not upset though, she almost thinks it's funny that he would get so worried about it.

"that's not that big of a deal honey...i just assumed you were one" krissy shrugs a little and allows herself to smile just a bit. brendon shakes his head, his eyes still heavy and his normally cheery face all sullen. this of course throws krissy off a bit and sets the nerves back in her stomach.

"there's more..." he starts and yeah, it's offically time for krissy to panic. "the girl i lost my virginity to...she was...it was Cassie." brendon mumbles and he's not looking at her anymore. krissy's staring holes into brendon's skull, he can feel it but he won't look at her.

part of krissy wants to believe that it's all a joke, Cassie? no way, she and brendon were just friends...no way they had ever dated or had sex...surely if it was true the girl would've told her. wouldn't she?

"okay, bren, this joke isn't funny." krissy says after a moment. she's still desperate to hold on to the last shred of hope that this is all some cruel prank. brendon is looking at her now and his brown eyes are gleaming and krissy knows that it is most certainly not a joke.

"when? when did this happen? have you been cheating on me with her?" krissy pulls her hand from his, her voice uncharacteristically loud, a deep frown on her face as the memory of Cassie and brendon in the music room three weeks ago streams through her mind.

brendon's eyes widen but honestly he expected things to go this way, he had plotted out the conversation in his head a million or so times in the past few days. "no, no krissy i never cheated on you!" brendon says and his voice rasies the way it does when he's too excited.

his girlfriend takes a deep breath, obviously trying to calm herself "then tell me what happened!" despite her best efforts her voice raises too.

"we dated. back before i really knew you...about two years ago...Cassie was my first girlfriend...my first everything really..." he watches her face carefully as he says this, juding how upset she might get. currently she is sitting cross legged, her arms crossed tight across her chest and a frown on her face.

"how long did you two date?" she asks because she doesn't really want to be mad but she can't help it. krissy can easily think of a million or so opportunities for Cassie to tell her this information, brendon too. maybe that's why she's so upset, that neither of the two people she trusted bothered to tell her.

"two years."

okay, now krissy's upset because two years? no, she could handle a few months that would've been fine if they hadn't told her about that but two years? two years meant they had a serious relationship, why did no one bother to mention this to her?

"why didn't i already know about this? what am i like the only person who didn't know?" krissy asks and she's oh so tempted to whip out her cell phone and text a string of swear ladden messages to Cassie but she doesn't, she wants to give her friend the benefit of the doubt.

"no one knows about it...just Cassie, me, and now you." brendon says and even though he's telling the truth his voice still sounds dim and krissy is scared that god, there might be more to tell. mostly she's confused.

"two years and you guys kept it secret? how the hell did that work?" she believes it though because never in her two years of knowing Cassie and brendon or any of her friends really, has there ever been any sort of talk of brendon and Cassie ever being together.

brendon gives a shrug. "i don't know, we just did."

"why?" she says it before she realizes, everything is washing over her and she's really trying to not picture brendon and Cassie having sex. now brendon looks nervous, like he's the one about to be told a huge secret, krissy gets scared.

"because...something really bad happened." brendon's voice sounds almost childlike and drops so low and quiet that krissy focuses all her attention on hearing the boy.

"what happened brendon?" her voice is low too, matching his but she barely notices.

brendon's silent and she can tell that he's struggling with whether or not he should tell her. krissy thinks this can't be good.

"okay, but if i tell you...please, please don't interrupt me until i'm done." brendon tells her and krissy nods even though her heart is at her feet and thumping so loud she assumes he can hear it.

"Cassie...she got pregnant.." at this krissy's heart nearly stops beating because holy shit did her boyfriend just tell her that he knocked up one of her best friends? "she got pregnant on accident...and we decided to keep the baby...you know, we were gonna try to be a happy little family or whatever...but then...i dunno something happened. Cassie lost the baby at three months..." brendon stops for a second and krissy can tell that he's remembering it, watching it play through his own mind, maybe he's picturing the day he found out.

"after that...we just couldn't be together, we tried but it wasn't the same. we knew that if we didn't break up then we'd just end up hating each other. so we did, we broke up and Cassie told me she didn't want anyone to know...she wanted to forget the whole thing, act like it never happened, so we did."

brendon is quiet now and krissy just watches him. he's not looking at her, he seems not to be able to tonight, he's just staring down at the comforter under them. krissy doesn't know what to say, she can't bring any words to come forward, she still wants to be mad, feels like she deserves to be but how can she be mad after he told her that?

"i can't" she starts and brendon looks up at her. "i can't do this right now...i can't handle this." she tells him and she's talking too fast, she knows she is but that's what she does when she's upset. krissy clambers off the bed grabbing her jacket off the back of brendon's computer chair, she slips her shoes on before brendon is off the bed.

"krissy..." is all he says and she doesn't stop, she's not sure brendon knows what to say either. she throws the door to his room open and is halfway out the door before he talks. "i told you because i love you!" he says and she hears him and the words hit her as strong as a punch but she doesn't stop, she can't. she doesn't even want to think about how that's the first time he's said that. all she wants to do is get out and think, she needs to be away from brendon right now, and Cassie, god she doesn't even know where to begin with the girl.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cassie was laying on her bed, her cell phone resting on her chest. the silver device rising and falling with her breaths. she had recieved the call from brendon early that day and before she even anwsered she knew what it was about. she knew he was ready to tell krissy everything.

Cassie had dreaded this day for awhile, the day that everything she had hid for so long would come rushing to the light. krissy would undoubtledly hate her for never mentioning that she dated brendon and that she once carried his child, everyone would know about it now, and she'd have to tell patrick.

that's what she had just finished doing, telling patrick everything that brendon was telling krissy. Cassie didn't know how well krissy had taken the news but she does know that patrick had taken it semi well, if that's even possible. the boy understood that it was part of Cassie's past, granted a part that was being forced public, still he was surprised by what she had told him and needed some time to think. Cassie granted him that time without a fight, she had long since suspected that this would happen.

Cassie is zoning out, lost in her thoughts when she hears a ding come from her laptop. she sit's up forgetting that she had logged on to the internet at least five minutes ago. she really hopes jenny is online so she can tell the girl, she could call her but she doesn't think she can say it all again, at least not out loud.

she retrives the computer and returns to her bed, setting the device in her lap. her eyes widen to see it was krissy that had sent her a message.

brendonsbabe: i went to see brendon today...

Cassie couldn't say that she was surprised but she really thought that krissy would call her.

clandestineCassie: he told you didn't he?

brendonsbabe:yeah...how could you not tell me that? i thought i was your friend!

clandestineCassie: you are! that's why i didn't, it was the past and i knew how much you liked brendon...i was afraid if i told you what had happened you wouldn't have tried anything with him.

brendonsbabe: that's not the point, back when i said i thought something was going on with him you knew! you knew what it was and didn't tell me!

clandestineCassie: what was i supposed to say krissy? oh hey, you know that guy you're in love with? well, i've slept with him and he knocked me up but don't worry because i lost the baby...yeah, that would've worked great.

Cassie hated that she was being forced to think about what had happened.

brendonsbabe: you should've tried...you're one of my bestfriends...i thought that would mean something...i mean you were his first girlfriend, his first kiss, the first girl he slept with...you took everything i wanted...

clandestineCassie: krissy...i'm sorry...

krissy signed off quickly, not having anything else to say to her former friend. Cassie understood why she was upset, she expected this all along. the girl gave a slight sigh and set the laptop down on the side of her bed, laying back and dialing jenny's number, intent on telling the girl before she heard it from someone else.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
patrick was sitting on his bed, his strawberry blonde head dropped down into his hands. the boy was still trying to comprehend what his girlfriend had told him. he was over Cassie's house when she dropped the bombshell on him, when she told him that she and brendon used to date a few years ago.

patrick just sat there, like he didn't believe it all, but the way she looked when she told him. he knew that she couldn't be faking. his girlfriend also told him that brendon had gotten her pregnant but that she had lost the baby. patrick couldn't quite breath but he sat and listened while she explained all that had happened.

the boy had never really thought about this situation, but if he had he hadn't really pictured himself being okay with it, or at least as okay with it as he was now that it was really happening. after she had finished telling him patrick had to leave, he needed to think about things and Cassie didn't say anything just let him leave, patrick still kissing her on the way out the door.

now he was home and he had thought it over and even though it was a huge shocker, he felt like he could live with it. she told him that she had no interest in being with brendon anymore and that it was all in the past so patrick is sure he can accept that and resume their relationship. he wants to believe that he can.

patrick hears his cell phone ringing and he rolls over and grabs it off the nightstand. he see's Pete's name flickering across the screen and he anwsers. "hey, Pete."

"yo, mr. tricky. i had a question for you." Pete says and patrick can just tell that he's grinning.

"shoot." patrick says, he's far too emotionally drained to joke around with Pete tonight.

"have you talked to Cassie? i keep calling but i can't get a hold of her." Pete says and patrick freezes. he's sure Pete knows, Cassie told him that no one knew but maybe she was lying? maybe Pete really does know about Cassie and brendon's past together.

"i was just over there...she told me about her and brendon." patrick admits and he expects Pete to sigh and reveal that he knows too but Pete doesn't, he just makes an odd noise.

"what about her and brendon?" he asks and he sounds generally confused.

"about how they used to date." patrick elaborates and he really wants Pete to drop the act because he honestly thinks that the boy knows. patrick can hear Pete laughing on the other end of the phone line.

"okay, are you smoking the goofy grass with joe and jon?" he asks and patrick frowns.

"no, Pete, i'm completely serious...brendon and Cassie dated in the past...i-didn't you know about it?"

"uh, no, i had no idea but it doesn't matter because that didn't happen...Cassie would've told me." Pete tells patrick and the younger of the two boys feels like shit because nope, Pete actually didn't know about the situation and now he had just told him.

"it did happen Pete, i guess they dated three years ago, when they were freshman...they broke up right before junior year..." patrick explains to Pete and there is a heavy silence on Pete's end of the conversation and patrick is worried that the boy might've hung up.

"why wouldn't she tell me?" is all Pete's response and he sounds hurt and a little pissed, mixed with disbelieving.

"it's not just you...no one knew Pete, but look it's not really my place to tell you so, just call her okay?" patrick says and he just wants to not have to explain anymore, he wants to sleep and wake up and not have anything change.

Pete hangs up after that, persumably to call Cassie. patrick text's her a warning that Pete knows before he goes to sleep.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
word spread quick through the tight circle of friends as it usually happens. Cassie told patrick who told Pete, who of course called Cassie and pulled the i'm-your-best friend-why-didn't-you-tell-me! card. she also recieved a call from spencer saying that he was family so he definitly should've known. by the next day everyone in their group knew at least the very basics of the story, that Cassie and brendon had secretly dated for at least two years.

needless to say, Cassie took the rest of the week off from school.


Chapter 21: Even when I know I'm walking in the wrong direction, I know I can't turn around.

Jenny wasn't as harsh about the news she had learned from her best friend, as most of there other friends where. After all she had secrets of her own that nobody knew. She was mostly just sad for Cassie and she understood why she had chosen not to tell anyone about the relationship and the baby. Of course she felt bad for Krissy too, but at least Brendon had chosen too tell her, right?

'drama drama' she said to her self as she walked into the kitchen and rummaged threw the fridge for about the fourth time this morning. There was nothing to do today and dad had always told her if she kept opening the fridge and looked hard enough maybe something new would appear. But as she looked to the back of the fridge, noticing for the fourth time today that they where out of orange juice, that like almost everything she remembered about her dad it was all childhood memories. Yeah, childhood.

Walking back over to the kitchen counter she sat down staring at the walls of the kitchen. They where red, the counters black and white tiled. Her mom was an oldies kind of person and back in the day she loved decorating. She remembered helping her mom paint the kitchen while they listened to old songs on her moms favorite radio station. It seemed like just yesterday but it was so many years ago. she sighed lightly and turned to walk out of the kitchen. "I really shouldn't be alone sometimes" she said outloud to her self. Greatful there was no one around to notice her insane behavior. Or at least at that moment there was no one around.

Jenny jumped as she heard the sound of the front door opening. She probably shouldn't have reacted so badly to this but considering she was so used to being home alone it was surprising to find someone else coming threw the front door. She hadnt seen her mom in about a week. Awake anyways. When she did come across her she was usually asleep or passed out on the couch.

"Uh, hey mom?" Jenny was surprised to see her mother home. It just wasnt normal.

"Hey jenny" Her mom said, no hint of her being intoxicated in her voice jenny had to be surprised.

"Uhm.. hey, I was just on my way out" Jenny lied, she'd find somewhere to go. Cassie's or Belindas.. She was due to visit Belinda anyways.

"Just one second, I need to talk to you. Your friends will wait." She said pulling out a chair and sitting down.

Jenny turned around from walking out the door. "...Talk?" she asked wondering what was up with all the surprises today.

"Yes can a mother not talk to her daughter these days?" A hint of sarcasm in her voice, yet jenny thought she could sense the fact that her mother was serious. Guilt crept up on her as she saw sadness spread across her mothers face.

"Sure mom, what's up?" Jenny felt awkward it wasn't everyday she had conversations with her mother.

"Well i've been thinking latley and i think its time for some sort of change.

"Change...?" Stunned she looked at her mother.

"Yes change." she said.

"Uh.. what kind of change?"

"Well to start i think we should move..." She trailed off waiting for her daughters reaction, but when jennys mouth dropped open she went on.

"Theres no one here for me jenny, you know that. Ever since.... well you know what happaned nothings been the same. You don't seem happy here either."

Jenny stared at her mother her mouth still open. As angry as she was she was surprised she could form words to yell at her mother.

"No. I'm not moving anywhere, I'm not leaving my friends, and if you think im not happy because of where im living, then you really need to look in the mirror." As the words slipped from her mouth she felt the regret building up in her head and her heart. It was one thing yelling at her mom when she was drunk, but when she was sober she could remember everything she'd say to her.
jenny tried to shy away from conversations with her mother when she was sober in order too avoid situations like this one. Jenny sighed as she looked into her mothers sad lonley eyes.

"I just thought it would be better for both of us. I just want whats best for you."

"No, mom. You don't. You don't want whats best for either of us." with tears bluring her vision she toke one more glance at her mother before she stormed out the door, letting it slam behind her.

Jenny knew this was weak, crying over something like this, but her mother didn't understand how much her friends meant to her. she didn't understand how they where the only thing that got her through all of this. Where did her mom think they could possibly go where things would be better?

The girl didnt know what she was doing. She wasn't walking in the direction of Cassies house, she really didn't know where she was walking. Belinda's house was somewhere down here she knew it. She just wasnt quite sure which street. She went down the street that seemed familiar to her and kept glancing on both sides, trying to scope out the girls house.

She thought of Cassie and wondered if she'd be mad at her for not coming to her, but she knew Cassie had a lot of things on her hands right now, with krissy, and patrick and Petes constant "you should have told me's" most likely patrick or Pete where at her house right now, and jenny really didn't have anything else to say on the subject so she didn't want to disturb them.

She hadn't been able to talk to Belinda for a while anyway. The only thing that scared her was Belinda was Ryan's best friend. Anything she said to her might get back to him, considering how close belinda and ryan where. Jenny kinda hoped that Belinda might have some sort of talk from ryan she could tell her about. Since Cassie had been gone from school ryan had taken to permenatly sitting next to her at the lunch table, of course conversation was never too high in this case but there was the occasional conversation about school, teachers who needed to get their heads out of their asses, and of course music.

Jenny felt a bit more comfortable around ryan and she wouldn't forget the day he'd slipped his hand under the table and let it rest on her knee, but a part of her wondered if ryan was just as shy as she was. She was trying not to be impatient, but was he ever going to ask her out?

As jenny walked down the third street she thought was familiar she saw belinda's house at the end of the block. She felt guilty for not knowing where her friends house was but she'd only been to her house a few times, you could count her visits on one hand. She slowed her pace and mentally hit her self. 'you're all for making your self guilty today aren't you?' she said to her self, noticing the theme today seemed to have to it.

As she walked towards belinda's house she walked up the stairs that led to the front porch. she knocked heisitatly on the front door, hearing many footsteps running too the front door. Once again she felt guilty for not knowing the names of Belinda's siblings. She knew Emma and charlie. To her relief Emma answered the door.

"Oh, hey Emma. Is Belinda here?" The younger girl smiled at her and turned around to yell down the basement stairs.

'Beeeeeeelinnnnndaa! Your frrrrrriend is heeeeere." Jenny couldn't help but smile at the happiness in the little girls voice.

"Whaaat? Who?" Belinda answered her voice becoming clearer as she ran up the basement stairs. As she reached the top she smiled.

'Ohh! Hi Jenniez! What's Up?" The girl asked and jenny noticed the girl had some sort of cap around her head. Belinda noticed her staring and laughed. "Oh! I'm dyeing my hair" She said taping the cap on her head. "Come on in."

Jenny walked threw the front door and followed the girl down into the basement. She grinned as she noticed all the posters of all the bands Belinda worshipped. Belinda sat down on the couch and patted the seat next to her while she turned the TV off.

"Soo, you never answered my question." Jenny looked at her puzzled and a bit embarassed.
Belinda laughed again. "I asked you what was up, but then you looked like you saw a bush growing on my head"

Jenny laughed and wondered what she could really tell her.

"Well, I haven't seen you out of school for a while so i decided to stop by. There was nothing to do at home anyways." Belinda aknowleged what she had said but waited as if she knew there was more. Jenny continued, "..and mom has some crazy idea about moving so at risk of stabing her or myself..." she hesitated. "I had to leave. I hope you don't mind me coming over here." She added half smiling but still angry thinking about her mothers crazy ideas.

"No, No it's fine, you can come over anytime. Sorry about your mom too, dude. It would epically suck if you moved away. It just wouldn't be the same."

"Yeah I know." She said "But theres no way im moving with her. I'll run away if i have too. I'm almost 18 anyways, and if she thinks. . ." She stopped her self, realizing belinda didn't know too much about her mother, but realizing she was in too far now. What could she lose now? she'd lost everything.
"If she thinks shes got anything on the case in keeping me in her care.. well then she's sadly mistaken. I can take care of my self."

Belinda nodded and looked up at her. She didn't say anything but jenny knew what she was thinking. She was being too hard on her mother, Jenny knew it was true too but she couldn't help but feel hurt.

"I really hope things don't blow over like that jenny. I know what you mean, a lot of people would be sad if you weren't here anymore."

"Yeah, I know. I have no life but my life here.." Both girls looked at each other, sadness spread across each of their faces. Belinda looked like she was going to say something but both girls where startled by a loud noise that seemed to sound like an alarm. Jenny looked over at the table beside the couch and noticed what appeared too be a kitchen timer. Belinda jumped up.

"Time to wash the dye out!" she sang. Jenny had almost forgot about what was on Belinda's head.

"Here" Belinda said as she threw the TV remote at her "Make your self at home, I'll be right back after I wash this out."

"Kay" Jenny said shifting on the couch so she could stare at the TV. She had to admit that this was going to feel a little awkward, she was never one to invade someones home. She sighed and turned the TV on anyways.

As she flipped through the channels she wasnt paying attention too the tv, she was wondering what her mother was doing right now. She knew it wasn't right of her to have walked out on her like that but she knew that the fight that was brewing between the two of them would have just grown bigger, and jenny didn't feel like spilling any more of her emotions to her mother today. Didn't feel like tiptoeing down memory lane with her sensitive mother.

Jenny finally rested on a music video channel, something Pete often watched. She watched the scenes flash before her eyes, the lyrics combining into a jumble of nothing. She thought that maybe the music video was supposed to send out some sort of message but she couldn't quite comprehend what that would be. She sighed again, tv could never catch her attention. Music was different of course, because she could apply the meaning too her own life. Music videos just ruined things for her. She turned the TV off and hoped Belinda would be done soon.

She remembered now that she wanted to ask Belinda about Ryan. Ryan, Now that was something she could focus on.

"Alright! I'm done!" Jenny heard Belinda call from the bathroom "What do you think?" The girl asked as jenny turned around. Jennys mouth dropped, she knew this was rude but she was taken aback. Belinda's hair was bright pink.

she thought back and noticed now that she hadn't bothered to ask Belinda what color she was dying her hair. She had NO idea it was THIS color.

"What? You don't like it?" Belinda asked noticing the girls expression and frowning.

"No, No! I like it. It's just... Different." And it was true, it was different but the color suited Belinda very well actually.

"I've been wanting to dye my hair this color for SO long and I finally found the right dye. It'll catch some eyes ey? I think It looks good"

"Yeah, It does look good." Jenny responded. She also knew that it would catch a lot of eyes.

Belinda smiled. "Thanks"

Both girls where silent for another long moment while belinda combed her fingers threw her hair, admiring it.

"So Belinda.. um, have you talked too Ryan lately?"

Belinda looked up "Yeah, Actually I talked to him earlier. He's going out of town tomorrow."

"What? I mean really?" the girl didn't know anything about this. but then again, she thought ryan really didn't have to tell her EVERYTHING.

"Yeah, something to do with his dad and him being out of town."

"Ohh."

"Yeah, why? Where you looking for him?" Belinda asked.

"Oh, no. I was just wondering what he's been up to latley. You know.. Just wondering."

Belinda smiled. "Yeah I know. Don't get me wrong Jenny, he likes you and he talks about you a lot too. I wish you two would get together already, jeez."

Jenny laughed "Yeah, believe me I know." And God did she know. "But now he's out of town so It won't be happening anytime soon."

"He's not going out of town till tommorow!" Belinda said, giving jenny that 'you still have time' look.

"Yeah.." the girl said. Nervous all of the sudden. Scared of Belinda's request too try once again too tell ryan how she felt, but she was also scared for the fact that Ryan was going out of town. She was scared because she didn't know why he was going, or when he was coming back.

"Do you know when he's coming back?" She asked.

"Um.. No, I'm not sure. I don't think he said."

"Oh." Was all Jenny could think too say. She glanced up at the clock, noticing now that it was much later then she thought. Her mother would be pretty much wasted by now.

"Fuck. I have to go. I don't need mom freaking out on me again."

Belinda frowned but stood up. "Alright, but think about what I said okay?" Belinda asked.

"I will" Jenny responded. Knowing that she wouldn't have any trouble thinking about it.

Both girls walked up the basement steps and exchanged their goodbyes and hugs.

Jenny walked down the sidewalk, turned the corner and wished that she was turning the other way. Walking towards ryan's house. Instead of walking home to her not so empty house. Wishing she had the courage too tell the boy how much she really needed him in her life.
But she knew she couldn't, and she knew she wouldn't.


chapter twenty two: ducks and bunnies

A two year relationship and a miscarriage, and neither of them had said a word to her. krissy laid on her bed, staring blankly at the ceiling, trying to reason with herself. there had to be a reason they never said anything to her. oh, there were plenty of reasons she could think of, and the more she thought of them, the more logical they became. Cassie had lost a baby, another human being. that would understandably be difficult news to take. obviously she would want to forget about it.

krissy knew that she would, if it had been her. and they probably truly loved each other, as much as she didn’t want to think about that. two years is a long time, and it’s hard to cover up and forget a relationship like that. the girl rolled onto her side, wiping away some tears from her face. she wasn’t sure if she was really angry at them for everything that happened, or if she was just angry because she felt betrayed. she had believed Cassie to be one of her best friends, one of the people she could always trust. now, she wasn’t sure, now that she knew she wasn’t above keeping things from her. and brendon…god, she didn’t even want to think about him right now.

she regretted walking away from him without a second glance, but she still was furious. he let her believe that she was his first, that they were going to share those moments together. instead, she was a second round, just another name on the list. a fresh round of tears broke out from her, and she curled into a little ball, trying to shut out the world. she knew that they had their reasons for hiding all of that from her, but the fact that they thought they were doing what was best for her by hiding something that important killed her inside. she felt like they thought of her as a child that had to be protected from all of the bad in the world. if they had said something right away, this might have gone better, but now… she didn’t know anymore.

she slowly drifted off into sleep, her thoughts jumping between brendon, Cassie, and the ‘what-ifs?’.
she wasn’t sure if she would ever be able to forgive their actions, but in the back of her mind, she felt that she wanted to.

‘they’re only human, just like me. we can only do what we think is best,’ and with that, she was asleep, her life as she had known it far behind her. no longer would she be able to look at Cassie, or at any of her friends for that matter, and not doubt anything that they said. no longer would she be able to walk with brendon and feel special to him without thinking that he shared something far more intimate with another girl.

this was the end of her naivety.
***************************************************************************
when Cassie didn't show up for school brendon was worried, and once again he was feeling guilty. he really wished he wasn't such an impulsive person because Cassie had been completely right, people were mad. krissy wasn't talking to him, well she had talked to him on the phone but at school she outright ignored him. patrick and Pete weren't much better, the duo, well mostly Pete throwing brendon scathing looks across the tables in english class.

jenny was still talking to him, but barely. he still had spencer, jon, and ryan though, while megan and belinda had taken to giving him the cold shoulder. brendon knew that it was all his fault that things were falling apart, that's why he took off at lunch and drove to Cassie's house.

her mom was home and she apparently didn't know what was going on because she smiled at him and pulled the boy in for a hug. brendon tried his best to smile back, a real smile but he felt like he had failed at that too. he climbed the stairs to Cassie's room, snuggling deeper into his lavender hoodie.

Cassie's door was cracked open and brendon peered inside. he could see the girl snuggled up under her dark comforter, her back facing him. he didn't think she was asleep but he stepped into the room quietly all the same, she did this a lot when she was depressed.

brendon couldn't help the small smile that formed on his face, all this time had passed and yet she hadn't changed her habits. he moves forward towards the bed and he can remember a million or so times he's done this before.

he stops just short of the bed, his knees brushing against the matress. "Cassie?" he says her name quietly in case she really is sleeping. Cassie jerks up suddenly, the blanket falling down off of her. she's looking at brendon shocked, like he's suddenly grown some extra body parts.

"brendon, what are you doing here?" she asks, her hands propping herself up and her long wavy hair tied back in a high ponytail. brendon sighs and sits down at the edge of her bed, his hands stuffed into his hoodies pockets.

"i came to apologize." truth be told he hadn't talked to her since he told krissy the truth and he feels like he does kind of owe her an apology. she doesn't say anything and a silence fills the room. brendon looks around, he's always liked the girl's room. it was bright and happy and made him feel all warm. currently the sunlight was pouring through the open window that resided to the right of her bed, leaving strips of light along the floor.

"didn't i say this would happen?" she tells him but she doesn't sound mad. she's watching him now, looking at her ex, the boy she once loved so much.

"what am i supposed to say? that you were right? that i shouldn't have said anything at all and let everyone go on living in their unaware bliss?" he asks, his brown eyes burning into hers. Cassie sighs and drops her hands to her lap.

"yeah, that would do nicely." she says with a smile and he makes a sound between a scoff and a laugh. "anyway, i appreciate you wanting to make an apology but shouldn't you be at school brendon?" she asks, as she turns back to glance at the clock on her bedside.

"it's lunch." is his reasoning "and besides i decided to take the rest of the day off so i could spend it with you." he stretches as he says this, his lavender hoodie riding up and revealing a flash of pale skin, before grinning at Cassie.

"please explain."

"i'm pretty sure if i don't cheer you up then patrick and Pete will kill me, and i for one don't want to die in a hail of soccer balls and drumsticks. so get up cause you and i are going to lunch."

Cassie's face goes blank before she shakes her head and pulls the covers up over her head flopping back on the cushy bed. "can't i just stay here and sulk?" her muffled voice emits from under the blanket.

brendon stands and rolls his eyes, he bends down and grabs ahold of the comforter, tugging it off the girl. "cheer up emo kid, it's time to face the world."

Cassie covers her face but sits up all the same, she still looks unconvinced. "i'll take you to your favorite place." brendon adds, attempting to sweeten the deal for the girl.

brendon feels like he needs her to come with him, he feels like since everyone else is talking about their past together, they might as well too. Cassie's quiet again and she's staring up at him, brendon can almost see the gears working away in her head.

"alright, i'll go under one condition." she tells brendon and he lifts an eyebrow because that just doesn't sound good.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

fifteen minutes later brendon and Cassie are sitting in the sun and moon chinese resturant downtown, Cassie warmly snuggled in brendon's lavender hoodie. the two teens sit across from each other, stationed in a red plastic booth near the front of the large resturant. their food rests on a black shiny table, the same color as the carPeted floors.

brendon knew this was Cassie's favorite resturant, it had been the place he had brought her for their first date. he liked it too, the resturant was large and had a cool private sort of feel, it was the kind of place that wouldn't watch the two teens like they might dine and dash at any moment. it had gold painted walls that were adorned with all kinds of fancy authentic chinese decorations.

out by the cash register was a large rectangular aquarium that held one very large square shaped fish. brendon liked the fish because it was orange and white and had this huge bumpy forhead, he thought it was cute in an ugly sort of way and had taken to calling the fish sonny.

"if this resturant ever shuts down, i'm going to ask if i can adopt sonny." brendon tells Cassie as he takes a few too large bites of his vegetarian rice.

"okay, but just don't ask me to fish-sit okay? cause i am not down with that." Cassie laughed as she spared a glace back towards sonny's direction, before she took a bite of her sweet and sour chicken dinner. "you know bren, i should have you ruin my life more often, if it means i get to eat here." she teased and the boy rolled his dark eyes.

"free dinners, is that the only reason you love me?" brendon laughs

"it's not my job to love you anymore." she says between a sip of her soft drink.

"if it's any consolation she isn't talking to me much either." he tells her, brendon set's his fork down overdramatically if that sort of thing is even possible.

"honestly, i think she's more upset at me. she loves you, she'll come around." Cassie tells him and brendon thinks wasn't he supposed to be the one cheering her up? brendon gets up from his side of the booth and Cassie watches him confused until he slips in next to her, an arm around her one shoulder and his head resting on the other.

Cassie pats his head softly but doesn't move the boy and doesn't say anything. she knows that brendon's needy, not the same kind of needy that Pete is but brendon really craves affection. he likes to be touched and held and taken care of in a way, especially when he's sad, which is exactly what he is doing now.

"remember the first time we had sex?" brendon asks and Cassie jerks up and looks down at him. okay, that was fucking random. she's silent but not because she can't remember because she can, their first time was completely unforgettable and not exactly in the good way, she's silent because she's trying to figure out just why he's asking her this paticular question.

"uh, yeah i do...why?" she says and she's smiling because the memories are flooding back to her. if she recalls correctly she and brendon were at her house, because brendon's mom was home and she never let the two teens be in brendon's room without the door being wide open.

they had been making out on Cassie's bed and something about today, for some reason Cassie just felt ready. "what? are you sure? you really want to?" brendon had asked and she had tried her best seductive look but she thought she came off looking more tired and nodded.

from there it was a mad scramble to lose clothes, brendon utterly unable to remove a bra, or even his own pants in his rush. after the clothes were off they couldn't find a condom, fifteen mintues and a hell of a lot of swearing on brendon's part, they had a condom and were ready to go.

Cassie remembers brendon pulling her hair on accident and having to put it in a ponytail, she remembers the nervous shaking on both their parts, she remembers the fit of giggles she broke into when brendon tried out his 'sexy voice', she remembers thinking how this would change their relationship and she remembers being okay with it. overall, their first time together had been awkward.

"it was bad wasn't it?" brendon asks and he's laughing a bit. Cassie smiles at him.

"not bad, though we just kinda sucked at it." suddenly their both laughing and earning odd stares from the waiters as they pass by carrying drinks and food.

after the laughing there is a calm silence, Cassie thinks it's nice before brendon fills it.

"i am sorry i brought it up." he's pulled away from her but he's looking at her with his genuienly sad face and seeing brendon urie sad, is just about one of the saddest things in the world.

"it's okay." she tells him, reaching out and patting his hand in comfort.

"i didn't want everyone to know our business...i really didn't want to make you think of that time again...of the baby."

"i said it was okay...i don't really want to talk about this..." she rushes out and she's looking down at her food. brendon sighs and he can feel the impulsive side of him take over again.

"but don't you think we should? don't you think you and i should clear the air? i mean we haven't talked about what happened since...well, since it happened."

"brendon...i'm trying hard to put it behind me...to act like it doesn't bother me but it does...sometimes, i dunno, sometimes i see these little kids and i wonder if that's what our kid would've looked like. i see these little families and wonder if we could've looked like that...i mean our kid...it would've been two years old by now."

Cassie eyes are heavy and brendon feels twinges of guilt but he knows that it's good that they're talking.

"i know, i think like that too...i see my little cousin's and imagine that what if that was my kid? but we can't go back and it's not your fault...it's awful that it happened but you shouldn't torture yourself about it...it's not good for you."

she nods and scrubs a hand over her face. "i know and sometimes i think that keeping it a secret for so long was actually making it worse, playing it up in my head...driving me crazy."

"maybe now that it's out you'll feel better, like you'll begin to heal." brendon couldn't help but think that he was beginning to sound too much like dr.phil. she nods again and brendon pulls her into a tight hug, their lunch is over after that and he's driving her home.

she's being quiet, brendon can tell Cassie's thinking about the incident. he reaches over and pats her knee but he can remember it too. he remembers it like it had happened yesterday as opposed to two years ago.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cassie hadn't been feeling good, the flu had been going around the school, everyone Cassie hung out with was a varying degree of sick so she just assumed that it was her turn. brendon had been the one to think otherwise, he was the one who bought the pregnancy test, he was the one who urged her to take it.

he had been the lesser surprised of the two when said test came back positive, Cassie on the other hand was completely shocked.

"i don't understand...how did this happen? we were careful! really careful...we used protection everytime...didn't we brendon?" she had asked, she was pacing around her room the test clutched in her hand, the stupid pink positive line glowing like a beacon to brendon.

brendon nods, he knows that they did use protection but he also knows just when she got pregnant. "we did use protection...but there was this one time..." he starts and she whips around and stares at him. "one time the condom broke..." he finishes and she stares at him confused.

"i don't remember that ever happening." she says and she's shaking, her eyes glancing from the test to brendon and back again. brendon rubs the back of his neck and looks away from his girlfriend.

"that's cause i didn't tell you..."

"what?" her voice hits a note he's never heard before. "why?"

"well, i mean i didn't realize it had broken till after we had...you know, so then i didn't want to tell you because i thought you'd be worried for nothing...i-i never thought this would happen. i'm sorry!" he's standing because he's afraid she might just whip the test at him if he remains seated.

her face is blank for a split second before it twists into a frown. "how long ago did this happen?" she asks and brendon shrugs because it's not like he writes down everytime they have sex on his calendar. she gives a frustrated sigh and turns away from him, dropping the test into the waste basket in her room before heading down the hall to the bathroom to wash her hands.

brendon wrinkles his nose at the test before he follows her, his socked feet padding down the hall. Cassie's in the bathroom washing her hands a little too harshly, she turns back to glance at brendon before she drops her harsh gaze back on her hands. "you should've told me." she says and brendon opens his mouth to say something but she cuts him off.

"i could've done something! like a pill or something...don't they have those nowadays?" she asks but he doesn't get the chance to anwser. "you shouldn't have kept it to yourself!" she turns and yells at him and brendon's glad that her parents aren't home because they would definitly suspect something.

"i just...i was just doing it so you wouldn't worry...i never thought you'd get pregnant, if i had i'd never have kept quiet...please don't be mad at me Cassie, we kind of need to talk about this."

"talk about it? no, talking to you is like the last thing i want to do right now!" she yells again and brendon can't believe he ever forgot how scary she got when she was upset. Cassie pushes past him and goes back to her room, once again brendon is left trailing behind.

"we need to think about how we're gonna handle this!" brendon calls because he was trying damn hard not to freak out and be the responsible type of person, the kind of person he thought parents ought to be. Cassie's sitting on her bed, looking down at her stomach in fear.

"i don't know what to do...honestly...my mind is blank. god, what are we supposed to do? what are my parents going to say? your parents? their probably gonna make us get married! and our friends...Pete what will he say? and spencer will probably never talk to me again....brendon, we're-we're not ready to be parents."

brendon cautiously moves to sit beside her because he's afraid she might beat the shit out of him. she lets him sit beside her and he grabs her hand holding it tightly, just in case she tries to wretch it away. "so what are you saying? you want to...kill it?" he asks and just saying it is enough to freak him out. her head goes up and their eyes lock.

"no-no...why do you?"

"no...i don't know what to do but i know i don't want to do that...how about...what if we just go to the doctor's and make sure that you really are pregnant...you know cause sometimes those tests are wrong." he suggest and she's nodding and falling into him and crying, her soft sobs breaking brendon's heart.

brendon remembers driving home that day, his own shock settling in. he remembers that he's thankful that his parents aren't home. when he gets home that night he stays in his room. he calls and makes Cassie an appointment because she had asked him to.

when it's dark he drops to his knees and closes his eyes and prays. he asks god to spare them, just this once, to give them a mullegen, a freebie, whatever he wants to call it. he prays that she's not pregnant, that they don't have to be parents.

two weeks later brendon would find out that his prayer was denied, Cassie was pregnant.

the two of them kept it a secret, Cassie wasn't showing so they didn't have to tell at least for a little while longer. with abortion out of the question the only other options they had were adoption or keeping the baby. as time passed, brendon was leaning towards keeping the baby, Cassie wasn't as sure.

eventually though he had talked her into it, they had decided to keep the baby. she was two months pregnant and brendon could just make out the small swell of her belly that would eventually be their child. he lays with her a lot, his hand pressed to her stomach, protective.

he talks to her about what they'll one day be, that maybe they could get married and be a family. Cassie seems to be warming up to the idea. brendon really wants to know if they're having a boy or girl, but the doctor won't be able to tell until she's four months pregnant. he buys baby clothes at a garage sale, he hides them from both of their parents, brendon likes the outfit with ducks on it, Cassie likes the one with bunnies.

when Cassie's three months pregnant brendon's laying with her on her bed. his hands once again resting on her stomach and their talking about something that brendon can't remember, he wishes he could remember what they were talking about in those last peaceful moments.

suddenly Cassie grips his arm, tight and it hurts but he lets her because he's scared of the look in her eyes. brendon can feel that her stomach has tightened. "what's wrong Cassie?" he asks and he can still hear the fear in his own voice.

"somethings wrong...this hurts...something's wrong." she mumbles back and instantly he's lifting her and taking her to the hospital, because he doesn't think they have time for ambulances and explaining things. Cassie's crying in the car, her hand on her stomach and the other holding brendon's knee.

"god, please let the baby be okay." she whispers through her tears and brendon's saying the same thing in his head but outloud he's reassuring her that it will be. they get to the hospital and the nurses seperate them, they call Cassie's parents and brendon can't see her, they won't tell him anything either, he doesn't think that's a good sign.

the doctor's talk to Cassie's parents, away from brendon but brendon knows that when they come back they'll know that their daughter is pregnant. they return and Cassie's dad storms pass brendon and down into the lower floors, her mom steps to brendon, a million or so emotions flickering through her eyes, the same color as Cassie's. she take's his hand and gives it a squeeze.

it's two hours before someone comes out and tells them that Cassie will be okay. the doctor's walking away when brendon asks "what about the baby?" again, his voice is little and afraid. the doctor turns back and looks at brendon, he thinks about all the times he's seen those hospital shows, how the doctor always shakes his head and you can tell that you're about to get bad news, brendon feels like he's living one of those moments.

"she lost it, i'm sorry, she suffered a miscarriage." he tells him and maybe someone said something, maybe someone tried to stop him, brendon can't remember. the only thing he remembers is that he runs to where he knows Cassie is, burst's into the room and looks at her.

they don't say anything but she's crying, he goes to her bedside, sits with her and he cries too. she clings to him and he holds on just as tightly.

they keep Cassie for observations, brendon drives home but on the way he's thinking, he's thinking that everything is his fault. he got her pregnant, he convinced her to keep the baby, he filled her head with ideas of families and he bought the baby clothes. he never tells Cassie, he still hasn't told her but he blames himself for her miscarriage. he remembers the prayer he made such a long time ago.

"don't let us be parents, give me a freebie on this one."

maybe their prayer didn't get rejected after all, maybe god just waited, executed it in the worst possible way. the prayer was granted after they wanted the baby, after they were ready...brendon didn't know much but he really wishes that you could take back prayers.

after they lost the baby Cassie had changed, brendon didn't blame her, not at all. the two of them fought a lot more, Cassie's parents thought it was best if brendon stopped coming over, brendon threw away the baby outfits, the one with the bunnies and the ducks. shortly after that the two of them broke up, they didn't talk for a long time but when they did Cassie said they shouldn't tell what had happened to anyone, ever.

she wanted to omit that part of their history, act like it had never happened, white it all out. brendon went a long with it because back then he still loved her, he couldn't pretend it didn't hurt for her to say that she wanted to erase their entire relationship and act like they were never anything more then friends. she wanted to pretend that every touch, every soft word spoken in the night, each and every 'i love you' never existed. so that's what they did.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
when brendon drops Cassie off at home and she smiles at him and gives him a brief and platonic kiss on the cheek, he ends up feeling every bit the same boy from two years ago, that same fifteen year old kid, he feels for a moment that this is how it should've been but he shakes it all off and goes home, intent on calling his girlfriend and fixing things with her.



chapter twenty three: i don't care what you think as long as it's about me

Jenny goes back home after visiting Belinda. She know's that Belinda told her to go and see Ryan before he leaves, but she can't, she can't go and see him because she's scared. She's scared that maybe she'll cry or beg him not to go, tell him that he's one of the few things that make's her feel okay. Ryan doesn't need that.

So Jenny goes back home and her mom isn't there. Jenny's not too surprised but they did have an argument so she assumes that her mom probably went out drinking. The house is too quiet and Jenny feel's so alone the moment the door closes. She doesn't really like her house that much, maybe she just doesn't like the memories it brings, or the people who live there, or used to live there.

Jenny take's the stairs up to her room. She tries not to look at her mom's room that's kiddy corner from her own. She pushes the door open and flicks on the light. Her room isn't much but she like's it. There's some clothes laying around the white tiled floor and the minty green wall's are taken up by poster's and dressers and thing's the girl find's interesting.

Jenny flop's down on her bed, she could sit on the fouton but it's kinda uncomfortable. She sigh's boredly and turn's her head to the left to the pictures that she's taped to the wall. There's pictures of herself and Cassie from a few month's ago, back when they met that clown at the fair. There's also picture's of herself and Krissy along with her and Pete and a variety of other people.

She decides that she's going to get on the internet. She would call Cassie but she's always afraid to bug her best friend, especially since she's having such a rough go of it. Jenny sign's on the internet and isn't too surprised to see that Cassie is already online.

Madasrabbits: hola

TehCassie: hey...

Madasrabbits: you...you okay?

TehCassie: getting better everyday

Madasrabbits: please tell me you're coming back to school soon?

TehCassie: yeah, i'll be back soon...actually Brendon came to see me.

Madasrabbits: HE DID??? WHAT HAPPENED???

TehCassie: not a lot, he took me out to lunch, he wanted to apologize to me i guess.

Madasrabbits: that was nice.

TehCassie: what have you been doing bby?

Madasrabbits: hmmm nothing much, worrying about dear Ryan and i went to see Belinda today.

TehCassie: orly? what'd you and Belinda talk about?

Jenny decides not to tell Cassie that the other girl had dyed her hair a bright pink, she thought it was the kind of thing that should be a surprise.

Madasrabbits: she told me that Ryan was leaving for out of town soon...

TehCassie: he is? are you gonna go see him????

Madasrabbits: well..i was thinking about it but..i don't think i am.

TehCassie: WHAT? WHYYYYY?

Madasrabbits: because, i'll be too upset, it will be embarresing.

TehCassie: Jennifer Geralyn Zahn! if you don't go and see Ryan before he goes i will stop being your BFF!

Jenny laughs because she doesn't actually think this is possible but she know's that Cassie is right.

Madasrabbits: you think i should?

TehCassie: i do. go now young one and claim your love!

Jenny suddenly decides that Cassie is right, she should go and see Ryan. She should say goodbye because it's what she want's to do. She issues a goodbye to her best friend before she signs off the internet and races down the stairs and out of the house, running to Ryan's house.

She run's as fast as she can. Her lung's are burning and she can't really feel her face but it doesn't matter because all she want's is to make it in time, to make it to him. Jenny turn's the corner and she can see Ryan's house, the memories of the last time she was there, how close she and Ryan had come.

"Please, don't be gone." she's begging as she skid's to a stop in front of Ryan's house. The car is gone but Jenny's not giving up hope, maybe Ryan was still home. Her chest is heaving as she walk's to the door. She's trying to gather up the word's in her head, trying to figure out what she's going to say.

Jenny stop's at the front door, metal frame over the plastic screen. She bang's on it lightly and wait's, her heart is beating too fast. Her breathing is almost like a timer, each breath is like a countdown to whether or not she missed the boy of her dreams. Her breath regulates and still no one is anwsering. Her hope's are sinking quickly but she knock's again despite herself.

Again she wait's and she's praying that Ryan is in there. that he's heading to the door as she wait's that when he see's her he'll be so surprised that he can't help but kiss her, that's what she want's.

Jenny wait's what feel's like a liftetime before she give's up. She can feel her eyes pricking with tears but she won't allow herself to cry, she should've known that she wouldn't catch him, she never really get's what she want's and now Ryan is gone and she didn't get to say goodbye.

Jenny doesn't run back home. She walk's slowly, slower than usual because she's crying. she can't stop it and the sky around her is darkening so she knows that no one will see her. She want's to call Cassie but she doesn't want to worry the girl with her sadness. She want's her mom to be home but she doesn't want her to see the tear's, she doesn't need her mom knowing that she's sad.

The sky is a deep purple by the time Jenny get's home. She's both releaved and a bit sad that her mom isn't home. She trudges up to the porch and pull's the door open. She's eager to just sleep off her sadness for awhile, the door open's and Jenny notices that a white paper has slipped out and drift's gently to her feet.

Jenny lean's down and grab's hold of the paper, she quirk's her eyebrow at it as she head's inside the house. The girl drop's down in the armchair next to the door and flick's on the lamp next to her. she doesn't know who left the note, probably her mom telling her she won't be home tonight. The handwriting on the paper is definitly not her mom's though, it's too neat, too elegant.

Jenny,

I don't know if you know yet but I'm leaving for awhile...I would've told you ahead of time but my dad kinda sprung it on me. I should've came earlier but I didn't want to upset you. I thought you'd be here but you're not...I'd wait here but my dad is waiting for me and I can't upset him. I want to see you again when I get back, I don't want you to be upset by this. Smile because you deserve it.

Ryan,

Jenny couldn't believe that Ryan had written her a note. Her heart has stopped and she has a warm feeling in her chest. Ryan had stopped by, he had come to say goodbye and Jenny has missed him. She hate's herself at the moment, hates that she left when he decided to stop by. She wonder's why the hell she and Ryan had such shitty timing? Why they always missed each other by minutes?

Jenny clutches the note to her chest and it isn't much but it's all she need's. She smiles because Ryan had told her too and she closes her eyes and tips her head back and she's thinking of him.
*****************************************************************************
Because of her fight with Brendon Krissy had taken to studying at the library. She usually studied on the weekend's at the library but now that she couldn't study at home with Brendon's instant calling and coming over she decided to start studying at the library on the weekday's too.

Krissy grumbles as she pushed through the heavy door to get into the quiet peacefulness of the library. The library wasn't very busy. Long stretches of beige walls and tanned carpet. The blonde girl find's a long brown table, quiet and empty and she sets her book's down on it. She look's around not really wanting to start studying and it's than that she decides to take a quick look around.

There are a few other people around, what look like college student's or kid's from other high school's, kid's Krissy doesn't recongize. She doesn't feel much like searching aimlessly for book's so she decides to go and ask the front desk worker about what they had to offer in the way of poetry book's.

Krissy wander's up to the front and see's the back of a tall man standing behind the curved brown desk.

"Um, excuse me?" the blonde girl start's trying to gain the man's attention. The man turn's and Krissy is a bit taken aback to see that the man isn't all that old, he's rather young actually, probably in college Krissy figures. He has black hair that is slightly shaggy, the front longer than the back. The man also has matching dark eyes that are frammed behind square black glasses.

He's tall and wearing a white button down shirt and black pants and his skin is slightly tanned. He had been reading the book but set it face down on the desk. "Can, i help you?" he ask's and his voice is smooth and he smile's warmly at Krissy and she kind of find's herself charmed by him.

"Um..i was wondering if you had a poetry section?" Krissy is asking and she's fidget's because this guy is very cute. He's still smiling when he nod's.

"Yeah, we do..want me to escort you there?" he ask's and Krissy really doesn't need an escort, she's sure she can find it on her own but really, when he's offering who could turn that down?

"Sure, yeah." Krissy replies and she find's herself smiling too and her finger's twist nervously in her hair. The dark haired man come's around from the desk and strides out infront of Krissy and the girl really wishes she knew his name. He move's long leg's and long stride's down the long shelves of book's. Krissy keeping in step behind him.

The darked haired man led her down through huge bookcases, Krissy is glad that she took up the boy on his offer because she think's she probably would've gotten lost on her own. The man stops suddenly and the girl almost bumps into him because she isn't really paying attention.

Krissy turn's her head and see's the row's of different book's to choose from.

"This work for you?" he ask's and he's looking at her. Krissy nod's and she think's that she might be blushing but she isn't sure.

"Yeah, yeah, thank's so much...um..?"

"Alex, my name's Alex Saurez." he tell's her and he put's his hand out. "And you are?"

"My name's Krissy, Krissy Kaiser." she anwsers. She take's Alex's hand and allows him to shake it.

"Very nice to meet you Krissy." Alex says and yeah, he is very charming.

Krissy suddenly doesn't mind about having to study at the library.
*****************************************************************************
Cassie does go back to school on monday, thanks to some persusasion from Brendon and Pete and patrick. she goes back to school and her friends are trying too hard, she can tell...they're trying too hard to make things seem normal, like nothing's changed.

for the most part nothing has changed, well, except that there is this huge thing that happened that no one is talking about, that and krissy isn't talking to her.

in the morning when Cassie goes to her locker she find's a bracelet taped to the front of it. it only take's one look before Cassie know's what bracelet it is. it's the one she had made for krissy half a year ago. the one with the pink string and multicolored plastic beads that spelled out the girl's name.

Cassie sighs sadly and removes the jewerly from her locker, stuffing it into her pocket. she supposed that krissy really was giving up on their friendship. Cassie glances to the bracelet that hung slightly loose around her own wrist. it's the one krissy had made for her. she contemplates removing it but shakes her head, grabbed her book's and moved on to class.

the argument between krissy and Cassie made lunch and drama class really awkward. Cassie briefly tried to speak to krissy but the girl gave her an angry look and happened to be holding a paticularly heavy book at the time. it seems like krissy isn't talking to brendon either, not for lack of trying on the boy's part. he can be often seen running through the halls trying to catch up with his girlfriend.

Cassie figures she should let krissy cool down for awhile, she tries to put herself in that position. what if she suddenly found out that patrick and jenny had a secret relationship in the past? she couldn't say that she'd be too thrilled. hopefully krissy will come around.



chapter twenty four: love never wanted me but i took it anyway

belinda sacko may have only been fifteen years old but despite her age, she knew what it was like to be in love. granted she knew what it was like to be in love but not what it was like for those feelings to be returned. the young girl knew her own worst flaws and her's happened to be that she fell in love too quickly.

belinda also knows that she sometimes takes her love to unhealthy levels. she didn't know why but as far back as her first crush she had taken her admiration to nearly stalkerish levels. she followed the boys around whenever possible, she wrote a million or so declarations of love on crumpled notebook paper, sometimes she gave them those notes, sometimes she didn't.

when she got into high school and started hanging around Cassie, jenny, krissy, and megan it opened up a whole new box of boys. first it was Pete, who found the young girl's affections hilarious and maybe even an ego booster. after Pete it was brendon, who was completely oblivious to belinda's advances, then it was ryan, who complimented her writing and suggested that they just be friends. belinda cycled that way through her friends until she finally landed on the boy she obsessed over now, one mr. william beckett.

the newly pink haired girl liked william because he was, well he was damn hot, with his jutting hips, long arms and legs, and beautiful face. she also liked him because he was smart, and he had power seeing as he was the student council president. william was a senior and popular, not at all the kind of guy that would be interested in belinda. that didn't stop her from thinking that if she got the chance, she could win the older boy over.

belinda had just finished her lengthy, two paged, hand written letter to william, intent on taking it to school with her and placing it in william's student council mailbox. she was in her room at her computer desk, her best friend sitting behind her on her bed.

"remind me again why i have to take you to school a whole half an hour early?" joe asked, his voice tired from lack of sleep. belinda turned in her computer chair eyeing her bestfriend carefully.

"i told you joe, i need to get there early so no one see's me putting the letter in william's box!" she said. joe just sighed and shook his head, looking down at belinda's little sister, who he was bouncing on his knee. the small girl was giggling and grabbing on to joe's shirt to keep from falling off the tall boy's knee.

"we're to the letter stage already? you must really like him." joe said and belinda looked back at him but he wasn't looking at her, his attention had slid to the black carPeted floor.

the two teens had been friends for a long time now, ever since joe had 'adopted' her as his freshman at the beginning of the year. in that time the boy had come to learn a lot about the young girl, he was just about the only boy who didn't think she was a fucking psycho stalker. joe was there for belinda when she needed him, and they were close despite how much of total opposites the duo were.

"he's just so...well gorgeous for one and let's not forget he's well respected in the school." belinda said as she carefully folded up the paper and tucked it into a white envelope, william's name written in fancy black scrawl across the front.

"he's only the student council president, he's not god and let's be honest william beckett has let the power go to his head." joe tells belinda, he sets her little sister down on the floor and the young girl proceeds to race out of the room. he's standing now, all tall gangly and jewfro high and curly in the air. belinda turns back to face her bestfriend and she gives him a slight smirk.

"he takes his job seriously, that's a good thing joe." belinda points out and joe shrugs in defeat. he's kinda tired of watching his best friend fall for guy after guy, only to have her young heart broken and he tries to help her fix it, he thinks he's almost gotten good at it but it doesn't mean it's not hard to see.

"okay, what if he doesn't want to go out with you? are we talking epic emoness?...or only like level one emoness?" joe remembers that he never used the word 'emoness' before he hung out with belinda. the girl smiles even though joe thinks she should be a little upset.

"he won't reject me. i have a good feeling." she tells joe standing and dropping the letter into the black pack by her bedroom door. joe sighs and folds his arms across his chest, his gray t-shirt hanging loose off his figure.

"okay, but if he does reject you...i mean than can you try to see...i don't know, the guys who are already into you?" he requests and belinda looks at him surprised.

"like who?" she asks and her dark gaze burns into joe and he really wants to raise his own hand but he resists and gives a little shrug instead.

"dunno, someone." he says and he mentally wants to slap himself because yeah, that was smooth. it's belinda's turn to shrug and she turns away from joe, grabbing the black rosary that hung prettily on the large mirror in the corner of belinda's room. she drops the rosary around her neck and grabs her jacket, tossing it on over her light blue t-shirt.

"you ready?" she asks with a flick of her newly neon pink hair and joe nods and fingers his keys in his jeans pockets. the two teens don't make it out the door without belinda's siblings bum rushing joe and demanding piggy back rides and candy, none of which the boy has.

"sorry guys" he starts "if i don't get your sister to school she'll beat me." he jokes and the kids eyes widen in the direction of their elder sister who just shakes her head and pulls her pack up over one shoulder. the teens get to joe's beat up silver station wagon but not without mrs. sacko giving them each two large homemade banana muffins.

"did i mention that i love your mom?" joe asks as he takes a bite of his muffin.

"sorry, she's married." belinda says, she's not eating her muffin, seeing as she's not particularly hungry in the mornings.

they get to school and as expected no one else is there yet. joe contemplates wanting to sleep in his car for twenty minutes but decides against it because his car is ungodly uncomfortable and has a weird smell to it ever since that day he let Pete borrow it.

inside the school joe follows belinda to the office, which is open, the secretary not yet there. inside the medium sized office is a large white counter and two connected desks, one for the normal secretary and one for the attendance lady. behind the desks are two offices, one for the head counsler and one for the vice principal. to the left, opposite the counter are two more rooms, the back room where a teacher's bathroom is located, along with a microwave and the staff mailboxes. next to that room is the principal's office, joe is familar with this room, he blames that on jon walker and his lack of proper air freshener, how was he supposed to know he smelt like pot?

belinda dips into the mailbox room, where william has his own offical student council president mailbox. joe rolls his eyes that such a stupid thing exists and he tries not to think how much that sounds like jealousy. he doesn't follow her into the room, watching from the main office instead, he notices how she looks nervous as she pulls out the letter and slips it quickly (maybe before she loses her will) into william's mailbox.

belinda leaves the room smiling and joe returns her smile even though he's not the least bit happy. the two teens are in the hallway now, just waiting for school to start, they still have fifteen minutes but students start showing up a good ten minutes before. belinda is looking at the bulletin board.

the bulletin board is long, taking up a good stretch of the right side wall. the board is acutally a much loved facet of the school, students were allowed to post a variety of things and it was always fun to check what had been added to the board.

joe followed belinda and the duo scanned the board for anything important.

"ah, there's a student council meeting this week." belinda said after a few moments, her eyes glued to a deep golden paper with fancy black scrawl that could only belong to their dear 'president'.

joe rolled his eyes at his friend. "why do you care? you're not even in student council." he said and he wasn't being mean, he was honestly curious.

it's true that belinda wasn't exactly in the student council, it wasn't for lack of trying though. belinda had applied to be in the student council but she was denied, due to her age belinda didn't mind that much. she didn't mind because Cassie and jenny were both on the council, with them in there belinda often got the full scoop of what happened in the meetings.

"i like to know what happens in the school for your information." she tells him and that's kinda true because if william is interested in it, then she wants to be too.

"no, you like to know what william is up to." joe counters and belinda gives him a friendly shove.

"joseph trohman!" the two teens hear a male voice calling out and joe turned in the direction of the voice his blood running cold as he saw just who it was.

william beckett stood at the end of the hall near the staircase, his hands on his thin hips and his eyes locked on joe.

"you think he's fucking psychic?" joe whispers to belinda as the young girl stares in admiration.

"maybe he just has student council senses...and maybe their tingling." belinda grins as william walks towards them.

"i'm glad i caught you joseph." william begins, he was now in front of the teens, eyeing them carefully.

william beckett, just so happened to be the most enthusiastic member of the student council. probably because he happened to be the president, a job that william took extreamly seriously. you wouldn't picture him being a president of anything with his tight jeans, brightly colored belts, and unisex possibly girl shirts that showed just a bit of his thin torso and girlish hips.

"oh, really? well what can i do for you mr. president?" joe asks, and belinda shoots him a glare but william doesn't notice. joe's already dreading the variety of anwsers that william could give him. william's hand falls to his hip as he eyes joe.

"you know you have detention after school today right?" william tells him, choosing to ignore joe's remark. joe flinches internally, he had actually forgotten about the dention he had gotten last week, again he blamed it on jon walker and his awful powers of suggestions.

"yeah, i can't wait." joe says and he probably sounds like a dick but he doesn't care because william is giving him a look that suggests he's only a million times better then joe and that kinda pisses joe off.

william just nods, like joe hadn't been rude to him. "good, if you see jonathan walker, tell him i'm looking for him." william says cooly and joe nods even though he has no intention of telling jon that beckett has it out for him.

william had a penchant for using every student's full name, he didn't believe in nicknames but Cassie had told belinda that she thought it was just because he had spent the first three weeks of school pouring over the attendance list's so he could memorize everyone in the school's name.

william makes like he's gonna leave before his gaze flickers down to belinda "how are you belinda?" he asks and joe glances at his bestfriend and belinda's smiling softly at william.

"i'm good william, you?"

"can't complain." he replies and he nods at the two of them "i'll see you two later." he says and belinda gives him a smile and a small 'goodbye' and joe just crosses his arms and wants to find jon.

william departs soon after and they watched him stride down the hall looking every bit like a proud girl.

"there goes our president." joe says with a laugh.

"he's so hot." belinda says as she watches william walk away until he is far out of sight.

"Cassie's so lucky she gets to be his assistant." belinda says with a wistful sigh as she shoulders her back pack and heads towards her locker.

Cassie was not only the head of the charity committee in the student council she also happened to be william beckett's personal assistant. a job that required her to be at william's beckoned call. belinda herself had applied for this job but had been denied it for the same reasons, she's too young.

at that moment joe spots jon walker standing at the landing of the first floor staircase. "yo, walker! i need to talk to you now!" joe calls and jon bends down to see who is calling for him, he smiles lazily. "i'll catch you later belinda." joe says looking back at the girl before he darts up the stairs.
*****************************************************************************
Cassie barely makes it to her art class on time, she blames this on patrick and the way he just didn't want to stop making out. because of the hall monitor's the couples are forced to hide themselves as to not get caught locking lips, the spot for secret make out sessions is back behind the closed off doors that lead downstairs. she and patrick had been kissing and only stopped when spencer rounded a corner and screeched "ewww stop molesting my cousin!" after that patrick blushed a deep shade of red and proceeded to class.

the girl slips into her class the teacher mrs.oliver giving her a look of surprise, Cassie is rarely late.

the girl look's at her normal seat and her eyes widen as she see's ryan sitting in his usual seat between herself and belinda. Cassie's surprised because no one knew ryan was back.

"ryan, when in the hell did you get back?" she's asking as she drops down into her seat.

"mmm, about three hours ago." ryan responds as he glances at the clock on the wall, he doesn't seem at all tired or unpleasant in anyway.

"three hours ago and you still decided to come to school?" belinda inquires from her postion to the right of ryan. the boy shrugs.

"my dad wasn't in a great mood so i thought school was best." he says and he doesn't need to say anything else because it seems like both girl's get it so they try to go on as usual.

"cutting it close aren't we?" ryan says with a grin. Cassie shoots him a look of mock anger but laughs.

"it really wasn't my fault, patrick needed my attention." Cassie begins before belinda cuts her off.

"i ran into william this morning!" belinda rushes the words out, her hazel eyes going wide and her hands slamming down on the long table. Cassie almost doesn't hear what belinda says but after years of experience she had learned to dechipher belinda's boy rambles.

"chill, stalker." ryan teases and he grins as he grabs a colored pencil and scribbled on his blank white paper. belinda reached across the table and pushed ryan's shoulder.

belinda and ryan had been friends for a while and the two very much had a brother sister type relationship. ryan had taken belinda under his wing when she started at the high school and he had been protecting her ever since.

"william talked to joe and i this morning." belinda begins and Cassie is only half listening as she gets out her art supplies. "he looked so damn hot!"

Cassie glances up at belinda who is staring off into space adoringly, most likely thinking of william.

the young girl had developed a crush on william practically the first day she had met him. Cassie, loved belinda really she did but even she had to admit that some of belinda's actions could easily be considered stalkerish.

"i wish i was william's assistant." belinda sighs dreamily.

"yeah, well it's not nearly as fun as you'd think." Cassie states, she snags a purple colored pencil from ryan who gives a half hearted glare and clutches his red pencil to his chest.

"why didn't william choose me? i would kill to be his assistant!" belinda announces and Cassie's eyes go wide because what's a better way to become william's new assistant then killing off his current assistant?

"you do remember the only reason i applied for that job was because you begged me right belinda?" Cassie reminds the younger girl and belinda sighs and brushes her pink bangs out of her face.

"yeah, yeah but i figured he wouldn't choose you because you were already on the council." belinda responds, obviously regretting the action.

"maybe he likes Cassie." ryan suggests and instantly the two girls were glaring daggers at him. he looks between the two girls before he sighes. "or not." he adds in an attempt to soothe his wordly misstep.

"he doesn't like me, trust me." Cassie says, wanting to reassure belinda that william has no interest in her, she doesn't mind though because honestly william isn't her cup of tea.

the conversation breaks down after that and the trio proceeded to simply chat about the assignment.

"hey, Cassie?" the girl hears ryan say a few moments later.

"yeah?" she replies not bothering to look up from her work.

"well, i wanted to ask you about jenny." ryan says and Cassie's head shoots up just a little too quickly for it to look normal and she pays her full attention to ryan, she notices belinda doing the same.

"what about jenny?" the girl asks, trying her very best to sound nonchalant. she watches ryan carefully, her bright blue eyes trained on him. ryan glances from Cassie to the paper infront of him, to belinda before he settles back on Cassie.

"i was curious if she's seeing anyone?" ryan asks and Cassie doesn't know how the boy manages to always keep his voice so calm.

"um, not at the moment." she tells ryan. Cassie isn't sure what jenny would think of all this but she was trying to keep what the girl would want at the front of her mind. ryan makes a small noise that Cassie can't dechiper and the boy doesn't say anymore.

the rest of the class passes by and Cassie hasn't pressed ryan as to why he's asking about jenny's dating status. belinda and Cassie exchange looks but don't say anything, it felt a little awkward.

when the bell rings ryan is up and out the door before Cassie and belinda can even put away their supplies. Cassie and belinda look at one another and Cassie shrugs.

"ryan is being weird." she notes.

"he's probably embaressed." belinda responds as the two girls exit the classroom. Cassie wants to find jenny and she scans the hall for her friend, excited to inform the girl that one, ryan was back and that two, he had asked about her.

"hey, cassandra" the two girls hears a male voice say and Cassie feels hands hold tight on her shoulders. Cassie takes notice of the slightly scared slightly overjoyed look that's on belinda's face and she instantly knows who is behind her.

she turns a bit and see's william standing behind her. "oh, hey william." Cassie says dreading the fact that she had forgotten that along with memorizing everyone's names, william was also big on memorizing his underlings class scheduels.

Cassie turns her attention back to belinda wondering if the girl would say anything but belinda was silent and staring longingly at william. the boy who was capturing belinda's gaze removes his hands from Cassie's shoulders and looks down at her.

"listen, Cassie i need you to go ahead and stop by my place tonight so we can go over a few council things before the meeting." william tells her and he's watching her intently as if not believing that she's actually listening to him. Cassie nods as belinda stands by watching the scene unfold.

"alright, william i'll have Pete drop me off around three." she tells the boy and he nods and pats her on the back before turning to leave, he glances at belinda. "ms. sacko." he says and nods in her direction and belinda squeaks and she thinks she's blushing, she hopes she isn't.

"that was smooth belinda." Cassie teases when william is far enough away and belinda pushes her playfully. in her mind she wonders if william read his note yet, probably she thinks. she also wonders if william knows it's from her, she hadn't signed her name.



chapter twenty five: dear mr. president

it's sixth hour by the time Cassie finds Pete. he's leaning against her locker talking to andy and patrick.

"hey, baby." patrick says, his face brightening as he spots his girlfriend. Cassie smiles at him and allows herself to be pulled into patrick's arm where the boy kisses her. Cassie hadn't known that patrick was so open to public displays of affection, not that she minded but she thought their friends and classmates might.

still pressed against patrick Cassie turns her attention to Pete. "hey, can you give me a ride to william's place after school?" she asks and Pete shakes his head the same time as patrick says "why are you going there?"

Cassie decides to anwser her boyfriend first. "student council honey." she tells him, reaching up and touching her fingertips to the brim of his hat. patrick nods and Cassie turns her attention to Pete. "now why can't you take me Pete?" she asks. Pete is staring at Cassie and patrick and for a split second Cassie see's a frown but he adverts his gaze and looks at her.

"got detention." he states as if she should already know as much.

"what? how?" now patrick is rubbing her back and andy is laughing.

"uh..." Pete starts like he doesn't really want to tell her.

"you know that poster in the english class that says 'send off a senior'?" andy asks her and she nods. "well Pete took off the word send and wrote suck." andy says and he's fighting hard not to laugh his ass off, Cassie can tell. patrick and Pete on the other hand, have no such self control.

Cassie shakes her head and allows herself a small laugh. "well, tricky do you think your mom can give me a ride?" she asks and patrick to her surprise shakes his head.

"no, she's working and i have band practice tonight." he tells his girlfriend and Cassie frowns, she's not exactly excited to go to william's place but she also doesn't want to be berated by him for twenty minutes at the next meeting either, she really needs a ride.

at that second salvation comes in the form of jon walker who just happens to be walking down the hall and had overheard the conversation between the friends.

"Cassie" he starts as he stops next to the girl and patrick in the hall. Cassie jumps surprised to see him coming out of nowhere but turns her attention to him all the same.

"hey, jon." she says

"did i hear you say you needed a ride?" he asks and Cassie's face goes blank but she nods, somehow jon is oblivious to the glare that patrick is throwing his way.

"yeah, to william beckett's place." she tells him and she can feel patrick's grip on her hand tighten just a bit.

"well, i can give you a ride if you want?" he asks, his hand coming up to run through his shaggy hair and Cassie is glad the boy decided to grow it back out. patrick eyes the boy before him, he's wearing a long sleeved gray sweater, the edges of a white t-shit poking out at the collar, dark jeans and flip-flops, seriously what kind of guy wears flip-flops? patrick wonders.

"i was gonna give her a ride actually." patrick says and Cassie turns because she didn't remember him saying that. "after band practice." he says looking down at her, catching her inquisitive look.

Cassie frowns "honey, that will take too long. it would be quicker if jon dropped me off and then i can just call you for a ride?" she asks and patrick sighs, his eyes flicker to jon, whose just standing there smiling a lazy smile.

patrick seems to be debating internally before he gives up and sighs. "okay, baby." he says and leans down to kiss Cassie, with Pete, jon, and andy looking on. Pete coughs and the two break apart, patrick's arm coming to rest around her shoulders.

"i thought you had detention today walker?" Pete asks his dark eyes flickering on jon. jon just smiles and shrugs his shoulders.

"i got it pushed back till tomorrow." he's grinning and Pete scoffs.

"what? how'd you manage that?"

"coach pulled some strings cause i have practice today." he tells them and patrick rolls his eyes because that's just another unfair perk that jocks got. patrick knows that if he got detention no one would be able to pull strings for him.

"that's so not fair! i'm on the soccer team! why can't i get out of detention too?" Pete pouts and jon laughs.

"because football is better than soccer Pete, but look at it this way, now i got saturday detention." he tells them with a slight grimace. there is a silence between the group before Cassie looks at the clock hanging on the wall behind jon.

"shit, i gotta go." she sighs "you ready jon?" she asks and jon nods and patrick wonders why jon is always grinning, like he knows something that no one else does. Cassie turns and leans up to kiss patrick, brief and not at all like patrick likes but he doesn't say anything. she slips out of his arms and smiles at Pete and andy before moving down the hall with jon.

patrick frowns at how natural Cassie and jon look walking together and part of him is tempted to call out to her, stop her from going with the football star. but he doesn't and Pete waits until the duo is out the door before he says anything.

"you're letting your girlfriend ride in a car with a guy she kissed at a party? pretty brave trick."

patrick glares at Pete before he walks to band practice.

it's true that ever since Cassie kissed jon at the football player's party he's been jealous of jon. how could he not be? jon was a football player, strong and tough while patrick wasn't into sports, let alone ever play them. plus jon is so cool and just about everyone like's him, it's easy for him to get whatever girl he would want, patrick's just afraid that maybe he want's Cassie.
*****************************************************************************
"what makes you so laid back jon?" Cassie asks as jon pulls out of the school parking lot. Cassie likes jon's car, it's by far the nicest one in their circle of friends. jon looks over at her and it seems like he's always smiling, a casual cool kind of smile, jon makes cool seem so effortless.

"that's just the kind of guy i am." jon says "it's like me asking you what makes you such a sweetheart, it's just who you are." Cassie pinks at the compliment but laughs a little too.

"good point."

Cassie thought jon was pretty unusual, not in a bad way though. he was an extreamly laid back and nice guy, despite him being a jock. he was popular and had virtually no enemies, she didn't know what kind of football player had a tendancy to wear sweaters, jeans and flip-flops. maybe it was her personally but Cassie also thought the older boy seemed really cuddly, like he'd be good to hug.

"so you and patrick huh?" she hears jon ask and she turns to look at him.

"yeah." she and patrick never offically annouced to everyone in the school that they were going out but Cassie always thought it was fairly obvious.

"that's cool." jon says and he's smiling that lazy smile again. Cassie thinks jon walker was made to smile.

Cassie got dropped off a house away from william's place, the reasoning behind this was because jon didn't want william to see him not in detention and then give him more detention. Cassie didn't mind and she waved jon off as he drove back to the school.

she padded up the sidewalk that led to william's house, her black sneakers slapping against the concrete. it turns out all william wants to talk about is creating a tutoring program at the school. Cassie had to sit through an agonizingly long lecture from william about the pros and cons of the program and Cassie was near bored to tears, tempted to fall asleep on william's kitchen table.

afterward's william offer's to give Cassie a ride home but the girl ask's if he can drop her back off at the school instead so she can meet back up with patrick.

Cassie kind of feel's bad for william. outside of the student council members and a few people here and there william really doesn't have many friend's. Cassie think's this can be attributed to the way william never drop's the presidental act.

the girl's know william for at least two year's but she's never seen him act normal, act like a normal teenager would. Cassie wonder's if william is afraid to be himself, afraid to let people see the real him. but the more he keep's up the act the more people are turned off by him.

"cassandra?" william start's as the duo are in the car.

"hmm?" the girl replies, not bothering to turn away from looking out the window.

"are you friend's with belinda sacko?" he ask's and okay, now he has her attention.

"yeah, belinda and i are good friend's...why?" she ask's as she turn's to look at him. william isn't looking at her though, he's staring out straight ahead at the road.

"i got this letter the other day..i think it was from her." william admit's and Cassie isn't surprised, she's sure it is from belinda.

"yeah? what did it say?" she ask's. from the letter's she's seen before she can imagine what it probably says.

"a lot of compliments...a lot of things that are kinda scary." william tells her and it's hard for Cassie to know whether or not he's joking. but Cassie know's she can help belinda.

"you know she just really look's up to you. she's a big fan of the student council." Cassie is saying because for the most part it's true and she really doesn't need to tell him that she's actually a big fan of him. william smiles and now he actually look's over at Cassie.

"really?" he says like he can't believe it and maybe it's the first time he's heard of someone outside of the teachers and fellow members telling him that he's doing a good job. Cassie nod's and smiles and hope's that belinda doesn't mind what she told the boy.

they arrive at the school and Cassie thank's william and promises to not be late for the meeting tomorrow night before she head's to the third floor band room.
****************************************************************************
it's the next day in art class when Cassie is sitting with belinda and ryan. their assignment for the day is to draw something that makes you happy. Cassie is currently drawing the best cartoon version of patrick that she can, ryan laughing at the drawing of Cassie's boyfriend.

"i think it's cute that he makes you so happy." belinda says as she works on her own drawing, a picture of a person who looks supiciously like william beckett.

"did you draw beckett?" ryan is asking as he colors in a shape on his paper. belinda glances at ryan and Cassie before she looks back down at her paper.

"maybe." the girl says and Cassie and ryan laugh. "well! what about you ryan? what did you draw? brendon?" the young girl teases and ryan rolls his eyes. the boy moves his hands from the paper and shows the two girls his work in progress.

to Cassie ryan's drawing looks like some kind of group, a bunch of people sitting in a circle on gray chairs. Cassie often forgets that ryan is really good at art, probably the best in the class, well, except for that gerard guy that doesn't talk to anybody.

as Cassie studies the picture she see's something curious. a person in the group, a girl who looks a lot like jenny. "ryan?" Cassie starts and the boy turns his dark brown gaze to her.

"yeah?" he asks

"is that person in your picture?...did you draw jenny?" she asks and she's looking at the figure and damn ryan must be a fucking fantastic artist if she can recongize her best friend in cartoon form. ryan's face goes blank for a split second before he laughs.

"what?" he says like he doesn't believe her, his brown eyes dropping to the paper scanning the picture he drew. Cassie thinks that either ryan can't believe that she actually picked up on him drawing jenny or he hadn't even realized that he had drawn the girl into his art project.

"right there." Cassie tells the boy, her finger pointing to the figure of jenny sitting in one of those metal looking chairs. "you drew jenny." she laughs a bit because she thinks it's one of the cutest things she had yet to see from ryan. the boy is still studying the picture, looking at the person he had created, suddenly ryan blushes a light pink because yeah, he had drawn jenny.

"i didn't realize." ryan says as he picks up a colored pencil and goes back to working on his art project. if there is one thing about ryan it's that he can avoid potentially embaressing situations.

"she subconciously makes you happy." belinda states and the other two teens look at her but she's not looking at them, she instead is coloring away at the beckett-like figures t-shirt. ryan clears his throat before he too settles back down to work on his project. Cassie guesses that the conversation is over and she shrugs and works again, they managed to have silence for a whole point two seconds.

in those point two seconds there is a knock on the classroom door and the teacher gets up to anwser it, the students mumbling while she's busy. none of them can see who is at the door but they do see their teacher nod and move back, allowing a figure to step into the room.

Cassie almost ducks under the long table as she see's william beckett step into the room.

belinda squeeks and instantly hides her artwork, not wanting beckett to recongize himself. "class, your student council president would like to address the class for a moment, i apologize for this disruption but please, give him your full attention." their teacher says and the class mumble a response.

belinda is giving william more than her full attention. her hands had come up under her chin, her elbows propping her up on the table, Cassie thinks she looks like one of those stereotypical teenage girls from the movies, she also thinks that this pose is the most obvious one in the world.

william eyes the room, his eyes lingering over Cassie, ryan, and belinda before he moves into the center of the room. "my loyal student body, i have come to inform you all that the student council will personally be starting a new tutoring program, for any students in the school. i myself will be one of the tutors as well as a few other student council members and students that i deemed fit for the job." he stops for a moment as if this is some grand annoucment and he's expecting applause, none come of course and after a moment he continues speaking.

"i urge you all to take advantage of this program, because who doesn't want to do well in school?" Cassie thinks she should really start helping william write his speeches because that ending was awful. "i actually have a sign up sheet right here, if anyone is interested." he adds and he's looking around the room, instantly belinda's hand shoot's up, almost like it's got a mind of it's own.

william is smiling as he moves towards belinda and Cassie swears she can hear the girl groan. "belinda sacko, glad to see you're interested." he tells her as he sets the sheet down infront of the girl. belinda just nods, it seems she loses all ability to speak when it comes to william. as belinda is signing william turns his attention to Cassie and ryan.

"cassandra? george? either one of you interested in signing up?" Cassie shakes her head and ryan wrinkles his nose at the use of his real name.

"no, i think i'm doing pretty good in my classes bill." ryan says, using a nickname that he knows william hates. william's eyes narrow slightly before he regains his composure.

"there's always room for improvement george." he responds cooly before he takes back his sheet from belinda, smiling at the younger girl.

"well, if there is anyone else interested, the sheet will be on the bulletin board." william says before he nod's at the teacher and takes his leave.

Cassie watches william leave, she shakes her head and wonders for the hunderth time, just how william continued to get people to vote for him. ryan is looking down at his paper coloring angerly, if that sort of thing is even possible and belinda sighs as she watches william leave, looking every bit the lovesick teenager that she is.

"i hope i get william as my tutor." she says hopefully, pulling her paper back out and continuing to color her paper beckett.
****************************************************************************
Krissy goes back to the library the next week. She tells herself that she's only going to study again, that she needs the peace and quiet. Not because she wants to see Alex again. It's true that since she met the boy last week she hasn't really been able to get him off her mind. His smile is enblazened into her mind, his eyes too and well...the rest of him as well.

Krissy sets her books down on the long table and pretends like she isn't scanning the library for him. Like she isn't looking for Alex. She does have a boyfriend after-all and Brendon is still trying his best to make up for what happened. Krissy has decided not to forgive her boyfriend just yet, to make him work for it a little bit more.

The blonde girl is a little disappointed to see that Alex isn't standing behind the counter like last time. She sighs and drags a hand through her blonde curly hair. Well, if Alex isn't here than it just proves that she just came to study. Krissy sits and opens her science book in some vauge attempt to studying though she knows that she's distracted.

Krissy does get down to reading though and she's throughly engrossed in the chapter until she hears someone clearing their throat. She looks up blue eyes wide to see the devilishly handsome Alex Saurez standing next to her, his hand on the table and huh, no glasses today.

"Hello, again." He says and he smiles warmly, Krissy thinks her brain might've melted a bit.

"Uh, Hi." Krissy wasn't expecting this. She thought at most that she'd see Alex again and that she'd watch him from afar but never that he would remember her. Why would someone like him remember someone like her? It just didn't make sense to her.

"You're Krissy right?" He says, maybe like he sort of isn't sure. Krissy just swallows and nods.

"Yeah, yeah, and you're Alex." She mumbles out and her hand's slide over the smooth pages of her science book. She's determined not to make a fool out of herself. Alex smiles again, wider and his brown eyes sparkle.

"I'm very glad that you remembered me." He states, his hip brushes against the edge of the table and Krissy wills herself not to stare. She knows she's blushing but she can't really stop it and hopefully it will just look like she's a little overheated. "Are you here to get more poetry books?" He questions.

"Uh, no, just here to study." She replies raising her book up and showing him.

"College?" He asks and Krissy loves how he's wearing a white dress shirt, no tie but she likes it better that way. Krissy shakes her head, she thought that he knew she was in high school, that she was seventeen. Maybe once he knew she was younger than him, he wouldn't want to talk to her anymore.

"No, I'm actually a a senior at Freemont Bay Ridge high." She tells him and his face falls blank for a split second before he's smiling again.

"That's a good school. I went there too."

Okay, Alex must be at least two years older than her because she doesn't recall ever seeing him in the school at all but than again she didn't pay much attention to those around her when she was a sophmore.

"I have to say that you're quite mature for your age." Alex says and Krissy suddenly feels like standing because she feels young and stupid when she's sitting down looking up at him.

"Um, thanks."

"Listen." Alex starts and he presses his hands into the pockets of his dark jeans. "I'd really like to pick your brain about books and music. I feel like you'd be a good conversationist. So would you like to go get coffee with me sometime?" Alex is asking. Krissy freezes where she stands, she kind of wishes that he wouldn't smile at her like that, a smile that kind of reminds her of Brendon's.

She doesn't know what to say. Is this really happening? Could he really be asking her out on a date? No way. Older guys didn't take interest in her, guys like Alex didn't take interest in her, except that he is and he wants to hear what she has to say. Krissy almost says yes right away but she stops and thinks.

Brendon...what about Brendon? He's her boyfriend, her boyfriend who didn't really do anything too bad. She loves him she really does. But here's Alex and he isn't really asking her out on a date, just to talk, what's the hurt in just talking?

"Okay, coffee sounds great...just not Starbucks okay?" She knows it's an odd request but they can't go to Starbucks, mostly because Jon works there. Alex doesn't seem to mind and he's smiling at her again.

"Fine by me." He tells her. They end up exchanging cell phone numbers and Alex promises to call her and tell her when he wants to go out. She nods and agrees and doesn't tell him that she has a boyfriend.

She leaves feeling only a little guilty. No one knows that she comes to the library, no one knows that she ever met Alex Saurez. No one has to know about the informal meeting at a coffee shop that isn't Starbucks. No one knows and Krissy kind of likes it that way.




chapter twenty six: Say It Like You Mean It

Cassie's cell phone starts ringing halfway into her math homework time. She snatches it up, not caring who it is because really? She'll talk to anyone over doing math. Her eyebrow raises when she see's Brendon's name flicker across the screen. They haven't really talked since that day when he took her out for lunch.

"Hi Bren...what's up?" Cassie is a little wary to talk to the boy. They don't need more trouble.

"Cassie...I think Krissy broke up with me..." The boy sighs out sadly. Cassie can picture what Brendon looks like right now. Laying back on his desheveled bed, hand flopped over his eyes in dispare.

"What? What the hell happened?" There's another deep sigh on the line before Brendon talks again.

"She called me...first time we really talked since all this shit happened so I figured it was a good thing. But then she told me that she needed some time to step back, to evaluate everything..." Brendon trails off and Cassie sighs, he's obviously waiting for some poignant words from her.

"Does that mean she broke up with me?" Brendon asks, it's now that Cassie regrets his lack of dating experience, not that she has much experience either but she does learn a lot from Pete.

"You should've asked her Bren.."

"I didn't want it to be true. I was afraid if I asked her than she'd tell me that it was." The boy sounds miserable and Cassie sort of wishes she hadn't picked up because chances are good that she's going to be all miserable with him.

"I don't think I should get involved Brendon." Cassie states, it's not like Krissy could hate her any more than she already does though right?

"You're already involved."

"And that's the problem!" Cassie says a little too loud. "Brendon Boyd Urie, are you determined to ruin my life?"

There's a silence and Cassie is sure that Brendon has hung up on her. She honestly wouldn't blame him.

"I'm sorry, Cass." Brendon starts, his voice is flat like it gets when he's sad. "It's just...the guys don't get this kind of stuff..and you're the only girl besides Krissy that I trust." Fucking Brendon Urie and his guilt trips.

"It's okay...look, maybe Krissy does need some time to think about everything you know? It's easier for us because we've had time..she hasn't."

"I love her." Brendon states and Cassie knows it's the truth.

"I know and she loves you too. She wouldn't be so worked up about this if she didn't."

They talk for just a little while longer, quiet and serious. Brendon needs her in this moment and she's there for him, even if she really can do much more than make false promises to the boy.
*****************************************************************************
Krissy was lying in bed, she wouldn’t lie and tell her self that her mind wasn’t on Alex, but most of all her mind was on right and wrong, was it wrong to think of Alex when she was technically in a relationship with Brendon? Hadn’t Brendon done some wrong him self? She was trying not to think about the fact that alex had actually asked her if she wanted to see him again, somewhere else then the library.

Krissy wasn’t stupid, she knew when a guy was asking her on a date but the question was she didn’t know why. He had just met her it wasn’t like they had been seeing each other regularly. No, this was different and Krissy wasn’t too afraid to admit that she didn’t mind this kind of different.

Krissy get's a text message from Alex at two-thirty in the morning on a Wednesday night. It's been three days since she met him for the second time at the library and it's been two days since she told Brendon she needed time to think.

She knows that her boyfriend doesn't quite get it, doesn't know whether or not their broken up. Krissy isn't saying that they are broken up all she was saying was that she kind of wanted a break. she doesn't really want to break up with Brendon, she still loves him. She just needs some time away from him.

Krissy's heart thumps as she reads Alex's message. He says he wants to go out two days from now, on a Friday. Alex also says that he'll text her again before the date to tell her what time he'll pick her up.

Krissy keeps telling herself that it's nothing more than a chat...nothing more.

The days pass quickly and at school Brendon sneaks around the halls following Krissy in a way that he thinks is sneaky but it really isn't. She still isn't talking to him and he's not talking to her and Cassie is avoiding the whole lot of them.

Friday rolls around and Jenny suggests a sleepover for tonight so Cassie and Krissy can work their problems out. Krissy declines but in the nicest way possible. She get's a text from Alex during the last hour of the day, telling her that he's going to be by her house at eight to pick her up. Krissy's glad that her parents have decided to go out tonight.

When she goes to leave the school, she rides the bus again because Jon takes Brendon home. Brendon is waiting for her by the doors and he's just watching her, his adorable face striken. Krissy feels a ball of guilt drop into her stomach but she's intent on blowing past the boy.

"Can I call you tonight?" He asks when she's halfway out the door. Krissy stops but doesn't look back at him.

"No, I won't be home tonight." Krissy says sounding colder than she means too but she's got Alex on her mind and not Brendon. Krissy can't tell if that makes her a bad person or not.
***
She's actually really, really nervous when it's five minutes from eight. She's changed her outfit at least five times because she wants something that make's her look older, more mature, like Alex likes. Krissy settles on a dark long sleeved shirt and skinny jeans and she's sure she look's good.

At eight there's a car out in front of her house and she starts to come out before she see's Alex moving up the walk. He's being a gentleman so Krissy waits for him to come up and collect her. He does and she waits a few seconds before pulling the door open.

"Hi." Is all Alex says and he's leaning against the doorframe, hips jutting out just so in his dark jeans. This time he's wearing a dark dress shirt but Krissy's pretty sure he looks good in whatever the hell he puts on. Alex put's out his hand for Krissy to take and she does, sliding the door closed behind her.

"You look beautiful." Alex says, smiling warmly at her as he leads her down to his car, a blue hybrid. Krissy blushes but tries to play it cool. She tells herself that Alex doesn't mean anything by that. Friends say that kind of stuff to friends don't they?

"Thank you." She smiles and she giggles a bit when Alex pulls open the passenger side door for her. He get's in on the other side and Krissy is a little more nervous. Besides the small chats at the library and some text message convo's she really didn't know much about Alex and what was worse is that no one even knows that she's out with him tonight. Not that she thinks that Alex is some kind of serial killer or anything.

Alex plays some music that Krissy's never heard before. She likes it and she wonders if he'll want to talk about it with her. Krissy is still nervous but Alex is smiling and happy and that calms Krissy down. He takes her downtown, to this little indie coffee place that doesn't even have a name outside.

They go inside and of course Alex holds the door open for Krissy and he pulls out her seat for her. They order coffee. The building is small with tables crammed everywhere and it looks like this might be one of those college kid hang outs because no one looks to be in high school and not one person looks familar to her.

They get their coffee and Krissy relaxes a bit. She actually has a really great time with Alex. They have discussions that go beyond high school topics like; whose dating who and who won the last football game. They talk about books and Krissy is thrilled that Alex likes the same things she likes, she also learns that he's twenty years old and a sophmore at a college fifteen minutes away from their high school.

Krissy tells Alex her classes but she doesn't go into them much, doesn't want to seem immature to the boy. She also skims over the fact that she has a boyfriend. She doesn't mention Brendon at all and Alex never asks. They talk for much longer than Krissy thought and she spots the clock on the wall that's reading five minutes to eleven. Shit, her parents are bound to be home soon, meaning she needs to be home now.

"Alex." She starts and the boy turns his attention on her, warm smile and matching eyes.

"Yeah?"

"I-I'm having a great time but I-I kinda have to be home." She says lamely. Ugh, she feels so young and stupid even having to say that but even Alex isn't worth being grounded over. Alex gives a little smile, one that makes the right side of his mouth quirk and he nod's, draining the rest of his coffee before he speaks.

"Of course, I wouldn't want you to get in trouble, not on my account at least." He tells her. He's standing, setting a few crumpled bills on the table before offering her his hand once again. And again Krissy accepts and let's him lead her out the door and to his car.

He stops her before she gets in. "Listen." He starts, Krissy follows orders, her ears straining to pick up every word. "I had a really great time tonight." Krissy nods, she did too. She's guessing that now Alex will say that she's too young for them to be hanging out, that they shouldn't do this kind of thing anymore, that's maybe a little upsetting but maybe it's also necessary?

"I know we haven't know each other long but, I want to see you again." Alex near whispers and Krissy's eyes go wide. She wasn't expecting that.

"What?" She sputters out, maybe she need's to start keeping her hopes up.

"I want to see you again." He repeats. It looks like he's laughing at her embarresment. Krissy's cheeks go pink but she clears her throat and speaks.

"Like as a friend?" She starts lamely, she's not sure how to follow it up. Alex grins, he's always grinning or smiling and he shakes his head.

"Not as a friend. As a I'm desperately trying not to kiss you right now." He tells her, he's a little closer but not close enough for Krissy to feel uncomfortable, she's surprised that she doesn't. But she's more surprised by Alex's words.

"I-Really?" Krissy's having trouble believing it. Brendon is actually the first boyfriend she's ever had so it's not like she's used to guys falling all over her. Alex nod's, his smile fading away. He takes another step forward and Krissy doesn't move, doesn't say anything, isn't sure if she wants him to come forward or to back off.

"Will you see me again?" He whispers, his hand found her's holding it tight. Krissy is breathless, she knows that she should be saying 'I have a boyfriend', should be stopping this before it all starts but she doesn't want to. She nods, a promise to see him again. "Is it alright if I kiss you?" He whispers again, his face is closer, she can feel his breath on her face.

Krissy's brain is frozen, she wants to, fuck, she wants to kiss him and not worry about it. Not picture Brendon's face in the back of her mind. "Yes." She says it broken and soft and Alex grins again, that grin will be the death of her, she's sure of it.

They kiss and Krissy is so, so glad that he doesn't kiss like Brendon. Nothing like him. His hand rest's on her face and she can taste him, warm and like coffee. She likes it. They break the kiss and Alex drives her home, he holds her hand at redlights and kisses her again when they pull up outside her house. Krissy is reliefed to see that her parents aren't home.

The girl pushes the car door open. And Alex leans forward and kisses her again, hotter this time, his tongue sliding into her mouth. It's like teasing, leaving her wanting more when he knows she has to go. "Until next time we meet." He whispers against her mouth and she ambles out of the car, blushing and breathless.

She winds up in her room, the voicemail to her cell phone is halfway full, all messages from Brendon and one from Jenny. She listens to them with her head swimming. Brendon's sad voice static over the phone.

"Hey, I know you said you wouldn't be home but I wanted to call anyway. I guess you weren't lying, you're not home..."

The messages were all like that, guilt trips via messages but Krissy couldn't blame him. He didn't know that she had just been out with another guy, that she had kissed another guy and she was still thinking about him. Krissy shut off her phone without listening to the rest of the messages and fell into a fiftful sleep.
*****************************************************************************
patrick has band practice after school most days. he used to like band practice a lot, he still does but he likes it a lot less now that he has a girlfriend. a girlfriend that isn't allowed to sit in on practices. their instructor mr. weaver says that having extra people in the room is a distraction and that it throws the sound off, patrick thinks that's bullshit.

he sit's bored, his drum set between his legs. he's tapping one drumstick lightly, waiting for the other band members to get to the practice room. patrick sighs and get's up off his stool, moving to one of the large windows, the one that faces the football and soccer fields.

patrick doesn't like not having Cassie around, he feels like when she's around he actually plays better. she fills him with a kind of confidence, like he can do no wrong. patrick thinks he should bring that point up to mr. weaver, somehow he doesn't think that reasoning will fly.

"what are you looking at patrick?" he hears nate ask from behind him. patrick turns a bit to look back at his fellow drummer. nate is short, like shorter than patrick and that's hard to find in high school boys. he's got dark brown hair, that's streaked with a few different shades of blonde, mostly in his bangs, which fall heavy and jagged in his eyes.

patrick's quiet for a moment, he doesn't actually want to tell nate what he's looking for but he can't come up with a good lie either so he figures, truth it is. "i'm looking for my girlfriend." he tells his friend.

"she's outside the window?" he asks, his dark eyes flickering with curiousity. patrick turns back to the window.

"no, weaver won't let her sit in on practice and she wanted to wait for me so, she's with Pete at soccer practice." patrick says and his voice is a mix of annoyance and lamenting that he rarely hears in himself. nate makes a low whistling sound and patrick hears him tapping on his own drum set, the one that's set up next to patrick's.

"wow, i wouldn't want my girlfriend hanging around with Pete." nate says, almost like he's warning patrick. patrick is busy scanning the field for any signs of Pete or Cassie, when he finds none he sighs and turns to nate.

"you don't have a girlfriend." nate opens his mouth to say something but patrick cuts him off "and i'm not worried about Pete and Cassie, i mean they've been friends for like ever, if they wanted to date, don't you think they would've done it by now?"

nate shrugs and plays more small beats on his drums. "i'm just saying trick, you know Wentz's rep."

patrick did in fact know Pete's rep. the boy's rep was that basically Pete was a playboy, and patrick didn't think it was exactly true, he knew Pete, he knew the boy well and Pete was not that smooth. it just so happened that he was really appealing to most girls. patrick could see why, he was secure enough in his masculinity to say that Pete was good looking.

he was also an athlete which always helped win the ladies over, he drove and that helped win over the younger girls who couldn't do that yet. there was also a multitude of stories about Pete, most of which were true but semi-exaggerated. girl's saw Pete as a bad boy and as he had heard a million or so times by people, girl's loved the bad boys.

but Cassie wasn't like that, patrick was sure of it. his girlfriend had known Pete long enough to know the real him, the one that goes beyond high school stereotypes and legends told in locker rooms.

"i trust Cassie." was all patrick said as he reclaimed his seat on the hard wooden stool, glancing at the clock as they continued waiting for more people to show up.

"but do you trust Pete?" nate is asking and he's surveying patrick. patrick nods before he even thinks about the anwser to that question. of course he trust's Pete, his friend would never do anything with Cassie. wasn't it Pete after all who spent countless weeks trying to presude patrick to make a move on the girl, reassuring him that Cassie did in fact like him.

"dude, do you even know how many best friend rules i'm breaking to tell you this?" had been Pete's choice of words. yeah, patrick trusted Pete.

but still a part of him was unsettled by Cassie being with any guy without him around. the kiss Cassie had shared with jon still haunted patrick's mind sometimes but the girl had told him countless time's over that the kiss meant nothing.

there was also the fact that patrick had almost ruined everything between them in the beginning. when he had a lapse in judgment and kissed her in the closet, patrick thinks he let his inner Pete come out on that night. he had kissed her before he was sure enough about starting a relationship and that left him looking like a complete ass and hurting the girl he loved, when he eventually had to tell her that he needed thinking time.

patrick doesn't let himself forget that he almost ruined their relationship before it even began so he is a bit wary. he's even wary of Cassie being around brendon, now that she told him of their past relationship and almost parenthood.

"you worry too much nate." patrick tells his friend and again nate shrugs and picks up his drumsticks. it's a minute later that mr. weaver enters the room, followed by a good amount of their missing band members, including krissy who walks in, her eyes sweeping over patrick as she takes her seat. weaver walks into the room the same time patrick recieves a text message. patrick is insanely glad that he is able to check the message while weaver is setting up.

hey babe, just wanted to say good luck at practice and i'll see you when you're done. luv u-Cassie.

patrick smiles because he knows, even without the text message he knows that he can trust his girlfriend. that they love each other and no one can get in the way of that.



chapter twenty seven: It's only a line if it get's crossed

patrick and Cassie were walking down the hall that afternoon. they moved towards Cassie's locker, their hands laced together. "so, baby, have you made up with krissy yet?" patrick is asking, he doesn't think the anwser is yes because he's sure the girl would've told him but he had actually spotted the blonde girl downstairs.

his girlfriend gives a heavy sigh. "no, she still won't talk to me." patrick makes a face and squeezes her hand. he's not sure why krissy is so unwillingly to forgive Cassie. he was lied to too, he doesn't think it's lying so much though. he never asked Cassie if she had a relationship before him, he just assumed that she hadn't. patrick shakes his head, maybe it's different for girls? he thinks that's probably it.

"i don't blame her though." Cassie starts, the two of them stop at her locker and patrick releases her hand so she can undo the lock. "i mean, if say, jenny came up to me and suddenly told me that the two of you had a serious relationship in the past...well, i'd be pissed too." she gives a little shrug. "she's reacting in the normal girl way."

Cassie falls silent as she open's her locker and pulls out the books she'll need for her next class. patrick takes the books from her without her asking and she looks at him surprised before she smiles and calls him cute. the duo next head upstairs to the second floor where patrick's locker is located. they've found each other's hands again and Cassie is thankful that no one else is going up the stairs at the time so they don't have to break apart.

from upstairs Cassie instantly notices krissy standing at the end of the hall, peering out the bay window. patrick see's her too and he looks at his girlfriend. "think i should talk to her?" she asks and he nods.

"want me to go with?" he offers, Cassie shakes her head.

"no, i need to talk to her alone...but if you see her trying to push me out the window, maybe, come help." she laughs a bit before she kisses him briefly and moves down the hall towards the tall blonde haired girl.

krissy heard the other girl's footsteps and turned to see her. "oh, no." the girl says, she shakes her head and tries to push past Cassie. "no, krissy wait!" the dark haired girl says and she places a hand on krissy's shoulder. the other girl shrugs Cassie's hand off like it's burning her.

"i don't want to talk to you, Cassie!"

"we really need to talk though." Cassie says.

"fine, then start talking." krissy folds her arms across her chest and waits for Cassie to say something.

"i want us to be friends again, like we used to be."

krissy doesn't say anything, she's looking at the floor and it looks like she's thinking things through.

"i know you have the right to be mad, but please...just put yourself in my shoes for a moment....what happened back then...that was the single most difficult moment of my life...i wanted to forget it, but brendon, he loved you enough to want to tell you the thruth krissy. i know that i should've been the one to tell you but i let him do it, because it was easier for him...i'm sorry."

krissy is looking at Cassie now, their eyes locked together. Cassie's eyes are shiny like she might cry, she is well known for being overly sensitive. krissy sighs and let's her arms fall to her sides. she's only heard what brendon's told her, she's never actually had to live through it, experience that pain. it can't have been easy...

"look, Cassie, i know you have your reasons...but i-maybe i just need some time okay?" krissy says and Cassie nods and doesn't stop the taller girl as she walks away. Cassie stays frozen in her spot in the hall, she wants to let krissy go first.

the girl hears footsteps again and a warm hand encircles her waist. "she forgive you babe?" patrick is asking and Cassie shakes her head. patrick kisses the side of her head and retakes her hand.

"she didn't but i think she will soon."
*****************************************************************************
Krissy and Alex go out to dinner many weeks after that date at the coffee shop. It's at this quaint little spanish resturant that Alex likes. He's a frequent customer and the waitress knows him by name. During dinner Alex teaches her the proper way to pronounce the food and a few phrases in spanish, like saying 'I'm hungry' and how to ask where the restroom is. Dinner couldn't have been more perfect.

The only slight annoyance was the fact that Brendon kept texting Krissy during dinner. Alex ignored it at first but eventually he got curious and asked who it was. Krissy thought about lying but she decided that if she were to ever have anything with Alex, well, she might as well tell him about Brendon.

"You what?" Alex asks, his hand's folded and he's watching her intently.

"I sort of have a boyfriend...kind of." Krissy tells him, she expects that he'll be upset, that he'll take her home and never want to see her again. Instead Alex's lip quirks.

"Sort of?"

"Well, I mean...I just broke up with him recently..."

"For me?" Alex questions, he's smiling like he already knows the anwser. Krissy blushes and pushes her food around, before she nods. "I always knew a girl like you would have a boyfriend." He tells her and she squeaks. "Someone so perfect had to be taken." He says.

Damn, how does he always know what to say? Krissy's cheeks go pink and she smiles at him before she turns off her cell phone.

After dinner Alex takes Krissy back to his apartment, to show her around is what he said, Krissy isn't so sure. Alex's apartment is nice, nicer than a libarian should be able to afford. The living room was all wooden floors and plain white walls. Art was hung around as well as a few spanish culture items, like art and symbols.

Their sitting on the black leather couch, facing each other and talking. Krissy can't help it, she's really drawn to Alex, maybe it's because he's so different and exciting. He's fresh and new and makes her feel so special. This whole thing, their relationship, if it can even be called that, is moving so fast that Krissy barely feels like she can catch her breath. It's been a month since she met Alex, a month since she kind of broke it off with Brendon. They've been out every weekend in that month.

They've made out, she's let him kiss her in his car and on her front porch, but that's the most they've done. He's still her secret, she thinks by now she would like to tell someone but it wouldn't turn out well, she knows that much for sure. Brendon isn't talking to her anymore, she feel's like they've fallen into broken up. They ignore each other and there was that one conversation where Jenny cornered her and asked if she had dumped Brendon, she told her yes, she broke up with Brendon and that night she called and told him as much. Brendon still watches her, he doesn't call her but she's not talking to him, she doesn't want this with Alex to end.

Alex leans forward and brushes his hand across her cheek. She shudders under his touch and lean's in closer. He brings his face close to hers, leans in and kisses her. It's soft at first and he smells so good, his lips pressed tight against hers. She brings her hand to Alex's neck, fingers wrapping around the soft skin. Alex drops his hand's to her shoulders, pulling her closer to him.

Their chest's are pressed together and she leans into the kiss. Alex's hands slide to her waist, he tugs her forward, almost up onto his lap. They kiss deep, stuck in that postition. Their tongues tangle together, hot and wet, mouths connected as one. Alex groans into the kiss and Krissy matches that. She's used to him by now, knows how he tastes and smells, the way his hands feel.

Alex pushes her back against the couch, her jeans clad legs spread slightly and Alex is between them. He's attacking her mouth, ravenous kisses that leave her shivering to the bone. She's never been this far with him and she's surprised at herself that she doesn't really want to stop.

The older boy pushes his hands up under Krissy's shirt. His fingers running across smooth pale skin. She shudders against him and makes a noise against Alex's lips. Alex runs his hand up further, hands cupping her through her bra. Krissy's heart beats a million times faster, it's obvious what Alex wants to do, that he wants to go all the way, but does she?

She isn't sure. Krissy feels a jolt shoot through her when Alex's fingers slide under her bra, pushing it up and revealing her chest to him. It's skin on skin contact and Krissy suddenly doesn't want it to stop. In a minutes time Alex has her shirt off and she's exposed to him. Krissy's hands are carding through his hair, his mouth on her chest. His hand's slide down her stomach, lower until they reach the button of her jeans.

Krissy looks down at him and he's looking up at her, almost asking for permission. A slight panic hits the girl, she's not sure she can do this. "Wait." Krissy breaths out and Alex pulls away, like maybe he's afraid he's scared her.

"What's wrong?" Alex asks, he sits back on his knees, lips red and eyes dark. Krissy sits up a bit her eyes locked on Alex.

"Just, can I do something for you?" She's asking, her cheeks go pink but Alex just looks at her and nod's.

"Anything you want." He tells her. Krissy nods before she quickly moves down on to the floor, kneeling infront of Alex. The boy's eyes widen at what he suddenly realizes the girl wants to do. He turns his body, his legs coming to rest on either side of Krissy. "You sure?" Alex asks, he's looking down at her, his hand coming to cup her cheek. Krissy presses closer to his touch and nods against his hand. She's sure.

After it's all over Alex is slumped back against the couch, catching his breath and Krissy is rising from her knees. Alex reaches out and takes hold of her wrist, tugging her close to him. She falls into him until she straddling his lap. "Let me do you now." He asks and he leans forward, kissing her neck. Krissy almost says no but Alex's hot mouth on her skin is too good to say no to.

She allows Alex to push her back on the couch, his hands undoing the button of her jeans. Suddenly Krissy's cell phone starts ringing, loud and clear in the silence of the apartment. "I have to see who it is." Krissy tells the boy. She pulls away from the older boy and moves to grab her purse off the the floor. She fishes out her cell phone and see's Brendon's name flashing across the screen.

She's surprised. It's the first time he's called in weeks. Krissy had assumed that Brendon had accepted what had happened, that they were broken up and that he would move on. But that suddenly felt very wrong. The whole situation felt wrong, she shouldn't be here with Alex, she shouldn't have done what she just did. That should've been for Brendon, for someone she really loved.

Alex was great and she was having fun. But it wasn't love, she liked Alex but she loved Brendon.

It didn't matter anymore that Brendon was with Cassie in the past because that was the past and she had Brendon now, when it mattered. Except that she didn't, she broke up with him...she lost him.

"Who is it?" Alex asks, he's sitting back again and looking at her curiously. Krissy sighs and watches the screen light fade away.

"Someone very special to me."

"The boyfriend?" Alex asks and Krissy looks up at nod's. She grabs up her shirt and slides it over her head.

"I'm sorry Alex, I can't do this." Krissy rushes out, she's scrambling off the couch before Alex can even put his own shirt back on. "I can't see you anymore." She whispers, tears spark in her eyes and she won't look at him.

"You're the girl of my dreams you know." Alex says, he's not making a move though, not stopping her. Krissy slips into her shoes and shakes her head.

"I'm not, I'm too young, too stupid." She mutters.

"Want me to drive you?" He asks and again she shakes her head, she knows she's far from home but she'll walk, it doesn't matter. She just needs to be away from it all.

"I'm sorry Alex, I'm sorry." She says, as she steps out of his apartment and breaks into tears.
*****************************************************************************
Krissy gets three blocks before she can't walk anymore. She's crying and cold and regret fills her stomach. She went too far with Alex, she lost Brendon. God, it all feels so stupid now. Krissy sits down on the curb, fishes out her cell phone. She's calling the only person she should ever call. She's calling Brendon.

"Krissy? Thanks for calling me back." Brendon sounds kind of upset but Krissy doesn't blame him.

"Brendon, I know I've been a bitch but...do you think you can come get me?" Krissy's voice is tear stained, she hopes Brendon doesn't notice that she's been crying.

"Come get you...Where are you?" Brendon sounds confused and maybe just a little upset. Part of her doesn't want to tell him where she's at.

"I'm..." Krissy looks around for a street sign, she really doesn't know where she's at. "I'm on the corner of Fifth and Tham street..."

"What? That's like Twenty minutes away from your place. What are you doing out there?"

"Can you just come get me? I'll explain the rest after." She tells him, her voice is weak, she's tired or maybe just emotionally drained.

"Are you all alone?" He's asking and the anger seems to have drained away and now a edge of concern is sneaking into his voice.

"Yeah..." Brendon isn't asking why she's where she is, not yet but she's sure he will soon.

"Okay...okay...just keep your phone out. Pretend like you're talking to someone, so no one will mess with you." Brendon tells her, he's obviously recalling the safety lessons they had in their classes a few weeks ago.

"Okay Brendon." She smiles despite herself and they hang up. She does as Brendon asks and leaves her cell open and pressed to her cheek, the blue light against her face. It does take around twenty minutes to get to Alex's side of town from where Krissy lives and Brendon lives a little further away, so she figures it will take him awhile but he shows up in fifteen minutes.

He's driving his mom's car and she smiles as the small car rolls up to her. "You got here fast." Krissy notes as she pulls open the passenger door and slides inside. Brendon is looking over at her, his hands laced on the steering wheel.

"I was speeding." The boy says, a little sheepish. Krissy buckles her seatbelt and Brendon makes a turn and heads back to where they live. There silent for a good two minutes before Brendon is looking over at her again, his face stoic.

"What were you doing here Kris?" He's asking, his voice is serious. Krissy knows she has to tell him, she want's to tell him, do for him what he did for her. Be honest.

"I did something bad Brendon." She replies, she's not looking at him but out the window. Alex's apartment building quickly approaching on the left.

"What'd you do?" He sounds worried, of course he does. Knowing Brendon, he's thinking the worst possible thing. Krissy is quiet, she can't think of a way to tell him that she had cheated on him, that she had been with Alex for a month, had broken up with him for the older boy. "You were with another guy weren't you?" Brendon asks quietly. Krissy gasps and looks over at him, involuntarily giving herself away.

Brendon's flickering his gaze between her and the road. His eyes are apprehensive and curious. She owes him the truth, no matter what she owes him that. Krissy nod's and feel's tears threathen to prick at her eyes. "Yeah...I was." Krissy's voice is injured and small, she feel's so guilty, she feels like such a slut.

Brendon's own face is reflecting hurt, he looks away from Krissy quickly and his mouth twists in a scowl. "I knew it..I fucking knew it!" Their stopped at a red light and Brendon slams his hands against the steering wheel making Krissy jump. She'd never seen him like this, never seen him angry, especially angry at her, she didn't like it.

"Brendon...I'm sorry.." Krissy starts but Brendon cuts her off, his face turning to stare at her, anger and desperation etched into his eyes.

"Who was it? Someone I know? Someone from school?" The boy's voice is thin like he can barely stop himself from yelling at her. Krissy wraps her arms around herself before she shakes her head.

"You don't know him..he's a college student." Her voice is quiet but she knows that Brendon hears her. He's silent and she ventures a glance at him. He's driving again, angry but managing to still drive safely. It's obvious that Brendon still wants to talk about what's happened, Krissy can see the gears in his head moving, drawing up his own conclusions. They're not catching any red lights and Brendon can't exactly focus on the road if he's yelling at her.

In the end Brendon pulls over in the parking lot of the local elementary school. He's looking over at her, trying to work out everything in his brain. "What's his name?"

"Brendon..."

"What's his name Krissy?" Brendon yells in the small space of the car. Krissy flinches but she knows that he deserves to know.

"Alex...his name is Alex."

Brendon scrubs his hand's over his face, it's like he doesn't really know what to do. "Is he the reason you broke up with me?" Brendon questions, his hands drop to his lap. Krissy's silent, she can't bring herself to tell him yes, she just can't do it. She doesn't have to do it in the end because Brendon takes her silence as all the confirmation he needs.

Brendon presses the heels of his palms to his eyes, his head leaning back against the headrest. "Why Kris? Why'd you do it?" His voice is weak and small, Krissy thinks that maybe he's crying, please, she doesn't want him to be crying. The girl takes a deep breath and looks down at her purse in her lap, ignores the taste of Alex on her tongue and tells her ex-boyfriend her reasons.

"I was upset...about the whole Cassie thing...I was upset." Brendon looks over at her with wide eyes like he can't believe that's the reason. Krissy is looking at him too but she doesn't stop, she doesn't think she can stop. "I know it was stupid but I was upset. She had everything that I wanted, she took something from you that I thought I would get."

She stalls for a moment, takes a deep breath, she doesn't want to cry. "So, I started going to the library and I met Alex...he-he made me feel special..like there was no other girl but me..I guess I liked that."

Brendon's scowling, obviously thinking of Krissy and Alex together. "Did you sleep with him?" The question is blunt but she was expecting it. She figures Brendon was thinking of it.

"No, no I didn't."

"What did you do with him?" The girl had been hoping that Brendon wouldn't ask, that he wouldn't want to know if anything happened between her and Alex.

"Brendon..." She says it like a warning, like she's telling him that he's not going to like what he hears.

"Please, Krissy, I need to know." He's not looking at her anymore, he's staring out ahead at the brown brick building.

"We kissed....and I..." How was she supposed to say it? How could she tell him that?

"What?" Brendon's voice is barely a whisper but in the silence of the car it might as well be a yell.

"I went down on him." She forces herself to tell him, to just say it. He was honest with her, now it was her turn to do the same.

"Krissy..." Brendon sounds devastated as he looks out the drivers side window. Krissy think's he's crying and she's about two seconds from doing the same.

"He wanted me to go further but I didn't, I didn't because I love you."

"You have a funny way of showing it." Brendon responds.

"I know, I'm so fucking stupid. But I realized that there is no one, no one I'd rather be with than you. You're the only guy I want Brendon." Krissy is crying now, soft tears making trails against her cheeks. She's not big on crying in front of people but now, now is a time to put aside her pride.

"What about Alex?" Brendon says, he's staring down at his hand's and Krissy just want's him to look at her, look at her and tell her it will be alright.

"I don't want to see him anymore, not if it means I lose you. Brendon, you...you're the first person I ever really loved, the only guy I could see myself together with forever and I was okay with it. You're all I want and maybe, maybe that's why it hurt so bad when you told me about your past." Krissy stalls, tears shinning in her eyes and she breaths, silently asking for Brendon to look at her.

"It was hard because I thought that you still loved her. That the only reason you broke it off with Cassie was because she wanted to, I-I dunno...what you two had was so much greater than what you and I have...I didn't think I could comPete." Krissy chokes on her words, Brendon's still staring at the steering wheel.

'If he loves me...he'll look at me...that means he still loves me.' Krissy thought and every second that Brendon kept his head bowed, Krissy felt like he loved her a little less than he did before.

"Krissy, about Cassie..yeah, what we had was a big deal and I won't lie, I do still care about her, I probably always will but I don't love her. Not Anymore..." Brendon won't look at her, he doesn't love her, she's lost the perfect boy, she's lost him and he'll never forgive her. "There's only one girl I love." He says, his head slowly tipping up and their eyes meeting.

"And it's you." He adds. Krissy just let's out a sob because he still loves her, he can still look her in the eyes, he doesn't hate her. "There's obviously a lot we need to talk about...but we can make it work. Just, just no more secrets, no more lies...okay?"

Krissy nods, whatever he wants she'll do. As long as their together it doesn't matter. They can make it work. She's just so tired, so damn tired of fighting and being sad, of being away from him. She want's to reverse, go back all the way to when they first went out, to the feelings back then, back to when she could trust Cassie and be with Brendon, she just want's to go back.

"I love you Brendon." Krissy whispers, choked sobs escaping her throat. Brendon's hand comes to the girls shoulder and gives it a squeeze.

"I love you too."

They sit like that in Brendon's mom's car, nestled against eachother and their silent, they don't need to say anything else. They just need to be with one another. Just like this.


chapter twenty eight: rivalries

Two weeks pass and jon is walking to the football field when he spots the soccer team coming out on to the soccer field. the boy see's Pete, whose already on the field, bouncing a ball on his knees and he can't resist the urge to go over and say hello.

"yo, Wentz!" he calls and Pete looks up and drops the ball, letting it fall to the grass between his feet.

"hey, walker! what up?" Pete calls back as jon moves towards him.

"nothing man, just getting ready for practice." he says, raising his black and red helmet in the air. "you?" jon asks.

"same here." Pete tells him and he brings his hands to his hips as jon stops before him. they give each other a once over. jon grins because there has always been a sort of friendly rivalry between the soccer team and the football team. both sports were popular at the school, both were championship winners and it just so happened that jon and Pete were both the star players of each respective team.

Pete smooths a hand over his uniform and jon laughs. the two uniforms weren't even that different, both had the black coloring and red trim, both had the boy's last names on the back and even the little bat symbols on the chest's. though jon was sure he looked far more intimidating, not to mention cooler in his football uniform.

it's around this time that jon notices a lone girl sitting on the bleachers. under further inspection, he realizes that the girl is Cassie. he turns his gaze to the girl who was watching the two boys, with a bored expression on her face, her silver cell phone clasped tight in her hand.

"either you're a really devoted bats fan or Wentz has kidnapped you." jon says and Cassie laughs.

"neither, i'm waiting for my boyfriend to be done with band practice." she says and she sounds bored, she points a finger towards the school, up to the fourth floor windows.

"ah, right, patrick." jon tells her, Cassie smiles and nods and Pete runs a hand through his hair.

"she has me to thank for that...and you i guess." Pete says to walker, like he's upset that he has to share the glory.

"me? what did i do?" jon is asking because to his knowledge he had no part in hooking the two teens up. Pete scoffs and put's his hands on his hips again. "hello, the kiss at your party? remember?"

"oh, yeah." jon replies and he glances over at Cassie, who goes pink instantly and looks away, fiddling with her cell phone. this was the first time anyone had talked about the kiss that had taken place and jon could see that Cassie was embaressed about the entire situation. "i still don't see how that helped hook Cassie and patrick up." jon admits and Pete looks at him like he might be slow.

"seems that little kiss was enough to make patrick see that he couldn't live without Cassie being his girlfriend." Pete says quietly but not quiet enough for Cassie not to hear and she looks up and frowns.

"Pete! stop talking about my relationship!" she yells from the bleachers and Pete turns back to her.

"i'm not!" he yells back, she rolls her eyes and flips open her phone, it looks like she is texting someone.

Pete turns his attention back to jon but by now jon is bored with the soccer player and is more interested in what Cassie is doing, he also has business with the girl so, it's more like he's killing two birds with one stone or whatever that phrase is.

"what's up Cassie?" the football player asks as he leans over the bleachers and looks at the girl.

"eh, just texting patrick some encouragement." she tells him and he laughs.

"you're such a good little girlfriend." jon says as Pete comes walking up to the bleachers too.

"i try." Cassie replies and she mocks an innocent kind of look, Pete rolls his eyes.

"thought you had football practice walker?" he reminds the older boy.

"i do." jon says, looking over at Pete. "i just wanted to tell you two that there's gonna be a party in the parking lot after our football game tomorrow and you two get offical jon walker invites." jon tells them and Cassie laughs and Pete again rolls his eyes.

"the soccer team could have parking lot parties if we wanted." Pete says and jon pats him on the back.

"i'm sure you can." the older boy says, like he doesn't actually believe that Pete could have a parking lot party. before more sports like barbs can be thrown a loud, ear-splitting whistle is heard across the field. the three teens look up and see the football coach standing a few feet away, glaring at jon.

"walker! stop with the socalizing and get over here now!" the older man yells.

"yes, coach!" jon calls and he looks back at Cassie and Pete and gives them a wave as he jogs towards the football field. Pete watches jon leave, his arms still folded across his uniform covered chest.

"i could totally have parking lot parties." he says.

"i know, Pete, i know." Cassie replies.
***
krissy stops avoiding Cassie for the rest of the morning, but she's still not really talking to the other girl. she did mend things with brendon, the two were slowly becoming what they used to be. krissy thinks that she should probably just forgive Cassie, it feel's stupid to hold a grudge now. She get's that brendon doesn't love Cassie and the girl doesn't love him, that's really all she needs to know.

the only thing is that krissy can't think of an appropreit time to start an apologetic conversation. she think's about doing it at lunch but Cassie has started eating outside with patrick and Pete and jenny has begun to alternate between the two of them.

after lunch Cassie and patrick split apart, with Cassie heading to drama class and patrick going with Pete to their shared computer class. jenny's walking close to Cassie, ryan behind the two girls and brendon and krissy in front of them.

by now jenny knew all about krissy and Cassie's talk two weeks ago, the one where krissy said she needed time to think things through. the girl also knew about how krissy and brendon were back together, she just didn't know why they had broken up so long in the first place. the whole time during the fight jenny had heard it from both sides and she wasn't one to pick sides, she wasn't really on anyone's side.

they all enter the drama class, which is more often than not located in the school's large auditorium. their teacher, the hippish mr.honeydewrainstorm or mr. H as he liked to be called, was already sitting indian style on the brown scuffed up auditorium floor.

the class promptly joined him up there, sitting in a semi-circle around him. mr. h dressed in a sixties sort of way, with tye-dye shirts, bright fabric headbands, and dirty, ripped up jeans. he also had long sandy blonde hair, that fell to his shoulders and bright green eyes.

"okay, my students, today we're going to be doing a trust excercise.one that i learned a very long time ago. the key to this excercise is to pick someone out of our little group and to tell them something, something you've been keeping to yourself, something that needs to be said." mr. h told his students.

groans errupted around the teacher but he pressed on, like he was used to that sort of thing happening.

"when did this class become a therapy group?" Cassie asks jenny and the girl supresses a laugh.

"so, students please, get in a circle." mr. h commands and five minutes later the entire class was sitting in a circle, quiet and apprehensively waiting for their teacher to speak. "okay, i'll start." mr. h begins.

"i don't talk to my father anymore but i wish i could." he admits and woah, this activity is getting heavy fast and Cassie doesn't really remember why she wanted to take drama class at the beginning of the year. mr. h claps his hands and looks at the students. "now, who would like to go next?"

no one is raising their hands and it seems like the activity is a failure before it even gets started but suddenly brendon's hand shoots up. their teacher smiles. "okay, go ahead urie." brendon nods and Cassie feels a ball of dread drop into her stomach, jenny looks over at her as does krissy and Cassie is looking back at the blonde girl. she knows they're both thinking the same thing, please, don't let brendon say something stupid.

"Cassie,...i-i blame myself for what happened to the baby." brendon says softly. Cassie's face goes blank, she's surprised at what brendon said, he never said anything like that before, he never told her that he thought the miscarriage was his fault. she always assumed it was her own fault, that she did something wrong, didn't take good enough care of herself.

the boy doesn't elaborate and Cassie is sure that her fellow classmates are confused but she's not gonna explain and she doesn't think brendon will either. krissy is still looking at Cassie but she doesn't look mad, more like she's observing the scene.

"oh-okay...anyone else?" mr. h says and it's clear that he's thinking that maybe this wasn't such a great idea. Cassie raises her hand but she doesn't wait to be called on.

"brendon, i don't blame you, it's not your fault." the teen's eyes are locked and for a split second and it's like there is no one else in the room, just the two of them and it's two years ago once again. Cassie knows that this is good, they're saying what should have been said so long ago.

brendon nods and smiles a sad sort of smile. they both know that it's a painful thing they went through but that now there feels like an ending, a sort of closure on the situation.

"okay.." mr. h says and they notice that there is an awkward silence surrounding them. "next?" he asks and krissy raises her hand. "uh, go kaiser." he says and Cassie wait's with bated breath to see what the girl has to say.

"i forgive you Cassie and i want to be friends again." krissy says and Cassie smiles and moves over to krissy instantly, not caring that the rest of the class is watching as she is hugging the other girl tightly.

"ah, i knew this would work!" mr.h proclaims and he looks like he was unsure that his experimental activity would actually succeed. mr.h doesn't let the project go on so no one else has a turn and they move on to talking about the options for the spring play.

Cassie feels a sense of relief that everyone is once again getting along. a weight feels like it's lifted from her chest and she believes that things can go back to normal, like they were before brendon ever told krissy the truth.

"you two going to the parking lot party tomorrow night?" Cassie asks brendon and krissy as class is almost over. brendon nods, his brown eyes lifting to Cassie.

"yeah, jwalk invited us yesterday." the boy responds.

"he dropped me an invite this morning." ryan says, he doesn't bother to look at any of them, he's far too busy rifling through his black backpack.

"me too." jenny adds and Cassie respects that jon is nice enough to not exlude anyone from the party. jon is single handedly the nicest most un-stereotypical football player ever.
*****************************************************************************
Cassie got home from school that evening to find both of her parents were home. she waves to patrick and blew him a kiss as she pushed open the front door. "i'm home." she called out in case her parents didn't hear the car or the front door.

"oh, Cassie, we're in the kitchen. come in here please." she heard her mom say and Cassie shrugged off her jacket and toed off her shoes before she entered the kitchen. her mom was sitting at the kitchen table and her dad was behind the long counter cutting up some kind of vegetable that they'd no doubt be having for dinner.

"what's up?" she asked, looking from her mom to her dad before she moved and sat across from her mom at the table.

"we have a surprise for you." Cassie's mom said and she smiled at Cassie as she took a sip of her tea. Cassie grinned, her mind racing with what her surprise could be.

"really? oh! are you guys finally gonna let me drive?" she asked looking at her parents with wide eyes.

"no, that's not it." her mom said and Cassie's smile faltered.

"come on, i can't expect Pete to drive me to school forever!" she complained, crossing her arms. she thought that if she could drive then she and patrick could ride to school together and she could take jenny.

"cassandra, did you know that everyday two thousand teenagers go out for a drive and only one thousand come back?" her father said looking at her seriously from his spot behind the counter. Cassie just sighed and rolled her eyes.

"dad, have you been watching the car insurance commericals again?" Cassie asked.

"we're getting off subject." Cassie's mom said as she looked from her husband to her daughter. "no, cassandra your surprise isn't being able to drive."

"then what is it?" Cassie asked completely unable to think of what her parents were surprising her with.

"well-" her mother began before she glanced at Cassie's dad and resumed talking. "your aunt and uncle are going away for business so spencer's going to be living with us for awhile." her mom said smiling and Cassie sat still eager for her surprise.

"wait, spencer staying here is my surprise?" she asked and her mom and dad nodded. okay, that was a pretty sucky surprise. Cassie loved spencer, he was her only cousin, the only family she had that happened to be around the same age as her and she was happy that he was coming to stay, she just thought that it wasn't surprise worthy.

"you're happy right?" her dad asked and she nodded.

"yeah, i love spence. when's he coming?" Cassie asked as she stood from the table and made her way over towards the living room.

"next week." her mom anwsered and Cassie nodded.

"i'm going upstairs now." she told her parents before she climbed the stairs that led to her room.

she actually was pretty excited for spencer to come and stay, Cassie didn't have any siblings so spencer was the closest thing she had to a brother. they got along fabulously and she was more than happy for her cousin to stay at her place for awhile.

she just didn't think patrick would be.


chapter twenty nine: a teenaged vow in a jail cell

friday flies by and school is over before anyone realizes it but Cassie and patrick are back later that night to watch the freemont bay ridge bats football team take on the neighboring school the cobras. patrick's mom had dropped off the two teens, the duo sitting in the back seat of the stump families minivan. patrick's mom had taken to wanting to talk with Cassie, to make sure she's good for her son.

normally Cassie doesn't go to the bat's football games but now she does because patrick is in the band and he plays during half time. she also figures that she ought to come to the game and watch jon play, seeing as the boy was nice enough to invite them to the after party for the game.

she and patrick are sitting in the bleachers, two rows from the field so they can see everything. patrick is holding her hand before the game starts, he's looking slightly bored in Cassie's opinion. patrick isn't much of a sports guy and he can't imagine himself actually enjoying the game. usually he watches the soccer games because of Pete but at least soccer is easier to follow.

krissy shows up five minutes later, claiming a seat next to Cassie. the girls are talking and laughing and patrick is beyond glad because his girlfriend is happy again. he knows that he would give or do anything to keep her happy. "hey, krissy, is brendon mascotting today?" patrick asks and krissy nods.

the blonde girl points out to the field towards the locker room and the three teens can see the large black freemont bay ridge bat's costume emerging from the locker room. patrick thinks that brendon urie was born to be a mascot. the boy is currently bounding towards them, set on his duty to warm up the crowd. his large bat head nearly slipping off as he ran.

brendon is right infront of them, bouncing and shaking and getting the crowd pumped. at one point brendon comes up to krissy and takes her hand, giving it a kiss. krissy laughs and blushes and pushes the boy away even though she secretly loves it. patrick almost pukes from the cuteness of it all.

surprisingly spencer shows up to the game. he sits beside patrick and scans the field. patrick is pretty surprised, he never took spencer as the sports type of guy. infact he's never heard spencer take any interest in sports at all. seeing spencer reminds him of the 'news' Cassie had for him, the news that spencer was moving in with her. patrick wasn't quite thrilled about this, he like spencer and all but spencer moving in definitly cut his chances of sleeping with Cassie.

five minutes later the game starts and Cassie points out to the field. "there's jon." she says and spencer squints but they all manage to spot the boy. spencer, Cassie, and krissy all wave to the football star as he jogs across the field, he spots them and gives a wave and a smile back. patrick resists rolling his eyes.

the game goes on for a long time. the plays becoming more and more familar to patrick. he notices how intently spencer watches the game and he thinks the boy must really like football. patrick leaves at half time to perform in the band and Cassie kisses him deep as he stands, earning a hoot from the people behind them. the game ends well after ten that night, patrick is still a little sweaty from his half time performance by the time it's over.

the bats wind up winning and jon ends up being the one to score the winning touchdown. Cassie, krissy, and spencer are standing and cheering screaming for jon. patrick's not even sure jon can see them since it's dark out now and the only light is coming from the white hot light post's stationed around the field.

"go j-walk!" spencer and Cassie screamed together and patrick laughs at how giddy the duo are. patrick also thinks that the two cousin's must be spending too much time together because they're beginning to act the same.

the game is over and the players run happily back to the locker room, persumably to change out of their uniforms. the crowd of spectators slowly disperse from the area, everyone heading to the parking lot to either leave or perpair to party.

patrick notices that spencer is gone, the boy leaving without them. he's about to mention this to Cassie but she's talking with krissy and gives the blonde girl a hug before krissy heads down to the field's exit to meet up with brendon. that leaves patrick and Cassie mostly by themselves and he takes his girlfriend's hand tight in his own as they move down the metal bleachers.

patrick loves being with her like this, just the two of them. he feels like sometimes he can't just be alone with her, that it's hard to get a moment with all their friends around. it's not that he doesn't love his friends, it's just that he likes those quiet moments between the two of them where he can hear her breathing and her fingers wound around his.

the two teens head down around the bleachers, through the metal fence and down the small slope of green grass that led to the black parking lot. most people had left but a lot of people still remained in the parking lot, cars on and trunks open, beers already being handed out.

patrick spots spencer standing by jon's car along with krissy and brendon. a mob of other football players and people flooding around them. jon is currently chatting with another team member and laughing as he swigs a beer. spencer spots his cousin in the crowd and calls her name.

patrick briefly thinks that she'll release his hand but she doesn't and instead he's being pulled along through the crowd of their school mates and football players. the boy making quick apologies as he bumps people on the shoulder. they end up smack dab in the middle of the mob of people.

jon just now seems to realize that the two of them are there and he promptly makes this fact known. "Cassie! patrick!" he hoots and if patrick thought that jon grinned a lot when he was normal, well, it was nothing compared to how 'i just won the football game' jon is grinning.

he pulls Cassie into a tight hug and this time she does release patrick's hand. "you did great jon." Cassie is saying as they break apart and she's mirroring one of his crazy ass grins. jon also pulls patrick into a hug and patrick can't think of much besides trying to continue breathing as jon crushes him.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
fifteen minutes into the parking lot party and Cassie gets a text from jenny saying that she, Pete, and ryan are there. Cassie has to call the girl and wander the parking lot for three minutes, the two girls navigating each other on their cells. "are you by the bushes?" Cassie asks and jenny says "no, i'm by some neon green volkswagon beetle." the girl replies and Cassie swears because there are about a hundred or so cars in the parking lot and she definitly can't see a beetle.

in the end Pete comes up with the idea to scream out Cassie's name until she finds them, Cassie doesn't actually think this is going to work until she hears her own name being called to her right and she pushes past a group of stoned teens to find Pete, jenny, and ryan standing by a red pick-up truck, three feet from where Cassie started.

the group heads back to where jon, spencer, and patrick were standing. along the way Cassie pulls jenny aside as Pete and ryan go ahead of them. "so-" she starts. "have you and ryan hooked up yet?" jenny cracks a grin but shakes her head.

"no, but hopefully tonight." after a series of near kisses jenny was growing increasingly frustrated with the way she always almost got to kiss ryan but never really got to in the end. it just didn't seem fair, but the girl had a plan tonight, tonight she would go and pull ryan off to a secluded area and finally, finally seal the deal.

"if you need me to keep Pete and spencer away just tell me." Cassie says and jenny seriously considers taking her up on this offer.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
fifteen minutes later Cassie has had four beers, not enough to get her drunk but enough to get her tipsy. by than her entire group of friends has shown up but they're scattered around to places she can't find. the parking lot bash has somehow turned into a full blown party. the various cars are opened up with beers in the trunks and and music pumping from the stereo system's, sending thumping beats around them into the night air. there are a ton of people around, some Cassie knowns and some she doesn't.

she's somehow got seperated from jenny and patrick and the others and has ended up in one end of the parking lot with gabe and megan, discussing the pros and cons of edible underwear versus whipped body cream.

"come on, megan, you have to admit that the underwear is so much better!" gabe insists and Cassie snorts into her beer because she can't believe this conversation is actually happening and she never realized how close megan had gotten to gabe in these past few weeks.

megan pulls a face "no way! it would get all wet and sticky around the vag area! who would want that?" megan asks and Cassie is one hundered percent sure that these two were made for each other.

"what do you think Cassie?" gabe asks as he rounds on her. the extreamly tall boy has a drink in his hand and his black and gold hat pulled down over his eyes. gabe is wearing a bright purple hoodie with the hood up over the back of his hat, a bright yellow t-shirt and jeans that are almost as tight as Pete's.

"um, no opinion really." she says because honestly she doesn't really want to use either of those objects. gabe rolls his dark brown eyes.

"oh, come on, i can see patrick as the type of guy who likes the panties." gabe tells her and Cassie's thankful that it's dark out because she is definitly blushing now. megan is laughing and she leans up against gabe her own dark hair falling into her equally dark eyes. gabe smiles down at her and Cassie has a feeling that they'll be a couple soon.

before much else can be said a sharp noise pierces the air. Cassie is just tipsy enough to not recongize it at first, it's not until she see's the blue and red flashing lights does she realize just what is going on.

"shit! cops!" someone screams and suddenly it's like someone has set the world on fast forward. people scramble away, cars filling up and tearing out of the driveway while people race off in all directions. no one is too eager to be arrested by the police.

megan grabs hold of Cassie's hand and is tugging the older girl along, the two of them presumably moving towards gabe's car. Cassie thinks that this is vaugely like the scene in titanic where the boat is sinking and everyone is clammoring for a lifeboat. except here no one cares about the woman and children first rule and the worst that could happen was not drowning but spending the night in jail.

suddenly someone rushes by and shoulder's Cassie hard on accident, hard enough to knock her away from megan, instantly severing the link between the two girls. by the time Cassie catches herself megan and gabe are gone. Cassie has no idea where anyone is really, it's all just a mob of people scattering in a million different directions. she hopes that patrick got away.

Cassie see's a cop decked out in his blue uniform walking towards her, his flashlight shining in her face. the girl knows she should be running but she can't make herself move, cops had always scared the girl and this time was no different. just as Cassie is sure the cop is going to get her she feels a strong hand pulling her roughly back, her brown hair flying into her face.

she hears a car door open and a man shout "get in!". Cassie isn't sure who it is but she doesn't have time to complain so she climbs into the idling car and they take off at a break neck speed. Cassie still can't see who the driver is as they take sharp turns that send her tipping out of her seat. at the moment she's more preoccupied with keeping herself alive during this ride.

they drive quickly for five more minutes before the car stops with a shudder, sandwhiched in a wide alley that was on either side of two brick buildings and hidden from the main road.

Cassie pushes her wave of hair out of her face and is finally able to see just who her savior and mystery driver was. to the girl's surprise she see's jon walker's dark eyes staring back at her.

"you okay?" jon asks and Cassie nods as she slumps back in her seat. she's feeling a lot better now that she's out of the school's parking lot and away from the police. Cassie's blue eyes flicker over jon. the boy is wearing a grim expression, much different than the happy boy who had been around mere minutes before. his hand's are tight on the steering wheel, his knuckles white and Cassie thinks that it's the first time she's seen jon anything but happy.

"thank you for grabbing me jon, i would probably be in the back of a police car right now if it weren't for you." she says softly and she looks at him for a moment before she looks out the window at the grimy brick wall.

"it's fine." jon is saying and he smiles a bit, his voice and body easing back into the person Cassie is familar with. "just, next time when the cops come after you don't just stand there." the older boy laughs and Cassie smiles because that's what jon's laughter does to her.

"i'll be sure to keep that in mind." she says with a grin and jon leans over and half pats, half squeezes her shoulder. Cassie looks away and her cheeks pink and she just prays that the boy doesn't notice. it's a pretty well kept secret in Cassie's life that she has had a crush on jon for awhile.

Cassie has thought that jon was pretty cute ever since the day she met him at spencer's fourteenth birthday party. of course back then he went by jonny and didn't have facial hair. it didn't matter, back then Cassie felt like something was drawing her to jon that she found him sorta irresistable. Cassie also learned just how cool jon was too. he was smart and creative, funny, and completely mellow. she guesses that she could say it was an instant attraction. it was after that, that the girl hid her feelings for jon and settled for friendship with the older boy.

jenny is the only person in Cassie's world that knows how she feels about jon walker. it's not a big thing, not really, at least that's what Cassie likes to think. secretly Cassie happens to think that jon walker is perfect, or as close to perfect as a high school boy could be.

Cassie never told anyone but jenny that she thought jon was hot and that she was crushing on the boy. the reason being because Cassie always thought that jon was out of her leauge. he was way too good looking and he played football, boys like jon didn't like plain girls like Cassie.

so, she just classified it as a stupid crush and pushed all the feelings away. Cassie dated brendon soon after that so she was able to get over her crush on jon and become good friends with him. after Cassie and brendon broke up Cassie's crush didn't resurface because she had eyes for patrick. that left things where they were now. with Cassie dating patrick and having kissed jon at his party.

it's really the first time she's really thought about the kiss, back when it actually happened she was too caught up in wooing patrick to care that she had kissed jon but now she remembered and she was blushing deeper because the kiss had actually been good.

Cassie isn't in denial enough to not admit that she still crushes on jon deep down. she still thinks he's all kinds of wonderful and she still knows that he's out of her league and that they will never happen.

the girl is pulled from her thoughts by her cell phone ringing. she grabs it up and see's patrick's name flickering bright across the screen. jon is looking at her as she anwser's the phone. "hi, babe." she says and she's releaved that patrick is calling her because that means that he is okay.

"Cassie! you're okay?" patrick says loud and with urgency.

"i'm fine baby, what about you?" she laughs a little at how worried patrick had been.

"i'm okay...i'm with brendon and krissy. we couldn't find you..i told someone to wait but he wouldn't." patrick says loudly and Cassie knows he's glaring at brendon.

"i knew she would be okay that's why!" she hears brendon yell and she laughs.

"i'm okay, jon grabbed me before i could get caught."

"so...you're with jon?" patrick asks, his voice dropping just a tad bit lower.

"mhmm."

"and it's just you and him?" he adds and Cassie sighs.

"yes, babe i-" Cassie is interrupted by her other line on her cell beeping, normally she wouldn't anwser it but this was not a normal situation. she warns patrick that she's clicking over and she anwsers the other line. "hello?"

"Cassie, you okay?" this time it's the voice of Pete in her ear.

"Pete? i'm fine where are you?"

"i'm driving! but don't worry spencer is holding the phone and speaker phone is a godsend!" Pete proclaims and Cassie rolls her eyes.

"so, who's all with you?"

"well, there's me and spence, belinda, joe, and andy...i don't really know where patrick is..." Pete says and he sounds worried.

"oh, he already called me, he's on the other line." she tells him. somehow they work it out that they end up having a three way phone call, Cassie thinks it's more like a ten way call with all the people in the cars.

"okay, so most of us are accounted for but has anyone talked to jenny?" Cassie asks and no one says anything and the girl's heart clenches up.

"ryan too, no one's heard from him!" she hears spencer shout and brendon makes a whiny kind of noise and even jon looks worried.

"so, why is Cassie with jon instead of you patrick?" Pete asks and Cassie shoots a look at the phone like she's hoping the look will travel through the two cell phones and kill Pete.

"it doesn't matter we're all okay." Cassie grits out and there is silence on patrick's end. just than jon's cell phone rings and there is a huge silence on the other phones as they wait to hear who it is.

Cassie can only hear one side of the coversation but that's enough for her to get what's going on.

"ryan! where are you?" jon asks and he waits for ryan's reply. meanwhile Cassie is feeding information through the phone and once spencer gets wind that it's ryan he begins yelling into the phone that he demands to talk to his best friend. Cassie is so wrapped up in calming spencer down that she misses the rest of the phone call with jon and ryan.

"where is he jon?" Cassie asks and the older boy sighs deeply and scrubs a hand across his face.

"he's in jail...jenny too..i guess they got caught at the school and the police are holding them...ryan just used his one phone call on me." jon says and Cassie gasps at the same time as spencer starts screaming.

"we've got to get down there! ryan's too pretty for jail!" spencer shouts and he starts on a long string of profanities until jon chimes in.

"yeah, he'll get passed around like a joint." Cassie can hear spencer make a worried noise. jon's cell rings again and he anwsers, Cassie and the other's go silent again as jon listen's to the cell.

"hmm yeah, he called me...yeah, she's here with me...of course you can talk to her." jon says and he glances sidelong at the girl in the passenger's seat before he hand's over his cell. "it's jenny." he tell's her and Cassie's eyes widen as she snatches up the phone, jon taking her's in return.

"jenny! what happened?" Cassie rushes out and she hear's a sniffle on the other end of the line.

"oh, Cassie! i'm in jail!...ryan too! we got caught at the school...we couldn't find anyone and we tried to run but they grabbed me and i couldn't get away." jenny's voice stops suddenly as if she's listening to something. "what am i gonna do Cassie? my mom...my mom can't bail me out, she can't know about this! what can i do?" the younger girl whimpers over the line and Cassie feel's her heart breaking.

"don't worry jenny...i'll-i'll come down there...i'll do something, don't worry."

"i-they said i have to go now." jenny whispers and Cassie doesn't have time to say anything before the line goes dead. she clicks the phone shut and look's solemly over at jon, her blue eyes shining in sadness.

the girl feels bad, she had just promised jenny that she'd do something to get her out of jail but honestly she didn't know where to start. no way in hell did she have the cash to get her best friend out of jail.

"Cassie? you okay?" she hears jon ask and she nods before she hang's her head and hand's jon back his phone. the boy take's his phone and he's smirking just a little. "you sure do suck at hiding your emotions." jon tell's her and she look's up at him.

"i can't help it! i promised jenny i'd get her out of jail but i have no clue how...i'm going to let her down when she need's me more than ever." Cassie mutter's sadly. jon is looking at her like he find's this all a little interesting. he hand's Cassie back her cell where the girl had forgotten she had patrick and the other's on the line.

"Cassie, listen..." jon start's and she look's over at him. he's staring straight ahead, his hand's gripping the steering wheel again. "i'll drive us to the police station and we'll go from there." he tell's her. Cassie's eyes light up and she smiles.

"okay, you guys" she start's adressing everyone on the two phone's in the two car's. "we're going to the police station." she tell's them.

"we are too." spencer yells.

"hey! i never agreed to that!" Pete chimes in.

"we're going too!" brendon says and so it's agreed that they all would drive to the police station.
**************************************************************************
jenny still can't believe she's in jail, always the typical good girl she's never so much as gotten detention yet here she is sitting in the local jail cell. at least ryan ross was with her.

jenny looked up as she was stopped in front of the cell that they were holding she and ryan in. the officer escorting jenny stopped and opened the cell, his face a hard glare. the girl stepped into the cold gray cell, ryan lifting his head to watch the scene.

the girl took a seat next to ryan on the small slab of concrete that jutted out from the wall. ryan was watching her, his warm brown eyes filled with concern.

"did you talk to Cassie?" he ask's and she nod's, she can't allow herself to relax. jenny is far too worried about not being able to get out of jail tonight. she know's that Cassie promised that she'd try to get her out but she can't think of anyway her best friend could actually do it.

"she said she's coming down here...she said she'd get us out." jenny watches as ryan sigh's and let's his head fall. really Cassie hadn't said anything about getting ryan out of jail but she can't even begin to imagine leaving him in jail. not when it was her fault that they had gotten caught.
*****************************************************************************
jenny had lost Cassie at the party several minutes before the cop's had come. the girl had been too preoccupied with talking to ryan to notice that her best friend had slipped away. only when the cop's had arrived did she notice that Cassie was no where to be found.

in the massive chaos it was near impossible to see anyone but she couldn't just leave Cassie, she knew about the girl's irrational fear of cops.

jenny feels a hand on her arm and she turns to see ryan standing next to her. "jenny! what are you doing? we've gotta get out of here!" he shouts and jenny nods.

"i've gotta find Cassie first!" she replies and she makes an attempt to search for her friend in the massive crowd.

"she'll be fine but we won't so come on!" ryan says as he tugs jenny along attempting to get her to run with him.

jenny shrugs out of ryan's grasp and proceeds to search for her best friend. ryan sighs and follows after the younger girl. "jenny, come on! i promise someone got her! Pete or patrick or brendon so let's go." ryan urges, his hand closing around jenny's arm and tugging her towards the thick section of wood's that surrounded the parking lot.

jenny isn't sure what to do. she wants to think that Cassie will be okay and she wants to believe in ryan's words but a part of her is worried that maybe Cassie is looking for her too. ryan tugs again and this time jenny follows. the line 'every man for himself.' echoes through her head but she shakes it away. if Cassie were to get caught by the police, well, her parents would understand a hell of a lot more then jenny's mom would.

she allows ryan to tug her towards the wood's. he's faster then she is but she can manage to keep up, that is until a strong hand finds her shoulder, pulling her back away from ryan. "you're under arrest!" she hears the man she presumes is a cop say and before she knows it her hands are behind her back and she can feel the cold metal biting into her wrists.

ryan whips around and see's jenny being manhandled by the cop. "jenny!" he shouts but jenny shakes her head. she doesn't want ryan to come back and help her, she's already caught. why drag him down too?

"ryan, run!" she yells but ryan like an idiot doesn't listen and instead is coming back towards the girl and the police officer. "what are you doing?" she yells at him. she doesn't understand what ryan is thinking. what can he possibly do? abuse a cop? yeah, that would end with ryan tasered or something like that.
another cop comes up and grabs ryan and soon he too is handcuffed. as luck would have it they stuff them both into the same cop car so they can go about catching the other teens at the party. jenny is looking out the window at the rush of chaos and she wonders how any one of them forgot the strict underage drinking law that the city enforced so strongly.

she turns to ryan, her hand's stuck behind her back and the cuff's pushing into her wrist's uncomfortably. "why'd you do that?" she asks. jenny is honestly confused as to why ryan would willingly get himself caught. ryan looks at her, his brown eyes shining in the unatural red and blue lights, a smile on his face.

"i couldn't let you go in all alone could i?" he says and she's taken aback. honestly, she never expected an anwser like that. ryan was willing to get himself caught for her? to get in trouble for her? she tried not to see more into it then friendship. friends got arrested for friends right? no way does ryan mean anything by it...
*****************************************************************************
so that's how they ended up in jail because of her. that's why she won't let ryan stay here, not when he was willing to get caught for her. "i'm so sorry ryan..." jenny says and she let's her gaze drift to the dirty cold gray floor because she can't bear to see the look in ryan's eyes.

"sorry for what?" ryan asks, he sounds genuinely confused like he doesn't blame her for getting him locked up. jenny looks up now, her dark blue eyes searching over ryan, taking comfort in the familarity that is him. she doesn't mind being in jail so long as ryan is with her.

"for getting us caught...i should've listened to you...god, i am so fucking stupid sometimes!" jenny berated herself and drops her head into her hands. there is silence and she is sure ryan is upset at her, that he doesn't want to talk to her and probably never will again.

suddenly jenny feels a warmth on her back, a warmth she realizes is ryan's hand, large and protective on her lower back.

"jenny...i don't blame you for what happened tonight. i already told you i came willingly." she hears him say but she can't bring herself to believe his words. no one ever cared enough about her to get themselves in trouble, especially guys. she can't believe ryan, she wants to but she can't.

jenny's head is still propped in her hands when she feels a warm touch to her jaw, long fingers tipping her chin up, drawing her head up out of her hands and she let's the touch guide her up until she is looking into ryan's warm brown eyes. he's smiling just a little, just enough in jenny's opinion.

"and don't be so hard on yourself...you're perfect to me." ryan's words were so soft and he was looking at her so warmly. jenny couldn't believe she had heard him correctly. no one in her life had said things like that to her, no guy at least. jenny knew she was hard on herself, that she didn't have high self esteem and it didn't bother her anymore. but it still felt strange for her to hear someone compliment her, to hear nice words for once.

"you can't see how wonderful you are jenny..so, it's a good thing i can." ryan whispers and jenny wonders when his face got so close to her's but she doesn't have time to say or think anything else before ryan's lips are on her's warm and innocent.

it's sort of like their first kiss back at jon's party but a million times better. jenny turns herself to properly face ryan and they deepen their kiss. his one hand is still on her back his hand twisting up into the fabric of her shirt. his other hand finds jenny's cheek and his fingers spread along her jawline, warm and soft on her skin.

jenny's hands found ryan's waist and she clings to him and presses herself closer to his body. part of her doesn't believe that this is even happening, ryan ross is kissing her and she doesn't believe it. it's what she's wanted for so long and now it's happening, really happening and jenny almost can't stand the way ryan makes her feel, the way he makes her feel so hopeful.

the two teens tongues meet and jenny feels sparks all over her body. everything about ryan is good. his lips, his smell, the way he tastes. jenny loves it all. ryan breaks the kiss and jenny doesn't want it to be over, she's afraid it's all she'll ever get.

ryan's hand's are still on her and he's smiling, his lips wet and shiny.

"i've been waiting such a long time to do that." he admits and jenny laughs because it's all she can do to stop her self from bursting into giggles because it's what she wanted to hear. she nods and allows herself to relax into ryan's arms, she can't help but to feel safe here with him.

"so, can i ask you a question?" ryan whispers, his mouth close to jenny's ear. the girl pulls back and looks into his brown eyes again and she nods, she seems to lose the ability to speak whenever he's around.

"will you be my girlfriend?" he asks and it's so simple so effortless for him to say and it's what jenny's been dying to hear for so long that she says yes too quickly but ryan just laughs and leans in to kiss her once again.

their bodies crush together and jenny is so fucking happy despite where their at. she doesn't even hear the guard's footsteps or the words that issue from the man's mouth. "you two made bail." she hears that and she pulls away from ryan because she's terrified that her mother is standing behind her with some sort of b.b. gun possibly to kill her idiotic daughter.

instead jenny sees Cassie and jon standing next to the guard. a worried look plauging her best friend's face. Cassie rushes to the bars as does jenny and their grasping hands through the spaces in between.
"jenny, are you alright?" Cassie is asking and jenny nods and squeezes Cassie's hand.

"yeah, i'm fine considering the circumstances." jenny really wishes she could tell her best friend that she and ryan are finally offically a couple but she knows that locked in the local jail is neither the right time or place.

the girl notices that the guard is unlocking the cell and she looks at her friend once more. "you paid the bail?" she asks because she doesn't think Cassie has that much money. the older girl shakes her head.

"i didn't, jon did." she says and she looks back at jon like he's some kind of superhero and jenny looks at him too. he has a lot of cash, they all know it but no one ever asks him to spend it yet here he is bailing them out of jail. jenny has never felt more love for jon walker then in this moment.

"both of us?" jenny asks and she looks back at ryan who is standing awkwardly and looking hopefully at the people outside of the cell.

"yes, both of you." jon says and he's not upset. he's grinning like it's funny and who knows maybe it is. "and we better get out of here before spencer get's himself arrested." jon adds and ryan laughs because he knows how spencer can get.

the guard looks unhappy that he has to release jenny and ryan but he does and Cassie instantly grabs jenny's hand but she also doesn't miss the fact that ryan has taken her other. Cassie exchanges a look with jenny and jon and ryan are watching them because they're doing that creepy best friend thing where you can talk without saying a word.

"so, you two are going out now?" Cassie finally says and it's obvious that the question is directed at ryan. the boy nods and gives jenny's hand a squeeze. Cassie releases jenny's hand
and laughs.

"about fucking time!" she says just as they push through the solid door that leads to the waiting room. the first thing they see is spencer lunging himself at ryan and pulling him into a hug, the boy is oblivious to the fact that ryan is still holding jenny's hand.

"you idiot how could you let yourself get arrested?" spencer says as he pulls away from ryan. it's obvious that spencer was worried. ryan just pats his shoulder and looks over at jenny.

"i had a good reason." he says and jenny blushes and then spencer is looking at her before he looks back at ryan and jon takes note that spencer and ryan can also do the creepy non talking talk. then spencer looks back at jenny and then ryan.

"about time man." he says and jon laughs, spencer turns his attention to jon. "what's so funny?" he asks. jon just shakes his head.

"nothing, just it's so obvious that you and Cassie are related." he says.

soon after that the group of teens heads to the parking lot, intent on going home to avoid getting in anymore trouble. Cassie and patrick, jenny and ryan end up riding home with jon because Pete's car is full. they drop patrick off first and he leans into the backseat to kiss his girlfriend goodbye.

"i wanted to wait for you, you know." he says, patrick's been saying that all night, it's obvious that he feels guilty for abandoning her in the parking lot.

"i know baby." she says as she leans forward to kiss him and she pats his chest as he backs out and closes the side door. they drop ryan off next and he has to get out of the car and go around to the back to kiss jenny goodnight but he does and she smiles into the kiss and they kiss way longer then Cassie and patrick did, so long that jon revs his engine to break them apart. ryan leaves with a promise of "i'll call you later."

jenny and Cassie decide to spend the night at jenny's house, mostly because Cassie already told her parents that she was doing that and jenny's sure her mom won't be home. they stop outside of jenny's place and sure enough her mom's car is missing from the driveway. jon doesn't say anything and Cassie opens her door.

"jon," she starts as she leans forward and touches jon's shoulder.

"yeah?" he asks turning back to look at the younger girl.

"thank you for saving me tonight." is all she says. jon smiles

"i would do it again." he says and she laughs and gives his shoulder a squeeze before she climbs out of the car. jenny too props her door open but she doesn't get out, she knows she can't without saying something to jon. things have been a little awkward between the two of them but she knows jon is her friend, or at the very least a sucker for girls.

"thank you jon...thank you so much...you don't even know how much this means to me." jenny is painfully honest in that moment and her cheeks burn and jon looks back at her in the rearview mirror.

"you're welcome jenny." he says and it feels like more then just a 'you're welcome' she feels like jon gets it all, like he knows everything and she's both comforted and fearful of that. she nods and exits the car closing the door and allowing jon to drive off.

they head into jenny's dark empty house with Cassie making jenny promise to tell her every detail of her hook up with ryan.


chapter thirty: but at least you have me

jenny thinks that Cassie and patrick are the most adorable couple she's ever seen. the girl tells Pete this every chance she gets. Pete on the other hand does not find them so adorable, annoying is more the word he is searching for. they're always touching and kissing and giggling at each other, if Pete had known that Cassie going out with patrick would mean he never got to talk to her because her lips were always attached to patrick's, well, then maybe he wouldn't have tried so hard to hook them up.

currently the trio of Pete, Cassie, and patrick are all hanging out at Pete's house. Pete's mom is home and Pete's in the kitchen helping her put away groceries. from his position in the kitchen Pete can see straight out the window, into the back yard where Cassie and patrick are.

It's saturday, the day after ryan and jenny got arrested. Pete still feel's bad that neither he nor patrick had managed to rescue Cassie from the parking lot dash the night before, the fact that walker got that honor, like he even need's more of a good guy reputation. it doesn't matter either way though because the girl isn't mad at them, she doesn't really place any blame.

Pete frowns as he watches them. it's a little chilly and Cassie is wearing patrick's jacket, it's too long for her, the sleeves dropping down and covering her hands. patrick is smiling at her as he pushes the sleeves up her arms, allowing himself access to her hand. Pete rolls his eyes and crumples up a brown paper bag before throwing it towards the trash can. he knows what's coming next.

patrick says something to her, something Pete can't hear but it makes her laugh, her blue eyes light up and she smiles, showing off her perfect teeth. the ginger haired boy squeezes her hand before he leans down, lips parted to kiss his girlfriend. Cassie smiles against patrick's lips as they kiss in Pete's back yard.

"their really cute aren't they?" Pete hears his mothers voice say and he turns his head to the side to see her standing beside him. she's smiling and Pete nods, even if he doesn't necessarily believe it. Pete thinks he looks like his mom, he's got her dark skin, though he is lighter then she is, her dark eyes and hair. Pete gots his smile from his dad but not his height, he doesn't think it's fair that his brother and sister are tall and he isn't.

"are you okay Peter?" his mom asks and Pete nods again, unable to find the words to lie to his mom. she smiles at him again and pats him on the shoulder. "don't worry Peter, she's still your best friend, regardless of who she is dating." Pete shrugs because just like Cassie, his mom always knew what was on his mind.

"i know mom." Pete says as he finishes putting things away.

"i was just reminding you." she says as she ruffles a hand through his hair before she walks out of the kitchen. Pete watches his mom walk away before his golden brown gaze drifts back out the window, back to his two best friends who are so madly in love with each other.

Cassie and patrick had pulled apart but they're still holding hands. they're also staring at one another, silent but smiling. patrick reaches out and tucks a tendril of hair back behind her ear, she giggles at him. it's at this moment that Pete see's it, that smile, the one she saves only for him...she's giving that smile to patrick.

again flashes of jealousy jut through Pete and he shakes his head to clear his thoughts. Pete doesn't think he has a palable reason to be jealous, Cassie isn't his girlfriend, just his best friend and there is no rule that she has to pay all her attention to Pete, even if he wishes there was. that's another thing about Pete, he's an attention whore and he knows it. the dark haired boy can't help but picture his inner self throwing a tantrum and making grabby hands at Cassie while screaming "miiiiiinnnnnneeeeee!"

Pete comes outside and his two friends turn to look at him, hands still linked together. "alright, you two, break it up before i have to bust out the get-a-room jokes." Pete tells them.

Cassie turns and smiles at him before patrick leans in and kisses her quickly, catching her off guard. they break apart and their hands slip away from each other. Pete thinks Cassie is so willing to not show affection to patrick in front of him because she feels bad for him, because she knows how easily Pete can slip into bad thoughts and she doesn't want to rub her happiness in his face.

"so, you guys wanna do something this weekend?" Pete is asking, he moves to sit down on the lawnchair in his yard. Cassie and patrick sit down on the wooden porch that Pete's dad built when Pete was eight years old. the couple exchange looks and Pete slyly notices that again their hands are laced together.

"actually, i'm taking Cassie to that jazz club downtown." patrick says and he glances at Cassie before he looks to Pete.

"oh." Pete's trying hard to not look upset "it's fine." he says even though on the inside he's thinking that this is just the first step in patrick stealing Cassie away from him. Cassie ninja's Pete's mind once again and seems to know what he's thinking.

"how about this." she starts and both boys turn their gazes on her. "patrick's taking me out tonight but what about if tomorrow night you and i have a best friend day, you know like we used to?" she asks Pete. patrick squeezes Cassie's hand and she leans into him as she awaits Pete's anwser.

the dark haired boy wants to say yes, but he's worried. he wonders if he'll cause a fight if he says yes. his golden brown eyes flicker over patrick and the boy seems alright with it, maybe he's nowhere near as jealous or possesive as Pete himself is, Pete respects that.

"sure, alright.yeah, i'd like that." Pete says and she smiles at him, the same smile as always, the one he now shares with patrick.
*****************************************************************************
"ah, Pete, stop! it-it hurts!"

"shh, hold on Cassie, i almost got it in..."

"no, i don't want to do this anymore!"

" i-i can't stop now! it's already in...just hold on it will be over in a minute."

"ah, no...it was never like this with patrick..."

"patrick wasn't doing it hard enough, that's why you came to me remember? now shhh, let me take care of you."

"your too rough! can't you be gentler?"

"can't you stop complaining? you asked me to do this."

"i don't wanna do this anymore! i already told you."

"that's fine because i'm done anyway, so stop being a baby."

Pete climbs off Cassie, the dark haired girl sits up and grabs the pink hand mirror that is sitting next to her on the bed. she looks at her reflection, pushes the wave of chocolate brown hair behind her ear, showing off her newly pierced ears.

"they really suit you." Pete tells her as he grins at his best friend. Cassie smiles at him and runs her fingers along the silver hoops that are now hanging from her earlobes.

"yeah, i'm glad i did it now. i hope patrick likes how it looks." Cassie says as she peers at her reflection.

"he will." Pete assures her as she sets down the mirror and lays back on the bed.

it's sunday night and Pete is over Cassie's house. he's kinda glad that patrick's mom won't let him stay at Cassie's house past eleven at night. they're up in Cassie's room, the door open and Cassie's dad checking in on them every ten minutes. they're laying next to each other on her bed, because that's what they always do.

"did you have fun today?" Cassie starts, she turns to look at him, her gray blue eyes focused on him.

"a lot of fun actually." Pete says and it's the truth because he did have fun. the duo had run rampant in the mall, making wishes in the fountain and not going in the sports good store though, seeing as Pete was kicked out of there last year because of lewd conduct with the manniquins. to Pete the day almost felt like their old times together, before any boyfriends were added into the equations.

"you don't think patrick minded that i stole you away for the day do you?" Pete asks.

"no, i mean he knows you and i are best friends, it's natural for us to hang out together."

there is a small silence where she's resting her head against his shoulder and he's just thinking.

"have you guys had sex yet?" Pete says and Cassie shoots her head up, looking at him surprised.

"is that any of your business Pete?" she replies.

"come on! you know about my sex life!"

"yeah, but i never asked about it." Cassie reminds him. Pete basically has no shame, not caring if he engages in random hook-up's with girl's he find's interesting.

"so, you have had sex?" Pete says and he's grinning at her and wiggling his eyebrows. Cassie sighs and pushes Pete.

"no, we haven't actually...but i think we will soon." she says and she prides herself on only blushing a little as she tells Pete this.

"how long have you two gone out now?..like..." Pete trails off and it looks like he's counting in his head. "four months?" he asks and Cassie nods, Pete pulls a face.

"you made brendon wait like eight months. what's the difference now?"

"the difference Peter, is that with brendon it was my first time and i wanted to take it slow. now with patrick, well, i'm not so worried about it." Cassie says and Pete pats her on the head lovingly.

"patrick's a lucky guy." Pete says and again Cassie shoves him.

"are you okay?" she asks moments later, he looks down at her surprised at the question but he nods all the same.

"i'm fine why?" he asks and he knows he's lying because he's not really okay but he doesn't know if she knows that. she shrugs and she's still not looking at him, her hand slips into the pocket of his neon green zip up hoodie and she pulls out a photo strip, one of the kinds you can get in those photo booths. the two of them had done one that very day, those were the photo's Cassie was looking at now.

she shrugs as she looks over the four square photos. "you just seem off lately." Pete flinches internally because dammit is she good at digging into his head without him knowing it.

"i'm okay." he tells her and he takes the photo's from her, so she'll really pay attention to him. Cassie looks up at him, blue eyes on gold. she doesn't look convinced, she looks worried. Pete knows why she worries, she worries because she knows all too well what happens when Pete slides into a depression, she knows how truly bad it can be, she's learned how to keep his pieces together.

"you're not talking to jeanea again are you?" she says so quietly that Pete almost doesn't hear it expect he does and he freezes up at the sound of her name.

"no, of course not...i know better than that." he responds, maybe too harshly but he knows she won't mind. how could she think that he'd talk to her jeanea again? that he'd put himself back into that fucked up hell of a situation once again.

jeanea was in seventh grade when she started dating Pete, he was a sophmore in high school. Cassie like jeanea at first, the girl was smart despite her age and she seemed to almost be an extension of Pete himself, the two were very much alike, Cassie thinks that was what was their downfall, that the two of them were too similar, too alike to work.

things were good for awhile and the couple ended up dating for two years. somewhere during the second year though, things got bad. Pete and jeanea ended up fighting a lot, terrible fights in the middle school parking lot, fights that would end with Pete punching out his car's driver's side window and jeanea stalking off to her friends who could drive.

things were so bad, Pete was always miserable, alway angry, always fighting with her. he just wasn't the same and it took everything Cassie had to keep him from falling apart. eventually the duo broke up and that was when the worst happened, that was when Pete tried to kill himself.

he had tried to overdose on his prescribed meds, he had done it in his car, parked in the middle school parking lot. at the last minute Pete decided he had wanted to live and he called the ambulance, he also called Cassie as he waited to be picked up. she sobbed into the phone when he told her what he had done, she can remember his voice, the fear so real that she'll never forget it.

so it's understandable if Cassie is sometimes afraid that Pete will fall again, that he'll turn back into that dark souled boy who couldn't be saved. Pete understands that and he feels guilty that his best friend has to live with that fear inside her.

"i'm sorry Pete, it's just i don't want you to lose yourself like you did before, never again." she tells him and she's turned into him, her body pressed warm against his side and her forehead resting against his shoulder. Pete turns his body so he's pressed against her as well.

"don't worry." he tells her as he pulls her into a hug. "i don't want to be that person ever again." they hold each other for a few moments, this isn't unusual either, Pete's always had a problem understanding what was considered personal space, especially when it came to his friends.

Cassie yawns and Pete releases her, he watches as her eyes flutter closed. "if something is wrong, you can tell me you know." she says and he makes a noise of acknowledgement. "are...are you lonely?" she asks and her voice is smaller, weaker, more tired. he doesn't anwser her and she cracks an eye open to peer at him. "like do you want a girlfriend?" she elaborates and he shrugs again.

"well, don't worry Pete, i'll help you find a good girl, one whose perfect for you." she whispers and Pete knows she's falling asleep, she shifts her body and turns, her back facing him. and she's asleep moments later. Pete sighs because he's not tired, he's never tired actually. the boy has a terrible case of insomnia.

he does what he always does when she falls asleep first, he watches her sleep. it's comforting for him to watch his friends sleep, to see how peaceful they could be. he also wishes that he could sleep easily, like Cassie, but sleep, like life never comes easy for Pete.

Cassie's snoring lightly, Pete reaches down and pulls the covers up over the girl, even though he knows that she'll end up kicking them off of her by the time she wakes up. Pete is thinking about what Cassie had said before she fell asleep, the stuff about getting him a girlfriend. it's true that's it's been awhile since he's been in a relationship but at the moment there is only one girl he really wants to be with.

Pete rolls so his back is touching Cassie's and he closes his eyes, seeing the girl he so desperately want's to be with's face as he vainly attempts to fall asleep.
*****************************************************************************
a week passes and Cassie is in the living room when she see's a silver suv pull into the driveway. "mom! dad! aunt ginger and uncle spencer are here!" she calls because she doesn't know where in the house her parents are. she's half tempted to stay on the couch and watch tv but she knows it's not polite and she doesn't even want to see spencer's bitch face right now.

she pads over to the door and pulls it open for her aunt and uncle. "hi, beautiful." her aunt ginger, spencer's mom says as she steps inside, her hand brushing Cassie's hair.

"hi, aunt ging." she replies as she is pulled into a tight hug. her aunt releases her and she is hugged tightly by her uncle next. "where are your parents sweety?" he asks and she shrugs.

"kitchen i think." she tells them and they release her and move into the kitchen. Cassie watches them go, she likes spencer's parents. they're smart and funny and kind. "Cassie come help me!" the girl is snapped from her thoughts by a voice from outside, a voice she reconizes as spencer.

Cassie pads outside and see's spencer struggling to carry two large yellow suitcases to the door. "well, hello to you too spencer." she teases as she lifts a suitcase from his hand. spencer rolls his blue eyes and heaves his own suitcase up.

"where can i put this stuff?" he asks and she shrugs.

"guest room?"

spencer groans, "i have to go up the stairs?"

"you poor baby. maybe if you didn't pack a million pairs of shoes your suitcase wouldn't be so heavy." she teases and spencer shoots his cousin a look. Cassie grab's one of spencer's suitcases and follows her cousin up the stairs and to the right to the guest bedroom.

"so, i guess we're sharing a bathroom." Cassie says as she sits on the bed and watches spencer unzip his two suitcases. he look's up at her.

"are you bummed because i'm staying here?" spencer ask's and Cassie's head shoot's up.

"what? spence, no! i'm happy you're staying here. it's like we're real siblings now." she tells him and she crawls up on the bed and jump's at spencer hugging him tight. spencer only barely manages to keep a hold of his cousin, nearly dropping her on the floor. "are you upset about staying here spence?" Cassie ask's as she slips down to the floor.

spencer shakes his head. "no, i mean it's different because it's not home but like you said i already feel like i live here." she nod's her head and sit's back on the bed, admiring a pair of spencer's shoes from his expanisve collection.

"spence, i feel like i should warn you that patrick comes over a lot." Cassie says as she set's down spencer's shoe and look's at her cousin. spencer shrug's and stick's some clothes on hanger's.

"doesn't matter. i like patrick." he replies. there's a small silence for a moment before he speak's again. "wait! eww! you two are going to be sexing each other aren't you?" spencer nearly shout's and Cassie shoots him a look and point's to the open bedroom door. she doesn't need her parents hearing that.

"he is my boyfriend spencer."

"i don't want to hear that though! i don't wanna wake up in the middle of the night and go to the bathroom and like hear 'oh, harder, patrick!'" spencer says and his hand's are on his hips. Cassie roll's her eyes.

"oh come on, like i would yell that!" she retorts and spencer laughs. "i guess the only course of action is to get you a girlfriend than, so than you can sex her up and i won't feel guilty." Cassie tell's him and spencer laughs and turn's back toward's the closet.

"easier said than done." spencer replies and Cassie notices that he sound's a tad bit sad.

"spencer? do you like someone?" his cousin is asking and spencer kinda wishes she wouldn't ask thing's like that because it's too complicated to really anwser correctly.

"no, not really why?" spencer mumbles back, he just want's to drop the subject. Cassie though apparently can't let it die.

"because, the last girl you liked was hayley williams and that was back in seventh grade!" she point's out and spencer didn't actually think it was that long ago but he know's that Cassie has a bad habit of remembering shit like that.

spencer sigh's "it doesn't matter. even if i did like someone i doubt they'd like me back." he states and he turn's back to look at his cousin. Cassie is staring at him a little sad like maybe she feel's bad for him.

"spence, don't say things like that. you're awesome!" she points out and spencer know's he awesome but that's really not the problem. "do you like one of my friend's?" she tries and spencer look's surprised before she shakes his head.

"no."

"is it megan?" Cassie guesses but spencer just laughs and shakes his head, it's not that megan isn't pretty, it's just that he honestly doesn't think he's her type. "jenny?" Cassie tries again, she's going for casual, not even looking at spencer even though the boy know's she really want's to.

"nope." spencer replies, "ryan would kill me if i liked jenny."

"yeah isn't it weird how our best friend's are dating each other?" Cassie questions, her eyes going all bright and yes! maybe this is his way out of the whole awkward situation. spencer nod's and his cousin grin's.

"but our best friend's both happen to be emotionally retarded so at least they finally got around to it." spencer states and Cassie giggles.

"i think they're perfect together." Cassie tell's him and spencer nod's agreeing, he really hasn't seen ryan this happy in a long time. "oh and spence?" she starts and he look's down at her.

"hmm?"

"just tell me who it is you like" Cassie is sounding a tad bit frustrated but spencer just laughs because he knows that it's funny.

"no one." spencer says but he know's his cousin won't buy it.

"spencer james smith the fifth, tell me who you like right now!" Cassie huff's and spencer turns back to look at her. her hand's are on her hips and her hips are cocked out to the right, she's looking at him determined and maybe this whole living together thing might be harder than spencer thought.

"is it so hard to believe that i don't like anyone?" spencer ask's and he's taken a serious tone. Cassie's face falters and spencer think's that she's finally going to let it drop.

"great." she starts, her tone dropping flat as she sit's back on his bed. "now i've got to find you a girlfriend too." spencer sighs and goes back to putting thing's in the closet.



Thirty one: Gay is not a synonym for shitty

The next day Patrick is snuggled up on the couch with Cassie. Her parent's are grocery shopping so it's just the two of them. Patrick think's that if they were dirtier than they'd be having sex, they actually haven't done it yet but Patrick definitly isn't rushing her, especially since the recent revelations. The other reason they're not doing it is because Spencer is with them.

Cassie is laying stretched out on the couch, her head on Patrick's lap. The boy is running his hand through his girlfriend's hair as they watch tv. Spencer is sitting in the little recliner next to the couch, Their watching something Cassie and Spencer had picked, some cliched teenaged drama that Patrick doesn't usually watch but he has been since he started dating Cassie.

A paticularly dramatic scene take's place and Cassie and Spencer gasp and are mumbling at the tv. From what Patrick can gather someone cheated on someone else and a teacher got herpes...or something like that. The show goes to commerical and Cassie leans up and stares at Spencer who is looking back with wide eyes and excited faces.

"Can you believe that?" Cassie asks, gesturing at the television.

"I know! Could you believe that Sasha cheated on Blaine like that?" Spencer is saying and Cassie laugh's while Patrick sits by completely lost.

"I know! And Mrs. Price having herpes? Amazing." Cassie retorts.

The show come's back on and Cassie is drawn back to the show. The two of them quiet down, watching the show intently, Cassie settled back down on Patrick's lap.

Patrick didn't think guy's watched shows like this, afterall he's only watching because Cassie is. The Spencer issue replay's through Patrick's head, he's always found the boy to be slightly odd, not that he doesn't like him because he does but well, if Patrick is being honest, he's always thought Spencer was gay.

It wasn't just the fact that Spencer liked girly shows, it was more so the fact that Spencer could be considered very much like a girl. Patrick think's it might be because he doesn't have any brothers or male cousin's, all he has and has ever had was Cassie. It's not just that though but that Spencer does actually come off as slightly gay.

He has more shoes than any other person Patrick knows, he wear's skin tight t-shirts and girl jeans, he knows the girl jeans are a big trend in their group of friends but at least Pete doesn't wear Cassie's shirts as much as Spencer does. Spencer also doesn't have a girlfriend and Patrick never see's him checking out girls or showing any interest with girls.

The boy isn't one to out people but he wants to know Cassie's thought on this situation. For all he knows maybe Spencer is gay and maybe Cassie knows but she just doesn't want to tell anyone. Patrick decides to run his only little test while their watching the show.

"Hey, Spence," Patrick starts and Patrick's luckly that neither of the two Smith kids with him don't just gut him for interrupting their show.

"Yeah?" Spencer asks, he glances at Patrick briefly before his gaze returns to the tv.

"Do you uh..do you think that girl is hot?" Patrick asks, referring to a blonde girl on the tv who yes, is very hot and Cassie is looking up at him from her position in his lap. Crap, he hadn't thought about asking whether or not the girl's on the show were hot or not would upset his girlfriend.

"Who?" Spencer asks, looking at the tv. "Mischa?" He scoff's and Patrick nod's sure, whatever, Mischa, as long as it's a girl it doesn't really matter. "No way dude, she's crazy, she'd like cut my ball's off or something."

"True that." Cassie interjects and Spencer laughs. Patrick is feeling frustrated.

"No, not the character. The actress, do you think the actress is hot?" He tries again, his finger's once again stroking over Cassie's soft hair. Spencer eyes Patrick for a moment, his face crinkled in thought like maybe he's trying to figure out just what Patrick's attempting to pull here. After a silent moment he nod's.

"She's gorgeous." He breathes out and he's looking at the tv, soaking in the show or just attempting to end the subject. "The brunette is cuter though, brunette's are more my type." He add's, almost as an after thought. Patrick nod's, okay, it's a start but Patrick still isn't sure. But Spencer's anwser does pique Cassie's interest.

"Ah, really? So maybe it is Megan?" She asks and Spencer look's over at her and roll's his eyes.

"No more talking, the show is on." The boy point's out and Cassie smile's but roll's her eyes in return.

After the show is over Patrick and Cassie head upstairs, to study is what Cassie's says but Spencer gives her a very knowing look and grab's his cell to call Ryan. Usually Cassie and Patrick went upstairs just to hang out, or make out but maybe tonight, maybe Patrick was hoping for more.

Their on Cassie's bed, making out slow and steady, a small heat wave curling in Patrick's stomach. He think's that you can usually sense when you're going to have sex, there's a feeling in the air, a sort of electricty that thrum's through you. It happened to Patrick a lot before, but Greta never made him wait, she gave it up fairly quickly.

Patrick think's he could have sex with her tonight, he know's that he could by the way she's grinding up against him. And he would've, if he didn't open his stupid fucking mouth. "Baby, can I ask you something?" The boy says, mouthing at the smooth skin of his girlfriend's neck.

"Yeah.." Cassie says quietly, maybe anwsering his question, maybe moaning because of his action.

"It's about Spencer." Patrick add's and Cassie pull's away from him breathless and eyes blown.

"We're making out and you wanna talk about my cousin?" She breaths out against him. Patrick laugh's a bit and kisses her quick.

"I just wanted to ask you something." He add's, bracing himself with his hand's on either side of the girl's head.

"Okay, shoot." Cassie says, brushing hand's through her hair and staring up at her boyfriend.

"Okay, is he?...is Spencer..gay?" Patrick ask's and he's a bit unsure of himself, at Cassie's reaction. The girl laugh's against him and her body vibrates against his. Patrick ignores the way it feel's against him.

"What? Spencer's not gay Trick." She's laughing, laughing like the whole idea is ridiculous when really, it's not that far out of the range of possibilities. Honestly, Patrick was expecting his girlfriend to admit that her cousin actually is gay and like vowing him to secrecy or something.

"Cassie, come on...you can tell me." Patrick says in a 'Let's both be serious.' tone. His girlfriend sit's up now and pushes Patrick back a bit.

"I'm serious Trick. Spencer's straight." She sound's completely serious and that kind of confuses Patrick. "Why would you think that?" Cassie inquires.

"Baby." Patrick starts and he take's his girlfriend's hand between his own. "I mean, it's pretty obvious." Cassie laugh's again but stop's when she see's Patrick is serious.

"No, no Patrick, Spencer isn't gay. He's had a girlfriend before." Okay, so either Cassie has serious denial or Patrick is being a huge asshole. He quirk's an eyebrow.

"How long ago was this?"

"Seventh grade." Patrick roll's his eyes, they were seniors now and that meant that the boy's been single for five year's now.

"That was five year's ago." He point's out and Cassie scoff's.

"That doesn't mean he's gay." She interjects and wow, both Smith kids can do the bitchface, that's kind of scary.

"He look's like a girl...he kind of dresses like a girl....and baby, he act's like a girl." Patrick knows he shouldn't have said that, knows by the look on her face. She pulls her hand from his and look's down at the comforter under them.

"If he was, he would've told me." She tell's him and she's so serious and Patrick want's to smack himself because yeah, he just offically killed the mood. Patrick ventures out to put a hand on her knee, over her own hand and rub's it gently.

"Maybe he's just scared of what you'll think." Patrick honestly has never met someone whose gay and he very well could be wrong because he used to think Brendon was but that was until he found out the boy sucessfully knocked up Cassie and is now dating Krissy, chances are he could be wrong and he could be fighting with her for no damn reason.

His girlfriend is still silent and Patrick is quick to back peddle, he really doesn't want her pissed off at him. "Or maybe you're right and he's not gay. Just really, really picky with the girl's he like's." Patrick suggests but it does nothing to sweeten her mood and again her bitchface show's up.

"I think you should go home now Patrick." She tell's him and she shift's so her leg's are on the side of the bed. Patrick sigh's and is a little disheartened because sex...but he's not going to push it so he get's up off the bed, heading to the door.

"I was going to sleep with you tonight you know?" She says on his way out and Patrick really, really hate's himself.

Patrick stomp's down the stairs, he knew Cassie was protective of Spencer and he's protective of her, they've always been like that so really it was fucking stupid to even ask that question. It's his own fault that he get's no sex tonight.

The boy passes by the living room and he see's Spencer still on the phone but he doesn't stop to chat, just toes on his shoe's and head's out the door.
*****************************************************************************
Cassie head's downstairs only after she hear's the front door close. She ignores the burn of guilt she feel's for kicking Patrick out but really why accuse her cousin of being gay? And okay it's not like Cassie can say that she's never had doubt's before, that sometimes she look's at her cousin and think's that maybe he is. But on the same token she doesn't want him to be, not because she's against it [because she's so not] but because if Spencer is, well, than that mean's that he didn't trust her enough to tell her.

Spencer is still downstairs when she get's down there, sitting in the recliner, white sidekick stuck to his ear. He eyes her as she lean's against the frame of the wall. "Ry, Ryan, I gotta go..." Spencer starts but he's still on the phone. Cassie can picture Ryan perched in his room questioning Spencer's motives. "Because my cousin look's like she's going to kill someone." He states and that seem's to be enough to get Ryan to hang up.

"Hey, why did Patrick rush out of here? You two fighting?" Spencer asks, after he's off the phone. Cassie's thinking that Spencer didn't get off the phone because she looked pissed but because he wanted all the juicy detail's if she and Trick were fighting.

Cassie flops down on the couch and crosses her arm's, she's only kind of pouting. "We weren't, in fact we were making out and we were totally going to do it for the first time!" Cassie half shout's and she ignores the way Spencer crinkles his nose and pushes on. "But then he stop's me and he's all like 'Do you think Spencer is gay?'" She add's pulling off a horrible impersonation of her boyfriend. "I'm mean, isn't that ridiculous?" She finishes, looking at her cousin with wide eyes.

Spencer just look's surprised and mildly amused. "Wait, you two were fighting about me?" He presses and his eyes flicker with something that she can't quite place. She nod's though and her arm's loosen, sliding down to rest on her leg's. She notices that he didn't say Patrick was wrong.

"I told him to leave because I mean he's so wrong, thinking you're gay." She's expecting Spencer to say something. Guy's always get super defensive when you call them gay so she's waiting for Spencer to freak out just like she is. Spencer just sigh's and brushes hand's through his brown bang's.

"I'm not worth fighting over." He tell's her, he's looking down at his phone like he's itching to call Ryan back. She almost want's to drop it but now she can't. She can't because Patrick fucking implanted it in her mind and even though she know's it isn't true she kind of need's to hear Spencer say it.

"It's not true though is it?" She asks, quiet but her cousin look's up at her.

"What?" He sound's like he can't believe she's asking him this and maybe she can't believe it either. Cassie and Spencer know so much about each other that nothing really comes as a surprise, honestly they might as well be brother and sister and it would kind of kill Cassie is Spencer were scared to tell her that he was gay.

"You're not gay...right?" She says it carefully, like it might piss Spencer off. The boy just fold's his arm's across his chest and sigh's.

"Of course it's not true! Come on Cass, you know me way better than that! If I were gay...wouldn't I tell you?" He asks and she shrug's, she look's a little wounded, the same look she has when people yell at her.

"I would hope so Spence. We're family after all. You know you can trust me." She tell's him and he watches her intently for a moment before he nod's.

"I know." He replies and they drop the subject after that. Patrick call's half an hour later to apologize and Cassie forgives him and they makes little kissey noises at each other until Spencer get's tired of it and goes up to his room.

He lay's in bed cell phone in hand, intent on calling Ryan but he has something else to do first. He scroll's the list of name's in his phone until he find's the one he's searching for and punches at the button.

'Megan, meet me after school tomorrow, we need to talk-Spencer'

That's what he send's in a text message to the girl.
*****************************************************************************
Megan got the text from Spencer thirty minutes after she got out of the shower. She was sat on her bed as she read it, white towel drapped over her head and her mouth quirked in a small smile. She had texted back Spencer asking him why but all he replied was to not tell anyone that they were meeting after school.

The girl thought that was pretty weird, she didn't talk to Spencer much. Mostly she talked to the girl's and Wentz, Andy and of course Gabe and anyone whose at all related to Gabe. Since the day of the parking lot party, the one where two of her friend's got arrested, she and Gabe had grown a lot closer. Not close enough for them to be going out but close enough that she now had his instant messanger screen name and the two of them often chat on the internet.

The next day at school Megan had to pretend like she wasn't weirded out by Cassie's cousin and she also had to pretend that not seeing all her friend's coupling up was making her feel kind of lonely. She had talked to Gabe that morning but the boy had also been eyeing Victoria or Vicky-T from across the parking lot, leaving Megan a little pissed off and stalking off to morning classes with Ryland Blackinton.

At lunch Megan ignored Gabe all together and he stared at her from across the lunch room but she just turned away and stared at Spencer who was shifting his gaze between Cassie, Ryan, Patrick, Jon and Megan herself, it ended up making him look overly fidgity.

"No Saporta stalking today Megan?" Jenny teases because it's a well known fact that during lunch Megan spend's her time looking at Gabe or talking to Gabe but the girl is still a little miffed about the fact that he blew her off for Vicky-T. Megan shake's her head.

"Not today," She doesn't explain her reason's, she's young, it's not like she has to wait for Gabe, she's sure she could date any one of her single guy friend's.

It's after school and again, Megan is blowing off her Saporta stalking in favor of meeting Spencer in the basement corridor. She vaugely wonder's if Gabe notices that she's not talking to him today, if he care's at all. She's mostly just confused because the boy act's as if he like's her but she also know's that Gabe happen's to be an overly friend person, she doesn't think she'll ever forget how Pete and Gabe once kissed or the hilarious time that Beckett got liquored up and let Gabe kiss him. She kind of think's it's annoying how friendly he is.

Megan hear's footstep's and whirl's around to see Spencer heading toward's her. The girl smiles at him and lean's back against the cool, white basement wall. She pushes her bang's out of her eye's as Spencer stop's next to her. "What up Spencey?" Megan teases and Spencer scan's the hallway before he look's down at the shorter girl.

"Listen, I kind of need your help." Spencer half whisper's, obviously getting straight to the point.

"Okay, help with what?" Megan like's Spencer even though she doesn't know him that well, but he's related to Cassie and Megan loves Cassie so she'll help as best she can. Spencer is wearing a tight grimace and he look's like he's not sure he want's to say anything. The girl look's at him expectantly so he sigh's and start's talking.

"If I tell you something...can you promise not to tell anyone?"

"I promise."

"No, I'm serious, not Jenny, not Cassie, no one. Got it?" Spencer is oddly more serious than usual. Megan pushes away from the wall sighing.

"Look, Spencer, I don't have a whole lot of time for your super secret code time kay?" Megan is saying and she's looking like she might just leave and catch the bus as opposed to sweet talking Pete and Cassie for a ride.

"Okay, okay, just hang on." Spencer replies, his hand's coming up and ushering the girl to stay. "It's just...what I'm about to tell you is really, really serious." Megan stop's where she is, her hands crossing tight across her chest.

"Okay, just tell me." She insists and Spencer nod's, moving closer to the girl, maybe so he can keep his voice low.

"Alright. So last night Patrick asked Cassie if I was gay." Spencer starts and Megan's eyes light up and she look's like she want's to interrupt him but she bite's her lip and Spencer continues. "I told her no but I think...I think she's getting supicious of me." The boy finishes, staring into Megan's brown eyes like she hold's all the anwsers.

"So.." Megan start's, she scuff's the toes of her sneakers against the tiled floor, looking down at the floor. "She found out you were gay?" She lift's her head back up to look at the boy, her eye's soft for him. In all honesty she was the only other person besides Ryan who knew that yeah, Spencer was actually gay, he had told her while they were trapped in the closet together at one of Jon's parties.

Megan had sworn not to tell and Spencer seemed grateful that he could finally tell someone. "She didn't find out. But I think she's thinking I am. That's why I need you." He insists.

"Where do I come in?" Megan asks, tucking her hand's into the pocket's of her hoodie. She kind of know's where this is going but she could be wrong. Spencer is staring at her again, like he can't believe she's going to make him say it. He sigh's, always the eternally defeated soul, that's what Spencer was.

"I need you...I need you to pretend to be my girlfriend." Megan make's a face and Spencer continues before she can decline. "Look, it wouldn't be for that long and Ryland told me that you're kind of mad at Gabe so...you could use me to make him jealous!" Spencer spill's the word's out fast like saying them will make Megan stay rooted on the spot.

First off Megan is cursing the day she ever met Ryland Blackinton and second she regret's ever getting put in a closet with Spencer Smith. She sigh's and look's away from the boy, she actually is contemplating taking him up on his offer, it wouldn't be hard to pretend to be someone's girlfriend but that also meant lying to everyone they knew. She wasn't so sure she could do that.

"Spencer," She lift's her dark head, eyes deep with thought. "Wouldn't it just be easier if you tell Cassie? I mean, why put on this whole charade?" She's still comtemplating his suggestion, chewing it over in her mind. Megan absentmindly plays with the zipper on her hoodie while she wait's for Cassie's cousin to say something, anything.

"Not really. Please, Megan, I need you..you're the only one I can turn to." Megan sigh's, she damn's the Smith kid's and their big pouty eyes.

"Fine, fine Spence, but promise me that you'll tell her eventually?" The girl tries and Spencer nod's, Megan's pretty damn sure that Spencer would promise anything at this point.

"Yeah, I'll tell her but you'll be my pretend girlfriend right?"

"Yes." Megan tell's him and Spencer grin's big and wide and maybe the boy doesn't do that enough. He move's forward and pull's her up in a hug, Megan is shorter than Spencer, like, a lot shorter so she kind of has to stand on her tip-toes to get at him. Megan think's that this is good practice, practice for pretending like their actually in love.
*****************************************************************************
Cassie's actually damn surprised that she can't find Spencer after school. She know's he's a big boy and that he can take care of himself but still, he could at least tell her where he'll be. Patrick's mom gives them a ride home, she still ride's with Pete but he happen's to have soccer practice today, so Patrick it is. And what's more is that the boy talk's his mom into letting him stay at Cassie's for dinner, she doesn't need to know that both of Cassie's parent's don't get home until way after dinner.

Spencer isn't home either and maybe Cassie want's to call him, check on him but than Patrick's pushing her against him and pulling her up into a kiss, their hip's pushing together just so and all thought's of Spencer go out the window. He has her hands up on either side of her head, wrist's against the cool wood of the door.

Their kiss break's and their mouth's are still close together, mere inches apart. "Bedroom?" Cassie suggest's, blue eyes flickering with want and maybe a bit of fear. She hasn't had sex in two year's, there's been a few close call's with Pete but no, no sex since Brendon. Patrick pull's back a little, his hands still holding her wrist's.

"You serious?" He asks, his own blue eyes unusually dark and their hip's grind together, she can feel him and fuck, yeah, she's sure. She nod's and Patrick smirk's before leaning in to kiss her quick, releasing her wrist's and allowing her to move infront of him. Her own finger's wrap around his wrist, tugging him upstairs.

They get upstairs and Cassie closes the door, lock's it in case Spencer comes home. Her hands are on Patrick's shoulder's, she presses her lip's to his and lead's him backwards, back to the bed. Cassie slink's down on the bed, pulling her boyfriend down with her, down on top of her.

They slide back, until her head's on her pillow's and their shoe's are kicked off. Patrick had already lost his jacket and his hat, she's just about the only person he would let see him without his hat..maybe Pete if he was having a good day. They break their kiss again and Patrick is staring down at her breathless.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asks, he just, he doesn't want to pressure her, just want's to make sure she's ready. Cassie pushes up against him, he shakes and she grins. Patrick doesn't need an anwser after that, he know's that she's ready.

After it's all said and done Patrick is laying pressed tight against Cassie. Her head on his slightly heaving chest, finger's tracing invisible pattern's across pale skin. Patrick turn's his head and kisses her forehead. "You don't regret it right?" Patrick is asking, Cassie prop's herself up on her elbow and watches him with warm eyes.

"Of course I don't." She lean's in and kisses him, a soft slide of lip's on lip's and his hand grip's her hip. "It was wonderful, you were wonderful." She's telling him and maybe she's overexaggerating but he doesn't really care.

"So, that's something were gonna do again right?" He teases and she slap's at him lightly.

"Yeah, as long as we find a spot where none of our friend's or family can find us." She replies and she's slipping away from him, off the bed and she's getting dressed. Patrick's eyes drink in naked skin, trying to memorize the curves and lines before she covers them with clothes.

Cassie's got his t-shirt on and wow, that's way hotter than it should be. "Can I keep this?" This asks and Patrick sit's up, pull's on his boxers.

"If you do..what am I supposed to wear home?" Cassie roll's her eyes before she moves to her closet, the same one where they shared their first kiss. She didn't put her pant's back on yet, just underwear and Patrick's t-shirt and fuck, if she keep's parading around like this, their not going to have to wait to do it again. Cassie drop's to her knee's and throw's a few clothes out of the closet until she seem's to find what she was looking for, she turn's and throw's the article of clothing to Patrick.

Patrick open's it and it's a t-shirt, black and definitly a dudes. Okay, so it's kinda weird that his girlfriend is giving him some other dudes shirt but he's sure he can deal, as long as it's not Brendon's or anything like that. "It's my dad's." She tell's him. "In case you were wondering."

Patrick shrug's and slides the shirt on, allowing his girlfriend to keep his band camp t-shirt from three year's ago. Cassie return's to the bed as Patrick is pulling on the borrowed shirt. Patrick turn's, his leg's spread, Cassie crawl's between them, kneeling and leaning forward to kiss Patrick.

He kisses her softly, hands brushing her cheek's. Cassie really is the perfect girl for him, when he see's her, kisses her, when he's around her, he feel's at bliss. He's never really felt like this before, not with Greta but this is what he want's she's all he need's.

"Want to go for a round two?" Patrick breathes soft against her mouth and the girl smirk's nod's and lean's in to kiss him again. Just then a loud bang issues from downstairs and Cassie is practicaly springing off the bed, assuming it's her parent's or Spencer.

"Pant's now." She hisses at her boyfriend and Patrick ambles off the bed and collects his jean's from the floor. Cassie too is pulling on her jean's, attempting to look like she hadn't had sex tonight. Footstep's echo on the stair's and Cassie moves to unlock her door, to ease the suspicions Spencer might have. Sure enough, the footstep's head to just outside of Cassie's door and there's a light knock.

"Cassie? You in there?"

"Yeah, Spence, come in." Patrick was kind of nervous about seeing Spencer again, he knew his girlfriend well enough to know that she told her cousin about his theory that Spencer was gay. The boy came in the room anyway and stopped short when he saw Patrick was in the room with Cassie.

"Hey, Spencer." Patrick tried for casual, tried for 'No I never called you gay'.

"Hey." Spencer replied and his face was blank but his eyes were sparking as his gaze drifted between Patrick and his cousin. "Why was the door closed?" He question and Cassie rolled her eyes.

"You sound like my mom Spence."

"That doesn't explain the door."

"We were studying, and you know I usually do keep my door closed."

Spencer looked throughly unconvinced. "You guy's had sex!" He exclaims suddenly and Patrick shakes his head, he just doesn't see how Cassie doesn't think her cousin is gay. Cassie rest's her hands on her hip's.

"We did not!"

"You so did!"

Spencer and Cassie had a bad tendency to bicker like children. "If you didn't have sex than why are you wearing Patrick's shirt and why is Patrick wearing uncle Tim's?" Spencer eyed them again and Patrick kind of felt like sinking into a hole in the floor, he did not feel like discussing the first time he and Cassie had sex, with Spencer and now that Spencer knew, Ryan was sure to know and it was sure to spread from there. "And you're also braless." The boy point's out and Cassie look's down at her chest before she glares at Spencer, arm's crossing to cover herself.

"What did you want again Spencer?" Cassie is asking, Patrick doesn't think it matter's how long Spencer stay's in the room. They're already dressed and Cassie won't want to do it now that the boy is home. Spencer cock's his hip, one hand resting on the jutted out hip.

"I actually came to tell you that I took your advice about being with the person I love and I came to tell you that I have a girlfriend now." Spencer says almost smugly and Patrick doesn't miss the way the boy's eyes lock on his own.

"Really? Who?" Cassie is teaming with excitment and she kind of bounces around him.

"Megan." Spencer replies and he's smiling at his cousin as she gasps.

"I knew it was Megan." Cassie cries excitedly. "You have to tell me every detail." Okay, if Patrick wasn't sure about it before he know's without a doubt now that they will not be having sex again tonight.


chapter thirty two: I'm not a chance, just a heatwave in your pants

Ryan had only been dating Jenny for around four days but he was already at her house. By now he knew about the situation with Jenny's mom, how she drank a lot and had a bad habit of not coming home. Ryan knew what that was like, his own dad getting shitfaced and disappering for days.

They had yet to do more than marathon making out sessions, Ryan quickly learning that his new girlfriend loved making out. It was after school and it was their first day being in school as a couple. Apparently that meant that they got to do the required, new couple making out. It was like a right of passage for everyone and even though Ryan wasn't big on public displays of affection he and Jenny did kiss in front of their friend's and classmates.

Cassie and Spencer making appropriet hooting noises and Brendon giggling like an idiot. Jenny would blush and push at her best friend and Ryan would just shoot Spencer a look that promised he'd get his revenge later.

Jenny and Ryan weren't the only new couple to appear at the school come Monday. Ryan was only a mild degree of surprised to find Spencer proclaiming that Megan was his new girlfriend. He knew all along that Spencer was gay but he never breathed a word to anyone, not even Cassie. Spencer also told him all about the fact that Patrick was raising supicions and it had been Ryan who helped convince Spencer to have a fake girlfriend. Needless to say, Spencer and Megan were no where near as affectionate as Ryan and Jenny.

So Ryan was at Jenny's house and they were sitting together on the girl's front porch, his girlfriend curled against him as they sat quietly together. A cool breeze blew across them, sending newly turned red and orange leaves skittering down the road. Ryan liked the fall, liked the fact that the seasons were changing. He wasn't sure why but something about fall made him feel alive.

"I don't like the fall." Jenny says suddenly pulling away from him to almost glare at the tree's with their dropping leaves. Ryan's a little surprised at this statement but it's not like it really matters.

"Why?" Ryan doesn't think it's that hard of a question but Jenny kinda recoiles and look's down at her hands. Ryan knows these are signs of someone being uncomfortable with a situation. He kind of wishes he didn't know these thing's.

"Uh, I just don't." Jenny says softly. Ryan still goes to therapy, Jenny doesn't. He doesn't know if it was because they weren't dating yet and she felt awkward or because she just didn't think it was for her. The boy think's that maybe this is something she doesn't want to deal with.

"Is it about your dad?" Ryan knows it's probably something he shouldn't ask about yet. That it's probably a bad topic but he want's to know everything about her, all the good and all the bad. Jenny stares up at him, blue gray eyes shining with something and it's probably hard for her, the way his family is hard for him. This is something she probably doesn't talk about, except maybe with Cassie or Krissy.

Jenny nod's but doesn't say anything. Ryan doesn't actually know anything about Jenny's dad. He's never heard anything or seen anything and he knows, he knows he shouldn't have asked. "I'm sorry." Ryan starts.

"I don't want to talk about it." He knows she doesn't mean to be mean about it. He knows more than anyone that some thing's are just too hard to talk about. The boy is quiet, reaches out and take's her hand, squeezes it tight.

"So, you don't like fall." Ryan states and Jenny look's over at him with a small smile.

"I don't." She replies and she rest's her head against his shoulder. Their holding hands and it's quiet.
*****************************************************************************
Belinda's been terribly bored since Joe got grounded for getting a detention at school. It leaves her stuck at home. And okay, maybe she could be hanging out with her friend's but Cassie, Jenny, Megan, and Krissy all have boyfriend's. She's still waiting for William to ask her out. She's just glad that her friend's still get on the internet.

Poetwhodidntknoit: What up Meganz?

Sortastalkerz: Nothing, chillen with mah homies and whut. U?

Poetwhodidntknoit: COOL BEANS! but y aren't you hanging with Spencey?

Honestly it still surprises Belinda that Megan and Spencer are suddenly going out. She probably need's to stop missing school and keep her eyes and ears trained on more than just Beckett.

Sortastalkerz: Oh you know...he need's his space I need mine.

Poetwhodidntknoit: ah, I see. want to give me the deets of how you two got together?

Sortastalkerz: Oh well, he totally got down on one knee and was liek "Meganz! BE MAH GURL!"

Poetwhodidntknoit: lol O rly?

Sortastalkerz: Well, for real he just told me that he really liked me and he wanted to see if we could be epic together, also he thinks i'm too good for saporta.

Poetwhodidntknoit: have you talked to gabe?

Sortastalkerz: no, usually i talk to him at lunch but today i didn't.

Poetwhodidntknoit: oh i c

Sortastalkerz: lol brb Jenny and Cassie just got online.

Half a minute later Megan had created a chatroom with a dirty name and had Cassie, Jenny, Belinda, and herself in it.

Poetwhodidntknoit: So Cassie, you upset that your cousin's dating Moog?

TehCassie: psssh no, i'm glad. that mean's Spencer won't bug me about patrick being over.

Madasrabbits: yeah, so the two of them can sex in private.

TehCassie: so you and Ryro are getting it on?

Madasrabbits: Not if he keep's asking stoopid questions.

TehCassie: brb

Madasrabbits: KK

TehCassie's away message: brb sexing Patrick

Madasrabbits: well, she's adorable.

Poetwhodidntknoit: well...all sexing Patrick's aside, i have to go so ttyl.
*****************************************************************************
The reason Belinda had to go so suddenly was because her mother was calling her from downstairs. She trots to her door and look's down the staircase. "What is it mom?"

"There's someone here to see you Belinda." Her mom tell's her and Belinda quirks her head. Half of her friend's are on the internet right now and Joe was still grounded so maybe it was Pete or something. The girl pad's downstairs and stop's off at the front door, that's already slightly ajar from her mom.

Belinda pull's the door open unceremoniously, leaning against the door frame as she perpares to talk to whoever is at the door. The girl's jaw drops because there standing on her porch is William Beckett, Belinda's crush William Beckett, student council president William Beckett. Yeah, all of the above.

"Hi, Belinda." William says and he smiles soft, the sunlight catching him in a way that makes him look completly angelic and if he were here to take Belinda away, well that's perfectly fine. Belinda makes some kind of garbled response that she hopes sound's like a 'Hi.'. She really wishes she weren't standing in front of him in her gym shorts, t-shirt and knee socks.

"Um, what are you doing here?" Okay maybe that sounds a little rude in hindsight but he can't just show up and expect her to think it's real. She figures that William's probably not even really at her house, that she slipped on the way down the stairs and cracked her head open and is now laying in a pool of blood having this beautiful, if not mediocre daydream.

William just smiles again and lean's his own willowy figure against the doorframe. "I came here to tell you that I'm going to be your tutor starting next week." He informs her and if she wasn't daydreaming before she has to be now, this is her mind's way of easing her gently into death, it has to be.

"Oh. Um. Really?" Belinda thinks she probably sound's stupid and also she's wondering if she can fake stupidity because she doesn't really need tutoring but no way in hell is she going to pass up a chance to have William Beckett teach her. "Okay. Okay, great! Where will we meet?" She asks him, smoothing her hands over her shorts, praying that William wasn't staring at her sorta pale legs.

William wrings his hands together. "I was thinking here?...or we could do it somewhere else if you like?"

"No! Here is good." Belinda rushes out too quickly, having William in her house is both exciting and a little worriesome but she'd perfer it to being anywhere else, at least she's comfortable at home. There's a small silence between them and Belinda thinks she should be like offering William to come inside or offer him a drink or tell him she'll have his babies. "Do you-uh, want to come inside?" She settles and William is still smiling when he shakes his head.

"I have to go actually. Student council business to attend to you know?" He says and Belinda nod's delicately, she's trying so hard not to stare at him with big adoring eyes. "But, I'll talk to you tomorrow at school right?" He add's and again Belinda nod's, swallowing thickly before croaking out a goodbye as the older boy left, walking down to where his silver car is parked in front of Belinda's house, that is something she knows she could get used to.
*****************************************************************************
It's three in the morning when Cassie's cell phone ring's. She lift's her head sleepily from the pillow, bright lights flashing across her ceiling and that Pussycat Doll's ring tone she had set to Pete's name, blaring out into her room. She reaches blindly grabbing up the cell and flicking it open, shielding her eyes from the light.

"Pete, it's three in the morning. You better have a damn good reason for calling me." Her voice is sleep laced and deep. There's a small silence on the line, she can hear the rustle of fabric and a sigh.

"I wanna fuck you." She hears Pete's voice say gruff into the phone. Her eyes fly open and she sits up in her bed, blanket falling off of her body. She's feeling awake now.

"What?" Pete's jokes normally aren't very funny, they're especially not funny at three in the morning.

"I wanna have sex with you Cassie." Pete mumbles out and this time she notices it, this time she can tell he's drunk.

"Pete, you've been drinking." It's not a question, she knows he's doing it. She just doesn't know why he think's this is a good idea.

"I would do it...hard." Pete starts and Cassie's breath catches in her chest. This isn't the first time this has happened, once last year, one too many jager bombs with Joe and Gabe. Pete does this when he's lonely, when he want's affection, she just wishes it wasn't from her.

"Stop it." She tell's him. Cassie knows that he'll regret it in the morning, when he doesn't show up for school and they'll both know what he did but they won't talk about it. "Why are you drinking on a school night?" She questions.

"On your bed...you on your back." Pete is ignoring her questions, focused on what he's saying and Cassie wonders vaugely if he's touching himself. She hopes not, that would be harder to ignore. "I'd fuck you so hard, god, you'd be sore for days."

Cassie sighs "I'm going to hang up now." She threathens but she actually wants to make sure he'll be okay for the night.

"Everytime Patrick fucked you, you'd think of me." Pete nearly growls and Cassie gasps, that's it, she cannot talk Pete down this time. Let him call someone else and see if they'll let him talk dirty to them because he had just found her line and proceeded to cross it.

"Goodnight Peter." Cassie says flatly and hang's up, turning off her phone before going back to sleep.
*****************************************************************************
Pete wakes up at noon with his phone open in one hand, his other arm draped over his eyes, his alarm clock blaring loud in his ear and his mom knocking on his door. He sit's up and his head feel's overly heavy, his mouth is dry and the sunlight is hurting his eyes. Pete hates Gabe and Travis.

He stumbles to his door and pull's it open. Pete knows he probably look's a mess, that his jeans are undone and slipping off his hips and his cell is still gripped in his hand. "You're not going to school today?" His mom asks and Pete shakes his head, vision blurry.

"Sick." He tells her and he knows she doesn't believe him but she just nod's and allows him to go back to his bed. Pete shut's off his alarm clock before he flops back on to his bed. Pete vaugely remembers what happened last night, Gabe telling him to drink off a bad mood and Pete like an idiot listening to him. He remembers drinking and than drinking more and more. He remembers stumbling home and maybe, maybe he had his cell phone, he's not sure. Did he call someone?

Pete opens the cell back up and checks the last call he made. His stomach kind of drops to his feet but maybe that's just the alcohol responding to him waking up. He had called Cassie last night. Pete curses and covers his eyes again, nothing good comes from drinking. Absolutely nothing.

In lew of calling the girl he texts her because she should be at lunch or in drama class and should be able to text him back. He kind of remembers what he said to her last night, at the very least he knows that the word fuck was thrown around.

hey, bestie.

Pete waited three minutes before he got a text back from her.

well, good afternoon mr. Wentz, hung over?

mmm...head hurts...did i call u last nite?

More minutes slide by as he waits for her reply.

oh, you remember that?

sarcasm doesn't work in texts u kno

do you even remember what you said to me last night?

Pete kind of froze up, he doesn't remember but if she's saying this than, well, it couldn't have been good.

um, no, y? was i mean 2 u?

try extreamly dirty Wentz.

o god. wat did i say?

i...you said you wanted to sleep with me...only in not so nice words.

Pete really, really hated Gabe and Travis.

i..rly? i didnt mean 2 u kno.

i know, i know, alcohol is not your friend.

did u tell trick?

nope

Pete was relieved, he didn't need Patrick knowing that he had drunk dialed his girlfriend.

g2g Pete, class is over.
*****************************************************************************
Cassie didn't tell anyone else about what Pete had done, she thought about telling Jenny but the girl was way more engrossed in learning what Ryan's mouth tasted like so she let the younger girl have at it. Patrick asked where Pete was but Cassie made up some bullshit excuse about the boy not feeling well, she didn't need to tell them that he was home, wallowing in his own guilt.

She also didn't hear from the boy for the rest of the night. She considered texting him but thought that maybe they just needed time away from each other. Cassie was also just the tiniest freaked out by what he had said, last time he had done that had been pg-13 compared to the shit he was spouting now. Knowing who Pete was probably with that night, they had probably drank and watched porn and sent Pete home without taking away his cell phone.

Spencer decides he wants to spend the night at Ryan's place because Ryan's dad is out drinking and Cassie told him that if the need should arise that he could bring Ryan back to her place. So, her cousin is gone and her parents are still working and Patrick is texting her but can't call her because he has to finish a handful of worksheets for their math class. It's around ten at night when a tapping noise resonates in her room.

Cassie ignores it at first but than it get's louder and horribly repetative so she pushes the book she had been reading away and moves to her window. The porch light is on and Cassie can just make out a person standing on her front lawn. It takes about point two seconds for her to know who it is. She shakes her head, an exasperated smile and opens the window, sticking her head out it.

"Are you seriously doing this?" Cassie asks, leaning her arm's against the window's ledge. Pete moves closer to the window, head tipped up so he can see her.

"You know it."

"Pete, you are seriously a living movie cliche." Cassie tell's him and Pete laughs.

"You like movie cliches." He remind's her and she shrugs, fingers brushing against the cool metal siding of the house.

"Thought you were ignoring me." Cassie tells him, one hand moving to prop under her chin as she stares down at her best friend.

"That's why I came here. I wanted to talk to you." He shout's up to her. "Can I come up?" Pete asks, the girl considers it for a minute before she nod's.

"Yeah, front's unlocked." She tell's him and Pete disappers from her line of sight, going into the house. She can hear him thumping around before he comes upstairs, opening the door and stepping sheepishly into her room. Cassie turns to face him, arm's crossed and her face expectant.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" Cassie is asking. Pete shakes his head.

"Not in here." He tells her. Cassie narrows her eyes at him, quietly asking him what he mean's. Pete just points up and Cassie get's it, but she doesn't like it.

"Fine." The girl sighs out and Pete grin's, rushes past her to the open window and is leaning out of it, leg's in the room as he sits on the ledge. Pete pull's himself up and out of the window, climbing up to get on the roof of Cassie's house.

"You coming up?" Pete questions and she hesitates before she sighs and moves to the open window. Cassie lowers her head out the window and look's up to see Pete looking down at her. "Come on, I'll help." He offers her his hand. Cassie twists and sit's on the ledge like Pete had done but instead of just climbing up like her best friend had done, she take's the boy's hand, getting his help up on to the roof.

It feel's nice out, cool and breezy and the roof is rough under her bare feet. Pete's sitting at the peak, up at the top of roof, the spot where you can look out and see the rest of the neigborhood and if you squint hard enough you can see the lights from the football field behind their school. Cassie crawl's up next to Pete, not trusting herself to walk along the uneven roof. Her dad would be pissed if he knew they did this. But really, it was too beautiful to care.

Something about it put Pete at ease, something about staring up at the night sky and the moon and the way it all mixed together was enough to put him in the clearest form of mind he could achieve. The last time they had done this was after his attempt at suicide.

Their sitting close, leg's touching and her arm's are wrapped around herself. Pete moves his own arm to wrap around her, pulling her head to his shoulder and holding her close. That's just it, it's just them and no one would get it, no one ever does. Their friendship goes beyond it all and their boundaries are so muddled that they might as well not even exist. Even with their lax boundaries though, they both know Pete said something he shouldn't have.

"I'm sorry." He says after a few silent moments. Cassie shrugs against him.

"It would've been worse had you called another girl, like Jenny or Krissy." Cassie point's out, he can't see her eyes from their positions, she's looking out at the darkness of the neighborhood.

"Not just that though. I'm sorry I've been acting weird." Now she look's up at him, shiny blues eyes that spark in the moonlight.

"Dude, it's fine. It's just you. I'm used to it." She's telling him and it's the truth. Cassie knows him better than anyone, Patrick is a close second but he's never called Patrick and propsitioned phone sex before so Cassie kind of win's.

"I don't know how in the hell you have me all figured out when I can't figure myself out." He says softly, he's not looking at her now, his own gaze stretching out at the landscape.

"It's not easy because you're complex...I don't even think I have you figured out."

"So, no one knows who I am?" Pete asks, he has labels, soccer player, douchebag, idiot, but none of them seem to fit, maybe Pete's just horribly schizophrenic.

"You're a mystery." She anwsers even though he wasn't really looking for one.

"I perfer enigma."

"You're just Pete." Cassie says with an air of finality, like she's sorted through all the options and settled on this one, like it explained it all.

"Glad to know." Pete replies. The two of them settle into a peaceful silence and she's still pulled against him, hand pressed on her back. Pete knows she won't tell Patrick about this because well, maybe not everyone would approve of how close the two of them are.

"So, we're just gonna forget about this whole calling deal right?" Pete questions moments later. Cassie pull's away from him enough to get a good look at his eyes, it's time's like this that he's thankful that they're the same height.

"I forgot it the first time didn't I?" Pete nods and Cassie smirks.

"But be careful, three strikes and you're out you know?" She teases and Pete pokes her side.

Pete suddenly hear's muffled voices and his eyes lock on the long stretch of sidewalk in front of the house. Two figures are moving down the walk, he look's over at Cassie and she see's them too. The voices get closer and Pete can recongize them, it's Spencer and Ryan.

"Spencer, I think someone is on your roof." Pete hear's Ryan say.

"What?" They hear Spencer and it look's like Ryan point's to where they're sitting. Cassie's cousin turn's his head and he stares for a good long moment before he mutters. "Huh, guess you're right." He sound's much too casual for someone who spots people on the roof, so chances are good that he knows what's going on.

"It's just Pete and I Spence." Cassie says and she moves from Pete's grasp, crawls down the roof a little until she's both close too and far enough away from the ledge.

"If you fall and die I am not getting it trouble." Spencer says to her and Pete laughs.

"I'll be like spiderman and save her." Pete interjects and Ryan laughs.

"Than you'll die too and I'll have to plan two funerals." Spencer laments as he and Ryan go inside and Pete help's Cassie off the roof because her parents will be home soon and Pete should be home because he's got homework to finish.

Cassie hugs him before he goes and he just prays that he never gets that third strike.



chapter thirty-three: birthday's and bonfires

"So, you know Jon's birthday is coming up?" Spencer mentions out of the blue one day after school. Cassie looks up from the book their currently reading in their english class.

"It is?" She's surprised. She honestly didn't know about that, even after a solid four years of friendship. Spencer nods, he's looks like he was eager to bring it up, he probably was.

"Yeah, it's on Friday." Spencer tells her, he's sitting in the little chair across from Cassie, his leg's crossed and a magazine open across his lap. Cassie feels little stabs of guilt slice through her. She usually knows all her friend's birthdays. Hell, they had just celebrated Jenny and Ryan's and even Spencer's a few weeks ago.

"Oh, I guess I'm a bad friend." She states, she kind of wishes she knew where Spencer was going with all this, she still has two chapters to read. Spencer glances over at her, a smirk on his rounded face.

"Don't worry little miss drama queen. You're not a bad friend. Jon doesn't really advertise his birthday." Spencer's laughing at her now and she's so, so tempted to throw her book at him, but it's heavy and Spencer is a bleeder. Cassie's face falls blank.

"Oh, why?"

Spencer's face falls, his eyes downcast. "Jon doesn't like his birthday. I'm not sure why but he doesn't like to make a big deal out of it. He doesn't even let me buy him cake." The boy tells her like it's the worst thing to happen in the history of either of their lives. "Cake Cassie!" Spencer says again, trying his best to show her how awful this situation is.

Cassie agrees that it is sad that Jon doesn't like to do anything for his birthday. He's a nice boy, and he has lot's of friends, it's not like he would be all alone. "I'm going to get him a present anyway." Spencer tells her, he's looking back down at his magazine, flipping idily. "I get him one every year." The boy adds. Cassie nods, but Spencer isn't looking at her. She manages to read all of three sentences before he speaks again.

"I don't know what to get him though...any ideas?" Spencer asks, he's staring up at her with those bright blue eyes that tend to run in the family. Cassie sighs and turns her gaze to her cousin.

"Spence, if I promise to go shopping for a present with you, will you leave me alone?" Spencer grins wide before he nods. And Cassie finally, finally gets back to reading.
_____________________________________________________________________________

Saturday rolls around and Cassie has to blow off a movie with Patrick to take Spencer shopping. She alternates between texting Patrick, trailing behind Spencer and telling her cousin that no, Jon would not like a pair of girl jeans for his birthday.

They wind up in a sports store, Spencer scanning the aisles for something Jon would like. Cassie grows incredibly bored around the time when Spencer starts debating between the coffee mug with their school's crest on it and the little Chicago Cubs bobble head figure.

Cassie wanders away even though she promised to stick with her cousin. She only goes next store to the bookstore, just to browse mostly. She's wandering the aisles when she stops suddenly, a dark cover catching her eyes. The book says 'Worldwide Photography' and the cover has a black and white photo of a broken down hotel. Cassie's drawn in by the cover and she stares at it for a good minute and a half before an idea strikes her and she's lifting the heavy book off the shelf.

Five minutes later Cassie is back in the sports store, white bag in hand, just as Spencer is getting his purchase rung up. He turns and spots her and gives her his Spencer Smith patented bitchface. The same face he's had the power to do since he was three. "Thanks for leaving me right when I needed you." He tells her. Cassie rolls her eyes, Spencer knows his bitchface has little to no power on her.

"Sorry, so what did you go with? The mug or the bobble head?" She questions, smiling as the cashier hand's Spencer back his bag.

"Neither. I got him a jersey for his collection."

"You risk taker you." Cassie teases and Spencer rolls his eyes as he and his cousin leave the store. It's around this time that Spencer notices Cassie's bag.

"What's that?" He asks, eyeing the bag with a curious eyes. Cassie shrugs.

"I bought a book." She tells him, she doesn't offer up anymore information, mostly because Spencer can't keep a secret to save his life.
_____________________________________________________________________________

Cassie makes mention of Jon's birthday later that night, over the phone to Patrick. Her boyfriend also didn't know about Jon's birthday, but Patrick is really bad at remembering birthdays. He only manages to remember his mothers, Cassie's, and Pete's.

The girl also brings up Jon's birthday during science class while she and Jenny take notes. Jenny doesn't know about Jon's birthday and she doesn't much care, she's not being mean. She really only cares about her bestest friends birthdays.

Pete does know and he says that he, like Spencer, buy's Jon a gift each year but he gives him the gift the day before his birthday, so it technically doesn't count as a birthday present. Brendon and Ryan both know about the birthday and they tell her that they usually stop by Jon's place and give him presents or hang around, even though Jon won't let them say happy birthday.

Cassie see's Jon at lunch and the first thing she wants to ask about is his upcoming birthday. But all their friend's are there and if Jon doesn't want to talk about it than she doesn't want to bring it up. The two of them are alone in Yearbook class, going over a list of photo's she desperately needs him to take.

That's the thing about Jon, he has an incredible gift of photography. His stuff is amazing and he even carries around an old fashioned camera as opposed to the new digital ones. For yearbook though, Jon has to use the new camera, mostly because their yearbook is digital. Cassie knows that the boy has a serious talent, he's her favorite school photographer to work with, a lot easier than Ryland or Tom Conrad.

Jon's stuff is amazing but it also makes her sad because that artistic side, the photographer, it's pushed away to make room for jock Jon. The star football player can't be a full time photographer Jon tells her and Pete echoes those sentiments to her when she complains about it after school. She feel's like he's wasting his talent just to fit into the social cliches.

She can't get him to stop though so she just takes what she can get, her part time photographer. Cassie thinks about bringing up the birthday thing to Jon when their alone. But she doesn't know what to say. She wants to know if it's okay if she says happy birthday to him, she wants to bring him cupcakes that her mom makes, Cassie can't cook very well.

In the end she doesn't bring it up and class ends with Jon going down to football practice and Cassie heading to find her boyfriend.
_____________________________________________________________________________

The week flies by and by Friday Spencer is a mix between excitment and silent strength. Cassie's kind of glad for the silence part because she's had to endure her cousin constantly asking whether or not he should actually give Jon the jersey. Cassie tells him that yes, it's a good idea, Jon will like it, even though she's not sure what the boy likes.

Patrick asks her if she bought Jon a gift on Friday morning but the girl doesn't get the chance to anwser him before Pete is throwing his arms around Patrick and Cassie's shoulders and Patrick drops the subject.

Cassie see's Jon during first hour, Spencer was right, he makes no mention of his birthday. It kind of makes Cassie sad. If Spencer hadn't told her, she wouldn't have even known. It breaks her heart to think of Jon alone on his birthday.

It's right before lunch when Cassie asks Spencer if he's going to see Jon after school and Spencer nods. Cassie didn't bring Jon's present with her to school, she wouldn't have gave it to him even if she did. That meant that she had to stop by his house later, walk or get her mom to drop her off.

Patrick's mom drops Cassie off at her house after school, she pointedly avoids looking in the backseat as Patrick kisses Cassie goodbye. Spencer's not home, he didn't come home with Cassie so she assumes that he's going to ride home with Jon.

Cassie goes inside and texts her cousin, asking him about her previous thoughts. He texts back quickly and tells her that he's staying with Jon during football practice and afterward's he's going to go back to Jon's house to hang out. The girl calls up Pete, knowing she had at least an hour until Jon was even home. She asks her best friend if he'll come and pick her up, take her to the local supermarket where Krissy works.

He doesn't ask many questions, that's what she likes about Pete. He comes and gets her and ten minutes later their wandering the aisles of the little supermarket, where Krissy has the day off. "So, what did you get Jon for his birthday?" She asks. Pete sets down a box of Cheezits he had been studying and looks at her. He shrugs and runs a hand through his dark jagged bangs.

"A CD. Something he can listen to before football games." Pete tells her. Cassie laughs.

"You made Jon a mix CD?" She laughs because it's so something Pete would do. Pete gives her a mock glare.

"Well, what did you get him?" He questions. Cassie looks up at him and grin's as they walk down one aisle and head toward the bakery, the whole reason Cassie even came here.

"It's a secret." She tells him and Pete rolls his eyes. The two teens stop infront of the long tray of sweets, brightly colored cakes, cookies, donuts, and cupcakes spread out before them. Pete licks his lips, eyeing the sweets the way he usually eyes girls. That's only slightly creepy to Cassie.

She end's up buying a white cupcake, just one and the bakery worker puts it in a little container for her. Pete eyes it hungrily, he's taken to asking her if he can have a bite of it all the way back to the front of the store. In the end Cassie ends up buying him a candy bar because Pete spent all his money on something he won't tell Cassie about.

Pete happily eats his candy bar on the way to the car, it cost her two fifty but at least he's not eyeing the cupcake. "Will you take me to Jon's house?" Cassie asks once Pete is finished with his candy bar and throws the wrapper in the backseat. Pete quirks his lips as she starts the car.

"You do know he doesn't like birthdays right?" Pete points out, maybe he's trying to save her some embaressment, or maybe he just really wants the cupcake. Cassie nods but she figures it's okay because Spencer is there and Brendon and Ryan are both there...maybe Krissy's their too but at the very least she'll give Jon his gift and leave.

"I know, but I still want to go." She tells him. Pete stares at her, like he's trying to read her mind. He looks away after a moment before he shrugs and pulls out of the driveway. They pull up at Jon's place five minutes later, Jon's car is parked in the driveway and Brendon's brightly colored bike is resting agaisnt Jon's porch. Cassie is guessing that Krissy isn't with the boy.

Cassie only feels kind of nervous as she unbuckles her seatbelt and looks over at Pete. "Want me to wait here?" He asks, Cassie shakes her head, she doesn't want to make Pete wait around, she'll walk home if she has to. So she gets out of Pete's car, she had tucked the present and the cupcake inside her messenger bag because she didn't want to just spring it on him.

Pete apparently decides to wait until Jon let's Cassie in before he takes off, so Cassie has to walk up to Jon's porch with the boy's dark eyes trained on her. She knocks and waits a few moments before she hears thumping from inside the house. The door gets pulled open and Cassie can hear Jon talking.

"Spencer, I already told you that I like the jersey. You don't have to-" He stops when he notices that it's not Spencer at his door but Cassie. Jon's face is surprised as he drinks in the girl. "Cassie? Hey what's up?" He asks, his eyes scanning her. She honestly doesn't think she has to explain but whatever, she'll give it a try.

"Um, can I come in?" She asks, she doesn't want to stand on his porch all awkward and have Pete watch her, and probably laugh at her, from his car. Jon's still looking surprised before he pulls back and nod's.

"Sure, yeah, come on." He says as he moves away from the door, allowing the younger girl to move inside. "Is Pete waiting for you?" He asks as he shuts the door. Cassie is standing in the landing of Jon's house, still feeling a little awkward. She shakes her head.

"No, he just gave me a ride." Cassie tells him.

"Oh." Is all the boy replies. "Do you want to go sit down?" He asks, moving forward and he walks past Cassie, motioning her towards the living room. Cassie nods, following Jon into the large living room.

Cassie shoulders her bag as Jon sits and Cassie still stands awkwardly, she thinks she heard Pete's car pull away so if he's gone than she's walking home. "You can sit down." He informs her. Cassie tunes back in and sits.

"I thought Spencer and the others were here." She tells him. Her eyes scan the room and the whole house is silent, the other boys can't be here. Jon nods and brushes his bang's out of his eyes.

"They were but Spencer decided to go and get me a better gift." Jon tells her, he's smiling as he talks and that makes Cassie smile. "I told him the jersey was fine. It was one I didn't have yet." The girl laughs because apparently Spencer gets Jon the same thing every year.

"He'll probably get you a bobble head." Cassie mutters and Jon laughs. There's a small silence and Cassie is trying super hard not to say happy birthday and not to upset the boy. He doesn't exactly seem upset, even if he isn't as talkative if he usually is.

"Um" Cassie starts, Jon's eyes trained on her. "I know you don't like birthdays." She maybe expects him to wince or something but he doesn't so she continues. She pulls her messenger bag onto her lap and unzips it. "But I got you something anyway." Cassie finishes, she reaches into the bag and pulls out the dark blue wrapped present, handing it over to Jon.

Jon's eyes go kind of wide but he excepts the gift all the same and he's smiling as he look's down at it. "You didn't have to you know." He tells her, she does know that, she's known that all along but it's something she wanted to do.

"Well, you know. Gotta spoil my favorite photographer." Cassie teases, Jon laughs before he slowly opens the present. He slowly unveils the book for her, the same dark gray covered book of photographs from around the world, the book that had stopped her in her tracks at the store. The one that instantly made her think of Jon.

Jon's face is blank as he scans the cover, he removes it all from the wrappings before he opens it, flipping through the pages. His brown eyes are warm and shining as he drinks in the photographs. She can tell that he's seeing it the way she thought he would, like a photographer. She likens it to Ryan and how the boy can see art like an artist would, deconstruct and reconstruct.

They're silent for a few more moments before Jon looks up, grinning. "Thank you." He says, and he's still smiling, Cassie will never tire of that infectious smile. "It's really great." She can tell that he means it, that he's not faking interest in the book. She's glad, she hadn't been sure about it.

"I'm not done yet." Cassie says and again she's digging into her bag before she pulls out the cupcake in the container, she managed to keep it in perfect condition. Jon laughs, as she hand's him the container. Jon smiles and takes it, setting it next to him on the glass table. Again they fall silent, Jon's not looking up anymore, he's looking down at the book on his lap, his smile is gone.

Cassie kind of panics, she's afraid that she had upset him. "The cupcake was too much wasn't it?" She asks a few beats later. Jon looks up, almost like he had forgotten that she was watching him.

"What? No, no, I like it. I like your gift's Cassie." He tells her, his voice is low and his eyes are suddenly heavy. "It's just that you're the only person who got me something that wasn't related to football." He states. Cassie doesn't know if this is a good thing or not. She doesn't say anything so Jon keeps going. "I like the football stuff too you know, it's just that...is that all people see me as? The high school quaterback? The idiotic Jock who only knows how to throw a ball around?"

Jon's voice is dark, maybe he's had this on his mind for awhile. Cassie doesn't think Jon's talking about their friends, their friends know him better than that. Maybe he's talking about the teachers, and the coaches, his parents, people in town. Who knows.

"Jon, you're so much more than that." That's all Cassie can think of to say, what can she say? She's not used to seeing Jon this way. But it only makes sense, someone can't be happy all the time. He nod's and he's quiet. Cassie contemplates something in her head. "Can I ask you something?" She says. Jon looks up at her with wounded brown eyes.

"Go ahead."

"Why do you hate your birthday?" Maybe she shouldn't have asked that, she kind of regrets the words the moment they leave her mouth. Jon is staring at her for a moment before his face takes on a sad smile.

"Spencer has a big mouth." Jon laughs, Cassie laughs small and quiet. She's not saying anything, she's waiting for his anwser. Jon sighs, scrubs his hand across his face, across the soft stubble that's there. "I don't exactly hate it. It's more like it brings back bad memories." He tells her, she quirks her lips, listening in case he still wants to talk.

"I've been alone mostly since I was fourteen. That meant birthdays alone, with only cards from my parents. Spencer and the others try but you know, it's not the same. I guess, I just feel like if my parents don't think my birthday is important, than why should I?"

That's heartbreaking to Cassie. To hear how Jon's parents don't give their son attention. "I'm sorry." She tells him. "I shouldn't have made you bring it up."

Jon reaches out and takes Cassie's hand in his giving it a squeeze. "No, I appreciate it Cass." She see's a flicker of something in Jon's face when he says the nickname, he's never called her that. Only Pete ever does. "You know that you're the only other person I've ever told that to besides the guys." He tells, her.

"I won't say anything." Cassie replies, Jon looks like he's worried that she might. Jon smiles and nods, releases her hand.

"I know you won't." They look at each other for a moment. Cassie leans forward suddenly and hugs Jon. Her arms wound around his neck and her body too close to his.

"Happy birthday." She whispers, she probably shouldn't, not after what Jon had told her but she really wants him to know that he's important, his birthday is important. They hear the front door bang open and three loud voices drift in from the landing.

"You're gonna drop it Brendon!" They hear Spencer's voice cry out. Cassie slides back away from Jon, sitting back on the couch.

"I am not! Ryan, tell him I won't drop the cake." Brendon retorts.

"You weren't supposed to say it was a cake." Ryan sighs and Spencer makes a frustrated noise.

The three boys round the corner and see Jon and Cassie on the couch. "I'm guessing he knows it's a cake." Brendon laughs, holding a bright pink long rectangular box in his arms, Ryan and Spencer on either side of him.

"What are you doing here?" Spencer asks, his eyes surprised at his cousin. Cassie turns to look at Spencer.

"Well, hello to you too." She teases as Brendon moves forward and set's the box down on a clear section of the glass coffee table.

"I didn't know you'd be here Cassie." Brendon says as he moves forward and plops down on the couch between Cassie and Jon, throwing his arm's around the older boy and giving him a hug. "We got cake!" He tell's Jon exctiedly. Jon pushes Brendon away a bit and the boy laughs.

"I just came by to give Jon a present." The girl replies, Brendon's eyebrows lift and he waggles them at her. "It's a photography book." She points out, motioning to the book on the table.

"That's a really good idea." Ryan says and he moves over and picks up the book, flipping through it.

"So, no bobblehead Spence?" Jon asks Spencer and he look's up at the boy and smirks.

"No, I brought cake instead. But I don't know what gave you the bobblehead idea." Spencer feinged ignorance and mockingly glared at his cousin. Cassie just smiled and shrugged.

"Maybe Jon's just a really good guesser." She insists and Brendon laughs.

So Cassie end's up hanging around for the rest of the day and being clued into the boy's usual Jwalk birthday activities. She feel's kind of bad because obviously this is a tradition and she kind of just put herself in it but she's having fun and the others don't seem to mind.

They eat cake, with Ryan cutting Brendon off after two pieces. Cassie grill's Ryan about his intentions with Jenny and Spencer asks a million times over if Jon really likes the jersey. In the end Spencer drives them all home, even Brendon because he's too full from cake to ride his bike. Jon stand's in the doorway waving them off, white cupcake in his hand.
_____________________________________________________________________________
Jenny never was one for school spirit. She found it all too cheery and preppy to really enjoy. She didn't think this year would be much different and she never, ever, pegged Ryan for the type to be into school spirit but low and behold, he is. That's how the two of them ended up at the school's annual bonfire/football game.

Naturally a good amount of the school was there and Jenny had come with Cassie and Patrick but those two were off somewhere, Jenny thinks that maybe her best friend went to watch Pete participate in one of the many activities. Jenny and Ryan were currently standing next to the bleachers, Krissy next to them while Brendon was bounding around dressed as the mascot. Ryan and Jenny were holding hands and chatting idlely up until Ryan noticed Spencer and Megan slipping through the fence into the field and he look's back at her.

"I'm gonna go talk to Spence for a second." He tell's her, leaning in to kiss her quickly before he pulls away and strides over to where his best friend and Megan are holding hands.

"So," Krissy starts, eyeing Jenny with a curious look. "Have you and Ryan done the deed yet?" The blonde girl asks, Jenny snorts into her cup of punch.

"No!" Jenny stammers out, surprised at the question. "I mean, we haven't yet. We've only been dating like a week and a half." The younger girl explains and Krissy shrugs.

"With how long you've been going after him, I thought maybe you wouldn't be able to wait." The blonde girl replies. Jenny blushes lightly.

"Well, what about you? Have you and Brendon been sexing like bunnies?" Jenny asks and now Krissy is the one blushing.

"No, we haven't. I mean, it's been like five months since we started dating and we probably would have by now but then all the Cassie stuff happened." Krissy starts, she doesn't bother telling Jenny about Alex and how she and Brendon had to work through that too.

"But you guys are good now right? So, why not now?" Jenny presses, her eyes flickering around the open field for any sign of Brendon or her own boyfriend. Krissy wrings her hands together before she sighs.

"I actually want to, I know he does too but everytime we get close...I can't go through with it." Krissy admits, her cheeks going pink but Jenny just nods, listening intently.

"Why?" She asks. The taller girl is silent for a few beats before she anwsers.

"I can't stop thinking about Cassie and Brendon doing it." The blonde girl admits. Okay, Jenny was not expecting that. Krissy see's the look on Jenny's face and works quick to explain. "I mean, they've had sex before and so I freak myself out because I start thinking, 'What if I can't compare?' What if I suck really bad at sex?"

"I am not comparing my best friend's sex lives." Jenny laughs out but Krissy pulls a face before the younger girl sighs. "Look, I'm sure you'll be good at it...it's not like it's difficult to pull off." The dark haired girl explains. "So, you should just go and fuck Brendon's brains out tonight." The girl adds and Krissy's cheeks darken but she's not saying no.
*
Cassie had been taking photos of Pete participating in the pie eating contest. Patrick had been with her but he promptly left to get them some punch after one of the freshman participaters had barfed all over the grass. Pete was doing well, actually, Cassie wasn't sure because all she could see was white whipped cream and a flurry of hands.

A hand presses against Cassie's shoulder and the girl turns, expecting to see Patrick and not expecting to see the Bayridge Bat mascot standing behind her. Cassie jumps slightly because, a huge bat just appearing behind you will never stop being scary. "Jesus, Brendon. You can't just do that to people!" Cassie says, mockingly clutching at her chest.

"Sorry." Brendon's muffled voice comes from the huge Bat head. "Can I talk to you though?" He asks and Cassie feel's wary, he sounds serious and the last time he asked if he could talk to her, well, that didn't end well for anyone.

"Yeah, but you have to take the head off." She tells him and he nod's fingerless bat hands coming up to remove the head of the bat. Brendon's all sweaty and grinning under the head but his grin fades as he set's the mascot head down on the grass. "Okay, so what's up?" The girl asks, she's paying all her attention to Brendon now, seeing as she can hear the sounds of another person blowing chunk's.

"Was I good at sex?" He asks, Cassie doesn't know how he can ask these kinds of question's with a straight face.

"Um?...Why?

"Well, I mean, I wasn't like terrible at it was I? Like..you enjoyed it right?"

Cassie sighs and peers around for Krissy, perhaps this is some elaborate set-up. "Why are you asking me this?" Brendon swipes a bat hand through his hair, pushing his sweaty bangs off his forehead.

"Because," He starts, voice so open and honest. "Krissy...she doesn't..we don't..you know?"

Cassie doesn't really know but she nod's anyway. "You two haven't slept together yet?" The boy shakes his head.

"No, but I mean we got really close like we were naked and everything but then she just told me to stop." Brendon explains, any normal person should be embarressed by this conversation.

"I..can't you talk to Ryan about this? Or Spencer? Or Jon? This is more of a guy conversation." Cassie tell's him. They really shouldn't be talking about their past sex lives or their friend's sex lives, with half the school mulling around. Brendon gives her a stare.

"I've never had sex with any of them. How are they supposed to tell me that I'm good?" Brendon presses. Cassie can see Patrick walking back toward's them, two cup's of punch in hand. She really has to make this conversation quick.

"Okay, look Bren." Cassie starts, her hand sliding to the boy's furry shoulder. "Krissy's a virgin. She's probably just nervous, or weirded out by the fact that you actually know what you're doing. Ease her mind."

Brendon opens his mouth to say something but Cassie pushes forward, not allowing him to speak.

"You're good at it." Again Brendon attempts to cut her off but she just squeezes his shoulder. "Trust me, you're good at it Brendon. So, just go for it and blow her mind." Cassie tell's him and Brendon smiles and nod's.

"You're gonna give me a big ego."

"Just shut up and go have sex, mind blowing orgasms and all that." The girl replies pushing Brendon's shoulder, trying to go and get him to find his girlfriend so Patrick doesn't have time to catch any of the conversation.

Brendon scoops up his bat head as he places it back on and prances off to presuably find Krissy.

"Hey," Patrick starts as he comes back to stand next to his girlfriend, handing her the cup of punch. "Was that Brendon?" He question's as he watches the retreating back of the bat. Cassie nod's.

"Yeah, he had bat business to attend to. You know how it goes?" The girl says with a shrug.

*
"Shit! Here comes Ryan!" Megan hisses as she watches Spencer's best friend saunter over to them. Spencer opens his mouth to say something but he doesn't get the chance before Megan's mouth is suddenly pushed against his own. He makes a sort of muffled sound just as Ryan stop's before them.

Megan pull's off and gazes adoringly up at Spencer. "Sorry Ry, I just can't keep my hands off my little Spencey-Wencey pookie pie." Megan tell's Ryan, her voice coming out so sugary sweet that Ryan think's he might have diabetes now but whatever.

"Wow," The brown haired boy says looking at the girl that's clinging to his best friend. "She's really good at pretending."

"I know," Spencer smirks, looking between Megan and Ryan. "That's why I chose her." He says.

Megan makes a face and pushes away from Spencer. "You ass! You could've told me that he knew." The girl states, embarressed at the fact that she had to use such cutesy language for no reason.

"And miss that display of affection? No way." Spencer laugh's Ryan joining in.

"But seriously, I'm the only one who knows it's all pretend so don't worry about it." Ryan tell's her, Megan relaxes, she really hadn't realized just how hard being in a pretend relationship was.

"Am I convincing?" The dark haired girl asks, she really doesn't know whether or not she's making it believeable, she doesn't know how to pretend to be in love with someone. Ryan look's at her and he nod's.

"I would say so, maybe you can just pretend he's Gabe." Megan's eyes fall to the ground. Gabe hadn't talked to her since she started 'going out' with Spencer, they hadn't hung out together or joked about anything. This whole thing with Spencer was to help him of course but also to make Gabe jealous, to pull the Cassie approach and make Gabe see that he doesn't want Megan with any other guy, so far it didn't look like it was working.

"Gabe's not much of an inspiration right now." The girl says and Spencer slips his hand around her shoulder's tugging the girl close to him.

"Don't worry baby, you still have me."

*

Jon was pretty bored at the bonfire, with his jock friend's it was always the same thing, constant talking about football and players of the sport, new drill's being run at different school's and whether or not they should kidnap their rival school's mascot. The cheerleader's weren't much better with their shallow facades and general cruelity toward's everyone who wasn't them.

Aimee Jamerson, a sophmore cheerleader had also been making goo-goo eyes at him all through the football game and that in itself had been awkward. She was pretty, no doubt about that but she was too young and vapid and Jon wasn't interested in her. There was someone Jon was interested in though, a girl he knew well but a girl who was now taken and he really doubted she'd be interested in him anyway.

So Jon was now bored and just this side of lonely. It seemed all his friend's were pairing up while he still sat all alone. It wasn't like he had never been in a relationship before because he had, the last relationship he was in lasted a good three year's. But now everyone seemed to be in a couple, even Spencer who rarely showed interest in dating, was now going out with Megan. Jon supposed if he got desperate he could always date Aimee, or any of the other cheerleader's for that matter, he was a jock and girl's did like that kind of thing.

The boy walked around the dark field feeling more and more isolated. He could see Spencer, Megan, and Ryan talking together, Spencer's arm's around Megan. He thought he had spotted Pete partaking in the pie eating contest and Cassie had been watching him and taking pictures, Krissy and Brendon had been around somewhere too but the boy hadn't seen them in awhile.

Finally Jon see's Jenny standing off by herself next to some bleacher's. She look's bored and Jon is wondering why Ryan isn't hanging with his girlfriend. No longer feeling quite as alone as before Jon makes his way to the younger girl that he shared a rivalery with.

"How are you handling life out of the big house Jenny?" Jon asks as he slides up next to the girl. Jenny turn's surprised to see him.

"God, could be more of a creeper Walker?" Jenny says as she has her hand on her chest in mock fear. Jon laugh's.

"I probably could but creeper is not in my nature." Jenny roll's her eyes at him.

"Don't you have some cheerleaders to bang?" The girl asks, she's smirking at him and yeah, the rivalery is back in full swing, Jon laugh's again.

"I happen to have eyes for someone else." He inform's her, the girl's blue grey eyes widen.

"Really? Anyone I know?" Without missing a beat Jon throws on his patened grin before he take's Jenny's hand in his own.

"I'd say you know her very well." He says low, he raises an eyebrow for dramatic effect. Jenny scoff's and tries to tug's her hand away from his but Jon just hold's on to her.

"So not even close to being funny." She tell's him. Jon open's his mouth to say something but before he can a light voice fill's the air around them.

"Okay, I got you punch but the muffin's were all gone so I hope that's..." Cassie says trailing off as she stop's infront of them, cup's of punch in her hands and her eyes locked on where Jon and Jenny are holding hands. "Um.." She says, looking at their hands. Jenny's eyes widen drastically as she tug's her hand away from Jon's.

"Jon, give me my hand back!" Jenny says sounding offended, Jon just grin's.

"You weren't complaining before."

"You know damn well that I was!"

Cassie laugh's and hands off a cup of punch to Jenny. "Sorry I was interrupting." She says as she takes a sip of her own punch, eyeing her friend's.

"Nah, I was just giving Jenny a hard time." Jon says, he moves around the two girl's, slipping an arm around each of their shoulder's.

"And now you're strangling me." Jenny teases, Cassie laugh's but she doesn't seem the least bit uncomfortable in the crook of Jon's arm.

"Well, I saw you taking photo's earlier Cassie." Jon starts looking down at the shorter girl.

"Oh yeah, I was taking a couple of Pete earlier..."

"Oh, can I see those?" Jenny interject's and Cassie nod's, slipping her hand into her pocket and pulling out her camera, handing it to her friend.

"I suppose soon you won't need me for yearbook at all." Jon says, peering over Jenny's shoulder to stare at the photo's.

"Whatever." Cassie scoff's, "I have nothing compared to your skill's Jon, you're amazing."

Jenny look's over at Cassie with a raised eyebrow, the two girl's exchange a look while Jon is distracted. Before much else can be said Jenny's cell phone start's to ring. The younger girl grab's up her phone and peer's at the number, her eyes take on a surprised look.

"Who is it?" Cassie asks, Jenny look's up with wide blue eyes.

"My mom..." That is surprising because Jenny's mom doesn't call her often but maybe she's home now and maybe she's wondering where her daughter is. Jenny goes to take the call of course, Cassie doesn't blame her but she is a little worried about her best friend, she think's that maybe she should go tell Ryan.

"Is she gonna be okay?" Jon asks, they're both watching Jenny as she stand's just outside the boundaries of their hearing.

"She should be." Cassie assure's Jon, it's getting later into the night and it's getting colder out. Jon notices that Cassie doesn't have a jacket on, nothing but a t-shirt and jean's. Almost as if she know's his thought's a shiver passes through the dark haired girl's body.

"Cold?" Jon asks with a slight grin, Cassie look's up at him and shrug's.

"Sorta, thought I'd be okay without a coat." She mutter's out with a sheepish grin. Jon's arm is still wrapped around the girl, it was OK when Jenny was over there too, when it was the three of them but now it isn't, now it look's too intimate. Jon eases away from Cassie, the girl barely moving as he pull's away, her eyes are still locked on Jenny who is standing some feet away, still on the phone.

Cassie's eyes are suddenly heavy, looking down at the thick grassy ground. Jon maybe see's another shiver run through her, the wind has picked up again. Without thinking much about it he reaches down and tug's off his hoodie, the nice comfortable black one that was designed specifically for the football team.

"Here, Cass." He says, handing the hoodie over, it is cold out here but he's a guy and she's a girl and he happen's to be a gentleman. Cassie takes it but she look's wary.

"You sure?"

Jon nod's, smiles at her and wonder's why these girl's boyfriend's are both M.I.A, Jon would never be M.I.A. Cassie smiles at him and slides the hoodie over her head, her arm's are a hell of a lot shorter than Jon's, she's mostly just shorter in general and she's practically swimming in the black fabric, the sleeves overruning her hands, making her look like a little kid whose trying on her parent's clothes.

Jenny is hanging up the phone and making her way back toward's the two of them. "Make sure you share with Jenny." Jon says softly as he eyes both girl's, Cassie smile's soft and nod's.

"Thank's Jon, I'll be sure to find you before I go..so I can give it back to you." Jon shakes his head.

"Don't worry about it, I'll get it when I get it." He replies, Jenny has returned to them, tucking her cell back into her pocket.

"Everything okay?" Jon asks before Cassie has the chance. Now both girl's are looking at him with slightly odd look's, like he stole Cassie's line or something.

"Um, yeah, it's fine. Mom just wanted to know when I was coming home."

Jon nod's and all seem's right with the world, he manages to talk to the two girl's for a few more minutes before he hear's his name being called clear across the field. Jon find's himself more than releaved that it isn't Aimee calling for him but one of his team mate's.

"I gotta go I guess." Jon says, glancing at where his said team mate is flagging him down. There's some cheerleader's watching them too, not Aimee, which again relief. Cassie nod's but Jenny snort's.

"The world of jock's is calling him away from us normal people." She says, "Run, Walker, run!" She's teasing him but he already knows that the girl is like that.

"Catch you ladies later." He says, giving them a wave as he moves back to his football team.

"Bye Jon." Cassie call's, attempting a wave in the mile of fabric covering her arm. Jenny just snort's again.

After Jon leaves Jenny turn's to look at Cassie. "OK, what the hell Cassie?" Jenny asks, her hands slidding to her hip's as she eyes her best friend. Cassie turn's away from where she had been watching Jon to look at Jenny.

"What?" The older girl look's genuinely confused at Jenny's word's, Jenny scoff's.

"Don't give me that 'What?' you totally used your flirty voice on Jon!"

Now it's Cassie's turn to scoff.

"What? For one I don't have a flirty voice and for two, even if I did have one why would I use it on Jon? I have a boyfriend." Cassie is laughing off her friend's suspicion's.

"Exactly my point. And you most certainly do have a flirty voice." Jenny point's out, the two of them are still standing by the bleacher's but it's getting colder out and Cassie would really like to find Patrick. The two of them start walking toward's the crowd of their classmate's, still participating in various activities.

Cassie open's her mouth to say something when Jenny cut's her off.

"You're amazing Jon, I could never stack up to your skill's Jon, Bye Jon!" Jenny raises her voice until it's very light and girly, doing her best impression of what she says is Cassie's flirty voice. The older girl narrow's her eyes but she shakes her head.

"So, his photography skill's are amazing." Cassie point's out, the younger girl scoff's again.

"So, do you like him?" She asks, eyes searching her best friend's.

"I have a boyfriend."

"Yeah, but you've also been crushing on Jon on and off since you were fourteen." Jenny add's.

"Oh come on, I thought he was cute when I first met him but now, now he's just my friend and seriously Jenny, I doubt Jon would even like me back if I liked him."

"You're wearing his football hoodie."

"So?"

"So? So, have you not noticed that only the girlfriend's of the football player's get to wear the hoodies?"

"Jon was being nice, that's all."

It doesn't matter what Jenny says, she know's that there is no way that Jon could like her back.

"And anyway...I think he like's you."

"OK...what the fuck?" Jenny asks, Cassie look's over at her seriously.

"I do! It just seemed like he was flirting with you tonight and you know he bailed you out of jail, he's always messing with you..what if he like's you?"

"Ew. Don't even kid about that." Jenny says, crinkling her nose. Cassie shakes her head, she just can't understand how Jenny find's Jon so unappealing. "Beside's, it's not me. It's you." She insist's and Cassie shakes her head.

"He's the star football player, he hang's around with cheerleader's all day. I am nowhere near pretty enough for him to like me." The older girl admit's, Jenny's face soften's.

"Cassie, don't say that.."

Cassie doesn't have to say it because it's true. She's not a beauty queen, she's not that popular, she's average and plain looking and kind of chubby. No way in hell is she Jon Walker's type. Cassie can hardly believe that she went out with Brendon when she did, she chalk's that up to luck though because they were both young and Brendon was always hanging around with Spencer and Ryan so them dating just sort of happened, now she tend's to think that Brendon is out of her leauge too.

Then there's Patrick and how she feel's okay around him, maybe because neither of them are the best looking or the most popular and they're both kind of chubby (in totally cute way's) she feel's like she and Patrick are on the same level.

"Cassie, you're amazing, I don't get why you have low self-esteem." Jenny mutter's, Cassie shrug's.

"I'm just saying that football players don't like girl's like me."

"But," Jenny start's, "Jon is not a normal football player."



chapter thirty-four:

Patrick see's the poster on the wall before Cassie does. It seem's to call out to him with it's bright colors slapped against the normally drab first floor hall. his girlfriend is preoccupied with something else and she only stop's when she bumps into her boyfriend's back.

"Babe?" she question's because Patrick is stopped infront of the neon green poster that's proclaiming the date of the dance and various other details. The boy doesn't anwser her right away and Cassie moves along his side to see what had caught his attention.

Patrick watches her reading the paper over and see's how her eyes light up.

"The halloween dance is coming up!" she says sounding excited and she look's at Patrick with big shiny eyes.

"Yeah, wonder who I'll go with." Patrick teases and Cassie pushes him lightly. He really does want to go to the dance, he want's to get all dressed up and actually dance. It's a far cry from last year's dance where he didn't have a date, didn't have Cassie and he spent a good amount of the night embarressed and alone.

"We're going right?" she question's and she's looking at him like he might say no. Patrick couldn't say no even if he wanted to. He had a horrible problem of not being able to say no to his girlfriend. Patrick take's his girlfriend's hand in his own and kisses the side of her head.

"Yeah, I'll buy the tickets later." he tell's her.

Cassie is practically bouncing around the rest of the morning. She's completly distracted in first hour deciding that she'd much rather talk clothing options and ride arrangments with Spencer, prod Ryan and Brendon into buying tickets for the dance, and act genuinely excited than do her english homework.

Patrick kind of wishes that Cassie hadn't seen the dance poster so he could've surprised her with the tickets.

If Patrick thought Cassie was excited in first hour it was nothing compared to how she was when she found Jenny during second hour.

"Jenny! Did you see? The Halloween dance is coming up?" She has her hand on her friend's arm bouncing excitedly. Jenny smiles and nod's and Patrick is beginning to think that he's fallen into some bizarro world because Jenny look's just as excited as Cassie.

"Yes, and I know this is going to be great because this will be my first dance with Ryan!" Jenny half squeal's out, Patrick's girlfriend and her best friend talking way too quick and throwing out way too many foreign word's for Patrick to be able to keep up with their conversation. Jenny's face does fall for a split second. "Oh, but the only downside is that I have to sell ticket's at lunch for student council."

"Oh the tragic life of the student council treasurer." Cassie says and Jenny pull's a face.

"I assume you two are going?" Cassie look's back at Patrick, she's smiling her cute little smile and he's sure she could ask him for the world when she was smiling like that and he'd give it to her.

"We're going." He replies, the bell ring's signaling that their next class is moment's from starting so the friend's had to seperate, heading to their respective classes.

*
Cassie had also talked to Krissy about the dance and she seemed excited too, Brendon even moreso than his girlfriend because Brendon really enjoyed the dances, maybe it was because he liked to bother the D.J to get him to play music from the eightes and a hell of a lot of Britney Spear's song's. Megan actually looks slightly disgruntled about the dance despite her now dating Spencer and Belinda is just constantly hoping that William asks her to the dance.

Unfortunately Cassie can't go and keep Jenny company during lunch because aside from actually eating her lunch William has put her on advertising duty, which mean's she has to stand outside the school and inform people about the dance. William's out here with her, trying to use his presidental persuasion to get people to go and buy ticket's, for the most part people are buying ticket's but she doesn't actually think it's because of them.

"Cassandra?" William says when they're alone outside the door's. Cassie really doesn't know how many time's she's told William to call her Cassie but it doesn't matter because he never will.

"Yeah, William?"

"Well, I was wondering if you knew.." The older boy trail's off and it's pretty damn unusual for William to be at a loss for word's so he definitly has the girl's attention.

"Knew what?"

"If you happened to know who Belinda is going with?" William look's flustered and Cassie think's that's sort of adorable so she smiles and shakes her head.

"I don't think anyone's asked her yet." The girl is really eager to get her cell phone out and text Belinda, telling her that William had asked about her, she can't very well do that with William staring at her though. Finally, William let's her go five minutes before lunch is over but she can't find Patrick and Jenny is already done selling ticket's.

"Jenny, how'd the ticket selling go?" Cassie asks, coming to lean against the wall where Jenny was putting away the ticket stuff.

"Good, but I thought Patrick was going to buy ticket's today?" Jenny asks, turning back to look at Cassie over her shoulder. The older girl nod's.

"Didn't he come buy them?" Her voice waver's slightly, Patrick had promised to buy the ticket's at lunch. Jenny straighten's up, turning to look at her friend.

"Ah, no he didn't."

Cassie scowl's and fishes in her back pocket for her wallet. "Fine, then just sell me two right now." The girl says, pulling out a twenty dollar bill. Jenny makes a face, the kind of face she make's when she's afraid to tell Cassie something. "What?" The older girl asks.

"I can't."

"Why not?" The girl asks, tilting her head and offering her friend the money.

"Because, all the ticket's...are sold out."

Cassie's jaw drop's, all the ticket's are gone in one lunch period? She can't believe it, what's worse is that now she can't go to the dance with Patrick, their first dance and they can't go together. She know's it's just a dance but honestly, she think's she's going to cry. Cassie had really been looking forward to dancing with Patrick admist all the light's and noise and wearing something cute..she wanted that so badly and now she couldn't have it.

Jenny says sorry and Cassie tell's her that it isn't her fault, but that doesn't stop her from sulking to her next class to sit all sullen and emo. Her class after lunch is the drama class but Mr. Honeydewrainstorm is out for the week so they have a subsitute teacher. That mean's they just get to sit in group's and improve, for Cassie that mean's sitting in a group with her friend's and being emo.

No one is talking about the dance but Belinda does ask Cassie why she's so upset. Cassie just mumbles something about having a stupid boyfriend and goes back to sulking, it really seem's like her friend's are watching her intently and she's about to tell them to knock it off before a pair of warm hands drape over her eyes.

"Hi babe." It's Patrick's voice, but Patrick shouldn't be in her class right now, he should be in computer's lollygagging around with Pete but here he is, kneeled down behind her with his hands over her eyes.

"Patrick? What are you doing in here?" She let's her surprise override her slight anger at the fact that he forgot to buy ticket's in time.

"Got a pass from the teach." He says and Cassie can feel the grin in his voice. "Plus I wanted to give you these." He says, dropping something into her hands. Cassie's eyes flicker open, Patrick's hands leaving her face. Down in Cassie's lap is a pair of bright orange ticket's, ticket's to the halloween dance. Cassie look's up and her friend's are all grinning at her like really creepy idiot's. She turn's to look at Patrick who has the same grin on his face.

She open's her mouth but really, she doesn't know what to say, nothing except for "What?"

"I wanted to surprise you baby." He tell's her, hands slipping to her shoulder's.

"Well, thank god you told her because between Jenny and Brendon that secret wouldn't be so secret for long." Krissy interject's.

"She looked so sad!" Brendon point's out and Jenny nod's.

"I almost didn't go through with it." The girl says, Cassie stares hard at her friend's.

"So...you were all in on this?"

Slowly each of them nod and Cassie laugh's, brushing a hand through her hair.

"It's really sweet..in a completely derranged kind of way." She jokes.

"So," Patrick starts leaning in to her. "You'll still go to the dance with me?" He asks, Cassie look's at him before she nod's and smile's, lean's in to steal a kiss before their sub notices.

"Yeah, yeah, I will. Now get back to class before we all get in trouble."

*

Belinda goes home considering her costume to wear to the halloween dance. She's already decided on going, even if she has no one to go with. Of course there's always Joe, he's her back up guy as it turn's out. Of course Belinda would like William to ask her, it'd be a dream come true but the dance is in a week and a half and Belinda doesn't think she's put in enough face time with the boy to get him to ask her.

Belinda sit's at her kitchen table, her mom having taken her younger siblings out grocery shopping. She's compiling a list of costume's that she could wear, last year she had gone as a super hardcore emo kid, the very stereotypical kind, this year though she wanted something that would catch William's eye.

Fifteen minutes later and the girl was no closer to finding a costume when the doorbell rang. Confused Belinda get's up and wander's to the door, flicking her bubblegum pink bang's out of her face. Through the glass frame in the door the girl can see a tall willowly figure, dressed in a red shirt and black leather jacket, she doesn't even need a second glance to know who it is.

Her heart stutter's wildly in her chest as she pull's open the door, determined to make a much better impression this time. The girl pull's open the door and there is William, standing on her porch in all his glory. Belinda will's her mind to work and her tongue to force out coherent sentences.

"William, hey, hi, what's up?" She tries to sound casual, like he's not the best thing to ever show up on her doorstep. The boy's glorious face falter's for a split second before he recover's, hiking up a bag at his side.

"I'm here to be your tutor, remember?" He says, Belinda stand's there blank for a moment before yeah, she does remember and yea, maybe she should invite William inside. "Is..this a bad time?" He asks.

"No, no..it just slipped my mind..come in." She says softly, moving aside to let the student council president come into her house. William stand's poliet and still, waiting for Belinda to make the first move.

"Wanna do it in the kitchen?" She asks, mentally slapping herself for her poor choice of word's. William nod's moves to the wooden kitchen table, setting his bag down. Belinda had actually forgotten that this was going to happen, that William was going to be coming to her house on a daily basis and maybe this could be her so desired face time?

"You want something to drink?" Belinda asks and William says sure, that he doesn't mind whatever she has. In the end she gives them both a pop and a bowl of chip's. She sit's down nervous next to William, she's never really been alone with him, alone in her house with the student council president, a dream come true.

"So, what subject should we start on?" William is asking, Belinda stall's, she's pretty good at all her subject's, she doesn't much care for math or history so she'd be willing to listen to the boy teach her those thing's.

"Math?" Belinda replies, the brown haired boy smiling that gorgeous smile and nodding, slipping his math book out of his pack.

Honestly, Belinda cannot focus on what William is saying, the numbers and the word's spilling out but she's locked on his pink mouth, his warm eyes, beautifully styled hair and the way his long lean body spill's across the table. She's pretty sure she's zoned out and that's why she misses when William says her name.

"Belinda?" He repeat's for what must be the second time. The pink haired girl snap's back into the moment and lock's eyes with William, trying desperately to think about more than 'so pretty, so pretty, how is he so damn pretty?'

"Um, yes?" William grin's, seeming to know the girl wasn't listening.

"I was wondering if you talked to Cassandra today?" Cassie? Honestly, Cassie is the furthest thing from Belinda's mind right now.

"Um, no." She wonders why William is always asking about Cassie, something Ryan had said awhile back, that maybe William had the hot's for Belinda's friend. William's face fall's blank.

"Oh,"

"Why?" The girl presses, fingers running nervously through her hair. The brown haired boy shakes his head.

"No reason." He replies, Belinda grit's her teeth, she shouldn't have let Ryan get into her head.

"Do you like Cassie?" Belinda find's herself rushing out before she can stop herself. William look's taken aback, his brown eyes widening.

"Cassandra? My assistant?"

Belinda nod's, it should be like a band-aid, if it's true she should pull it off quickly.

"Um, she's a sweet girl and she work's really hard but..she's not my type." He says, his voice a little awkward. "Why?" He start's, "She doesn't like me does she?"

"No, no." Belinda says, "I-I was just curious because you're always asking about her and you work with her so...you know.." She finishes weakly.

William laugh's, Belinda doesn't feel like he's laughing at her though.

"Honestly, well...I was talking to her about you." He admit's, Belinda's heart freezes, stop's, explodes in her chest. William was talking to Cassie about her? She was important or at the very least a topic to bring up. Her cheek's are tinging pink before she can stop it. She doesn't know what to say, is this?...does this mean something or is William just being nice? Just being the president that he is?

"Oh"

"Yeah, so listen, I dunno if you were even planning on going to the dance but I have to go so, maybe you'd like to come with?"

It's the most casual that Belinda's ever heard William be, he's always, always being so proper, speaking in a way that no other teenager does, this is the first time she's ever heard him be normal. Belinda is silent, she want's to say yes but she doesn't want to be so damn eager, to come off as desperate. She is going to say yes though, she want's to go with him and she has to make it a point to call Joe later and tell him that he can find a real date now.

"Yeah, I..yeah." Belinda manages to get out, she doesn't know if this count's as anything, anything beyond William wanting to assure that he has a date for the dance, that he isn't all alone. As soon as William leaves she's going to call Joe and get his advice, probably Ryan too and Megan for good measure.

*

Joe is home smoking pot, his parent's don't mind too much as long as he doesn't do it all that often. He's smoking pot when his cell phone ring's. Joe find's it on the floor, the square screen light brightly and blaring out his ringtone, Belinda's name is there blinking at him so he scrambles quickly to anwser it.

"Hello?" His voice is thick and she probably knows he was smoking pot.

"Joe!" Belinda sounds excited, like very excited, like she's going to start a rant any second now. "Joe, you are not going to believe what happened to me today!"

Joe smiles on his end, "What happened?" Maybe some kind of epic Beckett sighting or something like that.

"William came over my house today!"

"What?" OK, he was not expecting that.

"Yeah, he's my tutor now but that's not even the best part. I think..I think he was hitting on me."

"What?" Joe says again, Belinda is rushing out word's and Joe's drug addled mind just can't follow as quickly as she can talk. He get's it though, he heard what she said. "He was hitting on you how?" If it's true it's just another reason for Joe to hate William Beckett.

"He asked me to the dance...which remind's me, you don't have to take me now."

"Oh." Joe is cursing on the inside, damn William ruining his chances to show his best friend that he can be so much more than just a best friend. "That's great, I guess your letter worked."

"Yeah, he also told me that he talk's to Cassie about me..do you think that mean's that he like's me?"

Joe sigh's, she always does this, she always end's up coming to him for advice because he's Joe and she see's him as a guy who might as well be a girl. The curly haired boy think's, this could go two way's, he could tell her that yes, this all does sound like William is starting to show interest in her or he could make something up and tell the girl that no, he's pretty sure William is gay.

"Well, yeah, it doesn't sound like William but it does sound like a guy who like's a girl." He can't lie to Belinda, no way, even if it hurt's him in the end. Belinda make's a squeeing kind of noise.

"I thought so but I wanted to be sure. But I mean this work's out for both of us because now I get to go with William and you get to find a real date and don't have to feel all obligated to take me." The girl says, Joe can tell she's off in her own little dream world, creating elaborate fantasies that centered around the dance and how William would probably try to kiss her at the end of the night.

"Yeah, that's a load off my mind."

It really isn't, it add's a hell of a lot more load's to his mind. Joe stub's out his dying joint and wonder's if Gabe is home, he definitly could use more weed.


*

By Wednesday, as far as Pete know's, all his friend's have date's for that ridiculous halloween dance. Everyone has a date except for him. Pete sigh's and lean's against his locker, waiting for Cassie and Patrick to disconnect their mouth's, the stupid brightly colored poster for the dance staring at Pete from across the wall. It's not that he doesn't like dances, he does, he just doesn't like having to find a date.

Before Patrick, Cassie and Pete would just go together, Jenny and Krissy too and they'd all dance around like idiot's but that was then. Now, now was different because now Cassie was going with Patrick (of course) and Jenny with Ryan, Brendon and Krissy, Belinda had come to school that morning and exclaimed that William had asked her to the dance, hell, even Spencer was going with Megan.

So all of his friend's had date's and he didn't, poor little lonely Pete. A teacher walk's down the hall and cluck's her tongue, tell's Cassie and Patrick to break apart. They do and Cassie is blushing, ducking her head and not looking at anyone, even though she never exactly told Pete that she had sex with Patrick, well, he can tell. He can tell because the two of them are much more willingly to public display's of affection.

Pete and Patrick have to go to a class, leaving Cassie behind with Jenny and Krissy. The two of them are walking along in silence before Patrick look's over at his friend.

"You alright Pete?" Patrick is asking, blue eyes that only kind of match Cassie's.

"I'm fine Rick." Patrick let's the nickname slide, Pete's just about the only person allowed to call Patrick the wide variety of nickname's that Pete has invented for him. Pete know's that he doesn't sound convincing, that he sound's like something is wrong but he's not exactly sure what it is.

Patrick stop's them in the hallway by the bathroom door's. He's staring with serious eyes, totally not buying the bullshit that Pete is trying to feed him. "Seriously, what's wrong?"

"God, nothing expect for that fact that I'm the only loser who can't score a date to the dance. Except for that, I'm just peachy fucking keen." Pete's reverting to attitude, to taking thing's out on people who don't deserve it. Patrick roll's his eyes.

"Pete, god, that's just stupid."

"What?"

"Look at you." Patrick says, waving a hand in Pete's general direction. "You're popular, you're on a sport's team, you know practically everyone in the school and you're not ugly. Just why are you complaining about not having a date?"

Pete scoff's and rub's the toe of his sneaker against the floor. He want's to tell Patrick that he know's he could get a date if he had to but there was one person in paticular that he was vying for and she was now taken.

"You can't say you're a dateless loser to someone is actually is one." Patrick tell's him, that self loathing complex dripping into his voice.

"Um, hello Trick, you have Cassie. You know? Your girlfriend? My best friend? That doesn't count you as dateless."

Pete knows that Patrick has such low self-esteem, he has no self worth. He doesn't think he's amazing or talented or any of the good thing's that he actually is, Pete can't complain about it though because he has the same thing, or at least Patrick says so.

"Whatever, my point is that if I didn't have Cassie, I wouldn't have a date period. You, you can get one though. Just ask out one of those soccer groupies."

Pete shrug's, the soccer groupies weren't his favorite people in the world. They were a step below the football groupies, but they were a little less desperate, the football groupies were pratically the definition of desperate. He supposes that he could ask one of those girl's out, one of the soccer fanatic's who only give a damn about him because he can kick a ball up and down a field and do it well.

He's got to start reminding himself that he's in high school, he's not looking for love.



chapter thirty-five:

So, the dance is going to be a costume theme, gotta have a costume on to get in. It actually sounded fun at first, until Jenny couldn't think of a costume to wear. She and Ryan were currently sitting on Ryan's bed, in Ryan's house because Ryan's dad wasn't home. Jenny loved Ryan's room, well, really she just loved everything about Ryan.

The two of them were just sitting on the bed, indian style, a sheet of notebook paper between them with costume idea's written on it. "Wanna do a couple's costume?" Ryan asks, lifting his head to look at his girlfriend, his brown bang's haning into his eyes. Jenny shake's her head, she's always kind of found those cheesy but that's not the only reason.

"Krissy and Brendon are doing one."

Ryan laugh's, "Sound's like them. It also sound's like something Cassie and Patrick might do." He add's. Jenny laugh's, she actually know's what Cassie and Patrick are going as, she doesn't think it really count's as a couple costume.

"They kind of are." She says, Ryan laughing again and Jenny's heart racing each time he does. She loves his noises and his smile's, his kisses and touches...she know's she shouldn't be thinking along this line because she and Ryan hadn't done much more than feverantly making out, not that Jenny doesn't want to but she doesn't know how to broach the subject with Ryan.

"Well, we certainly need to assert our uniquness." Ryan tell's her and she nod's, stretches, falling back on Ryan's bed for a moment, sinking down into the bedding that smell's just like him.

Jenny can feel the bed moving, shifting and Ryan is suddenly next to her, laying stretched out to match the girl. Her breath catches and she look's over at him, his beauty taking her breath away each time. For once in Jenny's life she's kind of grateful that neither Jenny's mom or Ryan's dad aren't around that much, leaving pleanty of time for them to be together.

"You always look at me like I'm the greatest thing you've ever seen." Ryan says, Jenny flushes but she doesn't miss a beat.

"You are."

Ryan laugh's soft and presses his hand to the side of her face.

"I'm not, but you are."

"No, I'm not." Jenny think's Ryan must have bad sight or something because she is not beautiful, she's never considered herself to be, no matter what any of her friend's or Ryan has told her numerous time's. Ryan's eyes take on a serious look.

"She warned me that you were down on yourself a lot."

"Who?" Jenny asks, even though she has a pretty good idea of who would say that.

"You know who."

She does. Ryan's hand is still on her face, pressing warm and soft, loving.

"I think you're the greatest thing to ever happen to me." He tell's her, lean's down over her and brushes there lip's together. It's just a soft press but it's enough to send shiver's down her spine, maybe it's just his word's. No one, no one has ever been this way for her, so great and so special, god, she love's Ryan more than she ever imagined she would.

"I guess we feel the same." She tell's him, even though she think's that there's no way he feel's the same about her that she does about him. Ryan grin's against her lip's, kisses her again, the slide of tongue, hot like the time in the jail cell. Jenny's hands find Ryan's chest and she wouldn't mind if they ended up having sex.

The only thing is that she's a virgin but she's not too worried about that, not when she's with Ryan.

"Ryan," Jenny breathes out against her boyfriend's lip's.

"Hmm?" The boy asks, intent on trying to get back to her lip's.

"I wanna..." She trail's off, doesn't know how to say it, to ask for what she want's. The two of them have only been dating for just about two week's, does it make her a complete slut to want to sleep with him now?

"What?"

"I wanna sleep with you." Jenny admit's, blushing but she doesn't care because Ryan is what she want's, she want's to be with him in every way, now and forever. Ryan look's taken aback, asks if she's sure and when she kisses him and says that she is, he just smiles and pull's off his shirt, leaning down to resume kissing her.

*

The day of the dance roll's around and Patrick even managed to convince his mom to let him drive himself and Cassie to school that day. Patrick had already picked Cassie up and she was smiling at him as she got into the minivan.

"Nice ride Patrick."

"I know, I'm balling." He tell's her, she giggles that cute laugh that Jenny always says make's her sound like a little kid. Patrick was expecting Spencer to come prancing out, expecting a ride too but he doesn't and Cassie doesn't look like she's expecting him either. "Whose Spencer ride to school with?"

"Jon pick's him up." Cassie tell's him, Patrick make's a face. Why does it always seem that Jon Walker has to be somehow related to Cassie's life? And now Jon is going to come to Cassie's house on a daily basis, that's just great. Cassie buckle's her seatbelt, seemingly unpertrubed by Patrick's inner jealousy. It's around this time that Patrick notices that his girlfriend is wearing something he's never seen before, a dark hoodie, red and white splashed on the front, spelling out the Bay Ridge Bat's team name, it's a football hoodie.

"What are you wearing?" Patrick asks, keep's his voice casual, it's just a hoodie, no reason to freak out. The girl look's over at him before she glances down at the hoodie.

"Oh, I uh borrowed it at the bonfire and I wanted to give it back." She tell's him, again with the shrug, he want's to talk about it more but she's already switched on the radio and he's lost her attention.

He doesn't even think about the hoodie again until they get to school, Patrick parking next to Pete's dark green car. Cassie slip's out of the minivan, her eyes scanning the crowd of student's for their other friend's. Patrick tuck's the key's away and goes to stand next to his girlfriend, noticing for the first time the name on the back of the hoodie, a bright white 'Walker' decorating the back of the hoodie.

"That's Jon's hoodie?" Patrick let's it slip out before he can stop himself. Cassie stop's look's back and has her hand out, waiting for Patrick to take it like he does every day. He shuffles himself forward and does take her hand, ignoring the fact that his girlfriend is wearing Jon's clothes.

"Yeah," She start's sound's innocent like nothing is wrong, maybe nothing is. "I was freezing at the bonfire so he let me borrow it, that's why I'm bringing it back."

How Patrick didn't notice that night he has no idea. Cassie is staring at him and Patrick is trying not to look like he's in a foul mood, god he just wishes that he had never told her that he needed time to decide about dating her, if he had went with it from the get-go she would never have kissed Jon at the party.

Patrick just has to keep reminding himself that he's the one actually with Cassie, that he's her girlfriend and just because she and Jon kissed once doesn't mean that either of them like the other. His mood eases up when they get in the school, Cassie finding Jenny quickly and the two of them slipping into conversation. Patrick can see Pete standing at the top of the stairs, talking to a brown haired girl that he think's is one of those drama kid's, he think's her name is Lola.

Pete glances at Patrick and flashes the boy a grin, Pete's probably going to ask the girl to the dance.

Patrick's mood increases due to the fact that Cassie has pulled off Jon's hoodie, has it tucked under her arm. The bell ring's and it's time to go to class, Patrick's mood dipping back down because Jon's in their first hour, sometimes sit's at their table. Patrick wonder's if he can tell him to go away?

Sure enough when Patrick and Cassie get downstairs to their english class Jon and Pete are already sitting at the table. Patrick doesn't know why Jon can't just sit with Ryan, Brendon and Spencer, stupid Gabe Saporta and his stupid stealing Jon's seat.

The two of them sit down at the table, Patrick next to Cassie, Pete across from her and Jon to her right. Pete look's like he's about to break into the story about Lola, he glances at Cassie, like she might be the only thing to stop him. Cassie though, is not paying her attention to Pete nor Patrick, her attention is focused squarely on Jon.

"I brought back your hoodie." She tell's him, trying to hand him the hulking mass of black fabric. Patrick tries to lock eyes with Jon but the boy isn't looking up, he's focused on the playbook that's sitting on the table, giving Cassie a few sidelong glances.

"I said you could keep it as long as you needed." He tell's her, his brown eyes lift briefly looking at Cassie and Patrick keep's trying to get Jon to look at him, keep's trying to convey the message, 'Stay away from my girlfriend.' using his eyes.

"Well, I'm not freezing to death anymore." Cassie replies, Patrick's hand unconciously shift's across the table, taking his girlfriend's hand in his own, giving it a little squeez. Cassie look's over at him, squeezes back. Jon look's up for a few second's, just long enough for Patrick to get a look at him before his head is down again, light smile on his face as he turn's a page in the playbook.

"Good point, but what if a sudden snow storm hit's and then you're caught without something to keep you warm?" Jon asks, amusement evident in his voice. Patrick almost, almost add's 'I would keep her warm.' but he doesn't because Cassie might not like that information to be public.

"That would be terrible." Patrick's girlfriend play's along with Jon's little story.

"I agree, so I'm thinking you should just hold on to it a little while longer."

"Thank's for being so concerned with my girlfriend's health." Patrick says maybe just a beat too cold. Jon catches his eye but he's grinning, avoiding the snide remark.

"Actually, my car's full of football crap..and halloween crap, so it's really more of a 'I don't have a place to put this' kind of thing." The football player admit's, earning a smile from Cassie while Patrick and Pete look on.

Conversation break's down after that, Jon is looking at his playbook again, Cassie flipping through her notebook for their class, Pete is telling Patrick about Lola, a obviously heavily edited version of the story so Patrick's sure to hear it again later but he's not sure he want's to.

*

Despite Krissy's conversation with Jenny the night of the bonfire, she and Brendon did not have sex that night. They didn't but they got damn close. There was heavy making out in the wood's surrounding the field and maybe Krissy's shirt was off and Brendon had been touching her boob's a lot, Krissy had also dropped down her knee's in the dirt and maybe, maybe she went down on Brendon.

Whatever, it wasn't a big deal.

Not a big deal considering that the first thing Jenny told Krissy this morning was that she had slept with Ryan the night before. Now, Krissy didn't mind talking about sex but really she wished that she did not know that Ryan had a 'giant peen' as Jenny had put it or that the girl couldn't walk comfortably today, nope, those were thing's she didn't need to know.

She think's that she still has a hang-up about having sex with Brendon, not because of Cassie, not anymore. Now it was Alex that plauged the girl's mind, Krissy had done the same thing to Brendon last night that she had done to Alex before. She would never tell her boyfriend how while she was on her knee's, her hands pressed to Brendon's still clothed tighs, she was comparing them, the differences, how some thing's were the same, like the feeling of hands in her hair or the little grunt's of pleasure.

Krissy's afraid, afraid that if she were to sleep with Brendon that all she'd be able to do would wonder what it would've felt like with Alex, what if she had gone through with it with the sexy librarian.

The more Krissy thought about it the more it drove her crazy, maybe that's why she decided that she would sleep with Brendon the night of the halloween dance.

*

Spencer should've said no when Megan told him that Jenny wanted to go on a double date. He should've said that he wasn't OK with it, that he didn't want to pretend all night but he didn't so that's how they wound up at the mini golf place with Ryan and Jenny.

God, at least it was Ryan and not Brendon because really Spencer would not be able to handle that.

So, he and Megan were holding hands, her's warm inside his and god, he's trying so hard to pretend to like it, Spencer kind of hate's how he has to think about how to act like he's in love. Jenny and Megan are talking which leaves Ryan and Spencer talking but they're not really talking because they can't, because one out of the four of them doesn't know what's really going on.

The four of them start playing mini golf after that, none of them being very good at it. Jenny was up and when she managed to get a hole in one Ryan moved forward and kissed her, Spencer doing the same for Megan when she got one too. It was the second time they had kissed, everytime Spencer kissed a girl he would secretly hope, just wish that he would like it, that it wouldn't have to be so hard. He never got what he wanted though because each time it might as well be kissing a tree with all the attraction he had to girl's. Megan was a good kisser though and she played along well, snuggling up against Spencer's body and giggling like she was in love.

"Spencer, you're being such a good boyfriend." Jenny tell's him as Ryan and Megan argue over who get's to putt off first. She's watching him with intent eyes, her hands on her golf club. Spencer nod's slides his gaze over to Megan where she's standing, her hand on her hip and pointing something out to Ryan.

"Yeah, Megan is pretty amazing." Spencer is not so surprised that he actually mean's it when he said it.



chapter thirty-six: dance, dance, we're falling apart to half time

"Cassie..Cassie, I'm not sure about this." Patrick says, stopping in the parking lot of the high school. Other people passing them by, donned in their own halloween costume's. Tonight was the halloween dance and Cassie and Patrick were dressed up and now standing in the parking lot, Patrick attempting to hide back in the minivan.

"Patrick," Cassie start's, turning around so she could face him, her white, just below kneelength dress twirling around her. "You look amazing baby, I would never let you embaress yourself." She says it like she knew that this would happen, like she knew he might be afraid.

Patrick smooth's a hand over his bright red tie. Tonight he was dressed as a devil, 'A mob boss styled devil.' is what Cassie had said. He had a pinstriped red suit, red shirt, tie, of course everything a varying shade of the crimson color. Patrick also has a hat, a red fadora in lew of horn's and this too was Cassie's idea. She seemed to like it which was cool but Patrick felt like he was being overly flashy, a feeling he didn't like.

"No, you look amazing, I look...stupid."

"I like how you look." Cassie mutters, slides herself against him, Patrick's red clad arms wrapping around her back, being careful not to press against her wings. "Don't worry, just have fun." She whispers against his lips. Patrick smiles and nods, takes her hand and lets her guide him into the gym.

The gym is decorated.
















Jon finds her right before one of the last slow songs of the night. She had been talking to Patrick and Pete and Jenny and Ryan. Jon tapped her on the shoulder and she turned, her long white dress fluttering around and the large incredibly realistic white feathery wings swaying slightly, silver halo still perched delicately on her head. "Hey Jon!" she says sounding excited as she leans in to hug the tall boy.

"Hey." is all Jon can manage to reply. He's trying to be careful to not smash the fake wing's. Patrick is watching him closely, like he doesn't really trust him. Jon think's he'll be extra careful because Patrick does have a pitchfork and those devil horns.

"What's up Walker?" Cassie questions, she's smiling at him bright and happy, her hand brushing her bangs out of her face. Jon smooths a hand over his baseball uniform.

"I came to collect my dance." He says and he's trying not to sound eager, trying not to sound creepy. Cassie is still smiling as she looks back at Patrick and he's still staring at Jon.

"Okay." Cassie nods and she moves back towards Patrick. She leans up and kisses him, a mash of red and white. Her hands snaking up the arms of his deep red suit. Cassie pulls back a bit and she whispers something in Patrick's ear, her head tilted slightly towards Jon. He doesn't miss that Patrick looks up at him, his gaze untrustful and surveying and Patrick look's a million times more intimidating dressed as a slick mobster devil. Patrick's hands encircle the small of her back, below her wings, he pulls her close and kisses her deep, while Jon stand's by awkwardly.

They break apart and Cassie smiles at her boyfriend and friends before she moves back toward Jon, looking every bit the heavenly angel. Jon puts his hand out for her to take and she laughs a little but she takes it all the same. He leads her to the dancefloor.

The gym is dark with orange and black balloons covering the ceiling. Matching streamers draped across the walls. Soft silvery light bounces around the room and he can see her well enough. At this point the DJ plays a the second to last slow song of the night.

Jon's not sure where he's allowed to put his hands what with her having a boyfriend and wearing temporary wings but he ends up resting them on her sides. She doesn't say anything and her hand's slide up around his neck. Their close but not quite enough to be touching.

"Patrick doesn't mind that I'm stealing you away does he?" Jon asks, his voice low against the music. Cassie grins soft as they move, slowly back and forth, circling around the dancefloor.

"No, he shouldn't. I told him I owed you and that your intentions were nothing but pure." she teases. Jon doesn't actually believe that Patrick thinks he has pure intentions but he does, all he wanted was a dance from Cassie, just the chance to dance with her tonight.

"Speaking of Patrick, do you two have plans for after the dance?"

Cassie's face blanks for a second and Jon can feel her hands smooth against his shoulder. "You mean like hit up the party circut?" she questions.

"Yeah, a party. You guys going to one?"

"Mmm, no. You know you and I are always the one's throwing the parties right Jon?" She teases and Jon swears that he feels her fingertips brush against his neck. Jon nods. "Well, my parents kinda forbade me from having any parties tonight and I don't know if you're throwing a party." She explains.

"I am throwing a party actually." he states and it's the thruth. "My dad rented me a entire hotel floor." Cassie's eyes widen in surprise. "He felt bad about not being here for the dance." Jon explains at the look on her face.

"I see." she starts. Jon kind of forgets how much taller he is than the girl he's dancing with, her arms are stretched to reach around his neck. They're a little closer now, Jon tries not to notice it. Doesn't want to have to feel her hips pressed against his. "I'm hurt that you waited so long to invite me to this party Jon Walker." she tells him after a long moment.

Jon grins, he really can't help but grin when he's around her, she's adorable like that. "I didn't know if you already had plains and I certainly didn't want to ruin them if you did." Jon's explaining to the girl. He doesn't want her to think he wouldn't want her around, he sorta loves when she's around.

"Well, we don't so I am more than sure we'll be there." Cassie's voice is soft and happy. Jon's sure this has to be the best night of her life, or he thinks it does by the way she's acting.

There's a small silence between them, just them and the music and Jon can feel her hand's on his back, warm to the touch. His thumbs are sliding gently across the silk of her dress, he doesn't mean anything by it. Their staring at each other and Jon pretty much wishes he could read minds. Finally Cassie breaks the silence.

"So, where's your date Jon?" Cassie is looking beyond Jon and around the room for the short blonde cheerleader that was Jon's date. Jon shrugs, he's not sure where Aimee is. He hadn't seen his date since before he went to look for Cassie.

"Probably talking to her friends." he rumbles out.

"She's really beautiful." She was a sophmore, two years younger than them. Long blonde hair and green eyes and slender frame. She was also dressed as a slutty cat, her reasoning being that halloween was the perfect excuse for girl's to dress like sluts.

"I suppose you could say that." Jon replies, he knew she was good looking but he didn't exactly call it beautiful.

Cassie's eyes drop away from his face and it look's like she's studying the logo on his Cub's costume. "It sounds strange but that's the kind of girl I always pictured you with." she tells him softly, her eyes are still downcast and her voice is whisper quiet.

"Really?" It surprises Jon to hear that. To hear that Cassie pictures him with a girl like Aimee, girl's who dress like slutty cat's as opposed to angels. Cassie nods and she's still not looking at him, he wishes she would.

"What if I told you that she's not the type of girl I picture myself with?" He asks and now she's looking up at him. Her eyes are sparkling a bit, maybe it's just Jon's imagination.

"Than, I'd ask you what kind of girl you do picture yourself with?" She whispers. And their close, much closer than they were moments ago. Cassie's looking at him with warm eyes and a slight smile. He's not sure if she's expecting an anwser and even if she is, Jon isn't sure he can give her one.

"Do you like her?" Cassie asks, Jon didn't realize she was bringing the conversation back around to Aimee.

"Aimee? Yeah, she's a nice girl."

"Are you going to see her again?" Cassie questions. Her eyes are flickering down again, level with his chest. Jon smiles.

"She's a cheerleader, I'm sure I'll see her again."

Cassie grins and thumps Jon's back lightly. "You know what I mean. Are you going to date her?"

Jon face blanks and he gives a little shrug. He hadn't thought much about the girl beyond this night. The only reason he even went to the dance with her was because he was short on time and needed a date.

"I'm not sure."

Cassie looks like she's going to say more but the song ends before she can and everyone around them is seperating.








































chapter: ???: kisses on the necks of best friends
but if that was true then why was Cassie with Pete now? why was she at Pete's house, laying next to Pete in his bed?

they were talking, talking about patrick. Cassie had her head on Pete's shoulder and her body turned into him. he was on his back, staring up at the celing, his hands folded on his chest.

"Pete?" Cassie began and Pete gave her a sound that she took as him hearing her. "you've been listening to me talk for like a good five minutes now....did you bring me over here just to listen to me talk about patrick?" Cassie asked as she tilted her head up and looked at Pete.

Pete gave a little sigh and turned to face her, her head falling off his shoulder and down onto the soft pillow. "no, i wanted to tell you something." Pete said but he sounded like he'd rather not say anything to her at all.

"okay, what?" she asked. it was strange, ususally she knew Pete pretty well and she knew that as of late (the last three weeks) he just hadn't been himself.

"i like someone." he said but his voice sounded kinda weird...like he was forcing himself to talk.

"really?" Cassie said. she sat up excitedly looking down at her bestfriend because it had been a long while since Pete had found someone to obsess over. "who is it?" she asked before she cut herself off. "wait, let me guess!" she said sounding overly excited.

"is it megan?" Cassie asked and Pete shook his head. he grinned as he watched her think of who it could be that he would have a thing for. "oh is it jenny? cause she kinda really likes ryan." Cassie said and again Pete shook his head.

"not jenny." Pete said. Cassie thought harder but seemed to be drawing blanks. "let me stop you before you go through our entire school." Pete said with a small laugh.

Cassie pushed him playfully and laid back down beside him. "then who?" she asked. Cassie hoped that it was someone she liked and someone that would be good for Pete. his last relationship still fresh in her mind, she could still easily remember how depressed he had gotten.

"do you really wanna know?" Pete asked and his voice was soft and quiet and she nodded.

"of course i do." she said with a grin as she stared up at him. Pete gave a small laugh.

"it's you Cassie." Pete said quietly and if Cassie hadn't been paying attention she might not have heard him at all. the two friends just stared at each other. it was an awkward silence before Cassie laughed.

"funny Pete." she said "now who is it really?" she didn't appreciate his joke but she still wanted to know.

Pete's face dropped a bit and she felt his cold hand rest on her arm. "what do you mean? i'm not joking...it really is you." Pete said and he looked too serious for her to believe otherwise.

"me?" she asked sitting up and pulling away from him. her eyes had gone slightly wide as she looked down at Pete. Pete sat up too and nodded. "you're lying Pete..." she began. "you don't like me...you like girls that are skinnier and prettier and funny...not-not girls like me." Cassie said as if she was trying to make him believe it.

Pete shook his head and took her one hand between her own. "are you kidding?...cassandra..i think you are smart and funny and fucking beautiful...you're the girl i like." Pete said and they were just staring at each other and Cassie felt like she couldn't really breath.

he had dropped her whole name and not just her nickname, an act saved only for when the two of them were incredibly serious. Cassie pulled her hand from Pete's and looked away from him. she had no idea what to say, he had just dropped a huge bomb on her.

"i don't understand...how long...?" Cassie asked as she refused to look up at him. her insides were a tangled mass of emotions and her heart was beating way too fast.

"since before you started dating patrick...for awhile now." Pete said, his voice sounded nervous. Cassie looked up at Pete, she was trying to comprehend everything Pete was saying. he looked equally nervous, his brown eyes were downcast and his face was pulled down in a frown.

"why?...why would you wait to tell me that?" Cassie half yelled and now she was up off the bed and standing in Pete's bedroom. Pete was still on the bed, his legs still folded indian style. he looked like he was expecting this to happen, like he knew Cassie would react this way.

"i-i didn't want to ruin our friendship! i thought it would go away! but it didn't....and then by that time you already really liked patrick and i knew he liked you...so, i-i just didn't say anything..." Pete said and now he too was unfolding his legs and he swung them off the side of the bed like he was going to get up but he didn't.

Cassie ran a hand through her hair, her fingers catching on the curls. "then why tell me now?" she asked and she sounded upset, not exactly angry but upset at the situation.

"because, i thought i could handle seeing you two together...but i can't. i can't handle seeing you two kissing and all that shit! i can't do it because i want to be with you!" Pete cried as he got up off the bed.

Cassie could see that Pete was desperate. she recongized the look in his eyes, it was the same look she saw many times when Pete had been in love before. she never thought that he would direct that gaze at her.

tears pricked the corners of her eyes because this wasn't good...it couldn't be good. she had patrick, she loved patrick, but Pete loved her...she loved Pete too but not in the same way. Cassie was afraid now, afraid that this confession would tear apart the friendship she still needed.

Pete could see the tears forming, he knew he had upset her. after so many years of knowing each other their emotions became too hard to hide. and she looked away from him but she could hear him moving towards her.

"i'm sorry..." he whispered as she felt him pull her into his arms and he was holding her. if she were madder at him she would've pushed him away but the thoughts of "he's my best friend! he's my best friend...he's my bestfriend." echoed through her head.

Cassie's face was pressed a little below Pete's shoulder. " i love him...i love patrick." she said and her voice was small and weak and a couple of stray tears fell from her eyes because fuck, she knew this was hurting Pete.

"i know." Pete said to her, his voice thick with comfort. she felt him press a small kiss to the top of her head. Cassie didn't need to tell Pete that she was in love with patrick. he could easily see it everyday. he could see how patrick seemed so much happier in her presence and how Cassie would be willing to do almost anything to make patrick happy.

he couldn't lie, he was jealous but he also thought that he deserved this. it had been him that hadn't made a move. what right did he have to break up his two best friends? Pete wanted to be self-less, oh god he wanted to be but he wasn't. he was selfish though.

Pete's selfish thoughts were probably what led him to tipping Cassie's head up, his tanned thumb wiping away the spare tear. she stared up at him with large watery blue eyes, unsure of what he was doing. he brought his face close to her's and kissed her. he didn't stop himself, he didn't think he could.

their kiss was simple and innocent. this was far from how Pete wanted this to happen, he didn't want her sad and crying when he kissed her. he wanted the kinds of kisses that she and patrick shared. the kind that made his stomach burn with jealousy.

Pete tried to make the kiss deeper and it was around this time that Cassie seemed to remember that she had a boyfriend. she pulled away from him and slid out of his arms. Pete wouldn't lie, he missed the warmth as soon as she left his embrace.

there was an awkward silence between them where both teens tried to make sense of what had just happened. Cassie wouldn't look at him, not even when she spoke.

"i think you should take me home." she said and Pete nodded and ran a hand through his hair. he didn't want her to leave, he wanted her to stay with him so they could talk about what had happened. but he didn't think he should force her to stay.

"yeah." Pete said and she was out of his room before he could slide on his shoes.

the ride back to Cassie's house was possibly the most fucking awkward thing Pete had ever endured. Cassie didn't talk, just stared out the window of the car at the dark streets. the lights from the streetlamps caught her hair and illuminated her. Pete wasn't talking either, he had nothing he could say that would make the situation better. the only noise between them was the radio that wasn't turned up too loud.

Pete felt like total shit. he had just kissed one of his best friends who happened to be his other best friend's girlfriend. in the silence it was almost like he could feel their friendship dying. yeah, they had kissed before but they were fifteen at the time and neither had any significant others.

now was different, they were older and there was a relationship involved. yeah, Pete was pretty damn sure he had just wrecked the two friendships that meant the most to him.

Pete had stopped in front of Cassie's house. she glanced at him and cleared her throat.

"i-i won't tell him." Cassie said and Pete didn't have to ask what she meant because he already knew.

"okay." Pete whispered. Cassie didn't say anything else, she just opened the door and got out of the car.

Pete drove home that night wondering how bad it would be if he missed school tomorrow?





chapter ???:

somehow Cassie had wound up in jon walker's car. she figured it was because she and jon had been partnered up during the marathon test they had been taking and they had a good half an hour before their next class started.

jon was seated in the driver's seat, his hands lazily gripping the steering wheel. Cassie was in the passenger seat, she was watching jon. he brushed a hand through his shaggy long dark brown hair before he reached into the glove compartment of his car and pulled out a pack of cigarettes.

"i didn't know you smoked jon." Cassie said surprised at the young athlete. jon gave a half shrug as he put the cigarette between his lips and fished around for a lighter.

Cassie found the lighter on the floorboard near her feet, she handed off the lighter to jon.

"thanks." he said as he lit the smoke and rolled down his window so the smoke wouldn't fill the car. jon took a long drag and Cassie watched him, she had heard people say that some people looked really good while smoking a cigarette and she figured that jon was one of those people.

the way the silvery smoke unfurled from his red lips and the look on his face as he smoked, she had to admit that it looked pretty hot. Cassie shook the offending thoughts from her head as she looked away from jon.

"sometimes it helps to smoke, sometimes i just need one." jon said, anwsering the question she never really asked.

Cassie looked at the front of the school, she was waiting for patrick to come out but she didn't really know where he was at the moment. people had begun pouring out of the school's front doors. it was the other students who were finishing the same test that jon and Cassie had taken.

they saw spencer walking towards the car. "here comes spence." Cassie said as she watched her cousin through the back window. the back door behind Cassie was opened and spencer plopped down into the backseat. "hey spencer." Cassie said as she turned to look at her cousin.

"you took my seat." spencer pouted from the backseat. Cassie rolled her eyes.

"you don't own it spencer." Cassie said with a smile, spencer ran a hand through his brown sideswept bangs. she had to admit that her cousin had been acting strange as of late. spencer's eyes flickered over her.

"i sat in it first." he complained.

"jesus, spencer, it's a car seat! get over it." jon snapped at spencer suddenly and spencer and Cassie both turned to look at jon, who was scowling and lighting a new cigarette. Cassie turned back to spencer who glanced at her briefly before turning to look out the window, the same scowl as jon on his face.

Cassie turned back around to face the road that led away from the school infront of them. she hadn't really noticed until now, but jon definitly wasn't acting like himself lately either. he seemed more crabby, as opposed to his usual laid back attitude. she was hoping that maybe he was just in a bad mood because honestly, this jon kinda scared her.



be clearly aware of the stars on infinity on high and all this life seems almost enchanted after all

****************************************************************************************

it was nine o' clock on a friday night when jenny texted Cassie. Cassie had been currently alternating between checking her email and snuggling with patrick on the couch as they watched the latest reality program. it was the weekend but it seemed like no one was doing much of anything.

Cassie blamed this sudden lack of togetherness on the fact that the group was systematically pairing up and fighting all at the same time. Cassie and patrick still weren't talking to Pete, and jon had told them that Pete was keeping himself busy with ashlee.

jenny was with ryan and krissy with brendon. megan was working on moving her relationship with gabe from friendship to something more, so she was spending a ton of time with him and belinda had her late night 'tutoring' sessions with william.

Cassie didn't mind so much though, she was thinking that she much rather perferred snuggling on the couch with patrick then out drinking it up. her phone had sounded and she reluctantly crawled out of patrick's arms to search for said phone.

she found it up by the computer in her room and flicked it open. "who is it?" patrick asked from his spot on her bed. "jenny." Cassie said as she hit the button to open the message.

her eyes widened slightly as she read the text that jenny had sent to her. "oh my god..." Cassie said.

"what? what's wrong?" she heard patrick say from behind her. Cassie turned around with cell phone in hand and sat down at the end of her bed.

"it's jenny...she thinks she might be pregnant." Cassie said, the cell phone limp in her hand and her face surprised. Cassie instantly texted something back while patrick muttered a soft 'fuck' from the bed.

Cassie was surprised, she knew that jenny and ryan had just had sex for the first time that monday, and now she thought she was pregnant. Cassie was too frantic to bother waiting for jenny to text her back and called her instead.

"Cassie?" she heard jenny's tearful voice say.

"yeah." Cassie said and it broke her heart to hear jenny so sad.

"Cassie! oh my god i don't know how this happened...i'm scared!" jenny cried into the phone and Cassie had to work to keep her own voice low as she anwsered her best friend.

"it's okay, let's calm down and...tell me what happened." Cassie said. she felt movement on the bed and a warm hand rubbing her back gently.

"we had sex...." jenny started but stopped just as quickly.

"did you use protection?" Cassie asked and she just prayed that the anwser would be yes.

"n-no...i said we didn't have to." jenny half sobbed. Cassie's insides clenched and she swore softly into the phone.

Cassie's mind was scrambling, she was trying to think of something to say to jenny, anything to comfort her. "if-if it just happened once then i don't think you'll get pregnant..." there was a silence on the other end of the phone. "what's ryan think about all of this?" Cassie added quickly.

"he doesn't know yet...i haven't told him..." jenny said quietly into the phone.

"oh." was all Cassie managed to say. she leaned back against patrick's chest as she talked to jenny. she was genuinelly afraid for her young friend.

"what am i gonna do Cassie? my mom will kill me if i am and ryan...fuck, ryan's not gonna wanna be a dad..." jenny said and Cassie thought it sounded like she was crying.

"it's okay jenny, it will be okay. look patrick and i will come get you. we'll go to a drugstore and get a pregnancy test, it will be okay. you'll see." she told the younger girl.

"okay." was all jenny said.
****************************************************************************

Cassie only half knew how she ended up in jon walker's bed.

all she knew was that it was fucking comfortable enough to make her head stop spinning. she knew she shouldn't have drank so much, but joe kept handing her drinks and she kept taking them. normally she wouldn't have drank so much but fuck, right now her life sucked.

she wasn't talking to Pete and patrick wasn't talking to her, so, life pretty much sucked at the moment and because of that Cassie really didn't see a reason not to get wasted.

there was a shuffling sound from the left of the bed and Cassie opened her eyes and sat up as fast as she could managed without puking. "whose in here?" she asked, trying her best to sound threathening but thinking that she probably failed. she still tried though because a drunk girl, alone in a room... yeah, not good.

"it's me, jon." she heard the slightly tispy voice of jon walker respond. Cassie propped herself up on the bed with her elbows and searched the semi-dimmed room for jon. she found him standing over his desk that was pushed up against the wall to the left of the bed.

his back was facing her but she could see his one hand holding on to the edge of the desk, like he was trying to keep his balance, while the other was rifiling through papers and other objects on said desk.

"oh, jon." she said lightly as if maybe she didn't believe that it was really him. "did you bring me up here?" she asked because she couldn't remember how she got from the living room where she was crushed on the couch, cold beer bottle in hand between joe, andy, and spencer, up to jon's bedroom.

"yeah, you looked fucked up and i didn't want anything to happen to you so i brought you to my room." jon told her, he turned around and Cassie could see his warm smiling face.

Cassie smiled back at jon. "jon... jon, come here... i want to hug you." she half slurred from the bed.

"hug me? what did i do to earn a hug from you?" jon asked, even though he was moving towards the bed. Cassie laughed like it was obvious why she wanted to hug the older boy.

"you earned it by protecting me. now come here and claim your reward." Cassie said, she had fallen back on the bed, the world spinning a little too much for her to stay propped up on her elbows. she didn't realize at the time how suggestive that sentence sounded.

she heard jon laugh and the sound made her smile. "you're so wasted." jon said. it sounded like maybe he didn't want to come hug her but she felt the bed dip with his weight all the same. Cassie was flat on her back and suddenly she could see jon over her, like he was some sort of epic vision that was meant to guide her.

instead she leaned back up and wrapped her arms around jon's shoulders. jon wrapped his arms around her back and she was more so using jon as a balance and she just hoped that she didn't throw up on him or anything like that. jon was soft and warm and something about him made Cassie feel so safe.

apparently jon was drunker then Cassie thought because he was unable to support Cassie's grip on him and the two teens fell back on to the bed, Cassie's arms still wrapped around jon and his face pressed close to her neck.

Cassie was laughing even though nothing was paticularly funny. she tried not to think about how her fingertips were brushing against the dark hair at the back of jon's neck or how his warm breath felt on the skin of her neck. "i'm not wasted jon walker." Cassie said, anwsering a question that jon never asked.

"you so are, which is surprising for such a usually good girl." he said, Cassie's arms fell away from jon's shoulders and he leaned up, his musclely arms coming to rest on either side of Cassie's shoulders. he had leaned up but he hadn't moved away.

"i'm not a good girl anymore. haven't you heard jon?" Cassie said, her blue eyes slipping closed as the events of the past two weeks played through her mind like an out of focus movie. she didn't hear anything and she wondered if maybe jon had passed out or something, she cracked open an eye and spotted the outline of jon looking down at her.

"hey, hey, Cassie, you know...despite what anyone else says... you're still a good girl in my eyes." jon said and she felt jon's hand take her own and give a small squeeze. Cassie smiled because really, she never appreciated jon walker more in her entire life.

"you're such a great friend jon. i don't deserve your kindness." Cassie said sounding slightly sad, she ran her thumb over the palm of jon's hand. jon pulled his hand from hers and she thought he was leaving but instead she watched him move over her and the next thing she knew he was laying beside her on his own giant, probably king sized bed.

"don't worry Cassie, patrick will come around." jon whispered to her, she felt his warm hand on her shoulder and he pulled at her, turning her so that she was pressed into his chest. Cassie appreciated jon's attempt at making her feel better but she didn't think that anything in the world would make patrick come around.

"what if he doesn't?" she asked and she didn't know why she was asking jon, he had no part in all the drama that had taken place but he was easy to talk to and nice as hell. Cassie felt jon's hand fall to her side and the other wrap around her and come to rest on her back.

suddenly they were really fucking close, their bodies allinged together but she didn't mind not really, because jon had a way of making her feel safe and she wasn't immune to his caring or charming ways. Cassie was pulled from her thoughts by a loud clicking sound and a bright white flash.

she opened her eyes and saw that jon had pulled one of his hands away from her and was holding his old fashioned camera, pointing it at the two of them. "what are you doing walker?" Cassie asked as she looked up at the camera.

"capturing your beauty." jon said with another snap of the camera. Cassie giggled into jon's shoulder.

"i bet you say that to every girl who gets in your bed." Cassie joked and jon shook his head.

"only one's as great as you." Cassie wanted to laugh, but she wasn't sure if jon was joking or not. she pulled back and studied his face, he was looking down at her with soft brown eyes and that warm smile and fuck, suddenly things seemed a lot more serious then they were a few minutes ago.

she was staring at jon as he lowered his camera setting it on the bed. "Cassie, you know, i haven't been able to stop thinking about you since that spin the bottle kiss we had at my party." jon said quietly.

Cassie's mind seemed to freeze up at the words that jon had just spoken. jon walker, the captain of the football team couldn't like her. he liked girls like ashlee or the other Cassie. not her, not when she was already tangled up with Pete and patrick.

"i...what?" Cassie muttered, she was probably way too drunk to deal with this right now. jon grinned and dropped a hand down to Cassie's face and pushed the wave of brown hair away from her forehead. "you have?" Cassie asked and she sounded surprised and that made jon laugh a little.

"yeah." jon said and he looked more serious then he had before. "i really want to do it again Cassie." he whispered and he was a lot closer then she remembered and his hand was steady on her hip again. she could feel the slight breeze of his warm breath on her face and her head was spinning again but she didn't think it had anything to do with the alcohol.

Cassie closed her eyes at the same time as jon kissed her. his lips were warm and soft like she remembered and the slight scruff brushed against her chin. she heard a click and saw the flash through closed eyes and she knew jon was taking photo's, she should've stopped him but she didn't.

she noted that jon kissed differently then the day of the party. this felt more real, this felt like he was kissing her the way he had wanted to back then. she also noticed that he kissed different than patrick, or Pete, or brendon. he was a little rougher but it didn't hurt. jon's hands roamed her body, tracing the line of her hips before he trailed up to her breasts. she and jon broke apart and Cassie rolled onto her back with jon rolling on top of her.

Cassie didn't know what she was doing, she was never this forward but jon was making her feel better and being drunk helped losen her up. jon slid his hand up her shirt. their lips met soft and innocent despite where their drunken hands were roaming.

the girl leaned up and wrapped a hand around jon's neck, lowering him down so she could kiss him deeper. their tongues touched and she felt electricity flow through her body, her mind was so far away from anything else besides the warmth of jon's body and his hot tongue gliding in her mouth.

somewhere far in the back of her mind she knew she shouldn't be doing this with jon. this kinda thing was what had gotten her into trouble in the first place. but the way he held her and kissed her, made her feel like nothing bad would ever happen to her. while everything in her life was falling apart right now jon was all that felt real.

he pulled Cassie up into a sitting position as she pulled off her shirt and tossed it to the ground. she leaned forward and attached herself to his neck, kissing and nipping here and there as jon made short work of her bra.

jon groaned as she bit at the spot between his neck and shoulder. he settled her back down on to the bed and she opened her jeaned legs for him. jon pulled off his long-sleeved shirt before he settled back on top of Cassie, their hot flesh pressing together.

they continued their frenzied make-out session, jon's fingers brushing all along her body in ways that made her shiver and arch into him. Cassie's fingers grazed his sides, claiming the pale flesh as she let her hands explore him. they kissed and she felt jon's fingers slide lower until they grazed down her belly and to the button of her dark jeans.

his hand's lingered there for a moment before he pulled away from Cassie breathless and staring down at her with dark eyes, pupil's blown. "are we-i mean...do you wanna go all the way?" jon asked. Cassie stared up at him, unsure of what to say. she wasn't the type of girl to have random drunken hookup's but this was jon and he was making her feel so good, and forget all about all the problems with patrick and Pete.

Cassie never did this kind of thing, she was always the good girl. her own words from earlier echoed in her mind. 'i'm not a good girl anymore.' she reached up and kissed jon deep. "yeah, let's do it." she whispered, her hand slipping to the button on jon's jeans.
******
Cassie woke up the next morning with the worst hangover she had ever had in her entire life. bright white yellow sunlight spilled into the room through the white curtains. her head pounded and her mouth was dry. Cassie noted that this was the second time in her life that she had woken up hungover in jon walker's bed.

though she had to admit that it was the first time she had woken up in his bed naked.

jon's arms were wrapped loose around her and she was pulled tight, her back against his chest. Cassie could feel the warm rush of jon's breath as it washed against her bare back and it made her shiver. she was tempted to stay there in jon's bed, wrapped in his arms but she knew that chances were good that the longer she stayed in the bed the better the chances that someone would find the duo.

Cassie shifted a little and she could feel jon's naked body against her and yeah, it was offical, she was a slut now. she lifted jon's arm off of her and moved it so she could roll on to her back, her movement must've woken jon up. he shifted and Cassie was watching him as his dark brown eyes cracked open.

"hey, you're awake." jon said softly, his voice sounding a little hoarse. Cassie nodded because now that she was looking at jon, she found herself a whole lot more embaressed and suddenly unable to speak. she had known jon for a long time now and she had always liked him but now they had gone as far as two people could, they had seen each other in the barest of forms and Cassie was turning pink at the thought of facing jon everyday after this.

jon reached out a lazy hand and took hold of hers, he brought it to his lips and pressed a small soft kiss to it. "how ya feeling?" he asked softly.

"ugh, hungover, you?" she replied as she turned on her side to face jon, the dark blue comforter moving along over her.

"kinda shitty, but i've felt worse." jon said with that same amazing smile that was so effective last night. "you know Cassie, you're really cute when you sleep." jon said with a smile. a blush spread across Cassie's cheeks.

"you watched me sleep?" Cassie squeaked out embaressed.

"yeah, but not in a stalkerish way or anything" jon laughed, "just when you fell asleep after..you know." jon finished and there was a slight awkward silence between them.

"are you okay Cassie?" jon asked. Cassie's throat kind of tightened up.

she felt a horrible stab of guilt flash through her, to her last night had been random, an accident, nice but a one time thing. she didn't know how jon felt about it, whether it was her just because she was there in his bed, prone and needy or if it was something more. maybe to jon it had been more, she thought that maybe he wanted more then just a one time drunken hook-up.

"jon, how do you feel about last night?" Cassie asked avoiding jon's question and she turned away from him, propping herself up on her elbows and looked over at jon. he was looking at her like he really didn't understand what she was getting at or that he didn't want to understand.

"what do you mean?" he asked, paying his full attention to her.

"well, i mean, what happens now?" she asked and she felt like things were falling apart quickly and she really wished she knew where her clothes were.

jon's face fell blank and he sat up, the blanket threathening to come off of Cassie as it fell off of jon. "well, i mean i know you and patrick are still kinda together but... i dunno i was hoping i was good enough to win you over?" jon half stated half asked and she cursed that he could still be so laid back and charming even in the worst of situations.

Cassie felt her heart leap and more stabs of guilt, fuck there was no fucking way that jon was into her like that. never in her life did she have three guys wanting her at once, she wasn't pretty enough for that. but she thought about what he was saying, really if she wanted to she could go out with jon.

he was sweet, funny, caring, smart. jon was nearly perfect, but there was one thing jon wasn't. he wasn't patrick. despite everything that had happened Cassie loved patrick. it was the same reason she couldn't be with Pete or brendon or even jon. she was completely in love with patrick.

"jon, i-i love patrick." she said quietly because she was basically rejecting him after they had, had drunken sex and Cassie wished she could disappear because she didn't know who the hell she was anymore. she heard jon sigh and she watched him run a hand through his hair.

"i know... i knew even last night when we were going at it. i shouldn't have let it happen, i just... i just wanted to be with you i guess." jon replied and Cassie didn't say anything, didn't know what she could say to make this situation okay. maybe there was really nothing that could be said.

she felt worse then she ever had before. she had just cheated on patrick for a second time and here she was claming she was madly in love with him, it didn't make sense, not even to her. the silence dragged on for three long minutes before jon turned to look at her.

"want me to take you home?" jon asked and Cassie nodded thinking that she so didn't deserve to even be around someone like jon walker, someone who exuded such kindness. jon left the room while Cassie dressed, she tried not to stare at his naked form and only half succeeded. after Cassie was dressed jon went and got dressed and Cassie waited for him downstairs in his living room.

empty plastic cups littered the living room and kitchen and food and bad smells were left around the house. jon had quite a mess on his hands and part of her wanted to offer to stay and help but the other part of her wanted to go home and shower and then die from a mix of embarresment, guilt, and shame.

jon emerged from the stairs and grabbed his keys off the hook by the door. they left jon's house and Cassie tried not to laugh as they spotted a passed out joe trohman on jon's front lawn. "joe always ends up on my lawn." jon said with a little laugh.

the ride home was filled with awkward silence. Cassie couldn't think of anything to say that would make the situation better and jon didn't say anything at all. when they pulled up outside of Cassie's house she was more then eager to leave the car.

"Cassie." jon began as she opened the door and perpaired to exit the car.

"yeah?" she asked, her chest tightening again.

"i won't tell anyone." jon said with a sad sort of smile and Cassie frowned but nodded. jon understood the high school rules, he knew that if what had happened got out it would stain the girl's reputation. she climbed out his car, slowly shutting the door behind her. she walked away with tears in her eyes and jon's words, the same words she had once said to Pete, echoed through her head.
************************************************************************

once Cassie got home she took a long hot shower, hoping that some of the guilt would wash off with her. she put on her light purple hello kitty pajamas that Pete had given her for christmas last year and curled up with her laptop on her bed.

her intent was to talk to jenny and yeah, she could easily call the other girl but Cassie didn't want to hear jenny's dissapointment in person. sure enough, after three minutes an instant message from jenny popped up on Cassie's computer screen.

madasrabbits: hey, Cassie-wassie what's up?

clandestineCassie: nothing, recovering from a hangover i guess...

madasrabbits: a hangover? from jon's party last night?

clandestineCassie: si senorita, i guess i drank 2 much after u left...damn joe trohman!

madasrabbits: aww i r sorry.

clandestineCassie: i haven't even told you the worst part yet.

madasrabbits: shit, you're making me nervous! what happened girlie?

clandestineCassie: okay, i'm just gonna come out and say it.

madasrabbits: k, still making me nervous btw...

clandestineCassie: i may or may not have had druken sex with jon walker...

madasrabbits: WHAT???? plz tell me ur kidding!

clandestineCassie: god, i wish i was.

madasrabbits: so let me get this straight...you my dear Cassie had sex with bleeeeehhhh JON WALKER?????

clandestineCassie: please tell me you don't hate me.

madasrabbits: of course NOT! no amount of jon walker sex could make me hate you.

clandestineCassie: lol always good to know.

madasrabbits: so...you were both drunk right?

clandestineCassie: yeah, i didn't mean to but it just happened.

madasrabbits: he didn't force you did he?

clandestineCassie: of course not! i may not remember very much but i remember telling him it was okay if we had sex...

madasrabbits: protection?

clandestineCassie: always.

madasrabbits: cool, *gasp* what about patrick????????

clandestineCassie: i know, i was thinking about that...i think i'm going to tell him.

madasrabbits: you don't have 2 u know.

clandestineCassie: i know but it's the right thing to do...i lied to him about Pete and look where that got me.

madasrabbits: i guess you're right.

clandestineCassie: god, i'm such a slut.

madasrabbits: oh my god! no you're not! i mean you've only slept with like what? four guys! that's nothing compared to some of the girls in our school.

clandestineCassie: yeah, those girls in our school who have sex with guys at parties...

madasrabbits: you're not a slut. this isn't the same thing.

clandestineCassie: i dunno, i'm sure i'll feel better in a few days...but i still think i'm gonna tell patrick.

madasrabbits: yeah, you should. if you need support call me! but i gotta go so ttyl?

clandestineCassie: yeah, bye jenny-boo!

madasrabbits: bye babe!

jenny signed off and Cassie dropped her head on to her pillows. she knew that jenny wouldn't hate her for what she had done. she and jenny were bestfriends, she told the girl everything and they never judged each other. but not everyone was like jenny and if word got out that she had drunk sex with jon then she was sure the word whore would be thrown at her.

Cassie heard another instant message pop up and she looked thinking maybe jenny had come back. her eyes widened as she saw that it wasn't jenny but it was...Pete.

boywiththethorn: Cassie...you on?

Cassie bit her lip, she and Pete hadn't talked in weeks and if she saw him online she usually signed off but he had slipped past her this time. she thought about whether or not to anwser him, part of her wanted to. she wanted his advice but the other part remembered what he had said in the cafe that day and she decided not to.

boywiththethorn Cassie, please just talk to me...i'm sorry.

Cassie sighed and signed off, closing her laptop and instead reaching for the phone that was beside her bed. she sat for three minutes trying to will herself to dial the number. with shaking fingers she dialed patrick's number, it rang for a long time before the voicemail popped on.

"patrick, it's Cassie...i just wanted to talk to you so call me back when you can." Cassie said, her voice emitting sadness.

she hung up the phone before she signed back onto the internet. to her complete surprise she spotted patrick online.

clandestineCassie: patrick?

she sent him the message, nervous that he wouldn't anwser.

thetrickster: yeah...hey Cassie.

she felt awkward and nervous talking to her own fucking boyfriend! granted they were fighting and kinda on a break but still.

clandestineCassie: you, uh busy?

thetrickster: no, not really why?

he sounded kinda awkward too and Cassie thought that they were both really bad at fighting with each other.

"can you come over? i need to see you." Cassie said, she didn't want to tell patrick about jon over the phone so she thought that maybe if patrick came over they could talk, really talk and sort everything out and hopefully get back together.
*****************************************************************************
she wakes up the next day and still can't believe it, ryan died last night. she doesn't want to believe it, not ryan, not him. he didn't deserve it, he lived a hard life he didn't deserve to die when he was finally happy.

Cassie is awake but she's not getting up, she's already decided to lie in her bed for awhile, letting the thoughts in her brain float around her. she can hear soft snoring from the floor and she's releaved that spencer is asleep because she really didn't think she'd be able to handle her cousin yet.

spencer was a concern but so was jenny, Cassie couldn't even begin to fathom how she could help jenny. how could she tell her best friend that everything would be alright when she couldn't even believe that. everything was skewed, nothing felt real and Cassie could feel the unbearable sadness start to creep up on her already.

the memories of last night still utterly fresh in her mind, her hair still smelt faintly of a mixture of the perfume she wore to the party last night, smoke from when she had stood outside with the smokers, and alcohol from when she had spilt a bit on herself. thinking of last night led her back to thinking of jenny again. her bestfriend was still in the hospital, still in the same place where ryan ultimately lost his life.

part of her wanted to call the other girl but another part didn't. Cassie couldn't think of anything to say to jenny, hell she couldn't think of anything to say to herself to make herself feel any more sane.

Cassie knows her parents are awake, she can faintly hear them moving downstairs but they don't make any moves to wake either of the teens, despite it being well past one in the afternoon.

she closes her eyes and almost instantly the memories of last night sweep across her mind like a horribly tragic movie, except fuck, it's all so real.

Cassie can remember the cool breeze on her face as she ran outside to grab her cell phone from jenny before the girl and ryan left. she can remember seeing the red tail-lights burning throught the darkness of the night. she remembers that for some reason brendon had followed her outside. Cassie's eyes shut tighter as she remembered seeing the other car run the stop light, remembers seeing that car collide with ryan's.

a horrific smash of metal and sparks and the crunching sounds that made her heart stop and her blood freeze in her veins. Cassie can remember screaming but she can't remember hearing it, she was though, brendon told her. he said that she was screaming for jenny and ryan. she was trying to run to them to go to the wreck to see if they were okay.

she can remember brendon yelling for help until someone from inside, krissy or spencer or jon came out and he told them to call an ambulance, told them what happened and brendon was holding her tight from behind so she couldn't run, he wouldn't let her go and she couldn't escape no matter how hard she struggled.

Cassie fell to her knees and cried, tears rushing forward and nothing or no one could hope to console her. in those terrifying moments Cassie was sure jenny and ryan were dead and she had watched it happen and she knew deep inside that nothing would ever erase that memory.

patrick had run out and didn't ask questions, he didn't say anything. he just dropped down infront of Cassie and brendon finally let her go but she didn't run because patrick was holding her and telling her it would be okay even though his own voice was wavering.

at some point Pete had come out, she didn't know when because time seemed to be running in slow motion and lose all meaning. Pete had settled down behind her and was rubbing her back, laying his head on her shoulder and patrick didn't stop him, he knew now was not the time for stupid teenaged rivalries.

spencer, jon, and brendon had run down to the car crash to check on jenny and ryan while the front yard of jon's house had turned into something of a vigual. basically everyone who was at the party had come out to the yard. krissy had joined Cassie, patrick, and Pete in the huddle, Pete had wrapped an arm around her as well and before long belinda and megan were huddling in the middle of the yard too.

Cassie wasn't crying as hard but she was still crying and clinging to patrick like her life depended on it.

before long the red lights and sharp sirens of the ambulance pierced the night and loaded up ryan and jenny. spencer, jon, and brendon had come back all pale, all sad and grim. Cassie looked up staring at the boys, tears filled her bright blue eyes.

they had said that both of them were alive and Cassie could relax for a moment. but not for long, it would be five hours later that ryan would die from his wounds, internal bleeding or something like that.

Cassie shook the memories from her mind and opened her eyes, they were already brimming with tears. she tried to force them away but they stuck with her and she let out a soft choking sobbing sort of noise. she was crying softly in the bed, she didn't want to wake spencer up, she didn't want him to see her like this.

the girl got up to go to the bathroom, forcing her tears to stop and let the numbness resume taking hold of her. she knew ryan wasn't her boyfriend but he was her friend, because spencer was her cousin and ryan was spencer's bestfriend it meant that she and ryan hung out a lot too.

spencer was already awake though because Cassie heard shuffling and saw him sit up, slowly and he glanced at her with clear blue green eyes. he didn't say anything, just crawled into bed next to her and held her hand.
************************************************************

"i want to tell you something." Pete said to her as he and Cassie sat in his kitchen, the smell of his mother's home cooked dinner still wafting in the air.

Cassie had honestly been wary of Pete inviting her over to his house, it wasn't that she was nervous or anything. his house was like second home to her, somewhere where she felt comfortable. the girl was being wary of the situation because things between her and her bestfriend were still awkward. sure, they had made up for the most part but she could feel it, like a darkness surrounding them, they weren't the same.

"okay, Pete, go ahead. you know you can tell me anything." she said with a smile.
****************************************************************************

jon walker likes photography, he really does. he likes framing things and looking for art in the oddest of places, he likes capturing those moments that he feels only happen once in a lifetime, jon likes photography but he can't tell anyone.

that's not true, he can tell people, some people know but he thinks it's easier if people don't. whether he likes it or not high school is all about labeling people and jon's label is football player. he likes football too, he likes the rush he gets when he's playing, he likes how it seems to make him instantly popular.

jon never knew but these two hobbies of his cannot co-exist, at least that's what his friends think. his fellow football players seem to think that photography is strictly for girls and gay boys. jon doesn't need that kind of rumor spreading around the school so he keeps his photography hobbie quiet.

it's usually after school when he pulls his camera out and wanders around the school, attempting to catch some kind of unique beauty in the confines of the school. back then jon would never had imagined himself on the yearbook squad as a lead photographer, but that was before he met Cassie.

jon had been in the hallway on the third floor of the school building. he was currently pointing his camera out the bay window at the end of the hall, photographing the kids in the parking lot. he's not really paying much attention to anyone around him but he can hear voices conversing in the computer lab down the hall, the students voice filtering out the open door.

the voices grow louder and jon thinks that maybe two people have come out into the hallway. a girl and a boy by the sound of it.

"what do you mean you can't do it? it's our deadline!" he hear's the girl says and it take's him a minute before he recongizes the voice as that of Cassie.

"i'm sorry, Cassie...my parents are making me leave. it's a family tradition." the boy says and it's harder for jon to recongize the boy's voice but he doesn't want to turn around and act like he's actually eavesdropping.

Cassie sigh's "ryland..you're my best photographer...my only photographer basically what am i supposed to do?" she ask's and yeah, now jon recongizes the guy's voice. it's ryland blackinton, a senior who hang's around with gabe and william.

jon's seen ryland tagging along with Cassie, his camera in hand he knew the boy was on the yearbook squad and he knew the boy had photography skill's.

"i'm sorry...you know i would help if i could...can't you get someone else? i hear gerard way is good with a camera." ryland suggest's and jon keep's pretending to take photo's of kid's in the parking lot and the soccer and football field.

"it's okay ryland." Cassie resigns, obviously giving up on arguing with the boy. "i'll talk to you when you get back." she says. jon think's that ryland must shrug or nod or something because he doesn't say anything and he hear's footsteps that sound like their heading downstairs.

it's only now that jon turn's around and he see's Cassie head back into the yearbook classroom.
***********************************************************************

the large group of teens were hanging out at jenny's house, her mom was out for the day so jenny figured it would be okay to have people over for awhile.

they were downstairs in the girl's living room, most of them crowded around the couch as they played with jenny's wii. currently it was Cassie and Pete competing against each other in a hardcore game of guitar hero while krissy, brendon, ryan, spencer, jon, patrick, belinda, joe, andy, jenny and megan were crammed in the couch and on the floor, watching the two teens duke it out.

the song they were playing was nearing it's end and Cassie was winning only by a few points. it looked like she had success in the bag when suddenly Pete knocks into her, too obvious to be an accident and it threw Cassie off, the song ending with her about a hundred points behind Pete.

Pete cheered and threw his hand up in the air. "good game Cassie!" he says and he throws an arm around her. Cassie is glaring at him like he is the biggest idiot in the world, her arms crossed tight around her chest.

"you cheated Pete!" she says and Pete shrugs.

"so? it was just a game."

"so? so, i was totally gonna win before you cheated!"

"oh, come on, quit being such a girl about it."

at this point patrick wished that Pete had that little filter in his brain that stopped him from saying stupid things like that. Cassie is glaring harder than ever.

"oh my god! you're such a jerk!" she snaps and she instantly turns and stalks up the stairs to jenny's room. jenny shakes her head and instantly follows.

"okay, someone please tell me that she's overreacting." Pete pleads to the onlookers, no one is really saying anything.

"well, maybe you shouldn't have cheated her out of a win!" krissy suggests cooly and brendon looks at her surprised.

"it is just a video game babe."

"so you agree with him?"

"what?"

"you think it was right that he as a male had to win over a female?"

"cricket, aren't you blowing this out of porportion?"

"don't you cricket me brendon boyd urie!" krissy says and she too is up and heading upstairs while brendon sits shell shocked on the couch. now the only girls left are belinda and megan and the guys are staring at them.

they too shake her head and follow krissy upstairs.

"alright, is it just me or have all the girls lost their minds?" Pete says after a moment, he flops back down on the couch.

"um, well, don't say anything but Cassie...well, you should already know Pete but it's her...you know...time of the month you know? so, that's her reason." patrick admits and brendon starts giggling. patrick and Pete both shoot the boy a look and he claps his mouth shut.

"come to think of it..this isn't the first time krissy's snapped on me today...i think she got mad earlier cause i changed the radio station on her favorite song..." brendon says

"uh, jenny flipped me off earlier today because i said clay aiken was stupid..." ryan mutters glumbly and brendon giggles again before everyone is glaring at him.

"belinda didn't talk to me on the way to school because i didn't compliment her new jeans." joe admits.

"megan told me she'd cut off my peen if i told gabe that she liked him." andy says quietly and hearing andy say peen is almost enough to make brendon laugh again, almost. the guys are quiet for a few minutes before Pete speaks up.

"i don't want to alarm anyone but...but what if all the girls...what if their all on their periods at the same time?" Pete whips his head up and there is terror in his eyes.

the other boys are looking up shocked too. they all know how bad one girl can be while she's PMSing but five girls at once? that meant it was time to head for the hills.

"is that even possible?" spencer is asking.

"i dunno, i think i heard this thing somewhere before that when girls spend so much time together, well, they eventually all get their period at the same time." jon says and even he sounds shaken.

"oh god! we gotta get the fuck out of here! let's go to mexico...or canada or something!"
*************************************************************************************

the week everything went crazy

Cassie should've know that leaving Pete, joe, and brendon alone would result in nothing but a bad idea.

"it's a what?" Cassie asks from her position curled on the couch with patrick.

"a contest!...or more like a tournament i guess." Pete says and he's excited. Pete and brendon and joe are crowded around a large whiteboard that Pete's dad uses to write messages to his family. Pete and joe on either end of the board, markers in hand and brendon doing his best vana white impression.

"this...sounds stupid." spencer says and brendon makes a frownie face at him. Pete throws his arms out and looks at spencer likes he's completely insane.

"no way, spence, this is gonna be awesome!" Pete crows. Cassie has to admit, she's leaning more towards spencer's theory.

"can you...can you uh, explain it one more time?" krissy says, she's really trying her best to be tolerant of the idea because brendon is involved. Pete nods enthusiastically and goes over the plan one more time.

when he's done speaking no one seems any clearer on the idea and no one is as excited as the three boys before them are.

the gist of Pete, brendon, and joe's idea is that the whole lot of them go nuts over the next two weeks. by go nuts they meant have some crazy ass contest where everyone gets points for crazy stunts they pull. the boys claimed to have seen it successfully done on tv but Cassie thinks maybe they're making it up as they go along.

it seemed the three boys wouldn't take no for an anwser. over a span of five minutes they had everyone's name written on the board, so they could approprietly keep score.

"why are we doing this Pete?" ryan asks, his hand splayed on jenny's leg. Pete rolls his eyes.

"duh, to have fun! so we all do it and remember that you can do stunts in groups or seperate and the crazier the stunt the better the points." Pete anwsers him.

"what do we get if we win?" jon asks, spencer rolls his eyes at the other boy and jon shrugs. "i want to know."

"well..we each put in ten bucks and whoever wins gets the pool of money." joe says and he blinks lazily at them.

so that's how the stunt week started. everyone eventually signed up because the lure of winning one hundred and fifty dollars was too great for any of them to resist. they had few rules as well, all they had to do was get the act on tape and by the end of two weeks whoever had the most points was the winner.

immediently after the meeting was over Pete, joe, brendon, gabe, and krissy took off, intent on earning points. the others went home too but they didn't say they were leaving to do stunts. that left patrick, Cassie, ryan, and jenny who went back to Cassie's house to think things over.

no one could think of anything for at least five minutes. Cassie and patrick snuggled on one end of the couch and jenny and ryan curled up on the other.

"i just got a great idea to get some easy points!" Cassie says suddenly and the other three people in the room turn to look at her.

"what is it Cassie?" patrick asks and she looks up at her boyfriend. "um, it's something only jenny and i can do." she tells him and patrick doesn't like the sound of this already.

Cassie is surprised that it only takes three minutes to convince jenny to do it. she's not so surprised that it take five minutes for them to convince patrick and ryan to let them do it, let a lone to tape it. but they do so eventually Cassie and jenny are standing outside the local liquor store that's five minutes from Cassie's house.

jenny and Cassie are on the sidewalk facing the busy street, while ryan and patrick are off to the side, patrick handling the camera. "are you ready trick?" Cassie asks and her boyfriend grimaces but nods. "you ready jenny?" the other girl swallows and nods.

"are you sure Pete will give you points for this?" ryan says and Cassie nods.

"well, can't you just do it with your bras on?" patrick adds.

"no way, if i know Pete he'll give mucho points for being topless." Cassie really is surprised that she's going to this length to get the cash.

patrick and ryan sigh and patrick lifts the camera, pointing at the two girls. "okay, on three." he says and he counts down. the two girls look at each other and as patrick hits three both girls lift their tops, bra and all up and proceed to flash the cars driving down the street.

an uproar of hoots and catcalls and horns errupt around them as soon as people realize what is happening. patrick tries not to think about how everyone is seeing his girlfriend's boobs.

the girls shirts are still up as a familar silver truck rolls past them, it's slow enough for all four teens to see the driver. ryan covers his face as he realizes that it's their principal. "oh my god, that's mr. samson!" jenny says and her shirt is down in an instant and her hand is around Cassie's wrist and is pulling the girl away. Cassie pulls her own shirt down as they run around the front of the building and down the street, patrick and ryan following close behind.

"baby, you flashed the principal..." ryan says as he moves to take jenny's hand. jenny's breathing hard but she's excited and glad she let Cassie talk her into doing it.

"i know...think he recongized me?" she asks.

"who cares? that was fucking hot!" ryan tells her and the other three teens look at him in surprise. "what?" he says looking around. "it was."

jenny leads ryan back to her house to no doubt act on ryan's attraction to jenny's flashing.

patrick and Cassie go back to Cassie's house and check out the tape. patrick laughs and kisses her because he's surprised she had done such a thing. "i bet mr.samson will say something on monday." patrick tells her and she shrugs.

"would he really believe that such a good kid like me would flash a busy street?"

"nah, i barely believe it and i was there." he laughs.

"oh really?" she starts, she's grinning at him, patrick knows that mischevious grin. "are you like ryan trick? did you like it?" she's asking and patrick had a feeling it was coming.

"well, i happen." he starts, he leans over and kisses her "to like" more kisses on her cheek and neck and lips. "when it's only me seeing you like that." he finishes and he's on top of her and kisses her.

Cassie is laughing and patrick looks back at the camera that is sitting on the coffee table next to the couch. "how many points do you think we'd get if we videotaped ourselves having sex?"
****
Pete insists on meeting every night to see what everyone did during that day. it's eleven thirty and it's a good thing the school is on a break because half of them wouldn't be allowed out of the house this late. they meet at Pete's house and his parents don't bother them down in the basement.

they're all together squished on the couch and spilling over on the floor. Pete's standing over the dvd player, dvd's he collected from the group in hand. Cassie told Pete ahead of time to show her tape last. only four people counting Cassie and jenny had managed to pull off stunts that first day.

it's Pete's own tape up first because of course he has a stunt completed already. his tape is three solid minutes of him making out with a random scene boy that no one else seems to recongize. the boy is pressed against a wall and Pete is going all out with wandering hands and obscene moans. he's grinning ear to ear when the tape stops and everyone else is silent.

"hardcore same sex making out in public...dude, that's gotta be worth one hundred points." joe states and Pete looks enthralled and disappointed at the same time, maybe he was expecting more points.

the next tape was of brendon and that was him dry-humping the statue in the middle of town, he too was going all out, it seemed all the contest creators were. there was a soft giggle heard on the tape and they knew that krissy was taping brendon as he humped the metal figure of an old man.

"fifty points." Pete said and brendon looked outraged.

"i almost got arrested Wentz! that should be worth more!"

"it would've been if you had been arrested."

brendon grumbled and it was time for jenny and Cassie's tape. patrick looks nervous and jenny squeezes Cassie and ryan's hands tight. Pete puts it in and presses play, the screen flashes showing the two girl's standing on the sidewalk. at first everyone just look's confused but patrick counts down and then the shirt's are lifting and than a chorus of sound's break out.

krissy is screaming 'oh my god!' and the boys are either cheering or leering patrick looking like he wanted to kill the lot of them. ryan and patrick had managed to film the part where they flashed the school's principal as well.

"oh my god! extra points for flashing the principal!



http://i.ixnp.com/images/v3.37/t.gif
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"you wanna go get a smoothie?" spencer asks his cousin as they sit boredly in the living room of Cassie's house. the girl shrug's and stand's.

"sure, you buying?" she ask's her cousin as she goes to find her green flip-flops. spencer sigh's and shift's his hand's to his hip's.

"i suppose but only because your my favorite cousin." the boy says. Cassie stand's up from her current position of bending over the chair to grab up her elusive footware and look's back at her cousin.

"no, your buying because brendon is working today." she doesn't miss her cousin's cheapness.

brendon started working at the smoothie hut downtown a few month's ago and it's a well known fact that he give's discount's to his friend's. that's the reason spencer and a lot of their other friend's happen to frequent there.

spencer and Cassie leave the house and walk toward's downtown, it's a short distance, no more than ten minutes to get there. the two of them talk about their lives even though they both already know a great deal about the other's lives, that sort of thing tend's to happen when you grow up together.

the duo arrive at the smoothie hut and are releaved to find that it's not too busy. "hi, can i help you?" brendon say's as he look's up at the door, his fake smile drop's and a real smile spread's across his face as he see's his friend's. "hey, guys!" he chirp's and Cassie waves as she and spencer head toward's the long white counter.

the smoothie hut is a pretty popular hang out so it's a bit unusual that they're not busy. Cassie doesn't mind though because it mean's they can talk to brendon longer. "what are you two doing here?" brendon ask's and spencer roll's his eyes.

"buying a smoothie..duh." spencer replies and brendon shoot's him a mock hurt look.

"well, i get that. i mean how come you're not hanging with your best friend's?" he elaborates. spencer and Cassie look at each other across the counter before sighing.

"our best friend's happen to be too busy dating each other." Cassie say's and it's true. ryan and jenny were spending epic amounts of time together, leaving spencer and Cassie spending epic amount's of time without their best friend's.

"how sad for spencer considering that he's the dateless wonder but where's patrick Cassie?" brendon asks as he lift's two clear plastic cup's off the rack and turn's away to make spencer and Cassie's drink's, the two teen's always order the same thing so there's not really a need to ask what they want.

"oh, he's running some errand's for his mom but he promised to call me when he was finished." she tell's brendon. the girl slip's her hand into the pocket of her jean's lifting out her cell and checking her phone on the off chance that maybe patrick had called and she had somehow missed it.

"well, where's krissy brendon? doesn't she usually hang here with you?" spencer question's, he's shooting brendon an angry glare, most likely for the 'dateless' remark. brendon turn's back around and hand's Cassie her drink, a bright pink strawberry banana smoothie. the girl light's up and take's the drink slurping it happily while spencer glare's at brendon.

"she's working spencer, unlike you some of us have job's." brendon quip's as he turn's back around to make spencer's drink.

"why work when you can get discount's from your friend's?" spencer says and Cassie laugh's and set's down her drink as she lean's heavily on the counter. brendon turn's back and hand's spencer his peach and mango smoothie. spencer take's it and tosses a few crumpled bill's on the counter.

"what no tip?" brendon ask's as he collect's the bill's.

"i've got a tip for you, lose the dorky hat." spencer say's and he loop's his arm around Cassie's and is tugging the girl toward's the door. brendon reaches up and touches the red paper hat that sit's slightly lopsided on his head.

"i can't it's part of the uniform!" he yell's as Cassie and spencer go out the door, Cassie waving from the clear glass window.

the two cousin's head down the sidewalk's that lead back to Cassie's house. "wanna go back home and watch rerun's of 'one tree hill and the o.c.?' " spencer ask's and Cassie shrug's, it's kinda sad how she and spencer don't have much to do as of late.

they move past the old brick building's that collide with the newer stores leaving the city looking like a mix between the past and the present. they're currently walking past the starbuck's where jon walker work's when spencer suddenly stop's.

"hey, isn't that patrick?" he say's and Cassie look's around but doesn't see her boyfriend anywhere.

"what? where?" she ask's and she turn's to look at spencer, whose peering into the glass window's of the starbuck's at the people inside.

"in there." spencer say's and he's looking curiously at the patron's. Cassie shake's her head because it couldn't be patrick, he was busy with his mom and surely he'd call if he was having coffee. the girl presses herself to the window all the same as she shield's her eyes and look's into the shop. she's sure the two of them look insane and the old woman in the corner is staring at them.

Cassie scans the inside of the starbuck's, at the little wooden tables and chairs, brown tiled floor's and barista's milling around. but in the middle of it Cassie see's a familar back, a familar strawberry blonde haired back with a jean jacket and a hat perched on his head. it's patrick, no doubt about it...and he's not alone, he's with a blonde girl, a girl Cassie instantly reconizes as greta.

"is that?...greta salPeter?" spencer ask's and Cassie's insides flare up because it is greta, greta as in patrick's ex-girlfriend greta, the girl who broke his heart to pieces, the girl who want's him back that greta salPeter is currently having coffee with Cassie's boyfriend.

"he..he shouldn't be here...why's he with her? he lied to me? fuck this i'm going in there." Cassie rushes out the word's too quickly and spencer only barely manages to grab her before she stampedes the coffee shop.

"no, wait, Cassie! don't just go barging in there! maybe this is totally innocent..." spencer trail's off and Cassie's cheek's go red.

"he told me he was with his mom! he told me he would call me!" Cassie pulls out her cell phone and flick's it open. "look, no call's!" she say's and spencer has his hand's on her shoulder's and he's praying that this whole thing is innocent, please, god, let it be innocent.
***
patrick is sitting nervously inside the starbuck's, his back to the large glass window's and the blonde girl across from him. he know's he shouldn't be here, he shouldn't be seeing greta, it's not like it's a date or anything but he didn't tell Cassie he was seeing her, he made up some bullshit lie and he couldn't feel worse for doing so.

"i'm so glad you agreed to meet with me patrick." greta is saying and he look's up at her, the girl's blue eye's are warm and pleased and her pale hand snake's out and rest's on patrick's forearm, giving it a squeeze. patrick look's down at her hand on his arm and shake's his head.

"greta, don't." patrick warns the girl because he had told her from the beginning that this was nothing more than old friend's meeting up. greta's smile dim's but she pull's back all the same.

"sorry, old habits i guess." she says with a laugh but it feel's kinda fake. patrick allows himself to smile.

"it's okay, but you gotta remember, i have a girlfriend." he say's and he tries not to sound like he's telling himself that as his own reminder.

"i know, and she's a great girl...but don't you remember what we had? how good it was?" greta is saying and again her hand appears on patrick's arm. she's smiling, pink lip's over white teeth, her blonde curl's slightly falling into her eyes.

"i remember how you broke it off so quickly, how you left without saying goodbye." patrick snipes and it's just a tad bit too bitter but patrick doesn't care because he remember's how much that time in his life hurt, how painful it all was for him and now the girl who caused all that misery was back and trying to win him over.

"i was stupid back then patrick, i didn't realize what a good thing i had...i thought there was something greater out there, but then i realized that you were the greatest thing i ever had...that there was no one better then you." greta tell's him her voice low and her eyes heavy.

"well, luckily for me i did find better." patrick tell's her and it's around this time that he know's he really shouldn't be here. greta's face goes blank and she crosses her arms.

"i don't believe you. i know you still love me patrick, i can see it on your face, in your eye's...you miss me and you want me back." greta tell's him and patrick grimaces.

"i love Cassie!" he says, his hand balling into a fist.

"but not as much as you love me." she counter's.

"no, you're right...i love her more than i ever loved you." patrick replies and greta narrow's her eyes and before patrick can say or do anything else greta is out of her seat and leaning over the table kissing patrick.

the kiss is hard and twinged with desperation. greta's hand's are on patrick's face holding him into the kiss and his hand's are on her arm's, holding out of shock. greta tries to push her tongue in patrick's mouth but he pull's away and look's up shocked at the girl.

it's around this time that patrick hear's a light "shit." register from the counter and he shoot's his head to the left only to see jon walker standing there, holding his green apron like he was in the midst of tying it when he witnesses the kiss.

instantly alarms go off in patrick's head, shit, jon saw the kiss! shit, he's going to tell Cassie! it doesn't matter if it was unwanted, jon doesn't know that and he'll tell Cassie for sure. patrick is out of his seat and at the counter before he know's what he's doing.

"jon!" he say's his hand's slamming down on the counter. "jon, please, don't tell Cassie what happened...it's not what you think anyway! i didn't want her to kiss me! i swear to god!" patrick's pleading his case to jon and the older boy just shrug's and look's at patrick with something like pity and sympathy.

"i won't tell Cassie. i don't have to." jon tell's him as he finishes tying up his green apron. jon glances over at greta who is looking rather embaressed. patrick look's at jon confused and jon point's toward's the glass window's at the front of the shop. "she already knows." jon finishes and patrick whip's his head toward's the window and his heart drops to his feet as he see's spencer and Cassie standing there, watching them and he know's, he know's by the look on her face that she saw what happened.

patrick bust's out of the starbuck's with greta following behind him. spencer has his hand's on her shoulder's like he's holding her back. the look on Cassie's face is undescribable, something like patrick's never seen before. she's hurt, on the verge of tear's even, her pretty face contorted into sadness and royaly pissed off. spencer too look's like he's currently wishing death on the both of them.

"Cassie...you don't understand." patrick begin's and it's all Cassie need's before she explodes.

"you lied! you said you were with your mom...she doesn't really look like your mom patrick!" Cassie shout's and some people on the other side of the street are looking but patrick could care less about being in public right now.

"i-i didn't tell you i was seeing greta because i thought you would be upset." patrick stammers.

"oh, and i'm fucking estatic right now!"

"Cassie, nothing happened with her!" patrick shout's.

"so she was just imagining the kiss?" spencer hisses and patrick glares at him.

"don't fucking get in this spencer." patrick growls and Cassie glares at patrick.

"don't fucking yell at my cousin!" she shout's and suddenly greta is pushing patrick aside.

"Cassie, the kiss was my fault, by some illusion i thought i could win patrick back by kissing him...make him fall in love with me again." she says and she reaches out and touches, actually fucking touches Cassie's arm which spencer knows is like the stupidest thing in the world to do.

"you fucking bitch! you know he has a girlfriend but you're gonna try to hook back up with him? what the fuck is wrong with you?" Cassie shout's and greta look's appauled. spencer think's Cassie is going to punch greta but instead she wretches off the top of her smoothie and before anyone can stop her, not like spencer would, she dumps the remants of her strawberry banana smoothie over greta's head, dosing the girl in a sticky pink mess.

greta just stand's there dripping on to the sidewalk and Cassie throw's her cup down on the sidewalk. "i don't ever want to see you again patrick!" she scream's and suddenly spencer's smoothie is in her hand and no one can stop her as she throws it right in patrick's face.

Cassie is gone with a flash, running off back toward's the direction of her own house. "Cassie! wait!" patrick call's and he's running after her, still covered in smoothie. spencer is glaring at greta as he lift's his cell phone, perpairing to call ryan and brendon.

jon comes out and look's at the messy girl. "boss says you can use the hose outback to clean up." jon tell's her and greta grumbles out some swear's before she proceeds around the back of the building.
***
Cassie know's that patrick had been following her and calling her name but she had ignored her boyfriend. she couldn't believe what he had done, that he had kissed greta. she ran with tear's in her eyes and she stopped when she was out of breath and she realized that she was outside of Pete's house.

she didn't realize that she had ran to his house, it had just happened. his parent's car's were gone so she just hoped that Pete was actually around. she pulls out her cell with shaking hands and dial's his number, he pick's up after one ring. "hello?"

"Pete?" she knows her voice is small and sad.

"Cassie? what's wrong?" he ask's his voice filled with a slight panic. she's just releaved that he anwsered considering they haven't really talked about him confessing his love to her.

"are you home?" she ask's, ignoring her best friend's question.

"yeah, i'm in my room...did something happen Cassie?" Pete ask's and he's definitly sounding nervous.

"i'm outside your house." is all she says.

"i'll be right down." is all he says before he hang's up.

Pete come's downstair's and open's his door, to find Cassie standing on his porch. she look's sorta like a small injured animal, he instantly know's that somethng is wrong.

"Cassie, what happened?" Pete asks and she look's up at him with tear stained eye's and she collaspes into his arm's instead of giving him an anwser. Pete look's down at her in surprise as she sniffles against his chest. he loop's one arm around her waist and uses the other to close the front door.

he lead's Cassie to the couch where the two of them sit, her body still curled around him. Pete's not sure what's going on, he know's something is wrong but he doesn't know what. he still remember's their last encounter, where he told her he loved her and he had kissed her, this was the first time she had been back to his house since that night.

Pete ventures to rest his hand on the back of her hair, his finger's tangling up gently. "tell me what happened." he says lightly and she look's up at him, her best friend, the person she know's she can trust.

"patrick...i just caught him...caught him out with greta salPeter." she says softly and Pete's face goes surprised.

"greta salPeter?...the old student council president and patrick's ex?" Pete question's and Cassie nod's.

"i caught them kissing." she tear's up again and Pete's face goes blank before he hold's her closer.

"what happened?"

"i might have dumped half a strawberry smoothie on her...and one on patrick." Cassie tell's him and Pete can't help but laugh at that. she look's up at him and she smile's too, just a bit, maybe picturing the moment she doused greta with the drink. she doesn't laugh and Pete rub's her back slowly before he drop's his forehead to her's.

"he love's you, you know that right?" he says and she stiffens a little.

"he lied to me...he didn't want me to know he was with her."

"you saw him kiss her?" he ask's like maybe he doesn't believe it.

"yeah, i did." she responds.

"maybe...maybe it was innocent? or maybe it was one sided?" he suggest's and Cassie shrugs as his eyes widen.

"how can it be one sided?"

"our kiss was one sided, Cassie." Pete remind's her and he's not sure why he's bringing it up, he know's he doesn't have to, that he could just let it die but at the same time he know's that patrick and Cassie are good for each other, he know's that he need's to help save them.

"this is different..." she says and she pull's away from him just a bit but he's still got his hand's on her.

"how?" he presses, really he doesn't see a difference.
*****************************************************************************
Cassie really, really likes jon's bedroom. it's almost like her bedroom only better, maybe that's why she likes it so much. it's huge and brightly colored and full of books, and electronic equipment. she also likes how the sun filters so nicely through the large window, illuminating the room.

Cassie is alone in jon's room with the boy currently showering in the bathroom. the girl had gotten bored waiting for jon so she decided to look around his room. she was currently gazing at the bulletin board that hung long on the far wall. jon's photo's are pinned there, the pictures he's taken. Cassie loves jon's photographs, she's told him this many times before.

one photo in paticular catches her eye, mostly because it's partily covered by the other photos and she can only barely make out jon's face. she knows it's wrong but she's curious and she doesn't think jon would mind too much so she lifts up the photo's that are covering the hidden photo, taking it in her hand's.

jon comes out of the bathroom, fully dressed and drying his hair with a fuzzy white towel. he see's Cassie standing by his bulletin board, her back to him. jon smiles because Cassie is wearing his football jersey and nothing else, the white bat symbol across her back. he notices her attention is on something else though, she's holding something in her hands.

jon slides up behind her quietly and wraps his arms around her waist. she makes a small noise of surprise and jon presses his face into her neck breathing in her scent.

"what are you doing?" he asks and she gives a little shrug.

"admiring your work." she tells him and it's around this time that he notices just what she's holding. he stiffens and leans away from her.

the picture Cassie is holding is one of himself and another girl, a girl with medium length light blonde hair. jon's arm is around her and she's leaning into him. it's obvious that it's more then just a friendly gesture. jon is smiling and he looks like he's in love, Cassie won't lie, she felt a strong surge of jealousy at the girl in the picture.

"oh.." jon says and he doesn't sound happy at all. he can't believe Cassie found that photo, jon himself almost forgot that he still had it pinned to the board.

"who is she?" Cassie is asking and she doesn't sound jealous more so curious.

"that." jon begins and he snakes his arm around her's and lifts the photo from her hands. "is Cassie." he says and he pulls away from her. Cassie turns to look at him as he gazes down at the photo, she see's mixed emotions spark through his eyes and she wants to comfort him but she doesn't know what to say.

"she was my girlfriend." he says and this Cassie already knew, spencer had told her all about jon's past love, the only girlfriend he ever had.

"she's pretty." Cassie says. "and she has a great name." she adds. jon looks down at her and laughs just a little.

"she was my first girlfriend." he says and he's looking down at the photo. jon doesn't know if she can tell that he's thinking about the blonde girl but he's sure that she can. "she was older than me...i was naive enough to think we'd last forever...i thought we would but then she got accepted to this college." he stop's for a minute and look's away from the photo, look's up at Cassie and she's looking back at him.

jon takes this as a sign to proceed so he does. "she didn't want to try a long distance relationship...didn't want to try anything i offered. she just wanted to break it all off, start new i guess." jon stop's and he's quiet. Cassie feel's bad for even bringing up the situation, especially since she knew some of the details from spencer already.

"did you love her?" Cassie find's herself saying and she can't stop it because she want's to know. jon look's down at her, surprise apparent in his deep brown eyes. jon doesn't know why she's asking this, maybe she'll be upset if he says yes but he doesn't think that's the reason.

"of course i did." he admits and again his eyes flicker to the photo, to how happy they were and how they don't even talk to each other anymore.

Cassie moves over to him and he feel's her hand's move over his. she's looking up at him, blue eyes deep with concern. "is that...is that the reason you like me?...because we have the same name?" she ask's and she sound's dead serious and jon is taken aback by her question.

it's something Cassie's been worried about from the moment spencer told her that she and jon's ex-girlfriend shared the same name. she was always worried if jon only payed attention to her because she reminded him of his ex-girlfriend.

jon slides his hand up over her's, squeezing tightly. "Cassie..it's true that in the beginning it reminded me of her..but you know i can see past the name." jon starts and he moves his hand up to her cheek, cupping it. "i like you for you. i like you because you're smart and one of the sweetest girls i know, because you have a nice smile and a nice laugh, because you can see me as more than just the football star. i like you for much more than your name." he says and she's smiling against his hand.

Cassie takes jon's hand and presses a kiss to it. she know's she love's him, she know's this is right.

"Cassie," jon starts and he set's the photo down the desk before him. he take's both her hand's now and rub's his thumbs over the back of her hand's. "infact..i more than like you...i love you." he say's and he's nervous because it's the first time he's said it to any girl since the first Cassie and the first time he's said it to her.

Cassie is still smiling and her eyes are shining like she might cry and jon just hopes she doesn't cry. "i love you too jon." she tell's him. jon grin's wide and lean's down to kiss his new girlfriend. the word's aren't a lie to sooth her, it's the truth and it almost scares him how strongly he feels for her.

if jon is being honest with himself he's liked Cassie for a long time. he think's the first time was back when spencer introduced them at spencer's fourteenth birthday party. thing's didn't work out back then and soon after jon found the other Cassie and started dating her. jon think's that was better in the long run because it allowed him to have a friendship with the girl. after he and the blonde Cassie broke up he was back to thinking about the brunette Cassie.

he liked the girl but he kept quiet because she happened to like patrick. he was really overjoyed when he got the chance to kiss her, he's thankful that he's a good actor. in all honesty, he'd probably do anything for the girl.
*****************************************************************************






http://img521.imageshack.us/img521/6290/imsofuckingfabuliousob9.jpg
spencer fabulous

http://i300.photobucket.com/albums/nn24/superchocobear-7/jondrink.jpg
jon blowin

http://i300.photobucket.com/albums/nn24/superchocobear-7/sunshine.jpg
poopin sunshine

http://i298.photobucket.com/albums/mm241/dinopartie/idkmybff.jpg?

http://pics.livejournal.com/livetechnicolor/pic/00001de2/s320x240
bundle of jwalk

http://i29.tinypic.com/5oe5vn.png
jwalk booty

http://i28.tinypic.com/k0ft39.png
attentionjon

http://i26.tinypic.com/veq7q1.jpg
not fucking amused

to you (unfinished, off the top of my head)

It all started with some friends and a van
a kick drum inside my ribs
Preaching electric into a microphone stand
Raise your red plastic cup
And Turn the laughter up
We fell asleep in the grass on the summer fest days
You'd never guess I'm still trying to get my head screwed on straight
All us believers still believe
Everytime we sing "two more weeks"
Someone shoulda thrown us in a cell and swallowed the key
Somebody shoulda told us to leave em be
The only news we tuned in to was the traffic update
Nothing feels as close to home as nightime windows down on 88
Lax to berlin and back
Wake up on the west coast inside a flask
The good books in the drawer next to the bed you pissed in
passports a blur, full of stamps from places I missed you in
They'll tell you everything about last night that you forget
Pack your suitcase, joes in the back smoking a jazz cigarette
They hated me before they ever loved me
I'm not ready for things to change
I miss you missing me in the good old days
Got stuck in the cell of you and me
I guess it still beat solitary
-----Worry worry
Put my head in such a flurry
Freckle freckle
What makes you so special-------
One of these days yr gonna wake up in heaven
Laugh about that night you got four stitches above your eye
when they let the guitars fly
Never trust a band that wouldn't bleed for you
Never believe in anyone who wouldn't drive through the night
(To you)
They never tell you in school you'll feel so alone
Wake me up again when were in the same time zone
The way I'd take a cornfield over a coast
Mulitply me times what you adore most
There were nights between yellow lines
When I confessed to you riding shotgun asleep under purple skies
They say
You get what you get
Well we Got lost in the middle of nowhere And you almost quit
Tonight Come together
Come apart
You can get lonely when u
Only read the charts
Called everybody I knew in this life
Can we get it together just for tonite

I miss old friends and "play it agains"
Please Send my love,
to everyone above

posted by xo at 1:28 AM


it was the a photo of herself and jon, the first one he had taken last night, right before they started kissing. she was snuggled up against his chest, her hair a brown shiny wave. jon was looking down at her smiling his one arm out, holding the camera.

the rest of the photo's, eight in all were much like that one. there was one of the two of them kissing, one of Cassie, still clothed on her back and looking up at jon, the others were flashes of skin and ones that couldn't be shown in public, the last was one of Cassie asleep, the dark blue covers pulled up over her and her face nuzzled into jon's chest.
***************************************************************************

Jon finds her right before one of the last slow songs of the night. She had been talking to Patrick and Pete and Jenny and Ryan. Jon tapped her on the shoulder and she turned, her long white dress fluttering around and the large incredibly realistic white feathery wings swaying slightly, silver halo still perched delicately on her head. "Hey Jon!" she says sounding excited as she leans in to hug the tall boy.

"Hey." is all Jon can manage to reply. He's trying to be careful to not smash the fake wing's. Patrick is watching him closely, like he doesn't really trust him. Jon think's he'll be extra careful because Patrick does have a pitchfork and those devil horns.

"What's up Walker?" Cassie questions, she's smiling at him bright and happy, her hand brushing her bangs out of her face. Jon smooths a hand over his baseball uniform.

"I came to collect my dance." He says and he's trying not to sound eager, trying not to sound creepy. Cassie is still smiling as she looks back at Patrick and he's still staring at Jon.

"Okay." Cassie nods and she moves back towards Patrick. She leans up and kisses him, a mash of red and white. Her hands snaking up the arms of his deep red suit. Cassie pulls back a bit and she whispers something in Patrick's ear, her head tilted slightly towards Jon. He doesn't miss that Patrick looks up at him, his gaze untrustful and surveying and Patrick look's a million times more intimidating dressed as a slick mobster devil. Patrick's hands encircle the small of her back, below her wings, he pulls her close and kisses her deep, while Jon stand's by awkwardly.

They break apart and Cassie smiles at her boyfriend and friends before she moves back toward Jon, looking every bit the heavenly angel. Jon puts his hand out for her to take and she laughs a little but she takes it all the same. He leads her to the dancefloor.

The gym is dark with orange and black balloons covering the ceiling. Matching streamers draped across the walls. Soft silvery light bounces around the room and he can see her well enough. At this point the DJ plays a the second to last slow song of the night.

Jon's not sure where he's allowed to put his hands what with her having a boyfriend and wearing temporary wings but he ends up resting them on her sides. She doesn't say anything and her hand's slide up around his neck. Their close but not quite enough to be touching.

"Patrick doesn't mind that I'm stealing you away does he?" Jon asks, his voice low against the music. Cassie grins soft as they move, slowly back and forth, circling around the dancefloor.

"No, he shouldn't. I told him I owed you and that your intentions were nothing but pure." she teases. Jon doesn't actually believe that Patrick thinks he has pure intentions but he does, all he wanted was a dance from Cassie, just the chance to dance with her tonight.

"Speaking of Patrick, do you two have plans for after the dance?"

Cassie's face blanks for a second and Jon can feel her hands smooth against his shoulder. "You mean like hit up the party circut?" she questions.

"Yeah, a party. You guys going to one?"

"Mmm, no. You know you and I are always the one's throwing the parties right Jon?" She teases and Jon swears that he feels her fingertips brush against his neck. Jon nods. "Well, my parents kinda forbade me from having any parties tonight and I don't know if you're throwing a party." She explains.

"I am throwing a party actually." he states and it's the thruth. "My dad rented me a entire hotel floor." Cassie's eyes widen in surprise. "He felt bad about not being here for the dance." Jon explains at the look on her face.

"I see." she starts. Jon kind of forgets how much taller he is than the girl he's dancing with, her arms are stretched to reach around his neck. They're a little closer now, Jon tries not to notice it. Doesn't want to have to feel her hips pressed against his. "I'm hurt that you waited so long to invite me to this party Jon Walker." she tells him after a long moment.

Jon grins, he really can't help but grin when he's around her, she's adorable like that. "I didn't know if you already had plains and I certainly didn't want to ruin them if you did." Jon's explaining to the girl. He doesn't want her to think he wouldn't want her around, he sorta loves when she's around.

"Well, we don't so I am more than sure we'll be there." Cassie's voice is soft and happy. Jon's sure this has to be the best night of her life, or he thinks it does by the way she's acting.

There's a small silence between them, just them and the music and Jon can feel her hand's on his back, warm to the touch. His thumbs are sliding gently across the silk of her dress, he doesn't mean anything by it. Their staring at each other and Jon pretty much wishes he could read minds. Finally Cassie breaks the silence.

"So, where's your date Jon?" Cassie is looking beyond Jon and around the room for the short blonde cheerleader that was Jon's date. Jon shrugs, he's not sure where Aimee is. He hadn't seen his date since before he went to look for Cassie.

"Probably talking to her friends." he rumbles out.

"She's really beautiful." She was a sophmore, two years younger than them. Long blonde hair and green eyes and slender frame. She was also dressed as a slutty cat, her reasoning being that halloween was the perfect excuse for girl's to dress like sluts.

"I suppose you could say that." Jon replies, he knew she was good looking but he didn't exactly call it beautiful.

Cassie's eyes drop away from his face and it look's like she's studying the logo on his Cub's costume. "It sounds strange but that's the kind of girl I always pictured you with." she tells him softly, her eyes are still downcast and her voice is whisper quiet.

"Really?" It surprises Jon to hear that. To hear that Cassie pictures him with a girl like Aimee, girl's who dress like slutty cat's as opposed to angels. Cassie nods and she's still not looking at him, he wishes she would.

"What if I told you that she's not the type of girl I picture myself with?" He asks and now she's looking up at him. Her eyes are sparkling a bit, maybe it's just Jon's imagination.

"Than, I'd ask you what kind of girl you do picture yourself with?" She whispers. And their close, much closer than they were moments ago. Cassie's looking at him with warm eyes and a slight smile. He's not sure if she's expecting an anwser and even if she is, Jon isn't sure he can give her one.

"Do you like her?" Cassie asks, Jon didn't realize she was bringing the conversation back around to Aimee.

"Aimee? Yeah, she's a nice girl."

"Are you going to see her again?" Cassie questions. Her eyes are flickering down again, level with his chest. Jon smiles.

"She's a cheerleader, I'm sure I'll see her again."

Cassie grins and thumps Jon's back lightly. "You know what I mean. Are you going to date her?"

Jon face blanks and he gives a little shrug. He hadn't thought much about the girl beyond this night. The only reason he even went to the dance with her was because he was short on time and needed a date.

"I'm not sure."

Cassie looks like she's going to say more but the song ends before she can and everyone around them is seperating.


*****************************************************************************
"fuck, jon, did jenny and ryan leave yet?" Cassie ask's as she run's up to jon. The older boy and host of the latest party the group was attending lower's his red plastic cup as Cassie await's an anwser.

"yeah, they just left...why?" he's asking as Cassie pull's a face and pushes her hair out of her face.

"jenny still has my cell phone!" Cassie says
*****************************************************************************
If Patrick has to pick people who he trust's beyond his main group of friends (i.e Pete and Cassie) than he would most definitly choose his fellow band members. Patrick's been in band since his freshman year of high school and he's been drumming for longer.

Patrick is really more of a jack of all trades when it comes to insturments. He can play the piano, almost as good as Brendon but not quite yet. He can also play the guitar, a variety or horn's, and he think's that he's an alright singer.

Patrick's fellow drummer's are Nate Navarro and Bob Byrar. Nate is short and tiny and he run's track sometimes. Bob is tall and bulkly and a little scary if you don't know him well. Patrick definitly think's that Bob could be on the football team if he wanted to be, he might even be better than Jon Walker.

Today Cassie is sitting in on the band practice, the only reason is because they have a subsitute teacher who happen's to think that most of the student's are doing fine on their own and that girlfriend's aren't distractions. Cassie is sitting at Patrick's drum kit, on his little wooden stool. Patrick behind her, his chest to her back and his arm's around her as he attempts to teach her to drum.

"I'm no good." she tell's him as she fails to catch the rythm. She doesn't sound too upset but she's right, the girl can't drum.

Patrick has forgiven Cassie entirely, Pete has too. The boy know's his girlfriend wasn't holding anything back to hurt him, more so to avoid the hurt for herself. He figure's it's all behind them and as long Brendon doesn't try anything funny than their fine.

*****************************************************************************

When Jon tells them that he's inviting them on a cruise Cassie can't believe it. He says it's because his parents are taking him on it for spring break and honestly he doesn't want to go alone. He had somehow talked his parents into having his friend's come on this trip.

Cassie was out on the deck her hand's over the railing as she stared at the choppy dark water.


Cassie is in Jon's bed, her back against the headboard. She's wearing her jeans and his football hoodie, it's too big for her so she has the sleeves rolled up. Jon is by the window watching her as she look's down at her cell phone. The sun is dying in the horizon and Jon's window is open, the golden light flooding the room and illuminating the bed, illuminating her.

He can't help but grab his camera and take a photo, she doesn't notice until after he take's the picture. The loud snap making her lift her head. "What are you doing?" she asks and her voice is soft like the breeze that's coming in from outside. She's smiling at him and Jon just shrugs and lift's the camera back to his eye, photographing her again.

"Somethings need to be documented." he drops the camera down again and she's still looking at him. She stretches out on the bed. She's still smiling but Jon think's it look's sad. Jon moves to the edge of the bed and sits, it's odd how they're so casual with each other considering the whole drunken hook up.

Cassie's cell phone ring's breaking the comfortable silence in the room. She look's down at it before she sighs and anwsers, throwing a look at Jon, a look the boy is thinking mean's "Please don't say a word."

Jon watches her as she talk's on the phone. "Hi, Trick." Jon knew it was Patrick, he knew without even thinking about it. It's not that he doesn't feel bad for the boy, he knows that he loves Cassie but at the same time Jon can't supress his feelings for the girl either. Cassie sound's like she's smiling but she isn't, her face look's kinda sad, kinda worried. Jon can't help it, he take's another photo.

She flashes Jon a look but she keep's talking to Patrick. "Hmm? I'm at home Patrick." Jon makes a face at the lie, he doesn't want her to lie to Patrick but he knows that the truth wouldn't be good. Thing's are already rough between Cassie and Patrick and the boy already doesn't trust Jon, telling the truth is impossible.

"Ah, no, my mom said no one can come over today." She says and Jon pretends like he isn't listening to the conversation, he's pretending to mess around with the camera. "I know we haven't spent much time together this week...I'm sorry." Jon thinks that she really is sorry, he can see it in her face and in her eyes and he want's to take another picture but he doesn't.

Jon feel's guilty because Cassie has been spending a lot of time with him. Her mouth tenses up at Patrick's word's on the phone and Jon wonders what he's saying, maybe he's guilt tripping her?

"I know Trick, look, we'll spend all day together tomorrow okay?" she says trying to ease the fears that Jon knows Patrick has. "I love you Patrick." She tells him and Jon won't admit that hearing her saying that hurts him. "Okay, I'll call you later." She says and she's hanging up.

She's quiet as she pushes her phone back into the pocket of Jon's football hoodie. Jon doesn't say anything, just moves himself so that he's back against the headboard, next to Cassie.

"Does it bother you to lie to him?" he asks and maybe he shouldn't be asking her this but he want's to know. She look's up at him blue eyes piercing into his.

"Of course it does. He's my boyfriend." she anwsers and Jon shrugs. Their shoulders and arms are touching but that's it. Despite what Patrick might think if Cassie had told the truth she and Jon weren't fucking around. Honestly Jon didn't know how to describe what was going on between them.

It was like they were moving in reverse. They had started with the sex and were working backward's and now somehow they had ended up at the beginning, at just friend's. Jon doesn't want to be just friend's though and he doesn't think Cassie does either. There's something between them, something real and he can't ignore it just like he can't explain it.

The two of them were acting like a couple, were being close with one another but nothing was happening. Cassie was wearing Jon's clothes and laying in Jon's bed but he hasn't done anything with the girl since that first night they slept together.

It's like the two of them are on the line, waiting to fall on either side. Fall into being just friends like they used to or fall into being so much more. It's like he's waiting for the other shoe to drop, a decision to be made but they can't make it happen, don't know how to make it happen.

"I do love him." she says moments later almost like an after thought. Jon nod's he believes her but it doesn't make it easier. "But..." she starts and Jon is focusing on her. "It's hard." she states. Jon's confused but he's quiet, trying to figure it all out.

"What's hard?" he's asking, whisper quiet.

"Everything...my relationship with Patrick...my feeling's for you."

Jon's eyes go wide his heart stopping a bit. He likes that she has feelings for him but he doesn't exactly like that those feelings are hard for her.

"What kind of feelings?" He doesn't know why he's asking because he get's what she's saying but he feels like he want's her to say it.

"Feelings that make my relationship with Patrick very difficult." Cassie's looking at him with wide eyes. Jon wonders if maybe she's afraid that he doesn't share those feelings anymore. Jon moves his hand down to her and he's resting his hand over her's.

"You know i have feelings for you too right?" he's asking and she's still staring at him all big wide blue eyes that only kind of remind Jon of Spencer, only better. Cassie swallows and she look's away from him.

"I wasn't sure, I was hoping though...I wanted you to have them." She admits and he can clearly see tears pricking her beautiful eyes. "That makes me a horrible person doesn't it?" Again she isn't looking at him but down at her bed or at their hand's, Jon isn't sure.

Jon shakes his head even though she isn't looking at him. "It doesn't." he tell's her. He doesn't think it makes her a bad person, she could never be a bad person. "If anything it makes me a bad person. I knew you had a boyfriend, I knew you loved him and I still pushed at it. I still persued you. I'm sorry."

Cassie is looking up at Jon again. "You're not bad." Their staring at each other, deep into each other's eyes and Jon can feel it. A line approaching, a decision that has to be made and one way or another they were making it. "You're perfect." She whispers, their faces are getting closer together, their hand's intertwining. And before he knows it they're kissing each other.

This is the moment. Jon know's that this the moment when that line, that decision they were waiting for was made. Cassie's lip's are warm and soft against his and he's not rushing it, not fighting for more because this feel's like enough already. Jon feel's a hot wetness against his face and he open's his eyes to see Cassie is crying. He break's away instantly alarmed.

"Are you okay?" He says, his hand coming up to her face and he's brushing away the tears that are there. Cassie is nodding but a sob break's through all the same and no, Jon doesn't ever want to see her crying, not ever again. "Tell me." Jon request's, Cassie wipes her tear's and Jon pulls her into him, his arms around her back. "Tell me." he says again.

"I want to be with you." Cassie is whispering, her voice is shaky. Jon want's to say something but he know's she isn't done. "I want to be with you but Patrick...I don't want to hurt him."

"I know." Jon's saying and he too sound's sad, it kill's him to see her like this. It's why he know's he cares about her, Cassie's pain is quickly becoming his pain.

"They'll all hate me." She's saying and her head is on Jon's shoulder, he's still hugging her close.

"What?" his voice is soft and all he want's to do is take away her pain.

"All my friend's...everyone...they'll hate me. If I leave Patrick for you, they'll all hate me."

Jon thinks he knows where this is going. He thinks that Cassie is giving up on him, saying that they can never be together, never anything more than what they are now. Jon moves his hand to her face, brushes his hand across her cheek, still damp from the tears.

"I understand if you don't want to do this. If you don't want to be with me." Jon tells her so soft and gentle. He's telling her he can stop now, telling her that he can end this. It's a lie though, he can't do it. He can't end it all right here. Cassie shakes her head, her long hair brushing against Jon's forearms.

"That's not it." she starts and again she's looking up at him, big blue eyes wet and beautiful. "Despite the fact that they'll all hate me. Even though Patrick will hate me...I have to give it all up. I'm willing to give it all up...for you. So i can be with you." Cassie sounds resolute and Jon is looking at her surprised because he so expected to get a ultimatum but now he was getting something like a promise.

"You would do that?" He asks, his hand's still on her and she nod's.

"But i need you to make me a promise."

"Okay, Cassie." Jon is saying before he even hears what she want's him to promise. Cassie is smiling a bit, the corner of her mouth raised up.

"You didn't even hear what i wanted you to do yet." she says and at least her voice is lighter than it was before.

"Doesn't matter." Jon starts and he lean's forward and rest's their forehead's together. "I would do anything for you." He's not just saying it, he really would, he think's that the whole police scene was proof enough of that. She's smiling again and he want's to kiss her, want's to ask if he can.

"All I want is for you to promise that if I break up with Patrick." she stops and seems to be gathering her word's. "If I break up with him for you...I want you to promise me that you'll stick with me...that you won't leave me behind." she tell's him. Jon doesn't think this is a hard thing to promise, it's probably one of the easiest things he could promise. If she was his girlfriend, he'd never leave her willingly.

"I would never leave you behind." Jon promises and Cassie nod's and smiles and she wrap's her arm's around Jon, one hand wrapped around his back and the other pushing up the back of his head, fingers tangling into his soft hair. Cassie presses her face into his neck and she's breathing him in.

"We'll be together than." she whispers and he can feel the words against his neck. He's never wanted anything more in his entire life.
*****************************************************************************

Patrick and Cassie are laying together on her bed, she's snuggled into her boyfriend's body. Their nude chest's are pressed together and Patrick run's a hand through her damp hair. Cassie tries to smile but she can't make it come to her face. The two of them had spent the entire day together, doing anything Patrick wanted to do.

He lean's forward and kisses her forehead. She doesn't want him to do it, she doesn't want him to be nice to her and to love her. Cassie can't have Patrick being so nice, not when she's about to break up with him.

She concludes that if her life were a teenaged drama right about now would be the part where the viewers turned on her, where they started hating her for ditching the sweet boy for the more popular guy. It wasn't about popularity though, it was all about her feelings. She did love Patrick but those feeling's were nothing compared to how she felt when she thought of Jon.

Cassie think's back to all the hardships she and Patrick's relationship had, to how everyday almost felt like a challenge and moments like this weren't enough to make up for the time's they were fighting. Cassie pull's away from Patrick because she want's to get dressed, her parents will be home soon and they can't know that the two teen's had slept together.

She had orginally planned on breaking up with Patrick tonight but she can't bring herself to do it. Cassie has never been good at hurting people, especially people she loves. She pulls her jean's on and sit's back on the bed. Patrick comes and moves behind her, his arms wrapping around her and pulling her back against his chest.

"Are you alright?" he whispers and she can feel his breath against her neck. Cassie turn's into him a bit kisses him quick and soft.

"I'm fine." She's lying, she's not fine, she's more so conflicted than anything.

"You sure?" Patrick asks, his hand's are on her shoulders. "You seem kinda sad today." he notes. Cassie can't hide her feelings from Patrick, he see's them easily. Her face is blank as she grabs up her shirt from the floor and slips it over her head. She lays back on the bed and instantly Patrick is by her side, his hand's on her. He doesn't seem to be as eager to get dressed.

"I have a lot on my mind." She admits because she does. Patrick's eyes soften and he takes her hand in his, snuggles closer to her.

"Wanna talk about it?" He whispers against her ear and she contemplates telling him but ultimately she decides against it. She and Patrick had went back to the jazz club downtown that he had taken her to on one of their first dates. They went out for dinner and laughed and told stories. They sat outside on a park bench and made out until their lip's were numb. Then they went back to Cassie's house and had sex, she wanted to, it wasn't just because they were breaking up tomorrow, that's not the kind of girl Cassie was.

She still loved Patrick, can feel sparks of it whenever she look's at him. She loves him but she can't be with him. Their relationship was flawed from the get go and it was nice while it lasted but she was beginning to think that they'd be happier with other people. They didn't trust each other as much as they used to, Cassie blames that mostly on herself but it's not like Patrick isn't to blame.

Cassie thinks that Patrick knows the relationship is failing, that their not like they used to be. She think's that's why he's trying so hard. The girl knows that Patrick isn't going to want to break up but she does, it might be selfish but she want's to be with Jon.

Cassie almost can't bare to do it because that leaves Patrick on the outs. She is being selfish, she knows she is because she doesn't think she should have to be in an unhappy relationship just to keep the boy happy. It almost seems like the two of them can't be happy anymore.

"No, I'm kinda tired actually." she says hoping Patrick will get the hint.

"Oh..okay. Yeah, I guess I should be getting home." he says but his face is obviously hurt and he's rushing out of the bed, trying to dress as quickly as possible.

"I'm sorry Patrick." she tells him, Cassie's propped herself up on her elbow and she's watching her boyfriend, she's trying to convince herself that she isn't wishing that Jon were here. Patrick stop's and look's up at her as he buttons his jean's up.

"For what?"

Cassie want's to say 'For tomorrow.' but she doesn't. She look's away instead.

"For anything that hurt."

They're silent after that. Patrick dressing quick and Cassie watching him, he almost forget's his hat and Cassie almost let's him, just so she could have something to hold on to. Patrick comes to the bed and kisses her soft and deep, romantic like in the movies and the girl feels her heart clench. She won't lie, she will miss it, miss him. Despite what she want's she still loves Patrick, she loves him but not enough. It wouldn't be fair to him to keep up pretending like he was the only one she wanted to be with.

"Goodnight baby." he says, his hand resting by the door and he's smiling at her.

Cassie is tying to hold back the tears, trying so damn hard.

"Goodnight Patrick."
*****************************************************************************
Cassie called Patrick over the next day, well, night technically but she didn't want to be techincal right now. Both of her parents were working so she knew they'd have privacy. She was sitting on the couch nervous, a kind of anxiety she rarely felt. Patrick knocked on the door and when Cassie anwsered she almost lost all will to break it off with him.

He was smiling brightly, his hat over his eyes. He grabbed her hand as soon as she opened the door and Cassie faked a smile and led Patrick into the living room, thankful that the boy couldn't read emotions as well as Pete could.

They sit on the couch together, Patrick leaning in to kiss her already. It's apparent he's expecting a repeat of last night's activities.

"Wait, Trick, no." she says softly, pulling away from her boyfriend. Patrick looks at her confusion in his bright blue eyes. "I'm sorry, but there was something I wanted to talk to you about." Her voice is soft, she already knows what's coming, he doesn't and it's killing her inside.

She doesn't want to sugarcoat it, she doesn't want to kiss him and make him feel like it will all be fine when she knows that it won't. Patrick looks down and his hand squeezes her's before he look's back up.

"Okay babe, whatever you want." he says and he smiles at her, just a little smile, one that makes the corner of his mouth quirk up. Cassie nods and brushes her hair behind her ear.

"Patrick, I know you said I've been distant lately and I'm sorry for that." Cassie tells him, she moves her hand down to take his. She doesn't want this to sound cliche and she doesn't want to drag it out but she can't find the right words to say. She doesn't know how to break his heart.

"It's okay baby." Patrick's trying too hard, giving into her too much.

"That's just the thing...it's not okay. It's wrong of me to do that to you." She tries, her heart is blasting in her ears. How can anyone remain calm when the world is about to come crashing down? Patrick's thumb brushing over the skin of her hand and he's watching her so close.

"It's okay, we're fixing it right now." He tries to lean in and kiss her again but she pulls back.

"Patrick, this is serious...just let me talk okay?" she asks, she comes off a bit frustrated but only because she is. She knows she shouldn't be short with him. Patrick bites his lip but nods and his eyes drop away from hers for a moment.

"Patrick, I haven't been happy lately-" Patrick opens his mouth to say something but she raises her hand. "It's wrong but it's true. I haven't been happy in our relationship lately."

Patrick talks even though Cassie told him not to. "Was it something i did? Was it the Greta thing?"
*****************************************************************************



Cassie doesn't really like her biology class. Okay, so she more so doesn't like the work, the class is tolerable but only because about fifty percent of her friends are in the class with her. So Patrick isn't in the class but Pete and Jenny, Krissy, Megan, Belinda and various other people are so it winds up being a lot of fun.

Today Cassie is squished between Jenny and Pete and dreading the book work they most likely will have to do. The teacher comes in with a big box though and instantly Cassie perks up because maybe she'll get lucky and they'll do a lab today.

Their teacher Mr Salin sets the box down on his desk and he looks at his students with a mix of excitment and just a tiny bit of fear. He's tall and beefy, looking more like he belongs in a motorcycle gang as opposed to a high school science teacher.

"What's with the box Mr S?" Gabe Saporta calls from the back of the class. Mr Salin grins, like he's glad that someone is interested or that at least he has a way to broach the subject.

"Glad you asked Gabe. The box happens to be our next project." He states and some chattering breaks out but he raises his hand silencing them and continues his mini lecture. "As you all know we've been studying the body and this week marks the beginning of the reproductive organs." At this the class loses it and laughter breaks out in the room.

"Is this that thing where we put condoms on the bananas?" Pete asks and Cassie makes a face at him and is hoping that that isn't what their assignment is.

"No, you'll have to learn to put on condoms on your own time Wentz." Their teacher states and Pete laughs loudly. "What our assignment is though is a project about the responsiblities that come with the act of reproduction."

"Otherwise known as sex." Gabe points out and again more laughter, some supiciously coming from Megan's side of the table. Mr S ingores Gabe's remarks and continues trying to explain what his class has to do.

"So the assignment is that you, my dear students, are going to get into groups of two and-"

"Have hot class time sex?" Gabe yells, they should've know it would be near impossible to talk about any form of sex without Gabe cracking jokes.

"No, the groups will each take care of one of these." Mr Salin says as he opens the box and pulls out what looks like a baby...a dead baby. Their teacher shows them closer what it is and the class realizes that it's a baby doll.

"We're taking care of dolls?" Jenny asks and Mr Salin shakes his head.

"No, theses babies aren't just dolls. They're robotic dolls. They respond to how well you take care of them. It also keeps track of how much you feed, hold, and change the baby. Basically you have to care for this baby for a three week's and which ever group's baby is the best cared for get's a special prize."

The class is mumbling things now, whether it be excitment or dred Cassie wasn't sure. She herself was excited but Jenny didn't really look too happy. "Wanna be partners Cass?" Pete whispers to her. Cassie shrugs she doesn't think that taking care of a plastic robo baby with Pete would be that hard.

"Now before you all go pairing up. I've decided to put you in groups based on a random system." Mr Salin says and the whole class groans out loud, Cassie included because god forbid she got someone like Gabe as her partner.

Mr. Salin spends the next three minutes passing out little plastic eggs to all the girls in the class. He instructs them to open their eggs and he smiles as they remove little pieces of paper with a boys name, their partners name on it. "Ladies, go and partner up with your babydaddy." Mr Salin annouces.

Right away a loud swear is heard down the room and Cassie looks to see Krissy crumpling her paper, it's a safe bet that she didn't get Brendon. Cassie opens her own egg and she isn't sure who she wants. She'd be most comfortable with Pete but any of the guys in class would be okay with her, Gabe being the one glaring exception. Pete's watching Cassie intently as she pulls out her paper and reads the name.

"You get me?" He asks and she shakes her head. Nope, Cassie didn't get Pete, Megan got Pete. Cassie got Jon Walker.

"I got Jon." She says and Jon must hear her because the next thing they know he's plopping down in the seat next to her.

"So, thanks for having my kid." He states. and Pete laughs but he's also getting dragged away by Megan. Cassie looks up at Jenny.

"Who'd you get?" She asks. Jenny is silent for a moment and just watching the two of them from across the table before she speaks.

"I got Saporta." She replies.

So it ends up being that Cassie got Jon, Megan and Pete, Jenny with Gabe, Belinda got Brendon and Krissy got Spencer, which kind of made her related to Cassie. So Mr. Salin handed out the robo babies and told them to come back and activate them at the end of the day.

"The kid totally got your eyes Cassie." Jon teases as he holds their pretend baby.

"Oh, well he's got your smile Jon." Cassie is teasing back and Jenny rolls her eyes mostly because the two of them are acting like the stereotypical couple with a baby. Cassie's maybe doing it just to annoy Jenny. Gabe is suggesting that he and Jenny buy the baby a gold chain.

Class ends and Cassie agrees to take the baby home for the rest of the day and pass it off to Jon tomorrow. She's not exactly sure how to explain to Patrick that she's has to take care of a pretend baby now but she's sure he'll understand. Pete has been given his baby as well, with Megan looking like she'd rather not do this assignment.

"Hey, baby." Patrick says, catching up with his girlfriend on her way out of the classroom. "And..baby..?" He add's when he see's what his girlfriend is carrying.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f140/chrissyud/82708133_10.jpg



Jenny and Ryan laid curled around each other on the white couch that was recently put out on the girl's lawn. They were the only one's outside, everyone else still partying inside. Ryan's arm is around her, wound protective.


Cassie and Jon are laying on the soft floor of Jon's sunroom. The curtains are open and warm afternoon sunlight is pouring in through the clean glass walls of the room. She feel's so warm laying there next to him, her eyes closed as the sunlight sinks into her skin. They're pressed close, their hand's linked together. Cassie think's she could fall asleep like this, warm and content.

The girl feel's Jon move, his hand leaving her's and she starts to open her eyes before his voice echoes through the room. "Keep your eyes closed." He says and she smiles but does what he asks.

"What are you doing?" She asks, she trusts Jon, trust's him more than she probably should.

"You'll see." Jon tells her, she can hear him shuffling around, can feel the soft thumps of his feet against the carPeted floor. Cassie really want's to open her eyes, see what the older boy is doing but she doesn't, for him she doesn't. She wait's in silence and after a few moments she can feel Jon return to her side, feel's him drop to the floor and once again he take's her hand in his own.

"Can I open my eyes?" She requests, her voice feather soft.

"Just a little longer." Is his only reply. Jon's holding her hand so that her palm is face up, she suddenly feel's a odd cold feeling against the skin of her ring finger.

"Jon...what are you doing?" Her voice raises and she moves to sit up but Jon ushers her to stay down. He has her keep her eyes closed for a few more seconds until he finally says. "Okay Cassie, you can look now."

Cassie props herself up on her one hand as she open's her eyes, she glances at her left hand, the one that Jon had been holding. Cassie see's that there is now a black mark traced around her finger, it look's and smells like it was drawn in sharpie. The girl looks up at Jon who is grinning like an idiot, a black sharpie on the floor next to his leg.

"Okay, I'm confused." She admits and Jon laughs.

"It's a promise." He tells her, like it's all he need's to say for her to understand. She smiles but still doesn't really get it.

"A promise." She repeats, she's staring at her hand and maybe, just maybe Jon's brain has been addled one too many times by rival football teams.

"Yeah." Jon says and he moves a bit closer to her, closing the space between them. He take's Cassie drawn on hand in his own raises it so their hand's are close to their faces. "It's a promise that one day I'll marry you." He says it so casually that he might have been talking about what color shirt he's wearing or what the weather might be like tomorrow. Cassie laughs, she doesn't mean to but Jon's smile fall's just a tiny bit. Now she stop's laughing because now, well, it doesn't feel like a joke.

"Are you serious?" She asks and Jon nod's, he's staring down at their hand's.

"I know we're too young to be talking about marriage but this, this is my way of saying that someday I promise that I'm going to marry you." Jon sounds so serious but she doesn't mind. Normally it might freak her out that a boy was talking about promises to get married but with Jon, the thought doesn't bother her in the slightest. "You're upset?" Jon asks and it's only then that she realizes that she never said anything.

"No! No! I'm not..." She tells him. Cassie locks eyes with him. "This is like the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me." She admits. Jon smiles and she returns it.

"So you like it?" He asks and Cassie nod's, leans over and kisses him quickly.

"If you promise to ask me than I promise to say yes." She whispers against his lips and Jon is smiling, lacing their fingers together and leaning into her, kissing her deep. Cassie just hopes that Jon can keep this promise.

http://p-userpic.livejournal.com/78372946/12433225


death is a circle
that keeps closing in on all my friends

"Do you regret breaking up with him?"

"No, I don't...Jon, I really don't."

Cassie fell asleep while talking to Jon on the phone, his soft breathing lulling her to sleep.


Spencer usually hung out with Jon after school, Jon or Ryan, sometime's Brendon if he wasn't busy with Krissy. Today happened to be just the two of them, a position that Spencer didn't mind. They were sitting on Jon's couch playing some brand new shoot em' up game he had bought over the weekend. Jon didn't really seem into it this time, playing lackluster and letting Spencer win, Spencer never win's.

"Jon, is something wrong?" Spencer asks, after the tenth time that he blew Jon to charred bit's. Jon sigh's deeply and set's his controller down on the glass table in front of them. He turn's those deep brown eyes to look at Spencer, the younger boy's heart skipping beat's already.

"Am I that transparent?" He asks, just the slightest of smile's on his face, that small smile no where close to reaching his eyes. Spencer too set's down his controller and give's a little shrug.

"I'd say it's pretty easy to tell when you're upset." It's the truth, Jon is someone who, a very good amount of the time is in a good mood so, when he does slip into the bad one's it's pretty obvious. Luckily for Spencer he's good at comforting Jon, or at least he'd like to think so.

The older boy is shrugging but not giving much more of an anwser.

"What's wrong?" Spencer tries again.

"It's just...I think I figured something out."

Spencer quirk's an eyebrow. "Really? What?" Spencer is curious to know, want's to know anything that's making Jon so bummed. Jon scruff's a hand through his hair before he sigh's and drop's back against the couch, eyeing the younger boy with those deep, sad eyes, he look's like he doesn't exactly want to tell Spencer what's going on his head.

"Let me just ask you a question." He say's and Spencer nod's, lean's forward so he can listen a little more intently, Jon sigh's again, which would be annoying if Spencer wasn't madly in love with him. "If a person...if a person happen's to realize that they like someone whose already taken...does that make that person a bad person?"

Spencer's eyes widen. "Would this person be you Jon?"

"I'm serious Spence." The younger boy's heart clenches, he love's, more than love's when Jon call's him Spence.

"O.K., so, you happened to realize that you have the hot's for someone whose already with someone else? And now you want to know if that make's you a bad person?"

Jon nod's, glances at Spencer like he's afraid the younger boy will hate him.

"Sorry to tell you but you could never be the bad guy Jon." Spencer teases, some little attempt to keep thing's light, he fail's though because Jon just look's more conflicted. Spencer just really want's to know who this person is? Jon hasn't dated anyone since blonde Cassie, he did go to the dance with that cheerleader Aimee so, maybe he's talking about her?

"I think I am." Jon is so oddly serious that it's scaring Spencer, it really is. Jon usually doesn't get this way until around his birthday or if his parent's piss him off. Spencer scoot's closer to Jon, he rest's his hand on the older boy's shoulder enjoying the warmth.

"Who is it?" It's the question that Spencer is dying to get an anwser to, who is it that you love? He mentally scan's through all the people he knows, people who know Jon and who aren't single. Jon shake's his head.

"Can't tell you."

"Um..why?"

"I can't Spence."

Again the nickname but he can't focus on that because Jon won't tell him who it is, because Jon apparently doesn't trust Spencer anymore.

"You don't trust me or something?" Spencer pull's his hand away from Jon's skin, not his to touch, not his.

"No, no, that's not it!" Jon says, now his hand is finding Spencer's shoulder and the boy ignores the warm feeling in his stomach. "It's just that..you know them."

Well, that really doesn't narrow that down because Spencer knows a lot of people.

"I wouldn't tell them, whoever it is."

"I know, but I can't tell anyone Spence, because it's wrong. They're already with somebody..they're already happy. I waited too long..it's my own fault so, therefore I am a bad person."

Spencer is now noticing Jon's hand still on his shoulder, the lack of Jon using a she pronoun, the fact that Spencer is now with Megan. A new thought strike's Spencer hard, a hope never dared to have until now. What if, what if Jon was talking about him?

"Is this person your friend?" Spencer asks quietly, he's ignoring the fact that he and Jon's leg's are touching. His heart is beating too loud, he need's to not let his hope's climb that high but he can't help it because Jon is touching him and looking at him with those deep eyes.

"One of my best." Jon's voice is low now, low and sexy and could it actually be that Spencer was right? That Jon suddenly realizes that he's gay too? That it's not just Spencer and his unrequited love for the football star?

"Jon," Spencer start's and he's taking this chance, he is and he's not going to go back now. He's loved Jon for a long time now, too long and he's hidden himself for even longer, it has to end, he has to know. "I think I know who it is...and I think that person like's you back." He says softly, wait's for Jon's reaction.

The older boy's eyes spark. "You do?" Spencer nod's.

"I do." And he lean's forward and kisses Jon, a soft press of lip's on lip's, a dream come true and Spencer can't believe it's happening. Jon smell's good, he taste's good, everything about him is good and Spencer doesn't ever want this to stop.

It does stop though, Jon pulling away from Spencer with startled eyes and still body.

"Spence..." Jon trail's off, his voice is surprised.

Shit, shit, shit, shit. In a matter of second's Spencer went from having his dream come true to having his heart and hope's crushed flat. The way Jon is looking at him, he know's that the boy isn't gay, Jon isn't gay and now he knows that Spencer is and now everyone will know.

"I'm sorry." Is all Spencer can manage to get out. Honestly he feel's like he's going to cry but that would just prove how much of a sissy he is and he doesn't want that. "I'll just go." The boy is saying, standing and attempting to leave the room.

"Spence, wait." Spencer's heart is cracking and falling into pieces at his feet. How is he ever going to look at Jon again? This would probably ruin their friendship.









http://p-userpic.livejournal.com/81036532/9567327
mummy ryan
Comments (0)