Saturday, February 7, 2009

dregs
she laid in her oversoft bed. she wasn't sleeping nor had she been. she was doing nothing in paticular. she looked up at the window through her dark brown fringed bangs. she couldn't really tell what time it was by looking at the sunlight pouring into her room. it felt like she had been laying there forever so really to her it could be any time of the day.

she softly rolled off to the side of her bed, her thin tank top twisting with her body. her brightly colored fingers felt around for something on the plush carpeted floor. finally finding the object of her desire she rolled back on to the bed with the object gripped in her hand. the object was nothing more then an almost empty bottle. the bottle itself wasn't important just a left over bottle from the night she drank away her pain. the bottle was important because it wasn't empty all the way.

no the girl wasn't going to drink the remaining lukewarm fluid. instead she set the clear bottle up on her nightstand admiring the way the dark purple liquid sloshed about. it wasn't a lot of liquid just the dregs; the remaining bits of liquid that no one ever drinks. she had set the bottle up on the nightstand and laid back on her bed the girl smiled at her own creation. the liquid in the bottle had caught the sunlight and casted a dark purple light on to her bed.

the girl continued to lay in her bed staring at the purple light that washed over her body. she laid there until she lost count of the minutes and her room was so silent that she felt a strange buzzing filling her ears from the lack of sound. finally she pulled herself up her knees against her chest and she stared idly at the 'tattoo' she had given herself in permenant marker. she ran her thin fingers along the odd edges of the 'tattoo'.

she grew tired of this and streched before slidding off the bed. she walked over to the mirror and barely peered into it. the person staring back was someone she neither loved nor hated. long dark brown hair fell just below her shoulders and dark rings resided around her eyes, whether it was eyeliner or just rings from insomnia was up for debate.

she sidestepped the mirror and went for the closet. she didn't really know why because she wasn't going to get dressed. she was content to stay in the thin tank top and boy shorts and nothing else. she pulled open the closet anyway and fell to her knees on to the soft floor. the bottom of the closet where no one usually looked. abandoned clothes and forgotten shoes adorned the bottom but what else lay there tucked away was what she was looking for.

she found a small beat up light blue box under an old t-shirt of a time long forgotten. she pulled the box into her lap before scooting away from the closet and setting the box between her legs. she opened it uncerimoniusly and without hesitation. she fingered around the box flipping small squares of folded paper and anything else that she deemed memorable once upon a time.

she continued digging through the box until she found what she was only half searching for. a photograph it didn't really matter how old it was, maybe it didn't matter because she couldn't really remember the people in that photograph. the girl flopped back on to the floor holding the photo up above her as she tried to remember the feelings of the girl in the photo.

the photo itself was of two teenagers. a young boy and a young girl together and happy. she tried in vain to remember what she felt in that moment when that picture was taken but she couldn't bring it back. the photo might as well be of two people that she never met because that's what she felt inside. she ran her finger along the outline of the two figures and she sighed before dropping the photo to the floor beside her.

the girl tried to remember the last time she saw the boy and she couldn't she also couldn't remember what his voice sounded like. but she did remember what he looked like, and what he smelt like, all the words he had ever said to her and the promises they had made to each other those she could remember but those did her no good.

she rolled on to her stomach and vaguely wondered if he ever thought of her and if he did what about her did he remember? it didn't matter because she could drive herself up the wall trying to guess about things she would never know. she pushed herself up and walked over to the window. she rested her arms and head against the sill and stared out the window at the brick wall and small grassy area next door.

thinking about him now didn't really matter. it had been too long since they had last spoke and longer since they've seen each other. but she couldn't let him slip from her mind because to her he was the only one who understood, who ever really got her. she felt alive back then when they were together that she could remember. now alone she wasn't really living, just existing. no one in the world knew that she was around, no one would care if she stopped showing up so one day she did. only he knew, only he used to care, only he would notice if she wasn't there but not anymore because people move on and so did he.

it didn't matter not really she had moved on too but she wanted to be remembered and she wanted to remember someone. if it wasn't him it would be someone else, it didn't have to be him but he was unlucky enough to drift back into her mind as she lay in her motionless stupor. she slowly went to the nightstand and picked up the old corded phone that no one bothered to use anymore and she dialed the only number she still remembered. it rang almost endlessly and she nearly hung up until a voice picked up.

it was his she knew it like it had been in her mind all along just waiting for her to remember. she had yet to say anything and the voice seemed almost frustrated.

"thank you for making me feel alive." she said into the phone

he took a deep breath almost in surprise and was silent for a moment

"anna?" he said all too excitied and she grimaced because she knew he was right. she hung up the phone quickly and ended the call from the past.

the silence in the room filled her ears again and she crawled back into the oversoft bed. the fading purple light flittering on her. she knew that she was like the remaining liquid in the bottle not existing just remaining, just the dregs of the cup the leftovers. that's what she was and maybe that wasn't such a bad life as long as someone out there knew her name.


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