Saturday, February 7, 2009

drabbles
mood: overstuffed

listening to: like a stone-audioslave

currently: wishing i felt better!

plugs: em0taku (danny), tim tim (my bro), detectivedanielle (my friend danielle), knights edge, destinyssweetman, playitbakinslomo, deadxonxarrival: (all these people are my PM buddies!) oh yeah if you haven't yet go to purevolume.com/asherises to hear danny's mad guitar skills!


hi,


Redmoonchick Responds:

alex: don't worry i shamelessly plugged you this time! XD

caprice: yes, my signings went a little screwy this weekend! one dissapeered

playitbakinslomo: yes i loved the laylah piece so much! so pretty!

yensid: i really hope it doesn't take me that long to recover or i'll miss my break!

cosmicsailor: well the only reason we did sports in yoga was because the sub couldn't do yoga

angel zakuro: lol i love that you commented again just to complain about renee! lol go jael!

thomalover14: lol even your short comments are long! XD

christianotaku: yes danny has mad ipod worthy skills! hooray ice cream!

em0taku: way to stick to your name dramaqueen! XD

woah lots of responses today!


did everyone have a good weekend? i bet it was better then mine! i was so sick all freaking weekend! i had having this really horrible cough all week but on friday it got so much worse! my head was killing me because each time i coughed it hurt my head, so to make me feel better my mom went and got me some chinese food! yummy ecspecially the egg drop soup! so hot and good! i wasn't feeling much better and i was also really cold! like so freaking cold even though i was fully dressed and piled under my blanket, so my mom turned the heat way up and threw my warm robe on top of me. finally i was all toasty and warm and my mom was hot so i got up and turned the heat way down and even cracked my bedroom window and uncovered myself but i was still way hot! after about fifteen minutes of me still being so hot i told my mom that i thought i had a fever and she checked and sure enough i had a fever of a whopping 102 degrees! i was two degrees from being hospitalized! scary. i've also been having some major trouble sleeping and i've been coughing so hard that i nearly throw up each time, ugh and my nose won't stop running! yeah i am definitly not a pretty site right now! i will feel really bad if my little brother or danny catch this because it's so bad! i'm feeling a little better now though so hopefully i be better while i still have spring break! because i am tired of being at home and want to do fun stuff!

how was everyone's easter? if you celebrate it or whatever. mine was fine i was suppose to go to my grandma's for dinner but i didn't feel well and my mom didn't really want to so we didn't go and i ate a yummy dinner here. i also got lots of candy for easter and those little peep marshmellow bunnies! so cute! i really wanted to go to church but i couldn't because of the dreaded illness! T-T

oh this weekend i got to watch the naruto marathon at my grandma's house! at least i managed to get a bit caught up on naruto and see itachi and stuff, though i'm finding that jiriya is becoming one of my fave characters. oh got to watch bleach too and see chad in his whole two seconds of airtime XD i got to see a little of blood+ but i have yet to see an entire episode! T-T

oh my gosh i really need to get better so that i can actually leave the house! T-T getting so bored here! all i have to do is either watch TV but i have no cable or get on the internet or sleep! i was playing my DS earlier but i am bored with the two games i got and i need a new one. glad you guys liked the poem i wrote on friday yeah i really like it too! lately all my poems have been in the vein of disfunctional relationships <---danielle if you read this post don't dare say a word! *death glare* p.s for danielle danny updated a few days ago check out his inane ramblings on my love for fall out boy and sell outs.

poem because i don't like short posts, i wrote this one during second and third hour at school

fingertips stained black from ink left by words that used to make sense
trace lips and hips turned jagged in the moonlight
blackness breathed into my soul
leaves scars deeper then anyone knows
flashes of light bounce off the walls of my mind
leaving blank spots in the form of you
words abandon me as they leap from my mind
leaving every memory of you and me behind
feet walk dusted paths just to get away from you
i can't see the road anyway
eyes locked on eyes keeping promises and telling lies
you and me, we have ties that bind
only to be severed by these words of mine
screams break the silence too still to move
i'm immobilized when it comes to you
hurt and cut, bend and break
all my wishes come too late
friendly warning confessions at hand
i'm plotting my own demise
how far can i fall before i realize? how imbicillic this all was
beaten to the point of death but still you whisper
"we're not done yet"

ok ladies and gents i don't think i have anything else to say except thanks to playitbakinslomo and destinyssweetman for putting up with my insomnia related PM's yesterday and for knight's edge for putting up with my whining in general! he truly is a knight! XD

talk to everyone tomorrow if i don't have cabin fever by that time!
~redmoonchick~


sick shinobi
by redmoonchick

"i told you not to train while it was raining kakashi" iruka said as he strode behind the couch grabbing one of kakashi's dirty shirts off the floor of the shinobi's house. kakashi said nothing ignoring the lecture he knew was coming from the fellow ninja "i mean seriously you could've at least taken a umbrella!" iruka nagged again and kakashi half wished that he'd pass out from the fever but then again he was enjoying getting pampered by iruka.

kakashi was currently laid up on his couch due to a nasty illness he had caught while training in the nasty weather the leaf village was having. kakashi was tempted to give iruka a line about how there was no way a ninja could look cool while holding a umbrella when a small beeping noise took his attention instead.

"oh kakashi it's medicine time" he heard iruka say from somewhere in his kitchen and in mere seconds iruka was at his side holding a bottle of pills and some juice. "here" iruka said as he held the bottle out for him to take. kakashi on the other hand was warm and comfortable and none to excitied to take the disgusting pills and would much rather be reading icha icha paradise right now.

"not taking it" kakashi mumbled through the black face mask that seemed to constantly cover his mouth.

"oh yes you are! how do expect to get better if you never take medicine?" iruka asked and shaked the bottle at him. kakashi gave out a amused sigh.

"i'm sorry are you my mother or my boyfriend?" he teased the younger shinobi. iruka looked down at the laundry basket he had set at his feet and the then over to the tea he was boiling in the kitchen and blushed at the fact that he was acting more like a mother then anything.

kakashi laughed and broke into a fit of coughing, iruka tossed the medicine onto kakashi's lap and set the juice on the table.

"take the medicine kakashi" he said as he lifted the basket and walked away from his sick lover.

"now why would i do that?" kakashi asked as he held the bottle.

"because-" iruka began as he looked back at the sick ninja with a grin on his handsome face. "i don't kiss sick guys", iruka laughed and went about his business as kakashi gave up and swallowed down the pills while praying that it wouldn't take him too long to get better


dreams come true
by redmoonchick

sakura was in love, well as much in love as a tweleve year old could be. the object of her undying love was sasuke uchiha, her ever brooding revenge driven teammate. yes, sakura was in love but there was just one problem...it was all one sided. sakura couldn't get sasuke to love her no matter what she tried. it wasn't as if sasuke loved another although pleanty of girls and a few boys loved him. sasuke just wasn't the kind of boy to have a crush on a girl and sakura had to accept that, but it didn't mean that she couldn't keep trying.

currently her team was training with kakashi out in a clearing near the woods of the leaf village. kakashi sensei was teaching his students a new move one so new that it didn't even have a name yet. they had been training hard all morning and none of the three were skilled enough to pull of the new move. sakura exhausted from her many attempts sat down on a nearby log and watched sasuke and naruto try to pull of the move. naruto noticed that sakura was watching and decided that now would be a good time to show off for sakura and make her see how much better he was then sasuke. naruto practically giddy with his new idea of showing off for sakura, wasn't paying attention as he attempted the complicated move and fell midair on to the ground hard!

"ah my butt! i broke my butt! help sakura! come rub it for me!" naruto cried as he held his butt and howled in pain.

sakura gave naruto her patent your a complete moron look and sasuke just laughed while kakashi sensei appeared out of nowhere holding his ever present book.

"well naruto this looks serious" kakashi with little interest

"of course it's serious you idiot! i broke my butt! see!" naruto cried as he pulled down his bright orange pants and mooned their instructor. kakashi sighed and comanded naruto to pull his pants back up. kakashi then placed his hand on naruto's shoulder

"i'm taking him back to the doctor's" kakashi instructed his two remaining pupils to keep practicing while he was gone and with a nod and a flash of ninjuitsu the pair was gone.

sakura still traumatized by seeing naruto's bare butt didn't notice that sasuke had sat down next to her on the log. upon realizing this though her heart pound fast and she became extreamly nervous, she glanced at sasuke to her complete surprise was already looking at her.

"i'm going to rest while sensei is gone, no point in wasting too much chakra" he told her as if he needed a reason to sit beside her. sakura just nodded dumbly not really hearing what he was saying. a small silence passed between the two before sakura filled the silence

"sasuke do you like ino? cause there was a rumor at the academy-" sakura began before stopping and waiting for an anwser that she wasn't sure she wanted to hear.

"no i don't like ino" sasuke said and sakura was relived.

"well-" she began as she pressed her luck once again "do you like anyone?" she asked him as she actually looked at him this time.

"yeah" sasuke said not looking at her but instead to the ground.

"re-really? who?" sakura asked a little to excitiedly she didn't get an anwser but instead felt a warmness on her hand, she looked down and saw sasukes' hand covering her own. sakura nearly died from the contact and she could swear that sasuke could hear her heart beating.

"i like you sakura, i always have" sasuke said this time looking at her, his black eyes meeting her green. sakura nearly died at the thought that all her fantasies in the last few months were coming true and she wasn't sure she could handle it. she also couldn't wait to go and rub sasukes words into ino's pig's face. sakura steadied her voice enough to ask sasuke a question.

"but why? why didn't you say anything before?" she asked him as she took his hand.

"i thought you deserved better then me sakura, i'm too obsessed with revenge to do a girl like you any good" he said and sakura was suprised to see a side of sasuke she had never seen before. a side that only served to make him more appealing.

"it's ok sasuke! i can wait till you get your revenge! i can wait as long as i get you in the end" she said to him so earnest and honest that sasuke smiled at her.

"your a beautiful girl" he said as he placed a hand on her cheek and began to draw closer to her, sakura was in full on panic mode on the inside, she knew what was happening she and sasuke were going to kiss! sakura let her eyes drift closed as their lips met warm and innocent. the two of them kissed a few more times nothing too serious.

"i love you sasuke" sakura said to him between kisses,

"i love you too sakura" sasuke smirked and kissed the girl again.

sasuke sat up sweating profusly maybe due to the dream he had just had or maybe due to the young pre teen boy that was clinging to him.

"naruto get off me" he said as he pushed his sleeping mate away from him. naruto sleeply rolled over a bit and sasuke grinned at the boy, before wiping the sweat from his brows.

"why are you so sweaty?" naruto's sleepy voice asked and sasuke could see large blue eyes staring at him.

"you were sufforcating me" sasuke said "that's the last time i take a nap in the middle of the day with you" sasuke told naruto.

"hey i didn't force you to nap with me" naruto said as he strecthed. "sasuke why do you look so freaked out?" naruto asked as he propped himself up on his elbow. sasuke looked down at his secret boyfriend and remembered the dream.

"i had the strangest dream, where i kissed sakura" sasuke said, naruto snorted and laughed before settled down to listen to the rest of the dream

"anything else?" he asked playfully.

"yeah" sasuke grinned "you fell down and broke your ass" sasuke laughed and naruto joined in.

"why are you dreaming about my ass?" naruto asked as he fell back onto his bed.

"don't know" sasuke said as he joined him, "we can't fall back to sleep naruto, were suppose to be training today" sasuke told the blonde boy.

"yeah well sakura will find us eventually" naruto said sleepily.

"that's what i'm afraid of" sasuke whispered as he turned to cuddle the boy.


the adventures of the myoten neighborhood:

'the great race'

chapter one: ideas on a summer day

one day during an extreamly lazy summer two teenaged girls stared an innocent disscussion. the two girls sat lazily on the shaded wooden porch of the older girl, whose name was cassie's house. they laid on there backs on the wooden porch side by side staring up at the celing. the other and younger girl whose name was jenny spoke first.

"wouldn't it be cool if i had a bus?" she asked her older friend. cassie sat up on her elbows and looked over at jenny.

"a bus?" she asked.

"a bus." jenny repeated, cassie remained silent and jenny spoke again.

"what do you think?" she asked.

"i think the heat is getting to you jenny." cassie laughed as she sat up indian style and stared out at the expanse of deep green lawn that surrounded them. jenny too sat up and laughed.

"i think it would be cool." she said as she too stared absentmindedly out at the yard. the duo was busy watching cassie younger brother who happened to be a year older then jenny stand out in the yard and chat up girls. one girl in paticular he was chatting up was there neighbor who lived two house down. a teen girl named miriah.

"looks like your bro is trying to score with miriah." jenny noted and cassie nodded as she watched her brother make joke after joke to impress the girl.

"i think we'll be fine as long as he doesn't start dancing." cassie said but as soon as the words left her mouth she saw her brother break into his patenent dance routine that he swore always worked with the ladies.

"too late." jenny said as the girls broke down into giggles at the act, cassie's brother tim heard them laugh and shot them a glare as miriah who was also laughing slipped him a white piece of paper. the girls continued watching the scene until miriah went on her way waving to cassie and jenny and tim walked up on to the porch stopping just outside the front door.

"nice moves." cassie said sounding just a bit sarcastic, tim scoffed.

"whatever, i got her number!" he annouced as he flashed them the paper before going inside to cool off.

this left jenny and cassie in silence and before she knew it they were back to the topic of buses.

"i wish i had a bus." jenny annouced, cassie laughed.

"if you had a bus could i wear a helmet on it?" she asked and jenny laughed and nodded her short dark hair swishing around.

"i would decorate it and it would be the best helmet ever." cassie said as she thought wistfully about all the creative things she could do with a helmet and a magic marker.

"and pete wentz could be the driver of the bus." jenny added and cassie laughed because pete happened to be their all time favorite rock star and the thought of him riding around in a bus with them seemed all too funny.

"i would call the bus 'team wentz's magical short bus gang'!" jenny annouced and again the girls broke into a fit of giggles loud enough to warrent a stare by cassie's mother who was happened to be walking past the porch at the time. the girls spent the rest of the day on and off talking about what their bus would be like and it seemed funny to them yet they knew it might seem crazy to other people.

that night after the summer heat had died down cassie fresh out of the shower and clad in her pajamas went over to her bedroom window. it was already open and the cool night breeze blew on her long damp dark brown hair. from her own two story house, her room being on the top floor she could see across from her own window her neighbor jenny's two story house. the sides of the house alligned perfectly so that the two girl's bedroom windows were also perfectly alligned.

jenny had moved into the house next door to cassie's when she was two and cassie was five and the two had been fast friends ever since. jenny's house was to the left of cassie's house and cassie's house sat on the corner of myoten street. next to jenny's house lived one of their other friends a girl named megan. across the street from cassie lived a girl named belinda, another of jenny and cassie's friends and next door to belinda lived krissy.

all these girls were friends and all of them went to the local high school, santi high. krissy and cassie being the oldest were both seniors, while megan was a junior, cassie's brother tim and jenny were both sophmores and belinda was a freshman.

while cassie was looking around her neighborhood she saw the light in jenny's room come on and she watched as jenny came into view. cassie ducked away from the window quickly and went over to the nightstand beside her bed, she opened the drawer and pulled out a bright pink walkie talkie she turned it on before heading back to the window.

"jenny, i can see you." cassie said into the walkie talkie in a singsong voice. she watched jenny stiffen presumably hearing the voice through the walkie talkie. in seconds she saw her glance through the window give her a wave before rushing to the drawer to retrieve her own bright pink walkie talkie.

"stalking me now cassie?" cassie heard jenny's voice crackle over the device. this was a normal occurance between the two of them. they had been talking this way ever since cassie had recieved the walkie talkies as a present on her eighth birthday. the duo talked about nothing too important just simple things on teenagers minds. they talked for a good while until finally one of them would grow too tired and decide to go to sleep. they were after all best friends.

chapter two: when dreams come true

the next day cassie was awakened by a fourteen year old girl who was shaking her as she tried to sleep. cassie groggily cracked an eye open and peered at the person who had dared to wake her. there stood belinda looking ever impatient at cassie's lack of getting up.

cassie rolled onto her back and glanced at the clock on the nightstand, she groaned when she saw it only read 10:30.

"ugh, belinda what are you doing here so early?" she asked as she closed her eyes again.

"you can't sleep your whole summer away cassie. besides you told me you'd go with me into town." belinda told her and cassie sighed because she knew the girl was right.

"fine, i'll meet you downstairs in five." she told the younger girl. belinda nodded and left the room to lounge about downstairs, in five minutes time cassie joined her dressed in black capri pants and a gray and white striped tank top.

"finally!" belinda said as she sat with her legs over the edge of the soft light purple recliner in the living room fanning herself with a magazine.

"hey, i said five and it has been five exactly." she told belinda. belinda stood and joined cassie at the front door where again outside was her younger brother and again he was chatting with miriah. cassie surveyed belinda as she walked infront of her. belinda was the youngest of their friends with her medium length dark brown hair that was streaked with light blonde highlights.

"belinda, why are you wearing jeans and a jacket? it's like ninety degrees outside!" cassie asked as she felt hot by just looking at belinda. belinda didn't seem to mind the heat and she shrugged.

"i don't want the daniel's to see my pale legs." she told her and cassie sighed. the daniel's in question where two boys who lived down the street from cassie and belinda, they were bestfriends who both happened to be named daniel. this no doubt cause confusion for everyone who knew them so they each took different names. one was called danny while the other went by dan.



when i see her again it's not like i imagined it. i never really knew what i was imagining, but i know it wasn't what i had gotten. i was happy to see her again, of course i would be she was a good friend after all. but i guess the keyword of that last sentence is was. i hadn't seen her since our senior year of high school; that was five years ago, back when i left town three days before graduation. because i was convinced that i was destined for more then a dipolma could give me. i never said goodbye to her, i knew that was what had hurt her most of all.

the first thing i noticed was how much she had changed. she was a hell of a lot thinner then the last time i had seen her. back then she was plumper but she still had a pretty face and a horrible lack of self-confidence. now she was leaning against the counter of the small record shop that she owned. her elbows were propped up and her back was arched out a bit from her being bent over the desk. she was chatting with another young girl who was seated behind the desk and working the cash register.

i knew it was her for sure as i got closer, the cascade of reddish brown curls that fell down her back and the distinct voice with the slight lisp that i always teased her about were dead giveaways. i took a few steps forward and suddenly i felt a bit nervous. i didn't know why. rockstars weren't supposed to be nervous. they were supposed to be cocky but i was never one for approaching people and that hadn't changed.

as i grew closer i could hear the conversation that she was having with the cashier girl. bit's and snippet's of her girlish voice surrounding me.

"oh no way shay, their last album was soooo much better then this one." she was saying and i found myself with a small grin on my face because it was just like her to be arguing about music.

"better then mine lily?" i asked to gain her attention. i could see her perk up and the cashier girl looked my way and her mouth fell open in surprise. lily straightened up and turned to face me her face holding a large smile. i was right she had lost weight and her previously round face was now slim and still cute like i remembered.

"mark!" she half cried and before i knew it she had thrown herself at me and was wrapping her arms around my waist. i slowly kind of unsurely brought my arms up to rest around her and my fingertips brushed the tips of her soft curls. we stayed like this for somewhere between five and ten seconds before just as quickly she pulled away and i could see just the faintest of pink spreading across her cheeks.

i looked her over as she stood before me still smiling. i was comparing her to the girl i used to know. she had changed her glasses too. what used to be almond shaped black frames now changed to dark blue square frames that seemed to suit her face better. she was currently pushing her hair out of her face as she gave me a once over. i looked her up and down too. she was dressed in dark blue skinny jeans, a old black band t-shirt that she bought back in high school and some black and white sneakers.

if i didn't know her i would probably had hitten on her by now. "mark! it's so good to see you! i-i knew you were in the area for the show tomorrow night but i didn't think you'd stop by!" she grinned at me and bounced in excitment. it was true that i was in my old stomping grounds for a concert tomorrow but i had planned to come by and see what lily was up to.

"wanted to see how well my cd's were selling." i teased and she laughed.

"really, well actually you're like the top seller this month." she told me as she looked at the large rack of cd's next to her. i looked too and saw my own face staring back at me. "didn't i always tell you that you'd be better off going solo?" she said as she laid her hand on my shoulder before moving past me and back near the counter she had previously been leaning on.

i thought about that...had she mentioned that? it had been such a long time that i didn't really know but i vaugely recalled her giving me career advice after my fifth band broke up.

"hey, you wanna go get something to eat?" i asked as i made my way up to the cash register to stand beside her. she turned and kinda looked at me a little surprised.

"um, yeah" she began as she grinned and turned to the younger girl who was working the register and still trying to maintain herself from turning into a squealing fangirl. "molly, will you run the store while i'm gone?" she asked the cashier girl and she nodded and threw a glance back at me. i smiled at her and saw her breath catch and her cheeks redden.

she nodded silently and lily smiled. "alright, i should be back soon but if not close up for me." she told the girl and again molly nodded and kept her gaze switching between me and her hands. lily then looked up at me. "you ready to go now?" she asked and i nodded as we left the building.

i had asked her to come with me because i actually did want to talk with her. but maybe i also asked her to come along because i didn't want to go through the city alone. "so how does it feel to be back in your old stomping grounds?" she asked me and i looked at her but didn't anwser because really...i didn't know. it didn't feel like home to me anymore and it made me wonder if it ever really had.

"it feels...like there's no words for it." i settled on the truth with her but i don't think she got what i was going for. she opened her mouth like she was going to say something but i never got the chance to hear it because at that moment a eardrum busting scream was emitted from in front of us.

standing before us mouths open and shaking in the middle of the sidewalk were three teenaged girls. sixteen by my guess. the three of them were huddled together and staring at lily and i, well mostly me. i glanced at lily and she looked like she could laugh or be weirded out.

"oh my god! oh my god! it's mark!" one of them screamed and the other two girls sort of squealed.

"hey, how are you?" i asked them trying to be polite as possible to my fans.

"i-i holy shit can we have your autograph?" one of them asked and i nodded because i knew it was a matter of time before they asked it. by now i had taken to carrying a black sharpie with me at all times after those first few months when fans would leave crying because no one had a marker on them.

i waited as the girls tried to decide what they wanted me to sign and i looked at lily and she was smiling probably finding it funny that these girls wanted my signature. after signing two backpacks, one refusal to sign a breast, and then signing a t-shirt instead the three girls seemed estatic. i was perpairing to leave before one of them screamed "we need pictures!" i sighed a bit and glanced at lily who seemed to find this very entertaining. they handed the digital camera off to lily and begged her to take the photos.

she took the camera and gladly took a few pictures of the girls and i. i was glad at least she was enjoying this because i wasn't. it wasn't that i didn't like meeting my fans, no i just didn't like being squeezed by strangers and having stray hands graze my butt. after five pictures i finally told the girls that i had to leave and they gladly watched us walk away.

"you get that a lot?" lily asked but by the way she was grinning i could tell she already knew the anwser.

"it gets worse as i get closer to a show date." i told her as visions of hundreds of fans mobbing a local supermarket in wisconsin flooded my mind. i watched the streets as we walked, it was like how i remembered it. it had all stayed mostly the same while time slipped by so fast. even the people looked different, ecspecially her. lily looked so different it was boggling my mind. i could only really know it was her because of the shinning personality she had.

i noticed lily had stopped walking and i too stopped. "we're here." she said as she pointed behind me. i turned and saw the resturant she wanted to eat at. it was something small and low-key with a medium sized glass window where you could peer inside the building. inside were small circular tables about five of them i thought. there were words on the door the name of the resturant was 'Tom's cafe'. i did i double take at the sign. i knew lily's brother was named tom but no way did i think he owned a resturant.

"does your brother own this place?" i asked lily. she grinned and nodded.

"yeah, he opened it about two year's ago." she told me as she moved past me to the door, her arm brushing against my shoulder as she pressed the door open for me. i entered after her and instantly the warm smell of coffee wafted around me. a low rumbled emitted from my stomach as i realized i was hungry.

i watched lily stride up to the counter and press a small silver bell a light ding sounded and seconds later a tanned skinned waitress showed up her dark hair in a ponytail. i saw lily talk to her lightly before she motioned to me and the waitress nodded her head in either approval or recongintion, i saw lily laugh and i liked how that looked. she looked at me as she turned away from the waitress and made her way to a dark blue table nestled in the corner.

"i ordered you a coffee. is that alright?" she asked

"it's fine." i told her as i took my seat. my back pressed near the wall. one thing i had definitly noticed about lily was that she had a more confident stride about her. it was what i had noticed back at the cd shop. it was probably the thing that had changed the most about her. i could easily remember the shy girl who never really spoke when we were in class unless she was talking to me. the same girl who used to get so distraught if someone made fun of her. this wasn't that same girl.

"wow, it's been so long mark...i haven't seen you since..." lily trailed off as she tried her best to remember the last time the two of us had been face to face.

"it was that show here two years ago." i told her and i was surprised that i could even remember considering the millions of shows i had performed.

"oh yeah!" she said and i saw her grin as she was remembering the show. i could remember it too but barely. i had invited her personally, we kept in touch through a website that she had had from before i met her. i read it when i had time, or when i was paticularly homesick and wanted to remember my high school days.

i had gotten lily good tickets and she and our other friend from high school daisy had come to see me. i won't lie, i was more nervous with them there. i can remember their faces, happy and in awe. i hadn't seen them two years prior to this show so i guess they were a little happy to see me.

after the show was the meet and greet and i remember standing out in the parking lot seeing the mob of fans, mostly girls waiting for me. back then i liked the attention more, it still felt new to me. i remember that there were fewer girls back then and how stupid it had been to wish for more.

lily and daisy stood near the front of the crowd and i found them easily. back then lily had still been chubby and self-concious but she was damn happy when she was at shows. she hugged me excitedly and daisy rolled her eyes and the girl on lily's other side looked surprised and maybe jealous that lily got to hug me. daisy didn't want a hug but she did compliment me on my music, that's just about the best i could get from her.

daisy still didn't forgive me for hurting lily the way i did.

it seemed i was sucked deeply into the past because i snapped out of my thought when i cup of coffee was set down in front of me. i looked down at the light blue cup filled with the warm brown liquid.

"thanks, destiny." lily said to the waitress who gave a smile before she walked away.

then lily is smiling at me, a sweet smile that reflects the past and i smile back at her before i take a sip of my coffee.

i was kinda surprised that it really was tom's resturant. back when tom went to school with lily and i, he had been on the football team and his life's goal was play in the NFL.

"i thought he wanted to play ball?" i asked and lily's smile faded and she looked down into her drink.

"yeah, he totally could've...but he blew out his knee in his senior year of high school, so he never got the chance." lily said and she sounded sad. i felt pretty bad for bringing up her brother's past and i felt bad for tom. tom was two years younger then myself but i was glad that he had at least done something with his life, especially since he was so young, barely twenty.

"kinda tragic isn't it?" lily said with a sad sort of laugh and i kinda felt like crap.

"so uh, where is he now?" i asked looking around the resturant in hopes of seeing tom. lily lifted her cup to her lips and took a sip before she anwsered me.

"oh, well he's on his honeymoon." lily said and again i was floored in surprise.

"he got married?" i asked not expecting that anyone i used to know was now married. lily nodded and she was smiling again.

"oh yeah, he married a great girl named kate."








it was two minutes after eight 'o clock in the morning when donovan finally collasped into bed. he lay on his stomach his face pressed against the overly soft pillows of the hotel bed. donovan let out a sigh of relife from his vantage point on the bed he could see the windows with the dark green drapes and the light blue specks of sky peeking out at him from the tops of the windows.

donovan sighed again, he hated sleeping during the day. he hated it because at night it was right to sleep because everyone was asleep. but at day it felt like a isolated event, like you were missing out on the world. but right now he was too tired to deal with time and daylight. he was at the point to take sleep whenever and wherever he could get it.

donovan turned his body a bit so that his hips pressed flat against the cushy matress. he had been so tired that he hadn't even bothered to take off his clothes. his nearly skin tight jeans, royal purple hoodie, and scuffed up black sneakers tangling with the sheets and covers of the bed. in seconds donovan's uncomfortablness outweighted his need for sleep and he pushed himself up off the bed half-heartedly.

he shuffled to the middle of the room and undid the clean white belt that he wore, letting it fall to the floor before he toed off his sneakers and pulled off his hoodie leaving him in his gray t-shirt and his jeans. he always stayed in a state of mostly dressed incase there was no time to dress whenever he was woken up.

he then flopped back into the hotel bed not bothering to cover up but instead to lay on top of the itchy comforter. he turned to face the wall and he closed his brown eyes tight to keep out the ever rising sun. it was funny to him how he was dead tired and already he guessed that ten minutes had passed and he had yet to fall asleep. he blamed it on the countless nights he had spent on the road staying up on the bus crunched in the seat with his face pressed against the cool window and the world passing him by.

it was those nights that he would tap his hands on his knees and work out beats and notes for future songs. it was all he could do sometimes besides talking their lead singer out of doing something stupid.

five minutes passed and still donovan wasn't asleep. he brushed his short fringe of dark bangs away from his face and pressed himself closer to the wall. he shook his leg a bit and noted how his skin felt worn out like his youth was slipping away right in front of him.

how strange it was that he was doing what he always wanted, he was playing music in a successful band. he always thought that rockstars lived the most fucked up lives out of everyone but he didn't realize how once you're famous the days just seem to blurr and go on forever.

they'd been on tour for a good half a year now and he hadn't been home in ages, he couldn't keep a relationship alive for more then three weeks, and he hadn't showered in a good three days.

it was true that his bandmates were some of his best friends but after awhile all you want is to be alone and after awhile even the best lives seem to be missing something. he wasn't happy, he hadn't been for a long time but he never told anyone because who complains once they get the life of their dreams?

he wouldn't complain, he was grateful for his opportunities and he was sure that he could wait out his unhappiness. he could fake it till he had some time off then hopefully he wouldn't have to fake it anymore.

donovan felt his eyes growing heavy and his brain going sluggish and he didn't know what tomorrow held but he knew that at least in this moment, this night he could dream himself away from it all: from tour buses, neurotic lead singers, haters, itchy comforters, hotel beds and the rising sun.










alice stood out on the large hill that sat far out behind her house. darkness surrounded her and the only light was that of the moon and stars shimmering and reflecting off of the snow covered hill. her feet were sunk deep into the snow but she could barely feel the cold through her black sneakers.

the cold wind blew up around her and it swirled around her knee length striped skirt. she didn't know why she was wearing a skirt in the middle of february, maybe she just liked the cold. alice brushed her blonde hair back off of her face. the soft shining flakes of white covering her with a fine dust.










the moon was full and beautiful and he caught her off gaurd with his sea soaked words. she tripped with a dizzying spell and the birds called out as she hit the ground. he wrote her a dream that she couldn't wake up from. she gave him a kiss, tinted green with envy. gray eyes saw the light but there was nothing they could do to stop it. cradle the diamonds in her hair and speak with a numb tongue. laying on a bed filled with crunchy dying leaves, a crackle for each of their movements. drink away the sorrows that we couldn't keep and tear away the echous ghosts. cursive filled curse words fill up my pages and his hopes fell like a dominoe effect. actions speak louder but when we're both on mute i guess it doesn't matter.






krissy urie woke up early that saturday morning, not by choice though. no, the thing that had awoken her was a little blonde haired boy, who could be no older then three. "brendon? what are you doing up at-" krissy glanced at the clock on the nightstand before continuing, "six thirty in the morning?" she asked the little boy.

"i'm hungry mama, and i wanna watch cartoons!" the little boy named brendon said. krissy gave a little groan and flopped back down on the pillow. she valued her sleep and it was the weekend. she cracked open a blue eye and saw that a pair of wide brown eyes were still staring at her, the little face pressed close to hers.

krissy gave a sigh and sat up, she looked to the left at the sleeping figure of her husband. the light blue blanket pulled up over him and just the scruff of black hair visible. apparently he was unfazed by the sound of his son's voice.

"brendon, you awake?" krissy asked, her voice heavy with sleep.

"no, ryan i don't wanna sing build god then we'll talk anymore..." brendon mumbled out an anwser. krissy gave a light sigh because she knew when brendon was thinking she was ryan ross, it meant that he was beyond tired and there was no way he was getting up.

krissy grabbed her glasses off the nightstand and pushed them on. her blonde son still waiting patiently for his mother to get up. she ruffled a hand through her blonde curls before she stood and looked down at her son.

"are the others awake?" she asked and he shook his head.

"no, shannon was awake for a minute but then he told me to go wake you up." brendon's little voice anwsered. krissy grinned a little thinking of her oldest son, shannon and how sneaky the boy was.

krissy and brendon jr. or bj as his parents had taken to calling him, walked down the hardwood hallway. they moved past three closed bedroom doors and one that hung half open. the rooms belonged to hers and brendon's children.

there was shannon who was six, bj the three year old, and their youngest children two-year old twins, a son named gray and a daughter, their only one, named molly.

krissy moved into the living room, her feet leaving trails in the soft tanned carpet, bj following along half bouncing behind his mother. of all their children bj acted the most like brendon. he was hyper like him, he had the same smile and eyes and the all together adorableness that brendon posessed.

though if krissy really thought about it, all her kids acted like brendon in a sense. though bj did have krissy's blonde hair and molly had gotten wavy hair, a mix between krissy's curls and brendon's straight hair. if she had to choose which child acted the most like her it would have to be shannon.

he was smart and witty and made his siblings laugh on numerous occasions. he had also gotten brendon's taste for music, he was learning the piano, and doing fantasically well at it.

all the kids really did look a tremendous amount like brendon, not that krissy was complaining because she very much liked how brendon looked.

krissy grabbed the remote and flicked on the television. bj bounced around the living room excitedly, waaay to excited for six thirty in the morning in krissy's opinion. bj jumped up on the large wrap around sofa and ran around before sitting indian style to watch whatever brand new cartoon that krissy couldn't really stand to watch for more then two minutes.

"what do you want for breakfast bj?" krissy asked.

"chicken soup!" bj responded without looking at his mother. krissy ignored her son's request for soup for breakfast.

"egg's it is." she said with a smile before she moved into the kitchen. the kitchen was large and shiny and she opened the silver metal fridge to grab out the eggs.

krissy looked at the refrigerator door at all the photo's she and brendon had put there. the photo's ranged from back when the duo had first met all the way up to just a few weeks ago when the kids had went to the zoo.

as krissy staring making breakfast she thought about how she and brendon had first met. it had been way back when she was just eighteen years old and about two weeks from graduating from high school.

krissy had managed to get lucky enough to win tickets to a panic at the disco concert and not just concert tickets but backstage passes too! so she had went to the concert and afterward had gotten to go and meet the band.

it had been then that she first met brendon. she had gotten the chance to talk with all the guys but she focused mainly on brendon. they had laughed and talked and joked and krissy felt herself falling in all kinds of love with brendon. when it was time to go krissy had perpaired to leave but brendon had slid her a paper, what turned out to be his cell phone number and he had asked for her's in return.

she was shocked but she had given him her number all the same. she had also gotten a kiss on the cheek from brendon and krissy felt like if she died tomorrow she'd be happy because brendon fucking urie had kissed her.

from there brendon called her, a lot and krissy still couldn't believe that a rockstar had any interest in an almost high school graduate teenager like her but it was happening and she wasn't gonna complain about it.

when panic at the disco came back around wisconsin, where krissy was living at the time. he asked krissy to go and see him and she did and that night was the first night they kissed, out behind the tour buses after their concert.

later he asked krissy to show him around where she lived and she did. she showed him her high school where she used to have pictures of him taped into her locker, she told him that and he laughed for three minutes straight before he kissed her cheek and told her she was cute.

it was two months later when she and brendon started dating and it was one month before the entire world found out. of course krissy had kept it mostly a secret, telling only her best friends and none of them had told but it was a fan rather who had caught them kissing after one of the shows.

krissy and brendon continued to date on and off for the next four years until brendon proposed to her onstage one night in london. they got married a year later and krissy's friends still say to this day that her wedding was one of the best they've ever been to.

krissy thought this was probably the case only because cassie had managed to get a few dances in with jon walker and even steal a kiss and jenny spent most of the reception taking pictures with ryan and playing drinking games with him and spencer.

the rest of the relationship was history. they moved to london when krissy was pregnant with shannon. brendon was still in panic and the boys stopped by now and then to write music.

fifteen minutes later bj is sitting at the kitchen table happily eating scrambled eggs and toast and krissy is sitting across from him drinking coffee and watching him eat. bj is talking about something that krissy only half understands, before he is interrupted by a little figure walking into the kitchen.

"hi, gray." krissy said lovingly as she spotted her youngest son, his dark brown hair falling heavily in his eyes as he stood in his little light blue pajamas. gray, obviously still half asleep waddled up to krissy and made grabby hands at her. krissy smiled and lifted her son onto her lap, gray snuggled himself into krissy as he stared across the table at his older brother.

five minutes later krissy was cooking up breakfast for gray who was having a mini conversation with bj. their tiny voices hard for people who weren't used to it to understand.

about three minutes after krissy set down gray's food, she heard a thunderous thumping sound coming down the hall. and a shriek of "too fast daddy!" before her husband brendon practically skidded into the kitchen, shannon on his back and molly clinging to his side.

krissy honestly didn't know how brendon could have so much energy in the morning without any sort of caffiene in his body. though she supposed that his energy could be attributed to the extra hour of sleep he had gotten.

"morning babe." brendon grinned at his wife as he set molly down on the floor. molly who was almost the spitting image of brendon as was gray, came running up to her mother.

"mommy! daddy was running too fast!" molly complained and krissy laughed as she gave her husband a mock scathing look.

"what?" brendon began sounding far too innnocent for a man in his early thirties. "i didn't do anything." he said with a smile.

"you almost dropped shannon!" molly squeaked and brendon laughed.

"i told you she was too smart." he said as he set shannon down and ruffled the oldest boy's hair.

"endangering our children's lives already bren?" krissy asked as she set down her coffee cup on the counter.

"what can i say? gotta start early." he laughed as he moved over to krissy and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her into him.

krissy leaned forward and kissed her husband as a chorus of "ew!" errupted around them.

an half hour later the kids were all fed and dressed and were outside playing with brendon in the backyard. krissy could see her family from the window in the living room and she laughed as she saw brendon crawling around on his hands and knees. the kids riding on his back as he pretended to be different animals.

krissy smiled as she watched them, her wedding ring catching in the sunlight and sending golden reflections across the room. she felt so happy in her life, with what she had and all she was doing. she really couldn't be more happy.

she was snapped from her thoughts by a screen door slamming and she looked over to see bj standing in the living room.

"mommy come play with us!" bj said and krissy nodded as she moved over to take brendon jr's. hand and follow him outside.
*****************************************************************************

jenny ross was reading quietly in the comfortable recliner that was sat in the corner of the room. the book was the latest written by one of her bestfriends, cassie. techincally the book wasn't supposed to come out for another week but cassie had made sure a special edition had been sent to her dear friend early.

if jenny listened carefully she could hear the scribbling of a pen to a notebook in the other room. the noise of her husband ryan writing lyrics in his beat up old notebook. the one with the worn cover that's been around from before they were married, or even dating.

jenny read a few more pages of the book, smiling as she thought of cassie working so hard on it. jenny was trying to finish the book quickly because ryan had been bugging her to read it.

suddenly a high pitched cry broke the silence in the previously peaceful house. instantly jenny closed the book and was out of the chair in seconds flat. she moved out of the living room and down the hall, trying not to look like she was running.

she passed the room where ryan had been working and she was surprised to see that he wasn't in there. all that remained was a notebook flipped open, with black scrawl over the pale white pages. jenny moved past ryan's music room and down the hall to the room that resided beside theirs.

the door was already open and the previous cries had stopped. jenny entered the baby blue room and her eyes lit up as she saw her husband ryan standing infront of the white crib, their two month old son benjamin in his hands.

jenny leaned against the white doorway and just watched ryan for a moment. he was so peaceful and gentle and loving with their son. her heart melted as she watched them together. benjamin was awake and his little hands were out and up, trying his best to touch ryan's face.

ryan was smiling as he looked down at benjamin. the duo shared the same brown mussy hair and big wide eyes. benjamin looked almost exactly like ryan but jenny didn't mind, not at all.

"i think he's hungry." jenny said softly and ryan turned half surprised to see his wife standing there.

"yeah, probably." ryan said with a smile as he looked down at benjamin then back to jenny. she moved over to the duo where ryan slowly and maybe a little sadly handed off their son to jenny. there was a wooden rocking chair by the window in the baby's bedroom and jenny moved carefully to the chair, they both sometimes acted like benjamin was made of glass.

ryan followed jenny and sat down on the little outaman near the chair. ryan liked sitting in their son's room because he had designed and painted the room himself. jenny liked sitting in there because it was like sitting in a piece of ryan's mind.

jenny fed benjamin and looked up at ryan. "ry, will you go and check to see if lily is still sleeping?" jenny asked and ryan nodded and moved quietly out of the room. if jenny had thought that ryan was quiet before they had kids then that was nothing compared to how quiet he was when their kids were sleeping.

jenny and ryan had two kids, the two month old benjamin, who jenny affectionately called benji and a three year old girl named lily. lily was completely a daddy's girl. she loved ryan so much and constantly followed him around the house. ryan called her his future music prodigey because of how much lily loved music.

the little girl, who too looked so much like ryan, easy jenny thought because of how girlish ryan already looked. she would sit in ryan's music room with him and listen intently as he played the guitar and sung a few tunes here and there, her little legs kicking as she listened to her beloved father.

jenny and ryan lived in a large house in the upper class surburban part of Las Vegas. close enough that uncle spencer came over to visit a lot.

jenny brushed her fingers along benji's head, pushing the already thick brown hair that he had out of his face. she was thinking of back when she and ryan first met.

jenny and cassie had both entered a contest for the chance to meet panic at the disco. jenny won and brought cassie with her to meet the band. they had met up on the set of a video the band was filiming and the two girls were surprised with the fact that they were going to get to be in the video.

during the filiming of the video cassie spent a lot of time stalking jon walker and brendon urie around the set, talking with them and jon took a real shine to cassie and the duo spent a good amount of the time pulling pranks on spencer.

somehow jenny had ended up in a quiet part of the set with ryan and spencer and somehow jenny and ryan had bonded over their painful past's. when jenny and cassie were leaving ryan took jenny's cell phone number and gave jenny his.

they talked here and there and ryan even flew jenny out once so he could see her. it seemed the two had a lot in common and they became close friends quickly. from there things escalated quickly. they kissed for the first time in the backseat of ryan's car, made love in hotel room's, ryan told her he loved her for the first time on the tour bus in london.

the two of them dated for two year's before ryan proposed, dropping down on one knee on the set of the latest fall out boy video, she said yes and pete, always the prankester put the scene in the video. it's still jenny's favorite fall out boy video ever.

They got married in Vegas, a fancy chapel. Cassie and Krissy served as Jenny's bridesmaid's, the two girl's more than fine with the fact that Jon and Brendon walked them down the aisle. Cassie also happen's to be Lily and Benji's godmother and the kid's have a dedication in Cassie's first book.

Really, sometime's Jenny think's that her friend's love her kid's almost as much as she does. Cassie is constantly buying overly cute thing's for the kid's to wear, like Benji's little hat with the animal ear's on it and Lily's 'Hello Kitty' dress. Krissy too has a penchant for buying the kid's thing's, stranger thing's like art for the nursery and bond's for college. Not to mention how badly Spencer spoil's the kid's, along with the other member's of Panic At The Disco.

they've been together for about six year's now and married for about four. Jenny never really wanted children, it was something she hadn't planned but then she met Ryan and he did want kid's and she wanted to have them for him, she wanted to always have a piece of him.

jenny hear's small voice like a little ringing bell in the hallway, ryan's voice is there too. he never sound's happier than he does when he's with his kid's. second's later lily comes into benjamin's room, holding her father's hand, her little purple dress flittering around her knee's.

"Hi mommy." the girl says smiling a smile that matches jenny's.

"Hi, sweetheart."

"She was already awake Jenny." Ryan tell's her, knowing that Jenny might blame him for waking the child up.

"Can I sit with Benji mama?" Lily asks, big brown eyes looking at her mother. Jenny cannot say no to her daughter, Ryan has trouble too which could lead to problem's down the road but they don't worry about it so much right now. Jenny nod's and Ryan pick's Lily up, settling her down on her mother's lap.

"You have to be quiet O.K. Lil'?" Ryan whispers, Lily grin's up at her father and nod's eagerly.

Jenny rock's her two kid's back and forth slowly, Ryan sitting down on the little stool near the chair, watching his family. They have Jon come over every now and then, he comes over and take's photo's of the family, most if not all of those photo's are hanging up somewhere in the house.

One of Ryan's favorite photo's is one with Jenny, Lily, and Benji all together. The three of them stretched out on the couch, Benji and Lily on Jenny's chest, all three of them sleeping. Jon didn't take that photo, Ryan did and that's why it's one of Jenny's favorite's too.

Benjamin is full and he cooes as she removed the bottle from his tiny mouth. The baby's hands go up into the air again, searching for human contact. Lily fill's her brother's request, leaning down and kissing her baby brother.

"Love you Benji." Lily cooes and Ryan is smiling so wide that it make's Jenny smile, he always make's her smile.

"He loves you too baby girl." Ryan says and Lily turn's that smile on him.

Jenny never thought she could be this happy, have this much love for anyone in the world but she does. She loves her family so, so much that she would give anything for them and she's happy and she knows that she deserves it.


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