Saturday, February 7, 2009

kidfic
I've always wanted to have kids but not right now, not at this point in time. I was thinking more along the lines of a distant future, maybe after the band took a break, maybe after we were done, if we could ever really be done. And I thought that I'd be married of course, that my wife would be having a kid, adoption wasn't an option that jumped immedintly to my mind.

Maybe that's why I'm so surprised to be standing outside of an orphange in Michigan with a two year old girl in my arms. She was mine now, she was my daughter now. Brendon had come with me, "For moral support" That's what he had said, now I think it's just so he could coo and make faces at my new daughter.

"Can I hold her Jon? Please?" He asks, his fingers already touching the little girl's arms. I tell him no, that I just offically got her and he needs to be patient, he makes a face at me but obliges. I can barely believe that this is all happening, I walk with Brendon and my daughter, fuck, my daughter, back to the car. Brendon's going to drive because I can't, not with her, I wouldn't trust myself, I barely trust him.

I think about how all of this happened as I set her down in the carseat. She's sleeping and I thank god that Spencer knew how to put one together or else I'd still probably be working on the damn thing. This all started with us driving, the four of us. Brendon and I in the backseat and Spencer and Ryan in the front, Ryan driving. We'd been going somewhere, I can't recall where anymore maybe because Brendon was distracting me or because Ryan was arguing with Spencer about what resturant has the best taco's.

We were just living, a normal day in the normal life of four rockstars. Suddenly there was a screech of burning rubber against the pavement, there was four heads whipping up to stare at a sudden car crash two cars in front of them. There was Spencer slamming on the brakes and a horn squealing, there was crunching and screaming and somebody was yelling that there was a baby in the car.

I watched this with wide eyes as Spencer called 911 and the hulking crunched metal vechical flipped onto it's side in the ditch. I pushed my brown bang's out of my face and Brendon looked at me with big wide brown eyes.

"They'll be okay right?" He had asked and I nodded even though I didn't know, even though I didn't want to imagine that there was a mother and child in that car. People were watching but no one was out, no one was helping and maybe I was trying too much to be a hero but I got out, my bandmates yelling at me to come back but the ambulance was taking too long and no one else was helping! I had to do something.

The three of them ended up following me to the wreck of a car and sure enough, I could hear the desperate cries of a baby. I moved to the backseat window, peering through the shattered glass, I could see a carseat and the baby still strapped inside. A baby wearing all pink and crying so hard, so obviously terrified that it broke my heart.

"Don't cars...don't they blow up?" Ryan is asking as he peers into the driver and passenger seats. I'm not sure, I think they do and I tell them as much but I also tell them that I'm not sure if you're supposed to move injured people, what if they just make it worse?

We didn't have much time to decide though because the car started smoking, thick and black and no, that was not a good sign no matter what way you look at it. "We've got to get them out of here!" I found myself saying and my friend's agreed. Brendon helped me with the baby, propping open the door so I could slide inside and get the baby out of the carseat. She was still screaming and crying, turning red with the effort.

I had the baby, who couldn't be more than a year old at the time, so I couldn't help them get the parents out of the car. Ryan, Brendon and Spencer managed though and they got the man and woman out of the car, dragging them off to the side. Neither was moving, the mom wasn't awake but Brendon said the dad was.

"My wife...my daughter..." He repeated over and over again, he was bloody but I dropped down beside him.

"It's okay, help is coming...we got them out...see?" I asked, lowering the baby close to her father. She was still crying, those blue grey eyes so wide and scared. Her dad was staring at me and despite everything that was happening he looked relieved, like all that mattered was his child and it didn't matter that his body was a mess.

"Take care of her...please...care of her..." That was all he had managed to say before he passed out, never to regain conciousness again. Sirens blarred off in the distance and more people were surrounding us, offering their help when it was too late.

The baby, my daughter's, mother died on impact. Her father made it to the hospital but he died a few hours later. The police took us to the hospital, Ryan on the phone with Pete and the older man freaking out about the possible headlines that this situation could provide.
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