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Tuesday, January 11, 2005
uhn...
I've got braces now...but I don't really care. There's something else worrying me and it will determine whether or not I'm screwed. Live or die time. I just don't feel well. Maybe I'll climb to my roof and do some unsupervised sky-diving. Heh heh. I've been tearing myself up from the inside; my happiness has been deteriorating piece by piece ever since I met "Pandora's evils." I've been living better than a lot of people, but I cannot justify these events to suite my hopes, no, not this time. I hope I'm not sounding selfish right about now; my sense of logic may be twisted, I hate my own habits. All of them...no one will care. I'm not alone, I never am and never will be...understand. I've two minds, one to conceal myself in normality--a shallow air of blithe and humor and a deeper sense of morality...whereas the other hides the self I hide from everyone, that would be hated if all knew, but no one knows. But I am learning...that I am just another dark sin staining this world. I've always wanted to help but... Yeah, but I made a promise to my brother. I promised to finish typing his book and making the character designs before his birthday. I want to go, but I have to hold this promise to heart.
lay me down to sleep
let my heart cease beats
but before I go
before my soul death meets
give me one more chance
to this promise keep
just please tell me now
is my truth so bleak?
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