Saturday, April 2, 2005

Good.... *yawn* ....Morning.

Yeah, if you are gonna complain aboute my spelling, Just fuck off before I start this post.

So.... I havent sleep at all last night.... we were home and that bed just is SO unconfortable..... Ans the computer doesent work, no matter how I try. So it was hell boring day yesterday.... *sigh* I need coffee....

Hmm...... I look like Miss Death in this moment. Black clothes, long black jacket, bloodred lipstick, lot of jewelry. Yippee. Dont come close, oldman, if you dont want to get heartattack. Humph. I gotta wear myself like this in bus so any damn granny wont sit next to me. GRRR.

So.... Im gonna take apart in drawing contest where I can win 500 euros (Something like 650 dollars). I already won one, so why not this.... Well. theres some 17 year old guys so I dunno if I have a change but I can always try.... My friend won 100 000 euros in some lottery. Dammit, shes so rich she doesent even need it, I need money to get HELL OUTTA HERE! *sigh* So my luck....

I could start to sell my jewelry.... *sigh* Im gonna miss my dragons.... Hmm.... Gotta win the contest.... gotta....

Okey. Im feeling... I dunno. Something weird. I want outta here. Uh..... 'All the same, take me away, we're dead to the world....' and etc. Yeah yeah, forever Nightwish-fan.

Hmm. Everything is said. Im going Im going. Good bye, have a NICE day.




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Friday, April 1, 2005

Hello. Morning. Whatever...
Good morning America....

Damn. Why everyone keeps complaining aboute my spelling...? Im finnish dammit peoples!! I cant spell correctly, BAKAS!!! If you dont like to read my posts because of my spelling, you can just nicely fuck off!

Bad day? Hell yeah! My mom started to drink last night. Her friend was visiting and so... Huh. Funny. I didnt have to go to school because there was no-one to drive me home. Even my dad was drunk. And when hes drunk, its better to stay hell away.

*sigh* So. Im gonna get bored around here. All by myself. And without comp. Todaynight, We are going home, which means two things: 1. Im not gonna sleep in the whole night, and 2. Im gonna get on the comp next time.... tomorrow night. Fucking shit.... Okay Im stressing again. Let's calm down nicely.... *breaths deep* Like this.... Now just let's cry my fucking eyes off, and everythings greate.... Well I would be better if I was blind.... I wouldnt have to see this world full of pain. *sigh* I cant cope this.... I dont WANT to cope this.... Okay I have to. Im gonna stay strong, live, and.... And something.
"Its my life, its now or never, I am gonna live forever...."
I dont remember the words, or who made this song. But well yeah. Its my life.

*yawn* Tired..... So tired..... I have woked up long while ago, I have drank two cups of coffee, and Im still tired.... Hnnnnhhhh.... Wow. Long post coming. Again. Hmm. I stop before it gets too long. So. See ya later...



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Thursday, March 31, 2005

Hello
Okay. My stress is pretty much gone. Thank you HeeroYuy77, Adylia, Amerill, Lord Darsha, CloudStrife77.

*sigh* Why is the guy in our class staring at me? SOmeones say that he has a crush on me, but I dont think so... Actually I think he hates me. Oh well. How ever..... Not my prob. I have no interest for him. For anyone. Well, for one I do. I know he knows. I at least HOPE so.

*sigh* 'We're not living in American....' And Im sorry for that. Im gonna sell all my stuffs to get money to move American. I dont care where, just when Im there. SOmewhrre around New Orleans or Houston.... Well, we had geography test last tuestday. Subject was Kanada and USA. I got A!!! GAHAHA there you go suckers! I was the BEST!! HA!!! I seem like happy? Well I am happy. Njihihi. *grins* Maybe its cause I like to check from the map where all my friends live. THATS why I know so much aboute USA. Hmmm.... Good to have friends. Hugs for all! ^___^ Hey Im cheering up. Greate. Just G-R-E-A-T-E! Okay I gotta go now peoples. I havent watched Ginga yet. So, Adios, peoples! Im goin! ^__^ See ya!
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Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Hello.....

As it says *grittens teeth*

*hits her head on the wall* Fucking shit why this happens...?

Okay Im fine. You think Im not? Your right, Im not. Im still stressing. And it has to stop. Medicined, drugs, alcohol, ANYTHING to drive this pain away.... *hits her head on the wall* Oh waite. Gotta watch my eyeglasses.... *grittens teeth again*
Why - cant - I - do - suicide....? I will make all my friends hate me so anyone wont miss me..... Well it will be hard to make Adylia and my best friend angry so.... Well there has to be something to do.... No waite. I have promised Telk27 that hug. Ha - Ha - Ha. I have ONE HUG to live for. Fucking greate. I live for hug. Oh yeah. I owe two euros for Inga. I live for hug and two euros. Wow. Im freaking special.
*yawn* Today, we walked 11,2 kilometres in school. My legs hurt so that I wont walk straight in two next weeks....
Well Im going now. Thanks for caring (hate to say that) Im going to go to cry my eyes red and keep going till they fell to the floor. Ha ha. Funny. Not really. Im gonna do my homeworks and watch Ginga in DVD. Well bye bye. Live a happy life. And remember nothing will NOT happen to me. I still owe those two euros and that DAMN hug. *grunt*
Hey! I just made up why I have to live! I have to go to ArtsSpecial. (a Arts class for students who got excellent in school report. Ha ha ha. Okay I dont wanna live for that. Its the hug I live for. No, I still gotta meet.... PRIVATE! The persons name wont be revealed. You just gotta start gessing.
Im going now. Sayonara...
Pic from Ginga...



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Monday, March 28, 2005

Hello peoples....
Uh, I have a headache.... It really hurts....
Well congrats: I had the second panic attack. When I have the third, I have 70% possibility.... to die. On ulcer. Dammit Im gonna take this so slow that even slug is quicker than me. *nod* I do NOT wanna die. And I dont belive anyone wants me dead. Except my dear enemies.
Okay in this minute, Im listening Nightwish - End Of All Hope. 'It is the end of all hope, to lose the child the faith..' and things. Oh yeah. Now started 'Dead to the world'. correct, the CD is Century Child. Aplodes.... ..... Okay you just have to imagine them.
So peoples. I give you few good advices: Never stress too much. It will cause panic attack, and it may cause ulcer. Panic attacks really are scary. It feels like you were dying and you start to panic and you cant breath and hrrr. Even thinking of it makes me afraid.
Okay, the second advice: Dont stress aboute world. I mean, what can you do if you just think that 'oh my god, its so horrible that theres wars in world' I mean, you dont help it by thinking, do you?
If you wanna help, work! Give money to the collection if you want to help. This world gives me stress, but Im starting to think 'hey, its not my problem, I never wanted to be born on this world anyways'. And its true. I hate this body, this family, this world. Well, soon dear Mother Earth will revenge. It has already started. Remember the christmas days tsunami? And all other catastrophes? Thats what I thought. Hmm. When this world is going down, I will go with it. *Sigh* If its my destiny... Then be it. How can I be so calm? Well. Its good to my health anyways.
Well it was pretty funny yesterday when I had the panic attack (okay its never funny but yesterday it was pretty funny) I was on the comp, in MyO actually and PMing to a.... friend. *krhm* Anyways first it was hard to breath and I thought it was just asthma (I have asthma) so I first didnt care aboute it. Well then I totally couldnt breath, my lungs were like locked and no matter how I tried, I just couldn breath. Well I started to panic and I was pretty scared and then I crushed on the floor. SOme drunk woman came look if I was okay. The attack were on for a minute, I dont honestly remember all of it, but when I could breath again I was angry and tried to make all the peoples disappear. They looked dum when I just yelled at them like 'Im fine Im fine leave me fucking alone' and things. I dragged myself on this comp again and tried to breath. They just kept asking if I was okay. And they thought they would have to call ambulance. I just kept yelling at them. It really was funny when I think it now. I never wanna get another panic attack again... I have 40% possibility to die now. 60% to stay alive. So its pretty cool. Hmm. Im gonna be cool with it when its my time to die, an I sure its not now. I have already been threw hell and darkness, so this is nothing for me. *sigh* I hope Christian would still be with me. Okay peoples. I have spoke too many times of Chirstian and you still dont know who he is. Maybe its time to clear this thing for you...

Chirstian was a guy. I loved him, he loved me, and we were happier than ever. We didnt care aboute this whole shit going on in world as long as we had eachother. Then. One day.... He was dead. Only people I loved in this planet was dead.... That was the time I started to hate this world. My family, my friends, even my own brothers. I dyed my hair black, which normally is lightbrown, and became gothic. I know whats in with all goths in this world. If their faivorite colour just isnt blcak, then their suffering inside. Trying to express theirselves with black.
Only on I loved was taken away from me. I hated even god, I still do, and Im inlove with this hatred. I cant trust, I can love, because Im afraid of what might happen if I do. Four guys who I loved are gone now. Christian, Steven, Cedric, Michael. Im afraid only one thing in this world: Myself. If everyone I love dies - Im gonna be alone in the end. Im even afraid of what might happen to my best friend.... If somehting happens to her.... C'mon god, you took Christian from me, what do you want from me anymore!? I have nothing anymore!! And if you dare to take three peoples from my life anymore.....
There it was. My secret. Now when you guys know this, I feel more free. I havent told this to anyone, really. Now everyone know WHY I hate this world and its god. You christ guys, dont try to defend your god. My beloved has been taken away. The trust is gone. I tell you somehting: Before Christian was taken away from me, I prayed every night, and I was amused if someone didnt belive in god. But then - emptyness. I almost cried my eyes off when I heard. Now, all this time in anger, hatred, sadness, aloniless. End Of All Hope. Now I have excplained why my faith is gone. So dont try to bring it back.
Im going now. Have a nice week.


Oh yes: If someone wants to see my fanart in DeviantArt, write the adress www.DeviantArt.com and find name ReiNGE and you will find my art. *bows* Thank you. NOW have nice week.




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Sunday, March 27, 2005

Calmed...
*hits her head ont the wall*

Aw.... There, that made good for me *sigh*

Well its proved. Last night three guys proved they care aboute me. Thought I have no interest for the two of them. *grins* Mwahaha Im the queen.

Okay well. I did draw few pics Im gonna put up in DeviantArt.... Just when my spring break ends I will give those pics for my best friend and she can skan then to the comp. THEN I put them up. Its complicated to live without a skanner....
So.... Im calmed down. I feel my normal dummy myself.... *yawns and grins* My clock shows.... 12:45AM and Im still tired. *sigh* Maybe a nice cup of coffee would take care of it. Now - I just gotta get coffee from somewhere.... thought those unknown guys stare at me out there so I think I just stay on my place. Scary. Hey, cute redhead!! *laughs* Mwahaha hes mine! Oh damn. 25?! Uh, thanks ALOT!

Huh well. Hes not that cute, anyways.

So so. So. Okay I dont have anything to say. *yawns* DAMN Im tired. Maybe I should get on the bed, warm and soft bed and dream - Thats a secret. *laughs* Isnt it annoying when I hide things like this? I know it is. Happens to me alot.

Hmm. Okay Im going before you guys get totally bored. *yawns again* Dammit!! Im gonna eat something, drin ka cup of coffee and walk to home from here. Yeah, my mom still has the damn restaurant, and Im sitting in the bar with my friend. Yeah, heres a comp everyone can use. So. See you then. Have a nice day....

*yawn* I really should sleep more....


I just heard bad news: HeeroYuy77 has to leave MyO..... Well. I really hope to see you again Heero. We all care aboute you. Have fun, where ever your going....


Farewell. Let the greate Sister Moon be with you....





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Saturday, March 26, 2005

H-E-L-L-O
I hate my mom. First: She started to complain aboute my clothes. She said I have too low neckline. Fucking funny, if she saw my classmates she would get a heartattack. Bitch. Second: She said that Heavy Music is shit. I answered "Just like you". Then she said that everyone has their own taste. I said that she shouldnt say her thoughts against my face. Shes a bitch, fucking slut she doesent even care aboute the panic attack I had, like it never happened! Fucking shit I have to calm down before I really get that ulcer....
*breaths deep* Now.... mom's having this 'snowshoe contest'. My friend is gonna take part on it. HA HA HA greate. Those three guys are here again. The cutie didnt even say 'hi' to me. Even if I did first!! ;__; Whats wrong with me?! Im gonna be alone this whole fucking life! Like, every guy I meet, who I like or who likes me is 1.Complete idiot 2.Already taken or 3.Cheater. Just so greate. Guys who are from group number 2. Are too nice to leave their girlfriends. So I have to forget aboute them. Guys from group number 1. Are first nice but I have to found them idiots who act like they love me but arounda ll others their like they havent ever even met me. Guys from group number 3. Act like they do love me but they already have another, or then they flirst to every girl they meet and in the end they leave me because they have another. And I just realized I havent ever dumb a guy: They have done it first. You know, I really have lost my fate in this thing, How can I know when I meet a guy whos from group 4: Sweet but pretty normal guy. Hmm. Gess I just feel in love with wrong guys. I have done a bad mistake: I let one guy see me that lives inside (Now you just gotta gess who it is, thought Telk27 already knows) And I will never do the mistake again. It hurted to hear its over. Just over. Like we never had anything. Its just - AGH! Okay first, theres a question in the air: What kinda is this person inside me? I will reveal that shes angry, thought vulnerable and soft toward peoples I love. She wants freedom and she wants to be loved, but will never be able to do it, because she doesent trust anyone, because she have done the mistake once, and is doing it again.. But That girl is chained inside me, and I, girl who pretents to be happy and normal, will keep her inside. Thought her other hand tries to reach the freedom, and she wants to be revealed for one or two person. But she is unsure and doesent have enough will to grap the key and free herself. Now you know what kinda the girl inside me is, so dont even try to get her outta there. The key to her chains are lost and can only be reached by her. Thought she needs help and people she can trust. But the problem is she doesent trust. So its impossible to anyone to meet her. Sorry guys! Blaime the ones who have broke her trust so many times that she cant take it anymore.
There is two persons who know the girl whos inside me: My best friend Nadja, also known as Chorline, and my dear bigsister and the second bestfriend Ninnu, also known as Adylia. Now, if someone really wants her out: Try to be worth of my trust, because she isnt coming out. And you have to prepare to be my friend for years before you get inside me. Even if theres two persons really close.... Well. Im smart and I will not reveal the names. GAHAHA Isnt it annoying when someone tells you dont know them? I know it is.
Well now. I just saw a commercial where they said that calling in USA is now cheaper. *laughs* Now I just gotta wait to get my cellphone back (its lost -_-;; Again -_-;;;;) and I can call to my friend in American (Dont even ask, you dont know her) So. Gotta start searching. Hmmm Hmmm.... Maybe I should call on it? Its 69Eyes Devils on its tune so I cannot be without finding it.... Except if its closed.... -_-; Damn it. *sigh* Fucking phone dont you want to be found!? Okay I wont stress aboute thing like this.... *breathes deep* Okay my friend is gone now. Now I just have to look those drunken guys faces. Please dont start to flirt on me...
Hmm. This is a long post. -_-; Well I dont care you have to get used to it. Phew.... So.... I am going to draw few fanarts. I was thinking what would Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura look as goths....? Kakashi-Sensei would look so cool *grins* Mwahaha. Okay Im going. Im going to go to cheer for my friend. O_o Hope she wins. So. Try to stay alive peeps, because if you do then so do I. This stress is caused because my friends have bad troubles (My friends mom sucks and she has lost 20 pounds, my bigsister uses medicines, my bestfriends and my mom doesent like that we are friends, Heero was in car accident, my friend did a suicide etc.) So. Im going now.... Dont worrie be happy (Hey, Im trying to be optimistic, okay!?) So. See you later. Adios, Heippa, See ya, Saiyonara, and for last: Viva la difference!

Oh. The contest is already over.... Uh, the snowshoes broke...? Their like in 50 different parts! That happened with everyone who took apart in the contest! O_o This is crazy. She was leading you assholes! Who did this!! CONFESS!! *mutters* Hmph.... Just hmph. Just our luck. HMPH. Thats all you got out of me. Hpmh. Life is unfair. I mean, she was leading!! Oh well. Im going to cheer her up.

Uh shes stressing bad. Shes beating a pillow X_X Calm down.... Okay well now when Im calm shes mad. Damn. Just - damn. Okay well I really am going now. So. see you...







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Thursday, March 24, 2005

Spring Break
Okay. Our spring break is finally begun.

Thats good for my health. "Even a little bit more stress can cause you an ulcer, so you have to take it easy, if you wanna stay alive" Thats what the docs said. And big part of my stress is aboute school. So. I hope I start to feel better. No-one wants me dead - RIGHT? I knew you do *grin* Okay that brat is pissing me off again. hes only year and a half old, but I can see hes gonna be a raicst: First, he screams and runs away every time he sees me (That really happened -_-;;) and always when Im around he wants to go away or then stares at me the whole fucking time. ARRGH I HATE BABIES!! And I was supposed to live old and have childs?! Well hell no! Im going to japan to adopt 12 sons for me. And only japanese!
Telk27, you were right. There IS few cool guys in white race and/or finland. First: Taichi, hes the one who saved me from that damn car. Two: Hannu. Hes just one guy, he can be asshole with hes friends (What the hell is wrong with guys? Theyre asses with theyre other friends, at least all that I know) but hes nice when theres just two or three of us.

"Heaven queen, cover me. In all that blue.
Little boy such precious joy, is dead to the world
Heaven queen, carry me. Away from all pain.
All the same, take me away, We're dead to the world "
~Nightwish
Dead To The World

One of my faivorite songs chorus. Heres another;

"Cut me free, Bleed with me, Oh no
One by one, We will fall, down down
Pull the plug, End the pain, Run'n fight for life
Hold on tight, this aint my fight"
~Nightwish
10th man down

They are so like me. Why couldnt someone fucking take me away or cut me free from this fucking pain!?

"It is the end of all hope.
To lose the child, the faith.
To end all the innocence.
To be someone like me.

This is the birth of all hope.
To have what I once had.
This life unforgiven, It will end with birth."
~Nightwish
End Of All Hope

Yeah, well try to get it. I had a panic attack, I may get ulcer, I really feel like theres no hope. Huh, what the fuck am I talking aboute? I should just joy this time I have and pray that I can relax enough so I will NOT get ulcer.... Yeah. Im gonna spent this whole time drawing. Yeah. Thats right. Hmm. Okay well. Im going. Try to enjoy the life you have. See ya....
Oh, yeah. Visit Adylia. I could say shes hugging important to me. And big part of my life.


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Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Frigging awesome
Okay, this day has gone fucking awesome. For the start of the day: Panic attack! I got totally bad panic attack, I was like horrifited, I falled on the ground and I couldnt breathe! It was horrible, I was scared to death! I mean geez, I have stress but THIS much!? Okay those medicines my sist is getting makes me stressed and mom whos pushing me with homeworks and schoolmates and that my friend just made suicide (cutted he throat open, isnt it GREATE!?) and all but hey, STILL! I never knew I had that much stress, they said I should get rest but what the hell how CAN I take rest, if Im off from the school even few more days Im gonna get lost in every subject!
Oh yeah: I just get it, animals and babies are afraid of me. Ha ha ha, Thats so fucking greate. My halfbro has a son, and hes afraid of me too. Only animal that isnt afraid of me is our dog Manu. and its soon 10 years old so its gonna die soo. ;__; Then WHO am I gonna trust?!
By the way, visit Khillah Goku, hes going to kill himself and Im SO fucked up if he does! EVen the doctor said that even a little more stress will cause an ulcer! And that boughts me even more stress! Okay, I just have to calm down now, I dont want an ulcer, do I?.... Yes I do, it would mean release from this world! I miss you so Christian!
Okay.... So..... If I have an ulcer Its a good change to die and then.... Im again with Christian.... Christian.....

Oh yeah: This goese even better. I JUST got news that HeeroYuy77 was on car accident, but hes luckily fine. Just fucking awesome Im SO sure Im doing this, I mean, I have ALWAYS SO bad luck, and ALL MY FRIENDS have got troguht something like this! Like, my best friend had a cancer! YEAH, a cancer! Well shes alive but we we scraed like then! Hell! Is hould fucking kill myself so anyone wouldnt be in danger!!




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Monday, March 21, 2005

Guys are pervs....
Hello....

Okay I have realized that guys like staring at my breasts. Ha ha ha. Funny.
Today, I was at elementary schools kitchen at TET (Työ Elämään Tutustuminen - Translated = Acquaint With Worklife) And there were these 10-12 year guys: Everyone were staring at my brests every time I lifted some baskets or something. Every time they just could see me. Greate. Fucking pervs. Next time I see 'em Im gonna kick their damn asses. Huh. And think aboute it, they were even younger than me. Besides I was there with our classes one of the biggest jurks - Mikko.
Well I found out hes not THAT bad. I could even talk with him. HALLELOUJA! First guy in our class, dammit. Hes pretty nice. And helpful. Thought he was two hours late. Oh well what the heck. It was nice to work on there. If we dont count those guys on. And there was a spooky man that gave me advises how to put all dishes and blah blah. Well thought they told Mikko HE was industrious! Hey, what aboute fucking me?! I was there till 8AM, he was 10AM, and when he came, I had done all hard works and only work left was when was the meal time. By the way: Our classers really are short. 140-150Cms, when those guys there were like 165! Darn it, even taller than me! *sigh* This is hopeless. I wanna change my class!

"It is the end of all hope.
To lose the child, the faith.
To end all the innocence.
To be someone like me.

This is the birth of all hope.
To have what I once had.
This life unforgiven, It will end with birth.

No will to wake for this morn.
To see another black rose born.
Deathbed is slowly covered with snow.

Angels, they fell first, but I'm still here
Alone as they are drawing near.
In heaven my masterpiece will finally be sung.

It is the end of all hope.
To lose the child, the faith.
To end all the innocence.
To be someone like me. "

Okay I wanted to put this up -_-;; I have listened it the whole day. I bought a CD from the city: Jay-Z and Linkin Park: Numb/Encore! YAY!! Yeah, Im goth but that doesent mean I have to only listen Heavy Metal.... Yay. Numb Encore RULES. ^__^ Listening it right now. Life is Funny. Thats just the way it is. (from Fanta commerical and my own motto) So Im going. Im going to put few new arts on DeviantArt and do my homeworks and sing Numb Encore LOUD. You would cry hearing it, I promise. So. I see you then. Hasta la pizza! Adios! Bye bye! Heippa! and Viva la difference!




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