Saturday, March 19, 2005

Its me. Ha ha ha.

*sigh*

Okay Im feeling a bit better. I text messaged that damn guy. Now I dont feel guilt. Hmh.
Damn I think I caught cold.... I feel awful. Or have I ate something..? Gimme somehting to drink....
Okay my mom is yelling. Again. What a surprise, eh? Well I dont really care. Lets let her be.
Hmm. Drawing again. Im making this new doujinshi. I just dont have enough energy. I cant see anything even with my classes. Im damn happy I can even write this post... x_x Im gonna faint. Okay I stop talking aboute this before I start to be really weird....
Hmm..... What should I say.... Life sucks? No, thats nothing new. Hmm. Okay well I have realized that my friends in MyO really like me. Or at least few of them REALLY like me. Hmm? Am I so good friend? I even took the quiz and it said Im a bad friend. Well. You should just see me in reality. Im really mean. Always telling everyone to fuck off. Well I dont want to let anyone to come inside me. Huh...
Damn I forgot to gave this rivet choker back to my friend. Well its cool so I dont want to give it back. Ha ha ha.
Hmm. Rivet choker and three dragons. ^^;; Dont ask. this is what too much lemonade, choker and sickness make to me. No good. No no. Oh damn someone please shut my mouth....!
Hmm. Peoples what do you think, do gays go to hell? Because a friend of mine said so. Well gess what, Im one. Huh, its not my fault Im bi. Surprise to them who didnt already know. Bad for you. Huh, he said hes christian and that he knows these things. well a one guy (whos by the way one of my best friends) is christian too, and he hadnt say anything aboute this, so that guy can go to hell himself. Bye BYE asshole. Humph.
Hmm.... I think I'd better go. Before I faint on this comp.... Okay that will never happen. So see you.



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Friday, March 18, 2005

WHY THE HECK!?!


Weekend...

*phew* its weekend.
So. Nice friday. First: two hours of P.E. Then: our principal called me in hes office. in the hall, I saw one of my classes horriblest idiots, guy called Ekku. (yeah, weirdo name) I knocked the principals door, and he opened it and said that I should waite on the hall. I sat on the sofa, and we were quiet a while, then Ekku asked (this is cute) "Have I done something to you? Have you talked something aboute me?" And I were honest and said "No, I havent said anything bad aboute you, and thats why Im confused of what the hell are YOU doing here" (I really said that) And he were quiet.
Well it went on and those other bakas (Mia-Maria and Robert) Apologized me. Well, then were me and Ekku. The principal said to him, that I havent said a word of him, and that hes name has came up other way (Its true. He has been an idiot but thats it) And then, Ekku just asked me "Hey, have I done something to you? Have I hurted you?" (It was SO CUTE!!! >_<;;;) And the principle got mad like "Dont ask anything from her" And like that.
The best part: He apologized me, and the words were correctly like this: "Im sorry that I have hurted you"
AWWW!!!! How can some guy act like that!?! I have always hated him but now I think hes cute. Well it can be that hes Villes best friend and Ville has a crush on me so.... But it was still cute.
Now: I started to cry on there, so when everyone else were gone, the principle said: "Go to the toilet to wash your face and then return to the class. See you and have a good day" Okay: I went to the toilet, but I sat there the whole damn classhour. I stared at the mirror like 'Why the hell this happens' and looked to my eyes - they were changin colour, they didnt know if theyre happy, angry, sad or depressed. I just stared to the mirror and listened my CD-player. When the classes finally ended, I leaved and go to find my best friend. And I was SO angry.
The funniest thing is: I havent said a word of them. One teacher once heard that Mia-Maria called me Satanist, but that was the only time she really hurted me. Huh. I had to go threw this only cause of that teacher and my mom. I took the last two hours free and ran away, to home. my parents were still working so they didnt knew. I dunno how I can show my face EVER again to that class. Im not gonna go there.

*sigh* So sucking day. Why this things happen to me!? ARGH!!! I hate the school my friends my family my LIFE! I cant show my face there ever again.... And I wont.... *grr* Alcohol.... .... A knife... . .... Somethinggg..... ...... *Breathes deep* Need to calm down.... just calm down...... Okay, lets put off that knife.... There, and the alcohol too.... Good.... *breathes again* But Ekku was still cute.... ARGH! *Hits head on the wall* Why - me - why - me!?! Owch. That hurts, dont try at home.
So..... Im goin. Dont worrie. B bye....

Oh yeah: Now I know where the name 'choker comes'. Chokers really choke. I am wearing one.
One lyric for you, BTW. Okay Im depressed, a 'friend' didnt tell me of hes depress and that pisses me off. Why peoples so dear to me act like this...?

Nightwish - Dead To The World Lyrics

All the same take me away, we're dead to the world.

The child gave thought to the poet's words, gave comfort to the
fallen.
(Heartfelt, lovelorn)
Remaining, yet still uninvited.
Those words scented my soul.
(lonely soul, Ocean soul)

It's not the monsters under your bed, it is the Man next door.
That makes you fear, makes you cry, makes you cry for the child.

All the wars are fought among those lonely men.
Unarmed, unscarred.

I don't want to die a scarless man.
A lonely soul (tell me now what to do).
I studied silence to learn the music.
I joined the sinful to regain innocence.

Heaven queen, cover me. In all that blue.
Little boy such precious joy, is dead to the world
Heaven queen, carry me. Away from all pain.
All the same take me away. We're dead to the world

Deep, silent and constant, yet always changing
-my favorite view of this world.
As he died, he will return to die in me again.
Weaving the cloth, giving birth to Century child
Who gave his life not for the world but for me.
Innocence reborn once more.

Heaven queen, carry me. Away from all pain.
All the same take me away. We're dead to the world
Heaven queen, cover me. In all that blue.
Little boy such precious joy, is dead to the world.

There you go. Nightwish so rules....
*murmurs* Drugs.... I NEED drugs.... Alcohol.... Al - co - hol.... *hits her head on the wall* I cant take this!!
Someone please kill me!!




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Sunday, March 13, 2005

'kay....
Its me....

Okay, first of all, It WAS a little harsh I said las post. E he he.... Oh well I was a little pissed. Just a little. SO. *krhm* To this days post.
Today morning I could've said 'Welcome depress' Because I really felt depressed. after five happy days. Yippee. My dad have been an ass, my mom says that I cause all the problems in this damn house, and for last: I hate racists. I mean, like GRRR to them. I'll kill next racist that I see. *sigh* Have to kill my whole class. I and Heidi would be last ones left. *grunt* I wouldnt mind. I hate them all. Im gonna get a good assasin and make him murder them. *yawns* Actually I already know one.
Wellm anyways, my problems are gone: My best friend is coming back from Florida. ^^ She said that guys over there are crazy. Some guy started touching her bigsisters ass in the pool. Nice. Crazy guy. *sigh* Still, I want the hell outta here. To somewhere else than this 'world of racists' *growls* I hate this place!! You get it? Good!
Well. Its monday tomorrow.... My friend can skan few pics for me... No waite.... she has balet. darn. Well shes free at wednesday... No, waite. she has French excams. Darn. well maybe she can scan them next week. *sigh*

These are few things that my best friend has said(shes greate thinker ^^;;; Yeah. Sure):
"Somewhere is someone who loves you, but its better if he doesent know you"
"Life is like a lantern - its light has to die too"
"If someone would tell me that they love me, I wouldnt hate myself. I hate myself because I know anyone doesent mean it"
"Why cant I be just me?"
"Why my heart is closed, and I cant open it to anyone?"
"Its better to be alone, so no-one cant hurt you"
"Peoples are like goldcoins. By time, they rust and tarnish"
"Why cant I Be little star among the big ones, so no-one wont notice me?"
"Close your mind and make your world better"
My personal faivorites:
"We dont go to hell. We are already there"
"Why everyone I love dies before me, so when I die theres no-one who will miss me?"

By me:
"When I look at the mirror, my eyes are lost. They dont even know what colour they should be..."
Thats true. My eyes colour changes by mood.
Happy: Blue
sad: Grey-blue
angry: Green
normal: grey-blue-green
depressed: blue-green
They change by daytime too. In night they'r just little more yellow. yellow-greenish.
Its true. Come check 'em someday. *grins*
So. I havent heard anything from my friend. Meaning that one whos mom is a bitch. *sigh* Hope that shes allright....
"You love me but you dont know who Im am, so let me go" - Three doors down, let me go.
Guys should take that as a clue. I havent showed my real self to anyone yet.... Actually, my best and only friend is the only one who knows my darker side, my deepest seacrets and the real me. To all else - Im just a girl. Yes, any of you havent seen the real me. *grunt* And dont try to find out. you would run away.
Okay. Heres the chorus of one of my faivorite songs - Hey, doesent mean its my faivorite song. Its ONE OF THEM. Get it? Good.
"You keep watching from your picket fence
You keep talking but it makes no sense
You say we're not responsible
But we are, we are
You wash your hands and come out clean,
Fail to recognise the enemies within,
You say we're not responsible
But we are, we are, We are" Ana Johnsson, We are

Okay. Im going now. I see you sometimes then.... B'bye.
Oh, yeah. I wont be on this week. my vacation is over and I have no chance to get to the comp this week. So dont worrie aboute me. See you next weekend, then...




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Saturday, March 12, 2005

Its me *sigh*
Hi guys

Okay, Im in a good mood - again. fourth day, yippee. So those guys have tried to make me to come to drive with their snowmobiles the whole damn day, but I wont go if those maniacs are driving. I would sure scream, and LOUD.
So. My arm and fingers are feeling better, so - Im pretty fine. Only one day left of vacation, then starts the hell - school. Well, a friend of mine made up good calling names for my best friend (they talked last night and she asked for it). Check 'em:
Scaly ass aligator cunt
pudding hole
bitch tard
fufu fruity ass rainbow midget
monkey scrod
juju bitch ass donkey
penguin licker
re re special hot weenie breath
And hes personal faivorite:
cocksmith
Good, arent they? Im gonna use those. *laughs insanely* My schoolmates are SO gonna be sorry of making fun of me. *sigh* So. My mom did it again: she started to complaine aboute me, and this was the last Im gonna take: She criticized my drawings. *narrows eyes* That bitch said that all peoples in my drawings looked defiant - even if they had smile on their faces! that sluty bitch what does she know!? ARGH!
Well. I hate that bitch anyways so I dont really care aboute her. damn slut. *grunt*
Oh yeah, she complained me yesterday: "You fucking brat, your still in net even if the computer should be closed!!" Well first: I dont have real friends, so I try to keep my friendship up in MyO. second, she didnt tell me anything to shut this shit! Asshole.
Now this my best friend Miyu has a trouble: Well she dont have any real friends, it may be because of her sarcasm or that shes mean to everyone (and we are lot worse together) so she is trying to keep her friends here in MyO. Well, her DEAR father is a fat ass and doesent let her be in net more than an half an hour! I hate that ass, and I hate my parents too! Why are parents so - ARGH! Yeah, Im with Miyu right now. See, Im lot worse when Im with her.
Okay, Im going to calm down noe. so. I havent heard anything from my friendie. I mean, that who is going to make suicide. Well hope shes okay. *sigh* Okay. well.
Back to important: My friend is coming back from florida, and I can put few fanart up in this month. or at least I hope so. *krhm* So. I gess your getting tired of my shit, so Im going to go now and let you be. See you then.
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Thursday, March 10, 2005

Here Again
Hello....

News from my friend:

Okay, so, My friend said that she had lost 20 punds this week (isnt it HORRIBLE!?) And she said that if it gets worse she will run away. Poor girl, shes just 14 and she has to take shit like this.... its unfair! My bro is totally freaked out too, I called him first time in a month (yeah, I havent answer hes calls since he left) but I felt like talking with him. *sigh* My poor poor friend. My poor poor Bro.

Well. Either ways: Im pretty fine. I slept 15 hours last night (ling time, eh? when I have holidays I usually sleep long, but its usually 10-9 hours.... not 15!!) So Im pretty hyper. ^_^ tomorrow I can eat my chocolate bunnies (I wanted to eat them in this weeks friday because Its my last days of vacation). And everythings fine now with my CD's too. My fav Nightwish CD is still missing, but I found 'Oceanborn' and 'Once' CD's so Im fine. Oh, and, I found 69 eyes Devils too. ^__^ Yes!

I have been alone this whole damn week. Okay I had a change to be with my friends yesterday but I was soooo tired from the whole day out.... *sigh* Now, my hairs ar all messy, no matter how many times I tried to brush them, with or without water, they ar still messy. *sigh* Damn. I should cut them again... No! Their already too short.... *sigh again* Too much sighing.

I have thought aboute this. First, I had this guy who had a crush on me and I had him, but its over now because of one thing: My glasses! I mean, Its not my fault that I need eyeglasses, doesent that damn guy get it! Idiot, he doesent look so god himself either. *grunts* Hey, If it really disturbs so that I have eyeglasses, Im gonna keep them the whole damn day, and be BROUD of it! I love my glasses. They make me look older. Everyone thinks Im three years older than I really am because of my glasses *grins* Its useful sometimes. So. Im goth, I have glasses, I dress differently than others, and Im broud of it *nods* Nothing will take away it that I am. *nods again* Hmm. Now I just have to get away from this white skin and Im perfect. Yeah, Im rasist towards my own race -_-;; Well no. Just finnish. Because finnish are selfish. You rmemeber that Tsunami? well there died ALOT peoples and only aboute 200 finnish (okay thats pretty much but still) And any finnish didnt care aboute the others, just like 'Hey, shy to care aboute all those others who die daily, there was our dear finnish guys and we're so selfish and dont care aboute the other' I mean GRR!!! Why cant I be Afrikan?! or Asian!? Or something, with yellow or black skin, I would rather be green than finnish! I want to be namek! Piccolo! XDD Woot woot. Okay well now when thats said, Im happy. Not happy that Im finnish. just happy. ^_^

And for last: Viva la Difference!

Have a nice day!

Oh yeah: Visit one new Otaku-er: DemonMomo (she joined today and will be really grateful if you visit) so. Now I let you leave. C ya



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Wednesday, March 9, 2005

Bad news
Okay. Aboute my friend who were making a suicide... bad news: Well read a message she sent to me:

"I'm trying as hard as i can, but my mother isn't letting me eat anything, so I'm as skinny as a rail and starving. I have no money, and she wants me dead. she told me that she's not driving me to school anymore and that if I get run over by a truck she'll be happy because she won't have to worry about me.
I love you too. You are the only reason I'm alive right now. *hugs* thank you..."
Okay dont care aboute that love thing, its a friend-friend thingy. But hey thats SICK!! I mean, C'MON!! That bitch doesent let her eat - I mean - Im gonna beat the shit outta that slut! How DARE she do something like that to my friend! That.... That.... Whore! Slut! Baka! Psycho!! You see, that makes me HELL angry!! Fucking bitch!! That damn message ruined my whole fucking day, because NO-ONE treats my friend like that, and someone, who know me better, know that I can hit and HARD when I want. Because Im still my parents daughter, and if they were what they were, I can do something like that too, if I have to. And I swear that if that bitch keeps going on: Im gonna kill her.
Okay thats everything right now. I see you soon. And: everyone whos Christian, pray for her, because usually I dont pray, okay, I pray ever, but this feels like I should really start. If things dont get better, I will kill her. I sure will. I wont let that bitch live.... Have as nice day as you can.



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Monday, March 7, 2005

Im fine.... Now
Okay well.

My friend didnt do it, which Im happy of. But its annoying, how dare that jackass worrie me so.... *grunts* Oh well. One thing out of mind.
Now theres just my old probs. first of them is one that you, Kayago and Telk27, know. *think* I just gotta work myself out. Much Pepsi and thats it. then I will be so drunk (Of that Pepsi!!) That I dont even remember my troubles. *thinks again* Hmm. Well. I cant find Nightwish's 'wishmaster'.... So I'll listen Ramstein b^____^d Yay. Amerika! Okay well you see? Im cheering up. Goodie. So. I'll break the lock from that closet, and take the wine. WHAT?! I wanna be sure that I dont remember my probs!! Okay I wont go that down *bites her nails* Its funny to listen me, neh? Too much coffee. Okay well Im gonna go, draw one fanart of Telk27 (that would be third -.-;;) Listen 69 Eyes, drink Pepsi and get bored with Neon Genesis Evagelion ^____~ What could be better!! Yes, IM FINE peoples. Think aboute that. *grin* And when I think that Im alone without bf.... I should be happy. Love hurts and I can sure that boyfriend would hurt me more than loneliness does. Okay, I will think different tomorrow, but today I think like this, and I try to keep it in mind. so, no worries, peoples! Besides, I really never know if someone means that they really love me ^_~ I never know. So, lets just waite that they prove they love me.
Now: My fingers are better. They still look bad (well, it was a knife, I mean, really sharp one, and when that hits your meat.... Owch) But their getting better. I just realized that it did go under my nail *sigh* Wonder whats gonna happen to my finger. Well I dont care really: My right hand's okay, and as long as its okay, Im okay. I mean, I draw with my right hand, and I DIE if I cant draw...
Okay, and all guys who have let me go (I dont mean only MyO guys) You will regret it! Your gonna miss me, because Im gonna be SO hot and SO popular that you will miss me to death!! *laughs insanely* And all else who have hurted me - you still will be sorry. I dunno how, but your just - gonna be. I sure you! *still laughing* Now, I let you go. Extremely GOOD week to you. *grins*




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Sunday, March 6, 2005

This cant happen....
Oh god no no no no!!!
No this cant be true, my very, VERY good friend is aboute to do suicide.... No this cant happen shes like, really important to me, I could say I even love her, I dunno even myself what way I do love her, Im bi, it can be anything but shes so important to me and I dunno if she has done suicide already! It can be, she cant kill herself, I will die if she dies!! I need her! She always does things that cheer me up and Oh god.... No shes not in MyO before you ask! God No..... This is going too bad anyways, so bad that I cant take if I loose her! last weekend my other friend already made suicide, I cant take if she does it too! She tried it already but it failed because of something and oh no..... I have said 'no' enough many times so do you get shes fucking important to me!? If she does it: I do it too! I cant live without another friend, I already have only few friends, if she dies I will too! This cant happen, not anymore! Guys, just know that Im crying, again, and I will till my eyes are red and they hurt like hell, for my one of dearest friends, because life is unfair, and I wanna just be with my friends the whole eternity, with friends who mean alot to me, with my most beloved friends and with the one that is meant to me... I cant take another lose... Not now...


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Saturday, March 5, 2005

Pics. HALLELOUJA.
Okay, so, it has been long time (too long) since I posted any pics, so.... Here you go then.


XD Mr Quatre Raberba Winner, The Sweet Guy of the year 2005. Good boy he is. ^___^ Hehehe... *sneacks out*

^.^ Wufei! YAY hes cool!

XDDD Trowa has.... pretty.... *krhm* Cool hairstyle.... *cracks on laugh* Okay, its not hes fault.

*fells in animestyle* Dont you just.... LOVE Duo? ^__^;;;

XDD *fells again* How CAN that guy has so cut eyes!?!!?! How can!?!

XD AW AW AW!!! EEE I love Heero and Quatro but Chibi Duo rocks!! *faints*

X______X; *faints again*

X_X Aww....


Okay guys I gotta go now but I try to be soon back X_X Bye....
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Little storie of my doujinshi
Hikaru opened a box: wooden box, that she hadnt open in five years. she took few pictures from the box. they were covered by dust. She whipped the dust away, and she could see herself five years ago - with all her friends. Ryu, Cho and Chiko. Oh, how she missed them. Cho's jokes. Chiko's sarcasm and Ryu's... Smile.
Just when she left, she had find out that Ryu was in love with her. Even if it came out from Cho's mouth, she did still belive. It was so clear. all those years they have been best friends and then.... The friendship crushed down. She had to admit, she had loved Ryu. still did. after these long years, away from Japan. Those five years had been the hardest in her life. New peoples in America. All those guys and girls, all those Snobs around her. Everyone gritting theyre teeth when she was around. Almost everyone did hate her in Japan, but she still did have three friends: Chiko, Cho and Momo. The last of them was more.
"Ryu..." She sighed in sad tone. she moved the items from the box, and founded a little album, full of pictures. When she came to the last five pages, they was full of pictures of her and Ryu. posing or not, just they two together. She sighed as she looked the pictures. 'If he just had admit it earlier...' She tought. tears runned down her cheecks. "Ryu, dear Ryu....." She muttered and brushed one of those pictures against her heart. she sobbed and lifted her head. "Five years... Five long years..." she said as she thought. She always wanted away from Japan, but now she realized that there still was one thing to live for. There was Ryu. Her friends. Her family. Her enemies who needed revenge. A little smile came on her face. There was a picture that Cho took without her knowing it. Ryu was hugging her and she was crying, some guy had make fun of her again. She didnt even remember that guys name anymore. And she didnt really care. She rised up and walked downstairs. She grapped a paper and started to write. She needed to go back.

"RYU!! CHO!! MOMO!!" The three of them heard a yell. Chiko runned towards them, a cheery smile on her face, like always. "Chiko, whats up now?" Cho asked a little grin in hes face. "What made you so happy? Did Yasuka finally ask you on a date?" he asked in sarcastic tone. Chiko shaked her head like a dog. "HIKARU!" She yelled. Ryu turned quick. "What aboute her?" He asked little angry. He didnt really like when they brought this thing up. Chi slapped the letter that was in her hand in to Ryus face and started to jump in the air like crazy "Hikaru is coming back! Shes coming back! Shes coming BACK!!" She yelled, still jumping. "Excuseme?!" Momo finally woked up in to this convertation, she were reading her book the whole time. Ryu's hands started to shake as he did read the letter. "Back....? Shes coming BACK!? But.... but.... I thought.... she hated it here!!" Ryu yelled and looked like he had just seen a ghost. Chiko didnt answer. She was still jumping in the air. Momo hap grap the letter and were now reading it. "This cant be.... It cant be.... Guys.... Our friend is coming back..."


XD Okay I wanted to make a little storie aboute Hikaru+friends. Its aboute one of my Doujinshi. ^^ You like it?

Visit Adylia and Mahtiki, thanks!




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