Sunday, February 20, 2005

The Kansaki Sou Definitive House Rules
-- These rules actually exist both in the fanon-verse and in the RPG version of such. Everything you read here has occured, either in the RP or in drabble-fic. This is why Ed is terrified of the place. --

The Kansaki Sou Definitive House Rules (Formerly Kitchen Rules)

Part I - Basics

1) Barring the event of an invasion, all bladed weapons are to be kept sheathed at ALL TIMES. If your blade needs oiling or any other sort of maintenance, that is to be dealt with in the dojo, where such materials are kept.
1a) Ninjas constitute an invasion.
1b) A late-night pizza delivery does NOT constitute an invasion.

2) All boots and muddy shoes are to be left on the porch. Gym shoes, sneakers, and house shoes are acceptable footwear in the house.
2a) Any muddy and/or bloody articles of clothing should be left in the hamper on the porch.
2b) Even if your undergarments are in a bad condition, KEEP THEM ON UNTIL YOU ARE SAFELY IN YOUR OWN ROOM.
2c) SNEAKERS ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE IN THE DOJO.
2d) Underwear is _not_ acceptable footwear.

3) The living room is not the den. Therefore, behavior permitted in the den is wholly not acceptable in the living room. This is including, but not limited to:
Games of football
Games of soccer
Food fights
Streaking
Making out
Sleeping
Mock battles
Real battles
Band practice
3a) Permissible living room activities include:
Homework
Studying
Reading

4) Please be considerate to others. Some boarders actually attempt to sleep regular hours.
4a) If you're going to be that late, just use the front door. It's a lot less loud than listening to you trying to get in through the window, realizing it's locked and then realizing you can't get back down the way you've climbed up.
4b) Everyone was given a house key. If you have lost, melted, eaten or otherwise misplaced your key, get over it. The garage is unlocked and there's a futon in the loft.
4c) If you break down the door, you WILL be replacing it.

5) THE BUSHES DO NOT TRY TO EAT PEOPLE. The bushes are not sentient, sapient, or carnivorous. Stop scaring people.

6) If you set a booby trap, clean it up.
6a) If you set off a booby trap, it's your own damn bloody fault. Stop whining and take a shower, the color will wash out in a few days.

7) NO PETS.
7a) Yes, the monkey is considered a pet. As is the raccoon, the iguana, the kitten and the fifteen mice that Soujiro was trying to breed in a shoebox.
7b) NO PETS - excluding cats.

Part II -- Kitchen

1) The kitchen does not close, however disruptions and loud noises are immediately punishable from 2 a.m. - 11 a.m.
1a) Disruptions and loud noises include, but are not limited too:
Mock Battles
Real Battle
Food fights
Games of football
Games of soccer
Band practice
Public drunkenness
Repeated and indiscriminate show tunes
Tap-dancing

2) If you make a mess, clean it up.
2a) Piling newspapers on top of it does not constitute "cleaning up."

3) There is a rotating list for cooking duty. Please remember when it is your turn and do not always expect someone to fill in if you forget. Remember, that someone filling in could be Karen.
3a) KAREN IS NOT ON THE ROTATING LIST FOR A REASON.

4) Food that is marked with a name is not handwriting practice. Remember it.

5) We are not breeding, nor creating sapient civilizations in the refrigerator. If it is three shades past a natural color, throw it out.
5a) Leaving offerings is NO LONGER PERMITTED.
5b) No one cares how gross it is, just get rid of it. Provisions will be made if it bites and/or stabs you.
5c) Leaving it on the counter does not constitute "getting rid of it."

6) Do your own dishes. There is a dishwasher, if it is full, run it. If it is full and clean, empty it. It really isn't that hard.
6a) If you have to soak it, scrub it, and then put it in the dishwasher, just save everyone some trouble and pitch it. Do NOT leave it on the counter.

7) NO FOOD FIGHTS IN THE HOUSE.
7a) "Food" constitutes anything edible in nature.
7b) Underwear is not edible.

8) Supper is usually at 7:30 p.m, unless everyone has prior arrangements.
8a) Not 7:30 a.m.
8b) Clothing is NOT optional.
8c) Proper table manners are encouraged. Regular table manners are accepted. Sitting on the table and eating with your feet is neither of the above.

Part III -- The Den

1) Be considerate. There is only one cable hookup in the house.
1a) Hiding the remote is unacceptable.
1b) Taking apart the remote is even more so.
1c) Taking the buttons off the TV set and leaving it on the soaps channel is punishable by slow and excruciating DEATH.

2) Whatever you've done on the couch, no one wants to know. Some stains are better left unidentified.
2a) Leaving marked notes about the nature of each stain is highly discouraged.
2b) Writing a mad lib about the stains on the wall in permanent marker is heartily discouraged.
2c) The offender will be repainting the den next weekend.

3) If you leave your game station hooked up to the TV, it's fair game.
3a) Don't leave your memory cards lying around, either.

4) BONFIRES ARE STRICTLY PROHIBITED ANYWHERE INSIDE THE HOUSE.

5) Re-enactments of whatever sports event is being aired are discouraged.
5a) Blood does NOT bounce on carpet. It does, in fact, stain.

6) Flash and bang rounds are not to be detonated indoors for ANY REASON save invasion.
6a) Yuukito being found in Soujiro's room is not an invasion.
6b) No, really, it's not.

7) Anyone who goes crazy and tries to attack, maim, and/or castrate anyone will be confined to the coal room in the basement.
7a) No one is allowed to redecorate the coal room.
7b) THIS MEANS YOU, SOUJIRO.

Part IV -- The Girl's Floor

1) Guys are not permitted on the girl's floor from 10pm - 10am, excluding emergencies.
1a) Horniness is not an emergency.

2) Please keep your doors closed at all times. No one wants to know why you're prancing around naked.

3) There is one bathroom. You may not lock yourself in.
3a) There are two sinks, a toilet, a stand-up shower and a bathtub shower. You may not have the bathroom to yourself in the morning.
3b) If you're going to be sick, at least aim for the toilet or the bathtub.
3c) If you're going to be sick and you miss, whenever you're not as sick please clean it up yourself.

4) Please keep all your toiletries in your marked drawer or shelf. Leaving them out and spread all around is not permitted.
4a) Please do not use another person's toiletries without asking permission first.
4b) Soaking all of the tampons in tomato juice and then hanging them on the boy's floor will never occur again, no matter how humorous the results.

5) If there is not toilet paper, GO GET MORE.

6) Running and screaming in the halls for any reason sans invasion is strictly not allowed.

7) Raiding another person's room is strictly not allowed without expressed permission.
7a) Taking articles of clothing is also strictly not allowed.
7b) There will be no panty raids in this house. EVER.

Part V -- The Boy's Floor

1) Anything goes as long as it stays in your room and the girls can't hear it.
1a) If the girls can hear it, you're screwed.

2) Blood stains. Badly.

3) No one cares what the state of your own room is, everyone cares about the state of the bathroom.
3a) If you have stunk up the bathroom, turn on the fan. That is what it is there for

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