aquarius- Today is full of suprises. Look out for
dalmations and roses, for they are telling signs of
bad luck.
pisces- Don't believe what anyone says, especially
what the blue leprechauns have to tell you.
Aries- Break out of routine and do something daring.
Tell your boss they're fat
Taurus- Avoid baked beans and saucerkraut, because you
will be in a room with no windows for a while.
Gemini- Today is not your day. Everything will go
wrong. You will run out of toilet paper in a stall at
Walmart
Cancer- Today holds mixed luck. You will find a $10
bill at the crosswalk. You will bend down to pick it
up. You will be hit by a city bus.
Leo- Be sure to take a break. Stop and smell the
roses. But don't stop too long, because a homeless guy
will mug you.
Virgo- Get noticed by people who've never seen you
before. Wear fluorescent stripes and black plaid
today.
Libra- Try something different today. Be bold. Mix
your cereal with Pepsi instead of milk.
Scorpio- You are full of energy and feel like taking
on the world. Actually, the world is out to get you
today, so you will need all the energy you can get.
Sagittarius- Help people out by solving their
problems. If you're their problem, well, then, you're
screwed.
Capricorn- Be mysterious. Make people wonder what you
are up to. Walk around calling everyone Agent #9 and
wear sunglasses indoors.
These are some Horoscopes a friend made for Spanish.
Hope you find them just as amusing as this one did.
-reoku-
