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Wednesday, March 29, 2006
It's been a long time...:)
Well, I haven't posted for ages. And now I feel like I should. Well, to be honest there was so many things going on lately, I didn't know what to write...For example, the exams which I passed:)then new thingies to study, nobody tells you it never ends!:( Then this Tolkien board I singed in to and got obsessed with, and these two guys I can't decide which one I like better, then my depressed friend and finally my obsessive-compulsive-paranoid parents.:O Wow, it's been a while since I wrote, jeeze! Anyways, I got like tons of anime which I haven't had time to watch since I've gotta study this darn Roman law including all the latin proverbs and actions:(((( Not to even mention National history and Economy:(((((((((((But, there's always but, I've noticed a lot of changes here like there's no direct link to your own work in the bottom of your page, no top lists in walls and greets...actually that's it:) Well, nice to drop by here every once in a while when I get a chance to breathe a bit:) LUV YA ALL:)))))*<>*
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Wednesday, January 4, 2006
whipeeeeee
![blue rose](http://images.quizilla.com/S/SH/SHA/ShadowsHidden/1136243751_g-stemblue.jpg) What's your symbol? brought to you by Quizilla
![HASH(0x8be8974)](http://images.quizilla.com/L/LU/LUC/LucyInTheSky420/1136184284_mphetamine.jpg) What Drug Are You? brought to you by Quizilla
![HASH(0x8d3f6d0)](http://images.quizilla.com/P/PR/PRA/PrankishAngel17/1136279823_toppretty0.jpg) What do you breathe? brought to you by Quizilla
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HEH, I'M NOT IRISH:O
![HASH(0x8b8d00c)](http://images.quizilla.com/C/CR/CRA/Crazy.Kitty/1136300513_DLauraPicturesAera.jpg) What unique goddess are you?(lovely pics) brought to you by Quizilla
src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y291/haw_ti/etc/him1.jpg" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com"> face="Courier New">color="#330033"> You are "Wings of a Butterfly" by HIM. You're very creative and an independent thinker. You might even believe in the supernatural and unexplainable things in the world. Some people may seem you as a little off, but your creativity is the most beautiful tool you've got, so you should use it.
Heaven ablaze in our eyes We're standing still in time The blood on our hands is the wine We offer as sacrifice
Come on, and show them your love Rip out the wings of a butterfly For your soul, my love Rip out the wings of a butterfly For your soul
This endless mercy mile We're crawling side by side With hell freezing over in our eyes Gods kneel before our crime
Come on, and show them your love Rip out the wings of a butterfly For your soul, my love Rip out the wings of a butterfly For your soul
Come on lets show, them your love Rip out the wings of a butterfly For your soul, my love Rip out the wings of a butterfly For your soul (Rip out the wings of a butterfly) Dont let go (Rip out the wings of a butterfly) For your soul
Come on, and show them your love Rip out the wings of a butterfly For your soul, my love Rip out the wings of a butterfly For your soul
Come on, and show them your love Rip out the wings of a butterfly For your soul, my love Rip out the wings of a butterfly For your soul (Rip out the wings of a butterfly) Dont let go (Rip out the wings of a butterfly)
For your soul
What Song Lyrics Are You? brought to you by Quizilla
![HASH(0x8c6dfe8)](http://images.quizilla.com/M/MI/MIF/miffyrocker/1135886072_uresunder5.jpg) What is your mental age?(WITH ANIME PICS) brought to you by Quizilla
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Saturday, December 24, 2005
MERRY CHRISTMASSSS EVERYONE!
What to say, eat cookies, cake, whatever, be happy, celebrate, have a happy Christmas!!!
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Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Story
I know it's Christmas time and nobody wants to read depressive stuff, but I wrote this story about three weeks ago and decided to put it here, don't know why...hope you like it...
********************* Suicide note
Dear whoever finds this or cares enough to read it,
If I had just one wish, I’d wish I wasn’t me. You wouldn’t want to be me. Trust me.
People are so perfect…but not me. Beats that old one about being like the ones you hang out with. I think I’m just so darn stubborn about some things with my fixed ideas about everything when, to be honest, I’ve got no clue where I’m headed.
To nothingness?
I want to kill myself. That will be messy. So do not enter the bathroom if you’ve got a sensitive stomach.
But what if I fail? It would be a shame to try and fail and be labelled incompetent above all…That’s my greatest fear.
Failure.
I’m writing this just in case you find me half-dead or something, do not perform CPR! If I’m still breathing, be nice and shoot me or strangle me or whatever me to cease my existence.
With greatest faith in your ability to finish me off,
Moira.
I always wanted to beat myself. Never knew when that race begun, but I knew it would never stop, at least, not until I die. As if I was running towards the self destruction with anticipation of complete oblivion. To reach the end or the burn along the way. Sometimes my mind worked so fast I thought my head was going to explode and my brain would burst into tiny particles of flesh which would attach to the whiteness of the walls so tight no one would ever tear them apart again. Blood. Blood makes so much mess.
All my life I lived to be something else, someone else. No life, no desire, no true intention. Only my Shell was my shield. And nobody could go inside. Sorry.
Everyone has a Shell. Some Shells are nice and shiny on the outside, like mine. Some people like it black and deep. All that crap about masks and those modern analysis made me really sick. Does anyone of those even know what it all means? All those theories…all those explanations but not one of them to stop the race in my head.
Shell sometimes did. If you wrapped yourself in the soothing darkness of it’s wet interior it could sooth your corps in its nothingness. Voices would get lost…until you couldn’t hear anything at all…only feel the cold breeze of the Shell’s emptiness…floating in dark abyss. My limbs felt detached from my body and sent all over the cosmic frontiers yet so close they were entering my flesh and digging my very essence… No colours. No thoughts. No lights or textures or feelings or needs…
Just Shell.
I think that’s what’s the same about all the Shells. Inside they must be equal. That’s why we only stick to the outsides. Not facing the insides…
Who would be abnormal enough to wish for the darkness when you can stare in the Sun all your life letting it’s rays blind you till you lose sense of anything that hurts. Till your eyes become blind to the eternity of pain that stands in its shadow and your eyelids burn into their current position so you can’t move them anymore. Neck immobilised in it’s position, body blocked in it’s stance.
Is Shell a blessing or a curse? Can we all enter inside?
My walls looked pristine. White is so darn positive, made me forget about my suicide plans for few moments.
Self-convincing phase: ‘’You’re so overdramatic everything is perfect in your life what if you were hungry and poor in the street how can you be so selfish think of the people who love you…’’
Self-destructive phase: ‘’You think someone loves you you jerk you don’t even love yourself how do you expect anyone else to do you think anyone will ever understand you or love you get real kill yourself…’’
It was happening again. My mind. I couldn’t make it stop. Not even for one moment. It hunted me and tortured me in thousands of different voices, it placed tears in my eyes and flushed my cheeks and I hated it. They merged they floated they rose they fell but they never went away…
But Shell was there…it’ll would never have left me. Like having a naked soul freed from it’s chains but captured in solitude of never-ending night. It wished to scream ‘’This is me! Look at me now!’’ but there was nobody to hear it…
And no one will…not now not ever…
I made my Shell permanent ad closed the only entrance that once existed. I don’t know if I ever regretted doing that.
They found me in the bathtub on December the sixth.
My veins were slit.
Detective didn’t care too much about it. He sent in the CSI and concluded it was just another ‘’loony suicidal case’ leaving home to have lunch or something.
That’s all I heard before sliding into darkness. Lights went out. Colours ceased existing.
I was dead. And, what’s the worst about it, I’ve expected it to be so different. I thought I’d just be sucked into my Shell which would become so cosy all of the sudden and all the lights would shine so bright and all the colours would stop hurting my eyes and all the sounds would stop piercing my eardrums…I was wrong. I closed my way in. It rejected me so brutally and condemned me on this passive existence in the world I so desperately tried to escape from. Hell is what you’re trying to run to or escape from but eventually end in. Depends on which role did you get in the beginning. You play it fine, you follow all the rules, you still lose.
Why?
Cause it’s just the way things go.
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Friday, December 16, 2005
FINALLY
Finally, I've got my self back online again! Whoohoo! But, I've got so much to do before I can enjoy the bliss of net...sniff... So, for the last few months I've been everywhere, done everything, met a whole crowd of crazy great ppl and had a lot of fun even if I had to study like a mediaeval monk:O
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Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Devilish
Today I stole some time between reading Hamurabi's laws and sick theories about the creation of the state and ran to the informatics cabinet to write a post:) Am I wicked or what?:O
Everything has been fine by now and I hope I'll manage to learn everything in time since I've got like 350 pages of different stuff to prepare in two weks.
COFFFFEEEEEE:O
Anyways, the crew is good and that's all that matters;)
Hope to be able to write soon, stay alive people:O Byebye!
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Thursday, September 22, 2005
Byebye;(
music video code by urbnmix.net coldplay - yellow
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Tomorrow, I'm leaving.
Actually, I'm moving to capital and I probably won't be able to get online for some time... Anyways, even if I could, I probably wouldn't have any time for that. I'll have to get used to everything, unpack...get some stuff done at the university and...
well study like a donkey or sth:O
So, I doubt I'll be able to put posts any time before Christmas, hehe...
But, like Arnie said-I'LL BE BAAACK:O
Thanks to everyone who ever spent his/her precious time on my site, downloaded my wallpapers, sent my greetings or voted for my fan arts:)
Hope to see ya all folks soon, Rhae*<>*
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Saturday, September 17, 2005
Coldplay
![I got my blinkie from Dragonflare.net](http://www.dragonflare.net/graphics/blinkies/stic03gif.gif)
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Noise noise noise and sounds...
I had a moment of inspiration and drew many pics these days, also made a lot of wallpapers just to kill time.
Anyways, I got completely hooked on Coldplay since I'm going away next week and I seriously don't know if I'll come home before Christmas.
So...I needed some light music to listen to and Coldplay was a logical choice.
Another thing that was on my mind lately is poetry. I got kinda obsessed with it and downloaded tons of poems:O
Everything else is good I think. I think:) Only, I really am very confused and have no idea what to do, but it'll pass...I guess...
![Blog created by: Dragonflare.net](http://www.dragonflare.net/graphics/blogs/shpblgbdrgn8.jpg)
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Wednesday, September 7, 2005
Custom
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Sunny outside.Boring inside, maybe cause I'm kinda hooked on Coldplay and old rock for few days now.
Didn't write anything in days now...No inspiration...
Only making some wallpapers and feeling numb. Whatever.
Had a coffee with my friends and heard latest news. Everybody so worried about new life that begins once you're gone off to university...and I don't even feel like it's gonna happen in just few weeks from now. As if it's all happening to someone else.
These news are getting more and more shitty every day. I think I'll just stop watching. Or stick to ''Love And Marriage'':O
Lucky thing is that qualifications for world soccer championship began. We won against Iceland and today we're gonna win against Malta(I hope;)
![Blog created by: Dragonflare.net](http://www.dragonflare.net/graphics/blogs/blgbdrgn8.jpg)
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music video code by urbnmix.net r.e.m. - losing my religion
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Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Sea time
Today was a nice sunny day and I went to the beach with my friend. But, there's one catch about the two of us. Every time we go somewhere-it starts raining:O Anyways, we at least had two swims before it started raining. Now I'm exhausted and only able to do some quizes...
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