Wednesday, September 14, 2005

0005: MoviePhile02: The Transporter 2
Let me put it to you this way, me and several friends were too late for the Brothers Grimm show, so we watched the only movie that was still availible, Transporter 2. We were still five minutes late, but the less minutes I had to watch this movie, the less braincells I'd lose.

This movie is one big cliche. You won't pick it up at first, but this movie is a direct rip-off of secret agent movies made for kids. Agent Cody Banks comes to mind, since it was the last one I had to sit through, it wasn't that bad for a kids movie.

This movie should have been advertised that it was a cliche, this movie is like the Kill Bill of James Bond, except it does a really bad job at it. It seriously comes across as half car commercial and half white-boy martial arts movie... with weapons...

I had one major problem with this movie, the female villan is really unattractive to me, hopefully to you as well. This movie has her fighting in her undies in every scene, and usually underneath fire sprinklers. Wet, half-naked, ugly girl firing limitless bullets like Rambo doesn't appeal to me.

So... what was this movie actually about? (Close your eyes, spoiler freaks) Basically, the Transporter gets reduced to driving this celeberty's kid to school and back. The kid has to go to the doctor's for a check-up. Villians want kid, villians get kid and ask for ransom. Parents pay ransom, they get kid, kid has virus that kills people in a few hours after breathing in his air. The Transporter goes after the antidote. Transporter gets antidote. Transporter saves kid and everyone else. The end.

Don't see this movie.


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Tuesday, September 13, 2005

0004: AudioPhile 01: Between the Buried and Me - Alaska
I just picked this cd up today, and I decided to review it, instead of reviewing "The Exorcism of Emily Rose" as I had planned, I'll get around to it tomorrow, because this cd blows all the movies I've seen recently away.

Between the Buried and Me (BTBAM) is known for three things:

1) Being next to impossible to classify into one genre.

2) Insane transistions from breakdown to break down, and even breakdown to power ballad... seriously.

3. Their ridiculously stupid lyrics they sometimes come up with. Here's a quick sample:

"Tonight I kill your face,
I killed your fucking face."

Yep...

Well, there's very little of that in "Alaska," their fourth release if you count the demo the made in 2001. I suggest you get this album first, as it is the best they've done so far, and if you're a fan of them, you'll know that's saying a lot. "The Silent Circus" was an incredible album, yet this surpasses it in every way.

People who are more into metal than hardcore (like Jake of Bodom) dislike BTBAM because they don't stay within the same beat for more than a few seconds. It's impossible to get a groove going or even comfortably nod your head until about the tenth time you've heard a single song. Most of that has been taken care of in this cd. It's still full of crazy transitions that fans will adore, but it's toned down a bit so new people can become fans.

My favorite tracks are... well, I love all of them so far. As I am typing this, I'm listening to the cd for the eighth time and so far, I've been really diggin' "Selkies: The Endless Obssession" as well as "Alaska" and "Backwards Marathon."

IF I dislike anything about the album, it's the fact that there's less actual music tracks on the album, as some tracks are just fillers in between songs. They do a good job at fixing this though, most of the songs go way beyond six or even seven minutes. At least I only have to worry about putting like seven tracks on my MP3 player.

Wait for it...


(right now, bitch)
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Monday, September 12, 2005

0003: MoviePhile 01: The Skeleton Key
Let me start by saying that I rate movies somewhere within three ratings: Good, Fair, and Poor... more specifically: "Buy it," "Rent it," and "Murder it, I have banners for each. :) Oh, THIS POST, ALONG WITH ANY OTHER MOVIEPHILE POSTS CONTAIN SPOILERS!!!

I saw this movie a few weeks ago with my mom... Hey, if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't even have seen this movie. I saw it at the Palladium Theater that's within walking distance to my house for the the matinee price of four bux.

It was worth every penny, and then some. I wouldn't mind spending full price to see this movie again, in fact, I did.

This movie deals with the practices and beliefs of hoodoo. In short, it's an African religion based off of sacrifices. This makes the movie cool, because it teaches you something while scaring the shit out of you. Boy was this movie scary, this was one of the first times that I actually got scared from a movie and was actually dreading what was to come next.

I'll spare you the character's name, I don't remember them. The main character, I'll refer to her as Blondie from now on, worked at a hosipital and quit after seeing what they do to people's records after they die. Blondie's searching for jobs, and she finds this article asking for a maid. She goes, and meets an old woman, her husband, who has a stroke, and their banker, who comes around the house to check on them. Blondie's job is to take care of the old dude with the stroke.

As the movie progresses, you learn of a story about the original owner of the house. Basically, he had a lot of slaves, and two of them were a couple of people who practiced hoodoo. The owner has a party, and leaves the slaves to look after the kids. The kids go play hoodoo with the slaves and dissappear. The partygoers begin to wonder where the kids were, and they all die, I don't remember... someone gets hanged... I don't know, the point is, the slaves dissappear into ambiguity, and everyone else dies or something.

The slaves didn't die, they used hoodoo to take the bodies of a male and a female and continued their lives as normal. Every time they began to get old, they'd use the newspaper to get a person to watch over the person who conveiniently got a stroke (the person they stole the body from). This trap passes down to Blondie.

Blondie slowly discovers things about the culture and begins to believe it little by little, which give the hoodoo magic power over her. It ends up being her downfall, as she loses in the end and she ends up in the old woman's body, while the old woman's body has taken her's. Her husband is the banker, who had taken his body from the old guy with the stroke. Confusing right? Explaining this movie is like solving a knot, all the better, you should go see it. I loved this movie, you will too.


(when it comes out)
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Sunday, September 11, 2005

0002: Random freewrite about my recent self.
Yeah, I need something to put here fast, as Doc is waiting for it oh so patiently. I didn't have anything prepared, but... whatever.

Today marks the first day that a computer has been in my bedroom. I'm so happy. I can download things without my parents knowing about it, I'm not really talking about porn, of course, but I can finally see what Marilyn Manson is all about, lol.

Today is also 9/11. I watched the special on the news for a little bit and turned it off. It's too depressing for me right now. For those of you who are uninformed, I've had a few recent issues at school. I blacked out a few days ago, I think it was Thursday, I don't remember it that well. In fact, all I remember was lunch and the car ride home. I actually got Shin Megami Tesei: Digital Devil Saga that day. It's quite fun, but I haven't had the time to play it to ahve a real opinion on it yet. I'm at the part where you go into the Red Tribe's city and try to arrange a joint operation.

I've been torturing myself with horror movies recently. For two days this weekend, me and some friends rented every Japanese import horror movie we could find and binged on them. I also saw Transporter 2 and The Exorcism of Emily Rose. Transporter 2 sucked, don't see it. I'll be reviewing these movies tomorrow.

I guess this is it for now.
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0001: Testing...
Uhh... Testing, one two... one two... can I get some more monitor? Yeah, thanks. We have a great show coming up in just a sec... stay turned...
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