Sunday, December 3, 2006

I'm sorry Squall.
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Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Two Years and Counting!
Well, since I haven't been posting often, at all..I must tell everyone that my two year anniversary with Squall was on Sunday. The entire week leading up to it, he came over and gave a me a present, each day. The list, for organisational purposes is as follows:
Monday - roses
Tuesday - chocolate
Wednesday - a candle holder and candles
Thursday - a Seto Kaiba keychain and pin
Friday - a book on zombies
Saturday - a book of love poetry
Sunday - Shaun of the Dead

He took me to the movies on Friday, we saw The Marine. It's actually a really fun movie, if you're into explosion and fighting and stuff. It was really short, about an hour, so that was good, I was really tired, I wanted to go to bed.Before that, though, we stopped and got something to eat and walked around this campus for a while, chased some rabbits, but I had to stop. I started coughing. I've been sick, for about 3 weeks. It rained so everything was all wet when we got out of the movie. and we could see lightning as we drove back home. Caraway actually let him spend the night. ^_^ I didn't cuddle with him the next morning and he was really upset when he finally bothered waking up.

Two friend stopped by the morning, sort of unexpectedly, but it got Squall out of bed, just after I got out of the shower too. talk about timing. Andy, I've mentioned him before, jumped on Squall. ^_^ They stayed for a little bit. Squall played games for about 6 hours straight before stopping to eat, then going back to playing them again. I started making stuff for our picnic the next day. Tuscan ciabatta salad..I had to substitute the ciabatta bread for something else, but I think it worked out okay. He read love poetry to me while I dipped strawberries in chocolate. Then we stayed up until about 12:30 in the morning talking. We haven't done that in a while, so I really enjoyed it. I love it when we stay up talking..it just..makes me happy, you know?

I woke up at about 6:30 the next morning and found him curled up, sleeping, on the couch with a light on. I don't like it when he sleeps on the couch, it makes me cross. It's bad for his back and his neck and he always says those hurt him. Not to mention, he says he belongs on a couch, like..when a wife is mad at a husband, he sleeps on a couch..I dont' want him to feel like that. We got into a fight one time, because he was sleeping on the floor...Anyways, I didn't want to wake him up, so I got a blanket for him and turned off the light, but the click the lamp made woke him up. So we cuddled together on the couch for about an hour. ^_^ mornings are my favourite time to cuddle because that's when I'm the coldest. I like body heat...

So I let him sleep until i made breakfast, but when he got up, it was cold. I suppose it didn't help much that i had a few fans on, but whatever. then we went to church >_< I do it to support him, that's all. Then we came back to my house, where upon i crashed on my couch for 3 hours while he played video games. Mind you, this is on our anniversary. He left at about 1 in the afternoon, had to go do something.

So for about 5 hours i floated about..making pizza (which was..okay) for the picnic, stuff like that. He was late, and I was really annoyed but I tried making the best of it. I think i frightened him with my optimism. I frightened myself, a little, too.

But we watched the sunset at the beach, had cranberry-apple cider, talked. it was nice. He got me some pumpkins that i'm still yet to carve up from a pumpkin patch. we watched shaun of the dead when we got back and tickled the daylights out of eachother. and I didn't ruin it!!!

I'm so happy! Ah well..I can't help but smile right now.
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Tuesday, October 10, 2006

ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod
LOL.

Long time no post, huh? What can I say, the final year of training to be SeeD is really hard..I dont' like it..I don't think I'll take the Final SeeD Exam thingy, but I will graduate from Balamb Garden. I suppose it's time to catch everyone up to speed with what's going on, isn't it?

Well, Um the past week or so I've been sick, and I finally went to see Dr. Kadowaki. Squall would have liked for me to see her sooner, but I was stubborn (go figure). To be honest, I don't think I really needed to go, but it made him happy. I finally got these little lumps behind my ears checked out, they'd been scaring Squall (though he'd never admit it). Turns out they were just swollen lymphnodes, not tumors. When I first found them behind my ears they were a lot bigger and I was so tired and sick I thought they might be tumors.Squall thought so too, he told me. He was so worried, even getting really mad at me for not going to see the doctor sooner. He was always bugging me about going to make an appointment. But I got some medicine with codine in it for my cold and now I'm really tired.

Oh, my two year anniversary with Squall is coming up! This sunday as a matter of fact! I'm so excited! Today he stopped by and gave me a bouquet of roses! I was so happy I couldn't stop smiling until long after he left.

I'm taking him on a picnic at the beach so we can watch the sunset. I'm going to make Pizza Margarita (they spell it differently in Italy, but I can't remember how. I think there's an H in there some where), some ciabbata salad stuff, strawberries dipped in chocolate, and hot cocoa and cider. I'll take coke and water a long too, just in case we want something else to drink. I can't wait!!

He said that he's going to get me something tomorrow too..He said something about it being the entire week of our anniversary. I think it's really romantic of him, considering after all, it's Squall we're talking about here. I think it would be romantic if anyone did it...
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Thursday, August 24, 2006

The Garden is back in session
Sure, you may be wondering why it started this Monday, but you are wrong...It started on Friday 18 August, 2006. My last summer as a child was cut brutally in half by the people at the Academy!!

It was only a half day but it was a really long bad horrible not good day.

The people at the Garden were so not organised!! They messed up my schedule so badly I thought that I wouldn't have enough credits to graduate. I was shaking ALL day! By 12:30 pm, I was so scared, my shaking had become quite noticable. They gave me some P.E. courses, when I had already taken my required credits, a mathematics class I've already taken in place of a class I sorely needed to graduated, and to add insult to injury, they placed me in normal people English. Funny thing about that was that they AP English teacher had asked for me back in her class even though I got a rather poor grade (Suprisingly, Caraway didn't yell at me...), so that must mean I was doing SOMETHING right, right? Luckily for me though, I proved to that blasted instructor that I took my PE classes, I deserved to be in the proper Mathematics course, and that it was now possible to be in the AP class (which had been impossible before because of the PE).

I kept telling Squall how relieved I was when he came to take me home! I really started to annoy him with it, but I was just so happy! He took me to a comic book store so I could get a Xena poster, but they had already sold it.

Oh, yeah, you would think from that point on, the day just sort of finished off on an even keel, or even ended up a really good day.

Nope. Sorry to disappoint, but it got worse after that.

I had been getting jealous and stupid and I told squall and eventually, after he finished a couple of errends he told me off because of it and I started crying because he was right! I had been stupid! I had been jealous! And I feel really bad it! I'm still trying to think of a way to make it up to him...

It finished off on an even keel from there.

So Monday comes around and I found out the sketches for some uniform items got lost over the summer and they now expected me to redo them, which I do, and they dislike them for 2 reasons: 1)They have guns in the pictures 2)They're done in an Anime style >_< So I have to redo it again! And my vision is sacrificed! I was so close to just saying, "You know what? I'm really trying hard here and you're stifling me way to much. I'm sorry, but I quit" or something stoic like that. Probably would have been a lot politer too...I finally finished they designs today so they get checked and possibly sent in tomorrow. I'm just glad it's all over. But since I dislike the design so much, I dont' think I'm going to order that uniform...

I feel like such a sell-out...
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Monday, August 14, 2006

Sleeping
I be an insomniac! Wheee!!

Seriously though, I didn't get to sleep until 5 am. It normally takes an hour to two hours to go to sleep, but 5 IN THE MORNING? That's ridiculous, even for me. I spent a good deal of it reading though and managed to complete a good deal of what remained of a book I began reading on the plane to Europe. I finished the book earlier today.

Part of which involved decoding a few of the letters towards the end of the book, which proved tedious work. I still don't know where one of the main portents is though in the code. Maybe it has something to do with all the capitol letters? I read something about that on a forum dealing with the decoding of the letter.

Squall sat me down earlier and started me on the entire series of Neon Genesis Evangelion. It's a very deep anime, if you don't know, but I don't know if my brain can handle deep things as well as it use to any more. I use to be great philospher, but once I really gave thought to everything I wanted, I just stopped thinking in that sort of deep manner. For the longest while though, I still believed I did. *shakes head* I need to get back into that sort of deep thinking process.

I'm almost afraid of what will happen if I do.
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Saturday, August 12, 2006

Cooking...
You know how i was saying how I wish Squall would get excited about my cooking the way he got excited over the tacos? Well, I now know that is never going to happen. Ever. At all. You see, he spent the night again. And after cuddling for a little bit in the morning I decided to get up and make breakfast.

And let me say, what a disaster it was. I wanted to make waffles but there was no waffle mix and only 4 eggs. So I made waffle mix from scratch, but by then I had burnt the hash browns (and, as it turns out, they were undercooked. only i could pull of such an amazing feat). I beat the last egg and was going to scramble it when I managed to drop the waffle iron onto the little dish, breaking the dish and well...getting rid of the egg...so I had to wipe that up, then as it turns out, a bottle of water spilled, getting water everywhere, which took up a lot of time. The waffles came out weird, they were really puffy on top, like a little hill or something. And I burnt the sausage. I've never made sausage before in my life, and never intend to do so again. I burnt very badly, it was all black and charred and didn't look appealing at all. the toast wouldn't melt the butter and there was no fresh fruit. apparantly, the chocolate milk was a bit salty. how that happened i have no clue, but i didn't touch it.

so here's the tally:
HASHBROWNS - burnt/undercooked
WAFFLES - funky batter, made the top puff up/undercooked
SAUSAGE - burnt black as coal
SCRAMBLED EGGS - there were none, i dropped the waffle iron on the bowl with the last egg in it before i could cook it
TOAST - not capable of melting butter if my life depended on it
CHOCOLATE MILK - apparantly salty, i don't like low fat milk so it tasted funny to me anyways

I can't cook domestic foods. So when Squall and I get married and he expects me to cook, he can expect weird things for other countries that I've never tried before. I can cook those, no problem.

On a completely unrelated note:

I would like to mention that the last post had nothing to do with drugs and/or alcohol. I think those are two very stupid things to try and do, etc. My mind just went "snap", that's all. It's slowly on the mend.
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Tuesday, August 8, 2006

no title
i've let myself get really messed up. i don't know how it happened, but it did. i'm scared of what squall's going to say. Squall knows, but i'm scared of what he's going to say on this. I'm always afraid of what he'll say. I hate disappointing him.

I'm angry at myself. I slipped so far without really understanding. I have to pick up all those pieces and i know how, and i know i'll do it, but there's that doubt that i won't.

I've become everything I hate and it drives me mad. So what are you going to do about it, Squall would ask. Change. I hope. Try. There is do and do not. There is no try. Dammit, we're talking completely revamping everything. Everything...

I dont' know what to do. I do but, it's just, i dunno. I just wanna stop breathing sometimes. Give up. But i've already given up, without knowing it.

I'm just so tired.

Squall, you have to help me. Please, I don't think I can make it alone.
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Sunday, August 6, 2006

*much happiness*
Squall has returned!!! Yay!! I'm so happy that he's back. He got back thursday, but I didn't post because I was spending the night with him...ie...in his room!! LOL. Nothng happened, just much talking and cuddling. He likes to cuddle, so when he denies it, don't listen to him. ^_^

But I imagine Caraway would flip out if this were discovered...so we'll be keeping that part a secret.

I'm just so excited he's back, I missed him so much!! But I should probably let him give details about things. >_<

I know he tried eating 13 tacos, only ate 11 1/2 and ended up throwing up about 5 of them. Nothing good comes in excess, no matter what anyone says. Especially what Squall says when it comes to food.

Thinking about it, I wish he would be that enthusiastic when it comes to my cooking, but i guess it's not good enough. >_<
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Wednesday, August 2, 2006

The Circus
I met up with an old friend, and I mean really old friend. I've know him since I was little, about 3 or 4 and we went to the circus. It was pretty fun, if not a litten disappointing. The woman singing couldn't sing, well she could, but not well. And the circus was turned into a bit of a grandiose skit as oppose to pure entertainment. They planted a "family" to help with the theme. "DREAM BIG", if i'm not mistaken. There wasn't even a freak show. Or a ring of fire, or a human cannon ball.

They did shoot someone with a cannon ball, but he backed up and caught the ball sort of...It was cheating.

But why does there have to be a theme? What happened to the circus acts that astounded and amazed? And weren't backed up by a lesson to teach children and nurcher them? It was ridiculous! All throughout first Act the "son" of the "family", who didn't know what he wanted to do, was right in the middle of everything, with a spotlight. it was really distracting! I didn't come to see a kid stand in the middle of the acrobats! I came to see the acrobats!!!

But I didn't pay for the ticket, so..yeah...we got to sit in the club seats, much better than the seats Squall and I had when I took him to a game.

Okay..I think I'm done venting for now...

Squall didn't send me an e-mail today, but I got to talk to him yesterday so I suppose that sort of makes up for it. I'm very disappointed actually, I wanted to here from him.

I found out one of my friends was telling me a really big lie, something I don't want to go into detail about, but it definitely coincides in a name calling sort of way to the subject of this entry. I didn't call my friend on it, but as Squall says "she is more of a stalker anyways." I seem to get a lot of would be stalkers.

2 days until Squall comes back.
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Friday, July 28, 2006

It's been a while...
Time for an update!! Yay!! *throws confetti at the air* anyways, recently I went to a comic con. Fun stuff, minus the geeks and nerds grabbing my butt...I partly blame the skirts, but I mostly blame the fact that most of the males there had to be completely and utterly deprived of any and all human contact. Sexual or otherwise...but please...if you feel the need for sexual contact...just..don't use me for it..or other people...it's scary...very scary..

I spent the days trying to keep myself walking in between Squall and one of our friends because of that. Typically though, it was just me and our friend..Squall was being anti-social and would really have no part of the whole con-going experience. *sigh* that's him though, I just wish he would have spent a little less time playing games at big events like this, ya know?

Believe it or not, Caraway actually let me go to this thing, so very far away with only Squall and this friend. It took sooooo much pleading and coaxing, but i turned out victorious. We ended up (squall, our friend, and i) staying at our friend's cousins' home. The cousin's daughters really took a liking to me, so when we left on the last day, i was sort of sorry to leave them. Even if they did find it necessary to want to wake us up and (for the most part) succeeding at very early in the morning. That was the most brutal after a particularly hard night..it was just so humid...

I guess it didn't help much sharing an air matress with Squall. The body heat and all. And don't listen to what he tells you, he generates a lot of body heat. that's really nice in the winter, not so much fun in the middle of summer.

The last night we sort of got into a little spat over a bed. I was being playful and told our friend to tell squall to give me the bed for the night. Squall got cross with me and I got cross with him...It sort of blew over though..which was nice..We turned the conversation to something much more personal though which wouldn't really come into effect until after we got back.

Three days after we got back from the con, Squall went on a trip. A mission, i guess, I dunno. I miss him a lot though. I cried the night before he left, i tried not to, but it still happened. Then I cried after I got off the phone with him the night after that when he called me. He told me not to. He's sent me a couple of e-mails, which is nice. I don't miss him as much, but I still miss him a whole lot. I can't wait until he comes back so I can go get him! I wasn't able to see him off, complications of travel arrangements, you see.

6 more days until he comes back.
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