Wednesday, July 12, 2006

... ....
Squall was oblivious again.

He's so worried about saving the rest of the world, he's missing out on saving what's right in front of him.

If he wants to be my knight, then he has to be
MY knight..I don't mind sharing...but...I'm tired of being second best to everything else...I understand he wants to be everyone's savior and that it hurts him that he can't. I get that. I feel bad that he can't do that because it's something that he really wants.

I feel even worse when he tells me about people that really need him apparantly. You I ---

Forget it. It hurts too much to talk about and I'm so...upset, everything's all confusing and stupid sounding and just...STUPID!!!

So never mind.
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Sunday, July 9, 2006

I'm back!!
I've finally returned from my trip to Europe..What can I say about it...? Well..I guess I'll start out saying about how much I missed Squall. ^_^;; I started crying at the aeroport, because I just didn't want to go. I tried hiding it though, so he wouldn't be sad either. I don't think it worked.

Before I went to bed on the first night, I had been up for 28 1/2 hours. I didn't think it was possible for me to stay up that long. I normally get so tired after being awake for 16 hours. I guess time changes can do that.

I shall blantantly say that I didn't like Paris. They had the Opera House closed for the day when I went to go look at it, then at dinner that evening, a waiter spilled alcohol all over me. Squall had a bit of a chuckle when I told him. I guess it is funny...but it wasn't that much of a laugh when it actually happened.

I liked Switzerland a lot. Everyone is so nice there!! Even though pedestrians don't have the right away, cars actually stop if you even look like you're going to cross the street. A train even waited for some of my friends and me to cross the street before continuing on while we were in Zurich.

Italy wasn't too bad, though, the weather was sort of brutal. It was hard not to count down the days since this was the last second to last country before coming home. We stayed here the longest: 5 days.

I didn't like the "hotel" in Rome. The first night was the worst. The hotel looked like a Hospital, even the rooms had the pale greenish-yellow light and the television up on the wall. It really scared me. The only smell that hung is the air was a combination of sterilzation and death, not to mentiont that it felt like someone was watching me. I don't like hospitals, not one bit. Some lady got really cross at me the next morning when I was describing the room, not in awful detail mind you, to one of my friends. She told me "you really need to knock it off." How could I? It was really scary and I thought I was never going to fall asleep.

The room was better in the daylight, and as a result much more tolerable that night. I think it might have been the fact that I was able to call and talk to Squall. It made everything feel better, like I wasn't really alone, you know? He told me not to miss him and just have a good time. How like Squall. I'll always miss him, even if I'm just down the street or in another room.

I had tried calling him to other times before that, but he didn't pick up. He was sleeping, but that's okay. He needs sleep; and he looks really cute when he's sleeping. ^_^ Finally talking to him made everything more tolerable because I knew he was okay.

My favourite place in Greece was Athens. And believe it or not the weather in Greece was really cool. In fact, it was raining on the day of our arrival in said country. It was rather windy on top of the acropolis.

On the day before We came back, I started to suffer from sinuses. Then, on Friday, the day of the return journey, it had turned into a full-on cold with coughing, runny nose, the works. By the time we began or 6 hour lay over in London, my voice was gone. I would open my mouth and try to talk but no sound came out. Luckily though, I gained a fair bit back by the time I made it back to Balamb.

Caraway was there to greet me, but I didn't see Squall. He was playing a trick, hiding behind a pillar, waiting to surprise me. I was so close to tears when I didn't see him. But he was there with roses waiting for me! I was so underscribably happy to see him. There is just no way to tell anyone how good it felt to be there, back in his arms. I just wish I had been able to say more, that I didn't look so bad, and that I didn't sound worse.

Squall ended up spending the night, which was absolutely wicked! I loved cuddling with him before I went to sleep, and again in the morning. It just felt really good..really safe..it felt like home.
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Monday, June 19, 2006

Europe...
I'm leaving tomorrow....part of me doesn't want to go because i'll be leaving Squall here...he'll survive. He always does.

Caraway is still more excited than I am...
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Thursday, June 15, 2006

*happiness*
Squall finally got a job!!! I'm so happy for him!! Yay!!! *throws confetti at everything*

He won't tell me when he gets paid though. He's afraid I'm going to take him to a bookstore and hint at stuff. I wouldn't hint, I would tell him flat out I want something.

LOL. I would never do that. He works hard, and it's his money. I don't ever expect him to spend it on me and I never will.
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Friday, June 9, 2006

Whooo!!!!
Balamb just let out of the summer!!! I am so happy!! That means no more training and what have you!! For an entirity (spelling? i'm not trying to spell eternity, fyi) of two months!!

Yay!!!

In about a week and half I'll be in Europe so no posts for 18 days. *tear* such a shame

When Balamb goes back into session there will be so much work...so much...Squall is going to be totally unbearable, I bet you anything. He told me he's going to check my progress reports and all...he's going to make me take A.P. classes, A.P. tests, other test to help me...I know it's because he wants to see me excel and succeed because he cares about me, it's just going to be a little annoying. Ah well...

He's looking for a job, so while the now official SeeD is working...the faction member can go play...

Believe it or not, Caraway is more excited about me going to Europe than I am...I just don't think it's really dawned on me yet that I'm going. Don't worry though, it will once I get there.


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Tuesday, June 6, 2006

*blugeons*
So Squall and I are fighting...And it's bad enough that he wanted to be a recluse all this week, so now it's kinda like being on hiatus all over again!

"I love you even though you make it hard sometimes" or he said something similar in his last e-mail. It's not like he makes everything easy as pie, either!! Jeez!! He pins me for everything, like it's all my fault that we don't get along all the time.

Sorry, darling, but no. You're just as much to blame. I won't say more so, but you're just as much to blame. So don't pin this on me.

And he wants to keep communication to a minimum so we don't fight. We should just fight and get it over with. So we can move on. And yet, if I get FFXI, he still wants me to contact him. Sorry, I don't think so. If we're not talking and on good terms offline, what makes him think that we will be online?
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Sunday, June 4, 2006

SeeD Graduation
Squall had his official graduation ceremony today. He looked bored, to say the least. But at least it's over for him. He can move on to bigger and better things.

He's not talking to anyone for a week though. Not even me. He said he would still call me and stuff, but I don't believe him. It's okay, if he doesn't, I guess.

I can't help but think of HANGING ON THE TELEPHONE by Blondie (one of my favourite 80's bands, btw). Especially the lyrics: "It's good to hear your voice, you know it's been so long/ If I don't get your call then everything goes wrong/ Don't leave me hanging on the telephone"

.... .. ...

I guess it's just really sinking in how much I'm going to miss seeing him everday. I really liked it, going outside during a break and seeing him there. It just made me happy to see him, and now it's not going to be like that. Sure, he's still going to come and visit, but...it won't really be the same.

And when he does come to visit, he won't talk to me that much because he'll be catching up with other people. That's okay, I don't want to be selfish or anything.

I'm really going to miss him though.
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Friday, June 2, 2006

SeeD Graduation Ball
Wow...I feel bad for not posting this sooner. But believe it or not, the thing is already over. It happened last Saturday on 27 May, 2006. It was really really fun though! I had an ultra super good time!!

I sound like Selphie...note to self...don't hang around Selphie so much...But that's beside the point, no?

Anyways, I think I should start with the basics. I didn't get my dress made until a week before the Ball, which why I think it cost so much. Almost $300!! Oh well, it was money well spent. It looked really well, it was a black off the shoulder black dress, that hugged the hips a little bit, then flared out at the bottom, with a bit of a train. Squall kept stepping on that, by the way, so we had to keep making sure he walked in front of me. Then it sort of laced up the front with red ribbon. I kept getting compliments on it, though I think it was only out of courtesy.

The day of, I went and got my nails done. I didn't like that so much, but Squall seems to like it, so I went ahead and did it, 'cause I love him so much. ^_^ After than I got his butineer (sp?); just a plain red rose with baby breath and some small touches of greenery. They wanted to know if I wanted two smaller roses instead of just a rose bud, but that looked really tacky. Simplicity is best, I think. I couldn't get the thing onto his jacket though...or at least, i couldn't get the thing on his jacket STRAIGHT...*mutters incoherently about the pins used for the flower thingies*

Long boring story short, we ended up taking a family van to the Ball(You see, the Ball wasn't held in the typical Hall) along with two other couples (Andy and Tina : Alex and whoever her date was)

The Ball itself was definitely better than last year's. I admit, the Gondala ride was nice, but the over all thing sorta wasn't all that good. Anyways, believe it or not, Squall actually pulled me out on the dance floor. Can you imagine it? Squall wanting to dance willingly? Well, he didn't want to dance at first, so I DID have to drag him out there, especially for the two Shakira songs, but, he did warm up to the idea of dancing. It was sort of intersting, actually.

I think he likes dancing, but just doesn't want to admit it. I only think so because he sometimes just randomly starts trying to waltz with me when we're sharing a particularly intimate moment. I would tease him so much about it if he would just fess up to it! ^_^ But that's Squall for you.

Afterwards, Andy, Tina, Squall and I drove around looking for a Karaoke place. Squall actually wanted to go sing Karaoke. Hmm...did somebody spike the drinks? Or was Squall just loosening up? *shrugs* We ended up finding a Taco Stand open at 1 am. How cool is that? I didn't get anything being a vegetarian, but still...A TACO stand at 1 AM. That is just unbelievably cool. We didn't get to do karaoke because none of us are over 21 and all the places open were bars and clubs, so we just drove back to Balamb, but first trying to see if a small seaside village thingy was open. It wasn't.

We stopped for pancakes and just food in general around 2:30 am. The look on the waiters face when Andy said we wanted 10 pancakes held nothing but a clueless look. Most of the time while we were driving around, I was really hyper, but like Squall told Andy, I get really hyper then I crash really hard not too long after. So by the time we got food, I was completely ready to go to sleep. ^_^

So after our 2:30 food binge, we just headed back to Tina's house and had a sleep over!! I changed into Tina's clothes and Squall changed into some clothes left over from Tina's family. Then we all cuddled on a big bed in a spare room, and watched Garden State.

Good movie, by the way. It's Squall's favourite, and I'm fond of it myself, though no where near the extent that he is. It leaves you with a warm, fuzzy feeling that everything will turn out in the end, you know? My favourite part is when she catches his tear in the dixie cup. It just makes me smile. ^_^

We didn't get very far in the movie though, because we all fell asleep, so Tina shut it off. I would kinda cold all night because Andy was sleeping on top of the blanket, so I could get a decent peice to cover myself. That's okay though, it just gave me a really good excuse to cuddle with Squall.

I don't think I would mind waking up next to him all the time. I liked it when we were snuggling and keeping eachother warm. It just felt right...I was sad when he said we had to get up...
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Friday, May 26, 2006

It's over!!! ^_^
Okay, that may sound really bad, but you don't know what I'm talking about so nyah.

Anyways, last night was the showcase at Balamb. *exhales in releif* it went over really well, though so i'm relatively happy with it. Squall only forgot his lines a few times but he was able to manage a quick recovery so nobody noticed.

And everyone really liked ALL I ASK OF YOU FROM THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA. He sound so..so...it's hard to describe but he sounded really good. He's going to kill me for making him wear stage make up though...Needless to say, however, it made him look very very pretty and feminie. Hopefully he won't read this post for a while yet so I can forget about it and be clueless when he brings it up. ^_^;;

I kept forgetting about his sunburn though and touching his shoulders and throwing my arms around his neck when i got over whelmed and really tired. Occasionly, i touched his shoulders on purpose when he was being mean to me.

You see,we went to the beach with one of our classes on Wednesday and spent practically the whole day there. Unfortunately, Squall didn't put any sunblock on his back, so his shoulders and upper back got sunburnt pretty badly. Then, he didn't put anything on them until the following morning. *shakes head* I should have remembered to put sunblock on him.

But then again, it's not really my responsibility, is it? He's 18, he should be able to remember to do something like that. Or should be able to swallow his pride enough to ask me to rub sunblock on his shoulders and back....ah well...what's done is done...

I fell bad though, I forgot to bring Aloe Vera to the production and put some on him before the showcase started...I'll just do that when I see him later, I suppose.

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Sunday, May 14, 2006

The Last Two Weeks
Okay, it's been a while since my last post and I've got soo much to report!!! ^_^

Okay, Last weekend (4 May) was my cousin's wedding. I was the receptionist and had to have my hair and make up done. I wasn't too thrilled about that...I didn't like it at all...I had to wear a pink dress too...I hated that even more....The make up and the hair could have been tolerable if it weren't for the dress...But I'm going to be using the dress and the shoes for my costume in the Spring Showcase at Balamb, so it's okay, I guess. Well, anyways, really really really really long story short, I caught the bouquet and Squall caught the garter!!!

LOL. Talk about irony. Chance are, though, we'll probably get married online in FFXI and we're already engaged to be engaged. Hmm..i get exited just thinking about it...

And yesterday, I took Squall to the Renaissance Pleasure Faire. I really think he enjoyed himself, so we're going to go back next year...

Hmm..I'll talk more about it later, but right now, I have to go finish a huge report and presentation do tomorrow. ^_^
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