Saturday, June 9, 2007

Did I ever post this?




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*sigh*
Life goes on. Same as it has been, only things seem to be getting worse, I'm supposing. More strained. Squall and I are closer than ever, I think. Destiny, what a funny thing. I knew it, the moment I saw him, that there would be something. But..he's hurting and i'm hurting and it all sucks so badly sometimes.

How do I put it Squall...I finally have really really really good friend that I don't mind talking to that isn't you, and is it my fault? "I won't be held responsible, she fell in love in the first place." and i don't want to lose that. I wasn't so lonely all the time.

Caraway just punctured my bottle of red fabric paint...It cost way more gil than it should have..he better reimberse me. >_<

wasn't. is it really passed already? i know it's going to be, that much is obvious. I know you can't stand it. Silly promises. things you can't stand. but stuff i need to do. Do i need to do it...?

I'm talking to you right now. it's 12:22 am. And you're talking about a woman with long legs and you don't know i'm crying, because i'm also doing this.

I don't want to live this life.

Let's run away. "Wanna get married, or run away?" Please, can't we? Please?

I was gonna post videos, random things that made no sense. I found our song. I think. Doesn't describe the situation or anything..but.I don't feel like it.

what a grand illusion.

caraway won't leave me alone.
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Sunday, June 3, 2007

Today I..
I graduated. I'm a SeeD. I guess. I dunno.

Caraway is angry with me, like always. nothing new.

I got squall sick. I'm still sick.

I'm exhausted. It's 2:45 am. Exactly.

I'm playing with my new digital camera still.

Sleep now?

Yeah, i'll be up in about 5 hours, watch.
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Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Not the best one i could find, I wanted one with shigure, but the one I wanted wouldn't let me embed it. so...You get Love Hina instead.




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Sunday, May 13, 2007

My final Graduation Ball
before i was getting ready, i was reading about queen victoria, then about the victorian era, then the edwardian era, which led me to the titanic. okay so i have to do some laundry before i go ne, and i think that i'll have time to get it done before squall gets here. so i decide to play soul caliber 2. guess who shows up early? Squall looks good though. he bought a vest and a tie and he looked really nice. So I rush around trying to get ready. Luckily, I already had my shoes on and my hair only needed a touch up. so I slip on my dress and then we're out the door after about 20-25 minutes, after pictures of course.

but i have to run back for a CD with "waltz for the moon on it" so i get the CD and we get on the highway then we have to turn around because I forgot a necklace one of my friends wanted to borrow. so we turn around, go back, get the necklace and get back on the road. It is now 6:40-something pm. we think we passed the road we're supposed to get off at, so we get off the freeway and check maps and then get back on the freeway. what does the next sign say? the street we needed. so we drive for a bit more, get off the freeway and drive on the road, but pass the street we were supposed to turn at and keep going street. figuring we passed the street (cause we're smart like taht) we turned around, then a police officer pulls us over for speeding. I started laughing. I know it was mean, but it's so hard not to think all of this isn't funny. I feel really awful about laughing though. so squall gets a ticket and also gets directions, unfortunately, he gets really turned around. by now it's 7:45 and that's when the ship leaves. we're both freaking out and I’m ready to cry, though I keep telling squall it doesn’t matter, it’s only a dance. He tells me to stop talking about it. i call one of my friends to tell her to hold the boat as long as possible. so we find the street we're supposed to turn down, then spend 5 minutes looking for the parking lot and the dock. we finally find that and discover that the boat hasn't left yet. so we're very relieved.

we end up sitting by tina and andy. but then we realise that we left the CD in the car, so we go ask if we can retrieve the CD and they decline. but here's the kicker, the boat doesn't leave for another hour and a half, because they're still waiting on 4 people. so the night basically goes without incident.

I tried monologuing on the deck, but it didn't work. yeah the "great music, good looking guy" speech i gave to him, but I couldn’t remember it. Guess it was a one time only thing, huh? the guy at the bar called squall and me Jack and Rose, Since he saw me and squall having a titanic moment out on the deck. The standing at the prow with arms outstretched “I’m flying, Jack!”

tina ate part of a rose, then ahron ate part of a rose. then squall ate the rest of the rose that tina didn't eat. feeling left out, i went and ate half a rose. we got our charactures done and we danced the last 30 seconds of the last dance. i got my "give away" (which was a pretty glass rose, so we can't eat it) and we went to the car, thinking we'd go to the beach to dance.

but before we can go, we have to get the parking voucher validated, so we got that validated and returned to the car. so we're pulling out of the parking lot and discover we owe $5 for the parking, but neither squall nor i have any cash. he asks if they debit. they don't. so they take his liscense and we have to drive to an ATM to get $20 to pay the parking people to get his liscense. we then decided just to go home. on the way to home, we get caught in really bad traffic and it takes us about an hour to get home when it should have taken about 40-45 minutes. it's now 1 in the morning. I let him keep the charactures and my glass rose, since he wanted one. It was a gift.

I give him a cheer up speech on the porch, doesn’t work. so we get inside and i take him into the den to dance with him. we dance, but it's really half heartedly and i start crying because i can't do anything to make him feel better. we crash on the couch to be awakened by Caraway around 2 in the morning. he doesn't stay the night because he doesn't have his glasses with him nor does he have another pair of contacts. soo...he goes home, i go to bed, and discover i have a text from tina, saying how nice i looked and stuff like that, and goodnight (which is something we always do at night when we're going to sleep). i then crash and sleep until 8, where i am awokened by a call from squall who says he got home safely. i went back to sleep and slept until 10:30 am.

The end.

Yeah...It was an interesting night, I'll admit, though squall wasn't too happy about it. But he tried and that's what counts. I dont' care that it wasn't perfect, I don't expect perfect. I'm just happy he tried so hard, ya know? I'm just happy he was there with me and that he didn't get pushed off the boat by tina. i was happy that he was on time. even if we didn't make it, yeah i would have been sad, but i would've been content with getting taco bell, eating it on the beach,then dancing on the beach too. But i love him even more for trying so hard.

I love You.

So here's for trying so hard:


If you look close enough, you can see him smiling towards the end. ^_~
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Friday, May 4, 2007

This makes me smile
Despite all the stuff that's been happening, this makes me happy.



I think of all marine animals, otters are my favourite. I think they're adorable.
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Wednesday, May 2, 2007

No subliminal messages (1 may)
Just so she doesn't forget:





I'll miss you.
Goodbye.
For good.


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Thursday, April 26, 2007

Yeah..
I gave my documentary presentation today. After staying up until about midnight to format it and edit it.

I was so sleepy. Took forever to get it into a movie file.

Then, when my group was about to present, the projector had some trouble. I'll post the documentary on youtube eventually..some day..

i'm not really in the mood for posting or talking.

I get to sleep in until 6:30 tomorrow, but I doubt i will. I've got lines to memorize. I've got myotaku's to read. emails maybe. I'm in a competition tomorrow night but I dont' know all the details. It's infuriating.

I haven't talked to squall all day. He's angry with me. i'm scared. I can't breathe right, like i've just run a really long way. i want him there for my competition tomorrow, but will he show up? Would he want to?

he and i need to talk. I'm going to cry. It's been a while.
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Wednesday, April 25, 2007

So..
I stayed home yesterday. 36 hours of staying awake finally got to me and I crashed. Caraway let me stay home, but I went to rehearsal after hours anyways. I have to kiss someone that's not squall and squall isn't too happy about that.

Tina gave me a ride home and we got chinese food. I don't think squall was too thrilled about having her drop me off.

I kissed him and put Dr. Pepper into his mouth. He really doesn't like Dr. Pepper, I think he was mad.

I feel awful. Not sick or tired (even though I am tired) I just feel like a bad person.

Sleeper busted his chin open while he was prat falling for one of the classes. I took care of him, cleaned his little gash and put bandages on it. Dr. Kadowaki was no where to be found. Then the instructor lectured us for about half an hour about how he could lose his job. I said that they were making a big deal out of nothing, then he said something to the effect of "if losing my job isn't a big deal ---" "That's not what I said." I got sleeper's blood all over my fingers, but it's gone now.

I know squall wanted me to stop wearing Tina's bracelet, but I can't. It's weird. In the Phantom of the Opera, Erik gave Christine a gold ring and told her to wear it until he died. When he died, she was to come back and bury him with it, which was what she did when she read the obituary in the paper. So..her bracelet is my gold ring..Squall won't be happy..

"Under appreciated..." I wonder if that's my doing? It probably is. See why I feel awful?
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Monday, April 23, 2007

   First time using a thingy
But I'm exhausted what can I do?

If I don't count the half hour nap I took yesterday, I've been up for 33 hours or something...That's a pretty long time. I pulled an all nighter last night to get a documentary done for English on "Have women's roles in society changed?" But get this, I didn't even present the documentary today, so I pulled an all nighter for nothing.

The other two girls in my group hardly even helped and one of them wants to edit it a bit. I get complacent when I'm sleepy. Squall says I shouldn't let her touch what I did, since I was the one who spent 7 hours working on it. I want to edit my version. Fix some stuff.

I'm exhausted. I stay after school for two hours everyday to work on a play. I'm in a competition taking place this friday and I dont' know my lines. Wonderful, isn't it?

Why won't the house phone stop ringing?

Squall is telling me to call one of the girls (the one who wants to edit the documentary) and tell her not to touch it. I sorta don't care anymore.

Tina-chan gave me her bracelet. She hadn't taken it off in over two years and I took it off and now it's mine. Sleeper kept trying to take it off. "I know the story behind it," he kept saying. What story? i took it off her, that's that. She said I had to keep it now, so I'm wearing it.

My legs really hurt. They feel like they have growing pains all over again. I wonder if it comes from sitting in a computer chair all night then sitting in a desk all day?

So can I pass out yet? If I go to sleep, I may not get up. I'll wait until 9 or 10 or so. I'll do my Government homework. I have a lot. I've become really good at typing. Too good, if you ask me.

Am I forming coherent thoughts?

I'm getting a new sore on my ankle. I thought the boots were broken in?

I accidently touched a Cheyanne's boob. she was lying down and i was bending down to hug her and I accidently put my there. There's my libido that just doesn't quit, ya know? I think I hang around Irvine too much.

I'm so ready to pass out but I like typing. I'm typing so quickly today, it's nice. Vamp is good. It's not like Monster or anything, but it takes like soda, so I don't mind drinking it (it's an energy drink). It contains the most caffine permitable by law. How cool is that? I think that's what kept me going all night. I need to get some for Grad night..that and Blak. Which is a combination between black coffee and coke. Yum. Just what I need. I feel bad for sleeper and tina..they shall have to put up with my mood swings..i go from really tired to really hyper and every where in between. they love me, to put up with me.

i want to go to bed.
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