Thursday, April 19, 2007

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Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Poor love of mine
So Squall did a 16 hour shift today...Insanely long and now he's insanely tired. I made him go to bed at 8:30 tonight. Then he has to get up around 9 tomorrow. That's not too bad, 13 hours should have him nice and rested.

Haha, I just remembered I read him a bedtime story. Corduroy by Don Freeman. It's a cute book.

It was nice..I'm tired too, just got through with Spring Break and I had to film part of a documentary that's due next monday. I'm way behind. ^_^;

Now, off to do lots of homework!!
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Sunday, April 15, 2007

Why does my heart cry?
Feelings I can't fight.
You're free to leave me,
But just don't deceive me
And please believe me when I say
I love you


Squall, don't let this be you.
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Tuesday, April 10, 2007

SQUALL LIVES DAMMIT!!!
He lives!!! I was doing some picture searching and I came upon a thread titled "Does Squall Die in the End?" So naturally, I go and look at it. These people are idiots!!!! "Oh it was his ghost kissing Rinoa at the end." I want to go on a rant right now, but I've got no idea where to start.

Concerning his location on the balcony (taken from a conversation from Tenshi-Hikari):
These people obviously need more facts than that. Truth is, squall's position is never show in relativity to Rinoa's there fore, he was standing near here, we have an approximation, but not an exact coordinate and fans like those. So it is very well possible he was standing near the corner, where the semi-circle and the flat part of the balcony meet, which was way out of irvine's camera shot

Concerning Rinoa getting over the grieving process so quickly, if squall did die (also taken from my conversation with Tenshi-Hikari):

Rinoa Heartilly - You're free to leave me, just please don't decieve me. Believe me when I say, I love you... says:
oh this is good "maybe she's gone through al the emotional grieving etc. and just wants to know he's okay." yeah right. she would have been wearing something of his, not just the ring and she wouldnt' be over it that quickly dammit!!

Ai *Forget that intergalactic brotherhood-crap. If it's on the radar, it's toast.* says:
Yeah. But then again, maybe that dim lightbulb who wrote that is one of the people who get over their soulmate's/true love's/Mr. or Ms. Right's death in a matter of days.

Rinoa Heartilly - You're free to leave me, just please don't decieve me. Believe me when I say, I love you... says:
Yeah, but the characters were pretty consistant...so i have evidence to know rinoa wouldn't get over something like that so quickly. i mean, look how long she's carried a grudge with caraway.

Ai *Forget that intergalactic brotherhood-crap. If it's on the radar, it's toast.* says:
But maybe they just skipped a few major story-elements... Like, 2 cd's worth of story elements.

Concering Squall's actual death:
I'M PRETTY SURE THE SQUARE ENIX PEOPLE WOULD HAVE MADE IT REALLY CLEAR IF THE HERO DIED!!! Don't get me started on Tidus..Or FF9 (which is sucky 'cause of the character design...they are freaky freaky little people..)So..anyways..I'll come back and edit this..I'm too frustrated...


ljkfdlak jd;lfaji we;ajsd;lfk ja;woie fja;lsfjd;aowie ;alksjdf;alsfjd;alkfjdao;werh f;aeb;woakdflkajhdf <--- frustraion

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This is me not sleeping
It's around 1 am again. I was going to go to bed around 12:30, but Tina has insomnia now too. So I got back up and now I'm talking to her. It's always so difficult, I never know what exactly is going to make her upset, and how to react to it.

I suppose that's how Squall feels with me. "Walking on mines" is how he described it once...I'll have to dig up the letter..I don't know if I want to read it though. I'll cry.

I want to tango very badly. The "sweet seduction." That sultry allure. The sensuality of it all. I want that.
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Monday, April 9, 2007

Lady Marmalade and Little Miss Sunshine
I finally saw Moulin Rouge. And despite of having the feeling that you were on some sort of drug trip for most of the movie, it was pretty cute. I don't think it was as touching as it could have been, as Tina and I were taking it pretty lightly. But it was cute, and I liked it. So, was it a romance? or a comedy? or..what? I'm not quite sure, it was very funny and the beginning was...odd. I think it was the pace of the beginning that was the oddest.

So here's a video to my favourite song from Moulin Rouge with me and Squall (and Seifer)(Mainly because of Christian's part [the writer]. It's so sad).



I saw little miss sunshine as well. It was a feel good movie and when it ended, I felt happy. Then I began musing over what happened afterewards and sort of killed it. But it was still a good movie. Is it an indie film?
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Sunday, April 8, 2007

It's 1 am
Yeah...I can't sleep. I'm not tired. I dunno what's wrong with me. I've had the worst luck sleeping the past week. I kept waking up and when I would sleep, it wouldn't be a good sleep. It would be restless, I would move (I never move when I sleep, and if I do, it's not much), and it would never be a solid sort of sleep. Worst of all, I'm dreaming. I've been dreaming a lot and it's very rare for me to dream at all. Yeah yeah, the whole speech of "You always dream, you just never remember it", I'm well aware of it. But for the sake of this, just go along with I don't dream, if I do, it's rare. But I've been dreaming all the time now.

So now I just can't sleep. I'm tired, but I can't sleep. And I know that if I go to sleep, it'll be restless and I won't be happy when I wake up. So I don't look forward to sleeping anymore.

My left shoulder is shot from sleeping on it wrong last night. Tina came over around 10 am yesterday and we talked for a while. She massaged it for a little bit, but it hurt so badly when ever she touched it, I kept whimpering it hurt so badly.

I hope I'm not becoming an insomniac (makes me think of Spyro, that was the name of the company, i think). I just can't sleep!! jslkdfja;lije f;lkajdflask jdf It's not comfortable to sleep!! If i falls asleep near squall, i'm afraid he's going to get irked that I'm not rubbing his shoulders or that it's rude or something.

And I'm trying to refrain from taking naps during the day. So far so good. But, I just wanna sleep. Just one solid night sleep where it's quiet and dark and I can't hear the fan in the other room or the snoring from the other room. I wish there were thicker walls here at home.

Maybe this is me finally going snap?
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Eh.. (written somewhere around midnight on 7 April, leading into 8 April)
You ever have one of those days where you just feel really lonely? And it doesn't matter who you're with, you just feel lonely? Not that it matters.

I've been mean to Squall lately, so no wonder he's cross with me. He just doesn't get it sometimes. But that's no reason to be mean, ne? I feel bad about it. I'm just really angry at everything right now and I'm angry at him.

It hasn't even been a bad day or a bad week.

I'm really lonely right now and words made up of 1's and 0's just aren't cutting it for me. I hate computers.
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Friday, April 6, 2007

I'm really happy...
I just had a conversation with someone I hadn't talked to in about a year. Well, maybe not a year, but it's been a while.

He's a lot like Squall or how Squall was (Squall is getting better). He just thinks people are out to get him and he feels he's an individual, the only person in the world that's sincere and loyal and all that jazz. I feel so bad for him that he goes through life thinking that. He hates people because he's been so severely hurt in the past, but he won't let go.

Then he accused me of being "questionable" becuase I dont' believe in God. It took me forever to get that out of him, and it was only because I mentioned it would he admit to it.

So that happy mood was killed, but I"m glad I'm not anything like him. Or at least, not so much any more. I'm glad I'm open. I'm glad I'm free from all of that.

Life is balance. I love my life right now. It's hard, but someone has got it harder, ne?

He's so judgemental. More so than what I'm used to. I don't want to talk to him anymore. He's a horrible person. A hypocrite, a racist (and he's black, but that never stopped anyone), he hates homesexuals and bisexuals, and he claims to be an individual in a sea of people who are cruel and sadistic. He even admits to have an existance for vengeance and hate.

How can someone live like that?

I feel sorry for him.

Yet there is nothing I can do.
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Thursday, April 5, 2007

Garlic
So after spending lots of time taking care of Squall and Squall's new puppy yesterday, I went out with Tina-chan for garlic ice cream. We went to this restaurant called The Stinking Rose, where the motto is "would you like food with your garlic?" The margharita pizza was okay, not as good as in Italy, but okay. She got me a rose with a black ribbon tied around it. Pretty cool, huh? Garlic ice cream, by the way, is actually pretty good. It's not as bitter as one might expect, but a very subtle flavour, most notable in the after taste. I highly recommend it to anyone that hasn't tried it yet.

We drove around Hollywood for a little while then headed off to the beach for a little bit. I had to be home rather early because of Caraway so I got home around 10:15 pm.

And went to bed shortly there after. I was tired.
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