Monday, February 26, 2007

CANTATE TIBI ITAM (Sing to you away)
I just like the phrase. It's from Victoriam Speramus, by Krypteria. It's a really cool sounding song. I suggest it to anyone interested in people singing in Latin.

So anyways, I'm back from the Garden's Retreat. I tried becoming less crazy, and working on all of my flaws, and just being better, but I might have ruined one of my best friendships. But if it's any consolation everything didnt' start to fall apart until thursday night. Wednesday night, I was just angry, then I started to let stuff go.

But there was snow. And that's good. I spent 20 minutes ranting in it. That was nice, so when I went back inside I was covered in white, instead of my black. I bet it was interesting to look at. I also bet no one took a picture. The only pictures I took were the pictures they made me take on the last day, and I think I'm about ready to cry in all of them.

It wasn't until we were heading back to the garden on friday and I was in the bus that I just let EVERYTHING go. I was looking at all that snow cast in the mountains' shadows and I thought about how clean and pure it looked, not to mention dark and creepy in a sense, and I just let it go. We pieced, rather scotch taped everything back together when we got back, but I'm afraid it may fall apart again. I haven't talked to her today hardly. I miss her.

Saturday night I watched the movie "Click" with Squall. It was a cute movie with a really good message to it. I wanted to cry. (But don't tell squall that, he'll never let it go) I actually did cry after the movie was over, though it was for something completely different. We got into a long discussion after he dropped me off at home, and Caraway really wanted him to leave, but he didn't. Not until long after the General went to bed.

Oh, and my friend in Finland said my life was a Shoujo Anime. Squall agreed. Too much drama though. I would have liked Seinen, which is sort of like Cowboy Bebop, but I guess those days are over, huh? Lol ^_^;;

Sunday night, last night, we got into a fight. I cried some more. I seem to cry a lot, don't I? It's good, you know. To cry, I mean. That way you don't hold anything inside and you don't become angry or resentful or anything. and you definitely can't become numb because you're constantly feeling it. He and I, Squall and I, we always fight over the same things. It's stupid. Why do we do that?

"Instead of trying to fix the problem
They never solve them
It makes no sense at all...

"If this is what he wants
And this is what she wants
Then why's there so much pain?"
~"Stay Together for the Kids", Blink 182

Today, we didn't fight. I was being tickled by one of my friends today, or at least he tried to tickle me, and my nose slammed into his shoulder. I felt the cartildge go cruch, sort of. Then the next thing I knew, my friend was telling me my nose was bleeding. So i ran to the bathroom, leaking blood every where. On the Garden and on my friend's pants. So I've had a head ache ever since. I wanted to go home, but I couldn't get a hold of caraway and I couldn't call anyone else, so I couldn't. Even one of the most oblivious instructors noticed I wasn't acting like myself. I was acting how I act when I'm really tired: drunk. So it must have been pretty bad. I want to stay home tomorrow, but I can't. I wonder if I have a minor concussion. I'm scare to go to sleep. I'm scare I may not wake up in the morning.

My head still hurts. A lot. And I mean a lot. I want advil or something. I can't believe I'm forming coherent sentences.

So, Squall, if you're reading this and it's past midnight, go to bed. You need your rest. I love you.
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