Monday, March 5, 2007

So Sunday...
So on Sunday I get up and get dressed and squall takes me to church with him. After that, we have a slight detour as we look up a map and all that jazz, but then we finally headed to the Huntington!!! It was soo awesome when we got there, a little hot, but really incredible. I love the Japanese Garden!! I wanted to take some cherry blossoms home with me, but I didn't. I would love a cherry tree in my backyard. Just imagine the cosplay photos!!! ^_^;;

We were sitting by the lillypad ponds, when we saw a girl all dressed in black just like me. similar shirt similar pants, and boots up to her knees.

"There goes your indiviuality," Squall said. Or something like it. I told him I really didn't care. I wanted a picture with her, just for the novelty.

I am me. I go out of my way a lot to be different, but I like wearing black. A lot of other people wear all black too, but that doesn't change the fact that I won't stop.

We left the Library around 2 and drove home. I fell asleep on the way back and he woke me up with a kiss. We got something to eat before he dropped me off at home. While he was leaving, one of my instructor's drove by...He seemed shocked to find out where I lived..."You live here?"

"Yeah..."

"Then how come I've never seen you here before...?"

"I dunno..."

It was strange...So then I went and spent time with Tina-chan. We went to Chipotle for some burritos then headed out to the beach for the evening. We just talked and got angry and laughed and just talked. I kissed her. She kissed me back.

and drama started and it's still going on. And Squall said he might pick me up with he got off, and he didn't, so she had to take me home. and he kept saying sorry because he dissappointed me again, but I understood!!! Doesn't he get that!?!?! I understood!! He had work! That's important.

I'm not that selfish am I?

So we spent the rest of the evening texting each other. It's almost like he wants me to choose her...Like it wasn't hard enough....

And now it's carried into today (Monday). I stayed home from school.

I picked.



I picked Squall.

Edit:
I told Tina-chan who I picked. She only said "I figured." It hurts. All this hurts. I called Squall and we talked for a while, then I went and started playing FFXI, where he once again tried to convince me that I would be better off with her. He spent 3 hours trying to argue his point. It hurt so much; like my heart was being torn apart. I cried. Again. I didn't tell him, but once he reads this, he'll know. But I'm trying to be truthful.

They both said "I want you to be happy." They both said to pick the other person. They both love me. But it seems like it's just so much easier to say "Go with that other person" than to say "Stay with me! You're better with me!!" They wouldn't even fight for it. Is it selfish of me to want them to say they want to be with me? I know they care, but..I dunno..I'm being selfish. It's hard to let someone go.

Squall said that...that he was so ready for me to walk away...How could he say that? I love him. I love him so much it hurts. I dunno...

This is going to hurt for a while, isn't it?

Caraway decided to lecture me on all this. Decided to lecture me about staying home from my classes, like I do this all the time. "This isn't how it is the workplace." and all that. I'm not five. I'm almost all grown up. I'm not stupid. I know. I don't ask for random days off all the time. Why does the General treat me like a child?

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